1
00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:11,045
PREVIOUSLY ON
"CALIFORNICATION"...

2
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,682
I DON'T THINK YOU HEARD ME.
I WROTE SOMETHING.

3
00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:15,783
HANK WROTE A NEW BOOK?

4
00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:18,152
CAN I READ IT?
I DON'T THINK
THAT'S APPROPRIATE.

5
00:00:18,186 --> 00:00:20,754
Hank: I GAVE IT TO KAREN.
SHE READS ALL MY STUFF FIRST.

6
00:00:20,788 --> 00:00:23,124
IS THERE A COPY?
THAT'S THE ONLY ONE.

7
00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:25,059
I CAN'T READ IT,
HANK.
WHY NOT?

8
00:00:25,093 --> 00:00:26,026
I CAN'T GO BACK.

9
00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:27,761
I WANT TO GO RIGHT BACK
WHERE WE WERE BEFORE.

10
00:00:27,795 --> 00:00:29,563
I DON'T THINK
THAT'S POSSIBLE.

11
00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:31,599
WHAT THE FUCK?

12
00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:33,234
I'M GETTING
A BAD FEELING HERE.

13
00:00:33,267 --> 00:00:35,469
I'M THINKING YOU INTEND
TO GIVE THAT TO SOMEONE

14
00:00:35,503 --> 00:00:37,571
WHO MIGHT
ALREADY BE ENGAGED.

15
00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:39,207
WE HAD THE SEX, KAREN.

16
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:41,209
I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE.

17
00:00:41,242 --> 00:00:43,411
I LOVE BILL.
I'M GONNA MARRY BILL.

18
00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:44,778
GET THE FUCK
OUT OF THE CAR, MAN!

19
00:00:44,812 --> 00:00:46,547
GET THE FUCK
OUT OF THE CAR!

20
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:47,748
LET ME JUST GRAB THIS.

21
00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:49,317
NO! GET THE FUCK OUT!

22
00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:50,851
GET OUT!

23
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:53,487
Man:
SHUT THE FUCK UP!

24
00:00:53,521 --> 00:00:55,323
[ TIRES SCREECH ]

25
00:01:07,835 --> 00:01:10,404
AAAH!
KISS THE TIP!

26
00:01:10,438 --> 00:01:14,108
[ EXHALES DEEPLY ]

27
00:01:14,142 --> 00:01:16,177
[ RHYTHMIC POUNDING
IN DISTANCE ]

28
00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:18,479
[ SNIFFS ]

29
00:01:26,387 --> 00:01:28,722
WHAT UP, BUTTERBEAN?

30
00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:31,225
HEY-HEY, ROOMIE.
TOP OF THE MORNIN' TO YA.

31
00:01:31,259 --> 00:01:32,793
HOW 'BOUT THIS BEAUTIFUL

32
00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:34,562
FUCKING WEATHER
WE'RE HAVING HERE, HUH?

33
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,564
YEAH, IT LOOKS LIKE
ANOTHER SUNNY DAY IN HELL.

34
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:38,899
WHAT THE FUCK
ARE YOU DOING?

35
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,434
NOW THAT I'M GONNA BE
OUT THERE

36
00:01:40,468 --> 00:01:42,170
COMPETING FOR
ALL THIS HIGH-END PUSSY,

37
00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:44,638
I GOTTA TRY TO GET THIS BODY IN
TO SOME KIND OF FIGHTIN' SHAPE.

38
00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:46,407
THAT IS A FOOL'S ERRAND,
MY FRIEND.

39
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,809
HEY, HEY, HEY.
DON'T BE HATIN'.

40
00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:51,479
TAKE IT FROM SOMEBODY WHO'S BEEN
THERE ON THE FRONT LINES --

41
00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:53,681
THAT SHIT IS EMPTIER
THAN A MICHAEL BAY JOINT.

42
00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:56,350
YOU'RE JUST OVER IT NOW,
ALL OF A SUDDEN?
NO, I'M JUST SAYIN' --

43
00:01:56,384 --> 00:02:01,155
YOU KNOW, NEW PUSSY MAY HOLD
THE PROMISE OF SOMETHING BETTER,

44
00:02:01,189 --> 00:02:03,691
BUT IT SURE AS SHIT
AIN'T LOVE.

45
00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:06,427
GREAT. SO I SHUCK OFF
THE OLD BALL AND CHAIN,

46
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,296
AND YOU
GET THEE TO A NUNNERY.

47
00:02:08,329 --> 00:02:10,164
PERFECT TIMING.
WHAT ABOUT THE MARCE?

48
00:02:10,198 --> 00:02:12,433
I KNOW YOU MISS THE MARCE,
RIGHT?

49
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,402
THAT SEXY, LITTLE SMURF
WAS GOOD TO YOU.

50
00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:17,538
THE SEXY, LITTLE SMURF
CHEATED ON ME WITH MY ASSISTANT.

51
00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:19,807
YES, BUT YOU CHEATED ON HER
WITH YOUR ASSISTANT.

52
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:21,642
FIRST, I MIGHT ADD.
POINT BEING?

53
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:22,910
YOUR SHIT'S FUCKED UP.

54
00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:25,579
MY SHIT'S FUCKED UP?
WHAT ABOUT YOUR SHIT? MY SHIT.

55
00:02:25,613 --> 00:02:27,315
THAT GOES WITHOUT SAYING,
BUT YOURS MORE.

56
00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:29,317
GOOD, THIS IS WHAT I LIKE
ABOUT HAVING A ROOMMATE.

57
00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:31,285
YOU KNOW,
WE GOT THE BANTER GOING.

58
00:02:31,319 --> 00:02:34,755
WE GOT THE --
THE PETIT BON MOTS.

59
00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:36,790
[ EXHALES DEEPLY ]

60
00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:38,259
WHAT YOU GOT
GOING ON LATER?

61
00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:39,760
OH, I DON'T KNOW...

62
00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:42,363
I THOUGHT I'D START THE DAY
WITH SOME DRY TOAST

63
00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:43,331
AND HALF A GRAPEFRUIT,

64
00:02:43,364 --> 00:02:45,866
BUST OUT THE OLD COMPUTER,
BANG OUT 10 PAGES,

65
00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:48,202
MAYBE GO FOR A RUN.

66
00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:51,339
MAYBE I'LL JUST JERK OFF
AND GO BACK TO BED.

67
00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:52,806
WAKE ME UP
WHEN YOU COME HOME.

68
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,542
WE'LL GRAB A COCKTAIL,
ALL RIGHT?

69
00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:56,277
HAVE A GOOD DAY
AT WORK, HONEY.

70
00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:57,645
HEY...

71
00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,680
I WAS THINKING,
LATER, ME AND YOU --

72
00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:01,549
WE HIT THE GYM.
TONIGHT.

73
00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:03,517
OH, JESUS,
ENOUGH ALREADY.

74
00:03:03,551 --> 00:03:04,952
JUST CALL
YOUR FUCKING WIFE.

75
00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:07,288
DO WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO.
BEG, PLEAD, CRY.

76
00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:08,589
GET DOWN
ON BENDED KNEE.

77
00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:10,958
'CAUSE I'M TELLING YOU,
NO AMOUNT OF TOP-SHELF PUSSY

78
00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:13,227
CAN COMPETE WITH
THE LOVE OF A GOOD WOMAN.

79
00:03:13,261 --> 00:03:14,428
TOP SHELF.

