1 00:00:10,144 --> 00:00:11,045 PREVIOUSLY ON "CALIFORNICATION"... 2 00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:13,281 YOU COULD HAVE MADE ME LESS MOODY 3 00:00:13,314 --> 00:00:14,515 IF YOU'D MADE ME INTO A MOODY. 4 00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:15,783 I'LL MAKE YOU A MOODY RIGHT NOW. 5 00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:17,285 Bill: GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE 6 00:00:17,318 --> 00:00:20,121 AND FORGET ABOUT THE WOMAN YOU DIDN'T WANT TO MARRY. 7 00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:21,655 BACK TO WORK. YES, SIR. 8 00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:23,724 ANYTHING YOU WANT TO TELL ME ABOUT THERE, CAPTAIN? 9 00:00:23,757 --> 00:00:25,393 PLEASE. I'M A MARRIED MAN. 10 00:00:25,426 --> 00:00:26,427 HEY, BABY. 11 00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:29,530 MY NAME IS HANK. 12 00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:30,631 I KNOW. 13 00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:32,766 OW! 14 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:36,804 THIS IS MIA, BILL'S DAUGHTER, AND THIS IS HANK. 15 00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:38,772 YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER? NO. 16 00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:40,141 I AM 16, YOU KNOW. 17 00:00:40,174 --> 00:00:41,442 SO I'VE BEEN TOLD. 18 00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:43,144 MY DAUGHTER'S AN ANGEL. 19 00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:44,478 OH, YOU POOR BASTARD. 20 00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:46,347 I HAVE A CREATIVE-WRITING COURSE, 21 00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,382 AND I NEED TO TURN SOMETHING IN TODAY. 22 00:00:48,416 --> 00:00:50,418 YOU MUST HAVE SOME PIECE-OF-SHIT SHORT STORY 23 00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:52,353 YOU NEVER PUBLISHED AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE. 24 00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:54,088 REMEMBER ME? HOW COULD I FORGET? 25 00:00:54,122 --> 00:00:56,390 I THINK WE TOOK THINGS TO A WHOLE OTHER LEVEL. 26 00:00:56,424 --> 00:00:59,093 CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND? 27 00:00:59,127 --> 00:01:00,694 THAT'S MARRIED GUY. COME ON. 28 00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:02,696 I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS GONNA BE HERE. 29 00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:05,166 LET HER GO. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 30 00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:06,434 FUCKER! 31 00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:08,236 OH! OH, MY GOD! 32 00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:11,172 I'M GLAD YOU CAME. 33 00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:21,715 * DOING THE RIGHT THING 34 00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:36,697 I'M BACK, AND YOU'RE BLACK, WHICH IS COOL. 35 00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:38,532 I'M A BIG FAN OF BLACK JESUS. 36 00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:40,734 HIGH FIVE. DON'T LEAVE ME HANGING. 37 00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:41,835 THERE YOU GO. 38 00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:44,305 [ ORGAN PLAYING OMINOUS MUSIC ] 39 00:01:44,338 --> 00:01:45,706 CAN I HELP YOU, MY SON? 40 00:01:45,739 --> 00:01:46,840 HEY, PADRE. 41 00:01:46,874 --> 00:01:50,244 NO, NO, I WAS JUST TRYING TO CHECK IN WITH J.Z. UP THERE. 42 00:01:50,278 --> 00:01:52,280 ANYTHING I CAN HELP YOU WITH? 43 00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:55,883 SURE YOU DON'T HAVE A GRAB-ASS APPOINTMENT WITH AN ALTAR BOY? 44 00:01:57,251 --> 00:01:58,819 THERE'S PLENTY OF TIME FOR THAT. 45 00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:00,921 WHOA. 46 00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:05,293 YOU, UH... YOU CHECKING OUT MY PACKAGE? 47 00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:09,497 YOU DON'T WANT TO SUCK MY COCK, DO YOU? 48 00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:12,166 DO YOU WANT ME TO SUCK YOUR COCK? 49 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:16,904 DO YOU WANT ME TO WANT YOU TO SUCK MY COCK? 50 00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:19,340 DO YOU WANT TO TELL ME WHY YOU'RE HERE? 51 00:02:19,373 --> 00:02:22,176 IT'S ABOUT A GIRL. SHE'S BEAUTIFUL. 52 00:02:22,210 --> 00:02:25,779 SHE'S SMART AND FUNNY, UP FOR ALL KINDS OF INTERCOURSE. 53 00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:27,348 BUT SHE'S NOT KAREN. 54 00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:28,849 I DIDN'T SAY THAT. 55 00:02:28,882 --> 00:02:30,351 KAREN DOESN'T LOVE YOU, HANK. 56 00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:32,886 SHE LOVES ME. 57 00:02:51,239 --> 00:02:53,374 WITH A GAY PRIEST! 58 00:02:53,407 --> 00:02:56,610 OH, FUCK ME. 59 00:02:56,644 --> 00:03:00,248 HAS ANYONE EVER TOLD YOU YOU HAVE A LOT OF BAD DREAMS? 60 00:03:00,281 --> 00:03:01,982 OH, WHAT'S WRONG WITH BLACK JESUS 61 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:04,585 AND A GAY PRIEST JUST LOOKING FOR A LITTLE ORAL 62 00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:06,320 TO GET HIM THROUGH HIS NIGHT? 63 00:03:06,354 --> 00:03:08,922 [ GIGGLES ] L.O.L. 64 00:03:08,956 --> 00:03:10,591 WHAT WAS THAT? HMM? 65 00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:12,626 WHAT'D YOU JUST SAY JUST NOW? 66 00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:14,562 WHAT? L.O.L. 67 00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:17,398 "LAUGH OUT LOUD"? YEP. 68 00:03:17,431 --> 00:03:20,301 THAT'S A PART OF YOUR LEXICON? 69 00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:21,935 REALLY? L.O.L.? 70 00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:24,272 SHOULDN'T IT BE PART OF YOURS, TOO? 71 00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:26,607 YOU ARE WRITING FOR CYBERSPACE, YOU KNOW. 72 00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:29,577 OH, AND THERE GOES MY BONER. WAVE BYE-BYE. 73 00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:31,945 WHAT IS YOUR ISSUE WITH "L.O.L."? 74 00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:33,581 I DON'T HAVE AN ISSUE, 75 00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:35,716 UNLESS YOU COUNT THE FACT THAT EVERY TIME YOU SAY IT, 76 00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:37,985 YOU'RE CONTRIBUTING TO THE DEATH OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. 