1
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Previously on Californication...

2
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- Father?
- Daughter?

3
00:00:04,254 --> 00:00:06,463
Why is there a naked lady
in your bedroom?

4
00:00:06,506 --> 00:00:08,924
Revenge? What are you
talking about, revenge?

5
00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:12,720
Do not make it like it wasn't the least
bit satisfying to fuck the wife of the man

6
00:00:12,762 --> 00:00:15,764
who turned your precious, little book
into a big, shitty movie.

7
00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:18,225
Sick of you talking shit
about me in the press.

8
00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:20,144
I thought you might have come by
because you found out

9
00:00:20,186 --> 00:00:22,396
I fucked your wife in almost
every room of your house.

10
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Asshole.

11
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Charlie Runkel's office.

12
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Your assistant makes me want
to touch myself in a bad place.

13
00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:33,699
But from now on, if I make
a mistake or I screw something up,

14
00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:37,494
you should feel free to discipline me
in whatever way you see fit.

15
00:00:39,914 --> 00:00:42,541
- Hi. Remember me?
- How could I forget?

16
00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:44,209
Best blind date of my life, asshole.

17
00:00:44,252 --> 00:00:47,046
Well, let me make it up to you.
Can I take you out sometime?

18
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- The guy you saw me with last night.
- Mm-hm.

19
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- He's married.
- Fucking a married a guy for five years?

20
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Call him whatever you want. And, Bill,
don't worry. He can stay with me.

21
00:00:57,807 --> 00:01:00,517
Once upon a time, I used to love you.

22
00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:03,812
And no matter what, you will
always be a part of my life.

23
00:01:03,855 --> 00:01:05,647
But I'm not in love with you any more.

24
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Yusuf, what's a five-letter word
for "excitable boy"?

25
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Zevon. Booyah.

26
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That's a smart dog.

27
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Thank you.

28
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- So... last night.
- What about it?

29
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I don't want to be hyperbolic
or anything,

30
00:01:33,802 --> 00:01:36,720
but I think we took things
to a whole other level.

31
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:39,890
And why do you feel the need
to relive it the next morning?

32
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:42,851
That's half the fun. You know, it's like...

33
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It's like getting to do it all over again.

34
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Except without the after-sex sadness

35
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:52,569
that comes down upon one.

36
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(Sighs)

37
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Hank, I think we need to talk.

38
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Talk, really?

39
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Has anything good ever come
of such a thing ever?

40
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I just feel like we've been spending
a lot of time in the bedroom,

41
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which is nice, very nice.

42
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But I'm also just coming out
of this horribly dysfunctional relationship

43
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,052
that only existed in the bedroom...

44
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Oh, OK, you want me to do you
in the shower.

45
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You know, I get it.

46
00:02:22,016 --> 00:02:24,977
You want to go out on the town
with some Hank on your arm.

47
00:02:25,019 --> 00:02:27,980
You want to stroll around
with some of this.

48
00:02:28,022 --> 00:02:30,149
That's totally understandable.
We can do it.

49
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We can go out. Anything.
Anything you want to do.

50
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We'll do it. Just name it.
Let's go. Right now.

51
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- OK, there's this fund-raiser.
- No, can't do that.

52
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That sounds excruciating. I won't do that.

53
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It's at your agency.
I'm sure you got an invite.

54
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And I'm sure it went
right in the circular file.

55
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Oh, come on, it'll be fun.

56
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It's for a good cause.

57
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Well, I'm not much one for causes,
good or otherwise.

58
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- I'm not a joiner.
- Apathy kills, Hank.

59
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- I don't care.
- (Chuckles)

60
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Does that feel like apathy to you?

61
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- Wow.
- Hey.

62
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Wow. Um, you look...

63
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You look... you look half... you know...

64
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- Halfway decent.
- Gee, thanks.

65
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- How's Becca?
- Well, she's a little bummed.

66
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Well, that's understandable,
but this thing came up.

67
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I know, I know, but she's just...

68
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- Dad.
- Beautiful daughter.

69
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Oh. Gee, I just... I... I
don't know where that...

70
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- A bribe?
- No, I like to think of it

71
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more as a token of my paternal affection.

72
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Are you serious?

73
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This is awesome!

74
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Just when I thought we'd agreed
not to get her a cellphone.

