1 00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:09,510 - PREVIOUSLY ON CALIFORNICATION... 2 00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:10,278 - [groans] 3 00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:11,279 - NOTHING? - UH-UH. 4 00:00:11,312 --> 00:00:13,581 - NOPE. NOT A TWITCH. 5 00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:16,117 I EVEN TOSSED HIS SALAD FOR A SECOND OR THREE. 6 00:00:16,150 --> 00:00:17,785 - ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN ACTUALLY HANDLE THE JOB? 7 00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:20,621 CAN YOU SHOW UP ON TIME, PLAY NICE WITH OTHERS? 8 00:00:20,654 --> 00:00:23,191 CAN YOU WORK WITH ACTORS WITHOUT FUCKING THEM OR PUNCHING THEM? 9 00:00:23,224 --> 00:00:25,159 - OH, SO YOU HAVE READ MY WORK? 10 00:00:25,193 --> 00:00:27,428 - WHAT? WHAT? WHAT IS IT NOW? 11 00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:29,397 I MEAN, NOTHING WOULD SURPRISE ME AT THIS POINT. 12 00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:30,798 - HE'S REALLY MY KID? 13 00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:33,734 I MEAN, I--ALL I HAVE IS HIS WORD TO GO ON, AND-- 14 00:00:33,767 --> 00:00:35,536 AND NO OFFENSE, BUT HE DOESN'T PRESENT 15 00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:37,405 AS THE MOST TRUSTWORTHY SOURCE. 16 00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:38,839 - I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE. 17 00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:40,808 - HE'S GOT ALL THESE CRAZY EXPECTATIONS 18 00:00:40,841 --> 00:00:42,676 OF YOU GUYS MAKING UP FOR LOST TIME. 19 00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:44,278 I DON'T HAVE THE HEART TO TELL HIM 20 00:00:44,312 --> 00:00:45,579 THAT YOU'RE NOT THAT KIND OF GUY. 21 00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:47,081 - WHA-- OH, IS THIS YOUR KID? 22 00:00:47,115 --> 00:00:49,117 - APPARENTLY. - DOES HE WANT A JOB? 23 00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:51,719 BECAUSE I JUST PROMOTED THE P.A. TO WRITER'S ASSISTANT. 24 00:00:51,752 --> 00:00:55,523 - BABY, THERE'S SOMEONE YOU GOT TO MEET. 25 00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:04,265 HOW CAN I MAKE THIS BETTER? - YOU CAN'T. 26 00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:07,768 - WELL, THAT'S A VERY DEFEATIST ATTITUDE, KAREN. 27 00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:09,570 - HANK... 28 00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:11,505 YOU HAVE ANOTHER FAMILY. 29 00:01:11,539 --> 00:01:13,241 - "FAMILY" IS A STRONG WORD. 30 00:01:13,274 --> 00:01:17,311 - HOWEVER DYSFUNCTIONAL, WE'VE ALWAYS BEEN A FAMILY. 31 00:01:17,345 --> 00:01:19,313 NOW THERE'S ANOTHER ONE. 32 00:01:19,347 --> 00:01:22,416 THERE'S ANOTHER BABY MAMA. THERE'S ANOTHER KID. 33 00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:25,753 DO YOU REALIZE HOW FUCKING DEVASTATING THAT IS? 34 00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:27,688 DO YOU REALIZE THAT THE BOTTOM 35 00:01:27,721 --> 00:01:30,824 HAS JUST OFFICIALLY DROPPED OUT OF OUR RELATIONSHIP? 36 00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:32,726 - OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. I-I GET IT. I GET IT. 37 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,328 BUT I THINK ONCE YOU GET OVER 38 00:01:34,362 --> 00:01:36,264 THAT FIRST INITIAL JOLT OF ANGER, 39 00:01:36,297 --> 00:01:37,598 YOU'RE GONNA SEE THAT--THAT-- 40 00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:39,600 - ANGRY? I'M NOT ANGRY. 41 00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:42,136 - NO? YOU'RE NOT? - NO! WHY WOULD I BE ANGRY? 42 00:01:42,170 --> 00:01:44,405 - YOU SEEM KIND OF ANGRY. - NO. NO, NO, NO. 43 00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:46,274 I'M NOT EVEN ENTITLED TO ANGER, 44 00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:50,211 BECAUSE--BECAUSE YOU IMPREGNATED HER BEFORE YOU EVEN MET ME. 45 00:01:50,244 --> 00:01:51,845 - THAT'S TRUE. THAT'S VERY TRUE. 46 00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:53,481 AND I'M ACTU--I'M GLAD THAT YOU SEE IT THAT WAY. 47 00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:54,748 AND I THINK YOU'RE ACTUALLY BEING 48 00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:56,484 HUGELY PROGRESSIVE ABOUT THE WHOLE THING. 49 00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:58,486 - AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT TEN TIMES WORSE. 50 00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:01,455 SHE WAS THERE FIRST. 51 00:02:01,489 --> 00:02:03,924 SHE IS BABY MAMA NUMBER ONE. 52 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:06,727 [voice breaking] I AM BABY MAMA NUMBER TWO. 53 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:07,861 - OKAY. 54 00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:10,564 - AND SHE'S A RIDICULOUS FUCKING MILF, 55 00:02:10,598 --> 00:02:12,633 WHICH MAKES IT EVEN "WORSER." 56 00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:14,735 - I-I KNOW THAT I HAVE A KNACK FOR THIS SHIT, KAREN. 57 00:02:14,768 --> 00:02:17,238 - OH, YOU HAVE A KNACK, ALL RIGHT. 58 00:02:17,271 --> 00:02:18,906 IT'S A MINOR MIRACLE 59 00:02:18,939 --> 00:02:20,774 THAT MORE KIDS DIDN'T COME LOOKING FOR YOU. 60 00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:22,876 - OH, HEY, THAT'S NOT VERY NICE. 61 00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:24,712 YOU KNOW I'VE ALWAYS BEEN VERY RESPONSIBLE 62 00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:26,514 WHEN IT COMES TO THE CONTROLLING OF BIRTH. 63 00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:28,216 AND IN THE PAST, IF A WOMAN WAS KIND ENOUGH 64 00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:29,850 TO SHARE HER PRIVATES WITH ME AND ASKED ME 65 00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:32,786 TO SLAP ON A PROPHYLACTIC, I WOULD DO THAT WITH A SMILE. 66 00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,688 YOU KNOW, BUT SOMETIMES THE DOGWATER 67 00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:36,424 CAN SEEP IN THERE AND CAUSE TROUBLE. 68 00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:37,625 - OH, YEAH, I KNOW THE TROUBLE. 69 00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:39,227 I KNOW THE TROUBLE. 70 00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:40,928 DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO START THINKING ABOUT? 71 00:02:40,961 --> 00:02:41,862 - HMM? 72 00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:43,797 - IS HOW YOU ARE GONNA TELL YOUR DAUGHTER 73 00:02:43,831 --> 00:02:45,766 THAT SHE HAS A BROTHER THAT SHE NEVER EVEN KNEW ABOUT! 74 00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:47,901 - IT'S A HALF-BROTHER, KAREN. HALF. 75 00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:49,837 IT'S LIKE HAVING A LONG-LOST COUSIN. 76 00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:51,439 IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL, REALLY. 77 00:02:51,472 --> 00:02:52,706 - IT'S NOTHING LIKE THAT! - OKAY. 78 00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:54,975 I GOT TO GO TO WORK ANYWAY. 79 00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,410 SO, UM... 80 00:02:56,444 --> 00:02:59,413 IT WAS GOOD TALKING TO YOU! 81 00:02:59,447 --> 00:03:01,349 HAVE A NICE DAY! 82 00:03:01,382 --> 00:03:04,352 [upbeat music] 83 00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:12,493 * 84 00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:54,635 [knocking on door] 85 00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:55,936 WHAT THE FUCK, DUDE? 86 00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:57,805 WHAT HAPPENED TO MEETING ME OUT ON THE CURB? 87 00:03:57,838 --> 00:04:00,474 - SORRY. I GUESS I OVERSLEPT. I WAS UP ALL NIGHT PLAYING XBOX. 88 00:04:00,508 --> 00:04:01,675 - WHY? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT 89 00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:03,677 WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'RE STARTING A NEW JOB IN THE MORNING? 90 00:04:03,711 --> 00:04:05,479 - 'CAUSE THAT'S HOW I DEAL WITH MY ANXIETY-- 91 00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:07,281 XBOX...AND WEED. DO YOU SMOKE WEED? 92 00:04:07,315 --> 00:04:08,949 GOD, THERE'S SO MUCH I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU. 93 00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:12,386 ANYWAY, I-I'M PRETTY NERVOUS ABOUT THIS NEW GIG. 94 00:04:12,420 --> 00:04:14,822 - YEAH, WELL, NOW YOU'RE GONNA BE PRETTY LATE FOR THIS NEW GIG. 95 00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:16,023 - I GUESS I THOUGHT SHOW BUSINESS 96 00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:17,458 STARTED LATER THAN THE REAL WORLD. 97 00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:18,826 - IT DOES. IT'S 11:00 A.M. 98 00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:20,628 IS THAT LATE ENOUGH FOR YOU? 99 00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:22,496 - SHIT. O-O-OKAY, I-I'M GONNA GO GET DRESSED. 100 00:04:22,530 --> 00:04:23,631 I'M SORRY. - IT'S A GOOD PLAN. 101 00:04:23,664 --> 00:04:25,633 NOW HUSTLE! COME ON, MOVE IT! 102 00:04:25,666 --> 00:04:28,001 - OKAY! - GO, GO, GO, GO, GO. 103 00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:29,703 - YOU KNOW WHAT? I-I DON'T KNOW IF I'M OKAY 104 00:04:29,737 --> 00:04:30,838 WITH YOU COMING DOWN ON ME SO HARD. 105 00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:32,306 WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT, HUH? 106 00:04:32,340 --> 00:04:33,941 WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN THE LAST 20 YEARS OR SO? 107 00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:37,010 - OH, I DON'T KNOW, I'VE BEEN BUSY NOT KNOWING ABOUT YOU. 108 00:04:37,044 --> 00:04:37,811 - STILL. 109 00:04:37,845 --> 00:04:39,647 - YOU MIND IF I USE THE FACILITIES? 110 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,882 - I DON'T CARE. 111 00:04:41,915 --> 00:04:44,051 - [mockingly] "I DON'T CARE." 112 00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:47,521 - HANK, WHAT THE FUCK? - AY! APOLOGIES. 113 00:04:47,555 --> 00:04:49,390 - JESUS! - NO NEED TO TAKE NAMES IN VAIN. 114 00:04:49,423 --> 00:04:50,824 WE'RE ALL ADULTS HERE, 115 00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:52,860 AND WE HAPPEN TO BE ADULTS WHO HAVE SEEN EACH OTHER NAKED. 116 00:04:52,893 --> 00:04:54,895 - 20 YEARS AGO. - HEY, I REMEMBER THAT MOLE. 117 00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:56,764 - COULD WE NOT HAVE THIS CONVERSATION WHILE I'M PEEING? 118 00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:58,699 - DO WE HAVE TO? - [sighs] 119 00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:00,668 - OKAY, I'M JUST KIDDING AND BACKING AWAY SLOWLY... 120 00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:03,937 VERY, VERY SLOWLY. - GET OUT! 121 00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:08,709 - YEAH, COULD YOU MAYBE NOT HIT ON MY MOM IN FRONT OF ME? 122 00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:09,943 IT MAKES ME FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE. 123 00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:11,612 - I WASN'T HITTING ON HER. 124 00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,347 I WAS ENGAGING A LITTLE FLIRTATIOUS BANTER. 125 00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:14,515 THERE'S A BIG DIFFERENCE. 126 00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:15,883 - WHATEVER, OKAY? I HAVE ISSUES. 127 00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:17,418 THE ONLY KIDS WHO EVER WANTED TO HANG OUT WITH ME 128 00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:18,752 WANTED TO FUCK MY MOM. 129 00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:20,454 THEY'D BE ASKING FOR HUGS ALL THE TIME, 130 00:05:20,488 --> 00:05:21,589 KNUCKLE-BRUSHING HER ASS. 131 00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:22,756 FUCKING CONFUSING TIMES, MAN. 132 00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:24,692 [toilet flushing] 133 00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:26,427 - [sighs] 134 00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:29,096 WHAT? - NOTHING. 135 00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:30,831 - DO I LOOK PIMP? 136 00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:33,000 - YOU'RE PIMP. [laughs] 137 00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:35,636 - MOM, COME ON, CUT IT OUT. - OKAY. 138 00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,004 OKAY, BE NICE, WORK HARD, 139 00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:38,839 MIND YOUR MANNERS, AND DON'T BE WEIRD, OKAY? 140 00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:40,441 - I WON'T. - PROMISE? 141 00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:41,609 - PROMISE. - I LOVE YOU. 142 00:05:41,642 --> 00:05:42,776 - I LOVE YOU TOO. 143 00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:45,813 - WHERE'S MY HUG? - ASSHOLE. 144 00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:50,451 - CAN YOU WAIT IN THE CAR FOR A MINUTE? 145 00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:51,985 - NO FUNNY STUFF. 146 00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:54,822 - YOU LOOK CUTE. 147 00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:56,490 - HMM. - HOW'S KAREN? 148 00:05:56,524 --> 00:05:57,891 - OH, SHE'S BEEN BUSY 149 00:05:57,925 --> 00:06:00,728 HATING ON ME AND WHATNOT, MAKING VOODOO DOLLS. 150 00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:02,162 OH! THERE SHE GOES AGAIN. 151 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:05,566 AHH, AND IN THE BACK TOO. SHE'S GETTING BUSY. 152 00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:08,135 - DO YOU WANT ME TO TALK TO HER? - UH, THAT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA. 153 00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:10,871 YOU'RE ALREADY A LITTLE TOO MILF-Y FOR HER TASTE. 154 00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:12,072 - REALLY? WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT? 155 00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:13,841 - BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. 156 00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:16,143 - WOW, THAT IS SO NICE OF HER. 157 00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:17,878 SHE IS SO BEAUTIFUL. 158 00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:21,549 - YEAH, ME AND MY BEAUTIFUL BABY MAMAS--LUCKY ME. 159 00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:23,016 - KEEP AN EYE ON HIM, OKAY? 160 00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:25,152 BECAUSE HE CAN GET A LITTLE WEIRD IN SOCIAL SITUATIONS. 161 00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:27,755 - REALLY? I HADN'T NOTICED THAT. 162 00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:29,089 WHAT DO YOU MEAN "WEIRD"? 163 00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:32,993 HE'S NOT GONNA YANK OUT HIS DICK, IS HE? 164 00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:36,630 - I DON'T THINK SO. - YOU DON'T THINK SO? 165 00:06:36,664 --> 00:06:38,165 - LOOK, MAYBE HE WENT THROUGH A PHASE 166 00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:39,900 WHERE HE LIKED TO EXPOSE HIMSELF TO GIRLS. 167 00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:41,569 - "MAYBE"? - AND IF HE DID, 168 00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:43,070 IT WAS TOTALLY NORMAL AND A DEVELOPMENTALLY APPROPRIATE WAY 169 00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:44,705 FOR HIM TO EXPRESS HIS SEXUALITY. 