77 00:03:40,288 --> 00:03:42,290 SO, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. 78 00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:45,426 YOU'RE GONNA LET THE FACT THAT I JUST SAID "L.O.L." 79 00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:48,962 GET IN THE WAY OF ME GIVING YOU THE BEST B.J. OF YOUR LIFE? 80 00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:52,900 NOT WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY. 81 00:03:57,938 --> 00:04:02,510 YEAH, I'M NOT THE BIGGEST FAN OF THE TERM "B.J." EITHER. 82 00:04:46,354 --> 00:04:48,021 [ DOG BARKING ] 83 00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:49,923 Marcy: BABY, DON'T MAKE ME BEG. 84 00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:52,393 WE HAVEN'T HAD SEX SINCE MY LAST PERIOD. 85 00:04:52,426 --> 00:04:54,395 YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING HORNY I GET. 86 00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:00,868 YOU CAN HAVE THE ASS IF YOU WANT. 87 00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:03,337 YOU CAN KEEP IT. 88 00:05:03,371 --> 00:05:05,973 LAST TIME WE TRIED ANAL DURING THE LIGHT OF DAY -- 89 00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:07,941 NOT PRETTY, REMEMBER? 90 00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:10,378 YOU USED TO BE ALL ABOUT THE MORNING SEX. 91 00:05:10,411 --> 00:05:11,645 WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU? 92 00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:13,514 I'M SORRY, BABY. I'M SORRY. 93 00:05:13,547 --> 00:05:16,650 IT'S JUST -- I'M REALLY STRESSED OUT RIGHT NOW, OKAY? 94 00:05:16,684 --> 00:05:18,686 IT'S WORK STUFF, REALLY. 95 00:05:18,719 --> 00:05:20,053 I KNOW. 96 00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:21,655 PRETEND I'M PARALYZED. 97 00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:22,656 WHAT? 98 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,592 [ Chuckling ] GOD. 99 00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:26,394 COME ON. THIS WILL BE FUN. 100 00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:27,928 YOU NEED TO SHOOT SOME GLUE. 101 00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:30,564 I'LL JUST LAY HERE. DO WHAT YOU GOT TO DO. 102 00:05:30,598 --> 00:05:33,367 I-I'LL BE YOUR VESSEL. 103 00:05:38,506 --> 00:05:41,909 WHOA! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING BACK THERE? 104 00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:44,111 WHAT? YOU DON'T LIKE THAT? 105 00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:46,747 NO, I JUST -- 106 00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:50,017 YOU CAN'T JUST GO SEND PROBES INTO UNEXPLORED TERRITORY 107 00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:51,785 WITHOUT ANY ADVANCE WARNING. 108 00:05:51,819 --> 00:05:53,621 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 109 00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:56,657 I WAS JUST TRYING TO SPICE THINGS UP A LITTLE BIT. 110 00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:58,626 WHY? YOU DON'T THINK THINGS HAVE BEEN HOT ENOUGH? 111 00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:01,862 IT WAS JUST A FINGER UP THE ASS. 112 00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:04,532 I COULD USE THE LITTLER ONE. 113 00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:07,701 I'VE GOT TO GET TO WORK, OKAY? 114 00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:09,870 I'M GONNA BE LATE. 115 00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:14,775 LOVE YOU. 116 00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:17,978 [ KNOCKING ON DOOR ] 117 00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:19,613 FUCK OFF! 118 00:06:20,781 --> 00:06:22,616 [ KNOCKING ON DOOR ] 119 00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:27,187 "B" TO THE "I" TO THE DOUBLE "L." 120 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,022 WHAT'S UP, MY NIG NOG? 121 00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:31,024 I NEED TO TALK TO YOU. 122 00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:32,693 WELL, YOU SHOULD HAVE CALLED. 123 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:35,496 I WOULDN'T HAVE ANSWERED, BUT YOU COULD'VE LEFT A MESSAGE, 124 00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:37,064 WHICH I WOULD HAVE QUICKLY ERASED. 125 00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:38,766 UH, YEAH, THIS ISN'T SOMETHING 126 00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:42,503 I WOULD CHOOSE TO DISCUSS OVER THE PHONE. 127 00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:44,037 THIS IS ABOUT MIA. 128 00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:46,740 OH. 129 00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:49,543 YOU'RE AWARE SHE'S IN HIGH SCHOOL, CORRECT? 130 00:06:49,577 --> 00:06:51,044 REALLY? UH, NO. 131 00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:53,947 I MEAN, I-I WAS THINKING SHE WAS OLDER THAN THAT -- 132 00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:55,916 UH, COLLEGE, GRAD SCHOOL MAYBE, 133 00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:57,485 UH, SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 134 00:06:57,518 --> 00:07:00,153 QUIT FUCKING AROUND, HANK. THIS IS SERIOUS. 135 00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:03,491 OH, SHIT, BILL. I'M SORRY, MAN. 136 00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:05,225 I'M REALLY SORRY, 137 00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:08,496 AND I -- YOU KNOW, THIS IS JUST A FUCKED-UP SITUATION. 138 00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:10,163 AND IT SHOULD HAVE NEVER HAPPENED, 139 00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:11,999 BUT NOBODY'S TO BLAME, REALLY. 140 00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:14,067 I'M GLAD, IN A WAY, THAT YOU'RE HERE, 141 00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:17,538 YOU KNOW, SO WE CAN GET ON THE SAME PAGE, ALL RIGHT, MAN? 142 00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:19,640 Y-YOUR TURN. 143 00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:23,176 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 144 00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:25,212 I DON'T KNOW. WHAT ARE -- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING -- 145 00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:26,947 IT DEPENDS. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 146 00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:29,883 ARE YOU STONED OR DRUNK? 