1
00:00:02,305 --> 00:00:04,823
(phone rings)
2
00:00:06,159 --> 00:00:07,359
Howard Wolowitz.
3
00:00:07,361 --> 00:00:09,528
MAN: Hey, Howard.
Dave Roeger here at NASA.
4
00:00:09,530 --> 00:00:11,813
We need to talk
about your upcoming mission.
5
00:00:11,815 --> 00:00:15,834
Yes, yes, I've been doing
my push-ups.
6
00:00:15,836 --> 00:00:18,954
I'm still stuck at nine, but...
7
00:00:21,157 --> 00:00:24,960
...that's going all the way down
with no one holding me.
8
00:00:24,962 --> 00:00:27,463
That's great, uh,
but that's not why I called.
9
00:00:27,465 --> 00:00:29,598
We've run into a bit of a snafu.
10
00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:32,100
Your Soyuz capsule failed
the pressurization test,
11
00:00:32,102 --> 00:00:35,687
so bottom line,
mission's been scrubbed.
12
00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:40,542
You're kidding.
So what does that mean?
13
00:00:40,544 --> 00:00:43,479
Uh-huh.
14
00:00:43,481 --> 00:00:45,230
Uh-huh. (laughs)
15
00:00:45,232 --> 00:00:47,249
Boy, I got to tell you,
16
00:00:47,251 --> 00:00:48,901
I'm really disappointed.
17
00:00:48,903 --> 00:00:50,369
This was my dream
18
00:00:50,371 --> 00:00:53,489
ever since I was a little kid.
19
00:00:53,491 --> 00:00:55,240
Okay, well, uh,
20
00:00:55,242 --> 00:00:57,276
thanks for the call.
21
00:00:57,278 --> 00:00:59,962
Yep, you, too.
22
00:00:59,964 --> 00:01:01,696
Yes! Thank you!
23
00:01:01,698 --> 00:01:05,200
(laughs):
Oh! Oh...
24
00:01:05,202 --> 00:01:07,553
I'm not gonna die in space!
25
00:01:07,555 --> 00:01:09,338
(chuckling)
26
00:01:09,340 --> 00:01:11,723
(exhales) I'm gonna die
the way God intended,
27
00:01:11,725 --> 00:01:15,093
in my late 50s,
with a heart full of pastrami.
28
00:01:16,179 --> 00:01:19,398
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
29
00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:23,202
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
30
00:01:23,204 --> 00:01:24,736
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
31
00:01:24,738 --> 00:01:27,673
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
32
00:01:27,675 --> 00:01:29,691
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
33
00:01:29,693 --> 00:01:32,444
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
34
00:01:32,446 --> 00:01:34,546
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
35
00:01:34,548 --> 00:01:36,515
♪ Bang! ♪
36
00:01:36,516 --> 00:01:40,516
The Big Bang Theory 5x23
The Launch Acceleration
Original Air Date on May 3, 2012
37
00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:44,517
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
38
00:01:45,695 --> 00:01:48,664
SHELDON: I'm going to need
a larger shirt.
39
00:01:51,885 --> 00:01:54,253
This one's a little tight
under the arms.
40
00:01:54,255 --> 00:01:55,721
Okay.
41
00:01:55,723 --> 00:01:57,089
Do you think maybe it's tight
42
00:01:57,091 --> 00:01:58,557
because you're wearing
long underwear?
43
00:01:58,559 --> 00:02:00,743
Yes, of course
that's why it's tight.
44
00:02:02,512 --> 00:02:03,979
All right, let me
rephrase the question.
45
00:02:03,981 --> 00:02:05,681
Why are you wearing
long underwear?
46
00:02:05,798 --> 00:02:07,164
You're kidding.
47
00:02:07,166 --> 00:02:10,200
Shouldn't the question be:
why aren't you?
48
00:02:10,202 --> 00:02:14,688
No, it should be: why are you?
(sighs) Leonard,
49
00:02:14,690 --> 00:02:16,857
these rental tuxedos have been
50
00:02:16,859 --> 00:02:18,992
worn by hundreds
of sweaty strangers.
51
00:02:19,788 --> 00:02:21,972
I don't like my own sweat
touching my skin,
52
00:02:21,974 --> 00:02:24,124
how do you think
I feel about theirs?
53
00:02:24,909 --> 00:02:26,827
Why don't you
slip this on?
54
00:02:26,829 --> 00:02:28,962
Said the hangman
offering a noose.
55
00:02:30,198 --> 00:02:31,915
Well, that wasn't
as entertaining
56
00:02:31,917 --> 00:02:33,617
as when he rents bowling shoes,
57
00:02:33,619 --> 00:02:35,536
but it was right up there.
58
00:02:35,538 --> 00:02:37,688
Well, that's it.
59
00:02:37,690 --> 00:02:39,456
My orders have been rescinded.
60
00:02:39,458 --> 00:02:41,825
I am officially "no go"
to space.
61
00:02:41,827 --> 00:02:44,044
I'm sorry, Howard,
but I got to tell you,
62
00:02:44,046 --> 00:02:46,013
I'm a little relieved
you're not going.
63
00:02:46,015 --> 00:02:47,163
Why?
64
00:02:47,165 --> 00:02:49,165
Come on, you were
gonna go up in a rocket
65
00:02:49,167 --> 00:02:51,301
designed in the 1960s
by the Russians.
