1
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Previously on Californication...

2
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- So, Hank.
- Meredith.

3
00:00:05,338 --> 00:00:06,672
Have you written anything
I might have read?

4
00:00:06,715 --> 00:00:09,425
Well, that depends on whether
or not you read, Meredith.

5
00:00:09,467 --> 00:00:12,803
The good people at Hell-A
are very interested in your thoughts.

6
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:16,724
They would like you to blog for them.

7
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Jesus H. Christ.

8
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- I am 16, you know.
- So I've been told.

9
00:00:22,647 --> 00:00:23,939
Hi, Daddy!

10
00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:25,649
Honey, put some clothes on.
We have company.

11
00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:27,860
Are you totally serious
about marrying Bill?

12
00:00:27,902 --> 00:00:30,904
- Yes. Why?
- What about Hank?

13
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Game on, brohim.

14
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- You want to get fucked up?
- Oh!

15
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Oh, God.

16
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- Must be weird, though.
- What?

17
00:00:43,001 --> 00:00:45,044
Becoming the employee of a man
you so clearly hate.

18
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What are you talking about?

19
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My father. He owns Hell-A magazine.

20
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(Hank) Once upon a time, I wrote a book.

21
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People seemed to dig it, so I wrote
another, and one after that.

22
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That's when Hollywood
came knocking at my back door.

23
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As soon as I cashed that cheque,
I wrapped my lips

24
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:10,277
around the mighty erection
that is the film industry

25
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and sucked hard...
just like a good whore should.

26
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Unfortunately, I had to be taught
not to orphan the balls.

27
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- Moody!
- Ladies and gentlemen, Todd Carr...

28
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the caramel-coated, chrome-domed auteur

29
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who took my precious little novel,
wiped his ass,

30
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and transformed it into
the craptastic crowd-pleaser

31
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also known as
Crazy Little Thing Called Love.

32
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(Booing)

33
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My people.

34
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You still bitching about whoring
yourself out to Hollywood?

35
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Only when my pimp's not around.

36
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You're no goddamn fucking
Faulkner, you know.

37
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And you're no Brett fucking Ratner.

38
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Although that could be a compliment,
and in that case, I didn't mean to.

39
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I'm sick of you talking shit
about me in the press.

40
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Oh, that's why you're here.

41
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I thought you might have come by
because you found out

42
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I fucked your wife in
almost every room of your house.

43
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No? Every room of your house.
And I'm sorry about the rug.

44
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I didn't realise the old
lady was a squirter.

45
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(Crowd murmurs)

46
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Ohh!

47
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(Siren wails)

48
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(Police radio chatter)

49
00:03:08,313 --> 00:03:09,479
(Bill) Hank.

50
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Where's Karen?

51
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- Home, with Becca.
- She's funny, that one.

52
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Becca? Yeah, she is a real character.

53
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No... Karen. She knows
how to push my all buttons.

54
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I don't think she's trying
to push your buttons, Hank.

55
00:03:23,119 --> 00:03:27,039
Bill, I'm not really interested in what
you think, but thank you for sharing.

56
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- I wanted to come.
- You did?

57
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- I'm not the bad guy.
- You're not the bad guy?

58
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Life is complicated, man.

59
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"Life is complicated, man."
That's what you got?

60
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Way to dip into the platitudes.

61
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- I guess that's why you're the writer, Hank.
- Oh, fuck.

62
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I didn't ask for you
to fucking come bail me out.

63
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I didn't ask for a fucking job. I don't
know who the fuck you think you are.

64
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You think I'm dying
to be in business with you?

65
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Some rude, disrespectful jackass
who can't get out of his own way?

66
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You looking for a dick punch?

67
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Do you want to punch me in the dick?

68
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I kind of do, yeah,
but standing here talking about it

69
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is beginning to sound kind of gay.

70
00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:05,285
Go ahead. Take a shot.

71
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But think...
Would you want Becca to see this?

72
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I'll settle for a titty twister.

73
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(Bill) God. You're 11.

74
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Ohh. Fuck.

75
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Keep the job, Hank.

76
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Get back on your feet.
Get on with your life.

77
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And forget about the woman
you didn't want to marry.

78
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Don't make me get up and kick
your ass all over again, Bill!

79
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(Chuckles)

80
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(♪ Up-tempo music playing)

81
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♪ Pain and misery

82
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♪ Found this life, it's
got it in for me... ♪

83
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(Laughs)

84
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♪ ... pain and misery... ♪

85
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(Laughs)

86
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♪ ... that girl, she got it in for me

87
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♪ Pain and misery, baby

88
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♪ Yeah, yeah

89
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♪ No more pain and misery ♪

90
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Hi. Remember me?

91
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How could I forget?
Best blind date of my life, asshole.

92
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We don't have much time.

93
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Your suitor will be returning
from the shitter posthaste,

94
00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:26,908
but in his absence, I would like
to offer my sincere apologies.

95
00:05:26,951 --> 00:05:28,368
My behaviour the other night

96
00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:31,663
was beyond appalling,
despicable, reprehensible.

97
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I was a mess. I have no words.

98
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For a guy with no words,
that was a lot of words.

99
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That's funny.

100
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L-I wouldn't have expected that from you.

101
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Because you had me so nailed.

102
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Hmm. Well, let me make it up to you.

103
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Let me... can I...
take you out sometime?

104
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:51,808
I'm out right now...
with a guy who's not an asshole.

105
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Right. Well, do you see
yourself marrying this fella?

106
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You never know.

107
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Girls know in a matter of seconds

108
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whether they want to fuck,
marry, or kill a guy.

109
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Which begs the question, how am I doing?

110
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Bye, now.

111
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(French accent)
Be good to her, my friend.

112
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I had a shot with her once, but I blew it.

113
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Rock out with your cock out,
but remember...

114
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no gloving, no loving.

115
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Au revoir, mes enfants. Au revoir.

116
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So... you were brought up
on the East Coast.

117
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Jersey, maybe. No... Long Island.

118
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Dad had a chip on his shoulder,
blue on his collar.

119
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Mom was a little beat down by it all,

120
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but she was the one
who encouraged you to dream big.

121
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They fought like cats and dogs,

122
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but they stayed together
through good times and bad.

123
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You had sisters. You learned about girls.

124
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You were good with them...
maybe a little too good.

125
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You read books, and you didn't want to die

126
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five miles from where you were born.

127
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So you escaped
into the city you romanticised

128
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and reinvented yourself
as a poor man's Mclnerney.

129
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How am I doing?

130
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Pretty good...
a lot more gracious than mine.

131
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L-I blacked out
there in the middle,

132
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when you were really strumming
my pain with your fingers,

133
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but... well done.

134
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- (Chuckles)
- How long you been working on that?

135
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A couple of weeks.

136
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It's a good story.

137
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Any idea how it ends?

138
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(Gasps)

139
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- Hey, where are you going?
- I have to get to work.

140
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A job? What do you do?

141
00:08:03,107 --> 00:08:06,193
Well, don't you remember?
I'm a poor gal's Martha Stewart.

142
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Don't you remember I'm an asshole?

143
00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:11,406
Right. I'm an attorney.

144
00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:14,951
Oh, then we're both assholes.
What's your thing?

145
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- Divorce.
- Aiee. You must be a busy girl.

146
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:21,500
That I am, which is
why I have to skedaddle.

147
00:08:21,542 --> 00:08:24,419
I can't believe you were trying to slink
out of here without saying goodbye to me.

148
00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:26,713
Hank. Please.

149
00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:28,840
I assume this was a one-time thing.

150
00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:31,426
Why would you assume
something like that?

151
00:08:31,469 --> 00:08:32,969
(Clears throat)

152
00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:35,514
No offence, but you don't seem
like the kind of guy

153
00:08:35,556 --> 00:08:37,599
who's looking for a lot of repeat business.