147 00:07:29,917 --> 00:07:32,886 WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT? WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT? 148 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:37,090 WHATEVER. I MEAN... I GOT TO ASK YOU A FAVOR, HANK. 149 00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:40,528 OH. FUCK. WELL, A FAVOR. WOW. 150 00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:42,896 OKAY, THIS SHOULD BE ENTERTAINING. 151 00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:47,167 I-I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE GUEST SPEAKER AT MIA'S SCHOOL TODAY, 152 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,836 BUT I HAVE TO GO OUT OF TOWN. 153 00:07:48,869 --> 00:07:50,270 UH-HUH. 154 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:53,507 AND THIS CONCERNS ME HOW EXACTLY, WILLAMINA? 155 00:07:53,541 --> 00:07:56,276 WELL, I WAS HOPING THAT YOU MIGHT CONSIDER 156 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:57,778 STEPPING IN FOR ME. 157 00:07:57,811 --> 00:08:00,648 IT'S A CREATIVE-WRITING CLASS, 158 00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:02,783 AND I WAS GONNA TALK ABOUT PUBLISHING. 159 00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:05,052 YOU CAN TALK ABOUT WRITING OR NOT WRITING 160 00:08:05,085 --> 00:08:07,054 OR WHATEVER WORKS. 161 00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:09,189 YEAH. 162 00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:11,692 AND WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME? 163 00:08:11,725 --> 00:08:13,193 WHAT DO YOU WANT? 164 00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:16,997 CALL OFF THE WEDDING. 165 00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:19,299 ANYTHING ELSE? 166 00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,769 HMM. 167 00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:23,804 MMM, THAT'S A NICE JACKET. 168 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:30,210 [ BELL RINGS ] 169 00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:39,219 YOU A SMOKER? THERE YOU GO. 170 00:08:41,288 --> 00:08:43,991 Hank: ALL RIGHT, SO, AT THE END OF DAY, 171 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:47,928 IF YOU CAN DO ANYTHING ELSE -- TELEMARKETING, 172 00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:51,231 PHARMACEUTICAL SALES, OR DITCH DIGGING, 173 00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:54,301 MAJOR LEAGUE UMPIRE -- I WOULD SUGGEST THAT YOU DO THAT, 174 00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:55,603 BECAUSE BEING A WRITER BLOWS. 175 00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:59,272 IT'S LIKE HAVING HOMEWORK EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. 176 00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:00,774 [ LAUGHTER ] 177 00:09:00,808 --> 00:09:02,676 ANY MORE QUESTIONS? 178 00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:03,944 YIKES. YEAH? 179 00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:06,113 ARE YOU SINGLE? 180 00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:08,716 OF COURSE I AM. WHO WOULD HAVE ME? 181 00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:10,050 [ LAUGHTER ] 182 00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:12,119 [ BELL RINGS ] OKAY, GIRLS, LET'S THANK HANK 183 00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:13,821 FOR COMING IN ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE. 184 00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:16,289 [ APPLAUSE ] 185 00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:19,927 CIGARETTE BREAK, EVERYBODY. ALL RIGHT, BYE-BYE. 186 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,895 BYE. 187 00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:27,067 DUDE, YOU'RE A FUCKING ROCK STAR. 188 00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:28,368 PLEASE. IT'S AN ALL-GIRLS SCHOOL. 189 00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,070 ANYTHING WITH A HALF A COCK AND ONE BALL 190 00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:31,672 IS GONNA GET A RISE OUT OF THESE KIDS. 191 00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:34,908 TELL ME ABOUT IT. BEST JOB I'VE EVER HAD. 192 00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:36,610 THEY'RE VERY YOUNG. 193 00:09:36,644 --> 00:09:38,211 OH, SAY THAT AGAIN... 194 00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:39,780 SLOWER THIS TIME. 195 00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:41,882 MY -- MY FLESHY T.A. DIDN'T HEAR YOU. 196 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:42,883 STOP. 197 00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:44,051 LAUGH IT UP, FUNNY MAN, 198 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,353 BUT YOU COULD GO TO JAIL FOR THAT SHIT. 199 00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:49,657 YOU'RE ACTING LIKE IT'S A FUCKING MOMMY & ME CLASS. 200 00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:52,793 THESE GIRLS ARE RIGHT ON THE CUSP OF THEIR WOMANINITY. 201 00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:54,928 WHAT ELSE IS OUT THERE FOR GUYS LIKE US? 202 00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:55,863 GUYS LIKE US? 203 00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:58,932 I WROTE A NOVEL... THREE OF THEM, ACTUALLY. 204 00:09:58,966 --> 00:10:00,333 OH, YEAH? 205 00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:01,935 THEY NEVER CAME OUT OF THE DRAWER, 206 00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:03,003 BUT I FUCKING WROTE THEM. 207 00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:04,805 I WROTE THE SHIT OUT OF THEM. 208 00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:05,873 SO, WHAT DO I DO? 209 00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:08,709 WRITE SCREENPLAYS LIKE THE REST OF THE FUCKING HERD? 210 00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:10,143 OR DO I FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT 211 00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:12,780 AND PROMOTE AN APPRECIATION OF GREAT WRITING? 212 00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:14,047 AND JUST FUCK THE ONES 213 00:10:14,081 --> 00:10:17,150 WHO ARE JUST BORED AND STUPID ENOUGH TO SPREAD 'EM FOR YOU? 214 00:10:17,184 --> 00:10:21,121 SPEAKING OF WHICH, MIA IS A SERIOUSLY GOOD WRITER. 