1
00:00:05,168 --> 00:00:07,269
And now the
kung pao chicken.
2
00:00:07,270 --> 00:00:08,653
Ah, yeah.
Wow.
3
00:00:08,654 --> 00:00:10,072
Smooth.
4
00:00:10,073 --> 00:00:11,957
And finally,
5
00:00:11,958 --> 00:00:13,792
my moo shu pork.
6
00:00:15,595 --> 00:00:16,879
Whoo-hoo!
7
00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:18,630
Oh, there you have
it, gentlemen.
8
00:00:18,631 --> 00:00:22,801
Our entire dinner
unpacked by robot.
9
00:00:22,802 --> 00:00:25,187
And it only took 28 minutes.
10
00:00:26,139 --> 00:00:27,289
Impressive,
11
00:00:27,290 --> 00:00:29,658
but we must be cautious.
Why?
12
00:00:29,659 --> 00:00:32,644
Today, it's a Chinese food
retrieval robot.
13
00:00:32,645 --> 00:00:35,180
Tomorrow,
it travels back in time
14
00:00:35,181 --> 00:00:37,682
and tries to kill Sarah Connor.
15
00:00:37,683 --> 00:00:39,985
I don't think that's
going to happen, Sheldon.
16
00:00:39,986 --> 00:00:41,370
No one ever does.
17
00:00:41,371 --> 00:00:42,988
That's why it happens.
18
00:00:43,990 --> 00:00:45,707
Hey. Is the food here?
19
00:00:45,708 --> 00:00:47,009
Ooh. What's that?
20
00:00:47,010 --> 00:00:48,277
That, dear lady,
21
00:00:48,278 --> 00:00:50,929
is the Wolowitz
Programmable Hand,
22
00:00:50,930 --> 00:00:52,598
designed
for extravehicular repairs
23
00:00:52,599 --> 00:00:55,050
on the International
Space Station.
24
00:00:55,051 --> 00:00:56,635
Ah, cool.
25
00:00:56,636 --> 00:00:58,337
Ask me to pass the soy sauce.
26
00:00:58,338 --> 00:01:01,106
Oh, does that come up much
on the space station?
27
00:01:01,107 --> 00:01:04,543
Mostly with Asian
and Jewish astronauts.
28
00:01:04,544 --> 00:01:06,662
All right. Pass the soy sauce.
Coming up.
29
00:01:18,324 --> 00:01:19,942
So how's work?
30
00:01:19,943 --> 00:01:21,393
Oh, it's not bad.
31
00:01:21,394 --> 00:01:22,945
Kind of hungry.
32
00:01:22,946 --> 00:01:24,780
Yeah, we all are.
33
00:01:24,781 --> 00:01:26,582
Just wait.
34
00:01:26,583 --> 00:01:28,333
You realize, Penny,
that the technology
35
00:01:28,334 --> 00:01:30,485
that went into this arm
will one day make
36
00:01:30,486 --> 00:01:33,906
unskilled food servers
such as yourself obsolete.
37
00:01:33,907 --> 00:01:35,340
Really?
38
00:01:35,341 --> 00:01:37,976
They're going to make a robot
that spits on your hamburger?
39
00:01:39,529 --> 00:01:41,129
I thought you
broke up with her.
40
00:01:41,130 --> 00:01:42,881
Why is she here?
41
00:01:43,783 --> 00:01:45,117
Okay, here we go.
42
00:01:45,118 --> 00:01:47,603
Passing the soy sauce.
43
00:01:49,022 --> 00:01:51,273
Put out your hand.
44
00:01:53,776 --> 00:01:55,310
Oh!
45
00:01:56,696 --> 00:01:57,829
That's amazing.
46
00:01:57,830 --> 00:01:59,264
I wouldn't say amazing.
47
00:01:59,265 --> 00:02:01,266
At best,
it's a modest leap forward
48
00:02:01,267 --> 00:02:02,818
from the basic technology
49
00:02:02,819 --> 00:02:05,654
that gave us
Country Bear Jamboree.
50
00:02:06,489 --> 00:02:07,956
Hey, Sheldon?
51
00:02:07,957 --> 00:02:09,875
Yes?
52
00:02:15,999 --> 00:02:17,966
Peace?
53
00:02:17,967 --> 00:02:19,551
No, not peace.
54
00:02:19,552 --> 00:02:20,919
Hang on.
55
00:02:20,920 --> 00:02:24,556
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
56
00:02:24,557 --> 00:02:27,876
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
57
00:02:27,877 --> 00:02:29,428
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
58
00:02:29,429 --> 00:02:32,047
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
59
00:02:32,048 --> 00:02:34,766
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
60
00:02:34,767 --> 00:02:37,402
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
61
00:02:37,403 --> 00:02:39,304
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
62
00:02:39,305 --> 00:02:41,256
♪ Bang! ♪
63
00:02:41,266 --> 00:02:44,766
The Big Bang Theory 4x01
The Robotic Manipulation
Original Air Date on September 23, 2010
64
00:02:44,776 --> 00:02:47,276
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
65
00:02:47,349 --> 00:02:50,818
Does NASA know you're using
that thing as a napkin holder?
