1 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,312 - PREVIOUSLY ON CALIFORNICATION... 2 00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:13,214 - MY DIRTY LITTLE WHORE OF A NOSE 3 00:00:13,247 --> 00:00:15,249 IS SORRY THAT SHE LET YOU DOWN. 4 00:00:15,283 --> 00:00:16,517 I WANNA FIX THIS, CHARLIE. 5 00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:18,252 - [chortling] 6 00:00:18,286 --> 00:00:19,653 COME ON, SAY IT, BABY, SAY IT. 7 00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:21,622 - I'M GETTING FUCKED BY RICK SPRINGFIELD. 8 00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:24,392 - DO YOU WANT TO, UM, GO UP TO MY ROOM 9 00:00:24,425 --> 00:00:25,793 AND LISTEN TO SOME RECORDS? 10 00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:28,529 - ONLY IF THEY'RE MINE. - CHURCH. 11 00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:30,164 - YOU'RE MY STUDENT. 12 00:00:30,198 --> 00:00:32,533 - NOT ANYMORE, I'M NOT. 13 00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:35,336 - I OFFERED MYSELF TO YOU, AND YOU WEREN'T INTERESTED. 14 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:37,605 IF ONLY I COULD HAVE JUST HAD ONE LITTLE NIBBLE. 15 00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,640 OH! 16 00:00:42,276 --> 00:00:45,113 - I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU, HANK MOODY. 17 00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:46,480 - WHOA! 18 00:00:46,514 --> 00:00:47,648 - WERE YOU SLEEPING WITH YOUR T.A. 19 00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:49,550 THE WHOLE TIME YOU WERE SLEEPING WITH ME? 20 00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:52,653 - WHAT? YOUR DAD'S FUCKING MY MOM! 21 00:00:52,686 --> 00:00:54,788 - SO WHAT, YOU'RE SAYING WE JUST PACK UP AND LEAVE L.A.? 22 00:00:54,822 --> 00:00:56,657 THE THREE OF US MOVE BACK TO NEW YORK, TOGETHER? 23 00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:59,693 - YEAH. END OF THE SEMESTER. WHATEVER. 24 00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:10,171 [unflattering squeaky noises] 25 00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:14,542 - OH, HEY! 26 00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:16,644 GO AHEAD. YOU'VE EARNED THE RIGHT. 27 00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:18,679 CAN'T DENY THIS PRIVILEGE. 28 00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:21,315 [chair making squelching noises] FIRE MY ASS. 29 00:01:21,349 --> 00:01:22,816 - OH, I'M NOT PLANNING TO FIRE YOU. 30 00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:23,884 - COME AGAIN? 31 00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:26,187 - UNFORTUNATELY, NOT A SINGLE ONE OF THE LADIES 32 00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:28,156 THAT YOU SO EGREGIOUSLY FOULED 33 00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:30,591 HAS AGREED TO STAND UP AND PRESS FORMAL CHARGES AGAINST YOU. 34 00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:32,160 AND WITHOUT THAT, THE MATTER ENDS HERE. 35 00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:34,695 YOU WIN, HANK MOODY. I ADMIT DEFEAT. 36 00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:37,665 NOT EVEN MY WIFE WILL SAY A BAD WORD ABOUT YOU. 37 00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:39,867 OR SHOULD I SAY EX-WIFE? 38 00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:42,570 JUST THIS MORNING, SHE REQUESTED I VACATE THE PREMISES. 39 00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:45,173 - OH, NO, SHE DIDN'T! - OH, YES, SHE DID. 40 00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:47,808 - NO, YOU CAN'T--YOU CAN'T KICK THE DEAN OUT OF THE DEANERY. 41 00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:48,809 THAT SHIT IS WRONG. 42 00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:50,678 YOU'VE GOTTA GET THAT WOMAN BACK. 43 00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,780 I CAN HELP YOU. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? 44 00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:54,515 JUST ASK ME. ASK ME--WHAT CAN I DO? 45 00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:55,783 - OKAY, I'VE GOT A QUESTION FOR YOU. 46 00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:57,351 YOU-- - NO, NOT NOW. 47 00:01:57,385 --> 00:02:00,354 HOLD ON, I GOT A CALL. [cell phone ringing] 48 00:02:00,388 --> 00:02:03,657 OH. M. FLOWER. I DON'T RECOGNIZE THAT NUMBER. 49 00:02:03,691 --> 00:02:04,725 - M-- - I DON'T NEED TO TAKE IT. 50 00:02:04,758 --> 00:02:07,261 - MAYFLOWER, MORON. MAYFLOWER SCHOOL FOR GIRLS. 51 00:02:07,295 --> 00:02:09,230 THAT CALL COULD BE IMPORTANT! - OH! 52 00:02:09,263 --> 00:02:14,935 [both cell phones ringing] 53 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:17,805 - HANK MOODY. - STACY KOONS. 54 00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:20,274 - YES, I'LL, UH--I'LL HOLD FOR PRINCIPAL GREEN 55 00:02:20,308 --> 00:02:21,809 ON A DISCIPLINARY MATTER. 56 00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:25,479 - I WILL ALSO HOLD FOR PRINCIPAL GREEN. 57 00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:27,415 OH, THIS IS PRINCIPAL GREEN. 58 00:02:27,448 --> 00:02:28,916 [whispering] I'M HANDLING IT HERE. 59 00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:30,384 I GOT IT. UH-HUH. 60 00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:31,919 I'M LISTENING. A FIGHT? OH... 61 00:02:31,952 --> 00:02:34,788 A DISAGREEMENT, YOU MEAN, AN ARGUMENT. 62 00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:37,358 OH, THAT KIND OF FIGHT. - [whispers] WHAT KIND OF FIGHT? 63 00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:39,527 - A PHYSICAL CONFRONTATION. HMM. 64 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,695 [laughs] AH, YEAH. THAT'S MY GIRL. 65 00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:31,712 - I ASSURE YOU THAT EXPULSION IS NOT A STEP WE TAKE LIGHTLY. 66 00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:34,582 - EXPULSION? - HEY, SLOW DOWN, DEAN KOONS. 67 00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:35,716 IT'S NOT SO MUCH FUN HERE 68 00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:36,917 ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DESK, IS IT? 69 00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:38,586 - YES, STACY, LET'S JUST WAIT AND SEE 70 00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:39,820 WHAT PRINCIPAL GREEN HAS TO SAY. 71 00:03:39,853 --> 00:03:40,821 - [whispers] SHE'S SUCH A KISS-ASS! 72 00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:43,624 - AFTER ALL, SHE DIDN'T SAY THAT BOTH GIRLS-- 73 00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:45,459 - OH, NO, THEY'RE BOTH BEING EXPELLED. 74 00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:48,329 WE HAVE A ZERO-TOLERANCE POLICY 75 00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:50,698 ON VIOLENCE HERE AT THE MAYFLOWER SCHOOL. 76 00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,966 WE'VE JUST NEVER HAD TO APPLY IT BEFORE, 77 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,869 SINCE MOST OF OUR YOUNG LADIES HAVE BEEN TAUGHT 78 00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,571 NOT TO RESORT TO PHYSICAL VIOLENCE 79 00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:59,873 AS A MEANS OF EXPRESSION. 80 00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:04,345 - MM-HMM. SO...HEY, LET'S LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE HERE. 81 00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:06,980 WE'RE MAKING HISTORY. BIG UPS FOR WOMEN'S RIGHTS. 82 00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:08,649 - YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS IS WRONG. 83 00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:11,519 THERE IS JUST NO WAY THAT BECCA WOULD HIT ANYONE. 84 00:04:11,552 --> 00:04:13,387 - RIGHT. NOT WITHOUT BEING PROVOKED. 85 00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:15,423 WE'RE NOT A FAMILY THAT TAKES SHIT LYING DOWN. 86 00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:16,590 - THERE, SEE, HE JUST ADMITTED IT WAS BECCA'S FAULT. 87 00:04:16,624 --> 00:04:17,725 - I DID NOT. - DID TOO. 88 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:19,427 - I DIDN'T. I DIDN'T. - DID TOO. DID. 89 00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:21,529 - PRINCIPAL GREEN, I'M SURE THAT THERE'S NO NEED 90 00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:22,896 TO TAKE DRASTIC ACTION 91 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,832 THAT MIGHT IMPACT THE GIRLS' ACADEMIC FUTURE. 92 00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:26,834 CHELSEA WAS CLEARLY UPSET YESTERDAY 93 00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:28,436 BECAUSE HER FATHER WAS MOVING OUT. 94 00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:30,704 I TRIED TO EXPLAIN TO HER THAT IT WASN'T HANK'S FAULT. 95 00:04:30,738 --> 00:04:32,940 - WHAT? WHAT'S SHE TALKING ABOUT? 96 00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:34,608 - I DON'T KNOW. SHE HAS THAT ACCENT... 97 00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:37,845 - I'M SO SORRY. - HANK'S FAULT? 98 00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:39,947 - YOU DIDN'T TELL HER. 99 00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:43,551 - TELL ME WHAT? 100 00:04:43,584 --> 00:04:45,919 - BECCA'S FATHER AND I HAD A SLIGHT, WELL, INDISCRETION 101 00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:48,422 THAT MAY HAVE CONTRIBUTED-- INDIRECTLY, THOUGH-- 102 00:04:48,456 --> 00:04:49,557 TO THE GIRLS' LITTLE KAFUFFLE. 103 00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:52,560 - SHE'S KIDDING, RIGHT? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. 104 00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:53,994 - HE FUCKS MY WIFE, 105 00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:55,929 I SOMEHOW ENDED UP SLEEPING AT THE FACULTY CLUB. 106 00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:58,332 - OH, STACY, YOU'RE MAKING THIS WORSE THAN IT HAS TO BE. 107 00:04:58,366 --> 00:04:59,600 - I DON'T THINK SO. - KAREN... 108 00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:02,570 - YOU! YOU...[snaps] YOU SAY ONE WORD TO ME, 109 00:05:02,603 --> 00:05:06,039 AND I WILL SHOW YOU WHERE BECCA LEARNED TO THROW DOWN. 110 00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:10,578 - [humming] 111 00:05:10,611 --> 00:05:13,013 HEY, THERE, MINNIE MOUSE. 112 00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:16,617 WHOA! SHOULDN'T YOU BE DRESSED AND READY FOR ACTION? 113 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,952 I MEAN WAXIN'. ACTION WAXIN'. 114 00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:20,454 HA HA. YOU GET IT? IT RHYMES. 115 00:05:20,488 --> 00:05:21,955 ACTION WAXIN'. 116 00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:24,658 - BITE ME. 117 00:05:24,692 --> 00:05:27,928 - [teasing] STILL NO CALL FROM RICK SPRINGFIELD. 118 00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:30,831 - YOU DON'T HAVE TO SOUND SO CHIPPER ABOUT IT. 119 00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:33,967 THE MAN'S BEEN IN TAHOE FOR THE PAST THREE DAYS. 120 00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:36,136 - I KNOW, I KNOW. 121 00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:38,439 - THAT WAS A HUGE SHOW FOR HIM. 122 00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:40,841 HE'S PROBABLY JUST DECOMPRESSING RIGHT NOW. 123 00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:42,109 - SURE, SURE. 124 00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:43,844 OR MAYBE... 125 00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:46,814 HE'S TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. 126 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:50,484 YOU KNOW, THIS COULD BE A BLESSING IN DISGUISE, REALLY. 127 00:05:50,518 --> 00:05:52,119 - HE'LL CALL. 128 00:05:52,152 --> 00:05:54,422 - MAYBE. 129 00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:57,124 OR...MAYBE NOT. 130 00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:59,126 YOU KNOW, MAYBE RICK SPRINGFIELD 131 00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:01,462 NOT CALLING YOU FOR THREE DAYS 132 00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:04,998 IS HIS WAY OF SAYING THAT HE DOESN'T SEE THE REAL YOU, 133 00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:08,001 THAT HE DOESN'T, UH, VALUE YOUR ESSENTIAL 134 00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:09,269 WOMAN-NESS AND SO FORTH. 135 00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:12,706 - OH, MY GOD, WOULD YOU PLEASE MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, RUNKLE? 136 00:06:12,740 --> 00:06:14,608 - HEY, RICK SPRINGFIELD IS MY BUSINESS. 137 00:06:14,642 --> 00:06:15,976 HE'S MY CLIENT, FOR CHRIST SAKES. 138 00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:17,678 YOU KNOW, I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING, MARCE. 139 00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:20,648 I HAVE SEEN SOME THINGS, OKAY, UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL, 140 00:06:20,681 --> 00:06:23,584 SOME STRANGELY FUCKED-UP SHIT, HUH? 141 00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:26,887 THAT GUY...HE'S NOT THE BIGGEST FRIEND TO WOMEN. 142 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,121 - [scoffs] OH... 143 00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:30,891 AND YOU'RE FRIGGING BELLA ABZUG OVER HERE. 144 00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:32,826 - FAR FROM IT. 145 00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:36,764 - NO, I TOTALLY GET IT-- I'M DATING MY DREAM CRUSH... 146 00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:38,732 HITTING MY PEAK SEXUALLY, 147 00:06:38,766 --> 00:06:42,035 THIS CLOSE TO SELLING THIS FRIGID BOX OF A HOUSE, 148 00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:43,904 AND MOVING ON WITH MY LIFE, 149 00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:45,939 AND YOU JUST DON'T WANT ME TO BE HAPPY, CHARLIE. 150 00:06:45,973 --> 00:06:49,042 - OF COURSE I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY, MARCY. 151 00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:51,912 GOD, I MEAN, LOOK, WE'RE TALKING HERE, OKAY? 152 00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:54,582 I MISS THIS. I MISS US. 153 00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:56,183 DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT'S BEEN 154 00:06:56,216 --> 00:06:58,452 SINCE I'VE HEARD YOU SAY THOSE THREE LITTLE WORDS? 155 00:06:58,486 --> 00:07:00,120 - EAT MY CLAM? 156 00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:03,591 - EAT MY CLAM-- NO, NO, NOT EAT MY CLAM. 157 00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:05,192 I LOVE YOU. 158 00:07:05,225 --> 00:07:07,127 I DON'T MEAN TO GET A BEE IN MY BONNET, BABE. 159 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,096 I JUST--I DON'T WANNA SEE YOU WASTE YOUR LIFE 160 00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,865 WAITING FOR A PHONE CALL THAT MIGHT NEVER COME. 161 00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:14,602 - OH, IT'S COMING, FOOL. 162 00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:16,604 AND BY THE WAY, MY GAY UNCLE CALLED. 163 00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:18,972 HE WANTS HIS EXPRESSIONS BACK. 164 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:28,248 - GUESS IT'S HOMESCHOOLING AFTER ALL. 165 00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:31,118 - WELL, YOU BETTER HOPE THAT HE REMEMBERS HIS ALGEBRA, 166 00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:33,220 BECAUSE YOU DEFINITELY WON'T BE GOING 167 00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:35,055 TO A NEW YORK PRIVATE SCHOOL AFTER THIS. 168 00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:37,257 - WELL, OBVIOUSLY, SHE WAS PROVOKED. 169 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,927 - YES. SHE CALLED YOU A HOME WRECKER... 170 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,128 WHICH YOU ARE. 171 00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:42,596 YET SOMEHOW THAT DIDN'T STOP ME 172 00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,131 FROM SHOVING HER INTO THE VENDING MACHINE. 173 00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:46,567 THEN THE HITTING BEGAN. 174 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,902 SATISFIED? 175 00:07:50,638 --> 00:07:53,874 - HANK, I ASKED YOU TO DO ONE THING. 176 00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:56,777 LOOK AFTER BECCA. HOW HARD IS THAT? 177 00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,579 - HARD. REAL HARD. 178 00:07:58,612 --> 00:08:00,013 I UNDERSTAND THAT NOW. 179 00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:02,015 - WELL, IT COULDN'T HAVE BEEN THAT HARD, COULD IT? 180 00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:03,283 - WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? 181 00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:05,786 - YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. 182 00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,154 - YOU'RE MAD ABOUT FELICIA? 183 00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:08,922 - NO. I WOULD NOT GIVE YOU THE SATISFACTION 184 00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:10,558 OF BEING MAD ABOUT FELICIA. 185 00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:12,292 - I DON'T KNOW HOW SATISFYING THAT WOULD BE. 186 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,762 - YOU KNOW WHAT? WHILE I'M WORKING MY ASS OFF IN NEW YORK, 187 00:08:14,795 --> 00:08:16,630 YOU START SOME KIND OF RELATIONSHIP 188 00:08:16,664 --> 00:08:19,266 WITH THE MOST ANNOYING WOMAN ON THE PLANET, 189 00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:22,636 WHO ALSO HAPPENS TO BE THE MOTHER OF BECCA'S BEST FRIEND 190 00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:24,638 AND YOUR BOSS! WHAT IS--[groans] 191 00:08:24,672 --> 00:08:26,707 - IT'S NOT A RELATIONSHIP, KAREN, FAR FROM IT. 192 00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:27,908 YOU KNOW THAT. 193 00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:29,643 SHE WAS JUST LOOKING TO SLEEP WITH SOMEONE-- 194 00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:31,144 ANYONE-- GET HER GROOVE BACK, 195 00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:33,614 GET BACK AT THE DEAN, AND I-I DIDN'T WANT TO. 196 00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:35,649 I THOUGHT IT WAS A BAD IDEA. YOU KNOW, IT SEEMED WRONG TO ME. 197 00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:38,051 WE DON'T LIKE TO GET INVOLVED IN OTHER PEOPLE'S MARITAL WOES, 198 00:08:38,085 --> 00:08:39,219 'CAUSE WE'VE BEEN THERE. 199 00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:40,688 THAT'S SOME SAD, MESSED-UP SHIT, 200 00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:41,955 AND I WANTED TO KEEP US OUT OF IT. 201 00:08:41,989 --> 00:08:44,625 - OH, YOU DID A REALLY GOOD JOB OF NOT GETTING INVOLVED, HANK. 202 00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:46,594 - WELL, I DID, AT FIRST. I REFUSED. 203 00:08:46,627 --> 00:08:49,096 BUT THEN SHE WAS GONNA CALL IN HER CHIP WITH THIS OTHER DUDE, 204 00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:51,164 THIS MR. ZIPLESS FUCK, A REAL CHEESEBALL-- 205 00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:53,033 - YOU KNOW WHAT? OUT. 206 00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:54,702 - WHAT? WHAT? 207 00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,804 - I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT FELICIA AND HER... 208 00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:57,971 MIDLIFE CRISIS, OKAY? - OKAY. 209 00:08:58,005 --> 00:09:00,874 - DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW FUCKING INFURIATING YOU ARE? 210 00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:02,743 - YES. YES, I DO. 211 00:09:02,776 --> 00:09:04,244 I'M JUST TRYING TO FILL YOU IN 212 00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:06,013 ON WHAT HAPPENED WHILE YOU WERE AWAY. 213 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:09,883 - LEAVE NOW, OKAY? I NEED--I NEED PEACE, HANK. 214 00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:11,685 YOU MUST HAVE SOMETHING TO DO, 215 00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:13,654 I-I MEAN SOME... PAPERS TO GRADE, 216 00:09:13,687 --> 00:09:15,088 SOME FUCKING MARIJUANA TO SMOKE, 217 00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:18,058 HEY, SOME STUDENTS TO FUCK. 218 00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:22,162 - WHAT? SO--SO YOU'D BE TOTALLY FINE IF I, UH... 219 00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:25,232 - UHH! 220 00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:33,874 [Rick Springfield singing] - * MY LIFE HAS JUST BEGUN 221 00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:37,277 * NOW I UNDERSTAND THE GREATER PLAN * 222 00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:41,749 * MY PRECIOUS LITTLE ONE 223 00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:44,718 [end chords] 224 00:09:44,752 --> 00:09:45,986 [click] 225 00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:48,756 - OHH. PIPES OF A FUCKING ANGEL. 226 00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:51,024 YOU KNOW, I GOTTA TAKE THIS DOWN 227 00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:52,292 AND PLAY IT FOR THE GIRLS AT THE ORPHANAGE. 228 00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:53,794 - RIGHT ON. 229 00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:55,829 HEY, I'M DOING A CHILDREN'S CHARITY CONCERT 230 00:09:55,863 --> 00:09:57,197 AT, UH, THE GROVE THURSDAY NIGHT. 231 00:09:57,230 --> 00:10:00,333 YEAH, HALF THE PROCEEDS GO TO, UH, JUVENILE DIABETES. 232 00:10:01,735 --> 00:10:03,370 - WHAT? 233 00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:05,238 - UM, I'M SPEECHLESS. 234 00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:07,841 GIRLS AT THE ORPHANAGE? JUVENILE DIABETES? 235 00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:09,376 WHO ARE YOU TWO, AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE 236 00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:11,111 WITH THE NYMPHOMANIACAL SOCIOPATHS 237 00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:12,846 I'VE GROWN TO LOVE AND LOATHE? 238 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:14,848 - SORRY TO BURST YOUR BUBBLE, RUNKLE. 239 00:10:14,882 --> 00:10:17,918 I'M A COMPLICATED BEAST. - ME TOO. 240 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,352 PLUS, YOU KNOW, CHARITY EVENTS ARE LIKE GROUND ZERO 241 00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:20,654 FOR SINGLE PUSSY. 242 00:10:20,688 --> 00:10:21,989 - AND HE'S BACK. 243 00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:23,691 - HEY, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN ME IN TAHOE. 244 00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:25,726 TWO NIGHTS, SIX CHICKS-- NO RUBBERS. 245 00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:28,729 - BRAVO, RICK. BRAVO. 246 00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:31,364 SAFETY FIRST, I ALWAYS SAY, OF COURSE. 247 00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:32,933 BUT [clears throat] THEN AGAIN, 248 00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,802 I'M NOT THE ONE WHO'S CURRENTLY HAVING 249 00:10:34,835 --> 00:10:37,404 INTIMATE RELATIONS WITH MY WIFE. 250 00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:40,007 - OH, CAN IT, RUNKLE. LIFE'S MESSY. 251 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:41,709 - YOU BETTER CLEAN UP YOUR GAME, GONZO-- 252 00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:43,443 THE WOMANIZING, THE BOOZING. 253 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:46,113 IF YOU WON'T DO IT FOR MARCY, AT LEAST DO IT FOR YOUR CAREER. 254 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:49,249 WE HAVE LANDED YOU THE COMEBACK VEHICLE OF A LIFETIME. 255 00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:51,351 PLEASE DON'T FUCK IT UP. 256 00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:53,053 - HEY, PLEASE DON'T USE THE "C" WORD, ALL RIGHT? 257 00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:54,988 I'M NOT COMING BACK FROM ANYTHING. 258 00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:57,791 THAT REMINDS ME-- I NEED SOME BLOW. 259 00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:01,328 - SORRY? 260 00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:03,163 - DUDE, YOU HEARD ME. 261 00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:04,898 SOME BLOW, SOME YAY, SOME WHITE GIRL, 262 00:11:04,932 --> 00:11:06,166 SOME POWDER, SOME CAKE. 263 00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:07,735 I START FILMING TOMORROW. 264 00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:09,770 IT'S MY LAST CHANCE TO GET FUCKED OUT OF MY MIND. 265 00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:11,739 - ALL DUE RESPECT, '80s ROCK STAR, 266 00:11:11,772 --> 00:11:14,341 I THINK YOU'D HAVE A BETTER LINE ON COCAINE THAN I WOULD. 267 00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:15,342 - SO? [laughs] 268 00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:16,777 - SO WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME 269 00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:19,079 TO PROCURE YOU DRUGS LIKE I'M YOUR ASSISTANT? 270 00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:22,049 - GEE, UH, LET ME SEE. BECAUSE I FUCKING CAN. 271 00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:24,918 - I DON'T THINK I LIKE YOUR TONE, BUD, 272 00:11:24,952 --> 00:11:26,954 NOT ONE LITTLE BIT. 273 00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:30,457 - 9:00 P.M., MY TRAILER ON SET. 274 00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:33,093 OKAY? 275 00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:39,466 - [scoffs] - AW, CHRIST, RUNKLE. 276 00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:40,768 SACK UP! 277 00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:42,302 IF A CLIENT ASKS YOU 278 00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:45,138 TO DRESS UP LIKE A FRENCH MAID AND RIM HIS SHIT-HOLE, 279 00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:47,808 YOU COMPLY, WITH BELLS ON, HUH? 280 00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:50,310 I WOULD HOOK HIM UP MYSELF, BUT MY GUY'S IN THAILAND-- 281 00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:53,881 JUST SOME SEX TOURISM, SOMETHING LIKE THAT, ANYWAY. 282 00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:55,382 SO THIS ONE'S ON YOU. 283 00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:56,483 OH. ALMOST FORGOT. 284 00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:58,185 HERE. 285 00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:00,320 ANNUAL BONUS. 286 00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:03,056 DON'T SPEND IT ALL IN ONE PLACE, LADYBOY. 287 00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:11,064 - THIS DOES SEEM MIGHTY SMALL. 288 00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:12,800 I THINK I GOT A BIGGER BONUS CHECK 289 00:12:12,833 --> 00:12:14,334 WHEN I WORKED AT BLOCKBUSTER IN '91. 290 00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:16,336 - WAIT, WAIT. BE KIND, REWIND. 291 00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:17,871 HANK MOODY WORKED AT BLOCKBUSTER? 292 00:12:17,905 --> 00:12:20,373 - YEAH. YEAH, I HAD THE KHAKIS, THE TUCKED-IN POLO. 293 00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:21,975 [laughs] THE WHOLE THING. 294 00:12:22,009 --> 00:12:23,911 I USED TO SPLICE PORN INTO THE DISNEY FILMS. 295 00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:25,946 - OF COURSE YOU DID. 296 00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:27,447 - BUT BACK TO YOU. 297 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:30,250 HOW DOES THIS ALL MAKE YOU FEEL... 298 00:12:30,283 --> 00:12:32,886 EMOTIONALLY? 299 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,054 - WOW. 300 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:37,057 WELL... [sighs] 301 00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,959 BETWEEN MY SAD LITTLE BONUS CHECK 302 00:12:38,992 --> 00:12:41,061 AND MY NEW POSITION AS RICK SPRINGFIELD'S 303 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,495 DRUG DEALER/PIMP, 304 00:12:42,529 --> 00:12:46,934 I WOULD HAVE TO SAY I FEEL LIKE SHIT EMOTIONALLY. 305 00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:49,970 - ENOUGH! I'VE GROWN TIRED OF YOUR JIBBER-JABBER, RUNKLE. 306 00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:51,972 MY TURN. LET'S SWITCH IT UP. 307 00:12:57,244 --> 00:12:58,278 OHH... 308 00:12:58,311 --> 00:13:00,814 BECCA GOT EXPELLED. 309 00:13:00,848 --> 00:13:03,383 SHE WENT ALL LEON SPINKS ON HER BFF. 310 00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:04,384 - REALLY? 311 00:13:04,417 --> 00:13:07,921 IS IT CREEPY THAT I FIND THAT MILDLY AROUSING? 312 00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:10,958 - YES. - CONTINUE. 313 00:13:10,991 --> 00:13:12,960 - KAREN IS LIVID, AS WELL SHE SHOULD BE. 314 00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:15,162 I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW HOW IT ALL GOT SO OUT OF HAND. 315 00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:17,064 CHELSEA AND BECCA WERE THICK AS THIEVES, 316 00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:18,498 ONCE UPON A TIME, LIKE YOU AND ME. 317 00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:20,600 THE DEAN'S BEEN KICKED OUT OF THE DEANERY. 318 00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,302 FELICIA DID THAT, AND THAT AIN'T RIGHT. 319 00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:23,436 AND I SHOULD BE HAPPY. 320 00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:24,637 I KNOW I SHOULD, 321 00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:27,941 BECAUSE WE'RE ALL PACKING UP AND MOVING TO NEW YORK SOON. 322 00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:30,310 [Charlie sobbing] 323 00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:33,881 ARE YOU WEEPING? 324 00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:35,983 - [continues sobbing] - [chuckles] 325 00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:38,051 - I NEED COCAINE! 326 00:13:38,085 --> 00:13:40,888 [sobbing] 327 00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:42,956 - AND THIS CONCERNS ME HOW? - I DON'T KNOW! 328 00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:44,024 - MM. 329 00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:46,293 - I JUST--I MIGHT GET FIRED! 330 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:48,328 COLLINI DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME. 331 00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:50,163 MARCY--MARCY, SHE'S A FUCKING STRANGER. 332 00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:53,466 [whining] NO ONE TAKES CARE OF ME! 333 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,202 AND NOW YOU, YOU'RE LEAVING ME TOO. 334 00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:57,370 YOU'RE MOVING BACK TO NEW YORK. 335 00:13:57,404 --> 00:14:02,442 [sobbing] 336 00:14:02,475 --> 00:14:05,045 - COME HERE. 337 00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:07,981 - [continues sobbing] 338 00:14:08,015 --> 00:14:09,917 [knock on door] - BIG BOY. 339 00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:11,484 - UH, SORRY. 340 00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:15,455 AM I INTERRUPTING SOMETHING, PROFESSOR MOODY? 341 00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:17,891 - NAH. JUST A COMPLETE PSYCHOLOGICAL BREAKDOWN. 342 00:14:17,925 --> 00:14:19,292 - I'M JUST PICKING UP MY ESSAY. 343 00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:20,961 JILL SAID SHE GRADED THEM. 344 00:14:20,994 --> 00:14:23,931 - ROCK ON. - OH. 345 00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:26,199 [Charlie gulps, stops crying] 346 00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:28,936 - OH, AND YOU SHOULD HIT UP DAVE EDELSTEIN. 347 00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:30,470 KIND OF A DOUCHE, 348 00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:33,773 BUT HIS COKE IS THE FUCKING TRUTH. 349 00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:40,480 WHAT? IT'S A GREAT STUDY AID. 350 00:14:40,513 --> 00:14:43,050 PLUS, IT SUPPRESSES MY GAG REFLEX. 351 00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:46,086 GOOD FOR...YOU KNOW. 352 00:14:46,119 --> 00:14:50,590 - NOTED. AND DISMISSED. 353 00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:53,293 SHOTGUN? 354 00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:01,168 - THEY'RE NOT GONNA HEAR THAT. 355 00:15:01,201 --> 00:15:03,303 - AN UNRELIABLE DRUG DEALER, THE FUCKING GALL. 356 00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:05,105 - ALL RIGHT, WELL. WE TRIED, RIGHT? 357 00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:06,439 I GAVE IT A SHOT. - THAT'S YOU TRYING? 358 00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:07,574 - WHAT? 359 00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:09,576 - NO WONDER MY LAST BOOK DIDN'T SELL. 360 00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:11,344 - AEEEII! - CHEESE IT, THE COPS. 361 00:15:11,378 --> 00:15:13,046 [Charlie making nonsense sounds] 362 00:15:14,181 --> 00:15:16,249 - OH! UNLOCKED. 363 00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:19,419 GO, GO! 364 00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:28,061 [object clatters] - COME ON. 365 00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:36,103 - HA HA! 366 00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:38,338 [laughs] BLEAH! 367 00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:41,141 - OOH, A FLESHLIGHT-- STEALTHY, SECURE. 368 00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:43,210 I HATE TO SAY IT, BUT IT'S HIGHLY LIKELY. 369 00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:47,014 MAYBE IN THE LABIA. VAS DEFINITELY. 370 00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:49,249 I WOULD, UH, CHECK IT OUT. - OH, SHIT! 371 00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:52,485 - LOOKS A LITTLE LIKE YOU. CHECK IT. 372 00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:54,321 GO DEEP. DIG IN. 373 00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:56,289 GET IN THERE. 374 00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:58,225 [squelching sounds] 375 00:15:58,258 --> 00:16:01,228 OH, CHARLIE. [both laughing] 376 00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:03,563 - AH! GODDAMN IT. IT'S STICKY INSIDE. 377 00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:05,198 WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT? 378 00:16:05,232 --> 00:16:07,367 - 'CAUSE I KNOW WHERE IT IS, NUMB NUTS. 379 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:08,568 GO. 380 00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:10,770 - FUCKING HELL. 381 00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:13,240 OH, YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. 382 00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:14,574 [snake hissing] 383 00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:16,243 - GO AHEAD. I HAD A FEW WHEN I WAS A KID. 384 00:16:16,276 --> 00:16:18,645 THEY'RE--THEY'RE LIKE SWEETHEARTS WITH SCALES. 385 00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:22,182 JUST DO IT. - [funny voice] WHAT IS DIS? 386 00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:26,319 OKAY. YOU'RE NOT SUCH A BAD BOY, REALLY, ARE YOU? 387 00:16:26,353 --> 00:16:28,455 NO... 388 00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:30,390 YOU'RE A GOOD LITTLE BOY. 389 00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:32,659 THAT'S A GOOD BOY. 390 00:16:32,692 --> 00:16:34,161 - [exhales sharply] 391 00:16:35,595 --> 00:16:37,330 - OW! FUCK! AH! GOD! - RUNKLE, SHIT! 392 00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:38,498 WHAT THE FUCK, RUNKLE? 393 00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:40,167 - THAT FUCKING THING FED UPON ME! 394 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,702 THAT FUCKING GODDAMN MONSTER FUCKING ATE MY FLESH. 395 00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:45,038 OH, SHIT. JESUS CHRIST, WHAT IF IT'S POISONOUS? 396 00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:47,107 I THINK I-I FEEL MY HEART SLOWING DOWN. 397 00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:49,409 - OH, MY GOD, I THINK SOMETHING WEIRD IS HAPPENING. 398 00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:50,577 - IS THERE? 399 00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:52,379 - YOU'RE BECOMING AN EVEN BIGGER PUSSY! 400 00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:54,047 IT'S A GARTER SNAKE. IT'S AN OVERGROWN EARTHWORM. 401 00:16:54,081 --> 00:16:55,048 YOU'RE FINE. 402 00:16:55,082 --> 00:16:56,216 [knocking] - EXCUSE ME. 403 00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:58,051 I.D.s. NOW. 404 00:16:58,085 --> 00:17:00,253 - OH, WELL, ACTUALLY, WE'RE JUST--WE'RE JUST VISITING. 405 00:17:00,287 --> 00:17:03,190 - YEAH? WHO YOU VISITING? - HIS, UH--HIS, UH, COUSIN. 406 00:17:03,223 --> 00:17:04,524 - YEAH. - LOVER. HIS NEPHEW. 407 00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:06,293 DAVID EDELSTEIN. 408 00:17:06,326 --> 00:17:08,561 [laughing] DAVID EDELSTEIN. 409 00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:11,064 RUNKLE. RUNKLE. 410 00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:16,269 RUN, RUNKLE! [guard grunting] 411 00:17:16,303 --> 00:17:18,271 OH, I'M SORRY. 412 00:17:18,305 --> 00:17:20,673 JEEZ. OKAY. SORRY. SORRY. 413 00:17:22,675 --> 00:17:24,411 OH, SORRY, SORRY. 414 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,650 [both grunting] 415 00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:31,651 OH! [thud] 416 00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:32,785 THAT'S MY LEFT BALL! [thud] 417 00:17:32,819 --> 00:17:34,254 THAT'S MY RIGHT BALL. 418 00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:36,256 [thud] NO! NOT THE GLANS! 419 00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:39,259 RUNKLE, SAVE YOURSELF. RUN! 420 00:17:39,292 --> 00:17:41,528 EASY ON THE CUFFS THERE, BAD LIEUTENANT. 421 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,863 YOU'RE MAKING A BIG MISTAKE. - SAVE IT FOR THE COPS. 422 00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,665 - YOU KNOW, I'M VERY TIGHT WITH THE DEAN. 423 00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:47,534 HE WILL NOT BE PLEASED WHEN HE HEARS ABOUT THIS. 424 00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,536 - YOU'RE FRIENDS WITH THE DEAN? - I FUCKED HIS WIFE. 425 00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:50,570 [grunts] OH! 426 00:17:52,339 --> 00:17:54,541 - WHAT, NO DINNER? 427 00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:57,477 - OH. I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D BE HUNGRY. 428 00:17:57,510 --> 00:17:59,312 - I'M NOT. 429 00:17:59,346 --> 00:18:02,282 - NO, ME NEITHER. 430 00:18:02,315 --> 00:18:04,784 HEY! WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT? 431 00:18:04,817 --> 00:18:06,819 WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON. 432 00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:09,589 - THAT, AND WE'RE BOTH PISSED AT HIM. 433 00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:10,657 - I'M NOT PISSED AT HIM, 434 00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:12,725 BECAUSE IT WOULD NOT BE APPROPRIATE FOR ME TO BE-- 435 00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:14,194 - MOTHER. 436 00:18:14,227 --> 00:18:15,228 - DAUGHTER. 437 00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:17,430 - I JUST WANNA KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON 438 00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:18,631 WITH MY OWN LIFE. 439 00:18:18,665 --> 00:18:20,833 - YEP. THAT SEEMS REASONABLE. 440 00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:22,802 - BASIC, SIMPLE THINGS. 441 00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:24,637 WHERE AM I GOING TO SCHOOL? 442 00:18:24,671 --> 00:18:28,208 IS HE LIVING WITH US? IS HE NOT LIVING WITH US? 443 00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:30,477 IS SOMEONE IN CHARGE HERE, ANYONE? 444 00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:33,280 OR ARE WE JUST GOING ON IN THIS FUCKED-UP LIMBO 445 00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:34,647 FOREVER AND EVER? 446 00:18:34,681 --> 00:18:37,484 - SWEETIE, I KNOW, I KNOW IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. 447 00:18:37,517 --> 00:18:40,587 - YOU CAN'T SWEETIE ME. I'M NOT SIX YEARS OLD ANYMORE. 448 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:43,456 I NEED REAL ANSWERS. - I KNOW. 449 00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:45,325 YOU'RE RIGHT, I'M SORRY. I-- 450 00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:47,560 AND I KNOW THAT'S NOWHERE NEAR ENOUGH. 451 00:18:47,594 --> 00:18:48,861 I... 452 00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:51,398 YOU SEE, I HAD A PLAN. 453 00:18:51,431 --> 00:18:53,900 I DID. 454 00:18:53,933 --> 00:18:56,703 BUT IT JUST DIDN'T WORK OUT THE WAY I THOUGHT IT WOULD. 455 00:18:56,736 --> 00:19:00,640 - OH, YOU THOUGHT HE'D DO A GOOD JOB OF BEING IN CHARGE? 456 00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:02,309 - RIGHT. 457 00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:06,913 I HAVE AN IDEA. LET'S GET OUTTA HERE. 458 00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:08,615 WE'VE BEEN COOPED UP ALL DAY LONG. 459 00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:09,949 WE NEED FRESH AIR. 460 00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,718 - WHATEVER. 461 00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:14,554 - THAT WAS KIND OF A YES, WASN'T IT? 462 00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:17,724 COME WITH ME. 463 00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:20,693 [Springfield's Love is All Right Tonight plays, muffled] 464 00:19:20,727 --> 00:19:22,695 [indistinct chatter] 465 00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:30,737 * 466 00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,562 - HEY, MAN. 467 00:19:55,595 --> 00:19:58,565 - YOU...YOU'RE REALLY HANGING OUT DOWN THERE, RICK. 468 00:19:58,598 --> 00:20:02,569 - YEAH. I LIKE TO FREE-BALL WITH MY EIGHT BALL. 469 00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:04,704 - EVIDENTLY. 470 00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:07,006 * 471 00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:11,544 JESUS. - * LOVE IS ALL RIGHT 472 00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:13,313 OKAY. LOOK, RICK. 473 00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:15,815 BEFORE I, UH, HAND OVER THE GOODS, 474 00:20:15,848 --> 00:20:17,284 I JUST--I REALLY FEEL LIKE 475 00:20:17,317 --> 00:20:18,818 I NEED TO GET SOMETHING OFF MY CHEST. 476 00:20:18,851 --> 00:20:20,287 - ALL RIGHT, CHARLIE. IT'S OKAY. 477 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:23,423 I-I WAS OUT OF LINE TODAY. I'M SORRY. 478 00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:25,525 I MEAN, YOU'RE MY AGENT. YOU'RE NOT MY ERRAND BOY. 479 00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:29,329 - WOW! I'M--I'M SURPRISED. 480 00:20:29,362 --> 00:20:31,964 WELL, OKAY. UH, THANK YOU, RICK. 481 00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:33,600 I APPRECIATE THAT. - OKAY. SO? 482 00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:36,636 COCA! - ABSOLUTELY. 483 00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:38,571 I'M JUST--I'M VERY THIRSTY. IT WAS A LONG TRIP. 484 00:20:38,605 --> 00:20:42,475 I SEE YOU GOT A COOLER. I NEED SOME REFRESHMENT. 485 00:20:42,509 --> 00:20:46,646 - * TONIGHT I'M CRAWLING OUT FROM IN IT * 486 00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:49,549 * 487 00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:52,552 - WHERE IS SHE? 488 00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:55,455 MARCY, WHERE ARE YOU? I KNOW YOU'RE IN HERE, MARCY. 489 00:20:56,956 --> 00:21:01,060 - UH-OH. 490 00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:02,862 - I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHOCKS ME MORE... 491 00:21:02,895 --> 00:21:05,998 THE FACT THAT YOU'VE OBVIOUSLY COMPLETELY REPLACED ME 492 00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:09,836 OR THAT YOU JEOPARDIZE YOUR SOBRIETY FOR THIS FUCKWIT! 493 00:21:09,869 --> 00:21:12,772 - OHH! THIS FUCKWIT... 494 00:21:12,805 --> 00:21:14,641 HAPPENS TO BE ONE OF THE KINDEST, 495 00:21:14,674 --> 00:21:17,344 GENTLEST LOVERS I'VE EVER KNOWN. 496 00:21:17,377 --> 00:21:19,846 - HA! YEAH, I KNOW A COUPLE OF STRIPPERS OUT THERE 497 00:21:19,879 --> 00:21:21,914 WHO MIGHT DISPUTE THAT ASSESSMENT. 498 00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:25,618 - HEY, WATCH IT, RUNKLE. GIMME MY FUCKING BLOW! 499 00:21:25,652 --> 00:21:28,054 * LOVE IS WHERE IS IT? 500 00:21:28,087 --> 00:21:31,524 * ALL RIGHT TONIGHT 501 00:21:31,558 --> 00:21:34,794 - HA HA HA HA HA! 502 00:21:34,827 --> 00:21:36,696 - OH, SHIT! 503 00:21:36,729 --> 00:21:38,465 YOU LOOKING TO GET YOUR ASS FIRED? 504 00:21:38,498 --> 00:21:40,467 - THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE. - REALLY? WHY IS THAT? 505 00:21:40,500 --> 00:21:41,834 - BECAUSE I FIRE YOU FIRST! THAT'S RIGHT. 506 00:21:41,868 --> 00:21:44,003 I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH BUSINESS YOU BRING IN. 507 00:21:44,036 --> 00:21:46,839 YOU'RE AN EMOTIONAL FUCKING ALBATROSS, RICK SPRINGFIELD, 508 00:21:46,873 --> 00:21:47,974 AND I'M THROUGH WITH YOU! 509 00:21:48,007 --> 00:21:49,709 - CHARLIE, PERSPECTIVE. 510 00:21:49,742 --> 00:21:53,546 YOU WANNA GO BACK TO SLINGING BEEMERS IN THE VALLEY? 511 00:21:58,718 --> 00:22:00,587 - MAYBE I GOT CARRIED AWAY. 512 00:22:00,620 --> 00:22:02,889 WHAT I MEANT TO SAY IS... - HA HA HA HA. 513 00:22:02,922 --> 00:22:05,958 NO, NO, NO, NO. IT'S TOO LATE, FUCKER. 514 00:22:05,992 --> 00:22:07,394 YOU'RE DEAD TO ME. 515 00:22:07,427 --> 00:22:08,861 AND YOU CAN TELL THAT OLD COOZE COLLINI 516 00:22:08,895 --> 00:22:10,563 THAT THE WHOLE HARRY GREENBERG AGENCY 517 00:22:10,597 --> 00:22:12,098 IS FUCKIN' DEAD TO ME TOO. 518 00:22:12,131 --> 00:22:13,866 FUCK YOU! 519 00:22:13,900 --> 00:22:17,103 AND--AND FUCK YOUR Z3 AND FUCK YOUR DUMB BALD HEAD 520 00:22:17,136 --> 00:22:19,706 AND YOUR SMALL, SHITTY LIFE! 521 00:22:19,739 --> 00:22:22,074 NOW, GIMME MY BLOW AND GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE! 522 00:22:22,108 --> 00:22:23,610 - GLADLY. 523 00:22:23,643 --> 00:22:25,945 - OH! AH! 524 00:22:25,978 --> 00:22:28,047 SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK? 525 00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:30,717 * LOVE IS ALL RIGHT 526 00:22:30,750 --> 00:22:32,719 - LIKE YOUR DREAM CRUSH NOW, MARCY? 527 00:22:32,752 --> 00:22:33,953 - DAMN IT! 528 00:22:33,986 --> 00:22:36,856 - IT'S LIKE WATCHING A FIGURE SKATER FALL. 529 00:22:36,889 --> 00:22:39,726 - COME ON, BABY, LET'S GO. WE'RE GETTING OUT OF HERE. 530 00:22:39,759 --> 00:22:43,596 * 531 00:22:43,630 --> 00:22:45,465 [soundless laughter] 532 00:22:45,498 --> 00:22:48,367 [Rick muttering under breath] 533 00:22:53,573 --> 00:22:56,709 - INCOMING, BOOM, BOOM. 534 00:22:56,743 --> 00:23:00,046 BOOM! AND THE LITTLE BIRD SAID... 535 00:23:00,079 --> 00:23:01,848 - DAD! 536 00:23:01,881 --> 00:23:03,583 - OH! OH, YES. 537 00:23:03,616 --> 00:23:05,585 - I THOUGHT YOU HATED CHELSEA. 538 00:23:05,618 --> 00:23:07,887 - WELL, SINCE WHEN DID YOU CARE WHAT I THINK? 539 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:11,157 ANYWAY, THE POINT IS TO SAY WHAT YOU WANTED TO SAY. 540 00:23:11,190 --> 00:23:13,726 COME ON. 541 00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:15,728 [knocking] 542 00:23:15,762 --> 00:23:17,196 KNOCK, KNOCK. 543 00:23:17,229 --> 00:23:19,766 DON'T BE AFRAID. WE COME IN PEACE. 544 00:23:19,799 --> 00:23:21,734 - HELLO! CHELSEA! 545 00:23:21,768 --> 00:23:24,604 LOOK WHO'S HERE! COME ON IN. 546 00:23:24,637 --> 00:23:25,872 - I SEE. - THANK YOU. 547 00:23:25,905 --> 00:23:28,007 - I'M JUST NOT SURE I GIVE A SHIT. 548 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:29,876 - I GUESS THAT'S WHAT PASSES FOR A WELCOME 549 00:23:29,909 --> 00:23:31,644 AROUND HERE THESE DAYS. 550 00:23:31,678 --> 00:23:33,980 - I JUST CAME TO SAY I'M SORRY 551 00:23:34,013 --> 00:23:36,616 FOR PUNCHING YOU IN THE FACE. 552 00:23:36,649 --> 00:23:38,785 AND CALLING YOU A STUPID TWAT. 553 00:23:38,818 --> 00:23:42,589 I WAS HIGHLY EMOTIONAL. - AW, LOOK AT THAT. 554 00:23:42,622 --> 00:23:45,758 RAPPROCHEMENT-- IT'S MY FAVORITE PART OF ANY WAR. 555 00:23:45,792 --> 00:23:48,861 WHY DON'T YOU AND BECCA GO UP TO YOUR ROOM? 556 00:23:48,895 --> 00:23:51,464 - IT'S NOT NECESSARY, OKAY, DAD? 557 00:23:51,498 --> 00:23:53,132 - I'LL FINISH DINNER. - IT'S FINE. 558 00:23:53,165 --> 00:23:55,134 NOW, IF YOU TWO DON'T MIND, 559 00:23:55,167 --> 00:23:58,538 I'M ENJOYING SOME QUALITY TIME WITH MY DAD... 560 00:23:58,571 --> 00:24:01,207 BEFORE HE CHECKS INTO THE HEARTBREAK HOTEL. 561 00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:04,176 - WE KNOW. WE'VE BEEN THERE ALREADY. 562 00:24:04,210 --> 00:24:06,579 - OH, COME ON, NOW, YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE IT SOUND SO DOUR. 563 00:24:06,613 --> 00:24:09,181 - WELL, THAT'S A NICE TRY, BUT YOU WANT MY OPINION? 564 00:24:09,215 --> 00:24:11,050 IT'S SO MUCH BETTER NOT TO LIE TO THEM, 565 00:24:11,083 --> 00:24:13,786 BECAUSE THEY KINDA KNOW WHEN THINGS ARE SHITTY. 566 00:24:13,820 --> 00:24:15,888 - I-I DON'T KNOW THAT THINGS ARE ALL THAT-- 567 00:24:15,922 --> 00:24:18,658 - THEY'RE SHITTY, DAD. FACE IT. 568 00:24:18,691 --> 00:24:20,693 ALL THANKS TO YOU KNOW WHO. 569 00:24:20,727 --> 00:24:24,564 - LOOK, IT'D BE NICE IF WE COULD BLAME HANK FOR ALL OF THIS, 570 00:24:24,597 --> 00:24:25,965 BUT THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS, 571 00:24:25,998 --> 00:24:27,734 IT'S JUST-- IT'S MORE COMPLICATED THAN THAT. 572 00:24:27,767 --> 00:24:30,603 - I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT HANK. I'M TALKING ABOUT MOM. 573 00:24:30,637 --> 00:24:33,640 SHE'S MAKING A COMPLETE ASS OF HERSELF. 574 00:24:33,673 --> 00:24:35,508 - WELL, THAT'S TRUE. - [mouthing words] 575 00:24:35,542 --> 00:24:36,609 - I'M GOING TO MY ROOM. 576 00:24:36,643 --> 00:24:38,244 THAT'S WHERE I'LL BE, IN CASE, 577 00:24:38,277 --> 00:24:42,048 I DON'T KNOW, YOU WANT TO APOLOGIZE FURTHER OR SOMETHING. 578 00:24:44,050 --> 00:24:46,052 - [whispering] YOU KNOW, I'M SURE SHE DOESN'T MEAN IT. 579 00:24:46,085 --> 00:24:48,621 GO ON. TAKE A SHOT. 580 00:24:50,089 --> 00:24:52,491 - YOU'LL BE OKAY. 581 00:25:00,132 --> 00:25:02,034 YOU KNOW HOW WE COULD REALLY GET BACK 582 00:25:02,068 --> 00:25:05,772 AT THOSE SIGNIFICANT OTHERS OF OURS, THE TWO OF US? 583 00:25:05,805 --> 00:25:07,607 IF WE MADE LOVE... 584 00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:10,610 THAT WOULD REALLY PISS 'EM OFF. 585 00:25:10,643 --> 00:25:12,278 HUH? - OH, WOW. 586 00:25:12,311 --> 00:25:14,146 BECCA! - TOO SOON? 587 00:25:14,180 --> 00:25:16,315 YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S TOO SOON. 588 00:25:16,348 --> 00:25:18,017 MY HEART NEEDS TO HEAL. 589 00:25:18,050 --> 00:25:20,787 HELL, I'M NOT EVEN SURE THE LITTLE DEAN IS UP TO IT, 590 00:25:20,820 --> 00:25:22,254 YOU KNOW. 591 00:25:22,288 --> 00:25:25,925 HOW 'BOUT A GLASS OF WINE? - SOLD. 592 00:25:25,958 --> 00:25:28,294 - FREE AT LAST! 593 00:25:28,327 --> 00:25:30,196 YOU KNOW, THE AIR, IT JUST SMELLS BETTER 594 00:25:30,229 --> 00:25:31,764 AFTER YOU'VE BEEN IN THE BIG HOUSE. 595 00:25:31,798 --> 00:25:33,199 THANKS FOR DOING THIS, BY THE WAY. 596 00:25:33,232 --> 00:25:34,634 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T HAVE 597 00:25:34,667 --> 00:25:36,335 ANYTHING BETTER TO DO WITH YOUR EVENING. 598 00:25:36,368 --> 00:25:38,871 - COULDN'T VERY WELL LET YOU ROT IN THERE, COULD I? 599 00:25:38,905 --> 00:25:40,306 - WELL, IT'S BEEN DONE. 600 00:25:40,339 --> 00:25:42,341 - WELL, I'M THE ONE WHO MADE THE BRILLIANT MISTAKE 601 00:25:42,374 --> 00:25:44,243 OF HIRING YOU. - YES, YOU DID. 602 00:25:44,276 --> 00:25:46,145 - AND I NEVER GIVE UP ON MY BRILLIANT MISTAKES. 603 00:25:46,178 --> 00:25:47,880 I SEE THEM THROUGH TO THE BITTER END. 604 00:25:47,914 --> 00:25:49,015 - IS THAT WHERE WE ARE? 605 00:25:49,048 --> 00:25:50,650 BECAUSE I-I KNEW I RECOGNIZED THE PLACE. 606 00:25:50,683 --> 00:25:52,919 - I DON'T REGRET ANY OF IT, YOU KNOW, 607 00:25:52,952 --> 00:25:56,923 DESPITE THE HUMILIATION, GOSSIPING IN THE DEPARTMENT, 608 00:25:56,956 --> 00:25:58,357 OR THE END OF MY MARRIAGE. 609 00:25:58,390 --> 00:26:01,060 - SHIT. YOU GONNA GO THROUGH WITH THIS DIVORCE THING? 610 00:26:01,093 --> 00:26:03,062 - SURE. IT'S A WONDERFUL FEELING, YOU KNOW, 611 00:26:03,095 --> 00:26:04,864 ONCE YOU REALIZE THAT IT'S ALL BEHIND YOU-- 612 00:26:04,897 --> 00:26:08,034 ALL THAT BITTERNESS AND ANGUISH AND TORMENT. 613 00:26:08,067 --> 00:26:09,636 - MM. 614 00:26:09,669 --> 00:26:11,671 I DON'T KNOW, I, UH-- I'VE BEEN THERE. 615 00:26:11,704 --> 00:26:13,706 I HAVE. BUT IT WASN'T LIKE THAT FOR ME. 616 00:26:13,740 --> 00:26:15,174 IT WAS MORE LIKE HAVING 617 00:26:15,207 --> 00:26:18,210 A GIANT HOLE RIPPED IN MY UNIVERSE. 618 00:26:18,244 --> 00:26:20,680 - YEAH, BUT YOU NEVER ACTUALLY LET GO, DID YOU? 619 00:26:20,713 --> 00:26:22,348 IT'S THE PAIN THAT HOLDS PEOPLE TOGETHER, 620 00:26:22,381 --> 00:26:24,283 THE NEED TO HURT ONE ANOTHER. 621 00:26:24,316 --> 00:26:26,018 ONCE THAT'S GONE, THERE'S NOTHING LEFT. 622 00:26:26,052 --> 00:26:27,754 NOTHING WORTH SAVING, ANYWAY. 623 00:26:27,787 --> 00:26:30,022 - I DON'T ACCEPT THAT. WHERE'S THE LOVE, LADY? 624 00:26:30,056 --> 00:26:32,625 - THE LOVE? - YES. WHERE IT BE LOCATED? 625 00:26:32,659 --> 00:26:34,293 TO MISQUOTE A '70s SOUL CLASSIC. 626 00:26:34,326 --> 00:26:36,663 DON'T MAKE ME GO ROBERTA FLACK ON YOUR ASS. 627 00:26:36,696 --> 00:26:38,865 - THAT'S LOVE, TORTURING EACH OTHER? 628 00:26:38,898 --> 00:26:40,199 HALF IN, HALF OUT? 629 00:26:40,232 --> 00:26:42,234 - TORTURE. THAT SOUNDS LIKE LOVE TO ME. 630 00:26:42,268 --> 00:26:44,036 - WELL, YOU GO ON BELIEVING THAT IF YOU LIKE. 631 00:26:44,070 --> 00:26:46,639 - I LIKE. THAT SHIT'S ROMANTIC. 632 00:26:46,673 --> 00:26:48,808 - I'VE HAD QUITE ENOUGH TORTURE FOR ONE LIFETIME. 633 00:26:48,841 --> 00:26:51,310 OHH, ENOUGH WITH DOING THE RIGHT THING. 634 00:26:51,343 --> 00:26:53,913 I NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D BE ONE OF THOSE TYPES, YOU KNOW? 635 00:26:53,946 --> 00:26:55,314 THE ONES WHO SUFFER IN SILENCE. 636 00:26:55,347 --> 00:26:57,917 - NO, I'M NOT. I-I SUFFER VERY LOUDLY. 637 00:26:57,950 --> 00:26:59,752 YOU SHOULD TRY IT SOMETIME. - [laughs] 638 00:26:59,786 --> 00:27:01,020 NO, THANKS. 639 00:27:01,053 --> 00:27:02,922 FROM NOW ON, I'D JUST RATHER BE HAPPY. 640 00:27:02,955 --> 00:27:04,423 - SO THAT'S IT? 641 00:27:04,456 --> 00:27:06,125 YOU DISCOVERED THE KEY TO HAPPINESS 642 00:27:06,158 --> 00:27:07,760 IN ONE SHORT SEMESTER? 643 00:27:07,794 --> 00:27:11,063 - WELL, I DID HAVE A LITTLE HELP. 644 00:27:11,097 --> 00:27:14,266 THANKS, PROFESSOR. 645 00:27:14,300 --> 00:27:15,968 YOU KNOW IF YOU EVER DECIDE 646 00:27:16,002 --> 00:27:18,270 TO RETHINK THAT PHILOSOPHY OF YOURS, 647 00:27:18,304 --> 00:27:19,906 LET ME KNOW. 648 00:27:19,939 --> 00:27:21,908 I'LL BE AROUND. 649 00:27:21,941 --> 00:27:24,811 Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com 650 00:27:24,844 --> 00:27:26,445 - * CATCH A CANNONBALL 651 00:27:26,478 --> 00:27:30,316 * GONNA TAKE ME DOWN THE LINE 652 00:27:30,349 --> 00:27:32,351 * MY BAG IS SINKIN' LOW 653 00:27:32,384 --> 00:27:35,788 * AND I DO BELIEVE IT'S TIME 654 00:27:35,822 --> 00:27:38,324 * TO GET-A BACK TO MISS ANNIE 655 00:27:38,357 --> 00:27:41,928 * YOU KNOW, SHE IS THE ONLY ONE * 656 00:27:41,961 --> 00:27:43,462 * WHO LEFT ME HERE 657 00:27:43,495 --> 00:27:47,767 * WITH HER REGARDS FOR EVERYONE * 658 00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:50,402 * TAKE A LOAD OFF, ANNIE 659 00:27:50,436 --> 00:27:53,239 * TAKE A LOAD FOR FREE 660 00:27:53,272 --> 00:27:57,443 * TAKE A LOAD OFF, ANNIE, HEY * 661 00:27:57,476 --> 00:27:58,945 * HEY 662 00:27:58,978 --> 00:28:00,346 * AND PUT THE LOAD 663 00:28:00,379 --> 00:28:03,816 * RIGHT ON ME 664 00:28:03,850 --> 00:28:05,852 * YEAH