80
00:03:14,462 --> 00:03:15,429
TOP SHELF, BABY.

81
00:03:15,463 --> 00:03:18,699
JESUS. ALL RIGHT.
I'LL GO TO THE GYM WITH YOU.

82
00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:20,968
BUT I'M NOT WEARING ANY DOLPHIN
SHORTS OR HANGING ANY BRAIN,

83
00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:22,736
SO DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP
TOO HIGH.

84
00:04:12,420 --> 00:04:14,054
DON'T FORGET THAT MEETING
WITH YOUR FRIEND'S DAUGHTER.

85
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:16,824
SHE WANTS TO BE
A WRITER OR SOMETHING.
NOT IN THE MOOD.

86
00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:19,393
RESCHEDULE.
OKAY, NO PROBLEM.

87
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:21,929
YOU GOT A MINUTE, BOSS?

88
00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:24,865
"BOSS," HUH?
I THOUGHT YOU WERE MOVING ON.

89
00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:26,800
WHEN IS YOUR
TWO WEEKS' NOTICE UP, ANYWAY?

90
00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:29,970
THAT'S WHAT I WANTED
TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

91
00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:31,972
THINGS HAVE GOTTEN
A LITTLE WEIRD.

92
00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:34,575
OH, REALLY?

93
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:37,311
THEY WEREN'T ALWAYS
A LITTLE WEIRD?

94
00:04:37,345 --> 00:04:39,079
YOU DIDN'T
DO ANYTHING WRONG.

95
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,915
I WENT AFTER SOMETHING I WANTED.
I STARTED IT.

96
00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:45,085
THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S R--
YOU STARTED IT.

97
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,920
AND THAT'S WHERE
FREE WILL COMES IN.

98
00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:48,522
CHOICES WERE MADE, BOSS.

99
00:04:48,556 --> 00:04:51,058
I GET YOUR POINT.

100
00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:52,860
SO WHAT'S YOUR CHOICE?

101
00:04:52,893 --> 00:04:54,562
I WANT TO STAY.

102
00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:57,431
I WANT TO LEARN FROM YOU.
I WANT TO BE AN AGENT.

103
00:04:57,465 --> 00:04:58,432
I SEE.

104
00:04:58,466 --> 00:04:59,900
SO, UH, FIRST,

105
00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:02,102
YOU SYSTEMATICALLY
DESTROY MY MARRIAGE,

106
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,772
AND NOW YOU WANT ME
TO HELP WITH YOUR CAREER.

107
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:08,842
WELL, FUCK YOU
AND FUCK OFF.

108
00:05:08,876 --> 00:05:10,744
OKAY.
FAIR ENOUGH.

109
00:05:10,778 --> 00:05:13,581
I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO LOOK
ELSEWHERE FOR CAREER GUIDANCE.

110
00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:16,684
MAYBE I'LL START WITH H.R.
I BET YOU THEY'D LOVE TO HELP.

111
00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:19,487
ESPECIALLY WHEN I TOLD THEM WHAT
I WENT THROUGH ON YOUR DESK.

112
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:22,656
THE SPANKING,
THE CRAWLING ON THE FLOOR,

113
00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,425
THE SEXUAL HUMILIATION...

114
00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:25,559
WOW.

115
00:05:25,593 --> 00:05:27,895
APPARENTLY YOU'VE GOT THE
MAKINGS OF AN EXCELLENT AGENT.

116
00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:29,830
SO WHERE DO I START?

117
00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:33,401
YOU START BY GOING THROUGH
THAT SLUSH PILE OVER THERE.

118
00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:37,104
FIND ME SOME GREAT MATERIAL --
SOMETHING I CAN SELL.

119
00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:47,848
HEY, YOU CAN'T SMOKE
IN HERE.

120
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:50,584
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO,
KICK MY ASS?

121
00:05:53,421 --> 00:05:54,488
HANK, RIGHT?

122
00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:55,489
YEAH. HAVE WE MET?

123
00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:57,591
Charlie: YOU'VE GOT
TO GET IN THE RING, DUDE.

124
00:05:57,625 --> 00:05:58,926
THIS IS
FUCKING EXHILARATING.

125
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:01,829
NO.
I THINK I'M GOOD.

126
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,664
PUSSY.

127
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:04,932
EXCUSE ME?

128
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,567
YOU HEARD ME.

129
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:07,635
I CALLED YOU A PUSSY.

130
00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:10,103
YOU AFRAID TO GET YOUR ASS
HANDED TO YOU BY A WOMAN?

131
00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:12,973
NO. ACTUALLY, I THINK
I'M IN TOUCH WITH THAT EMOTION.

132
00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:15,075
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING LATER, HUH?

133
00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:16,844
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
TO GET A DRINK WITH TWO GUYS

134
00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:18,446
WHO WILL WORK HARDER
FOR YOUR AFFECTION

135
00:06:18,479 --> 00:06:19,680
THAN YOU EVER
IMAGINED POSSIBLE?

136
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,081
HEY, SPEAK FOR YOURSELF,
THERE.

137
00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:22,450
WELL, THAT DEPENDS.

138
00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:23,316
ON WHAT?

139
00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:25,118
ON WHETHER OR NOT
YOUR BUDDY OVER HERE

140
00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:27,621
WANTS TO GET IN THE RING
WITH ME.

141
00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:38,131
HI. I'VE GOT A MEETING
WITH CHARLIE RUNKLE.

142
00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:40,534
OH, UH,
YOU MUST BE MIA.

143
00:06:40,568 --> 00:06:41,802
I'M SO SORRY.

144
00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:43,804
I KNOW IT'S LAST-MINUTE,
BUT HE HAD TO RESCHEDULE.

145
00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:45,005
I TRIED TO CALL YOU.

146
00:06:45,038 --> 00:06:46,974
BUT MY PHONE DIED.

147
00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:48,642
SORRY, MY BAD.

148
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,980
WELL, UM, I'M SURE CHARLIE

149
00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:54,548
WOULD LOVE TO RESCHEDULE

150
00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:56,450
AT YOUR
EARLIEST CONVENIENCE.

151
00:06:56,484 --> 00:06:58,986
OH.
RIGHT. FINE.

152
00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:00,854
THAT'S FINE.
WHATEVER.

153
00:07:00,888 --> 00:07:02,890
IS THERE ANYTHING
I CAN HELP YOU WITH?

154
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,992
ARE YOU AN AGENT?
NOT YET.

155
00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:07,160
BUT I WILL BE SOON.

156
00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:10,030
WELL, UH, I WROTE THIS NOVEL,
AND I WAS JUST WONDERING

157
00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:12,700
IF CHARLIE WOULD READ IT
AND GIVE ME SOME NOTES,

158
00:07:12,733 --> 00:07:14,768
LET ME KNOW
IF I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK.

159
00:07:14,802 --> 00:07:16,203
HOW OLD ARE YOU?

160
00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:17,805
16.

161
00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:20,474
AND YOU'VE WRITTEN A NOVEL.
THAT'S IMPRESSIVE.

162
00:07:20,508 --> 00:07:21,475
WHAT'S IT ABOUT?

163
00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:23,777
A 16-YEAR-OLD GIRL
FUCKS A MUCH, MUCH OLDER MAN

164
00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:25,112
AND FINDS HERSELF

165
00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:26,880
BOTH SPIRITUALLY
AND SEXUALLY AWAKENED.

