1
00:00:03,628 --> 00:00:05,582
All I'm saying is, if they
took all the money they spent
2
00:00:05,682 --> 00:00:07,149
trying to make
a decent Hulk movie,
3
00:00:07,150 --> 00:00:10,619
they could probably
just make an actual Hulk.
4
00:00:10,620 --> 00:00:12,571
That is apt and amusing.
5
00:00:13,189 --> 00:00:14,740
I think I shall share that
6
00:00:14,741 --> 00:00:16,441
with Amy Farrah Fowler.
7
00:00:16,442 --> 00:00:18,860
She'll appreciate
the witticism.
8
00:00:18,861 --> 00:00:20,245
Thank you.
9
00:00:20,246 --> 00:00:23,648
It'll also help improve her
initial impression of you.
10
00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:26,318
So what's going on with you two?
11
00:00:26,319 --> 00:00:29,254
Well, the status is
as it always was.
12
00:00:29,255 --> 00:00:31,156
She's a girl. She's a friend.
13
00:00:31,157 --> 00:00:32,257
She is not my--
14
00:00:32,258 --> 00:00:33,542
please forgive me
for doing this--
15
00:00:33,543 --> 00:00:35,160
"girlfriend."
16
00:00:35,161 --> 00:00:37,012
Right, right.
17
00:00:37,013 --> 00:00:40,015
So you're still just
texting and emailing?
18
00:00:40,016 --> 00:00:42,517
You don't feel any need
to hang out with her, you know--
19
00:00:42,518 --> 00:00:44,386
be in the same room?
20
00:00:44,387 --> 00:00:46,221
Leonard, you are
my best friend.
21
00:00:46,222 --> 00:00:48,623
I've known you
for seven years,
22
00:00:48,624 --> 00:00:51,560
and I can barely tolerate
sitting on the couch with you.
23
00:00:51,561 --> 00:00:55,697
Imagine my attitude regarding
prolonged physical proximity
24
00:00:55,698 --> 00:00:57,182
to Amy Farrah Fowler.
25
00:00:57,183 --> 00:00:58,867
Got it.
26
00:00:58,868 --> 00:01:01,703
I sense judgment on your part.
27
00:01:01,704 --> 00:01:03,004
No, no.
28
00:01:03,673 --> 00:01:05,624
Maybe a little.
29
00:01:05,625 --> 00:01:09,778
May I suggest that your
criticism is based on jealousy.
30
00:01:09,779 --> 00:01:12,597
Jealousy? What do I
have to be jealous of?
31
00:01:12,598 --> 00:01:15,450
I have a functioning
and satisfying relationship
32
00:01:15,451 --> 00:01:16,785
with a female.
33
00:01:17,870 --> 00:01:20,222
You have none.
34
00:01:20,223 --> 00:01:22,874
Oh, right. That.
35
00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:25,310
Jealousy is an ugly
green-eyed monster--
36
00:01:25,311 --> 00:01:26,445
not unlike the Hulk--
37
00:01:26,446 --> 00:01:29,347
who, by the way,
also has a girlfriend.
38
00:01:29,348 --> 00:01:31,549
In this iteration,
Jennifer Connelly,
39
00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:34,269
whom you may recall as
the girlfriend of Russell Crowe
40
00:01:34,270 --> 00:01:35,337
in A Beautiful Mind,
41
00:01:35,338 --> 00:01:38,890
a feel-good romp if
there ever was one.
42
00:01:40,026 --> 00:01:41,076
I'm not jealous.
43
00:01:42,695 --> 00:01:45,030
Leonard not jealous.
44
00:01:46,082 --> 00:01:49,668
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
45
00:01:49,669 --> 00:01:53,004
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
46
00:01:53,005 --> 00:01:54,623
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
47
00:01:54,624 --> 00:01:57,175
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
48
00:01:57,176 --> 00:01:59,828
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
49
00:01:59,829 --> 00:02:02,514
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
50
00:02:02,515 --> 00:02:04,399
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
51
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:05,024
♪ Bang! ♪
52
00:02:05,224 --> 00:02:08,224
♪ The Big Bang Theory 4x05 ♪
The Desperation Emanation
Original Air Date on October 21, 2010
53
00:02:08,234 --> 00:02:12,434
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
54
00:02:13,137 --> 00:02:15,038
You know, it just
occurred to me,
55
00:02:15,044 --> 00:02:18,297
if there are an infinite
number of parallel universes,
56
00:02:18,298 --> 00:02:21,300
in one of them,
there's probably a Sheldon
57
00:02:21,301 --> 00:02:24,720
who doesn't believe
parallel universes exist.
58
00:02:24,721 --> 00:02:27,105
Probably. What's your point?
59
00:02:27,106 --> 00:02:28,023
No point.
60
00:02:28,024 --> 00:02:29,358
It's just one
of the things
61
00:02:29,359 --> 00:02:31,143
that makes one of
the mes chuckle.
