1 00:00:07,075 --> 00:00:08,642 - PREVIOUSLY ON CALIFORNICATION... 2 00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:10,311 - OH, MY GOD. YOU'RE BECCA. 3 00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:11,679 - I HAVE SOME NEWS. 4 00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:13,514 - YEAH, ME TOO. THAT'S WHY I'M HERE. 5 00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:15,249 - ARE YOU EXCITED TO MEET YOUR BROTHER? 6 00:00:15,283 --> 00:00:16,550 - MY BROTHER? 7 00:00:16,584 --> 00:00:18,319 - HEY, EVERYONE. 8 00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:20,321 - LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO LIMIT YOUR SEXUAL EXPLORATION, 9 00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,123 BUT YOU GOT TO LAY OFF THE HOOKERS 10 00:00:22,156 --> 00:00:23,124 BECAUSE IT'S ILLEGAL. 11 00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:24,325 - YOU NEED TO START DEALING 12 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:28,196 WITH SOME REAL, LIVE WOMEN ONE-ON-ONE. 13 00:00:28,229 --> 00:00:29,563 - HI. 14 00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:31,199 UH, HI, PR--PRETTY LADY. 15 00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:34,068 - I ASSUME THAT THE OFFER STILL STANDS. 16 00:00:34,102 --> 00:00:35,336 - ARE YOU IN? 17 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:36,537 - YES, I'M IN. 18 00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,172 - OH! 19 00:00:38,206 --> 00:00:39,740 - I HAVE AN IDEA. - YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO IT? 20 00:00:39,773 --> 00:00:41,809 - NO, I'M GONNA DO IT. MAYBE YOU SHOULD DO IT TOO. 21 00:00:41,842 --> 00:00:44,312 - I'M GETTING MARRIED. - NO, YOU'RE NOT. 22 00:00:44,345 --> 00:00:46,414 - YEAH, WELL, THERE'S NOT A LOT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT, IS THERE? 23 00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:48,682 - THIS IS RIDICULOUS. - ANY MORE THAN THIS? 24 00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:50,551 - I CANNOT, IN GOOD CONSCIENCE, 25 00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:52,686 ENDORSE THIS SHIT, BECCA. - WE'RE DOING IT IN NEW YORK. 26 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:55,623 YOU CAN BE A PART OF IT OR NOT-- TOTALLY UP TO YOU. 27 00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:58,326 AND I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU MAKE ME FUCKING MISERABLE ABOUT IT. 28 00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:10,204 - I CAN PAY YOU. WHAT IF I PAY YOU? 29 00:01:10,238 --> 00:01:11,605 - YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE. 30 00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:13,507 - YES, BUT I'M AN ASSHOLE WHO LOVES YOU 31 00:01:13,541 --> 00:01:15,376 SOMETHING FIERCE, BABY. - I KNOW. 32 00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:16,844 - I JUST WANT WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU. 33 00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:18,446 - I KNOW THAT TOO. 34 00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:19,847 - WHICH IS WHY IT'S HARD FOR ME TO GET EXCITED 35 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:22,350 WHEN YOU'RE G-GETTING-- [gags] 36 00:01:22,383 --> 00:01:25,219 [chokes] 37 00:01:25,253 --> 00:01:26,754 MARRIED. 38 00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:28,589 - I'M NOT GETTING MARRIED. 39 00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:31,225 - YOU'RE NOT? - NO, IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA. 40 00:01:31,259 --> 00:01:32,860 - IT'S NOT? IT'S NOT! 41 00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:35,529 OH, I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE ON THE SAME PAGE WITH ME. 42 00:01:35,563 --> 00:01:38,632 BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOU, THAT ALMOST NEVER HAPPENS. 43 00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:42,203 - THERE'S NO POINT IN ME GETTING MARRIED, EVER. 44 00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:45,506 - WELL, NOW--NOW, THAT'S A WEE BIT EXTREME. 45 00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:48,742 YOU COULD WAIT TILL, LIKE, 30 OR 35. 46 00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:50,644 YOU KNOW, YOUR 20s AND EARLY 30s 47 00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:53,147 ARE GONNA BE AN ENDLESS PROCESSION OF DOUCHE BAGS-- 48 00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:55,483 TRUST ME, BUT JUST HANG TIGHT. 49 00:01:55,516 --> 00:01:57,151 - THERE'S NO WAY I'LL EVER BE ABLE 50 00:01:57,185 --> 00:01:58,819 TO HAVE A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP. 51 00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:01,889 - WHY DO YOU SAY THAT? - BECAUSE OF YOU. 52 00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:05,393 HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ABLE TO SUSTAIN A RELATIONSHIP? 53 00:02:05,426 --> 00:02:07,795 YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME, YOU SAY YOU LOVE MOM, 54 00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:10,898 BUT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHEN YOU ONLY EVER LET US DOWN? 55 00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:15,503 I'M MY FATHER'S DAUGHTER. 56 00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:16,837 - BECCA! 57 00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:20,774 [gasps] 58 00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:22,510 - YOU ALL RIGHT, BUDDY? 59 00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:24,645 - I'M FINE. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE? 60 00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:26,580 - MARCY AND I HAD A FIGHT. 61 00:02:26,614 --> 00:02:28,716 SHE'S GONNA SLEEP WITH STU TOMORROW. 62 00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:31,319 CAN I SLEEP HERE WITH YOU TONIGHT? 63 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,169 - SHH. 64 00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:54,708 [upbeat music] 65 00:02:54,742 --> 00:03:02,716 * 66 00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:42,990 HEY. WHERE IS SHE? 67 00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:44,458 - GONE. 68 00:03:44,492 --> 00:03:45,859 - GONE? WHAT DO YOU MEAN GONE? 69 00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:47,261 - WELL, SHE LEFT FOR NEW YORK THIS MORNING. 70 00:03:47,295 --> 00:03:48,462 SHE'S GONE TO MEET HIS PARENTS. 71 00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:49,663 - MEET HIS PARENTS? - YEAH. 72 00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:50,864 - JESUS CHRIST, KAREN. 73 00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:52,733 THIS IS MORE SERIOUS THAN I THOUGHT. 74 00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:54,902 - WELL, WHAT PART OF "DAD, I'M GETTING MARRIED" 75 00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:57,271 DID YOU NOT THINK WAS SERIOUS? - THE WHOLE FUCKING THING. 76 00:03:57,305 --> 00:03:59,673 IT'S LIKE THE SETUP TO SOME HORRIBLE PRACTICAL JOKE. 77 00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:02,610 YOU KNOW, I-I KEEP ON EXPECTING ASHTON KUTCHER 78 00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:04,745 TO MAKE AN APPEARANCE--HE'S NOT IN YOUR BATHROOM, IS HE? 79 00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:06,514 ARE YOU FUCKING ASHTON KUTCHER, KAREN? 80 00:04:06,547 --> 00:04:09,883 YOU MIGHT NEED THESE. - THEY'RE HAVING THE CEREMONY 81 00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:11,752 AT HIS PARENTS' HOUSE THIS WEEKEND. 82 00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:13,421 - OH, NO, THAT IS-- THAT IS CRAZY. 83 00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:14,622 - MM-HMM. MAYBE, MAYBE NOT. 84 00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,357 - NO, THAT'S NOT NORMAL. 85 00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:17,791 THAT'S NOT THE WAY IT'S SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN. 86 00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:19,293 - OKAY, SO WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO-- 87 00:04:19,327 --> 00:04:20,761 LIKE, PRETEND IT'S NOT HAPPENING? 88 00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:21,962 - YEAH, YEAH. YEAH, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT? 89 00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:23,797 - WELL, LOOK AT THE CHOICES WE MADE. 90 00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:25,833 - MM-HMM. - WE DECIDED NOT TO GET MARRIED. 91 00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:28,402 WE WERE TOO COOL AND, YOU KNOW, TOO BOHEMIAN FOR THAT SHIT. 92 00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:29,670 AND LOOK WHERE THAT GOT US. 93 00:04:29,703 --> 00:04:31,639 HOW COOL ARE WE RIGHT NOW? 94 00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:33,040 IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT FOR HER-- 95 00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:35,976 OUR LIFE, OUR RIDICULOUS FUCKING STORY? 96 00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:39,780 - NO, KAREN, I SEE NO REASON TO DENIGRATE OUR BEAUTIFUL STORY. 97 00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:41,549 AND I HAVE EVERY REASON IN THE WORLD 98 00:04:41,582 --> 00:04:43,851 TO BE MAD ABOUT THE MOST RECENT TURN OF EVENTS HERE. 99 00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:45,719 - WHERE IS THAT GONNA GET YOU? - I DON'T KNOW! 100 00:04:45,753 --> 00:04:47,688 IT JUST FEELS PRETTY FUCKING GOOD RIGHT NOW--THAT'S ALL. 101 00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:49,723 - OKAY, WELL, STAY ANGRY, THEN, BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? 102 00:04:49,757 --> 00:04:52,059 YOU'RE WAY TOO FUCKING OLD TO BE DRAGGED KICKING AND SCREAMING 103 00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:53,661 INTO DOING THE RIGHT THING. 104 00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:55,396 - HOW DO YOU KNOW IT'S THE RIGHT THING? 105 00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:56,797 - BECAUSE SHE'S OUR KID, AND SHE FUCKING NEEDS US, 106 00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:58,832 AND THAT'S ALL I NEED TO KNOW. 107 00:04:58,866 --> 00:05:00,934 - YES, YES, THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S THE POINT--SHE'S A KID 108 00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,703 AND SHE'S BEHAVING LIKE A FUCKING KID. 109 00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:04,972 [cell phone rings] WHAT? 110 00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:06,807 - YOU JUST GONNA LET IT RING? 111 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:09,877 WHO IS IT-- JULIA? 112 00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:11,412 - ASHTON. - JULIA? 113 00:05:11,445 --> 00:05:12,713 - KUTCHER. - GREAT. OKAY. 114 00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:13,947 - IT'S ANTON KIRCHNER. 115 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,583 - DEAL WITH IT. DEAL WITH IT, HANK. 116 00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:17,351 JUST FUCKING DEAL WITH SOMETHING IN YOUR LIFE. 117 00:05:17,385 --> 00:05:18,819 I'M LEAVING TONIGHT, AND I'LL KEEP YOU POSTED. 118 00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:20,688 - SHOULDN'T WE TALK ABOUT THIS SOME MORE? 119 00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:23,424 - WE'RE DONE TALKING. I'M ALL ABOUT THE DOING, OKAY? 120 00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:24,992 - HELLO? 121 00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:26,560 JULIA, JUST SLOW DOWN. 122 00:05:26,594 --> 00:05:27,961 JESUS CHRIST. - I DON'T WANT TO KNOW. 123 00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:30,631 - OH, FUCK. WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? AGAIN? 124 00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:40,574 - LOOKING HOT, MARCY. HOT. 125 00:05:40,608 --> 00:05:42,876 - THANKS. - YEAH. 126 00:05:42,910 --> 00:05:45,045 I GUESS YOU WANT TO LOOK YOUR BEST WHEN SOMEBODY'S PAYING 127 00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:47,114 A MILLION BUCKS TO FUCK YOU, RIGHT? 128 00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:48,849 MAKES SENSE. WAY TO GO! 129 00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:51,118 IF YOU'RE GONNA DO IT, DO IT RIGHT. 130 00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:53,020 GET IT FUCKING DONE! 131 00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:54,722 WHOO-HOO! 132 00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:56,123 - THIS IS EXACTLY WHY 133 00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:57,858 I DIDN'T WANT YOU IN THE HOUSE TODAY. 134 00:05:57,891 --> 00:05:59,159 - OH, OH, RIGHT. 135 00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:01,028 SO I WOULDN'T SEE YOU, RIGHT? 136 00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,530 THAT'S SWEET-- 137 00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:04,131 LIKE A BRIDE ON HER WEDDING DAY, HUH? 138 00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:05,799 LIKE THAT? IS THAT WHAT YOU MEAN? 139 00:06:05,833 --> 00:06:07,468 - CHARLIE. 140 00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:08,869 - MAYBE I GOT SOMETHING GOING ON TODAY TOO. 141 00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:11,405 YEAH, MAYBE I'M GONNA GET FUCKED TODAY. 142 00:06:11,439 --> 00:06:14,007 WHOO-HOO! - WILL YOU STOP WHOO-HOOING? 143 00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,877 AND I TOLD YOU, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT. 144 00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:19,747 AND YOU BETTER NOT FUCK ANYONE IN MY HOUSE. 145 00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:21,148 - IT WAS MY HOUSE FIRST, YOU KNOW. 146 00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:22,750 AND I FUCKED A LOT OF LADIES HERE. 147 00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:25,085 A LOT--102, IN FACT, TO BE PRECISE. 148 00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:27,621 YEP, I FUCKED 'EM HERE, RIGHT ON THIS CHAIR. 149 00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:29,156 I FUCKED 'EM THERE. I FUCKED 'EM THERE. 150 00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:30,891 I FUCKED 'EM ON THE COUNTER. 151 00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:32,960 I EVEN FUCKED 'EM BENT OVER THIS CHAIR RIGHT HERE-- 152 00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:34,194 YOUR FAVORITE SPOT. 153 00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:35,963 BLOOP-- I SLIPPED RIGHT IN. 154 00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:37,531 IT WAS NO PROBLEM AT ALL. 155 00:06:37,565 --> 00:06:39,533 - GOOD FOR YOU, BABY. MM. 156 00:06:39,567 --> 00:06:41,969 GOOD FOR YOU. 157 00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:44,037 WE'RE GONNA LAUGH ABOUT THIS ONE DAY, YOU KNOW? 158 00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:47,174 - OH, YOU SURE ABOUT THAT? - I LOVE YOU. 159 00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:49,443 I'M SURE ABOUT THAT. 160 00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:55,516 YOU BETTER FUCKING SAY IT BACK. 161 00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:58,719 - [mumbling] I LOVE YOU TOO. 162 00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:01,855 - YOU BETTER NOT HAVE A FUCKING ORGASM. 163 00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:04,825 - I'LL DO MY BEST. 164 00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:15,002 - I'M SO FUCKING DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, LEVON. 165 00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:16,804 - THAT HURTS MY FUCKING FEELINGS, MOM. 166 00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:18,939 YOU DAMAGE MY SELF-ESTEEM WHEN YOU SAY SHIT LIKE THAT. 167 00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:20,674 - YOU THINK IT'S OKAY IF I SLAP HIM SILLY? 168 00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:21,942 - WE DON'T HIT IN THIS FAMILY, HANK. 169 00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:23,711 - YEAH, MAYBE WE SHOULD. - TRY IT. 170 00:07:23,744 --> 00:07:25,613 I'LL SEE YOU IN COURT, MOTHERFUCKER! 171 00:07:25,646 --> 00:07:28,682 - THINK I'LL SEE YOU IN COURT FIRST, MOTHERFUCKER. 172 00:07:28,716 --> 00:07:29,850 - NOW YOU HAVE A CRIMINAL RECORD. 173 00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:31,251 - AND YOU OWE ME A SHIT TON OF MONEY. 174 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:32,886 - I'M GOOD FOR IT. - NO, YOU'RE NOT. 175 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:34,688 YOU'RE UNEMPLOYED. - WHICH IS WHY I WAS 176 00:07:34,722 --> 00:07:36,490 SEEKING COMFORT IN THE ARMS OF A STREETWALKER, OKAY? 177 00:07:36,524 --> 00:07:38,726 I DIDN'T KNOW THAT SHIT WAS ILLEGAL. 178 00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:40,894 - REALLY? - I MEAN, I GUESS I KNEW, 179 00:07:40,928 --> 00:07:42,830 BUT I THOUGHT COPS ALWAYS LOOKED THE OTHER WAY. 180 00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:44,698 LESSON LEARNED. - THIS IS SERIOUSLY UNHEALTHY. 181 00:07:44,732 --> 00:07:46,233 I'M GONNA HAVE TO SEND YOU BACK TO DR. LAWSON. 182 00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:48,636 - WHO'S DR. LAWSON? - HIS THERAPIST. 183 00:07:48,669 --> 00:07:50,003 - WHY'D HE STOP? 184 00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:51,271 - 'CAUSE I FUCKING HEALED MYSELF. 185 00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:52,873 - OH, YOU DID? GOOD JOB. - YEAH. 186 00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:54,842 - I CAN'T TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW! - NICE JOB. 187 00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:56,777 - SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO HOME, AND I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS. 188 00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,779 - YOU'RE THE ONE WHO STARTED THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE. 189 00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:01,248 - I KNOW. JUST LET ME SEE IF I CAN END IT, ALL RIGHT? 190 00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:02,249 - BYE, MOM. 191 00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:05,653 - COME HERE. - AH! 192 00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:09,289 - HELLO? - OH, HELLO, HELLO, HELLO. 193 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:12,726 - WINSTON, ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE YOU TO HOPE AND LOVE. 194 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:14,795 - HOPE AND LOVE. OH. 195 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,263 PLEASE, COME IN, COME IN, COME IN. 196 00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:17,731 YES, ENJOY. 197 00:08:17,765 --> 00:08:19,132 MAKE YOURSELVES AT HOME. THERE'S SHRIMP-- 198 00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:21,001 CRUSTACEANS TO ENJOY ON THE TABLE. 199 00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:22,803 - YOU HAVE A LOVELY HOME. 200 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,304 - OH, WELL, THANK YOU. THAT'S A VERY NICE THING TO SAY. 201 00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:25,806 - HOPE'S ALL YOURS. 202 00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,608 I WANT LOVE. - OKAY. 203 00:08:27,641 --> 00:08:29,543 - IT'S EASY FOR ME TO REMEMBER THAT WAY-- 204 00:08:29,577 --> 00:08:32,613 LIKE, "BEND OVER, LOVE. DON'T ORPHAN ME BALLS, LOVE." 205 00:08:32,646 --> 00:08:34,214 IT ROLLS OF THE TONGUE, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 206 00:08:34,247 --> 00:08:36,950 - WHATEVER YOU SAY, KRULL, WHATEVER YOU SAY. 207 00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:38,886 - YOU FEELING OKAY ABOUT THIS? 208 00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:39,887 - [exhales deeply] HMM? 209 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:41,655 OH, YEAH, JUST--J-- 210 00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:43,223 I THINK IT'S JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED. 211 00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:45,092 - YEAH. 212 00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:47,961 SHE'S A SURE THING, MATE. ENJOY. 213 00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:50,931 SHE'LL EVEN GIVE YOU A GOOD ASS-LICKING IF YOU LIKE. 214 00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:54,568 AFTER A BIT OF EXERCISE, IT'S QUITE NICE. 215 00:08:54,602 --> 00:08:56,169 WHAT? 216 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:58,606 DON'T KNOCK IT TILL YOU TRIED IT, PAL, ALL RIGHT? 217 00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:05,679 - NO MORE HOOKERS. YOU HEAR ME? 218 00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:07,781 - FINE. I'M FUCKING BROKE ANYWAY. 219 00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:09,650 - IT'S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY. - I KNOW. 220 00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,251 I'M A FUCKING CRIMINAL NOW-- I GET IT. 221 00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:13,921 - IT'S NOT ABOUT BREAKING THE LAW EITHER. 222 00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:15,222 YOU NEED TO HAVE SOMETHING APPROACHING 223 00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:17,190 A REAL HUMAN RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE. 224 00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:19,059 YOU CAN'T JUST KEEP PAYING FOR BODY PARTS. 225 00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:20,794 - YEAH, THAT'S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY. 226 00:09:20,828 --> 00:09:22,663 YOU'RE A HANDSOME GUY WITH A GREAT FUCKING BODY. 227 00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:23,931 - WHY, THANK YOU. 228 00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:25,232 - I'M IN REALLY GOOD SHAPE RIGHT NOW, 229 00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:26,667 BUT MY LOOKS ARE A SERIOUS PROBLEM. 230 00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:28,135 AND I SWEAT WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH. 231 00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:29,737 GIRLS DON'T LIKE CLAMMY HANDS ON THEIR TITS. 232 00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:31,672 THAT'S A FACT. - [sighs] 233 00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:35,709 HEY, ISN'T THAT THAT GIRL FROM THAT TIME? REMEMBER? 234 00:09:35,743 --> 00:09:37,711 - OH, YEAH, THE ONE WHO WANTED A PHOTO WITH YOU 235 00:09:37,745 --> 00:09:39,346 BECAUSE YOU WERE FAMOUS FOR FUCKING YOUR STUDENTS? 236 00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:40,948 YEAH, THAT MADE ME FEEL AWESOME. 237 00:09:40,981 --> 00:09:42,282 GOOD TIMES, DAD. - YOU SHOULD GO TALK TO HER. 238 00:09:42,315 --> 00:09:43,817 SHE'S ALL BY HER LONESOME OVER THERE. 239 00:09:43,851 --> 00:09:45,218 GO ON. - SHE'S NOT REALLY MY TYPE. 240 00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:46,620 - YOU DON'T HAVE A TYPE. 241 00:09:46,654 --> 00:09:47,955 - SURE I DO. EVERYONE HAS A TYPE. 242 00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:48,956 - WELL, YOU SHOULDN'T. 243 00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:50,624 YOU SHOULD BE OPEN 244 00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:53,861 TO ANYTHING WITH A COUPLE "X" CHROMOSOMES, DUDE. 245 00:09:53,894 --> 00:09:55,863 - SHIT, SHE'S STARING RIGHT AT ME. 246 00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:57,097 WHAT DO I DO? - [mockingly] AAH! 247 00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:58,699 WAVE AT HER. 248 00:09:58,732 --> 00:10:00,100 NO, NOT LIKE THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND. 249 00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:01,769 COME HERE. COME WITH ME. 250 00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:04,037 LOOK, SOMEWHERE INSIDE YOU 251 00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:06,039 IS THE COURAGE TO PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE. 252 00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:08,108 NOW REACH IN AND GRAB IT. - OKAY. 253 00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:11,845 - BE FUNNY, BE CHARMING, BE BOLD, MOTHERFUCKER. 254 00:10:11,879 --> 00:10:13,914 HEY, HEY. - WHAT'S UP, PROF? 255 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:16,016 - NOTHING MUCH, FORMER STUDENT... 256 00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:18,285 WHOSE NAME I CAN'T RECALL AT THIS TIME. 257 00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:19,853 APOLOGIES. YOU REMEMBER LEVON. 258 00:10:19,887 --> 00:10:21,989 - YEAH, YOU'RE THE ACTOR GUY, RIGHT? 259 00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:23,657 - NOT REALLY, NO. - YEAH. 260 00:10:23,691 --> 00:10:24,858 - OW. 261 00:10:24,892 --> 00:10:27,327 OKAY, ASPIRING ACTOR, YES. - RIGHT. 262 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,296 - YOU'RE TARA, RIGHT? 263 00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,298 - YOU REMEMBERED. - YEAH. 264 00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:33,400 I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH THIS CHICK NAMED SARA. 265 00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:36,036 SHE WAS RETARDED. 266 00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:39,006 SORRY. I GUESS YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT ANYMORE, 267 00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:41,809 BUT SHE WAS SERIOUSLY MENTALLY HANDICAPPED, 268 00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:43,210 LIKE, REALLY FUCKING TWEAKED. 269 00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:45,012 ALL THE KIDS MADE FUN OF HER AND SHIT. 270 00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:46,947 I DIDN'T BECAUSE I ALWAYS FELT PRETTY RETARDED MYSELF. 271 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:49,016 THAT'S HOW I REMEMBERED. 272 00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:52,886 SARA, TARA--NOT THAT YOU'RE RETARDED OR TWEAKED OR ANYTHING. 273 00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:55,689 - THANK YOU. 274 00:10:55,723 --> 00:10:57,925 - [sighs] 275 00:10:57,958 --> 00:10:59,760 NO, YOU'RE NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL. 276 00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:00,994 YOU'RE REALLY PRETTY, 277 00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:02,429 AND NOT IN A GENERIC WAY, LIKE, 278 00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:04,331 "OH, YOU'RE SO PRETTY, DO YOU WANT TO DANCE?" 279 00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:05,899 YOU'RE, LIKE, UNIQUELY PRETTY. 280 00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:07,200 LIKE, THERE'S PROBABLY NO OTHER GIRL 281 00:11:07,234 --> 00:11:08,836 IN THE WORLD WHO LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE YOU. 282 00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:11,104 AND YOU'VE GOT THIS REALLY COOL VIBE. 283 00:11:11,138 --> 00:11:13,073 YOU MAKE ME FEEL GOOD-- 284 00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:15,308 NOT IN A CREEPY "MY WIENER FEELS WEIRD" KIND OF WAY. 285 00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,477 LIKE, HAPPY GOOD. 286 00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:20,480 IT MAKES ME WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER. 287 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:23,884 WOULD YOU HAVE A DRINK WITH ME, TARA? 288 00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:28,989 - SURE, LEVON. 289 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:32,459 I'LL HAVE MY OWN, BUT SURE. - OKAY. 290 00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:35,095 - I'M JUST GONNA RUN TO THE RESTROOM REAL QUICK, OKAY? 291 00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:39,266 - HEY, IF YOU DON'T COME BACK, IT WAS NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 292 00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:42,135 - I'LL BE BACK, LEVON. I PROMISE. 293 00:11:42,169 --> 00:11:44,838 - COOL. 294 00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:46,139 WATCH OUT FOR THE TOILET PAPER. 295 00:11:46,173 --> 00:11:49,409 - SHH. - IT'S ROUGH STUFF. 296 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:56,516 POW, POW, POW. [laughs] 297 00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,118 I LIKE HOW SHE SAYS MY NAME. 298 00:11:58,151 --> 00:12:00,153 - THAT'S THE WAY IT STARTS, MY FRIEND. 299 00:12:00,187 --> 00:12:01,889 YOU DID GOOD. - THANKS. 300 00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:03,223 - HERE, DRINKS ARE ON ME. 301 00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:04,958 TRY TO MAKE IT TO DINNER, OKAY? 302 00:12:04,992 --> 00:12:06,760 - DUDE, IF I CAN GET HER TO HAVE DINNER WITH ME, 303 00:12:06,794 --> 00:12:07,961 I CAN PROBABLY BANG HER OUTRIGHT-- 304 00:12:07,995 --> 00:12:09,129 - NO BANGING. - NO BANGING? 305 00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:11,098 - JUST TALKING, ALL RIGHT? 306 00:12:11,131 --> 00:12:12,365 - WHAT ABOUT FINGERING? 307 00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:13,533 - I WILL BREAK THAT FINGER RIGHT OFF. 308 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,302 - [yelps] - JUST ENJOY HER. 309 00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:18,505 AND LET HER ENJOY YOU, OKAY? ALL RIGHT? 310 00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:20,373 TRY NOT TO FART. 311 00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:21,975 I LOVE YOU, YOU KNOW THAT? 312 00:12:22,009 --> 00:12:24,511 - I DO. AND I FUCKING LOVE YOU TOO, DAD. 313 00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:26,446 - GOOD. GOOD, GOOD, GOOD. 314 00:12:26,479 --> 00:12:28,315 - HAVING A DAD IS FUCKING AWESOME. 315 00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:30,150 - DON'T CRY. HERE SHE COMES. 316 00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:31,284 I'M AROUND IF YOU NEED ME. 317 00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:34,121 CALL ME. TITTY TWISTER. - OW. 318 00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:35,422 - YOU'RE BACK. 319 00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:38,025 HEY. - I JUST NEED ONE OF THOSE. 320 00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:40,393 - DIRTY OLD GAME THEY CALL POOL, HUH? 321 00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:42,529 - YEAH, SHOW ME YOUR BEST. 322 00:12:42,562 --> 00:12:45,398 - OKAY. OH, RIGHT THERE. - THE WHITE ONE'S THE CUE BALL. 323 00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:49,436 - I'LL BE THE STRIPES. [billiard balls clack] 324 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:56,076 [door opens] - HEY. 325 00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:58,311 I THINK HE'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT. - WHERE IS HE? 326 00:12:58,345 --> 00:13:00,213 - HE'S WITH A GIRL. - ALONE? 327 00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:01,414 - NO, HE'S IN A BAR, 328 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:03,050 JUST LIKE US ONCE UPON A TIME. 329 00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:04,885 - DID YOU PAY HER? - NOT A DIME. 330 00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:06,820 NO, HE DID IT ALL HIMSELF. - OH, THAT'S GOOD. 331 00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:08,288 - YEAH. 332 00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:10,023 - I HOPE HE DOESN'T TAKE HIS PENIS OUT. 333 00:13:10,057 --> 00:13:12,592 - I HOPE HE DOES... AT THE APPROPRIATE TIME. 334 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:16,429 NO, SERIOUSLY, JULIA, I THINK HE'S GONNA BE FINE. 335 00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:18,165 I REALLY DO. 336 00:13:18,198 --> 00:13:20,600 NO, HONESTLY, GETTING TO KNOW HIM, JUST-- 337 00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,469 HE'S BEEN MAYBE 338 00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:24,938 THE MOST PLEASANT SURPRISE OF MY ADULT LIFE. 339 00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:26,907 - MM. 340 00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:29,309 - THANK YOU. 341 00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:30,844 - I KNOW THE FEELING. 342 00:13:30,878 --> 00:13:33,813 - YEAH. - THANK YOU. 343 00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:42,322 - WAIT. HOLD ON. 344 00:13:42,355 --> 00:13:44,257 - DON'T YOU FUCKING COCK-BLOCK YOURSELF. 345 00:13:44,291 --> 00:13:45,859 - NO, NO, NO, I WANT TO DO THIS RIGHT. 346 00:13:45,893 --> 00:13:47,527 - YOU MEAN, LIKE, WITH PROTECTION? 347 00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:49,462 I THINK I HAVE CONDOMS SOMEWHERE. 348 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,631 - NO, NO, NO, I WANT TO TAKE YOU OUT TO DINNER... 349 00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,333 TONIGHT, ALL RIGHT? 350 00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:55,135 - I LIKE DINNER. 351 00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:56,369 - YOU LIKE DINNER? - MM-HMM. 352 00:13:56,403 --> 00:13:57,637 - ALL RIGHT, THAT SETTLES IT, THEN. 353 00:13:57,670 --> 00:14:01,341 - OKAY. - WE'RE ON, ALL RIGHT. 354 00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:04,011 OH, WEAR YOUR BEST DRESS. LEAVE THOSE UNDERWEAR AT HOME. 355 00:14:04,044 --> 00:14:06,279 [both laugh] 356 00:14:17,124 --> 00:14:18,625 - KRULLER, LOOKING GOOD. 357 00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:20,227 - HELLO, HANK. 358 00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:23,163 - WHERE'S BALDO? - HE'S IN THE GUEST ROOM. 359 00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,965 - SAY HELLO TO LOVE. 360 00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:26,299 - HELLO, LOVE. - HELLO. 361 00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:28,035 - AS YOU WERE. - ALL RIGHT. 362 00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:29,236 - [moans] - THAT'S IT. 363 00:14:29,269 --> 00:14:30,370 - YEAH? - YEAH. 364 00:14:30,403 --> 00:14:32,005 - OOH. 365 00:14:32,039 --> 00:14:33,640 - OH, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? 366 00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:35,042 - WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE? 367 00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:36,643 - WHY IN MY BEDROOM? 368 00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:39,012 - I CAN'T FUCK ANOTHER WOMAN IN MY MARITAL BED, HANK. 369 00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:41,248 THAT'S SICK. - CLASS UP THE ASS, RUNKS-- 370 00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:43,116 CLASS UP THE FUCKING ASS. 371 00:14:43,150 --> 00:14:45,452 YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THIS. IT'S NOT WORTH IT. 372 00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:48,021 THIS SHIT IS NEVER WORTH IT-- NO DISRESPECT, MILADY. 373 00:14:48,055 --> 00:14:50,924 YOU ARE A WORK OF ART. - THANK YOU. 374 00:14:50,958 --> 00:14:53,526 - I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, HANK. - YEAH, HE COULDN'T GET IT UP. 375 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,162 I DID EVERYTHING I COULD. 376 00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:56,997 IT WAS LIKE NIBBLING ON A PIECE OF STRING CHEESE. 377 00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:58,698 IT'S REALLY MAKING ME QUESTION MY CHOSEN CAREER PATH. 378 00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,533 - NO, NO, NO, IT'S NOT YOU. 379 00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,936 BUT YOU REALLY SHOULD CONSIDER GOING BACK TO LAW SCHOOL. 380 00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:04,671 - IT'S DEFINITELY NOT YOU. 381 00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:06,406 THIS KID IS AN ABSOLUTE FUCKING MESS, 382 00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:08,541 BUT YOU SHOULD GO BACK TO SCHOOL. 383 00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:10,177 NOW, THIS IS GREAT NEWS, RUNKS. 384 00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:12,412 PUT YOUR LIMP DICK AWAY, GET IN YOUR GIRLY CAR, 385 00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:14,147 AND DRIVE UP TO STU'S POSTHASTE. 386 00:15:14,181 --> 00:15:15,415 YOU GOT TO PUT AN END TO THIS SHIT. 387 00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:17,184 YOU'LL THANK ME LATER. YOU ARE WELCOME. 388 00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:19,019 - SHE PROBABLY ALREADY FUCKED HIM, HANK-- 389 00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:20,553 TWICE, THREE TIMES. - FOUR TIMES A LADY. 390 00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:23,023 YOU'LL NEVER KNOW IF YOU DON'T TRY. 391 00:15:23,056 --> 00:15:24,557 NOW BE BOLD, YOU FUCKING NINNY. 392 00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:27,160 THERE YOU GO. PUT SOME CLOTHES ON. 393 00:15:27,194 --> 00:15:29,196 YOU LOOK LIKE SOMEONE DRAGGED YOU OUT OF THE RIVER. 394 00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:31,098 - I'M SORRY IT DIDN'T WORK OUT, 395 00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:33,166 BUT WE COULD GET TOGETHER SOMETIME FOR LUNCH MAYBE, 396 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:34,434 WITH MY WIFE OR NOT. 397 00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:36,236 WE'LL SEE. WE'LL SEE. 398 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:39,372 - UM, HEY, WOULD YOU MIND IF I PRACTICE ON YOU? 399 00:15:39,406 --> 00:15:41,074 - PRACTICE WHAT? - SEX. 400 00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:42,575 - OH... - THANKS FOR EVERYTHING, KRULL. 401 00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:44,577 - THAT IS TEMPTING. 402 00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:47,047 BUT, YOU KNOW, I'VE ALREADY TURNED DOWN SEX ONCE TODAY, 403 00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:48,581 AND I THINK I CAN DO IT AGAIN. 404 00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,083 - ARE YOU SURE? 405 00:15:50,117 --> 00:15:52,185 - YEAH. - AW. 406 00:15:52,219 --> 00:15:53,220 - NO. - NO? 407 00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:54,988 - YEAH. NO. 408 00:15:55,022 --> 00:15:56,189 YES. 409 00:15:56,223 --> 00:15:57,590 NO. 410 00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:59,459 YES. BE GONE, HARLOT. 411 00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:01,161 I'VE GOT WRITING TO DO. 412 00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:02,962 AND GET YOUR ASS BACK IN SCHOOL. 413 00:16:11,371 --> 00:16:15,075 - WE HAVE DONE IT ALL, MARCY. - [sighs] 414 00:16:15,108 --> 00:16:17,477 - WE SWAM. WE PLAYED TENNIS. WE HAD LUNCH. 415 00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:20,213 WE MEDITATED. WE DID SOME YOGA. WE HAD MASSAGES. 416 00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:22,615 THE ONLY THINGS WE HAVEN'T DONE IS FUCK! 417 00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:26,386 MY BALLS ARE SO SWOLLEN RIGHT NOW. 418 00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:29,289 - [clears throat] - PLEASE... 419 00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:31,291 [sighs] TAKE ME IN YOUR MOUTH. 420 00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,093 - WHAT? 421 00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:36,096 THE CONTRACT DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT BLOW JOBS, STU. 422 00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:37,530 INTERCOURSE ONLY. 423 00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:40,133 - HEY, HEY, BLOW JOBS ARE IMPLIED. 424 00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:41,534 - GET A BETTER LAWYER. 425 00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:43,036 - OKAY, FINE. 426 00:16:43,070 --> 00:16:44,771 IS IT ALL RIGHT IF I PENETRATE YOU, THEN? 427 00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:47,507 - I JUST FEEL SO WEIRD ABOUT ALL THIS. 428 00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:50,410 - WELL, OF COURSE IT'S WEIRD. 429 00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:53,446 IT'S LIKE RIDING A BICYCLE. 430 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:56,049 I MEAN, ONCE BIG DADDY ENTERS THE RAIN FOREST, 431 00:16:56,083 --> 00:16:58,518 ALL WILL BE RIGHT WITH THE WORLD. 432 00:16:58,551 --> 00:17:00,153 - YOU KNOW WHAT? 433 00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:02,055 I HAVE TO CHECK AND SEE IF THE MONEY TRANSFERRED. 434 00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:04,657 - YOU DON'T TRUST ME! - WHY WOULD I TRUST YOU? 435 00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:06,559 YOU'RE A FUCKING CRAZY PERSON, STU. 436 00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:09,396 - YOU GO AHEAD AND CHECK. I HAVE TO PEE. 437 00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:11,598 DO YOU KNOW HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO URINATE 438 00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:14,434 WITH AN ERECTION THIS SIZE? 439 00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:29,216 - WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? 440 00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:41,461 WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? 441 00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:44,697 - OH. UM... 442 00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:46,433 THIS IS QUITE EMBARRASSING. 443 00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:49,469 - NOT TO MENTION REALLY FUCKING CREEPY. 444 00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:52,739 - YOU KNOW, THIS IS NOT AS CREEPY AS YOU MAY THINK. 445 00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:56,743 SHE IS MY LOVING TRIBUTE TO YOU. 446 00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:58,511 ISN'T SHE BEAUTIFUL? 447 00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:00,313 - SHE'S A FUCK DOLL, STU. 448 00:18:00,347 --> 00:18:03,616 - SHE'S AN EXPENSIVE FUCK DOLL-- 15 LARGE. 449 00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:06,786 BUT... 450 00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:09,322 BUT SHE'S SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT. 451 00:18:09,356 --> 00:18:12,459 SHE'S A WOMAN, JUST LIKE YOU. 452 00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:16,396 AND I HAVE MADE LOVE TO HER, JUST LIKE I MADE LOVE TO YOU. 453 00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:18,331 WANT ME TO SHOW YOU? 454 00:18:18,365 --> 00:18:21,768 - OH, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. THIS IS TOO FUCKING WEIRD. 455 00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:23,403 YOU NEED HELP, STU. 456 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,772 - WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. MARCY, MARCY. NO, NO! NO. 457 00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:27,607 DON'T--DON'T GO. DON'T GO. 458 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,242 LOOK, I PAID YOU A MILLION DOLLARS 459 00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:30,677 SO I COULD FUCK YOU, WOMAN. 460 00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:32,679 THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS LET ME FUCK YOU. 461 00:18:32,712 --> 00:18:34,481 COME HERE. 462 00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:35,648 NO, DON'T FIGHT IT. - OH, OH. 463 00:18:35,682 --> 00:18:36,816 - DON'T FIGHT IT. 464 00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:39,219 I WILL PEPPER YOU WITH KISSES, 465 00:18:39,252 --> 00:18:41,288 AND YOU WILL REMEMBER WHAT IT IS LIKE-- 466 00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:42,789 - WHAT, YOU'RE GONNA RAPE ME NOW? 467 00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:44,491 - OH, COME ON, MARCY! 468 00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:46,226 HOW MANY RAPE GAMES HAVE WE PLAYED? 469 00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:48,228 REQUESTED BY YOU, NO LESS. 470 00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:50,697 - THOSE ARE GAMES, STU! "NO" MEANS "NO," YOU KNOW! 471 00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:52,499 - OH, OH, GOD. - OW! 472 00:18:52,532 --> 00:18:54,367 - IS THAT THE SAFE WORD? 473 00:18:54,401 --> 00:18:56,669 - DON'T DO IT, MARCY! 474 00:18:56,703 --> 00:18:58,405 - OH! 475 00:18:58,438 --> 00:19:00,440 - OH, MY GOD. 476 00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:02,242 I WAS TOTALLY HOPING THAT YOU WOULD MAKE 477 00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:03,810 SOME LAME ATTEMPT TO RESCUE ME. 478 00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:06,413 - AM I TOO LATE? DID YOU GUYS ALREADY FUCK? 479 00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:07,814 - NO! 480 00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:09,182 - I COULDN'T DO IT! 481 00:19:09,216 --> 00:19:11,518 - THAT IS FANTASTIC NEWS! 482 00:19:11,551 --> 00:19:13,420 WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING ALL DAY? 483 00:19:13,453 --> 00:19:15,255 - EVERYTHING BUT. 484 00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:17,324 - YOU MEAN, LIKE, ANAL? 485 00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:19,259 - NO, HE DIDN'T EVEN FINGER ME. 486 00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:20,727 - I DIDN'T. 487 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,595 - AND THINGS GOT SO WEIRD 488 00:19:22,629 --> 00:19:26,566 BECAUSE I FOUND THAT FUCKING SEX-DOLL THING OVER THERE--ME. 489 00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:28,535 - SOLID. I'D THROW A SHOT INTO HER. 490 00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:31,571 - UH, LOOK, GUYS, YOU KNOW, THIS IS OBVIOUSLY 491 00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:32,939 A REALLY TERRIBLE IDEA. 492 00:19:32,972 --> 00:19:34,974 UH, LOOK... 493 00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:37,210 I AM SORRY I MESSED WITH YOU GUYS' MARRIAGE. 494 00:19:37,244 --> 00:19:39,346 WHY DON'T YOU JUST GIVE ME THE MONEY BACK, 495 00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:41,214 WE CALL IT EVEN? - FINE. 496 00:19:41,248 --> 00:19:42,682 LET'S GO, RUNKS. 497 00:19:42,715 --> 00:19:44,351 - NO, NO, NO, NO. YOU KNOW WHAT? 498 00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:46,819 FUCK YOU, STU. WE'RE KEEPING THE MONEY. 499 00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:48,955 - HEY! THE HELL YOU ARE, RUNKLE! 500 00:19:48,988 --> 00:19:50,623 A MILLION BUCKS IS STILL A MILLION BUCKS. 501 00:19:50,657 --> 00:19:52,292 - HEY, YOU SAID IT YOURSELF, STU. 502 00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:53,593 YOU FUCKED WITH OUR MARRIAGE. 503 00:19:53,626 --> 00:19:55,562 I COULD SUE YOU FOR ALIENATION OF AFFECTION. 504 00:19:55,595 --> 00:19:57,630 - YEAH, AND YOU WOULD LOSE, MOTHERFUCKER. 505 00:19:57,664 --> 00:19:59,432 - MAYBE, BUT I COULD STILL LEAK A STORY 506 00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:01,434 ABOUT A FREAKY, WASHED-UP PRODUCER 507 00:20:01,468 --> 00:20:03,636 WHO'S INTO PROSTITUTES AND SEX DOLLS. 508 00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:04,971 - I'M NOT WASHED-UP. 509 00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:06,439 - YOU TRY ME, STU. 510 00:20:06,473 --> 00:20:07,840 I WILL FUCK YOU UP! 511 00:20:07,874 --> 00:20:10,310 I WILL MAKE YOU EAT ALL OF MY BALLS. 512 00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:13,580 - YOU ARE GETTING SOME FUCKING TEETH AT LAST, RUNKLE! 513 00:20:13,613 --> 00:20:14,714 GOOD FOR YOU! 514 00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:18,351 LISTEN, I REALIZE I HAVE SINNED. 515 00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:19,986 THE MONEY IS MY PENANCE. 516 00:20:20,019 --> 00:20:21,521 I'M SORRY, GUYS. 517 00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,756 WHATEVER I DID, I DID OUT OF LOVE. 518 00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:26,726 IT JUST FUCKS WITH A MAN'S HEAD. 519 00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:30,663 [sobbing] I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. 520 00:20:30,697 --> 00:20:33,533 I'M SORRY. 521 00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:36,636 MMM, MMM, MMM. 522 00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:38,471 [continues sobbing] 523 00:20:38,505 --> 00:20:40,473 [Foo Fighters' These Days] 524 00:20:40,507 --> 00:20:46,012 - * ONE OF THE DAYS, THE GROUND WILL DROP * 525 00:20:46,045 --> 00:20:50,617 * OUT FROM BENEATH YOUR FEET 526 00:20:50,650 --> 00:20:54,354 * 527 00:20:54,387 --> 00:21:00,393 * ONE OF THE DAYS, YOUR HEART WILL STOP * 528 00:21:00,427 --> 00:21:06,399 * AND PLAY ITS FINAL BEAT 529 00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:08,034 - LET ME GUESS. 530 00:21:08,067 --> 00:21:10,537 YOU WERE EXPECTING SOMEONE ELSE? 531 00:21:10,570 --> 00:21:12,939 - YEAH. 532 00:21:12,972 --> 00:21:16,042 - ME TOO. 533 00:21:16,075 --> 00:21:17,944 FUCKING GUY. 534 00:21:17,977 --> 00:21:20,547 - FUCKING GUY. 535 00:21:20,580 --> 00:21:23,716 - DO YOU WANT ME TO GO? 536 00:21:23,750 --> 00:21:27,086 - DO YOU WANT TO GO? - NO, NO FUCKING WAY. 537 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:31,057 - THEN STAY. 538 00:21:31,090 --> 00:21:33,292 - ALL RIGHT. 539 00:21:36,429 --> 00:21:38,731 - [laughs] - YEAH. 540 00:21:38,765 --> 00:21:41,067 YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 541 00:21:41,100 --> 00:21:44,471 FUNNY RUNNING INTO YOU HERE. - [laughs] 542 00:21:44,504 --> 00:21:51,711 * 543 00:21:51,744 --> 00:21:57,817 * ONE OF THESE DAYS, THE CLOCKS WILL STOP * 544 00:21:57,850 --> 00:22:03,089 * AND TIME WON'T MEAN A THING 545 00:22:03,122 --> 00:22:05,958 * 546 00:22:05,992 --> 00:22:12,098 * ONE OF THESE DAYS, THEIR BOMBS WILL DROP * 547 00:22:12,131 --> 00:22:17,437 * AND SILENCE EVERYTHING 548 00:22:17,470 --> 00:22:20,907 * 549 00:22:20,940 --> 00:22:24,644 * BUT IT'S ALL RIGHT 550 00:22:24,677 --> 00:22:26,446 * YEAH, IT'S ALL RIGHT 551 00:22:26,479 --> 00:22:28,114 [engine sputters] 552 00:22:28,147 --> 00:22:29,482 * SAID IT'S ALL RIGHT 553 00:22:29,516 --> 00:22:31,751 - FUCK. 554 00:22:31,784 --> 00:22:35,455 - * EASY FOR YOU TO SAY 555 00:22:35,488 --> 00:22:38,057 - GOOD-BYE, OLD GIRL. 556 00:22:38,090 --> 00:22:41,728 - * YOUR PRIDE HAS NEVER BEEN STOLEN * 557 00:22:41,761 --> 00:22:44,030 * NOT YET, NOT YET 558 00:22:44,063 --> 00:22:46,866 * ONE OF THESE DAYS 559 00:22:46,899 --> 00:22:48,768 KAREN. 560 00:22:48,801 --> 00:22:51,404 I MADE IT. 561 00:22:51,438 --> 00:22:53,005 - HEY, G-GOOD FOR YOU. 562 00:22:53,039 --> 00:22:56,075 - OUR BABY'S GETTING MARRIED. 563 00:22:56,108 --> 00:22:57,744 - WHAT DO YOU WANT-- 564 00:22:57,777 --> 00:23:00,012 LIKE, A PAT ON THE BACK FOR DOING THE RIGHT THING? 565 00:23:00,046 --> 00:23:03,816 - COME ON, A LITTLE POSITIVE AFFIRMATION NEVER HURT ANYONE. 566 00:23:03,850 --> 00:23:05,885 - OKAY, IT'S GOOD. 567 00:23:05,918 --> 00:23:07,620 - DON'T ASK. 568 00:23:07,654 --> 00:23:09,055 - OH, COME ON, PLEASE? - NO. 569 00:23:09,088 --> 00:23:10,690 - I NEED TO SIT NEXT TO THIS WOMAN. 570 00:23:10,723 --> 00:23:11,958 - NO, YOU DON'T. HE DOESN'T. 571 00:23:11,991 --> 00:23:13,626 - GOOD. MOVE IT ALONG. 572 00:23:13,660 --> 00:23:15,928 - ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. KAREN, THAT'S FINE. 573 00:23:15,962 --> 00:23:17,897 BUT--BUT I WROTE YOU SOMETHING, 574 00:23:17,930 --> 00:23:19,766 BECAUSE EVERY TIME I OPEN MY MOUTH, 575 00:23:19,799 --> 00:23:21,434 SOMETHING STUPID COMES OUT, 576 00:23:21,468 --> 00:23:23,069 AND THE WORDS DON'T MEAN WHAT I WANT THEM TO MEAN, 577 00:23:23,102 --> 00:23:25,071 NOT EVEN HALF OF WHAT I WANT THEM TO MEAN, SO... 578 00:23:25,104 --> 00:23:26,506 HERE. 579 00:23:26,539 --> 00:23:28,641 - OKAY, THANK YOU. 580 00:23:28,675 --> 00:23:30,176 - GO AHEAD. 581 00:23:30,209 --> 00:23:32,779 - HANK, I'M TIRED OF READING YOU. 582 00:23:32,812 --> 00:23:34,447 - SERIOUSLY? 583 00:23:34,481 --> 00:23:37,083 I THOUGHT I WAS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR. 584 00:23:37,116 --> 00:23:38,951 HA HA. OKAY, WELL, THAT JUST MEANS 585 00:23:38,985 --> 00:23:40,687 I'M GONNA HAVE TO READ IT TO YOU... 586 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:42,121 - NO. - OUT LOUD! 587 00:23:42,154 --> 00:23:43,523 - HANK, STOP IT. DON'T BE STUPID-- 588 00:23:43,556 --> 00:23:44,591 - "DEAR KAREN." 589 00:23:44,624 --> 00:23:45,792 THAT'S HOW IT STARTS. 590 00:23:45,825 --> 00:23:46,926 - GOD, I'M SORRY. 591 00:23:46,959 --> 00:23:48,194 - "I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT US." 592 00:23:48,227 --> 00:23:50,863 THAT'S US WITH A CAPITAL "U". 593 00:23:50,897 --> 00:23:52,064 "THE STORY OF US. 594 00:23:52,098 --> 00:23:54,601 "HOW THE FUCK DO I SUM IT UP? 595 00:23:54,634 --> 00:23:56,536 "HAS IT BEEN PERFECT? 596 00:23:56,569 --> 00:23:57,870 "HARDLY. 597 00:23:57,904 --> 00:23:59,672 "ANY STORY WITH ME AT THE CENTER OF IT 598 00:23:59,706 --> 00:24:03,242 "WILL NEVER BE ANYTHING LESS THAN A BIG, SMILING MESS. 599 00:24:03,275 --> 00:24:05,244 "BUT HERE'S WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE. 600 00:24:05,277 --> 00:24:07,079 "OUR TIME IN THE SUN HAS BEEN A THING 601 00:24:07,113 --> 00:24:09,682 "OF ABSOLUTE FUCKING BEAUTY. 602 00:24:09,716 --> 00:24:13,620 "THE NIGHTMARES, THE HANGOVERS, THE FUCKING AND THE PUNCHING, 603 00:24:13,653 --> 00:24:16,088 "THE GORGEOUS, SHIMMERING INSANITY OF THIS CITY OF OURS, 604 00:24:16,122 --> 00:24:20,493 "WHERE FOR YEARS I WOKE UP, FUCKED UP, SAID I WAS SORRY, 605 00:24:20,527 --> 00:24:22,762 "PASSED OUT, AND DID IT ALL OVER AGAIN. 606 00:24:22,795 --> 00:24:27,700 "AS A WRITER, I'M A SUCKER FOR HAPPY ENDINGS. 607 00:24:27,734 --> 00:24:29,235 "THE GUY GETS THE GIRL. 608 00:24:29,268 --> 00:24:32,104 "SHE SAVES HIM FROM HIMSELF-- FADE TO FUCKING BLACK. 609 00:24:32,138 --> 00:24:34,006 "AS A GUY WHO LOVES A GIRL, 610 00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:36,643 "I REALIZE THERE'S NO SUCH THING. 611 00:24:36,676 --> 00:24:38,511 "THERE'S NO SUNSET. 612 00:24:38,545 --> 00:24:42,014 "THERE'S JUST NOW, AND THERE'S JUST THE TWO OF US, 613 00:24:42,048 --> 00:24:46,252 "WHICH CAN BE SCARY FUCKING UGLY SOMETIMES. 614 00:24:46,285 --> 00:24:47,920 "BUT IF YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES 615 00:24:47,954 --> 00:24:50,189 "AND LISTEN FOR THE WHISPER OF YOUR HEART, 616 00:24:50,222 --> 00:24:54,060 "IF YOU SIMPLY KEEP TRYING AND NEVER, EVER GIVE UP, 617 00:24:54,093 --> 00:24:56,896 "NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU GET IT WRONG, 618 00:24:56,929 --> 00:24:58,998 "UNTIL THE BEGINNING AND END 619 00:24:59,031 --> 00:25:03,936 "BLUR INTO SOMETHING CALLED 'UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN.'" 620 00:25:03,970 --> 00:25:06,138 AND THAT'S--THAT'S IT. 621 00:25:06,172 --> 00:25:10,142 I-I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO FINISH IT... 622 00:25:10,176 --> 00:25:11,878 BECAUSE IT'S NOT OVER. 623 00:25:11,911 --> 00:25:14,747 IT'LL NEVER BE OVER AS LONG AS THERE'S YOU, 624 00:25:14,781 --> 00:25:18,818 THERE'S ME, AND THERE'S HOPE... 625 00:25:18,851 --> 00:25:21,921 AND GRACE. 626 00:25:21,954 --> 00:25:23,923 - UH, EXCUSE ME. 627 00:25:23,956 --> 00:25:27,594 YOU CAN SIT NEXT TO ME IF YOU WANT. 628 00:25:29,195 --> 00:25:30,830 - OH, FINE. 629 00:25:30,863 --> 00:25:33,032 TAKE THE FUCKING SEAT. 630 00:25:33,065 --> 00:25:36,302 - THANK YOU. 631 00:25:36,335 --> 00:25:40,539 - IT'S A MIDDLE. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 632 00:25:46,813 --> 00:25:50,182 - THAT HASN'T NECESSARILY WON ME OVER. 633 00:25:50,216 --> 00:25:53,052 - OH, I-- NO, OF COURSE NOT. 634 00:25:53,085 --> 00:25:56,022 [plane engines whirring] 635 00:25:58,891 --> 00:26:03,262 - * ROCKET MAN 636 00:26:03,295 --> 00:26:06,065 - TILL THE FUCKING WHEELS COME OFF, BABY. 637 00:26:06,098 --> 00:26:09,235 - * ROCKET MAN 638 00:26:09,268 --> 00:26:13,673 [echoing] * ROCKET MAN 639 00:26:13,706 --> 00:26:21,113 * SHE PACKED MY BAGS LAST NIGHT PREFLIGHT * 640 00:26:21,147 --> 00:26:25,584 * ZERO HOUR, 9:00 A.M. 641 00:26:27,854 --> 00:26:32,759 * AND I'M GONNA BE HIGH 642 00:26:32,792 --> 00:26:35,828 * AS A KITE BY THEN 643 00:26:35,862 --> 00:26:41,367 * 644 00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:45,304 * I MISS THE EARTH SO MUCH, I MISS MY WIFE * 645 00:26:45,337 --> 00:26:49,241 * 646 00:26:49,275 --> 00:26:52,912 * IT'S LONELY OUT IN SPACE 647 00:26:54,947 --> 00:27:00,286 * ON SUCH A TIMELESS FLIGHT 648 00:27:00,319 --> 00:27:08,294 * 649 00:27:08,327 --> 00:27:12,198 * AND I THINK IT'S GONNA BE A LONG, LONG TIME * 650 00:27:12,231 --> 00:27:15,668 * TILL TOUCHDOWN BRINGS ME ROUND AGAIN TO FIND * 651 00:27:15,702 --> 00:27:18,671 * I'M NOT THE MAN THEY THINK I AM AT HOME * 652 00:27:18,705 --> 00:27:21,440 * OH, NO, NO, NO 653 00:27:21,473 --> 00:27:25,277 * I'M A ROCKET MAN 654 00:27:25,311 --> 00:27:30,750 * ROCKET MAN BURNING OUT HIS FUSE UP HERE ALONE * 655 00:27:30,783 --> 00:27:35,421 * 656 00:27:35,454 --> 00:27:40,192 * MARS AIN'T THE KIND OF PLACE TO RAISE YOUR KIDS * 657 00:27:40,226 --> 00:27:43,462 * 658 00:27:43,495 --> 00:27:46,165 * IN FACT, IT'S COLD AS HELL 659 00:27:46,198 --> 00:27:49,201 * 660 00:27:49,235 --> 00:27:54,807 * AND THERE'S NO ONE THERE TO RAISE THEM * 661 00:27:54,841 --> 00:27:57,176 * IF YOU DID 662 00:27:57,209 --> 00:28:03,115 * 663 00:28:03,149 --> 00:28:07,353 * AND ALL THIS SCIENCE I DON'T UNDERSTAND * 664 00:28:09,889 --> 00:28:14,460 * IT'S JUST MY JOB FIVE DAYS A WEEK * 665 00:28:14,493 --> 00:28:21,834 * A ROCKET MAN 666 00:28:21,868 --> 00:28:24,737 * ROCKET MAN 667 00:28:24,771 --> 00:28:30,009 * 668 00:28:30,042 --> 00:28:33,412 * AND I THINK IT'S GONNA BE A LONG, LONG TIME * 669 00:28:33,445 --> 00:28:37,083 * TILL TOUCHDOWN BRINGS ME ROUND AGAIN TO FIND * 670 00:28:37,116 --> 00:28:40,086 * I'M NOT THE MAN THEY THINK I AM AT HOME * 671 00:28:40,119 --> 00:28:42,822 * OH, NO, NO, NO 672 00:28:42,855 --> 00:28:46,258 * I'M A ROCKET MAN 673 00:28:46,292 --> 00:28:53,232 * ROCKET MAN BURNING OUT HIS FUSE UP HERE ALONE * 674 00:28:53,265 --> 00:28:57,103 - * ROCKET MAN 675 00:28:57,136 --> 00:29:00,406 - * AND I THINK IT'S GONNA BE A LONG, LONG TIME * 676 00:29:00,439 --> 00:29:04,110 * TILL TOUCHDOWN BRINGS ME ROUND AGAIN TO FIND * 677 00:29:04,143 --> 00:29:06,913 * I'M NOT THE MAN THEY THINK I AM AT HOME * 678 00:29:06,946 --> 00:29:09,782 * OH, NO, NO, NO 679 00:29:09,816 --> 00:29:13,419 * I'M A ROCKET MAN 680 00:29:13,452 --> 00:29:19,058 * ROCKET MAN BURNING OUT HIS FUSE UP HERE ALONE * 681 00:29:21,828 --> 00:29:24,763 * AND I THINK IT'S GONNA BE A LONG, LONG TIME *