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[***]
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
[RINGING]
[DOG BARKING]
[SNORING]
[RINGING]
[CROAKS]
[DOG BARKS]
[BELL DINGING]
Aah!
Mr. Wilson!
Dennis.
[GASPS]
What is it, George? Another one of your dreams?
It wasn't a dream, Martha.
It was a nightmare.
A nightmare.
Ho, ho, ho.
[BELL DINGS]
Hey, Mitchell.
Nice bike. Where did you get it, the junkyard?
How about a race? You and me.
Last one to school is a loser.
Guess that will be you, loser.
Aah!
Oh!
[YELLING]
BOY: Loser!
Just wait, Jack Bratcher. One day I'm gonna beat you.
[***]
[BELL RINGING]
[CROWD CHATTERING]
Aah! That will be 50 cents, Henry Mitchell.
No discounts for husbands?
Oh, not today. Where's Dennis?
Oh, he's backstage with the rest of the kids.
It looks like this is gonna be quite a show, huh?
Oh, I hope not.
Oh, just relax, it's gonna be fine.
All he has to do is say his lines
and walk off stage with the rest of the kids.
What could possibly go wrong?
Hey, Mr. Turkey. How are you doing in there?
He doesn't look so happy.
Whatever he is, just keep that thing away from me.
I'm allergic to turkey feathers.
Hey, guys.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. whoa, whoa.
And what are you supposed to be?
A green bean casserole.
What's that smell?
I'm wearing cranberry perfume. It's all the rage in Paris.
[LAUGHING]
Boys are so unsophisticated.
My, isn't this lovely, George?
George?
George, you know, I could have delivered my pie myself.
Oh, nonsense, Martha.
Now, George, you're just gonna have to get over this.
Dennis Mitchell is just a boy.
Yes, like a hurricane is just a hurricane.
George, Dennis is going to be all the way up on the stage
and you're going to be all the way down here in the audience.
What could possibly go wrong?
I understand, Mr. Bratcher, but we have a lot
of children in the show.
Yeah, but you have only got one Jack Bratcher.
And I wanna see him front and center in the spotlight.
Capisce?
I'll do what I can.
[FANFARE PLAYING ON PA]
Showtime.
All right, children, let's get ready.
All right, now listen to me.
When you get out there,
I don't care if you have to knock someone down.
You get in front. You got it?
Yeah, Dad.
And don't forget your lines.
I don't want people to think I'm a bad parent.
Now give me five.
Oh! Got you.
[LAUGHS]
Hey, dork face.
Uh, Dennis, I think he's talking to you.
Yeah, I'm talking to you, snail boy.
Nice race today, loser.
I'm not a loser.
Really? Then how come I beat you today, huh?
'Cause you're a loser.
Oh, yeah? Well, I'm gonna ask Santa
for a new bike this Christmas,
then life in this town is gonna change.
Please.
Christmas is so totally...
...stupid.
[KIDS GASP]
You just said the S word.
[FANFARE PLAYING ON PA]
[TALKING INDISTINCTLY]
[CROWD APPLAUDING]
[LAUGHING]
Okay, thank you, Merle. Thanks. Thank you, Merle.
Thank you. Okay, Merle, stop it, okay?
Well, goodness.
How did all of you people get into my office?
[SPARSE LAUGHTER]
PRINCIPAL: Thank you, thank you.
And, uh, thank you all for coming out tonight.
On behalf of the staff and the students of Franklin Elementary,
I would like to welcome you all to our Thanksgiving pageant,
bake sale and pie baking contest.
[CROWD APPLAUDS]
I know tonight I'm looking forward
to tasting all of our ladies' goodies.
[LAUGHS]
So we're going to begin a very special history lesson
from Mrs. Walsh-Mellman's first graders,
who have put together their own version
of how Thanksgiving came to be.
And now without any further ado--
What's the matter, Mr. Turkey? Are you thirsty?
--first grade class and their story of Thanksgiving.
The children have worked very hard on this
so I know we're all in for a real treat.
Where's Dennis?
PRINCIPAL: Including--
A special surprise guest...
I'll be right back.
PRINCIPAL: But let me just say that I think
you're all going to gobble up this presentation.
[CROWD APPLAUDING]
And so the pilgrims and their new Native American friends
shared their bounty and started a tradition
that has lasted even today.
Here you go.
[GASPS]
The tradition of Thanksgiving.
[SNEEZES]
[TURKEY GOBBLING]
Eek! My turkey feather allergy.
Get it away from me!
[KIDS SCREAMING]
I told you something was going to go wrong.
Come on. Let's get out of here.
Hey, don't just stand there, fight back.
Oh, no.
Food fight!
Oh, no.
Maybe it's part of the show.
Keep moving, Martha.
Keep moving.
[KIDS SHOUTING]
Henry, do something.
Okay, all right.
Right here. Right here. Right here.
That's not what I meant. Go get Dennis.
Right. Okay.
I'm hit.
Dennis Mitchell.
I think we made it.
[PIES SPLATTERING]
Ooh.
[CROWD GASPS]
Oops.
MARTHA: George?
George, are you all right, dear?
Oh, my apple pears pie is ruined.
GEORGE: Dennis!
And another thing. If you think my insurance company
is paying for this catastrophe, you're nutso.
But, Mr. Bratcher, you did sell us an insurance policy.
Oh, yeah?
Well, look at this, bucko.
Read the fine print.
"The Dennis Clause."
BOTH: The Dennis Clause?
