1
00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:11,045
PREVIOUSLY ON
"CALIFORNICATION"...

2
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:14,182
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
TODD CARR --

3
00:00:14,215 --> 00:00:16,517
WHO TOOK MY PRECIOUS LITTLE
NOVEL, WIPED HIS ASS,

4
00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:17,751
AND TRANSFORMED IT

5
00:00:17,785 --> 00:00:19,787
INTO THIS "CRAZY LITTLE THING
CALLED LOVE."

6
00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:23,724
UGH!

7
00:00:24,425 --> 00:00:26,294
HOLY FUCKNUTS!

8
00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:27,495
SHIT!

9
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:29,597
WHAT,
DON'T YOU FUCKIN' KNOCK?

10
00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:31,265
YOU USED TO BE ALL ABOUT
THE MORNING SEX.

11
00:00:31,299 --> 00:00:33,134
WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU?

12
00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:34,268
ANYBODY HOME?

13
00:00:34,302 --> 00:00:35,336
HEY, BABY!

14
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:36,770
GOOD AFTERNOON,
MRS. RUNKLE.

15
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:38,639
WHAT DO YOU
WANT ME TO DO?

16
00:00:38,672 --> 00:00:40,108
MAYBE YOU WANT ME

17
00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:42,643
TO MAKE YOU WEAR A BALL GAG
IN YOUR MOUTH.

18
00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:45,579
YOU HAVE TO COME GET ME.
I'M A LITTLE BUSY
RIGHT NOW.

19
00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:46,814
MY TEACHER --
HE'S COKED OUT OF HIS MIND.

20
00:00:46,847 --> 00:00:49,183
AND HE'S TRYING TO GET ME
INTO A THREESOME.

21
00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:50,851
YOU WANT TO GO TO THE MOVIES
WITH US, DAD?

22
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:53,754
IT TURNS OUT THAT WAS
BALD OLD UNCLE CHARLIE,

23
00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:55,623
AND HE'S GOING THROUGH
A ROUGH PATCH.

24
00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:56,857
YOU CRIED WOLF.

25
00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:58,459
MAYBE I JUST WANTED
TO SEE YOU.

26
00:00:58,492 --> 00:01:00,294
YOU'RE NOT IN LOVE
WITH ME, HANK.

27
00:01:00,328 --> 00:01:03,564
YOU'RE IN LOVE
WITH THE IDEA OF LOVE.

28
00:01:04,532 --> 00:01:06,367
YOU'RE RUNNING
FOR THE HILLS.

29
00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:10,504
OH, MY GOD!

30
00:01:16,544 --> 00:01:18,679
OKAY, THIS IS EXCITING.

31
00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:21,649
I'M READY.
I'M ALL EARS.

32
00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:23,651
"NOTHING GOLD CAN STAY."

33
00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:25,286
"NATURE'S
FIRST GREEN --"

34
00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:28,122
STOP. I JUST THREW UP
IN MY MOUTH A LITTLE.

35
00:01:28,156 --> 00:01:30,758
YOU HAD 20 CENTURIES OF HALFWAY
DECENT VERSE TO CHOOSE FROM

36
00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:33,127
AND YOU'RE GOING
WITH SOME MINOR FROSTY?

37
00:01:33,161 --> 00:01:34,862
I LIKE IT.

38
00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:36,730
IT'S SHORT.

39
00:01:36,764 --> 00:01:38,566
AND?

40
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:39,633
BLEAK.

41
00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:42,270
HMM. AND?

42
00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:45,239
I SAW IT IN A MOVIE
ONCE.

43
00:01:45,273 --> 00:01:47,508
WELL, THEN, IT MUST BE GOOD.
CONTINUE.

44
00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:50,244
WELL, BASICALLY IT'S ABOUT
HOW NOTHING GOOD EVER LASTS,

45
00:01:50,278 --> 00:01:51,779
HOW,
NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO,

46
00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,881
IT ALL JUST TURNS TO SHIT
IN THE END --

47
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:56,484
YOU KNOW,
LIKE YOU AND MOM.

48
00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:58,786
AH. TRENCHANT IF PROFANE
LITERARY CRITICISM.

49
00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:00,521
IT'S AN INTERESTING TAKE.

50
00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:02,623
I WILL PUT THAT ONE
ON YOUR TAB, BY THE WAY.

51
00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:04,292
BUT DON'T EVER
THINK THAT, HONEY.

52
00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:06,294
JUST BECAUSE
SOMETHING IS BLEAK

53
00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:08,362
DOESN'T NECESSARILY
MAKE IT TRUE.

54
00:02:08,396 --> 00:02:09,463
HAIR.

55
00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:13,501
HAPPY ENDINGS MAY GET A BAD RAP,
BUT THEY DO HAPPEN.

56
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:14,868
AND WHEN THEY DO,

57
00:02:14,902 --> 00:02:17,538
THEY'RE JUST AS TRUE
AS THE UNHAPPY ONES.

58
00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:19,207
SO YOU'RE SAYING
IT IS POSSIBLE

59
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,609
MAYBE ONE DAY YOU AND MOM
COULD GET BACK TOGETHER?

60
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:22,876
OF COURSE.
ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE.

61
00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:25,579
YES,
BUT IS IT REALISTIC?

62
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:30,551
WHO SAYS
WE HAVE TO BE REALISTIC?

63
00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:32,286
MOM.
OH.

64
00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:33,687
[ CLEARS THROAT ]

65
00:02:33,721 --> 00:02:36,557
WELL, NOT TO CONTRADICT
YOUR DEAR OLD MOM,

66
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,926
WHO IS BOTH WICKED SMART
AND WICKED WONDERFUL,

67
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:41,295
BUT, NO, WE DON'T HAVE TO BE --
REALISTIC, THAT IS.

68
00:02:41,329 --> 00:02:42,930
NOT WHEN IT COMES TO LOVE.

69
00:02:42,963 --> 00:02:45,233
[ DOG FARTS ]
OH, JEEZ.

70
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:46,600
IS THAT YUSUF?

71
00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:47,868
OH.

72
00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:49,603
GUESS THAT'S HER.

73
00:02:49,637 --> 00:02:51,772
GOT TO CHANGE
WHAT I'M FEEDING THAT DOG...

74
00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:53,274
OR YOU.

75
00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:57,411
HELLO, SUNSHINE.

76
00:02:57,445 --> 00:02:59,480
I'M DOUBLE-PARKED,
SO I JUST GOT TO GRAB HER.

77
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,415
THEN, BY ALL MEANS,
SKIP THE PLEASANTRIES.

78
00:03:01,449 --> 00:03:02,950
BUT CAN YOU
DO ME A FAVOR

79
00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:05,553
AND STOP TELLING OUR DAUGHTER
NOT TO BELIEVE IN HAPPY ENDINGS?

