- And this one makes 11...
- And 12. I think that's it.
- Welp, there ya have it.
- One adult diaper can hold...
- This comedy segment was brought to you by
the Seattle apple council.
And by pooply's adult diapers.
Yeah, we went there.
- Okay, next... - ...we wanna show you
a little cartoon
sent into us by a fan of icarly.
- This guy made a cartoon
of me, Carly, and Freddie
as five year old kids.
- So, if you ever wondered
what we might have been like
when we were five...
- ...in cartoon form...
- ...with gigantic heads...
- ...then aim your eyeballs at...
- Bitty big heads!
- Woooooo!
[ Knocking ]
- Carly! Hey, Carly!
It's Sam! I'm hungry!
Carly! I need food!
The fridge is empty!
- Sam!
- What, Freddie?
- Did you break Carly's door?
- No, it was like that when I got here.
Why is the fridge empty?
- 'Cause the electricity
went out last night
and all the food spoiled,
so Spencer threw it out.
- So what am I supposed to eat?
- Well, you could order a pizza.
Or there's a Chinese place that delivers,
but I'm not sure-- ahhhhh!
- What happened?
- Carly!
Sam bit my hand off
and then she swallowed it.
- Sam!
- He said I could!
- Did not!
Oh, I'll never applaud again.
- Come here, Sam!
One...Two...Three!
- Yay, my hand!
- Well, now I'm hungry again!
- Here, give me your wrist,
and I'll glue your hand back on!
There!
- Wow! Thanks, Carly!
I was worried there for a minute...
But now my hand feels as good as--
wahhhhhh!!!!
- Sam!
[ Burps ]
[ Music ]
- Yeah!
- Bitty big heads!
- Good toon.
- For the record, when I was five,
my head was not that large.
- And now, we'd like to say a word about...
[ Drum rolls ]
- So, why are we talkin' about spaghetti tacos? - 'Cuz Freddie's mother...
About spaghetti tacos? - 'Cuz Freddie's mother... - ...A terrible woman...
- ...Came over here
- ...a terrible woman... - ...Came over here a couple of weeks ago...
- ...came over here a couple of weeks ago... - ...And said,
"why don't you make
- ...and said, "why don't you make vegetarian spaghetti tacos?"
"Why don't you make vegetarian spaghetti tacos?" - For the record,
my mother does not speak
- for the record, my mother does not speak that way.
My mother does not speak that way. - So...
That way. - So... - ...To shut Mrs. Benson up...
- ...Last week
- ...to shut Mrs. Benson up... - ...Last week on icarly dot com,
- ...last week on icarly dot com, we ran a little contest
to see who could come up
with the best recipe
for vegetarian spaghetti tacos.
With the best recipe for vegetarian spaghetti tacos. - And the winner is...
For vegetarian spaghetti tacos. - And the winner is... - Mmmmmm.
- Okay, that looks nothing
- mmmmmm. - Okay, that looks nothing like a spaghetti taco.
- No, it doesn't.
Like a spaghetti taco. - No, it doesn't. - But hey, I'd eat that.
- I'd eat it twice.
- Okay, that's our show.
Gotta go.
- Later.
- Bye. Too close.
- And we're clear.
- Okay, out.
Come on, shoo!
Get outta here!
- Uh, hey...Where's my laptop?
- I dunno.
- Did you sell it,
and use the money to buy meat?
- I'm not kiddin' around.
And use the money to buy meat? - I'm not kiddin' around. My laptop's gone.
Man, this is jank!
- Okay, okay calm down.
- I can't!
That laptop's
the only nice thing I got!
It was a bat mitzvah gift
from my grandmother!
- You're not even Jewish.
From my grandmother! - You're not even Jewish. - You tell my grandma that
- you're not even Jewish. - You tell my grandma that and I'll break you.
- Shalom!
In 5, 4, 3, 2... [ Music ]
I know you see somehow the world
will change for me and be so wonderful
live life, breathe air I know somehow
we're gonna get there
and feel so wonderful it's all for real
I'm telling you just how I feel
so wake up the members of my nation
it's your time to be there's no chance
unless you take one and the time to see
the brighter side of every situation
some things are meant to be
so give it your best
and leave the rest to me
leave it all to me (leave it all to me)
leave it all to me
just leave it all to me
[ music ]
- Sam... - Sam... Sam... - Sam... - Sam...
Sam... - Why would your laptop
be in there... - Sam!
- Sam!!
- What?!
- I know you wanna find your laptop,
but you're kind of destroying my home.
- I'll clean all this up.
- You see, I know that's not true. - Hey guys.
That's not true. - Hey guys. I watched icarly ton--
- hey guys. I watched icarly ton-- oh my gahh!
- Sam!
Oh my gahh! - Sam! - I can't find it anywhere!
I'm gonna go check
Freddie's place.
- No no no wait -
Sam, my door's locked!
Just take my key!
Don't break my door-
just take my key! Don't break my door- - ahhh! What the yuck!?
- Now I gotta call
the door guy.
- Owwww.
The door guy. - Owwww. What did she throw
- owwww. What did she throw at my beautiful face?!
- Uh, this.
At my beautiful face?! - Uh, this. Your spud monkey lunch box.
- Awww man,
your spud monkey lunch box. - Awww man, she better not have dented
- awww man, she better not have dented spud monkey!
She better not have dented spud monkey! This was my lunch box
all during fourth
this was my lunch box all during fourth and fifth grade...
All during fourth and fifth grade... Oh man... no way!
And fifth grade... Oh man... no way! No way, no way, no way!
My tickets
my tickets from funk e. Fester's! - Aw, I used to love going
to funk e. Fester's
- aw, I used to love going to funk e. Fester's when I was a kid.
To funk e. Fester's when I was a kid. - Yeah, for the pizza
and weiner nuggets.
- So?
- I was a gamer! I won these tickets
at funk e. Fester's
game-a-torium during the Summer
when I was ten years old!
Game-a-torium during the Summer when I was ten years old! - How come you never traded in
the tickets for a prize?
- 'Cuz I was saving 'em up
to win the biggest prize
- 'cuz I was saving 'em up to win the biggest prize they had.
To win the biggest prize they had. - Which was?
They had. - Which was? - Murray the magic dolphin!
He was like this big
and I wanted him sooo bad.
But I couldn't remember
where I hid the tickets!
'Til now!
Where I hid the tickets! 'Til now! - Where are you going?!
- To funk e. Fester's
- where are you going?! - To funk e. Fester's to get my magic dolphin!
- Spencer!
To get my magic dolphin! - Spencer! - Yeah!
- My laptop's
- yeah! - My laptop's not at Freddie's place either!
It's gone!
Not at Freddie's place either! It's gone! - Did you tear my apartment
it's gone! - Did you tear my apartment to pieces?!
- Yes, and your mother!
To pieces?! - Yes, and your mother! - What?!
- You might wanna
- what?! - You might wanna get over there
- you might wanna get over there with some band-aids and a mop.
Get over there with some band-aids and a mop. - Oh man!
With some band-aids and a mop. - Oh man! Mom!!!
- Will you come with me
mom!!! - Will you come with me to the smoothie
- will you come with me to the smoothie to look for my laptop?!
To the smoothie to look for my laptop?! - Yeah, sure.
To look for my laptop?! - Yeah, sure. Just lemme go to the bathroom
- yeah, sure. Just lemme go to the bathroom real quick, wash my face--
just lemme go to the bathroom real quick, wash my face-- no, no, Sam,
Sam, you don't have to carry me.
No, no, Sam, Sam, you don't have to carry me. Sam! No, put me down!
Put me down, Sam!
Owwww, my head!
[ Music ]
- Listen up people!
I had a red pearbook laptop
- listen up people! I had a red pearbook laptop in here yesterday,
and I wanna know where it is!
In here yesterday, and I wanna know where it is! All right, in ten seconds
I'm gonna start breakin' heads!
