1
00:00:03,059 --> 00:00:04,192
Raj, your tag's
sticking out.
2
00:00:04,194 --> 00:00:05,260
Thank you.
3
00:00:05,262 --> 00:00:06,628
That was the closest
I've come to sex
4
00:00:06,630 --> 00:00:07,829
in, like, two years.
5
00:00:09,165 --> 00:00:11,967
Now I feel a
little gross.
6
00:00:11,969 --> 00:00:14,703
You're only making it seem
more real for me.
7
00:00:15,772 --> 00:00:17,539
Hey, that's my wife.
8
00:00:17,541 --> 00:00:20,075
If anyone's gonna make her feel
gross about sex, it's me.
9
00:00:21,177 --> 00:00:22,611
Can we please talk
about something
10
00:00:22,613 --> 00:00:24,513
other than my
depressing love life?
11
00:00:24,515 --> 00:00:26,682
How about Penny's
depressing acting career?
12
00:00:27,984 --> 00:00:29,151
Hey.
13
00:00:29,153 --> 00:00:30,786
I mean, it's been
a little tough,
14
00:00:30,788 --> 00:00:32,220
but Penny's following
her dreams,
15
00:00:32,222 --> 00:00:34,256
and in my book,
that is not depressing.
16
00:00:34,258 --> 00:00:36,124
Aw... Thank you.
17
00:00:36,126 --> 00:00:38,860
Is that book called
Lies I Tell to Get Sex?
18
00:00:39,562 --> 00:00:40,796
Is that
a real book?
19
00:00:40,798 --> 00:00:42,564
I would totally
read that book.
20
00:00:43,433 --> 00:00:45,600
Can I borrow it
when you're done?
21
00:00:50,173 --> 00:00:51,306
Well, I'll have
you guys know
22
00:00:51,308 --> 00:00:53,308
I turned down a part
in a movie last week.
23
00:00:53,310 --> 00:00:54,543
Why would you do that?
24
00:00:54,545 --> 00:00:55,744
Because it was crap.
25
00:00:55,746 --> 00:00:57,079
It's a sequel to that awful
26
00:00:57,081 --> 00:00:58,313
killer gorilla movie I was in.
27
00:00:58,315 --> 00:01:00,248
Serial Ape-ist?
28
00:01:01,217 --> 00:01:03,218
I thought you
died in that.
29
00:01:03,220 --> 00:01:04,219
She does.
30
00:01:04,221 --> 00:01:05,287
42 minutes in.
31
00:01:05,289 --> 00:01:07,222
While showering topless,
32
00:01:07,224 --> 00:01:08,557
16 minutes after
brief side butt
33
00:01:08,559 --> 00:01:10,439
during a pillow fight
with her sorority sisters.
34
00:01:12,562 --> 00:01:14,129
I have an eidetic memory.
35
00:01:14,131 --> 00:01:15,831
I don't know what
his problem is.
36
00:01:16,899 --> 00:01:18,967
Okay, well, there are no
shower scenes in this one.
37
00:01:18,969 --> 00:01:20,869
They just try to clone me
from my corpse,
38
00:01:20,871 --> 00:01:22,704
but my DNA gets mixed
with the ape's DNA
39
00:01:22,706 --> 00:01:25,507
and I end up running around with
giant gorilla hands and feet.
40
00:01:27,143 --> 00:01:29,044
Am I missing something,
41
00:01:29,046 --> 00:01:31,113
or isn't that the part
she was born to play?
42
00:01:32,181 --> 00:01:35,784
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
43
00:01:35,786 --> 00:01:39,121
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
44
00:01:39,123 --> 00:01:40,756
♪ The Earth began to cool
45
00:01:40,758 --> 00:01:43,291
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
46
00:01:43,293 --> 00:01:45,961
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
47
00:01:45,963 --> 00:01:48,630
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
48
00:01:48,632 --> 00:01:50,532
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
49
00:01:50,534 --> 00:01:52,501
♪ Bang! ♪
50
00:01:52,921 --> 00:01:56,921
♪ The Big Bang Theory 7x17 ♪
The Friendship Turbulence
Original Air Date on March 6, 2014
51
00:01:56,947 --> 00:02:01,947
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
52
00:02:01,973 --> 00:02:05,109
So are you really not
gonna do this movie?
