1
00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:11,011
PREVIOUSLY
ON "CALIFORNICATION"...

2
00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:13,314
FATHER?
DAUGHTER?

3
00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,783
WHY IS THERE A NAKED LADY
IN YOUR BEDROOM?

4
00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:17,785
REVENGE? WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT, REVENGE?

5
00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:20,388
DO MAKE IT LIKE IT WASN'T
THE LEAST BIT SATISFYING

6
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:21,655
TO FUCK THE WIFE OF THE MAN

7
00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:23,624
WHO TURNED YOUR
PRECIOUS, LITTLE BOOK

8
00:00:23,657 --> 00:00:24,825
INTO A BIG, SHITTY MOVIE.

9
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:27,195
SICK OF YOU TALKING SHIT
ABOUT ME IN THE PRESS.

10
00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:29,130
I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT HAVE COME BY
BECAUSE YOU FOUND OUT

11
00:00:29,163 --> 00:00:31,299
I FUCKED YOUR WIFE IN ALMOST
EVERY ROOM OF YOUR HOUSE.

12
00:00:31,332 --> 00:00:33,134
ASSHOLE.

13
00:00:34,168 --> 00:00:35,403
CHARLIE RUNKEL'S OFFICE.

14
00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:39,173
YOUR ASSISTANT MAKES ME WANT TO
TOUCH MYSELF IN A BAD PLACE.

15
00:00:39,207 --> 00:00:40,441
BUT FROM NOW ON,

16
00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:42,643
IF I MAKE A MISTAKE
OR I SCREW SOMETHING UP,

17
00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:44,745
YOU SHOULD FEEL FREE
TO DISCIPLINE ME

18
00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:46,347
IN WHATEVER WAY YOU SEE FIT.

19
00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:50,451
HI.
REMEMBER ME?

20
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:51,319
HOW COULD I FORGET?

21
00:00:51,352 --> 00:00:53,154
BEST BLIND DATE OF MY LIFE,
ASSHOLE.

22
00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:54,655
WELL,
LET ME MAKE IT UP TO YOU.

23
00:00:54,688 --> 00:00:56,224
CAN I TAKE YOU OUT
SOMETIME?

24
00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:00,394
THE GUY YOU SAW ME WITH
LAST NIGHT.

25
00:01:00,428 --> 00:01:01,329
MM-HMM.
HE'S MARRIED.

26
00:01:01,362 --> 00:01:03,564
FUCKING A MARRIED A GUY
FOR FIVE YEARS?

27
00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:04,832
CALL HIM WHATEVER YOU WANT.

28
00:01:04,865 --> 00:01:06,667
AND, BILL, DON'T WORRY.
HE CAN STAY WITH ME.

29
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:09,503
ONCE UPON A TIME,
I USED TO LOVE YOU.

30
00:01:09,537 --> 00:01:12,673
AND NO MATTER WHAT, YOU WILL
ALWAYS BE A PART OF MY LIFE.

31
00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:14,742
BUT I'M NOT IN LOVE
WITH YOU ANYMORE.

32
00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:25,186
YUSEF, WHAT'S A FIVE-LETTER WORD
FOR "EXCITABLE BOY"?

33
00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:26,687
ZEVON.

34
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:27,755
BOOYAH.

35
00:01:27,788 --> 00:01:30,591
THAT'S A SMART DOG.

36
00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:32,726
THANK YOU.

37
00:01:36,464 --> 00:01:37,631
SO...

38
00:01:37,665 --> 00:01:39,133
LAST NIGHT.

39
00:01:39,167 --> 00:01:40,067
WHAT ABOUT IT?

40
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,570
I DON'T WANT TO BE HYPERBOLIC
OR ANYTHING,

41
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:45,573
BUT I THINK WE TOOK THINGS
TO A WHOLE OTHER LEVEL.

42
00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:48,776
AND WHY DO YOU FEEL THE NEED
TO RELIVE IT THE NEXT MORNING?

43
00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:50,278
THAT'S HALF THE FUN.

44
00:01:50,311 --> 00:01:51,612
YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE...

45
00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:53,847
IT'S LIKE
GETTING TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN.

46
00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:57,785
EXCEPT WITHOUT
THE AFTER-SEX SADNESS

47
00:01:57,818 --> 00:02:01,489
THAT COMES DOWN UPON ONE.

48
00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:06,260
[ SIGHS ]

49
00:02:06,294 --> 00:02:08,496
HANK,
I THINK WE NEED TO TALK.

50
00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:09,930
TALK, REALLY?

51
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:14,935
HAS ANYTHING GOOD EVER COME
OF SUCH A THING EVER?

52
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,870
I JUST FEEL LIKE
WE'VE BEEN SPENDING

53
00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:18,572
A LOT OF TIME
IN THE BEDROOM,

54
00:02:18,606 --> 00:02:19,940
WHICH IS NICE,
VERY NICE.

55
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,675
BUT I'M ALSO
JUST COMING OUT

56
00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:23,911
OF THIS HORRIBLY
DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIP

57
00:02:23,944 --> 00:02:25,879
THAT ONLY EXISTED
IN THE BEDROOM --

58
00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:29,383
OH, OKAY, YOU WANT ME TO DO YOU
IN THE SHOWER.

59
00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:30,584
YOU KNOW, I GET IT.

60
00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:33,721
YOU WANT TO GO OUT ON THE TOWN
WITH SOME HANK ON YOUR ARM.

61
00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:36,790
YOU WANT TO STROLL AROUND
WITH SOME OF THIS.

62
00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:38,926
THAT'S TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE.
WE CAN DO IT.

63
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:40,394
WE CAN GO OUT.
ANYTHING.

64
00:02:40,428 --> 00:02:41,562
ANYTHING YOU WANT TO DO.

65
00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:43,331
WE'LL DO IT.
JUST NAME IT.

66
00:02:43,364 --> 00:02:44,665
LET'S GO.
RIGHT NOW.

67
00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:46,567
OKAY,
THERE'S THIS FUND-RAISER.

68
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,236
NO, CAN'T DO THAT.

69
00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:50,271
THAT SOUNDS EXCRUCIATING.

70
00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:51,272
I WON'T DO THAT.

71
00:02:51,305 --> 00:02:52,940
IT'S AT YOUR AGENCY.
I'M SURE YOU GOT AN INVITE.

72
00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:55,543
AND I'M SURE IT WENT
RIGHT IN THE CIRCULAR FILE.

