1 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,712 - PREVIOUSLY ON CALIFORNICATION... 2 00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:14,548 THIS IS NOT A GOOD IDEA. YOU'RE MY STUDENT. 3 00:00:14,582 --> 00:00:18,086 - I REALLY THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA KISS ME JUST THEN. 4 00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:21,189 - I'VE NEVER STEPPED OUTSIDE OF MY MARRIAGE BEFORE. 5 00:00:21,222 --> 00:00:24,658 - I AM FLATTERED, BUT I--I'M... 6 00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:26,660 - WHAT? WERE YOU JUST GONNA LEAVE ME BEHIND? 7 00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:28,329 - THE GODS HAVE SEEN FIT 8 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:30,364 TO GIVE ME ANOTHER SHOT AT THE SOUL MATE. 9 00:00:30,398 --> 00:00:31,399 I GOTTA BE READY FOR HER. 10 00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:32,433 - MAYBE IT'S TIME TO STOP BANGIN' 11 00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:33,667 THE ENTIRE COLLEGE CAMPUS. 12 00:00:33,701 --> 00:00:36,137 - RIGHT YOU ARE... [high pitch] MOTHERFUCKER! 13 00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:38,106 - YOU WANTED TO SEE ME, PROFESSOR MOODY? 14 00:00:38,139 --> 00:00:39,807 - LOOK, HERE'S THE THING-- - OH, MY GOD. 15 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,275 YOU'RE TRYING TO END THIS THING. 16 00:00:41,309 --> 00:00:43,377 - I'VE BEEN DOING SOME THINKING. - YEAH. ME, TOO. 17 00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:44,645 - SO LOOK, HERE'S THE THING. 18 00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:46,380 - YOU'RE QUITTING. I KNOW. [doorbell rings] 19 00:00:46,414 --> 00:00:48,116 DAVID. - HEY. 20 00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:50,384 - YOU'RE DOING IT, AREN'T YOU? CASHING IN YOUR FREEBIE. 21 00:00:50,418 --> 00:00:51,385 - I BEG YOUR PARDON? 22 00:00:51,419 --> 00:00:52,320 - FINE, I'LL DO IT. 23 00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:54,588 YOU WANT TO THROW YOUR LIFE AWAY? USE ME. 24 00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:56,324 - PLEASE! GO! 25 00:00:56,357 --> 00:00:57,491 OH! 26 00:01:09,237 --> 00:01:10,704 - COME ON, SHOW ME SOMETHING. 27 00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:13,741 THE HINT OF A NIPPLE, THE SUGGESTION OF AN AREOLA. 28 00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:15,409 WE'LL START SMALL, WE'LL TAKE IT FROM THERE. 29 00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:17,811 SEE HOW YOU FEEL. NO PRESSURE... 30 00:01:17,845 --> 00:01:19,647 UNLESS YOU WANT TO SEE MY * SCHWEEN 31 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:21,515 BECAUSE I WILL TOTALLY UNFURL FOR YOU. 32 00:01:21,549 --> 00:01:23,117 I'M NOT SHY. 33 00:01:23,151 --> 00:01:26,587 - STOP IT. YOUR DAUGHTER COULD WALK IN ANY SECOND. 34 00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:28,656 - OH, THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE. 35 00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:31,125 - IT'S UNLIKELY, BUT IT'S NOT IMPOSSIBLE, 36 00:01:31,159 --> 00:01:33,594 AND I'M CONVINCED SHE DOES NOT WANT TO SEE YOUR... 37 00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:34,562 * SCHWEEN 38 00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,764 - OH, WHY YOU GOTTA TALK TO ME LIKE THAT? 39 00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:40,568 BESIDES, THERE'S LIKE 0.0% CHANCE OF THAT HAPPENING. 40 00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:41,802 SHE'S NOT EVEN ON THE PREMISES. 41 00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:43,871 - WHERE IS SHE? 42 00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:45,539 - HUH? 43 00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:46,607 - WHERE IS SHE? 44 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,843 - OH. SHE WENT DOWN TO THE LIQUOR STORE FOR ME. 45 00:01:49,877 --> 00:01:52,313 UH, WHAT? OH, I HEAR THE FRONT DOOR. 46 00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:53,681 WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO SKYPE YOU LATER. 47 00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:56,817 - DO NOT HANG UP. HEY! - HONEY, YOU'RE PIXELATING. 48 00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:58,386 - LISTEN, SHE'S WITH THEM, RIGHT? 49 00:01:58,419 --> 00:01:59,387 - WHAT? 50 00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:01,355 - SHE'S WITH THEM. - THEM? 51 00:02:01,389 --> 00:02:02,690 THEY'RE NOT AN ALIEN RACE 52 00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:04,592 BENT ON INTERGALACTIC DOMINATION. 53 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,195 - WELL, HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? DO YOU HAVE PROOF? 54 00:02:07,228 --> 00:02:08,396 - NO, BUT YOU'RE RIGHT. 55 00:02:08,429 --> 00:02:09,663 MAYBE I SHOULD CHECK THE GROUNDS. 56 00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:11,865 PERHAPS THERE'S SOME SORT OF PORTAL 57 00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:13,434 SOMEWHERE IN THE TOPIARY. 58 00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:14,768 - OKAY, I'M GONNA SIGN OFF. 59 00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:17,705 - NO, NO, NO, COME ON. NO VIRTUAL SEXY TIME? 60 00:02:17,738 --> 00:02:18,606 LOOK, I'LL START, 61 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,608 AND YOU CAN JOIN IN WHENEVER YOU WANT. 62 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:23,411 - NO, YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU KIND OF BROKE THE SPELL. 63 00:02:23,444 --> 00:02:25,413 YOU KNOW, YOU BLEW IT. 64 00:02:25,446 --> 00:02:27,281 - YOU WERE AGIN IT WHEN YOU THOUGHT SHE WAS IN HER BEDROOM, 65 00:02:27,315 --> 00:02:28,516 AND YOU'RE AGIN IT NOW YOU THINK 66 00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:30,184 SHE'S SPENDING THE NIGHT WITH THE TUDORS. 67 00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:34,188 I CAN'T WIN WITH YOU, WOMAN. 68 00:02:34,222 --> 00:02:35,489 OH, YEAH. 69 00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:37,458 YES. 70 00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:38,426 YES. 71 00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:40,794 THAT'S IT. OH. 72 00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:43,231 THERE YOU GO. OH, YEAH, COME ON. 73 00:02:43,264 --> 00:02:48,402 WHOA, OH! GOD DAMN YOU, THAT'S UNFAIR, 74 00:02:48,436 --> 00:02:50,904 TO SAY NOTHING OF BAD FOR MY PROSTATE. 75 00:02:50,938 --> 00:02:52,806 SKYPUS INTERRUPTUS. 76 00:02:54,908 --> 00:02:56,410 [knock at door] 77 00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,918 [knock at door] 78 00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:11,225 - WANT TO PARTY? 79 00:03:11,259 --> 00:03:12,426 - HI. 80 00:03:17,331 --> 00:03:20,268 [upbeat music] 81 00:03:20,301 --> 00:03:27,541 * 82 00:04:00,708 --> 00:04:03,744 [phone ringing and vibrating] 83 00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:13,854 - [groans] 84 00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:21,295 [phone ringing and vibrating] 85 00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:29,837 HELLO. 86 00:04:31,439 --> 00:04:32,740 HELLO. 87 00:04:49,757 --> 00:04:50,824 WAKE UP, SLEEPY HEAD. 88 00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:52,560 YOU DON'T WANT TO BE LATE FOR CLASS. 