It absolves my company of responsibility
in the event of any and all disasters
caused by one Dennis Mitchell.
I'm sorry, but it's true.
After the unfortunate
kindergarten show-and-smell incident
they added the Dennis Clause to our policy.
This is just ridiculous.
He's a 6-year-old boy.
That's right.
And you were exactly the same way when we were kids.
Always getting into trouble.
Your old man having to clean up your mess.
And still--
La, la, la. La, la, la.
Happy-go-lucky all the time. What's up with that?
Yeah, what's up with that?
I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, huh?
Dennis Clause.
Oh!
[LAUGHS]
Sorry.
But I didn't mean for it to happen.
The turkey looked thirsty.
Dennis,
you're gonna have to start taking responsibility for your--
Your situations.
I'll work it off. I promise.
Hey, I can wash windows.
BOTH: No.
[WOMAN SCREAMS]
Uh, sorry.
Do the dishes?
BOTH: No.
[DISHES SMASHING]
Hey, Dad, what if I help you change the oil in the car?
BOTH: No.
[***]
I'm gonna-- I'm gonna get a drink of water.
We'll talk about this later, okay?
HENRY: Oh, not looking good, Alice.
This coming on the heels of the Halloween disaster.
That wasn't all Dennis' fault, you know.
They shouldn't have stacked those pumpkins so high.
Regardless, there's not gonna be
a lot of money left over for Christmas.
Well,
they're hiring down at the mall.
Oh, Alice--
They had a sign up looking for a gift wrapper.
You know I've always been very good with bows.
Honey, I hate for you to have to do that.
It's only temporary.
Just to get us through the holidays.
Dennis is gonna be on vacation, home from school.
I'll call Dad. He loves spending time with his grandson.
I thought he was climbing Mount Kilimanjaro.
Well, he's supposed to be back on Sunday.
Well, I suppose we have no choice.
Who could've planned
on the unexpected expenses of a spirited child?
Henry, he's a boy. He'll grow out of it.
HENRY: Let's hope.
Hey, Ruff, what am I gonna do?
[***]
[CAT SCREECHES]
[DOGS BARKING]
[MAN GRUNTING]
Well, I'm here. Now what?
[***]
* Sleigh bells are ringing It's love in the air *
* The spirit of Christmas It's everywhere *
* Soon Santa's coming With loads of gifts to share *
* We'll have a Merry Christmas *
* And a happy New Year *
Wow.
That's what I want.
The Razzle Dazzle Beauty Center
with sparkle attachment
and automatic color changer. It's beautiful.
What do you want, Joey?
Me? I just want it to snow in time for Christmas.
My mom says it hasn't snowed for Christmas in 30 years.
She says it's the global warming.
DENNIS: Wow!
MARGARET: Cool, the Mite-Y-Max racing bike.
Wow, it's-- It's--
Majestic.
Well, if it isn't Mr. Snail and the snailettes.
Get lost, Jack.
Make me.
Maybe I will.
You'll have to catch me first.
That'd be way too easy.
As if, Mitchell.
You're so slow you couldn't catch a cold in a snowstorm.
Oh, yeah? Well, you wait until Christmas.
Then you'll be the loser.
You daring me to a race, Mitchell?
Okay. A race.
You and me. Christmas Day.
Unless you're too chicken.
[***]
You're on, Jack Bratcher.
You're so going down.
You can't win, Dennis.
Yeah, everybody knows Jack gots the fastest bike at school.
Don't worry, guys. This race is in the bag.
All I need is a little help from Santa Claus.
Come on, honey.
It's time for the secret Santa draw.
HENRY: I wanna thank everyone for coming again this year.
We all know what to do, right?
We do, okay. There. Pass it around.
Hey, Henry, do you think you can, uh,
pull some snow out of that hat?
I wish.
[LAUGHS]
We all know it hasn't snowed at Christmas
around here in how long?
ALL: Thirty years.
Hey, come on, everybody.
Just because there's no snow on the ground
doesn't mean we can't have a little Christmas in our hearts?
Pick a name, get a gift, spread some Christmas cheer.
No peeking.
"Mr. Wilson." Cool.
[***]
George, the lights are lovely this year.
Come and see.
I've seen the lights, Martha.
Every year, I have seen the lights.
Well, maybe this year we could maybe just--
No, no.
Just a few little red and green ones around the front porch.
You know how I feel about this thing.
It's shameless capitalism at its worst.
Besides, it's a waste of electricity.
Yes, dear.
I'm going to look at my stamps.
Yes, dear. Have a nice time.
[***]
[SIGHS]
Okay, so far we have presents,
a Christmas tree, cookies and lights.
Who can tell me one more thing
that represents the Christmas spirit to them?
Dennis?
Yes, Mrs. Walsh-Mellman?
Do you have a fifth thing to add to our list of Christmas spirit?
That's easy. Santa Claus.
Very good, Dennis. Santa Claus it is.
Well, now aren't you happy we came out for a walk?
I suppose.
But...
But?
I just wish it would snow.
Oh, Martha.
You know it hasn't snowed around here
at Christmas time for 30 years.
I know, but it just doesn't seem like Christmas without snow.
It seems to be perfect just the way it is.
Fresh air. Nothing but peace and quiet.
Oh, no.
What? Come on, honey.
DENNIS: Mr. Wilson.
Hey, Mr. Wilson. Hey, Mrs. Wilson.
Hello, dear. George, say hello to Dennis.
Dennis.
Do you know what today is?
It's the start of Christmas vacation.
School's out for two weeks.
Marvelous.
Are you excited for Christmas, Mr. Wilson?
Uh, actually--
Are you excited, dear?
You better believe it. It's my favorite holiday ever.
So you got your Christmas list made yet, Mr. Wilson?
As a matter of fact--
Do you have a list made, Dennis?
Yup. And there's only one thing on it.
Do you know what it is?
I'm afraid to ask.
The Mite-Y-Max racing bike.
Then I'll be the fastest kid in town.
I've been pretty good this year too, so it's as good as mine.
George.
So, Mr. Wilson,
don't you want anything for Christmas?
Well--
You know, dear, Mr. Wilson isn't a big fan of Christmas.
It dates back to his days when he was a postal worker.
I threw my back out every year
delivering those stupid letters to Santa Claus.
[WHISPERS] You said the S word.
George, don't say stupid. It's not nice.
I'm sorry, but Christmas-- Ugh.
Nothing but shameless capitalism.
I'm sorry, Dennis, but we're going to have to be going now.
You have a lovely holiday.
This is gonna be harder than I thought.
ALICE: What do you mean, there's no other way out of Tanzania?
Three days?
By yak.
I gotta go. I'll figure something out.
I gotta go.
Yeah, I love you too. Bye.
No Grandpa?
Don't ever ask someone climbing Mount Kilimanjaro to babysit.
How about a babysitter?
[YELLING]
Oh, yeah. Okay, what's plan B?
[SIGHS]
[CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING OVER PA]
I'll bet I can find something
for Mr. Wilson's Christmas present here.
Please, Dennis, not today. Just stay with me, okay?
Oh, Mom.
Oh, it's just too much. Too much.
I had four Santas the past week.
All the four of them quit
within 15 minutes of taking the job.
So if you don't work out,
I'm just going to close the whole thing down.
You can count on me, sir.
Because this is not just a job, this is something I have to do.
If I can give the spirit of Christmas
to at least one person--
Oh, well, then--
Oh, yes. Well, that's wonderful.
Now do you mind if we do the fitting?
Mr. Souse?
Uh...
Sousez. Not Souse, Sousez.
Oh, Mrs. Mitchell, how nice of you to join us.
Thank you. I'm sorry, I couldn't find a babysitter.
Dad says we're blacklisted.
Oh, really?
How interesting. Uh, Mrs. Mitchell,
they're going to want you at the wrapping table.
I'll be there in a moment. Go on, go on.
Okay, come on, honey. Go, go. Go, go.
Ah. Now, ahem,
Robert, about that fitting.
Ah.
How did you do that?
I like to be prepared.
Sit over there, okay?
Okay, honey, now you stay put. And please stay out of trouble.
Relax, Mom. I'll be fine.
I'll take those.
Thank you.
[***]
ALICE: Merry Christmas. Who's next?
Great. Oh, aren't you sweet.
Thank you. Yes, my son is over there. Isn't he adorable?
Yes, thanks. See you later. Merry Christmas.
Number 36?
Well, it's about time.
ALICE: Have a happy holiday.
I don't see how we're supposed to do that without snow.
Oh, no. They say it hasn't snowed around here
at Christmas time for about--
Thirty years, I know, I know.
It's just not natural, no snow at Christmas.
What are you doing?
[CROWD GASPS]
Dennis.
[GRUNTING]
Wow.
Look what you did.
ROBERT: Get me up.
Oh! Goodness, gracious.
What in the name of heaven is going on here?
This child. This deplorable little boy
grabbed me in my private area.
Madame, please.
Okay, honey, time to go.
What little boy?
That one right there.
Huh?
He was right there. I'm sure he was right there.
[GROANS]
This is going to be a long Christmas.
Look at that.
I found one.
I actually found one. Martha.
Martha.
Martha, I found one. A 1954--
Oh, Alice, of course we'll babysit Dennis.
What?
ALICE: I would never ask unless I was desperate.
Don't give it a second thought, we'd love to.
What?
ALICE: Thank you both so much.
I'll be home at 5:30.
[***]
DENNIS: Hey, Mr. Wilson.
Looks like I'm your new roommate.
What?
Oh, nothing.
Then why are you staring at me like that?
No reason. I was just wondering
what someone like you would be interested in.
I am interested in reading this newspaper.
I mean, you know, like a hobby or something.
Or a gift you would like.
My hobby is reading the newspaper.
And I would like the gift of silence.
Well, I'm off.
Oh, where are you going?
Oh, I have a few errands to run, dear.
You're leaving me home with--
George.
You're leaving me alone?
If you want dinner tonight I am.
Now, Dennis, I saved these crayons from your last visit.
So--
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Now, you boys be good, and I'll be back soon.
[TAPPING]
[HUMMING]
Now what?
I don't know what to draw.
Why don't you try writing a letter to Santa Claus?
I already e-mailed him.
Then just...
...color something.
Hm. What to draw?
There's gotta be something
Mr. Wilson needs for Christmas
and I'm gonna find it.
[***]
[GRUNTS]
Oops.
Mr. Wilson sure has a lot of letters to mail.
Hmm...
I'm home.
George?
Oh. Just reading the paper, Martha.
Where's Dennis?
Off with his crayons someplace.
Well, his crayons are here, dear.
[***]
Dennis.
Dennis, where are you, dear?
Oh, dear.
Oh, no.
Oh, hi.
Good news, Mr. Wilson. Your mail is all ready to go.