170 00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,907 - WELL... - AND IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO. 171 00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:48,642 WE GOT THROUGH IT. 172 00:06:48,676 --> 00:06:50,811 - HMM. 173 00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:04,592 - ALL RIGHT, KIDS, LET'S MAKE SOME FUCKING TELEVISION. 174 00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:06,660 - YES. 175 00:07:06,694 --> 00:07:09,196 - HUGH, MY BOY, YOU'RE UP. YOU'RE WRITING EPISODE THREE. 176 00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:11,732 - AWESOME! APPRECIATE THE VOTE OF CONFIDENCE, BOSS. 177 00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:13,934 - YEAH, YEAH. LET'S HEAR IT. 178 00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:16,870 - OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. 179 00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:19,473 FADE IN...WE OPEN ON THE SANTA MONICA STRAND. 180 00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:21,141 CAMERA FINDS DANKO JONES. 181 00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:22,843 HE'S ROLLERBLADING DOWN THE STREET. 182 00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:25,012 - ROLLERBLAD--WHY THE FUCK IS HE ROLLERBLADING? 183 00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:27,615 WHY IS THE INCREDIBLY COOL, AGGRESSIVELY MALE 184 00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:28,816 STAR OF OUR SHOW ROLLERBLADING? 185 00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:30,551 - BECAUSE HE WANTS TO MEET WOMEN. 186 00:07:30,584 --> 00:07:31,819 WORKS LIKE A CHARM. TRUST. 187 00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:33,153 ANYWAY, STAY WITH ME. 188 00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:35,589 DANKO MEETS THIS BEAUTIFUL GIRL ON THE STRAND. 189 00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:36,824 SHE IS BANGIN'. 190 00:07:36,857 --> 00:07:39,727 THINK RIHANNA MEETS... 191 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,128 SOMEONE EVEN HOTTER THAN RIHANNA. 192 00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:44,231 DANKO TAKES HER HOME AND BANGS THE SHIT OUT OF HER, 193 00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:45,966 'CAUSE THAT'S JUST THE KIND OF GUY OUR DANKO IS. 194 00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:47,234 - [laughs] YEAH. 195 00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:49,703 - NEXT MORNING, HE WAKES UP, SHE'S GONE. 196 00:07:49,737 --> 00:07:52,072 HE HEADS OFF TO WORK. GUESS WHO THE NEW CAPTAIN IS. 197 00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:54,808 ROLLER GIRL. BOOM! 198 00:07:54,842 --> 00:07:57,010 DEAL WITH THAT, DANKO. 199 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:01,949 - HANK, YOU'RE WRITING EPISODE THREE. 200 00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,283 - I'LL WRITE IT. 201 00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:05,052 - HANK, YOU'RE WRITING EPISODE THREE. 202 00:08:05,085 --> 00:08:08,656 - I DO HAVE 15 YEARS OF PROCEDURAL EXPERIENCE... 203 00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:11,792 VERSUS THE RAPIST, WHO HAS NONE. 204 00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,761 - HANK, EPISODE THREE. - GROOVY. 205 00:08:13,794 --> 00:08:15,896 - WHAT DO YOU GOT? - WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 206 00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:18,131 - STORY IDEAS-- LET'S GO. 207 00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:22,603 - OH, I-I'M NOT A-A BIG FAN OF OUTLINING, PER SE. 208 00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:25,105 I LIKE TO DO A FAIR AMOUNT OF EXPLORING ON THE PAGE. 209 00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:26,740 - WELL, THAT'S GOOD TO KNOW. 210 00:08:26,774 --> 00:08:28,108 SAVE IT FOR YOUR NOVEL, ALL RIGHT? 211 00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:30,210 WRITING A GOOD EPISODE OF TELEVISION 212 00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:32,079 MEANS KNOWING EVERY SINGLE LITTLE FUCKING THING 213 00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:33,647 BEFORE YOU PUT PEN TO PAPER. 214 00:08:33,681 --> 00:08:36,116 THIS WAY, THE WORK IS DONE BEFORE YOU EVEN BEGIN. 215 00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:37,918 - WELL, WHAT ABOUT A BAD EPISODE OF TELEVISION? 216 00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:40,153 - SAME THING. 217 00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:42,155 COME ON, MAN, PITCH ME SOMETHING! 218 00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:43,624 THIS ISN'T A FUCKING INTERNSHIP. 219 00:08:43,657 --> 00:08:47,027 - OKAY, ALL RIGHT. OKAY. 220 00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:50,163 UM... 221 00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:52,633 THERE'S A--THERE'S A-- THERE'S-- 222 00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:55,803 THERE'S A SERIAL RAPIST RUN AMOK IN SANTA MONICA. 223 00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:57,304 - GOOD. - HERE WE GO. 224 00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:59,707 - DON'T WORRY. I'LL MAKE SURE HE GETS HIS COMEUPPANCE. 225 00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:03,143 AND--AND HE'S TARGETING HOT FEMALE ROLLERBLADERS, RIGHT? 226 00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:05,345 AND--AND DANKO JONES, AGAINST HIS WILL, 227 00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,915 HAS TO LACE UP AND-- AND HIT THE STRAND. 228 00:09:07,948 --> 00:09:09,149 - GOOD. I LIKE IT. 229 00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:10,618 THIS IS FUN. THIS IS FUNNY. 230 00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:12,052 IT'S A FISH OUT OF WATER. 231 00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:13,754 YOU GOT THE COOL BLACK GUY 232 00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:15,656 DOING THE STUPID WHITE-GUY THING. 233 00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:17,057 THIS IS HOW WE TELL STORIES. 234 00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:19,059 RIFF ON IT A LITTLE BIT. 235 00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:20,761 WHAT DO YOU GOT FOR A "B" STORY? 236 00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:23,230 - UH... 237 00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:24,364 YEAH... 238 00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:26,166 WHAT IF THIS DOESN'T NEED A "B" STORY? 239 00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:28,669 WHAT IF THIS IS JUST A VERY SPECIAL EPISODE 240 00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:30,070 OF PRIMETIME-- OH, HEY, LUNCH. 241 00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:32,072 - OH, MY GOD. - AH! 242 00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:33,674 - WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG? 243 00:09:33,707 --> 00:09:36,677 KID, YOU GOT TO PRETEND LIKE I'M HYPOGLYCEMIC. 244 00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:37,845 - MMM! 245 00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:47,054 - WHAT PART OF "CHOPPED AND TOSSED, 246 00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,623 EXTRA DRESSING ON THE SIDE, NO ONIONS" 247 00:09:49,657 --> 00:09:51,358 DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? 248 00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:54,394 CHOPPED AND TOSSED! EXTRA DRESSING ON THE SIDE! 249 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,396 NO ONIONS! 250 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,866 MOTHERFUCKER! 251 00:09:58,899 --> 00:10:01,201 - [sighs] - WAY TO GO, LEVON. 252 00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:03,370 - YOU SHOULD GO GET SOME CUPCAKES. 