166
00:07:26,914 --> 00:07:28,582
IT'S NABOKOV
MEETS JUDY BLUME

167
00:07:28,616 --> 00:07:30,250
WITH LOTS OF FUCKING
AND PUNCHING.

168
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:31,852
AND WHAT'S IT CALLED?

169
00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:33,987
"FUCKING & PUNCHING."

170
00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:36,590
WELL, I'D BE
HAPPY TO READ IT.

171
00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:37,858
YOU WOULD?

172
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,593
COOL.

173
00:07:39,627 --> 00:07:41,028
I'LL GIVE YOU A CALL
WHEN I'M DONE.

174
00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:43,497
AND WE COULD, UH, MEET
FOR COFFEE OR SOMETHING.

175
00:07:43,531 --> 00:07:45,733
UM, WELL, YOU MIGHT WANT
TO READ IT NOW.

176
00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:48,135
BECAUSE YOU MIGHT NOT
GET ANOTHER CHANCE TO.

177
00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:49,870
IT'S UP TO YOU.

178
00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:51,739
I'LL BE IN HERE
CHECKING MY E-MAIL.

179
00:07:51,772 --> 00:07:53,473
ENJOY.

180
00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:59,279
[ BELL DINGS ]

181
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:02,082
I'M SORRY,
I JUST CAN'T PLACE YOU.

182
00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:03,116
OH!

183
00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:06,119
THE CIRCLE BAR...

184
00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:08,188
ABOUT A YEAR AGO.

185
00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:11,925
YOU BOUGHT ME A DRINK

186
00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:13,961
AND I SPENT THE NIGHT
IN YOUR APARTMENT,

187
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:16,830
DOING THINGS I HAVEN'T DONE
WITH ANYONE SINCE.

188
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:20,167
YOU PROMISED TO CALL.

189
00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:21,902
YOU DIDN'T.

190
00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:23,871
OKAY.
THAT WAS LOW.

191
00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:24,805
SORRY.

192
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,039
OW!

193
00:08:26,073 --> 00:08:29,743
OKAY, NOW I'M GONNA
HAVE TO DEDUCT A POINT.

194
00:08:29,777 --> 00:08:30,844
OH!

195
00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:33,213
NOW YOU'RE
STARTING TO...

196
00:08:34,281 --> 00:08:35,816
...LOOK FAMILIAR.

197
00:08:36,584 --> 00:08:38,552
LET ME
MAKE IT UP TO YOU.

198
00:08:38,586 --> 00:08:40,788
LET ME TAKE YOU
OUT TO DINNER SOMETIME,

199
00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:42,823
OR MAYBE GET A DRINK.

200
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,726
SURE. AFTER I BEAT
THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF YOU.

201
00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:48,729
OKAY, NOW I'M THINKING
I SHOULD WEAR A CUP TO DINNER.

202
00:08:51,799 --> 00:08:52,766
[ BELL DINGS ]

203
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,635
[ GROANS ]

204
00:08:59,607 --> 00:09:02,242
YOU REALLY SHOULD'VE CALLED HER.
SHE SEEMED ANGRY.

205
00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:03,977
YOU THINK?

206
00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:05,746
UH, ANOTHER
VODKA-CRANBERRY.

207
00:09:05,779 --> 00:09:07,280
FAG.

208
00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:09,650
I CAN'T
DRINK LIKE YOU, OKAY?

209
00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,919
I NEED SOMETHING A LITTLE SWEET
TO HELP THE MEDICINE GO DOWN.

210
00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:14,054
FAGGOTY FAG FAG FAG.

211
00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:17,791
[ CHUCKLES ] THIS IS COOL,
US HANGING OUT HERE, RIGHT?

212
00:09:17,825 --> 00:09:21,294
JUST LIKE, UH, LIKE RAOUL DUKE
AND DR. GONZO, RIGHT?

213
00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:22,930
WE HAVEN'T DONE THIS
SINCE THE SALAD DAYS.

214
00:09:22,963 --> 00:09:25,165
YEAH, LIKE WHEN YOU USED TO
USE ME TO GET LAID.

215
00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:27,234
LIKE WHEN YOU USED TO
USE ME TO GET PUBLISHED.

216
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:28,335
THAT WORKED, DIDN'T IT?

217
00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:30,103
FOR YOU, MAYBE.
NOT SO MUCH FOR ME.

218
00:09:30,137 --> 00:09:31,304
IT WORKED FOR ME.

219
00:09:31,338 --> 00:09:32,740
AND I NEVER
REALLY GOT TO, UH,

220
00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:34,374
SOW THE WILD OATS
THE WAY I WOULD'VE LIKED.

221
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:36,610
YOU KNOW, I WAS ALWAYS
TOO BUSY WORKING.

222
00:09:36,644 --> 00:09:39,613
HMM. AND NOW
YOU'RE HAUNTED BY IT, HUH?

223
00:09:39,647 --> 00:09:41,314
IT'S A PRETTY DRINK.

224
00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:43,216
YOU KNOW, MOST PEOPLE,
THEY GO THEIR WHOLE LIFE,

225
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:45,018
AND THEY NEVER REALLY
FIND SOMEONE THEY LOVE.

226
00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:47,254
THEY SAY THEY DO BECAUSE
EVERYBODY'S THE STAR

227
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:49,156
OF THEIR OWN
LITTLE ROMANTIC COMEDY,

228
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:50,257
BUT THEY'RE FULL OF SHIT.

229
00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:53,293
YOU AND ME, WE HAD WOMEN
THAT LOVED US FOR WHO WE WERE,

230
00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:56,129
REALLY LOVED US FOR WHO WE
WERE, AND WE FUCKED IT UP.

231
00:09:56,163 --> 00:09:57,297
FOR WHAT?

232
00:09:57,330 --> 00:10:00,801
SOME STUPID PIECE OF ASS WE
FORGOT ABOUT 10 MINUTES LATER?

233
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:02,135
WOW, YOU'RE FUN TONIGHT.

234
00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:04,104
JUST DON'T WORRY SO MUCH,
ALL RIGHT?

235
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:06,039
EVERYTHING'S
GONNA WORK ITSELF OUT.

236
00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:08,275
IT'S A PHASE WE'RE GOING
THROUGH, THAT'S ALL.

237
00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:11,144
[ CELLPHONE RINGS ]

238
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:14,815
HELLO?

239
00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:16,984
H-E-EY.

240
00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:19,753
Y-YEAH.
THAT'S FANTASTIC.

241
00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:22,422
OKAY.
SEE YOU THERE.

242
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:23,390
THAT WAS LAURA.

243
00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:26,193
FROM THE GYM.
OH, SHIT.
I JUST PEED MYSELF.

244
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:28,061
TAP, TAP, TAP
ON THE SHOULDER.

245
00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:30,163
SHE WANTS TO MEET US
AT YOUR PLACE.

246
00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:31,932
DING, DING, DING.
ROUND TWO.

247
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:34,434
NO, I QUIT.
NO MáS. NO MáS.

248
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,403
ARE YOU FINISHED YET?

249
00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:37,437
HOLD ON.

250
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:38,772
UGH. IT'S JUST A NOVELLA.

251
00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:41,875
ARE YOU ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO
MOVE THEIR LIPS WHEN THEY READ?

252
00:10:41,909 --> 00:10:43,643
'CAUSE THAT CAN
REALLY SLOW YOU DOWN.

253
00:10:45,212 --> 00:10:46,714
SO...?

254
00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:48,281
ARE YOU REALLY 16?

255
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:49,950
I'M REALLY 16.

256
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:52,152
WHO ARE
YOUR INFLUENCES?

257
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:54,755
I DON'T KNOW...
UH...

258
00:10:54,788 --> 00:10:56,356
CHUCK PALAHNIUK...

259
00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:57,891
NICK CAVE...

260
00:10:57,925 --> 00:10:59,993
ANYTHING HANK MOODY...

261
00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:02,362
THIS IS REALLY GOOD.

262
00:11:02,395 --> 00:11:05,265
DON'T BLOW SMOKE
UP MY SNATCH.
I'M NOT.

263
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:07,367
YOU REALLY THINK
I'VE GOT SOMETHING HERE?

264
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,769
I REALLY DO, YEAH.

265
00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:09,803
COOL.

266
00:11:10,938 --> 00:11:12,773
THANKS FOR READING.

267
00:11:12,806 --> 00:11:15,042
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

268
00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:17,144
YOU JUST CONFIRMED FOR ME
WHAT I ALREADY KNEW.

269
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:18,912
WHY WASTE IT
ON A TIRED, OLD WARHORSE

270
00:11:18,946 --> 00:11:20,848
WHO CANCELS MEETINGS
AT THE LAST SECOND?

271
00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:22,916
I CAN HELP YOU.

272
00:11:22,950 --> 00:11:24,818
GIVE ME A BREAK.
YOU'RE JUST AN ASSISTANT.

273
00:11:24,852 --> 00:11:26,920
FOR NOW,
BUT NOT FOR LONG.

274
00:11:26,954 --> 00:11:29,222
WOULD YOU RATHER BE WITH
SOMEONE WHO'S ON THEIR WAY UP

275
00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:30,791
OR ON THEIR WAY OUT?

276
00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:38,431
HEY.

277
00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:41,268
OH, NO.
LOOK AT THIS.

278
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:43,203
THIS IS AWKWARD.

279
00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:44,704
FOR YOU, MAYBE.

280
00:11:45,438 --> 00:11:47,741
WHAT, NO KISS?
I'M THROUGH WITH THAT.

281
00:11:47,775 --> 00:11:49,276
YOU WANT ME,
YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME.

282
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:52,746
YOU, ON THE OTHER HAND,
LITTLE LADY,

283
00:11:52,780 --> 00:11:55,215
HAVE BEEN A VERY NAUGHTY
LITTLE SMURF.

284
00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:57,284
BI-CURIOUS, ARE WE?

285
00:11:57,317 --> 00:12:00,520
HEY, HE STARTED IT.
SPANKING HIS ASSISTANT.

286
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:02,355
SO, WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR FACE?

287
00:12:03,891 --> 00:12:05,793
KICKED IN THE ASS BY KARMA.

288
00:12:05,826 --> 00:12:07,060
I'M NOT A LESBIAN,
BY THE WAY.

289
00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:09,462
SAYS THE GIRL
WITH HER FINGER IN THE DYKE.

290
00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:10,931
OOH, NICE.

291
00:12:10,964 --> 00:12:13,200
BBRROOP!BBRROOP!

292
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:14,334
WITTY. CLEVER.
THANK YOU.

293
00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:16,203
WE'RE ON A SERIOUS
BREAK HERE, CHARLIE.

294
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,305
YOU COULD DO
WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT.

295
00:12:18,338 --> 00:12:20,507
GET ALL THE STANK ON YOUR
HANG-LOW YOU COULD GET.

296
00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:21,341
GO FOR BROKE.

297
00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:23,243
DON'T THINK
I WON'T DO IT, EITHER.

298
00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:25,178
WITH THIS GUY AS MY WINGMAN,
I CAN'T FAIL.

299
00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:26,446
[ SCOFFS ]
SURE YOU CAN.

300
00:12:26,479 --> 00:12:29,516
NO, NO, NO. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE
YOUR INABILITY TO ATTRACT WOMEN.

301
00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:33,020
BBRROOP!
JUST KEEPING IT REAL.

302
00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:35,555
[ SCOFFS ]
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU,

303
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,457
BUT I'M GETTING TIRED
OF THESE VAGINA HATERS.

304
00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:40,327
I ENJOY THE VAGINA.
ALMOST AS MUCH AS YOU.

305
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,896
ONCE UPON A TIME, WE WOULD'VE
ALL GONE IN HERE TOGETHER.

306
00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:44,865
ALL OF US.
TO HAVE A GOOD TIME.

307
00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:46,266
STEP ASIDE, ASSWIPES.

308
00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:47,935
WHAT THE FUCK
HAPPENED TO US?

309
00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:49,469
GOOD TIMES.

310
00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:51,471
OKAY, I HAVE TO ASK.

311
00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:54,341
WHY DOES SHE PUNCH HIM IN THE
FACE JUST AS HE'S ABOUT TO CUM?

312
00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:57,277
YOU TELL ME.

313
00:12:57,310 --> 00:13:00,247
I THINK MAYBE
SHE WANTS TO WAKE HIM UP.

314
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,850
OR MAYBE SHE'S TRYING
TO MAKE SURE HE REMEMBERS HER.

315
00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:04,952
OR MAYBE
IT'S JUST REALLY HOT.

316
00:13:04,985 --> 00:13:07,821
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO
"JUST PLAIN HOT"? HMM?

317
00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:10,924
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS
MAKE OF THIS?

318
00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:14,594
UH, WELL, MY DAD
DOESN'T PAY MUCH ATTENTION.

319
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:19,099
I MEAN, HE MEANS WELL, YOU KNOW,
HE JUST WORKS...A LOT.

320
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:20,533
AND MY MOM...

321
00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:22,335
SHE'S GONE.

322
00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:26,940
SHE GOT SICK
A FEW YEARS BACK AND...DIED.

323
00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:30,077
LET ME HELP YOU WITH THIS.

324
00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:31,344
WHY?

325
00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:33,246
BECAUSE I BELIEVE
IN YOUR WRITING.

326
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:37,450
THIS THING IS GONNA BE HUGE.
CAN YOU IMAGINE THE HEADLINES?

327
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:39,920
"16-YEAR-OLD GIRL
WRITES SMARTEST,

328
00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:41,922
SEXIEST BOOK
SINCE 'LOLITA.'"

329
00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:44,291
IT'LL BE MADE
INTO A MOVIE.

330
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:47,060
MAYBE HANK MOODY
COULD WRITE THE SCREENPLAY?

331
00:13:47,094 --> 00:13:48,595
YEAH.

332
00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:51,198
I CAN'T FIGURE OUT
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE POOR GUY.

333
00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:53,901
I MEAN, HE WAS
SUCH A GREAT WRITER.

334
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:04,111
LET ME LET YOU IN ON
A LITTLE SECRET, YOUNG LADY --

335
00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:07,080
YOU ARE MUCH MORE TALENTED
THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE.

336
00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:08,281
YOU WANT TO BE
AN ACTRESS?

337
00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:10,183
I COULD HAVE YOU WORKING
IN NO TIME.

338
00:14:10,217 --> 00:14:12,085
REALLY?
SO YOU'D TAKE ME ON?

339
00:14:12,119 --> 00:14:13,120
IN A HEARTBEAT.