62
00:02:32,478 --> 00:02:35,564
What makes you
chuckle, Leonard?
63
00:02:35,565 --> 00:02:38,066
Hmm, recently?
64
00:02:38,067 --> 00:02:39,184
Not much.
65
00:02:39,185 --> 00:02:41,203
Is it because of the
conflict that arises
66
00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:43,521
from your desperate need
to pair-bond with a woman,
67
00:02:43,522 --> 00:02:45,741
and the apparent collective
decision of all womankind
68
00:02:45,742 --> 00:02:50,162
to deny you
that opportunity?
69
00:02:50,163 --> 00:02:51,630
Um...
70
00:02:51,631 --> 00:02:54,132
Shut up.
71
00:02:54,133 --> 00:02:56,534
You know,
when my grandfather died,
72
00:02:56,535 --> 00:02:59,004
and Meemaw was alone,
my mom arranged for her
73
00:02:59,005 --> 00:03:01,006
to visit a center
three times a week
74
00:03:01,007 --> 00:03:04,560
where she could socialize
with other lonely people.
75
00:03:04,561 --> 00:03:05,928
It's very nice.
76
00:03:05,929 --> 00:03:09,714
They discuss current events,
play bridge, get a hot meal.
77
00:03:09,715 --> 00:03:10,882
That sounds lovely.
78
00:03:10,883 --> 00:03:14,203
It is if you
like bridge.
79
00:03:14,204 --> 00:03:16,338
Do you like bridge,
Leonard?
80
00:03:16,339 --> 00:03:19,224
Sheldon, I'm just not
dating someone right now.
81
00:03:19,225 --> 00:03:23,278
I don't need to go
to a senior center.
82
00:03:23,279 --> 00:03:27,366
Meemaw resisted at first,
but now she loves it.
83
00:03:27,367 --> 00:03:30,902
Fine. If I don't meet someone
soon, you can put me in a home.
84
00:03:30,903 --> 00:03:32,237
It's not a home.
85
00:03:32,238 --> 00:03:34,373
It's a senior center.
86
00:03:34,374 --> 00:03:37,759
We'd never put
Meemaw in a home!
87
00:03:38,928 --> 00:03:39,928
Hey, guys.
88
00:03:39,929 --> 00:03:41,179
Hey.
Hey.
89
00:03:41,180 --> 00:03:45,550
All right, I'll bow
to social pressure: Hey!
90
00:03:46,769 --> 00:03:48,553
Excuse me. That's my girlfriend,
Bernadette.
91
00:03:48,554 --> 00:03:50,222
I assigned her
her own ringtone--
92
00:03:50,223 --> 00:03:51,807
"Bernadette,"
by The Four Tops.
93
00:03:51,808 --> 00:03:53,525
Hello, Bernadette.
94
00:03:54,761 --> 00:03:58,413
When I call him, his phone
plays "Brown Eyed Girl."
95
00:03:59,048 --> 00:04:00,148
Which, now that
96
00:04:00,149 --> 00:04:02,351
I think about it,
is not so good.
97
00:04:02,352 --> 00:04:04,953
You realize he's just
rubbing our noses in the fact
98
00:04:04,954 --> 00:04:06,588
that he has a girlfriend,
and we don't.
99
00:04:06,589 --> 00:04:08,740
You mean, you don't.
100
00:04:08,741 --> 00:04:09,942
You have a girlfriend?
101
00:04:09,943 --> 00:04:11,326
How could you have a girlfriend?
102
00:04:11,327 --> 00:04:12,794
You can't even speak to women.
103
00:04:12,795 --> 00:04:16,131
Two words-- deaf chick.
104
00:04:16,966 --> 00:04:18,133
It doesn't matter
105
00:04:18,134 --> 00:04:20,402
if I can't talk,
because she can't hear me.
106
00:04:20,403 --> 00:04:22,004
What?
107
00:04:22,005 --> 00:04:23,772
That's what she said.
108
00:04:25,391 --> 00:04:27,943
Great. You have a girlfriend,
Howard's got a girlfriend,
109
00:04:27,944 --> 00:04:29,311
Sheldon's got
a girl...
No, no, no, no!
110
00:04:29,312 --> 00:04:30,429
...who's a friend.
111
00:04:30,430 --> 00:04:32,464
Thank you.
112
00:04:32,465 --> 00:04:33,649
What about you, Stuart?
113
00:04:33,650 --> 00:04:35,150
You have a
girlfriend yet?
114
00:04:35,151 --> 00:04:36,401
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
115
00:04:36,402 --> 00:04:38,904
I met her at Comic-Con,
the one place in the world
116
00:04:38,905 --> 00:04:41,056
where saying
"I own a comic bookstore"
117
00:04:41,057 --> 00:04:42,808
is an actual pickup line.
118
00:04:42,809 --> 00:04:44,743
Oh. Well, good for you.
119
00:04:44,744 --> 00:04:46,845
Not really. She's horrible.
120
00:04:47,747 --> 00:04:49,264
When she wants to have sex,
121
00:04:49,265 --> 00:04:51,667
she puts on her plus-size
Wonder Woman costume and shouts,
122
00:04:51,668 --> 00:04:54,469
"Who wants to take a ride
in my invisible plane?"
123
00:04:55,838 --> 00:04:58,323
Why don't you just
break up with her?
124
00:04:58,324 --> 00:05:00,542
No, no, I can't.
125
00:05:00,543 --> 00:05:01,493
Why not?
126
00:05:01,494 --> 00:05:02,928
'Cause then I'd be alone,
127
00:05:02,929 --> 00:05:04,296
like you.
128
00:05:05,631 --> 00:05:08,016
Dude, why don't you just invoke
your girlfriend pact
129
00:05:08,017 --> 00:05:09,618
with Wolowitz?
130
00:05:09,619 --> 00:05:11,937
Because I don't
need his girlfriend
131
00:05:11,938 --> 00:05:14,356
to set me up with one
of her girlfriends.
132
00:05:14,357 --> 00:05:17,642
I'm perfectly capable of
finding a girl on my own.
133
00:05:17,643 --> 00:05:19,695
Oh, Leonard, you remind me
134
00:05:19,696 --> 00:05:21,863
of the funny old story
about a man
135
00:05:21,864 --> 00:05:23,849
who walks into a women's
correctional institution
136
00:05:23,850 --> 00:05:25,200
with a stack of paperwork
137
00:05:25,201 --> 00:05:27,736
that will allow
the female convicts to go free.
138
00:05:27,737 --> 00:05:29,638
You're saying I
couldn't get laid
139
00:05:29,639 --> 00:05:33,158
in a women's prison with
a handful of pardons.
140
00:05:33,159 --> 00:05:35,827
Are you going to let me
tell the story or not?
141
00:05:39,382 --> 00:05:41,033
Leonard?
142
00:05:41,034 --> 00:05:42,401
Are you sleeping?
143
00:05:42,402 --> 00:05:43,635
No.
144
00:05:43,636 --> 00:05:44,636
Are you ill?
145
00:05:44,637 --> 00:05:45,670
No.
146
00:05:45,671 --> 00:05:47,038
Are you still depressed
147
00:05:47,039 --> 00:05:49,341
because you're alone,
and no one loves you?
148
00:05:49,342 --> 00:05:51,827
I don't know. Maybe.
149
00:05:51,828 --> 00:05:54,179
I want you to know
that I'm genuinely concerned
150
00:05:54,180 --> 00:05:55,430
about your well-being.
151
00:05:55,431 --> 00:05:57,099
Thank you.
You're welcome.
152
00:05:57,100 --> 00:06:00,718
But it's still no reason
to have your feet in my spot.
153
00:06:02,271 --> 00:06:05,891
May I offer an observation?
154
00:06:07,693 --> 00:06:09,411
What the hell?
How long has she been here?
155
00:06:09,412 --> 00:06:12,197
Since we got home
from the comic bookstore.
156
00:06:12,198 --> 00:06:13,331
That was two hours ago.
157
00:06:13,332 --> 00:06:14,499
As per your suggestion,
158
00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:16,001
we're hanging out.
159
00:06:16,002 --> 00:06:17,068
Quite frankly, I don't see
160
00:06:17,069 --> 00:06:18,236
what all the hoopla's about.
161
00:06:18,237 --> 00:06:20,038
Go on, Amy.
162
00:06:20,039 --> 00:06:21,807
From a neurobiological
standpoint, Leonard,
163
00:06:21,808 --> 00:06:24,309
you may be alone
because your psychological state
164
00:06:24,310 --> 00:06:26,778
is causing
an actual pheromone-based stink
165
00:06:26,779 --> 00:06:28,430
of desperation.
166
00:06:29,449 --> 00:06:30,599
Did you know that, Leonard?
167
00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:32,350
No.
I did.
168
00:06:33,886 --> 00:06:35,787
I understand
that some people find mates
169
00:06:35,788 --> 00:06:38,256
in social gathering places
such as bars or taverns.
170
00:06:38,257 --> 00:06:40,125
Have you tried a bar or tavern?
171
00:06:40,126 --> 00:06:42,444
No, I'm not gonna try
to pick up a woman in a bar.
172
00:06:42,445 --> 00:06:44,613
Wise decision. You see, Amy,
173
00:06:44,614 --> 00:06:48,233
success at a bar is based
on classic male attributes
174
00:06:48,234 --> 00:06:51,203
such as height, strength,
attractiveness,
175
00:06:51,204 --> 00:06:54,105
the ability to hold one's liquor
and throw darts--
176
00:06:54,106 --> 00:06:55,373
separately or together.