253 00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:05,338 IT'LL CHEER HIM UP. 254 00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:07,307 I THINK HE PREFERS SPRINKLES TO CRUMBS, 255 00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:08,942 FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH. - CUPCAKES. 256 00:10:08,976 --> 00:10:10,010 - MMM. 257 00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:12,846 - NOBODY WANTS CUPCAKES, HUGH. 258 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:14,281 - YES! 259 00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:16,316 THEY HAVE PEANUT BUTTER MOCHA FUDGE TODAY. 260 00:10:20,888 --> 00:10:22,790 - YOU OKAY? 261 00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:24,124 - FUCK, NO. 262 00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:26,326 I JUST GOT MY ASSHOLE TORN APART IN THERE. 263 00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:29,129 - YEAH, JUST DUST YOURSELF OFF, GET BACK IN THERE. 264 00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:30,297 THAT'S ALL YOU CAN DO. 265 00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:31,999 - WHY DIDN'T YOU STICK UP FOR ME? 266 00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:33,834 - 'CAUSE YOU FUCKED UP. 267 00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:36,069 YOU KNOW, THOSE PEOPLE TAKE THEIR LUNCHES VERY SERIOUSLY. 268 00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:38,038 I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT, ACTUALLY. 269 00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:41,341 - CAN I GET A CIGARETTE? - MM-MM. 270 00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:44,978 - THAT SHIT WAS REALLY FUCKING UNCALLED FOR--YOU KNOW IT. 271 00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:47,748 - DID HE HIT YOU? DID HE FIRE YOU? 272 00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:50,317 DID HE STICK HIS FINGER UP YOUR ASS AND MAKE YOU SMELL IT? 273 00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:52,152 - NO, I DON'T THINK SO. - NO. 274 00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:53,787 [laughs] I THINK YOU'D KNOW. 275 00:10:53,821 --> 00:10:55,322 - [laughs] - HE DIDN'T. 276 00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:57,457 SO JUST, YOU KNOW, DO BETTER TOMORROW. 277 00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,459 MY WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN ABOUT DOING BETTER TOMORROW. 278 00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:02,295 IT'S A SOUND PHILOSOPHY. - I JUST DON'T KNOW, MAN. 279 00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:05,198 THIS SHOW-BUSINESS STUFF IS REALLY HIGH STAKES. 280 00:11:05,232 --> 00:11:07,901 - OH, YEAH. YEAH, THE BUSINESS OF CHOPPED SALADS 281 00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:09,402 IS SOME CUTTHROAT SHIT, ISN'T IT? 282 00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:11,772 YOU THINK THAT'S BAD? YOU SAY YOU WANT TO BE AN ACTOR? 283 00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:14,007 YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH REJECTION YOU'RE GONNA FACE 284 00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,308 ON A DAILY BASIS, 285 00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,911 ESPECIALLY LOOKING THE WAY YOU DO? 286 00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:21,348 WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING ADORABLE. 287 00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:25,318 - CAN I GET YOUR ADVICE ON SOMETHING? 288 00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:27,487 - IF YOU MUST. 289 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:31,925 - I-I REALLY WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH RATH'S ASSISTANT. 290 00:11:31,959 --> 00:11:34,895 NOT--NOT TODAY, IN THE FUTURE, THE NOT-TOO-DISTANT FUTURE. 291 00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:36,429 LIKE, SOON. 292 00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:38,932 - AH, IT'S GOOD TO HAVE DREAMS. GOOD TO SHOOT FOR THE MOON. 293 00:11:38,966 --> 00:11:40,300 - YEAH, BUT HOW DO I GET THERE, YOU KNOW? 294 00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:41,234 - MM-HMM. 295 00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:43,203 - DO I COME ON REALLY STRONG, YOU KNOW? 296 00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:44,872 - NOPE. MM-MM. - OR DO I PLAY IT COOL? 297 00:11:44,905 --> 00:11:46,406 - YES, IT'S BEST TO PLAY IT COOL. 298 00:11:46,439 --> 00:11:50,010 LIKE--LIKE, ALMOST DON'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING TO HER, EVER. 299 00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,012 LIKE--LIKE, ALMOST IGNORE HER COMPLETELY. 300 00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:53,814 LET HER COME TO YOU. 301 00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:55,949 - I'M--I'M NOT SURE I SEE HOW THAT--THAT'S GONNA-- 302 00:11:55,983 --> 00:11:58,085 - SHH. TRUST. 303 00:11:58,118 --> 00:11:59,386 - HEY, SORRY I BLEW UP AT YOU, KID. 304 00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:01,154 RITE OF PASSAGE. - NO PROBLEM. 305 00:12:01,188 --> 00:12:02,790 - JUST GET IT RIGHT NEXT TIME. - OKAY. 306 00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:05,092 - WHEN IN DOUBT, YOU JUST FOLLOW THE FUCKING DIRECTIONS. 307 00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:07,394 - OKAY. - LIKE WITH ACTORS-- 308 00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:09,429 WHEN IN DOUBT, JUST SAY THE FUCKING LINES. 309 00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:11,198 SAME THING APPLIES TO WRITERS, RIGHT? 310 00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,366 WHEN IN DOUBT, JUST FOLLOW THE FUCKING NOTE. 311 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,968 - YOU'RE GETTING A REAL MASTER CLASS HERE TODAY. 312 00:12:15,002 --> 00:12:17,237 - SPEAKING OF ACTORS, YOU WANT TO JOIN ME IN CASTING? 313 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:19,439 WE'RE AUDITIONING CRACK WHORES. - OH, YEAH! 314 00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:21,508 - HEY, THAT SOUNDS COOL. CAN I COME WATCH? 315 00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:24,077 - NO, BUT YOU CAN GET ME AN ICED HALF-CAF, 316 00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:27,114 ONE PUMP SUGAR-FREE CARAMEL, TWO PUMPS SUGAR-FREE VANILLA, 317 00:12:27,147 --> 00:12:29,016 NONFAT CARAMEL MACCHIATO. 318 00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:30,818 GOT THAT? 319 00:12:30,851 --> 00:12:32,385 - SURE. 320 00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:34,888 UM, WHAT-- WHAT WAS AFTER "ICED"? 321 00:12:34,922 --> 00:12:37,858 - [mouthing words] 322 00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:40,227 - UH, YOU KNOW WHAT? I'LL JUST GO ASK YOUR ASSISTANT. 323 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:43,296 - THERE YOU GO. NOW YOU'RE THINKING, KID. 324 00:12:43,330 --> 00:12:46,299 ALL RIGHT. [laughs] 325 00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:52,272 - DANKO, I KNOW YOU'RE TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING, 326 00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:54,875 BUT I LOVE THE ROCK. 327 00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:59,379 THE ROCK IS MY FRIEND, MY LOVER, MY "CONFIDANTAY." 328 00:12:59,412 --> 00:13:02,249 SO I KNOW YOU THINK YOU HAVE MAGIC 329 00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:05,886 THERE BETWEEN YOUR LEGS, BUT WHEN I PUT MY DICK-- 330 00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:10,090 MY LI--BUT PUTTING MY LIPS ON THAT GLASS DICK, 331 00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,392 THAT'S THE SHIT. 332 00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:16,529 THAT'S ALL THE DICK THIS GIRL'S GONNA NEED. 333 00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:21,168 SCENE. - VERY GOOD. 334 00:13:21,201 --> 00:13:22,435 I LIKE THE IMPROV, THE "GLASS DICK" STUFF. 