1 00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:09,477 - PREVIOUSLY ON CALIFORNICATION... 2 00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:10,744 - I GOT THE PART! - CONGRATS. 3 00:00:10,778 --> 00:00:12,480 - YAY. - WAY TO GO. 4 00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:14,482 YOU DO REALIZE THAT RATH MIGHT HAVE 5 00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,084 CERTAIN EXPECTATIONS NOW, RIGHT? 6 00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:19,353 - ARE YOU SAYING HE EXPECTS ME TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM 7 00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:20,454 OR GIVE HIM A BLOW JOB? 8 00:00:20,488 --> 00:00:21,622 - SO WHO RECOMMENDED YOU? 9 00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:23,557 - STU BEGGS. - MY EX. 10 00:00:23,591 --> 00:00:25,193 - HE SAID THAT YOU PROBABLY NEEDED THE WORK, 11 00:00:25,226 --> 00:00:27,228 THAT YOUR HUSBAND ISN'T MUCH OF AN EARNER. 12 00:00:27,261 --> 00:00:28,629 - I WAXED A HOOKER TODAY. 13 00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:30,764 SHE WAS YOUNG AND CUTE AND TOTALLY DOWN TO FUCK. 14 00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:32,666 - REALLY? IS THIS WRONG? 15 00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:34,168 I CAN'T TELL ANYMORE. 16 00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:36,337 - DUDE, YOU--YOU GOT ME A FUCKING HOOKER? 17 00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:38,072 OH, MY GOD. THANK YOU SO MUCH. 18 00:00:38,106 --> 00:00:40,208 THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT HAVING A FATHER WOULD BE LIKE. 19 00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:43,711 THE--THE CLIT'S ON TOP, RIGHT? - ANOTHER HAPPY CUSTOMER. 20 00:00:43,744 --> 00:00:45,513 - YOU KNOW HOW YOU TELL YOUR MOTHER EVERYTHING, YOU SAID? 21 00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,115 ARE YOU GONNA TELL HER ABOUT THIS? 22 00:00:47,148 --> 00:00:50,484 - SHE WOULD BE TOTALLY PISSED. - HMM. GOOD TO KNOW. 23 00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:52,386 - WHAT ABOUT ME? I IMPULSE-REMARRIED 24 00:00:52,420 --> 00:00:55,223 A DEPRAVED LUNATIC WHO CAN'T EVEN GET IT UP FOR ME. 25 00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:57,491 - I NEED A MANAGER WHO CARES ABOUT ME 26 00:00:57,525 --> 00:00:59,593 AS MUCH AS ABOUT WHAT ME CAN DO FOR HIM. 27 00:00:59,627 --> 00:01:02,396 - I DO, GOLDIE. - GET ME OFF THIS FUCKING SHOW. 28 00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:04,798 - WHY? - RATH HUMILIATED ME. 29 00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:08,536 YOU'RE GETTING HARD RIGHT NOW, AREN'T YOU? 30 00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:10,271 - WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME? 31 00:01:10,304 --> 00:01:12,840 - [retches] SORRY. 32 00:01:24,552 --> 00:01:26,487 - KILLING BAD GUYS IS MY BUSINESS, 33 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,456 AND BUSINESS BE FUCKING CRACKIN'. 34 00:01:28,489 --> 00:01:30,158 - HA HA. 35 00:01:30,191 --> 00:01:31,525 - ESPECIALLY WHEN I'M KILLING CRACKHEADS, 36 00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:33,794 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? - YEAH. 37 00:01:33,827 --> 00:01:35,629 - SO DON'T Y'ALL WORRY ABOUT THE FUNNY. 38 00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:39,633 THAT'S MY JOB. I BRING THE FUCKING FUNNY. 39 00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:41,835 HERE'S WHAT'S NOT MY JOB-- 40 00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:44,172 DELIVERING ALL YOUR EXPOSITIONAL SHIT. 41 00:01:44,205 --> 00:01:46,707 SAVE THAT YICKITY-YACK FOR THE GUEST STARS, ALL RIGHT? 42 00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:49,477 NOW, DANKO'S COOL. HE'S COOL. 43 00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:51,645 ONLY TIME THAT NIGGA OPEN HIS MOUTH, HE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY, 44 00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:54,282 AND THAT SHIT BETTER BE WORTH SAYING, ALL RIGHT? 45 00:01:54,315 --> 00:01:56,517 NONE OF THAT NONSENSICAL COP JARGON Y'ALL MOTHERFUCKERS 46 00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:57,651 ALWAYS BE WRITING. 47 00:01:57,685 --> 00:02:02,190 "WATCH OUT! GET DOWN! DAMN! 48 00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:05,459 WHOO! NOW, THAT'S HOW YOU DRIVE!" 49 00:02:05,493 --> 00:02:08,162 I CAN SAY A WHOLE LOT WITH A LOOK. 50 00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:11,465 PEEP. 51 00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:12,700 - MM. - WOW. 52 00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:14,202 - YEAH. - I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS, 53 00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:15,669 BUT I THINK I JUST SHIT MY PANTS. 54 00:02:15,703 --> 00:02:17,938 [laughter] 55 00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:19,607 - THAT'S NOT THE "SHIT MY PANTS" LOOK. 56 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,242 - OH, NO? 57 00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:23,544 - THIS IS THE "SHIT MY PANTS" LOOK. 58 00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:25,346 SLOW-MO. 59 00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:31,452 - MM. - OH, WOW. 60 00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:32,753 - HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY. 61 00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:34,888 [indistinct chatter] 62 00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:36,590 - Y'ALL PEEP? Y'ALL FEEL THAT? 63 00:02:36,624 --> 00:02:38,226 - WHOO! - OH, YEAH. 64 00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:39,427 - OH, I FEEL IT. 65 00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:41,895 IT'S LIKE AN ELECTROMAGNETIC PULSING IN MY ASSHOLE AREA. 66 00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:42,796 [laughter] 67 00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:44,532 - YO, WHO'S THIS CAT? 68 00:02:44,565 --> 00:02:46,934 - HASHTAG BLACK, ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE OUR NEWEST WRITER, 69 00:02:46,967 --> 00:02:50,338 HANK MOODY. - OH, HANK MOODY, THE RAPER. 70 00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:52,640 YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. - YEP. THE ONE AND THE SAME. 71 00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:53,807 - I'M A BIG FAN OF ALL YOUR WRONGDOINGS. 72 00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,209 - THANK YOU. - WELL, YOU USED TO WORK 73 00:02:55,243 --> 00:02:56,710 SIDE BY SIDE WITH SAMURAI, HUH? 74 00:02:56,744 --> 00:02:58,779 - HE WAS JUST "SAM" TO ME-- CALVIN, ACTUALLY. 75 00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:00,481 - YEAH, HE SAID YOU WAS A COOL DUDE. 76 00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:01,749 HE ALSO SAID YOU LIKE STICKING YOUR PEE-PEE 77 00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:03,317 WHERE IT DON'T BELONG. 78 00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:04,685 - WELL, I LIKE TO THINK THAT DOESN'T DEFINE ME 79 00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:05,953 AS A HUMAN BEING. 80 00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:07,588 I ALSO LIKE TO THINK THAT MY PEE-PEE BELONGS 81 00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,357 WHEREVER IT WINDS UP. 82 00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:10,658 - OH, YEAH. 83 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,926 YOU GONNA BE MY GUY, MOODY. 84 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:14,362 YOU GONNA BE MY SET BITCH. 85 00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:15,796 - OH, NO. - YOU COOL WITH THAT, RATH? 86 00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:17,331 - ABSOLUTELY. HASHTAG, WHATEVER YOU WANT. 87 00:03:17,365 --> 00:03:18,932 - I'M NOT A BIG FAN OF THE SET, PER SE. 88 00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:20,734 I-I FIND THE HOURS TO BE QUITE PUNISHING. 89 00:03:20,768 --> 00:03:23,737 HAS ANYBODY GIVEN THOUGHT TO MAYBE STARTING LATER 90 00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:24,938 OR SHORTER HOURS, PERHAPS? 