1
00:00:02,263 --> 00:00:05,132
And here's another
interesting weather fact.
2
00:00:05,134 --> 00:00:07,801
Another? Great!
3
00:00:07,803 --> 00:00:11,171
Changes in jet streams
can affect the speed
4
00:00:11,173 --> 00:00:13,473
at which the Earth
rotates on its axis,
5
00:00:13,475 --> 00:00:16,843
so bad weather can actually
make the day longer.
6
00:00:16,845 --> 00:00:19,713
Well, there must be a hell
of a storm somewhere.
7
00:00:21,549 --> 00:00:23,617
Joke if you must,
8
00:00:23,619 --> 00:00:25,719
but you're going to
miss these moments.
9
00:00:25,721 --> 00:00:27,487
With Leonard home
in a few days,
10
00:00:27,489 --> 00:00:30,690
this was your last time driving
me to the grocery store.
11
00:00:30,692 --> 00:00:32,659
You know,
I will miss this.
12
00:00:32,661 --> 00:00:35,796
I'll tell you what,
if my apples are mealy,
13
00:00:35,798 --> 00:00:40,133
we'll hit the produce section
for one last crazy blowout.
14
00:00:40,135 --> 00:00:42,335
Heck, you can even
push the cart.
15
00:00:42,337 --> 00:00:46,673
Please don't take my looking
forward to Leonard's return
16
00:00:46,675 --> 00:00:50,010
as criticism of the job you've
been doing in his absence.
17
00:00:50,012 --> 00:00:51,478
I won't.
18
00:00:52,547 --> 00:00:56,183
That criticism will come later
in your report card.
19
00:00:56,185 --> 00:00:58,318
Yeah, I didn't stay
for the detention,
20
00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:00,387
I'm not gonna read
the report card.
21
00:01:03,791 --> 00:01:04,758
Hello.
22
00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:05,892
Leonard!
23
00:01:05,894 --> 00:01:07,227
Shh, shh.
Hi!
24
00:01:07,229 --> 00:01:08,628
Keep your voice down.
Oh, my God.
25
00:01:08,630 --> 00:01:09,930
You weren't supposed
to be here till Sunday!
26
00:01:09,932 --> 00:01:11,164
We finished
the experiment early,
27
00:01:11,166 --> 00:01:12,866
so I thought I'd come home
and surprise you.
28
00:01:12,868 --> 00:01:14,367
Oh, my gosh, why
are we whispering?
29
00:01:14,369 --> 00:01:15,268
I didn't tell Sheldon,
30
00:01:15,270 --> 00:01:16,970
so we could have
a few days alone.
31
00:01:16,972 --> 00:01:18,905
Oh, that is
so romantic.
32
00:01:18,907 --> 00:01:21,141
Uh, sure,
that's why I did it.
33
00:01:22,110 --> 00:01:25,645
Oh... I just cannot
believe you're here.
34
00:01:25,647 --> 00:01:27,080
Penny, it's
your lucky day!
35
00:01:27,082 --> 00:01:29,116
Three of the eggs are
clearly not jumbo.
36
00:01:29,118 --> 00:01:30,484
Grab your keys.
37
00:01:32,353 --> 00:01:35,989
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
38
00:01:35,991 --> 00:01:39,326
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
39
00:01:39,328 --> 00:01:40,961
♪ The Earth began to cool
40
00:01:40,963 --> 00:01:43,497
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
41
00:01:43,499 --> 00:01:46,166
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
42
00:01:46,168 --> 00:01:48,835
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
43
00:01:48,837 --> 00:01:50,737
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
44
00:01:50,739 --> 00:01:51,739
♪ Bang! ♪
45
00:01:51,740 --> 00:01:55,739
♪ The Big Bang Theory 7x02 ♪
The Deception Verification
Original Air Date on September 26, 2013
46
00:01:55,740 --> 00:02:00,740
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
47
00:02:01,195 --> 00:02:03,764
Uh, Stuart,
I was wondering
48
00:02:03,766 --> 00:02:05,565
if you could help me
find something.
49
00:02:05,567 --> 00:02:08,602
Happy to, unless it's hope
or a reason to live.
50
00:02:09,437 --> 00:02:12,839
Oh, you make me laugh,
sad clown.
51
00:02:14,309 --> 00:02:15,275
Anyhoo...
52
00:02:15,277 --> 00:02:17,778
Leonard will be back
in a couple days
53
00:02:17,780 --> 00:02:20,080
and I need a welcome-home
gift for him.
54
00:02:20,082 --> 00:02:22,616
As he's been at sea,
perhaps something
55
00:02:22,618 --> 00:02:25,218
with a nautical theme
might be appropriate.
56
00:02:25,220 --> 00:02:28,055
Okay, well, I don't know
how much you want to spend,
57
00:02:28,057 --> 00:02:31,458
but I do have this pretty
cool Aquaman statue.
58
00:02:35,263 --> 00:02:37,064
Aquaman?
59
00:02:37,066 --> 00:02:39,633
Oh, this isn't
a gag gift, Stuart.