340
00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:15,622
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL,
YOU'RE SMART, YOU'RE FUNNY,

341
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:17,958
AND YOU CAN
KICK A MAN'S ASS NO PROBLEM.

342
00:14:17,991 --> 00:14:18,959
GOT THAT RIGHT.

343
00:14:18,992 --> 00:14:20,227
OH, NOT IN THE FACE!

344
00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:21,895
OH...SHIT.

345
00:14:21,929 --> 00:14:24,531
OKAY, THAT'S IT FOR ME.
GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK.

346
00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:27,067
WAIT. NOT SO FAST.

347
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:28,468
WHAT ABOUT
MY GOODNIGHT KISS?

348
00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:30,337
GOOD NIGHT.

349
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:31,905
OH.

350
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,508
BE CAREFUL. AH.

351
00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:38,946
OUCH.

352
00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:40,113
OW.

353
00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:45,185
[ EXHALES DEEPLY ]

354
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:47,054
OW.

355
00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:48,321
REMEMBER ME NOW?

356
00:14:48,355 --> 00:14:50,323
I DON'T CARE
WHAT YOU THINK.

357
00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:52,960
I JUST DON'T THINK
THE PUNISHMENT FITS THE CRIME.

358
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:55,262
I'M SORRY
THAT I DON'T REMEMBER YOU,

359
00:14:55,295 --> 00:14:58,198
AND I'M -- I'M SORRY
THAT I DIDN'T CALL YOU BACK.

360
00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:01,101
I-I JUST THINK
THAT I HAD A VERY GOOD REASON.

361
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:03,503
BUT YOU CAN'T REMEMBER IT?

362
00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:05,505
I'M GONNA GO TO BED NOW.
YOU HAVE FUN.

363
00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:07,440
YOU TWO HAVE FUN.

364
00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:08,608
THERE YOU GO.
[ GROANS ]

365
00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:11,111
NOW, I WANT YOU GUYS
TO BE SAFE,

366
00:15:11,144 --> 00:15:13,013
BE RESPONSIBLE,

367
00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:15,215
USE REDUNDANT FORMS
OF BIRTH CONTROL,

368
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:17,084
BUT MAINLY,
JUST KEEP IT DOWN,

369
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:18,952
BECAUSE I'M GONNA
BE BACK THERE

370
00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:20,620
TRYING TO PISS BLOOD
IN PEACE.

371
00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:23,390
CARRY ON,
MY WAYWARD SONS.

372
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:25,358
[ SIGHS DEEPLY ]

373
00:15:25,392 --> 00:15:28,095
DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS
TO GET A GIRL OFF?

374
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:30,097
IT IS LIKE
DISCONNECTING A BOMB.

375
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:33,100
I MEAN, THERE'S ALL THESE
WIRES AND SHIT DOWN THERE.

376
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:35,668
WHO KNOWS WHICH ONE YOU'RE
SUPPOSED TO CROSS OR PULL.

377
00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:38,371
PLUS, THE STUDIES SHOW

378
00:15:38,405 --> 00:15:41,641
THAT THE FEMALE ORGASM
IS, LIKE, WHAT, 99% MENTAL.

379
00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:43,643
WHO HAS TIME FOR THAT?!

380
00:15:43,676 --> 00:15:44,744
OKAY, SO THAT'S GOOD.

381
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:47,647
SO YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO
THE FOUR-MINUTE GRUNT-FEST?

382
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,349
THINGS LIKE
IN, OUT, DONE.

383
00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:52,752
YEAH. GIVE ME
A MOUTHFUL OF COCK ANY DAY.

384
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,187
RIGHT.
MM-HMM.

385
00:15:54,221 --> 00:15:57,257
SUCK, GARGLE, SPIT --
WORKS LIKE A CHARM.

386
00:15:57,290 --> 00:16:00,127
I MEAN, CALL ME
OLD-FASHIONED, BUT --

387
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:05,098
SO, YOU'RE DONE WITH THE, UM,
THE LESBITARIAN EXPERIMENT.

388
00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:07,167
THE GRASS
IS ALWAYS GREENER, YOU KNOW?

389
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:10,370
ISN'T THAT HOW YOU ENDED UP
ENGAGED TO BE BURIED?

390
00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:13,473
HEY, NO BILL-BASHING.
YOU PROMISED ME.

391
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:15,175
STAY ON THE SUBJECT.

392
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:16,676
THAT IS THE SUBJECT.

393
00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:18,678
MARRIED PEOPLE,
BORED OUT OF THEIR MINDS,

394
00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:20,513
LOOKING FOR SOME STRANGE.

395
00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:23,083
IT NEVER SOLVES WHAT WAS WRONG
IN THE FIRST PLACE.

396
00:16:23,116 --> 00:16:25,452
OH, LIKE YOU'RE
SUCH A FUCKING EXPERT.

397
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:26,719
I'M GONNA TELL YOU
ONE THING --

398
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:29,456
THAT LYING,
CHEATING LITTLE COCKSUCKER

399
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,758
IS NOT MOVING BACK
INTO MY HOUSE

400
00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:35,262
UNTIL I SEE SOME REAL FUCKING
REMORSE-ITUDE, OKAY?

401
00:16:35,295 --> 00:16:38,031
I WANT TEARS.
I WANT JEWELRY.

402
00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:40,233
HANK NEVER BOUGHT ME
ANY JEWELRY.

403
00:16:40,267 --> 00:16:41,501
NOT THEN, NO.

404
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:43,336
BUT HE BOUGHT YOU THAT RING,
DIDN'T HE?

405
00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:45,138
WHAT RING?

406
00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:46,706
OH, FUCK.

407
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:50,543
I SPOILED THE FUCKING
SURPRISE, DIDN'T I?

408
00:16:50,577 --> 00:16:52,312
WHAT FUCKING SURPRISE?
SHIT.

409
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:54,347
I'M GETTING MARRIED.
WHY WOULD HANK BUY ME A RING?

410
00:16:54,381 --> 00:16:56,349
I DON'T KNOW.

411
00:16:56,383 --> 00:16:59,152
CHARLIE MENTIONED THAT
HE WAS ON SOME KIND OF ROLL,

412
00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:01,188
AND HE GOT A BONUS
FROM THE MOVIE,

413
00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:03,790
AND THEN HE WENT AND BLEW IT
ON SOME ANTIQUE RING.

414
00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:06,259
DON'T TELL ME THAT.
WHAT, FOR ME?

415
00:17:06,293 --> 00:17:07,260
NO.

416
00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:08,161
OF COURSE FOR YOU.

417
00:17:08,195 --> 00:17:10,530
THAT'S THE KIND OF BLING
YOU LIKE, RIGHT?

418
00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:11,764
DEAD PEOPLE'S JEWELRY?

419
00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:12,765
[ CHUCKLES ]

420
00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:15,502
WAIT. WHAT KIND OF RING
DID BILL GET YOU, AGAIN?

421
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,504
OH, THAT'S RIGHT --
NONE.

422
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:20,273
IT'S ON ORDER, OKAY?

423
00:17:20,307 --> 00:17:22,175
IT'S --
IT'S VERY SPECIAL.

424
00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:23,776
IT'S A CANADIAN DIAMOND.

425
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:25,512
YES.

426
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:28,548
ARE THEY GOOD WITH
THE DIAMONDS, THE CANADIANS?

427
00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:31,118
I THOUGHT JUST THE BACON.

428
00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:32,785
Psst. Hey.

429
00:17:32,819 --> 00:17:34,654
[ GRUNTS ]
HEY.

430
00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:35,655
I NEED A FAVOR.

431
00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:37,524
AND I NEED SOME SLEEP.
GO AWAY.

432
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:39,092
I'M GETTING CLOSE
OUT HERE.

433
00:17:39,126 --> 00:17:40,527
CLOSE TO WHAT?

434
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,095
SEALING THE DEAL.

435
00:17:42,129 --> 00:17:44,131
WITH LADY TYSON?

436
00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:46,133
GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.
KEEP YOUR HANDS UP, THOUGH.

437
00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:47,534
HERE'S THE THING, OKAY?

438
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,669
SHE SEEMS AMENABLE
TO THE NAUGHTY, RIGHT?

439
00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:52,439
BUT SHE SEEMS EVEN MORE AMENABLE
IF YOU'RE PART OF IT.

440
00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:54,774
I THINK SHE'S GOT KIND OF
A THING FOR YOU OR SOMETHING.

441
00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:56,243
NO, I'M NOT GOING FOR THAT.

442
00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:57,710
I'VE ALREADY
GIVEN THAT GIRL

443
00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:59,646
ENOUGH OF MY
PRECIOUS BODILY FLUIDS.

444
00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:02,849
HEY, HANK, I THINK YOU NEED
TO TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM HERE.

445
00:18:02,882 --> 00:18:04,517
WHAT TEAM WOULD THAT BE?

446
00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:06,686
THE TEAM OF YOU AND ME,
BUDDY, ALL RIGHT?

447
00:18:06,719 --> 00:18:09,322
MY WIFE IS OUT THERE
TROLLING FOR SNATCH, OKAY?

448
00:18:09,356 --> 00:18:11,791
MEANWHILE, I'VE STUMBLED
ONTO SOME HIGH-CLASS,

449
00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:13,593
ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME
FANTASY SHIT HERE.

450
00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:15,128
I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU'RE AWARE,

451
00:18:15,162 --> 00:18:17,397
BUT THIS KIND OF THING
DOESN'T HAPPEN FOR ME EVERY DAY.

452
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,732
NO, I AM AWARE,
AND I FEEL YOUR PAIN.

453
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:21,734
BUT THERE'S NO WAY
I'M GONNA TAKE A CHANCE

454
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:24,504
OF CROSSING SWORDS WITH YOU
OVER SOME POOR GIRL'S "VAJANUS."

455
00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:25,672
ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S COOL.

456
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:26,739
I GET IT.

457
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:29,142
I'LL GO OUT THERE, I'LL GIVE IT
MY BEST SHOT, RIGHT?

458
00:18:29,176 --> 00:18:31,878
IF IT DOESN'T HAPPEN,
ANOTHER TIME, RIGHT?

459
00:18:31,911 --> 00:18:34,514
IF NOT THEN,
THERE'S ALWAYS CALL GIRLS,

460
00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:36,183
INTERACTIVE PORN,
PLASTIC VAGINAS.

461
00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:37,784
THANKS, BUDDY.
I FEEL MUCH BETTER NOW.

462
00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:40,253
FUCK IT, CHARLIE.
OKAY.

463
00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:42,489
OKAY.
I'LL DO IT.

464
00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:45,525
FIRST, WE GOT TO
SET SOME GUIDELINES.

465
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:48,328
EXCELLENT IDEA! EXCELLENT.
WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

466
00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:49,829
OKAY, FIRST,

467
00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:52,832
I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR COCK
ANYWHERE NEAR ME.

468
00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:56,469
WHY WOULD I WANT MY COCK
ANYWHERE NEAR YOU?

469
00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:58,905
WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE
INVOLVED IN A THREESOME WITH ME?

470
00:18:58,938 --> 00:19:00,673
I DON'T.
MY CLIENT DOES.

471
00:19:00,707 --> 00:19:02,209
THIS CLIENT DOESN'T.

472
00:19:02,242 --> 00:19:03,910
THAT CLIENT,
THE NEW CLIENT.

473
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:05,412
DO YOU WANT TO DO THIS?!

474
00:19:05,445 --> 00:19:07,780
NO. BUT I WILL.
FOR YOU.

475
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:09,582
ANYTHING FOR YOU,
MY LOVE.

476
00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:13,620
GO AGENT THE DEAL.
I'M GONNA FRESHEN UP HERE.

477
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:14,854
I NEED TO --

478
00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:17,890
GO MAKE IT SO.
MAKE IT SO.

479
00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:25,498
ALL RIGHT. I'M GOOD.
BRING IT ON.

480
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,270
WELL, I SHOULD GET GOING.

481
00:19:30,303 --> 00:19:32,439
I HAVE TO GET UP
FOR WORK IN THE MORNING.

482
00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:35,308
THINK ABOUT WHAT I SAID -- I'D
LOVE TO WORK WITH YOU ON THIS.

483
00:19:36,543 --> 00:19:38,311
WELL...

484
00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:39,912
YES?

485
00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:41,814
[ EXHALES DEEPLY ]

486
00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:43,583
HERE YOU GO.

487
00:19:45,585 --> 00:19:47,620
MAKE SHIT HAPPEN.

488
00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:49,622
OH, I WILL.

489
00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:54,527
Marcy:
LET'S DO IT.

490
00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:56,596
[ GLASSES CLINK ]

491
00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:58,265
MM!

492
00:19:58,298 --> 00:19:59,532
MMM!

493
00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:01,234
OKAY,
WHERE TO, BITCH?

494
00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:03,370
TOTALLY UP TO YOU,
SLUNT.

495
00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:04,971
[ CHORTLES ]

496
00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:06,739
GOD, I MISS YOU.

497
00:20:06,773 --> 00:20:08,308
I FUCKIN' MISS YOU!

498
00:20:08,341 --> 00:20:10,343
I MISS YOU.
I LOVE YOU.

499
00:20:10,377 --> 00:20:12,579
[ CHUCKLES ]

500
00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:14,947
I MISS --
I MISS ALL OF US.

501
00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:18,385
ME AND YOU
AND HANK AND CHARLIE.

502
00:20:18,418 --> 00:20:21,954
THAT FIRST YEAR YOU GUYS WERE
OUT HERE -- THAT WAS MAGIC.

503
00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:22,989
MM-HMM.

504
00:20:23,022 --> 00:20:25,292
THE DRINKING,
THE DINNERS,

505
00:20:25,325 --> 00:20:28,261
THE MOVIES,
THE SMOKING, THE "EX."

506
00:20:28,295 --> 00:20:32,665
THAT TIME WE ALMOST DID SWAP
BUT CHARLIE GOT HIVES.

507
00:20:32,699 --> 00:20:35,435
OH, GOOD TIMES.

508
00:20:35,468 --> 00:20:36,969
YEAH.

509
00:20:37,003 --> 00:20:40,973
YOU KNOW, MORSEL, IT CAN
BE LIKE THAT AGAIN.

510
00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:42,809
NO OFFENSE, SWEETIE,

511
00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:45,312
BUT I DON'T WANT TO DO
THAT KIND OF STUFF WITH BILL.

512
00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:46,746
WHY NOT?

513
00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:47,647
I DON'T KNOW.

514
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:50,717
HE JUST KIND OF
MAKES MY LABIA SHRIVEL.

515
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:52,985
THANK YOU
FOR THAT NICE IMAGE.

516
00:20:53,019 --> 00:20:58,057
I'M SORRY. I JUST --
I MISS MY FUCKING LIFE.

517
00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:01,894
I KNOW IT'S INCREDIBLY
ANTI-FEMINIST OF ME TO ADMIT IT,

518
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:03,463
BUT...
[ SIGHS ]

519
00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:06,733
...I MISS
THAT SEXY LITTLE BULLDOG.

520
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:08,668
UGH.

521
00:21:08,701 --> 00:21:09,669
UCCH.

522
00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:12,605
I FUCKED UP,
HE FUCKED UP...

523
00:21:12,639 --> 00:21:15,775
I JUST -- I WANT TO GO BACK
TO THE WAY THINGS WERE.

524
00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:21,948
[ SIGHS ]

525
00:21:21,981 --> 00:21:23,683
MARSUPIAL...

526
00:21:23,716 --> 00:21:25,818
KARENINA...

527
00:21:25,852 --> 00:21:27,053
[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]

528
00:21:27,086 --> 00:21:30,890
DID HE REALLY
BUY ME A RING?

529
00:21:30,923 --> 00:21:32,792
YEAH.

530
00:21:32,825 --> 00:21:35,595
THIS COMES
AS A SHOCK TO YOU?

531
00:21:35,628 --> 00:21:37,497
LOOK,
I KNOW HANK CAN BE

532
00:21:37,530 --> 00:21:39,732
A DOUCHEBAG
ON WHEELS SOMETIMES,

533
00:21:39,766 --> 00:21:42,469
BUT HE LOVES
THE SHIT OUT OF YOU.

534
00:21:42,502 --> 00:21:46,339
HIS SUN RISES
AND SETS ON YOU, BABY.

535
00:21:48,007 --> 00:21:49,776
[ PANTING ]

536
00:21:49,809 --> 00:21:51,778
[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ]

537
00:21:53,846 --> 00:21:55,114
DEAR?

538
00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:56,349
DEAR?

539
00:21:57,884 --> 00:21:59,586
[ Panting ]
COULD I GET A SIP OF THAT?

540
00:21:59,619 --> 00:22:01,888
WORKING HARD, HUH?

541
00:22:04,857 --> 00:22:08,995
WOULDN'T WANT TO GET
ANY GERMS ON YOU, HUH?

542
00:22:09,028 --> 00:22:10,997
YOU'RE HARDLY WORKING.

543
00:22:11,030 --> 00:22:15,768
[ SIPS, GULPS,
RESUMES PANTING ]

544
00:22:25,445 --> 00:22:26,513
OKAY.

545
00:22:26,546 --> 00:22:27,647
OKAY.

546
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:29,081
YOU KNOW WHAT?

547
00:22:29,115 --> 00:22:31,017
COME ON UP.
COME ON UP.

548
00:22:31,050 --> 00:22:32,585
COME HERE.

549
00:22:32,619 --> 00:22:35,555
LISTEN, I-I THINK
IF IT HASN'T HAPPENED YET,

550
00:22:35,588 --> 00:22:37,790
I DON'T THINK
IT'S GONNA HAPPEN.

551
00:22:37,824 --> 00:22:39,859
AND, I APOLOGIZE,
BUT I-I JUST THINK I'D BE

552
00:22:39,892 --> 00:22:43,396
SHOOTING PUFFS OF SMOKE
RIGHT NOW, ANYWAY, SO...

553
00:22:43,430 --> 00:22:44,564
MAYBE...

554
00:22:44,597 --> 00:22:47,166
MAYBE THAT'S IT.

555
00:22:47,199 --> 00:22:48,868
NO MáS.

556
00:22:48,901 --> 00:22:51,604
OKAY, CHARLIE,
YOU'VE GOT WORK TO DO.

557
00:22:51,638 --> 00:22:54,841
WHAT THE CLIENT WANTS,
THE CLIENT GETS.

558
00:22:54,874 --> 00:22:56,876
NOT THIS CLIENT.

559
00:23:08,588 --> 00:23:09,989
[ BOTH LAUGH ]

560
00:23:10,022 --> 00:23:11,924
Shh!

561
00:23:11,958 --> 00:23:13,460
Maybe they're still out.

562
00:23:13,493 --> 00:23:16,195
The music's on,
the cars are here.

563
00:23:16,228 --> 00:23:18,465
They just don't hear us.

564
00:23:32,612 --> 00:23:34,447
[ MOANING PLEASURABLY ]

565
00:23:34,481 --> 00:23:35,982
OOH, YEAH!

566
00:23:36,015 --> 00:23:38,818
YEAH! YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!

567
00:23:41,153 --> 00:23:42,989
HOLY SHIT.

568
00:23:43,022 --> 00:23:44,457
CHARLIE...

569
00:23:44,491 --> 00:23:47,226
Charlie!
MM! MM!

570
00:23:47,259 --> 00:23:48,995
Charlie!

571
00:23:49,028 --> 00:23:51,864
[ MUSIC CONTINUES ]

572
00:23:51,898 --> 00:23:53,833
It's all clear.

573
00:23:53,866 --> 00:23:55,702
Okay.

574
00:23:59,038 --> 00:24:00,139
CHARLIE.

575
00:24:00,172 --> 00:24:01,608
Charlie.
AHH!

576
00:24:01,641 --> 00:24:03,676
Charlie, shit!
Heads up!

577
00:24:03,710 --> 00:24:04,911
OH, YES! YES!

578
00:24:04,944 --> 00:24:07,847
I just remembered
why I didn't call her back.

579
00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:09,982
[ PANTING, MOANING
INTENSIFIES ]

580
00:24:10,016 --> 00:24:11,518
Charlie.

581
00:24:11,551 --> 00:24:12,852
Charlie.

582
00:24:12,885 --> 00:24:14,487
Dude, she's gonna blow.

583
00:24:16,823 --> 00:24:18,024
AH!

584
00:24:18,057 --> 00:24:20,026
OH, YEAH!
OH, YEAH!

585
00:24:26,132 --> 00:24:29,569
[ LAUGHTER ]

586
00:24:39,912 --> 00:24:43,215
BABY, COME ON. HEY, HEY, HEY.
WE WERE TAKING A BREAK.

587
00:24:43,249 --> 00:24:46,152
I WAS JUST GETTING SOME STANK
ON MY HANG-LOW, LIKE YOU SAID.

588
00:24:46,185 --> 00:24:48,721
HEY.
DON'T GO AWAY MAD.

589
00:24:48,755 --> 00:24:49,656
I'M NOT MAD.

590
00:24:49,689 --> 00:24:52,592
YOU'RE JUST ABSOLUTELY
FUCKING DISGUSTING.

591
00:24:52,625 --> 00:24:54,861
I ADMIT IT WASN'T THE MOST
PLEASANT SCENE TO WALK IN ON,

592
00:24:54,894 --> 00:24:56,596
BUT NOBODY ASKED YOU
TO WALK IN ON IT.

593
00:24:56,629 --> 00:24:57,597
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE RIGHT.

594
00:24:57,630 --> 00:25:00,066
AND THAT'S WHY I'M GETTING
THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

595
00:25:00,099 --> 00:25:01,734
YOU DON'T OWE ME
AN APOLOGY.

596
00:25:01,768 --> 00:25:03,135
KAREN, YOU CAN'T
HAVE IT BOTH WAYS.

597
00:25:03,169 --> 00:25:05,204
YOU CAN'T TELL ME TO FUCK OFF
AND FORGET ABOUT YOU

598
00:25:05,237 --> 00:25:07,740
AND THEN WANDER BACK INTO MY
LIFE WHENEVER YOU FEEL LIKE IT.

599
00:25:07,774 --> 00:25:11,578
BELIEVE ME, I WILL NOT
MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN.

600
00:25:11,611 --> 00:25:12,579
OKAY.
OKAY.

601
00:25:12,612 --> 00:25:13,613
WELL,
WHY DID YOU COME?

602
00:25:13,646 --> 00:25:16,883
BECAUSE YOU BOUGHT ME A RING,
YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE.

603
00:25:16,916 --> 00:25:18,585
I DID.
YES.

604
00:25:18,618 --> 00:25:22,088
I MEAN, YOU WENT INTO A STORE,
AND YOU LOOKED AROUND,

605
00:25:22,121 --> 00:25:24,323
AND THEN YOU -- YOU PICKED OUT
A RING, AND THEN --

606
00:25:24,356 --> 00:25:25,925
AND THEN
YOU BOUGHT IT FOR ME.

607
00:25:25,958 --> 00:25:27,660
I DID.

608
00:25:29,028 --> 00:25:31,564
BUT YOU NEVER
BOUGHT ME A RING. EVER.

609
00:25:31,598 --> 00:25:33,900
WHERE IS IT?
WHY DIDN'T YOU GIVE IT TO ME?

610
00:25:33,933 --> 00:25:37,003
YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE
GONNA MARRY BILL AND
I SHOULD RESPECT THAT.

611
00:25:37,036 --> 00:25:38,270
RIGHT. YES.

612
00:25:38,304 --> 00:25:41,240
THAT NEVER
STOPPED YOU BEFORE.

613
00:25:41,273 --> 00:25:43,209
WOULD YOU HAVE WANTED ME
TO GIVE IT TO YOU?

614
00:25:43,242 --> 00:25:45,144
I MEAN, WOULD THAT
HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE?

615
00:25:45,177 --> 00:25:50,016
ARE YOU QUESTIONING THINGS?
ARE YOU HAVING DOUBTS?

616
00:25:50,049 --> 00:25:51,684
I QUESTION EVERYTHING.

617
00:25:51,718 --> 00:25:53,152
IT'S VERY HEALTHY.
IT IS VERY HEALTHY.

618
00:25:53,185 --> 00:25:55,221
BUT IF YOU ARE QUESTIONING
THINGS AND HAVING DOUBTS,

619
00:25:55,254 --> 00:25:57,657
MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T JUST,
YOU KNOW, RUSH INTO THE WEDDING.

620
00:25:57,690 --> 00:25:59,592
MAYBE YOU SHOULD POSTPONE
THE FUCKING WEDDING.

621
00:25:59,626 --> 00:26:00,993
WHAT'S THE RUSH?

622
00:26:01,027 --> 00:26:03,195
I CAN'T DO THAT.

623
00:26:03,229 --> 00:26:05,164
LOOK, I NEVER SAID
THAT YOU HAD TO CHOOSE

624
00:26:05,197 --> 00:26:07,299
BETWEEN ME
AND WILLIAM THE CONQUEROR.

625
00:26:07,333 --> 00:26:09,969
I JUST THINK YOU CAN'T
RUN OFF AND MARRY A GUY

626
00:26:10,002 --> 00:26:12,972
AFTER MAKING SWEET LOVE
TO YOURS TRULY.

627
00:26:13,005 --> 00:26:15,775
IT JUST WOULDN'T BE CHASTE,
YOUNG LADY.

628
00:26:15,808 --> 00:26:17,977
SAYS THE GUY
WHO'S, LIKE, HOSTING ORGIES

629
00:26:18,010 --> 00:26:20,279
AND STANDING IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE STREET IN A SKIRT.

630
00:26:20,312 --> 00:26:22,749
IT WAS HARDLY AN ORGY.
I WASN'T EVEN THAT INTO IT.

631
00:26:22,782 --> 00:26:24,316
I JUST DID IT
TO GET CHARLIE LAID.

632
00:26:24,350 --> 00:26:27,053
I FORGOT -- YOU'RE
SUCH A HUMANITARIAN, RIGHT?

633
00:26:27,086 --> 00:26:29,355
LOOK, I DID BUY YOU A RING,
AND I WOULD SHOW IT TO YOU,

634
00:26:29,388 --> 00:26:32,024
BUT I GAVE IT TO THIS HOMELESS
WOMAN AFTER YOU BLEW ME OFF.

635
00:26:32,058 --> 00:26:32,959
IT'S A TRUE STORY.

636
00:26:32,992 --> 00:26:34,961
IT WAS A VERY NICE RING.
IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

637
00:26:34,994 --> 00:26:37,029
IT WAS ELEGANT AND UNDERSTATED,
MUCH LIKE YOURSELF.

638
00:26:37,063 --> 00:26:38,264
I WOULD HAVE
LIKED NOTHING BETTER

639
00:26:38,297 --> 00:26:41,033
THAN TO GET DOWN ON BENDED KNEE
AND SLIP IT ON YOUR FINGER.

640
00:26:41,067 --> 00:26:42,635
STOP IT.

641
00:26:42,669 --> 00:26:44,303
BUT BUYING IT
WAS A MISTAKE.

642
00:26:44,336 --> 00:26:46,906
BECAUSE IT'S NOT ABOUT THE RING.
IT WAS NEVER ABOUT THE RING.

643
00:26:46,939 --> 00:26:48,174
IT'S NOT ABOUT MARRIAGE.

644
00:26:48,207 --> 00:26:50,209
IT'S NOT ABOUT THE WEDDING,
IT'S NOT ABOUT ME,

645
00:26:50,242 --> 00:26:52,144
IT'S NOT ABOUT BILL,
IT'S NOT ABOUT BECCA...

646
00:26:52,178 --> 00:26:54,113
IT'S ABOUT YOU, KAREN.

647
00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:02,755
BYE, HANK.

648
00:27:04,724 --> 00:27:07,927
GOOD NIGHT, CHAMP.
COME AGAIN.

649
00:27:08,795 --> 00:27:10,329
SO TO SPEAK.
YOU KNOW...

650
00:27:10,362 --> 00:27:12,899
GOOD NIGHT.

651
00:27:12,932 --> 00:27:14,033
GOOD NIGHT...

652
00:27:14,066 --> 00:27:15,735
KAREN.

653
00:27:21,173 --> 00:27:24,711
Hank: YO.
RUNKULUS MAXIMUS.

654
00:27:28,414 --> 00:27:30,382
LOOK AT YOU.

655
00:27:30,416 --> 00:27:33,119
ISN'T IT GOOD
TO BE FREE?

656
00:27:33,152 --> 00:27:34,887
HMM?

657
00:27:34,921 --> 00:27:38,725
NO WOMEN WEIGHING US DOWN.

658
00:27:38,758 --> 00:27:42,161
AIN'T LIFE
FUCKIN' GRAND?

659
00:27:47,767 --> 00:27:50,737
-- Captions by VITAC --
www.vitac.com

660
00:27:50,770 --> 00:27:53,740
CLOSED CAPTIONING PROVIDED BY
SHOWTIME NETWORKS

661
00:27:53,773 --> 00:27:56,709
AND BLIND DECKER PRODUCTIONS