One... two... three...
- What in the--
one... two... three... - What in the-- hey! Puckett!
Get down off that table
right now!
Off it!
Right now! Off it! What's the matter with you?!
Harassin' people...
Tearin' up my smootherie...
- Sorry t-Bo.
- She lost her laptop.
- It was stolen!
Someone horked it!
- Don't you say "horked"
someone horked it! - Don't you say "horked" in here!
Okay, it's all over!
In here! Okay, it's all over! Everybody gets one percent off
okay, it's all over! Everybody gets one percent off a bag of chips!
- Okay, you're way
too worked up about this.
- I... I can't help it!
Too worked up about this. - I... I can't help it! It's just that laptop
was the best thing I ever had...
That I didn't eat.
Was the best thing I ever had... That I didn't eat. - Well, you had all your data
that I didn't eat. - Well, you had all your data backed up on an external
- well, you had all your data backed up on an external hard drive, right?
Backed up on an external hard drive, right? - Yeah, sure Freddie,
like people really do that.
- You didn't back anything up
on that cloud thing?
- No one knows how to use
that cloud thing!
- Hey, I think we might be able
to use pear mobile--
- hey, I think we might be able to use pear mobile-- - to find my laptop?!
To use pear mobile-- - to find my laptop?! - Well, I'm not sure we can
find it...
But... if you give me
the serial number,
but... if you give me the serial number, I can access
your laptop's camera.
- And then we could see
whoever stole her laptop?
- Yeah, should be able to --
if they're using it.
Do you think you can find
the serial number--
do you think you can find the serial number-- - I'll find it!!!
The serial number-- - I'll find it!!! - Aah!
[ Music ]
- Well. Helloooo... Todd. - Can I help you?
- Yup! I'd like to have...
That large,
- yup! I'd like to have... That large, magic dolphin, please.
- You need
a thousand game points
- you need a thousand game points to win that.
A thousand game points to win that. - Well, take a look inside
my spud monkey lunch box.
Oh. Oh.
- These tickets are fifteen years old. - So?!
Are fifteen years old. - So?! - So we don't use 'em anymore.
We use electronic points now.
- But...
I won these tickets here!
They're worth
almost a thousand game points!
- They're worth nothing!
Almost a thousand game points! - They're worth nothing! - Okay. Okay, fine.
I'll just go
- okay. Okay, fine. I'll just go in that game room right now
and win another
thousand game points!
And win another thousand game points! - Hey! Spud monkey!
Thousand game points! - Hey! Spud monkey! No adults allowed
- hey! Spud monkey! No adults allowed in the game room without a kid.
- But I don't have a kid!
In the game room without a kid. - But I don't have a kid! I'm not even dating anyone!
- No surprise there.
- W'jah...
- Get out!
Out!!!
- You can't--
out!!! - You can't-- - ahhh!
- Aaahhhhh!
- Ahhh! - Aaahhhhh! [ Music ]
- I wonder what gibby's doing upstairs with guppy.
What gibby's doing upstairs with guppy. - I think playin' a game
or somethin'.
- So, you really think
you're gonna be able to turn on
- so, you really think you're gonna be able to turn on Sam's laptop camera?
You're gonna be able to turn on Sam's laptop camera? - Yeah -- if she can find
the serial number in her files.
- Pfft. Sam doesn't have files.
The serial number in her files. - Pfft. Sam doesn't have files. She has piles.
- I have had it. Had it!
- What's your problem?
- Guppy. I hate babysitting.
- Oh c'mon -- guppy's adorable.
- No, he's not.
I've had it down to there
- no, he's not. I've had it down to there with that kid!
- What's guppy doin' upstairs?
With that kid! - What's guppy doin' upstairs? - Ah, we're playin'
- what's guppy doin' upstairs? - Ah, we're playin' hide and go seek.
- So he's hiding?
Hide and go seek. - So he's hiding? - Yeah.
I'll seek in a few hours.
- I got it! Right here baby!
- You found the serial number?
- Shore did. H'yah.
- You wrote
- shore did. H'yah. - You wrote your laptop's serial number down
- you wrote your laptop's serial number down on a marshmallow?
Your laptop's serial number down on a marshmallow? - I didn't have paper.
On a marshmallow? - I didn't have paper. Now just do
your tech-nerd-thing, would ya?
- Activate her laptop camera.
Your tech-nerd-thing, would ya? - Activate her laptop camera. - All right, all right...
- Hey, could you guys
- all right, all right... - Hey, could you guys keep it down in here?
I'm depressed.
Keep it down in here? I'm depressed. - Oh, Spencer.
Don't you think
- oh, Spencer. Don't you think you're kinda overreacting
don't you think you're kinda overreacting to this whole
funk e. Fester's thing?
To this whole funk e. Fester's thing? - Noooo!!!
Funk e. Fester's thing? - Noooo!!! They won't take my tickets
- noooo!!! They won't take my tickets and they refuse
they won't take my tickets and they refuse to let me play any games there
unless I have a little kid
with me!
Unless I have a little kid with me! - Well, maybe you don't need
a giant magic dolphin.
- Yes, I do, too!
A giant magic dolphin. - Yes, I do, too! It's not fair that...
What is that?
- Dang it!
- Aah!
- Open this box!
Lemme out of here!
It's hot in this box!
- Well, I didn't tell you
it's hot in this box! - Well, I didn't tell you to hide in there, did I?
- You're the worst
babysitter ever!
- Well I'm all you got,
aren't I?
- Wait!
Aren't I? - Wait! Guppy, you wanna come
- wait! Guppy, you wanna come hang with me
guppy, you wanna come hang with me for the rest of the day?
Hang with me for the rest of the day? - I don't care.
For the rest of the day? - I don't care. - Good, c'mon!
- Happy birthday!
- It's no one's birthday!
- You're such a downer!
- Yeah!
- Y'know, you could be nicer
- yeah! - Y'know, you could be nicer to guppy.
- Hey, you have no idea
what a pain he can be.
Last night I caught him
marking his territory!
- Hey! Hey hey hey, I got it!
Marking his territory! - Hey! Hey hey hey, I got it! - You found Sam's laptop?!
- Oh, where is it?!
- Hang on...
I'm turning on
- hang on... I'm turning on the laptop's camera right now.
- Oh, this is so exciting!
The laptop's camera right now. - Oh, this is so exciting! - It really is.
- Just show me the wazz bag
- it really is. - Just show me the wazz bag who stole my laptop.
- Here we go...
Who stole my laptop. - Here we go... There's your wazz bag.
- That old lady
there's your wazz bag. - That old lady stole your laptop?
- I'm gonna juice
that old prune.
[ Music ] - I'm on the computer right now...
And I can see, it says
I can buy thirty large sponges
and I can see, it says I can buy thirty large sponges for just seven ninety-nine.
- Oh my gosh,
can you believe this?!
- No.
Can you believe this?! - No. They can't be quality sponges.
[ Bell dings ]
- Hi!
- Hey! What's that for?
- Writing down clues.
See, we keep watching that lady,
- writing down clues. See, we keep watching that lady, and every time she says
see, we keep watching that lady, and every time she says anything about where she is...
And every time she says anything about where she is... Write it down on this board,
then eventually...
- You'll shut up?
Then eventually... - You'll shut up? - Eventually,
- you'll shut up? - Eventually, we'll have enough clues
- eventually, we'll have enough clues to figure out where she lives.
We'll have enough clues to figure out where she lives. - Hey.
To figure out where she lives. - Hey. I'm steaming some artichokes.
How do you guys like yours
cooked?
Soft? Firm?
Cooked? Soft? Firm? Ya like a firm artichoke?
Yeah, ya like 'em rubbed
ya like a firm artichoke? Yeah, ya like 'em rubbed with garlic?
- We don't care what you rub
the artichokes with!