154
00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:40,101
I'm offended. How about tonight?

155
00:08:40,144 --> 00:08:41,311
Are you sure?

156
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:46,149
Yeah, a proper date...
dinner, 20th-century style.

157
00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:48,568
I'd be just as happy to come back here.

158
00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:50,445
No. No, no, no. Dinner.

159
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:54,115
A girl's got to eat.

160
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That she does.

161
00:09:11,842 --> 00:09:13,218
(Urinating)

162
00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:22,310
(Urinating continues)

163
00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:24,145
- Uh, are you gonna flush?
- Aah!

164
00:09:24,188 --> 00:09:25,605
(Sighs)

165
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:27,983
What the fuck are you doing here?

166
00:09:28,025 --> 00:09:29,568
The redhead let me in.

167
00:09:29,610 --> 00:09:33,280
Question... does the carpet
match the drapes, Hanky-panky?

168
00:09:33,322 --> 00:09:35,365
You scared the shit out of me.

169
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,742
I know. You screamed
just like a little girl.

170
00:09:37,785 --> 00:09:40,954
- Kind of a turnoff, actually.
- What the fuck do you want?

171
00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:43,456
- I'm late.
- What?

172
00:09:43,499 --> 00:09:46,960
That's not possible.
L-l-I wore a condom.

173
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:50,130
That's... that would be like
the Immaculate Conception.

174
00:09:50,172 --> 00:09:53,633
And you... you're the one who... y-you...
And then you left.

175
00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:57,387
- I'm late for school.
- Oh. OK.

176
00:09:57,430 --> 00:10:01,558
Well, then, what do you want from me,
besides the obvious?

177
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:04,978
Don't flatter yourself, champ.
I have a creative-writing course,

178
00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:07,897
and I need to turn
something in today, so...

179
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:11,026
OK, what's the problem?
It's creative writing.

180
00:10:11,068 --> 00:10:13,069
Be creative. Write something.

181
00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:16,448
This from a guy who hasn't
written a word in five years?

182
00:10:16,490 --> 00:10:18,325
Nobody likes a smartass.

183
00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:20,201
You must have
some piece-of-shit short story

184
00:10:20,244 --> 00:10:21,884
you never published
around here somewhere.

185
00:10:21,912 --> 00:10:25,290
- No. No, nothing.
- (Karen) Hank?

186
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:29,169
- (Drawer slams)
- Stop that. And don't move.

187
00:10:29,211 --> 00:10:32,631
Don't fuck around.
Do not fuck around!

188
00:10:32,673 --> 00:10:35,050
It's not funny.

189
00:10:39,263 --> 00:10:40,930
Hey, look who's here.

190
00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:42,932
You don't call. You don't write.

191
00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:45,101
You look like shit.

192
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:47,896
And you look beautiful...
far too beautiful for these four walls.

193
00:10:47,938 --> 00:10:49,378
Let's go out and get some breakfast.

194
00:10:49,398 --> 00:10:51,608
- Get a coffee.
- No, we'll go out. We'll get it.

195
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:54,152
- Look, get dressed.
- Fuck!

196
00:10:58,407 --> 00:11:00,825
- Hank?
- Yeah?

197
00:11:00,868 --> 00:11:03,244
I just wanted...

198
00:11:03,287 --> 00:11:06,247
What, no points for safety?

199
00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:09,584
- Yes, but magnums? Wow.
- Yeah, well, you know.

200
00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:11,127
Did you have a growth spurt?

201
00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:13,505
Well, no, I been...
I been working out.

202
00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:15,256
Just a lot of vitamins.

203
00:11:15,299 --> 00:11:17,842
- I got a whole... I got a regimen.
- Huh.

204
00:11:17,885 --> 00:11:21,596
Hank, do not quit this job.

205
00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:24,808
It's hardly a job, Karen. It's a blog.

