1 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,145 - PREVIOUSLY ON CALIFORNICATION... 2 00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:13,581 - SO THIS IS WHERE YOU WORK? - YOU WANT TO COME INSIDE? 3 00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:15,516 - WOULD THAT INVOLVE SEEING YOU NAKED? 4 00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:17,251 - OH, MOST DEFINITELY. - I THINK NOT. 5 00:00:17,285 --> 00:00:20,321 IN THE INTEREST OF STUDENT-TEACHER RELATIONS. 6 00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:23,624 - HANK...HANK! 7 00:00:23,657 --> 00:00:25,193 - YES, FRAULEIN? 8 00:00:25,226 --> 00:00:28,162 - TONIGHT, MY HOUSE, ENGLISH DEPARTMENT FALL MIXER. 9 00:00:28,196 --> 00:00:29,397 - HOW MANY JOBS DO YOU HAVE, LADY? 10 00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:31,132 YOU GOT A PAPER ROUTE TOO? 11 00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:32,266 - DID YOU TWO COME TOGETHER? 12 00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:34,135 - NO. WE JUST CAME IN TOGETHER. 13 00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:40,308 - OOPS. 14 00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:45,646 - I FUCKING HATE YOU! 15 00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:47,615 - OKAY, I'LL JUST-- I'LL MOVE BACK IN. 16 00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:49,517 - I DO MY THING, YOU DO YOURS. 17 00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:50,751 - FINE BY ME. 18 00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:51,852 AAH! 19 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:54,188 NO MEANS NO, YOU KNOW! 20 00:00:54,222 --> 00:00:55,823 IS THIS THE SURPRISE YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT? 21 00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:56,857 I SIGNED A BIG FISH TODAY. 22 00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:58,326 - OH, WELL, GOOD FOR YOU. 23 00:00:58,359 --> 00:01:00,094 MAYBE YOU CAN MOVE THE FUCK OUT NOW. 24 00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:03,197 - COME ON. 25 00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:04,265 - I WAS LOOKING FOR CHARLIE. 26 00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:07,668 CHARLIE, ARE YOU INSIDE THAT WOMAN? 27 00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:09,170 - I CAN EXPLAIN. 28 00:01:15,143 --> 00:01:17,511 [door opens] 29 00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:28,289 - BOB'S YOUR UNCLE. OH-- 30 00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:31,159 OH, HEY...FELICIO. 31 00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:33,394 LOOKS LIKE YOU CAUGHT ME DOING A LITTLE--AHH-- 32 00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:34,795 PRE-CLASS MEDITATO. 33 00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:36,364 - WE SHOULD TALK. 34 00:01:36,397 --> 00:01:37,898 - OH, SHIT, YOU'RE NOT PREGGERS, ARE YOU? 35 00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:40,268 - HANK, WE KISSED. THAT WAS ALL. 36 00:01:40,301 --> 00:01:42,136 - WELL, TECHNICALLY SPEAKING, YOU KISSED ME, 37 00:01:42,170 --> 00:01:43,137 FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH. 38 00:01:43,171 --> 00:01:45,273 - I'VE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE. 39 00:01:45,306 --> 00:01:46,407 - WOW, YOU NEVER KISSED A MAN? 40 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:47,541 NOW, THAT'S JUST PLAIN WEIRD. 41 00:01:47,575 --> 00:01:48,909 WHAT, ARE YOU A HOOKER OR SOMETHING? 42 00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:50,811 'CAUSE HOOKERS DON'T KISS. NEITHER DO MARINES. 43 00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:52,580 THAT'S THE BEST GAY PORN TITLE I EVER HEARD: 44 00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:53,581 "MARINES DON'T KISS." 45 00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:54,648 - WHAT I'M SAYING IS, 46 00:01:54,682 --> 00:01:56,817 I'VE NEVER STEPPED OUTSIDE OF MY MARRIAGE BEFORE. 47 00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:58,919 - WELL, OF COURSE NOT. DUH. 48 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,621 WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD STEP OUT 49 00:02:00,654 --> 00:02:02,223 ON HIS ROYAL DEANNESS? 50 00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:05,226 - LOOK, I KNOW STACY'S NOT EXACTLY OF YOUR TRIBE. 51 00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:07,328 BUT ONCE UPON A TIME I WAS VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH THE MAN. 52 00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:08,396 - YEAH. 53 00:02:08,429 --> 00:02:10,498 - BEFORE HE CHEATED ON ME, THAT IS. 54 00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:12,233 - WHOA, NELLY! 55 00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:13,467 ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THAT 56 00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:15,403 THAT SMARMY PIECE OF WIENER CHEESE 57 00:02:15,436 --> 00:02:16,337 TOOK HIS LOVE TO TOWN? 58 00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:18,639 - OLDEST STORY IN THE BOOK, I'M AFRAID. 59 00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:20,241 HE FELL FOR ONE OF HIS STUDENTS. 60 00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:21,342 WE GOT THROUGH IT, THOUGH. 61 00:02:21,375 --> 00:02:22,843 COUNSELING, COUPLES THERAPY. 62 00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:24,612 OVER-INTELLECTUALIZING THE WHOLE THING 63 00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:25,913 TO AN ABSURD DEGREE. 64 00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:27,481 WE'RE REALLY QUITE GOOD AT THAT. 65 00:02:27,515 --> 00:02:29,683 - WOW, ROCK ON WITH YOUR BAD SELVES. 66 00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:32,253 THAT'S--THAT'S AWESOME, BUT I'M GUESSING 67 00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:35,289 THAT YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE...OWED ONE. 68 00:02:35,323 --> 00:02:37,658 LIKE YOU GOT THIS "GET OUT OF JAIL FREE" CARD, 69 00:02:37,691 --> 00:02:40,428 AND YOU JUST DON'T KNOW HOW OR WHEN TO USE IT? 70 00:02:40,461 --> 00:02:43,331 - OR MAYBE I DO. 71 00:02:43,364 --> 00:02:44,332 - OH, WELL, SHUCKS. 72 00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:46,534 UH, I-I'D BE FLATTERED, 73 00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:49,870 BUT I TRY NOT TO INVOLVE MYSELF 74 00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:52,906 IN OTHER PEOPLE'S DOMESTIC STRIFE. 75 00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:54,242 - REALLY, HANK? 76 00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:55,376 I HAVEN'T KNOWN YOU ALL THAT LONG, 77 00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:57,778 BUT THAT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE PART OF YOUR PROGRAMMING. 78 00:02:57,811 --> 00:02:59,647 - THAT'S THE THING. IT'S A RELATIVELY NEW THING 79 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,749 BASED ON A SHITLOAD OF REALLY HORRIBLE EXPERIENCES. 