1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,168
Previously on Californication...

2
00:00:03,211 --> 00:00:05,087
- No kiss?
- I'm done with that.

3
00:00:05,171 --> 00:00:08,048
You, on the other hand,
have been a very naughty little Smurf.

4
00:00:08,091 --> 00:00:11,844
- Bi-curious, are we?
- He started it, spanking his assistant.

5
00:00:11,886 --> 00:00:13,262
It was very sweet, actually.

6
00:00:13,304 --> 00:00:15,055
I want to learn from you.

7
00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:16,974
- I want to be an agent.
- I see.

8
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:19,351
First, you systematically
destroy my marriage...

9
00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:21,103
I know about everything, Charlie.

10
00:00:21,146 --> 00:00:23,647
And now you want me
to help with your career.

11
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:26,066
I don't think you heard me.
I wrote something.

12
00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:29,486
- Hank wrote a new book? Can I read it?
- I don't think that's appropriate.

13
00:00:29,529 --> 00:00:31,196
(Dani) Is there anything
I can help you with?

14
00:00:31,239 --> 00:00:33,198
I wrote this novel, and
I was just wondering

15
00:00:33,241 --> 00:00:35,284
- if Charlie would read it.
- What's it about?

16
00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:37,536
A 16-year-old girl
fucks a much, much older man

17
00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:40,330
and finds herself both spiritually
and sexually awakened.

18
00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:42,291
Ohh!

19
00:00:42,333 --> 00:00:43,584
Dad, are you OK?

20
00:00:43,626 --> 00:00:45,878
No...

21
00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:47,671
But I'm working on it.

22
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:49,089
This book is gonna be huge.

23
00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:51,091
What's going on here?
Are you having second thoughts?

24
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:53,427
- Are you questioning things?
- I question everything.

25
00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:55,110
- It's very healthy.
- It is very healthy.

26
00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:57,264
I just think you can't
run off and marry a guy

27
00:00:57,307 --> 00:01:00,309
after making sweet love to yours truly.

28
00:01:00,351 --> 00:01:03,187
We had women that loved
us for who we were, and we fucked it up.

29
00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:09,151
Ain't life fuckin' grand?

30
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,083
Yowsa.

31
00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:26,794
- Hey.
- You look great, Mom.

32
00:01:26,836 --> 00:01:28,504
Oh, thank you, sweetie.

33
00:01:28,546 --> 00:01:30,631
I guess you're going with
a more liberal interpretation

34
00:01:30,673 --> 00:01:32,382
of the whole "white wedding"
concept, are you?

35
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:35,427
Do you think I could go braless...
Ooh. Sorry.

36
00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:36,970
Didn't know we had
a gentleman in our presence.

37
00:01:37,013 --> 00:01:39,598
Well, only if you go with
a more liberal interpretation

38
00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:41,141
of the whole "gentleman" concept.

39
00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:42,726
Ouch.

40
00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:45,187
You know, as exciting as it is
to be behind the scenes

41
00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:47,356
in the girls' locker room
right before the big game,

42
00:01:47,398 --> 00:01:49,149
I think I'm going to take my leave.

43
00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:50,776
- (Car alarm beeps)
- Oh, shit.

44
00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:52,486
- I think my dad's coming.
- What?

45
00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:54,738
He was supposed to be playing racquetball.

46
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,365
Yes, by all means, get that thing off.

47
00:01:56,407 --> 00:02:00,619
The groom should not see you in the dress
just before the wedding... that's bad luck.

48
00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:03,956
- What's worse luck is getting married itself.
- Shut up.

49
00:02:03,998 --> 00:02:07,084
It's like two out of three of those
end in divorce.

50
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:09,086
Sometimes more... three out of two.

51
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:11,380
- Bill.
- Hank.

52
00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:15,008
- You look lovely.
- Thank you.

53
00:02:15,051 --> 00:02:19,054
A little uncomfortable coming from you.
You know what? Oatmeal.

54
00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:20,264
Thank you, Daddy.

55
00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:22,099
You should've seen the dress
Karen had on just now.

56
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:24,518
She had the... I mean,
it was like, here... mm.

57
00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:27,437
- Cut it out.
- And then the back... Rrrah!

58
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:28,939
- Hey. You're home early.
- Hi.

59
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:32,151
Well, I'm playing Harry Greenberg.
I bageled him.

60
00:02:32,193 --> 00:02:34,403
Ah, ironically. You know what?

61
00:02:34,445 --> 00:02:36,488
One day, you and me,
Bill Tilden. Mano a mano.

62
00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:38,574
We're gonna play the real tennis.

63
00:02:38,616 --> 00:02:42,369
Not that sissy kind. We're going '70s style.
We're playing wooden rackets, knee socks.

64
00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:45,164
Plum smugglers. We do it.
But not today because I gotta go.