My stamps.
Now, dear, remember your blood pressure.
And look at this one.
Hey, Mr. Wilson, what's the matter with your face?
[KETTLE WHISTLING]
GEORGE: Dennis!
[OVER PHONE] I don't want him around my house.
I don't want him anywhere near me.
Of course, Mr. Wilson.
You will be completely reimbursed.
Okay, you have a good night. And again, we are very sorry--
[DIAL TONE] Hello?
Ten thousand dollars. For stamps?
Yes, it was a collection. Apparently a lot of antiques.
Don't they have insurance?
They have the, uh,
Dennis Clause. Dennis Clause.
What are we gonna do, Henry?
We don't have that kind of money.
It's Christmas. We have to buy gifts.
Dennis wants that racing bike so badly.
We will manage somehow. Everything's gonna be fine.
[SHATTERING]
Dennis.
[RUFF BARKING]
ALICE: Dennis?
Dennis? Son, what--? What are you doing?
Well, I thought that maybe if I could figure out
the right gift to get Mr. Wilson for Christmas
he wouldn't be mad anymore.
Except even if I could figure it out,
I don't have any money to get him anything.
Well, Dennis, that's the great thing about Christmas.
It's not about the money.
Christmas is about thoughtfulness
and kindness and good will.
It's the gesture of giving a gift that counts, not the gift.
It's about family...
...friends...
...and love.
I think what Daddy is trying to say is
sometimes the best gifts are free.
I love you, Alice.
I love you, Henry.
Hello? I'm in the room.
You have to think a little harder.
You'll come up with something. I know you will. There we go.
What do you think, Ruff?
What can I give Mr. Wilson for Christmas
that he really, really needs?
[***]
That's it.
[GRUNTS]
I'm gonna give Mr. Wilson the Christmas spirit.
[RUFF BARKS]
Hey, Mr. Wilson.
Hello, Dennis.
What you doing?
I'm going shopping for stamps. Alone.
Oh, I thought maybe you were
gonna get a present for Mrs. Wilson.
You know, for Christmas.
Mrs. Wilson and I do not exchange Christmas presents.
We haven't for years.
But I thought Mrs. Wilson liked Christmas.
She likes Christmas, but she doesn't like presents.
Are you sure about that?
Well, she has never come right out and said so but--
So how do you know?
[GROANS]
I hate shopping.
Especially during the holidays. All the crowds, the noise.
Those awful blaring Christmas carols.
How's a person supposed to think?
That's okay, Mr. Wilson. I brought backup.
What?
Hi, Mr. Wilson.
Come on, Mr. Wilson, come on.
We're going to help you.
* It's time to celebrate *
* 'Cause you make A better world *
* Year after year *
* Soon you'll be on your way *
* Spreading joy everywhere *
* There's no one like you *
* Santa you are the one *
* You creep the chimneys At night *
* That's right *
* And you always know Who has been naughty *
* Or nice *
* But how does it feel To work? *
* Everyone's off No one to help you *
* How do you reach us all? *
* It's for sure No one does it better *
* Yeah yeah *
* You are the one *
* I hope you enjoy this song *
* It is a gift from everyone *
* Thank you for all That you have done *
See, Mr. Wilson? I told you we'd help you.
Well...
Martha will sure be pleased.
Here you go, Mr. Wilson. Here you go, Mr. Wilson.
Be careful, Mr. Wilson.
Oh, don't worry about me, Dennis.
I was a dancer in my youth.
Two-time regional division tap-dance champion.
There it is.
GEORGE: What is?
The Mite-Y-Max.
A bicycle.
It's majestic.
Do you even know what that word means?
JACK: Hey, Mitchell.
Ready to lose on Christmas Day? Loser.
What an unfortunate little boy.
Hey, Mr. Wilson, you dropped your present.
[GASPS]
[GROANING]
Mr. Wilson, I thought you said you could dance.
I hate Christmas.
Yes, dear.
[GROANING]
WOMAN: Thank you for sharing, Connie. We have a new member tonight
and I'd like you all to make her feel welcome.
Go ahead.
ALICE: Hello, everyone.
My name is Alice and...
...I have a spirited child.
ALL: Hello, Alice.
[***]
DENNIS: How lucky can you get?
We need a Christmas tree for Mr. Wilson,
and we find one just sitting there.
Right on the sidewalk.
MARGARET: Must be your lucky day.
DENNIS: He's gonna be so surprised when he gets home from the hospital.
This tree is filthy.
It's called nature, Margaret.
It's called gross.
It's locked.
[GROANS]
It's open. Excellent.
Okay.
Just point the tree in my direction.
On the count of three.
One.
Two.
Three.
[KIDS GRUNT]
[***]
[SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE]
There's a Christmas tree in here.
That's him. That's the guy.
OFFICER: George Wilson, you're under arrest
theft of a Christmas tree, one count.
I unload my tree from the car,
we go into the house to use the can,
we come back out and it's gone.
Yeah, it's gone.
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will
be used against you in a court of law.
You have the right to an attorney.
I didn't take your Christmas tree.
I saw the kids drag it into your house.
You're the ringleader.
MARTHA: Don't worry, dear.
I'll bail you out of the slammer.
Dennis.
Hey, Mitchell.
Hello, Mr. Bratcher, how are you?
I'm great.
I just sold five more insurance policies,
all of them with Dennis Clauses.
Your kid's gonna make me rich.
Is Mr. Wilson okay?
Yes, dear. He just had a rough night in jail, that's all.