80 00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:03,817 BUT IT'S A THING NONETHELESS. - HMM. 81 00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:06,487 AND WHO SAYS I'D EVER CASH IN SUCH A CHIT 82 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:07,521 ON THE LIKES OF YOU? 83 00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:09,957 - WHOA. WELL, UH... 84 00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:13,327 I WOULD BE THE LUCKY ONE IF YOU WOULD. 85 00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:15,763 I MEAN, YOU'RE A GREAT BROAD, FELICIA. 86 00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:17,698 YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPIER. 87 00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:19,800 - MM... - UH-OH. 88 00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:24,472 [moaning] 89 00:03:24,505 --> 00:03:26,674 - WHY CAN'T I STOP KISSING YOU? 90 00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:27,741 - OH, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. 91 00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:31,412 I'M LIKE FLYPAPER FOR THE EMOTIONALLY DISTURBED. 92 00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:32,946 [knock on door] 93 00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:35,549 - OOP. - OW, THAT'S MY BALLS. 94 00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:38,819 - OH, HEY, AM I INTERRUPTING SOMETHING? 95 00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:41,555 - JUST SOME FURTIVE FUCKING. 96 00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:43,924 - I'LL COME BACK. - PLEASE. THIS FELLOW? 97 00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:46,960 GIVE A GIRL SOME CREDIT. 98 00:03:46,994 --> 00:03:48,529 I HAVE TO GO TO CLASS. 99 00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:52,366 - OKAY. TA. 100 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:53,567 - WE SHOULD TALK. 101 00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:55,035 - OH, SHIT, YOU'RE NOT PREGGERS, ARE YOU? 102 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,538 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU SAID YOU WERE SNIPPED. 103 00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,873 - PHEW, THAT'S A RELIEF. 104 00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,609 - WE CAN'T DO THAT ANYMORE. 105 00:04:01,642 --> 00:04:03,344 - YOU'RE RIGHT. WE SHOULD NOT. 106 00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:07,281 I MEAN, WE COULD LOSE OUR JOBS, OUR HOMES... 107 00:04:07,315 --> 00:04:08,682 OUR CITIZENSHIP. 108 00:04:08,716 --> 00:04:10,318 - YEAH, I KNOW. 109 00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:11,719 I WAS MORE THINKING ALONG THE LINES 110 00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,621 THAT I HAVEN'T HAD THE SEX IN A WHILE. 111 00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:15,456 AND THE OTHER NIGHT WAS KIND OF LIKE 112 00:04:15,489 --> 00:04:16,957 WAKING A SLEEPING TIGER. 113 00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:19,560 IF WE'RE NOT GONNA BE DOING IT ON A REGULAR BASIS, 114 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:21,329 I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD BE DOING IT AT ALL. 115 00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:22,796 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 116 00:04:22,830 --> 00:04:24,832 - I DO KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, 117 00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:28,302 BUT THAT WHOLE WAKING THE SLEEPING TIGER THING 118 00:04:28,336 --> 00:04:30,738 GOT ME HARD. 119 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:34,442 - MM. AND I'M WET. 120 00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:36,844 - HARD AND WET, THAT'S A WINNING COMBINATION. 121 00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:41,048 THAT'S LIKE COOKIES AND CREAM, OR... 122 00:04:41,081 --> 00:04:42,316 LENNON AND MCCARTNEY. 123 00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:43,484 - MM. 124 00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:46,487 [upbeat music] 125 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:54,495 * 126 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,700 - HANK, I'VE BEEN MAKING SOME PHONE CALLS ON YOUR BEHALF. 127 00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:34,502 AND GUESS WHAT. 128 00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:36,904 PEOPLE THINK YOU'RE A CUNT. NO JOKE. 129 00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:38,639 NOW, HERE'S WHAT I THINK WE SHOULD DO. 130 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:42,142 THERE'S A LOT OF DRIED UP HOLLYWOOD SNATCH OUT THERE 131 00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,377 IN NEED OF WATERING. 132 00:05:43,411 --> 00:05:44,978 POWERFUL OLDER WOMEN 133 00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:47,748 WHOSE LIMP-DICKED HUSBANDS HAVE LONG SINCE STOPPED 134 00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:49,650 TENDING THEIR GARDENS. 135 00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:53,754 AND THEY WANT SOMEONE YOUNG, DUMB, FULL OF COME. 136 00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:55,989 THAT'S WHERE YOU COME IN. 137 00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:58,892 NOW, I THINK WE SHOULD SEND YOU AROUND TOWN, 138 00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:01,462 THESE EXECUTIVE SUITES, 139 00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:04,765 AND YOU CHARM YOUR WAY INTO THE HEARTS, MINDS, 140 00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:07,568 AND PANTS OF THESE UNFUCKABLE MONSTERS. 141 00:06:07,601 --> 00:06:09,403 NEXT THING YOU KNOW, MY PHONE IS RINGING 142 00:06:09,437 --> 00:06:11,472 FOR HANK MOODY. 143 00:06:11,505 --> 00:06:13,707 - SO YOU'RE SUGGESTING THAT I DUMP THIS WHOLE WRITER THING 144 00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:15,609 AND REINVENT MYSELF AS A HOLLYWOOD MAN-WHORE? 145 00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:16,977 - OH, ABSO-FUCKIN'-LUTELY. 146 00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:19,847 [chuckles] 147 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,682 AND THEN WE TURN AROUND AND WE SELL YOUR STORY 148 00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,584 AS A MODERN DAY AMERICAN GIGOLO. 149 00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:25,953 WHAT DO YOU THINK? - WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING? 150 00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:27,855 YOU PLAYING FOOTSIE? 151 00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,490 - SHE'S PLAYING FOOTSIE, NOT ME. 152 00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:31,725 - OH, WE'RE NOT DATING. JUST FUCKING. 153 00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:32,760 - REALLY? 154 00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:35,429 - JUST THE ONCE. - OH, BULLSHIT. 155 00:06:35,463 --> 00:06:37,731 I GAVE YOU TWO BLOW JOBS IN ONE NIGHT. 156 00:06:37,765 --> 00:06:40,868 AND YOU ATE THIS PUSSY LIKE YOUR MAMA MADE IT. 157 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,002 [cell phone chimes] 158 00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:44,137 OH, HOLY FUCKBALLS! I GOT A LUNCH. 159 00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:47,541 KRISTOFFERSON. MY MOST LOYAL CLIENT. 160 00:06:47,575 --> 00:06:50,478 OH, GOD, I GET IN A PUDDLE JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. 161 00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:52,946 OH, RUNKLE, NOW, DON'T BE JEALOUS. 162 00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:54,782 I THINK WE SHOULD KEEP EMOTION OUT 163 00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:55,816 OF THIS THING OF OURS. 164 00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:57,117 - GOOD IDEA, SUE. 165 00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:58,452 I'M TOTALLY WITH YOU ON THAT. 166 00:06:58,486 --> 00:06:59,987 - YEAH. WHAT ARE YOU DOING LATER, HANK? 167 00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:01,989 - UH... - PARTY AT MY PLACE. 168 00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:05,058 WHY DON'T YOU STOP BY FOR A STEAK AND A BLOW JOB? 169 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:08,161 I'D LOVE TO SEE YOU AND RUNKLE WITH YOUR SWORDS CROSSED. 170 00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:12,500 COLLINI OUT. 171 00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:14,502 - WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON, BIG BOY? 172 00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:17,938 - JUST GOIN' WITH THE FLOW. 173 00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:19,106 - HEY, I GOTTA GO PICK UP BECCA. 174 00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:20,674 I PROMISED HER I'D TAKE HER SHOPPING. 175 00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:21,942 YOU WANT TO HIT A STRIP CLUB LATER? 176 00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:23,911 - BUH-BUH-SHEEURE. YEAH. 177 00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:24,845 THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD TIME. 178 00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:26,714 - YEAH, I GOT A STUDENT THAT WORKS AT ONE. 179 00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:27,981 - OF COURSE YOU DO. 180 00:07:28,015 --> 00:07:29,650 - SHE DROPPED MY CLASS-- I THINK SHE DID-- 181 00:07:29,683 --> 00:07:31,118 AND I'M PERTURBED. I WANT TO FIND OUT WHY. 182 00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:32,953 BUT I CAN'T GO ALONE. THAT WOULD BE UNSEEMLY. 183 00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:33,854 - AGREED. 184 00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:36,223 HEY, HEY, YOU GONNA BUY ME A LAP DANCE? 185 00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:37,157 - MAYBE. 186 00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:39,259 IF YOU PROMISE NOT TO COME IN YOUR PANTS. 187 00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:41,729 MOODY OUT. 188 00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:44,264 COME ON, BECCA, YOU'RE KILLING ME SOFTLY HERE. 189 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,867 WHOA. 190 00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:48,602 OKAY, I'M GONNA PRETEND I DIDN'T SEE THAT. 191 00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:50,137 JUST BRING MY DAUGHTER BACK ALIVE, 192 00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:51,138 AND I WON'T CALL THE COPS. 193 00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:52,973 OKAY? I PROMISE. - DAD... 194 00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:55,576 YOU HAVE NO FASHION SENSE WHATSOEVER. 195 00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:57,210 - I HAVE EXCELLENT FASHION SENSE. 196 00:07:57,244 --> 00:07:59,613 I KNOW WHAT WORKS FOR ME. I HAVE A UNIFORM. 197 00:07:59,647 --> 00:08:01,048 - AND A MASSIVE BRAIN TUMOR. 198 00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:03,116 - WHY, BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO SEE HALF YOUR BUTT CRACK 199 00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:04,618 EVERY TIME YOU GET OUT OF THE CAR? 200 00:08:04,652 --> 00:08:05,753 ALL RIGHT, FINE. I'M GUILTY. 201 00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:07,921 CALL ME CRAZY. - MAY I? 202 00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:10,157 - MAY YOU WHAT, BUTT INTO OUR CONVERSATION? 203 00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:12,092 SURE. FEEL FREE. GO AHEAD. 204 00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:14,995 - SHE LOOKS AMAZING. 205 00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:17,531 - SEE? WHAT SHE SAID. 206 00:08:17,565 --> 00:08:19,800 - WELL, OF COURSE SHE LOOKS AMAZING... 207 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:23,170 TO THE TUNE OF... 200 QUATLOOS? 208 00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:25,138 JESUS CHRIST, IF I DIDN'T ALREADY OBJECT 209 00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:26,807 ON MORAL AND RELIGIOUS GROUNDS, 210 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,842 I'M NEVER GONNA SPEND THAT KIND OF MONEY ON CLOTHES. 211 00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:30,878 - YOU PROMISED YOU'D TAKE ME SHOPPING. 212 00:08:30,911 --> 00:08:33,747 - YES, HONEY, BUT I THOUGHT THAT MEANT, YOU KNOW, 213 00:08:33,781 --> 00:08:35,949 BUYING A FEW T-SHIRTS AT HOT TOPIC 214 00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:38,251 AND GRABBING AN ORANGE JULIUS OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 215 00:08:38,285 --> 00:08:41,221 - I'M NOT THAT GIRL ANYMORE, DAD. 216 00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:43,256 - SHE'S NOT THAT GIRL ANYMORE, DAD. 217 00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:44,758 - THANKS FOR THE HELP, SHOPKEEP. 218 00:08:44,792 --> 00:08:47,260 LOOK, UM, I THINK I SEE SOMEONE OVER THERE 219 00:08:47,294 --> 00:08:50,130 IN THE MARKET FOR A $250 JETHRO TULL T-SHIRT. 220 00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:51,599 AND BY THE WAY, I WAS AT THAT SHOW. 221 00:08:51,632 --> 00:08:52,933 I PAID ALL OF TEN BUCKS FOR THE SHIRT. 222 00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:55,135 GO. EXPLOIT. BE GONE. 223 00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:56,837 - I HATE YOU. 224 00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:58,872 - BECS? BEXSTER? 225 00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:01,208 HEY, LISTEN, WHY DON'T WE, UM, GO FOR A LITTLE WALK AND TALK, 226 00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:02,743 AND I'LL, UH-- 227 00:09:02,776 --> 00:09:04,277 I'LL GET YOU ONE OF THOSE HOT DOGS ON A STICK 228 00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:06,213 THAT YOU LIKE? 229 00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:08,315 OR THAT YOU USED TO LOVE, ANYWAY. 230 00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:10,851 I DON'T EVEN KNOW. I'M GIVING UP. THAT'S IT. 231 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,052 [door opens] 232 00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:16,624 - WOW. - THERE. 233 00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:19,159 ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? 234 00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:20,193 - SORT OF. 235 00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:23,263 BUT NOT REALLY. NOT IF YOU'RE NOT. 236 00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:25,699 - YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS, DAD. 237 00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:27,635 [knock on door] 238 00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:28,769 - ARE YOU EXPECTING SOMEONE? 239 00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:29,870 - GODOT. 240 00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:33,040 - OH, GODOT. HO HO. THAT'S NOT BAD. 241 00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:37,110 HEY, CHELSEA. - I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING. 242 00:09:37,144 --> 00:09:38,779 - WE'RE WORKING ON HER MANNERS. 243 00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:41,014 - HIDEOUS CREATURES, THESE TEENAGE GIRLS. 244 00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:43,283 - MONSTROUS. COULDN'T AGREE WITH YOU MORE. 245 00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:44,885 - IS IT TOO LATE DROWN THEM IN THE TUB? 246 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,620 WOULD YOU LIKE SOME TEA OR SHERRY OR-- 247 00:09:46,654 --> 00:09:49,723 WHAT IS IT, PIMM? - OH, NO, THANKS. 248 00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:50,891 I HEARD ABOUT THE FIGHT. 249 00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:53,293 - OH, "FIGHT." NOT--NOT REALLY A FIGHT. 250 00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:56,129 IT WAS MORE LIKE A DISAGREEMENT. 251 00:09:56,163 --> 00:09:57,164 CARING OUT LOUD, REALLY. 252 00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:59,199 - LET ME TAKE HER SHOPPING WITH US. 253 00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:02,002 - OH, NO. YOUR DAUGHTER LOOKS LIKE A TROLLOP. 254 00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:04,037 - THAT'S--THAT'S MEAN. 255 00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:06,306 - I'M JUST KIDDING. NOT REALLY. 256 00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:09,209 - COME ON, JUST TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO SPEND. 257 00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:11,912 I'LL MAKE THE MOST OF IT, AND I'LL MAKE HER LOOK AS... 258 00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,181 I DON'T KNOW, CLASSY AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. 259 00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:15,182 - I DON'T KNOW. - OH, COME ON. 260 00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:17,317 SHE'S SUCH A SWEET GIRL AND MISSES HER MOTHER 261 00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:19,152 AND DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO TALK TO HER FATHER. 262 00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:20,120 - SHE USED TO. 263 00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:23,023 - YEAH, WELL, THINGS CHANGE. SHE'S EVOLVING. 264 00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:25,092 SHE'S TRYING OUT DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES. 265 00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:26,927 YOU'VE GOT TO ADAPT OR DIE. 266 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,762 - WELL, MAYBE I'LL COME WITH YOU. 267 00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:30,798 - ABSOLUTELY NOT. NO. NO, NO, NO. 268 00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:33,200 BESIDES, I WOULDN'T WANT HER TO SEE ME 269 00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:35,836 PULL YOU INTO A DARK CORNER AND MAKE OUT WITH YOU. 270 00:10:35,869 --> 00:10:39,439 - YOU DIRTY ENGLISH ROSE, YOU. 271 00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:44,344 - IT WOULD APPEAR THAT YOU BRING IT OUT IN ME. 272 00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:50,050 [door opens] - YOU ALL READY? 273 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,224 - CAN I GO? 274 00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:59,259 - [sighs] YES. 275 00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:01,962 - SEE, I TOLD YOU HE WASN'T QUITE THE ASSHOLE 276 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,864 YOU SAID HE WAS. 277 00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:05,999 - COME ALONG, GIRLS. LET'S HIT THE ROAD. 278 00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:09,737 - THAT'S MR. ASSHOLE TO YOU, CHELSEA. 279 00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:12,706 - MM-HMM. - YEAH. OKAY. 280 00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:22,115 - CHECK IT OUT. 281 00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:25,185 I THINK I CAN SEE WHERE THEY PUT THE IMPLANTS IN. 282 00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:28,121 BA-JESUS, IT'S LIKE THE LACES ON A FOOTBALL. 283 00:11:28,155 --> 00:11:29,389 - YOU GONNA BE LIKE THIS ALL NIGHT? 284 00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:30,758 HEY, IS JACKIE WORKING? 285 00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:32,960 - SORRY, SWEETIE, DON'T KNOW ANY JACKIE. 286 00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:34,728 YOU WANT A DANCE? 287 00:11:34,762 --> 00:11:36,463 - DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD STRIP 288 00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:38,198 UNDER MY REAL NAME? 289 00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:41,301 - UH, SORRY, I DON'T KNOW THE PROTOCOL. 290 00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:43,436 - WELL, YOU'RE FORGIVEN. - HMM. 291 00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:45,773 WELL, WHAT IS YOUR STRIPPER HANDLE, THEN? 292 00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:46,639 - ASHLEY. - ASHLEY? 293 00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:48,976 - ASHLEY MADISON. - ASHLEY MADISON. 294 00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:51,478 MEET MY AGENT. THIS IS MY STUDENT. 295 00:11:51,511 --> 00:11:52,880 - OF COURSE SHE IS. 296 00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:55,482 - YOU KNOW, I HAD A FEELING YOU'D SHOW UP 297 00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:56,917 SOONER OR LATER. 298 00:11:56,950 --> 00:11:58,185 - IS THAT WHY YOU DROPPED MY CLASS? 299 00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:01,354 - YEAH, BECAUSE I'M JUST THAT OBSESSED WITH YOU. 300 00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:03,223 LISTEN, I REALLY CAN'T SIT AROUND AND CHITCHAT 301 00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:04,091 ALL NIGHT. 302 00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:06,927 SO YOU CAN BUY A DANCE OR HIT THE ROAD. 303 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,061 - COME HERE, MY AGENT. 304 00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:12,800 - OOH... - OH, SETTLE DOWN. 305 00:12:12,833 --> 00:12:14,201 OKAY, THIS IS FOR ME. 306 00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:17,337 AND THIS-- WELL, LET'S GO, HERE-- 307 00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:19,172 THIS IS FOR RALPH BALDO EMERSON HERE. 308 00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:20,941 - COME ON, BIG GUY. 309 00:12:20,974 --> 00:12:23,043 [sultry dance beat] 310 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:25,045 - OH... [laughter] 311 00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:32,786 * 312 00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:33,987 - WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? 313 00:12:34,021 --> 00:12:36,156 - NOTHING SCANDALOUS. 314 00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:38,926 WRITING'S JUST NOT MY THING. - I BEG TO DIFFER. 315 00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:40,961 - WELL, YOU CAN BEG ALL YOU WANT, 316 00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:42,462 BUT IT WAS AN ELECTIVE. 317 00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:45,032 I'M A BUSINESS MAJOR. I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR IT. 318 00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:47,367 - BUSINESS? 319 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,837 WHO STUDIES BUSINESS IN THIS DAY AND AGE? 320 00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:52,372 THAT FEELS REALLY GOOD, BY THE WAY. 321 00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:53,907 NICE WORK. - THANKS. 322 00:12:53,941 --> 00:12:56,810 - THAT THERE IS A MAN BONER. 323 00:12:56,844 --> 00:13:00,848 - MM, YEAH, THAT'S PRETTY MUCH WHAT WE SHOOT FOR IN HERE. 324 00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:04,417 LOOK, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. 325 00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:07,120 I'M NOT ONE OF YOUR TYPICAL FUCKED-UP DAMAGE CASES 326 00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:09,256 WHO'S JUST LUSTING FOR MALE ATTENTION. 327 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,991 I'M NOT SAYING THOSE GIRLS DON'T EXIST. 328 00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:14,194 THROW A ROCK IN HERE AND YOU'LL HIT SIX OR SEVEN, 329 00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:16,163 BUT THAT'S NOT ME. 330 00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:20,333 I AM JUST MAKING THE MOST OF WHAT I GOT 331 00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:22,035 WHILE I STILL GOT IT. 332 00:13:22,069 --> 00:13:26,073 - AHH...RIGHT. 333 00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:27,407 SO WHAT'S NEXT? 334 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:30,110 - I GET THE HELL OUT. - JUST LIKE THAT? 335 00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:35,382 YOU'RE JUST GONNA DISAPPEAR LIKE A...TOPLESS SALINGER? 336 00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:37,517 - THE STRIPPER IN THE RYE. 337 00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:40,187 - HEY, DID YOU JUST COME IN YOUR PANTS? 338 00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:42,089 - WHAT? YOU WERE GRINDING... 339 00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:43,156 - DISGUSTING! - I'M SORRY. 340 00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:44,424 IT WAS AN EXCEPTIONAL LAP DANCE. 341 00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:46,326 - FREAKIN' GROSS! 342 00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:47,861 - NICELY DONE, RUNKLE. 343 00:13:47,895 --> 00:13:49,963 [laughter] - IT WAS A COMPLIMENT. 344 00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:52,565 [cell phone rings] - A LIQUID COMPLIMENT. 345 00:13:52,599 --> 00:13:54,501 - HELLO? 346 00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:56,469 HEY, MARCY, BABY! 347 00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:59,139 I'M AT A STRIP CLUB WITH HANK. 348 00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:03,176 I JUST GOT A LAP DANCE. IT'S AWESOME HERE. 349 00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:05,345 REALLY? 350 00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:07,114 NO SHIT. 351 00:14:07,147 --> 00:14:09,049 YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, I'LL BE RIGHT THERE. 352 00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:10,250 HEY, I GOTTA GO. 353 00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:12,085 SOMEBODY WHO CAME AND SAW THE HOUSE 354 00:14:12,119 --> 00:14:13,620 IS COMING BACK FOR THE THIRD TIME THIS WEEK. 355 00:14:13,653 --> 00:14:15,088 I THINK THEY MIGHT MAKE AN OFFER. 356 00:14:15,122 --> 00:14:17,090 GOOD LUCK, PAL. - NO. STICKY FINGERS. 357 00:14:17,124 --> 00:14:19,059 - NICE TO MEET YOU, ASHLEY MADISON. 358 00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:22,329 - * CHA CHA TRA LA LA, DO YOU WANNA? * 359 00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,231 - SEE, WHAT DID I TELL YOU? 360 00:14:24,264 --> 00:14:25,365 AM I NOT AWESOME? 361 00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:29,102 DO I NOT PROVIDE A VALID AND WORTHWHILE PUBLIC SERVICE? 362 00:14:29,136 --> 00:14:30,603 - YES, ALL THAT AND MORE. 363 00:14:30,637 --> 00:14:32,940 BUT YOU'RE A DAMN FINE WRITER TOO. 364 00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:34,908 - SO YOU SAY. 365 00:14:34,942 --> 00:14:36,676 BUT I DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT THAT. 366 00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,211 - WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD. 367 00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:40,580 MAYBE IT'S ANOTHER WAY OUT. - OF WHAT? 368 00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:42,950 THE HOLE YOU'RE DESPERATELY TRYING TO DIG OUT OF. 369 00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:44,451 [Jackie laughs] MAYBE NOT AS FAST, 370 00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:47,254 BUT THE PAYOFF WILL LAST A LOT LONGER, TRUST ME. 371 00:14:47,287 --> 00:14:49,189 - YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW A THING ABOUT YOU, TEACH. 372 00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:52,092 WHERE YOU GREW UP, WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN. 373 00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:54,361 BUT YOU REALLY HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I COME FROM. 374 00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:55,628 THE SHIT I'VE SEEN. 375 00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:56,629 - OH? - MM. 376 00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:58,231 - ALL RIGHT, WELL, TELL ME. 377 00:14:58,265 --> 00:14:59,299 - WHY? 378 00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:02,035 IT'S BORING AS SHIT. [laughter] 379 00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:03,170 - I DON'T KNOW, TELL ME. 380 00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:04,972 - OKAY, DO YOU REALLY WANT TO HEAR 381 00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:07,074 ABOUT THE FATHER THAT I NEVER KNEW? 382 00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:09,943 THE MOTHER WHO USED TO CLEAN RICH PEOPLE'S HOUSES 383 00:15:09,977 --> 00:15:12,612 TO GET ME TO COLLEGE? 384 00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:14,681 WRITING IS JUST A-- IT'S A PIPE DREAM. 385 00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:16,083 YOU CAN'T REALLY MAKE A LIVING 386 00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:17,951 DOING SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 387 00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:21,254 ACTUALLY, THAT'S HOW YOU END UP TEACHING. 388 00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:22,956 - OUCH. - MM. 389 00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:26,059 INSTEAD, I WOULD RATHER RETIRE MY MOTHER, YOU KNOW. 390 00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:27,660 AND IF I HAVE TO USE MY BODY TO DO SO, 391 00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:29,229 THEN SO FUCKING BE IT. 392 00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:32,399 YOU KNOW, I APPRECIATE YOU TRYING TO HELP ME UNLEASH 393 00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:36,103 MY INNER HEMINGWAY, BUT I'M A BIG GIRL. 394 00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:37,670 YOU KNOW, I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. 395 00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:40,974 - WOW. I THINK YOU SHOULD REALLY GET BACK INTO CLASS. 396 00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:43,176 WE COULD WORKSHOP THAT LITTLE STORY OF YOURS. 397 00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:45,245 I'M NOT SURE I BELIEVE A WORD OF IT, 398 00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:46,246 BUT I DIG THE DETAILS. 399 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:49,549 IT WAS A PLEASURE MEETING YOU, ASHLEY, UH... 400 00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:50,617 - MADISON. 401 00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:54,721 - ASHLEY MADISON. - MM-HMM. 402 00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:58,758 - JESUS, TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH. 403 00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:01,294 - I'M SORRY. I HAD TO CALL A CAB. 404 00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:03,163 - WHAT'S WITH THE STAIN? 405 00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:06,699 EGH, DON'T BOTHER. I DON'T WANT TO KNOW. 406 00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:08,735 I'M ON THE RAG, AND I'LL START SCREAMING. 407 00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:10,103 I DON'T WANT TO SCREAM. 408 00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:11,638 - OKAY, OKAY, WHAT CAN I DO? 409 00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:14,074 - UM, JUST MAKE SURE YOUR JERK OFF PARAPHERNALIA 410 00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:15,508 IS ALL TUCKED AWAY. 411 00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:16,643 - GONE. DONE. WHAT ELSE? 412 00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:19,379 - UH, THAT'S IT. 413 00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:21,448 I THINK I'M GOOD WITH THAT. 414 00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:24,317 - [sighs] SO THIS IS IT, HUH? 415 00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:25,652 - WHAT? 416 00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:28,755 - WE'RE REALLY GONNA DO THIS? SELL THE PLACE? 417 00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:30,157 - ISN'T THAT WHAT WE WANT? 418 00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:32,125 - YEAH, SURE, I GUESS. 419 00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:33,293 JUST, YOU KNOW, ALL OF A SUDDEN, 420 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:35,128 A LOT OF MEMORIES COME FLOODING BACK. 421 00:16:35,162 --> 00:16:38,598 SOME BAD, BUT SO MANY GOOD, REALLY. 422 00:16:38,631 --> 00:16:40,233 GREAT EVEN. 423 00:16:40,267 --> 00:16:42,469 - CAN YOU STOP, CHARLIE? JUST STOP, OKAY? 424 00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:44,271 'CAUSE I REALLY DON'T WANT TO GO TRAIPSING 425 00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:46,373 DOWN MEMORY LANE WITH YOU RIGHT NOW. 426 00:16:46,406 --> 00:16:49,509 UGH, I GOTTA GO CHANGE MY FUCKING TAMPON. 427 00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:56,483 [overlapping voices] 428 00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:58,251 - IS THAT ALL YOU GOT? - COME ON. 429 00:16:58,285 --> 00:17:00,087 - YEAH, ASHLEY. - COME ON, ASHLEY. 430 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,355 - PARTY. YEAH. - PARTY WITH US. 431 00:17:02,389 --> 00:17:04,257 - HEY, JACKIE. 432 00:17:04,291 --> 00:17:06,259 YOU ALL RIGHT? 433 00:17:06,293 --> 00:17:07,227 - YEAH. FINE. 434 00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:09,262 YOU KNOW, BIG GIRL. CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. 435 00:17:09,296 --> 00:17:11,164 REMEMBER? - YOU SURE? 436 00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:12,132 - YEAH. 437 00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:14,067 - THAT MEANS YOU CAN TAKE OFF NOW, OLD TIMER. 438 00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:16,403 - OH. I'M NOT SURE I WANT TO. 439 00:17:16,436 --> 00:17:18,105 I'M--I'M LONELY. 440 00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:20,540 WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO JOIN THIS LITTLE HOMOEROTIC BAND 441 00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:22,209 OF THIEVES HERE? 442 00:17:22,242 --> 00:17:23,376 - OKAY... - SOMEONE'S LOOKING 443 00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:25,245 FOR A MOUTHFUL OF COCK AND BALLS, HUH? 444 00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:28,648 - WELL, THAT DOES NOT SOUND VERY APPETIZING OR FILLING. 445 00:17:28,681 --> 00:17:32,352 - OH, SHIT! BRUCE, JOHNNY, OVER HERE, QUICK! 446 00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,821 - KICK HIS ASS. - LEAVE HIM ALONE! STOP! 447 00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:37,657 - FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU! 448 00:17:37,690 --> 00:17:40,260 - HEY, TED, LET'S GO. 449 00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:41,761 [coughing] 450 00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:44,131 - WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? 451 00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:46,233 - I WAS TRYING TO PREVENT YOU FROM GETTING RAPED 452 00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:48,301 ATOP A PINBALL MACHINE, YOU INGRATE. 453 00:17:48,335 --> 00:17:50,803 - THEY'RE MY REGULARS. THEY'RE USUALLY SWEETHEARTS. 454 00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:52,739 - NOW YOU TELL ME. 455 00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:54,407 - ARE YOU OKAY? 456 00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:57,177 - NO. I JUST GOT MY ASS KICKED BY A J. CREW CATALOG. 457 00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:58,378 I'M NOT OKAY. 458 00:17:58,411 --> 00:17:59,379 - WHAT HURTS? 459 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,114 - MY ASS. 460 00:18:01,148 --> 00:18:03,716 - YEP, THIS IS WHERE THE MAGIC HAPPENS. 461 00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:06,386 OOPS, SORRY. USED TO HAPPEN. 462 00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:08,455 YEAH, WE'RE SPLITTING THE SHEETS. 463 00:18:08,488 --> 00:18:10,290 D-I-V-O-R-S-E. 464 00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:12,459 NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF. THINGS JUST DIDN'T WORK OUT. 465 00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:14,227 YOU KNOW, COULD HAPPEN TO ANYONE. 466 00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:15,595 EVEN YOU GUYS. 467 00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:19,432 - HEY, DICKLESS WONDER, SHUT UP. 468 00:18:19,466 --> 00:18:22,302 - GET IT TOGETHER, YOU TWO. 469 00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:25,638 - WOW, THAT'S DISGUSTING. 470 00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:28,408 - OH, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT! 471 00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:29,676 [toilet flushes] 472 00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:31,144 WELL, THAT TIME OF THE MONTH. 473 00:18:31,178 --> 00:18:33,580 YOU KNOW HOW IT IS, RIGHT, SISTERS? 474 00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:35,415 - AYE-YI-YI-YI-YI. 475 00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:38,151 DON'T WORRY, WE'LL MAKE IT ALL NICE. 476 00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:39,619 - WELL, I THINK WE'VE SEEN EVERYTHING 477 00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:41,488 WE NEEDED TO SEE. THANK YOU. GOOD NIGHT. 478 00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:44,857 - REALLY, MARCY, A FUCKING TAMPON IN THE TOILET, 479 00:18:44,891 --> 00:18:46,626 IN THIS MARKET? - IT'S ALL UNDER CONTROL. 480 00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:48,361 - YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF. 481 00:18:48,395 --> 00:18:51,398 - IT'S GOING DOWN. 482 00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:00,940 - COME ON. 483 00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:02,709 - HUH? - YOU'RE COMING IN. 484 00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:05,645 I WANT TO TAKE A LOOK AT YOU. 485 00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:06,813 - WHAT ABOUT YOUR FRIEND BALT? 486 00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:09,316 - HE'S SLEEPING AT HIS BOYFRIEND'S. 487 00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:10,717 - OH, HE'S GOT A BOYFRIEND? 488 00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:14,387 - MM-HMM. - GOOD FOR THAT DUDE. 489 00:19:14,421 --> 00:19:15,422 [groans] 490 00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:17,457 OW. OOH, OOH. 491 00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,492 - PUSSY. 492 00:19:19,526 --> 00:19:21,694 - WHAT, NO POINTS FOR ATTEMPTING TO DEFEND YOUR HONOR, 493 00:19:21,728 --> 00:19:27,200 NO MATTER HOW ILL-CONCEIVED OR AMATEURISH THE EXECUTION? 494 00:19:27,234 --> 00:19:28,034 MMM...OH. 495 00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:30,403 - IS THAT WHAT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR? 496 00:19:30,437 --> 00:19:32,205 - NOT EXACTLY, BUT THAT'LL DO. 497 00:19:32,239 --> 00:19:35,542 - HMM. 498 00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:38,211 - NO. NO MAS. I'M DIZZY ENOUGH AS IT IS. 499 00:19:38,245 --> 00:19:39,946 AND THIS IS NOT A GOOD IDEA. 500 00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:41,614 - WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? 501 00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:43,416 - YOU'RE MY STUDENT. 502 00:19:43,450 --> 00:19:46,319 - NOT ANYMORE I'M NOT. 503 00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:49,289 - WELL, YOU'RE A STUDENT, AND I AM A TEACHER, 504 00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:53,693 AND AS SUCH THIS IS FROWNED UPON SOMEWHAT. 505 00:19:53,726 --> 00:19:56,929 - WOW, GIVE ME A BREAK. 506 00:19:56,963 --> 00:20:00,233 YOU ONCE SPENT AN ENTIRE CLASS RANTING ABOUT 507 00:20:00,267 --> 00:20:02,335 HOW MUCH YOU HATE COLDPLAY. 508 00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:04,237 SOMETHING TELLS ME THAT YOU COULD CARE LESS 509 00:20:04,271 --> 00:20:05,972 ABOUT WHAT'S FROWNED UPON. 510 00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:07,774 - THAT'S STILL ONE OF MY FAVORITE LECTURES. 511 00:20:07,807 --> 00:20:09,542 - MM. 512 00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:13,246 - SHIT, YOU'RE REALLY WEAKENING MY RESOLVE. 513 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,648 - LOOK, I'M 23. 514 00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:19,419 IF I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU... 515 00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:22,389 [whispering] IF I WANT TO FUCK YOU-- 516 00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:27,927 - THAT'S REALLY NOT HELPING. - THEN WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? 517 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:31,631 - * YOU'RE THE ONE THAT I WANT 518 00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:34,667 - YOU HAVE REALLY NICE BOOBS. 519 00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:36,436 CAN I TOUCH ONE? 520 00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:39,572 - * HONEY, YOU'RE THE ONE THAT I WANT * 521 00:20:39,606 --> 00:20:43,710 - GO AHEAD. 522 00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:46,913 - * OH, OH, OH 523 00:20:46,946 --> 00:20:50,617 * THE ONE THAT I NEED 524 00:20:50,650 --> 00:20:53,286 - THIS IS SO NOT FAIR. 525 00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:55,655 - * OH, YES INDEED 526 00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:57,957 [toilet flushes] 527 00:20:57,990 --> 00:20:59,626 - FUCK. 528 00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:01,961 IT'S LIKE A SLASHER FILM IN THERE. 529 00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:05,498 I THINK I GOT IT ALL. 530 00:21:05,532 --> 00:21:07,634 ARE YOU OKAY? 531 00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:11,838 - JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE, RUNKLE, JESUS! 532 00:21:11,871 --> 00:21:13,806 - WHY ARE YOU CRYING? 533 00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:15,842 - WHY WOULDN'T I BE CRYING? 534 00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:17,710 I JUST WANT TO BE DONE WITH IT ALREADY. 535 00:21:17,744 --> 00:21:19,312 I WANT TO SELL THIS FUCKING HOUSE 536 00:21:19,346 --> 00:21:20,780 AND GET ON WITH THE REST OF MY LIFE. 537 00:21:20,813 --> 00:21:22,882 - MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT 538 00:21:22,915 --> 00:21:26,453 BEFORE YOU LEFT ALL THAT MENSTRUAL BLOOD IN THE TOILET. 539 00:21:26,486 --> 00:21:28,721 - WOULD YOU CUT ME SOME SLACK? 540 00:21:28,755 --> 00:21:31,558 HOW MANY BIG, STINKING DUMPS HAVE YOU LEFT 541 00:21:31,591 --> 00:21:35,362 IN THAT VERY SAME TOILET? 542 00:21:35,395 --> 00:21:38,698 - UH...I'M SORRY I'VE MADE YOU SO UNHAPPY, MARCY. 543 00:21:41,368 --> 00:21:43,836 - DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE. 544 00:21:43,870 --> 00:21:45,672 WE JUST WEREN'T MEANT TO BE. 545 00:21:45,705 --> 00:21:46,706 - SEE, THAT'S THE THING. 546 00:21:46,739 --> 00:21:48,074 I THINK WE WERE. 547 00:21:48,107 --> 00:21:50,677 I THINK WE WERE SUPPOSED TO LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER. 548 00:21:50,710 --> 00:21:52,579 I JUST--I TOOK A WRONG TURN SOMEWHERE. 549 00:21:52,612 --> 00:21:55,982 OR, OKAY, SEVERAL WRONG TURNS. 550 00:21:56,015 --> 00:21:59,419 I FUCKED IT UP. 551 00:21:59,452 --> 00:22:00,920 I'M A BIG BOY, MARCY. 552 00:22:00,953 --> 00:22:03,523 I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE YOU HAPPY AGAIN. 553 00:22:03,556 --> 00:22:04,957 AND IF THAT MEANS LETTING YOU GO, 554 00:22:04,991 --> 00:22:06,726 THAT'S WHAT I WILL DO. 555 00:22:06,759 --> 00:22:09,028 JUST YOU WATCH. 556 00:22:19,972 --> 00:22:20,973 OW! 557 00:22:21,007 --> 00:22:23,009 - WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? 558 00:22:23,042 --> 00:22:25,545 WHAT HAPPENED TO LETTING ME GO? 559 00:22:25,578 --> 00:22:28,648 - I DON'T KNOW. IT'S HARD. 560 00:22:32,752 --> 00:22:34,954 - IT SURE IS. 561 00:22:34,987 --> 00:22:37,657 - DO THAT AGAIN. 562 00:22:53,873 --> 00:22:56,008 - * COME DOWN OFF YOUR THRONE 563 00:22:56,042 --> 00:23:00,980 * AND LEAVE YOUR BODY ALONE 564 00:23:01,013 --> 00:23:06,686 * SOMEBODY MUST CHANGE 565 00:23:06,719 --> 00:23:08,455 * YOU ARE THE REASON 566 00:23:08,488 --> 00:23:13,493 * I'VE BEEN WAITING SO LONG 567 00:23:13,526 --> 00:23:18,130 * SOMEBODY HOLDS THE KEY 568 00:23:18,164 --> 00:23:21,868 * WELL, I'M NEAR THE END 569 00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:29,141 * AND I JUST AIN'T GOT THE TIME * 570 00:23:29,175 --> 00:23:30,877 * AND I'M WASTED 571 00:23:30,910 --> 00:23:37,049 * AND I CAN'T FIND MY WAY HOME 572 00:23:37,083 --> 00:23:39,018 - HEY, WHAT'S UP, BABY BLANKET? 573 00:23:39,051 --> 00:23:43,923 - I CAN'T SEEM TO DRAG MY ASS OUT OF BED THIS MORNING. 574 00:23:43,956 --> 00:23:45,592 I DON'T KNOW. HOW 'BOUT YOU? 575 00:23:45,625 --> 00:23:47,627 CAN'T SLEEP? 576 00:23:47,660 --> 00:23:49,996 - NO. THAT BED'S AWFULLY BIG WITHOUT YOU 577 00:23:50,029 --> 00:23:52,031 AND YOUR SMOKING-HOT ASS. 578 00:23:52,064 --> 00:23:55,234 - THAT'S FUNNY, 'CAUSE YOU NEVER SEEM TO HAVE 579 00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:58,170 MUCH OF A PROBLEM GETTING SOMEONE TO SHARE A BED WITH YOU. 580 00:23:58,204 --> 00:24:02,675 - YEAH, WELL, THEY AIN'T YOU, LADY. 581 00:24:02,709 --> 00:24:04,977 - SO WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU? 582 00:24:05,011 --> 00:24:07,980 - THAT'S EASY. YOU JUST TELL ME THAT DESPITE 583 00:24:08,014 --> 00:24:10,950 ALL THE SEEMINGLY SHITTY THINGS I DO, I'M STILL A GOOD PERSON. 584 00:24:10,983 --> 00:24:14,921 - OH, MY, YOU ARE HAVING A DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL. 585 00:24:14,954 --> 00:24:19,058 - I'M JUST NOT LIKING MYSELF VERY MUCH LATELY, 586 00:24:19,091 --> 00:24:21,093 AND WE'RE FRESH OUT OF BOOZE. 587 00:24:21,127 --> 00:24:24,964 OTHERWISE I'D SLEEPING LIKE A DRUNK MARMOSET RIGHT NOW. 588 00:24:24,997 --> 00:24:27,233 - SO WHAT, YOU WANT ME TO HEAR YOUR CONFESSION 589 00:24:27,266 --> 00:24:30,236 AND ABSOLVE YOU OF ALL YOUR SINS? 590 00:24:30,269 --> 00:24:31,904 THAT'S KIND OF HARD TO DO WHEN I DON'T KNOW 591 00:24:31,938 --> 00:24:33,973 WHAT YOU'RE UP TO OUT THERE. 592 00:24:34,006 --> 00:24:36,175 - YOU WANT ME TO GIVE YOU THE GORY DEETS? 593 00:24:36,208 --> 00:24:37,243 - GOD, NO. 594 00:24:37,276 --> 00:24:40,747 I MEAN, THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF BEING SO FAR AWAY. 595 00:24:40,780 --> 00:24:43,950 I DON'T NEED TO LISTEN TO THE GORY DEETS ANYMORE. 596 00:24:43,983 --> 00:24:47,820 BUT THANK YOU. - MM... 597 00:24:47,854 --> 00:24:49,656 YOU MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. 598 00:24:49,689 --> 00:24:53,225 - IT'S WHAT I DO. 599 00:24:53,259 --> 00:24:57,029 LISTEN, MUCH AS I WOULD LOVE TO SOUL SEARCH WITH YOU, 600 00:24:57,063 --> 00:24:58,865 I NEED TO GO. 601 00:24:58,898 --> 00:25:05,104 - I GET IT. IT'S TIME TO MAKE THE DOUGHNUTS, RIGHT? 602 00:25:05,137 --> 00:25:06,573 YOU STILL LOVE ME? 603 00:25:06,606 --> 00:25:09,141 - ALWAYS. 604 00:25:09,175 --> 00:25:10,877 THAT'S THE PROBLEM. 605 00:25:10,910 --> 00:25:13,312 - GOSPEL. 606 00:25:13,345 --> 00:25:14,814 HAVE A GOOD DAY. 607 00:25:14,847 --> 00:25:16,248 - GET SOME SLEEP, SINNER. 608 00:25:16,282 --> 00:25:19,318 AND GIVE THAT LITTLE RAPSCALLION A KISS FOR ME, OKAY? 609 00:25:19,351 --> 00:25:23,022 - WILL DO, BUGABOO. 610 00:25:30,997 --> 00:25:34,166 TOP OF THE MORNING TO YOU, MISS ROBINSON. 611 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:36,569 - AND YOU TOO, MR. MOODY. 612 00:25:36,603 --> 00:25:38,771 AND JUST SO YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT, 613 00:25:38,805 --> 00:25:41,273 AND I DON'T THINK WE CAN BE FRIENDS ANYMORE. 614 00:25:41,307 --> 00:25:44,276 - OH, REALLY? THAT'S TOO BAD. - NOT NECESSARILY. 615 00:25:44,310 --> 00:25:47,714 I'M NOT WEARING ANY UNDERWEAR. 616 00:25:52,318 --> 00:25:54,987 - PROFESSOR, WOULD YOU MIND TERRIBLY 617 00:25:55,021 --> 00:25:56,623 IF I AUDIT YOUR CLASS THIS MORNING? 618 00:25:56,656 --> 00:25:58,691 I WAS THINKING YOU COULD PROBABLY 619 00:25:58,725 --> 00:26:01,961 TEACH ME A THING OR TWO ABOUT LIFE, LOVE, 620 00:26:01,994 --> 00:26:04,063 THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS. 621 00:26:04,096 --> 00:26:07,299 - I'M SORRY I'M LATE, TEACH. 622 00:26:07,333 --> 00:26:08,835 HOT DATE. 623 00:26:08,868 --> 00:26:11,103 YOU KNOW, UP ALL NIGHT THINKING ABOUT IT. 624 00:26:11,137 --> 00:26:15,307 JUST KEEP ON REPLAYING IT OVER AND OVER AND OVER 625 00:26:15,341 --> 00:26:17,076 IN MY MIND. 626 00:26:42,869 --> 00:26:45,872 Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com