65
00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:46,582
- Dad.
- Yes.

66
00:02:46,624 --> 00:02:48,834
- You can't. Remember?
- No... What?

67
00:02:48,918 --> 00:02:51,295
I have to talk to you... and Mom.

68
00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:52,921
Really? What about, sweetie?

69
00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:55,632
Family stuff.

70
00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:58,719
Well, we're a family.
Or we will be very soon, right?

71
00:02:58,761 --> 00:03:01,638
So I should say what I feel?
No matter what?

72
00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:03,056
- (Karen) Absolutely.
- Yes.

73
00:03:03,099 --> 00:03:06,185
- Always.
- I want to live with Dad.

74
00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:11,857
I'll still visit and stuff. I just...

75
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:14,484
I want to live most of the time with Dad.

76
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:19,323
It's the first I've heard of this.
Karen. Karen.

77
00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:21,575
Karen! Karen!

78
00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:26,079
Hey, Becca, have you, um...
have you thought this through?

79
00:03:26,122 --> 00:03:27,623
I mean, have you... Becca.

80
00:03:27,665 --> 00:03:30,834
Shit. Becca! Becca.

81
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:33,045
- Bill. Bill.
- Yeah...

82
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,881
- Then there were two.
- Yeah.

83
00:03:35,924 --> 00:03:38,967
I'm gonna need some help
getting out of this dress.

84
00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:41,637
Ooh. And then there was one.

85
00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:35,274
- Thank you.
- (Waitress) Sure.

86
00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:39,278
Uncle Runkle.

87
00:04:40,196 --> 00:04:43,115
- Sorry I'm late. I just, uh...
- You just what?

88
00:04:43,157 --> 00:04:45,242
Nah. That's all I got.

89
00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:49,830
- I do have some news, though.
- Ah! Delight me.

90
00:04:49,872 --> 00:04:53,208
- Becca's moving back in with me.
- Mmm!

91
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,043
- No shit.
- Yeah.

92
00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:57,087
- Poor Karen. She must be...
- Devastated.

93
00:04:57,797 --> 00:05:00,590
- That's brutal.
- Mm, it is. The good news is, though,

94
00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:03,010
that as of today
you and your extensive porn collection

95
00:05:03,052 --> 00:05:04,303
are moving into the Four Seasons.

96
00:05:04,345 --> 00:05:07,055
- Fantastic.
- I booked you a room

97
00:05:07,098 --> 00:05:08,557
in the Husbands Who've
Been Kicked To The Kerb

98
00:05:08,599 --> 00:05:10,600
"By Their Diminutive Lesbian Wives wing."

99
00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:13,145
It's right next to the Young Actresses
Fresh Into Town wing.

100
00:05:13,187 --> 00:05:15,897
- Am I correct?
- I don't know the layout of the hotel.

101
00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:17,983
(Laughs) Well, uh, that is news.

102
00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:20,652
- Boy, um, I'll miss the camaraderie.
- Mm.

103
00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:24,281
But that stain in your bedroom
was really starting to unnerve me.

104
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:27,034
You inspired that stain,
you cunning linguist, you.

105
00:05:27,076 --> 00:05:28,660
- It's a talent.
- Job well done.

106
00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:31,163
- (Both) Bbrroop!
- (Both laugh)

107
00:05:31,205 --> 00:05:33,373
What were you doing
in my bedroom, you perv?

108
00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:36,209
Snooping, of course.
Looking for some fucking words I can sell.

109
00:05:36,252 --> 00:05:38,128
- Good luck with that shit.
- By the way,

110
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:42,007
how come you never told me Bill's little
Lolita of a daughter was a writer?

111
00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:44,009
Cos I don't use that term loosely.

112
00:05:44,093 --> 00:05:46,428
Writer. Everybody says
they're a writer in this town.

113
00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:48,555
I'll give her budding wordsmith, maybe.

114
00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:52,434
- Budding, huh? She's fuckin' bloomed, pal.
- Sorry?

115
00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:54,770
Dani's dripping wet
over this manuscript of hers.

116
00:05:54,812 --> 00:05:58,690
In fact, she insists that I pump it,
launch her agenting career,

117
00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:02,402
or she's gonna hit me with the mother
of all sexual-harassment suits.

118
00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:04,613
Oh, Charlie, I'm sorry.

119
00:06:04,655 --> 00:06:07,032
Do you think you can get me
a front-row seat to the trial?

120
00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:09,117
I'd like to be behind you
in all the courtroom sketches.

121
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,200
You're such a good friend.

122
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,578
What the fuck do you want me to say?

123
00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:14,831
You fuck around with your assistant,
you're gonna get screwed.

124
00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:18,293
There's only a few things that
could happen, all of them bad.

125
00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:20,379
You're gonna get threatened,
you're gonna get sued.