91 00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:26,740 - WHAT THE FUCK IS HE GOING ON ABOUT? 92 00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:28,942 - FUCK IF I KNOW. - EXCUSE ME, HASHTAG, 93 00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:31,279 I'D LOVE TO PITCH YOU AN IDEA-- - AHH! YO, YO, YO. 94 00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:33,314 PITCHES HURT MY EARS, ESPECIALLY PITCHES FROM BITCHES. 95 00:03:33,347 --> 00:03:35,383 NO OFFENSE-- Y'ALL GOT THE TENDENCY 96 00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:36,950 OF USING TOO MANY WORDS, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 97 00:03:36,984 --> 00:03:38,852 WHY USE ONE WORD WHEN YOU CAN USE TEN, RIGHT? 98 00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:41,689 - YEAH. [laughs] THAT'S FUNNY. 99 00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,357 ACTUALLY, I CAN BE QUITE BRIEF. - GOLDIE! 100 00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:45,459 THE MAN DOESN'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR PITCH RIGHT NOW. 101 00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:47,761 - YO, PEACE, WRITER PEOPLES. 102 00:03:47,795 --> 00:03:48,929 - LET ME WALK YOU OUT, HASHTAG. 103 00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:50,498 - LOVE YOU. LOVE YOU. - HASHTAG. 104 00:03:50,531 --> 00:03:53,301 - KICKOFF PARTY TONIGHT AT MY PLACE--BE THERE. 105 00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:55,569 BEHAVE YOURSELVES, DON'T BREAK ANYTHING, 106 00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:56,937 AND NO FUCKING IN MY POOL... 107 00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:58,972 TERRY. [laughter] 108 00:03:59,006 --> 00:04:00,708 - HEY, DOES ANYBODY ELSE WANT TO BE SET BITCH? 109 00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:02,443 SET--SET BITCHES? SET BITCH? - NO. 110 00:04:02,476 --> 00:04:04,778 - SET BITCH? TERRY, I'LL ARM-WRESTLE YOU FOR IT. 111 00:04:04,812 --> 00:04:07,014 COME ON. - NO. 112 00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:10,017 [upbeat music] 113 00:04:10,050 --> 00:04:18,025 * 114 00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:03,937 - HOLY TV MONEY, BATMAN. 115 00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:06,774 - YEAH, LOOK AT THAT--THE HOUSE THAT UTTER MEDIOCRITY BUILT. 116 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:09,042 - IT'S INSPIRING, HANK. 117 00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:12,446 I'VE NEVER FELT MORE DETERMINED TO SIGN TV-WRITER CLIENTS. 118 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:15,048 - DO NOT SHIT WHERE I EAT, CHARLIE--IT'S UNSANITARY. 119 00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:18,586 OH, GREETINGS AND SALUTATIONS, 24-HOUR PARTY PEOPLE. 120 00:05:18,619 --> 00:05:20,654 - MOM, TH--THIS IS THE GUY I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT, 121 00:05:20,688 --> 00:05:21,855 THE ONE WHO CAME IN HIS PANTS. 122 00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:23,924 - NICE TO MEET YOU. CHARLIE RUNKLE. 123 00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:26,760 - NICE TO MEET YOU. - I'M HANK'S MANAGER 124 00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:28,729 AND HETEROSEXUAL LIFE MATE. 125 00:05:28,762 --> 00:05:29,763 NICE TO MEET YOU. 126 00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:31,799 YOU MUST BE THE LOVELY JULIA. 127 00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:33,401 NUMBER ONE ON THE BABY MAMA CALL SHEET. 128 00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:34,968 - LEVON SAYS GREAT THINGS ABOUT YOU. 129 00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:37,438 - NOT REALLY, LIKE, AT ALL, EVER. 130 00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:39,673 SO, DAD, WHAT DO YOU THINK? WE GONNA SEE SOME BIG TITS 131 00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:41,775 AND ROUND ASSES UP IN HERE TONIGHT? 132 00:05:41,809 --> 00:05:42,976 - HONEY, I'M NOT AFRAID TO PULL YOUR PANTS DOWN 133 00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,412 AND SPANK YOUR BARE ASS 134 00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:45,946 IN A ROOM FULL OF STRANGERS, YOU KNOW? 135 00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:47,515 - I KNOW YOU'RE NOT, MOM. I'M SORRY. 136 00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:48,949 - ALL RIGHT, GO INSIDE AND BEHAVE YOURSELF. 137 00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:50,484 - OKAY. - I'M GONNA TALK TO YOUR DAD. 138 00:05:50,518 --> 00:05:52,152 - COME ON, KID, LET'S CHECK OUT THE TALENT. 139 00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:53,754 - YOU'RE NOT GONNA WALK IN THERE PITCHING A TENT, ARE YOU? 140 00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:55,789 - BEHAVE. - OKAY. 141 00:05:55,823 --> 00:05:58,392 - WHAT'S UP? 142 00:05:58,426 --> 00:06:00,861 - DO YOU NOTICE ANYTHING WEIRD ABOUT LEVON? 143 00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:02,129 - HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY TELL? 144 00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:05,533 - HE SEEMS DIFFERENT-- MORE RELAXED, CONFIDENT. 145 00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:07,801 - THAT'S A BAD THING? - NO, IT'S GREAT. 146 00:06:07,835 --> 00:06:09,102 I JUST--I'M NOT USED TO IT. 147 00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:10,871 - WELL, MAYBE HAVING A JOB 148 00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:12,706 HAS DONE WONDERS FOR THE YOUNG MAN'S PSYCHE. 149 00:06:12,740 --> 00:06:15,008 - OR MAYBE KNOWING HIS DAD, WHO'S ACTUALLY PROVING TO BE 150 00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:16,577 SOMETHING OF A POSITIVE ROLE MODEL. 151 00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:19,713 - I-I DON'T THINK THAT COULD BE IT, DO YOU? 152 00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:22,650 [laughs] 153 00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:24,117 - WOW. NICE HOUSE. 154 00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:26,554 - YEAH. ONE DAY, ALL THIS COULD BE YOURS. 155 00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:29,022 MRS. JULIA RATH-- HAS A NICE RING TO IT. 156 00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:30,424 - OH, IT'S JUST ONE DATE. 157 00:06:30,458 --> 00:06:32,125 - HOPE HE WASN'T TOO "HANDSY." 158 00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:33,827 - NO, HE WAS A PERFECT GENTLEMAN. 159 00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:35,496 ACTUALLY, TOO PERFECT, YOU KNOW? 160 00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:37,765 'CAUSE SOMETIMES YOU JUST WANT A GUY TO, LIKE--[grunts] 161 00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:40,934 - WHAT? WHAT? YOU WANT A GUY TO WHAT? 162 00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:42,736 MY SCHWEEN IS HANGING ON YOUR EVERY WORD. 163 00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:45,573 THERE'S A POTENTIAL ERECTION HANGING IN THE BALANCE HERE. 164 00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:46,974 WHAT? NOTHING. 165 00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:48,476 - I HAVEN'T BEEN TO A PARTY IN SO LONG, 166 00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:50,210 I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO. 167 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,446 - WELL, IT'S LIKE RIDING A BIKE. YOU JUST HAVE A DRINK OR TEN 168 00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:54,147 AND THEN HOPE YOU DON'T WAKE UP WITH A TATTOO 169 00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:56,650 OR A BLOODY ASSHOLE OR BOTH. 170 00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:58,519 SHALL WE? - [laughs] 171 00:06:58,552 --> 00:07:02,490 [electronic music] 172 00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:06,527 [indistinct chatter] 173 00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:11,031 GET ME A REFILL. - OH. 174 00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:12,766 I LIKE WHEN YOU ORDER ME AROUND. 175 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,502 I'M--I'M SERIOUS. I DO. 176 00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:18,472 STU, NIKKI, HOW'S IT HANGING? - HANK, HOW ARE YOU? 177 00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:20,908 - HEY, BUDDY. - HOW'S THE KID? 178 00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,910 - STILL BASKING IN THE AFTERGLOW. 179 00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,478 - UH, YOU TWO GUYS KNOW EACH OTHER? 180 00:07:24,512 --> 00:07:26,780 - SHE RELIEVED MY SON OF HIS VIRGINITY. 181 00:07:26,814 --> 00:07:29,683 - WORLD CLASS, DUDE. 182 00:07:29,717 --> 00:07:32,653 I WISH MY POPS WOULD'VE POPPED MY CHERRY LIKE THAT. 183 00:07:32,686 --> 00:07:35,689 INSTEAD, HE SAT ME DOWN AND GAVE ME A COPY OF PLAYBOY 184 00:07:35,723 --> 00:07:38,091 AND TOLD ME BOTH MEN AND WOMEN HAD NIPPLES. 185 00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:40,528 - [groans] CAN--CAN WE KEEP THE WHOLE 186 00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:42,696 LEVON/HOOKER THING ON THE D.L.? 187 00:07:42,730 --> 00:07:44,532 HIS MOM IS HERE, AND SHE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT. 188 00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:46,800 - OH, I AM NOTHING IF NOT DISCREET. 189 00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:50,538 - OH, NOW, THAT IS TRUE. SHE IS AMAZING. 190 00:07:50,571 --> 00:07:52,640 SHE LETS ME DO THE KINKIEST STUFF TO HER, 191 00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:54,174 AND SHE NEVER TELLS A SOUL. 192 00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:56,009 - AW, YOU ARE SO CUTE. [laughs] 193 00:07:56,043 --> 00:07:57,678 - SOUNDS LIKE A KEEPER. 194 00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:59,112 - YEAH, AND SHE LOOKS LIKE MARCY, RIGHT? 195 00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,782 - YO, MOODY. - HEY, HASHTAG. 196 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,283 - HOW YOU BE, BRO? - I BE GOOD. 197 00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:05,118 - HASHTAG. - BIG DICK BEGGS! 198 00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:08,155 - HASHTAG. [both grunting] 199 00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:10,123 - YO, THEY SAY HE GOT A BIG DICK, THOUGH, RIGHT? 200 00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,625 - YEAH. - HE'S CRAZY. 201 00:08:11,659 --> 00:08:13,661 YO, STU, I GOT TO TALK TO MOODY OVER HERE. 202 00:08:13,694 --> 00:08:14,662 - WHATEVER. - AH. 203 00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:15,963 [indistinct chatter] 204 00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,230 - YO, MOODY, I GOT TO LEVEL WITH YOU, MAN. 205 00:08:17,264 --> 00:08:18,766 RATH IS FUCKING MY SHIT UP. 206 00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:20,167 - ALL RIGHT, THAT'S PROBABLY SOMETHING 207 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,202 YOU SHOULD BRING UP WITH RATH. 208 00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:23,971 - MOTHERFUCKER'S TOO STUBBORN TO HEAR MY WORDS. 209 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,873 HE'S ALL ABOUT THE DRAMA. I'M ALL ABOUT THE FUCKING FUNNY. 210 00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:27,741 HE WANTS TO DO THE WIRE. 211 00:08:27,775 --> 00:08:29,109 I'M TRYING TO DO 48 HOURS FOR A NEW GENERATION, YOU HEAR ME? 212 00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:30,778 - MM-HMM. - ALL RIGHT, LOOK. 213 00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:32,913 I NEED YOU TO HELP ME OUT LIKE YOU HELPED SAMURAI OUT. 214 00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:35,048 WE CAN DO A MODERN-DAY ACTION-COMEDY, 215 00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:36,717 EMPHASIS ON THE COMEDY. 216 00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:38,952 - I'M NOT REALLY IN A POSITION TO DO THAT, HASHTAG. 217 00:08:38,986 --> 00:08:40,253 AND I'M--I'M NOT THAT FUNNY. 218 00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:42,690 - YEAH, BUT YOU'S FUCKING WITTY, RIGHT? 219 00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:44,792 AND I'M FUCKING FUNNY. - YOU ARE FUCKING FUNNY. 220 00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:48,195 - TOGETHER WE CAN-- DAMN, WHO'S THAT PIECE OF ASS? 221 00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:49,930 - THAT? THAT WOULD BE JULIA. 222 00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:51,865 SHE'S GOT A SMALL PART ON THE SHOW AS A SQUAD SECRETARY. 223 00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:53,667 YOU'RE GONNA BE DOING SOME SCENES WITH HER. 224 00:08:53,701 --> 00:08:55,268 - OH, I'M DOING SCENES WITH HER, ALL RIGHT. 225 00:08:55,302 --> 00:08:57,004 I'M DOING SCENES WITH HER RIGHT NOW UP IN HERE. 226 00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:59,139 - AH, SHE'S ALSO THE MOTHER OF MY SON. 227 00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:01,241 - OH! OH, OH, OKAY. - MM-HMM. 228 00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:03,611 - YOU'RE NOT TOGETHER? - NO, NOT CURRENTLY. 229 00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:05,713 - MM. SO YOU AIN'T CRUSHING THAT ASS? 230 00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:08,181 - NOT--NOT--NOT AT THE PRESENT-- LIKE, 20 YEARS AGO, 231 00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:09,883 AND EVEN THEN, I-I WASN'T SO MUCH CRUSHING IT 232 00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:11,251 AS ADMIRING IT. 233 00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:12,886 I DON'T LIKE TO BE TOO ROUGH WITH THE ASS. 234 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:15,088 - OH, I LIKE TO DESTROY THAT SHIT. 235 00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:17,625 MM. I WANT TO MURDER THAT ASS. 236 00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:19,026 - I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, HASHTAG, 237 00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,360 BUT YOUR LANGUAGE IS SO AGGRESSIVE. 238 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:22,295 YOU SEE, IF-- IF YOU MURDER THE ASS, 239 00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:23,931 THEN THERE'S NO ASS LEFT TO ENJOY. 240 00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:25,699 - WELL, SEE, THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG, MOODY. 241 00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:27,200 YOU KNOW, YOU GOTTA MURDER THAT ASS 242 00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:28,802 SO NO OTHER MOTHERFUCKER CAN ENJOY THAT ASS, RIGHT? 243 00:09:28,836 --> 00:09:30,037 - NO. 244 00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,171 - IT'S LIKE A METAPHORICAL MURDER. 245 00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:32,339 - OH, I-- - YEAH, YOU FEEL ME? 246 00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:33,841 - I DO FEEL YOU. I FEEL YOU. - COOL. 247 00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:35,208 YOU SEE THAT? - YEAH. 248 00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:36,977 - I'MA GO SEE IF I CAN TURN THIS BITCH OUT. 249 00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:38,211 I'MA CATCH YOU LATER. 250 00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:40,748 THINK ABOUT MY WORDS-- HASHTAG WORDS. 251 00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:43,350 - MM-HMM. THOUGHT ABOUT 'EM. THOUGHT ABOUT 'EM. 252 00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:44,918 - WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ABOUT? 253 00:09:44,952 --> 00:09:46,253 - IT SEEMS YOUR NUMBER ONE 254 00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:48,756 IS WARM FOR YOUR NUMBER 16'S FORM. 255 00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:50,791 AND HE DOESN'T LIKE THE WAY YOU'RE WRITING HIM. 256 00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:52,926 - SO IT'S NOT ENOUGH THAT I HAVE TO FIGHT WITH THIS MOTHERFUCKER 257 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:56,229 OVER EXPOSITORY DIALOGUE, NOW HE FEELS ENTITLED TO MY WOMAN? 258 00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:58,098 - OH, SHE'S YOUR WOMAN NOW? 259 00:09:58,131 --> 00:10:00,333 - COME ON, CUT ME SOME SLACK, ALL RIGHT? 260 00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:03,136 I'M A LITTLE HEATED UP. SHE SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ME? 261 00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:04,872 - WELL, SHE SAID YOU WERE THE PERFECT GENTLEMAN. 262 00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:06,674 - GOOD, GOOD. - YEAH. 263 00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:08,275 - I'M TRYING, YOU KNOW? USUALLY I'M A FUCKING ASSHOLE. 264 00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:09,076 - YEAH. 265 00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,711 - TRYING TO TAKE IT EASY WITH HER. 266 00:10:10,744 --> 00:10:12,279 - RIGHT. BUT SOMETIMES, YOU KNOW, YOU GOT TO... 267 00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:13,213 - WHAT? 268 00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:15,215 - WELL, YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES YOU GOT TO-- 269 00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:17,250 - SOMETIMES YOU GOT TO WHAT? - YOU KNOW. 270 00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,819 - SHIT, HERE COMES SHREK. 271 00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:20,353 - THAT'S MY SON YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT--SHREK. 272 00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,155 - I'M SORRY, ALL RIGHT? I'M ALL WORKED UP. 273 00:10:22,189 --> 00:10:23,824 I GOT TO HEAD THIS SHIT OFF AT THE PASS. 274 00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:24,992 - ALL RIGHT. 275 00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:26,727 - GUESS WHAT. - WAIT. 276 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:29,362 YOU WERE BORN A PAUPER TO A PAWN ON A CHRISTMAS DAY, 277 00:10:29,396 --> 00:10:30,831 WHEN THE NEW YORK TIMES SAID 278 00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:32,265 GOD IS DEAD, AND THE WAR'S BEGUN. 279 00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:33,867 - SHUT UP. COME ON, I HATE THAT. 280 00:10:33,901 --> 00:10:36,103 NIKKI'S HERE. - I KNOW. SHE'S WITH STU BEGGS. 281 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:37,237 - CAN I BORROW SOME MONEY? 282 00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:40,708 - OH, SO LEVON DOES LIKE HIS MONEY. WHY? 283 00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:43,711 - I WANT TO BONE HER AGAIN. - SHE'S WITH STU. 284 00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:45,212 - SO WHAT? SHE CAN'T SPARE A FEW MINUTES 285 00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:46,847 FOR SOME REPEAT BUSINESS? - YOUR MOM IS HERE. 286 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,415 - SO? THERE'S A TON OF ROOMS IN THIS PLACE. 287 00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:49,983 - AND IT'S VERY EXPENSIVE. 288 00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:51,919 - OKAY, I'LL PAY YOU BACK. - NO, YOU WON'T. 289 00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:53,921 - GOD DAMN IT, I'M REALLY PISSED AT YOU RIGHT NOW. 290 00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:55,723 - I'M A LITTLE PISSED AT YOU RIGHT NOW. 291 00:10:55,756 --> 00:10:57,357 - [sighs] THAT FEELING IS BACK, YOU KNOW, 292 00:10:57,390 --> 00:10:59,326 LIKE I-I GOT TO FUCK SOMETHING. - OKAY. 293 00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:01,361 - I NEED A RELEASE. - LOOK, I UNDERSTAND. 294 00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:03,230 JUST--JUST TRY TO FIND A NICE, QUIET BATHROOM 295 00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:05,165 AND GO BEAT OFF-- YOU'LL FEEL MUCH BETTER. 296 00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:06,333 JUST MAKE SURE YOU CLEAN UP AFTERWARDS 297 00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:08,068 AND WASH YOUR HANDS, ALL RIGHT? 298 00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:09,436 - YEAH, BUT NOW THAT I GOT MY DICK WET, 299 00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:11,739 BEATING OFF JUST SEEMS KIND OF LAME, YOU KNOW? 300 00:11:11,772 --> 00:11:12,973 - YES, I GET THAT. 301 00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,375 BUT MASTURBATION IS STILL GONNA BE A HUGE PART OF YOUR LIFE. 302 00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:17,310 EVEN THOUGH YOU GOT LAID, GIRLS AREN'T JUST GONNA 303 00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:19,346 AUTOMATICALLY START HURLING THEMSELVES AT YOU. 304 00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:21,348 - I SHOULD'VE JUST STAYED A FUCKING VIRGIN. 305 00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:23,216 IT WOULD'VE BEEN A LOT BETTER NOT HAVING A GLIMPSE 306 00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:26,119 OF THE PROMISED LAND. - GOOD TALK. 307 00:11:30,924 --> 00:11:32,425 - AH. 308 00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:34,862 ARE YOU SURE YOU SHOULD BE... DRINKING? 309 00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:37,030 - I'M NOT ALLERGIC TO VODKA, ASSHOLE. 310 00:11:37,064 --> 00:11:39,232 - SORRY. WHO WOULD KNOW? 311 00:11:39,266 --> 00:11:41,168 - YOU KNOW WHAT I AM ALLERGIC TO? 312 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,937 SEMEN. - OH, REALLY? 313 00:11:43,971 --> 00:11:45,238 - YEAH, CAN'T SPIT OR SWALLOW. 314 00:11:45,272 --> 00:11:46,940 TOTALLY BURNS THE BACK OF MY THROAT. 315 00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:48,308 ONE TIME I TOOK ONE UP TOP. 316 00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:50,978 FUCKING BROKE OUT IN HIVES AND BLOTCHES. 317 00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:53,914 BLOWING A LOAD ON ME IS LIKE THROWING HOLY WATER 318 00:11:53,947 --> 00:11:55,148 ON LINDA BLAIR. 319 00:11:55,182 --> 00:11:57,918 [both laughing] 320 00:11:57,951 --> 00:11:59,219 - WHAT UP? 321 00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:01,789 - I'M SO FUCKING PISSED AT RATH RIGHT NOW. 322 00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:03,056 - OH, WHY? 323 00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:04,992 - HE LET HASHTAG CALL ME A BITCH TODAY. 324 00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:07,094 - THAT DOESN'T REALLY SEEM LIKE RATH'S STYLE. 325 00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:08,796 - WHY WOULD YOU TAKE HIS SIDE? 326 00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:12,199 - I'M NOT TAKING HIS SIDE. GOLDIE, COOLER HEADS, HMM? 327 00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:13,333 COOLER HEADS. 328 00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:14,835 - FIRST, HE REWRITES ME, 329 00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:16,536 THEN HE HUMILIATES ME IN FRONT OF HASHTAG. 330 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:19,139 I MEAN, HE--HE'S TRYING TO SEND ME A MESSAGE, CHARLIE. 331 00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:20,941 HE'S OUT TO GET ME. 332 00:12:20,974 --> 00:12:23,343 THIS IS ALL PART OF HIS PLAN, THAT SLIMY MOTHERFUCKER... 333 00:12:23,376 --> 00:12:25,545 WOMAN-HATING DICKHEAD. 334 00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:29,249 - GOLDIE. THERE SHE IS. - RATH, HI. 335 00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:30,550 - YOU GOOD? - GREAT. 336 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,085 - GOOD, I MADE SURE THEY HAD 337 00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:33,286 SOME OF THAT GLUTEN-FREE SHIT FOR YOU. 338 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,222 - THERE YOU GO. - YOU'RE THE BEST. 339 00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,390 WHAT A GREAT HOME-- BEAUTIFUL. 340 00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:40,560 - WORK HARD, YOU'LL GET THERE, RIGHT? 341 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,562 HEY, I HOPE YOU'RE NOT USING MY PARTY 342 00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:44,431 AS AN OPPORTUNITY TO POACH CLIENTS, HUH? 343 00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:45,866 - NEVER. 344 00:12:45,899 --> 00:12:47,367 - AS IF ANYONE WOULD EVER WANT TO SIGN 345 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,570 WITH THIS FUCKING DEGENERATE LUNATIC, RIGHT? 346 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:53,841 HAVE FUN. 347 00:12:58,345 --> 00:12:59,913 - I CAN'T TELL YOU MUCH, 348 00:12:59,947 --> 00:13:02,415 BUT I CAN TELL YOU THAT WE'RE PLANNING 349 00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:05,185 ON PUTTING YOU IN SOME SERIOUSLY HOT OUTFITS. 350 00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:06,419 TRUTH. 351 00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:08,055 - SHUT THE FUCK UP, HUGH. 352 00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:09,957 YOU'RE CREEPING OUT THE FEMALE LEAD OF THE SHOW. 353 00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:11,424 - DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT-- HE HAS ABSOLUTELY 354 00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,260 NO DECISION-MAKING POWER. 355 00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:15,195 AND HE LOVES CUPCAKES AND COLDPLAY 356 00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:16,529 AND STICKING PENCILS UP HIS POOPER. 357 00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:18,498 - WHO DOESN'T LOVE COLDPLAY? 358 00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:21,201 - AND YOU ARE? - HANK MOODY--NEWBIE WRITER. 359 00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:24,604 BE GENTLE WITH ME. 360 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,840 - YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WROTE THE MOVIE, RIGHT? 361 00:13:26,874 --> 00:13:28,475 - I AM ONE OF 19 PEOPLE WHO WROTE THE MOVIE 362 00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:30,177 THAT NEVER CAME OUT, YEAH. 363 00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:31,611 - AND YOU WROTE FUCKING & PUNCHING? 364 00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,914 - I AM ONLY ONE OF SIX PEOPLE WHO WROTE THAT, 365 00:13:33,947 --> 00:13:35,615 WHICH IS WHY IT'S SO DAMN GOOD. 366 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,617 - IT IS GOOD. GOD, I LOVE THAT MOVIE. 367 00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:40,287 - AW, SHUCKS. THANK YOU. 368 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,589 - [chuckles] CAN I BE HONEST WITH YOU? 369 00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:44,457 - IF YOU MUST. 370 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,459 - I DON'T LIKE THE WAY RATH IS WRITING MY CHARACTER. 371 00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:49,162 - YOU SHOULD PROBABLY BRING THAT UP WITH RATH, THEN. 372 00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:51,498 - I DID, AND HE BLEW ME OFF. 373 00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:53,266 CAN WE TALK ABOUT IT FOR A MINUTE? 374 00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:56,303 - YOU MEAN, LIKE, RIGHT NOW? 375 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:58,271 - I'LL MAKE IT WORTH YOUR WHILE. 376 00:13:58,305 --> 00:14:01,108 - OW. - [chuckles] 377 00:14:04,111 --> 00:14:07,014 - HEY. HEY, THERE, RUNKLE. 378 00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:09,516 HOW--HOW YOU DOING? HOW'S MARRIED LIFE? 379 00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:11,584 - OH, IT'S, YOU KNOW, UPS AND DOWNS, STU. 380 00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:14,154 CHECKS AND BAL--ALL GOOD IN THE PROVERBIAL HOOD, YEAH. 381 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,389 - YEAH, WAIT, WAIT. YOU KNOW, THERE'S SOMETHING 382 00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:17,891 I'VE BEEN MEANING TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT. 383 00:14:17,925 --> 00:14:19,459 - OH, YEAH? WHAT'S THAT, STU? 384 00:14:19,492 --> 00:14:23,230 - I WANT TO SLEEP WITH MARCY AGAIN. 385 00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:26,533 - STU... 386 00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:28,936 WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? 387 00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:31,138 - I DON'T KNOW. 388 00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:33,473 I MEAN, MY CAREER IS ON FIRE. 389 00:14:33,506 --> 00:14:36,209 THIS TELEVISION THING HAS ME SHITTING CASH. 390 00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:41,281 BUT, UH, WITHOUT A QUEEN, MY CASTLE IS A-CRUMBLIN'. 391 00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:42,615 LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, 392 00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:45,252 I KNOW YOU WON HER FAIR AND SQUARE, 393 00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:48,621 BUT I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT THAT MAGNIFICENT CREATURE. 394 00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:52,225 - YOU GOTTA MOVE ON, STU, 'CAUSE WE ARE MARRIED, OKAY? 395 00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:53,326 AGAIN. 396 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:56,096 - I KNOW THAT. I RESPECT THAT. 397 00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:57,564 - MM. - YOU KNOW... 398 00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:59,699 MARCY MAY VERY WELL BE YOUR SOUL MATE, 399 00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:03,370 BUT THAT WOMAN WAS BORN TO BE MY SEX PARTNER. 400 00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:06,206 AND I JUST MISS HER SO MUCH... 401 00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:08,575 SO MUCH. 402 00:15:08,608 --> 00:15:10,677 LIKE, THIS LAST TIME, 403 00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:12,445 SHE LET ME GO DOWN ON HER, 404 00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:14,314 AND I WASN'T ABLE TO GET MY HELMET 405 00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:16,416 INTO THAT SILKY POND OF HERS. 406 00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:19,219 YOU KNOW, SHE'S SO FUCKING TIGHT, CHARLIE! 407 00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:21,188 I MEAN, SHE MAKES ME FEEL HUGE. 408 00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:24,424 AND I'M ALREADY HUGE. - I'M WELL AWARE, STU. 409 00:15:24,457 --> 00:15:26,326 NOW, WHEN WAS THIS 410 00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:28,561 THAT SHE LET YOU GO DOWN ON HER AGAIN? 411 00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:33,000 - IT WAS WAY BEFORE YOU TWO WERE REMARRIED, OF COURSE. 412 00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:37,204 IT WAS A SUNNY DAY IN VENICE... 413 00:15:37,237 --> 00:15:39,472 TUESDAY... 414 00:15:39,506 --> 00:15:42,109 QUITE POSSIBLY MY LAST HAPPY DAY. 415 00:15:42,142 --> 00:15:46,279 OH, GOD, YOU GUYS MUST BE BONING EVERY CHANCE YOU CAN. 416 00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:47,614 YOU'RE FUCKING NEWLYWEDS. 417 00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:50,183 - WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS CONVERSATION, STU? 418 00:15:50,217 --> 00:15:53,286 YOU MISS FUCKING MARCY. OKAY, I GET IT. SO WHAT? 419 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:56,123 - RUNKLE, I... 420 00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:58,425 HAVE A PROPOSAL FOR YOU. 421 00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:02,062 AND, YES, IT IS QUITE INDECENT. 422 00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:05,698 WITH YOUR PERMISSION, AND HERS, OF COURSE, 423 00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:10,303 I AM WILLING TO PAY YOU GUYS A COOL $1 MILLION 424 00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:13,773 IF YOU WILL LET ME SLEEP WITH HER AGAIN-- 425 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:15,775 JUST THE ONCE, 426 00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:19,412 FOR AS MANY TIMES AS WE CAN FIT INTO A NIGHT. 427 00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:22,115 THINK ABOUT IT. 428 00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:28,588 - * SUSPICIOUS 429 00:16:28,621 --> 00:16:31,024 * I'M SUSPICIOUS 430 00:16:31,058 --> 00:16:33,193 - YOU TOTALLY MADE THIS WORTH MY WHILE. 431 00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:34,527 - I TOLD YOU I WOULD. 432 00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:36,463 - YOUR NOTES ARE FUCKING BULLSHIT, 433 00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:38,431 BUT YOUR WEED IS SUPERB. 434 00:16:38,465 --> 00:16:41,168 - YOU'RE FUNNY. - I AM FUNNY-- 435 00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:44,504 I MEAN, NOT LIKE COMEDIAN FUNNY, BUT I-I'M WITTY. 436 00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:46,273 I-I GUESS THAT'S MY THING. 437 00:16:46,306 --> 00:16:49,176 - WITTY IS GOOD, YOU KNOW. NOBODY'S REALLY WITTY ANYMORE. 438 00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:52,445 - THAT'S RIGHT. LIKE--LIKE WOODY ALLEN OR PAULY SHORE. 439 00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:54,647 IT'S A LOST ART, REALLY. 440 00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:57,550 - SO WHAT BRINGS A REAL WRITER TO SANTA MONICA COP? 441 00:16:57,584 --> 00:17:00,153 - IT WAS TIME TO GROW THE FUCK UP. 442 00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:03,123 I NEEDED A JOB. - LOOK AT YOU, ALL GROWED UP. 443 00:17:03,156 --> 00:17:06,759 - WHAT IS A SERIOUS ACTRESS DOING ON SANTA MONICA COP? 444 00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:10,297 - I NEEDED A JOB TOO, BUT I'M NOT SO KEEN ON GROWING UP. 445 00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:11,564 - [imitates house music] 446 00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:14,401 - [laughs] - EXCUSE ME. 447 00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:15,768 - I NEED TO MAKE A CONFESSION. 448 00:17:15,802 --> 00:17:17,537 - YOU'RE THINKING IMPURE THOUGHTS RIGHT NOW. 449 00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:19,706 THAT'S TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE. 450 00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:22,242 - NO. UM, I HATE THIS SHOW. 451 00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:24,477 - THAT'S ALSO TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE. 452 00:17:24,511 --> 00:17:25,712 - I HAD THE OPTION OF TAKING THIS SHOW 453 00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:28,215 OR SOME CLASS-UP-THE-ASS BBC THING, 454 00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:30,117 AND MY AGENT TALKED ME INTO TAKING THIS ONE. 455 00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:32,219 - THAT'S A BUMMER. - YEAH. 456 00:17:32,252 --> 00:17:35,388 A BIG BUMMER. CAN YOU DO ME A FAVOR? 457 00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:38,658 CAN YOU PLEASE TALK TO RATH, SEE IF MAYBE HE CAN KILL ME OFF? 458 00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:40,427 - [groans] - I PROMISE... 459 00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:42,829 I'LL MAKE IT WORTH YOUR WHILE. 460 00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:46,133 - MY HEAD IS SPINNING WITH THE POSSIBILITIES. 461 00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:48,801 - AS IT SHOULD, BUT IN THE MEANTIME, 462 00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:50,703 I HAVE ANOTHER LITTLE CONFESSION. 463 00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:52,339 - YOU HAVE THREE TITS AND A DICK. 464 00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:53,740 - [laughs] 465 00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:55,308 - [snaps fingers] - ALMOST. 466 00:17:55,342 --> 00:17:57,677 ONE OF MY VERY BEST FRIENDS IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD 467 00:17:57,710 --> 00:17:59,879 IS SASHA BINGHAM. - I KNOW SASHA BINGHAM. 468 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,748 - I KNOW YOU KNOW SASHA BINGHAM. 469 00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:04,251 - SASHA BINGHAM IS THE STAR OF FUCKING & PUNCHING. 470 00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:06,653 - SHE WAS, INDEED. - WE HAD SOME GOOD TIMES... 471 00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:09,422 EXCEPT FOR THE TIME WHEN I ACCIDENTALLY FUCKED HER MOM. 472 00:18:09,456 --> 00:18:11,691 THAT WAS UNFORTUNATE. - SHE TOLD ME ABOUT THAT. 473 00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:14,827 SHE ALSO SAID YOU GIVE REALLY GREAT HEAD. 474 00:18:14,861 --> 00:18:16,463 - SHE DID? - MM-HMM. 475 00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:19,266 - THAT IS SO SWEET OF HER. - I KNOW. SHE'S SWEET. 476 00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:21,734 - THAT IS JUST A VERY NICE THING TO SAY ABOUT A PERSON. 477 00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:23,303 WILL YOU GIVE HER MY BEST? 478 00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:24,904 - ABSOLUTELY. 479 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:28,308 SPEAKING OF WHICH, WHAT DO YOU THINK DEFINES GREAT HEAD? 480 00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:31,544 - OH, WELL, I-I GUESS YOU'D HAVE TO ASK THE HEAD-GETTER. 481 00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:33,613 - WELL, I MEAN, I'VE HAD GOOD HEAD, 482 00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:35,782 BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT MAKES IT GREAT. 483 00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:39,719 - I THINK YOU HAVE TO TREAT THE "BAGINA" LIKE A PERSON. 484 00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:41,888 AND--AND HOW DO YOU TREAT A PERSON? 485 00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:44,557 LIKE YOU YOURSELF WOULD WANT TO BE TREATED. 486 00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:45,858 - I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. 487 00:18:45,892 --> 00:18:48,428 IT JUST SOUNDS SO INTELLECTUAL. 488 00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:51,331 AFTER ALL, ISN'T IT IMPORTANT FOR A WRITER TO SHOW 489 00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:53,566 AND NOT TO TELL? 490 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,703 - OH, MY. OH, DEAR. 491 00:18:56,736 --> 00:18:59,539 YOU DO MAKE A VALID POINT. 492 00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:00,740 - [giggles] 493 00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:03,676 - PERMISSION TO COME ABOARD? 494 00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:05,878 - PERMISSION GRANTED. 495 00:19:05,912 --> 00:19:08,715 [laughs] 496 00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:14,787 [moans] 497 00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,323 - YOU'RE A VERY PLEASANT ACTRESS, VERY AGREEABLE. 498 00:19:16,356 --> 00:19:18,625 - OH. [clears throat] - HMM? I CAN DO BETTER. 499 00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:21,361 OH, HELLO. 500 00:19:21,394 --> 00:19:22,595 - HI. - HELLO. 501 00:19:22,629 --> 00:19:23,763 - SORRY. 502 00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:26,466 - HI. NO, NO. 503 00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:27,800 HELLO. - HI. 504 00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:29,836 - AMY TAYLOR WALSH. IT IS LOVELY TO MEET YOU. 505 00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:31,704 I BELIEVE WE'RE GONNA BE WORKING TOGETHER. 506 00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:33,773 - NICE TO MEET YOU. I'M A HUGE FAN. 507 00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:36,443 - GREAT. - ME TOO. I'M A HUGE FAN. 508 00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:39,779 - [clears throat] 509 00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:41,914 - YEAH. UM, SORRY ABOUT THAT. 510 00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:43,850 - IT'S NONE OF MY BEESWAX. 511 00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:45,618 - HMM. WHAT'S GOING ON? 512 00:19:45,652 --> 00:19:48,621 - UM, WELL, HASHTAG ASKED ME TO GO FOR A RIDE IN HIS BENTLEY. 513 00:19:48,655 --> 00:19:50,457 - THAT'S PROBABLY NOT A GOOD IDEA. 514 00:19:50,490 --> 00:19:52,459 - WHAT, LIKE GOING DOWN ON THE FEMALE LEAD OF THE SHOW? 515 00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:53,660 - MUCH LIKE THAT. 516 00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,395 YOU SHOULD PROBABLY KEEP THE FLIRTATION 517 00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:57,230 WITH HASHTAG TO A MINIMUM. - I'M NOT FLIRTING WITH HIM. 518 00:19:57,264 --> 00:19:58,865 HE'S JUST REALLY FUCKING FUNNY. 