80
00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:06,954
WHAT'S NEXT --
NO SANTA CLAUS?

81
00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:09,257
YOU GONNA SHIT ALL OVER
THE EASTER BUNNY, TOO?

82
00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:11,959
I THINK SHE FIGURED OUT
THE SANTA CLAUS THING ALREADY,

83
00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:13,994
AND I DO BELIEVE
IN HAPPY ENDINGS,

84
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,364
JUST NOT WHEN IT COMES
TO THE BALLAD OF HANK AND KAREN.

85
00:03:16,397 --> 00:03:18,532
BULLSHIT. WE PRACTICALLY
MADE OUT LAST WEEK.

86
00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:20,868
THAT'S NOTHING
IF NOT PROGRESS.

87
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,670
I HOPE TO GET TO SECOND BASE
THIS WEEK.

88
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,505
OH, PLEASE.
THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

89
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:27,308
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT? YOUR TONGUE
JUST SLIPPED INTO MY MOUTH?

90
00:03:27,341 --> 00:03:28,676
NO, OTHER WAY AROUND.

91
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:31,812
THE FACT THAT YOU'RE MAKING
THESE LAME EXCUSES UP

92
00:03:31,845 --> 00:03:35,249
CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING --
YOU'RE TOTALLY INTO ME STILL.

93
00:03:35,283 --> 00:03:36,517
OH, REALLY?

94
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:37,585
TOTALLY.

95
00:03:37,618 --> 00:03:38,952
[ DOG BARKS ]

96
00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:40,854
COME ON, HONEY.

97
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:43,324
GOODBYE, SWEETIE.

98
00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:49,263
HEY.
STAY GOLD, PONYBOY.

99
00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:41,582
THERE IS NO
FUCKING SOY MILK!

100
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:44,818
WILL YOU NUT UP
AND LEARN TO DIGEST DAIRY?

101
00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:46,720
WHAT THE FUCK
IS WRONG WITH YOU?

102
00:04:46,754 --> 00:04:48,556
NOTHING A BRAND-NEW
GASTROINTESTINAL TRACT

103
00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:49,823
WOULDN'T FIX.

104
00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:51,492
BULLSHIT. HERE.

105
00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:53,994
IT'S NOT VANILLA, BUT YOU
CAN PUNISH ME FOR THAT LATER.

106
00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:56,330
I'LL DUST OFF
THE WHIPS AND CHAINS.

107
00:04:56,364 --> 00:04:57,931
HA HA HA.
VERY FUNNY.

108
00:04:57,965 --> 00:05:00,868
SERIOUSLY. I'VE BEEN
A VERY NAUGHTY HAUSFRAU.

109
00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:03,103
YOU ALMOST DIED
FROM MALNUTRITION.

110
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:05,573
THESE JOKES ARE NEVER
GONNA GET OLD, ARE THEY?

111
00:05:05,606 --> 00:05:07,641
WHAT IS A MARRIAGE,
IF NOT AN OPPORTUNITY

112
00:05:07,675 --> 00:05:09,710
TO MOCK SOMEONE
THROUGH THICK AND THIN

113
00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,845
WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY
EXPLORING

114
00:05:11,879 --> 00:05:13,981
YOUR DEEPEST,
DARKEST SEXUAL DESIRES?

115
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:16,083
YEAH, WELL,
WHAT SAY ONE DAY SOON

116
00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:18,819
WE LAY OFF MINE
AND START DISCUSSING YOURS?

117
00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:20,554
YEAH,
LIKE YOU COULD HANDLE THAT.

118
00:05:20,588 --> 00:05:22,356
OH, OH,
YOU WANT TO TRY ME?

119
00:05:22,390 --> 00:05:24,858
I WANT TO DO IT
WITH A GIRL.

120
00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:26,660
[ COUGHING ]

121
00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:30,398
SO, UH, WHAT,

122
00:05:30,431 --> 00:05:34,535
THIS IS SOMETHING YOU, UM,
FEEL YOU MIGHT ENJOY?

123
00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:36,504
YEAH, SURE.
I HEAR IT'S NICE, YOU KNOW?

124
00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:37,838
GETTING
A LITTLE WORK DONE

125
00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:40,073
BY SOMEONE WHO OWNS
HER OWN SET OF TOOLS.

126
00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:41,975
BUT I WOULDN'T
WANT TO LEAVE YOU OUT.

127
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:46,380
IT SEEMS MORE, I DON'T KNOW,
HONEST THAT WAY.

128
00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:50,551
HONEST...RIGHT.

129
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:52,119
DON'T YOU SEE
WHAT THIS MEANS?

130
00:05:52,152 --> 00:05:54,588
THIS IS
A GIFT FROM ON HIGH.

131
00:05:54,622 --> 00:05:57,591
THIS IS A COSMIC
"GET OUT OF JAIL FREE" CARD.

132
00:05:57,625 --> 00:05:59,727
THE WHOLE THING
WAS HER IDEA.

133
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,829
I'M TRYING TO MENTALLY
MASTURBATE ABOUT IT,

134
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,831
BUT AN IMAGE OF YOU
KEEPS POPPING INTO MY HEAD,

135
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:04,932
AND THAT'S A PROBLEM.

136
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:07,668
NO, SEE, IF I DO THIS --
IF WE DO THIS THING,

137
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:10,103
THEN ALL THIS GUILT I'VE BEEN
CARRYING AROUND FOR WEEKS --

138
00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:13,674
THE MASSIVE, CRUSHING GUILT --
POOF, THAT IS GONE.

139
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,443
I AM ABSOLVED.

140
00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:18,779
I KNOW YOU HEBREWS DO THINGS
A LITTLE DIFFERENTLY,

141
00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:20,047
BUT LAST I CHECKED,

142
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,949
A MéNAGE à TROIS WAS NOT
A PIT STOP

143
00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:23,551
ON THE ROAD
TO REDEMPTION.

144
00:06:23,584 --> 00:06:25,719
THIS COULD SAVE
THE MARRIAGE.

145
00:06:25,753 --> 00:06:27,455
SO CAN
BUYING A BEACH HOUSE.

146
00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:28,589
OR YOU COULD TRY ADOPTING

147
00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:30,558
AN INCREDIBLY
GOOD-LOOKING AFRICAN BABY.

148
00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:31,992
I HEAR GOOD THINGS
ABOUT THAT.

149
00:06:32,025 --> 00:06:33,961
SPEAKING OF...

150
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:35,963
OH, YOU GOT TO BE
FUCKING KIDDING ME.

151
00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:37,498
THAT COCKSUCKER?

152
00:06:37,531 --> 00:06:38,966
THAT COCKSUCKER
HAS THE GOOD TASTE

153
00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:41,569
TO WANT TO OPTION YOUR BLOG
FOR A NICE CHUNK OF CHANGE.

