1
00:00:01,774 --> 00:00:04,042
Hey, can I ask you a question?
Sure.
2
00:00:04,044 --> 00:00:05,110
You've had this dart board
since I've known you,
3
00:00:05,112 --> 00:00:06,528
but I've never seen you play.
4
00:00:06,530 --> 00:00:08,480
Oh, uh, we played... once.
5
00:00:08,482 --> 00:00:10,949
I broke a window.
6
00:00:10,951 --> 00:00:12,150
What window?
7
00:00:12,152 --> 00:00:14,068
That one over there.
8
00:00:15,070 --> 00:00:17,455
Leonard, where are
the Skee-Ball tickets?
9
00:00:17,457 --> 00:00:18,756
Skee-Ball tickets?
10
00:00:18,758 --> 00:00:20,909
Yeah, from when we went
to the arcade three years ago?
11
00:00:20,911 --> 00:00:23,244
I finally decided
what prize I want.
12
00:00:24,413 --> 00:00:26,381
Hurry up.
13
00:00:26,383 --> 00:00:29,000
Uh, if I still have them,
14
00:00:29,002 --> 00:00:31,085
they're probably
in the junk box.
15
00:00:31,087 --> 00:00:32,387
Ooh, what are you gonna get?
16
00:00:32,389 --> 00:00:33,555
None of your business.
17
00:00:33,557 --> 00:00:36,007
But when you see me
wearing a flower
18
00:00:36,009 --> 00:00:37,225
in my lapel later,
19
00:00:37,227 --> 00:00:39,561
you are most welcome
to sniff it.
20
00:00:40,179 --> 00:00:42,680
Yup, oh... here you go.
21
00:00:42,682 --> 00:00:44,015
Oh, thank you.
22
00:00:44,017 --> 00:00:47,018
Here, get yourself an eraser
for your troubles.
23
00:00:47,020 --> 00:00:49,070
Oh.
24
00:00:49,072 --> 00:00:50,488
Oh-ho.
25
00:00:50,490 --> 00:00:51,656
I forgot about this.
26
00:00:51,658 --> 00:00:55,026
My aunt made it for me
when I started college.
27
00:00:57,746 --> 00:01:00,498
Aw, did she hate you?
28
00:01:00,500 --> 00:01:03,368
Why? Because I got an
ugly, itchy sweater,
29
00:01:03,370 --> 00:01:06,454
and my brother got a car?
No, I was her favorite.
30
00:01:07,322 --> 00:01:08,706
Yeah, I seem to be
a few tickets short.
31
00:01:08,708 --> 00:01:10,208
Are there more in the box?
32
00:01:10,210 --> 00:01:11,826
Hmm, I think I got them all.
33
00:01:11,828 --> 00:01:14,262
Nope, they're not in there.
34
00:01:14,264 --> 00:01:16,330
Well, you barely looked.
Let me see.
35
00:01:16,332 --> 00:01:17,999
No, no, no, I-I looked, and...
(stammers)
36
00:01:18,001 --> 00:01:20,151
No more tickets.
37
00:01:20,153 --> 00:01:21,352
Leonard, let me
look in the box.
38
00:01:21,354 --> 00:01:23,438
Okay, okay!
39
00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:24,839
I'm gonna show you
what's in the box.
40
00:01:24,841 --> 00:01:27,642
but just...
promise not to flip out.
41
00:01:27,644 --> 00:01:29,360
Why would I flip out?
42
00:01:29,362 --> 00:01:30,645
Is it a spider?
43
00:01:30,647 --> 00:01:33,064
(gasps)
It's a spider!
44
00:01:34,149 --> 00:01:35,717
No, if it was a spider,
45
00:01:35,719 --> 00:01:38,236
Lenny would've flipped out.
46
00:01:38,238 --> 00:01:39,320
Okay, Sheldon,
47
00:01:39,322 --> 00:01:40,705
I know I was supposed to return
48
00:01:40,707 --> 00:01:42,356
this DVD a long time ago,
49
00:01:42,358 --> 00:01:43,408
and I know we rented it
50
00:01:43,410 --> 00:01:44,525
on your card.
51
00:01:44,527 --> 00:01:46,494
But it's been, like, seven years
52
00:01:46,496 --> 00:01:47,629
and clearly nothing
bad has happened.
53
00:01:47,631 --> 00:01:49,964
So in-in-in-instead of being
54
00:01:49,966 --> 00:01:52,667
a giant pain in the ass
like you always are,
55
00:01:52,669 --> 00:01:53,718
what if
56
00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:57,088
this one time
you just tried staying calm?
57
00:02:01,710 --> 00:02:04,646
That seems
like a reasonable request.
58
00:02:06,232 --> 00:02:07,381
Although so did,
"Hey, Leonard, would you mind
59
00:02:07,383 --> 00:02:09,517
returning that DVD?"
60
00:02:10,719 --> 00:02:13,238
I'm sorry.
I'll-Ill take care of it.
61
00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:15,740
Okay.
62
00:02:15,742 --> 00:02:17,775
I mean it, I'm going to.
63
00:02:18,911 --> 00:02:21,496
I believe you.
64
00:02:21,498 --> 00:02:24,782
And you're going to stay calm?
65
00:02:24,784 --> 00:02:27,118
I said I would.
66
00:02:30,956 --> 00:02:33,374
How about that?
67
00:02:34,393 --> 00:02:37,462
Sheldon's being reasonable.
68
00:02:37,464 --> 00:02:38,513
Yeah, it's freaking me out.
69
00:02:38,515 --> 00:02:39,797
I'm gonna go.
70
00:02:41,383 --> 00:02:45,019
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
71
00:02:45,021 --> 00:02:48,356
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
72
00:02:48,358 --> 00:02:49,974
♪ The Earth began to cool
73
00:02:49,976 --> 00:02:52,510
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
74
00:02:52,512 --> 00:02:55,179
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
75
00:02:55,181 --> 00:02:57,849
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
76
00:02:57,851 --> 00:02:59,767
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
77
00:02:59,769 --> 00:03:01,597
♪ Bang! ♪
78
00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:05,598
♪ The Big Bang Theory 7x08 2013-11-14 ♪
The Itchy Brain Simulation
79
00:03:06,656 --> 00:03:09,441
So... when you say
80
00:03:09,443 --> 00:03:11,460
you're not going to freak
out about the DVD,
81
00:03:11,462 --> 00:03:15,063
here's what that means.
82
00:03:15,065 --> 00:03:16,364
Don't fixate on it.
83
00:03:16,366 --> 00:03:18,483
Don't wake me up
in the middle of the night.
84
00:03:18,485 --> 00:03:20,352
Or nag me through the door
85
00:03:20,354 --> 00:03:22,721
while I'm on the toilet.
86
00:03:22,723 --> 00:03:25,390
Okay, first, talking to you
while you're on the toilet
87
00:03:25,392 --> 00:03:28,393
isn't exactly a picnic
for me either, okay?
88
00:03:28,395 --> 00:03:29,627
Remember...
89
00:03:29,629 --> 00:03:32,264
when you can hear me,
I can hear you.
90
00:03:32,266 --> 00:03:34,599
And second...
91
00:03:34,601 --> 00:03:35,967
you completely disregard
92
00:03:35,969 --> 00:03:39,354
how uncomfortable
unresolved issues are for me.
93
00:03:39,356 --> 00:03:40,355
It's-it's like, a...
94
00:03:40,357 --> 00:03:42,908
an itch in my brain
I can't scratch.
95
00:03:42,910 --> 00:03:44,693
When I broke my arm I used
96
00:03:44,695 --> 00:03:47,496
to stick
a coat hanger down there.
97
00:03:48,531 --> 00:03:52,451
You ever try that?
Maybe go in through the ear?
98
00:03:52,453 --> 00:03:55,036
You wouldn't make jokes if you
could feel the way I feel.
99
00:03:55,038 --> 00:03:57,422
Well, I don't know
how to do that.
100
00:03:58,741 --> 00:04:00,542
How about this?
101
00:04:00,544 --> 00:04:03,378
I promise I won't pester you
about the DVD.
102
00:04:03,380 --> 00:04:06,515
You can defecate in peace.
103
00:04:06,517 --> 00:04:08,166
That's a win for both of us.
104
00:04:08,168 --> 00:04:09,601
But...
105
00:04:09,603 --> 00:04:12,087
until this matter is resolved,
106
00:04:12,089 --> 00:04:13,638
I would like you
107
00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:16,808
to wear this sweater.
108
00:04:18,027 --> 00:04:21,463
With nothing underneath it.
109
00:04:21,465 --> 00:04:22,781
That's stupid.
110
00:04:22,783 --> 00:04:23,949
Why?
111
00:04:23,951 --> 00:04:26,117
You say it's itchy
and uncomfortable.
112
00:04:26,119 --> 00:04:29,955
I say situations like this
make me feel the same way.
113
00:04:29,957 --> 00:04:32,741
I'm telling you, try the hanger.
114
00:04:32,743 --> 00:04:34,859
Put it on.
115
00:04:34,861 --> 00:04:37,212
Let's share the experience.
116
00:04:38,297 --> 00:04:40,382
You got it.
117
00:04:40,384 --> 00:04:41,866
If this sweater
shuts you up,
118
00:04:41,868 --> 00:04:43,168
I'm gonna make a fortune
119
00:04:43,170 --> 00:04:45,253
selling them
to everyone we know.
120
00:04:46,138 --> 00:04:47,255
Now...
121
00:04:47,257 --> 00:04:48,540
all I need to do
122
00:04:48,542 --> 00:04:50,225
is head down to the video store
123
00:04:50,227 --> 00:04:53,261
and return the DVD.
124
00:04:56,816 --> 00:04:59,434
Oh, did I forget to tell you?
125
00:04:59,436 --> 00:05:03,154
That store went
out of business years ago.
126
00:05:05,107 --> 00:05:08,326
Really?
127
00:05:09,128 --> 00:05:11,012
How those nipples feeling,
chief?
128
00:05:14,150 --> 00:05:16,734
Penny, can we please
get our drinks?
129
00:05:16,736 --> 00:05:18,086
Yeah, hang on, just give me sec.
130
00:05:18,088 --> 00:05:21,456
At work today, I did an
in vivo stereotaxic surgery.
131
00:05:21,458 --> 00:05:22,674
Cool. At my lab,
132
00:05:22,676 --> 00:05:25,544
I performed ten laser
capture micro-dissections.
133
00:05:25,546 --> 00:05:28,847
I scraped gum off the
bottom of that table.
134
00:05:28,849 --> 00:05:31,916
Only 'cause my manager
saw me put it there.
135
00:05:31,918 --> 00:05:33,751
Oh, my gosh.
136
00:05:33,753 --> 00:05:35,854
That's the girl that
broke Rajesh's heart.
137
00:05:35,856 --> 00:05:37,188
That's Lucy?
138
00:05:37,190 --> 00:05:40,091
I don't know why but I always
pictured her as Indian.
139
00:05:40,093 --> 00:05:41,893
I think that reason's
called racism.
140
00:05:41,895 --> 00:05:44,729
I'm gonna go talk to her.
141
00:05:44,731 --> 00:05:46,531
Why? What are you gonna say?
142
00:05:46,533 --> 00:05:47,699
I'm not gonna
say anything.
143
00:05:47,701 --> 00:05:48,984
I just want
to check her out.
144
00:05:48,986 --> 00:05:50,068
Because she hurt my friend.
145
00:05:50,070 --> 00:05:52,654
My Indian friend.
146
00:05:52,656 --> 00:05:54,205
Who's racist now?
147
00:05:54,207 --> 00:05:56,157
You because you just called him
148
00:05:56,159 --> 00:05:59,277
your "Indian friend."
149
00:05:59,279 --> 00:06:01,880
Yeah, well, you're short.
150
00:06:04,183 --> 00:06:05,917
We're never getting
our drinks.
151
00:06:05,919 --> 00:06:08,920
No, but we knew that.
152
00:06:08,922 --> 00:06:11,222
Hey, can I start you off
with something to drink?
153
00:06:11,224 --> 00:06:12,624
Oh, water would be great.
154
00:06:12,626 --> 00:06:13,642
Okay.
155
00:06:13,644 --> 00:06:15,927
Um, you're Lucy, right?
156
00:06:15,929 --> 00:06:17,629
I'm a friend
of Raj Koothrappali's.
157
00:06:17,631 --> 00:06:19,347
Actually Amy recognized you.
158
00:06:25,605 --> 00:06:27,656
Wow.
159
00:06:27,658 --> 00:06:29,157
How's he doing?
160
00:06:29,159 --> 00:06:30,609
Oh, you know, he's good.
161
00:06:30,611 --> 00:06:31,776
Great.
162
00:06:31,778 --> 00:06:33,828
Yeah, this is none
of my business.
163
00:06:33,830 --> 00:06:37,198
But why did you break up
with him in an e-mail?
164
00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:38,816
Oh, I don't know.
165
00:06:38,818 --> 00:06:41,586
I guess I thought
it would be easier.
166
00:06:41,588 --> 00:06:43,288
Yeah, I get that.
167
00:06:43,290 --> 00:06:44,756
I'll go get you your water.
168
00:06:47,043 --> 00:06:50,095
When you say "easier,"
169
00:06:50,097 --> 00:06:51,763
you mean easier for you, right?
170
00:06:51,765 --> 00:06:54,015
'Cause it certainly didn't
make it easier for him.
171
00:06:54,017 --> 00:06:55,767
Any chance I can get
172
00:06:55,769 --> 00:06:58,303
a different waitress?
173
00:06:58,305 --> 00:06:59,387
I-I'm sorry, this is rude of me.
174
00:06:59,389 --> 00:07:00,605
I will go get that water.
175
00:07:02,174 --> 00:07:04,442
See, see, see, see.
176
00:07:04,444 --> 00:07:06,795
Just now you expressed
your feelings to my face.
177
00:07:06,797 --> 00:07:08,647
How come you could do that
with me, but not Raj?
178
00:07:08,649 --> 00:07:11,199
I don't know your e-mail.
179
00:07:12,501 --> 00:07:13,618
You know what the worst part is?
180
00:07:13,620 --> 00:07:14,953
You're sitting here,
perfectly happy
181
00:07:14,955 --> 00:07:16,905
and he's at home,
a blubbering mess.
182
00:07:16,907 --> 00:07:18,490
Oh, I thought you said
he was okay.
183
00:07:18,492 --> 00:07:19,708
Well, I also said
I was getting you water,
184
00:07:19,710 --> 00:07:21,626
but look at me
still standing here.
185
00:07:23,412 --> 00:07:24,496
You know, I may be
a bad waitress,
186
00:07:24,498 --> 00:07:26,197
but you are a bad person.
187
00:07:26,199 --> 00:07:29,668
Now, you want
to hear the specials?
188
00:07:47,820 --> 00:07:50,939
So, you can never take it off?
189
00:07:50,941 --> 00:07:52,657
No.
190
00:07:52,659 --> 00:07:53,942
Not even to sleep?
191
00:07:53,944 --> 00:07:55,326
No.
192
00:07:55,328 --> 00:07:57,362
So, you're just an idiot?
193
00:07:57,364 --> 00:08:00,565
It's called proving a point.
194
00:08:00,567 --> 00:08:02,767
Is the point you're an idiot?
195
00:08:03,703 --> 00:08:05,370
Gentlemen, please.
196
00:08:05,372 --> 00:08:09,240
Leonard is trying to walk a mile
in my metaphorical shoes.
197
00:08:09,242 --> 00:08:11,376
He can't walk
in my actual shoes.
198
00:08:11,378 --> 00:08:13,595
He has the feet of a toddler.
199
00:08:15,381 --> 00:08:17,248
So, how are you gonna
return the DVD
200
00:08:17,250 --> 00:08:18,583
if the store went
out of business?
201
00:08:18,585 --> 00:08:20,702
(groans)
Monday morning I'll go downtown
202
00:08:20,704 --> 00:08:22,937
look up the owner's information.
203
00:08:22,939 --> 00:08:26,775
And send him the DVD.
204
00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:30,195
Pay the late fee.
(grunts)
205
00:08:30,197 --> 00:08:31,996
And prove to Sheldon
206
00:08:31,998 --> 00:08:33,231
that you can have
a problem and solve it...
207
00:08:33,233 --> 00:08:35,116
(grunts)
208
00:08:35,118 --> 00:08:37,769
...without acting
like a complete lunatic.
209
00:08:37,771 --> 00:08:40,054
Ah!
210
00:08:40,056 --> 00:08:42,741
And the man impersonating
a bear would like everyone
211
00:08:42,743 --> 00:08:45,994
to know that "Only you can
prevent forest fires."
212
00:08:47,946 --> 00:08:49,798
I don't get it.
213
00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:51,666
You didn't have
Smokey the Bear in India?
214
00:08:51,668 --> 00:08:55,086
No. Oh, is he anything
like, uh, Mun-Mun the Mongoose?
215
00:08:56,388 --> 00:08:59,340
He taught us not
to play with cobras.
216
00:08:59,342 --> 00:09:03,178
You had to be taught
not to play with cobras?
217
00:09:04,079 --> 00:09:05,346
You had to be taught
218
00:09:05,348 --> 00:09:07,515
not to burn down the forest?
219
00:09:16,776 --> 00:09:18,309
Hey, if you guys were hungry,
why didn't you order
220
00:09:18,311 --> 00:09:19,661
something at the restaurant?
221
00:09:19,663 --> 00:09:21,696
We did, you never brought it.
222
00:09:23,115 --> 00:09:25,316
Oh, that's right.
223
00:09:25,318 --> 00:09:27,368
Nachos and a turkey club.
224
00:09:27,370 --> 00:09:29,987
Not even close.
225
00:09:29,989 --> 00:09:31,756
Well, I was too busy standing up
226
00:09:31,758 --> 00:09:34,459
for my friend to worry
about your...
227
00:09:34,461 --> 00:09:35,660
I want to say
228
00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:36,878
salmon.
229
00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:39,547
You want to say sorry.
230
00:09:43,636 --> 00:09:46,938
So, how are you gonna
tell Raj about what you did?
231
00:09:46,940 --> 00:09:48,640
What do you mean "how"?
What's the big deal?
232
00:09:48,642 --> 00:09:50,725
You told Lucy
he was a pathetic mess.
233
00:09:50,727 --> 00:09:52,944
Then you made her cry and leave.
234
00:09:52,946 --> 00:09:54,779
Okay, you guys are overreacting.
235
00:09:54,781 --> 00:09:57,232
Raj is gonna appreciate
how I had his back.
236
00:09:57,234 --> 00:09:59,734
What is wrong
with you, Penny?!
237
00:09:59,736 --> 00:10:01,402
You ruined
any chance I had
238
00:10:01,404 --> 00:10:02,987
of getting back
with Lucy!
239
00:10:02,989 --> 00:10:05,206
(phone chimes) Now she knows
I'm a desperate mess
240
00:10:05,208 --> 00:10:07,709
instead of just
being pretty sure!
241
00:10:09,812 --> 00:10:11,362
It's Lucy.
242
00:10:11,364 --> 00:10:13,248
She wants to meet
for coffee.
243
00:10:13,250 --> 00:10:15,466
I love you, Penny!
244
00:10:20,439 --> 00:10:22,307
Hey, what're you working on?
245
00:10:22,309 --> 00:10:24,509
I'm thinking about
246
00:10:24,511 --> 00:10:26,311
how one could use the fact
247
00:10:26,313 --> 00:10:28,096
that a rapidly
rotating mirror
248
00:10:28,098 --> 00:10:30,315
turns virtual photons
into real ones
249
00:10:30,317 --> 00:10:33,318
as a method of
observing dark energy.
250
00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:34,986
That's a pretty cool idea.
251
00:10:34,988 --> 00:10:37,021
Yeah.
It's great you're here.
252
00:10:37,023 --> 00:10:38,640
I'd love to get
an engineer's opinion.
253
00:10:38,642 --> 00:10:39,908
Sure.
254
00:10:39,910 --> 00:10:42,410
This chair is squeaky.
255
00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:48,366
Now, do I fix it
or get a new one?
256
00:10:49,335 --> 00:10:51,886
Well, Sheldon,
it took me all morning,
257
00:10:51,888 --> 00:10:54,322
but I found the owner
of the video store.
258
00:10:54,324 --> 00:10:57,108
And I am happy to report that
he died peacefully in his sleep,
259
00:10:57,110 --> 00:10:59,244
drunk at the bottom of a pool.
260
00:11:01,047 --> 00:11:03,498
Anyway, there is no one
to return the DVD to,
261
00:11:03,500 --> 00:11:07,252
so this issue is resolved.
262
00:11:07,254 --> 00:11:09,504
Ah...
263
00:11:10,456 --> 00:11:12,307
And I'd just like
to point out that
264
00:11:12,309 --> 00:11:13,808
even though the sweater
was uncomfortable,
265
00:11:13,810 --> 00:11:15,310
I didn't use it as an excuse
266
00:11:15,312 --> 00:11:17,929
to antagonize
everyone around me.
267
00:11:17,931 --> 00:11:19,764
You know,
you could reimburse
268
00:11:19,766 --> 00:11:21,349
the video store owner's
next of kin.
269
00:11:21,351 --> 00:11:24,019
Or it's resolved!
270
00:11:25,771 --> 00:11:28,106
Hey, that next of kin thing
sounds pretty good.
271
00:11:29,475 --> 00:11:31,476
I believe
this is yours.
272
00:11:36,868 --> 00:11:39,086
Can I ask you guys
a question?
273
00:11:39,088 --> 00:11:41,038
So, I'm seeing Lucy
tomorrow night,
274
00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:42,839
and I've never hung out with
someone who broke up with me.
275
00:11:42,841 --> 00:11:44,124
How do you do it?
276
00:11:44,126 --> 00:11:45,609
You can't let her
know you're hurting.
277
00:11:45,611 --> 00:11:47,110
You know, the key
is confidence.
278
00:11:47,112 --> 00:11:49,546
Why is the key
always confidence?
279
00:11:49,548 --> 00:11:53,133
How come it's never
love handles and flop sweat?
280
00:11:55,169 --> 00:11:56,553
If this girl hurt you so much,
281
00:11:56,555 --> 00:11:58,021
are you sure you want
to see her again?
282
00:11:58,023 --> 00:11:59,389
Well, if I may...
283
00:11:59,391 --> 00:12:00,941
he has so little
self-respect
284
00:12:00,943 --> 00:12:03,527
and is so desperate
285
00:12:03,529 --> 00:12:05,395
she could literally sleep
with his own father
286
00:12:05,397 --> 00:12:07,481
in his own bed
and post the video to YouTube,
287
00:12:07,483 --> 00:12:08,782
and he'd still
buy her flowers
288
00:12:08,784 --> 00:12:10,901
and ask her
to be his bride.
289
00:12:13,821 --> 00:12:15,205
He's right.
290
00:12:17,742 --> 00:12:19,710
But in my defense,
if we could survive that,
291
00:12:19,712 --> 00:12:21,795
we could survive anything.
292
00:12:23,464 --> 00:12:24,831
Well, if you're sure
you want to do this,
293
00:12:24,833 --> 00:12:25,716
it's only coffee...
294
00:12:25,718 --> 00:12:27,918
just relax
and see what happens.
295
00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:30,003
Well, can I say
she looks nice?
296
00:12:30,005 --> 00:12:30,837
Sure.
297
00:12:30,839 --> 00:12:32,472
Can I tell her I miss her?
298
00:12:32,474 --> 00:12:34,391
Maybe, if she asks.
299
00:12:34,393 --> 00:12:36,226
Oh, can I show her
an oil painting I made
300
00:12:36,228 --> 00:12:39,096
of us surrounded by our
children and grandchildren?
301
00:12:40,214 --> 00:12:43,016
I'd save that
for the second date.
302
00:12:43,951 --> 00:12:45,268
Good, good.
303
00:12:45,270 --> 00:12:46,886
'Cause no matter how hard I try,
304
00:12:46,888 --> 00:12:49,573
I cannot get the twins
to look alike.
305
00:12:54,996 --> 00:12:56,947
What are you doing?
306
00:12:56,949 --> 00:12:59,833
Oh, I'm just trying to find
the stupid next of kin
307
00:12:59,835 --> 00:13:01,902
to this stupid video store owner
308
00:13:01,904 --> 00:13:03,603
so I can return the DVD
309
00:13:03,605 --> 00:13:06,173
and see the look
on Sheldon's stupid face
310
00:13:06,175 --> 00:13:08,208
when he sees that
I didn't let this get to me.
311
00:13:08,210 --> 00:13:09,459
(sobbing)
312
00:13:10,795 --> 00:13:11,845
Sheldon's not here.
313
00:13:11,847 --> 00:13:13,130
Why don't you take
the sweater off?
314
00:13:13,132 --> 00:13:14,914
Th-Th-There's a principle
at stake!
315
00:13:14,916 --> 00:13:16,383
Which is?
Oh, I don't know.
316
00:13:16,385 --> 00:13:18,685
Who cares? Look at me!
317
00:13:18,687 --> 00:13:20,220
Oh, my God!
318
00:13:20,222 --> 00:13:21,972
Is that sweater made of bees?
319
00:13:22,940 --> 00:13:24,941
Come on, take it off.
I won't tell.
320
00:13:24,943 --> 00:13:27,227
No, no, honey,
if I take it off, Sheldon wins.
321
00:13:27,229 --> 00:13:28,445
Sweetie...
322
00:13:28,447 --> 00:13:30,447
every night you don't
kill him in his sleep,
323
00:13:30,449 --> 00:13:32,365
he wins.
324
00:13:33,367 --> 00:13:35,452
Nah, i-it's... it's almost done.
325
00:13:35,454 --> 00:13:37,020
I just, I have to find...
(sighs)
326
00:13:37,022 --> 00:13:39,156
the next of kin,
and send 'em the DVD
327
00:13:39,158 --> 00:13:41,324
and then just wait for someone
with my complexion to die
328
00:13:41,326 --> 00:13:44,244
so I can get a skin graft.
329
00:13:44,246 --> 00:13:45,629
(sighs)
Smile.
330
00:13:45,631 --> 00:13:46,880
What-what is that?
331
00:13:46,882 --> 00:13:47,898
What is that for?
332
00:13:47,900 --> 00:13:49,416
So you can send it to Princeton
333
00:13:49,418 --> 00:13:51,168
and get your money back.
334
00:13:54,505 --> 00:13:56,473
AMY:
must say, Sheldon,
335
00:13:56,475 --> 00:13:58,208
you're handling
this DVD business
336
00:13:58,210 --> 00:13:59,876
with an impressive
amount of maturity.
337
00:13:59,878 --> 00:14:02,379
I don't know why
that surprises you.
338
00:14:02,381 --> 00:14:03,413
I'm a grown man.
339
00:14:03,415 --> 00:14:05,782
As should be evident
by this sport coat
340
00:14:05,784 --> 00:14:09,419
and very real flower
in my lapel.
341
00:14:09,421 --> 00:14:12,773
Is there some kind of new coping
mechanism you're employing?
342
00:14:12,775 --> 00:14:16,076
The more interesting question
you should be asking is,
343
00:14:16,078 --> 00:14:19,029
"What does this
flower smell like?"
344
00:14:20,281 --> 00:14:21,932
I'm gonna go with sad.
345
00:14:22,867 --> 00:14:24,351
So what's the story
346
00:14:24,353 --> 00:14:25,786
with you and this DVD?
347
00:14:25,788 --> 00:14:27,320
There's nothing to tell.
348
00:14:27,322 --> 00:14:29,322
Maybe I purchased
a book entitled,
349
00:14:29,324 --> 00:14:30,924
Don't Sweat
the Small Stuff
350
00:14:30,926 --> 00:14:33,660
and I followed
its wise suggestions,
351
00:14:33,662 --> 00:14:34,928
one of which was:
352
00:14:34,930 --> 00:14:37,097
stop and smell the flowers.
353
00:14:38,382 --> 00:14:39,850
Seriously?
354
00:14:39,852 --> 00:14:42,018
Please.
355
00:14:46,107 --> 00:14:47,357
(slight hiss)
356
00:14:47,359 --> 00:14:49,359
Ha-ha!
357
00:14:49,361 --> 00:14:51,278
Oh.
358
00:14:57,852 --> 00:14:59,536
Hi.
Hello.
359
00:14:59,538 --> 00:15:01,521
Oh, it's so good
to see you.
360
00:15:01,523 --> 00:15:02,706
You, too.
361
00:15:02,708 --> 00:15:03,690
Please, sit.
362
00:15:03,692 --> 00:15:06,326
I, uh, I got you
a cappuccino.
363
00:15:06,328 --> 00:15:07,544
I remembered
it was your favorite.
364
00:15:07,546 --> 00:15:09,329
Oh.
I also got crumb cake,
365
00:15:09,331 --> 00:15:11,832
but I remembered it was
my favorite and I ate it.
366
00:15:13,467 --> 00:15:15,702
Anyway, uh,
how are you?
367
00:15:15,704 --> 00:15:17,504
I'm pretty good.
368
00:15:17,506 --> 00:15:20,006
Listen, I just wanted
to apologize
369
00:15:20,008 --> 00:15:22,342
for breaking up
with you in an e-mail.
370
00:15:22,344 --> 00:15:23,510
Well, and I ate all the
crumb cake.
371
00:15:23,512 --> 00:15:25,262
we both made
mistakes.
372
00:15:25,264 --> 00:15:27,213
Okay.
373
00:15:27,215 --> 00:15:29,266
I'm so happy
you asked me here,
374
00:15:29,268 --> 00:15:31,101
and I hope we can
hang out again sometime.
375
00:15:31,103 --> 00:15:32,552
You know,
as friends,
376
00:15:32,554 --> 00:15:35,522
lovemaking partners,
whatever.
377
00:15:36,390 --> 00:15:38,575
Oh, uh...
378
00:15:38,577 --> 00:15:41,027
I'm kind of
seeing someone.
379
00:15:42,613 --> 00:15:44,531
I think I know
the answer to this,
380
00:15:44,533 --> 00:15:47,083
but just to be clear,
it's not me, right?
381
00:15:48,753 --> 00:15:50,670
This is all
your fault!
382
00:15:51,839 --> 00:15:53,072
I should've
listened to Mun-Mun
383
00:15:53,074 --> 00:15:54,591
because I've been
playing with a cobra
384
00:15:54,593 --> 00:15:56,293
and her name is Penny!
385
00:15:56,295 --> 00:15:58,178
Why are you so cruel?
386
00:15:58,180 --> 00:15:59,880
Do you enjoy my pain?
387
00:15:59,882 --> 00:16:02,015
There's a girl at the Cheesecake
Factory I can set you up with.
388
00:16:02,017 --> 00:16:04,217
I love you, Penny!
389
00:16:07,254 --> 00:16:10,223
How is it I can
conceptualize a methodology
390
00:16:10,225 --> 00:16:12,726
of examining dark matter
in the universe
391
00:16:12,728 --> 00:16:15,195
but can't figure out how
to fix a novelty squirt flower?
392
00:16:16,647 --> 00:16:18,098
I think the real
question is,
393
00:16:18,100 --> 00:16:21,484
why do you waste your time with cheap,
childish pranks?
394
00:16:21,486 --> 00:16:23,703
There's probably a deep reason.
395
00:16:23,705 --> 00:16:26,072
Which I'd be happy
to discuss with you
396
00:16:26,074 --> 00:16:28,291
over some peanut brittle
in a can.
397
00:16:29,677 --> 00:16:32,078
Okay, Sheldon,
I am out of options!
398
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,112
(door slams)
399
00:16:33,114 --> 00:16:35,048
Video store owner,
Nursis Manookian,
400
00:16:35,050 --> 00:16:36,616
has no next of kin!
401
00:16:36,618 --> 00:16:39,669
Well, you seem hot
under the collar...
402
00:16:39,671 --> 00:16:41,788
or is that the sweater?
403
00:16:41,790 --> 00:16:43,173
Oh, oh, no, no.
404
00:16:43,175 --> 00:16:45,258
I-It's because
I spent all afternoon
405
00:16:45,260 --> 00:16:47,627
at the Armenian church where
his funeral mass was held.
406
00:16:47,629 --> 00:16:49,629
According to
Father Solakian,
407
00:16:49,631 --> 00:16:51,014
no one attended.
408
00:16:51,016 --> 00:16:52,983
Luckily, my trip
wasn't a complete waste.
409
00:16:52,985 --> 00:16:54,601
I lit a candle and
prayed for your death.
410
00:16:54,603 --> 00:16:57,270
But I'm not Armenian,
so it probably won't work!
411
00:16:58,572 --> 00:17:01,107
This is over, right?
412
00:17:01,109 --> 00:17:03,026
Oh, not necessarily.
413
00:17:03,028 --> 00:17:04,778
I suggest
414
00:17:04,780 --> 00:17:06,746
you look for long-lost relatives
415
00:17:06,748 --> 00:17:10,116
either in Armenia or Lebanon.
416
00:17:11,869 --> 00:17:13,670
Listen to me, Sheldon.
417
00:17:13,672 --> 00:17:15,755
I am not going to Lebanon
418
00:17:15,757 --> 00:17:19,659
to return Super Mario Bros.
the movie!
419
00:17:20,628 --> 00:17:23,179
You know, it might be fun.
420
00:17:23,181 --> 00:17:24,764
You love hummus.
421
00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:28,167
Why isn't this
bothering you?
422
00:17:28,169 --> 00:17:30,553
I-Isn't your brain
getting itchy?
423
00:17:30,555 --> 00:17:32,973
This is
on your card.
424
00:17:32,975 --> 00:17:35,341
This could be ruining
your credit score!
425
00:17:35,343 --> 00:17:38,028
Why isn't this
making you crazy?
426
00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:42,899
Leonard...
427
00:17:42,901 --> 00:17:45,184
I have something
to tell you,
428
00:17:45,186 --> 00:17:48,187
but I want you to promise
not to flip out.
429
00:17:48,189 --> 00:17:50,623
What?
430
00:17:50,625 --> 00:17:52,859
Seven years ago,
431
00:17:52,861 --> 00:17:54,828
I found out
the DVD was late
432
00:17:54,830 --> 00:17:56,162
and I paid for it.
433
00:18:04,255 --> 00:18:07,057
What?
434
00:18:07,059 --> 00:18:08,975
I was going to mention
it at the time,
435
00:18:08,977 --> 00:18:12,178
but then I thought,
some day,
436
00:18:12,180 --> 00:18:15,331
this might be
a teachable moment.
437
00:18:28,329 --> 00:18:30,530
Hah...
438
00:18:38,322 --> 00:18:39,956
I... You...
439
00:18:39,958 --> 00:18:41,374
How can...
440
00:18:41,376 --> 00:18:43,576
What?!
441
00:18:47,598 --> 00:18:49,466
Sheldon...
442
00:18:49,468 --> 00:18:52,052
that was diabolical.
443
00:18:52,054 --> 00:18:53,386
I know.
444
00:18:54,622 --> 00:18:56,106
And it wasn't easy.
445
00:18:56,108 --> 00:18:57,857
Do you have any idea
what it's like
446
00:18:57,859 --> 00:19:00,093
to wait for years and never know
447
00:19:00,095 --> 00:19:03,063
if you're going to finally
get satisfaction?
448
00:19:09,151 --> 00:19:10,601
Wow.
449
00:19:10,603 --> 00:19:12,469
You're even prettier
than Penny said.
450
00:19:12,471 --> 00:19:13,738
I can't believe
451
00:19:13,740 --> 00:19:15,323
a girl like you
doesn't have a boyfriend.
452
00:19:15,325 --> 00:19:16,574
Well, I don't.
453
00:19:16,576 --> 00:19:18,759
I don't believe you,
you're lying to me!
454
00:19:19,644 --> 00:19:20,811
What?
455
00:19:20,813 --> 00:19:22,113
Oh, it's okay.
456
00:19:22,115 --> 00:19:23,831
I have no morals and
I'm desperately lonely.
457
00:19:23,833 --> 00:19:25,032
I'll be the other man
458
00:19:25,034 --> 00:19:27,868
if you want a little
something-something on the side.
459
00:19:27,870 --> 00:19:29,754
What is wrong
with you?!
460
00:19:29,756 --> 00:19:31,422
What is wrong with you?!
461
00:19:31,424 --> 00:19:33,090
What is wrong with you?!