-I don't know.
I just feel bad for the weeds.
-Weeds are nothing but green losers.
-Well, maybe weeds are just like, you know,
homeless plants looking for a lawn to call their own.
-Right.
And who are we to judge which plants have more of a right
to--
-I know.
This looks unusual.
-I'm going to go open a can of something and eat it.
-What is that?
-I was at the junkyard and I found a bunch of old radios.
So I made them into this sculpture.
I call it Potatio Radio.
-Why?
-I was squeezing a potato when I thought of it.
-Well, I love radios and potatios.
-Oh.
CARLY: Hm mm.
-So you're part of the sculpture?
-Nah, I just ran out of clamps.
So I gotta hold these together until the glue dries.
-Ah.
-You're eating a can of pie filling?
-It's all I've got.
-Which is why I'm going to make you
your favourite kind of sandwich.
-Large?
-Uh huh.
Spencer, Freddie, how does a big glass of lemonade sound?
-Pleasant.
-Lee-moan.
-OK, everybody.
Just give me five minutes.
[WHISTLING]
-Is it possible she's in too good a mood?
-It's like she's oozing happy.
-Kinda like when my mum was taking those special vitamins.
[KNOCKING]
-'Scusy, but I need Freddie.
-Freddie hates you.
-I don't hate her.
-Lemonade?
-Oh, thank you.
-You look so pretty today.
-Well, I suppose you do, too.
What's up with Sally Sunshine?
-She's been dating a new guy.
-Well, I don't see how a boy could make a girl that happy.
-Sure, 'cause you haven't had a date
since Seinfeld got cancelled.
-It wasn't cancelled.
Jerry chose not to do another season.
-Uh, Mrs. Benson, not that we all don't want you to leave,
but why are you here?
-Oh, Freddie, I need to visit your Aunt Susan for a few days.
Apparently her rash is spreading.
Spencer, I need to have Freddie stay here.
-Yeah, no problem.
-Just make sure that Freddie gets to bed every night by--
-Mum.
-Boys without bedtimes never-- eh, now what?
Oh my god.
The rash spread to her thighs.
I've gotta go online and do some cream and ointment research.
-You aunt sounds awesome.
-Like your family's not full of freaks and mutants.
-Touche.
-All right, I think these radios ought to be set by now.
Eh?
Ah.
Oh.
I held those things together for like three hours.
How long does that glue take to dry?
-Um, I, I don't think this is glue.
-Then what is it?
-It's ball joint lube.
-Oh.
VOICEOVER: In five, four, three, two.
[THEME MUSIC]
-All right.
Give me you love and affection, and no one gets hurt.
-Hey.
-Hi.
Hey, Sam.
Freddie.
-What's up, Brah?
-Hey, boy.
-What are you doing here?
I thought you'd be on your way to L.A. by now.
-I should be, but I wanted to give you something before I go.
-Ooh, what'd you bring?
-Dude, dude.
-Open it.
-What'd you do?
-Something.
-A charm bracelet?
-It's one of a kind like you.
-It's gorgeous.
You're amazing.
-Oh, you are.
-You are.
-Stop that.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
-Everybody, take your seat.
Today, we are going to-- who's that?
-Steven.
-You don't go to school here.
-Um, no, sir.
I'm homeschooled.
-Blah.
Homeschooled kids.
Bunch of uneducated, socially-deprived weirdos.
-Yeah, you got a lot of room to call
other people socially-deprived weirdos.
-Hey, you want to get kicked out of this class?
-It's my dream.
-Too bad.
-And anyway, Steven is not a weirdo.
-And I'm not too socially-deprived.
I've been dating Carly for three months.
-It's true.
-And I think I've been getting a pretty
good education from my parents.
-Really?
14th President of the United States?
-Franklin Pierce.
-I like you.
-Me, too.
-Why don't you think about coming here to Ridgeway?
-I'd love to, but I spend every other month
in Los Angeles with my dad.
-Yeah, his parents are divorced, but they
maintain a healthy friendship.
-Really? -Yeah, it's totally amicable.
[PHONE ALARM]
-Oh, ah, hey, I gotta bolt.
My flight leaves in an hour.
-OK, well, I'll see you when you get back.
And don't forget our hundred day kiss is coming up.
-Oh, I know.
Sorry to interrupt.
-Oh, oh, you're welcome any time.
-Bye.
What's a hundred day kiss?
-Oh, well, on the hundredth day you've been
going out with someone--
-You have a special kiss at midnight.
-To celebrate your hundred day anniversary.
-Ooh, what fun.
-How can you have never heard of the hundred day kiss thing?
-I didn't know about it.
-Well, yeah, but you're a Gibby.
-You didn't know about radishes till six months ago.
-Well, I know about them now, don't I?
-Go on, now.
-Go.
-Walk out the door.
-Just turn around now.
-You're not welcome anymore.
-Oh my god.
How funny is this?
Aren't they hilarious?
-Yeah, it's funny.
-And now, a disturbing voyage into the depths
of the ever-puzzling Gibby-ish brain.
-That girl Carly is really pretty, don't you think?
-Sure, just uh, not my type.
Anyway, uh, you know, we've been going
out for over three months.
-I do.
We're coming up on our hundred day kiss.
-Sneak preview?
-Show me the trailer.
-Hi, Steven.
Welcome back to L.A. Still not sure
why you're dating Tori when I was available, but whatever.
-She's, uh--
-Yeah.
CARLY: OK, come on, Gibby.
-Chicken legs.
Music.
-I wonder if that Gibby guy's playing a character
or if he's just that weird?
-Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
IN UNISON: Hey, Andre, what's up?
-You guys ready for this?
You ready?
-Wait.
K, I'm ready.
-OK, you guys know my uncle.
-The creepy one or the real estate agent?
-Real estate.
-What about him?
-He sold a house-- you ready?
You ready?