335 00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:24,037 - MM, YEAH. - YEAH, THANK YOU. 336 00:13:24,071 --> 00:13:25,438 - VERY CREATIVE. - THANKS. 337 00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:28,508 I JUST--IT JUST CAME ON ME-- CAME TO ME. IT CAME-- 338 00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:31,879 - I'M GONNA LET YOU IN ON A LITTLE SECRET. 339 00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:33,881 I THINK YOU'RE A LOT MORE TALENTED 340 00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:36,483 THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE. 341 00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:37,584 - THANK YOU. 342 00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:40,253 - THERE WAS A REAL MOMENT IN THERE. 343 00:13:40,287 --> 00:13:41,588 I SAW THE PRICE YOU PAID. 344 00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:43,590 - OH. THANK YOU. 345 00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:45,125 - NO, THANK YOU. 346 00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:47,360 AND COME BACK AND SEE US AGAIN, PLEASE. 347 00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:48,328 - OKAY. 348 00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:52,232 - [clapping lightly] 349 00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:53,633 WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING THAT? 350 00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:56,203 "THE--THE PRICE YOU PAID." WHAT DOES THAT EVEN-- 351 00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:59,372 - [laughs] FUCK IF I KNOW. 352 00:13:59,406 --> 00:14:02,209 A DIRECTOR I WORKED WITH USED IT ONCE. 353 00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:03,443 I THOUGHT IT SOUNDED GOOD, 354 00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:06,179 SO I INCORPORATED IT INTO MY PATTER. 355 00:14:06,213 --> 00:14:07,614 IT'S GOOD TO HAVE PATTER. 356 00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:10,918 [door opens] 357 00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:12,085 - HELLO. 358 00:14:12,119 --> 00:14:13,453 - I HAVE THE NETWORK FOR YOU TWO. 359 00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:15,188 THEY WANT TO MAKE AN OFFER TO EDDIE NERO. 360 00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:16,489 - OH. 361 00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:18,458 DON'T DO IT. YOU'LL REGRET IT. 362 00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:20,493 - WHY? - HE POOPS ON PEOPLE. 363 00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:21,594 - [laughs] 364 00:14:21,628 --> 00:14:23,496 - NAH, I'M NOT-- I'M NOT KIDDING. 365 00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:26,633 - YOU GOT TO POOP SOMEWHERE. 366 00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:30,137 - SO, ACTING, HUH? 367 00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:33,040 - I WANT THIS PART. - AH, BUT WHY? 368 00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:35,042 - BECAUSE IT'S THE KIND OF PART THAT GETS YOU NOTICED, 369 00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:36,944 AND I WANT TO BE NOTICED. 370 00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:38,311 - AS A CRACK WHORE? 371 00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:40,981 - I WANT THIS PART. 372 00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:42,349 - WELL, GOOD LUCK TO YOU. 373 00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,451 YOU KNOW, MAY THE BEST CRACK WHORE WIN. 374 00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:47,587 - I WILL TOTALLY FUCK YOU FOR THIS PART. 375 00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:51,024 - OH, THAT IS-- THAT IS TOTALLY SWEET, 376 00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:53,660 BUT I'M NOT REALLY WHAT YOU'D CALL A DECISION MAKER. 377 00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:56,663 - I WILL SUCK YOUR BIG BLACK DICK. 378 00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:59,399 - HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MY BIG BLACK DICK? 379 00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:01,701 OH! YOU WERE IN CHARACTER JUST THEN. 380 00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:03,503 THAT IS--THAT'S COOL. THAT-- 381 00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:07,140 YOU HAD A REAL MOMENT THERE. I-I SAW THE PRICE YOU PAID. 382 00:15:07,174 --> 00:15:08,441 - YOU WANT TO SEE MY TITTIES? 383 00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:11,278 - THAT'S-- IT'S NOT NECESSARY. 384 00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:13,013 WE'RE A NETWORK SHOW. WE DON'T DO... 385 00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:14,647 - WHOOPS. - TITTY. 386 00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:16,116 - WARDROBE MALFUNCTION. 387 00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:17,684 - YEAH. 388 00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:20,620 - YOU WANT TO TASTE MY JUICE? - OH, WELL, NO, THAT'S COOL. 389 00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:24,157 I HAD SOME FOR BREAKFAST ALREADY. 390 00:15:24,191 --> 00:15:25,993 - [gasps] OOH. 391 00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:28,095 - HELLO, FRISCO. 392 00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:31,098 [woman moaning] 393 00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:32,565 - OH! 394 00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:36,970 THIS IS NOT AS IT SEEMS. - FUCK YOU, HANK. 395 00:15:37,004 --> 00:15:39,539 I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU GET AWAY WITH THIS SHIT. 396 00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:42,409 THIS--RATH, RATH, RA-- - NO, NOT NOW, TERRY. 397 00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,544 I'M NOT IN THE MOOD FOR YOUR MILITANT BULLSHIT, OKAY? 398 00:15:44,577 --> 00:15:46,313 PLEASE, GO DO SOMETHING IN THE ROOM. 399 00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:48,748 MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL, OKAY? 400 00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:51,351 ARE WE READY TO DO SOME THESPING OR WHAT? 401 00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:53,253 WHAT'S THAT SMELL? 402 00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:58,291 MUST BE AMBITION. LET'S DO THIS. 403 00:15:58,325 --> 00:16:00,193 - WHAT'S THAT ON THE WALL? - COCK. 404 00:16:00,227 --> 00:16:02,262 [laughter] - AND WHAT COLOR IS IT? 405 00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:04,297 - BLACK. - IT'S BLACK. 406 00:16:04,331 --> 00:16:05,999 IT'S A BLACK CLOCK. 407 00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:08,268 - BIG BLACK COCK. 408 00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,470 [both laughing] 409 00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:13,373 - HOLY SHIT. THAT IS SO FUNNY. 410 00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:15,508 LITTLE KIDS ARE HILARIOUS. 411 00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:17,077 - I KNOW, RIGHT? [laughs] 412 00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:20,047 - OH, MY GOSH. - OKAY, NOW IT'S YOUR TURN. 413 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:21,781 - W-WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 414 00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:24,351 - I SHOWED YOU MINE. NOW YOU SHOW ME YOURS. 415 00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:26,519 - YEAH, BUT MY-- MY FAVORITE STUFF IS-- 416 00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:28,488 IS DEFINITELY NOT SAFE FOR THE WORKPLACE. 417 00:16:28,521 --> 00:16:30,657 - OH, PSHH, THAT'S OKAY. I MEAN, COME ON. 418 00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:33,460 THIS ISN'T, LIKE, YOUR TYPICAL WORKPLACE. 