1
00:00:07,030 --> 00:00:08,631
It's from
Game of Thrones.
2
00:00:08,945 --> 00:00:10,177
What do you think?
3
00:00:10,179 --> 00:00:12,080
I don't know.
4
00:00:12,082 --> 00:00:14,816
If we're going to start
a fantasy sword collection--
5
00:00:14,818 --> 00:00:17,819
and I've long thought
we should--
6
00:00:17,821 --> 00:00:20,020
is this really
the sword to start with?
7
00:00:20,022 --> 00:00:21,739
What did you
have in mind?
8
00:00:21,741 --> 00:00:26,077
Well, off the top of my head,
I'd have to go with Excalibur.
9
00:00:26,079 --> 00:00:28,863
It gives you the right
to rule England.
10
00:00:28,865 --> 00:00:31,666
It would be a replica
of a movie prop.
11
00:00:31,668 --> 00:00:33,835
Fair enough.
12
00:00:33,837 --> 00:00:37,255
It'd give you the right to rule
a replica of England.
13
00:00:37,257 --> 00:00:39,557
Well, they don't have
an Excalibur here,
14
00:00:39,559 --> 00:00:41,259
so what do you want to do?
15
00:00:41,261 --> 00:00:43,945
Mm. Tough decision.
16
00:00:43,947 --> 00:00:46,564
There's no weaponry from
Lord of the Rings
17
00:00:46,566 --> 00:00:50,050
forged in a Chinese sweatshop?
18
00:00:50,052 --> 00:00:53,154
Just Bilbo Baggins' sword
over there.
19
00:00:53,156 --> 00:00:57,742
Two grown men with a hobbit's
dagger; wouldn't we look silly?
20
00:00:59,611 --> 00:01:00,895
Okay, let's go for it.
21
00:01:00,897 --> 00:01:02,914
Oh, I see
you guys have
22
00:01:02,916 --> 00:01:04,015
found my little treasure.
23
00:01:04,017 --> 00:01:05,783
Yeah.
24
00:01:05,785 --> 00:01:07,118
It's okay, I guess.
25
00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:08,736
Okay? It's magnificent.
26
00:01:08,738 --> 00:01:10,505
Buh-buh-buh-buh!
27
00:01:12,341 --> 00:01:13,908
What do you want for it?
28
00:01:13,910 --> 00:01:16,177
Oh, it's hard to put
a price on something
29
00:01:16,179 --> 00:01:18,830
that's a copy of something
that was on pay cable.
30
00:01:19,798 --> 00:01:22,216
But for my friends,
let's say 250?
31
00:01:22,218 --> 00:01:24,469
Oh, that's pretty steep.
32
00:01:24,471 --> 00:01:25,536
Well, it's a limited edition.
33
00:01:25,538 --> 00:01:28,773
They only made 8,000
of these bad boys.
34
00:01:28,775 --> 00:01:30,224
Only 8,000?
35
00:01:30,226 --> 00:01:32,360
We're wasting precious time.
Buy it.
36
00:01:32,362 --> 00:01:34,195
Hang on.
37
00:01:34,197 --> 00:01:36,263
Can you do any better?
38
00:01:36,265 --> 00:01:37,565
Are you kidding?
39
00:01:37,567 --> 00:01:39,317
I'm already giving you
the friends and family discount.
40
00:01:39,319 --> 00:01:40,451
Oh, did you hear that?
41
00:01:40,453 --> 00:01:41,953
We're getting the friends
and family discount.
42
00:01:41,955 --> 00:01:44,388
We are honored
and we will take it.
43
00:01:44,390 --> 00:01:45,606
Slow down.
44
00:01:45,608 --> 00:01:46,908
Two hundred.
45
00:01:46,910 --> 00:01:47,909
What are you doing?
46
00:01:47,911 --> 00:01:49,660
250 is already the
discounted price.
47
00:01:49,662 --> 00:01:51,579
Will you shut up?
48
00:01:51,581 --> 00:01:52,747
Tell you what, I'll go 235.
49
00:01:52,749 --> 00:01:54,165
Nope. Maybe another time.
50
00:01:54,167 --> 00:01:56,067
Okay, 225-- my final offer.
51
00:01:56,069 --> 00:01:58,753
Take it, take it.
52
00:01:58,755 --> 00:02:00,588
Two hundred.
53
00:02:00,590 --> 00:02:02,340
Man, you're killing me!
54
00:02:02,342 --> 00:02:04,725
Killing you?
I can't breathe.
55
00:02:05,394 --> 00:02:07,828
210, and I'm losing money.
56
00:02:07,830 --> 00:02:10,681
Oh, now, we can't let him lose
money, Leonard. I'm so sorry.
57
00:02:10,683 --> 00:02:13,851
210 and you throw in
the Iron Man helmet.
58
00:02:13,853 --> 00:02:15,019
Are you crazy?
59
00:02:15,021 --> 00:02:16,654
That helmet's signed
by Robert Downey Jr.
60
00:02:16,656 --> 00:02:17,855
So?
61
00:02:17,857 --> 00:02:19,640
Okay, if you're
going to question
62
00:02:19,642 --> 00:02:22,210
the importance of an actor's
signature on a plastic helmet
63
00:02:22,212 --> 00:02:24,111
from a movie
based on a comic book,
64
00:02:24,113 --> 00:02:27,848
then all of our lives
have no meaning!
65
00:02:30,869 --> 00:02:32,420
Okay, fine.
66
00:02:32,422 --> 00:02:33,754
Just the sword, 210.
67
00:02:33,756 --> 00:02:35,323
Thank you.
68
00:02:35,325 --> 00:02:36,791
I can eat meat this week.
69
00:02:38,710 --> 00:02:39,710
See that?
70
00:02:39,712 --> 00:02:41,012
I just saved us 40 bucks.
71
00:02:41,014 --> 00:02:43,347
I've long said, what you
lack in academic knowledge
72
00:02:43,349 --> 00:02:46,050
you make up for
in street smarts.
73
00:02:46,052 --> 00:02:47,167
You want me to wrap it?
74
00:02:47,169 --> 00:02:48,168
No, it's okay.
75
00:02:48,170 --> 00:02:50,021
I'm gonna stab my friend
in the chest.
76
00:02:51,139 --> 00:02:53,057
Hey, Stuart.
77
00:02:53,059 --> 00:02:54,125
Ah, hey, Wil.
78
00:02:54,127 --> 00:02:57,445
Hello, Wil Wheaton.
79
00:02:57,447 --> 00:02:59,363
Hi, Sheldon.
80
00:02:59,365 --> 00:03:00,398
Nice sword.
81
00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:02,400
It's part of
my sword collection.
82
00:03:02,402 --> 00:03:04,819
- Do you have a sword collection?
- No.
83
00:03:04,821 --> 00:03:07,738
I'm not surprised.
84
00:03:07,740 --> 00:03:10,207
Here's the
Batman 612
85
00:03:10,209 --> 00:03:12,710
with the Jim Lee alternate
cover that you wanted.
86
00:03:12,712 --> 00:03:14,579
Awesome. What do I owe you?
87
00:03:14,581 --> 00:03:15,379
40 bucks.
88
00:03:15,381 --> 00:03:16,414
Good deal.
89
00:03:16,416 --> 00:03:17,715
Sucker.
90
00:03:17,717 --> 00:03:20,251
Didn't even ask for the
friends and family discount.
91
00:03:20,253 --> 00:03:22,053
Hey, I'm having a party
at my house on Friday,
92
00:03:22,055 --> 00:03:23,537
and I was hoping
you would stop by.
93
00:03:23,539 --> 00:03:24,805
Will there be
girls there?
94
00:03:24,807 --> 00:03:25,756
Yeah, of course.
95
00:03:25,758 --> 00:03:29,093
'Cause there
wasn't last time.
96
00:03:29,095 --> 00:03:32,063
There will be girls.
97
00:03:32,065 --> 00:03:34,765
You guys are invited
if you want to come by.
98
00:03:34,767 --> 00:03:36,383
Thank you.
99
00:03:36,385 --> 00:03:37,384
All right, great.
100
00:03:37,386 --> 00:03:38,903
Later.
101
00:03:40,772 --> 00:03:42,556
I see what you're doing.
102
00:03:42,558 --> 00:03:44,241
You accept
an invitation
103
00:03:44,243 --> 00:03:46,460
to a party at the home
of my sworn enemy,
104
00:03:46,462 --> 00:03:48,195
he tells everyone we're
going to be there,
105
00:03:48,197 --> 00:03:50,064
and when we don't show,
he looks the fool.
106
00:03:50,066 --> 00:03:51,449
Fiendishly clever.
107
00:03:52,951 --> 00:03:54,619
I was actually
thinking about going.
108
00:03:54,621 --> 00:03:57,838
And then declaring
the party a fiasco
109
00:03:57,840 --> 00:03:59,674
and storming out,
leaving him humiliated
110
00:03:59,676 --> 00:04:01,092
in front of his guests.
111
00:04:01,094 --> 00:04:03,060
Love it.
112
00:04:03,062 --> 00:04:06,998
No, I was gonna grab Raj and
Howard and have a good time.
113
00:04:07,933 --> 00:04:09,884
Oh, great, more guys.
114
00:04:09,886 --> 00:04:13,354
It's gonna be another
Wil Wheaton sausage-fest.
115
00:04:14,422 --> 00:04:18,025
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
116
00:04:18,027 --> 00:04:21,362
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
117
00:04:21,364 --> 00:04:22,980
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
118
00:04:22,982 --> 00:04:25,516
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
119
00:04:25,518 --> 00:04:28,202
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
120
00:04:28,204 --> 00:04:30,855
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
121
00:04:30,857 --> 00:04:32,773
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
122
00:04:32,775 --> 00:04:33,925
♪ Bang! ♪
123
00:04:33,926 --> 00:04:36,426
The Big Bang Theory 5x05
The Russian Rocket Reaction
Original Air Date on October 13, 2011
124
00:04:36,427 --> 00:04:39,052
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
125
00:04:39,054 --> 00:04:41,366
Sheldon, can you
grab me a water?
126
00:04:41,367 --> 00:04:42,949
Possibly.
127
00:04:42,951 --> 00:04:44,560
Can you or can't you?
128
00:04:44,561 --> 00:04:46,194
It's not that simple, Leonard.
129
00:04:46,196 --> 00:04:48,780
It never is, is it?
130
00:04:48,782 --> 00:04:49,948
At this moment,
131
00:04:49,950 --> 00:04:52,067
our relationship exists
132
00:04:52,069 --> 00:04:54,236
in two mutually
contradictory states.
133
00:04:54,238 --> 00:04:58,657
Until you either do not go
or go to Wil Wheaton's party,
134
00:04:58,659 --> 00:05:02,077
you are simultaneously my friend
and not my friend.
135
00:05:03,546 --> 00:05:05,163
I'm characterizing
this phenomenon
136
00:05:05,165 --> 00:05:08,300
as Schrodinger's Friendship.
137
00:05:08,302 --> 00:05:11,136
Got it. Can I have my water?
138
00:05:11,138 --> 00:05:12,421
Of course.
139
00:05:12,423 --> 00:05:14,706
Now get it yourself,
you traitor.
140
00:05:16,542 --> 00:05:19,761
Wait, what is going on?
141
00:05:19,763 --> 00:05:21,146
In case you have forgotten,
142
00:05:21,148 --> 00:05:22,714
Schrodinger's cat is
a thought experiment...
143
00:05:22,716 --> 00:05:24,215
No, no, I didn't forget.
144
00:05:24,217 --> 00:05:27,152
Um, there's this cat in a box
and until you open it,
145
00:05:27,154 --> 00:05:28,987
it's either
dead or alive or both.
146
00:05:29,906 --> 00:05:31,573
Although, back in Nebraska,
our cat got stuck
147
00:05:31,575 --> 00:05:34,242
in my brother's camp trunk,
and we did not need to open it
148
00:05:34,244 --> 00:05:36,862
to know there was all kinds
of dead cat in there.
149
00:05:38,031 --> 00:05:39,898
Homespun stories,
knowledge of physics
150
00:05:39,900 --> 00:05:41,249
and a bosom that defies it.
151
00:05:41,251 --> 00:05:43,201
You're the whole package,
aren't you?
152
00:05:45,171 --> 00:05:47,039
Sorry I'm late.
153
00:05:47,041 --> 00:05:48,840
Uh, I got great news.
154
00:05:48,842 --> 00:05:50,959
NASA picked my team's design
155
00:05:50,961 --> 00:05:53,578
for the deep field
space telescope that's going on
156
00:05:53,580 --> 00:05:55,297
the International Space Station
this spring.
157
00:05:57,134 --> 00:05:58,734
Howie, that's wonderful!
158
00:05:58,736 --> 00:05:59,735
Congratulations!
159
00:05:59,737 --> 00:06:00,936
It gets better.
160
00:06:00,938 --> 00:06:03,105
Someone has to go up
with the telescope
161
00:06:03,107 --> 00:06:07,859
as a payload specialist,
and guess who that someone is.
162
00:06:07,861 --> 00:06:10,462
Muhammad Li.
163
00:06:11,263 --> 00:06:13,598
Who's Muhammad Li?
164
00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:16,401
Muhammad is the most common
first name in the world,
165
00:06:16,403 --> 00:06:18,036
Li, the most common surname.
166
00:06:18,038 --> 00:06:19,538
As I didn't know the answer,
167
00:06:19,540 --> 00:06:21,873
I thought that gave me
a mathematical edge.
168
00:06:21,875 --> 00:06:24,109
It's me, Sheldon.
169
00:06:24,111 --> 00:06:25,010
It's me.
170
00:06:25,012 --> 00:06:26,444
I'm going up in space!
171
00:06:26,446 --> 00:06:28,613
Technically, I'm an astronaut.
172
00:06:28,615 --> 00:06:30,499
That's amazing!
173
00:06:30,501 --> 00:06:32,117
Hang on a second.
174
00:06:32,119 --> 00:06:34,002
NASA doesn't have
a shuttle anymore.
175
00:06:34,004 --> 00:06:35,954
How are you going
to get up there?
176
00:06:35,956 --> 00:06:37,089
Oh, well, it's really cool.
177
00:06:37,091 --> 00:06:39,141
You fly to Moscow,
they take you out to Kazakhstan,
178
00:06:39,143 --> 00:06:41,977
and then you get into a Russian
Soyuz rocket which shoots you
179
00:06:41,979 --> 00:06:43,311
into a low earth orbit.
180
00:06:43,313 --> 00:06:45,931
Or just sits there on the launch
pad because the Kazakhi mafia
181
00:06:45,933 --> 00:06:48,016
sold the rocket fuel
on the black market.
182
00:06:50,103 --> 00:06:52,270
Are those Russian rockets safe?
183
00:06:52,272 --> 00:06:54,689
Well, I mean, safe as it
can be when it was built
184
00:06:54,691 --> 00:06:56,858
by the good folks who
brought you Chernobyl.
185
00:06:58,745 --> 00:07:01,146
I'd like to propose a toast.
186
00:07:01,148 --> 00:07:03,815
The dream to go up into space
is one we all share,
187
00:07:03,817 --> 00:07:06,084
and Howard's making that
a reality.
188
00:07:06,086 --> 00:07:07,536
We're all very proud of you.
189
00:07:07,538 --> 00:07:09,004
Cheers.
190
00:07:10,489 --> 00:07:11,706
That was a lovely toast.
191
00:07:11,708 --> 00:07:13,008
Kudos.
Thank you.
192
00:07:13,010 --> 00:07:14,960
Simultaneously, a festival
of cloying clichés.
193
00:07:14,962 --> 00:07:17,012
You sicken me.
194
00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:26,188
You're really quiet.
195
00:07:26,190 --> 00:07:27,839
Is everything okay?
196
00:07:27,841 --> 00:07:29,891
Fine.
197
00:07:32,195 --> 00:07:34,613
Just a little tired.
198
00:07:34,615 --> 00:07:36,848
I hope not too tired,
because I'm feeling
199
00:07:36,850 --> 00:07:39,184
particularly masculine
right now.
200
00:07:40,403 --> 00:07:43,354
All systems go,
if you catch my drift.
201
00:07:43,356 --> 00:07:46,958
I always catch your drift.
202
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:49,795
All right, well, something's
obviously bugging you.
203
00:07:49,797 --> 00:07:50,996
What is it?
204
00:07:50,998 --> 00:07:53,048
I just can't believe
you signed up
205
00:07:53,050 --> 00:07:55,300
for the space program
without even talking to me.
206
00:07:55,302 --> 00:07:58,336
Oh, I get it.
207
00:07:58,338 --> 00:08:00,639
You're worried about me.
208
00:08:00,641 --> 00:08:02,424
That is so sweet.
209
00:08:02,426 --> 00:08:07,979
You know, there's a saying
we have at NASA.
210
00:08:10,149 --> 00:08:13,218
What makes
the right stuff so right
211
00:08:13,220 --> 00:08:16,271
is that it always comes home.
212
00:08:17,773 --> 00:08:20,075
Just stop talking, Howard.
213
00:08:21,911 --> 00:08:23,495
This isn't the reaction
I expected
214
00:08:23,497 --> 00:08:25,897
when I told you
I was gonna be an astronaut.
215
00:08:25,899 --> 00:08:28,283
What did you think
was going to happen?
216
00:08:28,285 --> 00:08:30,452
Honestly? Sex.
217
00:08:32,288 --> 00:08:33,905
Howard.
218
00:08:33,907 --> 00:08:35,924
Do you realize
what a big deal this is?
219
00:08:35,926 --> 00:08:39,678
What an honor it is to be
chosen to go into space?
220
00:08:39,680 --> 00:08:41,079
Yeah, I get it.
221
00:08:41,081 --> 00:08:43,381
I just wish you included me
in the decision.
222
00:08:43,383 --> 00:08:45,416
We're supposed
to be partners.
223
00:08:45,418 --> 00:08:47,352
We're supposed
to be a team.
224
00:08:49,222 --> 00:08:51,139
I'm sorry. You're right.
225
00:08:51,141 --> 00:08:54,693
Okay, let's try this again.
226
00:08:54,695 --> 00:08:58,363
Bernadette, an opportunity
has come up
227
00:08:58,365 --> 00:09:03,318
that impacts both of us,
and I'd like to discuss it.
228
00:09:04,820 --> 00:09:06,604
Okay.
229
00:09:06,606 --> 00:09:09,107
I've been offered
a chance to go up
230
00:09:09,109 --> 00:09:13,111
to the International
Space Station for three weeks.
231
00:09:13,113 --> 00:09:14,963
What are your thoughts on that?
232
00:09:14,965 --> 00:09:18,049
Well, first of all, thank you
233
00:09:18,051 --> 00:09:20,919
for including me
in the decision-making process.
234
00:09:20,921 --> 00:09:23,305
Hey, we're a team.
235
00:09:24,308 --> 00:09:25,840
So, what do you think?
236
00:09:25,842 --> 00:09:27,642
No.
237
00:09:28,477 --> 00:09:29,728
No?
238
00:09:29,730 --> 00:09:31,513
No.
239
00:09:31,515 --> 00:09:34,733
Why not?
240
00:09:36,485 --> 00:09:39,654
Howard, my father
was a police officer.
241
00:09:39,656 --> 00:09:41,806
We never knew
from one night to the next
242
00:09:41,808 --> 00:09:43,742
if he was going
to come home alive.
243
00:09:43,744 --> 00:09:45,160
It was horrible.
244
00:09:45,162 --> 00:09:48,246
And I don't want to live
that way with you.
245
00:09:50,866 --> 00:09:57,172
Hey, my father abandoned me
and my mother when I was 11.
246
00:09:57,174 --> 00:09:59,424
We never saw him again.
247
00:09:59,426 --> 00:10:01,826
Oh, boo-hoo,
you're not going to space!
248
00:10:06,665 --> 00:10:09,634
Pretty cool about
Howard, huh?
249
00:10:09,636 --> 00:10:11,770
Don't talk to me as if
nothing's happened between us.
250
00:10:11,772 --> 00:10:13,188
And yes, it sure is, buddy.
251
00:10:16,142 --> 00:10:18,727
For God's sake, will you stop
with the Schroer stuff.
252
00:10:18,729 --> 00:10:20,946
Would you prefer
a simpler application
253
00:10:20,948 --> 00:10:22,397
of Heisenberg's
uncertainty principle,
254
00:10:22,399 --> 00:10:23,448
in which I could either
255
00:10:23,450 --> 00:10:25,700
know where you are
or whether I like you,
256
00:10:25,702 --> 00:10:27,352
but not both?
257
00:10:27,354 --> 00:10:30,555
You never stop
talking, do you?
258
00:10:32,024 --> 00:10:33,708
I don't understand.
259
00:10:33,710 --> 00:10:34,826
What differences
does it make
260
00:10:34,828 --> 00:10:36,361
if Leonard goes to
Wil Wheaton's party?
261
00:10:36,363 --> 00:10:38,747
Wil Wheaton is
Sheldon's mortal enemy.
262
00:10:38,749 --> 00:10:39,914
Mortal enemy?
263
00:10:39,916 --> 00:10:41,716
Mm-hmm.
Sheldon, I know you're a bit
264
00:10:41,718 --> 00:10:43,251
of a left-handed
monkey wrench, but...
265
00:10:43,253 --> 00:10:47,038
you really have a mortal enemy?
266
00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:49,391
In fact, I have 61 of them.
267
00:10:50,226 --> 00:10:52,177
Would you like to see the list?
268
00:10:52,179 --> 00:10:54,145
Oh, say no, say no,
say no, say no.
269
00:10:54,147 --> 00:10:55,914
You just got off the list.
270
00:10:55,916 --> 00:10:57,816
Would you like back on it?
271
00:10:58,651 --> 00:11:01,052
This'll just take a moment.
272
00:11:01,054 --> 00:11:04,322
It's on a five and a
quarter inch floppy.
273
00:11:10,363 --> 00:11:11,579
A floppy disk?
274
00:11:11,581 --> 00:11:15,166
Well, I started the
list when I was nine.
275
00:11:15,168 --> 00:11:17,402
How did Wil Wheaton
get on the list?
276
00:11:17,404 --> 00:11:18,920
- Oh! Oh, God!
- Oh! Come on!
277
00:11:18,922 --> 00:11:22,257
As a child,
I loved Wesley Crusher,
278
00:11:22,259 --> 00:11:24,342
Wil Wheaton's character
on Star Trek.
279
00:11:24,344 --> 00:11:28,079
So, I drove for hours
by bus to a Star Trek convention
280
00:11:28,081 --> 00:11:30,181
at which Wil Wheaton
was scheduled to appear,
281
00:11:30,183 --> 00:11:33,084
so that I could get my Wesley
Crusher action figure signed.
282
00:11:33,086 --> 00:11:35,020
But he never
showed, because
283
00:11:35,022 --> 00:11:37,138
apparently,
it was cooler for him
284
00:11:37,140 --> 00:11:40,241
to be the lower-left corner
on Hollywood Squares.
285
00:11:42,528 --> 00:11:43,611
Oh, damn!
286
00:11:43,613 --> 00:11:45,130
The floppy failed.
287
00:11:45,132 --> 00:11:46,231
Well,
288
00:11:46,233 --> 00:11:48,266
whoever was in charge
of quality control
289
00:11:48,268 --> 00:11:50,652
at the Verbatim Corporation
in 1989,
290
00:11:50,654 --> 00:11:53,872
congratulations,
you just made the list.
291
00:11:57,293 --> 00:11:59,310
Howard?
292
00:11:59,312 --> 00:12:01,496
Change your
mind about sex?
293
00:12:01,498 --> 00:12:05,283
I'm still mad,
but I'll do it.
294
00:12:05,285 --> 00:12:07,786
No, I've just
been thinking.
295
00:12:09,055 --> 00:12:11,456
It doesn't matter
if I'm afraid for your safety.
296
00:12:11,458 --> 00:12:13,291
I don't want
to be the person
297
00:12:13,293 --> 00:12:15,310
who stands between you
and your dreams.
298
00:12:15,312 --> 00:12:16,761
Really?
299
00:12:16,763 --> 00:12:18,179
Really.
300
00:12:18,181 --> 00:12:20,315
If going into space means
that much to you,
301
00:12:20,317 --> 00:12:22,183
I will never say
another word about it.
302
00:12:22,185 --> 00:12:23,768
Thank you.
303
00:12:23,770 --> 00:12:25,320
I love you.
304
00:12:25,322 --> 00:12:27,305
I love you, too.
305
00:12:30,576 --> 00:12:32,527
So, sex now?
306
00:12:32,529 --> 00:12:34,162
Okay.
307
00:12:34,164 --> 00:12:36,030
I just forgot
to brush my teeth.
308
00:12:36,032 --> 00:12:38,199
I'll be right back.
309
00:12:44,490 --> 00:12:47,658
♪ Oh, baby ♪
310
00:12:53,933 --> 00:12:56,468
♪ I'm ♪
311
00:12:56,470 --> 00:12:58,937
♪ I'm not in love with you... ♪
312
00:12:58,939 --> 00:13:03,191
Over my dead body
my son goes into outer space!
313
00:13:06,562 --> 00:13:09,063
I'm ready.
314
00:13:13,098 --> 00:13:14,417
Wait, let me see
if I got this right.
315
00:13:14,418 --> 00:13:15,618
You actually asked Bernadette
316
00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:17,303
to leave your house
in the middle of the night?
317
00:13:17,305 --> 00:13:18,704
What choice did I have?
318
00:13:18,706 --> 00:13:20,088
She went behind my back
319
00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:22,108
and turned my own mother
against me.
320
00:13:22,110 --> 00:13:24,777
Wow. You're not only
our first astronaut.
321
00:13:24,779 --> 00:13:28,030
You're also the first one
of us to kick a girl out of bed.
322
00:13:29,783 --> 00:13:32,451
You're like a rock star.
323
00:13:32,453 --> 00:13:34,770
Little bit.
324
00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:37,873
I hate to say it,
but she did kind of betray you.
325
00:13:37,875 --> 00:13:39,542
Interesting.
326
00:13:39,544 --> 00:13:43,579
You see betrayal in others,
but not yourself.
327
00:13:43,581 --> 00:13:47,917
Going to Wheaton's party
is not betraying you.
328
00:13:47,919 --> 00:13:50,252
Oh, of course you would have
to believe that.
329
00:13:50,254 --> 00:13:52,338
Evil always thinks
it's doing right.
330
00:13:53,340 --> 00:13:54,790
"Excuse me, Stormtrooper.
331
00:13:54,792 --> 00:13:57,092
These are the droids
you're looking for."
332
00:13:58,011 --> 00:14:00,563
I'm going to a party.
333
00:14:00,565 --> 00:14:05,201
I'm not turning R2-D2 and C-3PO
over to the empire!
334
00:14:06,820 --> 00:14:08,988
Not yet.
335
00:14:10,207 --> 00:14:11,340
So, what's gonna happen next?
336
00:14:11,342 --> 00:14:13,308
Are you and Bernadette going
to break up?
337
00:14:13,310 --> 00:14:14,410
I don't know.
338
00:14:14,412 --> 00:14:16,111
If we're going
to get back together,
339
00:14:16,113 --> 00:14:18,030
she's going to have
to apologize and accept
340
00:14:18,032 --> 00:14:21,417
that I'm a grown man
who can make his own decisions.
341
00:14:21,419 --> 00:14:23,002
Then she's going to have
to convince your mother
342
00:14:23,004 --> 00:14:24,170
to let you go into space.
343
00:14:24,172 --> 00:14:25,821
Obviously.
344
00:14:28,241 --> 00:14:30,209
I had no choice.
345
00:14:30,211 --> 00:14:32,044
I had to tell
his mother.
346
00:14:32,046 --> 00:14:34,296
He can't go to space.
347
00:14:34,298 --> 00:14:38,684
He's like a baby bird.
348
00:14:38,686 --> 00:14:41,387
Do you know
he once got an asthma attack
349
00:14:41,389 --> 00:14:44,690
from reading an old library
book?
350
00:14:44,692 --> 00:14:46,442
You're kidding.
351
00:14:46,444 --> 00:14:48,444
No, I was there that day.
352
00:14:48,446 --> 00:14:51,614
Sheldon threw his back out
handing him that book.
353
00:14:53,149 --> 00:14:55,117
I don't know
what I'm going to do.
354
00:14:55,119 --> 00:14:57,069
I don't want
to break up over this.
355
00:14:57,071 --> 00:14:59,238
Okay, why don't you just
tell him you made a mistake?
356
00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:01,957
Do you guys think
it was a mistake?
357
00:15:01,959 --> 00:15:03,993
Am I the bad guy in this?
358
00:15:03,995 --> 00:15:06,161
It's not for
us to judge.
359
00:15:06,163 --> 00:15:08,497
We're just here to provide
comfort and support
360
00:15:08,499 --> 00:15:09,665
while you come to grips
361
00:15:09,667 --> 00:15:11,717
with what a despicable thing
you've done.
362
00:15:13,136 --> 00:15:15,721
Oh, God, you're right.
363
00:15:15,723 --> 00:15:20,759
I took our love and threw it
under his bus-sized mother.
364
00:15:23,013 --> 00:15:24,897
I need to apologize.
365
00:15:24,899 --> 00:15:27,066
Well, that-that's good.
I'm glad you came to that.
366
00:15:27,068 --> 00:15:30,319
But before you do, let me just
ask you a big picture question.
367
00:15:30,321 --> 00:15:31,103
What?
368
00:15:31,105 --> 00:15:33,272
Are you
369
00:15:33,274 --> 00:15:37,860
100% positive you love and want
to marry Howard Wolowitz?
370
00:15:37,862 --> 00:15:40,329
I do, with all my heart.
371
00:15:40,331 --> 00:15:41,563
Got it.
372
00:15:41,565 --> 00:15:43,999
Just had to check.
373
00:15:45,785 --> 00:15:48,003
He's great.
374
00:15:51,258 --> 00:15:53,175
All right, Sheldon.
375
00:15:53,177 --> 00:15:54,426
We're going to Wil's.
376
00:15:54,428 --> 00:15:56,045
This is your
last chance.
377
00:15:56,047 --> 00:15:59,081
No, Leonard,
this is your last chance.
378
00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:00,516
One day,
379
00:16:00,518 --> 00:16:03,052
a historian is going
to come to you and say,
380
00:16:03,054 --> 00:16:06,021
"Is it true you were friends
with Dr. Sheldon Cooper?"
381
00:16:06,023 --> 00:16:08,891
And you're going to have
to choke back a hot sob
382
00:16:08,893 --> 00:16:10,192
of regret and humiliation
383
00:16:10,194 --> 00:16:12,444
as you mumble,
"I was, but
384
00:16:12,446 --> 00:16:15,314
"I chose to go to a party thrown
by the one kid
385
00:16:15,316 --> 00:16:17,650
from Stand By Me
that no one remembers."
386
00:16:20,403 --> 00:16:22,321
You want to drive?
387
00:16:22,323 --> 00:16:24,523
Sure.
388
00:16:27,661 --> 00:16:29,128
Hey, Sheldon?
389
00:16:29,130 --> 00:16:31,797
Oh, good. You picked me,
you picked me.
390
00:16:31,799 --> 00:16:34,383
No, I just got a
text from Stuart.
391
00:16:34,385 --> 00:16:36,251
Brent Spiner is
at the party.
392
00:16:36,253 --> 00:16:37,586
Brent Spiner?
393
00:16:37,588 --> 00:16:39,388
Yes.
394
00:16:39,390 --> 00:16:41,757
I don't care.
395
00:16:41,759 --> 00:16:43,709
Really?
396
00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:44,927
Brent Spiner,
397
00:16:44,929 --> 00:16:46,929
Mr. Data himself.
You love him.
398
00:16:46,931 --> 00:16:50,799
I did, but I think I've kind of
outgrown Star Trek.
399
00:16:53,603 --> 00:16:56,304
You know, stock characters,
400
00:16:56,306 --> 00:16:58,574
ludicrous plots, "beam me up."
401
00:16:58,576 --> 00:17:00,609
What a load of hooey.
402
00:17:00,611 --> 00:17:02,027
I'm going.
403
00:17:02,029 --> 00:17:03,996
Live long and
prosper, Sheldon.
404
00:17:03,998 --> 00:17:05,831
Yeah, even that.
You look like a dork.
405
00:17:09,252 --> 00:17:12,705
Howard, Bernadette's here!
406
00:17:12,707 --> 00:17:14,707
Tell her I'm not home!
407
00:17:14,709 --> 00:17:16,709
What kind of a schmuck play
is that?!
408
00:17:16,711 --> 00:17:18,127
She can hear you shouting!
409
00:17:19,879 --> 00:17:22,664
Can we talk?
410
00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:25,300
You can. I have nothing to say.
411
00:17:25,302 --> 00:17:27,553
All right.
412
00:17:27,555 --> 00:17:29,638
I just wanted to tell you
413
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:31,774
I'm sorry I said something
to your mother.
414
00:17:31,776 --> 00:17:34,226
I was gonna tell her eventually,
415
00:17:34,228 --> 00:17:36,395
but you went behind my back.
416
00:17:36,397 --> 00:17:38,230
I know. I'm sorry.
417
00:17:38,232 --> 00:17:39,732
I got scared.
418
00:17:39,734 --> 00:17:41,116
If you're gonna love me,
419
00:17:41,118 --> 00:17:43,369
you're gonna have to
love the whole package:
420
00:17:43,371 --> 00:17:47,156
the tenderhearted poet
and the crazy daredevil.
421
00:17:48,241 --> 00:17:50,376
I know.
422
00:17:50,378 --> 00:17:52,828
Well, don't say it if
you're not gonna mean it,
423
00:17:52,830 --> 00:17:55,297
'cause I'm not just gonna
stop with the space station.
424
00:17:55,299 --> 00:17:58,717
Yeah, I want to go to the
Moon, I want to go to Mars.
425
00:17:58,719 --> 00:18:02,504
I want to take a one-man sub to
the lowest depths of the ocean.
426
00:18:02,506 --> 00:18:03,756
Really?
427
00:18:03,758 --> 00:18:06,308
You got seasick
on Pirates of the Caribbean.
428
00:18:07,477 --> 00:18:11,764
Well, those big kids
were rocking it.
429
00:18:12,899 --> 00:18:16,435
I just did what I did
because I love you so much,
430
00:18:16,437 --> 00:18:19,721
and the thought of losing you
is more than I can handle.
431
00:18:19,723 --> 00:18:21,223
Really?
432
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:23,108
You're my soul mate.
433
00:18:25,195 --> 00:18:27,329
This is where you kiss me.
434
00:18:27,331 --> 00:18:29,531
Right, right.
435
00:18:31,785 --> 00:18:34,069
Make up all you want!
436
00:18:34,071 --> 00:18:37,456
Your tuchis is not
leaving this planet!
437
00:18:43,425 --> 00:18:45,762
Hey, you know
that beautiful actress who plays
438
00:18:45,763 --> 00:18:47,680
the Borg Queen in First Contact?
439
00:18:47,682 --> 00:18:51,267
- Yeah.
- Well, I just met her gynecologist!
440
00:18:54,304 --> 00:18:55,738
What are you doing here?
441
00:18:55,740 --> 00:18:57,690
Fighting for our friendship.
442
00:18:57,692 --> 00:18:59,825
As peculiar and annoying
as you can be,
443
00:18:59,827 --> 00:19:01,527
you're still my little buddy.
444
00:19:01,529 --> 00:19:04,113
I'm not going
to let that end here tonight.
445
00:19:04,115 --> 00:19:08,534
Now put down that drink, let's
meet Brent Spiner and go home.
446
00:19:08,536 --> 00:19:10,302
Hey, Sheldon,
I'm so glad you made it.
447
00:19:10,304 --> 00:19:12,087
I found something
I think you might like.
448
00:19:12,089 --> 00:19:15,657
What I'd like is for him
to have a more depressing home.
449
00:19:15,659 --> 00:19:18,260
This is quite lovely.
450
00:19:18,262 --> 00:19:20,045
This is for you.
451
00:19:20,047 --> 00:19:23,933
An original mint-in-package
Wesley Crusher action figure.
452
00:19:23,935 --> 00:19:25,768
I remembered your story
about the time you went
453
00:19:25,770 --> 00:19:27,386
to a convention
when you were a kid
454
00:19:27,388 --> 00:19:28,971
to get one signed,
and I didn't show up.
455
00:19:28,973 --> 00:19:30,505
Look at what I wrote.
456
00:19:30,507 --> 00:19:35,110
"To Sheldon, sorry
this took so long.
457
00:19:35,112 --> 00:19:36,478
Your friend, Wil Wheaton""
458
00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:38,898
It's my last one.
459
00:19:38,900 --> 00:19:40,566
I want you to have it.
460
00:19:42,535 --> 00:19:46,238
Look, everyone.
Wil Wheaton is my friend!
461
00:19:48,291 --> 00:19:50,459
Oh, wow.
462
00:19:50,461 --> 00:19:52,995
I haven't seen one
of these in years.
463
00:19:54,748 --> 00:19:56,916
Remember how we used
to make these things look
464
00:19:56,918 --> 00:19:58,918
like they were masturbating?
465
00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:01,470
Brent Spiner, what
have you done?!
466
00:20:01,472 --> 00:20:03,589
That was an original
mint-in-package
467
00:20:03,591 --> 00:20:04,924
Wesley Crusher
action figure
468
00:20:04,926 --> 00:20:07,142
signed by my close personal
friend, Wil Wheaton.
469
00:20:07,144 --> 00:20:08,427
Sorry, Slim.
470
00:20:08,429 --> 00:20:10,763
I've got some Mr. Data dolls
in the trunk of my car.
471
00:20:10,765 --> 00:20:12,381
You want me
to sign one for you?
472
00:20:12,383 --> 00:20:14,733
You've already signed
something, Brent Spiner.
473
00:20:14,735 --> 00:20:16,936
Your name on my list.
474
00:20:19,689 --> 00:20:21,774
From this moment on,
you are my mortal enemy.
475
00:20:21,776 --> 00:20:25,527
Don't worry. It doesn't take
up a whole lot of your time.
476
00:20:25,529 --> 00:20:27,579
Come on, buddy.
477
00:20:27,581 --> 00:20:29,865
Let's not waste another
second on this loser.
478
00:20:29,867 --> 00:20:33,585
Love your house.
479
00:20:33,587 --> 00:20:35,454
Can we get autographed dolls?
480
00:20:35,456 --> 00:20:36,789
Sure.
481
00:20:37,524 --> 00:20:39,625
20 bucks.
482
00:20:41,511 --> 00:20:43,679
Ten.
483
00:20:45,148 --> 00:20:47,299
$18.
484
00:20:47,301 --> 00:20:48,183
$12.
485
00:20:48,185 --> 00:20:48,968
$16.
486
00:20:48,970 --> 00:20:50,386
Two for $30.
487
00:20:50,388 --> 00:20:52,587
And you come
to my birthday party.
488
00:20:53,857 --> 00:20:55,757
Done.
489
00:20:55,759 --> 00:20:59,759
== sync, corrected by elderman ==