1 00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:11,845 - PREVIOUSLY ON CALIFORNICATION... 2 00:00:11,879 --> 00:00:13,614 - I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO RICHARD BATES, THE WRITER. 3 00:00:13,647 --> 00:00:14,948 - BIG FAN. 4 00:00:14,982 --> 00:00:17,418 - WHO WANTS TO SEE ME TUCK AND DO THE PEE PEE DANCE? 5 00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:18,652 - [laughs loudly] - [growls] 6 00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:21,055 - WHOA! 7 00:00:21,089 --> 00:00:23,357 - WE'RE REALLY GONNA DO THIS, SELL THE PLACE? 8 00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:25,926 - ISN'T THAT WHAT WE WANT? - YEAH, SURE. I GUESS. 9 00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:27,795 - I JUST WANT TO BE DONE WITH IT ALREADY. 10 00:00:27,828 --> 00:00:29,363 I WANT TO SELL THIS FUCKING HOUSE 11 00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:30,764 AND GET ON WITH THE REST OF MY LIFE. 12 00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:32,966 - SO WHAT, YOU'RE SAYING JUST PACK UP AND LEAVE L.A.? 13 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,935 THE THREE OF US MOVE BACK TO NEW YORK TOGETHER? 14 00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:37,571 - YEAH, END OF THE SEMESTER, WHATEVER. 15 00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:39,240 [crunches loudly] 16 00:00:39,273 --> 00:00:40,508 - SO WHICH ONE ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH? 17 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:41,675 - EXCUSE ME? 18 00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:44,011 - MY BETS ARE ON THE YOUNG, VOLUPTUOUS STUDENT. 19 00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:46,480 - THIS IS SO NOT FAIR. 20 00:00:46,514 --> 00:00:48,882 - I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU, HANK MOODY. 21 00:00:48,916 --> 00:00:50,251 - HO-- 22 00:00:50,284 --> 00:00:52,453 - I'VE NEVER STEPPED OUTSIDE OF MY MARRIAGE BEFORE. 23 00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:53,987 PLEASE, GO. 24 00:00:54,021 --> 00:00:55,022 OH. 25 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:56,257 - OH, SOMETHING MUST BE DIFFERENT. 26 00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:58,126 OH, THAT'S RIGHT. YOU FUCKED MY WIFE. 27 00:00:58,159 --> 00:00:59,393 - WELL, THERE'S THAT. 28 00:00:59,427 --> 00:01:00,894 - WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? - IT'S NOT MY FAULT. 29 00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:02,230 - YOU DIDN'T TELL HER? - TELL ME WHAT? 30 00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:04,298 - BECCA'S FATHER AND I HAD A SLIGHT INDISCRETION. 31 00:01:04,332 --> 00:01:06,567 - SHE'S GOT TO BE KIDDING ME, RIGHT? 32 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,936 I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT FELICIA AND HER MIDLIFE CRISIS. 33 00:01:08,969 --> 00:01:11,205 - WAIT, WHO ELSE HAS HE BEEN FUCKING? 34 00:01:11,239 --> 00:01:12,240 - YOU'RE A GODDAMN GIRL WHISPERER. 35 00:01:12,273 --> 00:01:13,541 - OKAY. 36 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,543 - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SLEPT WITH ALL OF THEM. 37 00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,911 - WILL YOU LIVE? - I'M TRYING. 38 00:01:17,945 --> 00:01:19,480 - WELL, THAT'S ALL ANYBODY CAN ASK FOR. 39 00:01:19,513 --> 00:01:21,048 OH, HEY, CHECK THIS OUT. 40 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:23,284 YEAH. 41 00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:34,962 - [sighs] 42 00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:39,167 LORDY BAGORDY, WE MADE SOME FUCKING LOVE, WOMAN. 43 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,502 THEY SHOULD PUT US IN THE JOY OF SEX-- 44 00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:43,837 A NICE LITTLE PENCIL SKETCH OF US DOING IT. 45 00:01:43,871 --> 00:01:45,005 WE'RE THAT GOOD. 46 00:01:45,038 --> 00:01:48,008 - [laughs] WHO ARE YOU RIGHT NOW? 47 00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:51,011 - I'M NOT SENSING THE SAME LEVEL OF ENTHUSIASM. 48 00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:54,182 - OH, NO. I--IT WAS GOOD. 49 00:01:54,215 --> 00:01:56,184 - COME TO THINK OF IT, YOU WEREN'T QUITE AS VOCAL 50 00:01:56,217 --> 00:01:57,451 AS YOU NORMALLY ARE. 51 00:01:57,485 --> 00:01:59,620 I MEAN, YOU'VE NEVER BEEN A SCREAMER PER SE, 52 00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:03,090 BUT I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON YOU FOR A LITTLE INTENSE MOANING. 53 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,692 [mimicking Karen's moaning] 54 00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:06,494 - HANK, STOP IT. - [mimicking continues] 55 00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:09,129 - THANK YOU. THANK YOU FOR THAT. 56 00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:11,732 A WOMAN DOES LOVE A REENACTMENT 57 00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:13,967 OF THE MOST VULNERABLE MOMENT. 58 00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:15,569 - OH, BABY. 59 00:02:15,603 --> 00:02:17,771 BUT YOU GOT THERE, RIGHT? 60 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:21,442 - CLOSE. 61 00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:24,245 - OH, I SEE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. IT WAS, LIKE, A TINY ONE. 62 00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:25,913 THAT HAPPENS. THAT'S UNDERSTANDABLE. 63 00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:27,748 - NOT SO MUCH. 64 00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:29,650 - WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS? 65 00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:31,585 YOU MEAN NOT EVEN A LITTLE ONE, 66 00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:33,421 LIKE A MICRO-ORGASM? - NO. 67 00:02:33,454 --> 00:02:35,956 - ARE YOU SURE? JESUS, THIS IS UPSETTING. 68 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:38,592 - THE TRUTH IS, HANK, WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SOME-- 69 00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:40,961 WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SOME REALLY HARD TIMES. 70 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,463 - I KNOW THAT. - SO-- 71 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:46,467 - BUT WE'VE ALWAYS HAD OUR FIRE AND OUR PASSION. 72 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:49,470 OUR BEAUTIFUL SEX ORGANS DON'T KNOW ABOUT OUR PROBLEMS, 73 00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:51,305 AND WE SHOULD DEFINITELY KEEP THEM OUT OF IT. 74 00:02:51,339 --> 00:02:53,073 YOU GOT TO GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE TO PLEASE YOU, WOMAN. 75 00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:54,408 - NO. NO, NO, NO, NO. 76 00:02:54,442 --> 00:02:55,876 WE, WE CAN'T. IT'S TOO LATE. 77 00:02:55,909 --> 00:02:58,479 IT'S NOT GONNA WORK. NO, THERE'S TOO MUCH PRESSURE. 78 00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:01,114 AH! NO, NO, NO. ANYWAY, WE HAVE PLANS. 79 00:03:01,148 --> 00:03:03,717 - IT'S SATURDAY. I CAN DO THIS ALL DAY. 80 00:03:03,751 --> 00:03:05,719 - FELICIA. 81 00:03:05,753 --> 00:03:07,288 - FELICIA. - YOUR NEW FRIEND. 82 00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:08,322 - WHAT? - YES. 83 00:03:08,356 --> 00:03:09,657 - NO. - SHE INVITED US FOR LUNCH. 84 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:10,991 - OH. - I KNOW. 85 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,060 AND I HAD TO SAY YES, BECAUSE-- - NO, YOU DIDN'T. 86 00:03:13,093 --> 00:03:15,229 - GOD, THAT WOMAN IS SO ANNOYING. 87 00:03:15,263 --> 00:03:16,797 SHE'S SO IRRITATING. ARGH! 88 00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:17,865 - OOH, YEAH, THAT'S GOOD. 89 00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:20,133 LIKE THAT, ONLY LOUDER AND DEEPER. 90 00:03:20,167 --> 00:03:21,869 I CAN WORK WITH THAT. - NO, NO, NO, NO, IT'S OVER. 91 00:03:21,902 --> 00:03:23,871 - ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME. - AH. IT'S OVER. 92 00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,205 I GOT TO GO. - OH... 93 00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:26,374 - I GOT TO GET READY. 94 00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:29,543 - ALL RIGHT. JUST GIVE ME A MOMENT... 95 00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:33,347 WHILE I TALK MY TESTICLES INTO DESCENDING. 96 00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:36,484 [faucet turns on] 97 00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:37,818 GUYS? 98 00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:40,821 [upbeat music] 99 00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:48,862 * 100 00:04:22,863 --> 00:04:25,899 [woman laughing] 101 00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:28,536 - WOW. 102 00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:31,004 LOOKS LIKE THERE'S SOME KIND OF A BOOK CLUB OR SOMETHING. 103 00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:32,640 - OF A SORT. 104 00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:34,675 [indistinct chatter] 105 00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:36,009 OH, DEAR. 106 00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:38,712 - AT LEAST IT WON'T BE A DULL SATURDAY AFTERNOON. 107 00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:42,249 - WELCOME. HELLO. COME IN. 108 00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,251 OH, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE. THANK YOU. 109 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,919 - NO, IT IS YOU WHO SHOULDN'T HAVE. 110 00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:48,021 THIS IS QUITE A SURPRISE. 111 00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:49,857 - I THINK PLEASURE IS THE WORD YOU WERE LOOKING FOR. 112 00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:51,359 - OR SURPRISE. 113 00:04:51,392 --> 00:04:52,660 - THEY ALL HEARD THAT I WAS HAVING YOU OVER. 114 00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:54,695 - GUESS THE WHOLE YA-YA SISTERHOOD 115 00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:56,029 HAD TO GET IN ON IT, HUH? 116 00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:58,231 - YEAH, WELL, WE CAN'T LET YOU SKIP TOWN 117 00:04:58,265 --> 00:04:59,633 WITHOUT A FOND FAREWELL. 118 00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:01,635 - OH, YEAH, OUR LAST CLASS WAS VERY UNSATISFYING, 119 00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:03,303 SINCE YOU DIDN'T TEACH US ANYTHING. 120 00:05:03,337 --> 00:05:05,138 - KAREN? THIS IS JILL. 121 00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:07,775 SHE WAS HANK'S TEACHING ASSISTANT THIS SEMESTER, 122 00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,610 AND THAT'S JACKIE. 123 00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,479 - HEY, JACKIE. WE--WE MET IN CLASS, RIGHT? 124 00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:13,681 - WE WERE ALL THERE-- - IN A WAY. 125 00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:15,549 - WHY--WHY DON'T I COME WITH YOU GUYS? 126 00:05:15,583 --> 00:05:18,051 WE CAN HANG OUT, TRY ON SOME LIP GLOSS, 127 00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:19,219 YOU KNOW, SPARKLY? 128 00:05:19,252 --> 00:05:20,521 - YOU MADE YOUR BED. 129 00:05:20,554 --> 00:05:23,491 - YEAH, AND NOW YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO LIE IN IT. 130 00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:24,758 HAVE FUN, HANK. 131 00:05:31,399 --> 00:05:35,135 - WAKE THE FUCK UP, RUNKLE. 132 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,605 [exhales sharply] OPEN HOUSE TIME. 133 00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:39,306 YOU KNOW THE HOUSE WON'T SELL 134 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,809 IF WE'RE WITHIN FIVE MILES OF IT. 135 00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:44,144 - GIVE ME TEN MINUTES, TEN MINUTES. 136 00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:47,381 COME ON! WE GOT TO JET. 137 00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:49,983 BUYERS CAN SMELL OUR IMPENDING DIVORCE 138 00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:51,452 FROM THE FREEWAY. 139 00:05:51,485 --> 00:05:54,154 - COMING! I'M COMING. 140 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,923 - OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. 141 00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:58,392 - OH, GOD, YOU REALLY ARE COMING. BARF. 142 00:05:58,426 --> 00:05:59,960 - I TOLD YOU. 143 00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:01,128 AND I TOLD YOU. 144 00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:03,464 SHE NEVER FUCKING LISTENS, AM I RIGHT? 145 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,168 - HI. 146 00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:09,537 UM, YOU MUST BE MARCY. I'M-- 147 00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:11,872 - GETTING YOUR PANTS AND GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE. 148 00:06:11,905 --> 00:06:13,874 NOW, PLEASE. THANK YOU. 149 00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:16,477 THERE'S A GOOD GIRL. OFF YOU GO. 150 00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:18,378 YEAH. 151 00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:21,014 - I'LL CALL YOU. - [scoffs] 152 00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:23,316 REALLY? THE FLOOR, THAT'S YOUR MOVE? 153 00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:24,652 - YOU SAID NOT TO MESS UP THE BED 154 00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:25,786 IF WE'RE SHOWING THE HOUSE. 155 00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:27,254 - CHRIST, RUNKLE! 156 00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:29,156 - OH, I'M SORRY SHE'S NOT A COKE-SNORTING TEEN IDOL 157 00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:30,891 OR A BIG BLACK RAPIST. 158 00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:32,760 NOT EVERYONE CAN HAVE CLASS UP THE ASS. 159 00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:35,963 - NO ASS, JUST CLASS. 160 00:06:39,467 --> 00:06:40,601 - OH, MY GOD. 161 00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:42,936 I COULD TAKE THE STUBBORNNESS, REALLY I COULD, 162 00:06:42,970 --> 00:06:45,473 AND THE SUBSTANCE ABUSE AND THE LATENESS 163 00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:47,741 AND THE "COOLER THAN SCHOOL AND ALL THE REST OF US 164 00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:48,876 NE'ER DO WELL" ATTITUDE, 165 00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:51,211 BUT THE THING THAT ABSOLUTELY GOT ME 166 00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:54,548 WAS THE UNWARRANTED ADVICE ABOUT MY BIOLOGICAL CLOCK. 167 00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:58,452 - OH, BUT, YOU KNOW, HE'S FULLY QUALIFIED TO DO THAT, 168 00:06:58,486 --> 00:07:00,387 BECAUSE HE HAS SUCH A DEEP UNDERSTANDING 169 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:01,555 OF WOMANHOOD. 170 00:07:01,589 --> 00:07:03,190 - SHOULDN'T YOU BE DEFENDING ME? - YES! 171 00:07:03,223 --> 00:07:04,992 - YOU, TALKING UP MY GOOD POINTS? 172 00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:06,860 - WELL, YEAH, I WILL LATER. 173 00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:08,862 RIGHT NOW I'M REALLY ENJOYING 174 00:07:08,896 --> 00:07:12,399 THIS KIND OF APPRAISAL OF YOUR LITTLE IDIOSYNCRASIES, 175 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:15,002 YOU KNOW, THE THINGS THAT I HAVE GROWN TO KNOW 176 00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:16,504 AND LOVE ABOUT YOU. 177 00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:18,271 - YEAH, WELL, THE CRACKS-- THAT'S HOW THE LIGHT GETS IN. 178 00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:20,173 - MORE PIMM'S, ANYONE? 