66
00:02:50,819 --> 00:02:54,655
You kidding? They still think
it's in a secure locker at JPL.
67
00:02:55,524 --> 00:02:56,724
You stole it?
68
00:02:56,725 --> 00:02:58,075
Borrowed.
69
00:02:58,076 --> 00:03:00,678
The trick is to carry it out
to your car like you own it.
70
00:03:02,314 --> 00:03:04,832
Excuse me.
71
00:03:06,051 --> 00:03:07,418
Oh.
72
00:03:07,419 --> 00:03:08,920
Amy's at the dry cleaners,
73
00:03:08,921 --> 00:03:11,456
and she's made a very
amusing pun.
74
00:03:11,457 --> 00:03:14,325
"I don't care
for perchloroethylene,
75
00:03:14,326 --> 00:03:17,912
and I don't like glycol ether."
76
00:03:22,568 --> 00:03:23,634
Get it?
77
00:03:23,635 --> 00:03:26,954
She doesn't like glycol ether.
78
00:03:28,023 --> 00:03:30,691
Sounds like "either."
79
00:03:34,730 --> 00:03:37,548
"L-O-L."
80
00:03:37,549 --> 00:03:40,034
Who's Amy?
His girlfriend.
81
00:03:40,035 --> 00:03:42,119
Sheldon has a girlfriend?
She's not my girlfriend.
82
00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:44,155
How long
has this been going on?
Four months.
83
00:03:44,156 --> 00:03:46,290
She's not my girlfriend.
Are you telling me, for
the past four months
84
00:03:46,291 --> 00:03:47,742
I have been asking you,
"What's new?"
85
00:03:47,743 --> 00:03:49,327
and you never thought
to go with,
86
00:03:49,328 --> 00:03:50,545
"Sheldon has a girlfriend"?
87
00:03:50,546 --> 00:03:52,446
She's not my girlfriend.
88
00:03:52,447 --> 00:03:53,531
Ah... d-d-d-d...
89
00:03:53,532 --> 00:03:55,249
How did they meet?
90
00:03:55,250 --> 00:03:57,468
Raj and I entered Sheldon's
information on a dating site,
91
00:03:57,469 --> 00:03:59,870
and it spit out
Amy Farrah Fowler.
92
00:03:59,871 --> 00:04:02,173
Oh, my God!
Sheldon and Amy.
93
00:04:02,174 --> 00:04:04,008
Or, as we
call them, "Shamy."
94
00:04:05,811 --> 00:04:06,978
Shamy.
95
00:04:06,979 --> 00:04:09,230
I am so digging the Shamy.
96
00:04:09,231 --> 00:04:11,649
All right,
everyone pay attention.
97
00:04:11,650 --> 00:04:13,818
Yes, I have a friend
named Amy Farrah Fowler.
98
00:04:13,819 --> 00:04:15,386
Yes, she is female.
99
00:04:15,387 --> 00:04:17,822
Yes, we communicate
on a daily basis,
100
00:04:17,823 --> 00:04:20,241
but no, she is not
my girlfriend.
101
00:04:20,242 --> 00:04:22,727
Okay, well, what do
you communicate about?
102
00:04:22,728 --> 00:04:26,781
Well, my work in physics,
her work in neurobiology,
103
00:04:26,782 --> 00:04:28,499
and most recently,
the possibility
104
00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:31,035
of our having a child together.
105
00:04:37,843 --> 00:04:40,011
Thank you.
106
00:04:41,179 --> 00:04:42,680
Wait a minute-- a child?
107
00:04:42,681 --> 00:04:43,898
You never see this girl.
108
00:04:43,899 --> 00:04:45,866
You just e-mail
and text and Twitter.
109
00:04:45,867 --> 00:04:47,918
Now you're considering
having a baby?
110
00:04:47,919 --> 00:04:50,638
Amy pointed out
that between the two of us,
111
00:04:50,639 --> 00:04:52,573
our genetic material
has the potential
112
00:04:52,574 --> 00:04:54,709
of producing the first in a line
113
00:04:54,710 --> 00:04:57,428
of intellectually superior,
benign overlords
114
00:04:57,429 --> 00:05:00,698
to guide humanity
to a brighter tomorrow.
115
00:05:02,134 --> 00:05:03,884
I'm guessing
that future historians
116
00:05:03,885 --> 00:05:05,903
will condemn us
for not taking
117
00:05:05,904 --> 00:05:08,122
this opportunity
to kill Sheldon.
118
00:05:08,991 --> 00:05:11,208
Okay, I have
a question.
119
00:05:11,209 --> 00:05:12,493
Yes, Penny.