419 00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,631 - OKAY, I'LL SHOW YOU SOME SHIT. - OKAY. 420 00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:40,367 - AND I REALLY DON'T WANT TO FUCKING DEAL WITH THIS. 421 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,335 OKAY, OKAY. HANK! HANK, HANK. 422 00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:43,470 CAN I SEE YOU IN HERE A MINUTE, PLEASE? 423 00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:46,106 THANK YOU, TERRY. 424 00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:47,707 HAVE A SEAT. 425 00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:51,044 - DON'T MIND IF I DO. WHAT'S UP? 426 00:16:52,279 --> 00:16:53,646 - DID YOU FINGER THAT ACTRESS? 427 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:56,249 - OH, DEAR. 428 00:16:56,283 --> 00:16:57,617 NOT EXACTLY. 429 00:16:57,650 --> 00:17:00,120 - WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN, "NOT EXACTLY"? 430 00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:02,122 EITHER YOU FINGER SOMEONE, OR YOU DON'T. 431 00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:03,390 - WELL, TECHNICALLY, 432 00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:06,693 SHE FINGERED HERSELF... WITH MY FINGER. 433 00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:09,096 - THAT'S WHY IT SMELLED LIKE PUSSY IN THERE? 434 00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:11,731 - NO, THAT WAS AMBITION. 435 00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:13,800 - NOW I HAVE TO HIRE THAT CRAZY BITCH. 436 00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:15,268 - WHY? - WHY? 437 00:17:15,302 --> 00:17:16,736 BECAUSE IF I DON'T, 438 00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:18,538 SHE'S GONNA CLAIM THAT YOU DID SOMETHING INAPPROPRIATE 439 00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:20,107 WITH YOUR STINK FINGER. - OH. 440 00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:21,474 - AND WITH YOUR FUCKING RECORD, 441 00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:23,776 NO ONE'S EVER GONNA BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T. 442 00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:25,645 - I SEE. - WHAT? 443 00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:29,149 WHAT'S THE MATTER, HON? DID HE FINGER YOU TOO? 444 00:17:29,182 --> 00:17:30,683 WHAT DID YOU MAKE HER WATCH? 445 00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:32,785 - I-I DIDN'T MAKE HER WATCH ANYTHING. 446 00:17:32,819 --> 00:17:34,521 - WELL, SOMETHING FUCKING UPSET HER. 447 00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:35,822 - SHE WAS SHOWING ME 448 00:17:35,855 --> 00:17:37,857 SOME OF HER FAVORITE YOUTUBE VIDEOS, RIGHT? 449 00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:40,693 AND SHE ASKED ME TO SHOW HER SOMETHING THAT I LIKED. 450 00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:42,129 - AND? 451 00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:43,796 - IT--IT'S KIND OF DIRTY. 452 00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:46,133 - I'M A BIG BOY. I CAN HANDLE IT. 453 00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:48,568 - WELL, SPEAKING OF BIG BOYS. 454 00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:50,803 THIS HUGE, PRISON YARD-LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER 455 00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:53,506 IS HAVING ANAL SEX WITH THIS CUTE LITTLE PORNO CHICK, RIGHT? 456 00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:55,175 - HERE WE GO. - YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 457 00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:56,876 SO HE'S JUST BANGING AWAY AND BANGING AWAY, 458 00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,778 BUT THAT'S NOT THE COOL PART. - NO. 459 00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:00,447 - AT A KEY POINT IN THE VIDEO, 460 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,682 THE GUY PULLS HIS MONSTER COCK OUT OF HER BUTT, 461 00:18:02,715 --> 00:18:04,684 AND SHOVES HIS ENTIRE SCROTUS IN THERE. 462 00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:07,120 AND THIS THING IS RIDICULOUS. 463 00:18:07,154 --> 00:18:09,456 IT'S LITERALLY LIKE A GIANT GYM BAG FULL OF BASKETBALLS. 464 00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:11,158 SO THEN--BEST OF PART OF THE VIDEO-- 465 00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:13,360 HE PULLS IT OUT AGAIN AND YELLS, "BOO-YAH! 466 00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:14,727 BOO-YAH!" 467 00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:17,530 [laughs awkwardly, coughs, clears throat] 468 00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:19,799 IT--IT'S ACTUALLY R-REALLY FUNNY. 469 00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:21,501 - YEAH, NO, IT'S FUCKING HILARIOUS. 470 00:18:21,534 --> 00:18:23,603 DO YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IT IS? SEXUAL HARASSMENT. 471 00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:25,705 - WHAT? SHE ASKED FOR IT. 472 00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:28,541 - THIS IS A WORKPLACE, LEON. - LE--IT'S LEVON. 473 00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:29,742 - THAT'S WHAT I SAID. 474 00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:32,712 - IT--IT WASN'T EVEN SEXUAL, THOUGH. 475 00:18:32,745 --> 00:18:36,583 IT WAS COMEDIC. I MEAN, WAS I TURNED ON? 476 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,618 YES, BECAUSE SHE'S INCREDIBLY HOT. 477 00:18:38,651 --> 00:18:39,919 BUT WAS I TRYING TO FUCK HER? NO. 478 00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:42,189 - SHE SAID YOU STARTED TO GIVE HER A BACK RUB. 479 00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:45,725 - JESUS. - SHE SAID THAT? 480 00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:47,494 YOU--YOU TOLD ME TO PLAY IT COOL. 481 00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:48,828 - I DID, I DID. 482 00:18:48,861 --> 00:18:51,231 I TOLD HIM TO PLAY IT COOL. WELL PLAYED, SON. 483 00:18:51,264 --> 00:18:52,765 - THANKS, DAD. - WELL PLAYED. 484 00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:54,501 - THE AGENT'S ON THE PHONE. 485 00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:56,436 - W-WHO? WHICH ONE? 486 00:18:56,469 --> 00:19:00,240 - OH, THE ONE WHO REPRESENTS THE ACTRESS THAT HANK FINGERED. 487 00:19:00,273 --> 00:19:02,309 - HAPPY? 488 00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:04,544 - YOU FINGERED AN ACTRESS TODAY? WHERE THE FUCK WAS I? 489 00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:07,414 - YOU WERE BUSY SEXUALLY HARASSING MY ASSISTANT. 490 00:19:07,447 --> 00:19:09,716 JESUS CHRIST! LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON. 491 00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:13,586 TWO REAL, LIVE DEGENERATE ASSHOLES. 492 00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:15,822 GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, NOW. 493 00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:22,395 - SO WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT HERE? 494 00:19:22,429 --> 00:19:23,763 ARE WE--ARE WE FIRED? 495 00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:25,432 - DOES IT LOOK LIKE I FIRE PEOPLE AROUND HERE? 496 00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:26,866 HAVE YOU SEEN THIS FUCKING OFFICE? 497 00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:30,670 IT'S A FUCKING CLOWN COLLEGE OUT THERE. 498 00:19:30,703 --> 00:19:32,405 GET OUT! 499 00:19:32,439 --> 00:19:35,542 - WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? - WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? 500 00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:37,410 - YOU CAN'T DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT AT WORK. 501 00:19:37,444 --> 00:19:38,945 IT'S DISRESPECTFUL. 502 00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:40,747 - SAYS THE GUY WHO JUST GOT IN TROUBLE FOR FINGERING SOMEONE. 503 00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:42,482 - HEY, WATCH YOUR TONE, ALL RIGHT? 504 00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:43,650 - YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK THIS. 505 00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:44,984 - WHOA, WHOA. WHERE YOU GOING? 506 00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:46,553 - HOME. I'M DONE. - WHAT, THAT'S IT? 507 00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:48,488 YOU'RE JUST GONNA QUIT? - YEAH, WHY NOT? 508 00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:49,989 IT'S A STUPID FUCKING JOB ANYWAYS-- 509 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,958 FETCHING LUNCHES FOR A BUNCH OF HOLLYWOOD ASSHOLES. 510 00:19:51,991 --> 00:19:53,960 - ALL RIGHT, NOW WE KNOW WHY YOU STILL LIVE WITH YOUR MOTHER. 511 00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:55,428 - WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? 512 00:19:55,462 --> 00:19:57,564 - I'M JUST A GUY WHO'S TRYING TO MAKE THE BEST 513 00:19:57,597 --> 00:19:59,566 OF AN INCREDIBLY FUCKED-UP SITUATION. 514 00:19:59,599 --> 00:20:00,733 - YEAH, WELL, DON'T BOTHER. 515 00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:02,435 I'M SORRY I CAME LOOKING FOR YOU. 516 00:20:02,469 --> 00:20:04,371 - HEY, DON'T START SAYING THINGS YOU CAN'T TAKE BACK. 517 00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:05,705 - WHO SAYS I WANT TO TAKE IT BACK? 518 00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:07,507 - YOU'RE A FUCKING DRAMA QUEEN, YOU KNOW THAT? 519 00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:08,575 - YEAH, WHICH IS WHY I'M GONNA BE 520 00:20:08,608 --> 00:20:10,310 A GREAT FUCKING ACTOR ONE DAY. 521 00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:11,978 - YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA BE A GREAT FUCKING ACTOR? 522 00:20:12,011 --> 00:20:15,648 YOU CAN'T EVEN GET THROUGH ONE DAY AS A FUCKING P.A. 523 00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:17,884 - FUCK YOU. - FUCK ME? 524 00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:18,851 - YEAH, FUCK YOU. 525 00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:20,820 - NO, FUCK YOU, YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE SHIT. 526 00:20:20,853 --> 00:20:22,422 I GET YOU A JOB, AND WHAT DO YOU DO? 527 00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:23,523 YOU EMBARRASS ME. 528 00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:25,925 - IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN. 529 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,662 [overlapping shouting] - COME ON, HANK. 530 00:20:29,696 --> 00:20:31,598 DO THAT SHIT. COME ON, BABY. 531 00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:32,999 COME ON, HANK. - COME ON, HANK! 532 00:20:33,032 --> 00:20:34,834 - DO IT! COME ON. 533 00:20:34,867 --> 00:20:36,803 NO, COME ON--NO! 534 00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:38,371 - YES! [whooping] 535 00:20:38,405 --> 00:20:40,673 - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? - THAT'S MY MONEY! 536 00:20:40,707 --> 00:20:42,975 [overlapping chatter] 537 00:20:43,009 --> 00:20:44,977 - WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE? 538 00:20:45,011 --> 00:20:47,347 - I WON. I'M WRITING THE EPISODE. 539 00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:48,781 - NO, YOU'RE NOT. 540 00:20:48,815 --> 00:20:50,517 THAT'S NOT THE WAY IT WORKS AROUND HERE, TERRY. 541 00:20:50,550 --> 00:20:51,884 - I'LL ARM-WRESTLE YOU FOR IT. 542 00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,853 - AND YOU WILL WIN. OF THAT, I HAVE NO DOUBT. 543 00:20:53,886 --> 00:20:56,689 BUT I ASSIGN THE EPISODES. 544 00:20:56,723 --> 00:20:59,659 THIS PLACE IS A FUCKING FREAK SHOW. 545 00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:01,661 WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS NOW? 546 00:21:01,694 --> 00:21:04,664 - I'M SORRY TO INTERRUPT. I'M JULIA, LEVON'S MOM. 547 00:21:04,697 --> 00:21:06,899 LEVON HAS SOMETHING HE'D LIKE TO SAY TO YOU. 548 00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:08,368 DO IT. 549 00:21:08,401 --> 00:21:10,537 - HI--HI, MELANIE. 550 00:21:10,570 --> 00:21:12,004 I'M--I'M VERY SORRY I CREATED 551 00:21:12,038 --> 00:21:13,840 A HOSTILE WORKING ENVIRONMENT FOR YOU. 552 00:21:13,873 --> 00:21:15,041 I WAS JUST TRYING TO MAKE YOU LAUGH. 553 00:21:15,074 --> 00:21:17,043 I-I GUESS I GOT A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY. 554 00:21:17,076 --> 00:21:18,445 - YEAH. 555 00:21:18,478 --> 00:21:19,646 - IT'S PARTIALLY MY FAULT, 556 00:21:19,679 --> 00:21:21,348 BECAUSE I HAD A VERY LIBERAL ATTITUDE 557 00:21:21,381 --> 00:21:22,615 ABOUT LEVON AND PORNOGRAPHY. 558 00:21:22,649 --> 00:21:23,983 - WELL, I GUESS IT'S OKAY. 559 00:21:24,016 --> 00:21:26,052 IT WAS KIND OF FUNNY WHEN THE GUY'S BALLS 560 00:21:26,085 --> 00:21:27,920 JUST POPPED OUT OF HER BUTT LIKE THAT. 561 00:21:27,954 --> 00:21:29,656 - I KNOW, RIGHT? - [laughs] 562 00:21:29,689 --> 00:21:31,458 JUST DON'T TRY TO MASSAGE ME AGAIN. 563 00:21:31,491 --> 00:21:33,393 - I WON'T. I PROMISE. 564 00:21:33,426 --> 00:21:34,694 - IT WAS CREEPY. - GOT IT. 565 00:21:34,727 --> 00:21:36,996 - AND YOUR BREATH WAS HORRIBLE. 566 00:21:37,029 --> 00:21:38,798 - DID YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH THIS MORNING? 567 00:21:38,831 --> 00:21:41,534 - I FORGOT. HANK WAS RUSHING ME. 568 00:21:41,568 --> 00:21:43,470 - DID YOU FLOSS LAST NIGHT? 569 00:21:43,503 --> 00:21:45,672 - MOM, STOP IT. [laughter] 570 00:21:45,705 --> 00:21:48,908 - OKAY, WELL... 571 00:21:48,941 --> 00:21:50,009 - MR. RATH, SIR, 572 00:21:50,042 --> 00:21:52,579 I'M VERY SORRY I FUCKED UP LUNCH 573 00:21:52,612 --> 00:21:53,813 A-AND DISRESPECTED YOUR AUTHORITY. 574 00:21:53,846 --> 00:21:55,047 IT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN, SIR. 575 00:21:55,081 --> 00:21:56,849 - HEY, WHATEVER, KID. SHIT HAPPENS. 576 00:21:56,883 --> 00:21:59,118 YOU LIVE AND LEARN. GET ME A DIET COKE. 577 00:21:59,151 --> 00:22:00,920 RICK RATH. - JULIA. 578 00:22:00,953 --> 00:22:02,889 - EVERYBODY CALLS ME RATH. - OH. 579 00:22:02,922 --> 00:22:05,825 WELL, I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU DIDN'T SCREAM AT MY SON. 580 00:22:05,858 --> 00:22:07,827 HE'S A HUMAN BEING, AND I'M SURE YOU CAN FIND 581 00:22:07,860 --> 00:22:09,729 A BETTER WAY TO MOTIVATE YOUR EMPLOYEES. 582 00:22:09,762 --> 00:22:12,064 - WOW. OKAY. THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING, HUH? 583 00:22:12,098 --> 00:22:13,933 UM... 584 00:22:13,966 --> 00:22:15,602 HOW IS IT EVEN REMOTELY POSSIBLE 585 00:22:15,635 --> 00:22:16,869 THAT YOU HAVE A KID THAT OLD? 586 00:22:16,903 --> 00:22:20,673 - [laughs] OH, THANK YOU. UM... 587 00:22:20,707 --> 00:22:21,841 [Hank grunts] 588 00:22:21,874 --> 00:22:23,743 - OH, RIGHT. HIM. 589 00:22:23,776 --> 00:22:25,144 YEAH, SORRY. - OKAY. 590 00:22:25,177 --> 00:22:27,447 I'M--I'M WAITING. WHERE'S MY APOLOGY? 591 00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:30,450 - I DO HAVE SOMETHING I'D LIKE TO SAY TO YOU. 592 00:22:30,483 --> 00:22:33,786 WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE COMING DOWN ON HIM SO HARD? 593 00:22:33,820 --> 00:22:35,021 - THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE AN APOLOGY. 594 00:22:35,054 --> 00:22:36,823 - YOU GOT TO PUT IN SOME SERIOUS TIME 595 00:22:36,856 --> 00:22:38,391 BEFORE YOU TEAR INTO HIM LIKE THAT. 596 00:22:38,425 --> 00:22:39,826 HE IS MY SON. 597 00:22:39,859 --> 00:22:41,428 I MEAN, YOU'RE JUST A SPERM DONOR AT THIS POINT. 598 00:22:41,461 --> 00:22:42,729 WHY DON'T YOU TRY BEING HIS FRIEND? 599 00:22:42,762 --> 00:22:44,597 WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM? NOTHING. 600 00:22:44,631 --> 00:22:46,599 - BOO-YAH. MOODY JUST GOT SCHOOLED. 601 00:22:46,633 --> 00:22:48,468 - WELL, MAYBE I OVERREACTED A TAD, 602 00:22:48,501 --> 00:22:50,169 BUT THE BOY IS IN NEED OF SOME MALE GUIDANCE. 603 00:22:50,202 --> 00:22:53,172 - HEY, I THINK THIS WOMAN IS DOING A FANTASTIC JOB. 604 00:22:53,205 --> 00:22:54,974 THIS KID'S GOT EXCELLENT MANNERS. 605 00:22:55,007 --> 00:22:57,009 SHE BROUGHT COOKIES. - WHICH ARE AMAZING. 606 00:22:57,043 --> 00:22:58,745 - WHY DON'T YOU FIND SOME PATIENCE, HANK? 607 00:22:58,778 --> 00:23:00,580 AND DON'T BE A FUCKING ASSHOLE. 608 00:23:00,613 --> 00:23:03,750 - WELL SAID, JULIA. 609 00:23:03,783 --> 00:23:07,554 CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING? - SURE. 610 00:23:07,587 --> 00:23:09,021 - HAVE YOU EVER DONE ANY ACTING? 611 00:23:09,055 --> 00:23:11,458 - OH, YEARS AGO, IN NEW YORK. 612 00:23:11,491 --> 00:23:12,659 - NEW YORK? - YEAH. 613 00:23:12,692 --> 00:23:14,894 - I'M FROM NEW YORK. - OH, COOL. WOW. 614 00:23:14,927 --> 00:23:17,730 WELL, YEAH, I DID SOME THEATER AND A FEW COMMERCIALS, 615 00:23:17,764 --> 00:23:19,065 BUT I WASN'T VERY GOOD. 616 00:23:19,098 --> 00:23:20,433 - YOU KNOW WHAT? 617 00:23:20,467 --> 00:23:23,002 I'M GONNA LET YOU IN ON A LITTLE SECRET. 618 00:23:23,035 --> 00:23:25,438 I THINK YOU'RE PROBABLY A LOT MORE TALENTED 619 00:23:25,472 --> 00:23:27,440 THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE. 620 00:23:27,474 --> 00:23:29,809 - [chuckles] 621 00:23:29,842 --> 00:23:31,578 - LET ME SHOW YOU AROUND. 622 00:23:31,611 --> 00:23:34,914 - [giggles] - TAKE THAT, RAPIST. 623 00:23:34,947 --> 00:23:37,183 - SO THIS IS-- - LEVON! 624 00:23:37,216 --> 00:23:39,051 MILK! 625 00:23:39,085 --> 00:23:42,054 [funky jazz] 626 00:23:42,088 --> 00:23:43,923 [vocalizing] 627 00:23:43,956 --> 00:23:45,525 * 628 00:23:45,558 --> 00:23:48,928 - I DIDN'T SEE THIS COMING, RUNKS, NOT AT ALL. 629 00:23:48,961 --> 00:23:51,030 - ME EITHER, BUDDY. 630 00:23:51,063 --> 00:23:52,932 BOY, YOU REALLY TAKE YOUR ERECTIONS FOR GRANTED, HUH? 631 00:23:52,965 --> 00:23:54,166 I MEAN, YOU NEVER IMAGINE 632 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:55,835 THEY'RE JUST GONNA GO AWAY ONE DAY. 633 00:23:55,868 --> 00:23:57,036 - HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO STEER THIS 634 00:23:57,069 --> 00:23:58,237 BACK AROUND TO YOUR DICK? 635 00:23:58,270 --> 00:24:00,039 I WAS JUST SHARING ABOUT HOW MY LIFE 636 00:24:00,072 --> 00:24:02,709 HAS BEEN TURNED INSIDE OUT AND UPSIDE DOWN RIGHT NOW. 637 00:24:02,742 --> 00:24:04,210 - WELL, MINE TOO, YOU KNOW? 638 00:24:04,243 --> 00:24:07,146 MY DICK ISN'T WORKING. 639 00:24:07,179 --> 00:24:09,181 I CAN'T MAKE SWEET LOVE TO MY WIFE, 640 00:24:09,215 --> 00:24:11,551 WHO SURELY MUST BE GROWING FRUSTRATED 641 00:24:11,584 --> 00:24:13,686 AND DOUBTING WHETHER SHE DID THE RIGHT THING 642 00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:14,954 GETTING BACK TOGETHER WITH ME. 643 00:24:14,987 --> 00:24:16,689 - WELL, AT LEAST YOU HAVE A WIFE, CHARLIE. 644 00:24:16,723 --> 00:24:18,090 MY RELATIONSHIP WITH KAREN 645 00:24:18,124 --> 00:24:20,226 HAS NEVER BEEN MORE FUCKED THAN IT IS RIGHT NOW. 646 00:24:20,259 --> 00:24:22,529 - SHE MANAGED TO GET PAST THE WHOLE MIA THING, RIGHT? 647 00:24:22,562 --> 00:24:24,731 - BARELY. - PROOF... 648 00:24:24,764 --> 00:24:26,733 TIME HEALS ALL. 649 00:24:26,766 --> 00:24:27,934 - EVEN BROKEN DICKS? 650 00:24:27,967 --> 00:24:30,236 - [sighs] HERE'S HOPING. 651 00:24:30,269 --> 00:24:33,740 [cell phone chimes] 652 00:24:33,773 --> 00:24:35,207 IT'S MARCY. 653 00:24:35,241 --> 00:24:37,276 "COME HOME AND FUCK YOUR WIFE. 654 00:24:37,309 --> 00:24:39,779 "SHE'S STONED AND HORNY AND WANTS SOME DADDY DICK. 655 00:24:39,812 --> 00:24:41,213 "IF IT DOESN'T WORK, 656 00:24:41,247 --> 00:24:43,850 YOU CAN EAT ME OUT AND USE THE VERB." 657 00:24:43,883 --> 00:24:45,217 both: VERB? 658 00:24:45,251 --> 00:24:46,719 - VIBE. - VIBE. 659 00:24:46,753 --> 00:24:47,920 - "BRATOR." 660 00:24:47,954 --> 00:24:50,590 - "STOP AT THE STORE. WE NEED MILK." 661 00:24:50,623 --> 00:24:52,091 - GO. 662 00:24:52,124 --> 00:24:53,993 GO FORTH. DO AS YOU'RE TOLD. 663 00:24:54,026 --> 00:24:55,795 GET YOUR TONGUE READY FOR A WORKOUT. 664 00:24:55,828 --> 00:24:57,196 AND--AND DON'T FORGET THE MILK. 665 00:24:57,229 --> 00:25:00,199 AND GRAB SOME BOOZE TOO. WE'RE ALMOST OUT. 666 00:25:00,232 --> 00:25:04,136 WHAT? YOU KNOW I LIKE ME A NIGHTCAP WHEN I GET HOME. 667 00:25:04,170 --> 00:25:07,874 AND SOME POP CHIPS. I LOVE ME SOME POP CHIPS. 668 00:25:07,907 --> 00:25:11,177 WORKING IN TV HAS TAUGHT ME A LOT ABOUT SNACK FOOD. 669 00:25:11,210 --> 00:25:14,513 POP CHIPS! 670 00:25:22,589 --> 00:25:26,192 [cell phone ringing] 671 00:25:31,230 --> 00:25:33,633 - WHAT? - HI. 672 00:25:33,666 --> 00:25:37,169 - WHAT DO YOU WANT, HANK? I'M NOT IN THE MOOD. 673 00:25:37,203 --> 00:25:40,339 - I-I JUST WANTED TO SAY HOW SORRY I AM, YOU KNOW? 674 00:25:40,372 --> 00:25:43,910 THIS--THIS WHOLE THING HAS GOT ME SO NUTS 675 00:25:43,943 --> 00:25:46,345 THAT I HAVEN'T REALLY TAKEN THE TIME 676 00:25:46,378 --> 00:25:48,347 TO APPRECIATE HOW BANANAS IT MUST BE FOR YOU. 677 00:25:48,380 --> 00:25:50,950 YOU KNOW, AND I KNOW I CAN'T TALK MY WAY OUT OF IT 678 00:25:50,983 --> 00:25:52,919 OR EXPECT-- EXPECT IT TO BLOW OVER, 679 00:25:52,952 --> 00:25:54,721 BUT, YOU KNOW, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW 680 00:25:54,754 --> 00:26:00,192 THAT I-I FULLY APPRECIATE WHAT A BIG DEAL THIS IS FOR YOU. 681 00:26:00,226 --> 00:26:03,562 - OKAY. WHAT ELSE CAN I DO FOR YOU? 682 00:26:05,197 --> 00:26:08,868 - I'M A HALFWAY-DECENT PATERNAL-TYPE PERSON, AREN'T I? 683 00:26:08,901 --> 00:26:13,673 - SO THAT'S WHAT THIS IS ABOUT. YOU WANT YOUR EGO STROKED. 684 00:26:13,706 --> 00:26:15,908 - NO, NO, NO, I-I-- IT'S JUST THAT I'M FEELING 685 00:26:15,942 --> 00:26:17,677 PRETTY RUSTY RIGHT NOW-- 686 00:26:17,710 --> 00:26:21,681 - NO, YOU'RE FEELING PRETTY SORRY FOR YOURSELF ABOUT NOW. 687 00:26:21,714 --> 00:26:25,384 AND THAT'S A WASTE OF TIME, BECAUSE THIS IS LIFE, HANK. 688 00:26:25,417 --> 00:26:28,621 YOU KNOW, SHIT COMES FLYING AT YOU, 689 00:26:28,655 --> 00:26:30,022 AND YOU GOT TO DEAL WITH IT. 690 00:26:30,056 --> 00:26:33,325 THAT'S WHAT DEFINES YOU, HOW YOU DEAL WITH IT. 691 00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:35,962 YOU DON'T GET POINTS FOR WALLOWING. 692 00:26:35,995 --> 00:26:39,265 - WELL, THAT'S FUNNY, BECAUSE I HAVE NEVER FELT MORE ENTITLED 693 00:26:39,298 --> 00:26:43,402 TO DRINK AND CONTEMPLATE MY JOB-LIKE EXISTENCE 694 00:26:43,435 --> 00:26:45,171 THAN I DO RIGHT NOW. 695 00:26:45,204 --> 00:26:49,776 - AND YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER WHO HAS NO IDEA WHAT'S COMING. 696 00:26:49,809 --> 00:26:51,110 - LUCKY HER. 697 00:26:51,143 --> 00:26:52,278 - AND YOU HAVE THIS KID 698 00:26:52,311 --> 00:26:54,113 WHO'S COME LOOKING FOR HIS FATHER. 699 00:26:54,146 --> 00:26:55,682 I MEAN, IT'S A BIG DEAL. 700 00:26:55,715 --> 00:26:57,249 HE'S PROBABLY A RAW NERVE RIGHT NOW, 701 00:26:57,283 --> 00:27:00,019 AND HIS MOM ALL, LIKE, FREAKED OUT 702 00:27:00,052 --> 00:27:03,022 AND WONDERING HOW HER LIFE'S GONNA CHANGE. 703 00:27:03,055 --> 00:27:06,025 IT'S A LOT. 704 00:27:06,058 --> 00:27:07,694 - HOW ABOUT YOU? 705 00:27:07,727 --> 00:27:09,962 - YOU DON'T GOT TIME TO THINK ABOUT ME, HANK. 706 00:27:09,996 --> 00:27:11,397 YOU GOT ENOUGH ON YOUR PLATE. 707 00:27:11,430 --> 00:27:14,667 - JUST DON'T GIVE UP ON ME, OKAY? 708 00:27:14,701 --> 00:27:16,736 I'M STILL ME. 709 00:27:16,769 --> 00:27:20,907 WE'RE STILL US. 710 00:27:20,940 --> 00:27:23,910 - GOOD NIGHT, HANK. 711 00:27:23,943 --> 00:27:27,346 - GOOD NIGHT. 712 00:27:27,379 --> 00:27:37,289 - * AND I'LL BE DOWN AGAIN 713 00:27:37,323 --> 00:27:45,264 *