1
00:00:07,717 --> 00:00:08,968
Howie, slow down.

2
00:00:09,302 --> 00:00:12,221
I can't. I'm not allowed to eat
for 12 hours before my surgery,

3
00:00:12,305 --> 00:00:13,347
and I've only got two more minutes.

4
00:00:17,602 --> 00:00:19,061
What surgery are you having?

5
00:00:20,313 --> 00:00:21,731
I'm stress eating.

6
00:00:21,814 --> 00:00:23,900
My best friend's getting
a vasectomy tomorrow.

7
00:00:25,276 --> 00:00:27,403
And you're sad you won't be able
to bear his child?

8
00:00:28,946 --> 00:00:29,947
Oh, my goodness!

9
00:00:30,406 --> 00:00:33,326
If it's "vasectomy gone wrong" videos,
he's seen them all.

10
00:00:33,492 --> 00:00:34,744
Including the one of the guy

11
00:00:34,827 --> 00:00:37,121
who's sitting on what appears
to be a cantaloupe but is not.

12
00:00:39,081 --> 00:00:40,082
And I'm done.

13
00:00:42,084 --> 00:00:44,879
They're going to start making
Professor Proton's science show again.

14
00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:46,672
I thought he passed away.

15
00:00:46,756 --> 00:00:48,883
He did. He was cremated
and his remains were put

16
00:00:48,966 --> 00:00:50,468
in a baking soda volcano.

17
00:00:52,011 --> 00:00:53,095
(PENNY CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

18
00:00:53,429 --> 00:00:55,514
Don't make jokes.
He meant a lot to Sheldon.

19
00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:57,433
Mm, me too. I grew up watching his show.

20
00:00:57,600 --> 00:00:59,185
He's one of the reasons
I became a scientist.

21
00:00:59,602 --> 00:01:01,354
Oh, I thought you did it
just to get girls.

22
00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:04,273
Joke's on you. It worked.

23
00:01:06,984 --> 00:01:08,277
Have they found anyone to replace him?

24
00:01:08,444 --> 00:01:10,363
No, not yet. And it won't be easy.

25
00:01:10,446 --> 00:01:13,032
Arthur Jeffries was
an accomplished scientist.

26
00:01:13,115 --> 00:01:15,618
Hmm, you know who'd make
a great Professor Proton?

27
00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:17,245
Meryl Streep.

28
00:01:19,497 --> 00:01:20,498
She's not a scientist.

29
00:01:20,873 --> 00:01:25,002
Uh, then explain to me why she has
chemistry with literally everyone.

30
00:01:27,046 --> 00:01:28,714
It would be nice if they cast a woman.

31
00:01:28,839 --> 00:01:31,050
Oh, (STUTTERS) you've already got
Dr. Who and the Ghostbusters.

32
00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:32,343
Leave us something.

33
00:01:33,844 --> 00:01:34,845
Who do you think it should be?

34
00:01:35,096 --> 00:01:38,182
Um, it should be a scientist
I respect, you know.

35
00:01:38,266 --> 00:01:42,311
Someone with a pleasing voice
and symmetrical facial features.

36
00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:44,063
Is he talking about himself?

37
00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:46,107
If he's talking,
he's talking about himself.

38
00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:50,903
I just know how much Professor Proton
touched me as a child,

39
00:01:51,028 --> 00:01:53,155
and I feel that I owe it to him

40
00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:55,950
to try and touch
as many children as possible.

41
00:02:01,706 --> 00:02:03,332
You should put that
on your audition tape.

42
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,087
(THEME SONG PLAYING)

43
00:02:33,988 --> 00:02:35,031
You doing okay?

44
00:02:35,364 --> 00:02:36,782
No, I'm very nervous.

45
00:02:39,744 --> 00:02:41,829
(MAN GROANING)

46
00:02:49,003 --> 00:02:50,004
Where are you going?

47
00:02:50,421 --> 00:02:52,673
- Gift shop.
- There is no gift shop. Sit down.

48
00:02:55,259 --> 00:02:56,427
This was your idea.

49
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,971
(GRUNTS) So was having sex.
And look where that got us.

50
00:03:01,098 --> 00:03:03,392
This isn't a big deal. Stop whining.

51
00:03:03,768 --> 00:03:05,853
When you were in labor
and I said that, you kicked me.

52
00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:08,856
Howard Wolowitz.

53
00:03:11,317 --> 00:03:12,401
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

54
00:03:12,485 --> 00:03:13,819
- Want me to go with you?
- No.

55
00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:15,863
- I'll be fine.
- Yeah, we got this.

56
00:03:15,988 --> 00:03:17,198
Sit down.

57
00:03:21,327 --> 00:03:23,287
(SIGHS) Wish me luck.

58
00:03:24,997 --> 00:03:26,248
Other way, buster.

59
00:03:32,838 --> 00:03:33,839
Okay, you ready?

60
00:03:34,090 --> 00:03:36,634
Yeah, almost. I'm working on
my facial expressions.

61
00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:38,677
See, I've got "interested."

62
00:03:39,011 --> 00:03:40,012
Hmm.

63
00:03:40,096 --> 00:03:42,515
I've got "very interested." Hmm.

64
00:03:43,307 --> 00:03:45,184
And, "enraged."

65
00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:49,230
Why would you be enraged?

66
00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:52,566
Hmm, better to have it and not need it
than to need it and not have it.

67
00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:55,277
Okay.

68
00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:59,323
And rolling.

69
00:03:59,824 --> 00:04:02,785
Hello, I am theoretical physicist
Doctor Sheldon Cooper,

70
00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:05,079
auditioning for the role of
Professor Proton.

71
00:04:05,371 --> 00:04:07,456
Now, excuse me
while I get into character.

72
00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:12,586
Hello, I'm Professor Proton.

73
00:04:14,547 --> 00:04:17,758
And today, boys and girls,
we're going to have fun with science.

74
00:04:18,134 --> 00:04:20,469
Did you know you could calculate
the mass of an electron

75
00:04:20,553 --> 00:04:21,637
using household items?

76
00:04:21,804 --> 00:04:23,889
It's true. All you'll need is a pencil,

77
00:04:24,056 --> 00:04:26,517
some paper, dry ice, rubbing alcohol

78
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,937
and a spool of 50-micron-thick
cobalt-60 wire.

79
00:04:31,647 --> 00:04:33,691
And remember,
don't put it in your mouth.

80
00:04:33,858 --> 00:04:37,278
Or, instead of becoming a scientist,
you'll become wildly radioactive.

81
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:40,781
Hang on. I have a question.

82
00:04:40,906 --> 00:04:43,451
Do you have any experiments
that aren't life-threatening?

83
00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:46,579
Come on! That was a perfect take,
and you ruined it.

84
00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:49,582
Oh, look, hey! I did need "enraged."

85
00:04:49,999 --> 00:04:51,041
(EXHALES)

86
00:04:52,501 --> 00:04:54,003
Ow, ow, ow.

87
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:56,755
Really hurts, huh?

88
00:04:56,839 --> 00:05:00,050
No, he's just saying,
"Ow can these prices be so low?"

89
00:05:02,428 --> 00:05:05,264
It's gonna be okay. A day or two
of rest, and you'll be fine.

90
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,141
You know nothing about Jewish people.

91
00:05:09,185 --> 00:05:11,353
(BABY CRYING ON BABY MONITOR)

92
00:05:11,604 --> 00:05:12,605
(HOWARD GROANING)

93
00:05:12,688 --> 00:05:14,106
Let me go check on her.

94
00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:15,649
(HOWARD BREATHING HEAVILY)

95
00:05:15,733 --> 00:05:17,860
Okay, uh, this is a bit awkward.

96
00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:21,572
It says here that I need to
check the area for redness and swelling.

97
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:26,076
You know what?
It hurts so much, go ahead.

98
00:05:29,371 --> 00:05:30,831
So you see, boys and girls,

99
00:05:30,956 --> 00:05:32,416
H, or "helicity,"

100
00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:35,294
is the natural variable
to use relativistically,

101
00:05:35,461 --> 00:05:37,463
and is defined as "S dot P,"

102
00:05:37,588 --> 00:05:39,381
divided by the magnitude of P.

103
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,884
So the next time someone
on the playground tells you,

104
00:05:42,092 --> 00:05:43,594
you can only use integral values

105
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:46,055
for the matrix that determines
the spin of the antiproton,

106
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:48,682
you stop being friends with that kid,
'cause he's going nowhere.

107
00:05:52,728 --> 00:05:55,606
Until next week,
this is Professor Proton saying,

108
00:05:55,773 --> 00:05:58,609
"Zero one zero zero zero zero one zero

109
00:05:58,776 --> 00:06:01,070
"zero one one one one zero zero one

110
00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:03,864
"zero one one zero zero one zero one.

111
00:06:04,657 --> 00:06:06,617
"That's 'bye' in ASCII binary,

112
00:06:07,451 --> 00:06:08,786
or 'good-binary. "'

113
00:06:08,953 --> 00:06:10,704
(LAUGHS)

114
00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:17,169
(CHUCKLES)

115
00:06:17,253 --> 00:06:18,254
So,

116
00:06:18,963 --> 00:06:20,047
what do you think?

117
00:06:21,006 --> 00:06:22,800
Well, I already told him
that I loved it,

118
00:06:22,925 --> 00:06:26,845
but if you found it confusing,
or dangerous or,

119
00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:29,640
I don't know,
three to four times too long,

120
00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:32,351
now's the time to share.

121
00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:35,437
I...

122
00:06:35,521 --> 00:06:37,898
I don't know what to say.
Leonard, do you know what to say?

123
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,860
Sheldon, I thought it,

124
00:06:42,403 --> 00:06:44,280
it, uh, it (STUTTERS) looked like
you were having so much fun.

125
00:06:46,115 --> 00:06:48,117
Hey, that's what you used to tell me

126
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:49,910
to say to Penny
after one of her terrible plays.

127
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:51,287
- Hey!
- Hey!

128
00:06:52,371 --> 00:06:53,455
(SIGHS)

129
00:06:53,998 --> 00:06:55,124
Well, what was wrong with it?

130
00:06:55,624 --> 00:06:57,042
You know, did you find it

131
00:06:57,459 --> 00:06:58,877
borderline psychotic?

132
00:07:00,838 --> 00:07:03,007
I mean, I liked that about it,

133
00:07:03,799 --> 00:07:05,217
but you guys discuss.

134
00:07:06,510 --> 00:07:10,055
(STUTTERS) Do you remember when you were
a kid and you'd watch Professor Proton?

135
00:07:10,598 --> 00:07:13,517
- Of course.
- Well, did he ever make you

136
00:07:15,019 --> 00:07:16,979
hate science and the people who do it?

137
00:07:18,147 --> 00:07:19,273
What are you saying?

138
00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:20,816
(STUTTERS)
I just think it would be better

139
00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:23,819
if your contempt for children

140
00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:25,362
wasn't so much in the foreground.

141
00:07:26,655 --> 00:07:27,865
You want me to lie?

142
00:07:28,407 --> 00:07:30,826
(SIGHS)
Look, it's not lying, it's acting.

143
00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:34,496
Sheldon Cooper may not like kids,
but Professor Proton loves them.

144
00:07:35,539 --> 00:07:36,540
Interesting.

145
00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:39,585
You know, I hadn't really
thought of it that way.

146
00:07:39,835 --> 00:07:43,422
It's, it's similar to how, you know,
I'm afraid of dogs

147
00:07:43,631 --> 00:07:46,675
but my DnD character
likes dogs. You know?

148
00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:49,053
But he's allergic,
so he can't be around them.

149
00:07:50,721 --> 00:07:52,139
Why don't we have a dog?

150
00:07:55,643 --> 00:07:57,102
Hey, you can always reshoot it.

151
00:07:57,353 --> 00:07:58,854
Hmm, I suppose.

152
00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:00,397
And, you know,
maybe I could even get some tips

153
00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:02,024
from someone who's acted professionally.

154
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:06,028
Oh, Sheldon, obviously,
I'd be happy to help you out.

155
00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:09,573
I don't know what to say.

156
00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:14,119
Hey, Sheldon, what's up?

157
00:08:14,453 --> 00:08:15,788
I need an acting coach.

158
00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:16,997
Oh.

159
00:08:17,081 --> 00:08:18,832
Would you give me
Patrick Stewart's number?

160
00:08:20,376 --> 00:08:21,377
No.

161
00:08:21,543 --> 00:08:22,753
Fine. I guess you can do it.

162
00:08:26,298 --> 00:08:27,800
(BELL CHIMING)

163
00:08:27,883 --> 00:08:29,009
HOWARD: Berniel

164
00:08:31,929 --> 00:08:33,097
Where did you get a bell?

165
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:34,515
App store.

166
00:08:34,932 --> 00:08:36,684
(BELL CHIMING)

167
00:08:38,060 --> 00:08:39,812
- Fun, let me see.
- (CHUCKLES)

168
00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:43,023
When you catch me, you can have it back.

169
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:47,653
You wanna lie down, watch a movie?

170
00:08:47,778 --> 00:08:50,155
I can't. I got my
16-week check-up to get to

171
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:52,116
and then I'll pick up
some Chinese for dinner.

172
00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:53,367
I'll take Halley with me.

173
00:08:54,410 --> 00:08:55,661
You sure you're not overdoing it?

174
00:08:55,744 --> 00:08:56,745
No, it's fine.

175
00:08:56,829 --> 00:08:58,080
Great, then maybe instead of Chinese,

176
00:08:58,163 --> 00:08:59,707
fire up the grill
and throw on a couple of steaks?

177
00:09:02,668 --> 00:09:03,669
Kung Pao chicken, please.

178
00:09:08,257 --> 00:09:09,383
- Oh, boy.
- What?

179
00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:11,760
They cast the new Professor Proton.

180
00:09:11,927 --> 00:09:13,429
- Is it Sheldon?
- Not exactly.

181
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,597
SHELDON: Wheaton!

182
00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:16,765
It's Wil Wheaton.

183
00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:27,568
BERNADETTE: Hi.

184
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:28,986
Hey.

185
00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:30,237
How was the doctor?

186
00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:32,239
Good, but I have some news.

187
00:09:32,656 --> 00:09:34,908
Don't say twins, don't say twins.

188
00:09:36,118 --> 00:09:37,119
It's not twins.

189
00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:39,788
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) Only because I would
have loved them both.

190
00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:43,125
The doctor said I was overdoing it,

191
00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:45,335
so, she put me on bed rest
just to be safe.

192
00:09:45,669 --> 00:09:46,879
Oh, no.

193
00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:49,590
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

194
00:09:57,181 --> 00:09:59,308
It may not look like it,
but I'm running to you.

195
00:10:05,606 --> 00:10:07,399
(INSECTS TRILLING)

196
00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:13,489
Hello, Arthur.

197
00:10:14,615 --> 00:10:16,950
What part of "rest in peace"

198
00:10:17,868 --> 00:10:19,203
don't you understand?

199
00:10:22,164 --> 00:10:24,333
I suppose you're here
because you heard the news.

200
00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:27,211
Sheldon, I'm a figment
of your imagination.

201
00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:29,087
I don't hear news.

202
00:10:31,882 --> 00:10:33,050
You're a grumpy figment.

203
00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:37,888
Look. They're remaking your show

204
00:10:38,222 --> 00:10:41,183
and they cast Wil Wheaton
as Professor Proton.

205
00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:43,852
And the worst part is,
he's not even a scientist.

206
00:10:45,062 --> 00:10:47,231
No, the worst part is

207
00:10:47,439 --> 00:10:48,941
I'm sitting on a moist log.

208
00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:56,240
We have to stop this
and protect your legacy.

209
00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:57,699
What legacy?

210
00:10:58,033 --> 00:11:02,037
My, last two seasons, I was on
Sunday morning at 5:30.

211
00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:05,833
We were beat by Davey and Goliath.

212
00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:09,545
I can't believe you don't care.

213
00:11:10,546 --> 00:11:11,547
Believe it.

214
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,968
Well, I care a lot.

215
00:11:16,385 --> 00:11:19,221
And Wil Wheaton
will rue the day he ever met me.

216
00:11:21,390 --> 00:11:23,517
I think that's true of most people.

217
00:11:29,648 --> 00:11:30,649
Hi, guys.

218
00:11:30,816 --> 00:11:32,234
Wanted to check in
and see how you two were doing.

219
00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:33,902
- We're okay.
- Yeah,

220
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:35,404
hanging out in bed with my wife,

221
00:11:35,487 --> 00:11:38,657
thawing out some frozen peas
in my pants, living the dream.

222
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:41,326
(BABY CRYING ON BABY MONITOR)

223
00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:42,911
Oh, I'll get her.

224
00:11:43,078 --> 00:11:44,371
I thought Raj was helping you out.

225
00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:45,706
No, he had to work.

226
00:11:45,998 --> 00:11:49,877
Plus, he has a quota for the amount
of Indian servant jokes he can tolerate.

227
00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:51,086
Apparently, I filled it.

228
00:11:51,962 --> 00:11:53,589
Well, hey, I can get the baby.

229
00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:55,173
No, Howie's got it.

230
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:56,383
He's fine. Right, Howie?

231
00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:57,509
(WINCING) Never better.

232
00:11:58,844 --> 00:12:00,679
Don't be silly.
I'll take the rest of the day off

233
00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:01,805
and watch Halley for you.

234
00:12:02,764 --> 00:12:04,182
Or we can call Stuart.

235
00:12:04,266 --> 00:12:07,269
I'm sure he could close up the store,
hop on a bus and be here in no time.

236
00:12:07,936 --> 00:12:08,937
He does love the bus.

237
00:12:09,271 --> 00:12:10,731
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

238
00:12:10,939 --> 00:12:14,443
Okay, hang on. You guys don't trust me
to take care of your baby?

239
00:12:14,985 --> 00:12:16,695
- No. (CHUCKLES)
- No.

240
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,363
- HOWARD: No. (CHUCKLES)
- BERNADETTE: No.

241
00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:20,032
So, I guess,

242
00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:22,326
no. (SIGHS)

243
00:12:23,619 --> 00:12:24,620
Wow.

244
00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:26,580
It's not that we don't trust you,
it's just,

245
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,874
you don't seem like
much of a baby person.

246
00:12:28,999 --> 00:12:32,127
Hey! Hey, hey, I can watch
your stupid baby, okay?

247
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,340
If she cries, I will pick her up.

248
00:12:36,465 --> 00:12:38,258
If she's hungry, I'll give her a bottle.

249
00:12:38,342 --> 00:12:40,135
And if she poops,
I'll light some incense.

250
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:43,138
It would be a big help.

251
00:12:43,889 --> 00:12:44,890
Okay, thank you.

252
00:12:45,057 --> 00:12:47,434
Trust me, you guys have
nothing to worry about.

253
00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:48,602
You know, back in Nebraska,

254
00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:51,396
I raised all our baby pigs right until
the day they were slaughtered.

255
00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:55,400
So, unless your baby's
made of breakfast meat, she's fine.

256
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,447
Would you ever get a vasectomy?

257
00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:04,242
Uh, in case you haven't noticed,
Indians aren't too big on birth control.

258
00:13:06,036 --> 00:13:07,371
There's probably, like,
a million more of us

259
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:08,580
since we started this conversation.

260
00:13:11,041 --> 00:13:12,292
(SHELDON SIGHS)

261
00:13:12,668 --> 00:13:14,294
- You okay?
- No.

262
00:13:14,503 --> 00:13:18,924
No. All these comments online about Wil,
they're nothing but supportive and kind.

263
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:21,718
Where's the mean, snarky Internet

264
00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:23,220
that shows up every time
I get a haircut?

265
00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:26,682
You know that's us, right?

266
00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,980
Well, luckily, I got the number
of the company

267
00:13:33,063 --> 00:13:34,106
who's trying to reboot the show,

268
00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:36,650
so I need you all to call
and register your displeasure.

269
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,235
Sheldon, no one's gonna do that.

270
00:13:38,402 --> 00:13:41,154
Not true. I know of three calls
they've received already.

271
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:42,739
A southern gentleman,

272
00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:45,075
um, a Cockney chimney sweep,

273
00:13:45,951 --> 00:13:47,911
and Mr. T. Hm.

274
00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:51,957
Who, spoiler alert, pities the fool
who tries to reboot that show.

275
00:13:53,709 --> 00:13:56,420
What about "tiresome lunatic with
a bad haircut"? Has he called yet?

276
00:13:57,921 --> 00:13:58,922
Come on!

277
00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:02,134
How many times have we banded together
to try to save a show that we loved?

278
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:04,803
(STUTTERS) Let's shake things up
and try to kill one.

279
00:14:06,096 --> 00:14:07,264
Isn't the important thing

280
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,558
that there's a show
to get kids excited about science?

281
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:11,935
Who cares about kids and what they like?

282
00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:16,440
This is about me and something I liked
when I was a kid.

283
00:14:18,442 --> 00:14:19,818
What if the reboot is great?

284
00:14:20,402 --> 00:14:21,528
That's even worse.

285
00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:24,406
If-if I like it, I'll feel like
I'm being disloyal to Arthur.

286
00:14:24,865 --> 00:14:26,658
He was a mentor and a friend,

287
00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:30,287
and I won't toss him aside for some
Hollywood pretty boy like Wil Wheaton.

288
00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:33,457
It's hard to argue with him.

289
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:34,875
Because he makes no sense? Yeah.

290
00:14:38,336 --> 00:14:39,546
It's actually kind of nice,

291
00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:42,924
you and me getting to spend
a couple days in bed together.

292
00:14:43,425 --> 00:14:46,470
Yeah. Pretty soon, we're gonna have
two crying babies in the house.

293
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:47,554
(SIGHS)

294
00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:49,598
I'm glad my balls hurt.
It's all their fault.

295
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:55,645
Well, let's just enjoy this quiet time
while we still got it.

296
00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:57,105
Yeah. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

297
00:14:58,857 --> 00:15:00,859
Yeah, it is really quiet.

298
00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:03,111
You think Penny's doing okay?

299
00:15:04,362 --> 00:15:06,406
Penny? Everything all right?

300
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,703
Hey, all good. Dipped her pacifier
in a little bourbon,

301
00:15:11,787 --> 00:15:12,788
she conked right out.

302
00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:16,958
I hope you're joking.

303
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,461
Of course, I'm joking.
I don't share my bourbon.

304
00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:23,799
She's joking.

305
00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:25,550
(CHUCKLES) Definitely.

306
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:27,844
Probably.

307
00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:34,059
Wil Wheaton. Wil Wheaton.

308
00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:36,436
This is Sheldon, by the way.

309
00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:40,649
Hi, Sheldon.

310
00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:43,151
Here I found this pizza flyer
in your fence.

311
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:46,488
- Thank you.
- Okay, now you owe me a favor.

312
00:15:48,532 --> 00:15:50,534
Turn down the role of Professor Proton.

313
00:15:50,784 --> 00:15:52,285
(SIGHS) I don't think so.

314
00:15:52,744 --> 00:15:55,622
You can't be Professor Proton.
You're not a scientist.

315
00:15:55,914 --> 00:15:57,249
Well, I was never on a starship,

316
00:15:57,332 --> 00:15:59,167
but pretending I was
bought me this house.

317
00:16:00,085 --> 00:16:02,754
And if I'd pretended a little longer,
it would have a swimming pool.

318
00:16:04,381 --> 00:16:05,924
Yeah, some things shouldn't be rebooted.

319
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,009
Some things were perfect
the way they were.

320
00:16:08,218 --> 00:16:10,011
Uh, (STUTTERS)
like the walled city of York?

321
00:16:10,095 --> 00:16:11,888
It was a delight. But New York?

322
00:16:11,972 --> 00:16:13,140
(DISGUSTED GRUNT)

323
00:16:13,765 --> 00:16:16,601
Did you ever consider that
maybe Arthur would be happy

324
00:16:16,685 --> 00:16:18,353
to know that his show has outlived him?

325
00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:21,064
I doubt it.
He was kind of a mean old crank.

326
00:16:23,024 --> 00:16:24,151
Sheldon,

327
00:16:24,234 --> 00:16:27,445
I promise that I will work my hardest
to make this show great,

328
00:16:27,863 --> 00:16:30,073
so that a whole new generation of kids
will grow up

329
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:31,491
and they will be able to say that

330
00:16:31,575 --> 00:16:34,494
Professor Proton was the reason
they got into science.

331
00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:37,164
Wow.

332
00:16:37,873 --> 00:16:39,457
That was very persuasive.

333
00:16:40,041 --> 00:16:41,042
Thanks.

334
00:16:41,293 --> 00:16:43,336
But I won't be seduced
by your acting skills

335
00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:44,921
nor your movie star charisma.

336
00:16:47,382 --> 00:16:48,925
There's only one Professor Proton

337
00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:50,427
and he had neither of those things.

338
00:16:51,928 --> 00:16:53,805
I'll give you one more chance
to bow out.

339
00:16:55,056 --> 00:16:56,057
Or what?

340
00:16:58,101 --> 00:16:59,769
When we first met, we were enemies.

341
00:17:00,312 --> 00:17:03,023
But we worked through that
and we became friends.

342
00:17:03,815 --> 00:17:05,192
Do you really wanna go back?

343
00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:08,320
Honestly, it doesn't feel
very different.

344
00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:13,825
I'm not leaving.

345
00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:15,869
WIL: All right,
I'm gonna sic my dog on you.

346
00:17:17,454 --> 00:17:18,663
You don't have a dog.

347
00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:20,332
WIL: Yes, I do.

348
00:17:21,458 --> 00:17:23,668
Oh, I can't tell if you're lying.
You're such a good actor.

349
00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:30,008
Hey, how you doing?

350
00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:31,509
What are you doing here?

351
00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:35,096
Oh, I just came by, you know,
to see if you need any help.

352
00:17:36,848 --> 00:17:38,433
Howard and Bernadette
asked you to check up on me.

353
00:17:38,808 --> 00:17:40,894
That is not entirely true.

354
00:17:41,019 --> 00:17:43,146
So did Leonard and everybody.

355
00:17:44,856 --> 00:17:46,942
How irresponsible do you all think I am?

356
00:17:47,108 --> 00:17:49,152
We don't think you're irresponsible.

357
00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:50,320
We think you're

358
00:17:51,279 --> 00:17:52,364
fun-loving.

359
00:17:53,490 --> 00:17:55,533
That is just a nice word
for irresponsible.

360
00:17:56,451 --> 00:17:58,870
Hmm, you might be more on the ball
than we thought.

361
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:03,875
I'm getting a little hungry.

362
00:18:04,376 --> 00:18:06,586
- Want me to get it this time?
- (SNIFFLES) Oh, that'd be great.

363
00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:09,464
(BELL CHIMING)

364
00:18:11,216 --> 00:18:12,300
This is fun.

365
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:15,512
And now you also get to see
an annoyed blonde walk into the room.

366
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:16,763
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

367
00:18:17,681 --> 00:18:18,682
What?

368
00:18:20,183 --> 00:18:21,434
Can you get us a little snack?

369
00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:23,561
Are you sure you don't want
your spy to do it?

370
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:25,480
What are you talking about?

371
00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:27,857
You really don't trust me?
You had to have Amy stop by?

372
00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:29,359
We trust you.

373
00:18:29,651 --> 00:18:31,611
Yeah, you were a terrible waitress

374
00:18:31,695 --> 00:18:33,321
and we still asked you
to get us a snack.

375
00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:37,200
(BABY CRYING ON BABY MONITOR)

376
00:18:37,492 --> 00:18:39,494
Excuse me, while I go
take care of your baby.

377
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,955
Then I'll bring you your snack
and you can insult me some more.

378
00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:45,500
I don't know about you,

379
00:18:45,709 --> 00:18:47,711
but I am not eating
whatever she brings us.

380
00:18:49,879 --> 00:18:53,008
PENNY: Hey, Halley! Oh, it's okay,
Aunty Penny's here.

381
00:18:53,091 --> 00:18:55,218
Shh. Let's get you changed.

382
00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:57,429
Your mommy and daddy say they trust me,

383
00:18:57,554 --> 00:18:59,931
but they're full of the same stuff
your diaper is.

384
00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:03,518
(SIGHS) Now I feel bad.

385
00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:05,645
Well, she never really liked me.

386
00:19:05,729 --> 00:19:07,272
It's kind of nice
she hates you now, too.

387
00:19:08,523 --> 00:19:10,150
PENNY: Oh, but I'm here for you,

388
00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:11,985
and I would never let
anything happen to you

389
00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:15,238
because your Aunty Penny
loves you so much.

390
00:19:15,405 --> 00:19:16,489
HALLEY: Mama.

391
00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:25,582
Was that her first word?

392
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:26,750
HALLEY: Mama.

393
00:19:29,127 --> 00:19:31,296
PENNY: No, no, baby, I'm not your mama.

394
00:19:31,546 --> 00:19:33,965
Your mama's the nice lady
we're gonna go see right now

395
00:19:34,049 --> 00:19:35,842
so I can rub this in her face.

396
00:19:37,969 --> 00:19:40,597
Do you hear that, suckers?
She called me "Mama."

397
00:19:50,774 --> 00:19:52,609
(BIRDS CHIRPING)

398
00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:54,736
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

399
00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:57,864
Hello, Arthur.

400
00:19:58,907 --> 00:19:59,908
You know,

401
00:20:01,201 --> 00:20:04,704
we could, we could also meet in a deli.

402
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:10,251
I'm sorry to say that I failed you.

403
00:20:10,627 --> 00:20:13,588
I tried to stop Wil Wheaton
being Professor Proton,

404
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:14,714
but I couldn't.

405
00:20:15,507 --> 00:20:17,884
See, now, that's the kind of thing

406
00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:20,720
you could tell a fella over a

407
00:20:22,347 --> 00:20:23,640
pastrami sandwich.

408
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:30,313
Well, don't worry,

409
00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:32,816
he's now on my enemies list forever.

410
00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:34,484
He's totally cut off.

411
00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:36,027
Interesting.

412
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:39,781
Can anyone
sign up for that list?

413
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:53,294
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)