53
00:02:05,111 --> 00:02:06,677
Well, I don't think
it's the kind of part
54
00:02:06,679 --> 00:02:07,945
that's good for my career.
55
00:02:07,947 --> 00:02:10,481
Well, but don't
a lot of famous actors
56
00:02:10,483 --> 00:02:12,282
get their start
doing bad movies?
57
00:02:12,284 --> 00:02:14,785
Okay, I don't think Meryl Streep
ever had to say...
58
00:02:14,787 --> 00:02:16,587
"Must keep gorilla hands
59
00:02:16,589 --> 00:02:18,789
from killing again!"
60
00:02:21,326 --> 00:02:22,893
If she did, it would be amazing.
61
00:02:22,895 --> 00:02:25,696
That woman can do no wrong.
62
00:02:26,765 --> 00:02:29,099
I-I don't know anything
about show business,
63
00:02:29,101 --> 00:02:31,835
so if you think it's reasonable
to turn down paid work
64
00:02:31,837 --> 00:02:33,203
and just burn through
your savings,
65
00:02:33,205 --> 00:02:34,838
I'm sure you know
what you're doing.
66
00:02:40,345 --> 00:02:43,080
I think we're gonna go.
67
00:02:43,082 --> 00:02:44,081
Are you sure?
68
00:02:44,083 --> 00:02:46,617
We were making fun
of failed careers.
69
00:02:46,619 --> 00:02:49,586
We didn't get to tap
the juicy vein that is Howard's.
70
00:02:50,588 --> 00:02:53,691
Hey, I work
at the same university you do.
71
00:02:53,693 --> 00:02:56,026
Yes, and Hawkeye's
in the Avengers,
72
00:02:56,028 --> 00:02:58,729
but no one ever says,
"Help, Hawkeye!"
73
00:02:59,998 --> 00:03:01,832
Can I ask you
something?
74
00:03:01,834 --> 00:03:04,501
Why do you constantly feel
the need to put down my husband?
75
00:03:04,503 --> 00:03:05,536
Oh, I'm sure
76
00:03:05,538 --> 00:03:06,637
he does it out of love.
77
00:03:06,639 --> 00:03:08,672
The same way my boyfriend
makes me feel terrible
78
00:03:08,674 --> 00:03:11,475
about my life choices.
79
00:03:12,677 --> 00:03:15,479
I think we're gonna go.
80
00:03:15,481 --> 00:03:17,514
No, no, no. This is not a fight.
81
00:03:17,516 --> 00:03:20,584
I-I was just excited that
someone offered you a part
82
00:03:20,586 --> 00:03:22,219
and a little surprised
that you'd rather sit at home
83
00:03:22,221 --> 00:03:23,954
and do nothing than take it.
84
00:03:27,959 --> 00:03:29,693
Now it's a fight.
85
00:03:30,495 --> 00:03:32,463
Well, with
that sorted out,
86
00:03:32,465 --> 00:03:34,531
I'm happy to answer your
question, Bernadette.
87
00:03:34,533 --> 00:03:35,866
Howard started it.
88
00:03:35,868 --> 00:03:39,069
I didn't do anything.
I was just sitting here.
89
00:03:39,071 --> 00:03:40,237
I wasn't referring
to this evening.
90
00:03:40,239 --> 00:03:42,473
Ten years ago,
upon first seeing me,
91
00:03:42,475 --> 00:03:45,175
your husband claimed
that I looked like C-3PO
92
00:03:45,177 --> 00:03:47,544
and Pee-wee Herman.
93
00:03:49,114 --> 00:03:52,483
And he called me
C-3P-wee Herman.
94
00:03:54,452 --> 00:03:56,854
Still funny.
95
00:03:59,457 --> 00:04:01,458
That was ten years ago.
96
00:04:01,460 --> 00:04:04,161
Nine years, 11 months
and three weeks ago,
97
00:04:04,163 --> 00:04:07,397
he followed that up by replacing
the slides for my lecture
98
00:04:07,399 --> 00:04:10,901
with photographs
of nude fat women bending over.
99
00:04:11,736 --> 00:04:13,537
Really?
100
00:04:13,539 --> 00:04:15,873
The lecture was
on cosmic gas clouds.
101
00:04:15,875 --> 00:04:17,407
That's funny!
102
00:04:19,144 --> 00:04:21,745
I was there. It was funny.
103
00:04:25,717 --> 00:04:28,652
In any event, that began
a decade-long progression
104
00:04:28,654 --> 00:04:32,456
of insults, pranks and
unwanted magazine subscriptions.
105
00:04:32,458 --> 00:04:34,758
To this day,
I still get a monthly copy
106
00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:37,327
of Granny on Granny.
107
00:04:38,663 --> 00:04:40,397
Which, other than its
surprisingly fun puzzle page,
108
00:04:40,399 --> 00:04:41,865
is complete filth.
109
00:04:44,803 --> 00:04:47,504
Thanks for walking me
to my car.
110
00:04:47,506 --> 00:04:49,807
Actually,
it's for both of us.
111
00:04:49,809 --> 00:04:51,341
Last night, I watched
West Side Story,
112
00:04:51,343 --> 00:04:54,344
and I'm a little freaked out
by street gangs.
113
00:04:54,346 --> 00:04:56,647
Why can't Raj find a girl?
114
00:04:56,649 --> 00:04:59,616
The mystery continues.
115
00:04:59,618 --> 00:05:02,352
I don't appreciate
your sarcasm,
116
00:05:02,354 --> 00:05:05,789
but we've still got two blocks
to go, so I'll put up with it.
117
00:05:06,858 --> 00:05:09,159
Whatever happened with
your online dating?
118
00:05:09,161 --> 00:05:12,629
No one was writing me back, so
I stopped checking my profile.
119
00:05:12,631 --> 00:05:15,299
Before I met Sheldon,
I was ready to give up, too.
120
00:05:15,301 --> 00:05:17,367
Once, I even dropped
in on my OB/GYN
121
00:05:17,369 --> 00:05:20,337
just to get some
human contact.
122
00:05:20,339 --> 00:05:24,274
It has been a while
since I got my prostate checked.
123
00:05:24,276 --> 00:05:27,878
Then I met Sheldon and
look at where we are now.
124
00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:31,715
What? You've kissed, like,
once in three years.
125
00:05:32,650 --> 00:05:35,485
That's true.
Do whatever you want.
126
00:05:37,488 --> 00:05:38,755
Hey.
127
00:05:38,757 --> 00:05:40,057
Hello.
128
00:05:40,059 --> 00:05:42,526
Listen, I was thinking
129
00:05:42,528 --> 00:05:47,097
you and I could probably try
to be better friends.
130
00:05:47,099 --> 00:05:48,365
Really?
131
00:05:48,367 --> 00:05:51,668
I was thinking
what we have now is a bit much.
132
00:05:54,639 --> 00:05:59,443
Seriously, I was talking
to Bernadette last night and...
133
00:05:59,445 --> 00:06:01,411
she made some great points.
134
00:06:01,413 --> 00:06:04,381
You and I have known each other
a long time,
135
00:06:04,383 --> 00:06:08,652
and I didn't hear the rest
'cause she took her bra off.
136
00:06:10,889 --> 00:06:13,156
Very well.
137
00:06:13,158 --> 00:06:15,325
How do you propose
we move forward?
138
00:06:15,327 --> 00:06:19,763
Uh, for starters, we could stop
insulting each other.
139
00:06:19,765 --> 00:06:21,231
That's a great idea.
140
00:06:21,233 --> 00:06:23,567
And in the spirit
of our new arrangement,
141
00:06:23,569 --> 00:06:27,337
I will mask my surprise
that you came up with it.
142
00:06:31,376 --> 00:06:34,478
Anyway, I got invited
to do a little talk at NASA
143
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:36,113
in Houston this weekend.
144
00:06:36,115 --> 00:06:38,315
They gave me two tickets.
Bernadette can't go.
145
00:06:38,317 --> 00:06:39,816
You want to come with me?
146
00:06:39,818 --> 00:06:41,451
You can visit
your mom,
147
00:06:41,453 --> 00:06:43,720
and I'll show you
around the space center.
148
00:06:43,722 --> 00:06:46,723
I have one question.
149
00:06:46,725 --> 00:06:48,692
Is this a prank...
150
00:06:48,694 --> 00:06:50,661
where we land in Houston
151
00:06:50,663 --> 00:06:52,362
and you've made up
wanted posters
152
00:06:52,364 --> 00:06:55,332
that have my face with
a mustache and a Spanish name
153
00:06:55,334 --> 00:06:59,002
and then I get arrested
and deported to South America?
154
00:06:59,004 --> 00:07:01,138
No.
155
00:07:01,140 --> 00:07:03,807
I'm glad because I would not
have seen that coming.
156
00:07:07,545 --> 00:07:09,846
Amy, I could use
some help.
157
00:07:09,848 --> 00:07:11,515
Oh. Let me guess.
There's an...
158
00:07:11,517 --> 00:07:12,950
undergrad in a leather jacket
159
00:07:12,952 --> 00:07:15,319
snapping his fingers
by the water fountain.
160
00:07:16,220 --> 00:07:19,556
I thought about
what you said last night,
161
00:07:19,558 --> 00:07:21,124
and I went back
on the dating Web site
162
00:07:21,126 --> 00:07:22,926
and I was looking
at this girl's profile.
163
00:07:22,928 --> 00:07:24,928
She's amazing.
164
00:07:24,930 --> 00:07:27,497
Oh, she's cute.
165
00:07:27,499 --> 00:07:29,399
And smart. Phi Beta Kappa.
166
00:07:29,401 --> 00:07:30,901
And judging by her lack
of Adam's apple,
167
00:07:30,903 --> 00:07:33,437
she's been female
her entire life.
168
00:07:35,740 --> 00:07:38,542
I like that in a woman.
169
00:07:38,544 --> 00:07:41,378
Great,
so what do you need me for?
170
00:07:41,380 --> 00:07:42,946
Well, I was up all night trying
to write to her,
171
00:07:42,948 --> 00:07:44,481
but I wanted
to run it by you first.
172
00:07:44,483 --> 00:07:46,783
All right.
173
00:07:47,618 --> 00:07:50,220
"Emily,
174
00:07:50,222 --> 00:07:53,423
your face is like
a precious dew-kissed flower..."
175
00:07:53,425 --> 00:07:55,058
Wow.
176
00:07:55,060 --> 00:07:57,527
I know.
Powerful stuff, huh?
177
00:07:57,529 --> 00:07:59,262
No.
178
00:07:59,264 --> 00:08:01,531
You're supposed to be yourself,
not all...
179
00:08:01,533 --> 00:08:03,500
desperate and creepy.
180
00:08:03,502 --> 00:08:07,204
Okay, I'm getting
some mixed messages here.
181
00:08:07,206 --> 00:08:10,974
Just say something normal
like, "I saw your profile.
182
00:08:10,976 --> 00:08:13,577
"Looks like we have a
lot in common; let's get
183
00:08:13,579 --> 00:08:16,546
a cup of coffee sometime."
Yes. "Where I can be
184
00:08:16,548 --> 00:08:20,317
jealous of the cup
touching your ruby lips."
185
00:08:22,153 --> 00:08:23,720
Or you just write it for me.
186
00:08:23,722 --> 00:08:25,288
I'm not gonna pretend to be you.
187
00:08:25,290 --> 00:08:26,857
I don't want you
to pretend to be me.
188
00:08:26,859 --> 00:08:29,059
You can be like my,
uh, online wingman.
189
00:08:29,061 --> 00:08:31,962
Like if we met her at a bar
and you talked me up.
190
00:08:31,964 --> 00:08:33,964
Well, what would I say to her?
191
00:08:33,966 --> 00:08:36,299
Just tell her
what I'm really like.
192
00:08:36,301 --> 00:08:39,569
And, if you think
it'll help,
193
00:08:39,571 --> 00:08:42,105
that you saw me changing once
and my package reminded you
194
00:08:42,107 --> 00:08:44,641
of the muscular tail
of a jaguar.
195
00:08:49,714 --> 00:08:52,182
Use your own words.
196
00:08:54,952 --> 00:08:57,654
Thanks again for taking me
to the pharmacy.
197
00:08:57,656 --> 00:08:59,956
Oh, it's no problem.
Is everything okay?
198
00:08:59,958 --> 00:09:01,658
Oh, I'm fine.
It's just some, uh,
199
00:09:01,660 --> 00:09:03,794
stomach medication for my trip.
200
00:09:03,796 --> 00:09:06,730
There's the remote
yet distinct possibility
201
00:09:06,732 --> 00:09:10,300
that I may end up
in South America.
202
00:09:11,469 --> 00:09:13,703
Remember the old days when I
would've said something dumb
203
00:09:13,705 --> 00:09:15,672
like "Why?"
204
00:09:20,378 --> 00:09:22,212
Uh, that doesn't
sound good.
205
00:09:22,214 --> 00:09:25,082
Remember the old days
when I used to point out
206
00:09:25,084 --> 00:09:27,451
that your check engine light
was on?
207
00:09:28,119 --> 00:09:29,920
Yes.
Well, get ready
208
00:09:29,922 --> 00:09:32,389
to stroll down memory lane:
Penny, your check engine...
209
00:09:32,391 --> 00:09:34,024
Yeah, I know it's on, Sheldon!
210
00:09:34,026 --> 00:09:38,295
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
I cannot afford this right now.
211
00:09:38,297 --> 00:09:40,230
Maybe it's just something minor.
212
00:09:48,573 --> 00:09:50,841
Ooh, good news,
the light just went out.
213
00:10:00,474 --> 00:10:02,541
Are we playing
individual or teams?
214
00:10:02,543 --> 00:10:03,709
Teams are fun.
215
00:10:03,711 --> 00:10:05,811
Oh, in that case,
I'd like to be partnered
216
00:10:05,813 --> 00:10:07,346
with my good friend Howard.
217
00:10:07,348 --> 00:10:09,415
But I'm always on Howard's team.
218
00:10:09,417 --> 00:10:10,349
We're best friends.
219
00:10:10,351 --> 00:10:14,020
The kind who finish
each others...
220
00:10:16,690 --> 00:10:18,658
I really don't think
we do tha...
221
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:19,925
...do that! See?
222
00:10:21,762 --> 00:10:23,763
Oh, hi.
Oh, how'd it go
223
00:10:23,765 --> 00:10:24,997
at the mechanic?
224
00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:26,599
Not great. Can I talk to you
for a sec?
225
00:10:26,601 --> 00:10:28,901
Yeah, sure.
226
00:10:28,903 --> 00:10:31,537
Maybe I can go with you
guys to Houston?
227
00:10:31,539 --> 00:10:33,572
Isn't it a little late
to get plane tick...
228
00:10:33,574 --> 00:10:35,608
...plane tickets? Yeah.
229
00:10:35,610 --> 00:10:37,710
Will you please sto...
230
00:10:37,712 --> 00:10:39,545
...stop that? Okay.
231
00:10:39,547 --> 00:10:41,781
I don't know what to do.
232
00:10:41,783 --> 00:10:44,283
My car threw a rod
and it's totaled.
233
00:10:44,285 --> 00:10:46,118
I can't afford a new one,
I have no job,
234
00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:47,486
and now I can't drive
to auditions.
235
00:10:47,488 --> 00:10:48,454
I'm so sorry.
236
00:10:48,456 --> 00:10:51,090
I know it's
a sensitive subject,
237
00:10:51,092 --> 00:10:53,459
but can you reconsider
that part in the movie?
238
00:10:53,461 --> 00:10:55,494
I did. I called them.
The part's gone.
239
00:10:55,496 --> 00:10:57,029
They gave it to someone else.
240
00:10:57,031 --> 00:10:59,065
Now that girl's gonna get
discovered and become famous
241
00:10:59,067 --> 00:11:02,301
and go on Letterman and talk
about how she got her big break
242
00:11:02,303 --> 00:11:03,602
on a cheap monkey movie
243
00:11:03,604 --> 00:11:06,839
all because some dumb girl
thought it was beneath her.
244
00:11:06,841 --> 00:11:10,276
At least they talked
about you on Letterman.
245
00:11:12,112 --> 00:11:15,014
Come on, I can drive you
wherever you need to go.
246
00:11:15,016 --> 00:11:17,083
How? Unlike me,
you have a job.
247
00:11:17,085 --> 00:11:19,952
I'm just gonna have to go back
to being a waitress... - Oh.
248
00:11:19,954 --> 00:11:22,588
...like I will be
for the rest of my life.
249
00:11:22,590 --> 00:11:24,090
Leonard, would you wrap it up?
250
00:11:24,092 --> 00:11:25,758
We're waiting on you.
251
00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:27,993
I'm sorry, is the fact
that my life's falling apart
252
00:11:27,995 --> 00:11:29,662
interfering
with your board game?
253
00:11:29,664 --> 00:11:32,264
It is.
254
00:11:34,101 --> 00:11:36,235
You were wrong, friend Howard.
255
00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:38,437
She completely understood.
256
00:11:42,510 --> 00:11:43,709
Hey, you busy?
257
00:11:43,711 --> 00:11:44,910
No. What's up?
258
00:11:44,912 --> 00:11:46,879
Have you heard
back from Emily?
259
00:11:46,881 --> 00:11:48,013
I have.
260
00:11:48,015 --> 00:11:49,181
Great! And?
261
00:11:49,183 --> 00:11:50,583
And I'm afraid
262
00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:52,852
she doesn't think
you're right for her.
263
00:11:54,654 --> 00:11:57,623
I give you
one simple thing to do--
264
00:11:57,625 --> 00:12:00,760
contact a complete stranger and
make her fall in love with me--
265
00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:02,561
and you blow it!
266
00:12:02,563 --> 00:12:05,798
I told her
what a good guy you are, but
267
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:07,867
she thought it
was a bad sign
268
00:12:07,869 --> 00:12:09,869
that you didn't write
to her yourself.
269
00:12:09,871 --> 00:12:13,806
She thought it made you seem
too shy and passive.
270
00:12:13,808 --> 00:12:15,674
I'm not too shy and passive.
271
00:12:15,676 --> 00:12:18,310
You write her back
and tell her I said that.
272
00:12:18,312 --> 00:12:21,380
You know,
when you have a second.
273
00:12:21,382 --> 00:12:24,884
Look, I'll see if I can change
her mind tomorrow night.
274
00:12:24,886 --> 00:12:26,519
What's happening tomorrow night?
275
00:12:26,521 --> 00:12:28,053
I'm meeting her for coffee.
276
00:12:28,055 --> 00:12:29,488
What?!
277
00:12:29,490 --> 00:12:31,557
Well, we just... we e-mailed
back and forth a bit,
278
00:12:31,559 --> 00:12:33,058
and we kind of
hit it off.
279
00:12:33,060 --> 00:12:35,342
I find a girl I like,
and you're stealing her?!
280
00:12:35,367 --> 00:12:35,962
No.
281
00:12:35,963 --> 00:12:37,830
We just ended up
having a lot in common.
282
00:12:37,832 --> 00:12:39,932
We went to Harvard,
we like Chaucer,
283
00:12:39,934 --> 00:12:42,668
we're both hardcore
into quilting.
284
00:12:45,372 --> 00:12:47,406
Your words fall like acid rain
285
00:12:47,408 --> 00:12:49,642
on the wounded petals
of my heart.
286
00:12:51,912 --> 00:12:53,546
That's Sheldon.
287
00:12:53,548 --> 00:12:55,514
He says he'll be down
in a minute.
288
00:12:55,516 --> 00:12:57,516
What are you doing?
289
00:12:57,518 --> 00:13:00,152
Oh, he's not coming out
until he sees proof
290
00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:02,721
you don't have an air freshener
in your car.
291
00:13:03,757 --> 00:13:06,725
This is gonna be a long weekend
for you.
292
00:13:06,727 --> 00:13:09,395
You're the reason I'm doing it!
I said
293
00:13:09,397 --> 00:13:10,763
to stop insulting each other.
294
00:13:10,765 --> 00:13:13,866
I didn't tell you to take him
on a romantic getaway.
295
00:13:13,868 --> 00:13:16,669
How do I know
what you said?
296
00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:19,738
Damn you and your
noise-cancelling breasts.
297
00:13:22,610 --> 00:13:23,742
Hello.
298
00:13:23,744 --> 00:13:25,444
Hi.
Hey, buddy.
299
00:13:25,446 --> 00:13:27,546
You excited for Texas?
300
00:13:27,548 --> 00:13:29,882
Oh, very much so.
301
00:13:29,884 --> 00:13:32,952
It's not every day you get to
tour NASA with a real astronaut.
302
00:13:32,954 --> 00:13:36,088
Who's the real astronaut?
303
00:13:37,557 --> 00:13:39,658
Buzz Aldrin.
304
00:13:39,660 --> 00:13:42,094
Oh. Yay!
305
00:13:54,207 --> 00:13:55,908
Howard?
306
00:13:55,910 --> 00:13:57,943
Howard?
307
00:13:57,945 --> 00:14:00,145
Howard?
308
00:14:01,848 --> 00:14:03,816
What now?
309
00:14:03,818 --> 00:14:06,118
I have to go
to the bathroom.
310
00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:07,653
You just went
to the bathroom.
311
00:14:07,655 --> 00:14:10,356
I didn't use it because
it didn't seem safe.
312
00:14:10,358 --> 00:14:14,460
Despite all my e-mails, the
toilet didn't have a seatbelt.
313
00:14:15,829 --> 00:14:17,763
Well, it still doesn't.
314
00:14:17,765 --> 00:14:19,298
I realize that,
315
00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:22,968
but safety concerns went out
the window two apple juices ago.
316
00:14:22,970 --> 00:14:25,070
Fine.
317
00:14:26,306 --> 00:14:28,440
Why are you
getting annoyed?
318
00:14:28,442 --> 00:14:31,010
I'm trying to be
a better friend,
319
00:14:31,012 --> 00:14:34,580
but you constantly say
and do irritating things.
320
00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:36,682
Like when?
When?!
321
00:14:36,684 --> 00:14:37,983
How about in the car?
322
00:14:37,985 --> 00:14:40,319
I'm an astronaut,
and you know it.
323
00:14:40,321 --> 00:14:43,355
You just don't like admitting
it, because you're jealous.
324
00:14:45,592 --> 00:14:48,560
Well, truth be told,
325
00:14:48,562 --> 00:14:51,163
as a child, I did dream
of going to space.
326
00:14:51,165 --> 00:14:53,132
Those astronauts
were my heroes.
327
00:14:53,134 --> 00:14:55,267
And...
328
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:58,470
when you got to go,
it was hard for me.
329
00:14:59,339 --> 00:15:01,340
Thank you.
330
00:15:01,342 --> 00:15:03,442
Because it made me
realize they'll just
331
00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:05,644
send anyone up there.
332
00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:08,948
Aren't you going
to let me out?
333
00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:09,458
No.
334
00:15:09,483 --> 00:15:11,384
But I still need
to use the bathroom.
335
00:15:11,385 --> 00:15:14,653
Here you go. Be creative.
336
00:15:17,391 --> 00:15:20,125
What's the matter?
Scared of a little turbulence?
337
00:15:20,127 --> 00:15:23,429
No, turbulence is
just the equalization
338
00:15:23,431 --> 00:15:25,531
of diurnal temperature
variations in the atmosphere.
339
00:15:25,533 --> 00:15:27,333
I'm not scared at all.
340
00:15:28,703 --> 00:15:30,936
Oh, apple juice,
stay where you are.
341
00:15:31,771 --> 00:15:33,372
Oh, this is nothing.
342
00:15:33,374 --> 00:15:35,040
I experienced way worse
343
00:15:35,042 --> 00:15:37,042
when I was plummeting
back to Earth,
344
00:15:37,044 --> 00:15:39,578
apparently not being
a real astronaut.
345
00:15:41,916 --> 00:15:44,883
Okay, that was a big one.
346
00:15:44,885 --> 00:15:46,986
I take it back. I'm
scared of turbulence!
347
00:15:46,988 --> 00:15:48,887
I'm gonna need
that bag back.
348
00:15:52,692 --> 00:15:54,193
You sure you want
to do this?
349
00:15:54,195 --> 00:15:56,628
Yeah. Why wouldn't I want
to get my old job back?
350
00:15:56,630 --> 00:15:58,097
It'll be fun to see everyone.
351
00:15:58,099 --> 00:16:00,065
I haven't talked to them
since I said,
352
00:16:00,067 --> 00:16:02,534
"I quit. See you
at the Oscars, bitches."
353
00:16:03,503 --> 00:16:05,637
Come on, let's just
get this over with.
354
00:16:05,639 --> 00:16:06,872
"Let's get this over with."
355
00:16:06,874 --> 00:16:08,807
Am I driving you
to the Cheesecake Factory,
356
00:16:08,809 --> 00:16:10,275
or are we having sex?
357
00:16:11,378 --> 00:16:13,679
I'm just... I'm trying
to lighten the mood.
358
00:16:13,681 --> 00:16:15,514
I know. Thank you.
Sorry.
359
00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:17,116
It's just so
humiliating.
360
00:16:17,118 --> 00:16:18,250
So humiliating?
361
00:16:18,252 --> 00:16:20,252
Am I driving you to
the Cheesecake Factory...?
362
00:16:20,254 --> 00:16:22,321
I'm sorry.
I'll-I'll stop. I'll stop.
363
00:16:25,203 --> 00:16:26,670
Come on, don't
look so sad.
364
00:16:26,672 --> 00:16:28,138
You never know
what's gonna happen.
365
00:16:28,140 --> 00:16:30,574
Maybe tonight will be great.
Sweetie, I know you're trying
366
00:16:30,576 --> 00:16:32,910
to make me feel better,
and I love you for that,
367
00:16:32,912 --> 00:16:36,747
but it's making me feel worse,
and I kind of hate you.
368
00:16:36,749 --> 00:16:39,516
This isn't your car.
369
00:16:39,518 --> 00:16:42,986
I know. I thought
we'd take yours.
370
00:16:44,322 --> 00:16:46,490
I don't understand.
371
00:16:47,692 --> 00:16:49,993
It's nothing fancy,
but it'll get you to auditions,
372
00:16:49,995 --> 00:16:53,597
and at least for now, you don't
have to go back to waitressing.
373
00:16:55,033 --> 00:16:57,534
I don't know what to say.
374
00:16:57,536 --> 00:17:00,170
Don't say anything.
375
00:17:00,172 --> 00:17:02,239
Oh, my God.
376
00:17:02,241 --> 00:17:04,541
I mean, you could say,
"Thank you."
377
00:17:04,543 --> 00:17:06,643
I did just buy you a car.
378
00:17:07,479 --> 00:17:09,947
Mmm.
379
00:17:11,082 --> 00:17:13,250
Look, I admit
that it's odd
380
00:17:13,252 --> 00:17:15,419
that Rajesh didn't
write to you himself,
381
00:17:15,421 --> 00:17:17,187
but if you get to know him,
382
00:17:17,189 --> 00:17:19,456
you'll see
he's just a sweet, regular guy.
383
00:17:19,458 --> 00:17:22,693
As a counterpoint, here he is,
uninvited and visibly sweaty.
384
00:17:22,695 --> 00:17:24,394
Hello, Emily.
385
00:17:24,396 --> 00:17:25,863
Hello.
Amy told me
386
00:17:25,865 --> 00:17:28,899
you were concerned that I might
be too passive and shy.
387
00:17:28,901 --> 00:17:30,601
Let me ask you something.
388
00:17:30,603 --> 00:17:32,736
Would a passive guy
barge in here
389
00:17:32,738 --> 00:17:34,772
to look you in the eye and say,
390
00:17:34,774 --> 00:17:38,275
"Hey, dew-kissed flower,
what's up?"
391
00:17:41,980 --> 00:17:45,015
No, but a weird guy
with no boundaries might.
392
00:17:45,017 --> 00:17:46,550
Uh, okay, that's
a separate issue.
393
00:17:46,552 --> 00:17:48,942
Let's put a pin in that and just
focus on the passive thing.
394
00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:50,205
I'm leaving.
395
00:17:50,230 --> 00:17:52,571
Are we still going to go to
that Chaucer reading Friday?
396
00:17:52,958 --> 00:17:55,058
You know, I think
I'm just gonna go by myself.
397
00:17:58,596 --> 00:18:01,131
Not my best first date.
398
00:18:02,367 --> 00:18:04,868
Yeah, but not my worst, either.
399
00:18:09,408 --> 00:18:11,809
I'm sorry for every mean thing
I ever did or said to you!
400
00:18:11,811 --> 00:18:13,677
I'm sorry, too!
It's all my fault!
401
00:18:15,281 --> 00:18:16,480
If you weren't my friend,
402
00:18:16,482 --> 00:18:18,148
there'd be a
hole in my life!
403
00:18:18,150 --> 00:18:19,817
Thank you, Sheldon.
404
00:18:19,819 --> 00:18:22,152
Kind of like when
Firefly was cancelled.
405
00:18:22,954 --> 00:18:25,722
But not as big.
406
00:18:35,811 --> 00:18:38,373
The captain has turned off
the fasten seat belt sign.
407
00:18:38,378 --> 00:18:40,741
You're now free
to move about the cabin.
408
00:18:42,485 --> 00:18:44,518
It's over.
Yeah.
409
00:18:47,023 --> 00:18:50,491
Should we stop
holding hands now?
410
00:18:52,394 --> 00:18:54,295
In a minute.
Okay, good.
411
00:18:54,297 --> 00:18:59,297
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man