120
00:05:12,494 --> 00:05:14,412
You don't even like people
touching you.
121
00:05:14,413 --> 00:05:16,130
How are you going to have sex?
122
00:05:17,716 --> 00:05:19,884
Why on Earth would we have sex?
123
00:05:21,887 --> 00:05:24,672
Oh, honey, did your mom
not have the talk with you?
124
00:05:24,673 --> 00:05:28,175
You know, when your
private parts started growing?
125
00:05:28,176 --> 00:05:31,262
I'm quite aware of the way
humans usually reproduce,
126
00:05:31,263 --> 00:05:33,431
which is messy,
unsanitary,
127
00:05:33,432 --> 00:05:35,766
and based on living next
to you for three years,
128
00:05:35,767 --> 00:05:39,687
involves loud and unnecessary
appeals to a deity.
129
00:05:39,688 --> 00:05:40,821
Oh, God.
130
00:05:40,822 --> 00:05:42,490
Yes, exactly.
131
00:05:45,110 --> 00:05:47,745
Consequently,
if Amy and I choose
132
00:05:47,746 --> 00:05:49,363
to bring new life
into this world,
133
00:05:49,364 --> 00:05:51,248
it will be accomplished
clinically,
134
00:05:51,249 --> 00:05:54,485
with fertility experts in a lab
with petri dishes.
135
00:05:54,486 --> 00:05:55,620
Which reminds me--
136
00:05:55,621 --> 00:05:58,623
you have broad hips
and a certain corn-fed vigor.
137
00:05:58,624 --> 00:06:01,442
Is your womb available
for rental?
138
00:06:02,911 --> 00:06:06,013
Still digging the Shamy?
139
00:06:06,014 --> 00:06:07,431
Look, Sheldon,
140
00:06:07,432 --> 00:06:10,000
before you race off to
the fertility clinic,
141
00:06:10,001 --> 00:06:11,469
you might want
to think about--
142
00:06:11,470 --> 00:06:12,603
uh, gee, I don't know--
143
00:06:12,604 --> 00:06:14,905
maybe actually spending
some time with her.
144
00:06:14,906 --> 00:06:16,857
You mean dating?
Yeah.
145
00:06:16,858 --> 00:06:18,609
I can't date Amy.
Why not?
146
00:06:18,610 --> 00:06:20,361
She's not my girlfriend.
147
00:06:20,362 --> 00:06:22,780
Okay, look, don't think of it
as dating a girlfriend.
148
00:06:22,781 --> 00:06:24,115
Think of it as, uh...
149
00:06:24,116 --> 00:06:26,417
getting to know
the future mother of your child.
150
00:06:26,418 --> 00:06:28,235
Oh.
151
00:06:28,236 --> 00:06:30,604
I hadn't considered that.
152
00:06:30,605 --> 00:06:33,424
I suppose she will have
to have access to our progeny.
153
00:06:33,425 --> 00:06:35,292
And you don't think
I can achieve
154
00:06:35,293 --> 00:06:37,978
the required intimacy
via text messaging?
155
00:06:37,979 --> 00:06:39,163
Probably not.
156
00:06:39,164 --> 00:06:40,364
Huh.
157
00:06:40,365 --> 00:06:41,682
It would appear as if
158
00:06:41,683 --> 00:06:44,535
the phone companies
have been lying to me.
159
00:06:46,838 --> 00:06:49,140
Penny.
160
00:06:49,141 --> 00:06:51,559
Penny. Penny.
161
00:06:52,594 --> 00:06:55,396
You do realize I stand
on the other side of the door
162
00:06:55,397 --> 00:06:58,182
waiting for you to finish
knocking three times.
163
00:06:58,183 --> 00:07:01,519
I know. I can see the shadow
of your feet under the door.
164
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:04,472
Yeah, my point is
it's a waste of time.
165
00:07:04,473 --> 00:07:05,723
If you're looking for an example
166
00:07:05,724 --> 00:07:07,825
of a waste of time,
I would refer you
167
00:07:07,826 --> 00:07:09,744
to the conversation
we're having right now.
168
00:07:09,745 --> 00:07:11,328
What do you want?
169
00:07:11,329 --> 00:07:13,531
I've decided to take your advice
and have arranged
170
00:07:13,532 --> 00:07:15,833
to go on a date
with Amy Farrah Fowler.
171
00:07:15,834 --> 00:07:16,734
Oh, that's great.
172
00:07:16,735 --> 00:07:18,035
Have fun.
Wait.
173
00:07:18,036 --> 00:07:19,587
You have to drive me.
174
00:07:19,588 --> 00:07:22,039
What?
You know I don't drive.
175
00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:23,541
Well, go ask Leonard.
I did.
176
00:07:23,542 --> 00:07:26,143
He said-- and I quote--
"Ask Penny.
177
00:07:26,144 --> 00:07:28,729
It was her cockamamy idea."
178
00:07:28,730 --> 00:07:30,715
Leonard said "cockamamy"?
179
00:07:30,716 --> 00:07:31,915
Actually, I'm paraphrasing.
180
00:07:31,916 --> 00:07:34,418
Having been raised
in a Christian household,
181
00:07:34,419 --> 00:07:37,438
I'm uncomfortable
with the language he used.
182
00:07:37,439 --> 00:07:38,739
And to be honest,
183
00:07:38,740 --> 00:07:41,225
I'm not entirely comfortable
with "cockamamy."
184
00:07:41,226 --> 00:07:43,277
Okay, fine. When's the date?
185
00:07:43,278 --> 00:07:44,945
Now.
Now?
186
00:07:44,946 --> 00:07:47,031
Hurry. We're going to be late.
187
00:07:47,866 --> 00:07:49,817
Sheldon,
did it ever occur to you
188
00:07:49,818 --> 00:07:51,652
that I might have other plans?
189
00:07:51,653 --> 00:07:52,803
I'm sorry.
190
00:07:52,804 --> 00:07:54,305
Do you have other plans?
191
00:07:57,325 --> 00:08:00,361
Well, no, not per se, but...
192
00:08:00,362 --> 00:08:03,297
So this conversation
is as pointless
193
00:08:03,298 --> 00:08:06,300
as your door-knocking soliloquy?
194
00:08:07,135 --> 00:08:10,638
Let me get my...
cockamamy keys.
195
00:08:12,758 --> 00:08:15,926
Oh, God, that feels so good.
196
00:08:20,131 --> 00:08:21,799
Yeah, that's the spot.
197
00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:23,734
Oh, baby.
198
00:08:23,735 --> 00:08:27,104
MRS. WOLOWITZ
Howard, dinner's ready!
199
00:08:27,105 --> 00:08:28,689
I'll eat later.
200
00:08:28,690 --> 00:08:30,991
I'm busy!
201
00:08:30,992 --> 00:08:32,193
Oh, yeah.
202
00:08:32,194 --> 00:08:34,411
Just like a real hand.
203
00:08:41,837 --> 00:08:44,038
Hmm.
204
00:08:46,958 --> 00:08:49,009
Thank you
for driving me.
205
00:08:49,010 --> 00:08:51,662
You're welcome.
206
00:08:51,663 --> 00:08:54,198
I wish you weren't
wearing flip-flops.
207
00:08:54,199 --> 00:08:56,767
It's dangerous
to drive in flip-flops.
208
00:08:56,768 --> 00:08:58,803
Sheldon.
Sorry.
209
00:08:58,804 --> 00:09:02,773
I just don't want to be
yet another flip-flop fatality.
210
00:09:03,575 --> 00:09:05,893
Can I ask you
a question?
211
00:09:05,894 --> 00:09:08,479
Given your
community college education,
212
00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:11,982
I encourage you to ask me
as many as possible.
213
00:09:12,951 --> 00:09:14,869
Yeah.
Well, my question is--
214
00:09:14,870 --> 00:09:17,521
and I'm pretty sure
I know the answer--
215
00:09:17,522 --> 00:09:19,523
is this your first date?
216
00:09:19,524 --> 00:09:21,375
That depends.
217
00:09:21,376 --> 00:09:23,577
Does square-dancing
with my sister
218
00:09:23,578 --> 00:09:26,363
at a Teens for Jesus
Fourth of July Hoedown
219
00:09:26,364 --> 00:09:27,665
count as a date?
220
00:09:27,666 --> 00:09:29,166
No.
221
00:09:29,167 --> 00:09:31,552
Then, this is my first date.
222
00:09:32,554 --> 00:09:34,338
Okay. Well, then,
there's a couple of things
223
00:09:34,339 --> 00:09:35,606
you should probably know.
224
00:09:35,607 --> 00:09:39,042
I have a master's degree
and two doctorates.
225
00:09:39,043 --> 00:09:42,763
The things I should know,
I do know.
226
00:09:42,764 --> 00:09:46,600
My point is, I know more
about dating than you,
227
00:09:46,601 --> 00:09:48,569
and if you were as smart
as you think you are,
228
00:09:48,570 --> 00:09:49,770
you would listen to me.
229
00:09:49,771 --> 00:09:53,223
If you know so much,
how come I have a date tonight
230
00:09:53,224 --> 00:09:56,493
and you have nothing better
to do than drive me to it?
231
00:09:59,030 --> 00:10:00,748
Fair point.
232
00:10:04,119 --> 00:10:05,452
You know,
there's something
233
00:10:05,453 --> 00:10:07,187
I've always wondered
about Aquaman.
234
00:10:07,188 --> 00:10:10,491
Yeah?
Where does he poop?
235
00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:13,477
What?
236
00:10:13,478 --> 00:10:15,930
What would a toilet
look like in Atlantis?
237
00:10:15,931 --> 00:10:17,631
How would you flush it?
238
00:10:17,632 --> 00:10:21,552
And when you did flush it,
where would the poop go?
239
00:10:24,255 --> 00:10:25,823
Hold that thought.
240
00:10:27,192 --> 00:10:28,909
Hey, Howard.
What's going on?
241
00:10:30,195 --> 00:10:31,362
What...
242
00:10:31,363 --> 00:10:33,464
Hold on.
Howard, Howard, slow down.
243
00:10:33,465 --> 00:10:36,650
The robot hand
is stuck on your what?
244
00:10:39,454 --> 00:10:42,106
You're not going
to believe this.
245
00:10:56,683 --> 00:10:58,517
So, um, Amy,
Sheldon tells me
246
00:10:58,518 --> 00:11:02,471
you're a neuro...
something-or-other.
247
00:11:02,472 --> 00:11:04,957
Neurobiologist.
248
00:11:04,958 --> 00:11:07,193
Your "check engine" light is on.
249
00:11:09,413 --> 00:11:10,646
Yeah, it's okay.
250
00:11:10,647 --> 00:11:11,664
But the light indicates...
251
00:11:11,665 --> 00:11:13,165
Don't bother.
252
00:11:13,166 --> 00:11:14,734
I've wasted many an hour
253
00:11:14,735 --> 00:11:16,953
tilting at
that particular windmill.
254
00:11:19,790 --> 00:11:21,340
Uh, what is that
scent you're wearing?
255
00:11:21,341 --> 00:11:22,425
It smells great.
256
00:11:22,426 --> 00:11:24,844
Dandruff shampoo.
257
00:11:26,346 --> 00:11:28,798
I have dry scalp.
258
00:11:28,799 --> 00:11:29,882
Ah.
259
00:11:29,883 --> 00:11:32,051
Well, your hair
looks very nice.
260
00:11:32,052 --> 00:11:34,220
Are you a homosexual?
261
00:11:35,839 --> 00:11:38,674
No, no, I'm just giving
you a compliment.
262
00:11:38,675 --> 00:11:40,610
Hmm.
263
00:11:40,611 --> 00:11:43,896
Would have been more flattered
if you were a homosexual.
264
00:11:45,616 --> 00:11:47,617
Guys, how 'bout
some music?
265
00:11:47,618 --> 00:11:49,184
Oh, no, I wouldn't
care for that.
266
00:11:49,185 --> 00:11:50,202
Amy?
267
00:11:50,203 --> 00:11:51,353
No, thank you.
268
00:11:51,354 --> 00:11:53,172
Okay.
269
00:11:53,173 --> 00:11:55,408
Uncomfortable
silence it is.
270
00:11:58,829 --> 00:12:02,131
Hey, Sheldon, have you told Amy
271
00:12:02,132 --> 00:12:04,550
what it was like for you
growing up in Texas?
272
00:12:04,551 --> 00:12:06,469
No.
273
00:12:07,621 --> 00:12:10,039
Well, why don't
you tell her?
274
00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:12,425
All right.
275
00:12:12,426 --> 00:12:13,759
It was hell.
276
00:12:15,545 --> 00:12:17,813
Any follow up, Amy?
277
00:12:19,316 --> 00:12:20,816
No.
278
00:12:25,489 --> 00:12:27,323
I myself grew
up in Nebraska.
279
00:12:27,324 --> 00:12:29,224
Small town
outside of Omaha.
280
00:12:29,225 --> 00:12:33,329
Nice place, mostly family farms,
a few meth labs.
281
00:12:34,498 --> 00:12:37,900
I'm sorry, how is this better
than uncomfortable silence?
282
00:12:37,901 --> 00:12:38,901
I don't know.
283
00:12:38,902 --> 00:12:40,569
I was just trying something.
284
00:12:41,404 --> 00:12:43,172
Muggles.
285
00:12:50,497 --> 00:12:54,300
You slipped and fell
into a robot hand?
286
00:12:56,153 --> 00:12:57,953
Yes.
287
00:12:57,954 --> 00:13:00,740
Penis first?
288
00:13:03,977 --> 00:13:05,928
Yes. Now, help me!
289
00:13:05,929 --> 00:13:07,780
I'd suggest a lubricant,
but I have a feeling
290
00:13:07,781 --> 00:13:09,532
you fell on some
of that as well.
291
00:13:10,484 --> 00:13:12,318
Not funny, Leonard.
292
00:13:12,319 --> 00:13:15,437
Really? A robot hand's got
a death grip on your junk, dude.
293
00:13:15,438 --> 00:13:16,455
That's funny, ask anyone.
294
00:13:17,657 --> 00:13:20,960
Plea-- before my mother
walks in, get this off me!
295
00:13:20,961 --> 00:13:21,911
Okay, let's see.
296
00:13:21,912 --> 00:13:22,878
No, no!
Don't touch.
297
00:13:22,879 --> 00:13:23,946
The program
is paused.
298
00:13:23,947 --> 00:13:25,414
Well, then let's
un-pause it.
299
00:13:25,415 --> 00:13:26,882
No, no! I loaded
the wrong program.
300
00:13:26,883 --> 00:13:28,634
The hand thinks it's holding
a screwdriver in outer space.
301
00:13:28,635 --> 00:13:32,121
If you continue the program,
it's gonna start twisting.
302
00:13:32,973 --> 00:13:34,790
A-All right.
303
00:13:34,791 --> 00:13:36,342
Um, how about this.
304
00:13:36,343 --> 00:13:39,428
When-when Winnie the Pooh
got his head stuck
305
00:13:39,429 --> 00:13:42,431
in the honey tree,
his friends all grabbed onto him
306
00:13:42,432 --> 00:13:44,450
and pulled and pulled.
307
00:13:45,685 --> 00:13:47,269
You do what you want,
308
00:13:47,270 --> 00:13:49,238
I'm not touching another
man's honey tree.
309
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,525
All right, uh,
forget pulling.
310
00:13:52,526 --> 00:13:54,910
How about we get
an electric saw and cut it off?
311
00:13:54,911 --> 00:13:56,779
What?! No saws!
312
00:13:56,780 --> 00:13:59,982
One circumcision was enough.
313
00:14:02,152 --> 00:14:04,003
How about an
acetylene torch?
314
00:14:04,004 --> 00:14:06,338
Okay, I can't believe
this needs to be said out loud.
315
00:14:06,339 --> 00:14:07,790
No pulling, no saws, no torches.
316
00:14:07,791 --> 00:14:09,759
Well, then what do
you want us to do?
317
00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:12,528
MRS. WOLOWITZ
Howard, I made cookies for you
318
00:14:12,529 --> 00:14:15,214
and your little friends!
319
00:14:15,215 --> 00:14:17,516
That's great, Mom, thanks!
320
00:14:17,517 --> 00:14:20,386
I'll bring them up
with some Hawaiian Punch!
321
00:14:20,387 --> 00:14:21,837
Don't come up here!
322
00:14:21,838 --> 00:14:24,940
Why not?! Are you
ashamed of your mother?!
323
00:14:24,941 --> 00:14:27,443
Yes, but that's not the point!
324
00:14:27,444 --> 00:14:29,478
Get me out of here.
325
00:14:29,479 --> 00:14:31,346
You have any ideas, Raj?
326
00:14:31,347 --> 00:14:34,717
Right now, all I can think about
is cookies and Hawaiian Punch.
327
00:14:41,792 --> 00:14:45,895
Hey, here's another possible
topic of conversation.
328
00:14:45,896 --> 00:14:47,713
This is a big night for Sheldon.
329
00:14:47,714 --> 00:14:49,782
Right, Sheldon?
330
00:14:49,783 --> 00:14:52,585
Big night?
331
00:14:52,586 --> 00:14:55,120
The winter solstice
is a big night.
332
00:14:55,906 --> 00:14:57,173
It's over 14 hours
333
00:14:57,174 --> 00:14:58,624
in Southern California.
334
00:14:59,543 --> 00:15:01,710
That's an amusing factoid.
335
00:15:01,711 --> 00:15:04,096
Thank you.
336
00:15:04,097 --> 00:15:06,348
No, no.
337
00:15:06,349 --> 00:15:10,953
My point is, uh, tonight is
Sheldon's first official date.
338
00:15:10,954 --> 00:15:12,655
Discuss.
339
00:15:12,656 --> 00:15:13,889
Is this true?
340
00:15:13,890 --> 00:15:17,226
Apparently, a semi-incestuous
Teens for Jesus
341
00:15:17,227 --> 00:15:19,561
Fourth of July Hoedown
didn't count.
342
00:15:21,581 --> 00:15:22,948
So, um, Amy, what about you?
343
00:15:22,949 --> 00:15:23,916
Do you date much?
344
00:15:23,917 --> 00:15:25,234
Once a year.
345
00:15:25,235 --> 00:15:27,369
It's a deal I made
with my mother in exchange for
346
00:15:27,370 --> 00:15:29,555
her silence on the matter,
as well as the occasional use
347
00:15:29,556 --> 00:15:30,739
of her George Foreman Grill
348
00:15:30,740 --> 00:15:34,260
that seals in the flavor
without the fat.
349
00:15:35,645 --> 00:15:36,712
How about you, Penny?
350
00:15:36,713 --> 00:15:37,930
Do you go on many dates?
351
00:15:37,931 --> 00:15:39,849
Uh, yeah, I wouldn't say many.
352
00:15:39,850 --> 00:15:40,850
A few.
353
00:15:44,855 --> 00:15:47,273
What's...
?
354
00:15:47,274 --> 00:15:48,474
Your characterization of
355
00:15:48,475 --> 00:15:51,426
approximately 171 different men
as "a few."
356
00:15:51,427 --> 00:15:52,661
What...
357
00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:56,315
Where did you
get 171 men?
358
00:15:56,316 --> 00:15:57,800
Simple extrapolation.
359
00:15:57,801 --> 00:15:59,818
In the three years
that I've known you,
360
00:15:59,819 --> 00:16:01,203
you were single for two.
361
00:16:01,204 --> 00:16:04,123
During that time,
I saw 17 different suitors.
362
00:16:04,124 --> 00:16:07,493
If we work backwards,
correcting for observation bias
363
00:16:07,494 --> 00:16:09,578
and postulate an initial
dating age of 15...
364
00:16:09,579 --> 00:16:10,629
Whoa, wait,
wait, wait.
365
00:16:10,630 --> 00:16:13,549
I did not start dating at 15.
366
00:16:13,550 --> 00:16:14,717
I'm sorry. Sixteen?
367
00:16:14,718 --> 00:16:16,051
Fourteen.
368
00:16:16,836 --> 00:16:18,654
My mistake.
369
00:16:18,655 --> 00:16:21,056
Now, assuming the left side
of a bell curve
370
00:16:21,057 --> 00:16:23,292
peaking around the present,
that would bring the total
371
00:16:23,293 --> 00:16:26,145
up to 193 men.
372
00:16:27,097 --> 00:16:28,564
Plus or minus eight men.
373
00:16:29,716 --> 00:16:31,350
Remarkable.
374
00:16:31,351 --> 00:16:33,886
Did you have sexual intercourse
with all of these men?
375
00:16:33,887 --> 00:16:35,271
No.
376
00:16:35,272 --> 00:16:36,438
Although that number would be
377
00:16:36,439 --> 00:16:38,324
fairly easy
to calculate.
Oh.
378
00:16:38,325 --> 00:16:40,276
Based on the number of
awkward encounters I've had
379
00:16:40,277 --> 00:16:42,278
with strange men leaving
her apartment in the morning,
380
00:16:42,279 --> 00:16:43,913
plus the number of times
381
00:16:43,914 --> 00:16:45,781
she's returned home
wearing the same clothes
382
00:16:45,782 --> 00:16:46,982
she wore the night before...
383
00:16:46,983 --> 00:16:49,151
Okay, Sheldon, I think
you've made your point.
384
00:16:49,152 --> 00:16:50,619
So we multiply 193--
385
00:16:50,620 --> 00:16:54,123
minus 21 men
before the loss of virginity--
386
00:16:54,124 --> 00:16:55,507
so 172
387
00:16:55,508 --> 00:16:58,344
times 0.18 gives us...
388
00:16:58,345 --> 00:17:00,963
30.96 sexual partners.
389
00:17:02,015 --> 00:17:03,766
Let's round that up to 31.
390
00:17:04,935 --> 00:17:07,303
Okay, Sheldon, you are so wrong.
391
00:17:07,304 --> 00:17:09,471
That is not even close
to the real number.
392
00:17:09,472 --> 00:17:12,474
I'm gonna need
a drink over here.
393
00:17:12,475 --> 00:17:13,726
This is very interesting.
394
00:17:13,727 --> 00:17:15,411
Cultural perceptions
are subjective.
395
00:17:15,412 --> 00:17:17,896
Penny, to your mind,
are you a slut?
396
00:17:18,782 --> 00:17:22,418
No! No!
397
00:17:22,419 --> 00:17:24,386
No.
398
00:17:24,387 --> 00:17:27,406
Let's just all finish
our dinners, okay?
399
00:17:27,407 --> 00:17:29,325
This is
an interesting topic.
400
00:17:29,326 --> 00:17:31,860
How many sexual encounters
have you had?
401
00:17:31,861 --> 00:17:34,196
Does volunteering
for a scientific experiment
402
00:17:34,197 --> 00:17:36,215
in which orgasm was achieved
by electronically
403
00:17:36,216 --> 00:17:38,801
stimulating the pleasure centers
of the brain count?
404
00:17:40,053 --> 00:17:42,154
I should think so.
405
00:17:42,155 --> 00:17:44,440
Then 128.
406
00:17:51,898 --> 00:17:55,384
Okay, come on.
407
00:17:55,385 --> 00:17:57,569
Almost there.
408
00:18:02,776 --> 00:18:04,559
Don't tug.
No tugging.
409
00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:07,196
Next time, take your own advice.
410
00:18:07,197 --> 00:18:09,365
Excuse me,
could you help us out?
411
00:18:09,366 --> 00:18:11,784
My, my, my.
412
00:18:11,785 --> 00:18:13,752
What do we have here?
413
00:18:15,455 --> 00:18:16,789
I slipped and fell.
414
00:18:16,790 --> 00:18:18,590
Yeah, we get that a lot.
415
00:18:18,591 --> 00:18:21,427
What is this?
416
00:18:21,428 --> 00:18:23,595
It's a robot arm.
417
00:18:23,596 --> 00:18:26,131
Where's the rest of the robot?
418
00:18:26,132 --> 00:18:28,217
I only built the arm.
419
00:18:28,218 --> 00:18:30,886
'Cause that's all
you needed, right?
420
00:18:32,555 --> 00:18:34,940
Can you please
just help me?!
421
00:18:34,941 --> 00:18:36,225
All right, all right.
422
00:18:36,226 --> 00:18:39,061
Hang on, stay calm.
423
00:18:39,062 --> 00:18:41,430
I need an orderly
with a wheelchair.
424
00:18:41,431 --> 00:18:45,634
I got a robot hand grasping
a man's penis out here.
425
00:18:46,953 --> 00:18:49,154
You think you could be
a little more discreet?
426
00:18:49,155 --> 00:18:50,689
I'm sorry,
we don't have a code for
427
00:18:50,690 --> 00:18:53,042
"robot hand
grasping a man's penis."
428
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:55,777
Why is it hooked up
to a computer?
429
00:18:55,778 --> 00:18:57,312
Uh, it's what
controls the arm.
430
00:18:57,313 --> 00:18:58,330
But it's frozen.
431
00:18:58,331 --> 00:19:01,133
Did you try turning it off
and back on again?
432
00:19:01,134 --> 00:19:04,002
No, you see, it's more
complicated than that.
433
00:19:04,003 --> 00:19:05,771
No, wait!
434
00:19:12,462 --> 00:19:16,014
Winnie the Pooh
is out of the honey tree.
435
00:19:16,015 --> 00:19:20,269
Now can we have cookies
and Hawaiian Punch?
436
00:19:26,622 --> 00:19:27,955
You were right.
437
00:19:27,956 --> 00:19:30,591
This was a very
productive evening.
438
00:19:30,592 --> 00:19:34,762
I saw a whole new side of
Amy Farrah Fowler tonight.
439
00:19:34,763 --> 00:19:38,633
I did not have
sex with 31 guys.
440
00:19:38,634 --> 00:19:39,967
I'll be happy
to check the math,
441
00:19:39,968 --> 00:19:43,304
but numbers
don't lie, Penny.
442
00:19:43,305 --> 00:19:44,505
In any event,
443
00:19:44,506 --> 00:19:48,109
now that Amy and I have
spent quality time together,
444
00:19:48,110 --> 00:19:49,610
I feel much
more confident
445
00:19:49,611 --> 00:19:52,113
proceeding to the next
stage of our relationship.
446
00:19:52,114 --> 00:19:53,481
And that is?
447
00:19:53,482 --> 00:19:55,233
Using in vitro
fertilization
448
00:19:55,234 --> 00:19:58,953
and a surrogate uterus to
gift humanity with our progeny.
449
00:20:00,406 --> 00:20:02,240
You're still
on that?
450
00:20:02,241 --> 00:20:07,161
In these uncertain times,
doesn't humanity deserve a gift?
451
00:20:07,162 --> 00:20:09,297
Okay, you know what?
452
00:20:09,298 --> 00:20:11,749
I'm gonna come at this
in a whole new way.
453
00:20:11,750 --> 00:20:14,886
Sheldon, if you try to make
a baby with Amy in a petri dish,
454
00:20:14,887 --> 00:20:17,138
I'm gonna tell
your mother on you.
455
00:20:17,139 --> 00:20:18,973
That's no threat.
456
00:20:18,974 --> 00:20:21,058
My mother's always
wanted a grandchild.
457
00:20:21,059 --> 00:20:24,312
Really? Your deeply religious
born-again Christian mother
458
00:20:24,313 --> 00:20:26,731
wants a test-tube grandbaby
born out of wedlock?
459
00:20:30,652 --> 00:20:32,403
Curses.
460
00:20:32,404 --> 00:20:34,322
If I'd thought of that
in the first place,
461
00:20:34,323 --> 00:20:36,574
I could've saved myself
this whole night.
462
00:20:36,575 --> 00:20:38,075
Well, it's not that late.
463
00:20:38,076 --> 00:20:40,611
You could still go out
and look for number 32.
464
00:20:44,583 --> 00:20:47,418
Good night.
465
00:20:47,419 --> 00:20:49,670
Hey, Howard,
what's up?
466
00:20:49,671 --> 00:20:51,572
I've decided
not to procreate.
467
00:20:51,573 --> 00:20:53,791
Yeah, yeah, great.
468
00:20:53,792 --> 00:20:55,092
Howard, uh, slow down.
469
00:20:55,093 --> 00:20:57,094
What do you mean
it happened again?
470
00:20:57,095 --> 00:21:00,329
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --