1
00:00:01,684 --> 00:00:04,099
So two years later,
there's a knock on the door.
2
00:00:04,224 --> 00:00:05,922
Guy opens it,
and there is the snail,
3
00:00:06,243 --> 00:00:08,573
who says, "What the heck
was all that about?"
4
00:00:11,668 --> 00:00:13,304
I don't really get it.
5
00:00:14,793 --> 00:00:17,733
Well, see, it took two years
for the snail to...
6
00:00:20,951 --> 00:00:22,244
Not important.
7
00:00:23,885 --> 00:00:25,692
- Can I ask you a question?
- Sure.
8
00:00:26,076 --> 00:00:28,023
Where do you think this is going?
9
00:00:29,391 --> 00:00:31,781
To be honest, I was hoping
at least second base.
10
00:00:33,746 --> 00:00:34,784
You're so funny.
11
00:00:35,871 --> 00:00:37,648
You're like a stand-up comedian.
12
00:00:39,117 --> 00:00:41,577
A Jewish stand-up comedian,
that'd be new.
13
00:00:43,303 --> 00:00:45,823
Actually, I think a lot of them
are Jewish.
14
00:00:47,571 --> 00:00:49,966
No, I was just...
Never mind.
15
00:00:51,322 --> 00:00:53,385
Look, Howard, this is our third date
16
00:00:53,510 --> 00:00:55,388
and we both know what that means.
17
00:00:55,987 --> 00:00:56,987
We do?
18
00:00:57,362 --> 00:00:58,141
Sex.
19
00:01:00,884 --> 00:01:02,028
You're kidding.
20
00:01:03,393 --> 00:01:05,260
But I need to know
whether you're looking
21
00:01:05,385 --> 00:01:08,066
for a relationship
or a one-night stand.
22
00:01:09,003 --> 00:01:12,030
Just to be clear:
there's only one correct answer, right?
23
00:01:12,749 --> 00:01:15,389
It's not like "chicken or fish"
on an airplane?
24
00:01:16,086 --> 00:01:17,994
Maybe you need to think
about it a little.
25
00:01:19,009 --> 00:01:20,321
It's not unheard of
26
00:01:20,446 --> 00:01:22,999
for a one-night stand
to turn into a relationship.
27
00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:28,077
Call me when you figure it out.
28
00:01:31,703 --> 00:01:34,113
Three dates means sex?
29
00:01:38,338 --> 00:01:39,338
Who knew?
30
00:01:43,461 --> 00:01:44,678
Greetings, homies.
31
00:01:45,932 --> 00:01:46,932
Homette.
32
00:01:47,995 --> 00:01:49,776
Why are you back
from your date so early?
33
00:01:50,477 --> 00:01:52,569
In romance, as in show business,
34
00:01:52,694 --> 00:01:54,971
always leave them wanting more.
35
00:01:57,316 --> 00:01:58,694
What exactly does that mean?
36
00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:00,007
He struck out.
37
00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:03,791
Episode 309:
The Vengeance Formulation
38
00:02:04,911 --> 00:02:06,164
Sync: Jess, Lin
39
00:02:21,142 --> 00:02:23,582
www.subbercafe.fr
40
00:02:27,758 --> 00:02:30,443
Did either of you guys know
that three dates with the same woman
41
00:02:30,568 --> 00:02:32,359
is the threshold for sex?
42
00:02:33,380 --> 00:02:35,279
I've never had three dates
with the same woman.
43
00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:38,530
With Penny and me,
it took two years.
44
00:02:39,444 --> 00:02:42,098
Now that I think about it,
that was three dates.
45
00:02:43,850 --> 00:02:45,692
Before you and Penny hooked up,
46
00:02:45,817 --> 00:02:48,083
did she ask
for any kind of commitment?
47
00:02:48,777 --> 00:02:51,843
No, she was pretty clear about
wanting to keep her options open.
48
00:02:53,889 --> 00:02:55,507
I have something to announce,
49
00:02:55,677 --> 00:02:57,881
but out of respect for convention,
I will wait for you
50
00:02:58,006 --> 00:02:59,945
to finish your current conversation.
51
00:03:00,070 --> 00:03:01,347
What are you talking about?
52
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:03,502
The cultural paradigm
in which people have sex
53
00:03:03,627 --> 00:03:04,767
after three dates.
54
00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:05,935
I see.
55
00:03:06,122 --> 00:03:08,567
Now, are we talking "date"
the social interaction,
56
00:03:08,692 --> 00:03:10,499
or "date" the dried fruit?
57
00:03:13,379 --> 00:03:15,254
Never mind,
what's your announcement?
58
00:03:15,781 --> 00:03:18,317
Oh, good, my turn.
Well, this is very exciting
59
00:03:18,442 --> 00:03:20,560
and I wanted you to be
among the first to know...
60
00:03:21,132 --> 00:03:24,287
I hear you're going to be on the radio
with Ira Flatow from Science Friday.
61
00:03:25,441 --> 00:03:27,941
Thank you, Kripke, for depriving
me of the opportunity
62
00:03:28,066 --> 00:03:30,125
to share my news with my friends.
63
00:03:30,381 --> 00:03:31,448
My pleasure.
64
00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:33,963
My "thank you" was not sincere.
65
00:03:34,621 --> 00:03:36,090
But "my pleasure" is.
66
00:03:37,365 --> 00:03:38,795
Let me ask you a question:
67
00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:41,278
At what point
did National Public Radio
68
00:03:41,403 --> 00:03:44,265
have to start scraping
the bottom of the barrel for its guests?
69
00:03:45,448 --> 00:03:47,142
Don't answer.
It's rhetorical.
70
00:03:48,740 --> 00:03:50,771
Why are you such a stupid head?
71
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,037
That is also rhetorical.
72
00:03:56,192 --> 00:03:57,898
I'm sorry you had to hear that.
73
00:03:58,624 --> 00:04:00,281
Are you really going to be on NPR?
74
00:04:00,504 --> 00:04:03,317
Yes, they're interviewing me
by phone from my office,
75
00:04:03,442 --> 00:04:05,344
regarding the recent so-called
"discovery"
76
00:04:05,469 --> 00:04:07,682
of magnetic monopoles in spin-ices.
77
00:04:08,018 --> 00:04:10,290
It's pledge week
and they're trying to goose the ratings
78
00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:11,918
with a little controversy.
79
00:04:13,078 --> 00:04:14,587
Very cool, congratulations.
80
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,814
Thank you.
My mother is very excited.
81
00:04:16,939 --> 00:04:19,439
She's convening
her Bible study group to listen in,
82
00:04:19,564 --> 00:04:21,434
and then pray for my soul.
83
00:04:23,186 --> 00:04:24,501
I was on the radio once.
84
00:04:24,626 --> 00:04:26,780
I called in
to Fever 104 FM New Delhi
85
00:04:26,905 --> 00:04:29,779
and was the fourth person
to say the phrase that pays:
86
00:04:29,998 --> 00:04:32,730
"Fever 104, aajke naye
acchha sangeetka ghar."
87
00:04:35,553 --> 00:04:37,438
That means: "Fever 104,
88
00:04:37,563 --> 00:04:39,695
home of the really
good current music."
89
00:04:42,766 --> 00:04:44,412
It's much catchier in Hindi.
90
00:04:46,643 --> 00:04:48,047
All right.
91
00:04:48,172 --> 00:04:49,812
These are the talking points
92
00:04:49,937 --> 00:04:52,540
for my NPR interview tomorrow.
93
00:04:52,665 --> 00:04:54,438
I need to make sure
they're simple enough
94
00:04:54,563 --> 00:04:57,272
for the less educated
in the audience to understand.
95
00:04:58,686 --> 00:05:01,384
Howard, look this over
and tell me what's unclear to you.
96
00:05:01,812 --> 00:05:03,937
Excuse me, I have
a master's degree in engineering
97
00:05:04,062 --> 00:05:06,061
from the Massachusetts
Institute of Technology.
98
00:05:06,186 --> 00:05:08,565
It required the completion
of 144 units of grad work
99
00:05:08,690 --> 00:05:10,184
and an original thesis.
100
00:05:13,063 --> 00:05:15,147
Look this over
and tell me what's unclear to you.
101
00:05:17,596 --> 00:05:20,355
When Sheldon gives you homework,
you don't have to do it.
102
00:05:22,064 --> 00:05:25,067
In fact, it's better if you don't,
or it makes the rest of us look bad.
103
00:05:28,811 --> 00:05:29,745
Talk to me.
104
00:05:38,297 --> 00:05:39,796
I'm sorry, just screwing with you.
105
00:05:42,999 --> 00:05:45,260
Why haven't you called Bernadette?
106
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:46,747
Did she say something?
107
00:05:46,932 --> 00:05:49,598
She said she hasn't heard from you
in a week. I thought you liked her?
108
00:05:50,249 --> 00:05:52,185
I do, but she wants a commitment
109
00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:54,434
and I'm not sure she's my type.
110
00:05:54,605 --> 00:05:57,667
She agreed to go out with you for free.
What more do you need?
111
00:05:58,185 --> 00:06:00,124
Look, Bernadette is really nice.
112
00:06:00,249 --> 00:06:02,373
I just always thought
when I finally settle down
113
00:06:02,498 --> 00:06:04,865
into a relationship,
it would be with someone,
114
00:06:04,990 --> 00:06:06,324
you know, different.
115
00:06:06,749 --> 00:06:07,950
Different how?
116
00:06:08,277 --> 00:06:11,912
Well, you know, more like
Megan Fox from Transformers.
117
00:06:13,125 --> 00:06:16,041
Or Katee Sackhoff
from Battlestar Galactica.
118
00:06:16,884 --> 00:06:17,926
Are you high?
119
00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:21,901
You'd have a better shot
with the 3-breasted Martian hooker
120
00:06:22,026 --> 00:06:23,340
from Total Recall.
121
00:06:25,536 --> 00:06:27,694
Okay, now you're just
being unrealistic.
122
00:06:28,342 --> 00:06:32,223
Anyway, that movie was 20 years ago.
Imagine how saggy those thing would be.
123
00:06:36,518 --> 00:06:39,165
Howard, you're going to throw away
a great girl like Bernadette
124
00:06:39,290 --> 00:06:41,817
because you're holding out
for some ridiculous fantasy?
125
00:06:42,028 --> 00:06:45,570
Hey, just because you settled
doesn't mean I have to.
126
00:06:47,463 --> 00:06:49,285
Excuse me, I'm sitting here.
127
00:06:50,481 --> 00:06:52,531
Hey, I did not settle for Leonard.
128
00:06:52,656 --> 00:06:56,230
I mean, obviously, he isn't
the kind of guy I usually go out with...
129
00:06:57,031 --> 00:06:58,581
you know, physically.
130
00:07:00,206 --> 00:07:01,336
Again, I'm right here.
131
00:07:02,559 --> 00:07:06,341
I do not judge a book by its cover.
I'm interested in the person underneath.
132
00:07:06,553 --> 00:07:08,510
I am here, right? You see me.
133
00:07:15,388 --> 00:07:18,370
I'm interested
in what's inside people, too,
134
00:07:18,655 --> 00:07:21,327
but why is it wrong to want
those insides wrapped up
135
00:07:21,452 --> 00:07:24,525
in, say, the delicious caramel
that is Halle Berry?
136
00:07:26,650 --> 00:07:28,795
Yes, you're delicious caramel, too.
137
00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:37,623
- I will tell you why it's wrong...
- Excuse me, may I interject?
138
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:38,623
What?
139
00:07:39,012 --> 00:07:40,578
Biologically speaking,
140
00:07:40,703 --> 00:07:43,515
Howard is perfectly justified
in seeking out the optimum mate
141
00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:45,839
for the propagation
of his genetic line.
142
00:07:46,828 --> 00:07:48,174
Thank you, Sheldon.
143
00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:52,220
Whether it's in the interest of humanity
is an entirely different question.
144
00:07:55,276 --> 00:07:59,264
This is Ira Flatow and you're listening
to NPR's Science Friday.
145
00:08:00,144 --> 00:08:03,840
Joining us today by phone
from his office in Pasadena, California,
146
00:08:03,965 --> 00:08:05,733
is Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
147
00:08:06,150 --> 00:08:07,789
This is gonna be a riot.
148
00:08:11,188 --> 00:08:13,482
Thanks for being
with us today, Dr. Cooper.
149
00:08:13,767 --> 00:08:15,115
My pleasure, Ira.
150
00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:18,628
Now, let's talk about
magnetic monopoles.
151
00:08:18,753 --> 00:08:22,857
Can you explain to our audience
just what a monopole is?
152
00:08:23,254 --> 00:08:24,044
Of course.
153
00:08:24,727 --> 00:08:28,392
First, consider
an ordinary magnet which has,
154
00:08:28,517 --> 00:08:31,592
as even the most uneducated
in your audience must know,
155
00:08:31,717 --> 00:08:32,876
two poles.
156
00:08:34,972 --> 00:08:37,156
A north and south pole.
157
00:08:38,238 --> 00:08:41,328
If you cut that in half,
you have two smaller magnets,
158
00:08:41,453 --> 00:08:44,064
each with its own
north and south pole.
159
00:08:44,953 --> 00:08:48,610
Dr. Cooper, I think there might be
something wrong with our connection.
160
00:08:49,064 --> 00:08:50,868
No, I hear you fine.
161
00:08:52,143 --> 00:08:53,401
As I was saying,
162
00:08:53,526 --> 00:08:56,143
an ordinary magnet has two poles.
163
00:08:56,268 --> 00:08:58,620
The primary characteristic
of a monopole
164
00:08:58,831 --> 00:09:02,139
is that it has only one pole,
hence, monopole.
165
00:09:04,205 --> 00:09:05,877
A requirement for string theory,
166
00:09:06,273 --> 00:09:07,837
or M-theory, if you will,
167
00:09:08,049 --> 00:09:10,093
is the existence of such monopoles.
168
00:09:11,397 --> 00:09:12,884
I, myself, led an expedition
169
00:09:13,095 --> 00:09:15,080
to the Arctic Circle
in search of said particles.
170
00:09:15,205 --> 00:09:17,389
Kripke, I found the nozzle!
I'm going to kill you!
171
00:09:24,601 --> 00:09:26,551
So nice you could
join me this evening.
172
00:09:26,853 --> 00:09:28,567
You're looking lovely as always.
173
00:09:30,460 --> 00:09:31,603
Thanks, Howard.
174
00:09:31,728 --> 00:09:34,552
Always nice to be part
of your masturbatory fantasies.
175
00:09:36,541 --> 00:09:39,116
Come on, Katee.
Don't make it sound so cheap.
176
00:09:39,539 --> 00:09:41,540
Sorry, fiddling
with yourself in the bathtub
177
00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:43,469
is a real class act.
178
00:09:45,728 --> 00:09:46,728
Thank you.
179
00:09:47,404 --> 00:09:49,968
So, shall we get started?
180
00:09:52,103 --> 00:09:53,103
Sure.
181
00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:55,039
But can I ask you a question first?
182
00:09:55,221 --> 00:09:57,114
Do you want to play
Cylon and colonist?
183
00:09:57,668 --> 00:10:00,312
No, I want to know why you're
playing make-believe with me
184
00:10:00,437 --> 00:10:02,518
when you could be out
with a real woman tonight.
185
00:10:03,541 --> 00:10:04,603
Bernadette?
186
00:10:04,772 --> 00:10:06,522
No, I mean Princess Leia.
187
00:10:07,650 --> 00:10:08,916
Of course Bernadette.
188
00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:11,652
She's a wonderful girl
and she really likes you.
189
00:10:12,206 --> 00:10:14,238
I know, but she's not you.
190
00:10:14,790 --> 00:10:15,790
I'm not me.
191
00:10:17,286 --> 00:10:20,452
The real me is in Beverly Hills
with a tall, handsome, rich guy.
192
00:10:20,622 --> 00:10:22,538
- Really? Tall?
- Six-four.
193
00:10:24,943 --> 00:10:26,919
You've got
a wonderful girl in your life,
194
00:10:27,044 --> 00:10:29,668
and you're ignoring her in order
to spend your nights in the bathtub
195
00:10:29,793 --> 00:10:31,939
with a mental image
and a wash cloth.
196
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,428
What are you doing in there?
197
00:10:38,855 --> 00:10:40,255
I'm taking a bath!
198
00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:42,480
I hope that's all you're doing!
199
00:10:42,605 --> 00:10:44,368
We share that tub!
200
00:10:47,004 --> 00:10:48,438
Don't remind me!
201
00:10:52,231 --> 00:10:53,231
Oh, man.
202
00:10:53,718 --> 00:10:56,377
All soaped up and no place to go.
203
00:11:04,814 --> 00:11:06,081
How ya doin', buddy?
204
00:11:06,457 --> 00:11:09,835
I was humiliated on national radio.
How do you think I'm doing?
205
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,628
Come on, it wasn't that bad.
206
00:11:12,587 --> 00:11:13,672
What do you want?
207
00:11:13,797 --> 00:11:16,783
We represent the Lollipop Guild,
and we want you.
208
00:11:22,608 --> 00:11:25,392
Okay, so Kripke
played a joke on you.
209
00:11:25,561 --> 00:11:26,685
It wasn't funny.
210
00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:28,354
I thought it was funny.
211
00:11:29,019 --> 00:11:29,938
You laughed.
212
00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:32,774
Did you laugh?
213
00:11:34,358 --> 00:11:35,858
I fell on the floor.
214
00:11:37,824 --> 00:11:39,297
All right, he got you.
215
00:11:39,422 --> 00:11:40,741
You can get him back.
216
00:11:40,910 --> 00:11:42,752
I refuse to sink to his level.
217
00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:44,101
You can't sink.
218
00:11:44,226 --> 00:11:47,219
With all that helium in you,
you're lucky you don't float away.
219
00:11:50,638 --> 00:11:52,461
Are you really admitting defeat?
220
00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:53,879
I never admit defeat.
221
00:11:54,048 --> 00:11:55,047
Good.
222
00:11:55,216 --> 00:11:58,566
However, on an unrelated topic,
I'm never getting out of this bed again.
223
00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:03,470
What if you could make Kripke look
even sillier than he made you look?
224
00:12:03,595 --> 00:12:05,849
- I don't think that's possible.
- You're not helping.
225
00:12:06,018 --> 00:12:08,178
I didn't come to help,
I came to mock.
226
00:12:10,398 --> 00:12:12,421
What you need to do
is figure out a way
227
00:12:12,546 --> 00:12:14,927
to exact vengeance
on Kripke, like...
228
00:12:16,047 --> 00:12:18,735
like, how the Joker got back
at Batman for putting him
229
00:12:18,860 --> 00:12:21,328
in the Arkham Asylum
for the Criminally Insane.
230
00:12:21,992 --> 00:12:25,118
He didn't just talk about his feelings
with the other psychotic villains.
231
00:12:25,243 --> 00:12:27,788
He broke out and poisoned
Gotham's water supply.
232
00:12:30,415 --> 00:12:31,485
Well...
233
00:12:32,301 --> 00:12:34,101
I suppose I could poison Kripke.
234
00:12:35,231 --> 00:12:36,332
It's a simple matter.
235
00:12:36,457 --> 00:12:39,446
There are several toxic chemicals
that'd be untraceable in an autopsy.
236
00:12:41,356 --> 00:12:43,653
Okay, uh, that's the spirit,
237
00:12:44,869 --> 00:12:48,632
but let's dial it back
to a non-lethal form of vengeance.
238
00:12:51,933 --> 00:12:54,564
How about we whoopee cushion
on his office chair?
239
00:12:55,501 --> 00:12:57,616
He'll sit down,
it'll sound like he's flatulent,
240
00:12:57,741 --> 00:12:59,184
even though he's not.
241
00:13:01,460 --> 00:13:02,864
Let's keep thinking.
242
00:13:08,144 --> 00:13:09,371
Gee, you're too late.
243
00:13:09,675 --> 00:13:11,441
Scarlett Johansson and Wonder Woman
244
00:13:11,566 --> 00:13:14,543
were just in here trolling around
for neurotic, little weasels.
245
00:13:15,206 --> 00:13:17,504
I came to talk to Bernadette.
She's working today, right?
246
00:13:18,217 --> 00:13:19,881
But I don't think
she wants to see you.
247
00:13:20,051 --> 00:13:21,007
Why not?
248
00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:24,004
Come on, you hurt her feelings
by not calling her all week.
249
00:13:24,393 --> 00:13:27,025
Plus, I've kind of been
talkin' some smack about ya.
250
00:13:28,489 --> 00:13:29,489
Hello, Howard.
251
00:13:29,614 --> 00:13:31,643
Wait, Bernadette,
I need to talk to you.
252
00:13:31,813 --> 00:13:34,612
- I can't now, I'm working.
- This will only take a second.
253
00:13:34,737 --> 00:13:38,859
You asked me to think about where
our relationship was going, and I did.
254
00:13:46,437 --> 00:13:47,764
Will you marry me?
255
00:13:50,139 --> 00:13:52,645
Is this more comedy
that I don't understand?
256
00:13:53,864 --> 00:13:55,911
No. I'm serious.
257
00:13:56,241 --> 00:13:58,739
I'm never going to find
another girl like you
258
00:13:58,864 --> 00:14:01,353
who likes me and is, you know...
259
00:14:01,638 --> 00:14:02,638
real.
260
00:14:04,845 --> 00:14:06,094
So, this isn't a joke?
261
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:09,048
Then you're insane.
262
00:14:10,101 --> 00:14:12,808
I prefer to think
of myself as quirky.
263
00:14:13,817 --> 00:14:15,770
Howard, we've only
been on three dates.
264
00:14:16,342 --> 00:14:17,898
We haven't even had sex yet.
265
00:14:18,241 --> 00:14:20,452
Fair enough.
When's your break?
266
00:14:25,783 --> 00:14:28,024
Don't you just hate
when this happens?
267
00:14:34,624 --> 00:14:38,127
All right, how's this for revenge?
268
00:14:38,697 --> 00:14:41,013
A solution of hydrogen peroxide,
269
00:14:41,138 --> 00:14:44,374
and one of saturated
potassium iodide.
270
00:14:45,117 --> 00:14:47,100
- What's this?
- Mountain Dew.
271
00:14:50,804 --> 00:14:51,804
Refreshing.
272
00:14:52,475 --> 00:14:54,397
Now, we're going
to combine these chemicals
273
00:14:54,522 --> 00:14:55,852
with ordinary dish soap,
274
00:14:56,022 --> 00:14:59,524
creating a little exothermic
release of oxygen.
275
00:15:11,930 --> 00:15:13,078
Foamy vengeance.
276
00:15:13,289 --> 00:15:14,329
Yes, exactly.
277
00:15:14,842 --> 00:15:16,521
This is brilliant, Sheldon.
278
00:15:16,646 --> 00:15:18,500
How are we gonna deploy it
in Kripke's office?
279
00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:20,272
Already taken care of.
280
00:15:20,556 --> 00:15:21,626
Observe.
281
00:15:23,119 --> 00:15:26,508
This is a live shot
of Kripke's lab via a mini webcam
282
00:15:26,676 --> 00:15:29,101
I was able to install,
thanks to a dollar bill
283
00:15:29,226 --> 00:15:31,513
discreetly placed
in the night janitor's shirt pocket.
284
00:15:32,216 --> 00:15:33,370
At the same time,
285
00:15:33,495 --> 00:15:35,659
I also secured large quantities
of these chemicals
286
00:15:35,784 --> 00:15:37,805
above the tiles in the drop ceiling.
287
00:15:40,056 --> 00:15:41,856
You remind me of a young Lex Luthor.
288
00:15:44,447 --> 00:15:45,871
You flatter me, sir.
289
00:15:47,056 --> 00:15:48,587
Let me guess: motion sensors?
290
00:15:49,239 --> 00:15:50,713
The reaction will be triggered
291
00:15:50,838 --> 00:15:52,867
when Kripke reaches
the center of the room.
292
00:15:57,840 --> 00:16:00,375
I gotta say, I am really impressed.
293
00:16:00,656 --> 00:16:03,139
This is truly
the Sheldon Cooper way to get even.
294
00:16:09,587 --> 00:16:10,966
It may be low-tech,
295
00:16:11,091 --> 00:16:14,091
but I still maintain
the whoopee cushion has comic validity.
296
00:16:15,590 --> 00:16:16,766
Here comes Kripke!
297
00:16:17,455 --> 00:16:18,860
Who is that with him?
298
00:16:19,202 --> 00:16:21,342
I believe that's the president
of the university.
299
00:16:21,523 --> 00:16:24,316
- And the board of directors. Abort!
- There is no abort.
300
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:27,806
- How could you not put in an "abort?"
- I made a boo-boo, all right?
301
00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:30,113
I think the board will appreciate
302
00:16:30,282 --> 00:16:32,965
how well we're using
that NSA grant, President Seibert.
303
00:16:33,090 --> 00:16:35,423
Right here we have
a micro-controlled plasma...
304
00:16:43,843 --> 00:16:45,943
Looks like the Ganges
on laundry day.
305
00:16:48,589 --> 00:16:50,258
At least they don't know it was you.
306
00:16:50,967 --> 00:16:52,432
Hello, Kripke.
307
00:16:53,654 --> 00:16:55,764
This classic prank comes to you
308
00:16:55,933 --> 00:16:58,910
from the malevolent mind
of Sheldon Cooper.
309
00:17:00,017 --> 00:17:01,465
If you'd like to see the look
310
00:17:01,646 --> 00:17:02,770
on your stupid face,
311
00:17:02,895 --> 00:17:06,283
this video is being
instantly uploaded to YouTube.
312
00:17:07,146 --> 00:17:09,486
And a hat tip to Leonard Hofstadter
313
00:17:09,655 --> 00:17:11,289
and Raj Koothrappali
314
00:17:11,896 --> 00:17:15,295
for their support and encouragement
in this enterprise.
315
00:17:17,966 --> 00:17:20,330
Well, I'm going back to India.
What's your plan?
316
00:17:26,805 --> 00:17:28,655
Here's your tip from table seven.
317
00:17:28,780 --> 00:17:29,793
Thanks.
318
00:17:29,918 --> 00:17:30,881
Testing. Check.
319
00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:32,051
Check two.
320
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:34,711
Now what?
321
00:17:35,034 --> 00:17:36,638
You want me to throw him out?
322
00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:37,806
No, that's okay.
323
00:17:37,974 --> 00:17:39,610
Are you sure? He's small.
324
00:17:40,532 --> 00:17:43,094
I bet I can get
a nice, tight spiral on him.
325
00:17:44,558 --> 00:17:46,188
I want to dedicate this number
326
00:17:46,409 --> 00:17:48,830
to a great gal who I've done wrong.
327
00:17:52,408 --> 00:17:53,535
Bernadette
328
00:17:54,647 --> 00:17:56,736
I am so sorry for
329
00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,661
Trying to propose to you
330
00:18:00,534 --> 00:18:01,534
Bernadette
331
00:18:02,867 --> 00:18:04,359
You found it creepy
332
00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:08,069
But that's just
the kind of thing I do
333
00:18:10,913 --> 00:18:14,279
I know now it was too soon
to talk of love
334
00:18:14,974 --> 00:18:18,722
It was just a crazy idea
that came to me in my tub
335
00:18:18,890 --> 00:18:21,637
But, Bernadette,
give me one more chance
336
00:18:21,762 --> 00:18:22,976
Sweet Bernadette
337
00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:24,728
I'll get the hang of this thing
338
00:18:24,897 --> 00:18:26,730
They call romance, Sweet Bernadette
339
00:18:27,558 --> 00:18:28,939
I dream to once again
340
00:18:29,288 --> 00:18:31,448
Kiss your lips, Sweet Bernadette
341
00:18:31,771 --> 00:18:32,967
Sincerely yours
342
00:18:33,309 --> 00:18:34,866
Howard Wolowitz
343
00:18:37,716 --> 00:18:39,444
Oh, I am so sorry.
344
00:18:40,078 --> 00:18:41,098
Are you kidding?
345
00:18:41,223 --> 00:18:44,121
That's the most romantic thing
anyone's ever done for me.
346
00:18:45,413 --> 00:18:48,001
Bernadette!
Thank you, Cheesecake Factory!