66
00:02:51,303 --> 00:02:52,636
Yeah, so?
67
00:02:52,638 --> 00:02:54,638
When was the last time
you were at Best Buy
68
00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:56,840
and you heard someone say, "Ooh,
check out this Blu-ray player,
69
00:02:56,842 --> 00:02:59,226
it must be good,
it was built in Russia"?
70
00:03:01,062 --> 00:03:03,397
Well, their technology
isn't that bad.
71
00:03:03,399 --> 00:03:06,733
When you come back to Earth
in a Soyuz capsule, you free-fall
72
00:03:06,735 --> 00:03:08,702
from space
at 500 miles per hour,
73
00:03:08,704 --> 00:03:10,704
and the only thing
that slows you down
74
00:03:10,706 --> 00:03:12,489
is a little parachute
that pops out
75
00:03:12,491 --> 00:03:14,207
right before you crash
into the ground.
76
00:03:14,209 --> 00:03:15,692
And the whole thing
was designed
77
00:03:15,694 --> 00:03:18,245
by the same brilliant minds
who were unable to capture
78
00:03:18,247 --> 00:03:20,330
Rocky and Bullwinkle.
79
00:03:21,749 --> 00:03:23,366
All right, well, whatever.
80
00:03:23,368 --> 00:03:24,585
I wasn't worried.
81
00:03:24,587 --> 00:03:25,719
You weren't?
82
00:03:25,721 --> 00:03:29,339
Let me explain the difference
between you and me.
83
00:03:29,341 --> 00:03:30,724
(sighs)
You watch
84
00:03:30,726 --> 00:03:33,310
Star Trek; I live it.
85
00:03:35,229 --> 00:03:37,564
Oh, please. I don't remember
the episode of Star Trek
86
00:03:37,566 --> 00:03:39,182
where the guy
never goes to space
87
00:03:39,184 --> 00:03:41,885
and brags about it
in a tuxedo store.
88
00:03:41,887 --> 00:03:43,270
Make all the jokes you want,
89
00:03:43,272 --> 00:03:45,388
but there's only
one of us here brave enough
90
00:03:45,390 --> 00:03:47,741
to almost do
what I almost did.
91
00:03:47,743 --> 00:03:50,894
SHELDON:
Ah, much better.
92
00:03:53,281 --> 00:03:55,165
You must be burning up.
93
00:03:55,167 --> 00:03:57,668
A little. But not more
than your urethras
94
00:03:57,670 --> 00:04:00,621
will be after whatever's
in those pants swims up them.
95
00:04:03,124 --> 00:04:04,458
Well...
96
00:04:04,460 --> 00:04:08,178
I cut quite the dashing,
yet hygienic figure, don't I?
97
00:04:08,180 --> 00:04:12,432
I look like the Flash
about to get married.
98
00:04:14,469 --> 00:04:16,219
Oh! A tissue! A tissue!
99
00:04:16,221 --> 00:04:17,638
Oh, good Lord!
100
00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:19,856
Uh, where's he going?
101
00:04:19,858 --> 00:04:22,225
He keeps emergency
Purell in the car.
102
00:04:22,227 --> 00:04:23,777
Keys! Keys! Keys!
103
00:04:27,932 --> 00:04:29,483
Hey, you.
Before I come in,
104
00:04:29,485 --> 00:04:32,769
you should know, I have gas.
105
00:04:32,771 --> 00:04:36,123
For the record,
not your worst opening line.
106
00:04:36,125 --> 00:04:38,025
Check it out.
It's the gas I use
107
00:04:38,027 --> 00:04:40,293
in my free-electron laser
to support high voltages.
108
00:04:40,295 --> 00:04:43,580
But it also has an
interesting secondary use.
109
00:04:43,582 --> 00:04:45,165
(gas hissing)
110
00:04:45,167 --> 00:04:46,750
Here. Breathe this in.
111
00:04:46,752 --> 00:04:50,620
B-Before I do it, if you're
a cop you have tell me, right?
112
00:04:50,622 --> 00:04:52,639
Just try it.
113
00:04:52,641 --> 00:04:53,807
Okay.
114
00:04:53,809 --> 00:04:55,342
(inhales)
115
00:04:55,344 --> 00:04:57,644
(very deep voice):
What's it supposed to...
116
00:04:57,646 --> 00:04:59,629
Oh, my God, that's so freaky!
117
00:04:59,631 --> 00:05:01,598
(laughs)
118
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:03,133
(inhales)
119
00:05:03,135 --> 00:05:05,435
(very deep voice):
♪ You're a mean one ♪
120
00:05:05,437 --> 00:05:07,738
♪ Mr. Grinch. ♪
(laughs)
121
00:05:07,740 --> 00:05:09,606
Okay. Me, me, me. Ready?
122
00:05:10,575 --> 00:05:13,410
(very deep voice):
Leonard, I am your father.
123
00:05:13,412 --> 00:05:15,979
(both laughing)
124
00:05:15,981 --> 00:05:17,914
I have never been
more attracted to a woman
125
00:05:17,916 --> 00:05:19,666
who sounds like a man
in my life.
126
00:05:19,668 --> 00:05:21,451
Oh... (laughs)
127
00:05:22,319 --> 00:05:23,537
Mm.
128
00:05:25,289 --> 00:05:27,841
Hey... you know
how we've been...
129
00:05:27,843 --> 00:05:30,711
taking things slow?
Mm-hmm.
130
00:05:30,713 --> 00:05:32,596
Well, I've been thinking, and...
131
00:05:32,598 --> 00:05:34,497
maybe I'm ready to...
132
00:05:34,499 --> 00:05:36,883
take things a little... faster.
133
00:05:36,885 --> 00:05:38,385
Oh...
134
00:05:38,387 --> 00:05:39,553
great.
Mm-hmm.
135
00:05:39,555 --> 00:05:41,638
And I promise,
after waiting four months,
136
00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:44,958
fast is what you're gonna get.
137
00:05:45,843 --> 00:05:47,510
You know, just-just one thing.
138
00:05:47,512 --> 00:05:49,396
Look, we're in a really
great place right now,
139
00:05:49,398 --> 00:05:50,697
and I don't want to do anything
140
00:05:50,699 --> 00:05:52,365
that will make stuff
all weird again.
141
00:05:52,367 --> 00:05:54,234
So we won't let it get weird.
142
00:05:54,236 --> 00:05:55,652
Okay. Oh, and just a heads-up...
143
00:05:55,654 --> 00:05:57,854
mm, since the last time
you saw me naked,
144
00:05:57,856 --> 00:05:59,489
I got a Cookie Monster tattoo.
145
00:05:59,491 --> 00:06:02,125
The acceptable responses
when you see it
146
00:06:02,127 --> 00:06:03,827
are "awesome" or nothing.
147
00:06:03,829 --> 00:06:05,996
What about...
148
00:06:05,998 --> 00:06:07,864
(very deep voice):
Cookies!
149
00:06:07,866 --> 00:06:09,049
(laughs)
150
00:06:09,884 --> 00:06:12,135
(balloon sputters)
151
00:06:13,187 --> 00:06:14,971
(knocking)
SHELDON: Amy?
152
00:06:14,973 --> 00:06:16,256
(knocking)
Amy?
153
00:06:16,258 --> 00:06:18,508
(knocking)
Amy?
154
00:06:20,044 --> 00:06:21,728
7:00, right on time.
155
00:06:21,730 --> 00:06:24,097
It's not an accident.
156
00:06:24,099 --> 00:06:26,716
I waited outside your door
for 20 minutes.
157
00:06:26,718 --> 00:06:28,902
Well, dinner's almost ready.
158
00:06:28,904 --> 00:06:30,320
I must say,
159
00:06:30,322 --> 00:06:31,888
I was surprised
you chose to spend
160
00:06:31,890 --> 00:06:33,406
our date night
in your apartment.
161
00:06:33,408 --> 00:06:34,775
As I mentioned,
162
00:06:34,777 --> 00:06:39,062
the Pasadena City Council is
debating longer crosswalk times,
163
00:06:39,064 --> 00:06:42,365
and later, the LEGO store is
having a midnight madness sale.
164
00:06:42,367 --> 00:06:43,733
You ask anyone,
165
00:06:43,735 --> 00:06:45,118
that's a hot date.
166
00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:48,171
Tempting choices,
but I have something special
167
00:06:48,173 --> 00:06:49,405
planned for tonight.
168
00:06:49,407 --> 00:06:51,074
What can be more special
than having
169
00:06:51,076 --> 00:06:53,376
an adequate amount of time
to cross the street
170
00:06:53,378 --> 00:06:56,913
on your way to buy
a tiny LEGO Indiana Jones?
171
00:06:56,915 --> 00:06:59,349
With our friends moving forward
in their relationships,
172
00:06:59,351 --> 00:07:02,552
I've decided that we should
make progress in ours as well.
173
00:07:02,554 --> 00:07:04,604
Oh, dear Lord.
174
00:07:04,606 --> 00:07:07,357
Two years ago,
we didn't even know each other,
175
00:07:07,359 --> 00:07:10,610
and now I'm
in your apartment after dark.
176
00:07:11,479 --> 00:07:14,430
How much faster
can this thing go?
177
00:07:14,432 --> 00:07:16,233
I had a feeling
you'd be reluctant,
178
00:07:16,235 --> 00:07:18,151
which is why
I'm going to dip
179
00:07:18,153 --> 00:07:19,903
into my neurobiological
bag of tricks.
180
00:07:19,905 --> 00:07:23,473
(laughs): Oh, you brain monkeys
kill me. Dip away.
181
00:07:24,325 --> 00:07:25,608
I have devised
182
00:07:25,610 --> 00:07:27,494
an experiment that
I believe will increase
183
00:07:27,496 --> 00:07:30,046
your feelings for me
in an accelerated time frame.
184
00:07:30,048 --> 00:07:32,282
And how do you propose
to do that?
185
00:07:32,284 --> 00:07:33,583
Uh, hope you're not thinking
186
00:07:33,585 --> 00:07:36,169
about some sort
of LSD thought control.
187
00:07:36,171 --> 00:07:37,420
Because there's
188
00:07:37,422 --> 00:07:39,639
only one mind-expanding drug
that this man enjoys,
189
00:07:39,641 --> 00:07:41,624
and that's called school.
190
00:07:41,626 --> 00:07:45,262
Human beings form emotional
attachments as they grow up.
191
00:07:45,264 --> 00:07:48,348
In your case, to your mother,
superheroes, et cetera.
192
00:07:48,350 --> 00:07:49,465
I'm going to attempt
193
00:07:49,467 --> 00:07:51,818
an experiment that will
get you to transfer
194
00:07:51,820 --> 00:07:53,486
those feelings to me.
195
00:07:53,488 --> 00:07:54,604
Well,
196
00:07:54,606 --> 00:07:56,239
seems what's on the menu tonight
197
00:07:56,241 --> 00:07:59,409
is malarkey with
a big side of poppycock.
198
00:07:59,411 --> 00:08:00,911
We'll see.
199
00:08:00,913 --> 00:08:04,497
Let's start with a little
romantic dinner music, shall we?
200
00:08:04,499 --> 00:08:07,617
(Super Mario Bros.
video game music playing)
201
00:08:07,619 --> 00:08:09,986
Super Mario Bros. theme?
202
00:08:09,988 --> 00:08:11,171
Yes.
203
00:08:11,173 --> 00:08:13,823
I see what you're doing.
204
00:08:13,825 --> 00:08:15,458
You're attempting
to build on the work
205
00:08:15,460 --> 00:08:16,676
of Ebbinghaus by triggering
206
00:08:16,678 --> 00:08:19,629
an involuntary memory
of me playing that game--
207
00:08:19,631 --> 00:08:23,183
admittedly the happiest
600 hours of my childhood...
208
00:08:24,135 --> 00:08:25,268
...but it won't work.
209
00:08:25,270 --> 00:08:27,103
Fine. There's no reason
we still can't have
210
00:08:27,105 --> 00:08:29,139
a lovely dinner.
Why don't you have a seat.
211
00:08:29,141 --> 00:08:31,825
(Sheldon humming along
with song)
212
00:08:31,827 --> 00:08:33,860
Boink! Boink!
213
00:08:35,313 --> 00:08:37,397
May I offer you
something to drink?
214
00:08:37,399 --> 00:08:38,982
You know I don't drink.
215
00:08:38,984 --> 00:08:40,233
Not even...
216
00:08:40,235 --> 00:08:41,484
strawberry Quik?
217
00:08:41,486 --> 00:08:43,286
(quiet gasp)
218
00:08:43,288 --> 00:08:45,739
I love strawberry Quik.
219
00:08:45,741 --> 00:08:48,909
It's my favorite
pink fluid,
220
00:08:48,911 --> 00:08:51,995
narrowly beating out
Pepto-Bismol.
221
00:08:51,997 --> 00:08:54,164
Oh, I know.
222
00:08:54,166 --> 00:08:55,966
I think it will go nicely
223
00:08:55,968 --> 00:08:57,784
with what I have prepared...
224
00:08:57,786 --> 00:08:59,252
for dinner.
225
00:08:59,254 --> 00:09:03,256
(gasps) Spaghetti with little pieces
of hot dog cut up in it!
226
00:09:03,258 --> 00:09:04,428
Just like your mommy
used to make.
227
00:09:04,453 --> 00:09:05,476
Oh...
228
00:09:05,477 --> 00:09:08,144
yummy, yummy!
229
00:09:08,146 --> 00:09:11,147
We should do this more often.
230
00:09:17,688 --> 00:09:19,823
Uh-oh.
231
00:09:22,076 --> 00:09:23,226
LEONARD:
I'm sorry. I did,
232
00:09:23,228 --> 00:09:24,778
I crossed a line.
I didn't mean to!
233
00:09:24,780 --> 00:09:26,663
Who says something
like that right in the middle
234
00:09:26,665 --> 00:09:28,031
of sex?!
I don't know,
235
00:09:28,033 --> 00:09:30,066
it just came out.
People say weird things
236
00:09:30,068 --> 00:09:31,418
during sex all the time.
237
00:09:31,420 --> 00:09:33,787
Okay, well, they
sure as hell don't say that.
238
00:09:33,789 --> 00:09:35,455
It was the heat of the moment.
No,
239
00:09:35,457 --> 00:09:38,074
the heat of the moment is,
"Ooh, yeah, just like that,"
240
00:09:38,076 --> 00:09:40,860
not "will you marry me?"
241
00:09:41,745 --> 00:09:43,096
I'm sorry.
242
00:09:43,098 --> 00:09:44,798
Just-just give me
another chance.
243
00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:46,599
Why, so you can crawl
under the covers and go,
244
00:09:46,601 --> 00:09:48,101
"Hey, baby,
want to go look for houses
245
00:09:48,103 --> 00:09:50,887
in neighborhoods
with good schools?"
246
00:09:50,889 --> 00:09:53,106
Again, I'm sorry.
247
00:09:53,108 --> 00:09:55,358
You know, with Howard
and Bernadette getting married,
248
00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:57,760
I got caught up
in a little wedding fever.
249
00:09:57,762 --> 00:09:59,396
I take it back.
You can't
250
00:09:59,398 --> 00:10:00,647
take something like that back.
251
00:10:00,649 --> 00:10:03,099
I mean, what are we
even supposed to do now?
252
00:10:03,101 --> 00:10:05,819
Okay, at some point,
we'll look back
253
00:10:05,821 --> 00:10:08,989
and this is going
to be a funny story.
254
00:10:08,991 --> 00:10:11,441
Why don't we just
start doing that now?
255
00:10:11,443 --> 00:10:13,293
You're kidding.
No.
256
00:10:13,295 --> 00:10:16,463
Hey, do you remember...
257
00:10:17,581 --> 00:10:20,216
...that time when I proposed
258
00:10:20,218 --> 00:10:23,086
to you in bed?
(laughs)
259
00:10:23,088 --> 00:10:26,589
And you were all, like,
"What are you doing?"
260
00:10:26,591 --> 00:10:27,557
(laughs)
261
00:10:27,559 --> 00:10:29,726
That was so funny.
262
00:10:30,611 --> 00:10:33,797
So funny.
263
00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:35,098
It's not funny.
264
00:10:35,966 --> 00:10:38,084
Give it a minute.
265
00:10:38,886 --> 00:10:41,771
Is that a little smile
I see there?
266
00:10:42,473 --> 00:10:45,258
I should go.
267
00:10:46,477 --> 00:10:48,194
Hey, I was thinking.
268
00:10:48,196 --> 00:10:50,146
For our first dance
at the wedding,
269
00:10:50,148 --> 00:10:54,034
what if we learn the final number
from Dirty Dancing?
270
00:10:54,036 --> 00:10:56,453
You're kidding.
No,
271
00:10:56,455 --> 00:10:57,820
come on.
272
00:10:57,822 --> 00:10:59,272
How cool would that be?
273
00:10:59,274 --> 00:11:03,193
Me running
into your arms...
274
00:11:03,195 --> 00:11:05,495
you lifting me up
into the air.
275
00:11:06,830 --> 00:11:09,265
Oh, you're in a good mood.
276
00:11:09,267 --> 00:11:10,633
Yeah, well, why
wouldn't I be?
277
00:11:10,635 --> 00:11:13,053
You know, I'm marrying
the girl of my dreams,
278
00:11:13,055 --> 00:11:14,804
and I finally got
my mother to agree
279
00:11:14,806 --> 00:11:17,223
not to come on
our honeymoon.
280
00:11:18,008 --> 00:11:20,343
(phone rings)
Oh, hang on.
281
00:11:21,195 --> 00:11:22,395
Oh, it's NASA.
282
00:11:23,564 --> 00:11:24,898
Wolowitz.
283
00:11:24,900 --> 00:11:27,801
Oh! Hi, Dave.
What's up?
284
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:31,871
No kidding. Really?
285
00:11:31,873 --> 00:11:33,022
Well,
286
00:11:33,024 --> 00:11:36,659
that's... great news.
287
00:11:36,661 --> 00:11:39,529
Great, great news.
288
00:11:39,531 --> 00:11:41,915
All right, I'll watch my e-mail
289
00:11:41,917 --> 00:11:44,300
for the details.
290
00:11:44,302 --> 00:11:46,469
Okay, talk soon.
291
00:11:47,905 --> 00:11:49,005
What's so great?
292
00:11:49,007 --> 00:11:52,308
It looks like I'm going
into space after all.
293
00:11:52,310 --> 00:11:53,593
(nervous chuckle)
294
00:11:53,595 --> 00:11:56,179
Oh, Howie,
that's wonderful!
295
00:11:56,181 --> 00:11:58,348
Uh-huh, wonderful.
296
00:11:59,266 --> 00:12:02,769
(shakily):
Yay...
297
00:12:08,551 --> 00:12:10,135
What happened?
I thought
298
00:12:10,137 --> 00:12:12,304
they canceled your mission.
Th-They did.
299
00:12:12,306 --> 00:12:14,506
But NASA really wants
300
00:12:14,508 --> 00:12:16,892
my telescope up
on the space station,
301
00:12:16,894 --> 00:12:19,761
so they're putting me
on an earlier launch.
302
00:12:19,763 --> 00:12:21,763
When?
A...
303
00:12:21,765 --> 00:12:24,065
week from Friday.
304
00:12:24,067 --> 00:12:26,935
What? We're getting
married that Sunday.
305
00:12:28,004 --> 00:12:29,170
You're right!
306
00:12:29,172 --> 00:12:30,805
I-I can't go to space.
307
00:12:30,807 --> 00:12:33,308
I have to get married,
and no one can say
308
00:12:33,310 --> 00:12:35,660
that's not a good reason.
I'll call him back.
309
00:12:37,697 --> 00:12:39,331
Wait. I don't want to be
310
00:12:39,333 --> 00:12:41,149
the one who stands
in your way.
311
00:12:41,151 --> 00:12:42,984
Well, too bad, you already did.
It's a done deal.
312
00:12:42,986 --> 00:12:45,086
Oh, well.
But I forgive you.
313
00:12:45,088 --> 00:12:47,322
No. That's not how I want
to start our marriage,
314
00:12:47,324 --> 00:12:48,707
killing your dream?
315
00:12:48,709 --> 00:12:50,625
We'll have the wedding
when you get back.
316
00:12:50,627 --> 00:12:52,127
But wh-what about
317
00:12:52,129 --> 00:12:55,196
all the plans
and the guests?
318
00:12:55,198 --> 00:12:56,298
We'll call them.
319
00:12:56,300 --> 00:12:58,266
Although my dad's
gonna go a little nutso
320
00:12:58,268 --> 00:13:00,352
over losing his deposits.
321
00:13:00,354 --> 00:13:04,272
You're right, he is!
322
00:13:04,274 --> 00:13:06,024
Your dad's gonna be furious.
323
00:13:06,026 --> 00:13:08,860
(chuckling): There's no way he's
gonna let us postpone this wedding.
324
00:13:08,862 --> 00:13:10,295
Well, we tried.
325
00:13:11,697 --> 00:13:12,948
I'll talk to him.
326
00:13:12,950 --> 00:13:15,516
He won't say no to his little girl.
No!
327
00:13:15,518 --> 00:13:18,353
I-I should talk to him,
328
00:13:18,355 --> 00:13:19,821
man to man.
(sighs)
329
00:13:19,823 --> 00:13:21,656
But, Howie, my dad
can be a bully.
330
00:13:21,658 --> 00:13:23,658
He's gonna make you cancel
your space flight.
331
00:13:23,660 --> 00:13:24,993
(chuckles)
We can only hope...
332
00:13:24,995 --> 00:13:27,112
that he doesn't.
333
00:13:28,331 --> 00:13:32,533
Bishop to queen four,
334
00:13:32,535 --> 00:13:34,235
level two.
335
00:13:34,237 --> 00:13:36,171
Check.
336
00:13:36,173 --> 00:13:37,839
Sheldon...
337
00:13:37,841 --> 00:13:39,474
knight takes bishop.
338
00:13:40,059 --> 00:13:41,343
You all right?
339
00:13:41,345 --> 00:13:43,511
I'm fine.
340
00:13:44,513 --> 00:13:45,647
Are you?
341
00:13:45,649 --> 00:13:47,882
You left your queen
exposed from above,
342
00:13:47,884 --> 00:13:49,601
you trapped your
knight in the corner,
343
00:13:49,603 --> 00:13:53,121
and you keep sighing
and saying, "Why me?"
344
00:13:53,123 --> 00:13:54,773
(sighs)
345
00:13:54,775 --> 00:13:56,274
Very well.
346
00:13:56,276 --> 00:13:59,394
Can I ask you
a question about women?
347
00:14:00,363 --> 00:14:02,697
We got you that book last year.
348
00:14:02,699 --> 00:14:04,582
Wasn't everything in there?
349
00:14:04,584 --> 00:14:08,536
No, I'm having
a relationship problem with Amy.
350
00:14:08,538 --> 00:14:09,504
And by the way,
351
00:14:09,506 --> 00:14:11,823
that book gave me nightmares.
352
00:14:11,825 --> 00:14:14,626
Well, if it makes you
feel any better,
353
00:14:14,628 --> 00:14:17,379
I screwed things up
pretty good with Penny.
354
00:14:17,381 --> 00:14:19,881
Look at us,
Leonard...
355
00:14:19,883 --> 00:14:22,684
engaging in the social
convention of men bellyaching
356
00:14:22,686 --> 00:14:24,803
about their ol' ladies.
357
00:14:24,805 --> 00:14:26,938
I guess we are.
358
00:14:26,940 --> 00:14:29,774
So, what's going on?
359
00:14:29,776 --> 00:14:31,426
Believe it or not,
360
00:14:31,428 --> 00:14:33,862
Amy has embarked on a campaign
361
00:14:33,864 --> 00:14:39,767
to increase my feelings
for her by making me happy.
362
00:14:39,769 --> 00:14:43,822
I'm sorry, that must be very
difficult for you.
363
00:14:43,824 --> 00:14:45,824
It's awful.
364
00:14:45,826 --> 00:14:47,826
This morning,
she arranged for me
365
00:14:47,828 --> 00:14:50,445
to be an Amtrak junior conductor
for the day.
366
00:14:50,447 --> 00:14:51,579
It-It's usually
367
00:14:51,581 --> 00:14:52,797
only open to children.
368
00:14:52,799 --> 00:14:55,800
She got them
to make an exception.
369
00:14:55,802 --> 00:14:58,219
Shame on her.
370
00:14:58,221 --> 00:15:01,172
They let me
blow the whistle, Leonard.
371
00:15:01,174 --> 00:15:04,292
She's good.
372
00:15:04,294 --> 00:15:05,226
I know.
373
00:15:05,228 --> 00:15:06,928
And it gets worse.
374
00:15:06,930 --> 00:15:08,813
Her efforts are causing me
375
00:15:08,815 --> 00:15:11,132
to have affectionate
feelings for her
376
00:15:11,134 --> 00:15:14,269
at inappropriate times.
377
00:15:15,404 --> 00:15:19,074
You mean, like in bed
or in the shower?
378
00:15:19,076 --> 00:15:20,408
No!
379
00:15:20,410 --> 00:15:23,661
Would you please stop
referencing that infernal book?
380
00:15:24,814 --> 00:15:26,781
For example, this morning,
381
00:15:26,783 --> 00:15:29,033
I was calculating
the random motion
382
00:15:29,035 --> 00:15:31,002
of virtual particles
in a vacuum,
383
00:15:31,004 --> 00:15:33,838
when suddenly
the particles morphed
384
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:37,375
into an image
of Amy's dandruff...
385
00:15:40,646 --> 00:15:42,263
...gently cascading down
386
00:15:42,265 --> 00:15:46,000
onto her pale,
slightly hunched shoulders.
387
00:15:46,002 --> 00:15:47,485
(groans)
388
00:15:47,487 --> 00:15:50,605
What has that vixen
done to me, Leonard?
389
00:15:50,607 --> 00:15:52,373
And how do I make it stop?
390
00:15:52,375 --> 00:15:54,742
Well, if you had
a physical relationship,
391
00:15:54,744 --> 00:15:56,611
I'd say propose during sex.
392
00:15:56,613 --> 00:15:59,931
Turns out that's
a real mood kill.
393
00:15:59,933 --> 00:16:01,699
I assume we're talking
about you now?
394
00:16:01,701 --> 00:16:02,684
Yeah.
395
00:16:02,686 --> 00:16:03,851
So, that's
how this works?
396
00:16:03,853 --> 00:16:06,187
I complain,
and then you complain,
397
00:16:06,189 --> 00:16:08,856
and no one offers any solutions?
398
00:16:08,858 --> 00:16:11,693
Pretty much.
399
00:16:11,695 --> 00:16:14,862
Well, no wonder
the women are winning.
400
00:16:17,032 --> 00:16:18,333
(knock)
401
00:16:18,335 --> 00:16:20,835
Mr. Rostenkowski,
are you busy?
402
00:16:20,837 --> 00:16:23,538
Oh, just looking at some
old pictures. Come on in.
403
00:16:23,540 --> 00:16:25,089
Family pictures,
or...?
404
00:16:25,091 --> 00:16:28,376
H-Holy crap, that's
a dead person.
405
00:16:28,378 --> 00:16:31,563
Last murder case
before I retired.
406
00:16:31,565 --> 00:16:33,598
How many bodies
do you see there?
407
00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:34,716
Careful,
408
00:16:34,718 --> 00:16:37,085
it's a trick question.
409
00:16:37,087 --> 00:16:39,270
I'm not sure.
410
00:16:39,272 --> 00:16:40,655
Nah, you'll never get it.
411
00:16:40,657 --> 00:16:43,441
It's a fraction.
412
00:16:43,443 --> 00:16:45,610
How about that.
413
00:16:45,612 --> 00:16:46,744
Anyway,
414
00:16:46,746 --> 00:16:49,230
sir, I need to talk
to you about something.
415
00:16:49,232 --> 00:16:50,331
(cracking)
416
00:16:50,333 --> 00:16:52,000
Walnut?
417
00:16:52,002 --> 00:16:53,701
No, thank you.
418
00:16:53,703 --> 00:16:55,036
I'm allergic.
419
00:16:55,038 --> 00:16:56,737
Oh, sure.
420
00:16:56,739 --> 00:16:59,090
My partner used to have that.
421
00:16:59,092 --> 00:17:00,741
He's dead now.
422
00:17:02,294 --> 00:17:03,761
From nuts?
423
00:17:03,763 --> 00:17:05,446
Nah, his wife shot him.
424
00:17:06,265 --> 00:17:10,201
But she was nuts,
so in a way...
425
00:17:11,187 --> 00:17:12,470
Nice story.
426
00:17:12,472 --> 00:17:14,138
Anyway,
427
00:17:14,140 --> 00:17:16,591
the reason I wanted
to talk to you is
428
00:17:16,593 --> 00:17:19,277
NASA has moved up
my launch
429
00:17:19,279 --> 00:17:21,529
to the International
Space Station.
430
00:17:21,531 --> 00:17:23,364
Yeah, so?
So...
431
00:17:23,366 --> 00:17:25,867
the date is going
to conflict
432
00:17:25,869 --> 00:17:27,902
with me marrying
your daughter.
433
00:17:27,904 --> 00:17:30,104
Now, I know what you're
going to say-- I made
434
00:17:30,106 --> 00:17:32,123
a commitment to Bernadette
and to your family
435
00:17:32,125 --> 00:17:34,108
and I've got a hell
of a lot of nerve
436
00:17:34,110 --> 00:17:36,327
coming in here and demanding
that we postpone this thing.
437
00:17:36,329 --> 00:17:37,996
Well, message heard
and understood.
438
00:17:37,998 --> 00:17:39,631
Mission canceled.
Thank you.
439
00:17:41,116 --> 00:17:42,250
Where are you going?
440
00:17:42,252 --> 00:17:44,052
I'm sorry.
441
00:17:44,054 --> 00:17:46,588
May I be excused?
442
00:17:46,590 --> 00:17:48,089
No, you may not.
443
00:17:48,091 --> 00:17:49,474
Let me tell you something.
444
00:17:49,476 --> 00:17:51,392
When I first met you...
445
00:17:51,394 --> 00:17:52,793
You just gonna stand there?
446
00:17:52,795 --> 00:17:56,648
I'm sorry, I didn't know,
is this going to...
447
00:17:56,650 --> 00:17:57,765
Well, I should sit...
448
00:17:57,767 --> 00:17:59,484
May I be seat...
Well, I'll just sit.
449
00:18:01,437 --> 00:18:03,955
When I first met you,
450
00:18:03,957 --> 00:18:05,506
I didn't like you.
451
00:18:05,508 --> 00:18:08,943
I'm aware of that, sir.
452
00:18:08,945 --> 00:18:11,946
But then you and I
had some time together.
453
00:18:11,948 --> 00:18:12,980
Uh-huh.
454
00:18:12,982 --> 00:18:15,833
It did not get better.
455
00:18:15,835 --> 00:18:18,186
Right, right.
456
00:18:18,188 --> 00:18:20,288
That silly Beatle haircut
457
00:18:20,290 --> 00:18:21,489
and...
458
00:18:21,491 --> 00:18:23,541
you riding around
on a red Vespa,
459
00:18:23,543 --> 00:18:26,427
and you're still living
at home with your mother.
460
00:18:26,429 --> 00:18:29,464
To be honest, I thought
Bernadette chose you
461
00:18:29,466 --> 00:18:31,266
to punish me.
462
00:18:32,768 --> 00:18:35,670
But then I heard about
your astronaut thing,
463
00:18:35,672 --> 00:18:37,272
and I realized
464
00:18:37,274 --> 00:18:39,474
I judged you too fast.
465
00:18:39,476 --> 00:18:40,808
Maybe you are
466
00:18:40,810 --> 00:18:42,727
the right guy
for my little girl.
467
00:18:42,729 --> 00:18:45,063
Oh, I am.
And just so you know,
468
00:18:45,065 --> 00:18:48,232
I'd still be an astronaut,
even if I didn't go to space.
469
00:18:48,234 --> 00:18:52,287
I've got an I.D. card
and a NASA golf shirt.
470
00:18:52,289 --> 00:18:53,705
No, no, you got to go.
471
00:18:53,707 --> 00:18:55,990
You can't turn down
an opportunity like this.
472
00:18:55,992 --> 00:18:58,359
B-But what about the wedding
473
00:18:58,361 --> 00:19:01,079
and all the money you put
down for the reception?
474
00:19:01,081 --> 00:19:02,964
You let me worry about that.
475
00:19:02,966 --> 00:19:04,782
You go up to that
space station,
476
00:19:04,784 --> 00:19:06,985
and you make me proud.
477
00:19:11,423 --> 00:19:12,657
Um, okay.
478
00:19:12,659 --> 00:19:13,758
(laughs)
479
00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:15,710
You got a problem with that?
480
00:19:15,712 --> 00:19:18,212
All right, look, I'm
gonna level with you.
481
00:19:18,214 --> 00:19:21,549
I'm terrified about
going into space.
482
00:19:21,551 --> 00:19:25,153
What if I don't
make it back?
483
00:19:25,155 --> 00:19:28,740
It's gonna be okay, son.
484
00:19:28,742 --> 00:19:31,142
You really think so?
485
00:19:31,144 --> 00:19:33,044
Of course.
486
00:19:33,046 --> 00:19:35,680
A pretty girl like Bernadette...
487
00:19:35,682 --> 00:19:38,149
she'll find a new guy.
488
00:19:50,030 --> 00:19:51,213
Hey.
489
00:19:51,215 --> 00:19:52,515
Hey.
490
00:19:52,517 --> 00:19:53,716
Off to work?
491
00:19:53,718 --> 00:19:54,851
Yeah.
492
00:19:54,853 --> 00:19:56,185
Have a nice night.
493
00:19:56,187 --> 00:19:57,887
Okay, you, too.
494
00:19:58,706 --> 00:20:00,222
Penny, just, wait.
495
00:20:00,224 --> 00:20:02,108
I've been thinking
about what I said
496
00:20:02,110 --> 00:20:04,177
when we were in bed
the other night.
497
00:20:04,179 --> 00:20:06,279
Yeah, I've been
thinking about it, too.
498
00:20:06,281 --> 00:20:08,715
I noticed you never answered me.
499
00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:12,502
You're right.
500
00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:18,508
No.
501
00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:22,879
Uh, follow-up.
Are we still dating?
502
00:20:22,881 --> 00:20:24,246
PENNY:
Yep.
503
00:20:24,248 --> 00:20:25,965
Is it still weird
'cause I proposed?
504
00:20:25,967 --> 00:20:27,667
Yep.
505
00:20:27,669 --> 00:20:29,602
I have a couple more
quick questions.
506
00:20:29,604 --> 00:20:30,826
Do you want to call me
from the car?
507
00:20:30,851 --> 00:20:32,851
No!
508
00:20:34,224 --> 00:20:36,859
Think I played that
pretty well.
509
00:20:38,195 --> 00:20:40,429
(electronic whirring)
510
00:20:40,431 --> 00:20:43,232
(electronic whirring continues)
511
00:20:46,987 --> 00:20:48,571
(whirring stops)
512
00:20:49,757 --> 00:20:51,774
Hello, Leonard.
513
00:20:51,776 --> 00:20:52,909
What are you doing?
514
00:20:52,911 --> 00:20:55,311
We're playing doctor.
515
00:20:55,846 --> 00:20:59,198
Star Trek style.
516
00:21:00,017 --> 00:21:03,453
I'm in hell, Leonard.
517
00:21:03,455 --> 00:21:04,954
Don't stop.
518
00:21:04,956 --> 00:21:08,956
== sync, corrected by elderman ==