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English (HI) Subtitles.
[MP4] The Big Bang Theory S08E17 (720p) The Colonization Application - HDTV [KoTuWa]
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I was unstoppable.
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00:00:03,881 --> 00:00:05,241
I mean, I was...
I was on fire.
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00:00:05,243 --> 00:00:08,933
It was like my mind and my body
were totally connected,
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00:00:08,935 --> 00:00:12,569
like-like athletes must feel
when they're in the zone.
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00:00:12,571 --> 00:00:15,931
Again, it was
miniature golf.
7
00:00:15,933 --> 00:00:18,489
Admit it, you're a
little turned on.
8
00:00:18,491 --> 00:00:20,520
You can't be this proud.
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00:00:20,522 --> 00:00:21,961
Why not?
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00:00:21,963 --> 00:00:25,923
Because I beat you.
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00:00:25,925 --> 00:00:27,720
Hey.
Hi.
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00:00:27,722 --> 00:00:29,089
Oh, good. You're back.
13
00:00:29,091 --> 00:00:33,527
We have some
exciting news.
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00:00:33,529 --> 00:00:35,195
Okay.
15
00:00:35,197 --> 00:00:38,927
As you know, Amy and I have
been together a long time,
16
00:00:38,929 --> 00:00:40,757
and a lot of things
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00:00:40,759 --> 00:00:44,717
I never thought possible
now seem possible.
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00:00:44,719 --> 00:00:47,487
Okay...
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00:00:47,489 --> 00:00:50,745
After a careful evaluation
of our relationship,
20
00:00:50,747 --> 00:00:55,846
we decided that the time was
right to take a step forward.
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Okay.
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00:01:03,735 --> 00:01:05,664
Do you want to say it?
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00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:08,735
Let's say
it together.
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00:01:08,737 --> 00:01:12,035
BOTH:
We're getting a turtle!
25
00:01:14,066 --> 00:01:19,063
This is why I've been saying
we should keep champagne on ice.
26
00:01:19,065 --> 00:01:20,189
Sarcasm?
27
00:01:20,191 --> 00:01:21,459
Yes.
Okay.
28
00:01:21,461 --> 00:01:23,625
That was tricky,
'cause when it comes to alcohol,
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00:01:23,627 --> 00:01:25,991
she generally means business.
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Well, we're-we're
very happy for you.
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00:01:27,863 --> 00:01:29,029
Yes.
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00:01:29,031 --> 00:01:30,294
Thank you.
33
00:01:30,296 --> 00:01:33,462
Acquiring a joint pet
is a big step for us.
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00:01:33,464 --> 00:01:34,670
No. It's true.
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00:01:34,672 --> 00:01:37,037
It means that we care so much
about each other,
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00:01:37,039 --> 00:01:39,572
there's enough left over
for an eight-ounce reptile.
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Why a turtle?
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After much deliberation,
we've determined that a turtle
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00:01:45,514 --> 00:01:46,713
is the ideal pet.
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They don't shed fur,
they don't make noise...
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For Halloween, we can dress him
as a cobblestone.
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00:01:52,252 --> 00:01:53,252
Yeah.
43
00:01:54,282 --> 00:01:57,216
And if he ever goes berserk,
I know I can outrun him.
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Coincidentally, that's also
why I chose you as a roommate.
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Well, congratulations.
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Who would've thought
you two would be the first
47
00:02:05,157 --> 00:02:07,153
in our group to start a family?
Mm-hmm.
48
00:02:07,155 --> 00:02:10,453
That's what I said!
49
00:02:10,455 --> 00:02:14,092
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
50
00:02:14,094 --> 00:02:17,426
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
51
00:02:17,428 --> 00:02:19,089
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
52
00:02:19,091 --> 00:02:21,593
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
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00:02:21,595 --> 00:02:24,268
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
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00:02:24,270 --> 00:02:26,935
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
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00:02:26,937 --> 00:02:28,841
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
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00:02:28,843 --> 00:02:29,834
♪ Bang! ♪
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00:02:29,835 --> 00:02:33,835
♪ The Big Bang Theory 8x17 ♪
The Colonization Application
Original Air Date: 2015-03-05
58
00:02:33,836 --> 00:02:39,436
Sync, corrected by elderman
@elder_man
59
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So, where's
your roommate tonight?
60
00:02:41,543 --> 00:02:43,478
Well, I thought it
was a little unfair
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00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:45,279
that she's always here,
and you never
62
00:02:45,281 --> 00:02:49,218
get a chance to stay over,
so... I killed her.
63
00:02:49,220 --> 00:02:52,416
But remember our agreement?
64
00:02:52,418 --> 00:02:54,090
You can joke
about murdering people,
65
00:02:54,092 --> 00:02:57,691
but you have to say,
“Just kidding.”
66
00:02:57,693 --> 00:02:59,795
And the more important
thing to remember is
67
00:02:59,797 --> 00:03:02,236
that I'd never hurt you.
68
00:03:05,873 --> 00:03:07,879
(phone chimes)
69
00:03:07,881 --> 00:03:09,773
Oh, crap.
70
00:03:09,775 --> 00:03:12,781
I have to run over to the
hospital and check on a patient.
71
00:03:12,783 --> 00:03:15,246
That's okay. I can come back later.
No.
72
00:03:15,248 --> 00:03:16,486
No, don't be silly.
73
00:03:16,488 --> 00:03:18,452
I won't be gone long.
Just stay here.
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00:03:18,454 --> 00:03:19,651
Okay, cool.
75
00:03:19,653 --> 00:03:21,081
Oh, and you're sure
your roommate's
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00:03:21,083 --> 00:03:22,720
not gonna come back
while I'm here alone, right?
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00:03:22,722 --> 00:03:24,488
'Cause that'll be awkward.
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00:03:24,490 --> 00:03:26,088
Oh, don't worry.
She's in Palm Springs.
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00:03:26,090 --> 00:03:27,056
Oh, good.
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00:03:27,058 --> 00:03:29,560
Well, her torso is.
81
00:03:30,731 --> 00:03:32,329
Just kidding.
82
00:03:33,267 --> 00:03:35,528
I put her in a wood chipper.
83
00:03:38,498 --> 00:03:40,834
Oh, dear Lord.
Oh, dear Lord.
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It's okay.
85
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You made it.
We're fine.
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That was a lot of puppies.
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00:03:48,946 --> 00:03:51,111
Let's forget about them, and...
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00:03:51,113 --> 00:03:52,911
pick ourselves out
a nice turtle.
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00:03:52,913 --> 00:03:55,318
Yeah.
Oh, how about this one up on the log?
90
00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:57,086
Oh, I don't know.
91
00:03:57,088 --> 00:03:59,087
He kind of looks
like a jerk.
92
00:04:01,361 --> 00:04:03,421
How about this one?
93
00:04:03,423 --> 00:04:05,955
Well, he's barely moving.
He looks half dead.
94
00:04:05,957 --> 00:04:08,627
I know. I like him, too.
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00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:12,360
Hi, little guy.
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00:04:12,362 --> 00:04:14,834
How'd you like
to come home with us?
97
00:04:14,836 --> 00:04:19,267
You'll be living with me because
we don't live in the same house.
98
00:04:19,269 --> 00:04:20,907
But that's not your fault.
99
00:04:20,909 --> 00:04:24,214
Like you, we're taking it
ridiculously slow.
100
00:04:25,712 --> 00:04:30,252
You'll stay with me when he's
at Comic-Con or away for work.
101
00:04:30,254 --> 00:04:35,384
Or if they accept Daddy's
application to live on Mars.
102
00:04:35,386 --> 00:04:37,183
What are you talking about?
103
00:04:37,185 --> 00:04:38,855
Oh, there's this company
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00:04:38,857 --> 00:04:41,394
that's attempting
to establish a colony on Mars,
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00:04:41,396 --> 00:04:43,965
and I applied
to be among the first to go.
106
00:04:43,967 --> 00:04:45,661
What should
we name him?
107
00:04:45,663 --> 00:04:50,373
You know, I came in
thinking “Seth,” but...
108
00:04:50,375 --> 00:04:53,003
he kind of looks Italian.
109
00:04:53,005 --> 00:04:55,305
You applied for a mission
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00:04:55,307 --> 00:04:57,442
to be a colonist
on another planet,
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and couldn't be bothered
to tell me?
112
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Would you have approved?
113
00:05:03,114 --> 00:05:04,449
Of course not.
114
00:05:04,451 --> 00:05:06,513
Well, based on
your reaction,
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00:05:06,515 --> 00:05:08,683
it looks like I made
the right choice.
116
00:05:09,956 --> 00:05:11,786
Isn't that right, Giuseppe?
117
00:05:15,766 --> 00:05:17,900
Hey, hey.
118
00:05:17,902 --> 00:05:20,871
Listen, I-I have a little
confession to make.
119
00:05:20,873 --> 00:05:23,809
Aw, is this your first time?
120
00:05:25,610 --> 00:05:28,410
No, I got you something
for Valentine's Day,
121
00:05:28,412 --> 00:05:30,587
and I was too embarrassed
to give it to you.
122
00:05:30,589 --> 00:05:31,955
Well, why?
123
00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:36,158
Well, 'cause I got it
at the dirty store.
124
00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:38,359
You went to the dirty store
without me?!
125
00:05:38,361 --> 00:05:39,759
(laughs)
126
00:05:39,761 --> 00:05:43,933
In sunglasses and a hat after
I parked two blocks away.
127
00:05:43,935 --> 00:05:46,163
Well, get it! Get it for me!
Yeah?
128
00:05:46,165 --> 00:05:48,698
Yeah.
Okay, uh, well, I hope it's fun.
129
00:05:48,700 --> 00:05:51,434
I mean, it-it comes
with paints, and-and
130
00:05:51,436 --> 00:05:53,305
it's kind of creative
and artistic.
131
00:05:53,307 --> 00:05:56,875
Okay, did you go to
the dirty store or Michaels?
132
00:05:57,709 --> 00:05:59,515
No, no.
133
00:05:59,517 --> 00:06:01,650
We cover ourselves
in body paint,
134
00:06:01,652 --> 00:06:05,184
and then-then we get on this
big canvas and do our thing.
135
00:06:05,186 --> 00:06:07,888
Whoa, that's kind of
a big step for a guy
136
00:06:07,890 --> 00:06:10,857
who only recently agreed
to take his socks off.
137
00:06:10,859 --> 00:06:13,285
You're making fun of me.
Forget it.
138
00:06:13,287 --> 00:06:15,254
No! No, come on, I want to do it.
Really?
139
00:06:15,256 --> 00:06:17,127
Yeah, let's you, me,
140
00:06:17,129 --> 00:06:19,830
and your very, very pale feet
make some art.
141
00:06:19,832 --> 00:06:21,165
(chuckles)
142
00:06:21,167 --> 00:06:23,663
Hey, when you got back to this
store, I want to go with you.
143
00:06:23,665 --> 00:06:27,706
Okay, but it's a drive... the
one I went to is in San Diego.
144
00:06:28,909 --> 00:06:31,179
How are the taxes going?
145
00:06:31,181 --> 00:06:32,778
Okay.
146
00:06:32,780 --> 00:06:36,347
But you got a lot of receipts
for the Lego store in here.
147
00:06:37,853 --> 00:06:39,221
Those are business expenses.
148
00:06:39,223 --> 00:06:41,758
You can write those off.
149
00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:45,463
A $200 R2-D2 is
a business expense?
150
00:06:46,264 --> 00:06:47,533
Oh, Bernie,
151
00:06:47,535 --> 00:06:49,596
you're gonna have to sound
a lot more confident
152
00:06:49,598 --> 00:06:51,468
when we get audited.
153
00:06:53,404 --> 00:06:55,434
(cell phone rings)
154
00:06:55,436 --> 00:06:58,002
Hey, what's up?
155
00:06:58,004 --> 00:07:00,011
Eh, Emily ran back
to the hospital,
156
00:07:00,013 --> 00:07:01,978
so I'm just hanging out
at her place.
157
00:07:01,980 --> 00:07:03,704
What are you, uh,
what are you doing?
158
00:07:03,706 --> 00:07:07,575
Just playing video games
while Bernie does the taxes.
159
00:07:07,577 --> 00:07:10,215
What are you, a little kid?
160
00:07:10,217 --> 00:07:13,012
Is she gonna cut your dinner
into little pieces, too?
161
00:07:13,014 --> 00:07:17,583
She doesn't have to...
I filled up on jelly beans.
162
00:07:17,585 --> 00:07:20,917
So, uh, what game are you...
163
00:07:20,919 --> 00:07:22,242
Oh.
164
00:07:22,244 --> 00:07:23,912
Crap.
165
00:07:23,914 --> 00:07:24,808
What's wrong?
166
00:07:24,832 --> 00:07:27,102
I can't get Emily's
nightstand to close.
167
00:07:27,181 --> 00:07:28,046
So?
168
00:07:28,070 --> 00:07:30,109
She's gonna know
I was looking in it.
169
00:07:30,147 --> 00:07:32,347
Why were you looking in it?
170
00:07:32,349 --> 00:07:33,589
Well, there's a question
171
00:07:33,591 --> 00:07:36,456
I better have a good answer to
before she gets back.
172
00:07:36,458 --> 00:07:37,695
Okay, calm down.
173
00:07:37,697 --> 00:07:39,191
There's probably something
jammed behind it.
174
00:07:39,193 --> 00:07:41,159
Just, uh, pull it out
and see what's there.
175
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:42,327
Hang on.
176
00:07:46,303 --> 00:07:48,933
Oh... no. Oh, no.
177
00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:50,468
Oh, God, no!
178
00:07:51,902 --> 00:07:54,140
You know what, you sound busy...
I'm gonna let you go.
179
00:07:55,310 --> 00:07:57,244
Dude, the whole front came off.
180
00:07:57,246 --> 00:07:58,907
Now she's gonna know
I was snooping.
181
00:07:58,909 --> 00:08:00,242
What's happening?
182
00:08:00,244 --> 00:08:03,244
Raj was snooping through
Emily's drawers and broke one.
183
00:08:03,246 --> 00:08:04,579
Aw.
184
00:08:04,581 --> 00:08:07,312
I'm gonna miss her.
185
00:08:08,482 --> 00:08:10,886
So what do you think?
186
00:08:10,888 --> 00:08:12,516
(sighs)
187
00:08:12,518 --> 00:08:16,353
I thought it'd be
a little more... just more.
188
00:08:20,457 --> 00:08:23,358
I'm not even sure
why we were out of breath.
189
00:08:25,128 --> 00:08:28,190
Uh, I mean, d-did
we move at all?
190
00:08:28,192 --> 00:08:30,126
Maybe along the z-axis,
191
00:08:30,128 --> 00:08:32,862
but x and y are looking
pretty sad.
192
00:08:33,664 --> 00:08:34,935
Okay, come on.
193
00:08:34,937 --> 00:08:36,638
We are not old
boring people.
194
00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:37,966
We can do better
than this.
195
00:08:37,968 --> 00:08:38,901
Uh, Th-that's true.
196
00:08:38,903 --> 00:08:40,802
How late did we stay up
last night?
197
00:08:40,804 --> 00:08:43,504
Almost 1:00 a.m.
198
00:08:43,506 --> 00:08:46,776
Damn straight, almost 1:00 a.m.
199
00:08:48,578 --> 00:08:49,809
And we weren't even watching TV.
200
00:08:49,811 --> 00:08:53,177
We were watching Netflix,
like the kids do.
201
00:08:53,179 --> 00:08:54,481
Yeah, is it a comedy?
202
00:08:54,483 --> 00:08:55,817
Is it a drama?
203
00:08:55,819 --> 00:08:57,321
Nobody knows.
204
00:08:57,323 --> 00:08:59,122
Now, come on.
205
00:08:59,124 --> 00:09:00,819
We are gonna do this.
Yeah.
206
00:09:00,821 --> 00:09:02,723
You get the paint,
I'll rest for 30-40 minutes,
207
00:09:02,725 --> 00:09:04,888
and then we do this!
208
00:09:05,993 --> 00:09:08,327
I can't believe you
almost had me bring
209
00:09:08,329 --> 00:09:11,693
a wild animal
into my home.
210
00:09:11,695 --> 00:09:14,459
No one told you to poke
the turtle's face.
211
00:09:15,260 --> 00:09:18,956
I was playing
“Got Your Nose”
212
00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:21,057
That's how you get
children to like you.
213
00:09:22,994 --> 00:09:24,959
I'm surprised you even care
if he likes you,
214
00:09:24,961 --> 00:09:26,527
since you're planning
on leaving the planet
215
00:09:26,529 --> 00:09:28,167
the first chance you get.
216
00:09:28,169 --> 00:09:29,567
Ugh, this again.
217
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:32,639
Amy, I've already had one new
hole torn in my body today.
218
00:09:32,641 --> 00:09:35,007
I don't need another one.
219
00:09:35,009 --> 00:09:37,241
Sheldon, I know the odds
220
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,482
of you even going to Mars
are incredibly small,
221
00:09:39,484 --> 00:09:42,149
but it still hurts
that you would volunteer
222
00:09:42,151 --> 00:09:44,886
for something that would
take you away from me forever.
223
00:09:44,888 --> 00:09:47,222
So you're saying you
wouldn't leave me
224
00:09:47,224 --> 00:09:49,389
for the chance to be
one of the first humans
225
00:09:49,391 --> 00:09:51,059
to colonize
another planet?
226
00:09:51,061 --> 00:09:53,025
I would at least mention it
227
00:09:53,027 --> 00:09:54,856
before filling out
the application.
228
00:09:54,858 --> 00:09:58,160
Huh, that's exactly what
Leonard, Wolowitz, Koothrappali,
229
00:09:58,162 --> 00:09:59,561
Bernadette and
Penny said.
230
00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:02,736
And who says
you could even survive
231
00:10:02,738 --> 00:10:04,568
an interplanetary
mission, anyway?
232
00:10:04,570 --> 00:10:06,904
You could barely survive
a tiny turtle bite.
233
00:10:06,906 --> 00:10:08,903
First of all, this...
234
00:10:08,905 --> 00:10:11,608
has only made me stronger.
235
00:10:11,610 --> 00:10:13,608
But beyond that, all I did
236
00:10:13,610 --> 00:10:15,246
was fill out an application.
237
00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:17,245
You know what?
238
00:10:17,247 --> 00:10:19,414
Go to Mars, Sheldon.
239
00:10:22,056 --> 00:10:24,716
Is there anything I can
do to cheer you up?
240
00:10:24,718 --> 00:10:26,283
No. Forget it.
241
00:10:27,357 --> 00:10:29,658
What if I play the Star Trek
theme on my nose?
242
00:10:29,660 --> 00:10:32,829
Please don't.
(humming the Star Trek theme)
243
00:10:38,770 --> 00:10:40,536
Yep, you're mad.
244
00:10:48,475 --> 00:10:50,209
Okay, let me see the damage.
245
00:10:50,211 --> 00:10:51,712
KOOTHRAPPALI:
Hang on.
246
00:10:52,849 --> 00:10:54,880
Well, I think you
broke the dowels.
247
00:10:54,882 --> 00:10:56,312
You're not gonna
have time to glue it
248
00:10:56,314 --> 00:10:57,617
back on...
You'll have to nail it.
249
00:10:57,619 --> 00:10:58,753
With what?
250
00:10:58,755 --> 00:11:01,423
Does she have any
pillows or wine glasses?
251
00:11:01,425 --> 00:11:02,550
She does.
252
00:11:02,552 --> 00:11:03,589
Great.
253
00:11:03,591 --> 00:11:06,485
Neither of those.
Try a hammer!
254
00:11:09,022 --> 00:11:10,523
Did that feel good?
255
00:11:10,525 --> 00:11:12,627
You feel like a big man now?
256
00:11:16,195 --> 00:11:18,727
I was going to make you
red zinger,
257
00:11:18,729 --> 00:11:21,696
but since Mars
is the red planet,
258
00:11:21,698 --> 00:11:24,471
I went with peppermint.
259
00:11:26,809 --> 00:11:28,671
Why do you even want to do this?
260
00:11:28,673 --> 00:11:30,838
Actually...
261
00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:33,606
as part of the application,
262
00:11:33,608 --> 00:11:36,385
I was required
to make a short video
263
00:11:36,387 --> 00:11:38,819
answering that very question.
264
00:11:38,821 --> 00:11:40,589
You want to see it?
265
00:11:40,591 --> 00:11:41,821
Can't you just tell me?
266
00:11:41,823 --> 00:11:44,029
But I made a video.
267
00:11:45,863 --> 00:11:48,365
I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper,
268
00:11:48,367 --> 00:11:51,603
and I'd like to tell you
why I should be chosen to...
269
00:11:53,468 --> 00:11:55,936
(echoing):
go to Mars!
270
00:11:57,073 --> 00:11:58,534
I'm exceedingly smart.
271
00:11:58,536 --> 00:12:00,702
I graduated college at 14.
272
00:12:00,704 --> 00:12:02,470
While my brother
was getting an STD
273
00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:04,837
I was getting a PhD.
274
00:12:07,015 --> 00:12:10,446
Penicillin can't take this away.
275
00:12:10,448 --> 00:12:14,254
Being in close quarters,
cleanliness is important
276
00:12:14,256 --> 00:12:17,518
and... my hygiene is impeccable.
277
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,621
In fact, animals don't trust me
278
00:12:19,623 --> 00:12:21,663
because I smell like nothing.
279
00:12:21,665 --> 00:12:22,632
Yeah...
280
00:12:22,634 --> 00:12:23,497
(inhales)
281
00:12:23,499 --> 00:12:25,835
Literally nothing.
282
00:12:28,606 --> 00:12:30,173
During the seven-month
space flight,
283
00:12:30,175 --> 00:12:33,812
I can keep up morale
with my wacky sense of humor.
284
00:12:35,953 --> 00:12:37,687
Hey, Leonard...
285
00:12:37,689 --> 00:12:40,425
is there any peanut brittle
left in that can?
286
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:43,689
You mean this weirdly
suspicious one?
287
00:12:43,691 --> 00:12:46,361
Yes. Open it and check.
288
00:12:50,833 --> 00:12:52,998
I don't get it.
289
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,966
There's actually
peanut brittle in...
290
00:13:01,175 --> 00:13:03,372
Please go to Mars.
291
00:13:05,341 --> 00:13:07,378
But on a more serious note:
292
00:13:07,380 --> 00:13:08,842
The most important reason I want
293
00:13:08,844 --> 00:13:11,881
to go to Mars is that
I believe, as a scientist,
294
00:13:11,883 --> 00:13:14,746
it's my duty
to push the boundaries
295
00:13:14,748 --> 00:13:17,123
of human knowledge forward.
296
00:13:17,125 --> 00:13:19,857
Now, I know that life on Mars
will be difficult.
297
00:13:19,859 --> 00:13:23,022
But life here on Earth
is no picnic.
298
00:13:23,024 --> 00:13:25,523
Also, picnics are no picnic.
299
00:13:26,892 --> 00:13:28,323
Where should we go for lunch?
300
00:13:28,325 --> 00:13:30,596
Oh, I know, the ground.
301
00:13:31,631 --> 00:13:32,888
In conclusion,
302
00:13:32,890 --> 00:13:34,455
thank you for considering me
303
00:13:34,457 --> 00:13:37,327
for this journey of a lifetime.
304
00:13:38,666 --> 00:13:40,897
(echoing):
To Mars!
305
00:13:43,004 --> 00:13:45,643
Afterwards,
Leonard blew his nose,
306
00:13:45,645 --> 00:13:48,110
and pie came out.
307
00:13:51,084 --> 00:13:53,846
LEONARD:
Right there, right there,
308
00:13:53,848 --> 00:13:55,677
Oh, God, that's it!
309
00:13:58,843 --> 00:14:00,608
How did you get paint
in your eye?
310
00:14:00,610 --> 00:14:04,513
Because you wouldn't let me
wear safety goggles!
311
00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:10,024
(sighs heavily)
This looks terrible.
312
00:14:10,026 --> 00:14:11,257
She-she's gonna know.
313
00:14:11,259 --> 00:14:12,289
It's fine.
314
00:14:12,291 --> 00:14:13,890
You just need two more nails.
315
00:14:13,892 --> 00:14:14,930
Okay, where should I put them?
316
00:14:14,932 --> 00:14:16,363
In Emily's eyes.
317
00:14:19,036 --> 00:14:20,330
You're not helping.
318
00:14:20,332 --> 00:14:23,033
Well, maybe this is
what you get for snooping.
319
00:14:23,035 --> 00:14:24,472
You know, it-it's bad enough
that I have to deal with this...
320
00:14:24,474 --> 00:14:26,407
EMILY: Raj? I'm back.
(door closes)
321
00:14:26,409 --> 00:14:28,574
Oh, no.
322
00:14:29,007 --> 00:14:30,708
Hey.
Hi.
323
00:14:30,710 --> 00:14:34,078
(stammering):
How was the hospital?
324
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:35,615
Fine.
325
00:14:35,617 --> 00:14:37,280
What were you doing in there?
326
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,952
Uh... w-well...
327
00:14:41,986 --> 00:14:43,319
Okay, look, I-I don't
want to lie to you.
328
00:14:43,321 --> 00:14:45,823
I-I got curious,
I was looking around...
329
00:14:45,825 --> 00:14:48,423
and I broke the drawer
on your night stand.
330
00:14:48,425 --> 00:14:50,391
You were looking
in my night stand?
331
00:14:50,393 --> 00:14:51,663
Yeah.
332
00:14:51,665 --> 00:14:53,630
So, the first time
I leave you alone,
333
00:14:53,632 --> 00:14:55,367
you snoop on me?
334
00:14:55,369 --> 00:14:58,241
You've never snooped
around my apartment?
335
00:14:58,243 --> 00:15:01,208
No!
Come on, think back.
336
00:15:01,210 --> 00:15:04,376
It would really help if you had!
337
00:15:04,378 --> 00:15:06,208
EMILY: I can't believe
you don't trust me!
338
00:15:06,210 --> 00:15:09,217
She sounds really mad.
339
00:15:09,219 --> 00:15:11,250
We should hang up.
340
00:15:11,252 --> 00:15:12,851
Yeah, we should.
341
00:15:12,853 --> 00:15:14,589
But we're not
going to, are we?
342
00:15:14,591 --> 00:15:17,064
Not a chance.
343
00:15:17,066 --> 00:15:19,466
What happened to
“snooping is wrong”?
344
00:15:19,468 --> 00:15:21,508
Howard, you're going
to jail for tax fraud.
345
00:15:21,510 --> 00:15:24,174
Who cares?
346
00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:26,947
Well, we did it.
347
00:15:26,949 --> 00:15:30,715
We sure did.
348
00:15:30,717 --> 00:15:32,016
I mean, I was on fire!
349
00:15:32,018 --> 00:15:34,309
I-I was in the zone,
like an athlete.
350
00:15:34,311 --> 00:15:36,872
Sweetie, I beat
you at this, too.
351
00:15:36,874 --> 00:15:39,141
So, where do we
want to hang it?
352
00:15:39,143 --> 00:15:40,277
What? Are you kidding?
353
00:15:40,279 --> 00:15:41,740
We're not hanging it!
354
00:15:41,742 --> 00:15:43,810
But it's an expression
of our love.
355
00:15:43,812 --> 00:15:46,481
And our butts!
Not hanging it!
356
00:15:47,852 --> 00:15:49,819
Seems a shame to throw it away.
357
00:15:49,821 --> 00:15:51,556
Yeah.
358
00:15:51,558 --> 00:15:52,653
(gasps)
359
00:15:52,655 --> 00:15:53,895
We could give it to Sheldon,
360
00:15:53,897 --> 00:15:56,864
and tell him William
Shatner painted it.
361
00:15:58,634 --> 00:16:01,830
God, I love you.
I love you so much.
362
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:07,237
I think I'm gonna go home.
363
00:16:07,239 --> 00:16:09,669
Why?
364
00:16:09,671 --> 00:16:12,644
I really don't understand
what's happening here.
365
00:16:12,646 --> 00:16:15,380
You know, Sheldon,
at any other time,
366
00:16:15,382 --> 00:16:17,812
learning that you had plans
to go live on Mars
367
00:16:17,814 --> 00:16:19,547
would be a slow news day.
368
00:16:19,549 --> 00:16:21,546
But a couple of hours ago,
369
00:16:21,548 --> 00:16:23,449
we were getting a turtle.
370
00:16:23,451 --> 00:16:26,016
And silly as it sounds,
371
00:16:26,018 --> 00:16:28,454
I thought that meant something.
372
00:16:30,151 --> 00:16:32,085
Amy!
373
00:16:32,087 --> 00:16:35,058
Oh, why didn't I give her
Sleepy Time tea?
374
00:16:37,322 --> 00:16:38,991
Amy, wait!
375
00:16:38,993 --> 00:16:41,494
Getting a turtle meant
a great deal to me, too.
376
00:16:41,496 --> 00:16:42,959
Sure.
377
00:16:42,961 --> 00:16:44,758
Unless something
better comes along.
378
00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:48,532
Do you want me
to withdraw my application?
379
00:16:48,534 --> 00:16:51,228
What I want is for us
380
00:16:51,230 --> 00:16:54,268
to be planning our
future together.
381
00:16:56,176 --> 00:16:58,917
And in that future,
382
00:16:58,918 --> 00:17:00,900
are we on the same planet?
383
00:17:01,744 --> 00:17:03,278
Yeah, because I've seen people
384
00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:04,981
make the long-distance
thing work.
385
00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:06,916
We're on the same planet!
Okay!
386
00:17:09,382 --> 00:17:13,018
Does that planet have
to be Earth?
387
00:17:13,923 --> 00:17:16,488
Are you asking me to go
to Mars with you?
388
00:17:16,490 --> 00:17:18,090
I am.
389
00:17:18,092 --> 00:17:19,722
Yeah, if I'm going
to a barren,
390
00:17:19,724 --> 00:17:21,658
lifeless environment,
391
00:17:21,660 --> 00:17:25,065
where the chances of survival
are slim to none,
392
00:17:25,067 --> 00:17:28,460
I want you there with me.
393
00:17:32,700 --> 00:17:34,632
Why don't we go back
to the apartment,
394
00:17:34,634 --> 00:17:36,430
and fill out your application?
395
00:17:37,263 --> 00:17:39,994
Okay.
396
00:17:39,996 --> 00:17:42,832
I suppose being
the first people
397
00:17:42,834 --> 00:17:45,133
on a new planet would
be incredibly exciting.
398
00:17:45,135 --> 00:17:46,827
Oh, I know.
399
00:17:46,829 --> 00:17:50,500
We could be the first
to plant a flag on Mars.
400
00:17:50,502 --> 00:17:54,267
We could be the first to
watch Mars Attacks! on Mars.
401
00:17:54,269 --> 00:17:57,043
We could be the first
to say "Good Lord,
402
00:17:57,045 --> 00:17:59,740
what on Mars are
you talking about"
403
00:17:59,742 --> 00:18:02,043
You know,
404
00:18:02,045 --> 00:18:04,377
we could also be
the first people
405
00:18:04,379 --> 00:18:07,616
to procreate on Mars.
406
00:18:07,618 --> 00:18:11,485
You just can't keep it in
your space pants, can you?
407
00:18:13,382 --> 00:18:14,180
Think about it.
408
00:18:14,182 --> 00:18:15,388
If we had a family there,
409
00:18:15,390 --> 00:18:17,956
our kids would be Martians.
410
00:18:18,926 --> 00:18:22,557
They would, wouldn't they?
411
00:18:22,559 --> 00:18:25,429
We could give them
cool Martian names.
412
00:18:25,431 --> 00:18:28,196
And we could teach them
about Martian history.
413
00:18:28,198 --> 00:18:30,035
Like, who planted those flags?
414
00:18:30,037 --> 00:18:31,531
And, uh, where did that copy
415
00:18:31,533 --> 00:18:34,139
of Mars Attacks! come from?
416
00:18:34,141 --> 00:18:35,475
I guess we'll have to make
417
00:18:35,477 --> 00:18:37,675
a new video together,
as a couple.
418
00:18:37,677 --> 00:18:39,843
(gasps)
Good idea.
419
00:18:41,477 --> 00:18:43,346
And since you've had
such a rough day,
420
00:18:43,348 --> 00:18:46,714
I'm gonna let you throw
the pie in Leonard's face.
421
00:18:56,446 --> 00:18:58,044
Thank you for forgiving me.
422
00:18:58,046 --> 00:18:59,444
It's okay.
423
00:18:59,446 --> 00:19:02,316
At some point, we were bound
to have our first fight.
424
00:19:02,318 --> 00:19:04,316
Well, it almost happened
when you called
425
00:19:04,318 --> 00:19:06,556
my apple pie crust “doughy”
426
00:19:08,358 --> 00:19:10,354
The truth is
you were right.
427
00:19:10,356 --> 00:19:13,161
And I was just
angry at myself.
428
00:19:13,163 --> 00:19:16,329
Can I ask you one thing?
429
00:19:16,331 --> 00:19:17,696
Of course. What?
430
00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:20,295
Did you look in my closet?
431
00:19:20,297 --> 00:19:22,631
No. Just the drawer.
432
00:19:22,633 --> 00:19:24,335
You promise you didn't
look in the closet?
433
00:19:24,337 --> 00:19:25,366
I promise.
434
00:19:25,368 --> 00:19:26,766
Why, what's in there?
435
00:19:26,768 --> 00:19:28,869
Don't worry about it.
436
00:19:28,871 --> 00:19:30,174
Good night.
437
00:19:46,813 --> 00:19:53,313
Sync, corrected by elderman
@elder_man