Are y'all ready?
IN UNISON: Yes.
-Ready.
-To Kenan Thompson.
-Kenan Thompson?
-Are you serious?
-I love Kenan Thompson.
-What up with that?
What up with that?
Heh heh.
Good stuff.
-Wait, it gets better.
I met Kenan.
-Shut up.
-You met him?
-Yeah, I went with my uncle to the house, you know,
when Kenan was buying it.
And I hung out with him for like two hours.
-Oh my god.
-Shut up.
-That's very cool.
-Yeah.
-I know a guy whose dad bought a house.
They found a dead woman in one of the closets.
She was blond.
-All right, come on.
Come on.
More about Kenan.
-Right, so I told him, man, your house is insane.
You could have a sick party here.
And then Kenan goes, so why don't you have one?
-Wait, what?
-What?
-At his house?
-Yeah, he's not moving in until next month
'cause he's going to be in New York.
So he said I could have a little party there next Saturday
night.
-Oh my gosh.
All of you are invited.
I'm not too sure about Rex.
-You can't dip French fries in mayonnaise.
-OK, why does every-- Steven.
-Yeah, ho.
What are you doing here?
I don't get out of school until three.
-I know.
Just thought I'd swing by early and say hey.
-Oh, hey.
-How are you guys doing?
-Good.
-I met Kenan.
-So how is your, uh--
[PHOTO CLICK]
Um, did you just take a pic of me and Tori?
-Yepperooni.
-And what are you going to do with it?
-Post it on The Slap, our school website.
I have a whole page with pics of my friends.
-It's a small page.
-It is not.
-Robbie, it's small.
-Yeah, um, listen, could you not post that pic of me and Tori?
-Sorry, I've got it set to automatically
upload pics right after I take them.
-Why don't you want him to post it?
-Ah, you know, not having the best hair day.
-Oh, here, let me fix it.
Ah.
Crazy.
-OK.
-Hey, Robbie, do you want to take a pic of me
for your Slap page?
-No, no, thanks.
-Ha, a geek rejected by a freak.
That's ironic.
-Ooh K, you take three oranges.
-So what's this game called?
-Boomba.
-Now, I take three.
-Who taught you this fruit game?
-My mum.
-Oh, no.
-Next, we both face away from each other.
-Now what?
-Ah!
Oh.
Ah.
-Boomba!
I win.
-Good game.
-Whatcha doing, kid?
-Seeing what Carly Carson looks like in various fonts.
-Steven's last name is Carson?
-Yes, you should know that.
I love him.
-Carly Carson.
It even sounds cute.
Carly and Steven Carson.
Steven and Carly Carson.
Hey, look, here come the Carsons.
Ah, they look so cute together.
I just love it.
-Wasn't there some actor named Steven Carson?
-I don't know.
Let me look it up.
-And while you're at it, see if you
can find out if oranges can crack a spine.
'Cause I think they can.
-Oh, man up.
Or at least, boy up.
You find the actor?
-No, but I found something.
-What you got?
-Well, when I typed in Steven Carson,
this picture of my Steven came up, tagged with his name.
-Dwoing.
Who's she?
-She's a girl and don't say 'dwoing.'
-She looks like that Shelby Marks chick you fought.
-Yeah, but this girl's way hotter.
I didn't say 'dwoing.'
-What website is that?
-Um, theslap.com.
It's for a performing arts high school
in L.A. Why would Steven be there with that girl?
-Maybe they're just friends.
-Plup.
No guy's just friends with a girl like that.
-Sam.
-Well, if he's cheating on you, better we find out now.
-Steven's not a cheater.
-(IN FRENCH ACCENT) As far as you know.
-Here, let me see if I can find some more
pics of this Tori girl.
-Why?
-So he can stare at her and drool.
-I'm researching her.
-Hm.
-Yo, yep, there it is.
Wow, oh, guys, oh man, look at those cheekbones.
Look at-- oh, guys.
Oh, she is smoking hot.
I can't-- Ah!
-Boomba.
-Is everyone done assaulting me with oranges?
-Ah, uh, oh, look, Sam and Freddie are here.
That's different.
So what goes on?
-Steven's cheating on Carly.
-Quit it.
-How come Sam thinks he's cheating?
-I found a picture of him in L.A. with some girl.
-Quite some girl, who is hideous.
-Let me see her.
Let me see this girl who-- whoa!
That is quite, quite a high resolution monitor.
Ooh.
Ah.
-Why are you walking like a bloated zombie?
-Because I spent five hours wedged in this sculpture
trying to glue those radios together.
Ah, now, my back's all twisted up like a Frenchman's pretzel.
Hey, who wants to rub some of this mint
thermal cream on old Spencer's back, huh?
-Pass.
-No.
-Uh uh.
-Fine.
I know someone who'd love to do it.
Hey, Gibby.
-When all hope is gone, what can we hope for?
-More hope?
-And the comet hits.
IN UNISON: Oh.
SIKOWITZ: Oh, no, no, cut, cease acting.
-What's the problem?
-Your screams were unconvincing.
You've got to show real terror.
-I thought we were pretty good.
-Oh, please.
I've let out fiercest shouts in my bathtub.
But is it just me?
They were lame, right?
-Beck was good.
-Ah, Jade, you're a sour taste, aren't you?
Ah, Cat, what did your doctor say?
Ooh, a note.
Whoa!
Dear Gandhi.
IN UNISON: What?
-What is it?
-Her doctor's in Culver City.
The traffic must've been horrible.
-What'd the doctor say is wrong with her?
-Oh, uh, It says she has vocal nodules.
-What are vocal nodules?
-They're growths on the vocal cords.
-It's true.
-Shut up.
-Ah!
-You cannot speak until you are healed,
or you could damage your vocal cords
permanently and never sing again.
This is a lovely colour by the way, like a red velvet cupcake.