89 00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:53,494 - [moans] 90 00:04:53,527 --> 00:04:55,596 - I REMEMBER KILLING THAT BOTTLE OF JACK, 91 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,665 BUT I DO NOT RECALL YOU MAKING THE SEX 92 00:04:57,698 --> 00:04:59,433 WITH BETTY AND VERONICA HERE. 93 00:04:59,467 --> 00:05:01,969 - OH, NO, THEY, UH... 94 00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:04,104 THEY PRETTY MUCH JUST AMUSE THEMSELVES. 95 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,706 COULD YOU BLAME A GIRL THOUGH? 96 00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:08,376 IT'S NOT LIKE YOU WANTED TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH US. 97 00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:09,643 - WANT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. 98 00:05:09,677 --> 00:05:11,345 I'M TRYING TO BE A GOOD BOY, YOU KNOW? 99 00:05:11,379 --> 00:05:13,514 - MM, I DON'T SEE WHAT'S SO GOOD ABOUT IT. 100 00:05:13,547 --> 00:05:15,983 IT'S A WASTE OF PERFECTLY LOVELY 101 00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,751 PRIVATE PARTS IF YOU ASK ME. 102 00:05:17,785 --> 00:05:20,488 - YOU NEVER TOLD ME 103 00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:22,089 WHAT YOU WERE CELEBRATING LAST NIGHT ANYWAY. 104 00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:25,559 - OH, YEAH, THAT. MY LAST DANCE. 105 00:05:25,593 --> 00:05:27,561 I'M DONE. 106 00:05:27,595 --> 00:05:28,796 - WITH WHAT? 107 00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,063 - THE STRIPPING. 108 00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:32,433 - OH, WOW, YOU DON'T SAY. 109 00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:33,567 REALLY? 110 00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:34,902 - YEP. I'M OUT. 111 00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:37,805 NO MORE GRINDING UP ON MIDDLE-AGED HARD-ONS FOR ME, 112 00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,573 EXCEPT FOR YOURS, OF COURSE. 113 00:05:39,607 --> 00:05:41,509 - WHO YOU CALLING MIDDLE AGED? 114 00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:44,478 - YOU, MY OLD DUDE BOYFRIEND. 115 00:05:44,512 --> 00:05:47,881 - OH, STOP IT. YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME BLUSH. 116 00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:49,783 SO WHAT IS NEXT FOR YOU? 117 00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:50,851 - WRITING. 118 00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:52,453 I'M GONNA GIVE IT A SHOT. 119 00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:54,855 I MEAN, FUCK, IT'S WHAT MAKES ME THE HAPPIEST, RIGHT? 120 00:05:54,888 --> 00:05:57,791 WHO CARES IF I DIE POOR, DRUNK, AND ALONE? 121 00:05:57,825 --> 00:05:59,159 - WELL, WHO'S TO SAY 122 00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:01,462 THAT YOU'RE NOT GONNA END UP LIKE THAT ANYWAY? 123 00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:05,599 - MM. WELL, THANK YOU FOR SHOWING ME THE LIGHT, TEACH. 124 00:06:05,633 --> 00:06:08,569 - WELL, IT'S BEEN MY PLEASURE AND AN HONOR. 125 00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:10,804 JUST HAPPY THAT MY HALF-BAKED WISDOM 126 00:06:10,838 --> 00:06:12,773 COULD ASSIST YOU IN ANY WAY... 127 00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,942 - OH, NO. 128 00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:17,545 DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE TRYING TO BREAK UP WITH ME AGAIN. 129 00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:19,146 - WELL, TO BE FAIR AND BALANCED 130 00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:21,014 THE TERM "BREAKING UP" IMPLIES 131 00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:23,817 THAT ONCE UPON A TIME, WE WERE TOGETHER. 132 00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:27,020 - OKAY, SO THEN, JUST TO BE CLEAR, 133 00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:29,122 THE SHEER AMOUNT OF NO-HOLDS-BARRED SEX 134 00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:31,859 THAT WE'VE BEEN HAVING RECENTLY DOES NOT INDICATE 135 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,594 A CERTAIN LEVEL OF INTIMACY. 136 00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:38,699 - SURE. SURE, IT DOES. WHAT'S YOUR POINT? 137 00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,501 - GOD, FOR SOMEONE WHO LOVES WOMEN SO MUCH, 138 00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:42,736 YOU SURE DON'T UNDERSTAND THEM VERY WELL. 139 00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:45,673 - I KNOW THIS SEEMS ALL BRIDGES OF MADISON COUNTY 140 00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:46,874 RIGHT NOW, BUT... 141 00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,075 - OH. [laughs] - IT'S REALLY JUST MORE 142 00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:50,077 OF A RITE OF PASSAGE FOR YOU. 143 00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:54,114 EVERY COMELY COLLEGE-AGE UNDERGRAD HAS AN AFFAIR 144 00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:56,450 WITH HER FAVORITE MIDDLE-AGED PROFESSOR. 145 00:06:56,484 --> 00:06:57,985 - OH. - EVEN MY OLD LADY HAD ONE, 146 00:06:58,018 --> 00:07:00,120 AND IT USED TO BUM ME OUT, BUT NOW I GET IT. 147 00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:02,590 IT'S LIKE SHE WAS FUCKING ME BEFORE SHE MET ME. 148 00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:04,658 [telephone rings] 149 00:07:04,692 --> 00:07:07,194 HER ASS IS RINGING. 150 00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:08,529 HERE, WILL YOU HOLD THIS? 151 00:07:08,562 --> 00:07:10,598 [telephone rings] 152 00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:16,604 [telephone rings] 153 00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:21,975 OH, I SHOULD TAKE THIS SOMEWHERE ELSE. 154 00:07:22,009 --> 00:07:22,843 SANTA MONICA PERHAPS. 155 00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:26,079 - TELL HER I SAID HI. - I WILL NOT. 156 00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,215 CITY MORGUE. YOU KILL 'EM, WE CHILL 'EM. 157 00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:30,551 - HEY, DID SHE GET OFF TO SCHOOL OKAY? 158 00:07:30,584 --> 00:07:32,252 - ONE WOULD HOPE. JESUS. 159 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:33,754 - WELL, THAT'S NOT VERY COMFORTING. 160 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,756 - OH, WELL, YOU KNOW, THE PEOPLES OF THE DEAN, 161 00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:36,857 THEY ARE MANY THINGS, 162 00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:38,492 BUT NOT PUNCTUAL IS NOT ONE OF THEM. 163 00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:39,493 DON'T WORRY SO MUCH. 164 00:07:39,527 --> 00:07:40,728 - I TRIED TO CHECK IN WITH HER. 165 00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:42,996 I TEXTED, I CHECKED HER TWITTER PAGE. 166 00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:44,865 I GOT NOTHING. I MEAN, NO RESPONSE. 167 00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:46,834 - DUH, WE'RE RUINING HER LIFE, REMEMBER? 