126
00:06:20,421 --> 00:06:22,181
You can go for the
trifecta and get divorced.

127
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:25,300
And yet, do I get any credit
for all the assistants I didn't fuck?

128
00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:27,094
- No, that's an injustice.
- It is.

129
00:06:27,136 --> 00:06:29,846
I get no credit for all
the dicks I do not suck.

130
00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:34,142
- Check, please.
- Then again, I don't know.

131
00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:36,436
If... if Mia turns out
to really be talented,

132
00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:38,939
then I could pump this
till I'm blue in the face.

133
00:06:39,023 --> 00:06:40,649
No harm, no foul. Am I right there?

134
00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:45,153
She... she might have some talent, from
what I've seen, the little I have seen.

135
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:46,780
What is this thing about?

136
00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:50,033
This coverage makes it sound
really fuckin' hot, you know?

137
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:52,994
There's this young woman
who's bangin' this older guy,

138
00:06:53,037 --> 00:06:55,705
and at one point, you know,
she... she hauls off

139
00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:57,916
and just punches him right in the face.

140
00:06:57,959 --> 00:07:00,419
That's... that's pretty ballsy
right there, right?

141
00:07:00,461 --> 00:07:03,296
I don't know what else happens,
but that's one scene.

142
00:07:03,339 --> 00:07:05,382
- Motherfucker.
- What?

143
00:07:08,177 --> 00:07:10,971
Fucking And Punching.

144
00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,015
Hmm.

145
00:07:16,185 --> 00:07:18,145
This is beyond ballsy.

146
00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:21,648
- Where are you...
- (Chair falls)

147
00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:24,067
OK, then.

148
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:26,069
(Tyres squeal)

149
00:08:10,364 --> 00:08:14,701
- What the fuck?
- Oh. I guess you didn't hear me knocking.

150
00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,119
- No.
- No.

151
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:18,330
Well, that's why I let myself in...
because I figured

152
00:08:18,372 --> 00:08:20,457
you'd probably be out here
in this general vicinity,

153
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:21,791
unable to hear me knocking.

154
00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:24,252
Out by the pool, kickin' it,
you know, after school?

155
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:26,588
Right. Well, school doesn't
get out till three.

156
00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:29,466
You need to get on top of that
kind of shit, Hank.

157
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,009
Wow. Is that, like, universal?

158
00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:34,137
Cos I was over at Mia's school that day,
and it was very progressive,

159
00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:36,515
like maybe they didn't adhere
to that kind of strict...

160
00:08:36,557 --> 00:08:40,101
There's no one here. I'm all on my own
in my big, empty house,

161
00:08:40,144 --> 00:08:42,229
just like I will be when
you take my daughter away from me.

162
00:08:42,271 --> 00:08:44,231
Come on, honey.
I had nothing to do with that.

163
00:08:44,273 --> 00:08:46,900
Oh, really? You didn't put her up to it?

164
00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:48,610
No! Of course not. Why would I do that?

165
00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:52,072
Well, I don't know... to embarrass me. To
score some big fucking victory over Bill.

166
00:08:52,114 --> 00:08:54,157
- No, I wouldn't do that.
- Your usual shit.

167
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,243
No. No, no, no. I wouldn't do that.

168
00:08:56,285 --> 00:08:59,829
What, so she just came up with it all by
herself, out of the blue?

169
00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:03,583
The system that's been working for us since
we split up, that's not working any more?

170
00:09:03,626 --> 00:09:05,710
"I want to live with Dad.
I don't want to live with Mom."

171
00:09:05,753 --> 00:09:09,339
She's a teenager. I think the word
you're looking for is mercurial.

172
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,216
- No, I'm not looking... Oh!
- Uh...

173
00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:13,343
And I would never
fuck with her head like that.

174
00:09:13,427 --> 00:09:17,013
Yours, yes. I can be
a dick like that sometimes.

175
00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:19,057
But hers, never. Not in a million years.

176
00:09:20,142 --> 00:09:22,852
- Well, OK.
- What do you mean, OK?

177
00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:26,106
I mean, OK, I believe you.
But it's not gonna make any difference.

178
00:09:26,148 --> 00:09:27,941
It doesn't make it any easier for me.

179
00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:29,901
I know, but if you think about
it in practical terms,

180
00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:32,184
it just means, like,
a couple extra nights a week, right?

181
00:09:32,196 --> 00:09:36,157
- I mean, it's not a big...
- No. Don't, OK? Don't do that.

182
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,326
I don't need your
fucking sympathy, Hank, OK?

183
00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:41,121
Get out of my house,
cos I don't want to see you right now!

184
00:09:47,211 --> 00:09:49,713
Where's Ilsa, She-wolf of the SS?

185
00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:52,424
- Excuse me?
- Dani. Where's Dani?

186
00:09:52,466 --> 00:09:55,427
She's... she's in a meeting
with, uh, Mr Runkle.

187
00:09:55,469 --> 00:09:56,709
- And you are?
- Going in there.

188
00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:58,638
- I'm sorry, sir.
- Hey, look at the time.

189
00:09:58,681 --> 00:10:00,807
The big hand says fuck
and the little hand says off.

190
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:02,392
Good thing it doesn't
have a second hand, huh?

191
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:07,188
All right, I need to talk to you, and you,
and you need to get out, and you...

192
00:10:07,231 --> 00:10:10,775
You, I don't need to
talk to, but I know you.

193
00:10:10,818 --> 00:10:13,570
- Hello, Victoria.
- Well, so formal.

194
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:16,990
Tricky Vicky, he used to call me,
back in the day.

195
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:18,783
Where the hell have you been,
Hank Moody?

196
00:10:18,826 --> 00:10:21,186
Haven't you owed me a book since
the good guy was in office?

197
00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:23,204
Yeah, it's been seven years,
thanks for asking.

198
00:10:23,247 --> 00:10:25,665
It's coming along swimmingly.
Spell-checking as we speak.

199
00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:28,668
- I need to have a chat with you.
- I'm in the middle of a meeting.

200
00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:30,295
I can see that. It won't take long.

201
00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:33,381
(Charlie) Hank, uh, do you think
you two could do this a little bit later?

202
00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:36,092
Like after the meeting
that Victoria flew in from New York for?

203
00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:37,969
No. We should straighten it out now.

204
00:10:38,012 --> 00:10:41,014
We have a bunch more set up for later.
We don't want them to stack up.

205
00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:43,516
Thank you, Dani. I can handle this.

206
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:44,934
Well, handle it, then.

207
00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:47,437
Looks like you've got
a live one there, Runkle.

208
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,481
- Ha ha ha.
- Hank, have a seat.

209
00:10:49,523 --> 00:10:51,733
We can talk about Chinese democracy

210
00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:54,110
as soon as I'm done talking
with the publishing sensation.

211
00:10:54,153 --> 00:10:56,738
I don't know if you're aware,
but this young woman's written

212
00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:59,282
- what could be the book of the year.
- Is that right?

213
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:02,619
Have I ever been wrong about this shit?
It's fantastic.

214
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,704
It's like your early stuff.
Not so juvenile.

215
00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:07,374
Not so many lame boner jokes.

216
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:09,793
Well, coincidentally,
I have a lame boner right now.

217
00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:11,211
I have a lame boner for justice.

218
00:11:11,253 --> 00:11:13,505
And if you won't give me
a private sidebar right now,

219
00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:16,257
maybe there's something you'd like to say
to these good people?

220
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:19,511
I don't know. What might
they be interested in hearing?

221
00:11:19,553 --> 00:11:24,641
Come on, Mia. Just... just out with it.

222
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:30,814
Uh... Oh... Wait. I know what I could say.

223
00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:32,774
Thank you, Hank.

224
00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:36,069
Thank you for giving me notes
and helping me with this.

225
00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:38,071
It's been a dream come true, really,

226
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:40,031
To have your favourite writer
in the whole wide world

227
00:11:40,074 --> 00:11:43,702
help you on your very first... novel.

228
00:11:43,744 --> 00:11:45,870
Hank, you're so sweet.

229
00:11:45,913 --> 00:11:48,081
That's it? That's the way
you want to play it?

230
00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:50,750
What do you want me to do,
blow you, Hank?

231
00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:52,836
I mean, that would be untoward.

232
00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:55,463
Oh, my God, look at
the potty mouth on this one.

233
00:11:55,506 --> 00:11:57,340
I love it.

234
00:11:57,383 --> 00:12:01,136
She'd be great with the press, right?
Like Elizabeth Wurtzel... with talent.

235
00:12:01,178 --> 00:12:03,888
OK, Hank. Let's go, huh?

236
00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:06,141
What the fuck is the matter with you?

237
00:12:06,183 --> 00:12:08,268
What do you have, epilepsy,
Asperger's, Tourette's?

238
00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:10,061
Good to see you, Hank.
Good luck with the spell-check.

239
00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:12,105
I need to talk to you, Charlie.

240
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:15,233
- No, no...
- Later. Later. I will talk to you later.

241
00:12:22,616 --> 00:12:25,285
You can't pack her lunch
for the next six months.

242
00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:28,621
I know. I'm just packing it
for tomorrow because, you know,

243
00:12:28,664 --> 00:12:31,249
I figured if I get all
the sandwiches in for tomorrow,

244
00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:33,376
then, if he forgets, it's OK, cos, like,

245
00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:35,462
she has sandwiches
for every day of the week.

246
00:12:35,546 --> 00:12:38,298
Stop stressing. Come here.
Come here. Come here.

247
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:41,176
(Inhales deeply) OK.

248
00:12:44,054 --> 00:12:46,222
Oh, is Mia back from her meeting yet?

249
00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:48,099
- What meeting?
- She met with Charlie.

250
00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:50,310
She's trying to get
one of her stories published.

251
00:12:50,352 --> 00:12:52,061
- Isn't that great?
- Oh, wow, yeah.

252
00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:56,024
Yeah, I haven't read it, but my father's
intuition says it's probably pretty special.

253
00:12:56,066 --> 00:12:58,777
Yes. Yeah. I'm sure it is.

254
00:12:58,819 --> 00:13:02,238
Have you, um, signed the papers yet?

255
00:13:02,281 --> 00:13:05,617
Oh, God. No, honey. Sorry. I forgot.
I've been a little preoccupied.

256
00:13:05,659 --> 00:13:07,410
I know. I know. Let's go. No, we got to go.

257
00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:09,412
- Come on. Come on.
- But, Bill...

258
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:12,749
We're gonna take a look at this.
Nah, this is important stuff.

259
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:16,252
Look, we have our prenup,
we have our wills.

260
00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:19,255
Don't you care about Becca's trust fund?

261
00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:21,257
Yeah... No.

262
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:23,593
Bill, I don't. I don't care.

263
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:26,805
All I care about is Becca leaving me.

264
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:31,059
Us. She's not leaving us.

265
00:13:31,101 --> 00:13:34,896
You know, she's moving out.
She doesn't want to live here any more.

266
00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:38,274
(Sighs) I can't tell what's worse...

267
00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:41,194
whether she doesn't know
she's ripping my heart out,

268
00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:44,364
or whether she does know,
but, you know, she just doesn't care.

269
00:13:44,406 --> 00:13:46,241
Honey, honey, it's a phase.

270
00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:48,326
She sees Mia acting so independently,

271
00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:50,912
she probably wants to see
what that feels like,

272
00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:53,873
so she's doing the only thing
she can to assert herself.

273
00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:55,333
What? Like getting away from me?

274
00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:57,585
Like I'm the Wicked Witch
of the West or something?

275
00:13:57,628 --> 00:13:59,587
No, it's not about that, trust me.

276
00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:01,714
As soon as her father lets her down,

277
00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:04,717
she'll be begging you
to bring her back home, I promise.

278
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:08,221
We're talking about Hank here.
How long can that possibly take?

279
00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:12,183
He'll probably disappoint her on
the car ride home and have to turn around.

280
00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:14,811
Don't make me laugh,
cos I'm trying to wallow here, OK?

281
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,229
(Sighs)

282
00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:25,947
Thank you ever so kindly.

283
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:29,242
So you had your fun
and then you told them the truth, right?

284
00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:30,910
Told them what, Hank?

285
00:14:30,953 --> 00:14:34,956
You know, I think I'd appreciate
your particular brand of humour a lot more

286
00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:36,416
if you weren't fucking around with my life.

287
00:14:36,458 --> 00:14:38,918
And you haven't fucked around
in mine at all?

288
00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:41,296
I mean, I know, I know...
it was an accident.

289
00:14:41,338 --> 00:14:43,214
How could you possibly have known?

290
00:14:43,257 --> 00:14:44,883
The simple fact remains, you fucked me

291
00:14:44,925 --> 00:14:46,926
and you didn't want to have
anything to do with me.

292
00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:49,679
- That doesn't sit well with the ladies.
- So this is your revenge?

293
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,931
You're some kind of
feminist caped crusader?

294
00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:54,642
Yeah, well, we all pay for
our sins sooner or later, Hank.

295
00:14:54,685 --> 00:14:57,520
Thank you. How'd you get ahold of it?

296
00:14:57,563 --> 00:15:00,315
Well, it was just sitting there
all unappreciated and shit,

297
00:15:00,357 --> 00:15:02,358
and I asked Karen if I could read it.

298
00:15:02,401 --> 00:15:05,153
- And she said no.
- Exactly.

299
00:15:05,195 --> 00:15:07,822
She was afraid that I would
get corrupted in some way.

300
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:09,782
- I'm sure.
- Oh, man.

301
00:15:09,825 --> 00:15:12,452
I wonder what'd she think if she knew
that I had your dick in my mouth.

302
00:15:12,494 --> 00:15:15,830
But I digress.
Anyway, I took it to Kinko's

303
00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:18,124
and settled in
for what was truly a great read.

304
00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:21,419
It's so good, Hank.

305
00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:23,171
A really great first draft.

306
00:15:23,213 --> 00:15:25,340
You're gonna get caught, you know.

307
00:15:25,382 --> 00:15:27,508
People are gonna recognise my writing.

308
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:29,594
No, see, I covered my tracks.

309
00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:32,388
I added little bits of
me when I re-typed it.

310
00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:36,100
It's not really so much
an outright theft as a mash-up.

311
00:15:36,143 --> 00:15:39,354
An homage, if you will. From me to you.

312
00:15:39,396 --> 00:15:42,899
You are a very young...

313
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,984
sociopath-in-training.

314
00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:50,156
Oh, come on. That's like Satan calling
one of his junior minions a big meanie.

315
00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:52,033
Yes, but I never set out to hurt you, Mia.

316
00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:54,369
What else is out there for me, huh?

317
00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:57,080
College, going to Europe,
working at an agency,

318
00:15:57,122 --> 00:15:59,165
a network, a studio?

319
00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:02,543
Blech! Boring! This has been fun.

320
00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:07,465
I never intended to be famous, but I
do like being the centre of attention.

321
00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:09,884
It feels just like I thought it would...

322
00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:12,679
totally fucking great.

323
00:16:14,264 --> 00:16:17,183
- But it's gonna go away.
- Hmm.

324
00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:23,356
Well, we just got offers
from Victoria Newsome and Little, Brown,

325
00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:26,317
but I think Random House
is gonna blow them out of the water.

326
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:29,237
Random House?
I didn't even know they were...

327
00:16:29,279 --> 00:16:31,906
Did I miss these calls?
I didn't see messages.

328
00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:34,826
No, I didn't think it was
worth bothering you about.

329
00:16:34,868 --> 00:16:38,246
Some Kahlúa with your coffee?
We seem to be all out of champagne.

330
00:16:38,288 --> 00:16:42,709
I think the TV people drank it all
when they sold Slut Wars into syndication.

331
00:16:42,751 --> 00:16:44,377
No. No, thank you.

332
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:46,754
Don't mind if I do.

333
00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:49,257
It's been a great ride, Charlie Runkle.

334
00:16:49,299 --> 00:16:51,718
We proved sex and the workplace can mix.

335
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:53,970
We subverted some dominant paradigms.

336
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,680
And from a feminist standpoint,

337
00:16:55,723 --> 00:16:57,890
we're about to launch
a major female writer.

338
00:16:57,933 --> 00:16:59,475
She was great, wasn't she?

339
00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:01,894
I mean, she was poised,
she was funny...

340
00:17:01,937 --> 00:17:06,357
she had them eating out of her hand
and looking up her skirt at the same time.

341
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:08,359
Yeah, that is quite a feat.

342
00:17:08,402 --> 00:17:12,488
The girl's gonna sell five million copies
based on the jacket photo alone.

343
00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:15,742
And did you see how completely
unfazed she was by Hank?

344
00:17:15,784 --> 00:17:18,077
I mean, no offence, he's a cool guy,

345
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,246
but it was kind of pathetic, right?

346
00:17:21,331 --> 00:17:24,625
Yeah, uh, Dani, I actually have
a little bit of a headache, you know?

347
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,961
I think I'm just gonna lie down
here for a while.

348
00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:30,673
OK. You rest, I'll take the calls.

349
00:17:54,531 --> 00:17:56,741
So, here's the last of your T-shirts.

350
00:17:56,825 --> 00:17:59,285
Thanks.

351
00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:02,205
You know, you can always
bring your stuff home,

352
00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:04,999
um, for me to wash
on the weekends or whenever.

353
00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:06,375
I know.

354
00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:09,420
Cos your dad, um, you know,

355
00:18:09,463 --> 00:18:13,466
he'll probably just buy you new clothes
when the old ones get dirty.

356
00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:16,177
- That would be his solution...
- Mom, I know.

357
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:21,516
You know.

358
00:18:21,558 --> 00:18:23,434
Yeah.

359
00:18:23,477 --> 00:18:24,685
Hey!

360
00:18:24,728 --> 00:18:26,062
Wow!

361
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:29,107
Shit, you're not taking
everything, are you?

362
00:18:29,149 --> 00:18:31,025
No. Just the essentials.

363
00:18:32,861 --> 00:18:36,405
I'm gonna let you guys...
give her a hand, yeah?

364
00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:39,033
- Mom?
- Yeah?

365
00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:40,118
You and me...

366
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:43,621
I was thinking next Saturday
we could go to the Getty.

367
00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:49,043
- Just us.
- That'd be great. I'd love that, sweetie.

368
00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:55,007
(Sighs) And so it begins.

369
00:18:55,050 --> 00:18:57,635
The non-custodial parent time, hm?

370
00:18:57,678 --> 00:19:01,097
Oh, hey, not The Dark Side Of The Moon.
I might want to borrow that one.

371
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:04,517
- It's way too small for you.
- Uh, yeah. That's why I like it.

372
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:09,105
- Whatever.
- Hey, I was just teasing.

373
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,190
That's what sisters do, you know?

374
00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:13,776
They borrow clothes, talk about boys,

375
00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:17,155
conspire against the parental units...
(Chuckles)

376
00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:21,659
You know, it's not gonna be
any fun here without you.

377
00:19:21,702 --> 00:19:24,453
- Was it fun before?
- Hm, true.

378
00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:28,166
But, hey, you're not gonna have that
problem any more, living with your dad.

379
00:19:28,208 --> 00:19:30,209
Sure. It'll be a hoot.

380
00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:33,546
Like taking Kafka
to the Third Street Promenade.

381
00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:36,048
(Chuckles)
You're not even excited a little bit?

382
00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:39,844
- I suppose.
- Well, shit, I would be stoked.

383
00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:44,265
Cos your dad, I mean, he's a riot.
He's totally awesome.

384
00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:47,059
I'm not going to live with
my dad because it's fun.

385
00:19:47,102 --> 00:19:49,228
I'm going because I have to.

386
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:53,858
I don't know if you've noticed,
but your dad is about to marry my mom.

387
00:19:53,942 --> 00:19:56,777
- Yeah, so?
- So it's really happening.

388
00:19:56,820 --> 00:19:59,238
He can't pretend any more that it's not.

389
00:19:59,281 --> 00:20:01,240
And whatever miraculous thing

390
00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:04,202
he thought was going to happen
with the writing...

391
00:20:04,244 --> 00:20:06,829
You know, that thing he wrote
back home in New York

392
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:09,165
that was going to be
the redemption of us all?

393
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:12,126
Well, obviously, that's
not happening, either.

394
00:20:12,169 --> 00:20:14,086
Yeah, I guess not.

395
00:20:14,129 --> 00:20:16,005
So it's official.

396
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:18,257
Rock bottom.

397
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:20,092
The death of hope.

398
00:20:20,135 --> 00:20:22,386
Can't leave him alone now.

399
00:20:22,429 --> 00:20:24,555
The man's got nothing.

400
00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:27,808
Well, that's not entirely true.

401
00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:30,686
He's got you.

402
00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:35,399
We should all be so lucky.

403
00:20:57,297 --> 00:20:59,298
(Knock on door)

404
00:20:59,466 --> 00:21:01,425
(Knocking persists)

405
00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:11,102
Loved your new novel.

406
00:21:16,191 --> 00:21:18,943
- I knew from the first page.
- Mm.

407
00:21:20,028 --> 00:21:23,197
Strange, too. It was like 1987.

408
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:24,907
I went to this party
with Bret Easton Ellis.

409
00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:26,670
I asked him who
the good young writers were.

410
00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:28,744
He showed me that short story of yours.

411
00:21:28,787 --> 00:21:30,788
I had the same feeling when I read it.

412
00:21:30,831 --> 00:21:33,791
Like this person and I
are connected somehow.

413
00:21:33,834 --> 00:21:36,419
Like we were gonna do
something special together.

414
00:21:36,461 --> 00:21:40,047
Well, I'm just overjoyed that
you saw me in there somewhere.

415
00:21:40,090 --> 00:21:41,507
You're all over it, pal.

416
00:21:41,550 --> 00:21:43,342
But, listen, I got to ask,

417
00:21:43,385 --> 00:21:47,805
you know, since you always tend to write
exactly what you know...

418
00:21:50,726 --> 00:21:53,436
What's the fuckin' deal?

419
00:22:01,236 --> 00:22:04,655
You have done some
fucked-up shit in your time,

420
00:22:04,698 --> 00:22:07,283
But I didn't think you'd do that.

421
00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:08,993
Not knowingly.

422
00:22:09,036 --> 00:22:11,954
What, she tricked you into it?
I find that hard to believe.

423
00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:14,540
She was at a book store,
and she was reading my book.

424
00:22:14,583 --> 00:22:17,335
You know, that's always a great
conversation starter for me,

425
00:22:17,377 --> 00:22:20,171
And she was cute and flirty,
I was half in the bag, anyway.

426
00:22:20,213 --> 00:22:22,214
I was just right for that moment.

427
00:22:22,257 --> 00:22:24,592
The self-loathing
was strong in me that night.

428
00:22:24,634 --> 00:22:28,596
I didn't know she was Bill's daughter,
and I thought she was in college.

429
00:22:28,638 --> 00:22:32,641
You know, maybe older. I was wrong.

430
00:22:32,684 --> 00:22:34,935
Jesus Christ.

431
00:22:34,978 --> 00:22:37,646
How'd we get ourselves into this one?

432
00:22:37,731 --> 00:22:39,565
Thank you for saying we.

433
00:22:39,608 --> 00:22:43,027
Look, I'll do whatever
you want me to do, you know?

434
00:22:43,070 --> 00:22:46,447
I'll take it off the counter,
you... you say the word.

435
00:22:46,490 --> 00:22:49,408
- Are there offers?
- Many.

436
00:22:49,451 --> 00:22:50,493
Well, then I'm fucked.

437
00:22:50,535 --> 00:22:53,621
If I say anything,
if I do anything about this shit,

438
00:22:53,663 --> 00:22:55,956
there's no telling
what she's gonna do.

439
00:22:55,999 --> 00:22:59,585
There's no stopping her
from telling Karen or Bill or Becca.

440
00:22:59,628 --> 00:23:01,545
Fuck. The police.

441
00:23:02,172 --> 00:23:04,090
Fuck the police.

442
00:23:04,132 --> 00:23:06,133
(Knock on door)

443
00:23:06,176 --> 00:23:08,302
Expecting someone?

444
00:23:08,345 --> 00:23:10,304
(Door opens)

445
00:23:13,975 --> 00:23:17,895
Wait. Let me get that.

446
00:23:21,233 --> 00:23:22,858
- Good evening, ladies.
- (Karen) Hey.

447
00:23:22,901 --> 00:23:25,027
I should get going. Call me later?

448
00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:26,862
- I will.
- Four Seasons.

449
00:23:27,864 --> 00:23:29,115
- Good night.
- Night.

450
00:23:30,867 --> 00:23:32,993
Mwah! (Chuckles)

451
00:23:34,204 --> 00:23:37,123
- I'm gonna go put my stuff down.
- Sure.

452
00:23:41,336 --> 00:23:45,297
- I'm sorry.
- About what?

453
00:23:45,340 --> 00:23:47,007
You won.

454
00:23:48,260 --> 00:23:51,303
Not if you're this upset.
I didn't win a goddamn thing.

455
00:23:51,346 --> 00:23:53,931
I hate seeing you this sad.

456
00:23:53,974 --> 00:23:56,058
Ever.

457
00:23:56,101 --> 00:23:58,394
Except maybe after sex with Bill.

458
00:23:59,229 --> 00:24:03,357
Hmm? That's a smile.
A small smile, but a smile nonetheless.

459
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:07,361
- I'll take it.
- Don't worry, Mom. I'll be fine.

460
00:24:07,404 --> 00:24:10,322
I know. And it's not you I'm worried about.

461
00:24:10,365 --> 00:24:12,199
(Becca) I know.

462
00:24:12,242 --> 00:24:14,285
But first of all, this is not goodbye.

463
00:24:14,327 --> 00:24:17,246
Just think of it
as me on the road with the band,

464
00:24:17,289 --> 00:24:19,290
playing a few out-of-town gigs.

465
00:24:19,332 --> 00:24:21,792
Plus, you get a break from my noisy guitar.

466
00:24:21,835 --> 00:24:25,421
Yeah, but I love your noisy guitar.

467
00:24:25,505 --> 00:24:27,339
I would say, you know, "Take care of her,"

468
00:24:27,382 --> 00:24:30,134
but I think she's probably
gonna take better care of you.

469
00:24:30,177 --> 00:24:31,802
I don't disagree.

470
00:24:31,845 --> 00:24:34,638
Call me if you need anything, OK?

471
00:24:34,681 --> 00:24:37,183
(Voice breaking) Anything at all.

472
00:24:39,019 --> 00:24:40,686
I love you, honey.

473
00:24:40,729 --> 00:24:42,480
I love you, too.

474
00:24:44,733 --> 00:24:46,400
(Door closes)

475
00:24:46,443 --> 00:24:49,195
She's highly emotional, that one.

476
00:24:49,237 --> 00:24:51,697
All the good ones are.

477
00:24:53,241 --> 00:24:55,618
(Man on television) In exchange,
they've given their word

478
00:24:55,660 --> 00:24:59,330
they will only fight al-Qaeda.

479
00:24:59,372 --> 00:25:02,416
Take a picture. It'll last longer.

480
00:25:02,459 --> 00:25:03,584
(Growls)

481
00:25:04,961 --> 00:25:06,170
(Chuckles)

482
00:25:06,213 --> 00:25:08,172
Are you OK?

483
00:25:08,215 --> 00:25:10,549
You seem depressed.

484
00:25:10,592 --> 00:25:13,010
- What do you mean? Like more than usual?
- Yes.

485
00:25:13,053 --> 00:25:15,346
I sense these things.

486
00:25:15,388 --> 00:25:18,015
Oh, yeah?

487
00:25:18,058 --> 00:25:19,642
I'm peachy.

488
00:25:22,354 --> 00:25:24,355
Trust me.

489
00:25:27,192 --> 00:25:29,360
(Snoring)

490
00:25:34,157 --> 00:25:36,158
(Sighs)

491
00:25:52,008 --> 00:25:54,969
Hey, Bill.

492
00:25:55,011 --> 00:25:57,096
Hey, honey. Bill?

493
00:25:57,138 --> 00:25:59,515
(Snores, grunts softly)