60
00:02:40,468 --> 00:02:41,868
Yeah, just as well.
61
00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:43,503
It's a pretty
rare piece.
62
00:02:43,505 --> 00:02:45,939
I'd rather just sell it
to a real collector.
63
00:02:45,941 --> 00:02:48,475
I'm a real collector.
64
00:02:50,044 --> 00:02:51,478
How rare is it?
65
00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:52,979
Oh, I shouldn't even
have mentioned it.
66
00:02:52,981 --> 00:02:55,649
How about a Batman
squirt gun?
67
00:02:55,651 --> 00:02:57,351
Don't try and trick me
68
00:02:57,353 --> 00:02:59,486
into buying something
I don't want.
69
00:02:59,488 --> 00:03:01,621
Now let's talk Aquaman.
70
00:03:02,757 --> 00:03:05,859
What were they thinking,
putting Doctor Octopus's mind
71
00:03:05,861 --> 00:03:07,561
in Spider-Man's body?
72
00:03:07,563 --> 00:03:09,563
Well, I've been
quite enjoying that.
73
00:03:09,565 --> 00:03:11,865
It combines all the
superhero fun of Spider-Man
74
00:03:11,867 --> 00:03:15,001
with all the body-switching
shenanigans of Freaky Friday.
75
00:03:15,803 --> 00:03:18,772
Both versions:
original and Lohan.
76
00:03:18,774 --> 00:03:21,208
(imitating Koothrappali):
"Both versions: original and Lohan."
77
00:03:21,210 --> 00:03:22,342
You're an idiot.
78
00:03:22,344 --> 00:03:24,544
Hey, what's your problem?
79
00:03:24,546 --> 00:03:26,813
I'm sorry, I've been
kind of snippy lately.
80
00:03:26,815 --> 00:03:29,149
It's probably this
stupid diet I'm on.
81
00:03:29,151 --> 00:03:30,183
Why are you on a diet?
82
00:03:30,185 --> 00:03:32,319
I've put on
a couple pounds.
83
00:03:33,354 --> 00:03:35,756
Had to buy these pants
in the men's section.
84
00:03:37,992 --> 00:03:40,293
Well, we've all
seen your mom.
85
00:03:41,696 --> 00:03:42,863
That Butterball turkey
86
00:03:42,865 --> 00:03:44,998
was bound to come
home to roost.
87
00:03:46,334 --> 00:03:49,035
$1,200!
That's my final offer!
88
00:03:50,304 --> 00:03:52,272
All right, Sheldon,
you win.
89
00:03:52,274 --> 00:03:54,441
I'm sure Leonard
is gonna love this.
90
00:03:54,443 --> 00:03:57,310
Oh, right,
a present for Leonard.
91
00:03:58,312 --> 00:04:00,814
You better throw in
that squirt gun.
92
00:04:00,816 --> 00:04:02,416
Yeah, I don't know.
93
00:04:02,418 --> 00:04:05,452
This squirt gun, it's,
uh, it's pretty rare.
94
00:04:06,287 --> 00:04:08,855
Ooh.
95
00:04:09,957 --> 00:04:13,660
And this is me doing
the Titanic pose on the boat.
96
00:04:13,662 --> 00:04:15,662
Ah.
97
00:04:15,664 --> 00:04:16,863
And... oh.
98
00:04:16,865 --> 00:04:18,765
That's me getting rescued
after I fell in.
99
00:04:18,767 --> 00:04:20,267
Oh.
100
00:04:21,637 --> 00:04:22,536
Oh, that's the pizza.
101
00:04:22,538 --> 00:04:23,637
Yep.
102
00:04:23,639 --> 00:04:25,372
Here's some money.
Thank you.
103
00:04:25,374 --> 00:04:26,640
And I'm gonna hit the head.
104
00:04:26,642 --> 00:04:28,442
That's what us
salty sea dogs say
105
00:04:28,444 --> 00:04:30,143
when we have to go pee-pee.
106
00:04:32,513 --> 00:04:34,281
Hey.
$22.50.
107
00:04:34,283 --> 00:04:36,216
Okay, here's, uh, $25.
Keep the change.
108
00:04:36,218 --> 00:04:37,417
Seriously?
109
00:04:37,419 --> 00:04:40,086
I just walked up, like,
four flights of stairs.
110
00:04:40,088 --> 00:04:41,087
Oh.
111
00:04:41,089 --> 00:04:42,622
Okay.
112
00:04:42,624 --> 00:04:44,191
Well, here's, um...
113
00:04:44,193 --> 00:04:46,326
30-something cents
114
00:04:46,328 --> 00:04:48,395
and a promise
I won't call your boss
115
00:04:48,397 --> 00:04:51,231
and tell him
you reek of marijuana.
116
00:04:52,767 --> 00:04:55,235
Oh, Penny, I see
you've ordered pizza.
117
00:04:55,237 --> 00:04:56,837
I have Chinese food.
118
00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:57,871
That's nice.
119
00:04:57,873 --> 00:05:01,508
Oh, that's
a rather earthy cologne.
120
00:05:03,444 --> 00:05:06,179
My uncle used
to wear that.
