1
00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:11,045
PREVIOUSLY ON
"CALIFORNICATION"...

2
00:00:11,612 --> 00:00:14,148
SO, HANK.
MEREDITH.

3
00:00:14,182 --> 00:00:16,217
YOU'RE A WRITER.
A GREAT WRITER.

4
00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:17,518
DO YOU KNOW
WHAT THE WORST THING IS?

5
00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:18,819
YOU'RE NOT WRITING.

6
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:20,588
ARE YOU FAMILIAR
WITH HELL-A MAGAZINE?

7
00:00:20,621 --> 00:00:21,789
HELL, NO.

8
00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:25,259
THEY WOULD LIKE YOU TO BLOG
FOR THEM.
DO YOU HAVE A GUN?

9
00:00:25,293 --> 00:00:28,529
YOU'RE OUT THERE STICKING YOUR
DICK IN ANYTHING THAT MOVES.

10
00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:30,564
MY NAME IS HANK.

11
00:00:30,598 --> 00:00:32,100
I KNOW.

12
00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:33,267
MIA.

13
00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:38,306
WHO DID SHE GO WITH?
BILL'S DAUGHTER.

14
00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:39,707
I DIDN'T KNOW BILL HAD
A DAUGHTER.

15
00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:40,774
HOW OLD IS SHE?
16.

16
00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:43,544
THIS IS MIA, BILL'S DAUGHTER.
AND THIS IS HANK.

17
00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:46,280
Y-YOU TWO KNOW
EACH OTHER?

18
00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:47,281
NO.

19
00:00:47,315 --> 00:00:48,649
I NEED YOU, BABY.
NO.

20
00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:51,285
HANK, HANK,
I'M GETTING MARRIED.

21
00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:55,289
DON'T MARRY HIM.
MARRY ME.

22
00:00:55,323 --> 00:00:56,324
HEY.

23
00:01:00,328 --> 00:01:01,462
BECCA.

24
00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:02,630
I HATE YOU.

25
00:01:09,537 --> 00:01:12,440
[ SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE ]

26
00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:22,650
WHAT ARE YOU
THINKING ABOUT?

27
00:01:22,683 --> 00:01:24,285
I'M THINKING ABOUT HOW MUCH

28
00:01:24,318 --> 00:01:26,420
I ABSOLUTELY FUCKING LOATHE
THIS CITY.

29
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:32,126
JUST AS I WAS THINKING ABOUT
HOW MUCH I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT.

30
00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,528
MEANWHILE, I HAVEN'T WRITTEN
A GODDAMN WORD

31
00:01:34,562 --> 00:01:35,796
SINCE WE GOT HERE.

32
00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:37,665
YOU NEED TO RELAX.

33
00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:40,668
I JUST MISS NEW YORK,
HONEY.

34
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:44,838
YOU KNOW, AND I MISS YOU,
BECAUSE YOU'RE STILL THERE,

35
00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:47,675
IN THAT BIG,
THICK HEAD OF YOURS.

36
00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:50,411
COME BACK TO US, HANK.

37
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,413
YOUR GIRLS MISS YOU.

38
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:02,223
[ LAUGHTER ]

39
00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:03,791
Woman:
SO, WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?

40
00:02:03,824 --> 00:02:07,461
OH. NOBODY.
PROFESSIONAL HAZARD.

41
00:02:07,495 --> 00:02:08,496
WHAT DO YOU DO?

42
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:13,434
I'M A WRITER.
NONPRACTICING.

43
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:16,270
I'VE GOT SOMETHING
YOU COULD READ.

44
00:02:16,304 --> 00:02:17,238
YEAH?

45
00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:29,217
OH.
I THINK YOU HAVE POTENTIAL.

46
00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:30,544
[ DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE ]

47
00:03:30,578 --> 00:03:32,480
[ KNOCKS ON DOOR ]

48
00:03:32,513 --> 00:03:34,982
HANK.
BOB.

49
00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:36,417
BILL.

50
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:37,418
REALLY?

51
00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:38,752
BECCA DOESN'T WANT TO
SEE YOU.

52
00:03:38,786 --> 00:03:41,021
YOU LOOKING FOR A COCK PUNCH?
LET ME TALK TO HER.

53
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,324
TRUST ME, AS THE FATHER
OF A TEENAGE DAUGHTER,

54
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,359
JUST GIVE HER SOME SPACE.
SHE'LL COME AROUND.

55
00:03:45,393 --> 00:03:46,427
SHIT.

56
00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:48,329
YOU KNOW SOMETHING --
BILL, IS IT?

57
00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:49,563
YEP.
STILL BILL.

58
00:03:49,597 --> 00:03:51,499
WELL, I APPRECIATE
THE PARENTING ADVICE,

59
00:03:51,532 --> 00:03:52,533
BUT MAYBE -- JUST MAYBE --

60
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:54,902
GIVING THEM TOO MUCH SPACE
IS NOT SUCH A GOOD IDEA.

61
00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:57,771
MAYBE TOO MUCH SPACE IS ACTUALLY
THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM.

62
00:03:57,805 --> 00:03:58,672
REBECCA?
HANK, PLEASE.

63
00:03:58,706 --> 00:04:00,941
MY DAUGHTER IS 16,
AND SHE'S AN ANGEL.

64
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:02,910
CLEARLY I'M DOING
SOMETHING RIGHT.

65
00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:04,878
OH, YOU POOR BASTARD.
EXCUSE ME?

66
00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:06,347
HOMO SAYS WHAT?
WHAT?

67
00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:07,815
GOTCHA.
[ LAUGHS ]

68
00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:11,018
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

69
00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:12,386
OH, YOU LIKE IT?

70
00:04:12,420 --> 00:04:13,921
I COULD'VE BOUGHT
A CAR INSTEAD.

71
00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:15,823
I THINK YOU SHOULD STILL
BUY THE CAR

72
00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:17,958
AND THEN RUN OVER
WHOEVER CREATED THAT TURD.

73
00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:20,828
EVERYTHING OKAY HERE, BOYS?

74
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:21,762
IT'S ALL GOOD.

75
00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:24,765
IT'S ALL GOOD?
THAT'S KIND OF A HIP LINGO.