[SIGHS]
Uh-oh.
Dennis, I'm gonna run to the drug store very quickly
before Mr. Wilson wakes up
and get him some more of his special medication.
Can you promise me that you'll stay
right here with him until I get back?
I promise.
Very good, dear. Okay, I'll be right back.
Mm-hm.
[***]
Hm...
Time to bake cookies.
[***]
Hm...
...kind of boring.
[GRUNTS]
[BLENDER GRINDING]
Oops.
[CRASH]
[STAMMERS]
[SIGHS]
[GRUNTS]
[***]
DENNIS: Mr. Wilson, I made you something.
They look delicious.
But Mrs. Wilson doesn't allow me to have cookies.
They're bad for my blood pressure.
Not even one?
[GRUNTS]
GEORGE: Maybe...just one.
After all, it is Christmas.
[CRUNCH]
[SIREN WAILS]
[CHATTER OVER AMBULANCE RADIO]
[GRUNTING]
MARTHA: Now, Dennis, you're going to have to tell the doctor
exactly what you put in those cookies.
Is Mr. Wilson gonna be okay?
Yes, dear.
He'll be fine.
Just as soon as they pump his stomach.
[GROANING]
Dennis.
[***]
Hey, Mitchell, I'm waiting for ya.
Loser!
Why does he gotta be such a bully?
He probably hasn't got in touch with
his true inner self.
It's genetic,
like musical talents or exceptional good looks.
JOEY: My dad says people are bullies
because they don't get enough love at home.
They just need a little more patience, support,
kindness from members of their communities
to turn themselves around.
Okay, now that's just gross.
Okay, this is the last one.
Ready, guys?
Set...
...and jump.
[***]
Perfect.
When Mr. Wilson gets home
from the hospital tonight,
he's going to be so happy.
Yeah, what can possibly go wrong?
[***]
[GROANING]
All right, be careful, dear.
MARTHA: Thank you.
We'll go inside
and I'll make you a nice cup of clear broth.
[GROANING]
Look at the lights.
[***]
[GASPS]
Oh. Aah!
Oh, oh.
[SIREN WAILS]
[***]
George, remember your blood pressure.
I, uh--
I am so sorry, Mr. Wilson. I, uh-- We will--
We'll pay for everything, don't you worry about that.
We'll pay for everything...
...somehow.
[SIGHS]
Oh, God.
[***]
How bad is it?
You don't wanna know.
[GROANS]
ANNOUNCER 1 [ON TV]: And now, sit back, relax,
and enjoy our presentation of
Children of the Damned.
ANNOUNCER 2: We'll return to The Bad Seed after these messages.
ANNOUNCER 3: Rosemary's Baby, right after this.
Uh, maybe we should read. Uh--
Yeah, read.
[SIGHS]
[***]
JACK: Hey, slug.
Enjoy Christmas Eve tonight,
'cause tomorrow's the day you lose.
[PANTING]
I hope you put that jerk in his place,
Dennis Mitchell. It doesn't matter.
What? Tomorrow's Christmas.
And the only thing left on my Christmas spirit list
to get Mr. Wilson is Santa Claus.
How the heck am I gonna do that?
You wanna come and play ball with us or something?
Get your mind off it?
All right, merry Christmas.
Merry-- Hello.
No. Thanks anyways.
You guys go on.
I'll see you later.
Hi.
Yo, what's up--? Oh, hey.
[LAUGHS]
Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas.
You're the Santa from the mall, right?
I was, all right?
I lost that gig.
So...what are you doing out here?
Hello?
I'm trying to spread the Christmas spirit.
If I can give it to just one person.
One person...
Maybe you could help my friend Joey.
He really wants snow for Christmas.
[LAUGHING]
Snow? Oh, man.
It hasn't snowed on Christmas here
in 30 years.
You need to put a dollar in this bucket.
Wait a minute. What did you say?
I said what you need is a dollar in this bucket.
No, before that. Did you say Christmas spirit?
That's right.
See, I came here to-- And you need
to give it to somebody?
Yeah.
You know what, Santa?
I know just the guy.
[COUGHING]
GEORGE: Martha?
Martha, what's going on?
I was just trying to warm up the room.
That hole in the wall makes it a little drafty in here.
[FIREPLACE SIZZLING]
Ah, there must be something stuck in the chimney.
[THUMPING]
[MAN GRUNTS]
What the dickens is going on?
[SIGHS]
[MAN COUGHING]
What are you doing up there?
[COUGHING]
Ho, ho, ho, Mr. Winston.
Get down off my roof, you idiot. The name is Wilson.
Hey, Mr. Wilson.
Surprise! Dennis.
I might have known you'd have something do with this.
That's right. I'm your secret Santa.
You're my what?
Your secret Santa.
[COUGHING]
You be quiet up there, and get down!
What is it, George?
DENNIS: It's Santa Claus.
I found him in the park, and I brought him here
to give Mr. Wilson the Christmas spirit.
Oh, that's nice, dear.
You found him in the park
and you brought him here to my home?!
Merry Christmas, Mr. Wilson.
Yeah, merry Christmas, Mr. Winston. Ha, ha.
Wilson!
So you got the Christmas spirit yet,
Mr. Wilson?
[GROANS]
I just need some help. [SIREN WAILS]
[GAGS]
Come on, Santa.
[SIGHS]
Give me a break.
I'm trying to spread the spirit.
Yeah. In the car. Can't we all just get along?
We'll get along at the station. In the car!