73
00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:57,578
OH, COME ON, IT'LL BE FUN.

74
00:02:57,611 --> 00:02:59,413
IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE.

75
00:02:59,447 --> 00:03:03,617
WELL, I'M NOT MUCH ONE FOR
CAUSES, GOOD OR OTHERWISE.

76
00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:04,785
I'M NOT A JOINER.

77
00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:06,920
APATHY KILLS, HANK.

78
00:03:06,954 --> 00:03:08,256
I DON'T CARE.

79
00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:10,558
[ CHUCKLES ]

80
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,598
DOES THAT FEEL LIKE APATHY
TO YOU?

81
00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:17,625
WOW.

82
00:04:17,658 --> 00:04:19,427
HEY.

83
00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:21,795
WOW.

84
00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:23,464
UM, YOU LOOK...

85
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:27,301
YOU LOOK --
YOU LOOK HALF-- YOU KNOW --

86
00:04:27,335 --> 00:04:28,302
HALFWAY DECENT.

87
00:04:28,336 --> 00:04:31,071
GEE, THANKS.

88
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,840
HOW'S BECCA?

89
00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:36,043
WELL, SHE'S A LITTLE BUMMED.

90
00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:38,446
WELL, THAT'S UNDERSTANDABLE,
BUT THIS THING CAME UP.

91
00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:40,648
I KNOW, I KNOW,
BUT SHE'S JUST...

92
00:04:41,449 --> 00:04:42,783
DAD.

93
00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:44,618
BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER.

94
00:04:46,587 --> 00:04:47,555
OH.

95
00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:50,524
GEE, I JUST --
I -- I DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT...

96
00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:51,759
A BRIBE?

97
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,527
NO, I LIKE TO THINK OF IT

98
00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:55,963
MORE AS A TOKEN
OF MY PATERNAL AFFECTION.

99
00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,701
ARE YOU SERIOUS?!

100
00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:02,703
THIS IS AWESOME!

101
00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:05,439
JUST WHEN I THOUGHT
WE'D AGREED

102
00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:06,907
NOT TO GET HER
A CELLPHONE.

103
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:08,108
I THOUGHT
WE DECIDED THAT, TOO,

104
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,777
BUT THEN I REALIZED
THAT SHE CAN CALL ME

105
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,612
WHENEVER SHE'S PISSED
AT YOU AND LURCH, SO...

106
00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:15,583
...CHANGED MY MIND.

107
00:05:16,784 --> 00:05:18,652
DO YOU HAVE A DATE?

108
00:05:18,686 --> 00:05:20,454
I DO.

109
00:05:20,488 --> 00:05:21,822
DO YOU LIKE HER?

110
00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:23,557
SHE IS PRETTY COOL.

111
00:05:23,591 --> 00:05:24,625
AS COOL AS MOM?

112
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:27,828
SADLY, I HAVE COME TO FIND
THAT THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE.

113
00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:31,832
WELL, IF IT'S A DATE
AND NOT JUST A RANDOM HOOKUP,

114
00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:33,567
I GUESS I APPROVE.

115
00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:34,768
YES!

116
00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:36,837
BUT I WANT TO HEAR
ALL ABOUT HER TOMORROW.

117
00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:39,973
ABSOLUTELY.
ABSOLUTELY.

118
00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:41,108
CALL ME.

119
00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:42,576
[ GIGGLES ]

120
00:05:42,610 --> 00:05:45,446
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU.
[ GROWLS ]

121
00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:47,515
SO...

122
00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:48,682
STOP IT.

123
00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:49,783
THE DATE.

124
00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:51,452
ARE YOU IN LOVE?

125
00:05:51,485 --> 00:05:53,120
OH, SHUT UP.
WHERE ARE YOU TAKING HER?

126
00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:54,588
RED LOBSTER?
DENNY'S?

127
00:05:54,622 --> 00:05:55,523
I WISH.

128
00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:57,991
I GOT THIS FUCKING FUND-RAISER
AT THE AGENCY

129
00:05:58,025 --> 00:05:59,960
I GOT ROPED INTO GOING TO.

130
00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:03,697
[ WOMAN SINGING IN FRENCH ]

131
00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:07,100
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

132
00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:09,069
FASCIST ARCHITECTURE.

133
00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:10,804
HEY, CAN I ASK YOU
A QUESTION?

134
00:06:10,838 --> 00:06:11,905
GO FOR IT.

135
00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:13,607
WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?

136
00:06:13,641 --> 00:06:14,842
MIXING AND MINGLING.

137
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:16,844
MMM, OH,
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

138
00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:20,981
THAT EXPLAINS WHY MY SPHINCTER
TIGHTENED UP A COUPLE NOTCHES.

139
00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:22,483
[ CHUCKLES ] RELAX.

140
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,118
THERE'S YOUR AGENT.

141
00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:27,688
[ TALKING INDISTINCTLY ]

142
00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:36,163
HEY, HEY!

143
00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:37,164
WHAT THE FUCK?

144
00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:38,599
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

145
00:06:38,632 --> 00:06:40,601
YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE
THAT MOTHERFUCKER.

146
00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:42,503
YES,
I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU HATE

147
00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:44,705
THAT A-LIST,
IN-DEMAND MOTHERFUCKER.

148
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:47,174
AND YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I'VE BEEN
TRYING TO SIGN HIM FOR YEARS.

149
00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:49,577
DON'T MAKE ME
FIRE YOUR ASS ALL OVER AGAIN.

150
00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:52,446
HANK, IF I DEPENDED ON YOU AND
YOU ALONE FOR MY COMMISSIONS,

151
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:54,515
MARCY AND I WOULD BE
SHARING A TV DINNER

152
00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:56,183
UNDER A BARE LIGHT BULB
RIGHT NOW.

153
00:06:56,216 --> 00:06:58,452
I GET THAT,
BUT DON'T DO IT FRONT OF ME.

154
00:06:58,486 --> 00:07:00,988
IT'S LIKE WATCHING YOU
CHEAT ON ME WITH ANOTHER MAN.

155
00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:02,890
YOU GIVE
MUCH BETTER HEAD.

156
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,992
ALWAYS HAVE, ALWAYS WILL.

157
00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:06,193
I AM IMPRESSED.

158
00:07:06,226 --> 00:07:08,996
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU MANAGED
TO DRAG THIS NONPARTISAN ASSHOLE

159
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:10,698
OUT OF THE HOUSE
FOR THIS SHINDIG.