76
00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:27,435
"IT'S ALL GOOD.
IT'S ALL GOOD."

77
00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:29,570
YEAH, THAT'S --
THAT'S WHAT THEY SAY, THE KIDS.

78
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:31,038
I STILL HATE YOU.

79
00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:32,440
NATURALLY.

80
00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:34,375
BUT I DO WANT TO SEE
YOUR MOVIE.

81
00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:37,511
IT'S MY BOOK.
IT'S NOT MY MOVIE.

82
00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:40,348
NOT MY PROBLEM.
I LIKE YOUR MOVIE.

83
00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:42,516
OH, HOW IS THAT
EVEN POSSIBLE, HONEY?

84
00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:45,519
BECAUSE IT PROVES YOU'RE NOT
THE ASSHOLE THEY SAY YOU ARE.

85
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,822
[ WHISTLES ]

86
00:04:48,856 --> 00:04:50,658
CURSING WILL COST YOU.

87
00:04:53,361 --> 00:04:54,962
[ SNIFFS ]

88
00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:57,097
NOW WHO SAYS
I'M AN ASSHOLE?

89
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,932
Karen:
CAN WE SWAP NIGHTS THIS WEEKEND?

90
00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:00,834
WE'RE HAVING SOME PEOPLE OVER
ON SATURDAY,

91
00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:02,536
AND I'D LOVE
FOR BECCA TO BE THERE.

92
00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:04,505
UNCLE CHARLIE
AND AUNT MARCY.

93
00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:05,406
THANK YOU, SWEETIE.

94
00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:07,841
DAD SHOULD COME.
THEY'RE HIS FRIENDS, TOO.

95
00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:10,444
AND UNCLE CHARLIE'S
HIS AGENT.

96
00:05:10,478 --> 00:05:12,446
MAYBE HE HAS AN OFFER FOR HIM.

97
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:15,115
YOU'RE WELCOME
TO COME, HANK.

98
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:18,386
ABSOLUTELY.
HEY, BRING A DATE.

99
00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:19,953
HMM?

100
00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:21,088
BRING A DATE.

101
00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:22,122
EARBUDS.

102
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:24,658
[ MUSIC PLAYS ]

103
00:05:24,692 --> 00:05:27,528
FIRST OF ALL, YOU COULD NOT
HANDLE ME HITTING IT OFF

104
00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:29,597
WITH SOMEBODY
RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.

105
00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:31,965
OH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT COULD BE VERY PAINFUL.

106
00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:33,901
BUT I THINK
I'LL GET THROUGH IT.

107
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:36,103
OKAY, SO I TAKE THIS TO MEAN
THE ANSWER IS NO,

108
00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:38,038
THAT YOU'RE NOT
GOING TO MARRY ME.

109
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:39,272
HANK, I'M STANDING
RIGHT HERE.

110
00:05:39,306 --> 00:05:41,975
DID YOU EVER STOP AND THINK
THAT IT MIGHT BE NICE FOR BECCA

111
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,711
TO SEE US ALL GET ALONG
FOR A CHANGE?

112
00:05:43,744 --> 00:05:46,414
YES, AND IT MIGHT BE NICE
IF I COULD FELLATE MYSELF

113
00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:47,981
WHILE FARTING
THE WHITE ALBUM,

114
00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:49,983
BUT I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE
TO QUITE MASTER THAT YET.

115
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:51,952
IS HE COMING?

116
00:05:51,985 --> 00:05:54,388
ABSOLUTELY.
WHAT CAN I BRING, BOB?

117
00:05:54,422 --> 00:05:57,825
BILL. UH, BILLY BOB.
WHATEVER THE FUCK --

118
00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,827
THAT'S NOT A "FUCK," BECCA.

119
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:10,871
YOUR ASSISTANT MAKES ME WANT TO
TOUCH MYSELF IN A BAD PLACE.

120
00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:13,907
THAT'S NICE.

121
00:06:13,941 --> 00:06:15,843
MY ASSISTANT MAKES ME
WANT TO HANG MYSELF.

122
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,545
WHILE MASTURBATING?

123
00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:18,846
ARE YOU RETARDED
OR SOMETHING?

124
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:21,449
FUNKY BACK TAT ON THE SMALL
OF THE BACK.

125
00:06:21,482 --> 00:06:23,451
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
NO.

126
00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:24,952
SHE LIKES IT IN THE POOPER.

127
00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:26,920
REALLY?

128
00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:29,457
I HAVE NO IDEA.
I JUST WANTED TO SAY "POOPER."

129
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:30,991
I HAVE FOUND
THAT THE BACK TAT

130
00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:33,126
IS A WATERMARK
OF THE PROMISCUOUS, THOUGH.

131
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,596
DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT SHE'S
THE WORLD'S WORST ASSISTANT.

132
00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:37,698
SHE DROPS CALLS,
SHE LOSES MANUSCRIPTS,

133
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:40,033
SHE CAN'T EVEN GET
MY FUCKING MACCHIATO RIGHT.

134
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,636
BUT -- BUT SHE DOES SEEM TO HAVE
A NIPPLE RING.

135
00:06:42,670 --> 00:06:43,704
QUITE POSSIBLY TWO.

136
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:46,440
THERE IS SOMETHING VERY COOL
GOING ON IN THAT AREA.

137
00:06:46,474 --> 00:06:49,743
OKAY, OKAY. ENOUGH
ABOUT MY ASSISTANT'S NIPPLES.

138
00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:52,813
YOU WANT TO TALK SOME BUSINESS?
HOW'S THE NEW BOOK COMING?

139
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:54,682
NOW, THAT'S
A HOSTILE QUESTION.

140
00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:56,950
HANK, YOU HAVE OWED
YOUR PUBLISHER A BOOK

141
00:06:56,984 --> 00:06:58,819
SINCE BECCA
WAS BREAST-FEEDING.

142
00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:01,121
I REMEMBER BECAUSE I USED TO
LIKE TO WATCH KAREN DO THAT.

143
00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:03,023
KISS MY BLACK ASS.

144
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:06,860
YOU NEED A FUCKING JOB.

145
00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:09,597
WHAT? OKAY. WHAT?
WHAT DO YOU GOT?