154
00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:43,737
HOW THE FUCK
DO YOU OPTION A BLOG?

155
00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:46,540
WHAT IS THERE TO OPTION?
THE TITLE? THE FONT?

156
00:06:46,574 --> 00:06:48,609
TODD!
GOOD TO SEE YOU, MAN.

157
00:06:48,642 --> 00:06:50,210
GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT.

158
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,178
MOODY.

159
00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:52,480
CARR.

160
00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:53,847
I WOULD STAND,

161
00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:55,716
BUT THAT WOULD EXPOSE
MY NETHER-REGIONS TO ATTACK.

162
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:58,652
I GOT NO BEEF WITH YOU,
MOODY.

163
00:06:58,686 --> 00:06:59,987
I'M HERE ON BUSINESS.

164
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:02,022
SO I'M TOLD BY
THE FREDO CORLEONE OF AGENTS.

165
00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:04,024
ALTHOUGH I CAN'T
FOR THE LIFE OF ME

166
00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:05,759
IMAGINE WHAT THAT BUSINESS
MIGHT BE,

167
00:07:05,793 --> 00:07:08,629
UNLESS IT'S TO DISCUSS CUSTODY
OF OUR RETARDED LOVE CHILD.

168
00:07:08,662 --> 00:07:10,598
LET THE MAN TALK,
WILL YOU?

169
00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:12,500
TODD HERE HAS A THREE-PICTURE
DEAL AT PARAMOUNT.

170
00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:14,067
HE'S LOOKING
TO GET HIS SACK BACK

171
00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:15,869
WITH SOME SERIOUSLY
EDGY MATERIAL.

172
00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:17,137
WELL, I'M SORRY,

173
00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:19,540
BUT MY TESTICLES ARE NOT
AVAILABLE FOR TIME-SHARE.

174
00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:22,042
IT TOLD YOU THIS WAS
A WASTE OF MY FUCKING TIME.

175
00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:24,144
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH SHIT
A GUY LIKE ME HAD TO TAKE

176
00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:26,179
FOR DIRECTING
A FROTHY LITTLE ROM COM?

177
00:07:26,213 --> 00:07:28,982
YOU THINK ANTOINE FUQUA
RETURNS MY CALLS?

178
00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:30,083
BUT I DID IT.

179
00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:32,786
I KNOCKED THAT MOTHERFUCKER
INTO THE CHEAP SEATS.

180
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:34,722
AND I'M GLAD I DID IT.
DO YOU KNOW WHY?

181
00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:37,858
BECAUSE IT KEEPS THE BABY MAMAS
IN JUICY COUTURE?

182
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:40,861
NO, HEY, I'M NOT HATING.
I'M NOT JUDGING.

183
00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:43,130
I GOT A LITTLE BABY MAMA
ALL MY OWN.

184
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:44,665
IT'S TRUE. HE DOES.

185
00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:46,734
HEY, I'M SENSING
SOME COMMON GROUND HERE.

186
00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:48,201
DO YOU REMEMBER KAREN?

187
00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:50,904
YEAH, SHE WAS WAY
TOO FUCKING HOT FOR THIS MOPE.

188
00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:52,105
THAT'S TRUE.
SHE IS.

189
00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:55,743
SHE ALSO HAPPENS TO BE ONE
FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC ARCHITECT.

190
00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:58,879
IS SOMEONE LOOKING TO PIMP OUT
THE McMANSION IN BALDWIN HILLS?

191
00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:00,948
I OWN
A RAY FUCKING KAPPE HOUSE.

192
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:03,617
GUY HAS A HARD-ON
FOR ARCHITECTURE

193
00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:05,052
BIGGER
THAN BRAD PITT'S.

194
00:08:05,085 --> 00:08:06,520
OH,
COLOR ME IMPRESSED.

195
00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:08,522
WHAT, A BROTHER
CAN'T LOVE MODERNISM?

196
00:08:08,556 --> 00:08:11,692
I LIKE THIS.
WE'RE FREE-ASSOCIATING HERE.

197
00:08:11,725 --> 00:08:14,261
THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION --
WIDE OPEN.

198
00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:15,462
EXCELLENT.

199
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,765
DO YOU KNOW WHY I WANTED TO
WORK WITH YOU AGAIN, MOODY?

200
00:08:17,798 --> 00:08:20,668
WHEN YOU'RE NOT WALLOWING
IN NARCISSISTIC DESPAIR,

201
00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:23,003
YOU'RE THE RAREST THING
THIS TOWN HAS TO OFFER --

202
00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:25,238
SOMEONE
WITH SOME GODDAMN VISION.

203
00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:26,740
I THOUGHT IT WAS 'CAUSE

204
00:08:26,774 --> 00:08:29,710
YOU LIKED THE FEEL
OF MY BALLS ON YOUR KNUCKLES.

205
00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:32,580
LATER, RUNKLE.

206
00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:39,152
WELL DONE, MY FRIEND.

207
00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:42,255
I DON'T KNOW.
I FEEL LIKE WE BONDED.

208
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:50,764
WHO THE FUCK IS ANSWERING
MY FUCKING PHONES

209
00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:52,132
IF THERE'S -- OH.

210
00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:53,601
OH.

211
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:55,268
BABY,
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

212
00:08:55,302 --> 00:08:57,638
I HAD A BURST
OF INSPIRATION.

213
00:08:57,671 --> 00:09:00,173
COME HERE, YOU.
HELLO.

214
00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:03,744
SO I WAS TALKING TO DANI HERE
ABOUT OUR SEXUAL PROBLEM.

215
00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:05,012
OUR WHAT?

216
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:07,214
SHE'S TOTALLY IN.

217
00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:09,149
EXCUSE ME?

218
00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:11,284
HER, ME, YOU.

219
00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:13,621
WE HAD A LITTLE GIRL-TO-GIRL
CHAT ON THE SUBJECT,

220
00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:16,056
AND SHE AGREES WITH ME
ABOUT THE TOOLBOX THING.

221
00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:18,659
OH, SHIT.

222
00:09:18,692 --> 00:09:21,161
I SAID "TOOL."

223
00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:22,763
AND "BOX."

224
00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:25,833
OKAY, UH, DANI, COULD YOU
GIVE US JUST A SECOND, PLEASE?

225
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:28,602
I BELIEVE MY WIFE FORGOT TO TAKE
HER LIBRIUM THIS MORNING.

226
00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:33,240
NO PROBLEM, SIR.
SO, UM, HOLD ALL YOUR CALLS?

227
00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:35,175
YES, DANI,
HOLD ALL MY CALLS.

228
00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:37,711
VERY GOOD, SIR.

229
00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:44,151
WIFE, HAVE YOU LOST
YOUR FUCKING MIND?

230
00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:45,786
THIS IS PERFECT.