[NIBBLING NOISES]
Sit, Cat.
OK, where were we?
-Uh, you were saying our acting was terrible.
-Oh, yes, indeed.
But not all your acting, just the fear.
-OK, so how do we do it better?
-Easy.
Think back to a time in your life
when you experienced real fear.
True terror.
Then let the memory of that emotion
bubble up into your acting.
-Does it count if you've caused true terror?
-I don't think I've ever felt true terror.
-Hm, then I'll have to work on that.
[LAUGHING]
-Why are you laughing like that?
-Oh, the poster of dogs playing poker.
I just noticed it.
-And so accompanying Lewis and Clark
on their trail-blazing expedition
across the Western United States-- hey, Shay, Puckett,
are you texting in my class?
-Yep.
-Bring your phones up here, right now.
Move it.
I want you to read your text messages out
loud to the whole class or I will.
-(READING) "Just deal with the fact that
Steven might be cheating on you."
-(READING): "Please stop saying that.
I love him."
-And then I typed colon p.
-That means she stuck her tongue out.
-I know all about colon p.
[LAUGHTER]
-What?
What?
What's so funny about colon p?
-Dude, stop.
You're killing me.
[PLAYING CHORDS]
-Hey, Andre.
-What's up?
-Will we get to meet Kenon at the party?
-Ah, there's no party at Kenan's house.
Kenan who?
You guys can't come.
-Yeah, we can.
-It's an open invite.
-Says who?
-Rex.
-Rex?
-Read the tweet.
-See you at the party.
-No, no, look, you're not invited to the party
that I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh.
I'm gonna squish a puppet.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
-What's happening here?
-What are you doing home from school?
-There was a gas leak so they let everyone go home early.
-Who are these ladies?
-They're, uh, they're-- this is my book club.
-Your book club?
-OK, everybody go home.
I think we're done for today.
Thank you.
All right.
This was fun.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
-Everybody have their purses?
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
-Thank you.
Bye-bye.
OK.
Thanks a lot.
Uh huh.
So how was school?
-I want to talk about Steven, who's not cheating on me.
-Denial's not just a river in Utah.
-Egypt.
-Give me 10 minutes online, and I
bet I can prove Steven's cheating on you.
-There's nothing wrong with being in a book club.
-I know.
It's just not the manliest thing in the world.
-It is to manly.
Oh no.
Nancy forgot her makeup pouch.
Nancy.
-Cat, hey, Cat, I got it.
Did you download that app I told you to get, speechy keen?
-Hm mm.
-Good.
Fire it up.
OK.
This headband has a speaker in it that works via Bluetooth.
So while you're on vocal rest, you
just wear this on your head.
Here, let me turn it on.
Now, hit speak and type anything.
HEADBAND SPEAKER: Anything.
-Very funny.
HEADBAND SPEAKER: Last night, my brother bit my foot.
-Well, I don't need to know everything.
HEADBAND SPEAKER: Soup.
-Robbie Shapiro, don't move.
-Uh oh.
He sounds mad.
-Don't be so nervous.
-I'm not nervous.
-I felt your hand tense up.
-You tweeted about the party at Kenan's house.
-No, I didn't.
-Yeah, you did.
I'm looking at the tweet right here.
-I didn't tweet about the party.
-I did.
-Rex.
-I told you not to tell anybody.
-I had to get the word out to my Northridge girls.
-Oh, man.
-I'm really sorry.
And believe me, I'm going to be having
a really frank talk with Rex when we get home.
-Oh, man.
-You're a, you're a nut.
-He's really mad.
-But he's got beautiful skin.
-Ah, ah, I must have really wrenched my back.
Gibby, you sure you don't mind doing this?
-Mind?
-Ah.
Ah.
-Will you just admit that you're not
going to find any evidence that Steven's cheating on me.
-OK, first I learned a long time ago never admit anything.
And no, I didn't find any specific evidence
that Steven's cheating on you.
-Ha.
Say ha.
-Ha.
-But if Steven is cheating on you,
I've got a way to catch him.
-How?
-(WITH FOREIGN ACCENT) Gather around children.
Come gather around Mama.
-Ah.
Ah.
-Just let it out.
-Ah.
-OK, the question: is Steven, AKA Carly's boyfriend,
cheating on Carly with this chick Tori Vega?
-No, he's not.
-Dude, I--
-He told me I'm one of a kind.
-Yes, and my dad once told my mum he was coming back.
So moving on.
This pic was posted on theslap.com,
a site for a high school called Hollywood Arts in Los Angeles.
A mutual friend of Tori's, some kid
named Rex, whose profile pic for some reason
shows an urban puppet, he tweeted yesterday
about a big party that's going on this Saturday night
at Kenan Thompson's house in Hollywood.
-The famous Kenan Thompson?
-Gee, I don't know.
It could be Kenan Thompson, the butt doctor.
-Hm, not there.
Not there.
Right there.
[CRACKING SOUNDS]
Hey.
-Who cares about all this?
-You do.
'Cause since this Rex dude's going to that party,
and one of Rex's top friends is this Tori chick,
then we can assume that Tori's going to be at the party, too.
And if she is dating Steven, I'll
bet you a truckload of fat cakes,
Steven will be at that party with Tori.
-And if they are, how do you know they're not just friends?
-Read Tori's latest status update.
-(READING) "So pumped for Saturday night.
Bringing the BF."
-BF means boyfriend.
-Thank you, Freddie.
-We thought it meant big finger.
-All right.
So now what?
-We are going to make Spencer drive us to L.A.
-Ah!
-And we are going to crash that party
and see for ourselves if Steven's a cheater.
-Or not.
-Hey, if I really have to drive you guys to L.A.,
can Gibby come?
He's got the hands of a goddess.
-I am here for you, buddy.
-Yeah.
All right.
Thanks, Socko.
All right, everybody.
Socko just dropped off the van, so let's hit the road.
L.A. Is a long drive.
-Yep, we're just going to crash that party,
bust Steven for cheating on Carly--
-Or we find out he's innocent.
Everyone's innocent till proven cheaty.
-Whoa, wait, whoa, whoa, wait.
You guys, I just realised something.
-Me, too.
There are no yellow foods.
-What about corn?
-Bananas?
-Squash?
-Butter?
-Lemons.
-So what'd you realise?
-The party.
What if people there recognise us from iCarly?
-Oh, man.
-You're right.
We can't spy on Steven if everyone's coming up to us
going, yeah, you're from iCarly.
What's wrong with that Gibby kid?
-I got it.
My ex-girlfriend Monie lives in L.A. She does special effects
makeup for movies and TV shows.
-You think she could make me, Sam,
and Freddie look different enough not to get recognised?
-Sure, she does Hasselhoff.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
-Yeah, I'll just call her on the way.
-Yellow peppers.
-Tori, Tori, you have to talk to Andre for me.
-What about?
-He's got to change the date of his party
at Kenan Thompson's house.
-The party's tomorrow.
-I know.
But Lane asked me to babysit his stupid friend's kids,
so I said yes.
So when I heard about the party, I tried to bail.
But Lane won't let me out of it.
Stupid Lane.
-Why does Lane need you to babysit?
-He and his friend are going to see "MacGruber the Musical."
-The musical?
-Just tell Andre to move the party to next week.
-It's too late to change it.
And Kenan said he could only have
the house tomorrow night anyway.
-Oh, I hate everything.
-Can you make us look totally different?
-Completely unrecognisable?
-Yeah, easy.
When's the party?
-Tonight.
-I can get it done by then.
-Awesome.
-Cool.
-Thanks.
-Oh, Monie, I really appreciate you doing this.
-It doesn't mean I'm not still angry with you.
-Come on, we broke up six years ago.
-You shattered my heart and my leg.
-I didn't see you behind my car.
-Just drop it.
Carly, have a seat.
I'll get the makeup ready.
-Ooh.
-I thought Stephanie was the ex-girlfriend you backed over.
-That was before Monie.
-So wait, you backed a car over two girlfriends?
-I'm not the best driver.
-Whoa.
-Oh.
-Check this place out.
-This is sick.
-Yeah.
HEADBAND SPEAKER: Oh my god.
This house is hug.
-Hug?
HEADBAND SPEAKER: Huge.
-Yo, 'dre.
-Yo, what's up?
-You ain't tell me Kenan's house was sweating diamonds.
-Ha, I know, right?
Uh, Mustang, this is Tori, Steven, Cat, and Robbie.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
-What's going on?
-I believe someone forgot to introduce someone.
-And that's Rex.
-Downtown.
-Back around.
-Uh, Mustang's going to be spinning tracks tonight.
-Stricka, stricka, straight up.
-Strickter, strickter, straight up.
I wanted to do it, too.
-I'm gonna go back over there.
-Oh, let's go pick a place.
-A place for what?
-For our hundred day kiss tonight at midnight.
-Hm, it's gonna be good.
-Hm mm.
-Can I watch?
-No.
-I'll give you $20.
-No, you weirdo.
-You have no idea.
-You guys ready?
-Ready.
-Let's see them.
-Freddie.
-Who's Freddie?
My name is Chess Masterson.
-Oh my god.
-Uh huh.
-Man.
-Yeah, so if you guys didn't know I was me,
would you recognise me?
-No way.
She made you really good looking.
-Sam.
-Don't call me Sam.
Tonight, I'm Regina Goodbody.
-Unreal.
-Carly.
-I was once Carly.
But now I am the hideous Patty Schwab.
-Oh no, Patty Schwab ate my sister.
I did apologise for backing over you with my car, right?
-All right, we better get to the party.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
-Hey, wait a sec.
I'm on iCarly a lot.
What if people recognise me at the party?
-Oh, yeah.
Do you have anything for Gibby?
Hm?
-There and there.
-This is it?
Can't I get like a, a mole or something?
-Yeah, I can give a mole.
There.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
-And your name can be Roger.
-Yeah, Roger, Roger Mole.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
ANDRE: Hey, hey, there are way too many people in here.
Hey, hey.
-What?
We were trying to make time with those Northridge girls, man.
-See what your tweet did?
Kenan told me I could have a small party.
And there's gotta be at least 100 people here already.
-Rex tweeted it.
-Yeah, that's right.
If Robbie had tweeted it, nobody'd be here.
'Cause he only has like 13 followers.
-14.
-13.
I unfollowed you.
-Rex?
-Hey, Andre.
-What Sinjin?
-There's a guy here who crashed the party.
-90% of the people here crashed this party.
-Yeah, but this guy's wearing a panda bear suit.
And he's running around with a tennis racquet
swatting people on the butt.
-Man, I don't have time for jokes.
-Oh, but I'm--
-Go.
-Whoosh.
-What am I supposed to say to Kenan if he finds
out about all these people here?
-Kenan's in New York, so why don't you relax the yap.
-Everything's fine.
[PANDA BEAR GRUNTING]
-He needs to chill out.
-Ah.
[PANDA BEAR GRUNTING]
-Hey, somebody grab that panda.
Hey!
-Heh heh heh heh, Andre just got whacked by a panda.
-Uh, Tori.
Look, it's me.
Hi.
-Hi.
-Hey, what's up, sister?
-How are you here?
-I thought you were supposed to be
babysitting some kids for Lane.
-Yeah.
-I am.
Here they are.
Oh.
That's Wilson, and that's Vanessa.
-Mabel.
-You can't bring these little kids to a party like this.
-What can happen?
They're on a leash.
-I think it's great.
-Lane said you could bring them here?
-No.
-Well, they should be in bed.
-Don't be a downer.
Come on, kids, let's go mingle.