146
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:10,798
SHH!

147
00:07:10,831 --> 00:07:12,232
LISTEN.
YOU HEAR THAT?

148
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:13,233
WHAT?

149
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:16,236
THAT'S THE SOUND OF MY PHONE
NOT RINGING FOR YOU.

150
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,606
HANK, YOU HAVE BURNED
EVERY BRIDGE I BUILT FOR YOU

151
00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:19,873
WITH MY BARE HANDS.

152
00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:20,941
EXCEPT, OF COURSE...

153
00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:22,876
NO, DON'T SAY IT.
...HELL-A MAGAZINE.

154
00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:24,712
THEY WANT YOU TO BLOG
FOR THEM.

155
00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:26,747
JUST TAKE THE FUCKING MEETING
ALREADY!

156
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:29,216
NO! NO!
LET'S ASK DANI CALIFORNIA.

157
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:32,720
HELL-A MAGAZINE.
THOUGHTS?

158
00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:34,955
YOU'D BE PERFECT FOR THEM.

159
00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:36,990
UH-UH-UH.
NIPPLE RING?

160
00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:38,526
TWO?

161
00:07:39,627 --> 00:07:40,628
ANYWHERE ELSE?

162
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:44,632
SHE'S GOT A NOSE RING, TOO.
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

163
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,233
WHAT?
SHE LIKES IT IN THE NOSE?

164
00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:47,601
THAT IS SICK.

165
00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:49,603
[ British accent ]
LOOK AROUND.

166
00:07:49,637 --> 00:07:51,004
L.A. NEEDS YOU.

167
00:07:51,038 --> 00:07:52,740
NOW MORE THAN EVER.

168
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:57,611
YOUR VOICE IS A SHOTGUN BLAST
TO ALL THE PRETENTIOUS FUCKS

169
00:07:57,645 --> 00:07:59,813
WHO POLLUTE THIS ONCE-GREAT CITY
OF YOURS.

170
00:07:59,847 --> 00:08:03,150
JUST SO YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT
AND NEVER WILL BE MY CITY.

171
00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:05,753
USE THE BLOG, HANK.

172
00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:07,955
CHANNEL YOUR RAGE.

173
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:11,925
YOU'RE A DYING BREED.

174
00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:14,161
YOU'RE A REAL WRITER,
A REAL MAN.

175
00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:17,798
YOU'VE GOT HEART, BALLS,
AND SWAGGER.

176
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:20,267
EITHER WAY.
[ CHUCKLES ]

177
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:23,003
COME OVER TO THE DARK SIDE,
HANK.

178
00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:26,273
JOIN US
AT HELL-A MAGAZINE.

179
00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:28,642
I APPRECIATE THE ENTHUSIASM.
I DO.

180
00:08:28,676 --> 00:08:30,611
BUT I JUST --
I DON'T HAVE MUCH TO SAY.

181
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:32,045
THINK ABOUT IT.

182
00:08:32,079 --> 00:08:35,215
OH, WHERE YOU GOING?
I THOUGHT I WAS THE REAL DEAL.

183
00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:37,785
IT'S A SHAME
I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP.

184
00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:42,155
WRITE ME SOMETHING, HANK.

185
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:45,993
GOOD NIGHT.

186
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,061
GOOD NIGHT.

187
00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:58,806
THE AIRPLANE.

188
00:08:58,839 --> 00:09:00,674
OH.

189
00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:14,021
SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

190
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,789
VERY LITTLE OF SUBSTANCE.

191
00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:18,859
NO. [ LAUGHS ]

192
00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:20,293
MY TITS.

193
00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:21,929
SERIOUSLY.

194
00:09:22,963 --> 00:09:27,167
THEY SEEM PRETTY
FUCKING GROOVY TO ME.

195
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,903
THINK THEY'RE TOO SMALL?
TOO SMALL FOR WHAT?

196
00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:31,605
I WANT TO MAKE THEM BIGGER.
NO.

197
00:09:31,639 --> 00:09:33,006
THEY'RE ABSOLUTELY
ALMOST PERFECT,

198
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:35,776
IN EVERY CONCEIVABLE
TITTY WAY.

199
00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:38,145
WHAT ABOUT MY LIPS?

200
00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:41,949
HIGHLY KISSABLE.

201
00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:45,919
NOT THOSE LIPS.

202
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:47,721
THESE.

203
00:09:47,755 --> 00:09:49,256
OH.

204
00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:50,758
UM...

205
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:54,127
UM...WHAT...

206
00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:55,763
WHAT ABOUT THEM?

207
00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:58,365
DO YOU THINK
THEY'RE TOO FLAPPY?

208
00:09:58,398 --> 00:09:59,399
W--
FLAPPY.

209
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:00,400
FLAPPY?

210
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:04,137
MM-HMM. I WAS THINKING ABOUT
GETTING THEM FIXED.

211
00:10:04,171 --> 00:10:06,774
VAGINAL REJUVENATION.
YOU HEARD ABOUT IT?

212
00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:08,375
GET THEM TRIMMED UP
A LITTLE.

213
00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:11,344
THAT WAY THEY DON'T LOOK LIKE
DAY-OLD DELI MEAT.

214
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:12,980
OOH.

215
00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:15,783
I THINK I JUST LOST
MY MANHOOD.

216
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:18,051
AND GOT HUNGRY
AT THE SAME TIME.
[ LAUGHS ]

217
00:10:18,085 --> 00:10:20,053
I CAN HELP YOU FIND THAT.

218
00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:22,690
YOU CAN TRY.

219
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:36,870
HEY, THIS IS YOU.

220
00:10:36,904 --> 00:10:38,171
OH.
I THOUGHT YOU RECOGNIZED ME.

221
00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:40,173
I'M NOT A BIG
PORN GUY, ACTUALLY.

222
00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:42,910
[ BABY CRYING ]
AND WHO MIGHT THAT BE?

223
00:10:42,943 --> 00:10:44,044
OH, THAT'S MY DAUGHTER.

224
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:47,047
DO YOU NEED TO GO...
SEE TO HER?

225
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,182
IT'S OKAY. SHE'LL QUIET DOWN.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

226
00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:53,453
[ CRYING CONTINUES ]

227
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,322
GO BE WITH YOUR DAUGHTER.