- I see.
The artichokes with! - I see. - Hey shhh, listen...
- No no,
- hey shhh, listen... - No no, you can't come over here
- no no, you can't come over here right now.
You can't come over here right now. There's a big fire on the corner
and they've blocked off
there's a big fire on the corner and they've blocked off all of Marshall square.
And they've blocked off all of Marshall square. - Marshall square!
All of Marshall square. - Marshall square! - Okay, we know
that thief is somewhere
- okay, we know that thief is somewhere near Marshall square!
That thief is somewhere near Marshall square! - Our first clue.
Near Marshall square! - Our first clue. - Yes.
Hey -- why are you rubbin'
- yes. Hey -- why are you rubbin' that artichoke with your shoe?
- I thought you didn't care.
That artichoke with your shoe? - I thought you didn't care. [ Music ]
- Helloooooo... Todd. - I told you, spud monkey -- you can't enter the game room
unless you're with a kid.
You can't enter the game room unless you're with a kid. - Ohhhhhh!
Unless you're with a kid. - Ohhhhhh! Well, then it's a good thing
- ohhhhhh! Well, then it's a good thing I brought this...
This!
Guppy!
- Happy birthday!
- Aw, jeez.
I had him wait outside
- aw, jeez. I had him wait outside so he could make
a dramatic entrance.
So he could make a dramatic entrance. - Boo!
A dramatic entrance. - Boo! - Who is that kid?
- My little sister's
- who is that kid? - My little sister's weird friend's weirder
- my little sister's weird friend's weirder little brother.
Weird friend's weirder little brother. - Like you're normal.
Little brother. - Like you're normal. - Hey!
If ya need me, I'll be in there,
- hey! If ya need me, I'll be in there, rackin' up game points,
if ya need me, I'll be in there, rackin' up game points, so I can win Murray
the magic dolphin.
So I can win Murray the magic dolphin. Later, Todd.
The magic dolphin. Later, Todd. - I gotta pee.
- You can pee in the ball pit!
- Yes!
[ Music ]
- How long has she been sleeping? - Two-and-a-half hours.
Has she been sleeping? - Two-and-a-half hours. - Are we sure
- two-and-a-half hours. - Are we sure she's still alive?
- Can't you hear her snoring?
She's still alive? - Can't you hear her snoring? - Uh-oh...
- Huh?
- What?
- Uh...She's drooling.
- Oh.
- So grossss.
- Ewww, so's gibby.
- Ughhh.
[ Music ]
- If I had a choice... Of watching one more minute of this prehistoric old lady...
Or licking the floor
of a gas station bathroom...
Take me to the gas station.
Of a gas station bathroom... Take me to the gas station. - Hey...
She's picking up her phone.
- Weeee.
- Mooo.
- Hello, is this
- mooo. - Hello, is this the doorman downstairs?
My pharmacy is sending over
some pills.
When they get here,
would you please bring them up
when they get here, would you please bring them up to my apartment?
Would you please bring them up to my apartment? Yes, I'm in seventeen-b.
To my apartment? Yes, I'm in seventeen-b. - Seventeen-b!
- Yeah! Now we know
- seventeen-b! - Yeah! Now we know her apartment number!
- What are you doin'?!
Her apartment number! - What are you doin'?! - She lives in an apartment
- what are you doin'?! - She lives in an apartment on the seventeenth floor.
- Yeah?
On the seventeenth floor. - Yeah? But we still don't have
- yeah? But we still don't have her address.
- But we know she lives
in a building
- but we know she lives in a building that has at least
seventeen floors.
That has at least seventeen floors. - And that she buys sponges.
Seventeen floors. - And that she buys sponges. - Anyway, I think
- and that she buys sponges. - Anyway, I think there's only one building
- anyway, I think there's only one building near Marshall square
that's tall enough to...
Near Marshall square that's tall enough to... Yes! I got it!
That's tall enough to... Yes! I got it! She lives in Whitman tower!
- Yeah!
- Yes!