160
00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:12,500
I HAD TO USE
ALL OF MY FEMININE WILES.

161
00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:13,834
AND A BUTT PLUG.

162
00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:16,036
[ Laughing ]
SPEAKING OF WHICH...

163
00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:17,805
WHERE'S MARCY?

164
00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:19,473
EMERGENCY WAXING SESSION.

165
00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:22,743
AS WE SPEAK, SHE'S LIKELY
STARING INTO THE BUSINESS END

166
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,044
OF ANGELINA'S VAGINA.

167
00:07:24,077 --> 00:07:25,613
LET'S TAKE A TIME-OUT

168
00:07:25,646 --> 00:07:28,749
WHILE I MEDITATE ON THAT
FOR A FEW MOMENTS.

169
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:29,850
YOU DO THAT.

170
00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:32,085
I SEE A FRIEND.
YOU COME FIND ME.

171
00:07:33,554 --> 00:07:35,989
I'M SORRY.
DID YOU SAY SOMETHING?

172
00:07:36,023 --> 00:07:38,258
[ CHUCKLES ]

173
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:41,495
I TOLD YOU, MAN. YOU JUST NEEDED
TO MEET A NICE GIRL.

174
00:07:41,529 --> 00:07:42,596
SHE'S NOT SO NICE.

175
00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:43,964
OH, OH, OH.
NAUGHTY?

176
00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:45,833
HEY, DO I ASK YOU

177
00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:47,801
ABOUT MARCY'S
SEXUAL PROCLIVITIES?

178
00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:49,903
YES, ALL THE TIME.
IT'S ODD, ACTUALLY.

179
00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:51,905
SO, WHAT ARE WE
TALKING ABOUT HERE?

180
00:07:51,939 --> 00:07:53,841
A LITTLE "S" AND "M"?
A LITTLE LIGHT "B" & "D"?

181
00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:56,143
SETTLE DOWN, TIGER.

182
00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:57,511
MR. MOODY.

183
00:07:57,545 --> 00:07:58,912
MORTICIA.

184
00:07:58,946 --> 00:08:00,514
CALL ME HANK, PLEASE.

185
00:08:02,650 --> 00:08:03,851
SO, DO YOU STILL NEED ME?

186
00:08:03,884 --> 00:08:05,919
DID YOU FINISH READING
THAT MANUSCRIPT?

187
00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:07,020
YES.

188
00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:08,656
DID YOU WRITE
YOUR COVERAGE ON IT YET?

189
00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:09,757
NO, NOT YET.

190
00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:12,560
THEN, I THINK YOU JUST ANSWERED
YOUR OWN QUESTION.

191
00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:13,694
BACK TO WORK.

192
00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:15,062
YES, SIR.

193
00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:22,603
ANYTHING YOU WANT TO TELL ME
ABOUT THERE, CAPTAIN?

194
00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:25,906
PLEASE.
I'M A MARRIED MAN.

195
00:08:27,975 --> 00:08:30,944
ANYTHING YOU WANT TO TELL ME
ABOUT THERE, CAPTAIN?

196
00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:37,618
OH, CARR.

197
00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:41,221
CAN WE AGREE NOT TO THROW DOWN
WHILE WE HAVE OUR COCKS OUT?

198
00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:42,289
REALLY?

199
00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:43,724
YOURS IS OUT?

200
00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:46,159
[ SNICKERS ]

201
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:47,160
FAG.

202
00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:48,261
I'M DONE FIGHTING YOU,
MOODY.

203
00:08:48,295 --> 00:08:49,462
THIS FROM A MAN

204
00:08:49,496 --> 00:08:52,199
WHO HAD A SIX-PACK OF WHOOP-ASS
OPENED UP ON HIM LAST WEEK.

205
00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:54,001
I COULDN'T HURT YOU
IF I WANTED TO.

206
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,268
YOU'RE YOUR OWN WORST ENEMY.

207
00:08:55,302 --> 00:08:58,305
THAT IS A VERY
ASTUTE OBSERVATION

208
00:08:58,338 --> 00:09:00,608
COMING FROM A DUMB GUY.

209
00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:02,610
DID ME A BIG FAVOR,
ACTUALLY.

210
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:04,211
GOT ME OUT
OF A HORRIBLE FUCKING MARRIAGE.

211
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:07,147
OH, YOU AND SANDY
SPLITTING THE SHEETS?

212
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:08,281
DO TELL.

213
00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:09,282
THAT BITCH IS CRAZY.

214
00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:11,819
LAST TIME I EVER MARRY
A FUCKING WHITE WOMAN.

215
00:09:11,852 --> 00:09:12,986
OH, I'M WITH YOU THERE.

216
00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:14,321
WELL, HOW'D SHE TAKE IT?

217
00:09:14,354 --> 00:09:16,757
HAVEN'T TOLD HER.
THINKING ABOUT DOING IT TONIGHT.

218
00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:18,291
HERE?
SHE'S HERE?

219
00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:19,627
THAT'S RIGHT.

220
00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:21,261
NO, NO, NO.
NO, NO.

221
00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:22,630
HEY, HEY, HEY.

222
00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:25,032
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

223
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:27,635
[ MELLOW JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING ]

224
00:09:35,743 --> 00:09:39,246
THERE SHE IS.
THE FORMER MRS. MOODY.

225
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:41,381
I WAS NEVER
OFFICIALLY A MOODY.

226
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,817
YOU WERE MOODY.
YOU JUST WEREN'T A MOODY.

227
00:09:43,851 --> 00:09:45,285
WELL, YOU COULD'VE
MADE ME LESS MOODY

228
00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:46,987
IF YOU'D MADE ME
INTO A MOODY.

229
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:48,388
I'LL MAKE YOU A MOODY
RIGHT NOW.

230
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:50,223
IT'S TOO LATE.
IT'S FOUR HOURS TO VEGAS.

231
00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:52,159
NO, IT'S TOO LATE.

232
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:53,894
WE'LL STOP IN BARSTOW,
IN-N-OUT BURGERS,

233
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,362
SHAKES, FRIES,
CELEBRATORY COUPLING,

234
00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:58,766
WHICH I BELIEVE IS PART
OF OUR SORDID SEXUAL HISTORY.

235
00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:02,235
YOU KNOW, IT'S VERY TEMPTING,
BUT I'M GONNA HAVE TO SAY NO.

