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00:00:00,070 --> 00:00:01,600
English (HI) Subtitles.
The Big Bang Theory S09E03 [KoTuWa]
The Bachelor Party Corrosion
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00:00:02,997 --> 00:00:04,598
Would you pass
the mustard?
3
00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:05,699
Sure.
4
00:00:05,701 --> 00:00:07,534
Hey, want to hear
a fun fact about mustard?
5
00:00:07,536 --> 00:00:10,437
Is it that the glucosinolates
which give mustard its flavor
6
00:00:10,439 --> 00:00:11,805
were evolved
by the cabbage family
7
00:00:11,807 --> 00:00:14,441
as a chemical defense
against caterpillars?
8
00:00:14,443 --> 00:00:16,076
Yeah.
9
00:00:17,445 --> 00:00:19,246
Well, that was fun.
10
00:00:19,248 --> 00:00:21,381
Good for you, Leonard.
11
00:00:21,383 --> 00:00:22,916
Hey, there.
12
00:00:22,918 --> 00:00:23,917
Hey, you're early.
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00:00:23,919 --> 00:00:25,652
The movie doesn't start
for an hour.
14
00:00:25,654 --> 00:00:27,287
Actually, we're not
going to the movies.
15
00:00:27,289 --> 00:00:29,956
We are here to kidnap you.
16
00:00:29,958 --> 00:00:31,291
What are you talking about?
17
00:00:31,293 --> 00:00:33,093
Well, you eloped and
we didn't get a chance
18
00:00:33,095 --> 00:00:34,527
to throw you
a bachelor party,
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00:00:34,529 --> 00:00:36,062
so there's
a van downstairs
20
00:00:36,064 --> 00:00:37,697
and we're here
to take you
21
00:00:37,699 --> 00:00:39,699
to a surprise location
for the weekend.
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00:00:39,701 --> 00:00:41,868
Well, I'd hardly
call this kidnapping.
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00:00:41,870 --> 00:00:43,036
Where's the blindfold?
24
00:00:43,038 --> 00:00:44,271
Where's the duct tape?
25
00:00:44,273 --> 00:00:45,839
Where's the part
26
00:00:45,841 --> 00:00:47,574
where you call me
and demand ransom
27
00:00:47,576 --> 00:00:49,075
and I try to keep you
on the phone,
28
00:00:49,077 --> 00:00:51,344
but you hang up
seconds before I can trace it
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00:00:51,346 --> 00:00:54,714
and then I say, "I'm getting
too old for this crud"?
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00:00:56,884 --> 00:00:58,952
When do we leave?
31
00:00:58,954 --> 00:00:59,886
Right now.
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00:00:59,888 --> 00:01:01,254
Yeah, Penny packed
you a bag.
33
00:01:01,256 --> 00:01:02,822
Wow, okay.
34
00:01:02,824 --> 00:01:04,724
You're seriously going to get
in a van and let these two
35
00:01:04,726 --> 00:01:05,992
take you
to an unknown destination
36
00:01:05,994 --> 00:01:07,460
for an entire weekend?
37
00:01:07,462 --> 00:01:09,362
Oh, not just him;
you're coming, too.
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00:01:09,364 --> 00:01:11,998
Oh, and how do you think you're
going to get me to do that?
39
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Unhand me!
40
00:01:13,035 --> 00:01:14,067
This is ridiculous!
41
00:01:14,069 --> 00:01:15,602
I told you to put tape
on his mouth!
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00:01:15,604 --> 00:01:17,804
And I told you he bit me!
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00:01:18,940 --> 00:01:22,575
♪Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
44
00:01:22,577 --> 00:01:25,912
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
45
00:01:25,914 --> 00:01:27,547
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
46
00:01:27,549 --> 00:01:30,083
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
47
00:01:30,085 --> 00:01:32,752
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
48
00:01:32,754 --> 00:01:35,422
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
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00:01:35,424 --> 00:01:37,357
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
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00:01:37,359 --> 00:01:39,292
♪ Bang! ♪
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00:01:39,293 --> 00:01:43,293
♪ The Big Bang Theory 9x03 ♪
The Bachelor Party Corrosion
Original Air Date on October 5, 2015
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== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
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SHELDON:
It's bad enough I'm being taken
54
00:01:50,739 --> 00:01:51,883
against my will.
55
00:01:51,885 --> 00:01:53,285
I don't see why it has to be in
56
00:01:53,287 --> 00:01:55,187
some hippie's
mobile sex dungeon.
57
00:01:56,656 --> 00:01:58,624
Well, Sheldon,
there's something about this van
58
00:01:58,626 --> 00:02:00,726
that you're going to find
very interesting.
59
00:02:00,728 --> 00:02:03,528
It runs on syphilis?
60
00:02:05,064 --> 00:02:08,166
This van was owned
and driven by your personal
61
00:02:08,168 --> 00:02:09,501
physics hero...
62
00:02:09,503 --> 00:02:11,069
Richard Feynman.
63
00:02:11,071 --> 00:02:12,971
No.
Yeah!
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00:02:12,973 --> 00:02:14,740
A buddy of mine
let me borrow it.
65
00:02:14,742 --> 00:02:16,508
This was Feynman's van?
66
00:02:16,510 --> 00:02:17,676
That's so cool.
67
00:02:17,678 --> 00:02:19,311
Yeah, nothing's been changed
since he drove it.
68
00:02:19,313 --> 00:02:22,014
I bet he picked up a lot of cute
grad students in this bad boy.
69
00:02:22,016 --> 00:02:24,049
Yeah, and talked about physics
with them!
70
00:02:24,051 --> 00:02:26,451
(gasps)
71
00:02:26,453 --> 00:02:28,453
So, are you gonna give us
a clue where we're headed?
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00:02:28,455 --> 00:02:31,390
Uh, okay, let's see...
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00:02:31,392 --> 00:02:33,058
They've got spicy food
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00:02:33,060 --> 00:02:36,061
and there's a chance
you'll get diarrhea.
75
00:02:36,063 --> 00:02:39,398
India.
76
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:41,533
We can drive there.
77
00:02:41,535 --> 00:02:43,368
Your house?
78
00:02:44,937 --> 00:02:47,539
We are going
to Meh-he-co!
79
00:02:47,541 --> 00:02:48,707
Fun, I've never been there!
80
00:02:48,709 --> 00:02:50,542
Leonard, don't be fooled!
81
00:02:50,544 --> 00:02:51,843
I'm from Texas--
82
00:02:51,845 --> 00:02:55,313
Meh-he-co is Spanish for Mexico.
83
00:02:55,315 --> 00:02:57,215
What's wrong with Mexico?
84
00:02:57,217 --> 00:02:59,885
Uh, mariachi bands, wild dogs,
85
00:02:59,887 --> 00:03:03,221
beans that jump around
'cause there's a worm inside.
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00:03:03,223 --> 00:03:04,856
Okay, calm down.
87
00:03:04,858 --> 00:03:06,124
There's a theme
to this weekend.
88
00:03:06,126 --> 00:03:09,695
We are going to Mexico
in Feynman's van
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00:03:09,697 --> 00:03:12,164
to stay at the vacation house
Feynman bought
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00:03:12,166 --> 00:03:14,032
with the money
from his Nobel Prize.
91
00:03:14,034 --> 00:03:15,667
Viva la Imodium!
92
00:03:15,669 --> 00:03:17,202
Ay-ay-ay!
93
00:03:20,273 --> 00:03:22,708
Come on, Leonard's
doing bachelor stuff.
94
00:03:22,710 --> 00:03:24,443
You sure we can't take
you to a strip club?
95
00:03:24,445 --> 00:03:27,145
Nah, if I want to see
a naked dancing man,
96
00:03:27,147 --> 00:03:29,081
I just flush the toilet
while Leonard's in the shower.
97
00:03:29,083 --> 00:03:30,415
(giggles)
98
00:03:32,218 --> 00:03:34,653
Hi.
Hey.
99
00:03:34,655 --> 00:03:36,755
I know we're not making a fuss,
100
00:03:36,757 --> 00:03:39,691
but in the spirit
of bachelorette parties,
101
00:03:39,693 --> 00:03:43,061
I made cookies in the
shape of male genitals.
102
00:03:44,130 --> 00:03:46,031
You really
didn't have to...
103
00:03:46,033 --> 00:03:47,933
Whoa!
104
00:03:48,901 --> 00:03:51,269
That is anatomic.
105
00:03:51,271 --> 00:03:52,437
Thank you.
106
00:03:52,439 --> 00:03:54,406
The veins are gummy worms.
107
00:03:57,643 --> 00:03:59,277
Oh, look,
108
00:03:59,279 --> 00:04:01,980
Jewish and gentile.
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00:04:02,815 --> 00:04:04,549
I had extra dough.
110
00:04:05,384 --> 00:04:07,519
(phone chimes)
111
00:04:07,521 --> 00:04:08,687
Oh, that's Leonard.
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00:04:08,689 --> 00:04:10,088
He said they're about
to cross the border.
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00:04:10,090 --> 00:04:12,657
I hope the boys don't get
too crazy in Mexico.
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00:04:12,659 --> 00:04:14,559
Oh, yeah, right.
Lock up your daughters
115
00:04:14,561 --> 00:04:15,894
or Sheldon might
lecture them
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00:04:15,896 --> 00:04:18,096
about the North American
Free Trade Agreement.
117
00:04:19,398 --> 00:04:22,667
Boy, that was
a long night for me.
118
00:04:24,670 --> 00:04:26,404
Uh-oh.
119
00:04:26,406 --> 00:04:28,807
According to this
Mexican Customs Web site,
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00:04:28,809 --> 00:04:31,910
visitors may not bring
more than five laser discs,
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00:04:31,912 --> 00:04:33,812
20 compact discs
122
00:04:33,814 --> 00:04:36,715
or 12 VHS tapes.
123
00:04:36,717 --> 00:04:39,518
We don't have
any of those.
124
00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:41,086
How can you be sure?
125
00:04:41,088 --> 00:04:44,322
VHS was king
when Feynman drove this van.
126
00:04:44,324 --> 00:04:46,291
For all we know,
there are hidden compartments
127
00:04:46,293 --> 00:04:49,127
lousy with Jane Fonda
workout videos.
128
00:04:49,129 --> 00:04:51,329
If there was
a hidden compartment,
129
00:04:51,331 --> 00:04:54,166
don't you think you'd be
stuffed in it by now?
130
00:04:55,301 --> 00:04:58,804
Are we all up to date on our
yellow fever inoculations?
131
00:04:58,806 --> 00:05:02,307
You don't need a yellow fever
shot to go to Mexico.
132
00:05:02,309 --> 00:05:03,775
You can never be too careful.
133
00:05:03,777 --> 00:05:07,012
I got one last year
before I went to Epcot.
134
00:05:09,916 --> 00:05:11,416
So, Penny,
how's married life?
135
00:05:11,418 --> 00:05:12,517
Oh, it's good.
136
00:05:12,519 --> 00:05:14,152
I just wish Leonard
would work up the courage
137
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to tell Sheldon
he's moving in here.
138
00:05:16,723 --> 00:05:18,857
You guys still aren't
living together?
139
00:05:18,859 --> 00:05:20,826
We are. I mean, he sleeps here.
140
00:05:20,828 --> 00:05:22,260
But it's only a matter of time
141
00:05:22,262 --> 00:05:23,595
before Sheldon has a bad dream
142
00:05:23,597 --> 00:05:24,830
and tries to climb into bed
143
00:05:24,832 --> 00:05:27,499
with the Leonard-shaped
pile of pillows.
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00:05:28,367 --> 00:05:30,135
Speaking of Sheldon,
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00:05:30,137 --> 00:05:31,369
how's single life treating you?
146
00:05:31,371 --> 00:05:33,171
Fine, I guess.
147
00:05:33,173 --> 00:05:34,739
I've been focusing on me.
148
00:05:34,741 --> 00:05:36,708
I was thinking about
changing my wardrobe.
149
00:05:36,710 --> 00:05:38,810
Yes!
Good for you!
150
00:05:39,979 --> 00:05:42,480
But then I decided I don't want
to go changing who I am
151
00:05:42,482 --> 00:05:43,782
just because of some man.
152
00:05:43,784 --> 00:05:46,651
Yes.
Good for you.
153
00:05:47,954 --> 00:05:49,087
You know, it is normal
154
00:05:49,089 --> 00:05:50,789
to want to change your
look after a breakup.
155
00:05:50,791 --> 00:05:53,625
Actually, I was thinking
of making one small change.
156
00:05:53,627 --> 00:05:54,960
Your sweater?
Your glasses?
157
00:05:54,962 --> 00:05:56,528
Your hair?
Your shoes!
158
00:05:56,530 --> 00:05:58,630
Piercing my ears.
159
00:05:58,632 --> 00:06:00,298
Oh.
Oh.
160
00:06:00,300 --> 00:06:01,766
You really never
had that done?
161
00:06:01,768 --> 00:06:03,235
My mom said pierced ears
162
00:06:03,237 --> 00:06:06,204
were for whores,
pirates and genies.
163
00:06:07,406 --> 00:06:09,875
Okay, well, you're
a grown woman now.
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00:06:09,877 --> 00:06:12,544
I know, but Sheldon
had this clause
165
00:06:12,546 --> 00:06:13,879
in the Relationship Agreement
166
00:06:13,881 --> 00:06:15,247
forbidding cosmetic surgery
167
00:06:15,249 --> 00:06:17,616
unless it's to look
like a Klingon.
168
00:06:19,018 --> 00:06:20,719
We'll take you to the
mall to get it done.
169
00:06:20,721 --> 00:06:22,287
Why? I can do it
right here.
170
00:06:22,289 --> 00:06:23,321
Really?
171
00:06:23,323 --> 00:06:24,856
You have a piercing gun?
No.
172
00:06:24,858 --> 00:06:26,291
All you need is a needle
and an ice cube.
173
00:06:26,293 --> 00:06:27,626
I've done it, like,
a dozen times.
174
00:06:27,628 --> 00:06:29,194
Oh, I don't know.
175
00:06:29,196 --> 00:06:30,929
Oh, come on.
I'll be gentle.
176
00:06:30,931 --> 00:06:33,098
Let me take your ear virginity.
177
00:06:34,634 --> 00:06:37,469
This party's weird.
178
00:06:39,872 --> 00:06:41,439
Hey, watch your speed.
179
00:06:41,441 --> 00:06:42,974
I hear the Mexican police
target tourists.
180
00:06:42,976 --> 00:06:44,943
Oh, not a problem.
181
00:06:44,945 --> 00:06:46,111
If anything goes down,
182
00:06:46,113 --> 00:06:47,879
we just put Koothrappali
in the driver's seat
183
00:06:47,881 --> 00:06:50,882
and slap a sombrero
on his head.
184
00:06:50,884 --> 00:06:54,686
Dude, how many races can you
offend in a single breath?
185
00:06:54,688 --> 00:06:55,820
I don't know.
186
00:06:55,822 --> 00:06:58,056
Have you watched
the Olympics with me?
187
00:06:59,158 --> 00:07:01,359
Sheldon, can you believe
that we're driving in a van
188
00:07:01,361 --> 00:07:03,361
that was owned by one of
the greatest scientific minds
189
00:07:03,363 --> 00:07:05,096
of the 20th century?
190
00:07:05,098 --> 00:07:06,498
It's like the Batmobile.
191
00:07:07,233 --> 00:07:08,867
If Batman was real
192
00:07:08,869 --> 00:07:10,335
and a physicist
193
00:07:10,337 --> 00:07:13,071
and his car wasn't cool.
194
00:07:13,073 --> 00:07:14,940
It is extraordinary.
195
00:07:14,942 --> 00:07:17,943
Perhaps some of his mojo
will rub off on us.
196
00:07:17,945 --> 00:07:20,345
Maybe between this
and his beach house,
197
00:07:20,347 --> 00:07:22,447
we will be inspired
to greatness.
198
00:07:22,449 --> 00:07:25,583
I usually don't put too much
stock in charms and talismans.
199
00:07:25,585 --> 00:07:27,018
However, even I must admit
200
00:07:27,020 --> 00:07:28,620
feeling Richard Feynman's
201
00:07:28,622 --> 00:07:32,223
butt dent cupping
my own bottom...
202
00:07:32,225 --> 00:07:35,060
that does get
the creative juices flowing.
203
00:07:36,429 --> 00:07:38,096
Hey, I have to return this van.
204
00:07:38,098 --> 00:07:40,532
Keep your creative juices
in your pants.
205
00:07:40,534 --> 00:07:42,233
(bang and hiss)
206
00:07:42,235 --> 00:07:43,301
What was that?
207
00:07:43,303 --> 00:07:44,936
I think it's a tire.
208
00:07:44,938 --> 00:07:47,439
What if it's banditos
shooting at us?
209
00:07:47,441 --> 00:07:48,807
What if we get kidnapped?
210
00:07:48,809 --> 00:07:51,476
What if we end up in a factory
making Bart Simpson piñatas
211
00:07:51,478 --> 00:07:53,745
for the rest of our lives?!
212
00:07:53,747 --> 00:07:55,914
It's the tire.
213
00:07:56,782 --> 00:07:57,916
Leonard?
214
00:07:57,918 --> 00:07:58,950
What?
215
00:07:58,952 --> 00:08:01,519
I am getting too old
for this crud.
216
00:08:04,523 --> 00:08:07,092
Amy, I noticed
your status still says
217
00:08:07,094 --> 00:08:09,527
"in a relationship"
on Facebook.
218
00:08:09,529 --> 00:08:10,962
You're right.
219
00:08:10,964 --> 00:08:13,164
I should probably let
all of my Facebook friends know.
220
00:08:13,166 --> 00:08:16,935
Penny, I'm no longer
in a relationship.
221
00:08:18,471 --> 00:08:20,638
Did you change yours
to "married" yet?
222
00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:22,073
Uh, no, not yet.
223
00:08:22,075 --> 00:08:24,109
There's still a few people
I haven't told personally.
224
00:08:24,111 --> 00:08:25,176
Who?
225
00:08:25,178 --> 00:08:26,678
Oh, just my parents
226
00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:28,179
and my entire family.
(clears throat)
227
00:08:28,181 --> 00:08:29,948
What?
228
00:08:29,950 --> 00:08:31,016
Why?
229
00:08:31,018 --> 00:08:32,450
Well, I don't want
to hurt my dad.
230
00:08:32,452 --> 00:08:33,651
You know, he always wanted
231
00:08:33,653 --> 00:08:35,320
to dance with his daughter
at her wedding.
232
00:08:35,322 --> 00:08:36,855
What about
your sister's wedding?
233
00:08:36,857 --> 00:08:39,824
They started to,
then her water broke.
234
00:08:40,993 --> 00:08:42,894
You know, if he finds out
we eloped,
235
00:08:42,896 --> 00:08:44,062
it's gonna break his heart.
236
00:08:44,064 --> 00:08:45,897
How long do you think
you can keep it from him?
237
00:08:45,899 --> 00:08:48,733
Yeah, isn't it gonna get
worse the longer you wait?
238
00:08:48,735 --> 00:08:50,268
Well, not necessarily.
239
00:08:50,270 --> 00:08:52,103
You know,
Dad's not getting any younger,
240
00:08:52,105 --> 00:08:53,705
so if I wait long enough,
241
00:08:53,707 --> 00:08:55,473
I'll just tell him
he walked me down the aisle
242
00:08:55,475 --> 00:08:57,008
and it was magical.
243
00:09:02,148 --> 00:09:04,315
When did you learn
how to change a tire?
244
00:09:04,317 --> 00:09:06,684
Every self-respecting gentleman
should know how
245
00:09:06,686 --> 00:09:08,987
in case he comes across
a damsel in distress
246
00:09:08,989 --> 00:09:10,488
by the side of the road.
247
00:09:11,824 --> 00:09:12,991
If I see one scorpion,
248
00:09:12,993 --> 00:09:14,359
I am getting
on someone's shoulders
249
00:09:14,361 --> 00:09:16,394
and never coming down.
250
00:09:16,396 --> 00:09:18,630
And there's your damsel.
251
00:09:19,965 --> 00:09:22,333
Wow, this one's really stuck.
252
00:09:22,335 --> 00:09:23,968
Are you turning
it the right way?
253
00:09:23,970 --> 00:09:25,537
No.
254
00:09:25,539 --> 00:09:26,805
I took the other four off
255
00:09:26,807 --> 00:09:28,339
and when I got to this one,
I thought,
256
00:09:28,341 --> 00:09:30,208
"You know, I'm in a rut.
Let's shake things up."
257
00:09:30,210 --> 00:09:32,077
Here, let me try.
258
00:09:33,279 --> 00:09:35,580
(grunting)
259
00:09:38,551 --> 00:09:41,319
You're right, it doesn't turn
the other way.
260
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:53,761
There you go.
261
00:09:53,762 --> 00:09:54,727
You're all done!
262
00:09:54,729 --> 00:09:56,162
That wasn't so bad.
263
00:09:56,164 --> 00:09:57,463
(inhales delightedly)
264
00:09:57,465 --> 00:09:59,065
Nice.
265
00:09:59,067 --> 00:10:01,067
Boy, if my mom could see me now,
266
00:10:01,069 --> 00:10:03,670
she'd lock me in the sin closet.
267
00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:07,173
That's a joke, right?
268
00:10:07,175 --> 00:10:08,875
Actually, the joke was on her.
269
00:10:08,877 --> 00:10:10,977
I could still see the TV
through the slats.
270
00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:13,546
I'm starting to see
271
00:10:13,548 --> 00:10:15,615
why you and your mom
aren't very close.
272
00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:17,517
Bet she'd still tell her
273
00:10:17,519 --> 00:10:18,618
if she got married.
274
00:10:18,620 --> 00:10:20,587
You're not gonna
let this go, are you?
275
00:10:20,589 --> 00:10:22,522
Well, it's kind of sad
that they don't know.
276
00:10:22,524 --> 00:10:24,157
I mean, they love Leonard.
277
00:10:24,159 --> 00:10:25,425
Fine, you want
me to call?
278
00:10:25,427 --> 00:10:26,559
I'll call.
279
00:10:26,561 --> 00:10:28,127
(exhales)
280
00:10:28,129 --> 00:10:29,696
Why am I so nervous?
281
00:10:29,698 --> 00:10:30,964
It's understandable.
282
00:10:30,966 --> 00:10:33,700
Amy was afraid to tell her mom
she broke up with Sheldon.
283
00:10:33,702 --> 00:10:34,868
Yeah?
How did it go?
284
00:10:34,870 --> 00:10:36,135
Did she make you crawl
285
00:10:36,137 --> 00:10:37,670
into the breaking-up drawer?
286
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:40,907
Uh, well, actually,
to be honest...
287
00:10:40,909 --> 00:10:42,467
I-I haven't told her yet.
288
00:10:42,468 --> 00:10:44,235
You've been giving me
a hard time
289
00:10:44,236 --> 00:10:46,203
and you haven't even told
your mom about Sheldon?
290
00:10:46,573 --> 00:10:48,372
I'm feeling a little dizzy
from all the blood loss.
291
00:10:48,373 --> 00:10:50,006
I don't know
what you're talking about.
292
00:10:52,076 --> 00:10:53,810
Fine. I'm calling home,
293
00:10:53,812 --> 00:10:55,312
but when I'm done,
you're calling your mother.
294
00:10:55,314 --> 00:10:57,447
Easy for you to say.
295
00:10:57,449 --> 00:10:59,749
You never had to watch
60 Minutes like this.
296
00:11:02,353 --> 00:11:03,520
Hey, Daddy.
297
00:11:03,522 --> 00:11:04,788
Hey, slugger.
298
00:11:04,790 --> 00:11:06,189
How's my girl?
299
00:11:06,191 --> 00:11:07,824
Uh, good. Is Mom around?
300
00:11:07,826 --> 00:11:09,926
Ah, she took your brother out
to celebrate.
301
00:11:09,928 --> 00:11:12,796
He just got his tenth
one-month sober chip.
302
00:11:13,998 --> 00:11:17,767
Yeah, she's gonna make him
a little necklace.
303
00:11:17,769 --> 00:11:19,236
Okay, I'll talk to her later.
304
00:11:19,238 --> 00:11:21,071
Uh, Dad, there's something
I need to tell you.
305
00:11:21,706 --> 00:11:24,207
Leonard and I got married.
306
00:11:24,209 --> 00:11:25,375
You did?
307
00:11:25,377 --> 00:11:26,710
When?
308
00:11:26,712 --> 00:11:28,378
Last week. I'm sorry,
I should've told you.
309
00:11:28,380 --> 00:11:29,746
It was a spur
of the moment thing.
310
00:11:29,748 --> 00:11:30,981
I feel terrible.
311
00:11:30,983 --> 00:11:32,349
Please don't be
too disappointed.
312
00:11:32,351 --> 00:11:34,551
Are you happy?
313
00:11:34,553 --> 00:11:35,552
Very.
314
00:11:35,554 --> 00:11:36,853
Leonard is so great.
315
00:11:36,855 --> 00:11:38,688
Well, then I'm happy for you.
316
00:11:38,690 --> 00:11:40,890
Aw, thank you, Daddy.
317
00:11:40,892 --> 00:11:41,958
That means so much.
318
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:43,260
Well, I understand it's hard
319
00:11:43,262 --> 00:11:44,494
to tell someone something
320
00:11:44,496 --> 00:11:46,429
if you think
it's gonna upset 'em.
321
00:11:46,431 --> 00:11:47,664
It is.
322
00:11:47,666 --> 00:11:49,065
You're the best dad ever.
323
00:11:49,067 --> 00:11:52,569
Yeah. Uh, hold that thought.
324
00:11:52,571 --> 00:11:54,904
I've been sitting
on a little news myself.
325
00:11:54,906 --> 00:11:56,539
Well, what is it?
326
00:11:56,541 --> 00:11:59,709
You know that rototiller
I got for the tractor?
327
00:11:59,711 --> 00:12:00,777
No.
328
00:12:00,779 --> 00:12:01,811
Oh, you should see it.
329
00:12:01,813 --> 00:12:04,481
It is a beautiful
piece of machinery.
330
00:12:04,483 --> 00:12:07,217
Anyway, uh...
331
00:12:07,219 --> 00:12:10,186
I backed over
your pet pig with it.
332
00:12:10,188 --> 00:12:12,689
Moondance?
333
00:12:12,691 --> 00:12:15,925
Yeah, he's, uh,
not dancing anymore.
334
00:12:15,927 --> 00:12:17,894
You killed my pig?
335
00:12:18,929 --> 00:12:20,130
I did not kill him.
336
00:12:20,132 --> 00:12:22,465
The vet took care of that.
337
00:12:22,467 --> 00:12:24,200
When?
338
00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:27,270
Oh... ten, 12 months ago.
339
00:12:28,606 --> 00:12:29,973
You didn't tell me for a year?!
340
00:12:29,975 --> 00:12:32,442
Well, apple doesn't fall far
from the tree, does it?
341
00:12:33,477 --> 00:12:34,644
Love ya, slugger.
342
00:12:34,646 --> 00:12:36,313
Gotta go!
343
00:12:38,749 --> 00:12:40,950
Okay, Amy, your turn.
344
00:12:43,754 --> 00:12:45,455
(grunting)
345
00:12:45,457 --> 00:12:46,956
(breathing rhythmically)
346
00:12:50,494 --> 00:12:52,662
What are you doing?
347
00:12:52,664 --> 00:12:54,631
It's called Lamaze breathing.
348
00:12:54,633 --> 00:12:57,267
It helps you push.
349
00:12:58,102 --> 00:12:59,369
Great.
350
00:12:59,371 --> 00:13:00,770
He's pushing
with his uterus.
351
00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:05,909
There's got to be a smarter way
of removing it.
352
00:13:05,911 --> 00:13:07,677
Yeah, this is nothing more
than a physics problem.
353
00:13:07,679 --> 00:13:08,945
Right.
354
00:13:08,947 --> 00:13:10,714
Archimedes once said,
355
00:13:10,716 --> 00:13:11,981
"Give me a 'leever' long enough
356
00:13:11,983 --> 00:13:13,483
"and a fulcrum
on which to place it,
357
00:13:13,485 --> 00:13:14,818
and I shall move the world."
358
00:13:14,820 --> 00:13:16,519
Of course.
359
00:13:16,521 --> 00:13:18,221
All we need is to find stuff
360
00:13:18,223 --> 00:13:20,724
to make a "leever" big
enough to fix this.
361
00:13:20,726 --> 00:13:21,958
Exactly.
362
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:23,126
I'll bet there's
something around here
363
00:13:23,128 --> 00:13:24,728
that could
be a "lehver."
364
00:13:24,730 --> 00:13:27,163
Let's see, a "lehver,"
a "lehver"...
365
00:13:27,165 --> 00:13:28,565
Everybody hold on!
366
00:13:28,567 --> 00:13:30,300
Let's take this problem
one step at a time.
367
00:13:30,302 --> 00:13:31,968
First, we need to decide
368
00:13:31,970 --> 00:13:34,270
whether we're calling it
leever or lehver.
369
00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:38,174
And the sooner
we decide it's leever,
370
00:13:38,176 --> 00:13:41,044
the sooner we can roll up
our sleeves-- not slehves--
371
00:13:41,046 --> 00:13:42,712
and get to work.
372
00:13:42,714 --> 00:13:44,614
We're gonna be here
"foreever."
373
00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:49,719
Thanks a lot, guys.
374
00:13:49,721 --> 00:13:50,787
What did we do?
375
00:13:50,789 --> 00:13:52,055
Before I made that call,
376
00:13:52,057 --> 00:13:53,356
my pig was alive and happy
377
00:13:53,358 --> 00:13:54,691
and rolling around in the mud.
378
00:13:54,693 --> 00:13:57,060
Now he's illegally buried
in our backyard
379
00:13:57,062 --> 00:13:59,362
next to my great-grandmother.
380
00:13:59,364 --> 00:14:01,598
Really?
381
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:04,501
They didn't eat him?
382
00:14:04,503 --> 00:14:06,369
No.
383
00:14:06,371 --> 00:14:09,038
He was a beloved member
of the family.
384
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:12,108
The breakfast meat family?
385
00:14:13,878 --> 00:14:15,311
It's not funny.
386
00:14:15,313 --> 00:14:16,780
You're up.
Call your mother.
387
00:14:16,782 --> 00:14:18,281
Oh, maybe later.
388
00:14:18,283 --> 00:14:21,017
Your pig dying
made me sad.
389
00:14:21,019 --> 00:14:23,019
And a little hungry.
390
00:14:23,021 --> 00:14:24,521
Phone, now.
391
00:14:24,523 --> 00:14:26,222
Okay. Okay.
392
00:14:26,224 --> 00:14:27,857
Fine.
393
00:14:30,628 --> 00:14:31,995
Hi, Mom.
394
00:14:31,997 --> 00:14:33,329
Try dialing.
395
00:14:35,032 --> 00:14:36,866
You saw that, huh?
396
00:14:40,771 --> 00:14:43,139
Hi, Mom. How are you doing?
397
00:14:44,375 --> 00:14:45,608
Oh, good.
398
00:14:45,610 --> 00:14:47,243
How's work?
399
00:14:47,245 --> 00:14:48,211
That's nice.
400
00:14:48,213 --> 00:14:49,612
I'm fine.
401
00:14:49,614 --> 00:14:51,748
Hey, listen,
I've been meaning to ask,
402
00:14:51,750 --> 00:14:55,151
how come Aunt Doe and
Aunt Florence never got along?
403
00:14:55,153 --> 00:14:56,519
Okay, just...
give me that.
404
00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:58,021
Amy broke up with Sheldon,
405
00:14:58,023 --> 00:14:59,088
she got her ears pierced
406
00:14:59,090 --> 00:15:01,658
and she made us
eat penis cookies!
407
00:15:04,728 --> 00:15:05,962
Hang on.
408
00:15:05,964 --> 00:15:07,997
She wants to talk to you.
409
00:15:12,236 --> 00:15:14,137
I don't think
the lever's working.
410
00:15:14,139 --> 00:15:15,705
WOLOWITZ:
What makes you say that?
411
00:15:20,678 --> 00:15:23,413
There's gotta be
something else we could try.
412
00:15:23,415 --> 00:15:25,348
If this was Star Trek,
413
00:15:25,350 --> 00:15:27,517
we could use a phaser
to blast it off.
414
00:15:27,519 --> 00:15:29,385
No, it's too
broad of a beam.
415
00:15:29,387 --> 00:15:30,987
You'd need something
more precise,
416
00:15:30,989 --> 00:15:32,989
like Superman's heat vision.
417
00:15:32,991 --> 00:15:34,324
Ooh, the Green
Lantern's ring
418
00:15:34,326 --> 00:15:36,426
could make a big green
hand that unscrews it.
419
00:15:36,428 --> 00:15:37,961
If you need
a green hand,
420
00:15:37,963 --> 00:15:39,229
why not just
use the Hulk?
421
00:15:39,231 --> 00:15:40,797
Oh, please, the Hulk
would never get
422
00:15:40,799 --> 00:15:42,999
across the border
with that temper.
423
00:15:43,001 --> 00:15:44,601
LEONARD:
Guys, excuse me,
424
00:15:44,603 --> 00:15:46,569
not that calling
one of the Avengers
425
00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:48,805
isn't a perfectly
reasonable choice,
426
00:15:48,807 --> 00:15:49,939
but we're
scientists.
427
00:15:49,941 --> 00:15:51,608
Don't you think we
can figure this out
428
00:15:51,610 --> 00:15:52,976
using actual science?
429
00:15:52,978 --> 00:15:55,011
Yes, we could
use science.
430
00:15:55,013 --> 00:15:56,279
But it's your
bachelor party.
431
00:15:56,281 --> 00:15:57,680
Lighten up.
432
00:16:00,184 --> 00:16:02,852
(slow, measured tapping)
433
00:16:12,029 --> 00:16:13,930
♪ We will ♪
434
00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:17,066
♪ We will
percussive shock you ♪
435
00:16:17,835 --> 00:16:19,702
♪ We will ♪
436
00:16:19,704 --> 00:16:22,105
♪ We will
percussive shock you ♪
437
00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:25,108
(falsetto):
♪ Buddy you're a boy ♪
438
00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:26,576
♪ Make a big noise ♪
439
00:16:26,578 --> 00:16:27,810
♪ Playin' in the street ♪
440
00:16:27,812 --> 00:16:29,579
♪ Gonna be a big man someday ♪
441
00:16:29,581 --> 00:16:32,382
♪ You got mud on your face,
you big disgrace ♪
442
00:16:32,384 --> 00:16:35,318
♪ Kickin' your can
all over the place. ♪
443
00:16:40,224 --> 00:16:41,724
I have an eidetic memory.
444
00:16:41,726 --> 00:16:43,192
Sometimes it's a curse.
445
00:16:44,395 --> 00:16:46,696
(match strikes)
446
00:16:48,198 --> 00:16:50,233
I had no idea
447
00:16:50,235 --> 00:16:51,935
tortilla chips were
such a good fuel source.
448
00:16:51,937 --> 00:16:55,838
They're basically pure
hydrocarbons soaked in fat.
449
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:57,807
Let's hope the lug nut expands.
450
00:16:57,809 --> 00:17:00,043
What if that burning
food attracts animals?
451
00:17:00,045 --> 00:17:02,178
We have plenty of food
for the animals.
452
00:17:02,180 --> 00:17:03,546
We do?
WOLOWITZ: Yep.
453
00:17:03,548 --> 00:17:06,249
A six-foot wiener
in a Flash T-shirt.
454
00:17:06,251 --> 00:17:08,685
That's not very nice.
455
00:17:08,687 --> 00:17:10,553
It's a bachelor party.
Lighten up.
456
00:17:12,456 --> 00:17:14,791
(electric crackling)
457
00:17:15,593 --> 00:17:18,595
What is that awful smell?
458
00:17:18,597 --> 00:17:19,829
It's burning salsa.
459
00:17:19,831 --> 00:17:21,564
I'm hoping the acidity
and salinity
460
00:17:21,566 --> 00:17:23,633
combined with electricity
will corrode the lug nut off.
461
00:17:23,635 --> 00:17:26,169
What an innovative solution.
462
00:17:26,171 --> 00:17:29,606
Perhaps I don't give your
MIT education enough credit.
463
00:17:29,608 --> 00:17:32,075
Yeah, I saw it on Mythbusters.
464
00:17:33,944 --> 00:17:36,145
(metal scraping metal)
465
00:17:37,314 --> 00:17:40,049
All right, this rust,
466
00:17:40,051 --> 00:17:42,852
combined with the aluminum
recovered from the van,
467
00:17:42,854 --> 00:17:44,454
is now thermite.
468
00:17:44,456 --> 00:17:45,455
Great.
469
00:17:45,457 --> 00:17:47,590
Couple pinches
ought to do the trick.
470
00:17:47,592 --> 00:17:49,559
Is that enough
to melt the lug nut?
471
00:17:49,561 --> 00:17:50,526
Well, let's start small.
472
00:17:50,528 --> 00:17:51,561
We can always add more.
473
00:17:51,563 --> 00:17:54,497
You put up a good fight,
lug nut,
474
00:17:54,499 --> 00:17:58,201
but you've met your match.
475
00:18:15,586 --> 00:18:16,819
Hey, look!
476
00:18:16,821 --> 00:18:19,522
The lug nut's off.
477
00:18:36,705 --> 00:18:38,172
What...
478
00:18:38,174 --> 00:18:40,307
What are you
doing back?
479
00:18:42,444 --> 00:18:43,844
We got a flat
480
00:18:43,846 --> 00:18:45,145
and couldn't get
the tire off.
481
00:18:45,147 --> 00:18:46,980
Oh, I'm sorry.
482
00:18:46,982 --> 00:18:48,315
Thank you.
483
00:18:48,317 --> 00:18:49,783
If it makes you feel any better,
484
00:18:49,785 --> 00:18:51,085
I pierced Amy's ears
485
00:18:51,087 --> 00:18:53,854
and her mom made her sit
in my closet.
486
00:18:58,159 --> 00:18:59,693
We blew up Feynman's van.
487
00:18:59,695 --> 00:19:02,262
My dad killed my pig
with his tractor.
488
00:19:02,264 --> 00:19:04,698
I spent the night
in Mexico with Sheldon.
489
00:19:04,700 --> 00:19:06,033
You win.
490
00:19:10,236 --> 00:19:16,736
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man