168 00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:48,736 OR MAYBE IT'S GAME DAY FOR THE CRIMSON TIDE. 169 00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:50,671 YOU KNOW HOW EDGY YOU GET WHEN AUNT FLO'S IN TOWN. 170 00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:52,740 - HANK, ARE YOU TRYING TO PISS ME OFF? 171 00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:55,609 - YOU SEE? IS IT ARTS AND CRAFTS WEEK 172 00:07:55,643 --> 00:07:57,878 AT PANTY CAMP FOR YOU, TOO? 173 00:07:57,911 --> 00:08:00,013 - HANK! - WHAT WAS THAT? 174 00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:01,014 - [mouthing words] 175 00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:02,015 - UH, WHAT WAS WHAT? 176 00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:03,617 - SOMEONE JUST SAID "HANK." 177 00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:06,153 - NO, THAT WAS, UH, THE CLEANING LADY. 178 00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:07,154 THE CLEANING LADY, THAT WAS. 179 00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:10,558 - OH, SO SINCE WHEN DID WE HAVE A CLEANING LADY? 180 00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:12,626 - UH, SOON. RECENTLY. 181 00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:14,194 SHE DOESN'T APPEAR TO BE DUSTING. 182 00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:15,629 THE PLACE IS A MESS. 183 00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:16,997 YOU SAW THAT SHIT. IT'S FUCKED UP. 184 00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:18,599 I GOTTA GO. 185 00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:20,801 - WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? - SHE WON'T WAKE UP. 186 00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:21,935 - SHITNESS. IS SHE DEAD? 187 00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:23,136 - I DON'T KNOW. 188 00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:25,906 - OOH, THAT'S SOME INTENSE MORNING BREATH. 189 00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:27,174 CHEESE DOODLES AND BEER-- 190 00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:29,142 MIDNIGHT SNACK OF CHAMPIONS. 191 00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:30,911 SHE'S BREATHING. 192 00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:32,746 - WHAT'D SHE TAKE? - I HAVE NO IDEA. 193 00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:34,247 SHE'S LIKE A WALKING PHARMACY, THIS ONE. 194 00:08:34,281 --> 00:08:36,183 - SHE TOOK SOME EX. WE BOTH DID. 195 00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:37,785 [knock at door] 196 00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:43,891 [knock at door] 197 00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:45,759 [knock at door] 198 00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:51,565 - TOP OF THE MORNING, CHUMLY. 199 00:08:51,599 --> 00:08:53,100 - HO, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT? 200 00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:55,102 - THIS GUY KNOW WHO I AM? - COURSE HE KNOWS WHO YOU ARE. 201 00:08:55,135 --> 00:08:56,837 YOU MET AT MY PLACE, SHARED A MEAL, IN FACT. 202 00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:58,205 BROKE SOME BREAD. 203 00:08:58,238 --> 00:09:00,040 - WHERE'S THE RESPECT? WHY'S HE BEING SUCH A DOUCHE? 204 00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:02,275 HEY, WATCH IT, RICK SPRINGFIELD. I'M IN NO MOOD. 205 00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:05,245 - YO! HEY, STUDS, STEP BACK. NO NEED FOR A COCKFIGHT. 206 00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:07,080 WE'RE HERE TO SEE ABOUT THE PORSCHE, OKAY? 207 00:09:07,114 --> 00:09:08,816 YOU'RE SELLING, RICK'S LOOKING TO BUY. 208 00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:10,250 WE SET THIS UP LAST NIGHT, REMEMBER? 209 00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:12,686 - YES, I REMEMBER NOW, BUT CAN WE RESCHEDULE? 210 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,622 I'VE GOT A COMATOSE STRIPPER IN MY BED. 211 00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:17,825 - HA! I BEEN THERE. CAN I HELP? 212 00:09:23,997 --> 00:09:25,899 [thud] - OH, OOH! OOH! 213 00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:27,134 - MAN, YOU HEAR THAT? 214 00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:29,670 NOTHING LIKE THE SOUND OF A STRIPPER'S HEAD 215 00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:30,904 ON A HARDWOOD FLOOR. 216 00:09:30,938 --> 00:09:32,640 - WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? 217 00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:34,842 - WHAT? OH, YOU DON'T ROUGH 'EM UP? 218 00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:36,877 OH, EXCUSE ME, GEORGE BAILEY. 219 00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:37,945 GET A LOAD OF THIS GUY. 220 00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:39,747 LAST FUCKIN' BOY SCOUT OVER HERE. 221 00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:42,015 * JESSIE IS A FRIEND 222 00:09:42,049 --> 00:09:44,752 * YEAH, I KNOW HE'S BEEN A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE * 223 00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:46,787 - CHARLIE, YOU GOTTA GET THIS ASS CLOWN OUT OF HERE 224 00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:47,855 BEFORE I START SWINGING. 225 00:09:47,888 --> 00:09:49,056 - OH, YEAH? 226 00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:51,158 YOU WANT TO THROW DOWN, BAD BOY, HUH? 227 00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:52,626 YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE THIS? 228 00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:53,794 GUESS WHAT? 229 00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:55,763 I SHIT A PINT OF BLOOD THIS MORNING. 230 00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:57,330 - WHY? 231 00:09:57,364 --> 00:10:00,634 CHARLIE, COULD YOU GET THIS GIRL OUT OF HERE FOR ME? 232 00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:02,369 - I DON'T KNOW, HANK. THIS IS KIND OF DIRTY BUSINESS. 233 00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:04,304 YOU KNOW, IT'S A LITTLE SHADY FOR ME. 234 00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:06,273 - WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I ASKED YOU TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME? 235 00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:08,141 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I GOT YOU THOSE RESERVATIONS 236 00:10:08,175 --> 00:10:09,777 YOU WANTED THAT TIME AT MR. CHOW'S. 237 00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:11,779 - YES, YOU DID, SPRING OF 2003. 238 00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:13,647 I REMEMBER. I WAS STILL WITH KAREN BACK THEN. 239 00:10:13,681 --> 00:10:14,715 - YOU THINK THAT SHIT IS EASY, HANK? 240 00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:15,649 YOU TRY IT SOMETIME. 241 00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:17,651 RESTAURANT PEOPLE CAN BE VERY DISMISSIVE. 242 00:10:17,685 --> 00:10:20,153 - OKAY, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. HERE'S HOW IT'S GONNA GO. 243 00:10:20,187 --> 00:10:21,388 ME AND RICK, WE'RE GONNA TAKE HER TO THE E.R., 244 00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:23,657 SEE WHAT'S WHAT. WE'LL LEAVE YOUR NAME OUR OF IT. 245 00:10:23,691 --> 00:10:26,259 AND WHILE WE'RE THERE, WE SHOULD REALLY LOOK INTO 246 00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:27,427 WHY YOU'RE SHITTING SO MUCH BLOOD. 