75
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I thought we decided that, too,
but then I realised that she can call me

76
00:05:01,050 --> 00:05:02,843
whenever she's pissed
at you and Lurch, so...

77
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- Hm. ...changed my mind.

78
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- Do you have a date?
- I do.

79
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- Do you like her?
- She is pretty cool.

80
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As cool as Mom?

81
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Sadly, I have come to find
that that is not possible.

82
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Well, if it's a date
and not just a random hookup,

83
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- I guess I approve.
- Yes!

84
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But I want to hear all about her tomorrow.

85
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Absolutely. Absolutely.

86
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- Call me.
- (Giggles)

87
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I can't believe you. Aaah!

88
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So...

89
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Stop it. The date.

90
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- Hm.
- Are you in love?

91
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- Oh, shut up.
- Where are you taking her?

92
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- Red Lobster? Denny's?
- I wish.

93
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I got this fucking fund-raiser at the
agency I got roped into going to.

94
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(♪ Woman singing in French)

95
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Fascist architecture.

96
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(Hank) Hey, can I ask you a question?

97
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- Go for it.
- What are we doing here?

98
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- Mixing and mingling.
- Mmm, oh, that's what I thought.

99
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That explains why my sphincter
tightened up a couple notches.

100
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(Chuckles) Relax. There's your agent.

101
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You did? Good man.

102
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- Hey, hey!
- What the fuck?

103
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What's the problem?

104
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You know how much I hate
that motherfucker.

105
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Yes, I know how much you hate
that A-list, in-demand motherfucker.

106
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And you know how much I've been
trying to sign him for years.

107
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Don't make me
fire your ass all over again.

108
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Hank, if I depended on you and
you alone for my commissions,

109
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Marcy and I would be sharing a TV dinner
under a bare light bulb right now.

110
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I get that, but don't do it front of me.

111
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It's like watching you cheat on me
with another man.

112
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You give much better head.

113
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Always have, always will.

114
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I am impressed.

115
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I can't believe you managed
to drag this nonpartisan asshole

116
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out of the house for this shindig.

117
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- I had to use all of my feminine wiles.
- And a butt plug.

118
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(Laughing) Speaking of which...

119
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where's Marcy?

120
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Emergency waxing session.

121
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As we speak, she's likely
staring into the business end

122
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of Angelina's vagina.

123
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Let's take a time-out
while I meditate on that for a few moments.

124
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You do that.
I see a friend. You come find me.

125
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:27,154
I'm sorry. Did you say something?

126
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(Chuckles)

127
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I told you, man. You just needed
to meet a nice girl.

128
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- She's not so nice.
- Oh, oh, oh. Naughty?

129
00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:38,832
Hey, do I ask you
about Marcy's sexual proclivities?

130
00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:41,042
Yes, all the time. It's odd, actually.

131
00:07:41,085 --> 00:07:43,003
So, what are we talking about here?

132
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A little S and M? A little light B and D?

133
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,382
Settle down, tiger.

134
00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:50,051
- Mr Moody.
- Morticia.

135
00:07:50,094 --> 00:07:51,511
Call me Hank, please.

136
00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:55,056
So, do you still need me?

137
00:07:55,099 --> 00:07:58,143
- Did you finish reading that manuscript?
- Yes.

138
00:07:58,186 --> 00:08:01,062
- Did you write your coverage on it yet?
- No, not yet.

139
00:08:01,105 --> 00:08:03,732
Then, I think you just answered
your own question.

140
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- Back to work.
- Yes, sir.

141
00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:13,658
Anything you want to tell me about
there, captain?

142
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Please. I'm a married man.

143
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Anything you want to tell me about
there, captain?

144
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:28,840
Oh, Carr.

145
00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:32,511
Can we agree not to throw down
while we have our cocks out?

146
00:08:32,553 --> 00:08:34,930
Really? Yours is out?

147
00:08:34,972 --> 00:08:37,390
(Sniggers)

148
00:08:37,433 --> 00:08:39,559
- Fag.
- I'm done fighting you, Moody.

149
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:43,522
This from a man who had a six-pack
of whoop-ass opened up on him last week.

150
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I couldn't hurt you if I wanted to.
You're your own worst enemy.

151
00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:51,655
That is a very astute observation
coming from a dumb guy.