215 00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:22,055 YEAH? 216 00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:23,924 SHE'S WRITTEN A COUPLE GOOD SHORT STORIES, 217 00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:24,925 BUT NOTHING SINCE. 218 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,326 BUT THEY'RE GOOD. 219 00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:28,128 WHO KNOWS? 220 00:10:28,161 --> 00:10:31,665 MAYBE I'M GRADING ON A CURVE 'CAUSE SHE GIVES ME WOOD. 221 00:10:31,699 --> 00:10:34,334 NOT SO MUCH WITH THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. 222 00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:35,936 AND THE PROSE WAS A LITTLE STIFF. 223 00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,304 SHE WAS TRYING TOO HARD, REALLY. 224 00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:39,239 RIGHT. 225 00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:40,941 VAN FUCKIN' HALEN. 226 00:10:49,717 --> 00:10:52,920 UGH! 227 00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:56,089 [ COUGHS ] 228 00:10:58,959 --> 00:11:00,060 BUSTED. 229 00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:01,461 OH, GOD, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. 230 00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,163 I COULD'VE BEEN THERE FOR HOURS. 231 00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:04,331 HUH. POOR HANK MOODY. 232 00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:06,333 WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH YOU AND MR. CHIPWICH? 233 00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:07,434 MEANING WHAT EXACTLY? 234 00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:08,736 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. 235 00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:10,337 DOES HE HAVE CARNAL KNOWLEDGE? 236 00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:11,872 YEAH, THAT. 237 00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:13,006 NOT YET. 238 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:14,141 BE CAREFUL. 239 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,877 SAYS THE MUCH-OLDER MAN WHO ACTUALLY DID SLEEP WITH ME. 240 00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:17,978 THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT. 241 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,213 RIGHT, THERE YOU WERE, JUST MINDING YOUR OWN BUSINESS, 242 00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:22,482 WALKING DOWN ABBOT KINNEY, WHEN YOUR DICK FELL IN ME. 243 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:23,751 OOPSIE. 244 00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:25,318 WHAT IS THIS? OPEN-MIKE NIGHT? 245 00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:27,955 LOOK, JUST BE CAREFUL OF HIM AND THOSE OF HIS ILK. 246 00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:29,890 HANK MOODY, AS I LIVE AND BREATHE, 247 00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:31,358 ARE YOU LOOKING OUT FOR ME? 248 00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:32,359 WHY WOULDN'T I? 249 00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:34,828 ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT YOU'RE MAD AS A HATTER, 250 00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:35,829 YOU'RE A GOOD KID. 251 00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:36,964 [ SIGHS ] 252 00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:39,900 WELL, SEEING AS I CAN'T SEEM TO GET YOU BACK IN THE SACK, 253 00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:42,002 I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO SETTLE FOR HIM. 254 00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,337 I GET THE FEELING HE WON'T PLAY AS HARD TO GET. 255 00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,139 OUT OF THE CAR. 256 00:11:50,077 --> 00:11:52,012 HAVE A NICE DAY AT SCHOOL, DEAR. 257 00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:53,046 BYE, HANKARELLA. 258 00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:58,218 HOW DO I LOOK? 259 00:11:58,251 --> 00:12:00,788 OH, SWEETIE, YOU LOOK GREAT. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? 260 00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:03,223 IT'S A GUITAR LESSON. IT'S NOT A FASHION SHOW. 261 00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:07,127 MOTHER, ROCK, FASHION -- IT'S ALL ONE WORLD. 262 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,062 OKAY, AVRIL. 263 00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:10,163 HE IS CUTE. 264 00:12:10,197 --> 00:12:12,299 HE IS? I HADN'T NOTICED. 265 00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:13,433 I LOOK LIKE A GEEK. 266 00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:15,168 [ DOORBELL RINGS ] OH! 267 00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:17,337 IT'S OKAY. I'LL GET IT. 268 00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:19,807 WELL, HELLO, DAVE. 269 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,542 LADIES. 270 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:23,343 YOUR SHIRT. 271 00:12:23,376 --> 00:12:26,479 WHAT? YOU'RE NOT A FAN, ARE YOU? 272 00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:28,816 THAT WOULD MAKE ME SO SAD. 273 00:12:28,849 --> 00:12:29,917 I THINK IT'S COOL. 274 00:12:29,950 --> 00:12:31,218 WELL, IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW... 275 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:32,219 BECCA. 276 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,221 RIGHT. SORRY ABOUT THAT. 277 00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,790 I WASN'T THINKING. THAT'S OKAY. 278 00:12:36,824 --> 00:12:38,458 SHE'S MY YOUNGEST STUDENT 279 00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:39,893 AND MY MOST PROMISING. 280 00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:41,829 OH, SHE IS? WELL, THAT'S GREAT. 281 00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:45,065 I PROBABLY HAVE SOME SMELLY, OLD THING IN MY CAR SOMEWHERE. 282 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,234 OR YOU COULD JUST TURN IT INSIDE OUT. 283 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:50,170 YOU KNOW, YOU COULD USE THE BATHROOM ON -- 284 00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:52,072 OR NOT. 285 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:54,875 UM... 286 00:12:56,910 --> 00:12:59,212 HEY...DAVE. 287 00:12:59,246 --> 00:13:00,814 HEY, SWEETIE. 288 00:13:00,848 --> 00:13:02,449 BETTER? MUCH. 289 00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:04,952 I LIKED IT BETTER OFF, BUT THAT'S JUST ME. 290 00:13:04,985 --> 00:13:07,087 HOW YOU DOING? 291 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,188 GOOD. 292 00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:09,990 YOU BEEN PRACTICING? 293 00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:21,501 Henry: I'M HERE WITH HANK MOODY, 294 00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:24,237 AUTHOR OF CELEBRATED UNDERGROUND NOVELS 295 00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:27,307 LIKE "SOUTH OF HEAVEN," "SEASONS IN THE ABYSS," 296 00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:30,377 AND MOST FAMOUSLY, "GOD HATES US ALL." 297 00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:31,611 HOW ARE YOU, HANK? 298 00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:34,181 I'M A LITTLE UNDER THE WEATHER, BUT IT'S GOOD TO BE HERE. 299 00:13:34,214 --> 00:13:37,517 SOME FOLKS HAVE COMPARED THE WAIT FOR YOUR NEXT NOVEL 300 00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:41,221 TO THE DECADE-PLUS WAIT FOR THE NEW GUNS N' ROSES ALBUM. 301 00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:43,991 WHICH ONE DO YOU THINK WILL SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY FIRST? 302 00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:47,060 WELL, I CERTAINLY HOPE THAT I BEAT GUNS N' ROSES TO THE PUNCH, 303 00:13:47,094 --> 00:13:49,296 BECAUSE I WANT TO GET ON OPRAH'S BOOK CLUB. 304 00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:51,398 I WANT THAT STICKER FROM THE BOOK CLUB. 305 00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:54,167 I WANT TO GET ON THAT SHOW, AND I WANT TO ASK HER... 306 00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:57,104 ABOUT THAT SCENE IN "BELOVED" WHERE SHE SQUATS AND PEES. 307 00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:58,972 HOW MANY TAKES DID SHE DO? WAS SHE METHOD? 308 00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:01,108 IN ALL SERIOUSNESS, YOUR BLOG FOR HELL-A MAGAZINE 309 00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:03,310 IS PROMPTING A LOT OF UNDERGROUND WATER-COOLER TALK. 310 00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:04,377 IT'S GREAT. 311 00:14:04,411 --> 00:14:06,513 THANK YOU, BUT IT'S REALLY -- 312 00:14:06,546 --> 00:14:10,250 IT'S MORE LIKE PISSING OUT OF MY ASS THAN ANYTHING ELSE. 313 00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:13,586 YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST -- THINGS BOTHER ME, AND I VENT. 314 00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:14,922 I WRITE IT DOWN. 315 00:14:14,955 --> 00:14:16,523 WHAT'S YOUR LATEST OBSESSION? 316 00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:18,658 JUST THE FACT THAT PEOPLE SEEM TO BE GETTING DUMBER AND DUMBER. 317 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,994 I MEAN, WE HAVE ALL THIS AMAZING TECHNOLOGY, 318 00:14:21,028 --> 00:14:22,329 AND YET COMPUTERS HAVE TURNED 319 00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,364 INTO BASICALLY FOUR-FIGURE WANK MACHINES. 320 00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:27,600 THE INTERNET WAS SUPPOSED TO SET US FREE, DEMOCRATIZE US, 321 00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:31,238 BUT ALL IT'S REALLY GIVEN US IS HOWARD DEAN'S ABORTED CANDIDACY 322 00:14:31,271 --> 00:14:33,506 AND 24-HOUR-A-DAY ACCESS TO KIDDY PORN. 323 00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:36,243 PEOPLE -- THEY DON'T WRITE ANYMORE. THEY BLOG. 324 00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:38,245 INSTEAD OF TALKING, THEY TEXT -- 325 00:14:38,278 --> 00:14:41,548 NO PUNCTUATION, NO GRAMMAR, L.O.L. THIS AND L.M.F.A.O. THAT. 326 00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:44,317 IT JUST SEEMS TO ME THAT IT'S JUST A BUNCH OF STUPID PEOPLE 327 00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:46,987 PSEUDO-COMMUNICATING WITH A BUNCH OF OTHER STUPID PEOPLE 328 00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:47,988 IN A PROTOLANGUAGE 329 00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:50,090 THAT RESEMBLES MORE WHAT CAVEMEN USED TO SPEAK 330 00:14:50,123 --> 00:14:51,224 THAN THE KING'S ENGLISH. 331 00:14:51,258 --> 00:14:52,926 YET, YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM. 332 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,162 YOU'RE OUT THERE BLOGGING WITH THE BEST OF THEM. 333 00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:58,231 HENCE MY SELF-LOATHING, YOU KNOW. 334 00:14:58,265 --> 00:15:00,100 Dave: BAR CHORDS ARE TOUGH. I KNOW. 335 00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:01,134 BUT ONCE YOU MASTER THEM, 336 00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:03,470 ALL THE SECRETS OF THE ROCK 'N' ROLL UNIVERSE 337 00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:06,439 WILL BE REVEALED -- TRUST ME, OKAY? 338 00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:08,441 OKAY. 339 00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:11,244 UH, HOLD ON A SECOND. I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU. 340 00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:13,380 WAIT RIGHT HERE, OKAY? YOU GOT IT. 341 00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:17,117 HEY, HOW'D IT GO? 342 00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:19,586 I'M SURE YOU ALREADY KNOW THIS, 343 00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:22,622 BUT YOU HAVE A REALLY SWEET KID THERE. 344 00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:24,491 OH, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE PREACHING TO THE CHOIR. 345 00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:25,625 BUT THANKS. IT NEVER GETS OLD. 346 00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:28,996 SHE'S REALLY INTO IT, TOO, WHICH IS REALLY COOL TO SEE. 347 00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:30,964 MAKES MY JOB A PLEASURE. 348 00:15:30,998 --> 00:15:33,500 WELL, SHE COMES BY IT HONESTLY. 349 00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:38,138 HER DAD IS REALLY INTO MUSIC, AND, UH, I WAS IN A BAND ONCE. 350 00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:41,108 I'D LOVE TO HEAR THE STORIES SOMETIME. 351 00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:42,275 [ CHUCKLES ] 352 00:15:42,309 --> 00:15:44,944 [ TELEPHONE RINGS ] EXCUSE ME. 353 00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:49,149 HELLO? 354 00:15:49,182 --> 00:15:52,152 HEY, SWEETIE. HOW ARE YOU? 355 00:15:52,185 --> 00:15:55,255 HOW WAS THE FLIGHT? UH-HUH. 356 00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:57,390 AND THE HOTEL -- IS IT OKAY? 357 00:15:57,424 --> 00:15:59,993 HEY, YEAH, H-HOLD ON ONE SECOND. 358 00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:00,960 WHERE'D HE GO? 359 00:16:00,994 --> 00:16:04,264 BREATHE, HONEY. IT'S OKAY. HE'S JUST OUTSIDE. 360 00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,565 I GOT TO GO. 361 00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:08,235 UM, BECCA'S JUST FINISHING HER GUITAR LESSON. 362 00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:10,370 Mia: ...MUSIC THAT YOU LOVE. 363 00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:12,705 Dave: I AM A SUCKER FOR RADIOHEAD. 364 00:16:12,739 --> 00:16:16,076 WHAT ARE YOUR WEEKEND PLANS? 365 00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:17,610 GOT TO REHEARSE WITH THE BAND. 366 00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:19,179 WHAT DO YOU GUYS SOUND LIKE? 367 00:16:19,212 --> 00:16:22,549 IT'S LIKE RADIOHEAD. WE GOT A KILLER BASSIST. 368 00:16:22,582 --> 00:16:23,383 RIGHT. YEAH. 369 00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:26,186 ALL THOSE THINGS. ALL THOSE THINGS. 370 00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:28,388 WHAT'S THIS? 371 00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:30,790 I MADE IT FOR YOU -- SOME SONGS I LIKE. 372 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:33,226 I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE THEM, TOO. 373 00:16:33,260 --> 00:16:38,131 WHOA. A MIX TAPE -- CD. 374 00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:40,800 NO ONE'S MADE ME ONE OF THESE IN A LONG TIME. 375 00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:44,237 THANK YOU, SWEETIE. I WILL TREASURE IT ALWAYS. 376 00:16:44,271 --> 00:16:46,039 SAME TIME NEXT WEEK? 377 00:16:46,073 --> 00:16:47,274 YEP. 378 00:16:47,307 --> 00:16:48,741 ADIOS. 379 00:16:56,316 --> 00:16:58,551 Hank: LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO TAKE SIDES HERE, 380 00:16:58,585 --> 00:17:01,154 BUT I WANT TO SAY, FOR THE RECORD, CATEGORICALLY, 381 00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:03,723 NEVER, NEVER STICK A FINGER UP A GROWN MAN'S ASS 382 00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:04,724 WITHOUT WARNING. 383 00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:06,259 DON'T DO IT. 384 00:17:06,293 --> 00:17:07,260 HI. 385 00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:08,495 THANK YOU. 386 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,330 WRITE THAT DOWN. 387 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,599 YOU KNOW WHAT? I'VE BEEN WITH OTHER GUYS. 388 00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:15,202 AND SOMETIMES A LITTLE ASS PLAY IS NOT ONLY WELCOME, 389 00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:16,369 BUT IT'S APPRECIATED. 390 00:17:16,403 --> 00:17:19,272 I UNDERSTAND, BUT YOU GOT TO BE GENTLE WITH THE BROWN EYE. 391 00:17:19,306 --> 00:17:21,108 MR. BROWN EYE'S A SENSITIVE MAN. 392 00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:23,210 HEY, HEY, HEY, SORRY I'M LATE. 393 00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:26,779 FOUND A REDHEAD WANDERING THE PARKING LOT. 394 00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:28,415 BROUGHT HER IN FOR YOU. 395 00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:30,550 SORRY I'M LATE. STUCK IN TRAFFIC. 396 00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:33,420 LISTENING TO THE RADIO -- VERY ENTERTAINING. 397 00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:35,355 L.O.L. 398 00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,157 SO, HAVE YOU BEEN TELLING HER 399 00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:39,492 WHAT AN AIRHEAD YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND IS? 400 00:17:39,526 --> 00:17:44,097 UH, NO, I WAS JUST ABOUT TO. 401 00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:45,665 I HEARD THE INTERVIEW, HANK. 402 00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:48,701 NOTHING LIKE BEING THE OBJECT OF SCORN AND DERISION 403 00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:49,769 ON PUBLIC RADIO. 404 00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:52,372 WELL, THAT'S THE POINT, RIGHT? 405 00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:56,209 BECAUSE IT'S PUBLIC RADIO. WHO'S LISTENING? SO... 406 00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:59,512 SO, IS THIS WHY HIS RELATIONSHIPS DON'T LAST? 407 00:17:59,546 --> 00:18:01,148 BECAUSE THE GIRLS CAN'T LIVE UP 408 00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:02,682 TO SOME RIDICULOUS FUCKING GOLD STANDARD? 409 00:18:02,715 --> 00:18:05,785 WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY? DID YOU GET YOUR HAIR DONE? 410 00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:07,820 IF YOU SPENT LESS TIME FOCUSING ON OTHER PEOPLE'S FLAWS, 411 00:18:07,854 --> 00:18:09,822 YOU MIGHT NOTICE THAT YOU'VE GOT A COUPLE OF YOUR OWN. 412 00:18:09,856 --> 00:18:12,692 SPEAKING OF FLAWS, DODGER GAME, FRIDAY NIGHT? 413 00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:14,227 I DIDN'T SAY THAT I DIDN'T. 414 00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:15,428 GREAT. YOU WANT TO HEAR SOME? 415 00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:17,630 IT SEEMS LIKE YOU WANT TO TELL ME. 416 00:18:17,664 --> 00:18:18,531 YEAH, I DO. 417 00:18:18,565 --> 00:18:20,633 YOU DRINK TOO MUCH, WRITE TOO LITTLE, 418 00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:22,902 AND THE ONLY EXERCISE YOU GET IS IN THE BEDROOM. 419 00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:24,837 YOU LOVE WOMEN, BUT YOU HATE YOURSELF, 420 00:18:24,871 --> 00:18:27,640 SO THAT ANY WOMAN WHO ACTUALLY REALLY DOES LIKE YOU 421 00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:29,376 IS ULTIMATELY DEEMED A FOOL. 422 00:18:29,409 --> 00:18:34,447 AND SEEING AS THAT WOMAN COULD PRETTY MUCH BE ANYONE, 423 00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:37,150 THIS ONE IS SAYING GOODBYE. 424 00:18:37,184 --> 00:18:38,685 H-HOLD ON JUST ONE SECOND. 425 00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:41,154 I SEEM TO HAVE HURT YOU, AND I APOLOGIZE FOR THAT. 426 00:18:41,188 --> 00:18:43,690 BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT. 427 00:18:43,723 --> 00:18:44,891 THIS IS ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. 428 00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:46,693 YOU WANT TO TELL ME WHAT IT'S ABOUT? 429 00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:51,198 B.R.B., HANK. 430 00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:56,569 I WILL GO AND MAKE SURE SHE DOESN'T KILL HERSELF THIS TIME. 431 00:18:56,603 --> 00:18:57,570 AND BY THE WAY, 432 00:18:57,604 --> 00:18:59,606 GETTING ALL AGGRO ABOUT A LITTLE STINKY PINKY 433 00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:05,278 IS DEFINITELY A SYMPTOM OF A MUCH BIGGER PROBLEM. 434 00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:06,713 Hank: OH, JEEZ. 435 00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:13,520 I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT. 436 00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:17,824 BITCHES. 437 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,437 INTRUDER. 438 00:19:30,470 --> 00:19:32,972 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I JUST POOPED MYSELF. 439 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,707 AH! 440 00:19:34,741 --> 00:19:36,343 THAT WAS VERY COOL -- 441 00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:39,546 WHAT YOU DID TODAY, TALKING AT MIA'S SCHOOL. 442 00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:41,848 OH, YEAH, CAN WE PLEASE AGREE RIGHT NOW 443 00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:43,516 TO NEVER SEND BECCA THERE? 444 00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:44,617 OKAY. 445 00:19:44,651 --> 00:19:45,718 HOW'S MY GIRL? 446 00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:46,819 I'M GOOD. 447 00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:48,855 I'VE GOT A LOT OF WORK ON, BUT, YEAH -- 448 00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:51,824 I WAS TALKING ABOUT BECCA, BUT I LIKE WHERE YOUR HEAD'S AT. 449 00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:53,260 THAT'S EMBARRASSING. 450 00:19:53,293 --> 00:19:55,895 I JUST SLIPPED INTO A PAST LIFE FOR A SECOND. 451 00:19:55,928 --> 00:19:57,597 I STILL GET MY MAIL THERE. 452 00:19:57,630 --> 00:19:59,999 I LOVE YOUR FEET. 453 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,735 SHE'S GOT A CRUSH ON HER GUITAR TEACHER. 454 00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:04,003 OH, WELL, THAT'S GREAT. 455 00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:07,674 AT LEAST IT'S NOT THE CAPTAIN OF THE FUCKING FOOTBALL TEAM. 456 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:08,641 IS HE CRUSH WORTHY? 457 00:20:08,675 --> 00:20:11,478 DOES HE BRING OUT YOUR INNER ROCKER SLUT? 458 00:20:11,511 --> 00:20:13,813 YOU KNOW, HE IS PRETTY FUCKIN' HOT, YEAH. 459 00:20:13,846 --> 00:20:15,548 SHOULD I BE WORRIED? 460 00:20:15,582 --> 00:20:16,749 ISN'T THAT BILL'S PROBLEM? 461 00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:19,552 YEAH, I DON'T KNOW IF BILL WORRIES ENOUGH. 462 00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:21,421 WHATEVER. 463 00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:23,390 HEY, YOU THINK I MIGHT, UH... 464 00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:26,593 TAKE BECCA OUT FOR SOME ICE CREAM OR SOMETHING? 465 00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:27,560 [ CHUCKLES ] 466 00:20:27,594 --> 00:20:30,397 YOU COULD, BUT, YOU KNOW, YOU JUST MISSED HER. 467 00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:32,699 SHE'S SNOOZING. SORRY. OH, SHIT. 468 00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:38,305 CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING? 469 00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:40,273 IF YOU MUST. 470 00:20:40,307 --> 00:20:47,914 IN THIS, UH...PAST LIFE OF OURS, WAS I MEAN TO YOU? 471 00:20:47,947 --> 00:20:52,652 DID I EVER -- DID I MAKE YOU FEEL STUPID? 472 00:20:52,685 --> 00:20:55,988 YOU WEREN'T MEAN, NO. 473 00:20:57,424 --> 00:21:00,527 BUT YOU CAN BE PRETTY HARD ON PEOPLE, HANK. 474 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:04,764 I WISH IT WAS DIFFERENT. 475 00:21:04,797 --> 00:21:06,699 AND SO DO I. 476 00:21:06,733 --> 00:21:08,735 BUT IT'S NOT. 477 00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:13,940 HOW IS THAT GIRL FROM THE FUND-RAISER? 478 00:21:13,973 --> 00:21:16,543 SHE IS PISSED AT ME. 479 00:21:16,576 --> 00:21:17,977 SHE'S NOT. 480 00:21:18,010 --> 00:21:19,045 YEAH. 481 00:21:19,078 --> 00:21:21,948 [ CHUCKLES ] SHE'LL GET OVER IT. 482 00:21:21,981 --> 00:21:23,550 HANK? 483 00:21:23,583 --> 00:21:24,951 YEAH? 484 00:21:24,984 --> 00:21:28,087 IS THAT BILL'S JACKET? 485 00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:31,057 OH, THAT'S A LONG STORY. 486 00:21:31,090 --> 00:21:33,760 I GOT TO GO. GOOD NIGHT, FOOT. 487 00:21:38,565 --> 00:21:41,334 * ALL ALONE 488 00:21:41,368 --> 00:21:43,736 * ON THE FLOOR 489 00:21:43,770 --> 00:21:49,108 * NEXT TO YOUR TWIN-BED BOX SPRING AND MATTRESS * 490 00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:51,744 * THE DOOR 491 00:21:51,778 --> 00:21:54,581 * IS AJAR 492 00:21:54,614 --> 00:21:57,350 * FROM AFAR YOU CAN HEAR BANDS PRACTICING * 493 00:21:57,384 --> 00:22:00,119 [ HORN HONKS ] 494 00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:02,755 * AND WHEN YOU DREAM 495 00:22:02,789 --> 00:22:06,659 * YOU DREAM OF A DAY 496 00:22:06,693 --> 00:22:10,530 * WHEN YOU FIND SOMETHING YOU COULD LOVE * 497 00:22:10,563 --> 00:22:13,099 * HALF AS MUCH AS YOU LOVE 498 00:22:13,132 --> 00:22:17,537 * ALL YOUR LITTLE, ROUND MIRRORS * 499 00:22:17,570 --> 00:22:21,040 * SEE YOURSELF REFLECTED IN ONE * 500 00:22:21,073 --> 00:22:23,843 * THERE'S A HOLE IN THE MIDDLE 501 00:22:23,876 --> 00:22:27,880 * YOU CAN'T SEEM TO FILL 502 00:22:27,914 --> 00:22:30,517 HEY. 503 00:22:30,550 --> 00:22:32,885 YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT FAIR TO SAY "B.R.B." 504 00:22:32,919 --> 00:22:34,921 AND THEN NEVER ACTUALLY B.R.B.? 505 00:22:34,954 --> 00:22:37,557 BUT APOLOGY ACCEPTED. 506 00:22:37,590 --> 00:22:38,658 COME HERE. 507 00:22:38,691 --> 00:22:39,759 [ SCOFFS ] 508 00:22:39,792 --> 00:22:40,993 GOOD MORNING. 509 00:22:41,027 --> 00:22:42,395 GOOD MORNING. 510 00:22:42,429 --> 00:22:45,031 I, UH, NEEDED MY BLACK SKIRT. 511 00:22:45,064 --> 00:22:46,198 OH, THAT'S UNDERSTANDABLE. 512 00:22:46,232 --> 00:22:49,135 IT'S PROBABLY HARD TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY IN A COURTROOM 513 00:22:49,168 --> 00:22:50,503 WHEN YOU'RE BOTTOMLESS. 514 00:22:50,537 --> 00:22:54,607 THOUGH I WOULD TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY. 515 00:22:54,641 --> 00:22:58,811 I, UH, ALSO WANTED TO GIVE YOU THIS. 516 00:22:58,845 --> 00:23:00,947 OH, SHIT. 517 00:23:00,980 --> 00:23:03,149 SO, YOU'RE GONNA BLOW THIS WHOLE THING 518 00:23:03,182 --> 00:23:05,885 OVER MY ISSUES WITH THE LANGUAGE OF CYBERSPACE? 519 00:23:05,918 --> 00:23:08,588 WHAT'S THIS WHOLE THING YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT? 520 00:23:08,621 --> 00:23:09,522 WE DRINK, WE FUCK, 521 00:23:09,556 --> 00:23:11,824 WE WATCH OLD MOVIES IN YOUR APARTMENT, HANK. 522 00:23:11,858 --> 00:23:13,693 SOUNDS FUCKIN' AWESOME. 523 00:23:13,726 --> 00:23:16,763 YOU'RE JUST PISSED 'CAUSE I BEAT YOU TO THE PUNCH. 524 00:23:16,796 --> 00:23:19,432 YOU WERE LOOKING FOR ANY EXCUSE TO BAIL. 525 00:23:19,466 --> 00:23:20,500 SO SAYS YOU. 526 00:23:20,533 --> 00:23:23,102 BUT I GUESS WE'LL NEVER FIND OUT. 527 00:23:23,135 --> 00:23:24,403 I GUESS NOT. 528 00:23:28,007 --> 00:23:29,976 HE LEFT HIS WIFE. 529 00:23:30,009 --> 00:23:33,179 OH. 530 00:23:34,714 --> 00:23:36,683 OKAY. 531 00:23:36,716 --> 00:23:39,051 THAT'S WHAT THIS WAS ABOUT. FUCK. 532 00:23:39,085 --> 00:23:41,488 IN A WAY, I HAVE YOU TO THANK. 533 00:23:41,521 --> 00:23:43,189 YOU REALLY DID RATTLE HIS CAGE. 534 00:23:43,222 --> 00:23:44,457 YEAH. 535 00:23:44,491 --> 00:23:46,893 GLAD TO BE OF SERVICE, MILADY. 536 00:23:46,926 --> 00:23:48,761 [ INHALES DEEPLY ] 537 00:23:48,795 --> 00:23:49,829 I JUST -- 538 00:23:49,862 --> 00:23:51,130 [ CHUCKLES ] 539 00:23:51,163 --> 00:23:52,865 I JUST FEEL SO USED. 540 00:23:52,899 --> 00:23:56,102 SHUT UP. WE WERE USING EACH OTHER, HANK. 541 00:23:56,135 --> 00:23:57,169 OKAY. 542 00:23:57,203 --> 00:24:00,039 I LOVE HOW YOU'RE TAKING THE MORAL HIGH GROUND HERE. 543 00:24:00,072 --> 00:24:02,875 YOU KNOW, I'M SURE THAT IF I CANVASSED THE WEST SIDE, 544 00:24:02,909 --> 00:24:04,176 I WOULD FIND MORE THAN A FEW GIRLS 545 00:24:04,210 --> 00:24:05,411 WHO FEEL USED AND ABUSED BY YOU. 546 00:24:05,444 --> 00:24:09,482 Y-YOU SEEM TO THINK THAT I HAVE THIS NARROW PERCEPTION OF YOU? 547 00:24:09,516 --> 00:24:12,485 BUT IT'S YOU WITH THE NARROW PERCEPTION OF ME. 548 00:24:12,519 --> 00:24:14,854 I LOVE WOMEN. I HAVE ALL THEIR ALBUMS. 549 00:24:14,887 --> 00:24:16,623 SHIT! 550 00:24:16,656 --> 00:24:19,191 YOU KNOW, I THINK I'D JUST FEEL BETTER ABOUT THIS THING 551 00:24:19,225 --> 00:24:21,160 IF I DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE RE-ENTERING 552 00:24:21,193 --> 00:24:23,496 THIS HOPELESSLY DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIP 553 00:24:23,530 --> 00:24:25,532 WITH AN AGGRESSIVELY MEDIOCRE WHITE GUY. 554 00:24:25,565 --> 00:24:28,935 I'VE SPENT TIME WITH THE MAN. TIME STOOD STILL. 555 00:24:28,968 --> 00:24:30,236 [ Chuckling ] OH. 556 00:24:30,269 --> 00:24:32,772 THIS FROM SOMEONE WHO'S STILL HOPELESSLY IN LOVE 557 00:24:32,805 --> 00:24:33,940 WITH HIS EX...WHATEVER. 558 00:24:33,973 --> 00:24:36,676 WELL, AT LEAST SHE'S COOL. 559 00:24:36,709 --> 00:24:38,711 OKAY, WHAT ARE YOU -- 4? 560 00:24:38,745 --> 00:24:40,513 [ CHUCKLES ] 561 00:24:40,547 --> 00:24:42,649 PERHAPS. 562 00:24:42,682 --> 00:24:43,816 I DON'T KNOW. 563 00:24:43,850 --> 00:24:46,786 WE JUST MISSED IT, HANK. 564 00:24:46,819 --> 00:24:49,789 IN ANOTHER LIFETIME, WE WOULD HAVE BEEN A SCORCHING COUPLE. 565 00:24:49,822 --> 00:24:51,157 YEAH. 566 00:24:51,190 --> 00:24:52,925 BUT IN THIS ONE, WE -- 567 00:24:52,959 --> 00:24:56,228 MISSED IT. MISSED IT. 568 00:24:56,262 --> 00:24:58,965 ALL RIGHT. 569 00:24:58,998 --> 00:25:00,567 WELL, CONGRATULATIONS. 570 00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:03,603 AND BEST OF LUCK IN ALL YOUR FUTURE ENDEAVORS. 571 00:25:03,636 --> 00:25:04,537 AND TRY NOT TO FORGET 572 00:25:04,571 --> 00:25:06,205 ALL THE TIMES I BROUGHT YOU TO FRUITION -- 573 00:25:06,238 --> 00:25:07,807 33, TO BE EXACT. 574 00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:12,244 AND WHEN MARRIED GUY GOES BACK TO HIS WIFE, 575 00:25:12,278 --> 00:25:13,946 WHICH HE WILL, 576 00:25:13,980 --> 00:25:17,650 I HOPE THAT YOU COME TRY TO FIND ME. 577 00:25:17,684 --> 00:25:20,319 I HOPE THAT YOU KNOW WHERE TO LOOK. 578 00:25:20,352 --> 00:25:23,856 FACE DOWN IN A PUDDLE OF YOUR OWN SICK? 579 00:25:23,890 --> 00:25:25,057 STILL NOT WRITING? 580 00:25:25,091 --> 00:25:26,192 L.O.L. 581 00:25:26,225 --> 00:25:27,760 [ LAUGHS ] 582 00:25:27,794 --> 00:25:29,929 L.O.-FUCKIN'-L. 583 00:25:29,962 --> 00:25:31,698 BYE. 584 00:25:31,731 --> 00:25:33,099 BYE. 585 00:26:11,203 --> 00:26:12,972 Hank: YOU'RE QUIET. 586 00:26:13,005 --> 00:26:15,107 Becca: I LIKE QUIET. 587 00:26:15,141 --> 00:26:17,644 YEAH, ME TOO... 588 00:26:17,677 --> 00:26:20,780 AS LONG AS YOU'RE OKAY. 589 00:26:20,813 --> 00:26:22,381 MY HEART HURTS. 590 00:26:22,414 --> 00:26:25,685 OH, GOD, BABY. MINE, TOO. 591 00:26:25,718 --> 00:26:27,787 IS IT BOY TROUBLE? 592 00:26:27,820 --> 00:26:32,124 ME TOO. WELL, GIRL TROUBLE. 593 00:26:32,158 --> 00:26:34,694 YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT? 594 00:26:34,727 --> 00:26:35,628 NO. 595 00:26:35,662 --> 00:26:38,931 I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHEN IT STOPS HURTING. 596 00:26:38,965 --> 00:26:40,733 WELL, HERE'S THE DEAL, 597 00:26:40,767 --> 00:26:42,301 AND YOU'RE NOT GONNA WANT TO HEAR THIS, 598 00:26:42,334 --> 00:26:44,203 SO IT'S GONNA SOUND LIKE PISS-POOR PARENTING, 599 00:26:44,236 --> 00:26:46,873 BUT IF YOU'RE LUCKY, NEVER. 600 00:26:49,275 --> 00:26:51,711 OH, WHAT COULD AIL THEE, KNIGHT AT ARMS, 601 00:26:51,744 --> 00:26:53,145 ALONE AND PALELY LOITERING? 602 00:26:53,179 --> 00:26:55,281 THE SEDGE HAS WITHERED FROM THE LAKE, 603 00:26:55,314 --> 00:26:57,684 AND NO BIRDS SING. 604 00:26:57,717 --> 00:27:00,319 KEATS, "LA BELLE DAME SANS MERCI"? 605 00:27:00,352 --> 00:27:03,055 IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO, DAD? 606 00:27:03,089 --> 00:27:05,992 HOW ABOUT SOMETHING FROM THIS CENTURY? 607 00:27:06,025 --> 00:27:08,761 HOW ABOUT -- YOU GOT DYLAN'S "BLOOD ON THE TRACKS"? 608 00:27:08,795 --> 00:27:11,363 YOU EVER LISTEN TO THAT? CLASSIC HEARTBREAK ALBUM. 609 00:27:11,397 --> 00:27:13,332 I CAN GIFT IT TO YOU ON YOUR iPod. 610 00:27:13,365 --> 00:27:17,069 * IF YOU SEE HER, SAY HELLO DAD. 611 00:27:17,103 --> 00:27:20,039 * SHE MIGHT BE IN TANGIER DAD. 612 00:27:20,072 --> 00:27:23,075 * SHE LEFT HERE LAST EARLY SPRING * 613 00:27:23,109 --> 00:27:27,246 * IS LIVING THERE, I HEAR 614 00:27:27,279 --> 00:27:31,684 * SAY FOR ME THAT I'M ALL RIGHT * 615 00:27:31,718 --> 00:27:35,855 * THOUGH THINGS GET KIND OF SLOW * 616 00:27:35,888 --> 00:27:41,060 * SHE MIGHT THINK THAT I'VE FORGOTTEN HER * 617 00:27:41,093 --> 00:27:45,264 * DON'T TELL HER IT ISN'T SO 618 00:27:47,366 --> 00:27:50,336 -- Captions by VITAC -- www.vitac.com 619 00:27:50,369 --> 00:27:52,805 CLOSED CAPTIONING PROVIDED BY SHOWTIME NETWORKS 620 00:27:52,839 --> 00:27:54,373 AND BLIND DECKER PRODUCTIONS