179 00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:21,475 - OH, YEAH, HIT ME WITH THAT. 180 00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:23,544 YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT AN ACT-- THIS WHOLE THING. 181 00:07:23,577 --> 00:07:26,013 I'M--I'M VERY SENSITIVE TO THE PAIN AND SUFFERING OF WOMEN. 182 00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:28,348 I LISTEN TO THEM. I'M AWARE OF THAT SHIT. 183 00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:30,718 - OKAY, YEAH, THAT'S TRUE. - YEAH, THANK YOU. 184 00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:33,120 - IN HIS DEFENSE, I MUST SAY THAT HE PAID ME 185 00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:35,055 TONS OF SPECIAL ATTENTION IN CLASS. 186 00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:36,223 - NOT SPECIAL. 187 00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:38,626 - NO, JACKIE. HE DID NOT. 188 00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:40,694 - JACKIE'S WRITING'S ACTUALLY VERY GOOD. 189 00:07:40,728 --> 00:07:42,530 I-I READ SOME OF HER SHORT STORIES, DARLING. 190 00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:44,231 - YOU HAVE. - YEAH, SURE I HAVE. 191 00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:45,799 I HAD TO WRITE HER A RECOMMENDATION 192 00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:47,234 TO THE GRADUATE WRITING PROGRAM. 193 00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:48,736 SHE COULDN'T VERY WELL ASK YOU. 194 00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:51,071 - HEY, WHEN IS LUNCHEON GONNA BE SERVED? 195 00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:52,740 THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE, RIGHT? 196 00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:54,074 AND I'M CURIOUS. 197 00:07:54,107 --> 00:07:56,243 I WANT TO KNOW HOW IT'S DIFFERENT FROM ACTUAL LUNCH. 198 00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:59,813 - WELL, WE HAVE ONE LAST GUEST, WHO'S A LATE ARRIVAL. 199 00:07:59,847 --> 00:08:01,314 OH, HERE'S THE LATECOMER NOW. 200 00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:03,651 - IT'S NOT A LADY. PLEASE SAY NOT A LADY. 201 00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:06,386 - MM... - OH, MY-- 202 00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:08,355 IS THAT RICHARD BATES? 203 00:08:08,388 --> 00:08:10,390 - YEAH, RICHARD BATES, CRACK THE SKY, YOU KNOW HIM? 204 00:08:10,423 --> 00:08:12,826 - KNOW HIM? - YEAH. 205 00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:14,528 - KAREN, IS THAT YOU? 206 00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:15,829 - RICHARD. 207 00:08:15,863 --> 00:08:18,766 - OH, MY GOD, YOU LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME. 208 00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:21,134 - EXACTLY THE SAME AS WHAT EXACTLY? 209 00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,136 - I MEAN, EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL. - MY GOD. 210 00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:25,472 - I CAN PICTURE YOU RIGHT NOW STANDING UNDER THE ARCH 211 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:28,275 IN WASHINGTON SQUARE PARK, WIND BLOWING YOUR HAIR. 212 00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:30,443 - AND YOU BLOWING ME OFF, YOU ASSHOLE. 213 00:08:30,477 --> 00:08:32,646 - OH, ASSHOLE-- I LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING, 214 00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:34,447 HIM BEING AN ASSHOLE AND ALL, 215 00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:37,551 BUT YOU WANT TO FILL ME IN ON THE--THE REST OF THIS SHIT? 216 00:08:37,585 --> 00:08:39,319 - OH, MY G--YOU GAVE ME A "C." - OH, PLEASE. 217 00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,054 - I MEAN, LIKE, WHEN YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR PROFESSOR, 218 00:08:41,088 --> 00:08:43,724 ISN'T THAT, LIKE, YOU'RE MEANT TO GET A "B"? 219 00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:46,126 - HEY, WHAT, YOU SLEPT WITH HIM? 220 00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:47,394 THE GLORIOUS "MANGINA" HERE? 221 00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:49,262 - THIS IS MY PROFESSOR THAT I HAD AN AFFAIR WITH 222 00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:50,463 AS AN UNDERGRADUATE. 223 00:08:50,497 --> 00:08:52,833 I MEAN, I KNOW IT'S, LIKE, 100 YEARS AGO. 224 00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:55,368 - YOU KNOW, IT FEELS JUST LIKE YESTERDAY. 225 00:08:55,402 --> 00:08:56,536 - WORST DAY OF MY LIFE. 226 00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:58,706 - GOD, YOU LOOK GREAT. - THANK YOU. 227 00:08:58,739 --> 00:09:00,941 WELL, YOU'RE NOT WITH BUSH LEAGUE HERE, ARE YOU? 228 00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,209 - OH-- - FUCK, YEAH, SHE...IS. 229 00:09:02,242 --> 00:09:05,779 - WELL, KIND OF. - REALLY? 230 00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:07,581 - WHAT? 231 00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:10,117 NO, DO--DON'T KEEP SECRETS FROM THE REST OF THE CLASS. 232 00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:12,119 - YOU PLANTED THE SEED-- THAT WRITER THING, 233 00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:14,387 MY ATTRACTION TO WRITERS. 234 00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:16,890 - OH, HEY, HEY, HEY. HAVE A DRINK. 235 00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:18,225 - [laughs] 236 00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:20,594 - HOW'D YOU SNAG HER, ANYWAY-- 237 00:09:20,628 --> 00:09:22,696 THE OLD "I'M AN AGENT" SPIEL? 238 00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:25,633 - HEY, IT'S NOT A SPIEL. I'M AN AGENT. 239 00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:28,135 SHE HAS A DREAM, SHE'S A WAITRESS. 240 00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:30,170 - IN YOUR LANGUAGE, WAITRESS MEANS STRIPPER. 241 00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:31,338 SHE'S A STRIPPER. 242 00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:32,539 - NO, NO, NO. 243 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,742 SHE IS A COCKTAIL WAITRESS WITH A SCREENPLAY. 244 00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:36,777 - [snorts] - OKAY, OKAY. 245 00:09:36,810 --> 00:09:38,612 AN IDEA FOR A SCREENPLAY. 246 00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:40,648 STILL, I SEE POTENTIAL, AND I JUST-- 247 00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:43,183 - OH, PLEASE. YOU SEE BLOW JOB. 248 00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:46,654 - DO I DETECT A NOTE OF JEALOUSY? 249 00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:48,455 - MM. 250 00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:51,124 LIKE I COULD BE JEALOUS OF A FOOD-SERVICE PROFESSIONAL 251 00:09:51,158 --> 00:09:53,761 WITH AN IDEA FOR A SCREENPLAY 252 00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:54,928 AND HER BOOBS. 253 00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:56,129 - [laughs] YOU ARE. 254 00:09:56,163 --> 00:09:58,298 MARCY RUNKLE IS JEALOUS. 255 00:09:58,331 --> 00:09:59,967 I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE THE DAY. 256 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,835 - EH. GO WITH GOD. 257 00:10:01,869 --> 00:10:04,304 I GOT MINE. IT'S ONLY RIGHT YOU GET YOURS. 258 00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:08,008 - HEY, MARCY, I HAVE SAID ALL ALONG 259 00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:10,510 I STILL LOVE YOU. 260 00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:12,245 - IT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAY, CHARLIE. 261 00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:13,681 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 262 00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:15,515 - IT'S OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND. 263 00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:17,350 SEE MARCY, WANT MARCY. 264 00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:19,887 NO SEE MARCY, WANT BOOBIES. 265 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:22,322 [cell phone ringtone plays Jessie's Girl] 266 00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:24,457 - REALLY? STILL? 267 00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:27,127 - JESUS FUCK, I FORGOT TO CHANGE MY RINGTONE. 268 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,295 - PLEASE ALLOW ME. 269 00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:31,198 EAT MY BENT WANG, RICK SPRINGFIELD. 270 00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:33,701 - WAIT, GET THAT. IT'S SHARON. 271 00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:34,735 - OH. 272 00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:37,204 - SHARON. 273 00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:38,672 MM-HMM. 274 00:10:38,706 --> 00:10:40,173 YOU'RE SHITTING ME. 275 00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:41,574 YEAH. 276 00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:44,778 [cell phone beeps] 277 00:10:44,812 --> 00:10:45,946 WE HAVE AN OFFER. 278 00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:48,916 - OH! 279 00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:50,417 - WHERE WERE YOU OFF TO WHEN YOU DUMPED ME? 280 00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:51,418 WAS IT NEPAL? 281 00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:53,821 - IT WAS EGYPT. 282 00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:56,089 YOU KNOW, I ETCHED YOUR NAME IN STONE 283 00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:57,390 ATOP THE PYRAMID AT GIZA. 284 00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:59,727 - I WISH THAT WERE TRUE. - BULLSHIT! 285 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:00,861 - [laughs] - JESUS CHRIST. 286 00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:02,462 STAYING HOME IS VERY NICE TOO. 287 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:03,997 IT'S COZY. 288 00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:05,933 YOU DON'T NEED A PASSPORT, NO SHOTS. 289 00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:07,167 - SO OVERALL YOU WOULD RECOMMEND 290 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,737 THE EXPERIENCE OF SLEEPING WITH YOUR TEACHER? 291 00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:11,471 - YOU SEE THAT? YOU SEE WHAT YOU'VE GONE AND DONE? 292 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:12,973 YOU'VE SET A BAD EXAMPLE, WOMAN. 293 00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:14,241 - YOU WERE JUST SO SEXY. 294 00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:15,843 - YOU KNOW, I CAN'T EXACTLY BE JUDGMENTAL, 295 00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:18,645 BECAUSE THAT IS HOW I MET CHELSEA'S FATHER. 296 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,313 I WAS IN GRADUATE SCHOOL, 297 00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:23,350 AND I TOOK ONE OF HIS RIDICULOUS CIVIL WAR CLASSES. 298 00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:24,484 LOVED TO TEACH, 299 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,319 YOU KNOW, SO PASSIONATE ABOUT WHAT HE WAS DOING. 300 00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:27,320 - THAT'S IT. 301 00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:28,822 YOU WERE SO PASSIONATE. 302 00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:30,557 THAT--THAT'S WHAT TURNS ME ON. 303 00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:33,060 I JUST--THE PASSION... - YES, BUT THAT KIND OF PASSION, 304 00:11:33,093 --> 00:11:34,494 THAT BURNS YOU OUT. 305 00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:36,997 THAT KIND OF INTENSITY, NO BUENO. 306 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,899 - LOOK AT HIM. HE'S NOT BURNT OUT. 307 00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:41,201 - THE MAN HAD A SERIOUS BREAKDOWN RECENTLY. 308 00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:45,272 PUBLIC NUDITY AND SINGING. 309 00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:46,673 SMUGGLING DR. JOHNSON. 310 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:49,376 - OH, MY POOR LOVE. I'M SO SORRY. 311 00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:50,410 - DON'T BE. 312 00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:51,879 TRUTHFULLY, IT WAS THE BEST THING 313 00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:53,380 THAT'S HAPPENED TO ME IN YEARS. 314 00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:55,215 FOR A MAN TO BE JUST BROKEN DOWN 315 00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:58,285 TO HIS MOST NAKED, MOST VULNERABLE SELF. 316 00:11:58,318 --> 00:11:59,987 - MM-HMM. 317 00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:02,055 - JUST STRIPPED OF ALL IRONY, ALL VANITY. 318 00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:03,690 I MEAN, I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER BEEN 319 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:06,726 SO DEEPLY IN TOUCH WITH MY FEMININE SIDE. 320 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:07,928 - OH, MY GOD, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL. 321 00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:09,462 - NO, IT WASN'T. IT WAS QUEER. 322 00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:12,199 A-AND NOT QUEER AS IN GAY-- IT WAS QUEER AS IN ODD. 323 00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:13,867 DOWNRIGHT LUNATIC, AS A MATTER OF FACT. 324 00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:16,603 AND I HAD TO STEP IN FOR HIM AT THAT POINT 325 00:12:16,636 --> 00:12:19,106 WITH MY PASSION, MY INTENSITY, 326 00:12:19,139 --> 00:12:21,274 'CAUSE I'M ALL ABOUT THAT STUFF. 327 00:12:21,308 --> 00:12:22,742 - YEAH, THE GUY WHO ONCE FELL ASLEEP 328 00:12:22,776 --> 00:12:24,711 DURING HIS OWN LECTURE. - ONE TIME-- 329 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:25,946 I DID THAT ONE TIME. 330 00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:27,948 I WAS BORING MYSELF, AND I THOUGHT 331 00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:30,683 IT WAS AN HONEST REACTION TO ACTUALLY FALL ASLEEP. 332 00:12:30,717 --> 00:12:32,052 - WELL, MOODY, WORD ON THE STREET 333 00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,787 IS YOU COULDN'T TEACH YOUR WAY OUT OF A PAPER BAG. 334 00:12:33,821 --> 00:12:35,722 - WHERE'D YOU HEAR THAT? 335 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,490 - OH, I MAY HAVE LOBBED A FEW RANDOM EMAILS 336 00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:38,658 HERE AND THERE. 337 00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:40,427 - MOODY! 338 00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:41,594 [slams door] 339 00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:43,797 - THAT SOUNDS LIKE STACY. THAT'S ODD. 340 00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:47,267 - JUSTICE WILL BE SERVED! 341 00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:48,768 [laughter] 342 00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:50,070 - OH, DEAR. 343 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,339 - LADIES. 344 00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:54,174 MOODY. 345 00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:56,944 I DEMAND SATISFACTION. 