231
00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:47,888
IT'S EXACTLY
WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT.

232
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:50,724
YEAH, TALKED -- AS IN
HYPOTHETICAL CONVERSATION.

233
00:09:50,758 --> 00:09:52,760
THIS'S
MY FUCKING SECRETARY!

234
00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:54,194
SO?

235
00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:56,329
SO, IF IT GOES BADLY,
I'LL HAVE TO FIRE HER.

236
00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:58,699
SHIT, IF IT GOES WELL,
I'D HAVE TO FIRE HER.

237
00:09:58,732 --> 00:10:00,768
EITHER WAY,
I'M OUT ONE FUCKING SECRETARY

238
00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:02,302
AND UP A GIANT LAWSUIT.

239
00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:04,404
I THOUGHT YOU SAID
SHE WAS GOD-AWFUL?

240
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:07,908
THEY'RE ALL GOD-AWFUL
UNTIL YOU TRAIN THEM.

241
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:09,677
THEN THEY IMPROVE.

242
00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:11,111
WHAT, LIKE DOGS?

243
00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:14,147
COME ON. YOU'RE NOT
GONNA DO THIS FOR ME?

244
00:10:14,181 --> 00:10:15,916
I HELPED YOU OUT
WITH YOUR FANTASY.

245
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,350
YEAH, BADLY.

246
00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:19,286
LOOK, JUST...
[ CHUCKLES ]

247
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:21,354
JUST PICK SOMEONE ELSE,
THAT'S ALL.

248
00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:22,756
LIKE WHO?

249
00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:25,258
I DON'T KNOW --
SOMEBODY, ANYBODY.

250
00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:28,796
SOMEONE FROM THE SALON
OR I -- WHAT ABOUT KAREN?

251
00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:31,865
THE PRIM REAPER?

252
00:10:31,899 --> 00:10:35,168
SHE'S SO TALL...
AND PRESBYTERIAN.

253
00:10:35,202 --> 00:10:37,070
THE WOMAN'S A GODDESS.
SHE'S GORGEOUS.

254
00:10:37,104 --> 00:10:38,772
I DON'T WANT TO GO
WHERE HANK HAS BEEN.

255
00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:41,308
HE PROBABLY LEFT BOOBY TRAPS
UP THERE LIKE THE VIETCONG.

256
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:45,779
COME ON, BABY...PLEASE?

257
00:10:45,813 --> 00:10:47,781
I WANT THE LITTLE ONE.

258
00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:49,750
SHE LOOKS LIKE
SHE KNOWS THINGS.

259
00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:56,389
OH, MY GOD.

260
00:10:56,423 --> 00:10:57,490
YOU LIKE?

261
00:10:57,524 --> 00:11:00,060
WELL, YEAH, OF COURSE I LIKE.
IT'S A RAY KAPPE HOUSE.

262
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:01,862
RAY FUCKING KAPPE.

263
00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:04,331
THAT'S ONE OF THOSE GUYS
FROM ARCHITECTURE SCHOOL

264
00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:06,033
THAT USED TO GET YOU
ALL JUICED UP.

265
00:11:06,066 --> 00:11:08,902
I THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE TO SEE ONE
ALL UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL.

266
00:11:08,936 --> 00:11:10,804
HANK, CAN YOU GET BACK
IN THE CAR?

267
00:11:10,838 --> 00:11:14,307
WE'RE GONNA GET TASERED
BY THE BEL-AIR PATROL.

268
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:16,043
MY LADY.

269
00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:18,746
W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

270
00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:21,949
JUST MADE A LITTLE DEAL
WITH THE CARAMEL-COATED DEVIL.

271
00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:24,885
TASERING --
YOU LIKE THAT?

272
00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:26,887
IS THAT SOMETHING
YOU'RE INTO NOW?

273
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:28,722
Karen:
OH, MY GOD.

274
00:11:28,756 --> 00:11:30,257
Todd: IT'S FUCKING
GORGEOUS, HUH?

275
00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:32,492
NOT A LOT OF CLOSET SPACE,
THOUGH.

276
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:35,062
HANK NEVER REALLY GOT
ARCHITECTURE AS AN ART FORM.

277
00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:38,465
TOO MUCH COMPROMISE INVOLVED,
TOO MANY PRACTICALITIES.

278
00:11:38,498 --> 00:11:40,467
DUDE WOULD RATHER
HANG OUT ALL ALONE

279
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,169
IN HIS IVORY TOWER,
RIGHT?

280
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:44,471
MASSAGING THOSE PRECIOUS
LITTLE WORDS OF HIS.

281
00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:47,207
LIKE ANYONE GIVES A FUCK IF IT'S
AN "AND" INSTEAD OF "OR."

282
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:48,909
YOU GOT ME ALL WRONG.

283
00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:50,811
I TRY TO LIVE
IN AN IVORY TOWER,

284
00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:53,847
BUT A TIDE OF SHIT IS
CONSTANTLY BEATING AT ITS WALLS.

285
00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:55,816
DON'T BE IMPRESSED.
HE STOLE THAT FROM FLAUBERT.

286
00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:57,484
HEY, CARR, IF YOU
DON'T MIND MY ASKING,

287
00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:59,386
HOW MUCH A PLACE
LIKE THIS SET YOU BACK?

288
00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:01,221
THE FEELING
OF REAL ARCHITECTURE --

289
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:03,056
YOU CAN'T PUT A PRICE TAG
ON THAT.

290
00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:04,191
SO YOU DO MIND.

291
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,459
MAKES YOUR HEART SOAR,
LIFTS YOUR SOUL.

292
00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,929
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

293
00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:10,831
IT'S JUST INCREDIBLE.

294
00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:13,466
I THINK IT WAS RUSKIN
THAT ONCE SAID --

295
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:15,002
"IT WAS RUSKIN."

296
00:12:15,035 --> 00:12:16,369
SHUT UP.

297
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:19,372
"WITHOUT ARCHITECTURE,
THERE WOULD BE NO REMEMBERING."

298
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,074
I LIKE THAT.

299
00:12:21,108 --> 00:12:22,509
THAT'S NICE.

300
00:12:22,542 --> 00:12:24,477
ABOUT 4, 5 MILL?

301
00:12:24,511 --> 00:12:26,814
I'M SO SORRY.

302
00:12:26,847 --> 00:12:30,851
CAN I JUST SAY
THANK YOU SO MUCH?

303
00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:33,420
IT'S ALWAYS BEEN A DREAM OF MINE
TO SEE INSIDE THIS HOUSE.

304
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:35,422
I REALLY APPRECIATE
YOUR TIME.

305
00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:37,991
IT'S GONNA BE
EVEN MORE SLICK

306
00:12:38,025 --> 00:12:40,260
WHEN I HAVE A POOL OUT HERE,
A LITTLE GUEST HOUSE,

307
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:41,394
MAYBE A SCREENING ROOM.

308
00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:44,331
PLUS, I WANT THE WHOLE THING
TO BE ALL ECO-FRIENDLY.

309
00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:46,199
HANK SAYS YOU'RE SOME KIND
OF GENIUS AT THAT.

310
00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:47,567
NO, I --

311
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,803
THAT'S WHY I WAS REALLY HOPING
YOU WOULD TAKE THE JOB.

312
00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:50,938
WHAT JOB?

313
00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:52,205
DID I FORGET TO MENTION

314
00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:54,074
THAT CARR HERE
IS LOOKING FOR AN ARCHITECT?

315
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:56,944
I THINK MY WORK HERE
IS DONE.

316
00:12:56,977 --> 00:12:58,011
ME?

317
00:12:58,045 --> 00:13:00,213
WHAT DO YOU THINK?

318
00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:02,215
OH, MY GOD!

319
00:13:02,249 --> 00:13:04,517
OH. I LIKE THAT.

320
00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:08,488
WANT TO JUMP MY BONES NOW

321
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:11,825
OR HOLD OUT FOR A SITUATION
WITH A LITTLE MORE BACK SUPPORT?

322
00:13:11,859 --> 00:13:14,061
[ LAUGHS ]
I DID GOOD, DIDN'T I?

323
00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:16,363
YOU DID.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.

324
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:18,431
I'M SO EXCITED.

325
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:20,567
WILL YOU TAKE ME HOME
SO I CAN CELEBRATE?

326
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:23,470
I'M UP FOR THAT.
LET'S HIT EL POLLO LOCO.

327
00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:25,172
I MEAN WITH BECCA.

328
00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:27,407
HER TOO. THE CRAZY CHICKEN
DOES NOT DISCRIMINATE.

329
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,376
OH, RIGHT,
IT'S WEDNESDAY NIGHT.

330
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:32,012
OKAY, WELL, I CAN CELEBRATE
SOME OTHER TIME.

331
00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:33,613
YOU WILL NOT
STAY HOME ALONE

332
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:35,482
ON THE NIGHT
OF YOUR BIG VICTORY.

333
00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:37,584
YOU'D SWAP NIGHTS
WITH ME?

334
00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:40,220
SADLY, NO, BUT I WILL REPEAT
MY ORIGINAL OFFER

335
00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:42,489
THAT ALL THREE OF US
THROW DOWN THE CARBS TOGETHER --

336
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:44,124
MAN, WOMAN, AND CHILD.

337
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:46,526
YOU WANTED TO CELEBRATE.
COME ON.

338
00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:49,129
NOT WITH YOU.
I WANT TO CELEBRATE
WITH YOU.

339
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,430
INVITE ME OVER.

340
00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:51,865
NO.

341
00:13:51,899 --> 00:13:54,534
INVITE ME OVER.
I WILL COOK FOR YOU.

342
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:56,636
COOK? YOU?

343
00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:58,105
YES.

344
00:13:58,138 --> 00:14:00,273
I HAVE MY ONE DISH.

345
00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:02,242
NOT THE CHEESE SENSATION.

346
00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:03,977
YES, FIVE DIFFERENT KINDS
OF CHEESES,

347
00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:05,946
INCLUDING CREAM CHEESE,
THE PEOPLE'S CHEESE.

348
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:08,148
[ LAUGHS ]

349
00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,583
DON'T KNOCK THE HAUTE CUISINE
OF LONG ISLAND.

350
00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:13,353
IT'LL BE LIKE OLD TIMES.
YEAH, BUT WHICH ONES?

351
00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:16,023
THE GOOD ONES, LIKE WHEN
WE LIVED ON CHARLES STREET,

352
00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:17,290
AMONGST THE GAYS.

353
00:14:17,324 --> 00:14:19,226
YOU HATED THAT PLACE.
YEAH, BUT YOU LOVED IT.

354
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:21,895
JUST LIKE YOU LOVE
FUCKED-UP ARCHITECTURE LIKE THIS

355
00:14:21,929 --> 00:14:24,597
AND DAVID HOCKNEY
AND GIGANTIC FUCKING EARRINGS

356
00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:26,233
AND THE COMPLETE
AND UTTER CLICHé

357
00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:28,068
OF DRIVING WEST ON MULHOLLAND
AT SUNSET.

358
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,572
YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW
THESE THINGS, BUT I DO.

359
00:14:35,142 --> 00:14:37,210
I'M IN, AREN'T I?

360
00:14:37,244 --> 00:14:39,246
[ CHUCKLES ]

361
00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:40,914
OH, I'M IN.

362
00:14:48,956 --> 00:14:51,024
[ FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING ]

363
00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:53,360
[ MARCY SIGHS ]

364
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:56,696
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
HOW DO I LOOK?

365
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:59,399
GOOD.
YOU LOOK GOOD.

366
00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:02,002
[ SIGHS ]

367
00:15:02,035 --> 00:15:04,104
YOU THINK
SHE LIKES NUTS?

368
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,106
MAYBE WE SHOULD OFFER HER
SOME MIXED NUTS?

369
00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:07,640
I DON'T KNOW.

370
00:15:07,674 --> 00:15:10,010
WHAT?
YOU THINK SHE'S ALLERGIC?

371
00:15:10,043 --> 00:15:12,012
HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I KNOW
SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

372
00:15:12,045 --> 00:15:13,513
I DON'T KNOW.

373
00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:15,115
YOU WORK WITH PEOPLE,

374
00:15:15,148 --> 00:15:17,350
THESE THINGS COME UP
IN CASUAL CONVERSATION.

375
00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:19,552
"NONE FOR ME, THANKS.
I HAVE A NUT ALLERGY."

376
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:22,355
I'M SORRY. WE DON'T HAVE
THAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP.

377
00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:25,225
REALLY, I DON'T KNOW VERY MUCH
ABOUT THIS GIRL.

378
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:28,095
OTHER THAN YOU THINK
THAT SHE'S FUCKING HOT.

379
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:30,097
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO
RESPOND TO THAT?

380
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:31,464
WHAT DO YOU
WANT ME TO SAY?

381
00:15:31,498 --> 00:15:33,233
YOU WANT ME TO SAY,
"I LOVE YOU.

382
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:35,402
THIS IS FUCKING CRAZY.
LET'S NOT DO THIS"?

383
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:38,238
DON'T YELL AT ME, ASSWIPE!
I AM NERVOUS ENOUGH AS IT IS!

384
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,507
YEAH,
AND ISN'T THAT A SIGN?
A SIGN OF WHAT?

385
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:42,742
THAT WE SHOULDN'T
GO THROUGH WITH THIS.

386
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,544
I MEAN,
LOOK WHAT WE HAVE HERE.

387
00:15:44,577 --> 00:15:46,546
THIS --
THIS IS PRETTY GREAT, RIGHT?

388
00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:49,116
HOW DO WE KNOW WE'RE GONNA
BE THE SAME AFTERWARDS?

389
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:50,450
THE SAME?

390
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:52,385
I THOUGHT THE SAME
WAS THE PROBLEM.

391
00:15:52,419 --> 00:15:56,089
WHAT PROBLEM?
THERE'S NO PROBLEM.

392
00:15:56,123 --> 00:15:58,125
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

393
00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:05,198
DO YOU WANT TO GET THAT,
OR SHOULD I?

394
00:16:05,232 --> 00:16:07,267
[ SMOKE ALARM BEEPING ]

395
00:16:10,703 --> 00:16:12,439
AAH!

396
00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:20,280
[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

397
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:33,460
YEAH? I'M GONNA BE THERE
IN LIKE FIVE --

398
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:36,396
OH. HELLO, MIA.

399
00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:38,131
YES.

400
00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:39,266
OH, WOW.

401
00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:41,201
WOW. NO, I'M SURE
YOU'RE IN TROUBLE.

402
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:42,602
THAT JUST -- IT SOUNDS --

403
00:16:42,635 --> 00:16:44,637
IT SOUNDS PRETTY TRAGIC,
ACTUALLY.

404
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:46,773
QUITE A STORY.
VERY FAMILIAR, TOO.

405
00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:49,742
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
I HEARD IT LAST WEEK.

406
00:16:49,776 --> 00:16:51,378
CIAO.

407
00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:54,247
AHH.

408
00:17:14,301 --> 00:17:17,204
WHERE DID YOU GET THAT BRA?
THAT IS SO CUTE!

409
00:17:17,237 --> 00:17:19,539
[ CLEARS THROAT ]

410
00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:22,809
SORRY. MY BAD.
MOOD KILLER.

411
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,536
YOU'RE NOT GONNA FIST ME
OR ANYTHING, ARE YOU?

412
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,404
BECAUSE I'M NOT SURE
IF I'M READY FOR THAT.

413
00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:53,206
MARCE!

414
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:54,674
WHAT?

415
00:17:54,707 --> 00:17:57,410
UH, A LITTLE LESS TALK
MIGHT BE NICE.

416
00:17:57,444 --> 00:17:59,246
EVERYBODY'S
A FUCKING CRITIC.

417
00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:03,183
HEY, HEY. PUT ME IN, COACH.
I'LL BRING IT HOME FOR YOU.

418
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,822
DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD --
I DON'T KNOW --

419
00:18:09,856 --> 00:18:12,159
INCLUDE HIM SOMEHOW?

420
00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:14,461
IT'S YOUR FANTASY.

421
00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:20,500
Charlie: UH, HELLO?

422
00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:22,169
I'M THINKING.

423
00:18:22,202 --> 00:18:25,472
I MEAN, SHIT, I CAN SLEEP
WITH YOU ANY NIGHT OF THE WEEK.

424
00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:28,141
THIS IS NOT HOW THIS
IS SUPPOSED TO BE.

425
00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:32,145
IT'S A FANTASY.
IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE AT ALL.

426
00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:44,591
HEY.
THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE.

427
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:46,359
OKAY, SWEETIE.
I GOT TO GO.

428
00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:47,427
WHERE YOU GOING?

429
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,929
MIA'S IN SOME FUCKED-UP
SITUATION WITH HER TEACHER.

430
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:52,165
SHE'S KIND OF DRUNK OR DRUGS --
I DON'T EVEN KNOW.

431
00:18:52,199 --> 00:18:53,866
LOOK, HEY,
I'M GONNA COME WITH YOU.

432
00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:57,270
IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM.
STAY WITH BECCA.

433
00:18:57,304 --> 00:18:58,571
YOU DON'T KNOW THIS GUY.

434
00:18:58,605 --> 00:19:00,807
HE'S A SEX CRIME
WAITING TO HAPPEN.

435
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,276
25 MINUTES AT 300, OKAY?
THROW THAT IN THE OVEN.

436
00:19:03,310 --> 00:19:05,245
WHY ARE YOU GOING?
BECAUSE I HAVE TO.

437
00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:07,580
NO, YOU DON'T.
IT'S JUST MIA.

438
00:19:07,614 --> 00:19:09,782
LAST I CHECKED, YOU GUYS
WEREN'T BLOOD-RELATED.

439
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:11,618
RIGHT.

440
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,553
YOUR MOTHER
NEEDS BACKUP.
NO, I DON'T.

441
00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:15,522
CAN YOU STAY WITH BECCA?
SHE'S BEEN WAITING FOR YOU.

442
00:19:15,555 --> 00:19:18,225
YOU CAN'T HANDLE
THIS GUY ALONE.

443
00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:20,793
HE DOESN'T LOOK IT,
BUT HE'S DANGEROUS.

444
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:22,862
I THINK HE'S DAN--
JUST LET ME DRIVE.

445
00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:25,798
I'LL DRIVE YOU THERE.
WE'LL GO. WE'LL GO TOGETHER.

446
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:28,468
[ ENGINE TURNS OVER ]

447
00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:03,570
HERE.
DO WITH IT WHAT YOU WILL.

448
00:20:03,603 --> 00:20:08,841
OR MAYBE YOU CAN DISH IT OUT
BUT CAN'T TAKE IT.

449
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:10,543
IS THIS GONNA HURT?

450
00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:12,645
'CAUSE THIS LOOKS LIKE
IT MIGHT HURT.

451
00:20:12,679 --> 00:20:14,947
THAT'S KIND OF THE POINT,
ISN'T IT?

452
00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:17,984
I MEAN, HE'S DONE SOME
PRETTY BAD THINGS, THIS GUY.

453
00:20:18,017 --> 00:20:20,353
HE DESERVES TO BE PUNISHED
FOR THEM.

454
00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:22,689
[ GASPS ] AHH!

455
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,457
THINGS LIKE WHAT?

456
00:20:24,491 --> 00:20:27,427
YOU KNOW, THE USUAL.

457
00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:29,829
HAAH!

458
00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:31,364
[ LAUGHING ]

459
00:20:31,398 --> 00:20:33,900
OH, MAN.
I GOT TO GET MY CAMERA.

460
00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:38,004
AAH! MOTHERFUCKER!
COCKSUCKER! SHIT! FUCK!

461
00:20:38,037 --> 00:20:40,573
YOU'RE ATTACHED
TO THE FUCKING CHAIN!

462
00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:43,310
JUST DON'T MOVE!
GET IT OFF YOUR UNDERWEAR!

463
00:20:43,343 --> 00:20:46,879
AAAAH!

464
00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:50,216
FINALLY.