-Please help us.
ANDRE: Have you seen it?
Cat, Cat.
HEADBAND SPEAKER: Hi, Andre.
This is an awesome party.
-Yeah, listen, have you seen a panda bear
about this tall with a tennis racquet?
He's got--
[PANDA BEAR GRUNTING]
-Ooh,
[PANDA BEAR GRUNTING]
Ah, all right.
That's all.
Hey, stop that panda.
Hey!
HEADBAND SPEAKER: Hey, Andre.
There's a panda bear with a tennis
racquet sneaking up behind you.
-Did you find one?
-Yeah, right out the back, and it's huge.
-What are you guys talking about?
-A Jacuzzi.
-Oh, you brought a swimsuit?
-Uh huh.
-Jade loves Jacuzzis.
-Sometimes, I pretend I've been captured by witches.
And they're using me to make human soup.
-I'm, I'm sure you'd be delicious.
-Yeah, I doubt it.
-I would've brought a swimsuit if I had known.
[TRUMPET BLAST]
-It's me with a trumpet.
-Why?
-You scared the pee out of me.
-Remember earlier this week in class,
your terrible attempts at acting terrified?
Well, I'm helping you to experience
real fear that you can use as actors.
So I really scared you?
-Yes, I peed.
-Bravo.
Beck?
-Sorry.
-He's unscarable.
Come on.
Let's go change and hit the Jacuzzi
so I can pretend to be soup.
-OK.
-Jacuzzi, my favourite Italian word for hot, watery, bubbling.
-You guys see Steven?
-Nope.
-Nuh uh.
You see him?
-No.
I see a giant panda bear with a tennis racquet.
[PANDA BEAR GRUNTING]
-Hollywood, man.
HEADBAND SPEAKER: Hello there.
-Hey, I'm Roger.
HEADBAND SPEAKER: Hi there, Roger.
I like your mole.
-Yeah, you do.
-That mole's really working for him.
-Yep.
-Effective mole.
-Come on.
-We really look hideous.
-Oh, yeah.
-It's disturbing.
-Hid-ee-oh.
-OK, we gotta split up and try to find Steven.
-Your cheating boyfriend.
-Innocent till proven cheaty.
-Continue.
-OK, Sam, you and Freddie look on that side
of the house and upstairs.
I'll take this side.
Spencer and Gibby--
-Roger.
You all got the super cool makeup and everything.
I think the least you guys can do is call me Roger.
-OK, Roger.
Spencer, you and Roger check in the kitchen and the backyard.
-Roger.
-What?
-No, no, I, I didn't mean it like that.
I meant like a "Roger that" like they do in the movies.
-Oh.
-Stop it!
Freddie.
-If you see Steven, do not engage.
-(WITH ACCENT) Uh, do not engage.
-Contact the rest of us via text message
so we can all converge at point Steven.
-See, that's the kind of talk that makes me want to hit him.
-Whatever.
OK, are you guys ready?
-Roger is.
-Shut up.
-Whoo, hey, did anyone see a large panda bear
with a tennis racquet run in here?
-Hey, dude.
-What?
-Oh, hey.
-OK, if Steven and I ever get married and have babies,
don't you think they'd be way cuter if they looked like him?
-No, you have way prettier eyes than me.
No, but you have a prettier mouth.
-No, you have a prettier mouth.
We talked about this.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.
Put the lamp down.
Have some respect for Kenan Thompson's lamp.
Ah.
[PANDA BEAR GRUNTING]
-You guys put the lamp down.
I'll handle the panda.
-Man, someday I would love to have a house like this.
-Probably want to get a job then.
-Nah.
-Whoa, baby.
-Ooh, Jacuzzi.
Mm.
-You should get up in that.
-Get up in it now?
-For your sore back.
Hot water, pulsing jets.
Fix you right up, says Roger.
-Oh, why not?
I don't think anybody'd mind if I-- hey,
what happened to your mole?
-Oh, crud, my mole's gone.
-Must've fallen off in the house.
-Well, I've got to find it.
-How are you going to find a tiny mole in that big house?
Hey, Gibby wait.
-I'm Roger.
-This way, kids.
Hi Cat.
Cool party, huh?
HEADBAND SPEAKER: Hey, Trina.
-Cute headband.
Hey, uh, so you like kids, right?
Yeah?
Watch these for me.
HEADBAND SPEAKER: Hi kids.
My name is Cat.
Sorry I'm talking this way.
I have a severe throat infection.
-Eh.
-Do you have any retro music?
Like the Spice Girls?
Whatever happened to Baby Spice?
-Look, you seem like a nice kid, but you make me sick.
-Ah, you see that?
You irritate everybody.
Look, why do you always have to--
[EXPLOSION]
-I'm sorry.
[BOOING]
-If I could've come here by myself, I would have.
[BOOING]
-Just, just calm down.
-Shut up, Samberg.
[CHEERING]
-All right, all right, chill out.
Don't bust a vessel.
I'm gonna call my boys, have them bring me some backup.
Till then, who wants to take the mic
and throw some rhymes freestyle?
-That's a great idea.
Here, uh, oh.
-No, no, no.
-Ah.
Throw me a zesty beat.
[BACKGROUND MUSIC]
-All right.
OK.
[SINGING "AH'S"]
(RAPPING) Yeah, OK, all right, now put your hands up,
p-p-put your hands up.
We're at Kenan Thompson's crib, now put your hands up.
Come on.
You know, when an artist says to put your hands up,
the polite thing to do is-- ugh.
[CHEERING]
PARTYGOER: Samberg down.
HEADBAND SPEAKER: I realise Robbie was bad,
but was it necessary to throw that plant at him?
-Who threw the plant?
-Come on, now, who's next?
-I'll take a swat.
-No, no, I'm not letting no puppet--
-Blah, blah, blah, just bust a beat.
PARTYGOER: Yeah, freestyle.
PARTYGOER: Throw it out.
PARTYGOER: Oh, yeah.
[BACKGROUND MUSIC]
-Hi, Rex Powers.
Yeah, ha.
I'm going in, ha.
Yeah.
(RAPPING) Thanks, Robbie.
Your rap is pretty sloppy.
Now let Rex plex.
And I'll be sure to rock the party.
Who's the best freestyling MC?
They better mention me.
But I don't freestyle rap for free.
You better pay my fee.
Try and test my skills, man, who you be?
Look dope rap up in the dictionary.
And you'll see a picture of me.
[CHEERING]
That's what's up.
-Oh, this is a nice time.
Oh.
ah, thank you Kenan Thompson.
Oh, my back feels better already.
[SCREAMING]
-Ah, oh.
-Who are you?
I'm, I'm Spe-- I'm Spe--
-Nice to meet you, Spew.
They call me Sikowitz.
-Right.
-Oh.
-Why did you, why did you do that to me?
-Oh.
-Ah.
-See I'm an acting teacher at Hollywood Arts High School.
And I'm trying to scare one of my students, Beck,
so he'll understand what true terror feels like.
-Yeah, almost made me die.
-Oh.
-Ah.
-Here comes Beck.
Don't give me away.
-Eh.
Ooh.
Eh.
-Hey.
-Hi.
-Hey, there.
-Cool if we join you?
-Oh, sure.
Just me in here.
-Hey, look out, please?
Did anyone see a panda bear with a tennis racquet?
-Hey, Andre.
-Grandma, what are you doing at this party?
-Rex tweeted about it.
Where's Kenan Thompson?
-Grandma, please go home.
-OK, Andre.
-Beck.
-Jade.
-Ah.
-So you're not going to be in here long, are you? 'Cause--
-Ah!
[SCREAMING]
-No.
-Well, did I terrify you?
-No, not really.
-You're a tough nut to crack, my friend.
One tough nut.
-Yes, sir.
-Eh.
-You'll be fine.
-No.
-Hey.
-You haven't seen Steven?
FREDDIE (ON PHONE): No, and I've been looking everywhere.
-Is Sam looking?
-Sort of.
She's looking in a bowl of onion dip.
Hey, did you find Steven in the onion dip?
-Don't sass me.
-Look, maybe Steven's not even at this party.
CARLY (ON PHONE): Now, that'd be great.
Because then maybe he's not cheating on-- ah!
-Uh.
-Excuse me.
-Hi.
FREDDIE (ON PHONE): Carly.
-You see a girl around here, about this tall, brown hair?
-No.
(WITH BRITISH ACCENT) No, no, not really.
I'm Patty Schwab.
-Hey. -Oh, wait.
I see her.
FREDDIE (ON PHONE): Carls, you there?
-Subject spotted.
I just saw Steven.
-Where?
-Sh, things are happening.
[MOANING]
[BURPING]
-I wanted to give you this.
-Steven, you nut ball.
A charm bracelet?
-Charm bracelet.
-Yeah, it's one of a kind, like you.
-OK, that hurt.
That wounded me.
-Oh my god, it's beautiful.
I love you.
-I love you, too.
-And that killed me.
Now, I'm dead.
-Ah.
-Eh.
-Ah.
-Eh.
-Ah.
Uh.
And then she goes, a charm bracelet?
And then he goes, yeah, it's one of a kind, like you.
-Isn't that like the exact same thing he said to you?
-Exact.
And I think he even gave her the exact same charm bracelet.
You were right.
Go ahead.
Say you told me so.
-I told you so.
-Dude.
-Well, I did.
[CRYING]
-Oh, here.
-Thanks.
Ow.
This napkin has salsa on it.
-I had some talky toes.
-Taquitos.
-I'll be back.
-Wait.
-Where are you going?
-To teach Steven a lesson for making you cry.
-Oh, Freddie, thanks.
You can't just go beat him up.
-He deserves it.
-I know.
But you're nerdy.
Steven would pound you silly.
(RAPPING) Your flow was just bad.
So I want to help you.
So look, here's your homework.
Go read my rhyme book.
[CHEERING]
-Yeah, yeah, prop to the challenger.
Now, it's to you, Rex.
-Pump the beat.
[BACKGROUND MUSIC]
(RAPPING) Kiddies, kiddies, pay attention.
MC Rex is rapping so class is in session.
You better take notes if you want to survive.
'Cause you couldn't earn a dime with them weak old rhyme.
I battle anybody, name your time or place.
I've been running circles around you like a relay race.
I'm so nice on this mic when I take control.
I flip your hat backwards like a California roll.
Ow.
[CHEERING]
-Oh.
-You just got poned puppet style.
-Cat, give me the kids.
I need to get them back to Lane's before he gets home.
Where are the kids?
HEADBAND SPEAKER: It seems they've escaped.
-You mean you don't know where the kids are?
HEADBAND SPEAKER: No, but I think
it's important that you find them quickly.
-Looking for a mole.
Mole.
Where are you mole?
Hey, blondie, you seen a mole on the floor anywhere?
-A mole?
-Yeah, about yay big, cocoa brown.
-No way.
You're that kid from iCarly.com.
-No, no, no, I'm not.
-But wait, wait, wait, Gibby.
-No, no, I'm, I'm Roger.
-Hey, guys, get in here.
It's Gibby from iCarly.com.
-Dude, you're going to blow my cover.
-I got Gibby right here from iCarly.com.
-Sorry I had to do that, man.
-No.
-I think she should do it.
-Yeah, give me one good reason why I shouldn't.
-The guy's a total jerk.
-I agree Steven's a jerk.
And we need to teach him a lesson.
But I'm not going to let Sam give him a royal fizzbin.
-Well, can I at least give him a regular fizzbin?
-No.
TORI: Yo, Steven?
Hi.