- All right, momma's gonna get
- yes! - All right, momma's gonna get her laptop back!
- Woo!
Her laptop back! - Woo! - All right!
- I'll call the cops!
- No.
I want this one.
[ Music ]
- Okay okay, funk e. Fester's is closing! Everyone out!
Funk e. Fester's is closing! Everyone out! - Awwww.
- Booo.
- Guppy, what time is it?!
- Nine fifty-nine!
- Sorry Todd --
- nine fifty-nine! - Sorry Todd -- I can keep playing
- sorry Todd -- I can keep playing 'til ten o'clock.
- Give it up, spud monkey!
'Til ten o'clock. - Give it up, spud monkey! - No! I need a thousand points
- give it up, spud monkey! - No! I need a thousand points to win my prize!
- You're not gonna make it!
To win my prize! - You're not gonna make it! - I am not going home
- you're not gonna make it! - I am not going home without my big magic dolphin!
- Ten seconds... - He's at nine ninety-two! - Seven! Six!
Five! Four!
Three! Two...
[ Music ]
- Yes! One thousand points! Be right back, Todd!
Yeah!!! Wooo!
C'mon guppy, let's go get massages! - Happy birthday!
Let's go get massages! - Happy birthday! [ Music ]
- This is great. Your kids can help you with this.
Everybody--
- ohh! Ohh!
Good heavens!
- Ohh! Ohh! Good heavens! Wh-wh-wh-what are you teenagers
good heavens! Wh-wh-wh-what are you teenagers doing in my apartment?!
- I've come to take back
what's mine.
- Are you my kidney donor?!
What's mine. - Are you my kidney donor?! I still need this kidney!
My other one shriveled!
- We don't want your kidney.
- We want her laptop.
- What are you talking about?!
- Oh I think you know.
Owwww! Ohhhhhh!
I'm gonna wait in the lobby. - Hey... - What?
- This is a blue pearbook.
I thought yours was red.
- Mine is red.
- Carly, take out
- mine is red. - Carly, take out the marshmallow
with the serial number
Sam wrote down.
With the serial number Sam wrote down. - 'Kay...
- I'm calling the police.
- Don't move.
- Ready?
- Yeah go.
- Seven one two...
- Five eight one...
- Six two nine...
- Six two...
Four.
- Sometimes my nines
four. - Sometimes my nines look like fours.
- This is a four!
Look like fours. - This is a four! - You gave us
- this is a four! - You gave us the wrong serial number!
- And made us spend
eleven hours
- and made us spend eleven hours watching an innocent,
boring old lady!
Watching an innocent, boring old lady! - Boring?
Boring old lady! - Boring? - I meant boring
- boring? - I meant boring in the good way.
- Well, the good news...
In the good way. - Well, the good news... You can keep your kidney.
- Let's go.
- I'm... I'm so sorry.
Ahhh!
- You uhhh... You might wanna call a door guy. - Oh, skunk bags!
- Hey.
- 'Sup.
- Hey!
Look at my dolphin!
- We're not in the mood.
- Sam's laptop is gone forever.
- Aw, that's suckish.
- Yeah. You got any food?
- Just the old clam pizza
- yeah. You got any food? - Just the old clam pizza you left in the fridge
- just the old clam pizza you left in the fridge three days ago.
You left in the fridge three days ago. - Good 'nuff.
Three days ago. - Good 'nuff. - Oh.
- You got him!
- Yeah!
The best prize funk e. Fester's has.
- I like it.
- You'll not believe the guy
that works there...
- Hey, where are you going? - Nothing.
- Today at icarly... - We're gonna teach you about--
- we're gonna teach you about-- - what are background artists?
- What are background artists? - They are the actors
- they are the actors you see in a TV show or a movie.
You see in a TV show or a movie. - Who don't really
- who don't really say anything.
Say anything. - Sometimes background artists
- sometimes background artists are called--
- are the artists ready?
- Are the artists ready? And action.
- Mmm...
Captioning performed by aegis rapidtext