465
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,985
YOU GUYS GOT TO GET THIS FUCKING
JAILBAIT OUT OF MY HOUSE.

466
00:20:53,019 --> 00:20:54,854
MIA, HONEY, IT'S ME.
IT'S KAREN.

467
00:20:54,887 --> 00:20:56,556
HEY, HEY, WAKE UP.

468
00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:58,425
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THIS ISN'T JUST ALCOHOL.

469
00:20:58,458 --> 00:20:59,859
SHE'S TAKEN SOMETHING.

470
00:20:59,892 --> 00:21:02,795
HEY, MIA. MIA.
MIA, WAKE UP.

471
00:21:02,829 --> 00:21:05,498
HANK, YOU CAME.

472
00:21:05,532 --> 00:21:07,534
WHAT THE FUCK'S
SHE TALKING ABOUT?

473
00:21:07,567 --> 00:21:08,635
"YOU CAME"?

474
00:21:08,668 --> 00:21:10,903
I DON'T KNOW. SHE'S CONFUSED.
KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN.

475
00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:12,839
LOOK AT ME.
KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN.

476
00:21:12,872 --> 00:21:14,741
ANIMAL,
WHAT'D YOU GIVE HER?

477
00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:17,377
DO I LOOK LIKE I NEED
SOME FUCKING DATE-RAPE DRUG?

478
00:21:17,410 --> 00:21:18,345
VALIUM,
FOR CHRIST'S SAKES.

479
00:21:18,378 --> 00:21:21,348
THE GIRL'S GOT A GODDAMN
RITE AID IN HER PURSE.

480
00:21:21,381 --> 00:21:23,350
Hank:
HOW MANY DID YOU TAKE?

481
00:21:23,383 --> 00:21:25,785
WHAT? 5, 4?

482
00:21:25,818 --> 00:21:27,887
45? 4 OR 5.

483
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,357
SEE? NOBODY'S GONNA OFF
THEMSELVES WITH 4.

484
00:21:30,390 --> 00:21:31,658
IT'S ALL AN ACT.

485
00:21:31,691 --> 00:21:33,626
YOU KNOW
HOW FUCKING POPULAR

486
00:21:33,660 --> 00:21:35,595
THIS SHIT IS
WITH THE YOUNG LADIES?

487
00:21:35,628 --> 00:21:36,996
DO YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY?

488
00:21:37,029 --> 00:21:40,099
THIS IS SOMEONE'S CHILD HERE,
YOU ASSHOLE!

489
00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:41,601
THEY TRUSTED YOU!

490
00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:44,036
YOU ARE MEANT TO BE
HER TEACHER!

491
00:21:44,070 --> 00:21:46,072
YOU THINK I WANTED SYLVIA PLATH
TO COME OVER HERE

492
00:21:46,105 --> 00:21:47,674
AND GO ALL FUCKING
BELL JAR ON ME?

493
00:21:47,707 --> 00:21:49,909
I'M THE ONE
GETTING MANIPULATED HERE.

494
00:21:49,942 --> 00:21:52,745
SHE COMES UP TO ME
AFTER FUCKING DEBATE PRACTICE --

495
00:21:52,779 --> 00:21:54,581
DO YOU WANT ME
TO SMACK YOU?!

496
00:21:54,614 --> 00:21:56,849
OH, SHIT.

497
00:21:56,883 --> 00:21:58,951
I BET SHE FEELS
A LOT BETTER NOW.

498
00:21:58,985 --> 00:22:02,589
OH, I SEE TWO.
TWO WHAT?

499
00:22:02,622 --> 00:22:05,091
TWO PILLS. IS THAT
A THIRD ONE THERE?

500
00:22:05,124 --> 00:22:06,993
I SEE SUSHI.
IS THAT A PILL?

501
00:22:07,026 --> 00:22:08,361
AAH!

502
00:22:08,395 --> 00:22:10,129
LET'S GET THE FUCK
OUT OF HERE.

503
00:22:10,162 --> 00:22:12,432
AH, SHIT, MOODY!

504
00:22:12,465 --> 00:22:14,901
NOW I'M
GONNA FUCKING HURL.

505
00:22:14,934 --> 00:22:16,903
[ GROANING ]

506
00:22:16,936 --> 00:22:18,137
FUCK!

507
00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:20,039
[ GROANS ]

508
00:22:20,072 --> 00:22:23,543
UH, WHO'S YOUR
PRIMARY CARE GUY AGAIN?

509
00:22:23,576 --> 00:22:25,378
HOW SHOULD I
FUCKING KNOW?

510
00:22:25,412 --> 00:22:27,113
JESUS CHRIST,
YOU THINK THESE PEOPLE

511
00:22:27,146 --> 00:22:29,416
ARE EVER GONNA GET AROUND
TO SEWING ME UP?

512
00:22:29,449 --> 00:22:31,684
I'M IN CONSIDERABLE
FUCKING PAIN HERE!

513
00:22:31,718 --> 00:22:34,120
I'M SORRY, OKAY?
I SAID IT A THOUSAND TIMES.

514
00:22:34,153 --> 00:22:36,456
YOU KNOW I'M BAD
WITH MECHANICAL THINGS.

515
00:22:36,489 --> 00:22:38,124
TELL THAT
TO MY MISSING NIPPLE.

516
00:22:38,157 --> 00:22:40,593
YOU TOOK OFF
LIKE 12 LAYERS OF SKIN.

517
00:22:40,627 --> 00:22:43,496
I'M SORRY, NIPPLE.

518
00:22:43,530 --> 00:22:47,467
NOW THAT I'VE MAIMED YOU,
WHERE AM I GONNA REST MY HEAD?

519
00:22:47,500 --> 00:22:50,537
THAT WAS, LIKE,
MY FAVORITE SPOT.

520
00:22:50,570 --> 00:22:52,639
[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]

521
00:22:54,641 --> 00:22:56,576
SOME FANTASY, HUH?

522
00:22:56,609 --> 00:22:59,479
HOW THE FUCK
DID WE END UP HERE?

523
00:22:59,512 --> 00:23:02,048
ON SOME LEVEL, I THINK
YOU WANT TO PUNISH ME.

524
00:23:02,081 --> 00:23:04,050
I THINK YOU BOTH
WANTED TO PUNISH ME.

525
00:23:04,083 --> 00:23:05,752
FOR WHAT?

526
00:23:05,785 --> 00:23:08,120
SHIT, YOU KNOW -- EVERYTHING.
HUSBAND STUFF.

527
00:23:08,154 --> 00:23:09,622
NOT ME, DICKWAD.
HER.

528
00:23:09,656 --> 00:23:11,624
WHY THE FUCK
WOULD SHE WANT TO PUNISH YOU?

529
00:23:11,658 --> 00:23:13,893
SHE BARELY KNOWS YOU.
WHAT THE FUCK DOES SHE CARE?

530
00:23:13,926 --> 00:23:15,595
I'M HER BOSS, OKAY?

531
00:23:15,628 --> 00:23:17,597
I MAKE HER DO
HUMILIATING THINGS ALL DAY.

532
00:23:17,630 --> 00:23:18,931
YOU THINK SHE LIKES THAT?

533
00:23:18,965 --> 00:23:20,166
OW!

534
00:23:20,199 --> 00:23:22,001
WHAT?

535
00:23:24,103 --> 00:23:26,473
YOU LEANED WRONG.

536
00:23:26,506 --> 00:23:27,940
I'M SORRY.

537
00:23:30,142 --> 00:23:34,146
SHE'S AN INTERESTING GIRL,
THOUGH, THAT ONE.

538
00:23:34,180 --> 00:23:37,416
FANTASTIC ASS.

539
00:23:39,151 --> 00:23:40,920
HOW IS SHE?

540
00:23:40,953 --> 00:23:44,857
OH, EVEN IF SHE'S FINE,
SHE'S GONNA FEEL

541
00:23:44,891 --> 00:23:47,960
LIKE SEVEN DIFFERENT KINDS
OF SHIT TOMORROW.

542
00:23:47,994 --> 00:23:49,996
YOU GONNA TELL BILL?

543
00:23:50,029 --> 00:23:52,632
WELL, YEAH.
I MEAN, I HAVE TO, RIGHT?

544
00:23:52,665 --> 00:23:55,134
WOULDN'T YOU WANT TO KNOW
IF YOUR 16-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER

545
00:23:55,167 --> 00:23:57,069
WAS HANGING OUT
WITH SOME CREEPY PERV

546
00:23:57,103 --> 00:23:58,605
WHO'S LIKE
TWICE HER AGE?

547
00:23:58,638 --> 00:24:01,541
THE SITUATION MAY NOT BE
EXACTLY AS IT SEEMS.

548
00:24:01,574 --> 00:24:03,142
OH,
YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING.

549
00:24:03,175 --> 00:24:05,945
YOU'RE ON THE SIDE
OF THE PERVERT, RIGHT?
ALWAYS.

550
00:24:05,978 --> 00:24:08,548
SOMEBODY'S GOT TO STAND UP
FOR THE CREEPY COMMON MAN.

551
00:24:08,581 --> 00:24:11,751
YOU KNOW, THAT SHOULD BE
A LESSON TO YOU, HANK MOODY.

552
00:24:11,784 --> 00:24:15,622
TO ME?
A LESSON TO ME? WHY?

553
00:24:15,655 --> 00:24:17,624
WHY DID YOU POINT
YOUR FINGER AT ME?

554
00:24:17,657 --> 00:24:19,792
I'M JUST KIDDING.
IT'S OKAY.

555
00:24:19,826 --> 00:24:23,029
YOU'RE A GREAT DAD.
YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

556
00:24:23,062 --> 00:24:27,834
I MEAN, THAT'S THE SEXIEST
THING ABOUT YOU.

557
00:24:27,867 --> 00:24:30,136
YOU WANT TO SAY GOOD NIGHT
TO BECCA?

558
00:24:30,169 --> 00:24:32,505
MM-HMM. PLEASE.

559
00:24:32,539 --> 00:24:34,273
GO, THEN.

560
00:24:34,306 --> 00:24:36,876
YOU KNOW, YOU DID NEED
MY BACKUP TONIGHT.

561
00:24:36,909 --> 00:24:40,547
YOU MIGHT HAVE KILLED THAT GUY
IF I WASN'T THERE.

562
00:24:55,194 --> 00:24:56,262
DAD?

563
00:24:56,295 --> 00:24:58,064
HEY.

564
00:24:58,097 --> 00:24:59,966
WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO,
THERE?

565
00:24:59,999 --> 00:25:02,769
A LITTLE
FALLING-ASLEEP MUSIC?

566
00:25:02,802 --> 00:25:06,839
LITTLE JONI MITCHELL,
"BLOOD ON THE TRACKS"?

567
00:25:06,873 --> 00:25:08,775
DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE.

568
00:25:08,808 --> 00:25:12,779
WOW. YOU REALLY KNOW
HOW TO HURT A GUY.

569
00:25:14,681 --> 00:25:17,283
HEY, UM, I KNOW TONIGHT

570
00:25:17,316 --> 00:25:20,653
KIND OF GOT
A LITTLE RUINED.

571
00:25:20,687 --> 00:25:23,656
IT'S OKAY.
I'M USED TO IT.

572
00:25:23,690 --> 00:25:27,159
YEAH, WELL,
I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU, I SWEAR.

573
00:25:27,193 --> 00:25:29,061
I KNOW.

574
00:25:29,095 --> 00:25:31,130
DO YOU?

575
00:25:31,163 --> 00:25:33,065
SURE.

576
00:25:33,099 --> 00:25:36,068
YOU NEVER MEAN
TO LET ME DOWN.

577
00:25:36,102 --> 00:25:39,105
BUT YOU DO.

578
00:25:39,138 --> 00:25:42,975
YEAH, I GUESS I DO.

579
00:25:43,009 --> 00:25:45,778
YOU KNOW,
IT'S ALL WELL AND GOOD

580
00:25:45,812 --> 00:25:47,880
TO TALK
ABOUT HAPPY ENDINGS...

581
00:25:47,914 --> 00:25:50,349
BUT IF A PERSON
CAN'T DELIVER,

582
00:25:50,382 --> 00:25:53,686
IF HE KEEPS SCREWING UP,

583
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:55,888
WELL, EVENTUALLY,

584
00:25:55,922 --> 00:26:00,226
I GUESS YOU KIND OF JUST
HAVE TO SAY, "FUCK YOU."

585
00:26:02,394 --> 00:26:06,065
OR WORDS TO THAT EFFECT.

586
00:26:14,206 --> 00:26:17,143
* WHEN YOU FEEL EMBARRASSED

587
00:26:17,176 --> 00:26:19,178
YOU CAN KEEP THE CHANGE.

588
00:26:19,211 --> 00:26:23,650
* I'LL BE YOUR PRIDE

589
00:26:23,683 --> 00:26:27,787
* WHEN YOU NEED DIRECTIONS

590
00:26:27,820 --> 00:26:32,725
* THEN I'LL BE THE GUIDE

591
00:26:32,759 --> 00:26:38,264
* FOR ALL TIME

592
00:26:42,001 --> 00:26:47,940
* FOR ALL TIME

593
00:26:51,778 --> 00:26:54,747
-- Captions by VITAC --
www.vitac.com

594
00:26:54,781 --> 00:26:57,784
CLOSED CAPTIONING PROVIDED BY
SHOWTIME NETWORKS
AND BLIND DECKER PRODUCTIONS