Have any of you seen a guy-- whoa.
No way.
You're iCarly.
-Hi.
-Hey.
-Oh my god, you have no idea how in love I
am with your web show.
-No, but I know how in love you are with my boyfriend.
-What do you mean I'm in love with your boyfriend?
-It's OK, it's OK.
Yeah, I'm in love with your boyfriend.
So we're kinda even.
-Whoa, wait, wait, wait, are we talking about my Steven?
-Your Steven, my Steven.
He's been a busy boy.
-You gonna knuckle down on this chick?
I brought the butter sock.
-It's not her fault.
We're both victims.
-Yeah, but I mean--
-I'm not going to beat her with a sock full of butter.
-She wants you to hurt me with butter?
-Yeah.
-Do you see the little children?
-Yes.
-Fantastic.
VIDEOGAME VOICEOVER: Wipeout.
[DOLPHIN CRIES]
-Hey, I would've had 10,000, but there's
something wrong with the board spring.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
-My turn.
[CHEERING]
-Set it to expert.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
-And he even gave us both the exact same charm bracelet.
-Oh.
When he gave you yours, did he say--
IN UNISON: --it's one of a kind, just like you?
Uh.
-At least he had mine engraved to Carly and yours to Tori.
-Yeah, at least, wait, mine says to Tobi.
He didn't even notice they got the engraving wrong.
-Unless he's dating a third girl named Tobi.
Too soon?
-OK, now that we all know Steven's a stinkin' cheater,
let's talk about revenge.
Once again, I offer the butter sock.
-We don't just want to hurt Steven.
-We don't?
-No.
-Oh.
-We need to make sure he never does this to any other girls.
-Yeah.
Hey, there's like 200 people at this party.
What if we expose Steven in front of everybody here?
-Yeah, we put him in front of the whole party,
yank his pants down, get some hot sauce.
-That's not what I meant.
-She means expose him for being a liar and a cheater.
-Yeah.
You like it?
-Hm mm.
But let's not just expose him in front
of a couple hundred people.
How about more like a million?
-What?
Oh, come on.
I want to be a part of your iCarly unspoken communication.
How are we getting back at Steven?
Tobi wanna know.
-No, no more people.
Hey, hey.
Hey, now, there are already too many people in here.
Now, Kenan said I could have a small party, all right?
Now, I want you out of here.
I definitely want you outta here.
I want you outta here.
And I want-- oh!
-Come on, man.
Let me stay.
Have a giraffe.
-You bought me a giraffe?
OK, well, yo, listen, it's kind of crazy in here.
-Andre, Andre, why are you bugging?
-'Cause you said I could have a small party.
-Well, yeah, but not this small.
I mean, where is everybody?
-What?
There's like 200 people here.
-OK, look.
A small party means like 400 to 500 people, man.
Look at those girls.
Those have got to be Northridge girls.
How you doing?
You can tell by just how they-- you know?
-So, so you're not mad?
-No, I'm not mad.
Kiss your giraffe, would you?
Now, doesn't that feel better?
[PANDA BEAR GRUNTING]
Feel better already, that's right.
-The panda?
You let the panda in my house?
-No, I've been trying to get rid of-- you know the panda?
-Man, that freak panda bear's been showing up
around me for three years now, my house,
my health club, my trip to Acapulco.
That's why I bought this new house.
Hey, who gave the panda my new address?
(MUMBLING) Oh, uh, I don't know.
Nobody knows nothing.
(REGULAR VOICE) OK, you know what?
I want somebody to catch that panda,
and wrestle him to the ground, and call
the police or animal control.
[PANDA BEAR GRUNTING]
-Yah.
-Ow.
He did it again.
Oh, I'm gonna slam that panda.
Come on.
Where's my baseball bat?
ANDRE: I don't know.
-Where?
-That closet right there.
At midnight, he's expecting us to have our hundred day kiss.
-OK, OK, that's perfect.
So just text him--
-Hey!
Hey.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
-Hey, where'd the panda go?
-No way.
-Kenan Thompson.
-You're Kenan.
-Oh my god.
-Yes, he's famous.
IN UNISON: Where'd the panda go?
-Um, we don't know.
-Oh, man.
How does that funky panda keep escaping my grasp?
Well, whoa, iCarly from the internet.
-Oh, yeah.
-Yeah, yeah.
-You know us?
-Well, yeah, I watch iCarly online all the time.
-I don't believe it.
-Hey, where's the little peculiar kid, uh, Gibby?
Well, I know you're not from Northridge.
-Uh, uh uh.
-Hey, Kenan, uh, I know we just met and everything,
but would you maybe want to help us out with something?
-There it is.
You see that, there it is, right there.
Why does everybody want to borrow money from me?
I mean, you guys, Andy Samberg, half
the original cast of "All That."
-Oh, I used to love that show.
-Your cheekbones are like just perfect little sugarplums.
-No, no, no, no, we don't want to borrow money.
-Uh, now, wait a second.
-OK, Sam, Sam, would you help us get
revenge on a really bad guy?
-The panda?
-No.
-Her boyfriend.
-Steven?
-Who's also her boyfriend.
-Which we just found out.
-No money.
-Just revenge.
-OK, tell me more.
-OK.
-Last Fourth of July, we took it down to the--
[TEXTING BEEP]
Oh, hang on, text from Tori.
Ooh, time for our hundred day kiss.
Later.
[BACKGROUND CONVERSATIONS]
Happy hundred day anniversary.
[GIGGLING]
You ready for this?
KENAN: Are you ready for this?
[TRUMPET BLAST]
Ha ha.
IN UNISON: Hi Steven.
-He thought he was going to get a kiss from a pretty girl,
but instead, I blew a trumpet in his face.
Ha.
[TRUMPET BLAST]
Punk.
-Wait, what is this?
-This is--
IN UNISON: iCarly.
Woo.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
-And that is my ex-boyfriend Steven.
-Ex?
-He's also her ex-boyfriend.
-Ex?
TORI: Yes, ex meaning not anymore.
-See, Steven used to have two girlfriends.
-At the same time.
-Me and her.
-Steven's a cheater.
-And a liar.
Wheh.
-But now Steven's got no girlfriend.
-And might never get one again.
-Yeah, because now all y'all women out there know that
Steven is a chizzywag skunkbag.
-Wait!
This is live on iCarly?
-Uh huh, but don't worry.
-(WITH SPANISH ACCENT) Only like a million
people are watching so--
-Yeah, so it's not like your whole life's over.
Oh, wait--
IN UNISON: It kinda is.
STEVEN: You know what?
Yah!
IN UNISON: Bye, Steven.
[SOUND OF BREAKING GLASS]
VOICEOVER: Random humiliation.
[TRUMPET PLAYING]
-Hang on, Sinjin.
-Here comes a big wave.
-I'm gonna do it.
VIDEOGAME VOICEOVER: Malfunction.
-Huh?
Ah.
Jacuzzi.
-Sinjin.
-We're in the middle of a game.
-OK, back to you.
DJ MUSTANG: All right, y'all.
I'll say that makes Rex the number one
baddest freestyler at this party.
[CHEERING]
CARLY: Wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
-Chuck me a stick.
[CROWD SAYING "OOH"]
-Um, unless I'm tripping I do believe we got the iCarly crew
at this gig, fresh off the internet.
[CHEERING]
-Sam, right?
-Uh huh.
-And you're calling out Rex.
-Hm mm.
Momma gonna take a puppet down.
-What?
-He doesn't like to be called the puppet.
-Nah, nah, nah, it's cool, it's cool.
But let's see if you can beat this puppet, Puckett.
[CROWD SAYING "OOH"]
(RAPPING) Yeah, I'm hot, but I ain't takin'
this back 'cause everybody knows that chicks can't rap.
I'm so cool I make thermometers drop.
But with my lyrics so hot, I make thermometers pop.
'Cause me, I always get things popping.
And you should stick to shopping.
I've battled better, but they all came and went.
Face it, Sam, you're the opening act and I'm the main event.
Your turn, Laverne.
-Back up, Shirley.
-All right.
Pump, pump, pump it up.
-Yeah.
Wo, wo, wo, wo.
Yeah.
[RECORD NOISES]
(RAPPING) Oh, how cute, a little rappin' puppet.
Psych, you're more like a rejected muppet.
And I'm so famous you can find my name in a blog.
But not you, homey, Rex is the name of a dog.
Oh.
-Oh.
-Eh.
(RAPPING) Move over, hippies, you expect my respect,
want me to think you're the bomb.
Oh, where you get all your clothes?
At tweedpants.com?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, too bad, little Rex, all I can say
is sorry, Charlie, 'cause your freestyling
ain't nothin' compared to iCarly.
They all heard you rappin' and they was like, eh,
and then I showed up and everybody went--
IN UNISON: Yeah.
(RAPPING) So face it, Rex, you couldn't even
rap if I stapled his lips and took his hand out your back.
IN UNISON: Oh.
-Yeah.
-Oh.
-All right.
I'm somewhat offended.
But I admit Momma's got rhyme.
[PANDA GRUNTING]
-There goes the panda.
-Oh, the panda stole my baseball bat.
Thank you.
Y'all are Northridge girls, aren't ya?
Yeah.
Panda!
-Was that Kenan?
HEADBAND SPEAKER: Yes.
-Kenan!
Kenan!
Kenan, wait up.
Huh, Lane.
-This is how you babysit?
-Well--
-I was driving home, looked out my window,
and found them asleep by some trash cans.
-Well.
-What kind of babysitter would allow two small children
to just wander around the streets?
You know this one needs medication.
-Hey, look what's up.
-Hi.
-The backup rig has just arrived, and it's online.
So who's up for a little bit of karaoke?
-Yeah, I love karaoke.
-Cat!
-What?
-Sh.
Your doctor said you weren't supposed to talk.
-(SINGING) He didn't say I couldn't sing.
-Well, all right.
-Hey, iCarly, why don't you throw us into gear?
-Ha ha.
All right.
What song?
-Trust me, I'm gonna spin one that everybody knows.
[THEME MUSIC]
-(SINGING): I know you see somehow the world will
change for me and be so wonderful.
-(SINGING): Here I am once again feeling lost, but now and then.
-Live life, breathe air.
IN UNISON: I know somehow we're going
to get there and feel so wonderful.
-When you figure out how you're lost in the moment--
IN UNISON: You disappear.
IN UNISON: It's all for real.
-I'm telling you just how I feel.
IN UNISON: You don't have to be afraid to put
your dream in action.
You're never gonna fade.
You'll be the main attraction.
-Wake up members of my nation.
IN UNISON: It's your time to be.
-Not a fantasy.
IN UNISON: Not a fantasy.
-Just remember me.
IN UNISON: Just remember me.
When it turns out right.
-'Cause there's no chance unless you take one.
IN UNISON: And the time will see.
-Now if you live in your imagination.
IN UNISON: Tomorrow you'll be everybody's fascination.
See the brighter side of every situation.
-In my victory.
IN UNISON: Just remember me.
-When I make it shine.
-Leave it all to me.
IN UNISON: Just leave it all to me.
-When I make it shine.
-Leave it all to me.
IN UNISON: When you live in your imagination.
-Leave it all to me.
-When I make it shine.
IN UNISON: Leave it.
IN UNISON: Make it.
IN UNISON: Leave it.
IN UNISON: Make it.
IN UNISON: Leave it.
IN UNISON: Make it.
IN UNISON: Leave it.
-Ah.
-When I make it shine.
-Just leave it all to me.
[CHEERING]
[THEME MUSIC REPRISE]