Watch the hat! It's expensive.
[GRUNTS]
[SIGHS]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[SIGHS]
[DOOR OPENS]
MARTHA: George, dear?
I brought someone to see you.
I'm gonna leave you two boys alone.
Mr. Wilson?
Now what?
I just came to say, I'm sorry for everything.
Here, I made you a card.
You stay away from here.
Stay away from my wife, from my home, from me.
But, Mr. Wilson--
Don't say my name. Forget you ever knew me.
You're nothing but trouble, Dennis Mitchell.
You're a menace.
Now, go away.
I never wanna see you again!
[***]
And one more thing...
There is no such thing as Santa Claus!
[CRYING]
I had you on my good list. I had toys for you guys.
Now you're on my bad list.
Guess who's naughty: both of you.
Don't worry, Santa.
We'll get you back to the... North Pole on time.
[BOTH LAUGH]
What the--?
Pull over, Stenski. Pull over.
We lost Santa Claus!
[SIREN WAILING]
Merry Christmas, everyone.
But it isn't until Tuesday, Mum.
Well, we need it now, so let's go ahead and have it.
Norah, Ito, Patrick.
Oh, I did wanna pay you some of your back salary--
WOMAN 1: Now not another word about it, Mum.
Now, you know we wouldn't think of leaving ya.
WOMAN 2: Oh, it isn't 17 jewels, Ito.
But I'm not sure that time is worth
all that decoration, these days.
Hey, Martha.
[CLEARS THROAT]
I'm coming.
[GASPS]
Don't be afraid. Ha, ha.
I'm here to help you, Mr. Wilson. Ha, ha.
What--?
[CLATTERING]
Hey, that's-- That's my ice bucket.
Uh, I'm sorry.
I knew I should've gone for
a smaller set of wings.
But you know how it is.
In a rush-- You're rushing out the door.
You grab anything that could fit, you know?
W-Wait! Wait,
you're the jerk that was stuck in my chimney tonight.
Well, you can call me "Jerk," if you want to.
But, uh, I prefer "Bob."
[LAUGHS]
Yeah, Bob, Jerk, or whatever your name is,
I'm calling the police.
[GASPS]
How-- How did you--? C-- [CLEARS THROAT]
What, do I gotta spell it out for you, Georgie?
Come on. The suit, the wings, it's Christmas...
Ha-ha-ha. This guy.
[LAMP SHATTERS] Ooh. Ooh.
Uh, I guess that was valuable to you too, huh?
S-Sorry. It's a nice lamp.
[LAUGHS]
You're an angel.
Uh, not exactly.
Um, more like, uh...
...let's see, Christmas spirit.
Whoa, whoa!
[GASPS] Whoa...
[LAUGHS]
Whew, that was a close one.
Spirit?
I'm dead.
He did it to me, didn't he?
Dennis.
He finished me off.
[LAUGHING]
No, no, no. You're not dead.
Well, at least not in the traditional sense.
What is that supposed to mean?
Well, come on. Let me show you.
I'm not going anywhere with you.
But, Georgie--
[PICTURE FRAME SHATTERS]
Yeah, anything.
All right, I'll-- I'll go.
As long as you get out of my house.
Sounds good to me.
Hold on.
Why?
BOB: Woo-hoo!
[WIND BLOWING]
[BOB HUMMING]
Oh!
Hey, this--
Th-This flying is all right.
Ha, ha. Really?
I could never get the hang of it, man.
[HUMMING]
What?
[GRUNTS]
[KEITH DAVID'S "MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS" PLAYING]
* Have yourself *
* A merry little Christmas *
* Let your heart be light *
* From now on *
* Our troubles Will be out of sight... *
Where are we?
Mr. Newman!
* Have yourself *
* A merry little Christmas *
That's--
That's me.
Mr. Newman!
Boy, you were such a cute kid.
What happened?
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Oh, Georgie.
Look, Mr. Newman.
Here's a picture of it in my comic.
"The Fabulous Freddy Fishing Rod."
Yeah, isn't it swell? MR. NEWMAN: Yeah.
It's the one I told you about.
I can send the picture to Santa,
and he'll know exactly what I want.
Yes, I'm sure he can hardly wait.
[SIGHS]
The things I do in the name of neighborliness.
He was a very patient man.
Really?
MAN [ON RADIO]: Folks, today I have good news from Hollywood.
The little girl with the big dimples
and the sunshine in her eyes,
Miss June Allyson, star of...
[***]
MR. NEWMAN: Mrs. Newman left you some crayons and paper.
She should be back from the market any time now.
Swell.
I think I'll work on my letter to Santa.
Good.
And just stay out of trouble
until your mother gets home from work, hm?
Sure, Mr. Newman.
Now, go, go, go, go.
[SIGHS]
Ah...
That can't be right.
Mr. Newman?
Uh, yeah?
You got any stamps?
[STAMMERS]
Uh, yeah, around here somewhere.
Okey-dokey, dominokey.
Ah...
Uh-oh. Where were you going?
[SIGHS]
I remember this.
[***]
Gosh,
I wonder why Mr. Newman left his boats out here.
Better put 'em back where they belong.
GEORGE: No, no, no.
No. No. No, no, no.
No, no.
Don't do it. Don't do it.
He can't hear you.
[GASPS]
Oh.
That's not good. I know.
[GRUNTS]
I've gotta stop this.
Ah.
Mr. Newman, go upstairs, now.
I told you he can't hear you.
Mr. Newman.
There's nothing you can do...
Go upstairs now.
[***]
[GRUNTS]
Georgie!
[***]
[GROANS]
Georgie!
[GASPS]
MR. NEWMAN: No, no!
[LAUGHS]
You were really something, huh?
[LAUGHS]
Yeah.
Yeah, I guess I was.
That was the year that I accidentally
knocked all the power out to the city.
It took 'em three days
to turn it back on again.
Never did get that fishing rod.
Come on. We got places to go.
Are we done?
Nope, not yet.
Hey, uh, that's me.
Nice way to spend Christmas Eve, huh?
You lucked out with that one, Wilson.
I did...indeed.
[***]
Too bad you don't appreciate it.
Merry Christmas.
I--
I didn't know.
No, you didn't.
What are we gonna do, Henry?
With the damage tonight,
and the stamp collection and everything else,
we're gonna owe Mr. Wilson $40,000.
It's actually closer to 45.
But at this point, who's counting?
Well, they do owe me that money.
That child caused all the damages.
It's only fair.
[SIGHS]
Mm-hm.
Poor Dennis.
He wants that bike so desperately.
I know, honey.
I wish we had the money, but we don't.
He's gonna be heartbroken.
[ALICE AND HENRY SIGH]
I know he's a handful, but he's a good boy.
And no child deserves to be heartbroken on Christmas.
We're gonna have to sell the house, aren't we?
HENRY: A smaller place might be nice for a change.
Cozy.
What?
HENRY: But we're together,
and that's all that matters.
Can't you do something?
[SIGHS]
If the Mitchells move,
that means they're taking Dennis with them.
Isn't that what you always wanted?
[GRUNTING]
[RUFF WHINING]
Mr. Wilson's right, Ruff.
I am a menace. I'm no good.
You heard Mr. Wilson.
There's no such thing as Santa Claus.
He said it, so it must be true.
I'm not gonna get the Mite-Y-Max bike.
Jack will win tomorrow, and I'll be a loser.
You know what, Ruff? Christmas is stupid.
[RUFF WHINES AND BARKS]
Oh, no.
The S word.
He said the S word.
[SIGHS]
This is bad.
Very bad.
[RUFF WHINES]
Invisible, remember?
But not intangible.
Look, I got it, all right?
I'm Scrooge, you're the ghost of Christmas.
I have to learn my lesson.
Blah, blah, blah.
But this boy is suffering.
This has to stop right now.
Not yet.
Now where are we?
Is this the future?
MAN [OVER SPEAKERS]: Happy holidays.
Recycled air will be available free tomorrow
to all citizens,
as a holiday gift from our beloved twin presidents...
[LAUGHS] ...Mary-Kate and Ashley.
What's that smell?
Ha. Oh, they had to start adding sun block,
SPF 800, to the air around 2019.
Guess we should have listened to Al Gore.
[LAUGHS]
Oh, no.
Is that my house?
Yup.
You lived there with your wife until she died.
Rest her soul.
Then you lived there the rest of your life...
...alone.
No family.
No friends even.
You pushed everyone away
until you were left with nothing.
It looks so lonely.
It is.
[***]
That's the Mitchells' house.
Why isn't it decorated?
Get outta here!
But, Mr. Mitchell, it's Christmas Eve.
I told you, I don't want a wreath.
I don't want lights.
I don't want any decorations. I don't like Christmas.
Now, get lost!
What happened to Henry?
Shameless capitalism at its best.
Why is he such a crab?
Alice and Henry sold the house back in '07
because of the massive debt that they owed you.
Henry got a second job and so did Alice.
Their lives were never the same after that.
Dennis swore his whole entire life
that he was gonna buy that house back.
From that point on, that was his one goal.
He went to college on a skateboard scholarship.
He got a really good job working in an insurance company.
Well, there you go.
With adversity comes success.
But at what price?
He never had a family.
He never had kids.
He barely had any friends.
Where is he now?
Mr. Wilson...
[SIGHS]
...that's not Henry Mitchell.
Dennis?
His Christmas spirit was broken
way back then.
That's the year you told him there was no Santa Claus.
Oh, no.
No,
we've got to do something.
Don't waste your breath, Mr. Wilson.
Dennis, it's me.
Give it up, man. It's too late.
Forget what I said.
I was wrong.
Christmas isn't stupid. It isn't.
Please. Listen to me!
Merry Christmas, George Wilson.
Dennis.
[GASPS]
Where am I?
[GRUNTING]
I'm...home.
Trying to sell you these wings.
These are the original wings.
Seven left, folks. Seven left.
They just sold it. I mean, it's going like hotcakes.
Please buy these wings.
Heavenly bodies trying to
give you these wings so you can fly...
Dennis?
...feathers made of goose.
Uh-huh. Real goose. This is not fake.
This is not something you get in Chinatown.
You know what I'm saying? Ha, ha.
[***]
Here, I made you a card.
DENNIS: Mr. Wilson,
I'm sorry for everything.
So, you got the Christmas spirit yet,
Mr. Wilson?
It's Christmas.
[***]
Got a lot of things to do.
[SIGHS]
[***]
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas, everyone!
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas, everyone.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas!
Yes!
[HENRY YAWNS]
Do you want some coffee, honey?
Yeah. I'll be back.
Henry. Yeah?
Henry.
What?
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
Whoa!
[***]
No way!
He brought it. He brought it.
There is a Santa Claus.
Did you?
No, did you? No.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
BOTH: Santa Claus?
Mind if I come in? It's freezing out there.
Now, this is an itemized list
of the debts that you owe me.
Look, I said we were gonna pay you the money.
H--
I was gonna...
...pay you soon.
Merry Christmas, Henry.
Merry Christmas.
Huh? [GASPS]
Are you okay, Mr. Wilson?
Alice, my dear, I have never been better.
What about the money? Th-The Dennis Clause?
Oh, forget about that.
And I'm going to call the school.
They owe me a few favors. I'll see what they have to say.
Oh, thank you, Mr. Wilson.
Uh, "George."
Ah, well, heck. You can call me Georgie.
Georgie.
[ALL LAUGH]
Mr. Wilson, look. I got my bike.
Santa brought my bike.
[LAUGHS]
And well he should have.
You deserve it.
You have been a very good boy this year.
You--
You are...
...a very good person, Dennis Mitchell...
...and I'm quite happy to know you.
You okay, Mr. Wilson?
[LAUGHS]
Dennis...
[SIGHS]
...I'm better than okay.
I'm majestic.
Mm?
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, Mr. Wilson.
Ho, ho, ho.
Huh?
[ALL LAUGH]
[***]
[DOOR OPENS]
MARTHA: George?
[GRUNTS]
George, I slept so late.
There's a Christmas tree in our living room.
Mm.
George.
[LAUGHS]
Well, what do you think?
Oh...
George, you shouldn't have done all this.
Oh, of course I should have.
I should have done it a long, long time ago, Martha.
And if you promise to forgive me
for being an old grouch,
I promise I'll make up for [LAUGHS]
all the lost Christmases we've ever had.
Oh, George, they were never lost,
you old grouch.
[LAUGHS]
We were always together,
and that's all the Christmas I ever needed.
Aw.
I was saving this for your birthday,
but since it's Christmas...
You mentioned this a long time ago.
YOUNG GEORGE: Look, Mr. Newman.
Here's a picture of it in my comic.
"The Fabulous Freddy Fishing Rod."
Yeah, isn't it swell?
[FISHING ROD WHIRS]
GEORGE: Martha.
Where did you ever find this?
Dennis taught me how to shop online.
You can find anything you want out there.
Oh, Martha.
I've never had to look that far.
Oh, George.
[SIGHS]
Mm.
Wow.
[LAUGHS]
Wow.
[***]
[KIDS CHATTERING]
All right, now listen to me.
Back off.
You're gonna go out and beat that Mitchell kid.
You got it?
Yeah.
What? I can't hear you.
Yeah!
Look at me.
No Bratcher is a loser.
Got it? Got it.
Say it.
No Bratcher is a loser!
And if you don't come in first,
you're a what?
Huh? A what?
A loser!
Good.
Now go out there
and show him who's the fastest kid in town.
Me.
Yeah.
All right, son,
drive safely, do your best,
and remember: No matter what happens,
you're always a winner.
Thanks, Dad. Okay.
Good luck, Dennis. You might not lose.
Dennis, you need to beat this guy,
for all of us.
You can do it. I know you can.
I believe in you, Dennis Mitchell.
Holy cow.
Ugh. Whatever.
All right, racers to the starting line.
First one to the end of the block and back
is the winner.
On your marks,
get set,
go!
[ALL SHOUTING]
Come on, Dennis!
Come on, Jack. Let's go.
Don't be a loser.
Come on!
HENRY: Go, Dennis!
You can do it, buddy!
Come on.
Come on!
Faster!
Beat him!
Do your best, son.
Don't be a loser.
HENRY: Guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
JACK: Loser!
Loser.
JACK: Loser!
[KIDS SHOUTING]
KIDS [CHANTING]: Dennis, Dennis, Dennis!
[BRAKES SQUEAK]
Dennis! Come on, come on, come on!
Yeah!
[KIDS APPLAUDING]
MR. BRATCHER: Yeah, that's it!
All right, buddy. That's my boy.
That's how the Bratchers do it, pal.
Right on! Did you see my kid?
My kid won.
Yeah! That's it, pal!
That's how the Bratchers do it, pal.
You're a winner. A winner.
And that kid over there...
[KIDS CHEERING]
That kid is a loser.
Say it.
Loser.
Let's go home.
[***]
Well, son,
I know you did your best.
Mm-hm.
What do you say we go have some hot chocolate?
Be there in a minute, Dad.
All right, buddy.
You let him win, didn't you?
He needed it more than I did.
JACK: Hey, Mitchell.
Thanks.
Merry Christmas, Jack.
Merry Christmas, Mitch--
Um...Dennis.
[***]
It's snowing! It's snowing! I knew it would snow!
[KIDS CHEERING]
[KIDS CHATTERING]
[LAUGHS]
I just love happy endings.
[LAUGHS] MAN: Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
Okay, I'm coming.
HENRY: Ah, would you look at the snow.
MARTHA: I don't remember seeing it snow like this
since I was a little girl. HENRY: Uh-oh.
Oh. Ha.
Excuse me. Be right back.
Getting cold out here.
Yeah.
Want some?
Nah. I, uh...
Come on, Bratcher, it's Christmas.
[LAUGHS]
Thanks.
HENRY: Hey, congratulations on the race.
George, invite him in.
GEORGE: I'll be right in.
I'm just going to shake the snow off the bushes.
[DENNIS GRUNTING]
Aah!
Oh! Aah!
Uh-oh.
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Mr. Wilson!
[THUD]
GEORGE: Dennis!
[***]