1 00:00:01,830 --> 00:00:04,770 "The entrance to the dungeon is a moss covered door. 2 00:00:04,770 --> 00:00:07,240 "You manage to open it only to find yourself 3 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:10,040 "face-to-face with a hideous, foul-smelling, 4 00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:11,730 moss-covered ogre." 5 00:00:11,730 --> 00:00:13,860 What do you do? 6 00:00:13,860 --> 00:00:16,760 I say, "Hey, Ma, what's for dinner?" 7 00:00:19,370 --> 00:00:21,650 Seventeen. 8 00:00:21,650 --> 00:00:25,660 The ogre is amused by your joke and allows you to pass. 9 00:00:26,410 --> 00:00:29,490 By the by, I liked it, too. 10 00:00:31,050 --> 00:00:32,780 How go the wedding plans, Howard? 11 00:00:32,780 --> 00:00:34,750 Great. We spent five hours last night 12 00:00:34,750 --> 00:00:36,500 at Macy's registering for gifts. 13 00:00:36,500 --> 00:00:37,950 Looks like I'm finally going to have 14 00:00:37,950 --> 00:00:39,790 that darling little earthenware asparagus dish 15 00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:40,950 I've always wanted. 16 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:42,460 See, this is the good thing 17 00:00:42,460 --> 00:00:45,090 about having a girlfriend 9,000 miles away. 18 00:00:45,090 --> 00:00:47,790 I can spend my nights doing whatever I want. 19 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:49,700 You mean like playing nerd games with us 20 00:00:49,700 --> 00:00:53,130 and then taking a suspiciously long shower? 21 00:00:55,820 --> 00:00:58,020 Maybe. 22 00:00:58,940 --> 00:01:01,640 We enter the dungeon. 23 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:03,440 You see a dragon. 24 00:01:03,450 --> 00:01:05,950 Really? So we're playing Dungeons & Dragons 25 00:01:05,950 --> 00:01:08,670 and we walk into a dungeon and see a dragon? 26 00:01:09,730 --> 00:01:12,170 Isn't that a little on the nose? 27 00:01:12,170 --> 00:01:14,700 When you play Chutes and Ladders, do you complain 28 00:01:14,710 --> 00:01:17,040 about all the chutes and all the ladders? 29 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:21,340 Are you gonna eat that whole pie? 30 00:01:21,350 --> 00:01:23,630 Maybe. Why not? 31 00:01:23,630 --> 00:01:26,670 Who do I have in my life to watch my figure for? 32 00:01:27,970 --> 00:01:30,050 Oh, God, did you watch Bridget Jones again? 33 00:01:30,970 --> 00:01:33,720 No, it's just that everybody's got someone. 34 00:01:33,730 --> 00:01:36,360 Sheldon's with Amy, Howard's getting married, 35 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:37,840 you're dating my sister. 36 00:01:37,850 --> 00:01:39,480 Now that Howard's getting married, 37 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:42,180 maybe he'll inflate one of his old girlfriends for you. 38 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,240 You know who I blame for my loneliness? 39 00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:46,520 The United States of America. 40 00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:49,540 Your movies and your TV shows promised streets paved 41 00:01:49,540 --> 00:01:52,990 with beautiful blonde women with big bazongas. 42 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:56,580 Eat another pie, you'll have your own bazongas. 43 00:01:57,500 --> 00:01:58,700 That's cruel. 44 00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:00,420 You know it goes straight to my hips. 45 00:02:01,470 --> 00:02:02,970 Gentlemen, please focus. 46 00:02:02,970 --> 00:02:05,470 You're facing a fire-breathing dragon. 47 00:02:05,470 --> 00:02:07,140 I don't know if I want to play anymore. 48 00:02:07,140 --> 00:02:09,930 Because you don't have a girlfriend? 49 00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:11,560 Well, good Lord, if that becomes a reason not 50 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:14,600 to play Dungeons & Dragons, this game's in serious trouble. 51 00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:19,100 52 00:02:19,100 --> 00:02:22,570 53 00:02:22,570 --> 00:02:24,270 54 00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:26,560 55 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:29,280 56 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:32,080 57 00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:33,620 58 00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:34,330 59 00:02:34,330 --> 00:02:37,830 The Big Bang Theory S05E03 The Pulled Groin Extrapolation Original Air Date on September 29, 2011 60 00:02:42,670 --> 00:02:45,640 Now, I assume we use this same wax later on 61 00:02:45,640 --> 00:02:47,940 to neaten up each other's bikini regions. 62 00:02:47,940 --> 00:02:51,110 Yeah, my bikini region is fine. 63 00:02:51,110 --> 00:02:53,460 Who's shocked? I'm not. 64 00:02:56,230 --> 00:02:58,600 So, Bernadette, how's the wedding planning going? 65 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:00,950 And I'm not asking as a prospective bridesmaid. 66 00:03:00,950 --> 00:03:03,490 Pick me! Pick me! 67 00:03:04,650 --> 00:03:08,290 We went cake-tasting yesterday. 68 00:03:08,290 --> 00:03:09,610 Raj came along. 69 00:03:09,610 --> 00:03:12,940 He cried and ate half the samples. 70 00:03:12,950 --> 00:03:15,080 Oh, the poor guy's so lonely. 71 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:16,920 We should set him up with someone. 72 00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:20,450 You know, I met a really cute girl at work. 73 00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:23,390 She's married to a guy in one of our drug trials. 74 00:03:24,390 --> 00:03:26,110 Well, hello? 75 00:03:26,110 --> 00:03:27,530 She's married. 76 00:03:27,530 --> 00:03:29,310 Yeah, but her husband is in 77 00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:31,300 serious congestive heart failure, 78 00:03:31,300 --> 00:03:36,480 and a little birdie told me he's in the placebo group. 79 00:03:38,140 --> 00:03:40,610 Okay, so future grief-stricken widow 80 00:03:40,610 --> 00:03:42,160 is the one to beat. 81 00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:46,360 Are we ready to order? 82 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:47,330 One moment. 83 00:03:47,330 --> 00:03:49,200 I'm conducting an experiment. 84 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:53,170 With Dungeons & Dragons dice? 85 00:03:54,340 --> 00:03:56,960 Yes. From here on in, I've decided 86 00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:59,820 to make all trivial decisions with a throw of the dice, 87 00:03:59,830 --> 00:04:01,180 thus freeing up my mind 88 00:04:01,180 --> 00:04:04,760 do what it does best-- enlighten and amaze. 89 00:04:05,930 --> 00:04:10,350 Page 14, item seven. 90 00:04:10,350 --> 00:04:11,890 So, what's for dinner? 91 00:04:11,890 --> 00:04:15,060 A side of corn succotash. 92 00:04:15,780 --> 00:04:17,280 Hmm. Interesting. 93 00:04:17,280 --> 00:04:20,510 Um, Howard, can I see you for a minute, please? 94 00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:22,810 I don't want to show any more of your friends 95 00:04:22,820 --> 00:04:26,150 how I can fit in the booster seats. 96 00:04:26,150 --> 00:04:29,190 Uh, no, that's not it. Just come with me, please. 97 00:04:30,860 --> 00:04:34,190 Let's see what I'll be washing that succotash down with. 98 00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:38,880 A pitcher of margaritas. 99 00:04:40,670 --> 00:04:42,750 Do you really want that? 100 00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:44,220 That's the great thing. 101 00:04:44,220 --> 00:04:45,550 It doesn't matter. 102 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:49,140 My mind is freed up to think about more important things. 103 00:04:49,140 --> 00:04:51,010 What's it thinking about now? 104 00:04:51,010 --> 00:04:53,430 Hamburgers and lemonade. 105 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:58,070 Um, Raj, there's someone I want you to meet. 106 00:04:58,070 --> 00:05:00,600 This is my friend Emily. I know her from my spin class. 107 00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:06,470 Raj, relax. She can't hear you. She's deaf. 108 00:05:07,330 --> 00:05:11,730 Emily, this is our friend Raj. 109 00:05:12,700 --> 00:05:14,530 Oh! 110 00:05:14,530 --> 00:05:17,570 Look at you guys just hitting it off. 111 00:05:17,570 --> 00:05:19,240 I am so good. 112 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:26,590 Hi. 113 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:30,420 She says, "It's nice to meet you"" 114 00:05:30,420 --> 00:05:31,630 Does she really mean that 115 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:33,350 or was she signing it sarcastically? 116 00:05:34,850 --> 00:05:39,020 Raj says it's nice to meet you, too. 117 00:05:39,030 --> 00:05:41,440 She says she has to go back to her family, 118 00:05:41,450 --> 00:05:43,650 but Penny has her number if you want 119 00:05:43,650 --> 00:05:45,530 to text her and get together. 120 00:05:45,530 --> 00:05:47,770 Okay, I'm going to play it cool. 121 00:05:47,770 --> 00:05:52,200 Tell her, "Maybe. Whatever, babe." 122 00:05:54,110 --> 00:05:56,120 He'll text you. 123 00:05:58,660 --> 00:06:01,380 Look at that. I have a date. 124 00:06:01,380 --> 00:06:02,950 I love America again. 125 00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:08,300 And now for dessert... 126 00:06:08,310 --> 00:06:11,290 Come on, hot fudge sundae, come on, hot fudge sundae. 127 00:06:11,290 --> 00:06:13,310 Bam! That's what I'm talking about! 128 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:18,650 Okay, as soon as she gets here, 129 00:06:18,650 --> 00:06:20,350 so she knows I'm cool with it, 130 00:06:20,350 --> 00:06:22,650 I'm going to make a joke about her being deaf. 131 00:06:26,020 --> 00:06:29,270 I was thinking, "Hey, did you hear the one about...? 132 00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:31,140 Oh, no, I bet you didn't." 133 00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:37,420 Maybe we should revisit your lonely fat guy plan. 134 00:06:37,420 --> 00:06:39,420 Oh, she's here. 135 00:06:39,950 --> 00:06:42,620 No joke. 136 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:48,480 She says she's sorry she's late. 137 00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:49,930 Tell her it doesn't matter. 138 00:06:49,930 --> 00:06:53,010 Tell her, her eyes shimmer like opalescent lilies 139 00:06:53,020 --> 00:06:57,270 in the lake of the palace of the celestial maidens. 140 00:06:58,390 --> 00:06:59,940 Really? 141 00:06:59,940 --> 00:07:01,890 That's the first thing you want to say? 142 00:07:01,890 --> 00:07:03,640 I worked on it all night. Use it. 143 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:05,730 Look, I don't know the sign for opalescent. 144 00:07:05,730 --> 00:07:06,860 Then spell it. 145 00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:08,230 I don't know how to spell it. 146 00:07:08,230 --> 00:07:10,010 You're blowing this for me! 147 00:07:12,020 --> 00:07:13,740 He likes your eyes. 148 00:07:13,740 --> 00:07:16,190 You're making me sound like a caveman. 149 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:19,410 She says, "Thank you. You have nice eyes, too." 150 00:07:19,410 --> 00:07:22,080 Really? Ask her how many children she wants, 151 00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:25,380 and whatever number she says, say, "Me, too." 152 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:29,720 No. 153 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:32,720 Fine. Tell her I have a deep, sexy voice 154 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,670 like James Earl Jones. 155 00:07:34,670 --> 00:07:38,510 She doesn't know what James Earl Jones sounds like. 156 00:07:38,510 --> 00:07:41,810 Great. Then she won't know I'm lying. 157 00:07:43,930 --> 00:07:46,990 Let's see, what else can I tell you about me 158 00:07:46,990 --> 00:07:51,320 that would make you like me? 159 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:52,770 Ooh, I love music. 160 00:07:54,110 --> 00:07:55,740 Do you love music? 161 00:07:55,750 --> 00:08:00,030 You really want to ask her that? 162 00:08:00,030 --> 00:08:02,830 You're right. Everyone loves music. 163 00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:07,420 She says, "Do you play an instrument?" 164 00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:09,070 No, 165 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:10,430 but when I was six years old, 166 00:08:10,430 --> 00:08:12,460 I tried to start a boy band called 167 00:08:12,460 --> 00:08:15,210 Frankie Goes to Bollywood. 168 00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:20,590 But I couldn't get any other boys to join, 169 00:08:20,590 --> 00:08:22,550 so my parents asked the servants 170 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:25,020 to be my backup dancers. 171 00:08:25,030 --> 00:08:26,420 Wait, when you sign "servants," 172 00:08:26,430 --> 00:08:27,610 don't sign it like I'm bragging. 173 00:08:27,610 --> 00:08:29,480 Sign it in a way that I sound humble 174 00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:34,530 with just a hint of "That's right, I had servants." 175 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,450 Do you hear yourself 176 00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:41,210 Yes, but she doesn't. So get signing, hand monkey. 177 00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:49,610 I think I wrote a letter to Santa Claus every day. 178 00:08:49,620 --> 00:08:51,130 And then on Christmas morning, 179 00:08:51,130 --> 00:08:54,050 under the tree is a little puppy 180 00:08:54,050 --> 00:08:56,300 with a red ribbon. 181 00:08:57,420 --> 00:08:58,670 What are you doing? 182 00:08:58,670 --> 00:09:00,840 Texting Bernadette that I'm gonna be late. 183 00:09:01,460 --> 00:09:02,640 Dude, what is she saying? 184 00:09:02,650 --> 00:09:04,510 It's a funny story about a puppy. 185 00:09:04,510 --> 00:09:06,130 Just smile and laugh. 186 00:09:08,730 --> 00:09:10,730 - Quick, quick, stop smiling. - What? Why? 187 00:09:10,740 --> 00:09:12,940 The puppy died-- it choked on a doll head. 188 00:09:12,940 --> 00:09:14,520 Sad face, sad face! 189 00:09:17,610 --> 00:09:19,860 It's a little hard to see with the city lights, 190 00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:23,480 but that W-shaped constellation is Cassiopeia. 191 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:26,650 And she was the mother of Andromeda who's over there. 192 00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:30,870 Look, pretty stars. 193 00:09:33,510 --> 00:09:36,990 This is her car. 194 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,550 She hopes she can see you again sometime. 195 00:09:38,550 --> 00:09:40,300 Good, good. 196 00:09:40,300 --> 00:09:41,930 Oh, boy, 197 00:09:41,930 --> 00:09:42,880 help me out here. 198 00:09:42,890 --> 00:09:44,670 Does she want me to kiss her or not? 199 00:09:44,670 --> 00:09:47,340 I speak sign language, I don't read minds. 200 00:09:47,340 --> 00:09:48,560 If you were me, would you kiss her? 201 00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:51,010 Yeah, but I'm a make out king. 202 00:10:00,650 --> 00:10:04,190 I was so smooth on that date. 203 00:10:04,190 --> 00:10:06,710 You? I made you smooth. 204 00:10:06,710 --> 00:10:08,080 You were an idiot. 205 00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:09,540 Whatever, dude. She kissed me. 206 00:10:09,550 --> 00:10:11,130 It might've been on your lips, 207 00:10:11,130 --> 00:10:12,410 but it was my kiss. 208 00:10:12,420 --> 00:10:14,880 Oh, fine. Let's agree she kissed both of us. 209 00:10:16,590 --> 00:10:18,200 Okay. 210 00:10:23,770 --> 00:10:26,520 Mustache is looking good there, Sheldon. 211 00:10:29,580 --> 00:10:31,130 Don't thank me. Thank the dice. 212 00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:34,580 They told me what percentage of my face to shave. 213 00:10:34,580 --> 00:10:36,380 Why are you still doing this? 214 00:10:36,380 --> 00:10:37,830 Because it's working. 215 00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:39,470 In the past few weeks, 216 00:10:39,470 --> 00:10:41,340 unburdened by trivial decisions, 217 00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:43,170 I've co-authored two papers 218 00:10:43,170 --> 00:10:44,260 in notable peer-reviewed journals, 219 00:10:44,260 --> 00:10:46,980 and I'm close to figuring out why 220 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,390 the Large Hadron Collider has yet 221 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,680 to isolate the Higgs boson particle. 222 00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:53,050 You left out, got chafed testicles 223 00:10:53,050 --> 00:10:55,650 because you no longer wear underpants. 224 00:10:58,390 --> 00:11:01,560 The dice giveth and the dice taketh away. 225 00:11:03,230 --> 00:11:05,160 Is Raj out with Emily again? 226 00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:07,160 Yeah, every night for the last month. 227 00:11:07,170 --> 00:11:09,250 Wow, can't believe he has a girlfriend. 228 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:12,620 Me neither. 229 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:16,910 Here's some other fun news on the Raj/Emily front. 230 00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:20,340 He gave her a pair of diamond earrings and leased her a car. 231 00:11:20,340 --> 00:11:21,760 You're kidding. 232 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:23,710 You think she's taking advantage of him? 233 00:11:23,710 --> 00:11:24,930 Oh, of course not. 234 00:11:24,930 --> 00:11:26,630 She wouldn't do something like that. 235 00:11:26,630 --> 00:11:28,350 She's deaf. 236 00:11:30,220 --> 00:11:33,310 Deaf women can't be gold diggers? 237 00:11:33,310 --> 00:11:35,390 Handicapped people are nice, Leonard. 238 00:11:35,390 --> 00:11:37,690 Everyone knows that. 239 00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:41,730 Yeah, I actually have information about Raj 240 00:11:41,730 --> 00:11:43,820 that would be helpful with this discussion. 241 00:11:47,490 --> 00:11:50,540 Could you tell us? 242 00:11:50,540 --> 00:11:52,740 Let's see. 243 00:11:54,630 --> 00:11:56,800 Snake eyes. Sorry, bud. 244 00:11:58,000 --> 00:11:59,330 Wait, hang on. 245 00:11:59,330 --> 00:12:00,720 Doubles. Roll again. 246 00:12:03,670 --> 00:12:05,340 Okay, get this. 247 00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:09,560 It doesn't matter if he's showering her with gifts, 248 00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:12,790 because the Koothrappalis are vastly wealthy. 249 00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:15,010 What do you mean "vastly wealthy"? 250 00:12:15,020 --> 00:12:17,320 Well, "wealthy" means a lot of money. 251 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,520 "Vastly" means even more. 252 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:20,850 I'm not sure what's tripping you up. 253 00:12:22,110 --> 00:12:24,020 Look, I know they have money. I don't think it's that much. 254 00:12:24,030 --> 00:12:25,310 No, you're wrong. 255 00:12:25,310 --> 00:12:27,980 As you know, a few years ago, I achieved one of 256 00:12:27,980 --> 00:12:30,610 my lesser dreams and became a notary public. 257 00:12:30,620 --> 00:12:32,080 Well, from time to time, 258 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:35,620 I notarize banking documents for Raj. 259 00:12:35,620 --> 00:12:40,320 The Koothrappalis aren't just rich, they're Richie Rich rich. 260 00:12:41,540 --> 00:12:43,460 Well, so how much is that? 261 00:12:43,460 --> 00:12:47,210 About halfway between Bruce Wayne and Scrooge McDuck. 262 00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:49,060 What the hell? 263 00:12:49,070 --> 00:12:50,680 The last time we went to the zoo, 264 00:12:50,690 --> 00:12:53,350 that son of a bitch made me buy him a churro. 265 00:12:53,350 --> 00:12:55,890 Listen, guys, I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, 266 00:12:55,890 --> 00:12:59,480 but I need to go call Raj's sister, who I love so much. 267 00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:03,860 So vastly much. 268 00:13:05,700 --> 00:13:10,700 Okay, so he's got money, and it's a few gifts and a car. 269 00:13:10,710 --> 00:13:12,790 And she got him to pay off all her credit cards. 270 00:13:12,790 --> 00:13:15,690 What? He paid off her credit cards? 271 00:13:15,690 --> 00:13:18,630 Damn it, I could've dated Raj for a couple months. 272 00:13:20,210 --> 00:13:22,460 But I-I wouldn't have, because I'm not that kind of girl. 273 00:13:22,470 --> 00:13:24,300 We should really talk to Raj. 274 00:13:24,300 --> 00:13:27,140 He's not going to listen, he's in love. 275 00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:28,840 Can't figure out what to do? 276 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:31,060 I remember those days. 277 00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:34,390 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to... 278 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,480 stay right here. 279 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:41,230 Yeah, this is a bad idea. 280 00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:42,430 - We should go. - No. 281 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:44,070 I'm the one that introduced him to her. 282 00:13:44,070 --> 00:13:45,600 I've got to say something. 283 00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:50,080 Wow. 284 00:13:51,830 --> 00:13:53,900 You're engaged to my friend. 285 00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:56,230 Hey, Bernadette doesn't mind where I get my motor running, 286 00:13:56,230 --> 00:13:59,400 as long as I park in the right garage. 287 00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:04,240 I can't believe you're engaged to my friend. 288 00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:07,830 Oh, here she comes. 289 00:14:07,830 --> 00:14:10,230 Smart. Whisper so the deaf chick can't hear you. 290 00:14:14,970 --> 00:14:16,000 Hi. 291 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:17,690 Oh, hey, hi. 292 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:18,770 Nice to see you. 293 00:14:18,770 --> 00:14:22,110 Um, can we talk to you about Raj? 294 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:24,780 She says, "Sure, what about him"" 295 00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:27,360 Okay, um, gosh, how do I start? 296 00:14:27,370 --> 00:14:31,100 Um, see, Raj is kind of naive. 297 00:14:31,100 --> 00:14:33,540 I mean, he hasn't dated a whole lot of women. 298 00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:37,410 And I'm concerned that, without meaning to, 299 00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:38,960 you might be taking advantage of him. 300 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:41,610 You know, by letting him buy you a bunch of expensive things. 301 00:14:41,610 --> 00:14:42,710 And I-I... 302 00:14:42,710 --> 00:14:44,460 Howard, focus. 303 00:14:44,470 --> 00:14:45,830 Tell her what I'm saying. 304 00:14:45,830 --> 00:14:46,830 Right. 305 00:14:46,830 --> 00:14:48,630 Are you a gold digger or not? 306 00:14:50,700 --> 00:14:52,500 Oh, uh, something, something, 307 00:14:52,510 --> 00:14:54,410 who the something do you think you are? 308 00:14:54,410 --> 00:14:55,970 Mind your own something business 309 00:14:55,980 --> 00:14:58,680 and go something yourself. 310 00:14:59,300 --> 00:15:00,350 Oh. 311 00:15:00,350 --> 00:15:02,730 Wait, I got this now. 312 00:15:05,490 --> 00:15:06,970 I'm so mad at you! 313 00:15:06,970 --> 00:15:08,100 Okay, wait... 314 00:15:08,110 --> 00:15:10,070 How dare you ambush my girlfriend at the gym! 315 00:15:10,070 --> 00:15:11,740 We didn't mean for it to be an ambush. 316 00:15:11,740 --> 00:15:15,580 Just, it's kind of impossible not to sneak up on deaf people. 317 00:15:15,580 --> 00:15:19,250 And hey, since when are you so chatty? 318 00:15:19,250 --> 00:15:20,480 I'm hammered. 319 00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:21,950 Raj, come here. 320 00:15:21,950 --> 00:15:24,870 This girl is trouble. 321 00:15:24,870 --> 00:15:26,590 I mean, what kind of relationship is it 322 00:15:26,590 --> 00:15:29,120 where you buy her gifts and she gives you sex? 323 00:15:29,130 --> 00:15:31,930 The best one I ever had! 324 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:34,260 Okay, come on. 325 00:15:34,270 --> 00:15:35,800 You know you can do better. 326 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:38,330 Aha. 327 00:15:38,340 --> 00:15:39,970 I see what's going on here. 328 00:15:39,970 --> 00:15:43,060 You and I had our crazy night together, 329 00:15:43,060 --> 00:15:45,810 and now you can't stand to see me with another woman. 330 00:15:45,810 --> 00:15:47,690 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! - It's okay. 331 00:15:47,700 --> 00:15:49,430 I can't get mad at your feelings. 332 00:15:49,430 --> 00:15:50,700 I don't have feelings. 333 00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:51,680 Yeah, that's good. 334 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:53,780 Keep telling yourself that. 335 00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:57,620 He is cuter now that I know he's rich. 336 00:16:01,410 --> 00:16:04,190 I have a surprise for you. 337 00:16:04,190 --> 00:16:05,460 Cover your eyes. 338 00:16:07,380 --> 00:16:09,750 Open them. 339 00:16:19,090 --> 00:16:21,340 It's a real ruby. 340 00:16:21,350 --> 00:16:24,150 It was a little expensive, 341 00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:28,020 but no one can put a price on love. 342 00:16:28,020 --> 00:16:31,490 Although, the people at Cartier took a pretty good shot at it. 343 00:16:38,110 --> 00:16:39,410 Oh, Mummy, Daddy. 344 00:16:39,410 --> 00:16:40,780 What a nice surprise. 345 00:16:40,780 --> 00:16:44,470 No, it's not a nice surprise, it's a bad surprise. 346 00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:46,570 Penny called us. 347 00:16:46,570 --> 00:16:47,670 Penny? 348 00:16:47,670 --> 00:16:49,050 She told us you're spending all our money 349 00:16:49,060 --> 00:16:50,220 on your new girlfriend. 350 00:16:50,990 --> 00:16:53,590 I just got her a couple of things. 351 00:16:53,590 --> 00:16:55,780 She gives me things, too. 352 00:16:55,780 --> 00:16:56,960 Yeah, yeah, I'm a gynecologist. 353 00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:59,670 I know exactly what she gives you. 354 00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:04,100 You need to find a nice Indian girl from a good family. 355 00:17:04,100 --> 00:17:06,420 If you keep seeing this woman, you're cut off. 356 00:17:06,420 --> 00:17:09,410 What? You're going to make me choose between the woman I love 357 00:17:09,410 --> 00:17:13,480 and the money I... have very strong feelings for? 358 00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:15,450 It's up to you. 359 00:17:16,850 --> 00:17:19,380 Well, I choose love. 360 00:17:19,390 --> 00:17:21,070 You're an idiot. 361 00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:25,410 Love doesn't last. 362 00:17:31,450 --> 00:17:35,050 Well, he's going to find out eventually. 363 00:17:35,050 --> 00:17:36,550 Think about it. 364 00:17:41,890 --> 00:17:46,480 My parents are making me choose between money and you. 365 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:48,850 I choose you. 366 00:17:51,130 --> 00:17:54,100 No, I think we'll have to return the car. 367 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,490 And that necklace, yeah, that, too. 368 00:17:57,490 --> 00:17:59,660 But none of those things matter, 369 00:17:59,660 --> 00:18:02,360 because we have something better. 370 00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:04,480 We have love. 371 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:17,690 Oh, Penny, I hurt so bad. 372 00:18:17,700 --> 00:18:19,290 I know, I know. 373 00:18:19,300 --> 00:18:21,300 Sometimes I put the TV on mute 374 00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:23,520 just to pretend she's still with me. 375 00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:33,360 But I can't watch the closed captioning without crying. 376 00:18:35,190 --> 00:18:37,850 Oh, I'm so sorry. 377 00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:39,850 I wish I could make you feel better. 378 00:18:39,850 --> 00:18:41,570 Seriously? 379 00:18:41,570 --> 00:18:43,700 I'm heartbroken and you're hitting on me? 380 00:18:43,700 --> 00:18:45,400 What?! No! 381 00:18:45,410 --> 00:18:47,910 Look, Penny, you're great, 382 00:18:47,910 --> 00:18:50,130 but I had a long talk with my parents, 383 00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:53,910 and they said if I date an Indian girl, I get a Maserati. 384 00:19:00,210 --> 00:19:00,980 Mmm. 385 00:19:00,980 --> 00:19:02,180 Oh, cheesecake, 386 00:19:02,180 --> 00:19:03,720 you're just as good as a woman, 387 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:05,650 even though I can't have sex with you. 388 00:19:07,450 --> 00:19:09,660 Try throwing it in the microwave for a few seconds. 389 00:19:14,830 --> 00:19:17,860 Should I use the rest room or wait until we get home? 390 00:19:17,870 --> 00:19:20,580 Come on, papa needs to void his bladder. 391 00:19:20,580 --> 00:19:23,670 Oh, that's not what you want to see after three buttermilks. 392 00:19:25,090 --> 00:19:26,260 Here you go, boys. 393 00:19:26,260 --> 00:19:28,070 I'll pick it up when you're ready. 394 00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:29,420 Thanks for dinner, buddy. 395 00:19:29,430 --> 00:19:31,210 Yeah, real big of you. 396 00:19:31,210 --> 00:19:33,200 Hurry, hurry, hurry. 397 00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:35,290 Oh, and don't cheap out on the tip. 398 00:19:35,290 --> 00:19:36,710 We all know you're loaded now.