247 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,062 LET'S GO. 248 00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:33,066 EASY DOES IT, EASY DOES IT. 249 00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:35,235 - [grunting] 250 00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:36,770 - NARROW DOORWAY. 251 00:10:36,804 --> 00:10:38,138 SAFETY FIRST. 252 00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:39,873 - HEY, YOU'RE RICK SPRINGFIELD, AREN'T YOU? 253 00:10:39,907 --> 00:10:41,241 - THAT'S RIGHT, TINY DANCER. 254 00:10:41,274 --> 00:10:42,342 HEY, YOU LOOK KIND OF FAMILIAR. 255 00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:43,210 YOU EVER SHAKE YOUR ASS FOR ME? 256 00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:45,913 - NO, BUT MY MOM DID, BACK IN THE DAY. 257 00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:47,781 I THINK YOU GUYS BONED. 258 00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:49,449 - RIGHT ON. SHE SAY GOOD THINGS ABOUT MY BIG TEN-INCH? 259 00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,785 - SHE SAID YOU REFUSED TO PUT A RUBBER ON IT. 260 00:10:51,819 --> 00:10:53,053 - THAT'S RIGHT, BABY. SKIN ON SKIN, 261 00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:54,321 LET THE LOVE BEGIN. [thud] 262 00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:57,124 - OH, HEY, WATCH WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE DOING, RICK SPRINGFIELD. 263 00:10:58,826 --> 00:11:01,995 - YOU KNOW WHAT? I'VE JUST ABOUT HAD IT WITH THIS GUY 264 00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:03,764 AND HIS SNOTTY FUCKING COMMENTS. 265 00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:06,166 I WILL FUCK YOU TILL YOUR ASS BLEEDS, COWBOY. 266 00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:07,935 - THANK GOD, 'CAUSE I DON'T THINK 267 00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:09,770 THAT'S GONNA TAKE VERY LONG. 268 00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:10,771 [knock at door] 269 00:11:10,804 --> 00:11:11,772 FUCK! 270 00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:15,308 REALLY? 271 00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:18,345 SHIT. 272 00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:26,286 - I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE, HANK MOODY. 273 00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:29,723 I HEARD THE FOOTSTEPS. OPEN UP. 274 00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:36,096 - GET IN THE BEDROOM. BACK IN THE BEDROOM. 275 00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:46,173 JILLY! 276 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,075 - [laughs] GOOD MORNING. 277 00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:51,211 - GOOD MOR--JUST STOPPING BY, HUH? LOOK AT YOU. 278 00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:53,380 - YEAH, I FIGURED I'D CATCH YOU BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR WORK. 279 00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:54,948 - CAUGHT ME YOU DID. - UH-HUH. 280 00:11:54,982 --> 00:11:56,083 - YOU CAUGHT ME. - YEAH. 281 00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:57,317 IT'S A PRETTY SAFE BET, 282 00:11:57,350 --> 00:11:59,052 CONSIDERING YOU'RE ALMOST ALWAYS LATE. 283 00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:00,120 - [laughing] 284 00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:01,421 - YOU GONNA INVITE ME IN, OR WHAT? 285 00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:04,157 - [laughs] 286 00:12:04,191 --> 00:12:05,225 I HAVE SOMETHING I WANT TO TELL YOU. 287 00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:07,027 I HAVE NEWS, REALLY BIG NEWS. - OKAY, ALL RIGHT, 288 00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:07,895 BUT CAN IT WAIT? 289 00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:09,797 I WAS JUST ABOUT TO JUMP IN THE SHOWER. 290 00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:11,799 - OH, PERFECT. I'LL JOIN YOU, 291 00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:12,966 AND TELL YOU IN THERE. - NO, NO, NO. 292 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,835 I THOUGHT WE AGREED TO STOP THOSE KIND OF SHENANIGANS 293 00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:16,203 FOR NOW. 294 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,005 - YEAH, BUT THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT. 295 00:12:18,038 --> 00:12:19,439 - OKAY. WELL, I'M GONNA GRAB SOME COFFEE. 296 00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:21,241 WOULD YOU LIKE SOME COFFEE? 'CAUSE I'M GONNA GRAB-- 297 00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:22,475 - AH, NOT SO MUCH. 298 00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:24,211 I JUST BRUSHED AND HAD A COUPLE OF ALTOIDS. 299 00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:25,545 - OH, NICE, BUT I'D LIKE A CUP. 300 00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:27,815 - ALL RIGHT. GO ON, GO ON, 301 00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:29,950 AND THEN JUST MEET ME IN THE BOUDOIR WHEN YOU GET IT. 302 00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:31,952 - NO, NO! DON'T GO IN THERE. 303 00:12:31,985 --> 00:12:33,020 - WHY? 304 00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:35,188 - JUST PLEASE DON'T. 305 00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:38,258 - OH, MY GOD, DO YOU HAVE A FUCKING GIRL IN THERE? 306 00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:40,794 - GIVE A GUY SOME CREDIT. 307 00:12:40,828 --> 00:12:45,465 MAYBE HE JUST LAID DOWN SOME SERIOUS WOLF BAIT. 308 00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:47,334 I JUST TOOK MY MORNING DUMP. 309 00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:48,969 IT REEKS TO HIGH HEAVEN IN THERE. 310 00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:50,904 - LOVELY. - YEAH, IT WAS. 311 00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:52,072 AN ALMOST PERFECT BOWEL MOVEMENT, 312 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,941 CLEAN AS A WHISTLE, BARELY HAD TO WIPE. 313 00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:56,343 - BUT YOU DID, RIGHT? 314 00:12:56,376 --> 00:12:58,578 - I'M NOT A FUCKING ANIMAL. OF COURSE I DID. 315 00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:01,348 WHAT WAS IT THAT YOU WANTED TO TALK ABOUT, DOLL? 316 00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:03,050 - OKAY, I'VE BEEN DOING SOME THINKING. 317 00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:04,317 - OH, YOU MEAN SOME OVER-THINKING. 318 00:13:04,351 --> 00:13:06,987 - [laughs] SHUT UP, YOU. 319 00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:09,222 - YOU! - YES? 320 00:13:09,256 --> 00:13:10,190 - I ACCEPT YOU. 321 00:13:10,223 --> 00:13:12,325 - WHAT? 322 00:13:12,359 --> 00:13:14,594 - [laughs] NO, I ACCEPT YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE. 323 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:18,065 - OH, YOU ACCEPT ME. THANKS, I GUESS. 324 00:13:18,098 --> 00:13:20,167 - YOU'RE NOT LISTENING, STUPID. - I'M LISTENING. 325 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,334 - I ACCEPT YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE. 326 00:13:21,368 --> 00:13:23,570 I DON'T WANT TO CHANGE YOU. 327 00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:25,605 [coffee maker beeps] 328 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:27,975 I THINK WE WORK WELL TOGETHER, YOU KNOW? 329 00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:29,176 KID OR NO KID, 330 00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:31,945 SNIP OR NO SNIP, I WANT TO BE WITH YOU. 331 00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:33,947 I THINK I SPENT YEARS IDOLIZING-- 332 00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:35,048 - SURE YOU DON'T WANT SOME COFFEE? 333 00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:37,350 - NO. I THINK I WAS IN LOVE WITH THE IDEA OF LOVE. 334 00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:38,952 - TEA? - NO, THANKS. 335 00:13:38,986 --> 00:13:40,620 I LIKE WHAT WE HAVE. 336 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,155 - ARE YOU HUNGRY? 337 00:13:42,189 --> 00:13:46,526 - NO, BUT NOW I KNOW THAT I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU. 338 00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:48,929 I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU, HANK MOODY. 339 00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:51,264 - [laughs] OH, JILL. 340 00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:52,632 [Jill laughing] 341 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,634 - THIS--IT'S WO--BUT-- 342 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:58,571 - NO, DON'T "BUT" ME. DON'T "BUT" ME NOW. 343 00:13:58,605 --> 00:14:01,008 - HO! 344 00:14:01,041 --> 00:14:04,077 - YEAH, OR I JUST MIGHT BUTT YOU BACK. 345 00:14:04,111 --> 00:14:05,612 [knock at door] 346 00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:10,517 - FUCK! OKAY, YOU HOLD THAT VERY NAKED THOUGHT. 347 00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:14,287 - YEAH. 348 00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:25,098 * WHO IS IT? - IT'S FELICIA. 349 00:14:25,132 --> 00:14:26,499 - FELICIA? FUCK. 350 00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:28,135 - FUCK, YEAH. YOU'LL BE COOL? 351 00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:30,037 - OKAY. - ALL RIGHT. 352 00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:32,239 STAY IN THERE. - OH! 353 00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:34,141 WHOO! 354 00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:41,581 - GOOD MORNING. - GOOD MORNING TO YOU. 355 00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:44,317 - [sighs] I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. 356 00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:45,485 - WHAT? 357 00:14:45,518 --> 00:14:47,955 OH. OH, THAT. 358 00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:49,689 MM, YOU LIKED THAT, DID YOU? 359 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:50,890 - I DID. 360 00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:54,394 THAT WAS SOME VERY INTENSE AND POWERFUL LOVE-MAKING, HANK. 361 00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:56,663 - MMM. 362 00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:58,265 - WHAT'S WRONG? 363 00:14:58,298 --> 00:14:59,699 - NOT A BIG FAN OF THAT TERM-- 364 00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:01,368 LOVE-MAKING, MAKING LOVE. 365 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:05,338 I PREFER BONING, STUFFING, SCHTUPPING, BANGING, 366 00:15:05,372 --> 00:15:07,274 PORKING, BOFFING. 367 00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:08,341 [smacking lips] 368 00:15:08,375 --> 00:15:11,144 ANYTHING, TAKE YOUR PICK, JUST NOT LOVE-MAKING. 369 00:15:11,178 --> 00:15:13,080 - SO MUCH FOR THE AFTERGLOW. 370 00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:16,683 - ALL RIGHT, SO WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU THIS A.M.? 371 00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:19,219 - I TOLD HIM. 372 00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:21,454 - HIM? 373 00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:24,457 FUCK. PLEASE TELL ME THAT BY "HIM" 374 00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:25,592 YOU MEAN YOUR THERAPIST? 375 00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:27,961 - NO SUCH LUCK, I'M AFRAID. 376 00:15:27,995 --> 00:15:31,031 - FELICIA, WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT? 377 00:15:31,064 --> 00:15:32,365 - HE KNEW, HANK. 378 00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:36,136 HE SAW IT IN MY FACE-- THE PURE JOY, THE GLOW 379 00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:38,505 OF A FRESHLY FUCKED AND PROPERLY TENDED-TO WOMAN. 380 00:15:38,538 --> 00:15:40,407 SO I TOLD HIM. I CAME CLEAN. 381 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,275 IT FELT SO GOOD. 382 00:15:42,309 --> 00:15:43,743 IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. 383 00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:45,345 - JESUS FUCK. 384 00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:48,381 - JESUS FUCK IS RIGHT. GUESS WHAT? 385 00:15:48,415 --> 00:15:50,183 - WHAT? 386 00:15:50,217 --> 00:15:51,351 - I'M LEAVING HIM. 387 00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:53,220 - OH, NO! OH, NO, YOU'RE NOT! 388 00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:56,123 - YES, I AM. STACY AND I DON'T MAKE SENSE ANYMORE. 389 00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:57,590 WE HAVEN'T FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW. 390 00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:59,426 AND I WAS THINKING, LIFE IS SHORT. 391 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,494 FUCK IT. I WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY DAYS 392 00:16:01,528 --> 00:16:02,996 WITH SOMEONE I FEEL PASSIONATE ABOUT, 393 00:16:03,030 --> 00:16:04,497 SOMEONE WHO GIVES ME BUTTERFLIES, 394 00:16:04,531 --> 00:16:07,100 AND FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE, HANK, THAT SOMEONE IS YOU. 395 00:16:07,134 --> 00:16:09,502 - WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, JUST SLOW THE FUCK DOWN, FELICIA. 396 00:16:09,536 --> 00:16:11,004 ONE SESSION OF LOVE-MAKING, 397 00:16:11,038 --> 00:16:12,605 NOW MATTER HOW INSPIRED OR TRANSCENDENT, 398 00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:14,707 DOES NOT A RELATIONSHIP MAKE. WHAT ABOUT THE CHELSEA? 399 00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:15,775 - WHAT ABOUT HER? 400 00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,577 - I DON'T CARE HOW BRATTY OR SNOTTY 401 00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:18,678 THAT LITTLE SHIT IS. 402 00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:20,113 SHE DOESN'T DESERVE A BROKEN HOME. 403 00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:21,381 - OH, SHE'LL GET OVER IT. 404 00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:22,782 BECCA'S CLEARLY WEATHERED THE STORM. 405 00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:25,518 - NO, SHE HASN'T. SHE'S TOTALLY FUCKED UP, THAT KID. 406 00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:27,120 KAREN AND I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE. 407 00:16:27,154 --> 00:16:29,122 WE SHOULD HAVE STAYED TOGETHER AT ALL COSTS FOR HER. 408 00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:31,458 BUT WE WERE STUBBORN, AND WE WERE FOOLISH, 409 00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:33,460 AND RETARDED, WE WERE YOUNG. - WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHUT UP 410 00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,262 AND MAKE LOVE TO ME ALREADY? 411 00:16:35,295 --> 00:16:40,033 OR YOU CAN FUCK ME, BANG ME, STUFF ME. TAKE YOUR PICK. 412 00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:43,303 WHO'S THAT? 413 00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:47,607 - THAT'D BE MY AGENT, MY REPRESENTATION. 414 00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:50,543 CHARLIE RUNKLE, FELICIA KOONS. 415 00:16:50,577 --> 00:16:53,180 - OH, HEY, HEY, HEY, THE DEAN'S WIFE. 416 00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:54,647 - MM-HMM. - OH, SHIT. 417 00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:56,183 NICE TO MEET YOU, MISSUS. 418 00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:57,750 - LOVELY TO MEET YOU. 419 00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:05,125 - SO WHERE WERE WE? 420 00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:07,427 - I WAS LEAVING MY HUSBAND FOR YOU. 421 00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:12,399 - HOLD ON A SECOND. 422 00:17:18,271 --> 00:17:19,672 - WHOO-HOO! 423 00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:22,375 - [laughing] 424 00:17:22,409 --> 00:17:25,245 HEY, COME ON, MAN, YOU WANT TO GET IN ON THIS? 425 00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:26,679 - YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING FOUL. 426 00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,548 - YOU SURE? WE GOT AN OPEN HOLE. 427 00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:31,251 - SWEETHEART, YOU OKAY? 428 00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:32,785 - DON'T WORRY. THEY'RE PAYING FOR IT... 429 00:17:32,819 --> 00:17:34,387 HANDSOMELY. 430 00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:36,289 - WELL, I'M PAYING FOR IT VERY HANDSOMELY. 431 00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:37,524 - HEY, I LEFT MY WALLET AT HOME. 432 00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:39,259 DON'T BE SUCH A FUCKING SCHNORR, RUNKLE. 433 00:17:39,292 --> 00:17:40,493 JESUS. I'M LOSING MY WOOD. 434 00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:42,229 COME ON, SAY IT, BABY, SAY IT. 435 00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:44,831 - I'M GETTING FUCKED BY RICK SPRINGFIELD. 436 00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:46,233 [Springfield laughing] 437 00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:50,137 * YOU BETTER LOVE SOMEBODY WHOO! 438 00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:54,141 * OH, I THINK YOU BETTER LOVE SOMEBODY * 439 00:17:54,174 --> 00:17:56,176 - YOU OKAY OUT HERE? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 440 00:17:56,209 --> 00:17:57,477 - WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE? 441 00:17:57,510 --> 00:18:00,180 - OH, THAT? I GOT AN APARTMENT FULL OF CLASSICS, 442 00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:01,514 AND YOU GOTTA GO WITH THAT ONE? 443 00:18:01,548 --> 00:18:03,483 - WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? I'VE HEARD GOOD THINGS. 444 00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:06,119 - YEAH? WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK? THOUGHTS, CRITICISMS? 445 00:18:06,153 --> 00:18:07,254 WHAT DO YOU GOT? 446 00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:09,489 - I LIKE IT A LOT. SHE'S A GOOD WRITER. 447 00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:11,624 MY KIND OF GIRL OBVIOUSLY. 448 00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:13,793 SO, UH, CAN WE LEAVE YET? 449 00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:16,463 - UH, NO, I STILL GOT SOME FIRES TO PUT OUT. 450 00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:19,399 - OKAY. ARE YOU PROUD OF ME FOR QUITTING? 451 00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,134 - ABSOLUTELY. 452 00:18:21,168 --> 00:18:22,535 YOU DONE GOOD, KIDDO. 453 00:18:22,569 --> 00:18:24,171 - THANKS. 454 00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:26,139 HEY, DON'T THINK WE'RE DONE 455 00:18:26,173 --> 00:18:28,275 WITH THE BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND CONVERSATION JUST YET. 456 00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:39,118 - HELLO, HANK. 457 00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:43,256 - MORNING, STACY. 458 00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:44,724 - THE FRONT DOOR WAS OPEN. 459 00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:48,495 - OH, I CAN BE VERY NEIGHBORLY THAT WAY. 460 00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:49,796 - YOU NEVER CALLED ME STACY BEFORE. 461 00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:51,164 WONDER WHY. 462 00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:52,432 - I DON'T KNOW. JUST KIND OF ROLLED 463 00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:53,800 TRIPPINGLY OFF THE TONGUE THIS MORNING. 464 00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:55,435 - OH, SOMETHING MUST BE DIFFERENT. 465 00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,270 OH, THAT'S RIGHT. YOU FUCKED MY WIFE. 466 00:18:57,304 --> 00:19:00,873 - OKAY. WELL, THERE'S THAT. 467 00:19:00,907 --> 00:19:02,342 - WHAT COULD YOU SAY? 468 00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:04,277 WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY SAY, HANK, 469 00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:07,514 TO TAKE AWAY THE HURT AND THE PAIN OF BEING CUCKOLDED? 470 00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:11,951 - I GOT NOTHIN'. I GOT NOTHIN' AT ALL. 471 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:15,555 UH, I'M SORRY. THE WELL IS DRY. 472 00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:17,290 I THINK YOU SHOULD HIT ME. YOU WANT TO HIT ME? 473 00:19:17,324 --> 00:19:19,526 HEAD, GUT--IT DOESN'T MATTER. IT'S ONLY FAIR. 474 00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:21,361 - NO, I DON'T WANT TO HIT YOU, HANK. 475 00:19:21,394 --> 00:19:23,530 I JUST WANT TO TRY TO UNDERSTAND, HOW DO YOU DO IT? 476 00:19:23,563 --> 00:19:24,764 - DO WHAT? 477 00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:27,834 - WELL, YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE THIS--THIS-- 478 00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:31,271 THIS THING WITH WOMEN, SOME VERY STRONG CONNECTION, 479 00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:32,572 THAT NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, 480 00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:34,574 NO MATTER HOW BIG OF AN ASS YOU ARE, 481 00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:37,410 THEY SEEM TO RESPOND. YOU'RE A GODDAMN GIRL WHISPERER. 482 00:19:37,444 --> 00:19:38,878 - OKAY. 483 00:19:38,911 --> 00:19:41,348 HAVE YOU LISTENED TO YOUR WIFE LATELY? 484 00:19:41,381 --> 00:19:42,815 - HAVE YOU? BECAUSE SHE GIVES EVERY INDICATION 485 00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:43,883 OF BEING A WOMAN SCORNED. 486 00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:45,252 NOW, FAR BE IT FROM ME 487 00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:46,653 TO POKE MY NOSE INTO THE DEAN'S BUSINESS, 488 00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:49,956 BUT IT SEEMS TO ME LIKE YOU HURT HER FIRST. 489 00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:52,559 - YOU'RE RIGHT, I DID. 490 00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:53,860 I WAS WEAK. I CHEATED. 491 00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:56,429 - WELL... - STEPPED OUTSIDE MY MARRIAGE. 492 00:19:56,463 --> 00:19:58,231 HUMILIATED MY BETTER HALF. 493 00:19:58,265 --> 00:19:59,666 - IT HAPPENS. 494 00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:02,469 - BUT SHE WAS SO HOT, HANK, THIS STUDENT OF MINE. 495 00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:04,371 YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HER. - DEAN-O. 496 00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:05,872 - A PRIEST WOULD HAVE DEFILED THIS GIRL. 497 00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:07,340 - WOW. WELL, YOU MIGHT WANT TO KEEP 498 00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:08,941 THOSE KIND OF DETAILS TO YOURSELF. 499 00:20:08,975 --> 00:20:11,278 - OH, FELICIA IS WONDERFUL. 500 00:20:11,311 --> 00:20:13,846 A BEAUTIFUL WIFE, A BEAUTIFUL MOTHER. 501 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:14,647 I WAS IN LOVE WITH HER 502 00:20:14,681 --> 00:20:16,383 THE FIRST MOMENT I SET EYES ON HER. 503 00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:17,350 I KNEW SHE WAS THE ONE. 504 00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:19,419 SHE WAS ALWAYS A LITTLE RESERVED IN THE SACK. 505 00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:21,288 THE BRITISH, YOU KNOW. - YEAH. 506 00:20:21,321 --> 00:20:22,889 - THERE WAS NEVER A SURPLUS OF ORAL, 507 00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:25,925 AND WHATEVER THERE WAS DRIED UP RIGHT AFTER THE WEDDING. 508 00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:27,927 - OKAY. - I NEVER UNDERSTOOD THAT. 509 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,329 - YEAH. HERE YOU GO. 510 00:20:29,362 --> 00:20:30,697 - A MAN LIKES TO GET HIS DICK SUCKED. 511 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:31,831 WELL, YOU KNOW. 512 00:20:31,864 --> 00:20:35,001 - MAYBE IF YOU TOOK A GODDAMN SHOWER ONCE IN A WHILE. 513 00:20:35,034 --> 00:20:37,270 DO YOU REALLY THINK A WOMAN WANTS TO GO DOWN ON A MAN 514 00:20:37,304 --> 00:20:38,805 WHO JUST WALKED IN OFF THE TENNIS COURT? 515 00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:40,773 OR JUST CAME IN FROM A RIDE, HUH? 516 00:20:40,807 --> 00:20:43,443 YOU THINK I WANT TO PEEL OFF THOSE SWEATY BIKE SHORTS 517 00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:45,312 AND GO TO TOWN? DISGUSTING! 518 00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:48,415 - I'M SORRY, FELICIA, BUT THAT JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE 519 00:20:48,448 --> 00:20:50,350 WHEN THIS MAN IS AT HIS HORNIEST. 520 00:20:50,383 --> 00:20:51,217 YOU KNOW THAT. 521 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:52,819 - HAVE YOU HEARD OF COMPROMISE, STACY? 522 00:20:52,852 --> 00:20:54,687 - COMPROMISE--I LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING. 523 00:20:54,721 --> 00:20:56,923 - DIVORCE COURT-- THAT'S WHERE THIS IS GOING. 524 00:20:56,956 --> 00:20:58,558 - HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ANYWAY? 525 00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:00,660 A FREE PASS MEANS ONCE-- NO REPEAT BUSINESS. 526 00:21:00,693 --> 00:21:02,562 AND WE'RE GONNA BE DISCUSSING THIS IN THERAPY. 527 00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:04,297 JUST YOU WATCH. - THAT'S AN EXCELLENT IDEA. 528 00:21:04,331 --> 00:21:05,832 THERAPIZE THE FUCK OUT OF THIS SHIT. 529 00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:06,933 - AND YOU'RE COMING WITH US, HANK. 530 00:21:06,966 --> 00:21:09,302 - OH, THAT'S AN AWFUL IDEA. - IT IS AWFUL. 531 00:21:09,336 --> 00:21:10,403 DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH OF MY LIFE 532 00:21:10,437 --> 00:21:11,838 I'VE WASTED ON THAT COUCH PRETENDING 533 00:21:11,871 --> 00:21:13,440 WE CAN JUST JABBER THROUGH OUR ISSUES? 534 00:21:13,473 --> 00:21:16,042 NO MORE, STACY. NO MORE. 535 00:21:16,075 --> 00:21:17,910 I'M IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE. 536 00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:19,979 - YEE... 537 00:21:20,012 --> 00:21:22,349 - ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH MY WIFE, HANK? 538 00:21:25,385 --> 00:21:27,387 - THAT'S A RIDICULOUS QUESTION. 539 00:21:27,420 --> 00:21:29,322 - WELL, SHE SEEMS TO BE IN LOVE WITH YOU. 540 00:21:29,356 --> 00:21:30,657 DO YOU FEEL THE SAME? 541 00:21:30,690 --> 00:21:33,993 - FEEL THE SAME? 542 00:21:34,026 --> 00:21:35,762 - DO YOU LOVE HER? 543 00:21:39,699 --> 00:21:42,101 [door thuds] 544 00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:44,371 - [laughs] 545 00:21:44,404 --> 00:21:45,705 WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE? 546 00:21:45,738 --> 00:21:47,574 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOME? 547 00:21:47,607 --> 00:21:49,709 - UH, SCHOOL CLOSED? WHAT IS IT, A SNOW DAY? 548 00:21:49,742 --> 00:21:50,810 - WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE? 549 00:21:50,843 --> 00:21:52,379 - I BELIEVE THAT QUESTION 550 00:21:52,412 --> 00:21:53,846 SHOULD BE DIRECTED AT YOU, YOUNG LADY. 551 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:55,348 - COPY THAT, MOTHERFUCKER. 552 00:21:55,382 --> 00:21:57,584 - I LEFT ONE OF MY BOOKS HERE. I NEEDED IT. 553 00:21:57,617 --> 00:21:59,719 - WELL, YOU COULD HAVE CALLED ME. 554 00:21:59,752 --> 00:22:01,120 I WOULD HAVE BROUGHT IT TO YOU. 555 00:22:01,153 --> 00:22:02,855 YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GONNA TAKE YOU RIGHT BACK TO SCHOOL 556 00:22:02,889 --> 00:22:04,357 RIGHT NOW, YOU LITTLE GUTTERSNIPE. 557 00:22:04,391 --> 00:22:05,458 NO MORE OF YOUR DOUBLE-TALK. 558 00:22:05,492 --> 00:22:06,859 I'M TAKING YOUR LYING, NO-ACCOUNT ASS 559 00:22:06,893 --> 00:22:07,927 BACK TO SCHOOL, PRONTO. COME ON. 560 00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:10,463 - EXCELLENT IDEA, WHAT HE SAID. LET'S GO, CHELSEA. 561 00:22:10,497 --> 00:22:11,898 - NO, WAIT A SECOND. WHY ARE YOU GUYS HERE? 562 00:22:11,931 --> 00:22:14,401 - ACTUALLY, WE WERE CHATTING ABOUT YOU. 563 00:22:14,434 --> 00:22:16,569 - THAT'S RIGHT, WE WERE TALKING ABOUT YOUR OFFENSIVE BEHAVIORS, 564 00:22:16,603 --> 00:22:17,870 WHICH APPARENTLY SEEM NOW 565 00:22:17,904 --> 00:22:20,106 TO BE NOT SO UNJUSTIFIED, DO THEY? 566 00:22:20,139 --> 00:22:22,475 HEY, BECCA. BECCA? 567 00:22:27,747 --> 00:22:30,116 - DAD? - YES, DAUGHTER? 568 00:22:30,149 --> 00:22:33,920 - WHY IS THERE A NAKED LADY IN MY BEDROOM? 569 00:22:33,953 --> 00:22:35,154 IS THAT MY KIMONO? 570 00:22:35,187 --> 00:22:36,589 [Chelsea laughs] - YEAH. 571 00:22:36,623 --> 00:22:37,890 - WAY TO GO, HANK. 572 00:22:37,924 --> 00:22:39,025 - OH, MY GOD. 573 00:22:39,058 --> 00:22:41,628 WERE YOU SLEEPING WITH YOUR T.A. 574 00:22:41,661 --> 00:22:43,396 THE WHOLE TIME YOU WERE SLEEPING WITH ME? 575 00:22:43,430 --> 00:22:44,764 - WHAT? MOM! 576 00:22:44,797 --> 00:22:46,566 - WELL, TO BE FAIR, IT WAS ONLY THE ONCE. 577 00:22:46,599 --> 00:22:47,434 - BULLSHIT. 578 00:22:47,467 --> 00:22:49,869 - NO, I WAS REFERRING TO FLEA AND I. 579 00:22:49,902 --> 00:22:51,037 - I COUNTED THREE TIMES. 580 00:22:51,070 --> 00:22:52,672 - ALL IN ONE NIGHT DOESN'T COUNT. 581 00:22:52,705 --> 00:22:55,875 - YOUR DAD'S FUCKING MY MOM. 582 00:22:55,908 --> 00:22:57,410 DAD, ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT THIS? 583 00:22:57,444 --> 00:22:59,145 - I THINK THIS CALLS FOR A FAMILY MEETING. 584 00:22:59,178 --> 00:23:00,480 - GOOD THINKING. - OH, ANYWAY? 585 00:23:00,513 --> 00:23:02,014 [smoke alarm beeping] - WHAT IS IT? 586 00:23:02,048 --> 00:23:03,182 - OH, WHOA! OH! 587 00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:05,652 - OH, BOY. - OH, MY GOD! 588 00:23:05,685 --> 00:23:06,853 - [muttering] 589 00:23:06,886 --> 00:23:09,656 - WHAT THE FUCK? IS THAT RICK SPRINGFIELD? 590 00:23:09,689 --> 00:23:11,658 - YOU BET YOUR KHAKI-CLAD ASS, WHITE MAN. 591 00:23:11,691 --> 00:23:14,461 - OH, HOLY SHIT. - YOU A FAN? 592 00:23:14,494 --> 00:23:16,463 - WHERE THE FUCK'S THAT FIRE EXTINGUISHER, RUNKLE? 593 00:23:16,496 --> 00:23:18,598 - HEY, WHAT'S UP, SWEETHEART? 594 00:23:18,631 --> 00:23:19,999 - SORRY. 595 00:23:20,032 --> 00:23:21,868 - OH, YOU HAVE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME. 596 00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:24,136 PLEASE TELL ME YOU HAVE NOT BEEN FUCKING HER THIS ENTIRE TIME. 597 00:23:24,170 --> 00:23:26,606 - HEY, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, NOT IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN. 598 00:23:26,639 --> 00:23:28,475 AND NOT LAST NIGHT, I DIDN'T. I WAS BEING GOOD. 599 00:23:28,508 --> 00:23:30,076 I WAS AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN. YOU TELL HER. 600 00:23:30,109 --> 00:23:31,678 - ARE THESE MY PANTS? 601 00:23:31,711 --> 00:23:34,514 - WAIT, WHO ELSE HAS HE BEEN FUCKING? 602 00:23:34,547 --> 00:23:35,715 YOU? 603 00:23:35,748 --> 00:23:36,983 OH, GROSS. 604 00:23:37,016 --> 00:23:39,786 - SORRY, MAN, I JUST... - SO YOU, TOO, THEN? 605 00:23:39,819 --> 00:23:41,888 - GOD, NO. THANKS. HE'S JUST FUCKING MY MOM. 606 00:23:41,921 --> 00:23:43,690 - CHELSEA, WATCH YOUR MOUTH. 607 00:23:43,723 --> 00:23:45,592 - DAD, SERIOUSLY, MAN UP AND GROW A PAIR ALREADY. 608 00:23:45,625 --> 00:23:47,494 YOU'RE GONNA LET THIS ASSHOLE STEAL YOUR WIFE? 609 00:23:47,527 --> 00:23:49,829 - HEY! THAT'S MY FATHER YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. 610 00:23:49,862 --> 00:23:50,897 - THANK YOU, BECCA. 611 00:23:50,930 --> 00:23:52,732 - I REALLY CAN'T BELIEVE I QUIT STRIPPING FOR YOU. 612 00:23:52,765 --> 00:23:54,233 - I STILL THINK IT'S A SOLID MOVE. 613 00:23:54,266 --> 00:23:55,768 NOW, IF YOU'LL ALL EXCUSE ME, 614 00:23:55,802 --> 00:23:59,772 I APPEAR TO HAVE AN ACTUAL FIRE TO PUT OUT. 615 00:23:59,806 --> 00:24:01,741 - SORRY ABOUT THAT, DUDE. 616 00:24:01,774 --> 00:24:02,775 - THAT'S RICK SPRINGFIELD. 617 00:24:11,117 --> 00:24:13,786 [fire alarm beeping] 618 00:24:23,963 --> 00:24:24,997 - OKAY. 619 00:24:25,031 --> 00:24:27,667 - [moaning] 620 00:24:45,685 --> 00:24:48,020 - COME ON, HONEY, WE SHOULD REALLY GET YOU TO SCHOOL. 621 00:24:48,054 --> 00:24:50,857 - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SLEPT WITH ALL OF THEM. 622 00:24:50,890 --> 00:24:53,025 - IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE, SWEETHEART. 623 00:24:53,059 --> 00:24:54,627 - ALL OF THEM. 624 00:24:54,661 --> 00:24:58,297 - YES, I SUPPOSE I DID. YEAH. 625 00:24:58,330 --> 00:24:59,666 - WHY? 626 00:24:59,699 --> 00:25:01,934 - I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW. 627 00:25:01,968 --> 00:25:05,037 - THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I WANT TO KNOW WHY. 628 00:25:05,071 --> 00:25:06,573 THERE HAS TO BE A REASON. 629 00:25:06,606 --> 00:25:07,907 MAKE ME UNDERSTAND. 630 00:25:10,577 --> 00:25:11,778 - IT JUST SORT OF HAPPENED. 631 00:25:11,811 --> 00:25:13,580 - WHY DO YOU DO THINGS LIKE THAT? 632 00:25:13,613 --> 00:25:16,983 - BECAUSE I'M AN IDIOT, OBVIOUSLY. 633 00:25:17,016 --> 00:25:19,318 - NO, YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOURSELF, 634 00:25:19,351 --> 00:25:21,320 NOT RIGHT NOW. 635 00:25:21,353 --> 00:25:23,189 YOU NEED TO TALK TO ME. 636 00:25:23,222 --> 00:25:26,258 YOU NEED TO TELL ME WHY YOU DO THE THINGS YOU DO 637 00:25:26,292 --> 00:25:29,596 WHEN YOU KNOW THAT PEOPLE CAN GET SERIOUSLY HURT, 638 00:25:29,629 --> 00:25:31,063 MYSELF INCLUDED. 639 00:25:31,097 --> 00:25:35,602 - GOD DAMN IT, I HATE IT WHEN YOU'RE MAD AT ME. 640 00:25:35,635 --> 00:25:36,936 - I'M NOT MAD AT YOU. 641 00:25:36,969 --> 00:25:39,338 YOU WOULDN'T GET MAD AT A BIG, DUMB DOG 642 00:25:39,371 --> 00:25:41,173 FOR SHITTING ON THE RUG, WOULD YOU? 643 00:25:41,207 --> 00:25:42,909 - I WOULD, BUT I'M A HARSH TASKMASTER. 644 00:25:42,942 --> 00:25:43,910 THAT'S JUST ME. 645 00:25:43,943 --> 00:25:45,945 - WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE AWAY FROM THIS, 646 00:25:45,978 --> 00:25:47,046 FROM HOW YOU TREAT WOMEN? 647 00:25:47,079 --> 00:25:48,047 - OH, JESUS. 648 00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:50,917 - IS THAT ALL THEY ARE TO YOU, WALKING VAGINAS? 649 00:25:56,288 --> 00:25:59,959 - THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR MY BEHAVIOR. 650 00:25:59,992 --> 00:26:03,329 THERE'S NO DEFENSE IF SOMEBODY GOT HURT, ESPECIALLY YOU. 651 00:26:03,362 --> 00:26:05,231 BUT I NEED YOU TO KNOW THAT I STARTED OUT 652 00:26:05,264 --> 00:26:06,766 WITH THE BEST OF INTENTIONS. 653 00:26:06,799 --> 00:26:11,070 I GUESS I JUST WANTED THEM ALL TO SEE IT, 654 00:26:11,103 --> 00:26:14,707 THE THING THAT MAKES THEM SPECIAL. 655 00:26:14,741 --> 00:26:16,709 I GUESS THAT'S ALL ANYBODY WANTS IS TO BE SEEN, 656 00:26:16,743 --> 00:26:20,046 TO BE RECOGNIZED. 657 00:26:20,079 --> 00:26:21,247 THEN THE LINES GET BLURRY, 658 00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:26,819 AND THE FACT THAT YOUR MOM AND I ARE IN SUCH A WEIRD PLACE. 659 00:26:26,853 --> 00:26:30,923 YEAH. HENCE, THE BIG STINKING MESS. 660 00:26:33,059 --> 00:26:35,394 BUT I'M SORRY IF I LET YOU DOWN, SWEETIE, 661 00:26:35,427 --> 00:26:38,164 AND I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH MORE 662 00:26:38,197 --> 00:26:39,699 I'M GONNA BE ABLE TO SAY I'M SORRY 663 00:26:39,732 --> 00:26:43,169 BEFORE IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING ANYMORE. 664 00:26:43,202 --> 00:26:47,073 - I DON'T KNOW, EITHER. 665 00:26:47,106 --> 00:26:49,776 BUT I HAVE THIS FUNNY FEELING WE'RE GONNA FIND OUT. 666 00:26:49,809 --> 00:26:51,711 [telephone ringing] 667 00:26:58,785 --> 00:27:00,920 - HEY, HONEY. 668 00:27:00,953 --> 00:27:04,356 YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, SHE'S, UH, AT SCHOOL... 669 00:27:04,390 --> 00:27:07,126 RECEIVING HER EDUCATION. 670 00:27:07,159 --> 00:27:08,795 MM-HMM. YEAH, I'M GONNA PICK HER UP 671 00:27:08,828 --> 00:27:12,131 AND TAKE HER TO GET SOME ICE CREAM, 672 00:27:12,164 --> 00:27:14,300 SHOOT THE SHIT, BRIDGE THE GAP, 673 00:27:14,333 --> 00:27:17,003 JUST LIKE OLD TIMES. MM-HMM. YEAH. 674 00:27:19,972 --> 00:27:22,241 WELL, I LOVE YOU, TOO. 675 00:27:22,274 --> 00:27:25,978 SKYPE YOU LATER? ALL RIGHT. 676 00:27:30,082 --> 00:27:34,053 - * OH, SOUL, ALL I WANT - WHERE ARE MY FUCKING CLOTHES? 677 00:27:34,086 --> 00:27:36,789 - * IS FREEDOM 678 00:27:38,958 --> 00:27:45,197 * BUT I'M TOLD MATERIALS BLEED WISDOM * 679 00:27:45,231 --> 00:27:48,134 Captioned by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com 680 00:27:48,167 --> 00:27:53,740 * OH, LORD, SHOW ME A SIGN OF POWER * 681 00:27:56,876 --> 00:28:02,815 * AND RID THY WORLD OF ALL THE COWARDS * 682 00:28:06,018 --> 00:28:11,690 * OH, SOUL, WE'LL FIND OUR OWN SAVIOR * 683 00:28:14,827 --> 00:28:20,466 * DEEP DOWN IN THE COLDEST WINTER *