152
00:08:51,697 --> 00:08:53,782
Did me a big favour, actually.

153
00:08:53,824 --> 00:08:55,367
Got me out of a horrible fucking marriage.

154
00:08:55,409 --> 00:08:59,538
Oh, you and Sandy splitting the sheets?
Do tell.

155
00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:00,789
- That bitch is crazy.
- Mm.

156
00:09:00,831 --> 00:09:02,916
Last time I ever marry
a fucking white woman.

157
00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:05,669
Oh, I'm with you there.
Well, how'd she take it?

158
00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:08,046
Haven't told her.
Thinking about doing it tonight.

159
00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:10,840
- Here? She's here?
- That's right.

160
00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:13,843
No, no, no. No, no.
Hey, hey, hey.

161
00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:18,848
(♪ Mellow jazz)

162
00:09:27,024 --> 00:09:30,569
There she is. The former Mrs Moody.

163
00:09:30,611 --> 00:09:32,737
I was never officially a Moody.

164
00:09:32,780 --> 00:09:34,906
You were moody. You just weren't a Moody.

165
00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:38,159
Well, you could've made me less moody
If you'd made me into a Moody.

166
00:09:38,202 --> 00:09:39,744
I'll make you a Moody right now.

167
00:09:39,787 --> 00:09:41,538
- It's too late.
- It's four hours to Vegas.

168
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,373
No, it's too late.

169
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:46,751
We'll stop in Barstow, In-N-Out burgers,
shakes, fries, celebratory coupling,

170
00:09:46,794 --> 00:09:50,088
which I believe is part
of our sordid sexual history.

171
00:09:50,131 --> 00:09:53,508
You know, it's very tempting,
but I'm gonna have to say no.

172
00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:55,552
- But thank you for the offer.
the offer.

173
00:09:55,595 --> 00:10:00,223
Could you be on your best behaviour
tonight? Please, please.

174
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:02,601
Like a child, you talk to me.
What do you think I'm gonna do?

175
00:10:02,643 --> 00:10:04,894
- You are a child.
- Stir the punch bowl with my dong?

176
00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:09,441
Quite possibly, yes.
That's the thing with you, Hank.

177
00:10:09,525 --> 00:10:13,987
One never knows what to expect
from you or your dong.

178
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:15,947
And how is this not a virtue?

179
00:10:18,909 --> 00:10:21,995
You know, honey,
you do look beautiful tonight.

180
00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:24,748
Well, that's... thank you. Thank you.

181
00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:29,794
- Oh, oh!
- Stop it.

182
00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:31,671
No, no, no, no. You just said
you were gonna behave.

183
00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:35,050
Bill is around the corner.
OK, come on. We can be adults.

184
00:10:35,092 --> 00:10:37,177
It just gets so lonely sometimes.

185
00:10:37,219 --> 00:10:40,722
I need a hug in a moment, the moment
passes, and I'm good. Smell you later.

186
00:10:42,808 --> 00:10:44,768
(Phone)

187
00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:47,646
- You finished yet?
- Putting it together right now.

188
00:10:47,688 --> 00:10:50,690
- Bring it to me in my office.
- (Ringing continues)

189
00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:53,485
UTK... Charlie Runkel's office.

190
00:10:53,527 --> 00:10:55,236
It's your wife.

191
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:01,034
Hey, baby.

192
00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:03,286
Yeah, it's going well.

193
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:06,039
How about you?
How is Angelina's cookie?

194
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:15,882
Really? Well, that's
one of the benefits of adoption.

195
00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:21,513
Yeah, um, you know what?

196
00:11:21,555 --> 00:11:24,015
You're... you're... you're breaking up.

197
00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:30,105
Uh, yeah, you're... you're...
I'm losing you, babe.

198
00:11:30,147 --> 00:11:32,607
OK, um, got to go.

199
00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:35,151
(Hangs up phone)

200
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:42,075
Tell me what to do.

201
00:11:44,161 --> 00:11:46,871
What if you don't want to do
what I tell you to do?

202
00:11:46,914 --> 00:11:50,333
(Scoffs) I think you're missing the point.

203
00:11:58,759 --> 00:12:00,635
Thank you.

204
00:12:02,638 --> 00:12:05,724
There you are. (Giggles)

205
00:12:05,766 --> 00:12:08,309
Hank Moody, please say hello

206
00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:13,815
to my colleague Jonathan Mandel
and his lovely wife, Nikki.