177
00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:59,211
Leonard has none of these
attributes, right, Leonard?
178
00:07:01,164 --> 00:07:03,532
Right.
179
00:07:03,533 --> 00:07:05,133
That's not true of all bars.
180
00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:06,334
Juice bars, for example.
181
00:07:06,335 --> 00:07:08,336
Oh! Good point, Amy.
182
00:07:08,337 --> 00:07:10,589
Yeah, building
on your premise,
183
00:07:10,590 --> 00:07:12,641
Leonard could
frequent sushi bars,
184
00:07:12,642 --> 00:07:14,559
salad bars, oyster bars,
185
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,928
the Apple Genius Bar...
What are you doing?
186
00:07:16,929 --> 00:07:18,763
Keep going. I'm listening.
187
00:07:19,866 --> 00:07:21,850
That was rude.
188
00:07:21,851 --> 00:07:23,668
He does it all the time.
189
00:07:23,669 --> 00:07:27,706
He's a cornucopia
of social awkwardness.
190
00:07:27,707 --> 00:07:29,074
Cornucopia.
191
00:07:29,075 --> 00:07:30,108
What a mellifluous word.
192
00:07:30,109 --> 00:07:31,960
Let's make that our word
of the day.
193
00:07:31,961 --> 00:07:35,147
Agreed. And we'll use
mellifluous tomorrow.
194
00:07:35,148 --> 00:07:37,949
Well, I have to void my bladder.
195
00:07:37,950 --> 00:07:40,235
It was nice spending this time
with you.
196
00:07:40,236 --> 00:07:41,603
Wait.
197
00:07:41,604 --> 00:07:42,804
I have a request.
198
00:07:42,805 --> 00:07:44,005
Yes?
199
00:07:44,006 --> 00:07:45,440
I'd like you to meet my mother.
200
00:07:45,441 --> 00:07:46,608
I see.
201
00:07:46,609 --> 00:07:48,376
Can I get back to you on that?
202
00:07:48,377 --> 00:07:50,128
Certainly. Good night.
203
00:07:50,129 --> 00:07:52,330
Good night.
204
00:07:56,135 --> 00:07:59,554
Leonard, Leonard, Leonard,
Leonard, Leonard,
205
00:07:59,555 --> 00:08:02,224
Leonard, Leonard,
Leonard, Leonard, Leonard,
206
00:08:02,225 --> 00:08:04,926
Leonard, Leonard, Leonard,
Leonard, Leonard,
207
00:08:04,927 --> 00:08:06,178
Leonard, Leonard,
208
00:08:06,179 --> 00:08:07,378
Leonard, Leonard...
209
00:08:07,379 --> 00:08:08,813
Yeah, what?
210
00:08:08,814 --> 00:08:11,766
Amy Farrah Fowler has asked me
to meet her mother.
211
00:08:11,767 --> 00:08:12,968
Yeah. So?
212
00:08:12,969 --> 00:08:15,654
What does that mean?
213
00:08:15,655 --> 00:08:17,606
Well, you know
how you're always saying
214
00:08:17,607 --> 00:08:19,858
that Amy is a girl
who's your friend,
215
00:08:19,859 --> 00:08:21,026
and not your girlfriend?
216
00:08:21,027 --> 00:08:23,995
Uh-huh.
You can't say
that anymore.
217
00:08:25,898 --> 00:08:27,899
Wait. What?
218
00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:29,067
Look, she obviously wants
219
00:08:29,068 --> 00:08:31,353
to take your relationship
to the next level.
220
00:08:31,354 --> 00:08:33,071
I don't want
the next level.
221
00:08:33,072 --> 00:08:35,090
I like this level.
222
00:08:35,091 --> 00:08:36,675
Fix it for me!
223
00:08:36,676 --> 00:08:38,409
Me?
224
00:08:38,410 --> 00:08:40,245
Well, how am I supposed
to fix it?
225
00:08:40,246 --> 00:08:42,097
Simple! You want a girlfriend,
226
00:08:42,098 --> 00:08:43,882
Amy wants
to be someone's girlfriend.
227
00:08:43,883 --> 00:08:46,851
Take her off my hands.
I give you my blessing.
228
00:08:46,852 --> 00:08:48,803
That is insane.
229
00:08:48,804 --> 00:08:50,388
You're right.
It would never work.
230
00:08:50,389 --> 00:08:52,023
Amy finds you tedious.
231
00:08:52,024 --> 00:08:53,775
Okay, good luck.
232
00:08:53,776 --> 00:08:55,927
Wait! What am I
supposed to do?
233
00:08:55,928 --> 00:08:58,697
Well, have you considered
telling her how you feel?
234
00:08:58,698 --> 00:09:02,484
Leonard, I'm a physicist,
not a hippie.
235
00:09:03,619 --> 00:09:05,153
All right, well, let me see
236
00:09:05,154 --> 00:09:07,455
if I can explain your situation
using physics.
237
00:09:07,456 --> 00:09:09,157
What would you be
238
00:09:09,158 --> 00:09:11,109
if you were attached
to another object
239
00:09:11,110 --> 00:09:15,447
by an inclined plane wrapped
helically around an axis?
240
00:09:15,448 --> 00:09:16,848
Screwed.
241
00:09:19,919 --> 00:09:22,053
There you go.
242
00:09:24,757 --> 00:09:26,174
Amy's right.
243
00:09:26,175 --> 00:09:28,843
He is tedious.
244
00:09:32,464 --> 00:09:37,152
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Howard, get the door!
245
00:09:37,153 --> 00:09:39,104
Why can't you get it?
246
00:09:39,105 --> 00:09:41,573
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
You know I'm doing a bowel cleanse
247
00:09:41,574 --> 00:09:45,276
for my colonoscopy!
248
00:09:45,277 --> 00:09:49,381
I'm like an upside-down
volcano here.
249
00:09:51,217 --> 00:09:53,218
Oh, hey.
250
00:09:53,219 --> 00:09:54,970
I hope you didn't hear that.
251
00:09:54,971 --> 00:09:57,088
The volcano thing? No.
252
00:09:57,089 --> 00:09:59,474
What's with the T-shirt?
253
00:09:59,475 --> 00:10:00,976
You working at the
Apple store now?
254
00:10:00,977 --> 00:10:03,228
No, it's just something
I threw on.
255
00:10:03,229 --> 00:10:04,512
I know all your shirts.
256
00:10:04,513 --> 00:10:05,930
That's not one of them...
257
00:10:05,931 --> 00:10:08,350
You were pretending to
work at the Genius Bar
258
00:10:08,351 --> 00:10:10,051
to pick up women,
weren't you?
259
00:10:10,052 --> 00:10:13,221
Yeah.
260
00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:15,774
Turns out,
they guard the iPods,
261
00:10:15,775 --> 00:10:17,909
but they don't
guard the shirts.
262
00:10:17,910 --> 00:10:19,611
So, how'd it go?
263
00:10:19,612 --> 00:10:20,729
It was going well.
264
00:10:20,730 --> 00:10:22,480
I was showing
this super hot girl
265
00:10:22,481 --> 00:10:24,199
how to boot up in Safe Mode.
266
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:27,602
The manager got suspicious,
and, well, long story short,
267
00:10:27,603 --> 00:10:31,206
they really do have
a little jail in the mall.
268
00:10:31,207 --> 00:10:34,726
Just FYI, don't try to go
back with a fake mustache.
269
00:10:34,727 --> 00:10:36,845
I mean, they may not
really be geniuses,
270
00:10:36,846 --> 00:10:39,114
but they see
right through that.
271
00:10:39,115 --> 00:10:42,067
I want to invoke
the girlfriend pact, Howard.
272
00:10:42,068 --> 00:10:43,268
You that desperate?
273
00:10:43,269 --> 00:10:45,370
No, I just...
I want what you have.
274
00:10:45,371 --> 00:10:47,672
You know, I want
a woman in my life.
275
00:10:47,673 --> 00:10:49,307
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Holy Moses,
276
00:10:49,308 --> 00:10:52,727
how much liquid can
be in one tokus?
277
00:10:55,564 --> 00:10:58,783
To be clear, I meant like
Bernadette, not your mother.
278
00:10:58,784 --> 00:11:01,353
Yeah, I know
what you mean.
279
00:11:04,841 --> 00:11:06,575
Well, I'm off to meet
Bernadette's friend.
280
00:11:06,595 --> 00:11:07,929
How do I look?
281
00:11:09,131 --> 00:11:10,232
As if one of the plants
282
00:11:10,233 --> 00:11:12,000
from
Invasion of the Body Snatchers
283
00:11:12,001 --> 00:11:13,768
duplicated you in every way,
284
00:11:13,769 --> 00:11:16,538
only with an absurd
amount of hair gel.
285
00:11:17,323 --> 00:11:18,940
What are you
working on?
286
00:11:18,941 --> 00:11:20,859
I'm removing
my digital footprint
287
00:11:20,860 --> 00:11:22,010
from the Internet
288
00:11:22,011 --> 00:11:23,962
so Amy Farrah Fowler
can't find me
289
00:11:23,963 --> 00:11:26,631
and compel me to meet her mother.
Ah.
290
00:11:26,632 --> 00:11:28,049
You're going off the grid.
291
00:11:28,050 --> 00:11:29,117
Exactly.
292
00:11:29,118 --> 00:11:32,420
The old Unabomber approach.
Kudos.
293
00:11:32,421 --> 00:11:33,722
Thank you.
294
00:11:33,723 --> 00:11:37,142
I've also sent Amy a
relationship termination notice
295
00:11:37,143 --> 00:11:40,896
and changed my cell phone number
and e-mail address.
296
00:11:40,897 --> 00:11:42,647
What if she just comes over?
297
00:11:42,648 --> 00:11:43,648
She'll get lost.
298
00:11:43,649 --> 00:11:46,451
We no longer live
at 2311 Los Robles.
299
00:11:46,452 --> 00:11:51,540
We now live at 311 Los Robles.
300
00:11:53,576 --> 00:11:55,994
You changed the address
on the building?
301
00:11:55,995 --> 00:11:57,145
What about mail?
302
00:11:57,146 --> 00:11:59,164
Oh, no worries--
I explained my predicament
303
00:11:59,165 --> 00:12:00,315
to our letter carrier.
304
00:12:00,316 --> 00:12:01,366
He was sympathetic.
305
00:12:01,367 --> 00:12:02,667
His exact words were:
306
00:12:02,668 --> 00:12:04,035
"Got your back, Jack.
307
00:12:04,036 --> 00:12:06,438
Bitches be crazy."
308
00:12:12,311 --> 00:12:13,712
Who is it?
309
00:12:13,713 --> 00:12:15,430
Amy Farrah Fowler.
310
00:12:18,334 --> 00:12:20,552
Darn! She found me!
311
00:12:20,553 --> 00:12:22,437
She's been here before.
312
00:12:23,723 --> 00:12:26,858
The only flaw in an
otherwise perfect plan.
313
00:12:28,694 --> 00:12:29,895
Now, get my back, Jack.
314
00:12:29,896 --> 00:12:32,147
What do you want to do?
Tell her I'm not here.
315
00:12:32,148 --> 00:12:33,899
Okay, where are you?
I don't know.
316
00:12:33,900 --> 00:12:35,317
You'll have to devise a scenario
317
00:12:35,318 --> 00:12:36,818
that plausibly
explains my absence,
318
00:12:36,819 --> 00:12:41,623
keeping in mind that the key to
a good lie lies in the details.
319
00:12:53,753 --> 00:12:55,003
Hi, Amy.
320
00:12:55,004 --> 00:12:56,388
Sheldon's not here.
321
00:12:56,389 --> 00:12:57,989
All right.
322
00:13:03,346 --> 00:13:05,713
Way to go on the details.
323
00:13:07,650 --> 00:13:10,235
Thanks again for
doing this, Bernadette.
324
00:13:10,236 --> 00:13:11,903
Oh, I take pacts
very seriously.
325
00:13:11,904 --> 00:13:14,222
One time at my lab,
a petri dish
326
00:13:14,223 --> 00:13:16,241
of genetically modified
super-virus went missing.
327
00:13:16,242 --> 00:13:18,893
That day we made a pinky swear
never to admit
328
00:13:18,894 --> 00:13:21,246
we crossed Ebola
with the common cold.
329
00:13:22,331 --> 00:13:24,165
Why the hell
330
00:13:24,166 --> 00:13:26,918
would you cross Ebola
with the common cold?
331
00:13:26,919 --> 00:13:28,536
We never did.
332
00:13:28,537 --> 00:13:32,407
That would be
a terrible, terrible thing.
333
00:13:33,592 --> 00:13:35,593
Hi. Sorry I'm late--
I was at the gym.
334
00:13:35,594 --> 00:13:39,047
Spin class--
worked up quite a sweat.
335
00:13:42,018 --> 00:13:44,769
Joy, this is Leonard.
Leonard, this is Joy.
336
00:13:44,770 --> 00:13:45,854
Hi.
Hi.
337
00:13:45,855 --> 00:13:47,389
You don't look
like a genius.
338
00:13:47,390 --> 00:13:48,523
Go ahead, say
something smart.
339
00:13:48,524 --> 00:13:50,408
Uh...
Aah! Time's up.
340
00:13:51,694 --> 00:13:52,861
Just kidding.
341
00:13:52,862 --> 00:13:54,863
First thing you need
to know about me:
342
00:13:54,864 --> 00:13:56,281
I'm hilarious.
343
00:13:58,117 --> 00:13:59,868
Yeah.
344
00:13:59,869 --> 00:14:01,152
So, Bernadette tells me
345
00:14:01,153 --> 00:14:03,538
she knows you from
self-defense classes?
346
00:14:03,539 --> 00:14:05,540
Yeah. Israeli Krav Maga.
347
00:14:05,541 --> 00:14:06,758
Lots of fun.
348
00:14:06,759 --> 00:14:08,626
Basically,
a hundred different ways
349
00:14:08,627 --> 00:14:10,778
to rip a guy's nuts off.
350
00:14:11,681 --> 00:14:13,448
Wow. Wouldn't think there'd
351
00:14:13,449 --> 00:14:14,716
be that many.
Number 42!
352
00:14:14,717 --> 00:14:16,251
Whoa!
353
00:14:16,252 --> 00:14:18,086
Isn't she a pip?
354
00:14:25,261 --> 00:14:28,463
Proxima Centauri's
the nearest star.
355
00:14:28,464 --> 00:14:31,683
The celestial bodies
that follow are
356
00:14:31,684 --> 00:14:34,102
Alpha Centauri A, Toli,
357
00:14:34,103 --> 00:14:35,803
Barnard's Star,
358
00:14:35,804 --> 00:14:37,989
Wolf 359...
359
00:14:42,578 --> 00:14:44,829
Lalande 21185,
360
00:14:44,830 --> 00:14:46,831
Sirius A, Sirius B,
361
00:14:46,832 --> 00:14:50,335
BL-Ceti, UV-Ceti,
362
00:14:50,336 --> 00:14:52,653
Ross 154...
363
00:14:52,654 --> 00:14:54,839
Ross 248...
364
00:14:56,509 --> 00:14:58,343
Epsilon Eridani,
365
00:14:58,344 --> 00:15:00,812
Lac-9352,
366
00:15:00,813 --> 00:15:02,097
Ross 128,
367
00:15:02,098 --> 00:15:03,982
Procyon A...
368
00:15:03,983 --> 00:15:06,551
Oh, darn, that's wrong!
369
00:15:11,490 --> 00:15:13,825
EZ Aquarii A,
370
00:15:13,826 --> 00:15:15,794
EZ Aquarii B,
371
00:15:15,795 --> 00:15:18,396
EZ Aquarii C,
372
00:15:18,397 --> 00:15:21,032
Procyon A.
373
00:15:21,967 --> 00:15:24,385
Those are the stars
that are nearest to me.
374
00:15:24,386 --> 00:15:27,205
Tra-la-la and fiddle-dee-dee.
375
00:15:31,210 --> 00:15:33,244
Oh, dear.
376
00:15:34,246 --> 00:15:37,298
They really do be crazy.
377
00:15:43,672 --> 00:15:45,507
This lobster's good
on the way down
378
00:15:45,508 --> 00:15:47,342
and the way up.
379
00:15:48,477 --> 00:15:51,212
Should be-- it's
$30 a pound.
380
00:15:52,231 --> 00:15:55,383
Hey, this is a date, right?
381
00:15:56,385 --> 00:15:57,519
Yep, it is.
382
00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:58,987
73!
Whoa!
383
00:16:00,573 --> 00:16:04,275
Excuse me, I have to go
to the little girls' room...
384
00:16:04,276 --> 00:16:05,827
and take a wicked whiz.
385
00:16:06,495 --> 00:16:07,996
I'll go with you.
386
00:16:07,997 --> 00:16:09,998
Fair warning--
I had the asparagus.
387
00:16:09,999 --> 00:16:12,817
My pea is gonna
stink up the place.
388
00:16:14,470 --> 00:16:16,337
I think she likes you.
389
00:16:20,292 --> 00:16:23,545
EZ Aquarii B...
390
00:16:23,546 --> 00:16:25,513
EZ Aquarii C...
391
00:16:33,105 --> 00:16:35,723
Excuse me, madam.
392
00:16:36,725 --> 00:16:37,942
Sheldon?
393
00:16:37,943 --> 00:16:40,278
Rats!
394
00:16:40,279 --> 00:16:43,982
I believe a misunderstanding
may have occurred
395
00:16:43,983 --> 00:16:46,234
when I asked you
to meet my mother.
396
00:16:46,235 --> 00:16:47,535
No misunderstanding.
397
00:16:47,536 --> 00:16:49,988
I've learned what that
request actually means,
398
00:16:49,989 --> 00:16:52,874
and I don't want to be
joined to another object
399
00:16:52,875 --> 00:16:56,678
by an inclined plane wrapped
helically around an axis.
400
00:16:56,679 --> 00:16:58,880
In what way are
you screwed?
401
00:17:00,282 --> 00:17:03,318
All I want to do is present you
as my boyfriend to my mother
402
00:17:03,319 --> 00:17:05,553
so she'll be satisfied
that I'm in a relationship.
403
00:17:06,388 --> 00:17:08,556
So we'd be
perpetrating a ruse?
404
00:17:08,557 --> 00:17:09,991
Precisely.
405
00:17:09,992 --> 00:17:13,628
And you haven't fallen
hopelessly in love with me?
406
00:17:13,629 --> 00:17:15,430
Don't be absurd.
407
00:17:16,565 --> 00:17:18,333
I find the notion
of romantic love
408
00:17:18,334 --> 00:17:20,001
to be an unnecessary
cultural construct
409
00:17:20,002 --> 00:17:22,337
that adds no value to
human relationships.
410
00:17:22,338 --> 00:17:25,857
Amy Farrah Fowler, that's
the most pragmatic thing
411
00:17:25,858 --> 00:17:28,176
anyone has ever said to me.
412
00:17:28,177 --> 00:17:30,745
I trust this clarification
allows us to return
413
00:17:30,746 --> 00:17:33,848
to boy-slash-friend-slash-
girl-slash-friend status.
414
00:17:33,849 --> 00:17:35,166
Of course.
415
00:17:35,167 --> 00:17:37,802
Would you like to join me
for Chinese food?
416
00:17:37,803 --> 00:17:40,421
Sheldon, please,
you're suffocating me.
417
00:17:42,124 --> 00:17:43,824
My apologies.
418
00:17:43,825 --> 00:17:46,844
Good night, Amy.
Good night, Sheldon.
419
00:17:47,963 --> 00:17:49,414
Come on, just
give her a chance.
420
00:17:49,415 --> 00:17:51,282
Maybe she'll grow on you.
421
00:17:51,283 --> 00:17:55,436
Or maybe she'll finally succeed in
ripping my nuts off.
422
00:17:56,655 --> 00:17:59,607
There are still 93 ways
she hasn't tried yet.
423
00:17:59,608 --> 00:18:01,593
Look, H-Howard,
I appreciate
424
00:18:01,594 --> 00:18:04,712
the effort, but this is, like,
the worst date of my life.
425
00:18:04,713 --> 00:18:06,147
Seriously?
426
00:18:06,148 --> 00:18:09,951
I was once robbed by a pre-op
transsexual I met on J-Date,
427
00:18:09,952 --> 00:18:13,154
and that didn't
even crack my top ten.
428
00:18:13,155 --> 00:18:16,241
I guess the difference is,
I have some self-respect.
429
00:18:16,242 --> 00:18:19,143
Not that I've ever seen.
430
00:18:19,144 --> 00:18:20,828
It's relatively new.
431
00:18:20,829 --> 00:18:22,463
I just know that
432
00:18:22,464 --> 00:18:24,999
I'm not gonna spend time
with someone I don't like
433
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,584
simply to have a girlfriend.
434
00:18:26,585 --> 00:18:28,002
I'm okay on my own.
435
00:18:28,003 --> 00:18:31,872
Good news-- I made
lots of room for dessert.
436
00:18:33,058 --> 00:18:35,876
Look, uh, Joy, it was nice
to meet you, but...
437
00:18:35,877 --> 00:18:38,179
Yeah, you, too.
Hey, you got anything for next weekend?
438
00:18:38,180 --> 00:18:39,998
I need a date for
my cousin's wedding.
439
00:18:39,999 --> 00:18:41,349
You're asking me out?
440
00:18:41,350 --> 00:18:42,383
Yeah.
441
00:18:42,384 --> 00:18:43,685
And it's an open bar,
442
00:18:43,686 --> 00:18:46,738
so I'll probably
be giving it away.
443
00:18:48,824 --> 00:18:51,359
I look forward to it.
444
00:18:57,256 --> 00:18:59,441
MRS. FOWLER
It's nice to meet you, too, Sheldon.
445
00:18:59,515 --> 00:19:01,183
I honestly didn't believe Amy
446
00:19:01,184 --> 00:19:03,775
when she told me
she had a boyfriend.
447
00:19:04,585 --> 00:19:06,905
I assure you I am quite real
448
00:19:06,908 --> 00:19:10,444
and I'm having regular intercourse
with your daughter.
449
00:19:11,446 --> 00:19:13,464
What?
450
00:19:13,465 --> 00:19:14,715
Oh, yes.
451
00:19:14,716 --> 00:19:17,918
We're like wild
animals in heat.
452
00:19:17,919 --> 00:19:21,188
It's a wonder neither
of us has been hurt.
453
00:19:21,189 --> 00:19:24,191
Amy... what is he saying?
454
00:19:24,192 --> 00:19:27,144
You wanted me to have
a boyfriend, Mother.
455
00:19:27,145 --> 00:19:29,213
Well, here he is.
456
00:19:31,900 --> 00:19:33,367
Have to sign off now.
457
00:19:33,368 --> 00:19:36,136
My hunger for Sheldon
is stirring in my loins.
458
00:19:37,489 --> 00:19:39,890
Oh, yes, it's time
for me to make love
459
00:19:39,891 --> 00:19:41,358
to your daughter's vagina.
460
00:19:45,864 --> 00:19:48,365
Thank you, Sheldon,
that went very well.
461
00:19:48,366 --> 00:19:49,917
Agreed.
462
00:19:49,918 --> 00:19:52,086
Amy, I find
myself wondering
463
00:19:52,087 --> 00:19:54,621
if we should actually
engage in coitus
464
00:19:54,622 --> 00:19:57,324
at least one time
in our relationship.
465
00:19:58,009 --> 00:19:59,877
Bazinga.
466
00:20:01,346 --> 00:20:03,514
Bedtime. Please
show yourself out.
467
00:20:03,515 --> 00:20:06,599
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --