1
00:00:02,483 --> 00:00:05,285
I was reading about this
jellyfish that never dies.
2
00:00:05,286 --> 00:00:07,154
Instead, it reverts
to its asexual state
3
00:00:07,156 --> 00:00:08,705
and then grows up again.
4
00:00:08,707 --> 00:00:10,574
We thought my 90-year-old
grandfather had reverted
5
00:00:10,576 --> 00:00:12,325
to an asexual state,
but the lawsuit
6
00:00:12,327 --> 00:00:15,695
from his Jamaican caregiver
proved us all wrong.
7
00:00:15,697 --> 00:00:17,964
My point is, immortality is not
8
00:00:17,966 --> 00:00:19,699
only a possibility, it is real.
9
00:00:19,701 --> 00:00:22,002
Only if you're this
jellyfish which periodically
10
00:00:22,004 --> 00:00:25,172
reverts to a mass of
undifferentiated protoplasm.
11
00:00:25,174 --> 00:00:26,756
If I could keep
my Gmail account,
12
00:00:26,758 --> 00:00:28,809
I'd be okay with that.
13
00:00:29,894 --> 00:00:31,812
- Hello, fellas.
- Hey.
14
00:00:31,814 --> 00:00:34,264
Remember when we were trying
to figure out what that smell
15
00:00:34,266 --> 00:00:36,049
coming from Professor
Tupperman's office was?
16
00:00:36,051 --> 00:00:37,050
Yeah?
17
00:00:37,052 --> 00:00:39,436
Turns out it was Tupperman.
18
00:00:40,688 --> 00:00:42,489
Dead at his desk for two weeks.
19
00:00:43,390 --> 00:00:44,608
Oh, my God.
That's terrible.
20
00:00:44,610 --> 00:00:46,559
In lieu of flowers,
the department chair
21
00:00:46,561 --> 00:00:50,580
is asking that everyone donate
a bottle of Febreze.
22
00:00:51,732 --> 00:00:53,750
If we're going to change
the topic from jellyfish,
23
00:00:53,752 --> 00:00:55,285
I'd be okay with brine shrimp
24
00:00:55,287 --> 00:00:57,537
or the history of the unicycle.
25
00:00:58,372 --> 00:01:01,041
Show a little compassion--
a man died.
26
00:01:01,043 --> 00:01:02,909
And turned into a puddle of goo.
27
00:01:02,911 --> 00:01:04,344
Now, we can either
28
00:01:04,346 --> 00:01:07,848
sit around and cry
over spilt professor, or...
29
00:01:07,850 --> 00:01:09,683
we can rejoice in the knowledge
30
00:01:09,685 --> 00:01:12,385
that a tenured position
has just opened up.
31
00:01:12,387 --> 00:01:13,436
I choose to do
32
00:01:13,438 --> 00:01:15,472
the latter.
33
00:01:15,474 --> 00:01:18,758
Excuse me, the whole tenure
system is ridiculous.
34
00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:20,110
A guaranteed job for life
35
00:01:20,112 --> 00:01:22,696
only encourages the faculty
to become complacent.
36
00:01:22,698 --> 00:01:24,030
If we really
want science
37
00:01:24,032 --> 00:01:25,949
to advance, people should have
38
00:01:25,951 --> 00:01:28,068
chips implanted in their skulls
39
00:01:28,070 --> 00:01:31,404
that explode when they say
something stupid.
40
00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:34,941
Well, I believe people
do their best work
41
00:01:34,943 --> 00:01:36,960
when they feel
safe and secure.
42
00:01:41,666 --> 00:01:43,967
If you need my nose,
you'll find it firmly lodged
43
00:01:43,969 --> 00:01:46,953
up the rectum of the
tenure committee.
44
00:01:48,005 --> 00:01:50,724
You Ph.D's gonna go
suck up like Kripke?
45
00:01:50,726 --> 00:01:51,758
No.
46
00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:52,926
I mean, I'll apply,
47
00:01:52,928 --> 00:01:55,262
but I'm not gonna stoop
to playing politics.
48
00:01:55,264 --> 00:01:57,264
Yeah, me neither.
It should be about the work.
49
00:01:57,266 --> 00:01:58,398
And if I can't get tenure,
50
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:00,483
I'd like to see you
or Sheldon get it.
51
00:02:00,485 --> 00:02:02,435
Raj, don't dangle
false hope
52
00:02:02,437 --> 00:02:04,905
in front of Leonard like that.
53
00:02:04,907 --> 00:02:06,639
Excuse me, but I think I'm
54
00:02:06,641 --> 00:02:08,575
just as qualified as you are.
55
00:02:12,580 --> 00:02:16,166
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
56
00:02:16,168 --> 00:02:19,502
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
57
00:02:19,504 --> 00:02:21,154
♪ The Earth began to cool
58
00:02:21,156 --> 00:02:23,673
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
59
00:02:23,675 --> 00:02:26,359
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
60
00:02:26,361 --> 00:02:29,029
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
61
00:02:29,031 --> 00:02:30,931
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
62
00:02:30,933 --> 00:02:32,882
♪ Bang! ♪
63
00:02:32,907 --> 00:02:36,907
♪ The Big Bang Theory 6x20 ♪
The Closet Reconfiguration
Original Air Date on April 4, 2013
64
00:02:36,932 --> 00:02:41,932
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
65
00:02:41,988 --> 00:02:44,458
So "tenured" means
a job for life?
66
00:02:44,459 --> 00:02:46,075
Yup.
And you can't get fired
67
00:02:46,077 --> 00:02:47,077
even if you're bad at it?
68
00:02:47,078 --> 00:02:48,545
Mm, not really.
69
00:02:48,547 --> 00:02:50,964
Wow, sounds a lot like being
a pretty waitress
70
00:02:50,966 --> 00:02:52,749
at the Cheesecake Factory.
71
00:02:54,034 --> 00:02:56,920
While I disagree
with the premise of tenure,
72
00:02:56,922 --> 00:02:58,204
if they gave it to me,
73
00:02:58,206 --> 00:02:59,839
it wouldn't diminish my output.
74
00:02:59,841 --> 00:03:01,808
You know, I'm like the sun.
75
00:03:01,810 --> 00:03:04,010
Can't turn this off.
76
00:03:05,145 --> 00:03:08,731
Are Rajesh and Leonard
competing for it as well?
77
00:03:08,733 --> 00:03:09,882
Mm-hmm.
78
00:03:09,884 --> 00:03:11,568
Do they know they
don't stand a chance
79
00:03:11,570 --> 00:03:13,036
'cause you're so great?
80
00:03:13,038 --> 00:03:15,138
Well put.
81
00:03:16,073 --> 00:03:18,157
You know, I must say
I go back and forth
82
00:03:18,159 --> 00:03:19,943
on this boyfriend-girlfriend
thing, but those moments
83
00:03:19,945 --> 00:03:22,779
when you worship me
really keep you in the running.
84
00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:28,334
It would be nice to have
the increased income.
85
00:03:28,336 --> 00:03:29,836
Stop taking money
from my parents.
86
00:03:29,838 --> 00:03:32,755
Money from family does come
with strings attached.
87
00:03:32,757 --> 00:03:34,707
You have no idea.
88
00:03:34,709 --> 00:03:37,377
They buy me a new BMW
for my birthday
89
00:03:37,379 --> 00:03:39,095
but can I get seat warmers?
90
00:03:39,097 --> 00:03:40,797
No.
91
00:03:41,615 --> 00:03:42,932
"Rajesh, if you
want a warm butt,
92
00:03:42,934 --> 00:03:44,250
you're gonna have
to pay for it yourself."
93
00:03:44,252 --> 00:03:46,185
Well, maybe I will, old man!
94
00:03:49,306 --> 00:03:53,476
I think that's
enough wine for now.
95
00:03:53,478 --> 00:03:55,361
I just keep thinking
about how cool it would be
96
00:03:55,363 --> 00:03:56,996
if I called my mom and told her
97
00:03:56,998 --> 00:03:59,148
that I got tenure at Caltech.
98
00:03:59,150 --> 00:04:00,366
She'd be proud, huh?
99
00:04:00,368 --> 00:04:01,434
Oh, very.
100
00:04:01,436 --> 00:04:03,936
Assuming she takes my call.
101
00:04:05,205 --> 00:04:08,308
My primary concern
with being granted tenure
102
00:04:08,310 --> 00:04:11,511
is living with an insanely
jealous roommate after the fact.
103
00:04:11,513 --> 00:04:14,247
I might need to sleep
with a gun under my pillow.
104
00:04:14,249 --> 00:04:16,799
Or a chainsaw.
105
00:04:16,801 --> 00:04:20,219
Or you take advantage of your
newfound economic stability
106
00:04:20,221 --> 00:04:21,471
and move out...
107
00:04:21,473 --> 00:04:23,289
buy a house...
108
00:04:23,291 --> 00:04:24,957
get married...
109
00:04:24,959 --> 00:04:27,460
start a family.
110
00:04:28,295 --> 00:04:29,762
Yeah, or...
111
00:04:29,764 --> 00:04:31,898
the chainsaw.
112
00:04:34,018 --> 00:04:36,853
And I will return
to New Delhi in triumph
113
00:04:36,855 --> 00:04:39,939
atop a bejeweled white elephant!
114
00:04:39,941 --> 00:04:42,325
And you know
what will be
115
00:04:42,327 --> 00:04:43,359
on that elephant's back?
116
00:04:43,361 --> 00:04:45,478
A seat warmer.
117
00:04:46,730 --> 00:04:50,667
"No, Father, you may not
have a ride!"
118
00:04:51,818 --> 00:04:53,453
I'm gonna make some coffee.
119
00:04:55,572 --> 00:04:57,907
So, who do you have to schmooze
to get this deal?
120
00:04:57,909 --> 00:04:59,542
I'm not gonna schmooze anybody.
121
00:04:59,544 --> 00:05:01,461
I'm gonna let my work
speak for itself.
122
00:05:01,463 --> 00:05:02,629
That's great.
123
00:05:02,631 --> 00:05:04,097
That shows a lot of integrity.
124
00:05:04,099 --> 00:05:06,132
Thank you.
125
00:05:06,134 --> 00:05:08,551
I'm a naive idiot, right?
126
00:05:08,553 --> 00:05:10,803
Oh, good, you heard me.
127
00:05:11,805 --> 00:05:13,222
You know, if you
really want tenure,
128
00:05:13,224 --> 00:05:15,608
maybe you should cozy up to
the people making the decision.
129
00:05:15,610 --> 00:05:18,728
Sheldon Cooper
does not do "cozy."
130
00:05:18,730 --> 00:05:22,315
You don't say.
131
00:05:22,317 --> 00:05:24,033
But I suppose
it wouldn't hurt
132
00:05:24,035 --> 00:05:25,652
to know who's
on the committee.
133
00:05:25,654 --> 00:05:27,186
Let's see...
134
00:05:27,188 --> 00:05:29,021
Oh, Janine Davis.
135
00:05:29,023 --> 00:05:30,189
Oh, dear.
136
00:05:30,191 --> 00:05:31,824
Is that a problem?
137
00:05:31,826 --> 00:05:34,160
Well...
138
00:05:34,162 --> 00:05:35,244
Yeah, even you.
139
00:05:35,246 --> 00:05:36,879
You're a slave.
140
00:05:40,501 --> 00:05:42,869
I'm a what?
141
00:05:44,438 --> 00:05:47,473
I'm not sure;
it could go either way.
142
00:05:57,050 --> 00:05:59,719
Hey. Mrs. Davis.
143
00:05:59,721 --> 00:06:00,653
Hey.
Hey.
144
00:06:00,655 --> 00:06:03,189
Dr. Hofstadter.
Yeah.
145
00:06:03,191 --> 00:06:05,108
Just thought I'd come down
and start getting ready
146
00:06:05,110 --> 00:06:06,275
for swimsuit season.
147
00:06:08,029 --> 00:06:09,729
Good for you.
Eh.
148
00:06:09,731 --> 00:06:10,780
Not that you need it.
149
00:06:10,782 --> 00:06:12,498
I bet you look great
in a swimsuit.
150
00:06:14,067 --> 00:06:16,068
Thank you.
151
00:06:16,070 --> 00:06:18,404
I've got what my father used
to call "furniture disease."
152
00:06:18,406 --> 00:06:20,039
My chest is falling
into my drawers.
153
00:06:26,764 --> 00:06:29,015
I'm not, uh, familiar
with this model.
154
00:06:29,017 --> 00:06:30,683
How do I make it start?
155
00:06:30,685 --> 00:06:33,052
You push start.
156
00:06:33,054 --> 00:06:35,304
Right.
157
00:06:42,696 --> 00:06:44,530
This one might be broken.
158
00:06:44,532 --> 00:06:46,315
You have to move.
159
00:06:46,317 --> 00:06:48,868
Got it.
160
00:06:48,870 --> 00:06:50,436
Oh.
161
00:06:50,438 --> 00:06:52,822
There.
162
00:06:57,995 --> 00:06:59,445
Oh, yeah!
163
00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:03,082
Yeah, now I'm feeling it.
164
00:07:04,251 --> 00:07:05,802
Oh, this is great.
165
00:07:05,804 --> 00:07:08,421
I could do this
for the rest of my life.
166
00:07:08,423 --> 00:07:09,839
Hey, speaking...
167
00:07:09,841 --> 00:07:12,825
speaking of things you do
for the rest of your life...
168
00:07:12,827 --> 00:07:16,295
uh, did I read that you're
on that-that tenure committee?
169
00:07:16,297 --> 00:07:17,630
Yep.
170
00:07:17,632 --> 00:07:19,799
I got to get a home gym.
171
00:07:21,518 --> 00:07:24,737
Well, I'm sure you have
a lot of good applicants, I just
172
00:07:24,739 --> 00:07:27,740
wanted to say hi and...
173
00:07:27,742 --> 00:07:29,609
let you know that I'll be...
174
00:07:29,611 --> 00:07:31,143
throwing my hat in the...
175
00:07:33,481 --> 00:07:35,698
...ring.
176
00:07:35,700 --> 00:07:37,552
All right, I'll keep
an eye out for that.
177
00:07:37,577 --> 00:07:38,168
Yeah.
178
00:07:38,169 --> 00:07:41,070
Hey, Hofstadter.
179
00:07:41,072 --> 00:07:43,089
Funny seeing you here
for the first time in...
180
00:07:43,091 --> 00:07:45,508
ever.
181
00:07:45,510 --> 00:07:48,678
Go... away.
182
00:07:49,546 --> 00:07:51,047
Janine the Machine,
let's do this!
183
00:07:51,049 --> 00:07:52,331
Hey, Barry.
184
00:07:53,717 --> 00:07:55,017
Well, look at that.
185
00:07:55,019 --> 00:07:57,520
Burned a whole calorie.
186
00:07:57,522 --> 00:07:59,055
I guess you got here
187
00:07:59,057 --> 00:08:02,058
early to burn off that
banana bread I baked you.
188
00:08:02,060 --> 00:08:03,676
Yeah, it was delicious.
Thank you.
189
00:08:03,678 --> 00:08:04,694
No, my pleasure.
190
00:08:04,696 --> 00:08:06,679
Oh, if you... if you
like banana bread...
191
00:08:06,681 --> 00:08:08,948
I've got a-a great recipe.
192
00:08:08,950 --> 00:08:11,450
The trick
is in... in fresh ground...
193
00:08:11,452 --> 00:08:14,570
I'll e-mail it to you.
194
00:08:14,572 --> 00:08:15,621
All right, I'm warm.
195
00:08:15,623 --> 00:08:17,290
Ready to kick it up a notch?
196
00:08:17,292 --> 00:08:19,692
Let's go.
197
00:08:19,694 --> 00:08:21,294
That's enough cardio for me.
198
00:08:21,296 --> 00:08:24,547
I'm just... gonna stretch out
before I hit the weights.
199
00:08:28,669 --> 00:08:30,803
You okay?
200
00:08:31,672 --> 00:08:34,206
Call someone!
201
00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:41,531
Good day, Mrs. Davis.
202
00:08:41,533 --> 00:08:42,932
This is Dr. Rajesh
Koothrappali
203
00:08:42,934 --> 00:08:45,401
from the astrophysics
department.
204
00:08:45,403 --> 00:08:46,886
Don't be alarmed,
205
00:08:46,888 --> 00:08:49,555
I'm not really in space.
206
00:08:52,242 --> 00:08:55,244
Anyhoo...
207
00:08:55,246 --> 00:08:56,729
I'd like to take
this opportunity
208
00:08:56,731 --> 00:08:58,230
to tell you about myself,
209
00:08:58,232 --> 00:09:00,666
so sit back, relax and enjoy
210
00:09:00,668 --> 00:09:03,336
the following 90-minute video.
211
00:09:03,338 --> 00:09:05,388
Oh, come on.
212
00:09:07,157 --> 00:09:08,457
Born in New Delhi,
213
00:09:08,459 --> 00:09:11,260
the third son
of an itinerant gynecologist,
214
00:09:11,262 --> 00:09:14,497
I showed early
signs of genius.
215
00:09:14,499 --> 00:09:17,867
At the age of five,
I discovered a celestial object
216
00:09:17,869 --> 00:09:21,304
which later turned out
to be the moon.
217
00:09:24,626 --> 00:09:25,925
Mrs. Davis?
Mrs. Davis? Mrs. Davis?
218
00:09:25,927 --> 00:09:28,144
Mrs. Davis?
219
00:09:28,146 --> 00:09:30,646
God, they're everywhere.
220
00:09:30,648 --> 00:09:32,698
Come in.
221
00:09:34,034 --> 00:09:35,902
Dr. Cooper,
how can I help you?
222
00:09:35,904 --> 00:09:38,070
Yes, hello. I'm fine. Um...
223
00:09:39,907 --> 00:09:42,575
I understand you may have
a bad impression of me,
224
00:09:42,577 --> 00:09:44,744
so I bought you a gift.
225
00:09:44,746 --> 00:09:46,779
Uh, Dr. Cooper,
that's not necessary.
226
00:09:46,781 --> 00:09:47,947
It's too late.
227
00:09:49,049 --> 00:09:50,549
Get ready to like me.
228
00:09:52,419 --> 00:09:55,271
Roots?
229
00:09:56,673 --> 00:10:01,510
The tragic history
of slavery in America.
230
00:10:01,512 --> 00:10:04,013
Fun for the whole family.
231
00:10:05,966 --> 00:10:08,651
Why would you think
this is an appropriate gift?
232
00:10:08,653 --> 00:10:10,987
Um...
233
00:10:10,989 --> 00:10:13,272
Well...
234
00:10:15,909 --> 00:10:18,110
You are black, right?
235
00:10:20,113 --> 00:10:22,515
This meeting has come to an end.
236
00:10:22,517 --> 00:10:24,817
Because you want to start
watching it right now.
237
00:10:24,819 --> 00:10:26,369
Copy that.
238
00:10:27,220 --> 00:10:29,588
Let's see.
239
00:10:29,590 --> 00:10:33,042
Up next
on the tenure committee is...
240
00:10:33,044 --> 00:10:35,144
Professor Wu.
241
00:10:35,146 --> 00:10:38,764
Well, get ready for the complete
works of Jackie Chan.
242
00:10:48,436 --> 00:10:50,437
Gentlemen.
243
00:10:50,439 --> 00:10:51,955
Where have
you been?
244
00:10:51,957 --> 00:10:54,091
Nurse's office.
245
00:10:55,243 --> 00:10:56,193
Asthma attack?
246
00:10:56,195 --> 00:10:58,111
Asthma, heart--
some kind of attack.
247
00:10:58,113 --> 00:10:59,747
I'm fine, though.
248
00:11:00,749 --> 00:11:01,948
You guys going
249
00:11:01,950 --> 00:11:03,116
to Professor Tupperman's
memorial?
250
00:11:03,118 --> 00:11:04,134
I don't know.
Probably not.
251
00:11:04,136 --> 00:11:05,219
Barely knew him.
252
00:11:05,221 --> 00:11:06,503
Yeah, you wouldn't want to look
253
00:11:06,505 --> 00:11:08,622
like you guys are brown-nosing
the tenure committee,
254
00:11:08,624 --> 00:11:10,123
who will all be there.
255
00:11:12,177 --> 00:11:15,312
Oh, yeah, that's what
I was hoping for-- meerkats.
256
00:11:21,820 --> 00:11:25,355
I won't be able to make our
date night this Thursday, so...
257
00:11:25,357 --> 00:11:27,307
bad news for you.
258
00:11:28,193 --> 00:11:30,194
You better have a
good excuse this time,
259
00:11:30,196 --> 00:11:32,362
because "trimming Q-tips
to fit your ears right"
260
00:11:32,364 --> 00:11:34,147
is obvious nonsense.
261
00:11:34,999 --> 00:11:36,400
First of all,
262
00:11:36,402 --> 00:11:38,869
when you say things like that,
people think you're crazy.
263
00:11:38,871 --> 00:11:42,489
Second, the reason
I'm cancelling is because
264
00:11:42,491 --> 00:11:45,492
I have to attend a memorial
service for Professor Tupperman.
265
00:11:45,494 --> 00:11:47,828
It sounds like a long
and tedious evening.
266
00:11:47,830 --> 00:11:49,329
Eh, it will be.
267
00:11:49,331 --> 00:11:51,882
Honestly, if I must endure
a long and tedious evening,
268
00:11:51,884 --> 00:11:54,351
I'd rather it be
with you on date night.
269
00:11:54,353 --> 00:11:56,437
But I have no choice.
270
00:11:56,439 --> 00:11:58,939
The tenure committee's
going to be there.
271
00:11:58,941 --> 00:12:01,842
Oh! Well, in that case,
perhaps I should come along.
272
00:12:01,844 --> 00:12:04,678
Well, now that I think about it,
that would be most helpful.
273
00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:05,813
Of course it would.
274
00:12:05,815 --> 00:12:07,848
I'm well-versed in
academic politics,
275
00:12:07,850 --> 00:12:09,450
and as a respected scientist,
276
00:12:09,452 --> 00:12:11,869
I can only raise your
stock as a candidate.
277
00:12:11,871 --> 00:12:14,872
Actually, I meant
you could drive me.
278
00:12:16,991 --> 00:12:20,360
But if it makes you happy,
that other stuff, too.
279
00:12:22,831 --> 00:12:25,132
Do anything
interesting today?
280
00:12:25,134 --> 00:12:27,134
Oh, not really.
281
00:12:27,136 --> 00:12:28,552
I was out shopping with Amy.
282
00:12:28,554 --> 00:12:30,604
She wanted me
to help her find something
283
00:12:30,606 --> 00:12:31,705
for this memorial thing.
284
00:12:31,707 --> 00:12:33,173
Wait--
Sheldon's going to be there?
285
00:12:33,175 --> 00:12:35,208
We all promised
we weren't going to go.
286
00:12:35,210 --> 00:12:36,710
Oh, what a jerk.
287
00:12:36,712 --> 00:12:37,828
I know.
288
00:12:37,830 --> 00:12:39,930
I was hoping to go
without anyone finding out.
289
00:12:41,483 --> 00:12:43,233
Well, since Amy's going,
do you want me there?
290
00:12:43,235 --> 00:12:44,401
You know, to support you?
291
00:12:44,403 --> 00:12:45,686
Oh...
292
00:12:45,688 --> 00:12:47,237
that's nice,
but it-it's just gonna be
293
00:12:47,239 --> 00:12:48,889
a room full of boring old men
294
00:12:48,891 --> 00:12:50,691
and I'm not sure
how much help you'd be.
295
00:12:50,693 --> 00:12:52,225
Okay.
296
00:12:52,227 --> 00:12:54,528
I'm just gonna tie my shoe
while you think about that.
297
00:13:02,003 --> 00:13:03,498
Oh, yeah. No.
Thanks, that would
298
00:13:03,499 --> 00:13:05,498
be great help.
299
00:13:06,583 --> 00:13:07,950
You realize
you might kill some of them.
300
00:13:07,952 --> 00:13:10,420
Oh, then you all can get tenure.
301
00:13:13,207 --> 00:13:14,657
Come on, Daddy.
302
00:13:14,659 --> 00:13:18,828
All the other scientists
have seat warmers.
303
00:13:18,830 --> 00:13:20,847
This is so humiliating.
304
00:13:20,849 --> 00:13:23,633
I've got to get tenure.
305
00:13:23,635 --> 00:13:25,334
Okay, l-let's meet halfway.
306
00:13:25,336 --> 00:13:28,504
How about I cut my cleaning
lady down to twice a week?
307
00:13:29,565 --> 00:13:33,567
Looks like we're both going
to be living like animals.
308
00:13:36,070 --> 00:13:38,523
Let's go over our emotional
responses one last time.
309
00:13:38,524 --> 00:13:39,956
Okay.
310
00:13:39,958 --> 00:13:43,526
Professor Tupperman is dead,
and that makes us...?
311
00:13:43,528 --> 00:13:45,995
Sad.
312
00:13:45,997 --> 00:13:48,081
The fact that there
are so many people
313
00:13:48,083 --> 00:13:49,248
here tonight doesn't make us
314
00:13:49,250 --> 00:13:50,717
cranky and claustrophobic.
315
00:13:50,719 --> 00:13:51,701
It makes us...?
316
00:13:51,703 --> 00:13:54,053
Glad.
317
00:13:54,055 --> 00:13:57,473
Giving Mrs. Davis the box set
of Roots was...?
318
00:13:57,475 --> 00:13:59,709
Bad.
319
00:13:59,711 --> 00:14:01,711
However...
No.
320
00:14:01,713 --> 00:14:03,313
Fine. Bad.
321
00:14:04,181 --> 00:14:06,516
Unbelievable.
322
00:14:06,518 --> 00:14:08,267
You have some nerve
showing up here
323
00:14:08,269 --> 00:14:10,103
just to schmooze
with the tenure committee.
324
00:14:10,105 --> 00:14:11,187
You're here.
325
00:14:11,189 --> 00:14:12,605
Excuse me.
326
00:14:12,607 --> 00:14:14,774
I'm here to pay my respects
to Professor... Tupperware,
327
00:14:14,776 --> 00:14:16,109
or whatever his name is.
328
00:14:16,111 --> 00:14:17,327
So am I.
329
00:14:17,329 --> 00:14:20,163
His passing makes
me feel... bad.
330
00:14:23,450 --> 00:14:26,669
Well, well, well, Sheldon,
fancy meeting you here.
331
00:14:26,671 --> 00:14:28,538
I guess the train store
in Glendale
332
00:14:28,540 --> 00:14:30,623
wasn't having a cotillion
after all.
333
00:14:31,792 --> 00:14:34,327
And you-- you said
you weren't coming here, either.
334
00:14:34,329 --> 00:14:38,097
I have a thick accent.
You don't know what I said.
335
00:14:38,099 --> 00:14:40,133
I'd like to know
why Penny's here.
336
00:14:40,135 --> 00:14:42,918
I'm here to support
my man, just like you.
337
00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:44,470
What are you going to do?
338
00:14:44,472 --> 00:14:47,190
Take people's drink orders
and get them wrong?
339
00:14:48,042 --> 00:14:50,226
Do it.
340
00:15:04,107 --> 00:15:06,609
What? Did she do it yet?
341
00:15:09,112 --> 00:15:11,831
She plans on flirting with
members of the tenure committee
342
00:15:11,833 --> 00:15:13,883
to further
Leonard's cause.
343
00:15:13,885 --> 00:15:16,302
Well, that's a fine
how-do-you-do.
344
00:15:16,304 --> 00:15:18,671
Don't just stand there.
Take your breasts out.
345
00:15:22,142 --> 00:15:24,761
Ooh, meerkat fight!
346
00:15:25,980 --> 00:15:27,730
You're all
wasting your time.
347
00:15:27,732 --> 00:15:29,932
Sheldon is the most
qualified for the job,
348
00:15:29,934 --> 00:15:33,686
and no amount of gravity-defying
bosom's going to change that.
349
00:15:34,988 --> 00:15:36,305
Seriously, is that tape?
350
00:15:36,307 --> 00:15:38,441
Like, how are they
staying up like that?
351
00:15:38,443 --> 00:15:40,443
Way to hit 'em
with both barrels.
352
00:15:43,614 --> 00:15:45,948
You two should be
ashamed of yourselves.
353
00:15:45,950 --> 00:15:48,501
Using women to advance
your cause with sexuality,
354
00:15:48,503 --> 00:15:50,670
and whatever Amy plans on doing.
355
00:15:52,155 --> 00:15:53,063
Are you implying
356
00:15:53,064 --> 00:15:55,598
that my girlfriend has
no sexuality to exploit?
357
00:15:55,646 --> 00:15:56,400
Yes!
358
00:15:56,425 --> 00:15:58,128
Okay, because
that was not clear.
359
00:15:58,129 --> 00:15:59,295
Sheldon!
360
00:16:01,849 --> 00:16:03,382
What?
361
00:16:03,384 --> 00:16:04,851
That was ambiguous.
362
00:16:04,853 --> 00:16:07,553
Well, now it's biguous.
What are you gonna do about it?
363
00:16:07,555 --> 00:16:08,638
Um...
364
00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:09,939
You could talk some smack
about his mother.
365
00:16:09,941 --> 00:16:11,858
Well, yes, of course,
he wouldn't like that at all.
366
00:16:11,860 --> 00:16:14,143
Last night,
367
00:16:14,145 --> 00:16:16,312
I was feeling in need
of sexual release
368
00:16:16,314 --> 00:16:18,848
when I happened
to come across your mother.
369
00:16:20,317 --> 00:16:22,535
Okay, okay.
370
00:16:22,537 --> 00:16:24,036
Guys, what are we doing here?
371
00:16:24,038 --> 00:16:25,204
I don't know what you're doing,
372
00:16:25,206 --> 00:16:26,656
but I was about to insinuate
373
00:16:26,658 --> 00:16:30,126
that I had coitus
with Raj's mother for a dollar.
374
00:16:31,462 --> 00:16:32,962
Oh, you do
what you want,
375
00:16:32,964 --> 00:16:35,381
but I don't want to lose
my friends over tenure.
376
00:16:35,383 --> 00:16:36,499
Friends are forever.
377
00:16:36,501 --> 00:16:37,667
So is tenure.
378
00:16:37,669 --> 00:16:39,268
Walk!
379
00:16:40,504 --> 00:16:44,223
I'm just gonna go home and
let my work speak for itself.
380
00:16:44,225 --> 00:16:46,476
You're right.
This is beneath me.
381
00:16:46,478 --> 00:16:49,512
Like your mother was last night.
382
00:16:50,714 --> 00:16:52,682
How about it, Sheldon?
383
00:16:52,684 --> 00:16:56,218
What do you think
I should do?
384
00:16:56,220 --> 00:16:59,322
Well, you'll always be
an academic success,
385
00:16:59,324 --> 00:17:00,723
but...
386
00:17:00,725 --> 00:17:02,024
I seriously question
387
00:17:02,026 --> 00:17:04,226
whether you'll make
any more friends.
388
00:17:06,563 --> 00:17:08,831
I don't want any more,
but let's go.
389
00:17:10,284 --> 00:17:12,919
Are you kidding? I would
"wove" to baby-sit for you.
390
00:17:12,921 --> 00:17:15,171
I could not ask
you to do that.
391
00:17:15,173 --> 00:17:16,572
Nonsense.
Children "wove" me.
392
00:17:16,574 --> 00:17:19,675
Something about me just makes
them "waugh" and "waugh."
393
00:17:26,884 --> 00:17:29,519
No. We cannot lose
to that jerk.
394
00:17:29,521 --> 00:17:31,554
Yeah, screw it.
395
00:17:31,556 --> 00:17:32,772
I'm going in.
396
00:17:32,774 --> 00:17:34,256
You... Wait. Hold on.
397
00:17:34,258 --> 00:17:36,192
I believe "Screw it,
I'm going in" is what
398
00:17:36,194 --> 00:17:37,977
I said to your
mother last night.
399
00:17:40,197 --> 00:17:42,949
Don't worry, I didn't
really say that.
400
00:17:42,951 --> 00:17:44,700
I-I find the concept
401
00:17:44,702 --> 00:17:46,986
of coitus ridiculous
and off-putting.
402
00:17:49,189 --> 00:17:51,824
Should have taken my breasts out
while I had the chance.
403
00:18:01,465 --> 00:18:03,999
Mrs. Davis?
404
00:18:04,835 --> 00:18:06,419
Mrs. Davis?
405
00:18:06,421 --> 00:18:08,504
Mrs. Davis?
406
00:18:08,506 --> 00:18:10,372
I know you're in there.
407
00:18:10,374 --> 00:18:13,359
I saw your car
in the parking lot.
408
00:18:13,361 --> 00:18:15,544
What?
409
00:18:15,546 --> 00:18:18,380
I just found out
that you recommended myself,
410
00:18:18,382 --> 00:18:20,516
Dr. Hofstadter
and Dr. Koothrappali
411
00:18:20,518 --> 00:18:22,718
to be on the short list
for tenure.
412
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:23,919
Well, despite your quirks,
413
00:18:23,921 --> 00:18:26,555
the three of you
are very accomplished
414
00:18:26,557 --> 00:18:28,207
in your respective fields.
415
00:18:28,209 --> 00:18:31,894
I don't know what you mean
by "quirks," but, um...
416
00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:34,410
...I do want
to express my gratitude.
417
00:18:34,411 --> 00:18:35,627
You didn't bring
another gift, did you?
418
00:18:35,652 --> 00:18:37,652
No, no.
419
00:18:37,735 --> 00:18:39,401
No, I learned my lesson.
420
00:18:39,403 --> 00:18:41,103
I understand
that was inappropriate.
421
00:18:41,105 --> 00:18:42,321
Good.
422
00:18:42,323 --> 00:18:44,657
Anyway, thank you.
423
00:18:44,659 --> 00:18:47,076
You're welcome.
424
00:18:53,667 --> 00:18:56,552
I'm gonna pretend
that didn't happen.
425
00:18:56,554 --> 00:18:58,053
Yeah, right on, sister.
426
00:18:58,055 --> 00:19:03,055
== sync, corrected by elderman ==