1
00:00:01,460 --> 00:00:04,028
I'm telling you, if xenon emits
ultraviolet light,
2
00:00:04,029 --> 00:00:06,430
then those dark matter
discoveries must be wrong.
3
00:00:06,431 --> 00:00:08,432
Yes, well, if we lived
in a world
4
00:00:08,433 --> 00:00:10,468
where slow-moving xenon
produced light,
5
00:00:10,469 --> 00:00:11,702
then you'd be correct.
6
00:00:11,703 --> 00:00:13,237
Also, pigs would fly,
7
00:00:13,238 --> 00:00:15,072
my derriere would produce
cotton candy,
8
00:00:15,073 --> 00:00:18,676
and The Phantom Menace
would be a timeless classic.
9
00:00:18,677 --> 00:00:19,877
Oh, you're so arrogant.
10
00:00:19,878 --> 00:00:21,178
If you were a superhero,
11
00:00:21,179 --> 00:00:22,947
your name would be
Captain Arrogant.
12
00:00:22,948 --> 00:00:25,116
And you know
what your superpower would be?
13
00:00:25,117 --> 00:00:26,617
Arrogance.
14
00:00:26,618 --> 00:00:28,886
You're wrong again.
15
00:00:28,887 --> 00:00:34,725
If my superpower were arrogance,
my name would be Dr. Arroganto.
16
00:00:34,726 --> 00:00:37,862
I love watching Raj and Sheldon
try to work together.
17
00:00:37,863 --> 00:00:39,864
Yeah, it's like
if Alien and Predator decided
18
00:00:39,865 --> 00:00:43,300
to go partners
in a Jamba Juice.
19
00:00:43,301 --> 00:00:45,169
Has it occurred to you
you're missing the big picture?
20
00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:47,271
If you look at neutron
scattering data...
Oh, Penny?
21
00:00:47,272 --> 00:00:48,339
Penny?
What's up?
22
00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:50,141
Nothing. I just wanted
23
00:00:50,142 --> 00:00:52,409
to make Raj stop talking.
24
00:00:52,410 --> 00:00:54,311
No, no, no.
25
00:00:54,312 --> 00:00:55,980
He won. Suck it up.
26
00:00:55,981 --> 00:00:58,415
Well, I'd ask you guys
if you want dessert,
27
00:00:58,416 --> 00:01:00,618
but I know Sheldon doesn't
eat dessert on Tuesdays.
28
00:01:00,619 --> 00:01:03,087
And even if Raj wanted
something, he couldn't tell me.
29
00:01:03,088 --> 00:01:04,321
Howard won't order anything,
30
00:01:04,322 --> 00:01:06,490
but he will come up
with some sort of skeevy comment
31
00:01:06,491 --> 00:01:08,125
involving the words pie
or cheesecake.
32
00:01:08,126 --> 00:01:10,327
And Leonard's
lactose intolerant,
33
00:01:10,328 --> 00:01:11,729
so he can't eat anything here
34
00:01:11,730 --> 00:01:13,264
without his intestines
blowing up
35
00:01:13,265 --> 00:01:14,498
like a balloon animal.
36
00:01:14,499 --> 00:01:17,268
Hang on a second.
37
00:01:17,269 --> 00:01:18,836
I could have the fruit platter.
38
00:01:18,837 --> 00:01:19,804
You want the fruit platter?
39
00:01:19,805 --> 00:01:21,338
Does it have melon
on it?
Yeah.
40
00:01:21,339 --> 00:01:22,807
No, I can't eat melon.
41
00:01:24,075 --> 00:01:25,342
Oh, Howard,
heads up.
42
00:01:25,343 --> 00:01:28,512
Your ex-girlfriend just
came in for her shift.
43
00:01:28,513 --> 00:01:30,347
When was the last time
you saw her?
44
00:01:30,348 --> 00:01:31,949
Oh, not since we broke up.
45
00:01:31,950 --> 00:01:35,085
Wow. How am I going
to play this?
46
00:01:35,086 --> 00:01:37,154
Sophisticated and relaxed?
47
00:01:37,155 --> 00:01:38,556
Friendly, noncommittal?
48
00:01:38,557 --> 00:01:40,357
Cold and distant?
49
00:01:43,628 --> 00:01:45,062
Hi, guys.
Hey.
50
00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:46,831
Hello.
51
00:01:46,832 --> 00:01:51,035
I see you decided to go
with pathetic and frightened.
52
00:01:51,036 --> 00:01:53,637
It's one of his best moves.
53
00:01:53,638 --> 00:01:57,274
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
54
00:01:57,275 --> 00:02:00,611
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
55
00:02:00,612 --> 00:02:02,146
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
56
00:02:02,147 --> 00:02:04,782
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
57
00:02:04,783 --> 00:02:07,484
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
58
00:02:07,485 --> 00:02:10,120
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
59
00:02:10,121 --> 00:02:12,022
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
60
00:02:12,023 --> 00:02:12,881
♪ Bang! ♪
61
00:02:12,891 --> 00:02:17,791
♪ The Big Bang Theory 4x04 ♪
The Hot Troll Deviation
Original Air Date on October 14, 2010
62
00:02:17,801 --> 00:02:20,952
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
63
00:02:40,922 --> 00:02:44,458
So, my dear, we meet again.
64
00:02:46,328 --> 00:02:48,162
Hello, Howard.
65
00:02:48,163 --> 00:02:49,530
I've missed you.
66
00:02:49,531 --> 00:02:53,434
I've missed you,
Katee Sackhoff.
67
00:02:53,435 --> 00:02:55,736
One question.
Anything.
68
00:02:55,737 --> 00:02:59,240
Why am I wearing my
Battlestar Galactica
flight suit in bed?
69
00:02:59,241 --> 00:03:02,376
Why are you in bed with me?
70
00:03:02,377 --> 00:03:06,180
If we start to question this,
it all falls apart.
71
00:03:06,181 --> 00:03:07,348
Sorry.
72
00:03:09,317 --> 00:03:10,584
Oh, ravish
me, Howard.
73
00:03:10,585 --> 00:03:12,820
My loins
ache for you.
74
00:03:13,855 --> 00:03:16,056
Okay, if you insist.
75
00:03:17,392 --> 00:03:19,493
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Howard, have you seen
76
00:03:19,494 --> 00:03:20,861
my girdle?!
77
00:03:20,862 --> 00:03:22,496
No, Ma!
78
00:03:22,497 --> 00:03:25,966
I can't find it, and I'm late
for my Weight Watchers meeting!
79
00:03:25,967 --> 00:03:28,102
Maybe it committed suicide!
80
00:03:28,103 --> 00:03:29,537
Leave me alone!
81
00:03:31,773 --> 00:03:33,340
Now, where were we?
82
00:03:33,341 --> 00:03:35,376
I believe you
were about
83
00:03:35,377 --> 00:03:38,178
to rip off my uniform
with your teeth.
84
00:03:38,179 --> 00:03:39,713
Bernadette?!
85
00:03:39,714 --> 00:03:41,081
What are you doing here?
86
00:03:41,082 --> 00:03:43,217
Well, if I had to
guess, I'd say I'm here
87
00:03:43,218 --> 00:03:44,818
because you saw me
earlier this evening,
88
00:03:44,819 --> 00:03:46,320
and you're still
hung up on me.
89
00:03:46,321 --> 00:03:47,555
No, I'm not.
90
00:03:47,556 --> 00:03:50,024
Clearly you are.
91
00:03:51,626 --> 00:03:53,827
Otherwise, based
on past experience,
92
00:03:53,828 --> 00:03:55,996
we'd be done by now.
93
00:03:56,932 --> 00:03:59,466
Okay,
I'm a little confused here.
94
00:03:59,467 --> 00:04:01,635
GEORGE TAKEI:
Oh, my.
95
00:04:01,636 --> 00:04:03,170
Can I help?
96
00:04:05,073 --> 00:04:07,608
Not that kind of confused.
97
00:04:07,609 --> 00:04:09,443
What's George
Takei doing here?
98
00:04:09,444 --> 00:04:12,046
Howard, do you have
latent homosexual tendencies?
99
00:04:12,047 --> 00:04:14,081
No, of course not.
100
00:04:14,082 --> 00:04:15,683
So you say.
101
00:04:15,684 --> 00:04:18,052
Yet, here I am.
102
00:04:20,455 --> 00:04:22,323
George, let me
ask you something.
103
00:04:22,324 --> 00:04:24,191
How did you deal
with being typecast
104
00:04:24,192 --> 00:04:25,659
as a science fiction icon?
105
00:04:25,660 --> 00:04:27,194
It's difficult.
106
00:04:27,195 --> 00:04:29,063
You try and stretch
as an actor--
107
00:04:29,064 --> 00:04:30,497
do Strindberg, O'Neill,
108
00:04:30,498 --> 00:04:34,602
but all they want is,
"Course laid in, Captain."
109
00:04:34,603 --> 00:04:35,869
Tell me about it.
110
00:04:35,870 --> 00:04:39,139
It's frackin'
frustrating.
111
00:04:39,140 --> 00:04:41,375
Wait. Katee,
why are you leaving?
112
00:04:41,376 --> 00:04:44,345
She's leaving because you
really want to be with me.
113
00:04:44,346 --> 00:04:47,915
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Howard, I found my girdle!
114
00:04:47,916 --> 00:04:49,583
It was in the dryer!
115
00:04:49,584 --> 00:04:51,285
Great, Ma!
116
00:04:51,286 --> 00:04:52,720
I think it shrunk!
117
00:04:52,721 --> 00:04:57,057
I'm spilling out like
the Pillsbury Doughboy here!
118
00:04:57,058 --> 00:04:59,193
And with that mental picture,
119
00:04:59,194 --> 00:05:01,762
I think we're done
for the evening.
120
00:05:07,369 --> 00:05:09,470
You know, you never
told me what happened
121
00:05:09,471 --> 00:05:10,804
between you
and Bernadette.
122
00:05:10,805 --> 00:05:12,406
I did a stupid thing.
123
00:05:12,407 --> 00:05:14,842
Yeah, I guessed that.
124
00:05:14,843 --> 00:05:16,377
It was the kind of thing
125
00:05:16,378 --> 00:05:18,879
that makes it kind of hard
to face her now.
126
00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:21,548
That covers anything
from farting in bed
127
00:05:21,549 --> 00:05:24,184
to killing a homeless guy.
128
00:05:24,953 --> 00:05:26,387
Oh, my God.
129
00:05:26,388 --> 00:05:28,322
You ran over a hobo.
130
00:05:28,323 --> 00:05:30,624
No. Stop asking.
131
00:05:30,625 --> 00:05:33,327
All right, fine. So you want to
get back together with her,
132
00:05:33,328 --> 00:05:34,895
but you're too
ashamed to face her
133
00:05:34,896 --> 00:05:36,563
because of whatever
it is you did.
134
00:05:36,564 --> 00:05:37,765
In a nutshell.
Okay.
135
00:05:37,766 --> 00:05:39,466
Well, how about this?
136
00:05:39,467 --> 00:05:41,635
Kidnap Bernadette from the opera
137
00:05:41,636 --> 00:05:44,938
wearing a creepy mask so
she doesn't know it's you.
138
00:05:44,939 --> 00:05:48,942
Now, you see, I don't know
if you're kidding or not.
139
00:05:48,943 --> 00:05:51,045
You're being
unreasonable.
140
00:05:51,046 --> 00:05:53,280
Why can't
I have a desk?!
141
00:05:53,281 --> 00:05:55,449
Our collaboration is a work
of the mind.
142
00:05:55,450 --> 00:05:56,884
We don't need desks.
143
00:05:56,885 --> 00:05:58,118
You have a desk.
144
00:05:58,119 --> 00:05:59,953
Correct.
But I can't have one.
145
00:05:59,954 --> 00:06:02,356
You're two for two.
146
00:06:02,357 --> 00:06:04,124
Why can't he have a desk,
Sheldon?
147
00:06:04,125 --> 00:06:05,859
Oh, Lord, will
this day never end?
148
00:06:05,860 --> 00:06:08,996
As I've explained repeatedly
to Dr. Koothrappali,
149
00:06:08,997 --> 00:06:11,398
whose ability to comprehend
the American idiom fails him
150
00:06:11,399 --> 00:06:12,800
when it's convenient,
151
00:06:12,801 --> 00:06:14,301
there's absolutely
no money
152
00:06:14,302 --> 00:06:16,904
in my budget for
additional office furniture.
153
00:06:16,905 --> 00:06:19,807
Oh, but there's money
for a drawer full of Red Vines,
154
00:06:19,808 --> 00:06:21,408
a marshmallow shooting rifle,
155
00:06:21,409 --> 00:06:25,045
and a super executive ant farm
with glow-in-the-dark sand?
156
00:06:25,046 --> 00:06:28,282
Yes.
157
00:06:28,283 --> 00:06:29,950
Okay, what if he
buys his own desk?
158
00:06:29,951 --> 00:06:31,518
Yeah, what
if I buy my own desk?
159
00:06:31,519 --> 00:06:33,187
That's ridiculous.
Why?
160
00:06:33,188 --> 00:06:35,389
Because...
161
00:06:38,693 --> 00:06:39,927
Yes?
162
00:06:39,928 --> 00:06:42,529
It's my office.
163
00:06:43,498 --> 00:06:45,199
Sheldon.
All right, all right.
164
00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:47,067
He can buy his own desk.
165
00:06:47,068 --> 00:06:48,836
And I can put it in your office?
166
00:06:48,837 --> 00:06:50,204
Well, you really want
167
00:06:50,205 --> 00:06:52,506
to dot the I's and cross
the T's, don't you?
168
00:06:53,575 --> 00:06:55,175
Why would you want
a glow-in-the-dark ant farm?
169
00:06:55,176 --> 00:06:57,911
They do some
of their best work at night.
170
00:07:03,785 --> 00:07:05,519
Ah, it's okay.
171
00:07:07,822 --> 00:07:08,789
Penny?
172
00:07:08,790 --> 00:07:10,357
Penny?
173
00:07:10,358 --> 00:07:12,559
Penny?
174
00:07:17,532 --> 00:07:19,767
Penny?
175
00:07:22,704 --> 00:07:25,339
Would you have opened the door
if you knew it was me?
176
00:07:25,340 --> 00:07:26,607
Not since I found out
177
00:07:26,608 --> 00:07:29,843
the teddy bear you gave me
had a webcam in it.
178
00:07:29,844 --> 00:07:32,546
I just have a question.
179
00:07:32,547 --> 00:07:35,115
Does Bernadette
ever talk about me?
180
00:07:35,116 --> 00:07:36,083
Oh, absolutely.
181
00:07:36,084 --> 00:07:37,317
She does?
Yeah, sure.
182
00:07:37,318 --> 00:07:38,385
Just yesterday, she asked,
183
00:07:38,386 --> 00:07:40,821
"Why is Howard hiding
under the table?"
184
00:07:40,822 --> 00:07:43,257
She saw that, huh?
185
00:07:43,258 --> 00:07:44,458
Oh, no, not at first.
186
00:07:44,459 --> 00:07:46,393
Right after I pointed it out.
187
00:07:46,394 --> 00:07:47,961
Let me ask you something else.
188
00:07:47,962 --> 00:07:50,297
Is she seeing anybody?
189
00:07:50,298 --> 00:07:51,732
Oh, not that I know of.
190
00:07:51,733 --> 00:07:53,167
Hey, while
we're on the subject,
191
00:07:53,168 --> 00:07:54,835
why did you guys break up
anyway?
192
00:07:54,836 --> 00:07:56,904
Oh, I'd rather not say.
193
00:07:56,905 --> 00:07:59,139
Howard, if you want my help,
I've got to know what happened.
194
00:07:59,140 --> 00:08:00,674
But it's embarrassing...
195
00:08:00,675 --> 00:08:03,343
Yeah, that's what
I'm counting on. Spill.
196
00:08:04,445 --> 00:08:07,915
Okay. Well, you know
World of Warcraft?
197
00:08:07,916 --> 00:08:09,583
Um, the online game? Sure.
198
00:08:09,584 --> 00:08:11,018
Well, did you know
199
00:08:11,019 --> 00:08:14,755
that the characters in the game
can have sex with each other?
200
00:08:16,224 --> 00:08:20,093
Oh, God. I think
I see where this is going.
201
00:08:20,094 --> 00:08:22,696
Her name was
Glissinda the Troll.
202
00:08:24,632 --> 00:08:26,667
Bernadette walked in on me
203
00:08:26,668 --> 00:08:28,869
while we were doing
the cyber-nasty
204
00:08:28,870 --> 00:08:30,938
under the Bridge of Souls.
205
00:08:30,939 --> 00:08:33,140
Oh, you're right.
206
00:08:33,141 --> 00:08:35,008
That is so embarrassing.
207
00:08:35,009 --> 00:08:37,177
Would you talk to her?
208
00:08:37,178 --> 00:08:39,213
Bernadette or the troll?
209
00:08:39,214 --> 00:08:41,215
Bernadette. She
was so mad at me,
210
00:08:41,216 --> 00:08:43,851
she wouldn't even listen
to my side of the story.
211
00:08:43,852 --> 00:08:45,285
Well, what was your side?
212
00:08:45,286 --> 00:08:46,520
Well, for all we know,
213
00:08:46,521 --> 00:08:48,522
Glissinda the Troll
wasn't even a real woman.
214
00:08:48,523 --> 00:08:50,858
I mean, she could've been
a 50-year-old truck driver
215
00:08:50,859 --> 00:08:52,793
in New Jersey.
216
00:08:52,794 --> 00:08:56,496
Really? And that didn't
make her feel better?
217
00:08:56,497 --> 00:08:59,833
Will you talk to her, see
if there's any chance at all
218
00:08:59,834 --> 00:09:01,468
we could get back together?
219
00:09:01,469 --> 00:09:03,036
Oh, gee, Howard,
I really don't want
220
00:09:03,037 --> 00:09:04,538
to get in the middle of this.
221
00:09:04,539 --> 00:09:06,106
No. Why would you?
222
00:09:06,107 --> 00:09:10,444
I'm just another lonely
nerd, living with his mother,
223
00:09:10,445 --> 00:09:13,347
trying to find any scrap
of happiness he can.
224
00:09:13,348 --> 00:09:16,483
You know, maybe to make up
for the fact that his dad
225
00:09:16,484 --> 00:09:18,352
left him when
he was 11.
226
00:09:18,353 --> 00:09:20,687
Okay, I will think about it.
227
00:09:20,688 --> 00:09:23,190
You know, I've always
blamed myself
228
00:09:23,191 --> 00:09:24,625
for him leaving.
229
00:09:24,626 --> 00:09:28,195
I always thought it was because
I wasn't the son he wanted.
230
00:09:28,196 --> 00:09:29,663
Yeah, I said I'd
think about it.
231
00:09:29,664 --> 00:09:32,232
I wasn't athletic,
yeah, I was kind of sickly...
232
00:09:32,233 --> 00:09:34,902
Okay, fine. Look, look,
I'm calling her now! See?!
233
00:09:34,903 --> 00:09:37,371
Thank you.
234
00:09:39,774 --> 00:09:41,141
So anyway,
Howard asked Penny
235
00:09:41,142 --> 00:09:42,976
to talk to Bernadette,
and she did,
236
00:09:42,977 --> 00:09:45,779
and Bernadette agreed to meet
him for a cup of coffee.
237
00:09:45,780 --> 00:09:47,180
One question.
Yeah?
238
00:09:47,181 --> 00:09:49,950
Why on earth
are you telling me all this?
239
00:09:49,951 --> 00:09:51,952
I don't know.
240
00:09:51,953 --> 00:09:54,354
Sometimes your movements
are so lifelike,
241
00:09:54,355 --> 00:09:56,857
I forget you're
not a real boy.
242
00:10:18,588 --> 00:10:20,355
You said I could
buy a desk.
243
00:10:20,356 --> 00:10:22,491
This isn't a desk.
244
00:10:22,492 --> 00:10:26,428
This is a...
Brobdingnagian
monstrosity.
245
00:10:26,429 --> 00:10:28,397
Is that the American idiom
246
00:10:28,398 --> 00:10:31,300
for "giant, big-ass desk"?
247
00:10:31,301 --> 00:10:34,136
It's actually British.
248
00:10:34,137 --> 00:10:35,771
Can you say it again for me?
249
00:10:35,772 --> 00:10:37,372
Brobdingnagian.
250
00:10:37,373 --> 00:10:38,473
One more time?
251
00:10:38,474 --> 00:10:40,742
Brobdingnagian.
252
00:10:40,743 --> 00:10:42,144
Now three times fast?
253
00:10:42,145 --> 00:10:44,146
Brobdingnagian, Brobdingna...
254
00:10:47,617 --> 00:10:49,418
How did you even
get it in here?
255
00:10:49,419 --> 00:10:52,721
That's for me, Ramon, Julio,
Jesus and Rodrigo to know
256
00:10:52,722 --> 00:10:54,289
and you to find out.
257
00:10:54,290 --> 00:10:57,859
All right, you've
made your point.
258
00:10:57,860 --> 00:11:00,729
A fine prank, very amusing.
259
00:11:00,730 --> 00:11:03,232
Now get it out.
260
00:11:03,233 --> 00:11:04,633
No.
261
00:11:04,634 --> 00:11:05,834
Yes.
262
00:11:05,835 --> 00:11:06,835
Yes.
No.
263
00:11:06,836 --> 00:11:08,437
Yes!
I have three brothers
264
00:11:08,438 --> 00:11:11,206
and two sisters, Sheldon--
I can do this all day.
265
00:11:11,207 --> 00:11:13,909
All right, if you're
not going to remove it,
266
00:11:13,910 --> 00:11:15,510
I'll remove it for you.
267
00:11:15,511 --> 00:11:16,812
Knock yourself out.
268
00:11:28,591 --> 00:11:31,126
Help me move my desk.
269
00:11:31,127 --> 00:11:32,261
No.
Yes.
270
00:11:32,262 --> 00:11:33,328
No.
Yes.
271
00:11:33,329 --> 00:11:37,065
No. It's too Brobdingnagian.
272
00:11:37,066 --> 00:11:40,002
Why do you even want this here?
273
00:11:40,003 --> 00:11:43,272
Its size is completely
disproportionate
to its purpose.
274
00:11:43,273 --> 00:11:45,540
Well, seeing as its purpose
was to piss you off,
275
00:11:45,541 --> 00:11:48,543
I'd say it's spot-on.
276
00:11:49,912 --> 00:11:52,414
All right, I see
what's going on.
277
00:11:52,415 --> 00:11:55,183
This is the opening
salvo in what will be
278
00:11:55,184 --> 00:11:59,288
an escalating series of
juvenile tit-for-tat exchanges.
279
00:11:59,289 --> 00:12:01,523
Well titted.
280
00:12:01,524 --> 00:12:02,524
Thank you.
281
00:12:02,525 --> 00:12:05,494
Stand by for my upcoming tat.
282
00:12:05,495 --> 00:12:06,595
Hey, Sheldon?
283
00:12:06,596 --> 00:12:07,629
Yes?
284
00:12:07,630 --> 00:12:09,431
No.
285
00:12:09,432 --> 00:12:12,034
See what I did there?
I turned it around.
286
00:12:17,607 --> 00:12:18,974
Sorry,
287
00:12:18,975 --> 00:12:20,208
I had to clock out.
288
00:12:20,209 --> 00:12:21,610
Oh, no, that's okay.
289
00:12:21,611 --> 00:12:23,645
How have you been?
290
00:12:23,646 --> 00:12:27,382
Okay. You know,
busy, schoolwork. You?
291
00:12:27,383 --> 00:12:30,385
Same. I took a scuba-diving
course over the summer,
292
00:12:30,386 --> 00:12:33,922
but it turns out I'm
terrified of the ocean.
293
00:12:33,923 --> 00:12:35,590
Too bad.
294
00:12:35,591 --> 00:12:39,961
You wouldn't know anybody
who wants to buy a wet
suit, boy's large?
295
00:12:41,130 --> 00:12:43,632
Yeah, forget it.
Not important.
296
00:12:43,633 --> 00:12:46,835
So, are you
seeing anyone?
297
00:12:46,836 --> 00:12:48,804
Well, to be honest, I...
Hey, how are we
298
00:12:48,805 --> 00:12:50,972
doing over here? Can I
get you something to drink?
299
00:12:50,973 --> 00:12:52,741
Not for me, thanks.
I'm okay.
300
00:12:52,742 --> 00:12:54,209
Are you gonna want
to order food?
301
00:12:54,210 --> 00:12:55,243
Maybe later.
Okay.
302
00:12:55,244 --> 00:12:57,312
So, are you seeing anybody?
303
00:12:57,313 --> 00:12:58,447
No.
304
00:12:58,448 --> 00:13:00,415
That's what I told him
when he asked me.
305
00:13:00,416 --> 00:13:02,217
I hope that's not out of line.
306
00:13:02,218 --> 00:13:05,354
No, it's fine.
Penny, can we have
a little privacy?
307
00:13:05,355 --> 00:13:07,923
Oh. I'm sorry.
308
00:13:09,292 --> 00:13:12,928
What about you,
have you been seeing anybody?
309
00:13:12,929 --> 00:13:15,263
Well, you know
how it is with guys.
310
00:13:15,264 --> 00:13:16,865
I mean, we have needs and...
311
00:13:16,866 --> 00:13:19,000
So you've been seeing
other girls?
312
00:13:19,001 --> 00:13:21,937
Well, not real girls.
313
00:13:23,473 --> 00:13:26,775
Does that mean slutty trolls?
314
00:13:26,776 --> 00:13:27,976
You know, you look thirsty.
315
00:13:27,977 --> 00:13:29,978
I brought you some iced tea.
Thank you.
316
00:13:29,979 --> 00:13:31,880
It's passion fruit,
new on the menu.
317
00:13:31,881 --> 00:13:34,116
I know. I work here.
Oh, sorry.
318
00:13:35,151 --> 00:13:37,119
Yeah, you're right. Doy.
319
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:38,220
So, Howard,
320
00:13:38,221 --> 00:13:39,321
yay or nay?
321
00:13:39,322 --> 00:13:41,857
Isn't there somewhere else
you can be?
322
00:13:41,858 --> 00:13:44,126
Not where I can hear you guys.
323
00:13:46,129 --> 00:13:47,529
Okay, fine.
324
00:13:48,631 --> 00:13:51,967
I'll admit, there are dark,
sordid little corners
325
00:13:51,968 --> 00:13:54,269
of the Internet
where the name Wolowizard
326
00:13:54,270 --> 00:13:56,138
is whispered in hushed tones.
327
00:13:57,373 --> 00:13:59,741
The only reason I go there,
328
00:13:59,742 --> 00:14:01,810
the only reason
I've ever gone there
329
00:14:01,811 --> 00:14:05,213
is because I don't have
a real woman in my life.
330
00:14:06,249 --> 00:14:09,217
You happy?
Yeah, that'll hold me
for a while.
331
00:14:10,820 --> 00:14:12,687
Howard, you did have
a real woman.
332
00:14:12,688 --> 00:14:14,823
I was right there
in the next room
333
00:14:14,824 --> 00:14:18,059
while you were clicking
that troll's brains out.
334
00:14:20,430 --> 00:14:22,497
Yeah, but we
weren't...
335
00:14:22,498 --> 00:14:24,166
I-I mean, you
and I never...
336
00:14:24,167 --> 00:14:25,434
Had sex?
337
00:14:25,435 --> 00:14:26,501
Yeah.
338
00:14:26,502 --> 00:14:27,803
Well, whose fault was that?
339
00:14:27,804 --> 00:14:30,172
Complimentary nachos!
340
00:14:31,007 --> 00:14:32,774
You enjoy.
341
00:14:32,775 --> 00:14:35,343
Never had sex? Wow.
342
00:14:35,344 --> 00:14:38,213
What do you mean,
whose fault was that?
343
00:14:38,214 --> 00:14:39,781
Well, we could've
been having sex,
344
00:14:39,782 --> 00:14:41,216
but you never made the move.
345
00:14:41,217 --> 00:14:43,685
I didn't think you wanted me
to make the move.
346
00:14:43,686 --> 00:14:46,588
Howard, a girl doesn't go out
with a man like you,
347
00:14:46,589 --> 00:14:48,457
with your looks,
your fancy patter
348
00:14:48,458 --> 00:14:52,027
and your tight hoochie pants
if she's not expecting him
349
00:14:52,028 --> 00:14:54,629
to eventually make the move.
350
00:14:54,630 --> 00:14:56,298
Really?
351
00:14:56,299 --> 00:14:57,365
Really.
352
00:14:57,366 --> 00:15:00,268
Son of a bitch.
353
00:15:00,269 --> 00:15:03,038
Hey, this is a little awkward,
but my manager says
354
00:15:03,039 --> 00:15:05,140
I can't actually
give nachos away.
355
00:15:05,141 --> 00:15:08,577
So... just take that
when you're ready.
356
00:15:10,980 --> 00:15:12,948
Yeah, we had
a really great talk,
357
00:15:12,949 --> 00:15:15,217
and we're gonna start
seeing each other again.
358
00:15:15,218 --> 00:15:16,318
Oh, congratulations.
359
00:15:16,319 --> 00:15:19,654
Have you broken it
to the troll yet?
360
00:15:19,655 --> 00:15:21,456
Did Penny tell you about that?
361
00:15:21,457 --> 00:15:23,425
No. Steve Patterson told me.
362
00:15:23,426 --> 00:15:27,529
The greasy old fat guy
in Facilities Management?
363
00:15:27,530 --> 00:15:29,831
Yeah.
How'd he know about it?
364
00:15:29,832 --> 00:15:32,634
He's Glissinda the troll.
365
00:15:32,635 --> 00:15:34,336
Sorry, dude,
366
00:15:34,337 --> 00:15:36,338
the thermostat's
on my side of the room,
367
00:15:36,339 --> 00:15:40,609
so it stays Mumbai hot
in here until you turn off
that stupid Indian music!
368
00:15:40,610 --> 00:15:42,277
I'll turn off the music
369
00:15:42,278 --> 00:15:44,713
when you get rid of that
salmonella-ridden parakeet!
370
00:15:44,714 --> 00:15:47,916
Oh, too bad! Sheldon's
pathologically
afraid of birds!
371
00:15:47,917 --> 00:15:51,253
Hey, look, Sheldon!
Birdie, birdie, birdie!
372
00:15:51,254 --> 00:15:53,955
That's it! Prepare
for marshmallow death!
373
00:15:53,956 --> 00:15:55,557
Eat flaming Nerf!
374
00:16:05,535 --> 00:16:07,402
So anyway...
375
00:16:07,403 --> 00:16:09,804
That's great news
about you and Bernadette.
376
00:16:09,805 --> 00:16:12,274
Yeah. I think I'm gonna take
her to miniature golf.
377
00:16:12,275 --> 00:16:13,375
Ah. Well, I guess
378
00:16:13,376 --> 00:16:16,411
for you guys that's
like regular golf.
379
00:16:16,412 --> 00:16:19,247
Short jokes? Really?
You're, like,
380
00:16:19,248 --> 00:16:20,916
a quarter of an inch
taller than me.
381
00:16:20,917 --> 00:16:23,552
Yeah, and don't
you forget it.
382
00:16:24,754 --> 00:16:27,389
I had a good time.
383
00:16:27,390 --> 00:16:29,057
Me, too.
384
00:16:29,058 --> 00:16:32,127
Kiss her good night.
385
00:16:37,066 --> 00:16:38,567
All right, now a little tongue.
386
00:16:38,568 --> 00:16:40,035
GEORGE TAKEI:
Hold on there.
387
00:16:41,837 --> 00:16:45,206
We've only just rekindled
the romance.
388
00:16:45,207 --> 00:16:50,312
Let's not sully the moment
with the exchange of saliva.
389
00:16:50,313 --> 00:16:52,314
Don't listen to him.
390
00:16:52,315 --> 00:16:53,782
She wants it.
391
00:16:53,783 --> 00:16:54,849
Tongue.
392
00:16:54,850 --> 00:16:57,052
La, la, la, la, la.
393
00:16:58,220 --> 00:17:00,055
See?
394
00:17:02,024 --> 00:17:03,692
Now make the move.
395
00:17:03,693 --> 00:17:05,727
Mm-mmm.
Too soon.
396
00:17:05,728 --> 00:17:07,529
Trust me, she's ready.
397
00:17:07,530 --> 00:17:08,897
Make the move.
398
00:17:08,898 --> 00:17:09,998
No, no, no.
399
00:17:09,999 --> 00:17:13,034
A lady wants to be wooed,
400
00:17:13,035 --> 00:17:16,605
courted slowly.
401
00:17:16,606 --> 00:17:19,507
How would you know?
402
00:17:19,508 --> 00:17:22,444
I read.
403
00:17:22,445 --> 00:17:24,813
Listen to me, Howard, it's time.
404
00:17:24,814 --> 00:17:27,082
Make the move, now.
405
00:17:29,585 --> 00:17:31,620
Mm! What are you doing?
406
00:17:31,621 --> 00:17:35,590
You said... well,
the "move," remember?
407
00:17:35,591 --> 00:17:36,691
Oh, not now.
408
00:17:36,692 --> 00:17:37,993
We're starting a
new relationship.
409
00:17:37,994 --> 00:17:40,028
I need to get to
know you again.
410
00:17:40,029 --> 00:17:41,296
No, you don't.
411
00:17:41,297 --> 00:17:42,831
It's me.
412
00:17:42,832 --> 00:17:45,500
The lusty charmer
with the fancy patter
413
00:17:45,501 --> 00:17:47,736
and the hoochie pants.
414
00:17:47,737 --> 00:17:51,539
Be patient;
we'll get there.
415
00:17:58,614 --> 00:18:00,649
Told you.
416
00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:08,654
Oh, God, what's that smell?
417
00:18:09,669 --> 00:18:11,170
Oh-ho-hoo!
418
00:18:12,172 --> 00:18:14,039
Yes?
419
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:16,475
What are you
doing in there?
420
00:18:16,476 --> 00:18:19,945
I'm making
hydrogen sulfide
and ammonia gas.
421
00:18:19,946 --> 00:18:23,549
Just a little experiment
in pest control.
422
00:18:23,550 --> 00:18:26,385
It's not gonna work, dude;
I grew up in India--
423
00:18:26,386 --> 00:18:28,887
an entire subcontinent
where cows walk in the street,
424
00:18:28,888 --> 00:18:31,590
and nobody has ever had
a solid bowel movement.
425
00:18:31,591 --> 00:18:34,927
Well, we'll just see
how long you can hold out.
426
00:18:34,928 --> 00:18:36,094
Well, we'll just see how
427
00:18:36,095 --> 00:18:38,230
your noxious gas fares
against my cinnamon-
428
00:18:38,231 --> 00:18:41,800
apple-scented
aroma therapy candles.
429
00:18:41,801 --> 00:18:44,536
Didn't you say you're
making hydrogen sulfide gas?
430
00:18:44,537 --> 00:18:46,572
Yes.
Isn't that flammable?
431
00:18:46,573 --> 00:18:47,840
Highly.
432
00:18:48,608 --> 00:18:50,609
Oh, dear.
433
00:18:58,985 --> 00:19:00,919
This is not over.
434
00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:04,823
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --