1
00:00:04,456 --> 00:00:05,475
What are you doing?
2
00:00:05,476 --> 00:00:08,010
Oh, uh, Priya's calling
in a few minutes on Skype,
3
00:00:08,011 --> 00:00:10,178
and we are gonna have
a dinner date.
4
00:00:12,014 --> 00:00:14,482
It's 8:00 in the morning
in Mumbai.
5
00:00:14,484 --> 00:00:16,634
How can she have dinner?
6
00:00:16,636 --> 00:00:17,685
Fine, whatever.
7
00:00:17,687 --> 00:00:19,070
Priya will be having breakfast.
8
00:00:19,072 --> 00:00:22,306
All right, so technically
it's not a dinner date.
9
00:00:22,308 --> 00:00:25,826
I suppose you could call it
a, uh, dinfast date.
10
00:00:25,828 --> 00:00:27,912
But if you did,
you'd open yourself
11
00:00:27,914 --> 00:00:29,647
to peer-based mocking, such as,
12
00:00:29,649 --> 00:00:33,201
"Hey, Leonard, how was your
dinfast with Priya last night?"
13
00:00:33,203 --> 00:00:35,119
That doesn't sound like mocking.
14
00:00:35,121 --> 00:00:37,038
You didn't let me finish.
15
00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:39,090
Dinfast.
16
00:00:39,092 --> 00:00:41,158
Are those soy-based candles?
17
00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:42,710
I don't know. Why?
18
00:00:42,712 --> 00:00:45,630
Paraffin candles
may contain carcinogens.
19
00:00:45,632 --> 00:00:47,998
Unless lung cancer
is the ambiance
20
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,468
you were going for
at your dinfast.
21
00:00:51,169 --> 00:00:52,803
Dinfast.
22
00:00:53,605 --> 00:00:55,389
Listen, I don't
want to be rude,
23
00:00:55,391 --> 00:00:57,275
but Priya's gonna be
calling any minute, so...
24
00:00:57,277 --> 00:00:59,143
Oh, yes, Priya.
25
00:00:59,145 --> 00:01:03,147
Leonard, you know
I make a point of
26
00:01:03,149 --> 00:01:06,033
never interfering
in your personal affairs.
27
00:01:08,353 --> 00:01:11,105
Yes, I've always
admired that about you.
28
00:01:11,107 --> 00:01:12,540
As well you should.
29
00:01:12,542 --> 00:01:14,825
But I'm going to make
an exception here.
30
00:01:14,827 --> 00:01:16,494
Oh, good.
31
00:01:16,496 --> 00:01:20,815
Priya has moved back to India
to pursue her law career.
32
00:01:20,817 --> 00:01:22,533
Instead of
desperately trying
33
00:01:22,535 --> 00:01:26,654
to keep this intercontinental
relationship alive,
34
00:01:26,656 --> 00:01:30,708
you could use that time
to take up a hobby.
35
00:01:30,710 --> 00:01:33,060
A hobby?
36
00:01:33,062 --> 00:01:34,395
Yes.
37
00:01:34,397 --> 00:01:37,648
I read recently
about a fellow in Kansas
38
00:01:37,650 --> 00:01:40,234
with an enormous
ball of twine.
39
00:01:42,037 --> 00:01:45,122
I bet you could give him
a run for his money.
40
00:01:45,124 --> 00:01:48,326
You know, some people
might say that it's great
41
00:01:48,328 --> 00:01:50,561
that we're trying to make
things work long distance.
42
00:01:50,563 --> 00:01:51,862
They'd say
things like,
43
00:01:51,864 --> 00:01:54,865
"Love is stronger than
the miles between you""
44
00:01:54,867 --> 00:01:59,620
When I rise to power,
those people will be sterilized.
45
00:01:59,622 --> 00:02:02,740
You video-chat with
Amy all the time.
46
00:02:02,742 --> 00:02:04,125
How is this different?
47
00:02:04,127 --> 00:02:05,626
Don't you like Amy?
48
00:02:05,628 --> 00:02:07,411
Of course I like Amy.
49
00:02:07,413 --> 00:02:08,713
Well, there's the difference.
50
00:02:10,749 --> 00:02:11,915
(Skype ringtone playing)
51
00:02:11,917 --> 00:02:14,251
Excuse me,
that's Priya.
52
00:02:14,253 --> 00:02:15,436
Hi, Leonard.
53
00:02:15,438 --> 00:02:16,437
Hey, honey.
54
00:02:16,439 --> 00:02:17,638
I miss you.
55
00:02:17,640 --> 00:02:18,839
Oh, I miss you, too.
56
00:02:18,841 --> 00:02:21,175
I miss the old days
when your romantic partners
57
00:02:21,177 --> 00:02:23,227
could be returned
to the video store.
58
00:02:26,264 --> 00:02:28,399
Thanks for
letting me stay here
59
00:02:28,401 --> 00:02:30,434
while Leonard
Skypes with his girlfriend.
60
00:02:30,436 --> 00:02:32,069
Oh, it's no problem.
61
00:02:32,071 --> 00:02:33,788
It's actually kind of nice.
62
00:02:33,790 --> 00:02:35,439
You reading, me reading.
63
00:02:35,441 --> 00:02:38,108
We're like an old
married couple.
64
00:02:38,110 --> 00:02:40,411
If we were
an old married couple,
65
00:02:40,413 --> 00:02:44,065
the wife would serve
iced tea and snickerdoodles.
66
00:02:44,067 --> 00:02:48,002
I don't have iced tea
and snickerdoodles.
67
00:02:48,804 --> 00:02:52,256
A good wife
would go to the store.
68
00:02:53,091 --> 00:02:55,643
I want a divorce.
69
00:02:55,645 --> 00:02:57,645
Good. On the way
to see the lawyer,
70
00:02:57,647 --> 00:02:59,513
pick up some tea and cookies.
71
00:03:00,349 --> 00:03:03,584
(both chuckle)
72
00:03:03,586 --> 00:03:07,271
I must say,
I am enjoying your new chair.
73
00:03:07,273 --> 00:03:08,639
It's great,
isn't it?
74
00:03:08,641 --> 00:03:09,640
It is.
75
00:03:09,642 --> 00:03:10,941
Aligns the lumbar,
76
00:03:10,943 --> 00:03:14,362
cradles the coccyx,
balances the buttocks.
77
00:03:14,364 --> 00:03:16,781
This is a chair
worthy of the name.
78
00:03:16,783 --> 00:03:17,865
What name?
79
00:03:19,534 --> 00:03:21,185
Chair.
80
00:03:22,987 --> 00:03:24,705
Oh, all right, well,
I'm glad you like it.
81
00:03:24,707 --> 00:03:26,507
I mean, I still can't
get over the fact
82
00:03:26,509 --> 00:03:27,875
someone just
threw it away.
83
00:03:29,728 --> 00:03:31,379
What?
84
00:03:31,381 --> 00:03:32,830
Yeah, it was just
sitting on the street.
85
00:03:32,832 --> 00:03:35,015
I paid a homeless guy ten bucks
to help me get it up here.
86
00:03:35,017 --> 00:03:36,717
(groans)
87
00:03:36,719 --> 00:03:40,688
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
88
00:03:40,690 --> 00:03:42,523
What is wrong?
89
00:03:42,525 --> 00:03:45,008
I've been sitting in garbage!
90
00:03:45,010 --> 00:03:47,545
Sheldon, take it easy.
91
00:03:47,547 --> 00:03:50,364
You take it easy! I need
to use your shower.
92
00:03:52,117 --> 00:03:55,453
I went into this marriage
with so much hope.
93
00:03:57,205 --> 00:03:59,507
There's a wet Band-Aid
on the shower floor!
94
00:04:03,462 --> 00:04:07,081
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
95
00:04:07,083 --> 00:04:10,434
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
96
00:04:10,436 --> 00:04:12,052
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
97
00:04:12,054 --> 00:04:14,588
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
98
00:04:14,590 --> 00:04:17,258
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
99
00:04:17,260 --> 00:04:19,927
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
100
00:04:19,929 --> 00:04:21,846
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
101
00:04:21,848 --> 00:04:23,814
♪ Bang! ♪
102
00:04:23,839 --> 00:04:27,339
The Big Bang Theory 5x02
The Infestation Hypothesis
Original Air Date on September 22, 2011
103
00:04:27,340 --> 00:04:30,840
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
104
00:04:32,584 --> 00:04:34,148
This is fun.
105
00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:37,350
I've never used a hydraulic
thermoforming press before.
106
00:04:37,352 --> 00:04:38,685
Pretty sweet, huh?
107
00:04:38,687 --> 00:04:42,574
This little baby set
the university back 175 grand.
108
00:04:42,575 --> 00:04:43,624
That's three minutes.
109
00:04:43,626 --> 00:04:45,009
Should we see what we got?
110
00:04:45,011 --> 00:04:46,027
Hang on.
111
00:04:46,029 --> 00:04:46,834
(machine hissing)
112
00:04:46,835 --> 00:04:47,867
Oh, yeah.
113
00:04:47,869 --> 00:04:51,054
This is one good-looking panini.
114
00:04:52,509 --> 00:04:53,642
Hand me the tuna melt.
115
00:04:53,644 --> 00:04:54,660
Yep.
116
00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:57,830
Thank you.
117
00:04:57,832 --> 00:04:59,114
(machine hissing)
118
00:04:59,116 --> 00:05:02,451
How's it going with
the long-distance love affair?
119
00:05:02,453 --> 00:05:04,253
Not easy, but we're
making it work.
120
00:05:04,255 --> 00:05:06,872
(machine hisses loudly)
121
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:09,508
When you say "making it work,"
does that include
122
00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:12,094
doing the cyber nasty?
123
00:05:12,096 --> 00:05:13,212
What?
124
00:05:13,214 --> 00:05:15,798
You know,
the virtual pickle tickle.
125
00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:20,052
The digital...
♪ Bow-chicka-bow-bow. ♪
126
00:05:20,054 --> 00:05:21,971
Come on, dude.
127
00:05:21,973 --> 00:05:23,722
This is my sister
you're talking about.
128
00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:26,025
Hey, Leonard jiggling his junk
at her through a webcam
129
00:05:26,027 --> 00:05:28,343
has got to be easier
for you to deal with
130
00:05:28,345 --> 00:05:30,396
than him actually
touching her with it.
131
00:05:31,681 --> 00:05:33,198
There's no junk jiggling.
132
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,516
We just talk.
133
00:05:34,518 --> 00:05:36,368
Are you sane?
134
00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:38,654
With high-speed Internet,
you have at your fingertips
135
00:05:38,656 --> 00:05:40,406
the greatest advancement
in the field of sex
136
00:05:40,408 --> 00:05:43,392
since the invention
of the washcloth.
137
00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:46,245
I can't do that.
138
00:05:46,247 --> 00:05:48,080
(chuckles)
Well, if you don't,
139
00:05:48,082 --> 00:05:51,583
you're gonna lose Priya
to some fancy guy in a turban
140
00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:54,503
who grew up with
Kama Sutra coloring books.
141
00:05:54,505 --> 00:05:56,872
How can you
be so racist?
142
00:05:56,874 --> 00:05:59,091
Oh, come on, tell me I'm wrong.
143
00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:01,093
Oh, Leonard, good.
144
00:06:01,095 --> 00:06:02,227
There you are.
145
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:05,230
I need you to check my head
for chair lice.
146
00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:09,051
I did it last night,
I'm not doing it again.
147
00:06:09,053 --> 00:06:11,770
Just his head, right?
148
00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:15,240
I don't want
to talk about it.
149
00:06:16,660 --> 00:06:18,944
You didn't catch bugs
from Penny's chair.
150
00:06:18,946 --> 00:06:20,362
Yes, I did.
151
00:06:20,364 --> 00:06:22,698
And now they're cavorting
at the base of my hair follicles
152
00:06:22,700 --> 00:06:26,235
like dancing hippies
at the Redwood National Forest.
153
00:06:26,237 --> 00:06:29,571
Sheldon, you do this
all the time.
154
00:06:29,573 --> 00:06:31,707
You fixate on some crazy idea
155
00:06:31,709 --> 00:06:33,509
and then blow it
way out of proportion.
156
00:06:33,511 --> 00:06:35,711
Name one time
I've ever done that.
157
00:06:38,682 --> 00:06:41,266
How about when you put
GPS trackers in your garbage
158
00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:43,185
because you were convinced
North Korean spies
159
00:06:43,187 --> 00:06:45,154
were stealing your doodles?
160
00:06:46,222 --> 00:06:49,458
The chicken nuggets you were
sure were human nuggets.
161
00:06:50,543 --> 00:06:51,643
The strangely-shaped cloud
162
00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:54,313
that was following you
around town.
163
00:06:55,765 --> 00:06:57,733
The time you put on
my shirt by mistake
164
00:06:57,735 --> 00:07:00,536
and were convinced
you'd started growing again.
165
00:07:00,538 --> 00:07:02,538
I said, "Name one."
166
00:07:02,540 --> 00:07:04,907
You really need to work on
your listening skills.
167
00:07:08,828 --> 00:07:10,612
Penny.
168
00:07:10,614 --> 00:07:12,464
Penny. Penny.
169
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:14,967
Yello.
170
00:07:14,969 --> 00:07:17,136
You need to remove that
chair from the building.
171
00:07:17,138 --> 00:07:18,804
It's a health hazard.
172
00:07:18,806 --> 00:07:20,639
Okay, relax.
I took off the slipcovers,
173
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:22,641
had them dry-cleaned and then
fumigated the cushions.
174
00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:24,209
Really?
175
00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:25,644
Yeah. It's cleaner
than my couch.
176
00:07:25,646 --> 00:07:28,313
Found half a Hot Pocket
in there.
177
00:07:34,470 --> 00:07:36,622
It certainly looks okay.
178
00:07:38,408 --> 00:07:40,609
Has a strong toxic
chemical smell.
179
00:07:40,611 --> 00:07:42,277
That's reassuring.
180
00:07:42,279 --> 00:07:45,197
Why don't you give
it a try, Sheldon?
181
00:07:47,483 --> 00:07:49,034
All right.
182
00:07:54,457 --> 00:07:56,258
(sighs softly)
183
00:07:56,260 --> 00:07:58,477
It is a comfortable chair.
184
00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:01,630
Why don't you just admit
you overreacted?
185
00:08:01,632 --> 00:08:03,549
No, thank you.
186
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:13,392
(insects chittering)
187
00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:19,064
(gasps)
188
00:08:20,867 --> 00:08:23,152
(door slams)
189
00:08:23,154 --> 00:08:26,839
It's like living with
a Chihuahua.
190
00:08:28,691 --> 00:08:30,358
Penny.
191
00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:32,878
Penny. Penny.
192
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,130
What's up, buttercup?
193
00:08:35,132 --> 00:08:37,216
You have to get rid
of the chair.
194
00:08:37,218 --> 00:08:38,734
Nope.
195
00:08:41,671 --> 00:08:42,888
Penny.
196
00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:44,423
Penny. Penny.
197
00:08:44,425 --> 00:08:47,142
What's the word, hummingbird?
198
00:08:47,144 --> 00:08:51,313
For your safety,
please wait in my apartment
199
00:08:51,315 --> 00:08:53,899
as I call the authorities
so they may remove
200
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:55,901
the chair of death.
201
00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:58,570
No.
202
00:09:00,406 --> 00:09:01,607
Penny!
203
00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:03,391
Penny! Penny!
204
00:09:03,393 --> 00:09:06,945
What's the gist, physicist?
205
00:09:08,731 --> 00:09:12,734
Under my authority
as a self-appointed member
206
00:09:12,736 --> 00:09:15,087
of the Centers for
Disease Control street team...
207
00:09:16,405 --> 00:09:18,290
...these premises are condemned.
208
00:09:19,375 --> 00:09:20,342
(stutters)
209
00:09:20,344 --> 00:09:25,413
As a man with a keen
sense of style,
210
00:09:25,415 --> 00:09:29,384
I must tell you, that chair
does not work with the room.
211
00:09:32,889 --> 00:09:33,972
Penny!
212
00:09:33,974 --> 00:09:35,224
Penny!
213
00:09:35,226 --> 00:09:37,409
(screams)
214
00:09:40,396 --> 00:09:41,930
Penny.
215
00:09:48,114 --> 00:09:49,926
So, here we are.
216
00:09:49,927 --> 00:09:51,293
Back in bed together.
217
00:09:51,295 --> 00:09:54,380
Yep, here we are.
218
00:09:56,249 --> 00:09:57,349
(clears throat)
219
00:09:57,351 --> 00:10:00,586
Okay, so I-I guess
I'll just jump right in.
220
00:10:00,588 --> 00:10:01,887
All right.
221
00:10:03,723 --> 00:10:07,943
Uh, you're a naughty girl.
222
00:10:09,079 --> 00:10:14,250
And-And, uh, I-I want
to punish you with my love?
223
00:10:16,570 --> 00:10:18,404
What?
224
00:10:18,406 --> 00:10:20,055
Not good?
225
00:10:20,057 --> 00:10:21,957
That's terrible. Try again.
226
00:10:21,959 --> 00:10:22,958
Okay.
227
00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:26,745
Uh, uh, you're... not naughty.
228
00:10:26,747 --> 00:10:29,715
Uh, you're-you're-you're dirty.
229
00:10:29,717 --> 00:10:32,117
You're...
230
00:10:32,119 --> 00:10:35,287
You're a-a dirty girl?
231
00:10:35,289 --> 00:10:37,139
Oh, yes.
232
00:10:37,141 --> 00:10:38,641
Yes, I am.
233
00:10:38,643 --> 00:10:39,642
Yeah, yeah. Uh, okay.
234
00:10:39,644 --> 00:10:42,344
You're a, you're a...
235
00:10:42,346 --> 00:10:45,064
You're a-a dirty...
236
00:10:45,066 --> 00:10:47,633
disgusting...
237
00:10:47,635 --> 00:10:49,902
revolting girl.
238
00:10:49,904 --> 00:10:52,855
Ugh!
239
00:10:52,857 --> 00:10:55,557
God, Leonard, stop talking.
240
00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:57,693
Why don't you just give me
five minutes?
241
00:10:57,695 --> 00:11:00,779
I'll Google how to do this.
I'll call you right back.
242
00:11:00,781 --> 00:11:03,816
Shh-shh-shh. Just be quiet
and do what I tell you.
243
00:11:03,818 --> 00:11:06,368
Okay, like usual. Good.
244
00:11:06,370 --> 00:11:08,337
Take off your shirt.
245
00:11:08,339 --> 00:11:11,707
All rightie. Shirt coming off.
246
00:11:14,294 --> 00:11:17,763
Ta-da! Man nipples. (chuckles)
247
00:11:17,765 --> 00:11:19,164
I said be quiet.
248
00:11:19,166 --> 00:11:21,216
Yes, ma'am.
249
00:11:21,218 --> 00:11:23,835
Now take off your shorts.
250
00:11:23,837 --> 00:11:27,222
Taking shorts off.
251
00:11:28,642 --> 00:11:30,342
There we go.
252
00:11:30,344 --> 00:11:33,228
Naked, naked, naked!
253
00:11:33,230 --> 00:11:34,730
Wonderful.
254
00:11:34,732 --> 00:11:36,649
Now I'll take off my clothes.
255
00:11:36,651 --> 00:11:39,335
Cool.
256
00:11:44,691 --> 00:11:46,575
Uh-oh!
257
00:11:48,378 --> 00:11:50,045
Here I am, baby.
258
00:11:50,047 --> 00:11:52,147
You miss these?
259
00:11:52,149 --> 00:11:53,982
Oh, damn it!
260
00:11:53,984 --> 00:11:55,651
Oh, Leonard! Already?
261
00:11:55,653 --> 00:11:57,886
No, no! No-no-no!
262
00:12:01,174 --> 00:12:03,308
The screen froze.
263
00:12:03,310 --> 00:12:05,394
It's probably just buffering
Just give it a second.
264
00:12:05,396 --> 00:12:06,829
Fine.
265
00:12:13,436 --> 00:12:17,406
So, how are your mom and dad?
266
00:12:17,408 --> 00:12:20,025
Yeah, I really don't want to
talk about my parents now.
267
00:12:20,027 --> 00:12:21,893
Yeah. Sure, sure.
268
00:12:23,329 --> 00:12:24,730
SHELDON:
If your video's frozen,
269
00:12:24,732 --> 00:12:28,917
try resetting
the TCP/IP stack.
270
00:12:28,919 --> 00:12:30,285
Oh...!
271
00:12:31,504 --> 00:12:33,539
I didn't even think of that.
Thanks.
272
00:12:33,541 --> 00:12:35,541
You're welcome.
Please let me know when
273
00:12:35,543 --> 00:12:37,092
you and your girlfriend
are done
274
00:12:37,094 --> 00:12:39,094
hogging the bandwidth
for your self-abuse.
275
00:12:39,096 --> 00:12:43,298
I'm trying to stream
a movie on Netflix in here.
276
00:12:44,517 --> 00:12:46,235
Five, six, seven, eight.
277
00:12:46,237 --> 00:12:49,421
♪ Tall and tan and young
and lovely ♪
278
00:12:49,423 --> 00:12:53,025
♪ The girl from Ipanema
goes walking ♪
279
00:12:53,027 --> 00:12:56,945
♪ And when she passes,
each one she passes goes... ♪
280
00:12:56,947 --> 00:12:59,832
SHELDON (knocking):
Amy? Amy? Amy?
281
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:02,284
♪ Oh... ♪
282
00:13:08,625 --> 00:13:11,376
You are aware that your
ritualistic knocking behavior is
283
00:13:11,378 --> 00:13:12,978
symptomatic of obsessive/
compulsive disorder?
284
00:13:12,980 --> 00:13:15,447
Is not.
285
00:13:15,449 --> 00:13:17,049
Is not, is not.
286
00:13:18,117 --> 00:13:20,502
Denial. Denial, denial.
Come in.
287
00:13:20,504 --> 00:13:22,387
Thank you.
288
00:13:22,389 --> 00:13:23,972
Would you like to hear me play
289
00:13:23,974 --> 00:13:25,808
a bossa nova standard
on the harp?
290
00:13:25,810 --> 00:13:27,676
No.
291
00:13:27,678 --> 00:13:29,011
How about the theme song
292
00:13:29,013 --> 00:13:31,129
to the classic television show
Diff'rent Strokes?
293
00:13:31,131 --> 00:13:33,232
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat... ♪
294
00:13:33,234 --> 00:13:34,566
No.
295
00:13:36,302 --> 00:13:39,321
Well, that's every song
I know. What's up?
296
00:13:39,323 --> 00:13:42,157
You're good friends with Penny,
right?
297
00:13:42,159 --> 00:13:45,143
Best friends, besties, BFFs,
peas in a pod,
298
00:13:45,145 --> 00:13:48,080
sisters who would share
traveling pants. Go on.
299
00:13:48,082 --> 00:13:49,981
I was hoping
300
00:13:49,983 --> 00:13:53,585
she might listen to you
about the dangers
301
00:13:53,587 --> 00:13:56,221
of owning unhygienic
furniture.
302
00:13:56,223 --> 00:13:59,424
For general educational
purposes, or has she acquired
303
00:13:59,426 --> 00:14:01,326
a bar stool dipped in cholera?
304
00:14:01,328 --> 00:14:05,180
Cholera is water-borne.
You're mocking me.
305
00:14:05,182 --> 00:14:07,516
Yes, I am.
306
00:14:07,518 --> 00:14:10,235
Penny has dragged a chair in
off the street
307
00:14:10,237 --> 00:14:12,671
whose unknown provenance
jeopardizes
308
00:14:12,673 --> 00:14:13,672
the health and welfare
309
00:14:13,674 --> 00:14:15,524
of every resident in
our building.
310
00:14:15,526 --> 00:14:18,677
Sheldon, just because you have
a focus on cleanliness
311
00:14:18,679 --> 00:14:19,695
bordering on the psychotic
312
00:14:19,697 --> 00:14:21,864
doesn't mean
I have to participate.
313
00:14:21,866 --> 00:14:25,434
All right, name your price.
314
00:14:27,287 --> 00:14:31,106
Kiss me where I've never
been kissed before.
315
00:14:31,108 --> 00:14:36,011
You mean like Salt Lake City?
316
00:14:36,980 --> 00:14:38,881
Never mind. I'll talk to Penny.
317
00:14:38,883 --> 00:14:40,282
Thank you.
318
00:14:40,284 --> 00:14:42,501
Will you listen to me
play my harp now?
319
00:14:42,503 --> 00:14:45,087
No. I dislike the sound
of the harp.
320
00:14:45,089 --> 00:14:48,106
Its overuse in classic
television sitcoms
321
00:14:48,108 --> 00:14:49,308
always makes me think
322
00:14:49,310 --> 00:14:52,311
I'm going to experience
an episode from my past.
323
00:14:52,313 --> 00:14:53,512
(plays glissando)
324
00:14:53,514 --> 00:14:55,213
I'm sorry, Mommy.
Don't be mad at me.
325
00:14:55,215 --> 00:14:56,949
Don't do that!
326
00:15:00,653 --> 00:15:02,154
I don't know about this, Howard.
327
00:15:02,156 --> 00:15:03,872
What? You're having
trouble
328
00:15:03,874 --> 00:15:05,574
with the long-distance
lovemaking.
329
00:15:05,576 --> 00:15:07,609
This is your answer.
330
00:15:07,611 --> 00:15:08,861
There are two
interfaces
331
00:15:08,863 --> 00:15:10,195
that simulate
a human mouth.
332
00:15:10,197 --> 00:15:12,915
You have one,
Priya has one in India.
333
00:15:12,917 --> 00:15:14,583
When you move your lips
and tongue on yours,
334
00:15:14,585 --> 00:15:17,286
it transmits exactly
what you're doing to hers.
335
00:15:17,288 --> 00:15:19,571
See? Internet kissing.
336
00:15:27,079 --> 00:15:28,630
Give it a try.
337
00:15:28,632 --> 00:15:31,350
I don't think so.
338
00:15:31,968 --> 00:15:34,019
I'll try it.
339
00:15:38,758 --> 00:15:40,425
Like this?
340
00:15:40,427 --> 00:15:43,428
Almost. Really get
your tongue in there.
341
00:15:43,430 --> 00:15:45,263
to activate the motion sensor.
342
00:15:45,265 --> 00:15:48,317
Like this?
343
00:15:48,319 --> 00:15:50,736
Close. Really French it.
344
00:15:59,212 --> 00:16:00,295
Better?
345
00:16:00,297 --> 00:16:02,998
Yeah, you got it, you got it.
346
00:16:04,784 --> 00:16:08,119
I'm impressed.
This is very lifelike.
347
00:16:08,121 --> 00:16:11,173
Whoa! You just bit my tongue!
348
00:16:11,175 --> 00:16:13,842
I-I nibbled.
I was being playful.
349
00:16:15,311 --> 00:16:18,430
Why do you have to make
everything weird?
350
00:16:18,432 --> 00:16:19,681
Sorry.
351
00:16:23,686 --> 00:16:25,637
Better?
352
00:16:25,639 --> 00:16:27,189
Oh, yeah.
353
00:16:33,646 --> 00:16:35,280
Pretty cool, huh?
354
00:16:35,282 --> 00:16:38,316
Probably would cost, like,
200 bucks in a store.
355
00:16:38,318 --> 00:16:39,785
I do appreciate
a bargain.
356
00:16:39,787 --> 00:16:43,422
This entire ensemble once
belonged to my dead grandmother.
357
00:16:43,424 --> 00:16:44,373
You're kidding.
358
00:16:44,375 --> 00:16:46,591
Everything except bra
and panties.
359
00:16:46,593 --> 00:16:50,879
And they're a leopard-spotted
secret I share with Victoria.
360
00:16:50,881 --> 00:16:53,632
And now me.
361
00:16:53,634 --> 00:16:57,335
I just have one question
about the chair.
362
00:16:57,337 --> 00:16:58,720
And what's that?
363
00:16:58,722 --> 00:17:01,974
Aren't you worried about it
being unhygienic?
364
00:17:03,526 --> 00:17:06,177
No, it's completely fine...
365
00:17:06,179 --> 00:17:09,931
Hmm. I get it.
366
00:17:09,933 --> 00:17:10,983
Sheldon sent you.
367
00:17:10,985 --> 00:17:12,200
He put you up to this.
368
00:17:12,202 --> 00:17:13,485
- No, he didn't.
- Really?
369
00:17:13,487 --> 00:17:16,455
Yes, he did.
He absolutely did.
370
00:17:16,457 --> 00:17:20,008
My God, Amy, that's really
crappy of you.
371
00:17:20,010 --> 00:17:21,359
It is?
372
00:17:21,361 --> 00:17:23,962
Yeah! Letting Sheldon use you
to manipulate me?
373
00:17:23,964 --> 00:17:25,363
I thought you were my friend.
374
00:17:25,365 --> 00:17:28,050
No, I am your friend.
Please don't be mad at me.
375
00:17:28,052 --> 00:17:29,051
I can't even believe this.
376
00:17:29,053 --> 00:17:30,702
You know, maybe you
should just go.
377
00:17:30,704 --> 00:17:33,526
No! No, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
I take it all back! Look!
378
00:17:33,527 --> 00:17:35,236
I'm, uh, I'm sitting in your
chair.
379
00:17:35,237 --> 00:17:36,642
There's nothing wrong
with it. It's a great chair.
380
00:17:36,643 --> 00:17:39,711
Please let me continue
to be part of your world.
381
00:17:39,713 --> 00:17:41,379
Ow!
382
00:17:41,381 --> 00:17:42,748
What's wrong?
383
00:17:42,750 --> 00:17:45,100
Something in the chair's
biting my tushy.
384
00:17:45,102 --> 00:17:46,384
It's not important. Ow!
385
00:17:46,386 --> 00:17:48,236
Wait. Get up, get up!
386
00:17:49,105 --> 00:17:58,730
(both screaming)
387
00:17:58,732 --> 00:18:01,066
Swear you won't tell
Sheldon what happened!
388
00:18:01,068 --> 00:18:02,501
I swear!
389
00:18:02,503 --> 00:18:06,237
(screaming)
390
00:18:06,239 --> 00:18:08,573
Can I tell my doctor?
I'm probably gonna need shots!
391
00:18:08,575 --> 00:18:10,425
Yeah, sure!
392
00:18:10,427 --> 00:18:12,994
(screaming continues)
393
00:18:20,561 --> 00:18:23,058
Oh, hey, babe, I think I figured
this thing out.
394
00:18:23,059 --> 00:18:24,425
Oh, Leonard, listen...
395
00:18:24,427 --> 00:18:26,277
No, you listen!
You're my woman,
396
00:18:26,279 --> 00:18:27,812
and I'm gonna
make you feel things
397
00:18:27,814 --> 00:18:29,948
you have never felt before.
398
00:18:29,950 --> 00:18:31,733
Leonard...
399
00:18:31,735 --> 00:18:33,067
That's right, say my name...
400
00:18:33,069 --> 00:18:34,786
and beg me for more, 'cause...
401
00:18:34,788 --> 00:18:38,172
I'm gonna give it to you.
402
00:18:39,825 --> 00:18:41,626
My parents are here.
403
00:18:45,664 --> 00:18:47,131
Hello, Leonard...
404
00:18:47,133 --> 00:18:50,835
if I may also
say your name.
405
00:18:55,624 --> 00:18:57,809
Check it out.
Free chair.
406
00:18:57,811 --> 00:18:59,260
Yeah.
407
00:18:59,262 --> 00:19:01,729
Hey, you know, if this was in
Sheldon and Leonard's apartment,
408
00:19:01,731 --> 00:19:04,465
I wouldn't wind up sitting on
the floor all the time.
409
00:19:04,467 --> 00:19:06,985
On three?
410
00:19:08,187 --> 00:19:09,270
(chuckles)
411
00:19:09,272 --> 00:19:11,439
Three!
Three!
412
00:19:11,441 --> 00:19:15,326
What kind of idiot throws away
a terrific chair like this?
413
00:19:15,328 --> 00:19:19,328
== sync, corrected by elderman ==