519 00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:01,000 - HE IS FUCKING FUNNY, AND RATH IS FUCKING JEALOUS. 520 00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:02,935 - GOD, SO MUCH FUSS OVER AN ACTRESS 521 00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:04,937 WHO HASN'T WORKED IN 20 YEARS-- IT'S SO FUN. 522 00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:07,307 - WHAT CAN I SAY? YOU GET THE BOYS ALL HOT AND BOTHERED. 523 00:20:07,340 --> 00:20:09,242 - WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE I'M SOME COMMODITY. 524 00:20:09,276 --> 00:20:12,245 I MEAN, I'M NOT INTERESTED IN RATH OR HASHTAG OR ANYONE. 525 00:20:12,279 --> 00:20:14,414 I'M JUST REALLY HAPPY TO HAVE AN ACTING JOB. 526 00:20:14,447 --> 00:20:15,782 - MM-HMM. 527 00:20:15,815 --> 00:20:17,350 - AND I-I DON'T WANT TO COMPLICATE MY LIFE. 528 00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:19,319 LIKE WHEN WE KISSED, I REALLY LEARNED FROM THAT. 529 00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:21,554 - THAT'S RIGHT--WE KISSED. I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THAT. 530 00:20:21,588 --> 00:20:22,822 - YOU FORGOT THAT WE KISSED? 531 00:20:22,855 --> 00:20:24,324 - NO, IT WAS JUST A FIGURE OF SPEECH. 532 00:20:24,357 --> 00:20:26,959 OF COURSE I REMEMBER. AND IT WAS VERY NICE. 533 00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:30,297 - IT WAS NICE. IT WAS A FAMILIAR SURPRISE. 534 00:20:30,330 --> 00:20:32,832 - IT WAS A PERFECT STORM OF BOOZE AND NITROUS. 535 00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:34,634 I WAS VERY VULNERABLE IN THAT CHAIR. 536 00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:35,902 YOU TOTALLY TOOK ADVANTAGE OF ME. 537 00:20:35,935 --> 00:20:37,337 - YOU MANIPULATED ME 538 00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:39,372 WITH ALL THESE BULLSHIT COMPLIMENTS 539 00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:41,474 ABOUT WHAT A GREAT MOTHER I AM. 540 00:20:41,508 --> 00:20:43,042 - IT WASN'T BULLSHIT. YOU ARE A GREAT MOTHER. 541 00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:45,312 YOU'RE A FANTASTIC MOTHER. - DON'T DO THAT. 542 00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:46,746 - MOTHER TERESA'S GOT NOTHING ON YOU. 543 00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:48,448 - [scoffs] THAT'S MEAN. 544 00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:50,049 - YOU'RE PROBABLY A BETTER KISSER THAN SHE EVER WAS, AND-- 545 00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:51,951 BUT WHO KNOWS? MAYBE SHE HAD A ROCKING BOD 546 00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:53,486 UNDERNEATH THAT SAINTLY FROCK. 547 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:55,722 JUST LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU WANT TO KISS AGAIN. 548 00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:57,657 - YOU JUST WENT DOWN ON A GIRL. - MMM. 549 00:20:57,690 --> 00:20:59,526 - EW. - WHAT IF I BRUSHED MY TEETH? 550 00:20:59,559 --> 00:21:01,728 COME ON, THAT'S GOT TO BE A BIT OF A TURN-ON-- 551 00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:03,496 ME OFFERING TO BRUSH MY TEETH? 552 00:21:03,530 --> 00:21:07,634 - WHY DID YOU GO DOWN ON HER? - IT'S A LONG STORY. 553 00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:10,470 BUT SHE HEARD I GAVE GOOD HEAD. THAT'S--YOU KNOW... 554 00:21:10,503 --> 00:21:13,440 - YOU DO GIVE GOOD HEAD. I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW. 555 00:21:13,473 --> 00:21:16,476 I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER. IT WAS SO LONG AGO. 556 00:21:16,509 --> 00:21:17,744 - OH, FUCK. 557 00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:19,412 - WHAT? - I THINK I'M HARD. 558 00:21:19,446 --> 00:21:22,349 - IS THAT FROM BEFORE OR FROM US? 559 00:21:22,382 --> 00:21:23,916 - WHO CAN TELL? I CAN'T DIFFERENTIATE. 560 00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:25,652 I MEAN, I-I DON'T KNOW THAT I'D WANT TO. 561 00:21:25,685 --> 00:21:30,423 BUT I THINK THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO DEFUSE THIS SITUATION. 562 00:21:30,457 --> 00:21:33,360 - HOW? 563 00:21:33,393 --> 00:21:36,095 AAH, GET THAT PUSSY MOUTH AWAY FROM ME! 564 00:21:36,128 --> 00:21:39,499 [laughing] 565 00:21:39,532 --> 00:21:42,034 [squeals] 566 00:21:42,068 --> 00:21:44,070 NO, NO! 567 00:21:44,103 --> 00:21:46,339 [laughing] 568 00:21:46,373 --> 00:21:47,474 - WHAT THE FUCK? 569 00:21:47,507 --> 00:21:49,809 - I TOLD YOU THIS MOTHERFUCKER LIKE TO STICK HIS PECKER 570 00:21:49,842 --> 00:21:50,843 WHERE IT DON'T BELONG. 571 00:21:50,877 --> 00:21:52,479 - HEY, I DECIDE WHOSE PECKER 572 00:21:52,512 --> 00:21:54,547 GOES IN HERE AND WHOSE DOESN'T, OKAY? 573 00:21:54,581 --> 00:21:56,683 AND YOU'RE A VERY CHARMING AND FUNNY GUY, 574 00:21:56,716 --> 00:21:58,785 BUT I'M A SINGLE MOM, AND I'M NOT EASILY WOOED, 575 00:21:58,818 --> 00:22:00,052 EVEN WITH A BENTLEY. 576 00:22:00,086 --> 00:22:01,921 - I GOT--I GOT A FERRARI. 577 00:22:01,954 --> 00:22:04,391 - AND, RICK, I REALLY ENJOYED OUR DATE. 578 00:22:04,424 --> 00:22:06,526 AND I-I'M SO GRATEFUL TO YOU FOR GIVING ME AN ACTING JOB 579 00:22:06,559 --> 00:22:08,595 AND MAKING MY CHILDHOOD DREAMS COME TRUE, 580 00:22:08,628 --> 00:22:11,063 BUT IF THE JOB COMES WITH STRINGS ATTACHED, 581 00:22:11,097 --> 00:22:12,699 THEN I CANNOT AND WILL NOT DO IT. 582 00:22:12,732 --> 00:22:14,634 - NO, NO. NO STRINGS ATTACHED. 583 00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:16,068 THE JOB IS YOURS, JULIA. 584 00:22:16,102 --> 00:22:18,738 - I'LL THINK ABOUT IT. 585 00:22:18,771 --> 00:22:21,541 - WHAT YOU WAITING FOR, RATH? FIRE HIS FUCKING ASS. 586 00:22:21,574 --> 00:22:23,743 - YOU DON'T TELL ME WHO TO HIRE AND WHO TO FIRE. 587 00:22:23,776 --> 00:22:25,044 IT'S MY FUCKING SHOW. 588 00:22:25,077 --> 00:22:27,146 - MY CHARACTER IS THE FUCKING SHOW. 589 00:22:27,179 --> 00:22:28,581 - AND WHO SAYS IT'S YOUR FUCKING CHARACTER? 590 00:22:28,615 --> 00:22:29,782 - NICE. 591 00:22:29,816 --> 00:22:30,783 - AND WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? 592 00:22:30,817 --> 00:22:31,951 YOU KNOW I LIKE HER. 593 00:22:31,984 --> 00:22:33,586 - I KNOW IT LOOKED LIKE FUNNY BUSINESS, 594 00:22:33,620 --> 00:22:35,422 BUT IT WAS JUST A TICKLE FIGHT-- I SWEAR TO GOD, HONESTLY. 595 00:22:35,455 --> 00:22:39,626 - RATH, YOU ARE NOT GONNA LIKE THIS. 596 00:22:39,659 --> 00:22:41,528 THERE'S FUCKING IN THE POOL. 597 00:22:41,561 --> 00:22:43,630 - MOTHERFUCKERS! 598 00:22:43,663 --> 00:22:45,898 MOTHERFUCKERS! 599 00:22:52,138 --> 00:22:54,106 - NINE FUCKING BATHROOMS IN THE FUCKING HOUSE, 600 00:22:54,140 --> 00:22:56,809 AND THE ASSHOLE'S GOT TO SCREW IN MY POOL, HUH? 601 00:22:56,843 --> 00:23:00,447 HEY, LEON, I WAS VERY CLEAR-- 602 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:01,814 NO FUCKING IN MY POOL. 603 00:23:01,848 --> 00:23:03,516 - LEVON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 604 00:23:03,550 --> 00:23:05,918 - NIKKI, I'M PAYING YOU VERY GOOD MONEY 605 00:23:05,952 --> 00:23:07,454 TO BE MY DATE TONIGHT. 606 00:23:07,487 --> 00:23:09,456 - NO, I KNOW, STU. I'M REALLY SORRY. 607 00:23:09,489 --> 00:23:11,458 I JUST WANTED TO MAKE A LITTLE EXTRA CASH. 608 00:23:11,491 --> 00:23:14,060 AND HONESTLY, HE SAID THAT HANK WOULD TAKE CARE OF IT. 609 00:23:14,093 --> 00:23:15,695 SO, REALLY, THIS IS ALL ON YOU. 610 00:23:15,728 --> 00:23:17,830 - I TOLD YOU I WASN'T GONNA LEND YOU THAT MONEY. 611 00:23:17,864 --> 00:23:19,932 - I KNOW, BUT THEN MY HEAD GOT ALL CLOUDY. 612 00:23:19,966 --> 00:23:21,100 GOD, THIS IS HOW YOUNG PEOPLE 613 00:23:21,133 --> 00:23:22,535 GET IN TROUBLE WITH CREDIT CARDS. 614 00:23:22,569 --> 00:23:25,572 - SHE'S A HOOKER? YOU'RE A HOOKER? 615 00:23:25,605 --> 00:23:27,039 - YEAH, PRETTY MUCH. 616 00:23:27,073 --> 00:23:28,841 BUT ON THE UPSIDE, I GET TESTED, 617 00:23:28,875 --> 00:23:30,943 LIKE, ALL THE TIME, SO WE'RE GOOD. 618 00:23:30,977 --> 00:23:32,111 - THIS IS SO UPSETTING. 619 00:23:32,144 --> 00:23:33,846 YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY TO A HOOKER. 620 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:35,482 - NOT--NOT JUST. I MEAN-- 621 00:23:35,515 --> 00:23:37,950 - HEY, NOW. - I'M--DON'T BE UPSET, MOM. 622 00:23:37,984 --> 00:23:39,519 I MEAN, SHE'S REALLY COOL. 623 00:23:39,552 --> 00:23:42,589 SHE--SHE'S THE COOLEST. I THINK I'M IN LOVE. 624 00:23:42,622 --> 00:23:43,756 [smooches] - AW. 625 00:23:43,790 --> 00:23:44,924 - YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH A HOOKER? 626 00:23:44,957 --> 00:23:46,192 - NO, ACTUALLY, THIS IS PRETTY COMMON. 627 00:23:46,225 --> 00:23:47,994 GUYS FALL IN LOVE WITH ME ALL THE TIME. 628 00:23:48,027 --> 00:23:49,896 - WE NEVER SHOULD'VE MOVED TO L.A. 629 00:23:49,929 --> 00:23:51,564 DID YOU USE A CONDOM, HONEY? 630 00:23:51,598 --> 00:23:53,466 - YES. - GOOD. 631 00:23:53,500 --> 00:23:55,167 - I'M REALLY SORRY, MOM--HANK WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP ME OUT. 632 00:23:55,201 --> 00:23:57,003 I SHOULD'VE LEFT IT ALONE. I SHOULD'VE BEEN CONTENT 633 00:23:57,036 --> 00:23:58,738 HAVING SEX WITH HER ONCE AND CALLED IT A DAY. 634 00:23:58,771 --> 00:24:00,707 BUT, NO, I HAD TO FLY TOO CLOSE TO THE SUN. 635 00:24:00,740 --> 00:24:03,710 - THIS ISN'T THE FIRST TIME? - HERE WE GO. 636 00:24:03,743 --> 00:24:05,645 - I'M SORRY. I-I CAN'T LIE TO MY MOMS. 637 00:24:05,678 --> 00:24:07,614 DON'T BLAME HANK. HE THOUGHT HE WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING. 638 00:24:07,647 --> 00:24:08,915 AND HE TOTALLY WAS. 639 00:24:08,948 --> 00:24:10,517 I'VE NEVER FELT BETTER IN MY WHOLE LIFE. 640 00:24:10,550 --> 00:24:12,184 I FEEL LIKE A GREAT WEIGHT HAS BEEN LIFTED, MOM. 641 00:24:12,218 --> 00:24:14,220 I'M GLAD DAD GOT ME A HOOKER. 642 00:24:14,253 --> 00:24:18,190 - [gasps] YOU GOT HIM A HOOKER? 643 00:24:18,224 --> 00:24:19,992 - THE WAY IN WHICH YOU ASK THAT MAKES ME THINK 644 00:24:20,026 --> 00:24:23,630 YOU DON'T THINK IT'S A VERY GOOD IDEA. 645 00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:29,669 all: OH! - OH, YES, OKAY. 646 00:24:29,702 --> 00:24:33,039 NOT A VERY GOOD IDEA AT ALL. I'M SORRY, JULIA. 647 00:24:33,072 --> 00:24:35,074 I-I THOUGHT I WAS DOING A GOOD THING. 648 00:24:35,107 --> 00:24:36,543 - DON'T WORRY, DAD. 649 00:24:36,576 --> 00:24:38,945 I-I-I'LL SMOOTH IT OUT FOR YOU. I PROMISE. 650 00:24:38,978 --> 00:24:40,246 - YOU HAPPY NOW, RATH? 651 00:24:40,279 --> 00:24:42,014 - OKAY, NOT NOW, GOLDIE, NOT NOW. 652 00:24:42,048 --> 00:24:43,750 - THIS IS THE FUCKING SHIP THAT YOU RUN. 653 00:24:43,783 --> 00:24:45,552 - YES, THIS IS THE SHIP I RUN. LOOK AT ME. 654 00:24:45,585 --> 00:24:47,820 I'M CAPTAIN OF THE HMS FUCKTARD. 655 00:24:47,854 --> 00:24:49,556 - THAT'S WHY I'M GONNA TAKE IT OUT FROM UNDERNEATH YOU, 656 00:24:49,589 --> 00:24:51,157 BECAUSE YOU DON'T DESERVE IT. - BE MY GUEST. 657 00:24:51,190 --> 00:24:54,126 KNOCK YOURSELF OUT STEERING THIS SHIP OF FOOLS. 658 00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:55,595 - I WILL. YOU TELL HIM, CHARLIE. 659 00:24:55,628 --> 00:24:57,196 TELL HIM. - HUH? TELL HIM WHAT? 660 00:24:57,229 --> 00:24:59,031 - TELL HIM HE'S DISRESPECTED ME FOR THE LAST TIME. 661 00:24:59,065 --> 00:25:00,567 - OH, OH, OKAY. 662 00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:02,101 RATH, I THINK WHAT GOLDIE MEANS TO SAY IS-- 663 00:25:02,134 --> 00:25:03,836 - SHUT THE FUCK UP NOW. 664 00:25:03,870 --> 00:25:06,072 - SHUTTING THE FUCK UP NOW. 665 00:25:06,105 --> 00:25:08,040 - YOU FUCKING PUSSY. - WHAT? 666 00:25:08,074 --> 00:25:09,609 - WHAT, DOES YOUR SUIT COME WITH TAMPONS? 667 00:25:09,642 --> 00:25:13,145 [laughter] 668 00:25:13,179 --> 00:25:14,814 - DOES THAT SUIT COME WITH TAMPONS? 669 00:25:14,847 --> 00:25:17,249 SEE, THAT'S FUNNY, RIGHT? IF IT'S FUNNY, I LAUGH. 670 00:25:17,283 --> 00:25:19,251 YOU ARE ACTUALLY FUCKING FUNNY. 671 00:25:19,285 --> 00:25:21,721 - AM I ACTUALLY FUCKING FUNNY? - YEAH. 672 00:25:21,754 --> 00:25:23,623 - FUCK YOU, HASHTAG! all: OH! 673 00:25:23,656 --> 00:25:25,257 - WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, WOMAN? 674 00:25:25,291 --> 00:25:26,859 - YOU THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH CALLING ME A BITCH? 675 00:25:26,893 --> 00:25:27,994 - I DIDN'T CALL YOU A BITCH. 676 00:25:28,027 --> 00:25:29,662 I HAVE RESPECT FOR ALL WOMANKIND. 677 00:25:29,696 --> 00:25:31,598 I SIMPLY SAID, "I DON'T TAKE PITCHES FROM BITCHES. 678 00:25:31,631 --> 00:25:32,999 Y'ALL USE TOO MANY WORDS." THAT'S IT. 679 00:25:33,032 --> 00:25:34,801 - OH. OH, OKAY. THAT'S A LOT BETTER. 680 00:25:34,834 --> 00:25:37,269 YOU TELL HIM HE CAN'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT. REPRESENT! 681 00:25:37,303 --> 00:25:39,606 - ACTUALLY, I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING HE SAYS. 682 00:25:39,639 --> 00:25:42,108 MY OWN WIFE, MARCY, WHEN SHE TALKS AT ME, 683 00:25:42,141 --> 00:25:44,811 THE SHEER VOLUME OF WORDS-- IT MAKES MY EARS BLEED. 684 00:25:44,844 --> 00:25:46,746 - OH, THIS BALD MOTHERFUCKER KNOWS OF WHICH HE SPEAKS. 685 00:25:46,779 --> 00:25:48,280 - THAT'S RIGHT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 686 00:25:48,314 --> 00:25:50,216 ALL RIGHT. OH, ONE OF THOSE TOO. I LIKE THAT ONE. 687 00:25:50,249 --> 00:25:51,250 - EXCUSE ME. - WHAT? 688 00:25:51,283 --> 00:25:52,785 - YOU'RE FUCKING FIRED! 689 00:25:52,819 --> 00:25:54,887 - AND YOU'RE FUCKING BATSHIT CRAZY, GOLDIE. 690 00:25:54,921 --> 00:25:56,623 - [growls] all: OH! 691 00:25:56,656 --> 00:25:58,725 - OH, HEY! BE NICE TO MY AGENT. 692 00:25:58,758 --> 00:26:01,227 - YO, RATH, WHERE THE FUCK YOU FIND THESE WRITERS, MAN? 693 00:26:01,260 --> 00:26:03,029 YOU JUST PULL OUTSIDE OF A HOME DEPOT AND SAY, 694 00:26:03,062 --> 00:26:05,231 "HOP THE FUCK IN"? 695 00:26:05,264 --> 00:26:07,934 THESE ARE SOME SERIOUSLY TWEAKED MOTHERFUCKERS. 696 00:26:07,967 --> 00:26:10,903 all: OH! - [coughing and retching] 697 00:26:10,937 --> 00:26:13,773 - SHIT, SHIT. - GOLDIE. 698 00:26:17,677 --> 00:26:19,646 - [groans] 699 00:26:23,149 --> 00:26:25,785 - RIDDLE ME THIS, RUNKS. 700 00:26:25,818 --> 00:26:26,986 HOW CAN I BE IN THE DOGHOUSE 701 00:26:27,019 --> 00:26:29,055 WITH A WOMAN I'M NOT EVEN DATING, 702 00:26:29,088 --> 00:26:32,224 AND WHY DO I CARE SO FUCKING MUCH? 703 00:26:35,294 --> 00:26:37,196 - DO YOU THINK YOU STILL HAVE A JOB? 704 00:26:37,229 --> 00:26:39,131 - I DON'T KNOW. 705 00:26:39,165 --> 00:26:41,133 - YOU THINK GOLDIE STILL HAS A JOB? 706 00:26:41,167 --> 00:26:44,971 - MY GUESS WOULD BE "FUCK, NO." 707 00:26:45,004 --> 00:26:49,208 WHAT'S WRONG, PICKLE LIPS? - [crying] I'M BROKE, HANK. 708 00:26:49,241 --> 00:26:50,943 - YOU MEAN LIKE BROKE BROKE? 709 00:26:50,977 --> 00:26:53,946 - LIKE TOTALLY AND UTTERLY BROKE. 710 00:26:53,980 --> 00:26:56,783 LIKE "I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M GONNA PAY THE RENT NEXT MONTH" BROKE. 711 00:26:56,816 --> 00:27:01,253 LIKE--LIKE--LIKE THE KIND OF BROKE THAT FORCES A MAN 712 00:27:01,287 --> 00:27:04,156 TO DO SOMETHING DESPERATE. 713 00:27:04,190 --> 00:27:06,058 - I'M NOT GONNA GIVE YOU 20%, CHARLIE. 714 00:27:06,092 --> 00:27:08,360 MY NEXT PAYCHECK HAS TO GO TO SUPPORTING 715 00:27:08,394 --> 00:27:10,062 MY SON'S NEW HOOKER HABIT. 716 00:27:10,096 --> 00:27:13,199 - [sobbing] 717 00:27:15,001 --> 00:27:16,736 WE'RE SO FUCKING FUCKED. 718 00:27:16,769 --> 00:27:19,438 - YES, WE ARE FUCKING FUCKED, BUT WE'VE BEEN FUCKED BEFORE... 719 00:27:19,471 --> 00:27:21,240 [engine turning] 720 00:27:21,273 --> 00:27:24,243 IN THE ASS, LEGS PINNED BEHIND OUR EARS, 721 00:27:24,276 --> 00:27:25,712 NOT A DROP OF LUBE. 722 00:27:25,745 --> 00:27:28,214 BUT WE ALWAYS COME OUT SMILING. YOU KNOW WHY? 723 00:27:28,247 --> 00:27:31,283 'CAUSE THAT'S JUST THE KIND OF HAPPY-GO-LUCKY SLUTS WE ARE, 724 00:27:31,317 --> 00:27:32,318 MY MAN. 725 00:27:32,351 --> 00:27:35,722 - * THESE ARE THE DAYS OF MIRACLE AND WONDER * 726 00:27:35,755 --> 00:27:38,725 * THIS IS THE LONG-DISTANCE CALL * 727 00:27:38,758 --> 00:27:42,294 * THE WAY THE CAMERA FOLLOWS US IN SLOW-MO * 728 00:27:42,328 --> 00:27:45,732 * THE WAY WE LOOK TO US ALL 729 00:27:45,765 --> 00:27:48,735 * THE WAY WE LOOK TO A DISTANT CONSTELLATION * 730 00:27:48,768 --> 00:27:52,772 * THAT'S DYING IN A CORNER OF THE SKY * 731 00:27:52,805 --> 00:27:55,742 * THESE ARE THE DAYS OF MIRACLE AND WONDER * 732 00:27:55,775 --> 00:27:58,010 * DON'T CRY, BABY, DON'T CRY 733 00:27:58,044 --> 00:28:00,713 * DON'T CRY, DON'T CRY 734 00:28:00,747 --> 00:28:08,687 *