346 00:12:56,977 --> 00:13:00,613 - WELL, GENERAL SHERMAN, NICE OF YOU TO JOIN US. 347 00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:02,582 - WILLIAM TECUMSEH SHERMAN, NO. 348 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,918 YET ANOTHER SIGN OF YOUR BLAZING IGNORANCE. 349 00:13:04,952 --> 00:13:07,754 NO, MAJOR GENERAL GEORGE HENRY THOMAS, 350 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,590 ROCK OF CHICKAMAUGA. - OH. 351 00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,125 - WELL, PLEASED TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE. 352 00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:13,827 I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO SHAKE YOUR HAND 353 00:13:13,861 --> 00:13:16,229 OR TO-- YOUR SWORD OR-- 354 00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:17,865 - THE DAY OF RECKONING IS AT HAND. 355 00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:19,766 IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO ANSWER FOR YOUR SINS. 356 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:22,202 YOU AND I WILL DUEL ON THIS FINE DAY... 357 00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:24,237 LIKE MEN! 358 00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:26,439 - AH. MEN OF WHAT CENTURY? 359 00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,375 - DEAR GOD, HE'S COMPLETELY BLOTTO. 360 00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:30,243 - HOW CAN YOU TELL? 361 00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:32,245 - HE MUST HAVE GONE OUT DRINKING WITH THOSE REENACTMENT PEOPLE. 362 00:13:32,279 --> 00:13:34,547 - YOU MOCK ME? - GUILTY. 363 00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:36,816 - I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL, AND THIS IS HOW YOU RESPOND? 364 00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:38,751 - PERSONALLY, I LOVE A GOOD DUEL. 365 00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:40,753 [laughs] - BATES! 366 00:13:40,787 --> 00:13:43,590 YOU'RE BACK AND LOOKING GOOD. 367 00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:46,726 LET'S GO, MOODY. YOU'VE DEFILED MY WIFE. 368 00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:48,561 YOU'VE BROUGHT DISHONOR TO THIS HOUSE, 369 00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:50,163 THE UNIVERSITY. 370 00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:51,298 I'LL STAND FOR IT NO MORE. 371 00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:54,401 AND GET YOUR FILTHY CAR OUT OF MY DRIVEWAY. 372 00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:55,435 - STACY. 373 00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:57,137 STACY, YOU MIGHT WANT TO REST UP. 374 00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,939 HANK DOESN'T WANT TO PLAY THESE GAMES. 375 00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:00,173 - NO, HANK DON'T WANT TO PLAY. 376 00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:01,674 - THEY ALWAYS LOSE, YOU SEE. 377 00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:03,543 THE UNION ARMY GETS DEFEATED AT THE BATTLE OF CHICKAMAUGA, 378 00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:04,878 AND THEN THEY GO OUT DRINKING. 379 00:14:04,912 --> 00:14:06,379 - HE HELD UNTIL NIGHTFALL, 380 00:14:06,413 --> 00:14:08,882 PREVENTING AN EVEN GREATER UNION DEFEAT. 381 00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:10,750 HOW? BECAUSE GENERAL THOMAS 382 00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:12,685 REFUSED TO SURRENDER HORSESHOE RIDGE. 383 00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:14,654 WAS HE THE FLASHIEST CIVIL WAR GENERAL? 384 00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:16,489 NO. 385 00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:18,391 DID HE IMPRESS THE LADIES? 386 00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:19,492 HMM? 387 00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:21,028 WAS HE A HIGHLY FUNCTIONING ALCOHOLIC 388 00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:23,396 LIKE ULYSSES S. GRANT? 389 00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:25,498 MAYBE. 390 00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,667 - [chuckles] 391 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,970 - YOU KNOW, YOU MIGHT WANT TO PLAY ALONG WITH HIM. 392 00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:31,138 - WHAT? 393 00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:33,640 AND LET HIM BUST CIVIL WAR-ERA CAP IN MY ASS? 394 00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:34,841 I DON'T THINK SO. 395 00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,376 - NO, NO, NO, NO, THEY'RE HARMLESS. 396 00:14:36,409 --> 00:14:38,211 THEY'RE--THEY'RE JUST BLANKS. YOU WON'T FEEL ANYTHING. 397 00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:40,313 - [laughs] YES! 398 00:14:40,347 --> 00:14:41,514 - GENERAL? 399 00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:43,516 - I'LL BE WAITING IN THE FIELD OF VALOR. 400 00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:48,521 FOR LOVE AND HONOR! 401 00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,190 - IT'S REALLY QUITE FUN. 402 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,659 - [laughs] 403 00:14:52,692 --> 00:14:55,862 - WE'RE GONNA SELL THIS HOUSE. 404 00:14:57,130 --> 00:14:58,165 TO MOVING ON. 405 00:14:58,198 --> 00:15:00,333 - AND TO MY FAVORITE ROOMMATE. 406 00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:01,768 - AW. 407 00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:04,504 AND JUST THINK, WE DON'T HAVE TO BE ROOMMATES ANYMORE. 408 00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:06,339 YOU CAN FUCK WHOEVER YOU WANT, 409 00:15:06,373 --> 00:15:07,874 HOWEVER YOU WANT. - WHOO! 410 00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:10,843 - COWGIRL, REVERSE COWGIRL, DOWNWARD FACING DOG, 411 00:15:10,877 --> 00:15:12,112 WHATEVS. 412 00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:13,713 - I THINK THAT'S A YOGA TERM. 413 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:16,449 - IT IS BOTH A SEX TERM AND A YOGA TERM. 414 00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:17,951 I LEARNED THAT FROM RICK SPRINGFIELD. 415 00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:20,920 - PLEASE DON'T TELL ME ANY MORE. 416 00:15:20,954 --> 00:15:22,122 - THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF IT. 417 00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:24,624 I FUCK WHO I WANT, YOU FUCK WHO YOU WANT, 418 00:15:24,657 --> 00:15:27,160 AND WE DON'T HAVE TO DISCUSS THE DETAILS. 419 00:15:27,194 --> 00:15:28,628 I DON'T HAVE TO HEAR ALL YOUR SHIT 420 00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:30,964 ABOUT YOUR PIECES OF CLASS UP THE ASS. 421 00:15:30,998 --> 00:15:33,066 - YOU KNOW, NOT TO GO BACK ON THIS, 422 00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:35,302 BUT YOU ACTUALLY DID OFFER ME THE ASS ONE TIME, 423 00:15:35,335 --> 00:15:37,337 RIGHT HERE IN THIS VERY LIVING ROOM. 424 00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:38,705 - WHAT WAS I THINKING? 425 00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:40,007 DR. DREW SAYS YOU COULD GET 426 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,941 A PROLAPSED ANUS FROM THAT SHIT. 427 00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:43,010 - OOH. 428 00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:45,045 - ONCE YOU HIT 80, YOUR ASS IS LIKE, 429 00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:47,180 "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT IN THE POOPER THAT ONE TIME? 430 00:15:47,214 --> 00:15:49,849 NOW YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO CARRY ME AROUND WITH YOU ALL DAY." 431 00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:53,053 - OH, OH, OH. AND RIGHT OVER HERE, HUH? 432 00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:55,055 THE YEAR THAT I GOT THAT UTK BONUS, REMEMBER? 433 00:15:55,088 --> 00:15:58,158 I CAME IN. I BENT YOU OVER THE COUCH AND-- 434 00:15:58,191 --> 00:16:00,660 - AND GAVE ME THE WORST BACK PAIN I'VE EVER EXPERIENCED. 435 00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:02,595 - HA HA! 436 00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:04,431 - FOR YEARS, I HAD A MAN WHO LIKED TO TAKE IT 437 00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:07,234 OUT OF THE COMFORTABLE BEDROOM, TAKE IT ON THE ROAD. 438 00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:09,736 GREAT. - [chuckles] THAT'S RIGHT. 439 00:16:09,769 --> 00:16:12,105 WOW. 440 00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:15,008 WE REALLY HAVE HUMPED ALL OVER THIS HOUSE, HAVEN'T WE? 441 00:16:15,042 --> 00:16:16,776 - REMEMBER THE KITCHEN-COUNTER ENCOUNTER? 442 00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:19,412 - BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE. - NOT MINE. 443 00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:22,915 DAYS LATER, I WAS STILL FINDING CRUMBS IN MY FOLDS. 444 00:16:22,949 --> 00:16:24,651 - WHAT ABOUT THE POWDER ROOM? 445 00:16:24,684 --> 00:16:27,687 - WE NEVER DID IT THERE. - THAT'S TRUE. 446 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,189 THERE'S ONE ROOM IN THIS HOUSE 447 00:16:29,222 --> 00:16:31,558 THAT WAS SPARED OUR UNHOLY ALLIANCE. 448 00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:32,792 OKAY, LET'S GO. 449 00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,494 LET'S GO, COME ON, COME ON. - WHERE? WHAT? 450 00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:36,429 - WE CAN'T LEAVE ONE ROOM UNINITIATED. 451 00:16:36,463 --> 00:16:37,664 - CHARLIE, WE'RE MOVING ON. 452 00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:39,066 - WE CANNOT LEAVE THAT ROOM PRISTINE, 453 00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:40,933 BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE A TRAGEDY, AND THIS IS A HAPPY DAY. 454 00:16:40,967 --> 00:16:41,934 LET'S GO. - WHAT? 455 00:16:41,968 --> 00:16:43,436 - YOU MOVE IT, SCHOOLGIRL. - NO. 456 00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:44,804 - YOU--COME ON, LET'S GO. LET'S GO. 457 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:46,139 - NO, YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO. 458 00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:47,740 - DADDY'S COMING, YAH-HAH! 459 00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:49,342 - YOU SURE THESE AREN'T ACTUALLY LOADED? 460 00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:51,144 - OH, JUST PICK ONE, MOODY. 461 00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:53,146 - SO TEN PACES AND THEN TURN? 462 00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:54,581 - I DON'T BELIEVE I HAVE EVER MET 463 00:16:54,614 --> 00:16:56,149 A BIGGER PUSSY IN MY LIFE. 464 00:16:56,183 --> 00:16:58,218 YOU SLEPT WITH THE MAN'S WIFE, DIDN'T YOU? 465 00:16:58,251 --> 00:17:00,087 THE CODE OF HONOR DEMANDS IT. 466 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,988 - WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HONOR, 467 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,490 YOU NUMB NUTS? - SILENCE. 468 00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:05,558 I'LL HAVE NONE OF THAT FILTHY TALK ON THIS FIELD OF VALOR. 469 00:17:05,592 --> 00:17:07,327 - MY BAD. 470 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,628 - THIS IS QUITE FUN, CHELS, ISN'T IT? 471 00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:10,063 REMINDS ME OF THE GOOD OLD DAYS 472 00:17:10,097 --> 00:17:11,598 WHEN WE USED TO FOLLOW YOUR FATHER AROUND 473 00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:13,066 FROM BATTLEFIELD TO BATTLEFIELD. 474 00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:15,168 - LADIES... - SHH. 475 00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:17,637 - COME ON. - START YOUR EGOS. 476 00:17:19,906 --> 00:17:22,609 OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, MOODY, STOP FUCKING AROUND. 477 00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:24,043 COME ON! 478 00:17:24,077 --> 00:17:25,945 - HUH! 479 00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:28,715 - COME ON, LET'S DO THIS THING. 480 00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:30,317 - COME ON. - COME ON, LET'S GO. 481 00:17:30,350 --> 00:17:32,018 - THERE, STAND THERE. 482 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,486 - I HOPE DAD SHOOTS HIM RIGHT IN BETWEEN THE EYES. 483 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,388 - COME ON, MOODY, YOU'RE NOT GETTING OUT OF THIS ONE. 484 00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:38,425 - I'LL LET THAT SLIDE SINCE THIS ISN'T A REAL DUEL. 485 00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:42,629 - ONE, TWO, FIVE, SIX... 486 00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:44,597 NINE, TEN. 487 00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:46,199 [gun clicks] [Felicia yelps] 488 00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:48,368 - OH, DAMN IT TO HELL. 489 00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,470 WELL, MOODY, TAKE YOUR SHOT. 490 00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:52,272 - WAIT, YOU WANT ME TO SHOOT YOU? 491 00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:53,840 NAH, IT'S ALL RIGHT. I'M GOOD. 492 00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:56,376 [gun clicks] UGH. 493 00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:58,345 - MOODY, I DEMAND THAT YOU SHOOT ME. 494 00:17:58,378 --> 00:17:59,379 - OH, NO CAN DO. 495 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,181 THIS WHOLE THING IS WAY TOO GAY FOR ME. 496 00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:02,915 - HOLD ON A SECOND. [gun clicks] 497 00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:05,818 YOU FUCKED THE MAN'S WIFE, AND NOW YOU REFUSE TO SHOOT HIM? 498 00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:07,954 - YOU KNOW SOMETHING, IF IT'S ALL THE SAME TO YOU-- 499 00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:11,057 - AAAH! 500 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,962 - IS THIS WHAT'S SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN? 501 00:18:15,995 --> 00:18:17,464 - COOL DOWN, GIRLS. 502 00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:19,132 - AHH. 503 00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:21,134 - AHH. 504 00:18:21,168 --> 00:18:22,869 - WELL, I GUESS I DESERVED THAT. 505 00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:27,440 - I'M SORRY. I APOLOGIZE. 506 00:18:27,474 --> 00:18:28,475 - NO BIGGIE. 507 00:18:28,508 --> 00:18:31,178 - NO, IT WAS UNGENTLEMANLY OF ME. 508 00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:34,581 THE PURPOSE OF A DUEL IS TO FIGHT WITH HONOR 509 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:35,982 AND DECORUM. 510 00:18:36,015 --> 00:18:38,518 - OOH. [laughs] 511 00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:41,188 NICE ONE, DEAN. THAT WAS-- 512 00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:43,690 - OH, YOU LIKED THAT, HUH? - YES, I DID. 513 00:18:43,723 --> 00:18:45,692 - WELL, YOU KNOW SOMETHING? YOU OFFEND MY HONOR. 514 00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:47,494 YOU OFFEND MY LADY'S HONOR. 515 00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:48,561 - YOUR LADY? 516 00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:50,597 ARE YOU SO SURE SHE'S REALLY YOURS? 517 00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:53,166 SHIT, MOODY, YOU COULDN'T OWN A WOMAN LIKE THAT. 518 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,268 CHRIST, I STILL REMEMBER THE SOUND 519 00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:57,204 OF HER APPROACHING CLIMAX-- 520 00:18:57,237 --> 00:18:59,539 FUCKING CHOIR OF ANGELS. 521 00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:02,008 - OOH! 522 00:19:02,041 --> 00:19:04,977 [all grunting] 523 00:19:05,011 --> 00:19:06,613 - THAT'S MY ASS! 524 00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:10,283 - I CAN'T TELL IF THEY'RE JOKING OR NOT. 525 00:19:10,317 --> 00:19:12,585 - [shouting indistinctly] 526 00:19:12,619 --> 00:19:13,953 GOT HIM! 527 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:16,323 - OH, GOD, I THINK THEY'RE ACTUALLY FIGHTING. 528 00:19:16,356 --> 00:19:18,291 - CAN I TAKE YOU UP ON THAT DRINK? 529 00:19:18,325 --> 00:19:19,292 [laughs] 530 00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:21,027 - [laughing] 531 00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:24,731 - [moaning] - [growling] 532 00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:26,599 - FUCK YOUR PUSSY. FUCK YOUR PUSSY. 533 00:19:26,633 --> 00:19:27,700 - FUCK MY PUSSY? 534 00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:29,702 OR YOUR PUSSY IS MY PUSSY, OR-- 535 00:19:29,736 --> 00:19:31,904 - SHUT UP AND POUND ME. - OKAY. 536 00:19:31,938 --> 00:19:35,542 [both grunting] 537 00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:36,609 [loud crash] 538 00:19:36,643 --> 00:19:38,978 - OH, SHIT! OW! OH, MY BACK. 539 00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:41,681 OH! - HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK! 540 00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:43,550 - OW. HELP, HELP. 541 00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:45,184 - WHY DID I LET YOU SIT ON THE SINK? 542 00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:46,986 THE CHICK IS SUPPOSED TO SIT ON THE SINK. 543 00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:49,021 THAT'S BATHROOM BONING 101! 544 00:19:49,055 --> 00:19:51,090 - I CAN'T MOVE, I'M FUCKING DROWNING HERE. 545 00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:53,059 - YOU'RE DROWNING, REALLY? 546 00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:54,561 - YEAH, A PERSON CAN DROWN IN THIS AMOUNT OF WATER 547 00:19:54,594 --> 00:19:55,728 IN CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES. 548 00:19:55,762 --> 00:19:58,298 - OH, GOD. - OH, OW! 549 00:19:58,331 --> 00:20:00,600 OW! - OKAY, YOU BIG BABY. 550 00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:02,735 - OKAY. OW, OH! 551 00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:03,970 - GET OVER HERE. - OH. 552 00:20:04,003 --> 00:20:05,472 OKAY. 553 00:20:05,505 --> 00:20:08,040 OKAY, CLIMBING THE TOILET BOWL. 554 00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:09,409 - OH, FUCK. 555 00:20:09,442 --> 00:20:12,512 - WE'RE ALMOST HOME. - SIT, SIT. 556 00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:14,213 - [groaning] 557 00:20:14,247 --> 00:20:15,248 - WAIT. 558 00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:17,717 WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? 559 00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:20,387 YOU HAD MY NAME TATTOOED ABOVE YOUR ASS CRACK? 560 00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:21,721 - OH, JESUS, I WAS DRUNK. 561 00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:23,656 I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER GETTING IT DONE. 562 00:20:23,690 --> 00:20:24,824 - [gasps] CHARLIE. 563 00:20:24,857 --> 00:20:26,626 - WHAT? I'M GETTING IT REMOVED. I AM. 564 00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:29,128 - NO, YOU'RE NOT. - WHAT? 565 00:20:29,161 --> 00:20:30,497 YOU LIKE IT? 566 00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:32,665 - NO, I DON'T LIKE IT. IT'S FUCKING RETARDED. 567 00:20:32,699 --> 00:20:33,900 - OW. 568 00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:36,569 - RETARDED AND SWEET... 569 00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:38,070 JUST LIKE YOU, RUNKLE. 570 00:20:38,104 --> 00:20:40,373 - OW. OW. 571 00:20:40,407 --> 00:20:42,975 OW. 572 00:20:43,009 --> 00:20:46,979 - I GUESS I'D BETTER TAKE MY WALKING WOUNDED HOME, RIGHT? 573 00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:50,350 THAT'S IF HE EVER COMES OUT OF THE BATHROOM. 574 00:20:50,383 --> 00:20:51,951 ARE YOU--ARE YOU OKAY 575 00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:54,086 WITH, UH, BECCA SPENDING THE NIGHT? 576 00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:55,121 - OH, YEAH. 577 00:20:55,154 --> 00:20:56,623 YEAH, OF COURSE. IT'S NO PROBLEM. 578 00:20:56,656 --> 00:20:57,790 YOU KNOW, IT'S NICE FOR THE GIRLS 579 00:20:57,824 --> 00:21:00,059 TO SPEND ONE LAST SLEEPOVER TOGETHER 580 00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:02,128 BEFORE BECCA LEAVES FOR NEW YORK. 581 00:21:02,161 --> 00:21:03,162 - RIGHT. 582 00:21:03,195 --> 00:21:04,697 - GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, BY THE WAY. 583 00:21:04,731 --> 00:21:06,633 - THANK YOU. 584 00:21:06,666 --> 00:21:07,900 [toilet flushing] 585 00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:09,502 ARE YOU ALWAYS SO CIVILIZED? 586 00:21:09,536 --> 00:21:11,170 - [laughs] 587 00:21:11,203 --> 00:21:12,339 WELL, THE WIFE OF A GENERAL 588 00:21:12,372 --> 00:21:14,106 HAS CERTAIN RESPONSIBILITIES, YOU KNOW? 589 00:21:14,140 --> 00:21:15,942 - OF COURSE. - UH-HUH. 590 00:21:15,975 --> 00:21:18,177 - WELL... 591 00:21:18,210 --> 00:21:20,847 I'LL NEVER BE AS PRETTY AS I ONCE WAS. 592 00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:22,181 AND I'M PEEING BLOOD. 593 00:21:22,214 --> 00:21:24,717 - I GOT MYSELF MORE OF A FOOT SOLDIER-- 594 00:21:24,751 --> 00:21:27,654 SOME CANNON FODDER, REALLY. 595 00:21:27,687 --> 00:21:30,189 - WHAT DID I MISS? 596 00:21:30,222 --> 00:21:31,958 - [laughs] - WHAT DID I MISS? 597 00:21:31,991 --> 00:21:35,362 - AH, LOOK AT THAT. 598 00:21:35,395 --> 00:21:39,699 ONE SEMESTER ENDS, ANOTHER BEGINS. 599 00:21:39,732 --> 00:21:42,034 - YOU GONNA DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT? 600 00:21:42,068 --> 00:21:43,870 - WHAT'S THE POINT, YOU KNOW? 601 00:21:43,903 --> 00:21:45,538 NOTHING EVER REALLY CHANGES AROUND HERE. 602 00:21:45,572 --> 00:21:47,306 THAT'S THE BEAUTIFUL THING ABOUT ACADEMIA. 603 00:21:47,340 --> 00:21:50,042 NONE OF US CAN REALLY FUNCTION IN THE REAL WORLD, 604 00:21:50,076 --> 00:21:51,778 SO THAT'S WHY WE END UP HERE. 605 00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:53,446 IT SORT OF WORKS FOR EVERYONE, REALLY. 606 00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:54,647 - MM-HMM. 607 00:21:54,681 --> 00:21:56,983 - WE CAN'T FUNCTION ANYWHERE ELSE BUT HERE. 608 00:21:57,016 --> 00:21:58,918 - [imitating Felicia] HMM. YOU CAN'T. 609 00:21:58,951 --> 00:22:00,720 NO, YOU CAN'T. - IGNORE HIM. 610 00:22:00,753 --> 00:22:02,655 - WHAT'S HE SAYING? 611 00:22:02,689 --> 00:22:05,492 - OKAY, I'M GONNA GO SAY GOOD NIGHT TO RICHARD. 612 00:22:05,525 --> 00:22:07,660 - NO, YOU CAN'T. 613 00:22:07,694 --> 00:22:09,161 [normal voice] GO. I'M TIMING YOU. 614 00:22:09,195 --> 00:22:10,997 - THANK YOU FOR LUNCH. 615 00:22:11,030 --> 00:22:12,599 - WELL, I HOPE WE DIDN'T GIVE YOU 616 00:22:12,632 --> 00:22:14,000 TOO HARD A TIME OF IT TODAY. 617 00:22:14,033 --> 00:22:15,935 - NO, NO WORRIES. I'M FINE. 618 00:22:15,968 --> 00:22:18,938 MY ASS IS A LITTLE SORE, BUT THAT'S NORMAL FOR ME. 619 00:22:18,971 --> 00:22:20,673 - IT'S ALL DONE WITH GREAT AFFECTION. 620 00:22:20,707 --> 00:22:22,642 YOU KNOW, YOU'RE SUCH A MESS, AND YOU CAUSE SUCH CHAOS, 621 00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:24,143 BUT I WOULDN'T CHANGE ANYTHING. 622 00:22:24,176 --> 00:22:25,912 - YOU SURE ABOUT THAT? - REALLY, TRULY. 623 00:22:25,945 --> 00:22:28,981 IT WAS A FABULOUS DISASTER. - HMM. 624 00:22:29,015 --> 00:22:30,650 - COME HERE. BE HAPPY IN NEW YORK. 625 00:22:30,683 --> 00:22:31,818 - OH, THERE YOU GO. 626 00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:32,885 WHAT ABOUT GENERAL SHERMAN? 627 00:22:32,919 --> 00:22:34,020 YOU GONNA LET HIM BACK IN THE HOUSE? 628 00:22:34,053 --> 00:22:35,221 'CAUSE IF YOU DON'T, 629 00:22:35,254 --> 00:22:36,823 I THINK HE'S GONNA CALL IN REINFORCEMENTS-- 630 00:22:36,856 --> 00:22:38,090 THE CAVALRY, PERHAPS. 631 00:22:38,124 --> 00:22:39,659 - MM, HE DOES SEEM VERY DETERMINED. 632 00:22:39,692 --> 00:22:40,660 - YEAH. 633 00:22:40,693 --> 00:22:42,662 PASSIONATE, ONE MIGHT SAY. 634 00:22:42,695 --> 00:22:45,164 - OH, I DO LIKE THAT IN A MAN. 635 00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:48,000 - FELICIA, I'M IN A FEVER! 636 00:22:48,034 --> 00:22:50,002 - I BETTER GO TEND TO THE GENERAL. 637 00:22:50,036 --> 00:22:51,504 TOODLE-LOO. - TOODLE-LOO. 638 00:22:51,538 --> 00:22:53,873 - MY BROW! 639 00:22:55,608 --> 00:22:57,209 - DID YOU LADIES HAVE FUN 640 00:22:57,243 --> 00:22:59,045 TWISTING THE KNIFE THIS AFTERNOON? 641 00:22:59,078 --> 00:23:01,614 - ABSOLUTELY. - TOO MUCH FUN. 642 00:23:01,648 --> 00:23:04,451 - WELL, I'M SO HAPPY THAT I COULD GIVE YOU A REASON 643 00:23:04,484 --> 00:23:07,286 TO COME TOGETHER AND BECOME FRIENDS. 644 00:23:07,319 --> 00:23:08,955 - YEAH, WE'RE LIKE BFFs NOW. 645 00:23:08,988 --> 00:23:10,623 SHE'S GONNA TEACH ME HOW TO POLE-DANCE. 646 00:23:10,657 --> 00:23:12,892 - MM, SUCH A CRYING SHAME, HANK. 647 00:23:12,925 --> 00:23:16,062 JUST THINK OF ALL OF THE MISSED OPPORTUNITIES. 648 00:23:16,095 --> 00:23:17,229 - OW... 649 00:23:17,263 --> 00:23:18,731 [both laugh] 650 00:23:18,765 --> 00:23:22,001 MM-HMM. - MOODY... 651 00:23:22,034 --> 00:23:24,070 IF I HEAR YOU'VE GONE AND BLOWN IT 652 00:23:24,103 --> 00:23:25,738 WITH THIS GORGEOUS FILLY, 653 00:23:25,772 --> 00:23:29,375 I WILL KICK YOUR ASS AND MAKE HER MY QUEEN. 654 00:23:29,408 --> 00:23:31,110 LADIES. - YES. 655 00:23:31,143 --> 00:23:34,246 - TAKE CARE, KAREN. - BYE, HAVE FUN. 656 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:35,848 - BYE. 657 00:23:35,882 --> 00:23:38,284 - I CAN'T BELIEVE I USED TO LOVE THAT GUY. 658 00:23:38,317 --> 00:23:39,952 - YOU'LL GET OVER IT. 659 00:23:39,986 --> 00:23:42,221 COME ON, SOLDIER, LET'S GET YOU HOME. 660 00:23:42,254 --> 00:23:45,792 YOU STILL HAVE BATTLES TO FIGHT, REALMS TO CONQUER. 661 00:23:45,825 --> 00:23:48,795 - THE CHILD-- WHAT ABOUT THE CHILD? 662 00:23:48,828 --> 00:23:52,164 - THE CHILD IS STAYING HERE TONIGHT. 663 00:23:57,336 --> 00:23:59,305 - OH. 664 00:23:59,338 --> 00:24:01,273 OH, WOW. 665 00:24:01,307 --> 00:24:03,576 NO WONDER WE NEVER DID IT IN THE POWDER ROOM, HUH? 666 00:24:03,610 --> 00:24:06,078 THAT WAS--THAT WAS REALLY NOT PLEASANT AT ALL. 667 00:24:06,112 --> 00:24:08,515 - IT WASN'T GREAT. 668 00:24:08,548 --> 00:24:10,650 - I DON'T MEAN THE FIRST PART, OF COURSE. 669 00:24:10,683 --> 00:24:11,918 I MEANT THE SECOND PART. 670 00:24:11,951 --> 00:24:13,853 I ENJOYED THE SHIT OUT OF HUMPING YOU AT FIRST. 671 00:24:13,886 --> 00:24:15,187 - YEAH, WELL, WE COULD SLEEP 672 00:24:15,221 --> 00:24:16,689 KNOWING WE GAVE THE NEXT HOMEOWNERS 673 00:24:16,723 --> 00:24:18,858 A DIRTY SINK AND A PLUMBING PROBLEM. 674 00:24:18,891 --> 00:24:21,260 [both mimicking laughter] 675 00:24:23,696 --> 00:24:25,832 HOLY SHIT. - MM? 676 00:24:25,865 --> 00:24:27,033 - THEY CAME-- 677 00:24:27,066 --> 00:24:29,869 THE DIVORCE PAPERS. 678 00:24:29,902 --> 00:24:33,540 - WHOA. 679 00:24:33,573 --> 00:24:36,809 - BIG DAY, CHARLIE-- SIGNING TIME. 680 00:24:36,843 --> 00:24:38,778 - WELL, I-I CAN'T MOVE. 681 00:24:38,811 --> 00:24:40,513 YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO BRING ME A PEN. 682 00:24:42,448 --> 00:24:45,518 - [sighs] 683 00:24:45,552 --> 00:24:47,419 [clears throat] 684 00:24:49,288 --> 00:24:51,991 - HEY, HOW WAS THE FIRST PART FOR YOU, MARCE, HMM? 685 00:24:52,024 --> 00:24:53,259 YOU NEVER SAID. 686 00:24:53,292 --> 00:24:55,427 - WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY, CHARLIE? 687 00:24:55,461 --> 00:24:57,764 THE FIRST PART WITH YOU WAS GREAT. 688 00:24:57,797 --> 00:25:00,299 IT'S THE LAST PART THAT ENDED IN DISASTER. 689 00:25:00,332 --> 00:25:03,369 - YEAH, YEAH, BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO, YOU KNOW? 690 00:25:03,402 --> 00:25:06,673 BECAUSE WE COULD KEEP GOING, RIGHT? 691 00:25:06,706 --> 00:25:09,676 YOU KNOW, WE--WE TURN THE LAST PART 692 00:25:09,709 --> 00:25:11,077 INTO THE MIDDLE PART. 693 00:25:11,110 --> 00:25:14,280 - AND WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE GET TO THE NEXT SHITTY PART? 694 00:25:14,313 --> 00:25:16,883 - THERE DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A SHITTY PART. 695 00:25:16,916 --> 00:25:19,485 - BABY... 696 00:25:19,518 --> 00:25:23,189 THERE'S ALWAYS A SHITTY PART WITH US. 697 00:25:29,428 --> 00:25:32,364 - [grunting] OW. 698 00:25:34,366 --> 00:25:35,434 HEY. 699 00:25:49,081 --> 00:25:52,785 - [sniffles] 700 00:25:54,754 --> 00:25:57,389 - I APPRECIATE THE INTEREST, I REALLY DO. 701 00:25:57,423 --> 00:25:59,491 - YOU DO? - YES, I'M JUST-- 702 00:25:59,525 --> 00:26:01,427 I'M JUST NOT SURE 703 00:26:01,460 --> 00:26:04,797 I'M IN THE MOODY. 704 00:26:04,831 --> 00:26:06,298 - OH, NO. 705 00:26:06,332 --> 00:26:09,001 BUT I AM. I--I REALLY AM. 706 00:26:09,035 --> 00:26:10,637 I MEAN, TODAY WAS SO EXCITING. 707 00:26:10,670 --> 00:26:12,739 I COULD, LIKE, TOTALLY JUST, LIKE, 708 00:26:12,772 --> 00:26:15,241 CARRY ON FROM WHERE WE LEFT OFF THIS MORNING. 709 00:26:15,274 --> 00:26:18,077 MY MIND AND MY BODY ARE TOTALLY IN SYNC. 710 00:26:18,110 --> 00:26:19,779 - I'M NOT SURE 711 00:26:19,812 --> 00:26:22,281 THAT I LIKE THE IMPLICATION OF THAT. 712 00:26:22,314 --> 00:26:26,118 - WHAT? IT'S VERY SEXY FOR A MAN TO FIGHT FOR YOUR HONOR. 713 00:26:26,152 --> 00:26:27,286 - IS IT ALSO VERY SEXY 714 00:26:27,319 --> 00:26:28,955 TO RUN INTO SOME OLD GEEZER YOU LET BONE YOU 715 00:26:28,988 --> 00:26:30,256 WHEN YOU WERE 19 YEARS OLD? 716 00:26:30,289 --> 00:26:31,624 - WELL, YOU KNOW, IT JUST REMINDED ME 717 00:26:31,658 --> 00:26:33,092 OF BEING BACK AT COLLEGE AGAIN, 718 00:26:33,125 --> 00:26:35,895 WHEN LIFE WAS SO SIMPLE, AND HE WAS SO-- 719 00:26:35,928 --> 00:26:39,031 - HE WAS SO PASSIONATE, SO FULL OF ENTHUSIASM. 720 00:26:39,065 --> 00:26:40,967 I KNOW, I KNOW. 721 00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,069 - HE WAS SO BIG, ACTUALLY. 722 00:26:43,102 --> 00:26:44,971 - OH, GROSS. 723 00:26:45,004 --> 00:26:48,474 - I MEAN, NOT THAT THAT MATTERS OR ANYTHING, BUT, UM... 724 00:26:48,507 --> 00:26:50,542 WELL, YOU KNOW, RIGHT? YOU SAW. 725 00:26:50,576 --> 00:26:51,844 - I SAW NOTHING. - THE WHOLE DEAL. 726 00:26:51,878 --> 00:26:54,446 - AS FAR AS I KNOW, THE MAN IS A HERMAPHRODITE. 727 00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:56,348 - REALLY? GOD, HE WAS-- 728 00:26:56,382 --> 00:26:59,185 HE WAS, LIKE, THE HOTTEST ASSISTANT PROFESSOR 729 00:26:59,218 --> 00:27:00,519 ON THE CAMPUS. 730 00:27:00,552 --> 00:27:02,488 EVERYBODY WANTED TO SLEEP WITH HIM. 731 00:27:02,521 --> 00:27:03,622 MY FRIENDS WERE SO JEALOUS. 732 00:27:03,656 --> 00:27:05,925 ONE TIME WE WERE DOING IT IN HIS OFFICE, 733 00:27:05,958 --> 00:27:08,260 AND THERE WAS, LIKE, THIS LINE DOWN THE HALL-- 734 00:27:08,294 --> 00:27:09,461 - OKAY, THAT'S IT. 735 00:27:09,495 --> 00:27:13,199 I DEMAND SATISFACTION. - YES, YES, IT WORKED! 736 00:27:13,232 --> 00:27:16,035 GOOD. MM. ARE YOU GONNA PUNISH ME? 737 00:27:16,068 --> 00:27:17,403 - YOU DO KNOW I'M GONNA HAVE TO LIVE 738 00:27:17,436 --> 00:27:19,305 WITH THAT IMAGE IN MY HEAD FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. 739 00:27:19,338 --> 00:27:20,840 - I KNOW. 740 00:27:23,743 --> 00:27:25,745 - I'M JUST NOT SURE THAT MY MIND AND MY BODY 741 00:27:25,778 --> 00:27:27,747 ARE IN SYNC EITHER. 742 00:27:27,780 --> 00:27:29,581 YOU KNOW, THE--THE EVENTS OF THE DAY, 743 00:27:29,615 --> 00:27:32,251 ALL THIS FUN YOU'VE HAD, IT'S BRUISED MY MIND. 744 00:27:32,284 --> 00:27:33,585 IT'S TRAUMATIZED ME. 745 00:27:33,619 --> 00:27:37,089 IT MAY VERY WELL UNDERMINE MY ABILITY TO PLEASE YOU. 746 00:27:37,123 --> 00:27:38,858 - REALLY? 747 00:27:38,891 --> 00:27:41,761 - NO, NOT REALLY. 748 00:27:41,794 --> 00:27:44,797 Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com