228
00:10:58,058 --> 00:11:01,328
I'M GONNA HAVE TO CONFISCATE
THIS THING FOR FURTHER STUDY.

229
00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:19,947
* L.A. WOMAN

230
00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:20,814
PIECE OF SHIT.

231
00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:22,783
* L.A. WOMAN

232
00:11:22,816 --> 00:11:25,218
* L.A. WOMAN

233
00:11:25,252 --> 00:11:28,321
HELL-A MAGAZINE BLOG
NUMBER ONE.

234
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:31,058
HANK HATES YOU ALL.

235
00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:32,926
A FEW THINGS I'VE LEARNED
IN MY TRAVELS

236
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,395
THROUGH THIS CRAZY LITTLE THING
CALLED LIFE --

237
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:37,798
ONE -- A MORNING OF AWKWARDNESS

238
00:11:37,831 --> 00:11:40,033
IS FAR BETTER
THAN A NIGHT OF LONELINESS.

239
00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:43,503
TWO -- I PROBABLY
WON'T GO DOWN IN HISTORY,

240
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:46,039
BUT I WILL GO DOWN
ON YOUR SISTER.

241
00:11:46,073 --> 00:11:48,008
AND THREE --
WHILE I'M DOWN THERE,

242
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:51,211
IT MIGHT BE NICE TO SEE
A HINT OF PUBIS.

243
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:54,047
I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT A HUGE
'70s PLAYBOY BUSH OR ANYTHING,

244
00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:55,983
JUST SOMETHING THAT REMINDS ME

245
00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:59,286
THAT I'M PERFORMING
CUNNILINGUS ON AN ADULT.

246
00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:02,089
BUT I GUESS
THE LARGER QUESTION IS,

247
00:12:02,122 --> 00:12:04,457
WHY IS THE CITY OF ANGELS
SO HELL-BENT

248
00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:07,227
ON DESTROYING
ITS FEMALE POPULATION?

249
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:09,329
* L.A. WOMAN

250
00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:13,166
* GOT TO KEEP ON RISING

251
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,969
* L.A. WOMAN

252
00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:18,806
* L.A. WOMAN

253
00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:20,874
* L.A. WOMAN

254
00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:24,411
* GOT TO KEEP ON RISING

255
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:31,151
JESUS H. CHRIST.

256
00:12:34,021 --> 00:12:37,424
NOPE.
JUST LITTLE OLD ME.

257
00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:40,994
ARE YOU OKAY?
YOU LOOK A LITTLE PALE.

258
00:12:41,028 --> 00:12:43,196
YOU'RE NOT GONNA HAVE
A HEART ATTACK, ARE YOU?

259
00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:44,932
YOU ARE GETTING ON
IN YEARS.

260
00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:46,333
JUST BECAUSE I'M OLDER
THAN YOU

261
00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:48,335
DOESN'T NECESSARILY
MAKE ME OLD.

262
00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:50,403
WELL, I AM 16, YOU KNOW.

263
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:51,939
SO I'VE BEEN TOLD.

264
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:54,341
WHAT'S THE WORD
FOR THAT AGAIN?

265
00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:57,077
OH, YEAH.
IT'S STATUTORY RAPE.

266
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,812
THAT'S TWO WORDS.

267
00:12:58,846 --> 00:13:00,480
HI, DADDY.

268
00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:03,016
HONEY, PUT SOME
CLOTHES ON, OKAY?

269
00:13:03,050 --> 00:13:04,117
WE HAVE COMPANY.

270
00:13:04,151 --> 00:13:07,154
WELL, I'M SURE IT'S NOTHING
HE HASN'T SEEN BEFORE.

271
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:09,456
HANK.

272
00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:11,291
TIM.

273
00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:12,459
THANKS FOR COMING.

274
00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:14,094
THANKS FOR HAVING ME.

275
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:14,794
IT'S MY PLEASURE.

276
00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:17,097
OH, THE PLEASURE
IS ALL MINE.

277
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:20,067
I THINK THIS IS, UM...

278
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:22,202
AN IMPORTANT FIRST STEP
WE'RE TAKING HERE.

279
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:24,838
REALLY?
WHAT STEP IS THAT?

280
00:13:24,872 --> 00:13:26,874
THE ONE WHERE I SIT BACK
AND WATCH

281
00:13:26,907 --> 00:13:29,276
AS YOU TRY TO STEAL MY FAMILY
OUT FROM UNDER ME?

282
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,478
IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

283
00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:33,346
GAME ON, BROHEME.

284
00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:35,883
HEY.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

285
00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:37,550
I DIDN'T.
IT'S FOR ME.

286
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:39,319
SORRY ABOUT THAT.

287
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,856
HANK, SONJA.

288
00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:44,324
SONJA, HANK.

289
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:46,493
HI.
I LOVE YOUR WRITING.

290
00:13:46,526 --> 00:13:49,096
AND I LOVE YOU.

291
00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:50,330
I READ YOUR ADAPTATION

292
00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:52,065
WAY BACK WHEN SODERBERGH
WAS GONNA DO IT.

293
00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:53,133
I FUCKING LOVED IT.

294
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:55,002
HEY, MY SALAD DAYS.

295
00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:57,370
YOU AND I ARE GONNA GET ALONG
JUST FINE.

296
00:13:57,404 --> 00:13:58,471
I'M SORRY.
HONEY?

297
00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:00,207
CAN I BORROW THE MISSUS
FOR A MOMENT?

298
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:01,208
YEAH.

299
00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:03,010
CAN I TALK TO YOU?

300
00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:04,611
WHAT THE FUCK
ARE YOU DOING?

301
00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:06,113
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

302
00:14:06,146 --> 00:14:08,882
YOU'RE TRYING TO SET ME UP
WITH THIS WOMAN.

303
00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:10,918
I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE NICE
FOR YOU

304
00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:13,086
TO HAVE A PLAYDATE
WITH SOMEONE YOUR OWN AGE.

305
00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:14,888
AND IF WE GET ALONG
SWIMMINGLY?

306
00:14:14,922 --> 00:14:16,957
HANKIE.

307
00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:19,492
I HAD TO LEAVE YOU,
REMEMBER?

308
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:21,394
I'M NOT HOLDING
A TORCH HERE.

309
00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:23,931
AND YOU NEED TO GET ON
WITH YOUR LIFE.

310
00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:27,534
AND YOU NEED TO GET IN TOUCH
WITH YOUR EMOTIONS, WOMAN.

311
00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:28,635
[ LAUGHS ]

312
00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:33,873
HE SAYS HE'S NOT
USED TO DATING.

313
00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:45,185
[ SIGHS ]
NOBODY LIKES YOU.

314
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:48,021
YOU'RE UGLY AND YOUR MOTHER
DRESSES YOU FUNNY.

315
00:14:48,055 --> 00:14:50,890
NOW SMILE, YOU FUCKING DOUCHE.

316
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:55,295
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

317
00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:20,487
Becca: DAD?

318
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:21,955
DAD?

319
00:15:21,989 --> 00:15:22,956
YES.

320
00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:23,991
CAN I GET A DOG?

321
00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:24,992
ABSOLUTELY.
YES.

322
00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:27,294
AS LONG AS IT POOPS HERE.

323
00:15:27,327 --> 00:15:28,561
WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT, HONEY.

324
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:32,632
I'M SORRY, HANK.
MY APOLOGIES.

325
00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:35,002
THAT'S FINE, BILL.
SHE'S VERY SWEET.

326
00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:37,537
WELL, I'D LIKE
TO PROPOSE A TOAST.

327
00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:39,139
TO FRIENDS...

328
00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:44,344
...FAMILY, A NEW BEGINNING...

329
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:45,445
AND A HAPPY ENDING.

330
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:46,446
WELL SAID, HONEY.

331
00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:48,115
Charlie:
I'LL DRINK TO THAT.

332
00:15:48,148 --> 00:15:49,516
CHEERS.

333
00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:50,550
CHEERS, CHEERS.

334
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,088
SO, HOW DID YOU
AND BILL MEET?

335
00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:58,025
I DON'T THINK THIS IS
THE RIGHT SETTING FOR THAT --

336
00:15:58,058 --> 00:16:01,561
I THINK THIS IS THE PERFECT
SETTING FOR THAT STORY.

337
00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:05,365
UM, BILL HIRED KAREN TO REDO
HIS PLACE -- THIS PLACE.

338
00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:07,100
AND ALONG THE WAY,
THEY TALKED ZEN

339
00:16:07,134 --> 00:16:09,069
AND THE ART OF
THE MID-LIFE CRISIS

340
00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:13,540
AND [LAUGHS] EVENTUALLY
FELL HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE.

341
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:16,243
IN KAREN'S CASE,
HEELS OVER HEAD.

342
00:16:16,276 --> 00:16:18,645
AND BILL GOT ANOTHER TROPHY
FOR HIS MANTEL,

343
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:21,681
AND KAREN GOT TO MOVE
INTO HER OWN BARBIE DREAM HOUSE.

344
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:25,652
TALK ABOUT BEING THE ARCHITECT
OF YOUR VERY OWN --

345
00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:27,420
HAPPY ENDING.

346
00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:30,423
GOT IT.
THAT'S A BIT OF
AN OVERSIMPLIFICATION, HANK.

347
00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:31,724
BUT I'M NOT SURPRISED.

348
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,060
FLOOR IS ALL YOURS, BILL.

349
00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:35,228
I'LL PASS.
THAT DOESN'T SURPRISE ME.

350
00:16:35,262 --> 00:16:37,297
HOW DID YOU
AND KAREN MEET?

351
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,566
MIA, I DON'T THINK...
Karen:
SOME OTHER TIME, SWEETIE.

352
00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:42,169
WHAT? I'M CURIOUS.
ME TOO.

353
00:16:42,202 --> 00:16:44,071
KAREN'S NOT A BIG FAN
OF MEMORY LANE.

354
00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:45,505
I'LL TELL IT.
REBECCA.

355
00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:47,307
MOM WAS GOING TO ART SCHOOL

356
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,609
AND PLAYING BASS
IN THIS DOWNTOWN NOISE BAND.

357
00:16:49,642 --> 00:16:52,745
DAD HAD JUST PUBLISHED
HIS FIRST NOVEL.

358
00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:55,248
THEY MET CUTE AT --
WHAT WAS IT CALLED AGAIN?

359
00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:57,050
CBGB's.
RIGHT.

360
00:16:57,084 --> 00:16:59,119
HE THOUGHT
SHE WAS PRETENTIOUS,

361
00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:02,155
AND SHE THOUGHT HE WAS
WAY TOO PLEASED WITH HIMSELF.

362
00:17:02,189 --> 00:17:03,290
BUT THEY HAD SEX ANYWAY.

363
00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:06,559
IN THE MORNING,
HE MADE HER BREAKFAST,

364
00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:08,695
AND SHE TALKED ABOUT HER PLAN
TO MOVE TO SEATTLE

365
00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:10,397
SO SHE COULD STALK
AND MARRY...

366
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:12,132
...CHRIS CORNELL.

367
00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:13,466
RIGHT.

368
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:15,802
BUT THEN SHE READ
DAD'S WRITING.

369
00:17:15,835 --> 00:17:17,437
AND THAT WAS IT.

370
00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:21,308
NINE MONTHS LATER,
I WAS BORN.

371
00:17:21,341 --> 00:17:23,510
THEY NEVER GOT MARRIED,
OF COURSE.

372
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:26,846
BUT THEY STAYED TOGETHER
A LONG TIME.

373
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:30,150
A LOT LONGER
THAN MOST PEOPLE DO.

374
00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:35,788
[ MAN CLEARS THROAT ]

375
00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:38,125
OH, MY BOYFRIEND'S HERE.
I GOT TO GO.

376
00:17:38,158 --> 00:17:39,726
BYE, DADDY.

377
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,095
OH! BYE.

378
00:17:42,129 --> 00:17:44,264
GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.

379
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:45,498
BYE, HONEY.
SO LONG.

380
00:17:45,532 --> 00:17:47,434
I WISH I COULD TELL
AN INTERESTING STORY

381
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:48,701
ABOUT MY ME AND MY EX,

382
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:52,172
BUT IT'S REALLY JUST
L.A. CLICHé NUMBER 4B.

383
00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:53,706
HE WAS SLEEPING
WITH HIS ASSISTANT.

384
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:56,343
OH, SHIT.
THAT HAPPENS.

385
00:17:56,376 --> 00:17:58,411
HIS NAME WAS TED.
YOUR HUSBAND?

386
00:17:58,445 --> 00:18:00,247
HIS ASSISTANT.
OH.

387
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:01,681
AH.

388
00:18:01,714 --> 00:18:03,750
COULD BE WORSE.
REALLY? HOW SO?

389
00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:06,253
WELL, INSTEAD OF FINDING OUT
YOUR HUSBAND WAS GAY,

390
00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:10,423
YOU COULD'VE FOUND OUT
THAT HE WAS A...

391
00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:13,893
SCIENTOLOGIST
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

392
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:16,829
I'M A SCIENTOLOGIST, HANK.

393
00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:18,498
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]

394
00:18:19,532 --> 00:18:20,867
OR A NAZI.

395
00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:24,504
OR AL QAEDA.

396
00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:26,273
KEEP TRYING.

397
00:18:26,306 --> 00:18:29,176
SEE, THIS IS WHAT I LOVE
ABOUT L.A. IS THE DIVERSITY.

398
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:31,278
[ LAUGHTER ]

399
00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:33,646
THE EAGLES!

400
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,283
OH.
EAGLES OF DEATH METAL.

401
00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:38,551
COOL.
RIGHT ON.

402
00:18:38,585 --> 00:18:40,820
I LIKED HAVING
YOU HERE TONIGHT.

403
00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:43,590
WELL, I LIKED
BEING HERE TONIGHT.

404
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,158
BULLSHIT.

405
00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:47,694
OH. IT'S A PLEASURE
DOING BUSINESS WITH YOU.

406
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,564
I HATE TO BURST
YOUR BUBBLE, SWEETIE,

407
00:18:51,598 --> 00:18:54,401
BUT THAT MOVIE HAS NOTHING
TO DO WITH YOUR OLD MAN.

408
00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:55,535
OF COURSE IT DOES.

409
00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:58,771
YOUR NOVEL, WHILE VERY MUCH
AN EXERCISE IN NIHILISM,

410
00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:00,807
IS FIRMLY ROOTED
IN ROMANTICISM.

411
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,543
YOU READ THE NOVEL?

412
00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:05,512
OH, JESUS FUCK.

413
00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:08,648
OHH.

414
00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:10,517
MM.

415
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:13,886
YOU SHOULDN'T TAKE THE LORD'S
NAME IN VAIN, YOU KNOW.

416
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,855
WHERE'D YOU GET
THAT OLD CHESTNUT?

417
00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:17,290
BILL.

418
00:19:17,324 --> 00:19:19,359
I WAS WEARING
MY CRADLE OF FILTH T-SHIRT.

419
00:19:19,392 --> 00:19:21,794
THE ONE THAT SAYS "JESUS WAS
A C-WORD" ON THE BACK.

420
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:23,896
THAT'S MY GIRL.

421
00:19:25,232 --> 00:19:28,735
BUT I DO PRAY SOMETIMES.
SORT OF.

422
00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:30,470
WHAT DO YOU PRAY FOR?

423
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,672
THAT YOU AND MOM
WORK OUT YOUR SHIT

424
00:19:32,705 --> 00:19:35,542
AND WE MOVE BACK
TO NEW YORK.

425
00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:38,311
UH, NO, HONEY.

426
00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:40,480
YOU DON'T OWE ME
ANYTHING FOR THAT ONE.

427
00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:43,950
DAD?
YEAH?

428
00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:45,752
ARE YOU OKAY?

429
00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:52,225
NO.

430
00:19:52,259 --> 00:19:54,694
BUT I'M WORKING ON IT.

431
00:19:56,329 --> 00:19:58,865
CAN I GET A DOG?

432
00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:01,668
OH, YOU'RE GOOD.

433
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,403
YOU'RE GOOD.

434
00:20:03,436 --> 00:20:04,504
[ LAUGHS ]

435
00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:08,475
[ WOMAN COUGHING ]

436
00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:11,744
OH.

437
00:20:11,778 --> 00:20:13,346
SON-JA.

438
00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:15,548
HEY, LOOK, I'M SORRY
ABOUT BEFORE -- WHAT I SAID.

439
00:20:15,582 --> 00:20:18,518
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK
I'M TALKING ABOUT HALF THE TIME.

440
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:19,819
ASK ANYBODY.
THEY'LL TELL YOU.

441
00:20:19,852 --> 00:20:21,421
NO WORRIES.
NO WORRIES.

442
00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:23,290
[ SNIFFING ]

443
00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:25,525
YOU WANT -- YOU WANT TO --
YOU WANT TO GET FUCKED UP?

444
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:26,759
OH.

445
00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:35,402
WHY ARE YOU SO SMILEY?

446
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:37,437
THERE'S NOTHING QUITE LIKE
GETTING STONED

447
00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:40,407
ON THE VERY BED THAT YOUR
EX-DOMESTIC PARTNER SHARES

448
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,709
WITH HER FIANCé.

449
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:44,277
IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS.

450
00:20:44,311 --> 00:20:45,578
[ BOTH LAUGH ]

451
00:20:45,612 --> 00:20:48,481
COULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR?

452
00:20:48,515 --> 00:20:50,016
ABSOLUTELY.

453
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:57,424
TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK.

454
00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:02,495
[ COUGHS ]

455
00:21:02,529 --> 00:21:03,730
HONESTLY?

456
00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:06,466
YEAH. HONESTLY.

457
00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:09,436
I'M, UH, FORTY-SOMETHING
YEARS OLD.

458
00:21:09,469 --> 00:21:10,770
I DON'T HAVE TIME
TO PLAY GAMES.

459
00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:12,305
I NEED TO KNOW THE TRUTH.

460
00:21:15,742 --> 00:21:19,579
WELL, YOUR BREASTS
ARE OBVIOUSLY REAL.

461
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:25,618
AND, UM, YOU HAVE AN ABUNDANCE
OF PUBIC HAIR,

462
00:21:25,652 --> 00:21:28,588
WHICH IS REALLY NICE.

463
00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:32,659
AND, UM, THERE'S NO EVIDENCE
OF VAGINAL REJUVENATION.

464
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,696
I'D SAY ASIDE FROM THE FACT
THAT YOU WORSHIP A SPACE ALIEN,

465
00:21:36,729 --> 00:21:39,031
YOU JUST MIGHT BE THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN I'VE SEEN

466
00:21:39,065 --> 00:21:41,834
IN A LONG, LONG TIME.

467
00:21:43,069 --> 00:21:45,338
THANK YOU.

468
00:21:45,372 --> 00:21:47,907
IT'S MY PLEASURE.

469
00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:51,444
WOULD YOU DO ME
ANOTHER FAVOR?

470
00:21:51,478 --> 00:21:52,579
YEAH.

471
00:21:52,612 --> 00:21:54,781
WOULD YOU FUCK ME?

472
00:21:54,814 --> 00:21:58,117
MY HUSBAND RECENTLY LEFT ME
FOR A GUY NAMED TED,

473
00:21:58,150 --> 00:22:00,553
AND RIGHT NOW ALL I WANT TO DO
IS GET FUCKED STUPID

474
00:22:00,587 --> 00:22:02,054
BY A GUY WHO ACTUALLY
LIKES WOMEN.

475
00:22:02,088 --> 00:22:04,691
IF THAT'S OKAY WITH YOU.

476
00:22:04,724 --> 00:22:07,460
WELL, I'D BE LYING
IF I SAID I NEVER WONDERED

477
00:22:07,494 --> 00:22:10,697
WHAT IT MIGHT BE LIKE
TO VIOLATE A SCIENTOLOGIST.

478
00:22:11,764 --> 00:22:15,635
YOU MUST BE LOOKING LIKE
ART GARFUNKEL DOWN THERE LATELY.

479
00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:18,705
OH, MY GOD.
YOU'RE OBSESSED.

480
00:22:18,738 --> 00:22:21,608
WELL, YOU HAVEN'T BEEN IN
FOR A WAX IN MONTHS.

481
00:22:21,641 --> 00:22:24,811
SO EITHER YOU'RE TAKING
YOUR LADY BUSINESS ELSEWHERE

482
00:22:24,844 --> 00:22:27,580
OR YOU'RE SPORTING
A GINORMOUS HIPPIE BUSH.

483
00:22:27,614 --> 00:22:28,648
I HATE THAT SHIT.

484
00:22:28,681 --> 00:22:30,783
I JUST CAME
TO KEEP YOU IN BUSINESS.

485
00:22:30,817 --> 00:22:32,852
OH!

486
00:22:32,885 --> 00:22:36,122
AND I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY
AND HAIR-FREE.

487
00:22:36,155 --> 00:22:38,725
WELL, I AM HAPPY.

488
00:22:38,758 --> 00:22:41,060
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

489
00:22:42,929 --> 00:22:45,865
ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT
MAKING A DEAL WITH THE DEVIL

490
00:22:45,898 --> 00:22:47,967
THAT YOUR ASS CAN'T CASH?

491
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:50,369
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

492
00:22:52,104 --> 00:22:53,873
WHAT?

493
00:22:55,842 --> 00:22:57,444
WHAT?

494
00:22:57,477 --> 00:23:00,046
ARE YOU TOTALLY SERIOUS
ABOUT MARRYING THIS GUY?

495
00:23:00,079 --> 00:23:01,080
YES.

496
00:23:01,113 --> 00:23:02,582
WHY?

497
00:23:02,615 --> 00:23:04,684
I LOVE HIM.
HE LOVES ME.

498
00:23:04,717 --> 00:23:06,185
HE'S GREAT WITH BECCA.

499
00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:08,020
I MEAN,
WHAT ELSE IS THERE?

500
00:23:08,054 --> 00:23:09,922
WHAT ABOUT HANK?

501
00:23:09,956 --> 00:23:11,991
WHAT ABOUT HIM?

502
00:23:12,024 --> 00:23:13,192
HE LOVES YOU.

503
00:23:13,225 --> 00:23:15,595
HE'S TRYING TO GET
HIS SHIT TOGETHER.

504
00:23:15,628 --> 00:23:17,864
HE HAS BEEN TRYING
TO GET HIS SHIT TOGETHER

505
00:23:17,897 --> 00:23:19,999
SINCE THE DAY WE FIRST MET.

506
00:23:21,067 --> 00:23:23,870
AND THE SEX WITH BILL?

507
00:23:23,903 --> 00:23:25,404
IS IT GOOD?

508
00:23:27,774 --> 00:23:30,142
YEAH.
IT'S DIFFERENT, YOU KNOW?

509
00:23:31,578 --> 00:23:32,512
COME ON.

510
00:23:32,545 --> 00:23:34,881
[ SIGHS ]

511
00:23:34,914 --> 00:23:36,816
I WANT TO SHOW YOU
MY HOUSE.

512
00:23:36,849 --> 00:23:38,050
OH, MY GOD.

513
00:23:39,652 --> 00:23:41,754
MY HOUSE IS MY ART.

514
00:23:43,656 --> 00:23:45,925
I DON'T THINK TOM AND KATIE
WOULD APPROVE

515
00:23:45,958 --> 00:23:47,794
OF WHAT WE'RE DOING
RIGHT NOW.

516
00:23:47,827 --> 00:23:49,462
OH, GOD.
SHUT UP AND FUCK ME ALREADY.

517
00:23:49,496 --> 00:23:50,897
ARE YOU CLEAR YET?

518
00:23:50,930 --> 00:23:53,165
SHUT UP AND FUCK ME.

519
00:23:53,199 --> 00:23:55,768
YOU ARE ONE KINKY THETAN.

520
00:24:00,940 --> 00:24:03,610
OH! AAH!

521
00:24:05,678 --> 00:24:06,913
ARE YOU OKAY?

522
00:24:09,148 --> 00:24:10,182
[ GROANS ]

523
00:24:15,254 --> 00:24:17,757
OH. OKAY.

524
00:24:17,790 --> 00:24:19,458
RIGHT.

525
00:24:29,536 --> 00:24:30,870
[ GASPS ]

526
00:24:32,271 --> 00:24:34,140
OH, GOD.

527
00:24:34,173 --> 00:24:36,643
[ COUGHS ]

528
00:24:36,676 --> 00:24:37,877
OH...

529
00:24:43,149 --> 00:24:45,151
Bill:
MY PAINTING.

530
00:24:45,184 --> 00:24:48,087
IT'S ALL GOOD.
WE GOT IT UNDER CONTROL.

531
00:24:48,120 --> 00:24:51,791
[ LAUGHS ]

532
00:24:51,824 --> 00:24:53,626
IT'S ALL GOOD.

533
00:24:53,660 --> 00:24:55,762
[ BOTH LAUGH ]

534
00:24:55,795 --> 00:24:58,030
OKAY.
WE'RE SO HIGH!

535
00:24:58,064 --> 00:24:59,799
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT HAPPENED.

536
00:25:12,311 --> 00:25:15,548
Mia:
YOU LOOK LIKE ASS.

537
00:25:16,649 --> 00:25:18,651
DID WE JUST HAVE SEX?

538
00:25:22,889 --> 00:25:24,691
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

539
00:25:24,724 --> 00:25:27,526
ISN'T IT OBVIOUS?

540
00:25:29,228 --> 00:25:33,566
WHAT HAPPENED THE OTHER NIGHT
WILL NEVER, EVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

541
00:25:34,901 --> 00:25:36,769
AND WHY IS THAT?

542
00:25:36,803 --> 00:25:39,271
BECAUSE IT'S SICK
AND WRONG.

543
00:25:39,305 --> 00:25:41,908
WELL, MAYBE
I'M IN THE MINORITY HERE,

544
00:25:41,941 --> 00:25:45,177
BUT I JUST DON'T THINK
THERE'S ANYTHING SICK AND WRONG

545
00:25:45,211 --> 00:25:47,046
ABOUT A LITTLE FUCKING
AND PUNCHING

546
00:25:47,079 --> 00:25:49,015
BETWEEN CONSENTING ADULTS.

547
00:25:49,048 --> 00:25:52,118
YOU'RE NOT AN ADULT,
FOR ONE.

548
00:25:52,151 --> 00:25:54,721
YOU DIRTY OLD MAN.

549
00:25:54,754 --> 00:25:56,656
[ DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE ]

550
00:25:56,689 --> 00:25:59,892
WELL, I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO
GET OUT MY VIBRATOR

551
00:25:59,926 --> 00:26:01,594
AND READ YOUR BLOG.

552
00:26:01,628 --> 00:26:04,063
THAT'S COOL. THEN IT WON'T BE
A TOTAL WASTE OF TIME.

553
00:26:05,297 --> 00:26:07,634
I THOUGHT IT WAS COOL.

554
00:26:07,667 --> 00:26:11,604
I WAS LIKE, "HEY,
I TOTALLY FUCKED THAT GUY."

555
00:26:15,407 --> 00:26:17,009
MUST BE WEIRD, THOUGH.

556
00:26:17,043 --> 00:26:18,110
WHAT?

557
00:26:18,144 --> 00:26:21,881
BECOMING THE EMPLOYEE OF A MAN
YOU SO CLEARLY HATE.

558
00:26:21,914 --> 00:26:23,883
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

559
00:26:23,916 --> 00:26:24,884
[ LAUGHS ]

560
00:26:24,917 --> 00:26:28,955
MY FATHER.
HE OWNS HELL-A MAGAZINE.

561
00:26:28,988 --> 00:26:31,891
MIA, IS THAT YOU?

562
00:26:31,924 --> 00:26:34,160
COMING, DADDY.

563
00:26:34,193 --> 00:26:38,898
* AND THOUGH HE'S NAKED
THROUGH THE DAY *

564
00:26:38,931 --> 00:26:43,302
* THERE'S ALWAYS GONNA BE
A BETTER WAY *

565
00:26:43,335 --> 00:26:47,774
* IT'LL ALWAYS BE
SOMEONE ELSE'S WAY *

566
00:26:47,807 --> 00:26:50,209
ALWAYS A PLEASURE.

567
00:26:51,878 --> 00:26:54,647
* CLOSER TO THE EDGE

568
00:26:54,681 --> 00:27:00,787
* IT'S SO MUCH FURTHER
THAN WE GET WITHOUT A CAR *

569
00:27:00,820 --> 00:27:06,926
* AND EVERYONE'S LOOKING
FOR SOMEPLACE *

570
00:27:06,959 --> 00:27:13,299
* THEY'RE JUST KILLING MORE TIME
WITHIN THE SPACE *

571
00:27:13,332 --> 00:27:19,872
* SOME NIGHTS I WISH
THAT SUN WOULD *

572
00:27:19,906 --> 00:27:23,275
* NEVER SHOW ITS FACE

573
00:27:26,078 --> 00:27:30,683
* YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL AND NICE

574
00:27:30,717 --> 00:27:32,952
[ ENGINES ROARING ]

575
00:27:35,054 --> 00:27:38,390
* NO PICTURE'S EVER GOING TO

576
00:27:38,424 --> 00:27:44,430
* AND EVERYONE'S LOOKING
FOR SOME SPACE *

577
00:27:44,463 --> 00:27:51,237
* THEY'RE JUST KILLING TIME
ALL OVER THIS PLACE *

578
00:27:51,270 --> 00:27:57,710
* SOME NIGHTS I WISH
THAT SUN WOULD *

579
00:27:57,744 --> 00:28:01,781
* NEVER SHOW ITS FACE

580
00:28:01,814 --> 00:28:09,188
* IT ONLY TAKES
THE LIGHT OF DAY *

581
00:28:09,221 --> 00:28:13,225
* TO FACE THE LIGHT OF DAY

582
00:28:13,259 --> 00:28:14,794
-- Captions by VITAC --
www.vitac.com

583
00:28:14,827 --> 00:28:14,861
CLOSED CAPTIONING PROVIDED BY
SHOWTIME NETWORKS
AND BLIND DECKER PRODUCTIONS