1
00:00:01,601 --> 00:00:02,935
No, seriously,
I think
2
00:00:02,936 --> 00:00:05,037
I've finally figured out
my problem with women.
3
00:00:05,038 --> 00:00:08,741
The capybara is the largest
member of the rodent family.
4
00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:11,177
What does that have to do
with me and women?
5
00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:12,678
Nothing.
It was a desperate attempt
6
00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:15,581
to introduce an alternate topic
of conversation.
7
00:00:15,582 --> 00:00:18,751
My problem is,
I don't project confidence.
8
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:21,654
So I decided that
the next time I meet a woman
9
00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:23,723
I think is attractive,
rather than holding back
10
00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:25,524
and being cautious,
I'm going to assume
11
00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:27,059
the mantle of self-assurance.
12
00:00:27,060 --> 00:00:28,794
Oh, yeah?
What's that look like?
13
00:00:32,399 --> 00:00:34,633
Hi.
14
00:00:34,634 --> 00:00:37,369
I'm Leonard.
15
00:00:37,370 --> 00:00:39,271
And you are beautiful.
16
00:00:39,272 --> 00:00:42,608
You pop, sparkle
and buzz electric.
17
00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:44,677
I'm going to pick you up
at 8:00,
18
00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:48,781
show you a night
you will never forget.
19
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:50,616
Where are we going?
20
00:00:55,355 --> 00:00:56,489
Good news.
21
00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:58,324
I made it
onto the team
22
00:00:58,325 --> 00:00:59,525
for the new Defense Department
23
00:00:59,526 --> 00:01:01,277
laser-equipped
surveillance satellite.
24
00:01:01,278 --> 00:01:03,162
Excuse me.
25
00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:05,064
If we're changing topics,
I believe I have first dibs
26
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:09,135
with capybara, a rodent
the size of a baby hippo.
27
00:01:09,136 --> 00:01:11,454
Congratulations,
Howard.
28
00:01:11,455 --> 00:01:12,705
Thanks.
29
00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:14,907
Listen, I have to get
a security clearance,
30
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:17,810
so you guys might be
hearing from the FBI.
31
00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:18,878
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
32
00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:20,579
I don't want to speak
to the FBI.
33
00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:21,881
Why not?
34
00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:24,717
I'm brown and I talk funny.
35
00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:27,102
They're just doing
a background check on me.
36
00:01:27,103 --> 00:01:28,487
It doesn't matter;
they'll find a reason
37
00:01:28,488 --> 00:01:30,890
to give me a one-way ticket
back to Gandhi-ville.
38
00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:32,091
By the way,
39
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:34,126
when I say that,
it's not offensive.
40
00:01:34,127 --> 00:01:36,195
Don't be ridiculous, Raj.
41
00:01:36,196 --> 00:01:37,496
You're here legally.
42
00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:39,131
Nobody cares.
Do you know how long it's been
43
00:01:39,132 --> 00:01:40,466
since I got through
airport security
44
00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:42,668
without being given
a colonoscopy?
45
00:01:43,703 --> 00:01:45,104
You know, I
try very hard
46
00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:47,807
to make our lunch hours
educational and informative,
47
00:01:47,808 --> 00:01:50,643
but your insistence on
talking about your own lives
48
00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,478
stymies me at
every turn.
49
00:01:52,479 --> 00:01:55,781
Fine, Sheldon, tell us
about your giant rodents.
50
00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:57,616
1No, you squandered
your time with me,
51
00:01:57,617 --> 00:01:59,468
and the moment
has now passed.
52
00:01:59,469 --> 00:02:01,170
Feast on your disappointment,
53
00:02:01,171 --> 00:02:03,722
much as the capybara
feasts on its own waste.
54
00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:09,929
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
55
00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:13,265
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
56
00:02:13,266 --> 00:02:14,900
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
57
00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:17,469
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
58
00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:20,105
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
59
00:02:20,106 --> 00:02:22,758
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
60
00:02:22,759 --> 00:02:24,660
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
61
00:02:24,661 --> 00:02:26,645
♪ Bang! ♪
62
00:02:26,845 --> 00:02:30,845
♪ The Big Bang Theory 4x07 ♪
The Apology Insufficiency
Original Air Date on November 4, 2010
63
00:02:31,045 --> 00:02:35,045
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
64
00:02:36,075 --> 00:02:38,577
Oh, Bella, don't you see?
65
00:02:38,578 --> 00:02:42,348
Edward's only pushing you away
because he loves you.
66
00:02:43,466 --> 00:02:44,516
Coming.
67
00:02:49,356 --> 00:02:51,156
Dr. Koothrappali?
68
00:02:53,276 --> 00:02:55,861
I'm Special Agent Page, FBI.
69
00:02:55,862 --> 00:02:57,029
May I come in?
70
00:02:58,815 --> 00:03:02,735
I'd like to talk to you
about Howard Wolowitz.
71
00:03:02,736 --> 00:03:04,236
Oh, thank you.
72
00:03:04,237 --> 00:03:05,321
All right.
73
00:03:05,322 --> 00:03:08,240
Well, how long
have you known Mr. Wolowitz?
74
00:03:29,879 --> 00:03:31,797
Rum cake?
75
00:03:31,798 --> 00:03:32,964
No, thanks.
76
00:03:32,965 --> 00:03:35,234
Now, about Mr.
Wolowitz...
77
00:03:35,235 --> 00:03:36,502
Seven years.
78
00:03:36,503 --> 00:03:38,570
I see.
79
00:03:40,390 --> 00:03:42,408
I'm in this country
legally, you know.
80
00:03:42,409 --> 00:03:45,110
I'm sure you are.
81
00:03:45,111 --> 00:03:48,747
Now, to your knowledge, has Mr.
Wolowitz ever committed a crime?
82
00:03:48,748 --> 00:03:49,981
Of course not.
83
00:03:49,982 --> 00:03:51,333
I'm here on an H-1B visa,
84
00:03:51,334 --> 00:03:53,419
which means I can't be
associated in any way
85
00:03:53,420 --> 00:03:54,953
with crime
or criminal activity.
86
00:03:54,954 --> 00:03:56,388
And I'm not.
87
00:03:56,389 --> 00:03:57,790
Good.
88
00:03:57,791 --> 00:03:59,324
To your knowledge,
does Mr. Wolowitz
89
00:03:59,325 --> 00:04:00,793
have any foreign
contacts?
90
00:04:00,794 --> 00:04:03,161
No, just me.
91
00:04:03,162 --> 00:04:04,763
Oh, there it is.
92
00:04:04,764 --> 00:04:06,715
Here comes a cavity search.
93
00:04:06,716 --> 00:04:08,550
Excuse me?
94
00:04:08,551 --> 00:04:10,302
Please don't send me back
to India; it's so crowded!
95
00:04:10,303 --> 00:04:13,338
It's like the whole country
is one endless Comic-Con,
96
00:04:13,339 --> 00:04:18,010
except everybody's wearing
the same costume: Indian Guy.
97
00:04:18,011 --> 00:04:20,229
Dr. Koothrappali, I'm not...
I love this country!
98
00:04:20,230 --> 00:04:22,681
The-the baseball,
the freedom,
99
00:04:22,682 --> 00:04:24,533
the rampant morbid obesity!
100
00:04:24,534 --> 00:04:26,702
From California
to the New York Island!
101
00:04:26,703 --> 00:04:27,870
I'm a real Yankee Doodle boy!
102
00:04:27,871 --> 00:04:29,822
Dr. Koothrappali,
please.
103
00:04:29,823 --> 00:04:32,224
♪ My country 'tis of thee... ♪
104
00:04:33,259 --> 00:04:34,526
♪ ...liberty ♪
105
00:04:35,328 --> 00:04:38,497
♪ It's really great. ♪
106
00:04:39,666 --> 00:04:42,367
So, when Howard said the FBI
would be contacting me,
107
00:04:42,368 --> 00:04:44,436
I was expecting Mulder.
108
00:04:45,037 --> 00:04:46,538
Glad to see I got Scully.
109
00:04:47,607 --> 00:04:48,540
Who?
110
00:04:48,541 --> 00:04:50,275
Mulder and Scully.
111
00:04:50,810 --> 00:04:52,044
X-Files.
112
00:04:52,679 --> 00:04:54,213
"The truth is out there."
113
00:04:54,214 --> 00:04:55,280
Never mind.
114
00:04:55,281 --> 00:04:58,317
Uh, so, what would you
like to know?
115
00:04:58,318 --> 00:05:02,020
You work with Mr. Wolowitz here
at the university, correct?
116
00:05:02,021 --> 00:05:04,356
Yes. Of course, we're in
different departments.
117
00:05:04,357 --> 00:05:06,558
He's an engineer and I'm
an experimental physicist.
118
00:05:06,559 --> 00:05:08,026
You know, one
of those guys
119
00:05:08,027 --> 00:05:10,596
who examines the building blocks
of creation
120
00:05:10,597 --> 00:05:14,666
and says,
"Hello, maker of the universe.
121
00:05:14,667 --> 00:05:17,136
"I see what you did there.
122
00:05:17,137 --> 00:05:18,837
Good one."
123
00:05:18,838 --> 00:05:20,472
Right.
124
00:05:20,473 --> 00:05:21,740
Now, how would you characterize
125
00:05:21,741 --> 00:05:23,809
your relationship
with Mr. Wolowitz?
126
00:05:23,810 --> 00:05:25,944
Good.
127
00:05:25,945 --> 00:05:28,580
It's a good
relationship.
128
00:05:28,581 --> 00:05:31,784
Of course, most of my
relationships are good.
129
00:05:31,785 --> 00:05:34,953
Probably because
I exude confidence.
130
00:05:34,954 --> 00:05:37,322
People are drawn to that,
you know?
131
00:05:38,425 --> 00:05:40,993
Confidence, not exuding.
132
00:05:42,762 --> 00:05:45,647
Do you know of any groups
Mr. Wolowitz is a member of?
133
00:05:45,648 --> 00:05:46,648
You are beautiful,
134
00:05:46,649 --> 00:05:48,667
you know that?
135
00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:53,338
You pop, sparkle
and buzz electric.
136
00:05:54,441 --> 00:05:57,576
I'm going to pick you up
at 8:00,
137
00:05:57,577 --> 00:06:00,879
show you a night
you will never forget.
138
00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:02,881
Sounds great.
139
00:06:02,882 --> 00:06:05,584
Really?
140
00:06:05,585 --> 00:06:06,835
Yeah.
141
00:06:06,836 --> 00:06:10,589
Can my six-foot-two Navy SEAL
husband come with us?
142
00:06:10,590 --> 00:06:12,307
Is that...?
143
00:06:12,308 --> 00:06:15,127
Oh, my, I didn't see the ring
with my glasses off, so...
144
00:06:16,646 --> 00:06:18,347
Look at that,
I'm starting to exude.
145
00:06:22,635 --> 00:06:23,936
Want to get that?
146
00:06:23,937 --> 00:06:26,238
Not particularly.
147
00:06:26,239 --> 00:06:28,173
Could you get that?
148
00:06:28,174 --> 00:06:30,809
I suppose I could
if I were asked.
149
00:06:31,811 --> 00:06:33,779
Would you please get that?
150
00:06:33,780 --> 00:06:35,480
Of course.
151
00:06:37,250 --> 00:06:39,485
Why do you have to make things
so complicated?
152
00:06:41,488 --> 00:06:42,721
Dr. Cooper?
153
00:06:42,722 --> 00:06:43,655
Yes.
154
00:06:43,656 --> 00:06:45,457
I'm Special Agent Page, FBI.
155
00:06:48,161 --> 00:06:53,298
You say you're Special
Agent Page, FBI.
156
00:06:53,299 --> 00:06:54,233
Here's my I.D.
157
00:06:54,234 --> 00:06:56,185
And here is
158
00:06:56,186 --> 00:07:00,572
my Justice League
membership card.
159
00:07:02,041 --> 00:07:04,309
But that doesn't
prove I know Batman.
160
00:07:04,310 --> 00:07:09,081
I just want to ask you a few
questions about Howard Wolowitz.
161
00:07:09,082 --> 00:07:11,182
Oh. All right.
162
00:07:11,183 --> 00:07:13,952
I doubt anyone
would risk
163
00:07:13,953 --> 00:07:16,572
the stiff penalties for
impersonating a federal officer
164
00:07:16,573 --> 00:07:18,991
just to ask questions about
a minor league engineer
165
00:07:18,992 --> 00:07:20,792
with an unresolved
Oedipal complex.
166
00:07:22,579 --> 00:07:23,595
Thank you.
167
00:07:23,596 --> 00:07:26,999
For the record,
I truly support the FBI
168
00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:28,834
in the mission
which is expressed
169
00:07:28,835 --> 00:07:30,102
through their motto...?
170
00:07:30,103 --> 00:07:32,771
Fidelity, bravery, integrity.
171
00:07:32,772 --> 00:07:35,257
Correct. Now to business.
172
00:07:35,258 --> 00:07:39,778
18 years ago, I sent
the FBI Crime Lab samples
173
00:07:39,779 --> 00:07:42,381
from a bag of excrement
that had been lit on fire
174
00:07:42,382 --> 00:07:43,715
on my front porch...
175
00:07:45,451 --> 00:07:49,154
...for fingerprinting
and DNA analysis.
176
00:07:49,155 --> 00:07:51,156
Why haven't I heard back yet?
177
00:07:51,157 --> 00:07:55,727
Well, the FBI Crime Lab
does have a lot on its plate.
178
00:07:55,728 --> 00:07:57,663
That's of little comfort
to a nation
179
00:07:57,664 --> 00:08:00,966
attempting to scrape
burning feces off its shoes.
180
00:08:00,967 --> 00:08:04,136
Would you mind if we talked
about Mr. Wolowitz now?
181
00:08:04,137 --> 00:08:06,505
A little, but go on.
182
00:08:06,506 --> 00:08:07,623
Thank you.
183
00:08:07,624 --> 00:08:10,876
Would you characterize him
as responsible?
184
00:08:10,877 --> 00:08:14,780
I'm going to answer that
with a visual aid.
185
00:08:16,416 --> 00:08:18,550
This is my nine-disc complete
186
00:08:18,551 --> 00:08:21,219
Lord of the Rings trilogy
Blu-ray set.
187
00:08:21,220 --> 00:08:23,355
Mr. Wolowitz borrowed it,
188
00:08:23,356 --> 00:08:26,275
damaged plastic retention
hub number three...
189
00:08:31,314 --> 00:08:34,149
...and then returned it to me,
hoping I wouldn't notice.
190
00:08:34,150 --> 00:08:37,903
Would you characterize that
as responsible?
191
00:08:37,904 --> 00:08:40,772
That's really not the sort of
thing we're interested in.
192
00:08:40,773 --> 00:08:44,076
You heard me say
Blu-ray, right?
193
00:08:44,077 --> 00:08:45,611
I did.
194
00:08:45,612 --> 00:08:46,812
Very well.
195
00:08:46,813 --> 00:08:48,113
Would you be interested
196
00:08:48,114 --> 00:08:51,450
in knowing that Mr. Wolowitz
once snuck onto
197
00:08:51,451 --> 00:08:54,453
my World of Warcraft account
and changed the name
198
00:08:54,454 --> 00:08:59,324
of a certain level-80 warlock
from Sheldor to Smeldor?
199
00:08:59,325 --> 00:09:00,892
I'm afraid not.
200
00:09:00,893 --> 00:09:03,095
Is there anything else?
201
00:09:03,096 --> 00:09:04,096
"Is there anything else?"
202
00:09:04,097 --> 00:09:05,263
Where would you like to start?
203
00:09:05,264 --> 00:09:06,999
He refuses to pay fines
204
00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,934
when he's overdue
with books I lend him.
205
00:09:08,935 --> 00:09:11,970
He crashed the Mars Rover while
attempting to impress a woman.
206
00:09:11,971 --> 00:09:13,505
He recommended that I go see
207
00:09:13,506 --> 00:09:16,108
the third Matrix movie
because it was, and I quote,
208
00:09:16,109 --> 00:09:19,528
"just as good
as the first one."
209
00:09:19,529 --> 00:09:22,981
If that's not irresponsible,
I don't know what is.
210
00:09:22,982 --> 00:09:24,916
The Mars Rover?
211
00:09:30,857 --> 00:09:32,424
Did I say Mars Rover?
212
00:09:32,425 --> 00:09:33,425
You did.
213
00:09:33,426 --> 00:09:35,761
That was actually
a poorly chosen example,
214
00:09:35,762 --> 00:09:38,497
as it had nothing
to do with me.
215
00:09:38,498 --> 00:09:41,166
Yes, well, let's talk
about it anyway.
216
00:09:41,167 --> 00:09:42,668
I don't want to.
217
00:09:43,503 --> 00:09:44,870
Not that my disinclination
218
00:09:44,871 --> 00:09:46,905
to discuss the topic
should be interpreted as
219
00:09:46,906 --> 00:09:49,474
evidence of Howard Wolowitz's
culpability in the destruction
220
00:09:49,475 --> 00:09:52,510
of government property
worth millions of dollars.
221
00:09:52,511 --> 00:09:53,779
Thank you, Dr. Cooper.
222
00:09:53,780 --> 00:09:55,380
I think I have all I need.
223
00:09:55,381 --> 00:09:57,149
Oh, good.
224
00:09:57,150 --> 00:09:58,867
I was afraid you were
going to fixate
225
00:09:58,868 --> 00:10:00,485
on that Mars Rover incident.
226
00:10:06,876 --> 00:10:08,360
Hey, buddies.
227
00:10:08,361 --> 00:10:09,578
Guess who didn't get
security clearance
228
00:10:09,579 --> 00:10:11,196
to work on
the giant space laser?
229
00:10:11,197 --> 00:10:12,998
What happened?
230
00:10:12,999 --> 00:10:15,167
Apparently, the background
interviews didn't go well.
231
00:10:15,168 --> 00:10:16,501
You guys wouldn't
know anything
232
00:10:16,502 --> 00:10:18,136
about that, would you?
233
00:10:19,872 --> 00:10:21,606
Well, actually,
I may have gotten
234
00:10:21,607 --> 00:10:23,809
a little tipsy
when I talked to her.
235
00:10:24,510 --> 00:10:25,544
And I may have
236
00:10:25,545 --> 00:10:27,312
hit on her a little bit.
237
00:10:27,313 --> 00:10:30,849
I may have thrown up
rum cake on her shoes.
238
00:10:30,850 --> 00:10:32,651
I see.
239
00:10:32,652 --> 00:10:35,520
Well, it's good to know, when
I need you guys, I can always
240
00:10:35,521 --> 00:10:38,423
count on you to step up
and ruin everything.
241
00:10:40,993 --> 00:10:42,661
I feel awful.
242
00:10:42,662 --> 00:10:43,561
Ah, me, too.
243
00:10:43,562 --> 00:10:44,596
To tell you the truth,
244
00:10:44,597 --> 00:10:45,997
I thought if anyone was going to
245
00:10:45,998 --> 00:10:47,532
screw things up for Howard,
it'd be Sheldon.
246
00:10:47,533 --> 00:10:52,370
Well, your expectations
have been subverted.
247
00:10:52,371 --> 00:10:54,072
Aha.
248
00:11:00,171 --> 00:11:02,106
What are you doing up?
249
00:11:02,107 --> 00:11:04,274
Sleep eludes me, Leonard.
250
00:11:04,275 --> 00:11:05,659
Really?
251
00:11:05,660 --> 00:11:08,162
Maybe sleep has met you before.
252
00:11:08,163 --> 00:11:09,713
Mockery?
253
00:11:09,714 --> 00:11:11,532
That's all you have to offer?
254
00:11:11,533 --> 00:11:12,850
I'm sorry. Why can't you sleep?
255
00:11:12,851 --> 00:11:14,251
Who knows?
256
00:11:14,252 --> 00:11:16,653
I haven't watched
any scary movies recently.
257
00:11:16,654 --> 00:11:19,323
I'm no longer obsessing
over why the predicted mass
258
00:11:19,324 --> 00:11:21,291
of the quantum vacuum
has little effect
259
00:11:21,292 --> 00:11:23,327
on the expansion
of the universe.
260
00:11:23,328 --> 00:11:27,047
And it's been weeks since I took
that accidental sip of Red Bull.
261
00:11:27,048 --> 00:11:30,367
Did something happen today
that's bothering you?
262
00:11:30,368 --> 00:11:31,702
Well, I did mention
263
00:11:31,703 --> 00:11:34,505
the Mars Rover incident
to that FBI agent
264
00:11:34,506 --> 00:11:37,241
and probably cost Howard
his security clearance.
265
00:11:37,242 --> 00:11:40,344
What?
But why should that keep me up?
266
00:11:40,345 --> 00:11:42,479
Because you feel guilty?
267
00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:44,314
Interesting.
268
00:11:44,315 --> 00:11:48,952
So you're saying my insomnia is
caused by a guilty conscience.
269
00:11:48,953 --> 00:11:50,654
Actually,
you don't have insomnia.
270
00:11:50,655 --> 00:11:52,022
You're sleeping now.
271
00:11:52,023 --> 00:11:53,157
Excuse me?
272
00:11:53,158 --> 00:11:55,259
You're having
a guilt-ridden dream.
273
00:11:55,260 --> 00:11:57,928
Do you have any evidence
to support that hypothesis?
274
00:11:57,929 --> 00:12:00,664
How about that Gorn
sitting on the couch?
275
00:12:04,419 --> 00:12:07,171
That seems fairly conclusive.
276
00:12:07,172 --> 00:12:10,641
No, Gorn, no.
277
00:12:10,642 --> 00:12:13,460
That's where I sit.
278
00:12:14,579 --> 00:12:17,881
Thank you for agreeing
to see me, Agent Page.
279
00:12:17,882 --> 00:12:21,885
Thank you for filing a complaint
with my superior, Dr. Cooper.
280
00:12:21,886 --> 00:12:23,904
I understand
you want to recant
281
00:12:23,905 --> 00:12:26,423
your statement
about Howard Wolowitz.
282
00:12:26,424 --> 00:12:28,926
Yes.
Was your statement untrue?
283
00:12:28,927 --> 00:12:30,794
No.
284
00:12:30,795 --> 00:12:33,997
Then I'm afraid
you can't withdraw it.
285
00:12:33,998 --> 00:12:38,318
I'm sorry. I don't recall
you saying "no backsies."
286
00:12:39,204 --> 00:12:41,004
Is there anything else?
287
00:12:41,005 --> 00:12:43,707
Yes. I'd like to offer
a laudatory statement
288
00:12:43,708 --> 00:12:45,809
about Howard's many excellent
qualities that I believe
289
00:12:45,810 --> 00:12:47,578
will tip the scales
back in his favor.
290
00:12:48,846 --> 00:12:50,380
"Howard Joel Wolowitz.
291
00:12:50,381 --> 00:12:53,417
"H is for honesty,
of which he has much.
292
00:12:53,418 --> 00:12:54,952
"O's for outstanding,
293
00:12:54,953 --> 00:12:56,787
"which he is such.
294
00:12:56,788 --> 00:12:59,389
"W's for witty,
he's quick with a joke.
295
00:12:59,390 --> 00:13:01,642
A's for artistic, his ability...
" I'm sorry.
296
00:13:01,643 --> 00:13:04,661
Dr. Cooper, this matter
is already closed.
297
00:13:04,662 --> 00:13:07,831
But I still have
"rd Joel Wolowitz" left to go.
298
00:13:07,832 --> 00:13:09,182
It's closed.
299
00:13:11,152 --> 00:13:12,736
I don't understand
why you people
300
00:13:12,737 --> 00:13:14,338
are picking on my
friend, Howard,
301
00:13:14,339 --> 00:13:16,573
when there are much more serious
security threats to pursue.
302
00:13:16,574 --> 00:13:18,675
For instance,
when I first met Leonard,
303
00:13:18,676 --> 00:13:20,510
he was on the verge
of giving away
304
00:13:20,511 --> 00:13:22,479
rocket secrets
to a North Korean spy,
305
00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:25,382
and not one agent
ever investigated that.
306
00:13:26,217 --> 00:13:27,884
This is Leonard Hofstadter?
307
00:13:28,753 --> 00:13:30,754
No, it's a different Leonard.
308
00:13:30,755 --> 00:13:32,005
He's...
309
00:13:32,006 --> 00:13:33,173
Chinese, red hair, six fingers.
310
00:13:33,174 --> 00:13:34,591
Good-bye.
311
00:13:37,428 --> 00:13:39,263
Raj.
312
00:13:39,264 --> 00:13:40,897
Have you seen Howard?
313
00:13:40,898 --> 00:13:42,933
I think he's eating lunch.
314
00:13:42,934 --> 00:13:45,435
Uh, Sheldon, I want you
to meet Neil deGrasse Tyson
315
00:13:45,436 --> 00:13:47,504
from the Hayden Planetarium
in New York.
316
00:13:47,505 --> 00:13:49,539
I'm quite familiar
with Dr. Tyson.
317
00:13:49,540 --> 00:13:52,109
He's responsible
for the demotion of Pluto
318
00:13:52,110 --> 00:13:53,910
from planetary status.
319
00:13:53,911 --> 00:13:55,579
I liked Pluto.
320
00:13:56,514 --> 00:13:59,182
Ergo I do not like you.
321
00:13:59,183 --> 00:14:00,717
But I actually
didn't demote Pluto.
322
00:14:00,718 --> 00:14:01,885
That was a vote
323
00:14:01,886 --> 00:14:03,520
of the International
Astronomical Union.
324
00:14:03,521 --> 00:14:05,689
If "ifs" and "buts"
were candy and nuts,
325
00:14:05,690 --> 00:14:07,524
we'd all have a merry Christmas.
326
00:14:08,459 --> 00:14:10,744
Think about that, Dr. Tyson.
327
00:14:12,230 --> 00:14:14,564
Is that the guy you
were telling me about?
328
00:14:14,565 --> 00:14:16,866
Oh, yeah.
329
00:14:17,919 --> 00:14:19,803
Howard.
330
00:14:19,804 --> 00:14:21,371
The person at fault for you
331
00:14:21,372 --> 00:14:23,640
not getting
a security clearance is me.
332
00:14:23,641 --> 00:14:25,375
You?
333
00:14:25,376 --> 00:14:27,644
Yes, but before you get upset,
I want you to know
334
00:14:27,645 --> 00:14:30,447
I went to the FBI
and retracted my statement.
335
00:14:30,448 --> 00:14:32,282
And they were okay with that?
336
00:14:32,283 --> 00:14:35,218
No. If anything,
I made it worse.
337
00:14:36,354 --> 00:14:39,122
In any case, I have
been riddled with guilt,
338
00:14:39,123 --> 00:14:41,725
which is causing
Gorn-infested REM sleep.
339
00:14:41,726 --> 00:14:45,462
So, I'm here now
to say I'm sorry.
340
00:14:45,463 --> 00:14:46,963
Are you kidding me?
341
00:14:46,964 --> 00:14:49,633
You've set my career back
at least two years,
342
00:14:49,634 --> 00:14:52,069
and you think you can make it
right with "I'm sorry"?
343
00:14:52,070 --> 00:14:53,537
Yes.
344
00:14:54,672 --> 00:14:56,006
I followed the social protocol.
345
00:14:56,007 --> 00:14:58,942
I attempted to right the wrong,
and when I failed to do so,
346
00:14:58,943 --> 00:15:00,544
I delivered a heartfelt apology.
347
00:15:00,545 --> 00:15:01,745
Now you say,
348
00:15:01,746 --> 00:15:03,046
"Apology accepted,"
349
00:15:03,047 --> 00:15:06,683
and I will offer you
a one-time-only high five.
350
00:15:07,969 --> 00:15:10,020
Your apology is not accepted.
351
00:15:10,021 --> 00:15:11,138
You're tricking me.
352
00:15:11,139 --> 00:15:12,356
It really is, isn't it?
353
00:15:12,357 --> 00:15:14,691
Leave me alone, Sheldon.
354
00:15:16,994 --> 00:15:19,463
Dr. Cooper, I just
wanted you to know
355
00:15:19,464 --> 00:15:22,366
I'm sorry for the role I
played in the Pluto matter.
356
00:15:22,367 --> 00:15:24,067
Oh, shut up.
357
00:15:28,706 --> 00:15:30,407
Sheldon?
358
00:15:30,408 --> 00:15:32,442
Hello.
359
00:15:32,443 --> 00:15:33,443
What are you doing here?
360
00:15:33,444 --> 00:15:35,846
I have troubles, Penny.
361
00:15:35,847 --> 00:15:37,447
I've come to pour them out
362
00:15:37,448 --> 00:15:39,983
to the sympathetic ear
of the local barkeep.
363
00:15:39,984 --> 00:15:42,252
You know, they have
a really nice bar
364
00:15:42,253 --> 00:15:44,121
over at the Olive Garden.
365
00:15:44,122 --> 00:15:46,256
I don't like the Olive Garden.
366
00:15:46,257 --> 00:15:48,692
They treat me like family.
367
00:15:50,328 --> 00:15:52,429
Okay, Sheldon.
What can I get you?
368
00:15:52,430 --> 00:15:53,697
Alcohol.
369
00:15:53,698 --> 00:15:55,999
Could you be
a little more specific?
370
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:57,667
Ethyl alcohol.
371
00:15:57,668 --> 00:15:59,870
40 milliliters.
372
00:15:59,871 --> 00:16:02,272
I'm sorry, honey.
I don't know milliliters.
373
00:16:02,273 --> 00:16:05,041
Ah. Blame President James
"Jimmy" Carter.
374
00:16:05,042 --> 00:16:08,178
He started America on a path
to the metric system
375
00:16:08,179 --> 00:16:09,880
but then just gave up.
376
00:16:09,881 --> 00:16:12,949
He wonders why he
was a one-term president.
377
00:16:12,950 --> 00:16:15,485
Would you say that's
about 40 milliliters?
378
00:16:15,486 --> 00:16:17,721
More or less.
Great.
379
00:16:19,157 --> 00:16:20,824
Now, where were we?
380
00:16:20,825 --> 00:16:23,927
I believe you were about
to ask me to choose a cocktail.
381
00:16:23,928 --> 00:16:27,297
Fortunately, thanks
to computer-savvy alcoholics,
382
00:16:27,298 --> 00:16:29,599
there's an app for that.
383
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:30,867
Let's see.
384
00:16:30,868 --> 00:16:33,236
Harvey Wallbanger. Eh.
385
00:16:33,237 --> 00:16:35,772
Sex on the Beach.
I hardly think so.
386
00:16:36,774 --> 00:16:38,108
Rob Roy,
387
00:16:38,109 --> 00:16:39,876
Silk Slipper, Mad Hatter.
388
00:16:39,877 --> 00:16:41,511
Ooh!
389
00:16:41,512 --> 00:16:44,047
I'll have a Rosewater Ricky.
390
00:16:44,048 --> 00:16:45,282
A what?
You'll need pitted,
391
00:16:45,283 --> 00:16:48,051
brandied cherries, gin,
rosewater,
392
00:16:48,052 --> 00:16:51,521
Angostura bitters
and overproofed rum.
393
00:16:51,522 --> 00:16:53,623
Now, first, dust
the cherries with sugar,
394
00:16:53,624 --> 00:16:56,560
then spray them with a mixture
of rum and bitters.
395
00:16:56,561 --> 00:16:58,094
Then ignite the rum,
caramel...
396
00:16:58,095 --> 00:17:00,764
Here you go-- one
Rosewater Ricky.
397
00:17:00,765 --> 00:17:02,466
That's not how it looks
in the picture.
398
00:17:02,467 --> 00:17:05,268
Oh, yeah, you know, every
bartender makes it differently.
399
00:17:05,269 --> 00:17:06,837
Why don't you
give it a try.
400
00:17:06,838 --> 00:17:08,805
All right.
401
00:17:10,391 --> 00:17:12,843
To the metric system.
402
00:17:23,287 --> 00:17:25,822
I can't taste the cherries.
403
00:17:27,725 --> 00:17:30,227
All right.
Sheldon, what's on your mind?
404
00:17:30,228 --> 00:17:34,064
I wronged Howard,
and he won't accept my apology.
405
00:17:34,065 --> 00:17:35,232
Oh, right, that.
406
00:17:35,233 --> 00:17:37,400
Yes, Leonard told me.
Sorry, honey.
407
00:17:37,401 --> 00:17:40,570
Penny, you face failure
on a daily basis.
408
00:17:42,039 --> 00:17:43,740
How do you cope?
409
00:17:43,741 --> 00:17:45,842
I drink.
410
00:17:46,911 --> 00:17:49,262
To drinking.
411
00:17:52,083 --> 00:17:54,417
Nope.
412
00:17:57,221 --> 00:17:58,688
Oh, if only there were some way
413
00:17:58,689 --> 00:18:00,490
to force Howard
to accept my apology
414
00:18:00,491 --> 00:18:03,560
so I could escape
this miasma of guilt.
415
00:18:03,561 --> 00:18:05,161
You know, sometimes
stuff just happens,
416
00:18:05,162 --> 00:18:06,897
and there's nothing
you can do about it.
417
00:18:06,898 --> 00:18:08,198
For example, Lisa Peterson
418
00:18:08,199 --> 00:18:10,033
hasn't talked to me
since the 11th grade,
419
00:18:10,034 --> 00:18:12,035
because no matter how
much you apologize,
420
00:18:12,036 --> 00:18:15,705
you can't go back and
un-dry-hump someone's boyfriend.
421
00:18:16,541 --> 00:18:17,941
I see.
422
00:18:17,942 --> 00:18:21,111
You're saying I'm facing
Starfleet Academy's
423
00:18:21,112 --> 00:18:24,481
unwinnable command scenario:
the Kobayashi Maru.
424
00:18:24,482 --> 00:18:25,649
Exactly.
425
00:18:25,650 --> 00:18:26,917
Sometimes you can't win.
426
00:18:26,918 --> 00:18:29,419
Captain Kirk won.
427
00:18:30,254 --> 00:18:32,789
Kirk cheated.
428
00:18:33,624 --> 00:18:35,892
Impressive that you know that.
429
00:18:36,794 --> 00:18:38,028
It's hard to believe
430
00:18:38,029 --> 00:18:39,829
I'm actually having
this conversation with you.
431
00:18:39,830 --> 00:18:41,631
Right there with you.
432
00:18:42,833 --> 00:18:48,672
Kirk beat the Kobayashi Maru
by reprogramming the simulator.
433
00:18:48,673 --> 00:18:50,774
That's it.
What?
434
00:18:50,775 --> 00:18:53,176
I'll reprogram Howard.
What...?
435
00:18:53,177 --> 00:18:56,112
Sheldon, you can't
reprogram people.
436
00:18:56,113 --> 00:18:59,082
No, you can't reprogram people.
437
00:19:00,017 --> 00:19:02,586
To James Tiberius Kirk.
438
00:19:12,580 --> 00:19:14,264
Hello, all.
439
00:19:14,265 --> 00:19:16,466
- Hello.
- Hey.
440
00:19:16,467 --> 00:19:19,369
Howard, you're feeling better
about me today, aren't you?
441
00:19:19,370 --> 00:19:20,837
Not really.
442
00:19:20,838 --> 00:19:22,706
Yes, you are.
443
00:19:22,707 --> 00:19:25,275
I'm using
neurolinguistic programming
444
00:19:25,276 --> 00:19:27,644
to modify your thought patterns.
445
00:19:27,645 --> 00:19:29,379
Oh.
446
00:19:29,380 --> 00:19:31,448
Go away, Sheldon.
447
00:19:31,449 --> 00:19:34,734
There's a $9.95 e-book
down the drain.
448
00:19:34,735 --> 00:19:35,869
What's in the bag?
449
00:19:35,870 --> 00:19:37,037
It's for Howard.
450
00:19:37,038 --> 00:19:40,206
Oh. Sheldon, you can't
fix this with gifts.
451
00:19:40,207 --> 00:19:41,374
Nevertheless, I've hurt you,
452
00:19:41,375 --> 00:19:43,593
and whether you
forgive me or not,
453
00:19:43,594 --> 00:19:45,629
I want you to
have this.
454
00:19:47,415 --> 00:19:49,199
You're giving me
a couch cushion?
455
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:50,567
No.
456
00:19:50,568 --> 00:19:52,369
The cushion is merely symbolic.
457
00:19:52,370 --> 00:19:55,405
I'm giving you my spot
on the couch.
458
00:19:57,675 --> 00:19:59,309
But you love that spot.
459
00:19:59,310 --> 00:20:01,845
No. I love my mother.
460
00:20:01,846 --> 00:20:05,882
My feelings for my spot
are much greater.
461
00:20:06,951 --> 00:20:08,952
It is the singular location
in space
462
00:20:08,953 --> 00:20:11,888
around which revolves
my entire universe.
463
00:20:12,757 --> 00:20:14,557
And now it's yours.
464
00:20:15,693 --> 00:20:18,495
Oh, my God, dude.
Now you have to forgive him.
465
00:20:19,330 --> 00:20:21,031
All right.
466
00:20:21,032 --> 00:20:23,166
Apology accepted.
467
00:20:23,167 --> 00:20:25,168
High five.
468
00:20:25,169 --> 00:20:27,170
Not too hard.
469
00:20:28,506 --> 00:20:30,106
Thank you.
470
00:20:30,107 --> 00:20:33,760
I haven't cried like this
since Toy Story 3.
471
00:20:42,543 --> 00:20:43,710
I got to tell you,
472
00:20:43,711 --> 00:20:46,079
Sheldon, I understand why
you chose this spot.
473
00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:48,965
I mean, the temperature is
good, but there's no draft.
474
00:20:48,966 --> 00:20:51,468
I can see the television,
but I can still talk to...
475
00:20:51,469 --> 00:20:54,154
I changed my mind.
Get out of my spot.
476
00:20:55,256 --> 00:20:57,124
How long?
477
00:20:57,125 --> 00:20:58,425
94 seconds.
478
00:20:58,426 --> 00:21:01,828
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --