1
00:00:04,380 --> 00:00:06,174
Hey, can you do me a favor?

2
00:00:06,382 --> 00:00:08,843
Can we try to avoid talking to
our friends tonight

3
00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:10,511
about our wedding plans?

4
00:00:10,845 --> 00:00:12,013
I'll do you one better.

5
00:00:12,096 --> 00:00:14,348
I'll avoid talking
to our friends entirely

6
00:00:14,432 --> 00:00:16,350
and play on my phone.

7
00:00:17,310 --> 00:00:19,270
It's just, I haven't picked
a maid of honor yet,

8
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:21,814
and I'm having trouble deciding
between Penny and Bernadette.

9
00:00:22,106 --> 00:00:25,234
Ah. Understandable.
They are quite similar.

10
00:00:25,318 --> 00:00:29,030
Both blonde former waitresses
who married beneath them.

11
00:00:30,239 --> 00:00:31,657
Penny is my best friend,

12
00:00:31,741 --> 00:00:33,534
but I was Bernadette's
maid of honor,

13
00:00:33,618 --> 00:00:35,244
and I think
she kind of expects it.

14
00:00:35,453 --> 00:00:37,121
So, if anyone brings
it up tonight,

15
00:00:37,205 --> 00:00:39,290
just maybe you can help
me change the subject.

16
00:00:39,832 --> 00:00:43,336
How about this?
I dominate the conversation so hard,

17
00:00:43,419 --> 00:00:46,297
no one has a chance
to get a word in edgewise.

18
00:00:48,591 --> 00:00:51,177
I don't know.
They might see that coming.

19
00:00:51,427 --> 00:00:52,762
What if we have a code word?

20
00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:55,806
Now you're speaking my catamaran.

21
00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:59,101
That's my code word for "language."

22
00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:02,396
Okay, fine, catamaran.
That's our code word.

23
00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:04,941
No, that's my code word.
Get your own.

24
00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:08,194
Okay. Pretzels.

25
00:01:08,653 --> 00:01:11,239
You hear me say pretzels,
you change the subject.

26
00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:14,951
Rhinos are my least favorite
animals at the zoo.

27
00:01:15,368 --> 00:01:16,619
What?

28
00:01:17,703 --> 00:01:19,580
Oh, I'm sorry. I thought we started.

29
00:01:21,832 --> 00:01:24,877
Hey, just hold the gate
still while I screw it in.

30
00:01:25,294 --> 00:01:27,755
You know, I don't know how I feel
about all this baby-proofing.

31
00:01:27,838 --> 00:01:30,216
If Halley can't teach herself
to walk down the stairs,

32
00:01:30,341 --> 00:01:31,884
then maybe that's nature's way
of saying

33
00:01:31,968 --> 00:01:34,512
the Wolowitz line ends here.

34
00:01:35,263 --> 00:01:36,764
That's funny.
I always thought

35
00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:38,266
Howard was nature's way of saying

36
00:01:38,349 --> 00:01:40,226
the Wolowitz line ends here.

37
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:45,064
Me, too, but life does
find a way!

38
00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:48,401
Hey, Halley can't reach
the liquor cabinet.

39
00:01:48,484 --> 00:01:49,652
Why did you baby-proof it?

40
00:01:50,194 --> 00:01:52,321
How did you know we did?

41
00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:55,992
Fair point.

42
00:01:57,451 --> 00:02:00,746
- Bernadette still going stir-crazy?
- A little.

43
00:02:00,871 --> 00:02:02,873
Two months of bed rest,
it's been rough.

44
00:02:02,999 --> 00:02:05,042
Really? That sounds great.
How do I get that?

45
00:02:05,209 --> 00:02:08,421
You'd either have to break your
hip or let Howard knock you up.

46
00:02:09,964 --> 00:02:12,633
Now, either way, you'll get
flowers the next morning.

47
00:02:14,010 --> 00:02:15,928
She's actually been
keeping herself busy

48
00:02:16,012 --> 00:02:18,222
doing wedding research for you.

49
00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:21,726
Oh! She doesn't have to do that.

50
00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:24,812
She wants to. After all,
you were her maid of honor.

51
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:30,067
Sheldon, tell your funny story
about pretzels.

52
00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:33,070
Oh. Right. Yeah, yeah.

53
00:02:33,154 --> 00:02:34,655
Did you know that we've been thinking

54
00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:36,949
of having pretzels
at our wedding?

55
00:02:37,199 --> 00:02:38,993
No, no. I'm sorry.

56
00:02:39,076 --> 00:02:41,203
No, rhinos. We're having
rhinos at our wedding.

57
00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:44,290
No! I got to go.

58
00:02:49,253 --> 00:02:51,839
I'm gonna need some help.
Someone baby-proofed the front door.

59
00:02:53,215 --> 00:02:55,217
(THEME SONG PLAYING)

60
00:03:20,326 --> 00:03:23,120
Sheldon, what am I gonna do
about my maid of honor?

61
00:03:23,245 --> 00:03:25,915
I mean, Bernadette gave me
all these bridal magazines.

62
00:03:25,998 --> 00:03:28,459
She even folded down the pages
with the good dresses.

63
00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:31,379
I get it.
You know, Leonard

64
00:03:31,462 --> 00:03:33,881
once borrowed
my Edmund Scientific catalog

65
00:03:33,964 --> 00:03:35,591
and dog-eared some pages.

66
00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:37,426
Never got 'em straight again.

67
00:03:38,761 --> 00:03:41,013
Well, that is exactly the same thing.

68
00:03:41,097 --> 00:03:43,182
You really understand my dilemma.

69
00:03:44,517 --> 00:03:46,977
Actually, I do.
My mother

70
00:03:47,061 --> 00:03:49,438
is pushing for my brother, Georgie,
to be my best man,

71
00:03:49,522 --> 00:03:51,148
and I hate to disappoint her again.

72
00:03:51,232 --> 00:03:54,652
I already rejected her savior
and her Linkedln invitation.

73
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:57,988
How are we gonna make these decisions

74
00:03:58,072 --> 00:04:00,074
without anybody getting upset?

75
00:04:00,241 --> 00:04:04,286
Well, what if we take emotion
out of the process,

76
00:04:04,370 --> 00:04:06,956
and base it on empirical metrics?

77
00:04:07,039 --> 00:04:09,750
Then we aren't really
making the decision,

78
00:04:09,834 --> 00:04:11,001
the data is.

79
00:04:11,127 --> 00:04:13,337
So we can hurt our friends' feelings

80
00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:15,714
without taking any responsibility?

81
00:04:18,634 --> 00:04:20,344
Me likey.

82
00:04:22,054 --> 00:04:24,265
But how do we apply
quantitative metrics

83
00:04:24,348 --> 00:04:27,143
to something as subjective
as choosing a wedding party?

84
00:04:27,226 --> 00:04:29,145
That decision only seems subjective.

85
00:04:29,228 --> 00:04:30,438
In reality,

86
00:04:30,521 --> 00:04:33,441
people in a wedding party
perform very specific functions,

87
00:04:33,524 --> 00:04:35,484
and some will perform those
better than others.

88
00:04:35,568 --> 00:04:37,862
If I may use a superhero analogy...

89
00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:40,239
- You may not.
- Okay, I'll use real people.

90
00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:44,243
Um, if a certain dog-like loyalty
is useful,

91
00:04:44,326 --> 00:04:47,621
then it's Leonard.
If having a PEZ dispenser

92
00:04:47,705 --> 00:04:50,958
filled with TUMS is
an advantage, Wolowitz, yeah.

93
00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:53,544
If a best man
with fake testicles hanging

94
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:54,628
from his truck is important,

95
00:04:54,712 --> 00:04:56,547
well, then, my brother's
back in the running.

96
00:04:59,258 --> 00:05:00,676
Okay, I see your point.

97
00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:03,179
So, we break down
each of the roles

98
00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:04,638
into their component parts,

99
00:05:04,722 --> 00:05:07,391
and then design
specialized tests for each.

100
00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:10,561
Exactly. Boy, if I had known
getting married was going to

101
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:13,147
involve so much science,
I'd have proposed years ago.

102
00:05:16,317 --> 00:05:18,152
So Leonard, tell everyone your news.

103
00:05:19,153 --> 00:05:21,155
I'm starting a book.

104
00:05:21,405 --> 00:05:22,990
That would be big news from Penny,

105
00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:25,493
but you've read a book before.

106
00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:29,288
He means he's writing a book.

107
00:05:29,413 --> 00:05:32,166
I do. It's something I've been
thinking about for a long time.

108
00:05:32,291 --> 00:05:34,543
Yeah. It's about a brilliant physicist

109
00:05:34,627 --> 00:05:36,545
who solves crimes using science.

110
00:05:36,629 --> 00:05:39,048
- Oh, Leonard...
- It's not about you.

111
00:05:41,592 --> 00:05:44,428
He probably has to say that
for legal reasons.

112
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:45,679
HOWARD: Uh-oh.

113
00:05:46,055 --> 00:05:48,933
They gave us plain rice
instead of fried rice.

114
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:51,352
Well, no fair!
I SoulCycled this morning.

115
00:05:51,435 --> 00:05:53,646
I'm entitled to a pile of fat rice.

116
00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:58,859
Well, I would say that this
constitutes a catering crisis.

117
00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:03,280
I agree. Who's gonna
step up and handle it?

118
00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,620
Doesn't matter. This is fine.

119
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,664
(INAUDIBLE)

120
00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:15,626
Penny?

121
00:06:15,793 --> 00:06:17,169
What?

122
00:06:18,963 --> 00:06:20,589
You know what?
I'll take care of it.

123
00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:39,567
Done.

124
00:06:39,650 --> 00:06:41,569
You didn't make him
feel bad, did you?

125
00:06:41,777 --> 00:06:43,487
Actually, he was laughing.

126
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:48,784
I'm really impressed
at how you handled that, Howard.

127
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:51,245
Please. I've been sending food
back my entire life.

128
00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:52,705
One of my first
full sentences was,

129
00:06:52,788 --> 00:06:55,249
"I had breast milk for breakfast."

130
00:06:58,127 --> 00:07:00,004
Excuse me,
before we start eating,

131
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:01,797
I would like to make a toast.

132
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:02,881
- Nice.
- Nice.

133
00:07:02,965 --> 00:07:04,508
If only I could think of one.

134
00:07:04,592 --> 00:07:06,385
Someone else go.

135
00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:11,181
Hey. Here's the sewing kit
you asked for.

136
00:07:11,265 --> 00:07:13,058
Oh, a minute 19.

137
00:07:13,142 --> 00:07:14,977
Quick.

138
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,271
You were timing me?

139
00:07:17,563 --> 00:07:21,025
Yes. I am going through
a bit of a timing phase.

140
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:22,985
How long will it last?

141
00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:24,820
We'll find out.

142
00:07:25,863 --> 00:07:27,448
What did you need the kit for?

143
00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:29,658
Oh, er...

144
00:07:30,451 --> 00:07:33,495
Sheldon was squatting down
to pick up a fork

145
00:07:33,579 --> 00:07:35,164
and he ripped his pants.

146
00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:39,251
Someone's gonna be sore tomorrow.

147
00:07:40,586 --> 00:07:41,587
(DOOR SHUTS)

148
00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:42,880
Quick thinking.

149
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,423
But for future lies,

150
00:07:44,506 --> 00:07:46,425
this is as far as I can squat.

151
00:07:48,886 --> 00:07:50,888
Penny gets 20 points
for the sewing kit.

152
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,389
Yeah, minus five,

153
00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:53,932
because this is mine.

154
00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:58,479
Well, she's still pulling
a commanding lead.

155
00:07:58,562 --> 00:08:00,731
Did Bernadette even try
to send us a sewing kit?

156
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:03,192
She did.
Amazon, standard shipping,

157
00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:04,777
not even Prime.

158
00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:06,695
We could've done that ourselves.

159
00:08:06,779 --> 00:08:09,031
(SCOFFS) That's what she said.

160
00:08:10,324 --> 00:08:12,201
Maybe we're being old-fashioned,

161
00:08:12,284 --> 00:08:14,244
defining these roles by gender.

162
00:08:14,370 --> 00:08:16,372
You know, historically,
the best man's role

163
00:08:16,455 --> 00:08:18,415
was to defend the bride
and groom in combat.

164
00:08:18,499 --> 00:08:21,085
I mean, if that's not Penny,
I don't know what we're doing here.

165
00:08:22,878 --> 00:08:24,213
I see your point.

166
00:08:24,380 --> 00:08:28,342
Okay, we are officially open
to a best woman

167
00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:30,260
and a gentleman of honor.

168
00:08:30,469 --> 00:08:33,681
Oh! Those names are terrible.
One point off for you.

169
00:08:35,349 --> 00:08:36,892
What am I being tested for?

170
00:08:36,975 --> 00:08:38,769
Oh, it's not important.
But if you don't pass,

171
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,854
none of this matters.

172
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,108
Okay, what's the next test?

173
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:45,526
Loyalty.

174
00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:47,778
We need to choose
someone who has our backs,

175
00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:51,365
someone who will keep our
secrets even from each other.

176
00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,450
Well, I don't have any secrets
from you.

177
00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:55,119
Do you have secrets from me?

178
00:08:55,369 --> 00:08:57,037
Yes.

179
00:08:58,664 --> 00:09:00,374
Oh, that has been weighing
on me for years.

180
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:02,000
Come here.

181
00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:08,048
Would you call yourself
a loyal and trustworthy friend?

182
00:09:08,257 --> 00:09:10,592
- Yeah, I like to think so.
- Great.

183
00:09:10,968 --> 00:09:13,095
Because I need to tell you
something about Howard,

184
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:14,972
but you can't tell him
that I told you.

185
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,807
Nope. Don't want to hear it.

186
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,934
Do not like to engage in gossip.

187
00:09:19,435 --> 00:09:22,438
Okay. I respect your integrity.

188
00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:25,190
Is it about his special underwear?

189
00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:27,609
Because I already know.
And that's all I'll say.

190
00:09:29,987 --> 00:09:32,197
Fine, it has a charcoal filter in it.

191
00:09:34,575 --> 00:09:37,077
It's really sweet of you
to come by and keep me company.

192
00:09:37,286 --> 00:09:38,912
Agreed.

193
00:09:41,373 --> 00:09:44,293
So listen, I have a secret

194
00:09:44,376 --> 00:09:46,086
that I need to tell someone.

195
00:09:46,462 --> 00:09:48,547
But you can never say a word.

196
00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:49,798
Not even to Howard.

197
00:09:49,882 --> 00:09:51,800
I'm your girl. Lay it on me.

198
00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:55,679
Really?
You keep things from your husband?

199
00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:57,598
No, I tell him everything.

200
00:09:57,681 --> 00:09:59,433
Don't be a child.

201
00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:03,228
Okay. Here it is.

202
00:10:04,188 --> 00:10:06,023
I can control the thermostat

203
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,609
in Leonard's apartment with my phone.

204
00:10:09,318 --> 00:10:11,737
And when he makes me mad,

205
00:10:11,904 --> 00:10:15,157
I turn it up, slightly.

206
00:10:17,493 --> 00:10:19,912
Oh. Hey. I didn't know you were here.

207
00:10:19,995 --> 00:10:21,622
What are you two talking about?

208
00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:26,293
Literally, nothing interesting.

209
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,797
Oh, you're good.

210
00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:35,677
Okay, getting to
the ceremony on time.

211
00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:38,722
Leonard, quick.
I need you to get me

212
00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:40,098
to Arcadia within the hour.

213
00:10:40,182 --> 00:10:41,517
The train store's having a sale.

214
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:43,060
Why can't Amy drive you?

215
00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:46,855
Because of the tradition
that I cannot see Amy

216
00:10:46,939 --> 00:10:49,066
on the day of the train store sale.

217
00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:52,986
Please, please see a doctor.

218
00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:56,782
- Next test.
- Just wait one second.

219
00:11:01,370 --> 00:11:03,705
Is it getting hot in here?

220
00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:06,500
(CHUCKLING)

221
00:11:08,919 --> 00:11:11,004
I'm sorry. Where were we?

222
00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:14,007
How well do our friends know us?

223
00:11:14,967 --> 00:11:17,052
So I was talking to my favorite aunt...

224
00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:18,762
Aunt Doe, right?

225
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:20,806
Exactly.

226
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:23,684
Did she ever figure out what
that thing on her knee was?

227
00:11:24,142 --> 00:11:26,603
Turns out it was a chocolate chip.

228
00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:29,690
Mmm, makes sense, she does like to bake.

229
00:11:29,982 --> 00:11:33,151
AMY: Yes, she does. Damn,
you are a thoroughbred.

230
00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:37,447
You know, dealing with cold feet

231
00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:41,702
is an important part of being
both best man and maid of honor.

232
00:11:41,952 --> 00:11:44,288
Maybe we should test for that ability.

233
00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:48,458
You really think
you might get cold feet?

234
00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:51,628
Actually, I was talking about you.

235
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,547
Amy,

236
00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:56,300
if there's one thing in
this world I'm sure of,

237
00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:58,594
you are right to be worried.

238
00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:02,389
Goodnight.

239
00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:10,731
Howard, I've had my eye
on this limited edition Swamp Thing,

240
00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:12,524
but now that I'm
about to buy it,

241
00:12:12,608 --> 00:12:15,193
I'm having second thoughts.
What do you think?

242
00:12:16,153 --> 00:12:18,614
I don't know, Sheldon,
it's pretty expensive.

243
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:21,992
Yes, but what if it will
make me happy, you know,

244
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:25,871
waking up and seeing it every
morning for the rest of my life?

245
00:12:26,204 --> 00:12:29,666
(CHUCKLING)
Really, a walking clump of swamp grass?

246
00:12:30,292 --> 00:12:32,586
Yeah, well, Bernadette's
no prize either!

247
00:12:35,714 --> 00:12:36,882
Hey, what you doing?

248
00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:40,052
Er, Sheldon gave me a brain-teaser.
It's kind of fun.

249
00:12:40,135 --> 00:12:41,803
It's about a group of people at dinner,

250
00:12:41,887 --> 00:12:44,389
and you have to figure out where
they can sit without fighting.

251
00:12:45,641 --> 00:12:47,601
Yeah, is this
the one where Mr. Green

252
00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:49,561
can't sit next to anyone eating meat,

253
00:12:49,645 --> 00:12:50,896
and Uncle Light Blue

254
00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:53,398
won't sit next to any
of the darker colors?

255
00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:57,486
Yeah, did Sheldon send it to you?

256
00:12:57,569 --> 00:12:59,029
Amy did.
I solved it already.

257
00:12:59,196 --> 00:13:00,280
- Really?
- Yeah.

258
00:13:00,364 --> 00:13:01,990
Same way I solved
my jury duty summons,

259
00:13:02,074 --> 00:13:03,659
I threw it away.

260
00:13:04,910 --> 00:13:05,911
No, no, no, no, no.

261
00:13:06,036 --> 00:13:08,163
Aunt Orange can't sit next to the bar

262
00:13:08,246 --> 00:13:09,539
without Ms. Pink saying,

263
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:12,084
"Jesus thinks you've
had enough whiskey."

264
00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:16,964
Did Sheldon and Amy give
you guys that puzzle, too?

265
00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:20,342
Yeah. Is it just me or
have they been acting strange?

266
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:22,678
I don't think they're acting.

267
00:13:24,388 --> 00:13:25,973
Yeah, the other day,
Sheldon made me

268
00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:27,182
take him to the train store.

269
00:13:27,265 --> 00:13:28,558
We didn't go inside.
He just said,

270
00:13:28,642 --> 00:13:30,727
"Nicely done,"
and then we went home.

271
00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:34,022
Yeah, and Amy gave me this plastic ring

272
00:13:34,106 --> 00:13:35,399
and told me to hold on to it.

273
00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:36,525
I got one, too.

274
00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:38,360
- Yeah, same.
- Yeah, me, too.

275
00:13:38,694 --> 00:13:40,612
But Cinnamon ate it.

276
00:13:42,656 --> 00:13:44,908
I'll get it back tomorrow.

277
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,831
I have to say,
this is going pretty well.

278
00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:51,999
It is.

279
00:13:52,082 --> 00:13:55,460
If experimenting on humans
is morally wrong,

280
00:13:55,544 --> 00:13:57,713
then I don't want
to be morally right.

281
00:13:59,214 --> 00:14:00,632
Hey, are you testing us

282
00:14:00,716 --> 00:14:02,592
to see who gets to be in your wedding?

283
00:14:02,884 --> 00:14:04,553
- Yes.
- No.

284
00:14:05,387 --> 00:14:07,305
They're rating us.

285
00:14:07,723 --> 00:14:09,307
And I'm in last?

286
00:14:09,891 --> 00:14:12,185
Don't panic, there's still time.

287
00:14:12,269 --> 00:14:14,730
Look, it's a marathon, not a sprint.

288
00:14:16,231 --> 00:14:17,607
You know what, this is so insulting.

289
00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:19,151
I don't even want to be
your stupid best man.

290
00:14:19,234 --> 00:14:20,485
- Yeah.
- Me neither.

291
00:14:20,569 --> 00:14:21,737
Wait, wait.

292
00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:24,448
Just out of curiosity,
which one of you figured it out?

293
00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:26,366
I did.

294
00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:29,661
Impressive.

295
00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:37,878
Hello, Stuart.

296
00:14:37,961 --> 00:14:41,506
Hey, Sheldon.
Can I interest you in a cappuccino?

297
00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:43,967
When did you start selling those?

298
00:14:44,051 --> 00:14:46,553
Someone left it here,
but it's still warm.

299
00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:50,682
Want to say four bucks?

300
00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:53,018
No, thank you.

301
00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:55,604
Everything okay?

302
00:14:56,021 --> 00:14:59,232
Well, I secretly
experimented on my friends,

303
00:14:59,316 --> 00:15:01,818
and now none of them
want to be my best man.

304
00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:05,280
So, you know,
normal wedding drama.

305
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:07,365
Sorry.

306
00:15:07,449 --> 00:15:09,534
Probably have to use
my stupid brother.

307
00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:12,370
So get ready for a wedding toast
delivered by his armpit.

308
00:15:13,455 --> 00:15:15,165
Well, if you really don't
want to use your brother,

309
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:16,666
I'd be your best man.

310
00:15:18,168 --> 00:15:21,505
- Really?
- Yeah, we're friends.

311
00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:22,964
Plus, it'd be nice.

312
00:15:23,048 --> 00:15:25,884
Never really been called
the best before.

313
00:15:27,469 --> 00:15:29,596
Or a man, for that matter.

314
00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:33,391
Okay, well, thank you, Stuart.

315
00:15:33,475 --> 00:15:34,893
That's a very generous offer.

316
00:15:34,976 --> 00:15:36,520
My pleasure.

317
00:15:36,937 --> 00:15:38,021
I understand

318
00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:40,982
the best man usually
receives a present.

319
00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:43,819
That's true.

320
00:15:44,903 --> 00:15:47,072
Can never have
too much Claritin.

321
00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:54,538
You're still working on
Sheldon's dumb brain-teaser?

322
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:58,208
Oh, my God, Dr. Purple's
a woman! Of course!

323
00:15:58,834 --> 00:16:01,378
Oh, that feels so good.

324
00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:03,463
Hello.

325
00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:06,883
I believe I owe the
three of you an apology.

326
00:16:08,218 --> 00:16:10,053
No argument here.

327
00:16:11,263 --> 00:16:13,181
By experimenting on you,

328
00:16:13,265 --> 00:16:15,809
I realize I've violated your trust

329
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:19,604
and possibly the Geneva Convention.

330
00:16:20,605 --> 00:16:21,815
Is that it?

331
00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:22,983
No.

332
00:16:23,066 --> 00:16:25,318
So as to not upset
any of you further,

333
00:16:25,402 --> 00:16:27,571
I've asked Stuart
to be my best man,

334
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:28,864
and he's agreed.

335
00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:31,074
Now, you're all still invited
to the bachelor party.

336
00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:34,452
He's thinking Costco
and the theme is browsing.

337
00:16:35,912 --> 00:16:37,956
You picked Stuart over one of us?

338
00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:39,291
Well, I wanted to choose one of you,

339
00:16:39,374 --> 00:16:40,917
but you all turned against me.

340
00:16:41,293 --> 00:16:45,046
Picking a best man isn't
about keeping score.

341
00:16:45,297 --> 00:16:46,840
But you're all my friends.

342
00:16:46,965 --> 00:16:48,550
I mean, if I didn't collect data,

343
00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:51,178
how could I possibly choose
among the three of you?

344
00:16:51,553 --> 00:16:53,805
Well, that's actually kind of sweet.

345
00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:57,100
Is it?
Then perhaps I said it wrong.

346
00:16:58,059 --> 00:17:01,271
Look, this is your wedding,
just pick whoever you want.

347
00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:03,398
You don't need to worry
about anyone else but yourself.

348
00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:06,359
You've kind of been training
for this your whole life.

349
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:08,904
Thank you, Leonard.

350
00:17:09,446 --> 00:17:11,823
And if it helps,
these two are quitters.

351
00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:17,412
Hey, what you making?

352
00:17:17,495 --> 00:17:19,331
Er. Well, I spilled the cheese packet,

353
00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:22,250
- so we're having mac and nothing.
- (LEONARD SIGHS)

354
00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:26,171
Yeah. I'll just have the mac.
"Nothing" gives me gas.

355
00:17:30,008 --> 00:17:31,509
Why are you in such a good mood?

356
00:17:31,676 --> 00:17:32,802
I just talked to Sheldon.

357
00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:36,181
He apologized about the tests
and asked me to be his best man.

358
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:39,476
Great. After all you've done
for him, he should've asked you.

359
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:40,852
And Amy's your best friend.

360
00:17:40,936 --> 00:17:42,979
I'm sure she'll come
to her senses and pick you.

361
00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:45,065
Okay, she's not my best friend.
We're not 12.

362
00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:46,733
If she wants Bernadette
to be her maid of honor,

363
00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:47,943
I really don't care.

364
00:17:48,109 --> 00:17:49,236
Sounds like you care.

365
00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:51,112
No, I mean, it's just annoying.

366
00:17:51,196 --> 00:17:53,365
You know, we talk every day.
We see each other all the time.

367
00:17:53,448 --> 00:17:55,242
She's always there
for me, and basically...

368
00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:57,369
Oh, my God,
Amy's my best friend.

369
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:01,623
You okay?

370
00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:04,417
No, my best friend didn't ask me
to be her maid of honor.

371
00:18:04,501 --> 00:18:05,961
I'm pissed!

372
00:18:08,838 --> 00:18:13,009
So, bottom line,
what you did was wrong and cruel,

373
00:18:13,218 --> 00:18:16,721
which the mother of my children
finds oddly appealing.

374
00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:20,433
So she still wants
to be my maid of honor?

375
00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:21,810
Maid of honor, hit woman,
whatever you need.

376
00:18:21,893 --> 00:18:23,812
Make the call.

377
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,065
Look, I know this is your wedding,

378
00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:28,149
and you can do whatever you want,

379
00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:30,527
but if you think anyone but me
is gonna be your maid of honor,

380
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:33,280
then you're an idiot because
you are my best friend.

381
00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:35,699
- Too late. Bernadette...
- Bestie!

382
00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:46,710
Stuart, I'm sorry if it's weird

383
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:49,004
Sheldon made me best man
instead of you.

384
00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:52,465
It's okay.
I was best man for two whole days.

385
00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:57,721
No one can take that away from me.

386
00:18:58,930 --> 00:19:01,308
Except for Sheldon, when he did.

387
00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:05,312
Although, if you want to be
a part of the wedding party,

388
00:19:05,395 --> 00:19:07,689
I suppose you could be the flower girl.

389
00:19:10,275 --> 00:19:11,568
Sold.

390
00:19:13,403 --> 00:19:15,864
Well, I thought Halley
was gonna be the flower girl.

391
00:19:16,114 --> 00:19:18,658
Oh. That's much better.
Sorry, Stuart, you're out.

392
00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:23,747
Hey, so is Bernadette okay
with me being maid of honor?

393
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:26,750
Actually, I haven't
had the courage to tell her.

394
00:19:27,959 --> 00:19:30,003
- I guess I should do that.
- Yeah.

395
00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:31,087
(CLEARS THROAT)

396
00:19:33,214 --> 00:19:34,799
Although, as maid of honor,

397
00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:37,093
your job is to make my life easier.

398
00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:38,345
(SIGHS)

399
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:39,846
Damn it.

400
00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:42,432
Hey, Stuart, you still
want in on this wedding?

401
00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:47,645
Not that much.

402
00:19:48,563 --> 00:19:51,024
(SIGHS) Fine, I'll do it.

403
00:19:51,441 --> 00:19:54,486
But do me a favor and unlock
the liquor cabinet first.

404
00:20:00,742 --> 00:20:02,744
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)