206
00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:28,395
It's by far the best thing that's happened to
you in a long time, and you're good at it.

207
00:11:28,437 --> 00:11:31,898
- Well, I just can't work for Bill.
- Why not?

208
00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:34,025
Well, for one, he's a dick.

209
00:11:34,068 --> 00:11:38,071
Could you just swallow your stupid pride
and keep the job, keep writing,

210
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:40,865
keep doing what you were put
on this planet to do?

211
00:11:40,908 --> 00:11:44,869
What else is there for you besides
drowning in a sea of pointless pussy?

212
00:11:44,912 --> 00:11:45,954
(Thud)

213
00:11:49,291 --> 00:11:51,209
It's the neighbours.

214
00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:54,003
OK. Do you know what?

215
00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:56,297
I should go in there.
I'm gonna go in there.

216
00:11:56,340 --> 00:12:00,093
I'm gonna go in there and tell her
what to expect and how to treat it.

217
00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:02,011
- It's only fair.
- You don't want to go in there.

218
00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:05,890
There are some images you don't want
floating around your pretty little head.

219
00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:11,563
Trust me, it's like a Mapplethorpe shoot
in there, except with less cock.

220
00:12:11,605 --> 00:12:15,316
Shut up, OK? Shut up.

221
00:12:15,359 --> 00:12:16,943
Aaah!

222
00:12:19,488 --> 00:12:22,907
Keep the job, Hank.
Do it for Becca's sake.

223
00:12:22,950 --> 00:12:25,535
Give her something to look up to.

224
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:32,917
Thanks for stopping by.

225
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:54,355
Just suppose you're a guy and you're
getting a massage from another guy,

226
00:12:54,398 --> 00:12:55,940
and it's nice, it's relaxing.

227
00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:58,318
Then all of a sudden,
you get a little tingle,

228
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:00,278
a little unintentional stim.

229
00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:04,449
What do you call that,
where you get a little turgidity?

230
00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:06,159
You know, you get a rollover going there.

231
00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:08,077
That was Nora from Hell-A magazine.

232
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:10,205
She wants to know when
she can expect the new piece.

233
00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:11,956
What would you call that phenomenon?

234
00:13:11,999 --> 00:13:15,877
Hank, the whole idea behind
the blog is an ongoing narrative.

235
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,086
You understand?

236
00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:20,423
A series of events that follows
another series of events.

237
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:22,175
I get that. I get that. I really do.

238
00:13:22,218 --> 00:13:24,761
I just can't whore myself out
to the tall man any more.

239
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:27,514
Ongoing or not, I can't do it. Capisce?

240
00:13:27,556 --> 00:13:31,643
With all due respect, Hank,
grow the fuck up already.

241
00:13:31,685 --> 00:13:35,104
Come on, you're the lying cocksucker
that got me into this in the first place.

242
00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:37,482
- You set me up.
- If by set you up,

243
00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:41,945
you mean contrive a situation in which you
might actually start to produce words again,

244
00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:44,072
then, yes, OK, guilty as charged.

245
00:13:44,114 --> 00:13:45,865
You should have told me
what you were up to.

246
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:48,535
- That was bullshit.
- You wouldn't have done it!

247
00:13:48,577 --> 00:13:50,995
OK, you see?
You see what I'm getting at here?

248
00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:53,122
Oh, fuck you. You're fired.

249
00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:56,042
You know that you've fired me
roughly every 90 days

250
00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:58,002
since we started to work together.

251
00:13:58,045 --> 00:14:01,297
Yeah, because
I'm a consistent motherfucker.

252
00:14:01,382 --> 00:14:03,341
Don't do this, Hank, OK? Not now.

253
00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:07,011
No other agent in their right mind
would take you on at this point.

254
00:14:07,054 --> 00:14:10,390
And the ones who would wouldn't be able
to get you a job writing kiddy porn.

255
00:14:10,432 --> 00:14:12,892
Yeah, we'll see about that.
It's a broner.

256
00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:14,978
It's a broner...
the word I'm looking for.

257
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:18,106
Unintentionally man-inspired
boner... broner.

258
00:14:18,148 --> 00:14:20,358
Duly noted.

259
00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:25,530
(Hank) Broner!

260
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:29,993
What is so fucking difficult about
distinguishing diet from regular, huh?

261
00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:33,079
Here. Just go. You're fired, all right?

262
00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:35,957
Get out. Go!
Fucking get out of here!

263
00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:46,092
(Meredith) You OK there, tiger?

264
00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:48,177
Did you ever have one of those days

265
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:52,557
where you feel like a tired, old whore
whose uterus is about to fall out?

266
00:14:53,642 --> 00:14:56,102
I think I'm in touch with that emotion.

267
00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:59,856
Really? I was just being dramatic. Do tell.

268
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:02,609
- That guy you saw me with last night?
- Mm-hm.

269
00:15:02,651 --> 00:15:06,487
- He's married.
- Oh, you dirty cheater, you.

270
00:15:06,530 --> 00:15:10,241
- Five years.
- Been fucking a married guy for five years?

271
00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:11,659
Classy, huh?

272
00:15:11,702 --> 00:15:13,578
I tend to think of myself

273
00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:17,081
as a whatever-makes-you-happy
kind of a guy,

274
00:15:17,124 --> 00:15:18,625
but I have to ask...

275
00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:20,960
What's in it for you, lady?

276
00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:23,046
I love him.

277
00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:26,382
And I tend to believe him
when he says he loves me.

278
00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:29,385
That sounds like a charming
little romcom,

279
00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:32,931
except for the part
where he won't leave his wife.

280
00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:34,599
The guy's richer than God.

281
00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:36,768
He doesn't want to cut it in half.

282
00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:38,102
I haven't known you very long,

283
00:15:38,145 --> 00:15:40,313
and this probably means
precious little coming from a guy

284
00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:44,108
who treated you like a piece
of prison ass on a blind date,

285
00:15:44,151 --> 00:15:47,403
but I think you deserve
a hell of a lot more.

286
00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:52,784
(Crying) My baby.

287
00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:56,371
You have a baby with the married guy?
Holy fuck.

288
00:15:56,413 --> 00:15:59,958
No, my dog...

289
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,043
Cat Stevens.

290
00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:04,921
You have a dog named Cat Stevens?

291
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,465
Holy fuck!

292
00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:09,717
(Laughs)

293
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:12,679
A gift from married guy.

294
00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:15,431
I know it sounds incredibly lame,

295
00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:17,433
but he was like our baby.

296
00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:20,520
The one thing that was ours... just ours.

297
00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:22,939
So, his wife goes out of town,

298
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:25,900
and I bring Cat Stevens over to the house.

299
00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:29,070
Naturally, the bitch comes home early.

300
00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:32,657
I barely have enough time to put on
my clothes and sneak out the back.

301
00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:36,035
And then I realised I left him behind.

302
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:40,164
That fucking bitch thought sweet
little Cat Stevens was a gift for her.

303
00:16:40,207 --> 00:16:42,583
Married guy doesn't say anything?

304
00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:47,088
- How could he?
- Hmm, that is sick.

305
00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:50,466
- Come on.
- Where are we going?

306
00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:52,927
We're gonna fix this.

307
00:17:03,981 --> 00:17:06,107
(Computer beeps)

308
00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:41,635
(Gasps)

309
00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:47,565
(Unzips)

310
00:17:47,608 --> 00:17:50,651
(Breathing heavily)

311
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:01,287
(Mobile)

312
00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:03,539
(Groans)

313
00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:06,793
(Panting)

314
00:18:06,835 --> 00:18:08,544
(Ringing continues)

315
00:18:20,432 --> 00:18:22,100
Hey, honey.

316
00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:35,071
You're insane.

317
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,906
You've been fucking a married
guy for five years,

318
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:39,742
you've got a dog named Cat Stevens,
and I'm insane?

319
00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:40,952
Point taken.

320
00:18:40,994 --> 00:18:42,703
I got to figure out a way to get in there

321
00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:44,789
without breaking a window
or something like that.

322
00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:48,084
- How about this?
- Oh.

323
00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:50,962
(Voices on television)

324
00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:56,425
(Squeaking)

325
00:18:59,513 --> 00:19:01,139
Cat?

326
00:19:04,601 --> 00:19:06,727
And you'll never have dried-up
meat in the refrigerator.

327
00:19:06,770 --> 00:19:10,231
Hey. Cat Stevens.

328
00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:12,775
Come here, Cat.

329
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,318
Roast beef, lamb, turkey.

330
00:19:14,361 --> 00:19:17,697
This knife is like a hot knife
going right through butter.

331
00:19:17,739 --> 00:19:18,948
It has a fork with the end,

332
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:21,409
so you pick up the meat,
dip it into the gravy.

333
00:19:21,451 --> 00:19:23,744
Remember, here's a grapefruit.
Look at this.

334
00:19:23,787 --> 00:19:26,747
Not a seed, not a drop of juice comes out.

335
00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:29,125
Come here.

336
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:31,252
I'll take you away from all this.

337
00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:33,588
(Whimpers)

338
00:19:33,630 --> 00:19:37,091
Cat! Yusuf Islam!

339
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:39,343
Be Straight is a good song.

340
00:19:39,386 --> 00:19:42,013
Come here, Cat. Come here.

341
00:19:42,055 --> 00:19:44,891
Come on.

342
00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:47,685
(Man moaning)

343
00:19:57,237 --> 00:20:00,239
Go! Go!

344
00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:04,493
Go. Go, go, go.

345
00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:05,828
(Tyres screech)

346
00:20:09,499 --> 00:20:11,709
Oh.

347
00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:13,961
Don't worry, I'll be gone
for good in a few minutes.

348
00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:19,759
Um, actually, I was, um...
I was gonna call you.

349
00:20:19,801 --> 00:20:22,220
You could've emailed.

350
00:20:22,262 --> 00:20:25,890
L-I think I overreacted yesterday,

351
00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:28,142
and I'm sorry about that,

352
00:20:28,185 --> 00:20:34,273
So, uh, the job is yours
if... if you still want it.

353
00:20:34,316 --> 00:20:36,692
I want it.

354
00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:39,028
Good.

355
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:40,655
But...

356
00:20:40,697 --> 00:20:42,949
But?

357
00:20:42,991 --> 00:20:46,911
From now on, if I make a mistake
or I screw something up,

358
00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:52,250
you should feel free to discipline me
in whatever way you see fit.

359
00:20:52,292 --> 00:20:54,710
You're the boss.

360
00:20:59,007 --> 00:21:01,759
Oh, and, um, Hank called.

361
00:21:01,802 --> 00:21:04,470
He said you could still be
his agent if you want.

362
00:21:04,513 --> 00:21:08,182
(Chuckles)

363
00:21:14,606 --> 00:21:16,482
(Whimpers)

364
00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:23,739
(Barks)

365
00:21:23,782 --> 00:21:25,491
I thought that was you.

366
00:21:25,534 --> 00:21:28,995
I would have focused
on a different area altogether.

367
00:21:29,037 --> 00:21:32,581
- Get your ass back in bed then.
- I got to go to work.

368
00:21:32,624 --> 00:21:36,294
Ah, yes, I don't think I've ever dated
a woman who had a job before.

369
00:21:38,005 --> 00:21:40,965
Is that what we're doing? Dating?

370
00:21:41,008 --> 00:21:43,968
It does feel that way...

371
00:21:44,011 --> 00:21:48,431
Kind of, sort of, maybe, a little bit.

372
00:21:48,473 --> 00:21:50,683
(Chuckling) Yeah.

373
00:21:50,767 --> 00:21:52,810
I guess it kind of does.

374
00:21:52,853 --> 00:21:54,395
Too many tongues.

375
00:21:57,274 --> 00:21:59,108
Hey, take your fucking dog.

376
00:21:59,151 --> 00:22:01,861
I didn't have the heart
to tell you,

377
00:22:01,903 --> 00:22:03,654
but that's not Cat Stevens.

378
00:22:03,697 --> 00:22:05,948
- What?
- You took the wrong dog.

379
00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:08,075
So not your fault...
the bitch has a lot of them.

380
00:22:08,118 --> 00:22:10,536
(Chuckles) Look on the bright side.

381
00:22:10,579 --> 00:22:12,330
He seems to really like you.

382
00:22:12,372 --> 00:22:14,749
(Whimpers)

383
00:22:19,963 --> 00:22:21,547
Thank you.

384
00:22:24,676 --> 00:22:26,802
This is not a macchiato.

385
00:22:26,845 --> 00:22:28,095
A macchiato...

386
00:22:34,227 --> 00:22:38,981
What am I going to do with you?

387
00:22:39,024 --> 00:22:42,068
Whatever you want, boss.

388
00:22:51,161 --> 00:22:52,912
(Gasps)

389
00:22:52,954 --> 00:22:54,872
Look what a mess I've made.

390
00:23:19,398 --> 00:23:20,731
(Gasps)

391
00:23:29,825 --> 00:23:31,826
Guess who.

392
00:23:31,868 --> 00:23:33,536
Mmm, something's familiar.

393
00:23:33,578 --> 00:23:35,996
Did you switch to Camel Lights?

394
00:23:36,039 --> 00:23:38,374
Ah, that's cute. What you reading?

395
00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:42,294
Oh, you're not gonna go through
with that barbaric ritual, are you?

396
00:23:42,337 --> 00:23:45,965
- I was thinking about it.
- You don't sound too excited.

397
00:23:46,007 --> 00:23:50,511
I am. It's just weird.
I never thought I'd get married.

398
00:23:50,595 --> 00:23:53,806
You had me convinced
it was all a bullshit fairy tale.

399
00:23:53,849 --> 00:23:56,725
- And it's not?
- Not if you meet the right person.

400
00:23:56,768 --> 00:23:58,853
You say it's about meeting Mr Right.

401
00:23:58,937 --> 00:24:01,772
I think you're settling
for Mr Right In Front Of You.

402
00:24:01,857 --> 00:24:06,235
I'm asking you to consider
Mr Lurking Right Above You.

403
00:24:06,278 --> 00:24:07,611
Hank, Hank, Hankie.

404
00:24:07,654 --> 00:24:10,281
I wouldn't want to erase the fact

405
00:24:10,323 --> 00:24:13,576
that, once upon a time, I used to love you.

406
00:24:13,618 --> 00:24:15,870
- But...
- (Bill) Hank!

407
00:24:15,912 --> 00:24:17,955
- Hello.
- William.

408
00:24:17,998 --> 00:24:20,958
- L-I have something for you.
- Wow.

409
00:24:21,001 --> 00:24:24,462
Hank, uh, Hank,
you didn't have to do this.

410
00:24:24,504 --> 00:24:27,965
Considering I got my precious
bodily fluids all over yours,

411
00:24:28,008 --> 00:24:29,425
I felt like, yeah, I kind of did.

412
00:24:29,468 --> 00:24:36,182
But that piece of, um, art
is worth a small fortune.

413
00:24:36,224 --> 00:24:39,101
Don't look a gift piece
of overpriced pop art in the mouth.

414
00:24:39,144 --> 00:24:41,812
I know people who know people.
Just enjoy it.

415
00:24:41,855 --> 00:24:45,024
Consider it a belated engagement present.

416
00:24:45,066 --> 00:24:46,817
Hang it over your marital bed.

417
00:24:46,902 --> 00:24:47,985
(Chuckles)

418
00:24:48,028 --> 00:24:50,446
What's up with you?
You seem kind of, um...

419
00:24:50,489 --> 00:24:51,780
- Jaunty?
- Yes.

420
00:24:51,823 --> 00:24:53,407
- Devil-may-care?
- Yes.

421
00:24:53,450 --> 00:24:55,659
- Happy?
- Even.

422
00:24:55,702 --> 00:24:57,203
Well, maybe I met a girl.

423
00:24:57,245 --> 00:24:59,163
- Hey, Dad.
- Hey, honey.

424
00:24:59,206 --> 00:25:00,623
I've got something for you, too.

425
00:25:00,665 --> 00:25:02,917
Just hold on. Stay right there.

426
00:25:05,003 --> 00:25:06,045
(Whimpers)

427
00:25:06,087 --> 00:25:07,922
I'm partial to Yusuf Islam,

428
00:25:07,964 --> 00:25:10,925
but you can call him
whatever you want.

429
00:25:10,967 --> 00:25:12,968
And, Bill, don't worry.
He can stay with me.

430
00:25:13,011 --> 00:25:14,345
That's so nice of you, Hank.

431
00:25:14,387 --> 00:25:17,723
(Bill) Yes, Hank,
that's very nice of you.

432
00:25:18,975 --> 00:25:20,935
Well, you guys look like one big happy.

433
00:25:20,977 --> 00:25:24,563
I am proud to report
that my daughter has just penned

434
00:25:24,606 --> 00:25:28,025
one of the most impressive short stories
I have ever had the pleasure of reading.

435
00:25:28,068 --> 00:25:31,195
Now, the prose was a bit
on the purple side,

436
00:25:31,238 --> 00:25:34,532
but still, I had no idea she had it in her.

437
00:25:34,574 --> 00:25:36,242
I'm sure the prose wasn't that purple.

438
00:25:36,284 --> 00:25:40,120
No, it was, but still, it was good stuff.

439
00:25:40,163 --> 00:25:42,373
That is something.

440
00:25:42,415 --> 00:25:44,291
Well, it's what I do.

441
00:25:44,334 --> 00:25:49,171
Speaking of which,
dare I ask about the blog?

442
00:25:49,214 --> 00:25:51,131
Honey, to quote the Clash,

443
00:25:51,174 --> 00:25:54,593
should I stay or should I rock the casbah?

444
00:25:54,678 --> 00:25:57,846
Do what you want, Dad.
I love you no matter what.

445
00:25:57,889 --> 00:25:58,931
(Giggles)

446
00:26:02,018 --> 00:26:03,686
(Hank) "Good morning, Hell-A."

447
00:26:03,728 --> 00:26:08,023
"In the land of the lotus-eaters,
time plays tricks on you.

448
00:26:08,066 --> 00:26:10,067
"One day you're dreaming.

449
00:26:10,110 --> 00:26:13,737
"The next, your dream
has become your reality.

450
00:26:13,780 --> 00:26:15,990
"It was the best of times.

451
00:26:16,074 --> 00:26:18,742
"If only someone had told me.

452
00:26:18,785 --> 00:26:22,037
"Mistakes were made,
hearts were broken,

453
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:24,081
"harsh lessons learned.

454
00:26:24,124 --> 00:26:27,001
"My family goes on without me,

455
00:26:27,043 --> 00:26:31,380
"while I drown in a sea
of pointless pussy."

456
00:26:33,341 --> 00:26:36,135
"I don't know how I got here.

457
00:26:36,177 --> 00:26:41,140
"But here I am, rotting away
in the warm California sun.

458
00:26:41,182 --> 00:26:44,310
"There are things
I need to figure out,

459
00:26:44,352 --> 00:26:47,313
"for her sake, at least.

460
00:26:47,355 --> 00:26:49,023
"The clock is ticking.

461
00:26:49,065 --> 00:26:50,983
"The gap is widening."

462
00:26:53,445 --> 00:26:56,614
"She won't always love me
no matter what."