207
00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:15,942
- Hank Moody? The writer?
- I used to be.

208
00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:19,320
Now I'm Hank Moody, the blogger,
soon to be Hank Moody, the bartender.

209
00:12:19,363 --> 00:12:20,572
(Chuckling)

210
00:12:20,614 --> 00:12:23,283
Meredith turned me on to your blog.

211
00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:26,828
- Highly entertaining, Hank.
- Well, that's what I do. I entertain.

212
00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:30,623
I'd be interested to see
what you write about this little shindig.

213
00:12:30,666 --> 00:12:36,087
Well, just off the top of my head...
I find it interesting that all these people

214
00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:38,256
are ranting and raving
about saving the environment,

215
00:12:38,299 --> 00:12:42,260
when they'll probably blow like 10,000
pounds of fuel on their private jet planes

216
00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:44,137
getting down to Cabo this weekend.

217
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:46,765
- That's right.
- That's right, Babs. You heard me.

218
00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:48,850
Tell Oprah I said so.

219
00:12:48,893 --> 00:12:51,644
Put that in your pipe and smoke it, ladies.

220
00:12:51,687 --> 00:12:53,980
- Meredith, can I get you another drink?
- Mm.

221
00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:55,732
Will you excuse us?

222
00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:02,322
- Your writing is so good.
- Oh, well, thank you.

223
00:13:02,364 --> 00:13:04,824
I'm a bit of a scribbler myself, you know?

224
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,495
Nikki Man... Oh, that Nikki Mandel.

225
00:13:08,537 --> 00:13:12,165
You write all that Hollywood, trophy,
clit-lit stank, don't you?

226
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:13,666
That's me.

227
00:13:13,709 --> 00:13:17,378
Masturbation material
for the north of Montana hausfrau.

228
00:13:17,421 --> 00:13:19,589
Wow, you had me at masturbation.

229
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,800
- I was hoping so.
- You got me all wet.

230
00:13:21,842 --> 00:13:24,552
The trick is coming up
with good story ideas.

231
00:13:24,595 --> 00:13:26,221
I would imagine.

232
00:13:26,263 --> 00:13:30,183
I'm always on the lookout for new
material... if you know what I mean.

233
00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:32,310
Yeah, it's hard not to know what you mean,

234
00:13:32,353 --> 00:13:34,562
especially when you're being
so subtle about it.

235
00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:36,523
Doesn't pay to be a wallflower.

236
00:13:36,565 --> 00:13:38,733
You and your husband seem fine to me.
What's the deal?

237
00:13:38,776 --> 00:13:40,068
Looks can be deceiving.

238
00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:43,947
Those two have been playing
grab-ass for years now.

239
00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:51,079
- "I see," said the blind man.
- Hm.

240
00:13:51,121 --> 00:13:52,205
Excuse me a moment.

241
00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:57,085
Can I talk to you for a second?

242
00:13:57,127 --> 00:13:58,169
What are you doing?
What are you doing?

243
00:13:58,212 --> 00:13:59,546
- What are you doing?
- No, what are you doing?

244
00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:02,257
That's married guy. Come on.

245
00:14:02,299 --> 00:14:05,468
- I didn't know he was gonna be here.
- Come on.

246
00:14:06,554 --> 00:14:09,430
OK, I knew. I'm sorry.

247
00:14:09,473 --> 00:14:11,099
I don't care. Just don't lie.

248
00:14:11,141 --> 00:14:13,685
Look, you want to create a fuss with me?

249
00:14:13,727 --> 00:14:15,562
That's fine. Molest me.

250
00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:18,273
I'm Kid Chaos.
I'll create some chaos for you.

251
00:14:18,315 --> 00:14:21,234
- How?
- How?

252
00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:36,124
I want to be a 40-year-old virgin.

253
00:14:36,166 --> 00:14:38,585
Why?

254
00:14:38,627 --> 00:14:41,379
Because it seems like, once you get laid,

255
00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:43,798
your life basically turns to shit.

256
00:14:46,093 --> 00:14:48,011
It's not so bad.

257
00:14:48,762 --> 00:14:51,222
You've had the sex?

258
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:53,725
Sure.

259
00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:55,810
What's it like?

260
00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:58,521
Uh...

261
00:14:59,481 --> 00:15:00,732
Good.

262
00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:05,069
Bad. Um...

263
00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:09,699
Weird. Powerful.

264
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:13,369
I don't know. Listen, you don't have
to worry about this stuff.

265
00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:15,747
- You got plenty of time.
- Watch the hair.

266
00:15:15,789 --> 00:15:17,582
Sorry.

267
00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:22,170
You miss your dad, don't you?

268
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:24,923
Yeah.

269
00:15:26,550 --> 00:15:28,927
I miss my mom.

270
00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:33,389
For what it's worth,
I know my mom really likes you.

271
00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:37,977
I like her, too.

272
00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:41,856
It's just, uh, not the same, you know?

273
00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:48,696
Do you like Bill?

274
00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:52,033
- Sure. He's nice.
- Yeah.

275
00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:54,202
But he's not like Hank.

276
00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:59,666
Seriously, you're really lucky.

277
00:16:11,595 --> 00:16:13,096
Nice.

278
00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:20,311
- Hey, watch it! Great!
- Oh, my God! Thank you.

279
00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:22,605
You could look where you're going.

280
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,857
And you could be a little
bit less of a cunt.

281
00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:28,152
- What did you say?
- What did I say? I cunt hear you.

282
00:16:28,195 --> 00:16:33,324
- Whoa, back it up, lady.
- (Bill) What the hell happened here?

283
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:35,868
The guy spills his drink on me, and then
he has the balls to call me a cunt.

284
00:16:35,911 --> 00:16:38,037
I didn't say a word!
I bumped into her. My bad.

285
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:41,374
- You liar! Yes, you did!
- She just freaked out on me.

286
00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:44,127
Why didn't you get me?
I would've taken care of this.

287
00:16:44,169 --> 00:16:45,920
- I can take care of myself.
- Clearly.

288
00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:48,965
Sweetie, this is hardly the time
or the place for a scene.

289
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:52,135
Can't we all just get along?
I'm not looking to press charges.

290
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,636
- You...
- Hey, hey!

291
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:56,889
- Honey, get off of me.
- He's trying to be decent.

292
00:16:56,932 --> 00:16:58,975
No, he's not. He's trying to be a dick.

293
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:01,686
You want me to have him thrown out?
Just say the word.

294
00:17:01,770 --> 00:17:04,272
- I don't. I just want to go.
- OK, OK.

295
00:17:04,314 --> 00:17:07,108
Now, look, there's a couple
I want you to meet.

296
00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:11,696
Turns out they bought
that house you re-did.

297
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,575
(Charlie) There we go.

298
00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:19,037
Come on, lean forward.

299
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:21,581
Just like that.

300
00:17:21,623 --> 00:17:24,000
Oh, look at you, you dirty little animal.

301
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:26,169
- Like this?
- (Charlie) Oh, yes.

302
00:17:26,211 --> 00:17:28,463
Yeah. Oh, yeah.

303
00:17:28,505 --> 00:17:30,048
Oh, I missed.

304
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:33,468
Oh, yes. Look at that.

305
00:17:33,510 --> 00:17:36,471
- Holy fucknuts!
- Oh, shit!

306
00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:38,056
What, don't you fuckin' knock?

307
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:40,933
- Don't you lock?
- (Panting)

308
00:17:40,976 --> 00:17:45,104
Hey, why don't you go grab him
some water or something?

309
00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:47,815
Oh.

310
00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:51,819
Hey, take it easy there, Diane Arbus.

311
00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:54,072
- (Coughing)
- Don't have a coronary,

312
00:17:54,114 --> 00:17:57,450
cos I wouldn't know how
to explain that to your wife.

313
00:17:57,493 --> 00:17:58,910
It's all right.

314
00:17:58,952 --> 00:18:02,705
Maybe it's time to punch out
there, Bettie Page.

315
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:07,210
OK? All right.

316
00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:08,920
Mm, mm, mm.

317
00:18:08,962 --> 00:18:10,880
Whoo!

318
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:16,052
Mmm. Here.

319
00:18:17,387 --> 00:18:18,846
First things first...

320
00:18:18,889 --> 00:18:21,265
you're not gonna stroke out
on me, are ya?

321
00:18:21,308 --> 00:18:23,559
Good. You just relax.

322
00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:26,479
You're good, you're good.
It's all good. It was me.

323
00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:29,273
You're lucky it was
me coming in that door, huh?

324
00:18:29,316 --> 00:18:31,484
(Both chuckle)

325
00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:33,319
Look at me. Look at me.

326
00:18:33,362 --> 00:18:34,821
Let me see those eyes.

327
00:18:34,863 --> 00:18:37,573
Yeah, oh, you're good, you're good.

328
00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:39,742
- Ow! What the fuck?
- What the fuck?

329
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:42,912
What the fuck were you thinking,
fucking around with your secretary?

330
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:47,542
- "How much of a big, fat cliché can I be?"
- She started it, man.

331
00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:50,461
Come on.

332
00:18:51,463 --> 00:18:54,966
I guess I got a little carried away.

333
00:18:55,008 --> 00:18:58,136
- You think?
- I don't even know what happened, man.

334
00:18:58,178 --> 00:19:00,054
One minute, I am sailing along,

335
00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:03,808
I'm being the guy who would
never, ever cheat on his wife.

336
00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:06,394
The next second, I'm spanking
the bare, naked ass

337
00:19:06,436 --> 00:19:09,063
of a 22-year-old girl.

338
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:13,192
I'm not gonna be judgmental, because
A, who the fuck am I to talk?

339
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:16,028
And B, what you just
described sounds incredibly hot.

340
00:19:16,071 --> 00:19:18,781
But you got to get your shit together.

341
00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:21,075
All right? You owe it to Marcy.

342
00:19:21,118 --> 00:19:24,662
I know. I know.
I'm such a fucking asshole, man.

343
00:19:24,705 --> 00:19:27,915
If anybody deserves
to be disciplined, it's me.

344
00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:30,084
It's not an invitation.

345
00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:36,299
You know, if you're having
problems in the boudoir,

346
00:19:36,341 --> 00:19:39,135
it's worth a conversation
with the old lady.

347
00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:43,055
(Sighs)

348
00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:46,475
I'm afraid that ship sailed some time ago.

349
00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:47,768
I don't know, you know,

350
00:19:47,811 --> 00:19:51,981
Marcy, to me, is nothing
if not a dirty little girl.

351
00:19:52,065 --> 00:19:55,776
I think, with all due respect,
if you talk to her,

352
00:19:55,819 --> 00:20:00,865
I think she'd be into
some seriously freaky shit.

353
00:20:03,118 --> 00:20:04,160
Uh-oh.

354
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:05,703
- (Pats back)
- (Sighs)

355
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:12,627
Big boy. You're not crying, are you?

356
00:20:12,669 --> 00:20:14,921
- A little bit.
- Jesus Christ.

357
00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:21,302
(Slurring) May I have
another glass of wine?

358
00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:25,056
Hey, time to hang up
your drinking shoes, lady.

359
00:20:26,808 --> 00:20:28,976
You love me, don't you, Hank?

360
00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:31,562
I've certainly grown very fond of you.

361
00:20:31,605 --> 00:20:34,148
- But I think that's...
- Let me guess.

362
00:20:34,191 --> 00:20:38,069
It's a little early for
this particular discussion.

363
00:20:38,111 --> 00:20:40,529
Something like that, yeah.

364
00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:44,242
We'll probably never make it
to this particular discussion.

365
00:20:44,284 --> 00:20:47,203
Why do you say that?

366
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:51,123
Well, when you've spent
the last five years loving a man

367
00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:54,126
and wondering why
he doesn't love you back...

368
00:20:57,047 --> 00:21:00,049
you tend to get
a wee bit cynical about things.

369
00:21:03,887 --> 00:21:05,888
You stay right here...

370
00:21:08,058 --> 00:21:10,601
and you hydrate.

371
00:21:10,644 --> 00:21:12,603
I'll be right back.

372
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:19,819
(Whispering)

373
00:21:26,868 --> 00:21:28,744
What'd you say?

374
00:21:28,787 --> 00:21:30,955
You need a double dose
of Viagra to get wood,

375
00:21:30,998 --> 00:21:33,457
and you wear a fanny pack
on the weekends.

376
00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:34,583
(Chuckles)

377
00:21:34,626 --> 00:21:36,794
Think you're pretty clever,
don't you, Hank?

378
00:21:36,837 --> 00:21:38,504
You want to fuck around, that's fine.

379
00:21:38,547 --> 00:21:40,506
Fuck around all you want,
I'm no Judge Judy.

380
00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:43,592
Just don't string a woman along for
a major chunk of her childbearing years.

381
00:21:43,635 --> 00:21:45,136
That's just not cool.

382
00:21:45,178 --> 00:21:47,179
Who are you? Don Quixote?

383
00:21:47,222 --> 00:21:49,098
No, I'm not even Don fuckin' Knotts.

384
00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:51,350
I'm just a big fan of the lady in question.

385
00:21:51,393 --> 00:21:55,938
That's incredibly noble of you, considering
how the lady in question talks about you.

386
00:21:55,981 --> 00:22:00,735
I was curious, because despite
what you say, I do care about her.

387
00:22:00,777 --> 00:22:04,530
So, I asked, "Who is he?
Is this someone I need to worry about?"

388
00:22:04,573 --> 00:22:06,115
You know what she said?

389
00:22:06,158 --> 00:22:09,910
"Him? He's nobody, a loser,"

390
00:22:09,953 --> 00:22:14,623
"someone to pass the time with
when I'm not in bed with you."

391
00:22:14,666 --> 00:22:19,170
So, maybe you're the one who
needs to be cut loose, pal.

392
00:22:20,255 --> 00:22:24,508
- You're very lucky, my friend.
- And why is that?

393
00:22:24,551 --> 00:22:27,511
Cos I promised someone
I'd be on my best behaviour.

394
00:22:27,554 --> 00:22:29,513
Fucking fucker!

395
00:22:29,556 --> 00:22:32,058
Ohh! Oh, my God!

396
00:22:32,100 --> 00:22:35,144
- What are you doing?
- I'm glad we came.

397
00:22:36,229 --> 00:22:39,398
- That was fun.
- You're funny.

398
00:22:39,441 --> 00:22:44,737
(Laughs) There you go.
You're good, you're good.

399
00:22:44,780 --> 00:22:46,364
(Horn honks)

400
00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:53,996
- Proud of me?
- Almost never, but, yeah, I approve.

401
00:22:54,039 --> 00:22:58,000
Oh, no, no, no, no.
My behaviour... me and my dong.

402
00:22:58,043 --> 00:23:00,669
- Oh, right. Um... Good.
- Well-behaved.

403
00:23:00,712 --> 00:23:03,047
- Did nothing.
- Congratulations.

404
00:23:03,090 --> 00:23:06,175
You are proud of me.
Did you have a good night?

405
00:23:06,259 --> 00:23:07,676
Yeah, I did.

406
00:23:07,719 --> 00:23:11,013
For a radical environmentalist
such as yourself,

407
00:23:11,056 --> 00:23:14,225
this whole evening must have
given you a clit-boner.

408
00:23:14,267 --> 00:23:15,976
- You're disgusting.
- (Man) Hey!

409
00:23:16,019 --> 00:23:17,978
See you next Tuesday!

410
00:23:18,021 --> 00:23:20,022
Fuck you.

411
00:23:22,109 --> 00:23:24,193
What is that?
What are you doing?

412
00:23:24,236 --> 00:23:27,154
Oh, he's just such a classy guy.
He called me a cunt.

413
00:23:27,197 --> 00:23:28,948
This guy called you a cunt?

414
00:23:28,990 --> 00:23:30,908
Yeah, but whatever.
I dealt with it. I dealt with it.

415
00:23:30,951 --> 00:23:33,160
It's OK, I just want to...

416
00:23:33,203 --> 00:23:34,995
Hey, excuse me.

417
00:23:35,038 --> 00:23:37,039
(People gasp)

418
00:23:39,167 --> 00:23:43,170
- Good night.
- OK. Good night.

419
00:23:49,719 --> 00:23:51,137
(Horn honks)

420
00:23:59,604 --> 00:24:00,646
Hey.

421
00:24:00,689 --> 00:24:02,148
(Sleepily) Hey, Mom.

422
00:24:02,190 --> 00:24:05,526
I'm sorry. Go back to sleep.

423
00:24:05,569 --> 00:24:07,653
Mom?

424
00:24:07,696 --> 00:24:10,865
- Yeah?
- Can I ask you something?

425
00:24:10,907 --> 00:24:13,242
Anything, my love.

426
00:24:13,285 --> 00:24:15,244
Do you love Bill?

427
00:24:16,246 --> 00:24:19,748
Wow. Yeah.

428
00:24:19,791 --> 00:24:21,333
Yeah, I do.

429
00:24:21,376 --> 00:24:24,128
Do you love Dad?

430
00:24:24,171 --> 00:24:29,592
Yes... because we have
you in common.

431
00:24:29,634 --> 00:24:32,678
I mean... I don't love him

432
00:24:32,721 --> 00:24:35,389
in that butterflies-in-the-tummy
way any more.

433
00:24:35,432 --> 00:24:37,183
I mean...

434
00:24:37,225 --> 00:24:40,311
not in the way that we love
Johnny Depp, definitely not.

435
00:24:41,271 --> 00:24:43,147
Right.

436
00:24:44,232 --> 00:24:46,025
Is Dad a bad person?

437
00:24:46,067 --> 00:24:49,403
No, not at all.
I mean, he does have a habit

438
00:24:49,446 --> 00:24:54,950
of getting himself and everyone else
around him into trouble sometimes, but...

439
00:24:59,206 --> 00:25:02,082
Bill is a good person, sweetie.

440
00:25:02,125 --> 00:25:07,129
You know, he's kind, he's smart,

441
00:25:07,172 --> 00:25:11,800
and he really... thinks things through.

442
00:25:15,263 --> 00:25:16,847
I love you.

443
00:25:18,642 --> 00:25:20,142
(Kisses)

444
00:25:20,227 --> 00:25:22,728
- Good night.
- Good night.

445
00:25:28,193 --> 00:25:33,239
Ugh... It's been a long time since someone
held my hair back as I puked.

446
00:25:33,281 --> 00:25:35,533
It's been an honour and a privilege.

447
00:25:37,327 --> 00:25:39,411
(Groans)

448
00:25:44,876 --> 00:25:46,961
Care to join me?

449
00:25:47,003 --> 00:25:50,464
Whew, still kind of barfy. Get some sleep.

450
00:25:50,507 --> 00:25:52,633
- Hey.
- Yeah.

451
00:25:53,635 --> 00:25:55,594
Thank you.

452
00:25:55,637 --> 00:25:57,513
It's what I do.

453
00:25:57,597 --> 00:25:59,598
(Mobile)

454
00:26:12,571 --> 00:26:16,156
B to the E to the C to the C to the A.

455
00:26:16,199 --> 00:26:18,701
- (Becca) Hi, Dad.
- What up, G?

456
00:26:18,743 --> 00:26:22,037
I called because I had
a feeling you couldn't sleep.

457
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:26,166
Right as usual, my beautiful,
precocious daughter.

458
00:26:26,209 --> 00:26:30,546
Do you remember what you used to do
for me when I couldn't sleep?

459
00:26:30,589 --> 00:26:33,674
- Dose you with opiates?
- No.

460
00:26:33,717 --> 00:26:38,137
You'd look at the ocean
and count the mermaids.

461
00:26:38,179 --> 00:26:39,930
I did do that.

462
00:26:39,973 --> 00:26:43,517
I'm a better father than I thought.

463
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:48,188
Maybe you should try
that, and it will help.

464
00:26:49,149 --> 00:26:50,858
Yeah.

465
00:26:55,155 --> 00:26:57,031
One...

466
00:26:58,450 --> 00:27:00,326
Two...

467
00:27:01,411 --> 00:27:04,371
Three... No, that's a sea lion.

468
00:27:06,291 --> 00:27:08,083
Four...

469
00:27:08,126 --> 00:27:10,169
Five...

470
00:27:11,004 --> 00:27:13,172
Six... No, that's a bum.

471
00:27:15,717 --> 00:27:17,134
Seven...

472
00:27:17,177 --> 00:27:20,304
(Sleepily) Eight...

473
00:27:20,347 --> 00:27:24,224
Nine... No, that's Daryl Hannah.

474
00:27:25,602 --> 00:27:27,686
Ten...

475
00:27:30,357 --> 00:27:32,149
Eleven...

476
00:27:34,653 --> 00:27:36,236
Tw...