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00:00:00,070 --> 00:00:00,907
English (HI) Subtitles.
The Big Bang Theory S09E18 [KoTuWa]
The Application Deterioration
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00:00:00,909 --> 00:00:02,314
Previously on
The Big Bang Theory...
3
00:00:02,315 --> 00:00:03,927
I guess I'm still wondering
4
00:00:03,929 --> 00:00:05,795
if Emily and I
are right for each other.
5
00:00:05,797 --> 00:00:08,164
Does this have to do with
that girl you had coffee with?
6
00:00:08,166 --> 00:00:11,167
You mean the strong, sexy angel
I can't stop thinking about?
7
00:00:11,169 --> 00:00:13,503
Who can say?
8
00:00:13,505 --> 00:00:16,639
I need to come up with
a big idea to make some money.
9
00:00:16,641 --> 00:00:18,608
There's no reason you can't.
That's easy for you to say.
10
00:00:18,610 --> 00:00:20,043
You and Sheldon already came up
11
00:00:20,045 --> 00:00:21,845
with your
superfluid helium model.
12
00:00:21,847 --> 00:00:23,046
That's just research.
13
00:00:23,048 --> 00:00:24,814
We're never going
to make any money from it.
14
00:00:24,816 --> 00:00:26,783
Forget helium--
the real superfluid
15
00:00:26,785 --> 00:00:29,018
is the fruit punch in this mug.
16
00:00:29,020 --> 00:00:33,122
It reminds me of my daddy's
secret “Don't Tell Mama” juice.
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00:00:34,860 --> 00:00:36,025
Maybe that's an idea.
18
00:00:36,027 --> 00:00:38,761
Guidance systems
for drunk people.
19
00:00:38,763 --> 00:00:40,930
They have that,
it's called Uber.
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00:00:42,467 --> 00:00:44,200
Hey, in your supercooled
helium experiments,
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00:00:44,202 --> 00:00:46,636
did you create
quantum vortices?
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00:00:46,638 --> 00:00:47,637
Yeah, why?
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00:00:47,639 --> 00:00:49,072
Well, if you made
a guidance system,
24
00:00:49,074 --> 00:00:51,407
couldn't you use those vortices
as a gyroscope?
25
00:00:51,409 --> 00:00:53,843
Wow. Never thought about that.
26
00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:55,612
And, since it's
in a quantum state,
27
00:00:55,614 --> 00:00:57,113
it would maintain
an infinite persistence.
28
00:00:57,115 --> 00:00:58,281
Groundbreaking
revelations,
29
00:00:58,283 --> 00:00:59,849
tropical drinks.
30
00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:03,720
Tell me this isn't like the best
episode of Sex and the City.
31
00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:11,661
Okay, I gotta ask--
32
00:01:11,663 --> 00:01:13,429
why are you wearing
a bow tie?
33
00:01:13,431 --> 00:01:16,366
I've never applied
for a patent before.
34
00:01:16,368 --> 00:01:18,201
I wanted to make
a good impression.
35
00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:21,471
Oh. Is the impression that
your first name is Pee-Wee?
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00:01:21,473 --> 00:01:23,640
(chuckling)
37
00:01:26,611 --> 00:01:29,212
Yeah, well, you're an engineer.
38
00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:30,813
End of joke, burn.
39
00:01:33,652 --> 00:01:34,884
Come on in, fellas.
40
00:01:34,886 --> 00:01:36,886
See, he's not wearing a tie.
41
00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:38,121
Well, he's
a patent attorney.
42
00:01:38,123 --> 00:01:39,989
Maybe his tie is pending.
43
00:01:41,159 --> 00:01:43,326
So, I've reviewed
your paperwork,
44
00:01:43,328 --> 00:01:45,628
and it seems like
we've got everything we need
45
00:01:45,630 --> 00:01:46,696
to file a patent
46
00:01:46,698 --> 00:01:48,731
for your infinite
persistence gyroscope.
47
00:01:48,733 --> 00:01:49,832
That's great!
Excellent.
48
00:01:49,834 --> 00:01:51,200
So what happens next?
49
00:01:51,202 --> 00:01:52,669
Well, the legal team
needs to review
50
00:01:52,671 --> 00:01:54,604
existing patents
to avoid overlap.
51
00:01:54,606 --> 00:01:56,105
Oh, I don't think
there will be.
52
00:01:56,107 --> 00:01:57,607
Yes, we did
our own search.
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00:01:57,609 --> 00:02:00,910
That's nice, but I think ours
might be a bit more thorough.
54
00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:04,647
(chuckles):
Get a load of this guy.
55
00:02:04,649 --> 00:02:07,016
Can you imagine if we
make money with this?
56
00:02:07,018 --> 00:02:08,584
If we do,
I am splurging
57
00:02:08,586 --> 00:02:11,321
on the best sinus irrigator
money can buy.
58
00:02:12,857 --> 00:02:14,023
That old sad story--
59
00:02:14,025 --> 00:02:17,060
guy gets a little money,
goes straight up his nose.
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00:02:17,062 --> 00:02:20,797
Just need you to review
and sign this document
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00:02:20,799 --> 00:02:22,932
acknowledging that you
understand the university
62
00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:25,802
will own 75% of the patent.
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00:02:26,905 --> 00:02:29,172
75%?
64
00:02:29,174 --> 00:02:30,306
That's outrageous.
65
00:02:30,308 --> 00:02:33,109
This is our idea
based on our research.
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00:02:33,111 --> 00:02:36,279
How can you possibly justify
owning a majority share?
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00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:37,747
It's university policy.
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00:02:37,749 --> 00:02:40,016
I know when I'm beat.
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00:02:40,018 --> 00:02:42,385
Hold on, hold on.
So the three of us
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00:02:42,387 --> 00:02:45,888
do all the work
and only end up with 25%?
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00:02:45,890 --> 00:02:47,857
Dr. Hofstadter, this university
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00:02:47,859 --> 00:02:49,792
has been paying your salaries
for over ten years.
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00:02:49,794 --> 00:02:52,495
Did you think we do that out
of the goodness of our hearts?
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00:02:52,497 --> 00:02:56,299
Well, until you just said
that mean thing, kinda.
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00:02:57,435 --> 00:02:59,469
And as far as
Mr. Wolowitz is concerned,
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00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:02,705
I'm afraid as a federal employee
on loan from NASA,
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00:03:02,707 --> 00:03:04,474
your name can be
on the patent,
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00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:07,877
but you're not entitled
to an ownership share.
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00:03:07,879 --> 00:03:10,146
Wait, so this can turn out to be
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00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:13,316
a financial success,
and I get nothing?
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00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:17,220
Well, sometimes
they give you a plaque.
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00:03:17,222 --> 00:03:18,721
Well, that's not fair.
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00:03:18,723 --> 00:03:20,790
We should all get plaques.
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00:03:23,261 --> 00:03:24,927
Sorry, but we
can't sign this.
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00:03:24,929 --> 00:03:26,596
Come on, let's go.
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00:03:26,598 --> 00:03:28,531
Thank you for your time.
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00:03:31,269 --> 00:03:33,703
Couple of questions
about the plaque...
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♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
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00:03:38,376 --> 00:03:41,711
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
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00:03:41,713 --> 00:03:43,346
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
91
00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:45,882
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
92
00:03:45,884 --> 00:03:48,551
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
93
00:03:48,553 --> 00:03:51,220
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
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00:03:51,222 --> 00:03:53,122
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
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00:03:53,124 --> 00:03:55,091
♪ Bang! ♪
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00:03:55,092 --> 00:03:59,092
♪ The Big Bang Theory 9x18 ♪
The Application Deterioration
Original Air Date on March 10, 2016
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00:03:59,116 --> 00:04:01,116
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
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00:04:04,376 --> 00:04:06,943
So, have you been having
any morning sickness?
99
00:04:06,945 --> 00:04:08,311
A little.
100
00:04:08,313 --> 00:04:09,512
And it doesn't help
101
00:04:09,514 --> 00:04:10,780
that I've got this heightened
sense of smell.
102
00:04:10,782 --> 00:04:13,216
Is that a pregnancy thing?
Yeah.
103
00:04:13,218 --> 00:04:14,350
The other day I sniffed out
104
00:04:14,352 --> 00:04:17,086
where Howie
hid the Girl Scout cookies.
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00:04:18,089 --> 00:04:22,492
No more Tagalongs, my ass.
106
00:04:22,494 --> 00:04:23,893
But now you'll be able to make
107
00:04:23,895 --> 00:04:26,930
your own milk
to eat the cookies with.
108
00:04:28,233 --> 00:04:29,999
Hey, guys. Hey, Penny.
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00:04:30,001 --> 00:04:31,935
I really appreciate
you helping me with this.
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00:04:31,937 --> 00:04:33,269
I don't know what to do.
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00:04:33,271 --> 00:04:35,171
Oh, sure. Let me see it.
See what?
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00:04:35,173 --> 00:04:37,240
I hadn't spoken to Emily
since I broke up with her,
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00:04:37,242 --> 00:04:39,409
and she left this
on my doorstep with a note.
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00:04:39,411 --> 00:04:42,912
“Raj, I got you this before we
split up, but couldn't return it
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00:04:42,914 --> 00:04:44,614
“and thought
you'd like to have it.
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00:04:44,616 --> 00:04:46,783
Happy belated
Valentine's Day, Emily”"
117
00:04:46,785 --> 00:04:48,184
That's nice.
118
00:04:48,186 --> 00:04:50,219
Nice, or is she trying
to manipulate him?
119
00:04:50,221 --> 00:04:52,789
I know. I mean, do I open it?
Do I return it?
120
00:04:52,791 --> 00:04:54,090
Why wouldn't you open it?
121
00:04:54,092 --> 00:04:55,191
Well, she was pretty mad.
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00:04:55,193 --> 00:04:57,026
For all I know
it's a voodoo doll of me
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00:04:57,028 --> 00:04:59,629
with a fork stuck in my junk.
124
00:05:01,166 --> 00:05:03,433
You don't think she'd actually
send you something gross
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00:05:03,435 --> 00:05:04,867
or dangerous, do you?
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00:05:04,869 --> 00:05:07,437
I know one way
to find out-- sniff this.
127
00:05:09,274 --> 00:05:12,542
She's pregnant,
she's not a bloodhound.
128
00:05:12,544 --> 00:05:14,344
Although I am getting
a little machine oil.
129
00:05:14,346 --> 00:05:16,012
I think it's metal.
130
00:05:16,014 --> 00:05:17,647
Come on, just open it.
131
00:05:17,649 --> 00:05:20,550
You know,
on Game of Thrones,
132
00:05:20,552 --> 00:05:24,387
Balon Greyjoy received
his son's genitals in a box.
133
00:05:24,389 --> 00:05:27,090
Well, never hurts
to have a spare.
134
00:05:30,095 --> 00:05:31,327
BERNADETTE:
What is that?
135
00:05:31,329 --> 00:05:34,130
Wow. It's an antique sextant.
136
00:05:34,132 --> 00:05:37,867
Sailors used these to find
their position by the stars.
137
00:05:37,869 --> 00:05:40,269
What a nice gift
for an astrophysicist.
138
00:05:40,271 --> 00:05:41,871
I know, she's so thoughtful.
139
00:05:41,873 --> 00:05:43,539
See, she's trying
to get you back.
140
00:05:43,541 --> 00:05:45,308
Now, that is exactly
what I would've gotten you
141
00:05:45,310 --> 00:05:49,012
if I had any idea
what it is or what you do.
142
00:05:49,014 --> 00:05:52,215
You know, I have too much
self-esteem to let this girl
143
00:05:52,217 --> 00:05:54,517
guilt me into getting back
together with her.
144
00:05:54,519 --> 00:05:58,788
You don't need to be pregnant
to smell that load of crap.
145
00:06:00,959 --> 00:06:04,027
Well, what if we go
around the university
146
00:06:04,029 --> 00:06:05,194
and just get
the patent ourselves?
147
00:06:05,196 --> 00:06:06,529
We can't.
It says on their Web site,
148
00:06:06,531 --> 00:06:08,097
as long as we work there,
they have
149
00:06:08,099 --> 00:06:11,367
a controlling ownership
of anything we come up with.
150
00:06:11,369 --> 00:06:13,903
Great, so they own
my idea for a T-shirt
151
00:06:13,905 --> 00:06:17,140
that says
“Dumb as a Bag of Geologists.”
152
00:06:20,445 --> 00:06:22,945
Well, our choices are we
do this with the university
153
00:06:22,947 --> 00:06:24,213
or we don't do it at all.
154
00:06:24,215 --> 00:06:27,116
Either way, I get nothing.
155
00:06:27,118 --> 00:06:29,452
Or, if we ended up
making money from this,
156
00:06:29,454 --> 00:06:32,255
Sheldon and I could split
our shares with you.
157
00:06:32,257 --> 00:06:34,123
To be clear,
158
00:06:34,125 --> 00:06:35,625
Leonard is referring
to the gyroscope,
159
00:06:35,627 --> 00:06:38,194
not the T-shirt and mugs.
160
00:06:38,196 --> 00:06:41,130
Oh! Now they own the mugs.
161
00:06:42,333 --> 00:06:44,667
I guess that is
a way around this.
162
00:06:44,669 --> 00:06:46,969
You guys would be cool
doing it like that?
163
00:06:46,971 --> 00:06:48,771
Of course, we can split
any profits three ways.
164
00:06:48,773 --> 00:06:49,739
I'm fine with that.
165
00:06:49,741 --> 00:06:51,507
Okay, great.
166
00:06:51,509 --> 00:06:55,211
It sounds like a, uh,
contract might be in order.
167
00:06:58,049 --> 00:07:00,149
Sure, we could write
something up.
168
00:07:00,151 --> 00:07:01,851
But which one of us should be
the party who...
169
00:07:01,853 --> 00:07:03,119
You can do it, Sheldon.
170
00:07:03,121 --> 00:07:04,754
So stipulated!
171
00:07:06,558 --> 00:07:09,492
Once I found a stash
of contracts under his bed.
172
00:07:09,494 --> 00:07:11,027
It was weird.
173
00:07:14,566 --> 00:07:17,900
I wonder how much
she spent on this.
174
00:07:17,902 --> 00:07:19,035
Ooh, let's find out.
175
00:07:19,037 --> 00:07:20,803
It doesn't matter.
176
00:07:20,805 --> 00:07:22,872
It's the thought
that counts.
177
00:07:22,874 --> 00:07:24,373
Yeah, yeah,
and beauty's on the inside,
178
00:07:24,375 --> 00:07:26,175
size doesn't matter--
how much she spend?
179
00:07:26,177 --> 00:07:29,545
Seriously, guys,
I don't want to know.
180
00:07:29,547 --> 00:07:31,047
Oh, my.
181
00:07:31,049 --> 00:07:34,317
Oh, come on, you can't say
“Oh, my,” and then not tell me!
182
00:07:34,319 --> 00:07:37,420
These things go for $500 and up.
183
00:07:37,422 --> 00:07:38,621
BERNADETTE:
Damn.
184
00:07:38,623 --> 00:07:40,623
All I got for Valentine's Day
was a postcard
185
00:07:40,625 --> 00:07:43,359
saying my Vermont Teddy Bear
was back-ordered.
186
00:07:43,361 --> 00:07:44,594
PENNY:
Okay, so, she drops off
187
00:07:44,596 --> 00:07:45,962
a $500 gift
188
00:07:45,964 --> 00:07:47,697
and she's not trying to
get back together with you?
189
00:07:47,699 --> 00:07:49,365
Maybe you're right.
190
00:07:49,367 --> 00:07:51,601
Or she's telling the truth
and just being nice.
191
00:07:51,603 --> 00:07:52,835
Maybe you're right.
192
00:07:52,837 --> 00:07:54,937
Wow, I am easy to manipulate.
193
00:07:54,939 --> 00:07:58,174
(phone chiming)
194
00:07:58,176 --> 00:08:00,243
Oh, guys, it's Emily.
195
00:08:00,245 --> 00:08:01,511
What should I do?
196
00:08:01,513 --> 00:08:02,879
Okay, answer it.
Just be strong.
197
00:08:02,881 --> 00:08:04,714
And if she starts to cry,
don't make any promises.
198
00:08:04,716 --> 00:08:07,950
And most importantly, put it
on speaker so we can hear.
199
00:08:10,088 --> 00:08:11,420
Hello?
200
00:08:11,422 --> 00:08:12,889
Hey, it's Emily.
201
00:08:12,891 --> 00:08:14,157
Is this a good time?
202
00:08:16,427 --> 00:08:18,194
Yeah, yeah. Sure. What's up?
203
00:08:18,196 --> 00:08:20,429
Was it okay I left that gift?
204
00:08:20,431 --> 00:08:23,099
I'm really hoping
we can be friends.
205
00:08:26,104 --> 00:08:28,571
Maybe, maybe.
206
00:08:28,573 --> 00:08:32,441
Um, you think you'd want
to grab a cup of coffee?
207
00:08:42,754 --> 00:08:44,487
Hello?
208
00:08:44,489 --> 00:08:48,057
I'm sorry, I seem to be taking
an annoying amount of time
209
00:08:48,059 --> 00:08:50,193
deciding how I feel about this!
210
00:08:51,496 --> 00:08:54,530
I just...
I miss hanging out with you.
211
00:08:54,532 --> 00:08:58,367
It's not like I lost a friend,
it's like I lost my best friend.
212
00:08:58,369 --> 00:09:00,903
(choking up):
Is there any chance
213
00:09:00,905 --> 00:09:03,139
you'd want to come over?
214
00:09:06,144 --> 00:09:09,679
I'm sorry, I don't think
that's a good idea.
215
00:09:09,681 --> 00:09:11,747
Okay. I'm just...
216
00:09:11,749 --> 00:09:13,216
(crying):
I'm having a really hard time,
217
00:09:13,218 --> 00:09:15,985
but that's not your problem,
that's mine.
218
00:09:15,987 --> 00:09:17,887
I-I won't bother you again,
219
00:09:17,889 --> 00:09:22,024
but please know that you'll
always have a place in my heart.
220
00:09:27,065 --> 00:09:28,364
Bye, Raj.
221
00:09:28,366 --> 00:09:30,700
You're a good guy.
222
00:09:30,702 --> 00:09:33,002
Good-bye, Emily.
223
00:09:34,572 --> 00:09:36,973
(sighs):
That was rough, you guys.
224
00:09:36,975 --> 00:09:38,841
I know, but you did it.
I'm so proud of you.
225
00:09:38,843 --> 00:09:41,477
Well, anyway, I'll leave you
to your girls' night.
226
00:09:41,479 --> 00:09:43,379
Are you sure you don't want
to stay here with us?
227
00:09:43,381 --> 00:09:45,381
No, I kind of feel like
being alone right now.
228
00:09:45,383 --> 00:09:47,383
Well, if you change your mind,
we'll be here.
229
00:09:47,385 --> 00:09:49,318
Thank you.
230
00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:51,187
Say hi to Emily for us.
231
00:09:51,189 --> 00:09:53,356
Will do.
232
00:10:01,449 --> 00:10:03,883
This contract
looks good to me.
233
00:10:03,885 --> 00:10:05,484
I'll say it looks good.
234
00:10:05,486 --> 00:10:08,587
It's in my proprietary
font, Shelvetica.
235
00:10:10,858 --> 00:10:13,225
I want to say
something obnoxious,
236
00:10:13,227 --> 00:10:16,228
but it is easy on the eyes.
237
00:10:16,230 --> 00:10:19,365
I'm a little tired, Howie.
You ready to go?
238
00:10:19,367 --> 00:10:21,800
Yeah, one sec. I just need
to sign this contract.
239
00:10:21,802 --> 00:10:23,569
What is it?
Well, we ran into a problem
240
00:10:23,571 --> 00:10:25,271
about my share of the patent,
so we're forming
241
00:10:25,273 --> 00:10:28,073
a partnership to split
anything we make equally.
242
00:10:28,075 --> 00:10:29,708
Sheldon, did you draft
the contract?
243
00:10:29,710 --> 00:10:30,876
You bet I did.
244
00:10:30,878 --> 00:10:34,146
Ooh. You're gonna make
out so hard tonight.
245
00:10:38,119 --> 00:10:39,451
So, you're
just gonna sign this
246
00:10:39,453 --> 00:10:41,253
without having
a lawyer look at it?
247
00:10:41,255 --> 00:10:42,788
Excuse me.
248
00:10:42,790 --> 00:10:45,124
I've been drafting contracts
since kindergarten.
249
00:10:45,126 --> 00:10:47,126
Didn't need a lawyer to get me
out of finger painting.
250
00:10:47,128 --> 00:10:49,461
Don't need one now.
251
00:10:49,463 --> 00:10:51,063
I know, but...
Bernie,
252
00:10:51,065 --> 00:10:52,798
the guys were nice enough
to find a way
253
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:54,533
to keep me from being cut out.
254
00:10:54,535 --> 00:10:56,435
Well, I should hope so.
255
00:10:56,437 --> 00:10:58,103
The whole thing was your idea.
256
00:10:58,105 --> 00:11:03,609
Well, to be fair, Howard's idea
was based on Sheldon's math.
257
00:11:03,611 --> 00:11:05,544
Guys, everyone is involved
in this, okay?
258
00:11:05,546 --> 00:11:06,946
Howard's invention,
259
00:11:06,948 --> 00:11:08,681
Sheldon's math,
my original theory
260
00:11:08,683 --> 00:11:11,016
that space-time was like
a supercooled liquid.
261
00:11:11,018 --> 00:11:12,918
Which I'm sure
Penny would've mentioned
262
00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:15,688
if she wasn't working
on that hangnail right now.
263
00:11:16,791 --> 00:11:18,991
What?
264
00:11:20,194 --> 00:11:22,161
Honey, this is fine.
265
00:11:22,163 --> 00:11:24,730
If you want to sign a contract
that Sheldon whipped up,
266
00:11:24,732 --> 00:11:25,698
go ahead.
267
00:11:25,700 --> 00:11:27,633
Can I talk to you in the hall?
268
00:11:27,635 --> 00:11:29,535
Sure.
Excuse us.
269
00:11:31,973 --> 00:11:33,639
Hey, Leonard.
What?
270
00:11:33,641 --> 00:11:36,675
If she doesn't think that
we should apply for this patent,
271
00:11:36,677 --> 00:11:39,545
she's being patently absurd.
272
00:11:41,349 --> 00:11:43,048
Good one.
273
00:11:43,050 --> 00:11:45,250
Okay, you got it.
274
00:11:45,252 --> 00:11:48,420
See, I was afraid
it was a thinker.
275
00:11:49,991 --> 00:11:52,091
What are you doing?
I just want to make sure
276
00:11:52,093 --> 00:11:53,325
you've thought this through.
277
00:11:53,327 --> 00:11:55,160
What's to think about?
We have an invention
278
00:11:55,162 --> 00:11:56,562
and want to move forward.
279
00:11:56,564 --> 00:11:59,732
Howie, you're about
to form a legal partnership
280
00:11:59,734 --> 00:12:02,735
with Sheldon Cooper.
281
00:12:03,938 --> 00:12:06,105
All right, if you're gonna
calmly make excellent points,
282
00:12:06,107 --> 00:12:08,173
then I don't know
if I want to talk to you.
283
00:12:11,612 --> 00:12:13,212
Okay. I get it.
284
00:12:13,214 --> 00:12:15,247
And it's sweet that
you're worried about me,
285
00:12:15,249 --> 00:12:17,583
but I can take care of myself.
286
00:12:17,585 --> 00:12:20,185
I'm not worried about you.
I'm worried about me.
287
00:12:20,187 --> 00:12:22,688
I don't want to go through
this pregnancy listening
288
00:12:22,690 --> 00:12:25,257
to you complain about Sheldon
driving you crazy
289
00:12:25,259 --> 00:12:26,325
more than you already do.
290
00:12:26,327 --> 00:12:30,896
Here we go with
the ironclad logic again.
291
00:12:30,898 --> 00:12:33,632
You've tried to work
with him before.
292
00:12:33,634 --> 00:12:34,900
It hasn't gone well.
293
00:12:34,902 --> 00:12:37,403
Why is this time
gonna be any different?
294
00:12:37,405 --> 00:12:39,505
Is the fetus helping you?
295
00:12:39,507 --> 00:12:41,373
'Cause that's cheating.
296
00:12:44,111 --> 00:12:46,378
(phone rings)
297
00:12:46,380 --> 00:12:48,447
Hello?
CLAIRE: Hey, Raj.
298
00:12:48,449 --> 00:12:49,815
It's Claire. How are you?
299
00:12:49,817 --> 00:12:51,884
Hi. I'm good. Really good.
300
00:12:51,886 --> 00:12:53,952
Well, I don't know
why I said “really good.”
301
00:12:53,954 --> 00:12:55,220
I'm just regular good.
302
00:12:55,222 --> 00:12:56,555
I really just wanted
to sound confident.
303
00:12:56,557 --> 00:12:58,190
And that “really”
was a real “really,”
304
00:12:58,192 --> 00:13:01,794
not a fake “really”
like the first “really.”
305
00:13:01,796 --> 00:13:03,028
Really?
306
00:13:03,030 --> 00:13:06,065
I don't know. I lost track
and I missed my exit.
307
00:13:06,067 --> 00:13:07,833
So, uh... so what's up?
308
00:13:07,835 --> 00:13:09,134
Well, last time we talked,
309
00:13:09,136 --> 00:13:12,104
I had just gotten back together
with my boyfriend,
310
00:13:12,106 --> 00:13:14,907
and I wanted to let you know
that things didn't work out.
311
00:13:14,909 --> 00:13:16,308
Really? I'm sorry.
312
00:13:16,310 --> 00:13:18,577
I swear I know other words.
313
00:13:18,579 --> 00:13:20,913
So if you were
still interested...
314
00:13:20,915 --> 00:13:23,382
Yes! Indeed!
Absolutely! Indubitably!
315
00:13:23,384 --> 00:13:25,217
I'm not even sure
what the last one means,
316
00:13:25,219 --> 00:13:27,319
but it's another word,
and I know it.
317
00:13:27,321 --> 00:13:28,821
So, uh,
318
00:13:28,823 --> 00:13:30,289
when do you want to meet up?
319
00:13:30,291 --> 00:13:31,990
Uh, I'm almost off work.
320
00:13:31,992 --> 00:13:33,192
What are you doing now?
321
00:13:33,194 --> 00:13:35,094
R-Right now, well...
322
00:13:35,096 --> 00:13:37,529
Well, actually,
to-to be completely honest,
323
00:13:37,531 --> 00:13:39,264
I'm stopping by
to see my ex-girlfriend
324
00:13:39,266 --> 00:13:41,033
because she's having
a tough time. But...
325
00:13:41,035 --> 00:13:42,968
it's not like we're getting
back together or anything.
326
00:13:42,970 --> 00:13:45,704
Let me guess, the worst part
about breaking up
327
00:13:45,706 --> 00:13:48,841
is that she doesn't have her
best friend to talk to anymore?
328
00:13:48,843 --> 00:13:50,342
That's exactly what she said!
329
00:13:50,344 --> 00:13:51,777
How do you know that?
330
00:13:51,779 --> 00:13:54,813
I'm a girl. It's, like,
page one out of the playbook.
331
00:13:54,815 --> 00:13:58,150
Any chance you could send me
a PDF of that playbook?
332
00:14:00,688 --> 00:14:02,054
They've been out
there a while.
333
00:14:02,056 --> 00:14:03,655
I hope
everything's okay.
334
00:14:03,657 --> 00:14:06,091
I wonder what they're talking about.
PENNY: If you guys
335
00:14:06,093 --> 00:14:08,560
would shut up,
I could tell you.
336
00:14:08,562 --> 00:14:09,595
Oh.
337
00:14:09,597 --> 00:14:11,430
Be cool, be cool, be cool.
338
00:14:12,233 --> 00:14:13,732
Hey.
339
00:14:13,734 --> 00:14:15,501
Hello.
Hey. You guys all right?
340
00:14:15,503 --> 00:14:18,971
Yeah. But, um, we were talking,
341
00:14:18,973 --> 00:14:21,840
and... I'm a
little concerned
342
00:14:21,842 --> 00:14:24,409
about the three of us
forming a partnership.
343
00:14:25,513 --> 00:14:29,748
Are you suggesting
a limited liability corporation?
344
00:14:29,750 --> 00:14:33,485
'Cause I did not
L-L-see that coming.
345
00:14:35,256 --> 00:14:38,257
Sheldon, my concern is not
with the money or anything.
346
00:14:38,259 --> 00:14:41,126
It's-it's with
how you treat me.
347
00:14:41,128 --> 00:14:44,029
Well, I believe I'm
treating you generously.
348
00:14:44,031 --> 00:14:46,198
That's why I've stipulated
in the contract
349
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:48,100
that your contributions
to our invention
350
00:14:48,102 --> 00:14:50,102
are as valuable as my own.
351
00:14:50,104 --> 00:14:51,770
Are you saying
that his contributions
352
00:14:51,772 --> 00:14:53,739
aren't as valuable
as yours?
353
00:14:53,741 --> 00:14:55,807
No, I am not saying that,
354
00:14:55,809 --> 00:14:58,010
because I kept saying
that this morning
355
00:14:58,012 --> 00:15:00,345
and Leonard said,
“Stop saying that”"
356
00:15:02,383 --> 00:15:04,683
See? This is what happens
every time we work together.
357
00:15:04,685 --> 00:15:05,918
PENNY:
You know what, hang on.
358
00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:07,586
What if Sheldon had no choice
359
00:15:07,588 --> 00:15:09,087
but to be respectful?
360
00:15:09,089 --> 00:15:13,292
Is there a switch on the back
of his neck we don't know about?
361
00:15:13,294 --> 00:15:15,360
PENNY:
No.
362
00:15:15,362 --> 00:15:17,162
What I'm saying is you could add
a clause to the contract
363
00:15:17,164 --> 00:15:18,797
that he can't make fun
of Howard.
364
00:15:18,799 --> 00:15:20,532
How would you enforce it?
365
00:15:20,534 --> 00:15:22,367
Oh, please.
Any contract I sign
366
00:15:22,369 --> 00:15:25,070
is enforced by my own
personal code of ethics.
367
00:15:25,072 --> 00:15:26,905
And his obsessive-compulsive
disorder.
368
00:15:26,907 --> 00:15:28,273
Yeah, that, too.
369
00:15:29,143 --> 00:15:30,242
And scoot over.
370
00:15:30,244 --> 00:15:32,778
Part of your shadow's
on my spot.
371
00:15:35,983 --> 00:15:37,583
Howard, what do you think?
372
00:15:37,585 --> 00:15:39,751
I'm on board.
373
00:15:39,753 --> 00:15:41,286
I'll add it right now.
374
00:15:41,288 --> 00:15:43,789
Oh, baby, it's addendum time!
375
00:15:47,494 --> 00:15:49,428
(line ringing)
376
00:15:49,430 --> 00:15:50,929
EMILY:
Hello?
377
00:15:50,931 --> 00:15:52,397
Hey, Emily, listen,
378
00:15:52,399 --> 00:15:54,566
I've been thinking,
and I'm not sure
379
00:15:54,568 --> 00:15:56,468
it's a good idea
that I come over.
380
00:15:56,470 --> 00:15:57,869
Oh.
381
00:15:57,871 --> 00:16:00,672
(crying):
Okay. I understand.
382
00:16:00,674 --> 00:16:02,774
No, no. Please don't cry.
383
00:16:02,776 --> 00:16:05,344
Okay, I'll stop!
384
00:16:05,346 --> 00:16:06,912
Hello?
385
00:16:06,914 --> 00:16:11,383
Hey, so, listen, Claire,
change of plans...
386
00:16:11,385 --> 00:16:14,353
Fine. Do what you want,
but she's playing you.
387
00:16:14,355 --> 00:16:17,055
I don't think so.
She sounded pretty upset.
388
00:16:17,057 --> 00:16:18,290
You mean like...
389
00:16:18,292 --> 00:16:20,425
“I was just really
looking forward to seeing you.
390
00:16:20,427 --> 00:16:22,894
I'm having such a rough day.”
391
00:16:22,896 --> 00:16:26,798
Emily, listen...
392
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:29,368
I'm sorry,
393
00:16:29,370 --> 00:16:31,236
but I can't come by.
394
00:16:31,238 --> 00:16:32,437
Why not?
395
00:16:32,439 --> 00:16:34,673
I think we both know
if I come over,
396
00:16:34,675 --> 00:16:37,109
we're gonna get back together and...
I told you
397
00:16:37,111 --> 00:16:38,243
I needed a friend.
398
00:16:38,245 --> 00:16:41,013
What do you think
is happening here?
399
00:16:41,815 --> 00:16:45,017
Call you right back.
400
00:16:47,688 --> 00:16:51,857
The-the revisions I made
start on page four.
401
00:16:51,859 --> 00:16:55,227
Wow. That is a lot
of “whereupons”.
402
00:16:55,229 --> 00:16:58,630
You should see the
Valentine's Day card he gave me.
403
00:16:58,632 --> 00:17:01,633
“Article three:
As it pertains to this project,
404
00:17:01,635 --> 00:17:04,870
“Dr. Sheldon Cooper promises
to abstain from all insulting or
405
00:17:04,872 --> 00:17:07,839
“disrespectful language
directed toward Howard Wolowitz,
406
00:17:07,841 --> 00:17:10,842
“including but not limited to:
mockery of engineering,
407
00:17:10,844 --> 00:17:12,444
“his height, his hair,
his wardrobe,
408
00:17:12,446 --> 00:17:15,981
“and his insane belief
that the Ghost Rider movie
409
00:17:15,983 --> 00:17:19,017
was, quote, 'not that bad.'”
410
00:17:20,721 --> 00:17:23,121
Hang on. Maybe there should be
a “no insult” clause
411
00:17:23,123 --> 00:17:24,456
about me, too.
412
00:17:24,458 --> 00:17:26,591
Do you still like cilantro?
Yeah.
413
00:17:26,593 --> 00:17:28,393
You're tying my hands here.
414
00:17:30,130 --> 00:17:32,197
All right, let's sign this.
PENNY: Wait, wait, wait.
415
00:17:32,199 --> 00:17:34,232
What are these changes
on page six?
416
00:17:34,234 --> 00:17:35,534
Sheldon, what did you do?
417
00:17:35,536 --> 00:17:36,368
WOLOWITZ:
I should've known.
418
00:17:36,370 --> 00:17:38,036
“25% of profits
419
00:17:38,038 --> 00:17:41,139
“due to Sheldon Cooper will be
allocated to a scholarship fund
420
00:17:41,141 --> 00:17:44,876
for the firstborn child of
Howard and Bernadette Wolowitz”"
421
00:17:45,713 --> 00:17:48,380
Sheldon, that's so nice.
422
00:17:48,382 --> 00:17:49,448
LEONARD: That beats
423
00:17:49,450 --> 00:17:51,049
the onesie I was gonna get them
424
00:17:51,051 --> 00:17:53,352
from babyGap.
425
00:17:54,188 --> 00:17:56,888
That's very generous,
Sheldon.
426
00:17:56,890 --> 00:17:59,558
Oh, I've always valued
education over money.
427
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:02,394
And the very fact that you
needed a written guarantee
428
00:18:02,396 --> 00:18:03,829
of respect made me realize
429
00:18:03,831 --> 00:18:06,431
how dismissive I've been
of your contributions.
430
00:18:06,433 --> 00:18:09,134
I appreciate that.
And I just hope
431
00:18:09,136 --> 00:18:12,671
that this scholarship
can rescue your child
432
00:18:12,673 --> 00:18:14,272
from the subpar education
433
00:18:14,274 --> 00:18:18,310
and menial life
of an engineer.
434
00:18:19,713 --> 00:18:21,646
Sheldon.
What?
435
00:18:21,648 --> 00:18:23,849
I didn't sign it yet.
436
00:18:32,348 --> 00:18:33,881
I hear what you're saying,
437
00:18:33,883 --> 00:18:35,482
but I've known Emily
a long time,
438
00:18:35,484 --> 00:18:37,918
and I think she deserves
the benefit of the doubt.
439
00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:39,653
All right, it's your life.
440
00:18:39,655 --> 00:18:41,889
But you know
how this is gonna end.
441
00:18:41,891 --> 00:18:43,357
As a matter of fact, I do.
442
00:18:43,359 --> 00:18:45,526
I'm gonna comfort her,
because I'm a caring
443
00:18:45,528 --> 00:18:47,494
and decent friend
who's happy to be there
444
00:18:47,496 --> 00:18:50,497
when she needs someone
to talk to.
445
00:18:50,499 --> 00:18:52,399
Good talk.
446
00:18:55,487 --> 00:19:01,987
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man