121
00:05:07,181 --> 00:05:09,082
Perhaps we can enjoy
one last meal together
122
00:05:09,084 --> 00:05:10,851
before Leonard returns.
Yeah, thanks,
123
00:05:10,853 --> 00:05:12,519
but I kind of feel like
eating alone tonight, so...
124
00:05:12,521 --> 00:05:13,720
Are you sure?
125
00:05:13,722 --> 00:05:16,389
With your Italian pizza
and my Chinese noodles,
126
00:05:16,391 --> 00:05:17,924
we could play Marco Polo.
127
00:05:17,926 --> 00:05:20,927
I mean, of course, a
reenactment of a meal
128
00:05:20,929 --> 00:05:23,296
in the life of Marco Polo
the Venetian explorer,
129
00:05:23,298 --> 00:05:26,900
not Marco Polo the
terrifying water sport.
130
00:05:26,902 --> 00:05:29,870
Uh, yeah, it sounds fun,
but no thanks.
131
00:05:29,872 --> 00:05:31,304
Have a good night!
132
00:05:31,306 --> 00:05:33,173
What, now...
do you have company?
133
00:05:33,175 --> 00:05:34,908
No. No, no, no.
134
00:05:34,910 --> 00:05:36,576
You know what?
Th-The toilet's been doing that.
135
00:05:36,578 --> 00:05:38,011
I called
the building manager, so...
136
00:05:38,013 --> 00:05:40,146
Oh, I can take a look at it.
Well...
137
00:05:40,148 --> 00:05:41,414
I'm quite familiar
with plumbing.
138
00:05:41,416 --> 00:05:42,716
Not to brag,
139
00:05:42,718 --> 00:05:46,052
but I spent most of fifth grade
with my head in a toilet.
140
00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:47,554
Yeah, no, no, no.
141
00:05:47,556 --> 00:05:49,055
You know what,
Sheldon, it's okay.
142
00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:50,824
You don't have to go
into the bathroom.
143
00:05:50,826 --> 00:05:52,325
That's curious.
144
00:05:52,327 --> 00:05:53,660
If there's no one here,
145
00:05:53,662 --> 00:05:56,930
why are there two glasses
of wine on the table?
146
00:05:56,932 --> 00:05:58,431
Oh.
147
00:05:58,433 --> 00:06:00,300
Well, you know,
I-I've got two hands
148
00:06:00,302 --> 00:06:02,569
and a bit of a drinking problem.
149
00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:04,004
Of course.
150
00:06:04,006 --> 00:06:05,171
Ask a silly question.
151
00:06:05,173 --> 00:06:06,106
Oh.
152
00:06:06,974 --> 00:06:08,808
That's odd.
153
00:06:08,810 --> 00:06:09,609
Um, what?
154
00:06:09,611 --> 00:06:10,844
There are takeout containers
155
00:06:10,846 --> 00:06:12,112
in the trash can.
156
00:06:12,114 --> 00:06:14,648
So? That's my dinner
from last night.
157
00:06:14,650 --> 00:06:17,751
What's odd is
they're in the trash can.
158
00:06:17,753 --> 00:06:19,119
Okay.
159
00:06:19,121 --> 00:06:20,320
Look, honey,
I promise there's no one's here.
160
00:06:20,322 --> 00:06:21,454
I've had a long day.
161
00:06:21,456 --> 00:06:22,989
I just want to have
a quiet dinner by myself.
162
00:06:22,991 --> 00:06:25,425
Oh, very well.
163
00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:28,862
I'm no stranger to enjoying
the pleasures of solitude.
164
00:06:29,764 --> 00:06:32,232
Oh!
What?
165
00:06:32,234 --> 00:06:34,134
Have you gotten Leonard
a welcome-home gift yet?
166
00:06:34,136 --> 00:06:35,268
No.
Oh, great.
167
00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:36,736
Do you want
to go halfsies
168
00:06:36,738 --> 00:06:38,471
on a $200 squirt gun?
169
00:06:41,742 --> 00:06:42,642
Hi, honey.
170
00:06:42,644 --> 00:06:43,643
Hey.
171
00:06:43,645 --> 00:06:45,445
I made some brownies.
You want one?
172
00:06:46,314 --> 00:06:48,148
You're kidding, right?
173
00:06:49,083 --> 00:06:50,283
I mean, you know
174
00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:52,118
I'm trying to lose weight.
175
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:55,755
God, I thought we were partners
in this marriage.
176
00:06:55,757 --> 00:06:57,390
We are. Stop it.
177
00:06:57,392 --> 00:06:59,225
And for the last time,
you're not fat.
178
00:06:59,227 --> 00:07:01,328
Really? Tell that
to the bathroom scale,
179
00:07:01,330 --> 00:07:03,663
'cause one of you is lying.
180
00:07:03,665 --> 00:07:05,999
Fine, forget I asked.
181
00:07:06,001 --> 00:07:08,168
How was dinner
at your mom's?
182
00:07:08,170 --> 00:07:09,235
Awful.
183
00:07:09,237 --> 00:07:11,705
I had to rub her ointment
all over her again.
184
00:07:11,707 --> 00:07:13,273
Why can't she do it?
185
00:07:13,275 --> 00:07:16,543
'Cause we've got a deeply
unhealthy relationship.
186
00:07:17,578 --> 00:07:19,045
Which reminds me,
187
00:07:19,047 --> 00:07:21,381
do you think you can get
any samples of this from work?
188
00:07:21,383 --> 00:07:23,016
This was supposed
to last her a month,
189
00:07:23,018 --> 00:07:24,250
but they didn't take
into account
190
00:07:24,252 --> 00:07:26,219
the square footage of her back.
191
00:07:28,055 --> 00:07:30,624
Let me see.
192
00:07:30,626 --> 00:07:32,325
How long have you been
putting this on her?
193
00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:33,493
I don't know.
194
00:07:33,495 --> 00:07:34,461
Few weeks. Why?
195
00:07:34,463 --> 00:07:37,263
This is really strong
estrogen cream.
196
00:07:37,265 --> 00:07:39,065
Please tell me
you've been wearing gloves.
197
00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:41,801
Like these swollen sausages
could fit in gloves.
198
00:07:43,504 --> 00:07:45,772
Howie, the estrogen's getting
absorbed by your skin.
199
00:07:45,774 --> 00:07:47,140
That's why you've been
200
00:07:47,142 --> 00:07:51,111
all bloated and moody
and a giant pain in the ass.
201
00:07:51,113 --> 00:07:54,481
You're full of estrogen
and you don't act like that.
202
00:07:54,483 --> 00:07:55,749
That's 'cause I'm a woman.
203
00:07:55,751 --> 00:07:59,352
I've had years of practice
riding the dragon.
204
00:08:00,721 --> 00:08:01,955
Fine.
205
00:08:01,957 --> 00:08:03,390
I'll wear gloves next time.
206
00:08:03,392 --> 00:08:04,891
It's still gonna take
a few weeks
207
00:08:04,893 --> 00:08:06,493
for the hormones
to leave your system.
208
00:08:06,495 --> 00:08:08,962
I feel so stupid.
209
00:08:08,964 --> 00:08:11,731
And fat.
210
00:08:11,733 --> 00:08:13,133
It's okay.
211
00:08:13,135 --> 00:08:15,201
You still look
great to me.
212
00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:17,270
In fact, why don't
we go in the bedroom
213
00:08:17,272 --> 00:08:19,305
and I'll prove
it to you?
214
00:08:19,307 --> 00:08:20,674
Sex? Really?
215
00:08:20,676 --> 00:08:23,076
I mean, that's just
your solution to everything!
216
00:08:25,446 --> 00:08:27,013
Oh, and here's
a fun thing.
217
00:08:27,015 --> 00:08:28,948
I worked it out
so that there are
218
00:08:28,950 --> 00:08:30,383
two different
words for spoon:
219
00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:32,986
"planko" and "janko."
220
00:08:32,988 --> 00:08:35,321
"Planko" is a spoon
with food,
221
00:08:35,323 --> 00:08:37,323
"janko" is a spoon
without food.
222
00:08:39,093 --> 00:08:41,227
"Janko" is spelled
with a silent "ptang."
223
00:08:43,297 --> 00:08:45,265
Sheldon, you're
not even listening
224
00:08:45,267 --> 00:08:47,634
to the rules of my
made-up language.
225
00:08:47,636 --> 00:08:49,035
Yes, I am.
226
00:08:49,037 --> 00:08:50,904
Then what does
"tweepadock" mean?
227
00:08:50,906 --> 00:08:52,605
Uh...
228
00:08:52,607 --> 00:08:53,973
elephant?
229
00:08:53,975 --> 00:08:56,242
Lucky guess.
230
00:08:58,846 --> 00:09:00,080
I'm sorry.
231
00:09:00,082 --> 00:09:01,748
I'm just distracted
by something
232
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:03,249
that happened over at Penny's.
233
00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:04,384
What happened?
234
00:09:04,386 --> 00:09:07,287
I fear Penny is being
unfaithful to Leonard.
235
00:09:07,289 --> 00:09:08,354
What?
236
00:09:08,356 --> 00:09:10,290
She claimed to be alone
237
00:09:10,292 --> 00:09:13,293
when there was obviously
someone else in her apartment.
238
00:09:13,295 --> 00:09:15,795
I have no choice but
to assume the worst,
239
00:09:15,797 --> 00:09:18,231
given Leonard's
lengthy sea voyage
240
00:09:18,233 --> 00:09:21,601
and her famously
ravenous nether regions.
241
00:09:22,603 --> 00:09:24,604
I don't think Penny
would cheat on Leonard.
242
00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:25,839
Oh, really?
243
00:09:28,642 --> 00:09:31,444
She and I once had
a staring contest.
244
00:09:31,446 --> 00:09:34,481
She clapped really loud
and made me blink.
245
00:09:35,683 --> 00:09:38,952
It's a small leap from
there to sexual infidelity.
246
00:09:40,855 --> 00:09:42,889
You're being ridiculous.
247
00:09:42,891 --> 00:09:45,425
Amy, there were Chinese
food containers...
248
00:09:45,427 --> 00:09:47,660
in the trash can.
249
00:09:49,497 --> 00:09:51,197
Poor Leonard.
250
00:09:56,937 --> 00:09:58,438
Do you hear anything?
251
00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:00,440
I hear a woman's voice.
252
00:10:00,442 --> 00:10:01,674
Is it Penny?
253
00:10:01,676 --> 00:10:03,343
No, it's you.
254
00:10:05,913 --> 00:10:08,515
All right,
I hear whispering and giggling.
255
00:10:08,517 --> 00:10:10,016
Now I think
I hear kissing.
256
00:10:10,018 --> 00:10:12,986
Yeah, like you know
what kissing sounds like.
257
00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:16,523
There's kissing
in Star Trek, smarty-pants.
258
00:10:16,525 --> 00:10:18,358
Let me listen.
259
00:10:20,828 --> 00:10:22,195
Sounds like Leonard.
260
00:10:22,197 --> 00:10:23,530
Please.
261
00:10:23,532 --> 00:10:25,565
Why would Leonard
come home early
262
00:10:25,567 --> 00:10:27,567
and waste his time kissing Penny
263
00:10:27,569 --> 00:10:30,770
when he could be hanging out
with his best buddy?
264
00:10:31,972 --> 00:10:33,373
Yeah, that's it.
265
00:10:33,375 --> 00:10:35,041
I'm catching
her in the act.
266
00:10:35,043 --> 00:10:37,076
No, Sheldon, don't.
267
00:10:37,078 --> 00:10:38,411
Aha!
268
00:10:38,413 --> 00:10:39,779
What the hell?!
269
00:10:39,781 --> 00:10:41,047
Leonard?
270
00:10:41,049 --> 00:10:43,016
Sheldon, you cannot just
barge in here like that!
271
00:10:43,018 --> 00:10:45,218
Right.
272
00:10:47,555 --> 00:10:48,555
Penny!
273
00:10:48,557 --> 00:10:51,124
Penny!
Penny!
274
00:10:53,994 --> 00:10:55,461
Are you going to
275
00:10:55,463 --> 00:10:58,531
answer the door or should I
open it and say "aha" again?
276
00:11:06,908 --> 00:11:08,509
I'm sorry, Sheldon.
277
00:11:08,511 --> 00:11:09,677
I should've told you I was back.
278
00:11:09,679 --> 00:11:11,579
I just wanted to have
a couple days alone with Penny.
279
00:11:11,581 --> 00:11:13,414
Oh, no, I should apologize.
280
00:11:13,416 --> 00:11:15,583
Uh, I never realized
to what extent
281
00:11:15,585 --> 00:11:17,618
our friendship was
a burden to you.
282
00:11:17,620 --> 00:11:19,286
That is not fair.
283
00:11:19,288 --> 00:11:22,623
I complain about what a burden
it is at least once a month.
284
00:11:22,625 --> 00:11:24,224
Oh, no, no,
let's not sugarcoat this.
285
00:11:24,226 --> 00:11:28,195
You find me finicky,
pedantic and annoying.
286
00:11:28,197 --> 00:11:29,430
No, he doesn't.
287
00:11:29,432 --> 00:11:33,734
I actually have used
those exact words before.
288
00:11:33,736 --> 00:11:35,436
In that order.
289
00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:38,505
Well, Leonard,
I think it's high time
290
00:11:38,507 --> 00:11:42,009
you and I address
the "tweepadock" in the room.
291
00:11:42,011 --> 00:11:43,911
The what?
292
00:11:43,913 --> 00:11:45,713
Amy?
Please leave me out of this.
293
00:11:45,715 --> 00:11:47,514
Uh... fine.
294
00:11:47,516 --> 00:11:48,682
Leonard,
295
00:11:48,684 --> 00:11:49,984
there's no need for you
296
00:11:49,986 --> 00:11:51,452
to pretend to like me anymore.
297
00:11:51,454 --> 00:11:53,153
Come on, I said I was sorry.
298
00:11:53,155 --> 00:11:54,755
No, no, you save your apologies
299
00:11:54,757 --> 00:11:58,125
for after you've had
disappointing coitus with Penny.
300
00:12:00,128 --> 00:12:02,830
It was fine.
301
00:12:02,832 --> 00:12:04,498
Come on, this is silly.
302
00:12:04,500 --> 00:12:06,300
Hey, um, I brought you back
303
00:12:06,302 --> 00:12:09,637
a little present
from my trip, huh?
304
00:12:10,705 --> 00:12:12,506
It's that sailor cap
that you wanted.
305
00:12:12,508 --> 00:12:13,974
It's neat, huh?
306
00:12:15,010 --> 00:12:17,645
You honestly think you can
buy back my friendship
307
00:12:17,647 --> 00:12:19,046
with a cheap souvenir?
308
00:12:19,048 --> 00:12:20,881
I don't.
309
00:12:20,883 --> 00:12:21,949
No, I really don't.
310
00:12:21,951 --> 00:12:23,450
Just try it on.
311
00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:28,455
Oh, yeah.
312
00:12:28,457 --> 00:12:30,357
Hello, sailor.
Ooh, now we're talking.
313
00:12:32,694 --> 00:12:34,628
Excuse me.
314
00:12:43,171 --> 00:12:45,239
This changes nothing.
315
00:12:46,174 --> 00:12:47,374
Except the Halloween costume
316
00:12:47,376 --> 00:12:48,709
I'm wearing this year.
317
00:12:49,878 --> 00:12:51,645
Amy, you're going
to be Olive Oyl.
318
00:12:51,647 --> 00:12:53,213
Lay off the donuts.
319
00:12:56,918 --> 00:12:58,852
Thanks for coming over.
320
00:12:58,854 --> 00:12:59,753
No problem.
321
00:12:59,755 --> 00:13:01,555
Ooh, you made
little sandwiches!
322
00:13:01,557 --> 00:13:04,258
Yeah, that's cucumber
and cream cheese.
323
00:13:04,260 --> 00:13:05,959
That's turkey and loganberry.
324
00:13:05,961 --> 00:13:09,763
And don't tell my hips, but I'm
warming up a brie in the oven.
325
00:13:09,765 --> 00:13:11,765
Nice. So...
326
00:13:11,767 --> 00:13:13,734
Mmm. What's up?
327
00:13:13,736 --> 00:13:16,804
Okay, well, I've been reading up
on all the side effects
328
00:13:16,806 --> 00:13:18,806
you can get from estrogen,
329
00:13:18,808 --> 00:13:20,140
and...
330
00:13:20,142 --> 00:13:22,843
I need you to be honest with me.
331
00:13:22,845 --> 00:13:26,346
Do my boobs look bigger to you?
332
00:13:26,348 --> 00:13:29,149
Well, it's kind of hard to tell.
333
00:13:29,151 --> 00:13:31,118
Come on, Raj,
it's a "yes or no" question.
334
00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:32,453
I'm not sure.
335
00:13:32,455 --> 00:13:34,455
Um, wait.
336
00:13:34,457 --> 00:13:37,124
Jump up and down--
let's see if they jiggle.
337
00:13:43,431 --> 00:13:45,332
Uh, no, I...
338
00:13:45,334 --> 00:13:47,067
I still can't tell, uh...
339
00:13:47,069 --> 00:13:49,970
Oh, you know what?
Okay, uh, give me some of this.
340
00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:54,208
Seriously?
341
00:13:54,210 --> 00:13:55,576
Do you want my help or not?
342
00:13:56,411 --> 00:13:58,612
Fine.
343
00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:05,018
Okay, yup.
344
00:14:05,020 --> 00:14:07,688
See, see, that-that
looks like...
345
00:14:07,690 --> 00:14:08,789
that looks like
they could be bigger.
346
00:14:09,859 --> 00:14:11,825
But you know, I bet...
I bet when I do it,
347
00:14:11,827 --> 00:14:14,895
mine do the same thing.
348
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,000
Yeah, they kind of do.
349
00:14:20,002 --> 00:14:21,802
Hmm. Uh, let me
see something.
350
00:14:21,804 --> 00:14:24,505
Hey, easy!
351
00:14:24,507 --> 00:14:26,140
My nipples are sensitive.
352
00:14:26,142 --> 00:14:27,141
Oh.
353
00:14:27,143 --> 00:14:28,308
Sorry, sorry, uh...
354
00:14:29,812 --> 00:14:32,012
Okay.
355
00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:38,952
I mean...
356
00:14:40,789 --> 00:14:42,823
Yeah, m-maybe.
357
00:14:42,825 --> 00:14:44,992
Okay, let me feel.
358
00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:56,303
No, I am definitely
up a cup size.
359
00:14:56,305 --> 00:14:57,538
You know, b-but
they're very firm,
360
00:14:57,540 --> 00:14:59,206
so you've got that
going for you.
361
00:14:59,208 --> 00:15:00,240
You think?
362
00:15:00,242 --> 00:15:02,442
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
very perky.
363
00:15:03,378 --> 00:15:04,711
Thank you.
364
00:15:04,713 --> 00:15:06,713
I really needed
to hear that today.
365
00:15:09,651 --> 00:15:10,951
Ooh, brie's ready!
366
00:15:10,953 --> 00:15:13,020
Yay!
367
00:15:16,991 --> 00:15:17,991
Good morning.
368
00:15:17,993 --> 00:15:19,293
Hello.
369
00:15:19,295 --> 00:15:21,895
So am I driving
you to work
370
00:15:21,897 --> 00:15:23,730
or are you still mad at me?
371
00:15:23,732 --> 00:15:25,399
I'd like a ride.
372
00:15:26,234 --> 00:15:27,568
Assuming you actually do
373
00:15:27,570 --> 00:15:28,969
take me to work.
374
00:15:28,971 --> 00:15:30,838
Where do you think
I would take you?
375
00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:32,873
Who knows?
376
00:15:32,875 --> 00:15:34,942
Uh, you said
you'd be home yesterday,
377
00:15:34,944 --> 00:15:37,044
but you came home
three days ago.
378
00:15:37,046 --> 00:15:38,378
You say you're
taking me
379
00:15:38,380 --> 00:15:40,614
to work, but for all I know,
380
00:15:40,616 --> 00:15:44,284
I'll end up
in a deserted amusement park.
381
00:15:44,286 --> 00:15:46,920
Or a cornfield maze.
382
00:15:46,922 --> 00:15:48,722
Or a back alley dog fight.
383
00:15:48,724 --> 00:15:50,490
You tell me.
384
00:15:51,359 --> 00:15:52,426
I'm going to work.
385
00:15:52,428 --> 00:15:53,861
You can come if you want.
386
00:15:53,863 --> 00:15:56,063
Okay.
387
00:15:56,065 --> 00:15:59,433
By the way, you have
something on your shirt.
388
00:15:59,435 --> 00:16:00,934
No, I don't.
389
00:16:00,936 --> 00:16:02,402
Hurts, doesn't it?
390
00:16:07,342 --> 00:16:09,476
You know, I find
myself wondering
391
00:16:09,478 --> 00:16:11,945
if anything you've
ever told me is true.
392
00:16:11,947 --> 00:16:13,480
I didn't make it back.
393
00:16:13,482 --> 00:16:15,682
The ship sank,
I'm in hell.
394
00:16:17,852 --> 00:16:21,822
You say you're from New Jersey,
but how can I believe you?
395
00:16:21,824 --> 00:16:24,691
Why would anyone claim
to be from New Jersey
396
00:16:24,693 --> 00:16:26,827
if they weren't?
397
00:16:28,663 --> 00:16:30,864
All right,
I'll give you that one.
398
00:16:30,866 --> 00:16:33,533
Hey, I said
I was sorry.
399
00:16:33,535 --> 00:16:35,168
What else
do you want from me?
400
00:16:35,170 --> 00:16:37,170
I want you to admit that
what you did was wrong.
401
00:16:37,172 --> 00:16:38,171
Fine.
402
00:16:38,173 --> 00:16:40,474
What I did was wrong.
403
00:16:40,476 --> 00:16:42,175
I wish I could
believe you.
404
00:16:43,946 --> 00:16:44,945
You know what?
405
00:16:44,947 --> 00:16:46,280
I'm not driving
you to work,
406
00:16:46,282 --> 00:16:47,915
because you're
incredibly annoying.
407
00:16:47,917 --> 00:16:50,717
You say one thing
and do the other,
408
00:16:50,719 --> 00:16:54,521
so then you are driving me
and you find me a delight.
409
00:16:54,523 --> 00:16:56,523
Stop it.
Keep it up?
410
00:16:56,525 --> 00:16:57,324
Bye!
411
00:16:57,326 --> 00:16:58,892
Hello!
412
00:17:03,531 --> 00:17:07,634
So I guess you're really holding
up the other four fingers?
413
00:17:10,171 --> 00:17:12,072
Oh, hey, what are you
doing here so early?
414
00:17:12,074 --> 00:17:13,206
Driving Sheldon to work.
415
00:17:13,208 --> 00:17:14,841
He's still mad at Leonard, huh?
416
00:17:14,843 --> 00:17:16,209
Well, he's mad at you, too.
417
00:17:16,211 --> 00:17:20,180
He says you're the succubus
who led his friend astray.
418
00:17:21,783 --> 00:17:24,618
I don't know
what "succubus" is, but...
419
00:17:24,620 --> 00:17:27,354
it has "suck" in it,
so that can't be good.
420
00:17:28,723 --> 00:17:30,791
Thought I heard
you out here.
421
00:17:30,793 --> 00:17:31,692
Hey, Sheldon.
422
00:17:31,694 --> 00:17:33,160
You don't get a "hey."
423
00:17:33,162 --> 00:17:35,062
You get a "hmm."
424
00:17:35,064 --> 00:17:36,596
Come on, don't be like that.
425
00:17:36,598 --> 00:17:39,333
We had so much fun together
the last couple of months.
426
00:17:39,335 --> 00:17:40,567
You're right.
427
00:17:40,569 --> 00:17:42,436
Which makes your betrayal
all the more devastating.
428
00:17:42,438 --> 00:17:43,603
Sheldon...
429
00:17:43,605 --> 00:17:45,572
I let you buy
feminine hygiene products
430
00:17:45,574 --> 00:17:47,607
with my supermarket club card.
431
00:17:48,810 --> 00:17:50,644
You have any idea
the kind of coupons
432
00:17:50,646 --> 00:17:52,546
I'm going to get
in the mail now?
433
00:17:53,581 --> 00:17:55,015
Sheldon, your fight's
with Leonard.
434
00:17:55,017 --> 00:17:56,616
Penny's got nothing to do...
435
00:17:56,618 --> 00:17:58,352
Careful, Amy.
436
00:17:58,354 --> 00:18:02,189
The friend of my enemy's
girlfriend is my enemy.
437
00:18:02,191 --> 00:18:03,056
Really?
438
00:18:03,058 --> 00:18:04,157
Yes.
439
00:18:04,159 --> 00:18:05,792
You're either with me
or against me.
440
00:18:05,794 --> 00:18:08,128
You want to take
the bus to work?
441
00:18:08,997 --> 00:18:11,231
Maybe there's a third option.
442
00:18:13,401 --> 00:18:16,837
FYI, I had a doughnut
for breakfast, you jerk.
443
00:18:19,774 --> 00:18:21,742
So now we're just
waiting for the data
444
00:18:21,744 --> 00:18:23,110
from the ship to be crunched,
445
00:18:23,112 --> 00:18:25,746
but the numbers look
pretty promising.
446
00:18:25,748 --> 00:18:26,913
That's so great.
447
00:18:26,915 --> 00:18:29,049
If you guys prove the existence
of Unruh radiation...
448
00:18:29,051 --> 00:18:30,150
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
449
00:18:30,152 --> 00:18:31,752
My eyes are up here.
450
00:18:33,955 --> 00:18:35,522
Howard, Raj.
451
00:18:35,524 --> 00:18:37,324
Judas.
452
00:18:38,259 --> 00:18:39,493
You know what?
453
00:18:39,495 --> 00:18:40,961
You're a crazy person.
454
00:18:40,963 --> 00:18:43,263
A crazy person
with a long memory,
455
00:18:43,265 --> 00:18:46,333
and if all goes
according to plan, a robot army.
456
00:18:47,235 --> 00:18:48,235
Stop it.
457
00:18:48,237 --> 00:18:49,503
Or a mutant army.
458
00:18:49,505 --> 00:18:52,172
It depends on how
my Kickstarter goes.
459
00:18:53,408 --> 00:18:55,542
I said, stop it!
460
00:18:55,544 --> 00:18:57,944
Now, listen to me.
461
00:18:57,946 --> 00:19:01,415
You two aren't just friends.
462
00:19:01,417 --> 00:19:03,383
You're best friends.
463
00:19:04,085 --> 00:19:06,219
And that's a beautiful thing.
464
00:19:07,922 --> 00:19:11,858
I mean, Leonard, you know why
he's so mad at you?
465
00:19:11,860 --> 00:19:13,660
It's 'cause he missed you!
466
00:19:13,662 --> 00:19:15,295
Yeah, and as his friend,
467
00:19:15,297 --> 00:19:18,065
you should be happy
468
00:19:18,067 --> 00:19:21,268
he has love in his life.
469
00:19:21,270 --> 00:19:23,170
As I do.
470
00:19:25,006 --> 00:19:27,307
This man held my breast
the other day,
471
00:19:27,309 --> 00:19:29,142
and I love him for it.
472
00:19:30,978 --> 00:19:33,914
A little loud, dude.
473
00:19:35,216 --> 00:19:39,152
So, can we please put aside
these petty differences
474
00:19:39,154 --> 00:19:42,355
and just be glad
we're here together?
475
00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:46,927
Okay.
I suppose so.
476
00:19:46,929 --> 00:19:49,729
Thank you.
477
00:19:50,668 --> 00:19:51,968
Uh, it wasn't anything weird.
478
00:19:51,970 --> 00:19:54,270
It was just to see
how big they were.
479
00:20:03,783 --> 00:20:06,952
And then Leonard took me
to the barber and the dentist,
480
00:20:06,954 --> 00:20:08,754
and then to cap off
the perfect day,
481
00:20:08,756 --> 00:20:12,291
the Los Angeles Bureau
of Weights and Measures.
482
00:20:13,293 --> 00:20:15,361
I thought the measures
were going to be the stars
483
00:20:15,363 --> 00:20:18,764
of the show;
turns out it was the weights.
484
00:20:18,766 --> 00:20:21,834
I'm so glad you guys
are friends again.
485
00:20:21,836 --> 00:20:24,536
And I'm glad you and I
are friends again, too.
486
00:20:24,538 --> 00:20:25,904
Aw.
Which reminds me.
487
00:20:25,906 --> 00:20:28,674
This came in the mail,
and I want you to have it.
488
00:20:28,676 --> 00:20:32,211
"50 cents off Vagisil."
489
00:20:33,546 --> 00:20:36,348
Think of me
when you apply it.
490
00:20:39,019 --> 00:20:40,319
Uh, can I just say,
491
00:20:40,321 --> 00:20:42,454
I've missed all of us
hanging out together.
492
00:20:42,456 --> 00:20:44,089
Yeah.
Me, too.
493
00:20:44,091 --> 00:20:46,692
Um, since when can
Koothrappali talk
494
00:20:46,694 --> 00:20:48,460
in front of the girls
without a beer?
495
00:20:48,462 --> 00:20:50,663
Oh, that happened
right after you left.
496
00:20:50,665 --> 00:20:52,231
And no one told me?
497
00:20:52,233 --> 00:20:55,501
Can't believe
we forgot to tell him.
498
00:20:58,306 --> 00:21:00,172
Think of Sheldon
when you apply it.
499
00:21:00,174 --> 00:21:05,174
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man