236
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:04,271
BUT THANK YOU.

237
00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:07,641
COULD YOU BE
ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR TONIGHT?

238
00:10:07,675 --> 00:10:08,909
PLEASE, PLEASE.

239
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,278
LIKE A CHILD YOU TALK TO ME.
WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M GONNA DO?

240
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:12,345
YOU ARE A CHILD.

241
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:13,814
STIR THE PUNCH BOWL
WITH MY DONG?

242
00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:15,348
QUITE POSSIBLY, YES.

243
00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:18,151
THAT'S THE THING WITH YOU,
HANK.

244
00:10:18,185 --> 00:10:21,354
ONE NEVER KNOWS
WHAT TO EXPECT FROM YOU

245
00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:22,723
OR YOUR DONG.

246
00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:24,692
AND HOW IS THIS
NOT A VIRTUE?

247
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:30,831
YOU KNOW, HONEY,
YOU DO LOOK BEAUTIFUL TONIGHT.

248
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:32,299
WELL, THAT'S --
THANK YOU.

249
00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:33,400
THANK YOU.

250
00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:38,706
STOP IT.

251
00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:40,307
NO, NO, NO, NO. YOU JUST SAID
YOU WERE GONNA BEHAVE.

252
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:42,409
BILL IS AROUND THE CORNER.

253
00:10:42,442 --> 00:10:43,911
OKAY, COME ON.
WE CAN BE ADULTS.

254
00:10:43,944 --> 00:10:46,013
IT JUST GETS
SO LONELY SOMETIMES.

255
00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:47,981
I NEED A HUG IN A MOMENT,
THE MOMENT PASSES, AND I'M GOOD.

256
00:10:48,015 --> 00:10:49,349
SMELL YOU LATER.

257
00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:53,420
[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]

258
00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:54,988
YOU FINISHED YET?

259
00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,289
PUTTING IT TOGETHER
RIGHT NOW.

260
00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:57,925
BRING IT TO ME
IN MY OFFICE.

261
00:10:57,958 --> 00:10:59,326
[ RINGING CONTINUES ]

262
00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:02,229
U.T.K. --
CHARLIE RUNKEL'S OFFICE.

263
00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:04,064
IT'S YOUR WIFE.

264
00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:09,903
HEY, BABY.

265
00:11:09,937 --> 00:11:12,072
YEAH, IT'S GOING WELL.

266
00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:14,908
HOW ABOUT YOU?
HOW IS ANGELINA'S COOKIE?

267
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:20,714
REALLY?

268
00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:24,684
WELL, THAT'S ONE
OF THE BENEFITS OF ADOPTION.

269
00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:30,223
YEAH, UM, YOU KNOW WHAT?

270
00:11:30,257 --> 00:11:32,893
YOU'RE -- YOU'RE --
YOU'RE BREAKING UP.

271
00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:38,899
UH, YEAH, YOU'RE -- YOU'RE --
I'M LOSING YOU, BABE.

272
00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:41,268
OKAY, UM, GOT TO GO.

273
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:43,804
[ PHONE CLICKS IN CRADLE ]

274
00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:50,911
TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

275
00:11:52,980 --> 00:11:55,448
WHAT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO DO
WHAT I TELL YOU TO DO?

276
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:56,784
[ SCOFFS ]

277
00:11:56,817 --> 00:11:59,086
I THINK
YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT.

278
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:09,096
THANK YOU.

279
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:13,233
THERE YOU ARE.

280
00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:14,367
[ GIGGLES ]

281
00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:17,037
HANK MOODY, PLEASE SAY HELLO

282
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:22,409
TO MY COLLEAGUE JONATHAN MANDEL
AND HIS LOVELY WIFE, NIKKI.

283
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:24,477
HANK MOODY?
THE WRITER?
I USED TO BE.

284
00:12:24,511 --> 00:12:26,179
NOW I'M HANK MOODY
THE BLOGGER.

285
00:12:26,213 --> 00:12:28,081
SOON TO BE
HANK MOODY THE BARTENDER.

286
00:12:28,115 --> 00:12:29,249
[ CHUCKLING ]

287
00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:32,052
MEREDITH TURNED ME ON
TO YOUR BLOG.

288
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,887
HIGHLY ENTERTAINING, HANK.

289
00:12:33,921 --> 00:12:35,422
WELL, THAT'S WHAT I DO.
I ENTERTAIN.

290
00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:36,857
I'D BE INTERESTED TO SEE

291
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:39,292
WHAT YOU WRITE ABOUT
THIS LITTLE SHINDIG.

292
00:12:39,326 --> 00:12:42,830
WELL, JUST OFF THE TOP
OF MY HEAD...

293
00:12:42,863 --> 00:12:44,798
I FIND IT INTERESTING
THAT ALL THESE PEOPLE

294
00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:47,067
ARE RANTING AND RAVING
ABOUT SAVING THE ENVIRONMENT,

295
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,468
WHEN THEY'LL PROBABLY BLOW

296
00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:51,038
LIKE 10,000 POUNDS OF FUEL
ON THEIR PRIVATE JET PLANES

297
00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:52,840
GETTING DOWN TO CABO
THIS WEEKEND.

298
00:12:52,873 --> 00:12:55,408
THAT'S RIGHT, BABS.
YOU HEARD ME.

299
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:57,477
TELL OPRAH I SAID SO.

300
00:12:57,510 --> 00:13:00,313
PUT THAT IN YOUR PIPE
AND SMOKE IT, LADIES.

301
00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:02,582
MEREDITH,
CAN I GET YOU ANOTHER DRINK?

302
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,384
WILL YOU EXCUSE US?

303
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:09,356
YOUR WRITING IS SO GOOD.

304
00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:11,058
OH, WELL, THANK YOU.

305
00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:13,426
I'M A BIT OF A SCRIBBLER MYSELF,
YOU KNOW?

306
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,197
NIKKI MAN--
OH, THAT NIKKI MANDEL.

307
00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:19,332
YOU WRITE ALL THAT
HOLLYWOOD, TROPHY,

308
00:13:19,366 --> 00:13:20,968
CLIT-LIT STANK, DON'T YOU?

309
00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:22,169
THAT'S ME.

310
00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:26,206
MASTURBATION MATERIAL FOR
THE NORTH OF MONTANA HAUSFRAU.

311
00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:28,241
WOW, YOU HAD ME
AT MASTURBATION.

312
00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:29,309
I WAS HOPING SO.

313
00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:30,310
YOU GOT ME ALL WET.

314
00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:33,346
THE TRICK IS COMING UP
WITH GOOD STORY IDEAS.

315
00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:35,082
I WOULD IMAGINE.

316
00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:37,450
I'M ALWAYS ON THE LOOKOUT
FOR NEW MATERIAL...

317
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:38,986
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

318
00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:41,054
YEAH, IT'S HARD NOT TO KNOW
WHAT YOU MEAN,

319
00:13:41,088 --> 00:13:43,323
ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE BEING
SO SUBTLE ABOUT IT.

320
00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:45,292
DOESN'T PAY
TO BE A WALLFLOWER.

321
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,460
YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND SEEM FINE
TO ME. WHAT'S THE DEAL?

322
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:48,561
LOOKS CAN BE DECEIVING.

323
00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:52,599
THOSE TWO HAVE BEEN PLAYING
GRAB-ASS FOR YEARS NOW.

324
00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:59,639
"I SEE,"
SAID THE BLIND MAN.

325
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:01,074
EXCUSE ME A MOMENT.

326
00:14:02,976 --> 00:14:05,612
CAN I TALK TO YOU
FOR A SECOND?

327
00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:07,014
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

328
00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:08,315
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
NO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

329
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:11,018
THAT'S MARRIED GUY.
COME ON.

330
00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:12,419
I DIDN'T KNOW
HE WAS GONNA BE HERE.

331
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:14,254
COME ON.

332
00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:16,990
OKAY, I KNEW.

333
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:18,225
I'M SORRY.

334
00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:19,626
I DON'T CARE.
IT'S STILL A LIE.

335
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:22,395
LOOK, YOU WANT TO CREATE
A FUSS WITH ME?

336
00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:24,331
THAT'S FINE.
I'M LISTENING.

337
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:27,100
I'M KID CHAOS.
I'LL CREATE SOME CHAOS FOR YOU.

338
00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:28,468
HOW?

339
00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:30,003
HOW?

340
00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:44,985
I WANT TO BE
A 40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN.

341
00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:47,287
WHY?

342
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:50,157
BECAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE,
ONCE YOU GET LAID,

343
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:52,492
YOUR LIFE BASICALLY
TURNS TO SHIT.

344
00:14:54,962 --> 00:14:56,663
IT'S NOT SO BAD.

345
00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:58,999
YOU'VE HAD THE SEX?

346
00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:02,469
SURE.

347
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:04,471
WHAT'S IT LIKE?

348
00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:08,208
UH...

349
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:09,442
GOOD.

350
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:12,545
BAD.

351
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:15,148
UM...

352
00:15:15,182 --> 00:15:16,216
WEIRD.

353
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,485
POWERFUL.

354
00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:20,053
I DON'T KNOW.

355
00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:22,122
LISTEN, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT THIS STUFF.

356
00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:23,356
YOU GOT PLENTY OF TIME.

357
00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:24,424
WATCH THE HAIR.

358
00:15:24,457 --> 00:15:25,658
SORRY.

359
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:31,031
YOU MISS YOUR DAD,
DON'T YOU?

360
00:15:31,064 --> 00:15:33,600
YEAH.

361
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,637
I MISS MY MOM.

362
00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:42,209
FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH,
I KNOW MY MOM REALLY LIKES YOU.

363
00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:46,679
I LIKE HER, TOO.

364
00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:50,517
IT'S JUST, UH,
NOT THE SAME, YOU KNOW?

365
00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:57,357
DO YOU LIKE BILL?

366
00:15:57,390 --> 00:15:58,591
SURE.

367
00:15:58,625 --> 00:15:59,726
HE'S NICE.

368
00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:01,028
YEAH.

369
00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:03,130
BUT HE'S NOT LIKE HANK.

370
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:08,401
SERIOUSLY,
YOU'RE REALLY LUCKY.

371
00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:20,280
[ PLAYS GUITAR ]

372
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,681
NICE.

373
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:29,122
HEY, WATCH IT!
GREAT!

374
00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:31,024
YOU COULD LOOK
WHERE YOU'RE GOING.

375
00:16:31,058 --> 00:16:33,493
AND YOU COULD BE
A LITTLE BIT LESS OF A CUNT.

376
00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:36,663
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
WHAT DID I SAY?
I CUNT HEAR YOU.

377
00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:40,367
WHOA,
BACK IT UP, LADY.
Bill:
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?

378
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:44,304
THE GUY SPILLS HIS DRINK
ON ME, AND THEN HE HAS THE
BALLS TO CALL ME A CUNT.

379
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,706
I DIDN'T SAY A WORD!
I BUMPED INTO HER. MY BAD.

380
00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:48,675
YOU LIAR!
YES, YOU DID!

381
00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:49,809
SHE JUST
FREAKED OUT ON ME.

382
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:52,645
WHY DIDN'T YOU GET ME?
I WOULD'VE TAKEN CARE OF THIS.

383
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,514
I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.
CLEARLY.

384
00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:57,584
SWEETIE, THIS IS HARDLY THE TIME
OR THE PLACE FOR A SCENE.

385
00:16:57,617 --> 00:17:01,054
CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG? I'M
NOT LOOKING TO PRESS CHARGES.

386
00:17:01,088 --> 00:17:02,455
HEY, HEY!

387
00:17:02,489 --> 00:17:03,823
HONEY, GET OFF OF ME.

388
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,592
HE'S TRYING
TO BE DECENT.

389
00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:07,627
NO, HE'S NOT.
HE'S TRYING TO BE A DICK.

390
00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:10,363
YOU WANT ME TO HAVE HIM
THROWN OUT? JUST SAY THE WORD.

391
00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:11,764
I DON'T.
I JUST WANT TO GO.

392
00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:12,799
OKAY, OKAY.

393
00:17:12,832 --> 00:17:15,735
NOW, LOOK, THERE'S A COUPLE
I WANT YOU TO MEET.

394
00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:20,440
TURNS OUT THEY BOUGHT
THAT HOUSE YOU RE-DID.

395
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:24,344
Charlie:
THERE WE GO.

396
00:17:25,512 --> 00:17:27,747
COME ON, LEAN FORWARD.

397
00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:30,283
JUST LIKE THAT.

398
00:17:30,317 --> 00:17:32,585
OH, LOOK AT YOU,
YOU DIRTY, LITTLE ANIMAL.

399
00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:34,687
LIKE THIS?
Charlie: OH, YES.

400
00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:35,788
YEAH.

401
00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:37,257
OH, YEAH.

402
00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:38,591
OH, I MISSED.

403
00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:42,262
OH, YES.
LOOK AT THAT.

404
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:44,131
HOLY FUCKNUTS!

405
00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:45,265
OH, SHIT!

406
00:17:45,298 --> 00:17:46,766
WHAT,
DON'T YOU FUCKIN' KNOCK?

407
00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:49,536
DON'T YOU LOCK?
[ PANTING ]

408
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:53,673
HEY, WHY DON'T YOU GO GRAB HIM
SOME WATER OR SOMETHING?

409
00:17:54,707 --> 00:17:56,443
OH.

410
00:17:57,877 --> 00:18:00,513
HEY, TAKE IT EASY THERE,
DIANE ARBUS.

411
00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:02,782
[ COUGHING ]
DON'T HAVE A CORONARY,

412
00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:06,253
'CAUSE I WOULDN'T KNOW HOW
TO EXPLAIN THAT TO YOUR WIFE.

413
00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:07,554
IT'S ALL RIGHT.

414
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:11,491
MAYBE IT'S TIME TO PUNCH OUT
THERE, BETTIE PAGE.

415
00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:15,695
OKAY?
ALL RIGHT.

416
00:18:15,728 --> 00:18:17,530
MMM, MMM, MMM.

417
00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:19,632
WHOO!

418
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:23,270
MMM.

419
00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:24,637
HERE.

420
00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:27,474
FIRST THINGS FIRST --

421
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:30,143
YOU'RE NOT GONNA STROKE OUT
ON ME, ARE YA?

422
00:18:30,177 --> 00:18:32,279
GOOD.
YOU JUST RELAX.

423
00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:35,248
YOU'RE GOOD, YOU'RE GOOD.
IT'S ALL GOOD. IT WAS ME.

424
00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:37,884
YOU'RE LUCKY IT WAS
ME COMING IN THAT DOOR, HUH?

425
00:18:37,917 --> 00:18:40,220
[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]

426
00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:41,921
LOOK AT ME.
LOOK AT ME.

427
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,490
LET ME SEE THOSE EYES.

428
00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:46,259
YEAH, OH,
YOU'RE GOOD, YOU'RE GOOD.

429
00:18:46,293 --> 00:18:48,395
OW! WHAT THE FUCK?
"WHAT THE FUCK"?

430
00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:49,796
WHAT THE FUCK
WERE YOU THINKING,

431
00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:51,531
FUCKING AROUND
WITH YOUR SECRETARY?

432
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:54,301
"HOW MUCH OF A BIG,
FAT CLICHé CAN I BE"?

433
00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:56,369
SHE STARTED IT, MAN.

434
00:18:56,403 --> 00:18:58,205
COME ON.

435
00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:03,610
I GUESS I GOT
A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY.

436
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:04,744
YOU THINK?

437
00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:06,713
I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT HAPPENED, MAN.

438
00:19:06,746 --> 00:19:08,815
ONE MINUTE,
I AM SAILING ALONG,

439
00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:12,419
I'M BEING THE GUY WHO WOULD
NEVER, EVER CHEAT ON HIS WIFE.

440
00:19:12,452 --> 00:19:14,954
THE NEXT SECOND, I'M SPANKING
THE BARE, NAKED ASS

441
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:17,724
OF A 22-YEAR-OLD GIRL.

442
00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:20,227
I'M NOT GONNA BE JUDGMENTAL,
BECAUSE "A" --

443
00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:21,694
WHO THE FUCK
AM I TO TALK?

444
00:19:21,728 --> 00:19:24,731
AND "B" -- WHAT YOU JUST
DESCRIBED SOUNDS INCREDIBLY HOT.

445
00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:27,434
BUT YOU GOT TO GET
YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.

446
00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:29,769
ALL RIGHT?
YOU OWE IT TO MARCY.

447
00:19:29,802 --> 00:19:33,340
I KNOW. I KNOW.
I'M SUCH A FUCKING ASSHOLE, MAN.

448
00:19:33,373 --> 00:19:36,643
IF ANYBODY DESERVES
TO BE DISCIPLINED, IT'S ME.

449
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,811
IT'S NOT AN INVITATION.

450
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:44,951
YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE HAVING
PROBLEMS IN THE BOUDOIR,

451
00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:47,687
IT'S WORTH A CONVERSATION
WITH THE OLD LADY.

452
00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:51,758
[ SIGHS ]

453
00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:55,228
I'M AFRAID THAT SHIP
SAILED SOME TIME AGO.

454
00:19:55,262 --> 00:19:56,329
I DON'T KNOW,
YOU KNOW,

455
00:19:56,363 --> 00:20:00,567
MARCY, TO ME, IS NOTHING
IF NOT A DIRTY, LITTLE GIRL.

456
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:04,404
I THINK, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT,
IF YOU TALK TO HER,

457
00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:09,476
I THINK SHE'D BE INTO
SOME SERIOUSLY FREAKY SHIT.

458
00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:12,812
UH-OH.

459
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:14,381
[ PATS BACK ]

460
00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:17,817
BIG BOY.

461
00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:21,321
YOU'RE NOT CRYING,
ARE YOU?

462
00:20:21,354 --> 00:20:23,556
A LITTLE BIT.
JESUS CHRIST.

463
00:20:23,590 --> 00:20:25,558
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

464
00:20:27,527 --> 00:20:29,929
[ Slurred ] MAY I HAVE
ANOTHER GLASS OF WINE?

465
00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:33,633
HEY, TIME TO HANG UP
YOUR DRINKING SHOES, LADY.

466
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:37,537
YOU LOVE ME,
DON'T YOU, HANK?

467
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:40,273
I'VE CERTAINLY GROWN
VERY FOND OF YOU.

468
00:20:40,307 --> 00:20:42,675
BUT I THINK THAT'S --
LET ME GUESS.

469
00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:46,746
IT'S A LITTLE EARLY FOR
THIS PARTICULAR DISCUSSION.

470
00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:49,282
SOMETHING LIKE THAT,
YEAH.

471
00:20:49,316 --> 00:20:52,852
WE'LL PROBABLY NEVER MAKE IT
TO THIS PARTICULAR DISCUSSION.

472
00:20:52,885 --> 00:20:55,822
WHY DO YOU
SAY THAT?

473
00:20:55,855 --> 00:20:59,692
WELL, WHEN YOU'VE SPENT
THE LAST FIVE YEARS LOVING A MAN

474
00:20:59,726 --> 00:21:02,862
AND WONDERING WHY
HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU BACK...

475
00:21:05,698 --> 00:21:08,701
...YOU TEND TO GET
A WEE BIT CYNICAL ABOUT THINGS.

476
00:21:12,472 --> 00:21:14,474
YOU STAY RIGHT HERE...

477
00:21:16,576 --> 00:21:19,078
...AND YOU HYDRATE.

478
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:21,314
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

479
00:21:26,919 --> 00:21:28,455
[ WHISPERING ]

480
00:21:35,462 --> 00:21:37,397
WHAT'D YOU SAY?

481
00:21:37,430 --> 00:21:39,532
YOU NEED A DOUBLE DOSE
OF VIAGRA TO GET WOOD,

482
00:21:39,566 --> 00:21:42,001
AND YOU WEAR A FANNY PACK
ON THE WEEKENDS.

483
00:21:42,034 --> 00:21:42,969
[ CHUCKLES ]

484
00:21:43,002 --> 00:21:45,438
THINK YOU'RE PRETTY CLEVER,
DON'T YOU, HANK?

485
00:21:45,472 --> 00:21:47,073
YOU WANT TO FUCK AROUND,
THAT'S FINE.

486
00:21:47,106 --> 00:21:48,675
FUCK AROUND ALL YOU WANT,
I'M NO JUDGE JUDY.

487
00:21:48,708 --> 00:21:52,579
JUST DON'T STRING A WOMAN
ALONG FOR A MAJOR CHUNK
OF HER CHILDBEARING YEARS.

488
00:21:52,612 --> 00:21:53,746
THAT'S JUST NOT COOL.

489
00:21:53,780 --> 00:21:55,715
WHO ARE YOU --
DON QUIXOTE?

490
00:21:55,748 --> 00:21:57,684
NO, I'M NOT EVEN
DON FUCKIN' KNOTTS.

491
00:21:57,717 --> 00:21:59,952
I'M JUST A BIG FAN
OF THE LADY IN QUESTION.

492
00:21:59,986 --> 00:22:01,020
THAT'S INCREDIBLY NOBLE,

493
00:22:01,053 --> 00:22:04,557
CONSIDERING HOW THE LADY
IN QUESTION TALKS ABOUT YOU.

494
00:22:04,591 --> 00:22:06,559
I WAS CURIOUS,

495
00:22:06,593 --> 00:22:09,429
BECAUSE DESPITE WHAT YOU SAY,
I DO CARE ABOUT HER.

496
00:22:09,462 --> 00:22:13,065
SO, I ASKED, "WHO IS HE? IS THIS
SOMEONE I NEED TO WORRY ABOUT?"

497
00:22:13,099 --> 00:22:14,634
YOU KNOW WHAT SHE SAID?

498
00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:18,538
"HIM? HE'S NOBODY,
A LOSER,

499
00:22:18,571 --> 00:22:23,109
SOMEONE TO PASS THE TIME WITH
WHEN I'M NOT IN BED WITH YOU."

500
00:22:23,142 --> 00:22:27,847
SO, MAYBE YOU'RE THE ONE WHO
NEEDS TO BE CUT LOOSE, PAL.

501
00:22:28,881 --> 00:22:31,784
YOU'RE VERY LUCKY,
MY FRIEND.

502
00:22:31,818 --> 00:22:32,952
AND WHY IS THAT?

503
00:22:32,985 --> 00:22:36,088
'CAUSE I PROMISED SOMEONE
I'D BE ON MY BEST BEHAVIOR.

504
00:22:36,122 --> 00:22:38,090
FUCKING
FUCKER!

505
00:22:38,124 --> 00:22:39,091
OHH!

506
00:22:39,125 --> 00:22:40,560
OH, MY GOD!

507
00:22:40,593 --> 00:22:41,694
WHAT
ARE YOU DOING?!

508
00:22:41,728 --> 00:22:43,663
I'M GLAD
WE CAME.

509
00:22:44,731 --> 00:22:46,499
THAT WAS FUN.

510
00:22:46,533 --> 00:22:47,967
YOU'RE FUNNY.

511
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,436
[ LAUGHS ]

512
00:22:49,469 --> 00:22:53,172
THERE YOU GO.
YOU'RE GOOD, YOU'RE GOOD.

513
00:22:53,205 --> 00:22:54,974
[ HORN HONKS ]

514
00:22:57,143 --> 00:22:58,545
PROUD OF ME?

515
00:22:58,578 --> 00:23:02,615
ALMOST NEVER, BUT,
YEAH, I APPROVE.

516
00:23:02,649 --> 00:23:06,619
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO.
MY BEHAVIOR -- ME AND MY DONG.

517
00:23:06,653 --> 00:23:09,456
OH, RIGHT.
UM...GOOD.

518
00:23:09,489 --> 00:23:11,624
DID NOTHING.
CONGRATULATIONS.

519
00:23:11,658 --> 00:23:14,727
YOU A PROUD OF ME.
DID YOU HAVE A GOOD NIGHT?

520
00:23:14,761 --> 00:23:16,162
YEAH, I DID.

521
00:23:16,195 --> 00:23:19,599
FOR A RADICAL ENVIRONMENTALIST
SUCH AS YOURSELF,

522
00:23:19,632 --> 00:23:22,702
THIS WHOLE EVENING MUST HAVE
GIVEN YOU A CLIT-BONER.

523
00:23:22,735 --> 00:23:24,604
YOU'RE DISGUSTING.
Man: HEY!

524
00:23:24,637 --> 00:23:26,606
SEE YOU NEXT TUESDAY!

525
00:23:26,639 --> 00:23:28,575
FUCK YOU.

526
00:23:30,743 --> 00:23:32,845
WHAT IS THAT?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

527
00:23:32,879 --> 00:23:35,748
OH, HE'S JUST A CLASSY GUY.
HE CALLED ME A CUNT.

528
00:23:35,782 --> 00:23:37,550
THIS GUY
CALLED YOU A CUNT?

529
00:23:37,584 --> 00:23:39,586
I DEALT WITH IT.
I DEALT WITH IT.

530
00:23:39,619 --> 00:23:41,788
IT'S OKAY,
I JUST WANT TO...

531
00:23:41,821 --> 00:23:43,623
HEY, EXCUSE ME.

532
00:23:43,656 --> 00:23:45,625
[ PEOPLE GASP ]

533
00:23:47,827 --> 00:23:49,729
GOOD NIGHT.
OKAY.

534
00:23:49,762 --> 00:23:51,698
GOOD NIGHT.

535
00:23:58,204 --> 00:23:59,672
[ HORN HONKS ]

536
00:24:08,147 --> 00:24:09,181
HEY.

537
00:24:09,215 --> 00:24:10,783
[ Sleepily ]
HEY, MOM.

538
00:24:10,817 --> 00:24:14,086
I'M SORRY.
GO BACK TO SLEEP.

539
00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:16,122
MOM...

540
00:24:16,155 --> 00:24:17,156
YEAH?

541
00:24:17,189 --> 00:24:19,559
...CAN I ASK YOU
SOMETHING?

542
00:24:19,592 --> 00:24:21,861
ANYTHING, MY LOVE.

543
00:24:21,894 --> 00:24:23,830
DO YOU LOVE BILL?

544
00:24:24,897 --> 00:24:27,266
WOW...YEAH.

545
00:24:27,299 --> 00:24:29,936
YEAH, I DO.

546
00:24:29,969 --> 00:24:32,805
DO YOU LOVE DAD?

547
00:24:32,839 --> 00:24:34,006
YES...

548
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:38,110
BECAUSE WE HAVE
YOU IN COMMON.

549
00:24:38,144 --> 00:24:41,147
I MEAN...
I DON'T LOVE HIM

550
00:24:41,180 --> 00:24:43,983
IN THAT BUTTERFLIES-IN-THE-TUMMY
WAY ANYMORE.

551
00:24:44,016 --> 00:24:45,685
I MEAN...

552
00:24:45,718 --> 00:24:48,888
NOT IN THE WAY THAT WE LOVE
JOHNNY DEPP, DEFINITELY NOT.

553
00:24:48,921 --> 00:24:51,090
RIGHT.

554
00:24:51,123 --> 00:24:54,661
IS DAD A BAD PERSON?

555
00:24:54,694 --> 00:24:55,795
NO, NOT AT ALL.

556
00:24:55,828 --> 00:24:57,964
I MEAN, HE DOES
HAVE A HABIT

557
00:24:57,997 --> 00:25:01,267
OF GETTING HIMSELF AND
EVERYONE ELSE AROUND HIM

558
00:25:01,300 --> 00:25:03,603
INTO TROUBLE
SOMETIMES, BUT...

559
00:25:07,907 --> 00:25:10,610
BILL IS A GOOD PERSON,
SWEETIE.

560
00:25:10,643 --> 00:25:15,782
YOU KNOW,
HE'S KIND, HE'S SMART,

561
00:25:15,815 --> 00:25:20,252
AND HE REALLY...
THINKS THINGS THROUGH.

562
00:25:23,756 --> 00:25:25,291
I LOVE YOU.

563
00:25:27,126 --> 00:25:28,795
[ SMOOCH ]

564
00:25:28,828 --> 00:25:31,163
GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.

565
00:25:36,703 --> 00:25:39,572
UGH...IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME
SINCE SOMEONE

566
00:25:39,606 --> 00:25:41,741
HELD MY HAIR BACK
AS I PUKED.

567
00:25:41,774 --> 00:25:44,043
IT'S BEEN AN HONOR
AND A PRIVILEGE.

568
00:25:45,912 --> 00:25:48,781
[ GROANS ]

569
00:25:53,319 --> 00:25:55,354
CARE TO JOIN ME?

570
00:25:55,387 --> 00:25:59,025
WHEW, STILL KIND OF BARFY.
GET SOME SLEEP.

571
00:25:59,058 --> 00:26:01,160
HEY...

572
00:26:01,193 --> 00:26:04,163
THANK YOU.

573
00:26:04,196 --> 00:26:06,132
IT'S WHAT I DO.

574
00:26:06,165 --> 00:26:08,200
[ CELLPHONE RINGS ]

575
00:26:21,047 --> 00:26:24,684
"B" TO THE "E" TO THE "C"
TO THE "C" TO THE "A."

576
00:26:24,717 --> 00:26:27,219
Hi, dad.
WHAT UP, G?

577
00:26:27,253 --> 00:26:30,723
I CALLED BECAUSE I HAD
A FEELING YOU COULDN'T SLEEP.

578
00:26:30,757 --> 00:26:34,694
RIGHT AS USUAL, MY BEAUTIFUL,
PRECOCIOUS DAUGHTER.

579
00:26:34,727 --> 00:26:39,098
REMEMBER WHAT YOU USED TO DO
FOR ME WHEN I COULDN'T SLEEP?

580
00:26:39,131 --> 00:26:41,133
Dose you with opiates?

581
00:26:41,167 --> 00:26:42,134
NO.

582
00:26:42,168 --> 00:26:46,639
You'd look at the ocean
and count the mermaids.

583
00:26:46,673 --> 00:26:48,340
I DID DO THAT.

584
00:26:48,374 --> 00:26:52,044
I'M A BETTER FATHER
THAN I THOUGHT.

585
00:26:52,078 --> 00:26:56,816
MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY THAT,
AND IT WILL HELP.

586
00:26:56,849 --> 00:26:59,318
YEAH.

587
00:27:03,723 --> 00:27:07,026
1...

588
00:27:07,059 --> 00:27:09,862
2...

589
00:27:09,896 --> 00:27:12,799
3...
NO, THAT'S A SEA LION.

590
00:27:14,767 --> 00:27:16,769
4...

591
00:27:16,803 --> 00:27:18,838
5...

592
00:27:18,871 --> 00:27:21,841
6...
NO, THAT'S A BUM.

593
00:27:24,210 --> 00:27:25,778
7...

594
00:27:25,812 --> 00:27:28,781
[ Sleepily ]
8...

595
00:27:28,815 --> 00:27:32,852
9...
NO, THAT'S DARYL HANNAH.

596
00:27:32,885 --> 00:27:37,123
10...

597
00:27:37,156 --> 00:27:40,192
11...

598
00:27:43,129 --> 00:27:44,697
TW--

599
00:27:48,067 --> 00:27:51,037
-- Captions by VITAC --
www.vitac.com

600
00:27:51,070 --> 00:27:56,075
CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY
SHOWTIME NETWORKS
AND BLIND DECKER PRODUCTIONS