1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,000
I'm just gonna run to the
store and get a few things.
2
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:05,000
I'll pick you up
when you're done.
3
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:06,400
Okay.
4
00:00:06,300 --> 00:00:09,200
I like it a little better
when you stay, but all right.
5
00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:10,400
Hey, Sheldon.
6
00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:12,200
Hello. I'm here for my haircut
7
00:00:12,300 --> 00:00:13,600
with Mr. D'Onofrio.
8
00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:15,500
I'm sorry, Uncle Tony's
in the hospital.
9
00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:16,600
He's pretty sick.
10
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:20,500
Oh, dear, Mr. D'Onofrio's
in the hospital.
11
00:00:20,500 --> 00:00:23,000
Why do these things
always happen to me?
12
00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:25,000
I can cut it for you.
13
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:26,900
You're not Mr. D'Onofrio.
14
00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:29,700
I get my hair cut
by Mr. D'Onofrio.
15
00:00:29,700 --> 00:00:31,000
You believe
this guy?
16
00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:34,200
Excuse us for a second.
17
00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,800
Sheldon, it's okay,
he can do it.
18
00:00:35,700 --> 00:00:36,800
He's a barber.
19
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:39,600
He's not a barber,
he's the nephew.
20
00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:41,100
He's an example
of the kind
21
00:00:41,100 --> 00:00:44,400
of nepotism that runs rampant
in the barbering industry.
22
00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:46,100
Besides, Mr.
D'Onofrio knows
23
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:48,600
exactly how I like my
hair done because he has
24
00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:51,800
all my haircut records
from my barber in Texas.
25
00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:53,600
What are you talking about?
26
00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:54,700
When I first
moved here,
27
00:00:54,700 --> 00:00:57,300
I was nervous about
finding a new barber,
28
00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:59,100
so my mother had all
my haircut records
29
00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:01,300
sent here to
Mr. D'Onofrio.
30
00:01:02,300 --> 00:01:05,800
There's no such thing
as haircut records.
31
00:01:05,700 --> 00:01:08,500
Yes, there are.
32
00:01:08,500 --> 00:01:09,700
Have you ever seen them?
33
00:01:09,700 --> 00:01:12,200
No, but my mother assured
me they were sent here,
34
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:14,100
and I'll bet you
dollars to donuts
35
00:01:14,100 --> 00:01:15,700
that this one
doesn't have them.
36
00:01:16,100 --> 00:01:17,400
Uh, excuse me.
37
00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:20,000
Do you have access
to my haircut records?
38
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,600
Your what?
39
00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:23,500
To paraphrase T.S. Eliot,
40
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:25,000
this is the way
the world ends--
41
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:28,000
not with a bang
but with a nephew.
42
00:01:29,100 --> 00:01:32,100
Sheldon, you're a grown man,
he's a professional,
43
00:01:32,100 --> 00:01:36,100
and your haircut is number three
on that poster from 1946.
44
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:37,800
Just sit down
45
00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:38,800
and let him do it.
46
00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:40,400
Fine, but if I come
out of this
47
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,400
looking like a dork,
it's on you.
48
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:52,700
So my kid said
the funniest thing today.
49
00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:53,800
Nope.
50
00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:00,100
When you tell this story later,
51
00:02:00,100 --> 00:02:03,500
the word we usually use is
"quirky."
52
00:02:03,500 --> 00:02:06,900
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
53
00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:10,400
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
54
00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:12,000
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
55
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:14,400
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
56
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:17,100
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
57
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,700
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
58
00:02:19,700 --> 00:02:21,600
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
59
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:22,600
♪ Bang! ♪
60
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:26,600
The Big Bang Theory 5x18
The Werewolf Transformation
Original Air Date on February 23, 2012
61
00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:30,000
62
00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:33,900
Can you pass
the Parmesan cheese?
63
00:02:33,900 --> 00:02:36,100
Sure.
64
00:02:44,100 --> 00:02:45,700
What are you doing?
65
00:02:45,700 --> 00:02:47,700
I'm trying to get the hair
out of my eyes.
66
00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:48,600
Sheldon,
67
00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:51,100
you are one day late
for your haircut.
68
00:02:51,100 --> 00:02:53,800
Thank you for captioning
my nightmare.
69
00:02:55,700 --> 00:02:58,300
Lookie here,
I got my travel orders.
70
00:02:59,700 --> 00:03:01,900
"Payload Specialist Howard
Wolowitz is requested
71
00:03:01,900 --> 00:03:04,600
"to report to the NASA
Johnson Space Center,
72
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:05,700
"Houston, Texas,
73
00:03:05,700 --> 00:03:07,900
for astronaut training
Monday 8:00 a.m."
74
00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:10,800
Yeah, but it's from NASA,
so it's 0800.
75
00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:12,500
But it says
"8:00 a.m""
76
00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:16,200
You read it as "0800."
77
00:03:16,100 --> 00:03:18,200
It doesn't have an
"O" in front of it.
78
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:20,900
You know what does have
an "oh" in front of it?
79
00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:23,700
"Oh, my God, I'm an astronaut,
and you're dying of jealousy."
80
00:03:25,700 --> 00:03:27,000
So, what kind of
things are they...?
81
00:03:26,900 --> 00:03:29,500
Will you stop that?
82
00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:34,000
I can't help it,
I feel like a teen heartthrob.
83
00:03:35,500 --> 00:03:37,500
You know, Sheldon,
I used to cut my brother's hair.
84
00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:38,400
I could do it for you.
85
00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:41,400
Penny, I know you mean well,
86
00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:44,200
offering the skills
of the hill folk, but, um,
87
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,000
here in town,
88
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:47,900
we don't churn our own butter,
89
00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:50,000
we don't make dresses
out of gunny sacks,
90
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,500
and, uh, we sure as shootin'
don't get our hair cut
91
00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:53,500
by bottle-blonde...
92
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:55,400
Sheldon, be nice.
93
00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,900
I'm sorry,
it's the bad boy attitude
94
00:03:57,800 --> 00:03:59,200
that comes with this hair.
95
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,100
You could go to my guy.
96
00:04:04,100 --> 00:04:05,900
He's at Juan-Juan
in Beverly Hills.
97
00:04:05,900 --> 00:04:08,000
They bring you a cup of tea,
they'll massage your scalp.
98
00:04:07,900 --> 00:04:11,000
It's about $200, but sometimes
you look in the next chair
99
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:14,300
and you see a superstar
like Tony Danza.
100
00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:18,400
Have we actually changed
the conversation
101
00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:19,900
from "I'm going
to astronaut training"
102
00:04:19,900 --> 00:04:22,700
to "Sheldon can't
get a haircut"?
103
00:04:22,700 --> 00:04:23,900
Now who's dying of jealousy?
104
00:04:23,900 --> 00:04:27,300
"Oh," it's you.
105
00:04:29,700 --> 00:04:32,600
♪ I'm a cowboy ♪
106
00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:35,400
♪ On a steel horse
I ride ♪
107
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,100
♪ I'm wanted ♪
108
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,700
♪ I'm wanted ♪
109
00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:46,400
♪ Wanted ♪
110
00:04:46,300 --> 00:04:49,000
♪ Dead or alive. ♪
111
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:50,300
Sheldon,
112
00:04:50,300 --> 00:04:52,000
you're ruining girlfriend-
boyfriend sing-along night.
113
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,300
I'm sorry.
114
00:04:54,300 --> 00:04:57,500
I'm looking for a barber
and I'm running out of time.
115
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:58,500
My hair is growing at the rate
116
00:04:58,500 --> 00:05:01,900
of 4.6 yoctometers
per femtosecond.
117
00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:05,500
I mean, if you're quiet,
you can hear it.
118
00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:09,200
What about Supercuts?
119
00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:10,100
I tried once.
120
00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:11,400
They do men's and women's hair
121
00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:13,800
in the same room
at the same time.
122
00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:16,800
It's like Sodom and Gomorrah
with mousse.
123
00:05:16,700 --> 00:05:19,300
Well, this isn't
a crisis.
124
00:05:19,300 --> 00:05:21,400
Why don't you just let
your hair grow out a little?
125
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:22,500
Why don't I let
126
00:05:22,500 --> 00:05:23,600
my hair grow out?
127
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,200
Um, why don't I start
wearing Birkenstocks
128
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:29,300
and seeking validation
of my opinions by asking
129
00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:30,700
"Can you dig it?"
130
00:05:30,700 --> 00:05:33,400
Well, I don't know.
131
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,500
I think you might look
sexy with long hair.
132
00:05:36,700 --> 00:05:39,400
The kind that flows down
to your shoulders
133
00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:42,900
and blows back
while riding on a horse.
134
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,600
Bareback and bare-chested.
135
00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:52,500
I'm gonna go brush my teeth;
it might take a while.
136
00:05:57,500 --> 00:05:58,600
Hi.
137
00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:00,000
Hi, sweetie.
138
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:01,200
I miss you.
139
00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:02,800
I miss you, too.
140
00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:05,400
So tell me
all about your first day.
141
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:07,800
Oh, wow, where do I even start?
142
00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:11,100
I got to experience
zero gravity.
143
00:06:11,100 --> 00:06:12,300
Cool. How do they do that?
144
00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:13,300
It's pretty neat.
145
00:06:13,300 --> 00:06:14,600
You get in this plane
146
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:18,600
that goes almost straight up
for, like, 20 seconds,
147
00:06:18,500 --> 00:06:23,100
and then straight back down
like it's going to crash, and
148
00:06:23,100 --> 00:06:24,400
they do it
149
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:26,400
over and over again, you know,
150
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,600
no matter how many times
you throw up.
151
00:06:28,500 --> 00:06:30,400
You threw up?
152
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:33,900
Yeah... and the craziest part
is, because there's no gravity,
153
00:06:33,900 --> 00:06:38,700
the throw-up kind of
floats there...
154
00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:39,800
in a little ball,
155
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,300
and
156
00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:44,800
if your mouth is open
because you're screaming...
157
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:49,500
...sometimes it just floats
right back in.
158
00:06:52,700 --> 00:06:55,900
Boy, does everyone laugh
at you when that happens.
159
00:06:55,900 --> 00:06:56,900
That sounds mean.
160
00:06:56,900 --> 00:06:58,000
No.
161
00:06:57,900 --> 00:06:59,400
Yeah, I would have laughed, too,
162
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:01,500
but I didn't want the vomit
to come back out.
163
00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:06,500
Anyway...
164
00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:08,400
Oh, could you do me a favor
165
00:07:08,300 --> 00:07:11,700
and overnight me
some more underwear?
166
00:07:11,700 --> 00:07:13,000
Sure, why?
167
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,400
I got a look at the centrifuge
168
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,100
they're going to spin me
around in tomorrow,
169
00:07:16,100 --> 00:07:18,500
and I have a hunch
I packed a little light.
170
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:29,100
Mr. D'Onofrio?
171
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:30,800
It's Sheldon.
172
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:33,500
They didn't have
anything barber-themed
173
00:07:33,500 --> 00:07:37,300
in the gift shop,
so I got you this.
174
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:39,200
I don't know if you can read
his little T-shirt.
175
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:42,300
It says, um,
"Get well bear-y soon."
176
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:46,000
Trust me, if you were even
a little conscious right now,
177
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,000
you'd be laughing.
178
00:07:49,900 --> 00:07:53,200
Anyway...
179
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:57,800
There's new studies that show,
people in comas are aware
180
00:07:57,700 --> 00:08:00,100
of everything going on
around them.
181
00:08:00,100 --> 00:08:03,100
With that in mind,
if you can hear me,
182
00:08:03,100 --> 00:08:05,000
move away from the light
183
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:08,800
and toward the sound
of these scissors.
184
00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:11,500
Can I help you?
185
00:08:11,500 --> 00:08:12,700
Yes.
186
00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:16,700
Do you have something
I could use as a cape?
187
00:08:16,700 --> 00:08:19,300
Oh, dear,
did we spit out our pills,
188
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:22,800
slip out of the ninth floor,
and go on a little adventure?
189
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:24,800
Oh, no,
190
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,900
no, I'm just here
to get my hair cut.
191
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:32,500
I-I see.
192
00:08:32,500 --> 00:08:35,500
J-Jus-Just wait here one moment.
193
00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:37,500
Security!
194
00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:40,100
I got to run.
195
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:43,200
But not with scissors--
that would be unsafe.
196
00:08:52,300 --> 00:08:56,600
So, if I move
my horsey here...
197
00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:01,500
...isn't that checkmate
and I win?
198
00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:09,500
Hmm.
199
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:13,200
Well, is it
or isn't it?
200
00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:17,100
You know, I think this is
a good stopping point.
201
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,900
Uh, it's your
first real game.
202
00:09:19,900 --> 00:09:21,800
I threw a lot
of information at you.
203
00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:22,900
Well, no,
204
00:09:22,900 --> 00:09:24,300
I mean,
your king is trapped.
205
00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:27,100
He can't go here
because of my lighthouse,
206
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:29,800
and...
207
00:09:29,700 --> 00:09:33,900
he can't go here because
of my pointy-head guy.
208
00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:37,700
Like I said, complicated game.
209
00:09:37,700 --> 00:09:39,900
So did I win or not?
210
00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:41,100
Did you have fun?
211
00:09:41,100 --> 00:09:42,900
Because if you had fun,
then you are, you are a winner.
212
00:09:42,900 --> 00:09:45,200
That's, that-that's
what chess is all about.
213
00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:47,900
Hello.
214
00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:48,800
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
215
00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:50,100
Sorry, Sheldon, I'll move.
Eh, why?
216
00:09:50,100 --> 00:09:54,000
My spot, your spot--
what difference does it make?
217
00:09:57,500 --> 00:10:00,000
Okay, what just happened?
218
00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,300
I don't know.
219
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:03,400
Between you playing chess
like Bobby Fischer
220
00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:06,300
and Sheldon being okay
with you in his spot,
221
00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:08,700
I'm guessing someone went
back in time, stepped on a bug,
222
00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:11,200
and changed the course
of human events.
223
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,500
Uh, sweetie,
are you all right?
224
00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:17,100
No, I'm not all right.
225
00:10:17,100 --> 00:10:19,800
It's been six days since I
was supposed to get a haircut
226
00:10:19,700 --> 00:10:22,100
and nothing horrible
has happened.
227
00:10:22,100 --> 00:10:25,100
Okay, I'm sorry,
I don't understand.
228
00:10:25,100 --> 00:10:26,700
Leonard, explain it to her.
229
00:10:26,700 --> 00:10:29,900
Oh, uh, he's crazy.
230
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,700
I have spent my whole life
231
00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:34,900
trying to bring order
to the universe
232
00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:37,900
by carefully planning
every moment of every day.
233
00:10:37,900 --> 00:10:39,000
But all my efforts--
234
00:10:38,900 --> 00:10:41,400
our dinner schedule,
my pajama rotation,
235
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,600
my bowel movement spreadsheet--
236
00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:46,100
it's clear now,
237
00:10:46,100 --> 00:10:47,900
I've been wasting my time.
238
00:10:47,900 --> 00:10:52,200
Good. I'm taking that
disgusting chart off the fridge.
239
00:10:52,100 --> 00:10:54,700
You know, Sh-Sheldon,
240
00:10:54,700 --> 00:10:56,400
sometimes it's nice
not knowing what's coming.
241
00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:57,800
I mean, look at me and Leonard.
242
00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:00,000
We went out, we broke up,
now we're trying again.
243
00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:01,200
We don't know
what's gonna happen.
244
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:04,100
Oh, please, everyone knows
what's going to happen.
245
00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:07,800
But I see your point.
246
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:09,400
I think this could
be good for you.
247
00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:11,900
Maybe it's time for you
to shake things up a bit.
248
00:11:11,900 --> 00:11:14,000
You're right.
249
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:16,300
I should embrace the chaos.
250
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:18,000
Great.
251
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:19,500
What are you going
to do first?
252
00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:20,400
I don't know.
253
00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:21,900
I could do anything.
254
00:11:21,900 --> 00:11:23,900
All bets are off.
255
00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:27,400
The world is my oyster.
256
00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:28,700
I got it.
257
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:32,000
I'm going to put
on my Tuesday pajamas tonight.
258
00:11:36,500 --> 00:11:39,000
I got to tell you,
I'm a little worried about him.
259
00:11:38,900 --> 00:11:40,800
If I were you, I'd be
worried that a girl
260
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:44,100
who's never played chess in
her life just kicked your ass.
261
00:11:56,900 --> 00:11:59,400
Hi.
262
00:11:59,300 --> 00:12:01,500
Howie, what happened to you?
263
00:12:01,500 --> 00:12:05,400
We did overnight survival
training in the wilderness.
264
00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:07,100
Big fun.
265
00:12:07,100 --> 00:12:10,000
Big, big fun.
266
00:12:09,900 --> 00:12:12,500
I was gonna freshen up for you
267
00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:16,700
but I blacked out a little
on the way to the bathroom.
268
00:12:18,100 --> 00:12:19,200
Survival training?
269
00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:20,200
Is that like camping?
270
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:21,200
Uh-huh.
271
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:24,000
Except you don't
have food or water,
272
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:27,500
and they don't have
a sunset Sabbath service
273
00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:30,500
like they do
at Camp Hess-Kramer.
274
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:33,000
Do you sleep in tents?
275
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,100
No.
276
00:12:34,100 --> 00:12:36,600
I slept in a hole
277
00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:40,600
I dug in the ground
with my bare hands.
278
00:12:40,500 --> 00:12:43,900
And at some point
during the night,
279
00:12:43,900 --> 00:12:47,400
an armadillo crawled in
280
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,000
and spooned me.
281
00:12:52,100 --> 00:12:53,300
Poor baby.
282
00:12:53,300 --> 00:12:54,400
But I did it.
283
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,400
I survived.
284
00:12:56,400 --> 00:13:00,900
I wasn't sure I was going to
when the sandstorm hit.
285
00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:04,500
I just pulled my turtleneck
up over my head
286
00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:08,200
and waited for death.
287
00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:12,000
But somehow as I sat there,
288
00:13:11,900 --> 00:13:16,200
wrapped in a cocoon
of my own neck-sweat,
289
00:13:16,300 --> 00:13:21,000
I found that primal part
of the human spirit
290
00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:25,000
that just wants
to keep on living,
291
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,700
no matter what the cost.
292
00:13:27,700 --> 00:13:29,000
You're so brave.
293
00:13:28,900 --> 00:13:30,600
I'm proud of you.
294
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:34,300
I ate a butterfly.
295
00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:43,800
It was so small and...
296
00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:46,200
beautiful,
297
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,900
but I was so hungry.
298
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:54,200
Are you crying?
299
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:57,100
No, I don't think it's possible.
300
00:13:57,100 --> 00:14:00,600
I'm severely dehydrated.
301
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:04,000
My pee is like toothpaste.
302
00:14:04,100 --> 00:14:07,900
Howie, if you're not able
to do this, come home.
303
00:14:07,900 --> 00:14:11,000
It won't change
how I feel about you.
304
00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:13,900
Thanks, honey, but I can't quit.
305
00:14:13,900 --> 00:14:17,000
If I do, I'll just be a guy
306
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:21,000
who had a chance to be an
astronaut and gave it up.
307
00:14:20,900 --> 00:14:23,100
Well, is there anything
I could do to help?
308
00:14:23,100 --> 00:14:25,200
No.
309
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:26,400
Wait.
310
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:30,300
Send more underwear.
311
00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:42,500
Don't let this
be Sheldon playing bongos.
312
00:14:57,400 --> 00:15:01,100
Hello, Leonard,
do you like my bongos?
313
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:05,800
Bet you didn't know
that I had bongos.
314
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:08,900
Sheldon, it's 3:00 o'clock
in the morning.
315
00:15:08,900 --> 00:15:10,100
3:00 in the morning
316
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:13,800
is a good time for bongos.
317
00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:15,400
I was sleeping.
318
00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:18,700
Leonard sleeps
while I play bongos.
319
00:15:19,700 --> 00:15:22,000
No, he doesn't.
320
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,800
Leonard no sleep
while I play bongos.
321
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:26,900
Bongo solo.
322
00:15:31,100 --> 00:15:32,500
Stop! Stop it!
323
00:15:32,500 --> 00:15:34,600
Stop! Stop! Stop it!
324
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:42,000
- What the hell?!
- Oh, hi,
325
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,100
Penny, guess what?
326
00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:45,300
Sheldon got bongos.
327
00:15:45,300 --> 00:15:46,900
Why did you get bongos?
328
00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:48,700
Richard Feynman
played the bongos.
329
00:15:48,700 --> 00:15:50,200
I thought I'd give that a try.
330
00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:51,800
Richard Feynman
was a famous physicist.
331
00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:53,500
Oh, Leonard, it's 3:00 o'clock
in the morning.
332
00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:55,400
I don't care if Richard Feynman
was a purple leprechaun
333
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:57,300
who lived in my butt.
334
00:15:58,300 --> 00:16:01,400
Penny meant if he were
a purple leprechaun.
335
00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:02,400
Penny forgot
336
00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:04,600
to use the subjunctive.
337
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:08,200
Sheldon, go to bed.
338
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:09,700
You have work in the morning.
339
00:16:09,700 --> 00:16:11,000
Maybe, maybe not.
340
00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:13,800
Maybe tomorrow I start
a bongo band and tour the world.
341
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:18,100
No, no, hang on,
uh, uh,
342
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:19,500
Roommate Agreement.
343
00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:22,600
No hootenannies, sing-a-longs,
or barbershop quartets
344
00:16:22,500 --> 00:16:24,900
after 10:00 p.m.
345
00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:26,100
Roommate Agreement?
346
00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:27,200
Are you kidding?
347
00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:28,500
We are living in a world
348
00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:30,500
of chaos.
349
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:32,400
Roommate Agreement.
350
00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:35,600
Where are you going?
351
00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:37,800
Wherever the music
takes me, kitten.
352
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:42,600
I play bongos
353
00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:43,700
walking down the stairs.
354
00:16:43,700 --> 00:16:47,100
Oh! Oh!
355
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:53,400
Never play bongos
walking down the stairs.
356
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,200
Surprise.
357
00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:01,900
What are you doing here?
358
00:17:01,900 --> 00:17:03,600
I'm here to help you
get through this.
359
00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:05,800
You can't do it on your own,
you need someone
360
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:07,000
to take care of you.
361
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,300
Oh, I love you so much.
362
00:17:08,300 --> 00:17:09,700
Oh, I love you.
363
00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:13,000
Howard,
your bath is getting cold!
364
00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:17,400
Don't worry, once
she falls asleep,
365
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:20,200
I'll spoon you
like an armadillo.
366
00:17:24,300 --> 00:17:28,400
He showed up in the middle
of the night with his bongos.
367
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:32,300
I foolishly thought it was some
sort of musical booty call.
368
00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:35,300
Poor guy.
369
00:17:35,300 --> 00:17:38,000
He must have been exhausted.
370
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,900
Sheldon like to sleep
while Leonard play the bongo!
371
00:17:43,300 --> 00:17:45,500
That was kind of uncalled for.
372
00:17:45,500 --> 00:17:47,000
No, it was called for.
373
00:17:48,100 --> 00:17:49,700
What's going on?
374
00:17:49,700 --> 00:17:50,700
All right, Sheldon,
375
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:52,100
this craziness
has gone on long enough.
376
00:17:52,100 --> 00:17:54,400
Please come home
so I can cut your hair.
377
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:56,700
Penny, you're not trained.
378
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:58,200
You're not licensed.
379
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:02,200
Most importantly, you don't have
access to my haircut records.
380
00:18:04,900 --> 00:18:06,900
All right, honey, look,
381
00:18:06,900 --> 00:18:09,200
we've known each other
for a long time now, right?
382
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:11,600
I've taken you to Disneyland,
383
00:18:11,500 --> 00:18:13,700
I kicked a bully
in the nuts for you,
384
00:18:13,700 --> 00:18:15,700
I sing you "Soft Kitty"
385
00:18:15,700 --> 00:18:17,700
when you're sick,
386
00:18:17,700 --> 00:18:19,300
you've even saw me naked once.
387
00:18:19,300 --> 00:18:22,400
I'm sorry,
what?
388
00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:24,300
It was a long story.
389
00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:26,600
Anyway, Sheldon, I promise
I know what I'm doing.
390
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:28,200
Please let me cut your hair.
391
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:31,200
Amy, what do you think?
392
00:18:31,100 --> 00:18:34,900
There's not a hair on my body
I wouldn't let this woman trim.
393
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:45,300
Fine, let's go.
394
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:50,700
Thank you for letting me
sleep on your couch.
395
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,400
There's only so many times
a woman can say,
396
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:53,700
"How about the bed?"
397
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,500
What's this
about Sheldon seeing you naked?
398
00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:03,400
Oh, relax. It was just
her bottom and her breasts.
399
00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:15,300
Almost done.
400
00:19:15,300 --> 00:19:17,100
At the end of the haircut,
401
00:19:17,100 --> 00:19:20,500
Mr. D'Onofrio
would tell me a dirty joke.
402
00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:24,100
Sorry, I don't know
any dirty jokes.
403
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:27,300
That's okay,
I never understood them anyway.
404
00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:31,400
Okay, what do you think?
405
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:36,000
Hm, well,
406
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,900
it's a little Hollywood.
407
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,200
But I think
I can pull it off.
408
00:19:42,100 --> 00:19:43,500
Well done, Penny.
409
00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:44,700
Ha, told you.
410
00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:46,500
Okay, I'm just gonna clean up
your neck a little
411
00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:49,600
and then you are good to go.
Fun time.
412
00:19:50,700 --> 00:19:53,600
Sorry, sometimes the clippers
tickle me.
413
00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:55,100
Okay.
414
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,500
Okay, yep, we're all done now.
415
00:20:04,500 --> 00:20:05,500
It's just... it's good.
416
00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:08,100
Let me just take that
away from you.
417
00:20:08,100 --> 00:20:09,700
- Okay.
- Thank you very much.
418
00:20:09,700 --> 00:20:11,900
You are welcome.
419
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:22,500
Yeah, I'm gonna have to move.