1
00:00:03,805 --> 00:00:05,594
Oh, this is amazing.
2
00:00:05,651 --> 00:00:07,806
I wish I had a playhouse
like this when I was a kid.
3
00:00:07,893 --> 00:00:09,258
Really? You never had
a playhouse?
4
00:00:09,345 --> 00:00:10,331
No.
5
00:00:10,418 --> 00:00:11,758
I mean,
my dad did buy the house
6
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,730
next door
for us to play in.
7
00:00:14,354 --> 00:00:15,734
I'm gonna hook up
he garden hose,
8
00:00:15,821 --> 00:00:17,119
so it has running water.
9
00:00:17,206 --> 00:00:19,222
Why does it need
running water?
10
00:00:19,402 --> 00:00:20,970
Same reason
it's got electricity:
11
00:00:21,057 --> 00:00:23,714
Bernadette and I both work,
and we're overcompensating.
12
00:00:25,152 --> 00:00:26,190
Hey!
13
00:00:26,277 --> 00:00:29,597
This reminds me of
a traditional Amish barn raising.
14
00:00:29,684 --> 00:00:31,368
With everyone pitching in.
15
00:00:31,455 --> 00:00:34,066
How exactly are you
pitching in?
16
00:00:34,332 --> 00:00:36,016
I don't hear anyone else
giving facts
17
00:00:36,103 --> 00:00:38,183
about traditional
Amish barn raising.
18
00:00:39,449 --> 00:00:42,117
The rest of us are pitching in with
hammers and nails.
19
00:00:42,204 --> 00:00:45,347
Well, facts are my nails,
and my voice is the hammer
20
00:00:45,434 --> 00:00:47,863
which pounds them
through the wood of your skull.
21
00:00:49,130 --> 00:00:51,425
Well, that is how it feels.
22
00:00:52,176 --> 00:00:53,672
Hey, uh,
can you pass me that drill?
23
00:00:53,759 --> 00:00:55,768
Yeah, fun fact
about Amish barn raising...
24
00:00:55,855 --> 00:00:57,234
They don't use
any power tools.
25
00:00:57,321 --> 00:01:00,034
- Amy, make him stop.
- No.
26
00:01:00,121 --> 00:01:03,409
If he tires himself out now,
he'll sleep better tonight.
27
00:01:03,926 --> 00:01:05,572
Hey, Howie,
can you give me a hand?
28
00:01:05,659 --> 00:01:06,844
I need to get some work done,
29
00:01:06,931 --> 00:01:08,570
and the kids are climbing
all over me.
30
00:01:08,657 --> 00:01:10,354
You know what?
I'll watch them.
31
00:01:10,441 --> 00:01:12,550
- You sure?
- But I was just about to tell everyone
32
00:01:12,637 --> 00:01:14,000
why they're called
Pennsylvania Dutch
33
00:01:14,087 --> 00:01:15,824
when they really hail
from Germany.
34
00:01:17,074 --> 00:01:18,309
Yep.
35
00:01:18,934 --> 00:01:20,179
Thanks.
36
00:01:20,379 --> 00:01:23,315
So, what do you think?
Pretty cool, huh?
37
00:01:23,402 --> 00:01:24,679
And when our kids outgrow it,
38
00:01:24,766 --> 00:01:27,402
we can Airbnb it
to other people's babies.
39
00:01:28,430 --> 00:01:29,980
Funny.
40
00:01:30,332 --> 00:01:31,413
You all right?
41
00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:33,242
Sorry, I haven't had
a second to myself.
42
00:01:33,329 --> 00:01:35,628
So let me just go back inside,
finish my report,
43
00:01:35,715 --> 00:01:38,250
brush my teeth, change
out of my pajamas, make a sandwich,
44
00:01:38,337 --> 00:01:40,652
and then I'll come out here
and laugh at your joke.
45
00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:43,884
Ooh. As long as you're
making sandwiches...
46
00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:48,221
You can laugh
at that one later, too.
47
00:01:49,723 --> 00:01:52,238
All right, I've kept you
in suspense long enough.
48
00:01:52,325 --> 00:01:54,812
"Dutch" is a bastardization
of the word "Deutsch,"
49
00:01:54,899 --> 00:01:56,472
meaning German.
50
00:01:56,871 --> 00:01:59,316
What's German for "annoying"?
51
00:01:59,403 --> 00:02:01,573
Nervig. Why do you ask?
52
00:02:01,918 --> 00:02:03,155
♪♪ Theme song plays...... >
53
00:02:03,242 --> 00:02:06,725
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
54
00:02:06,812 --> 00:02:10,108
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... ♪
55
00:02:10,195 --> 00:02:11,855
♪ Wait! ♪
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
56
00:02:11,942 --> 00:02:13,389
♪ The autotrophs began to drool ♪
57
00:02:13,476 --> 00:02:14,852
♪ Neanderthals developed tools ♪
58
00:02:14,939 --> 00:02:16,683
- ♪ We built the Wall ♪
- ♪ We built the pyramids ♪
59
00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:19,640
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
60
00:02:19,727 --> 00:02:21,745
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
61
00:02:21,832 --> 00:02:23,613
♪ Bang! ♪
*THE BIG BANG THEORY*
Season 12 Episode 07
62
00:02:23,700 --> 00:02:26,067
♪THE BIG BANG THEORY♪
Episode Title: "The Grant Allocation Derivation"
63
00:02:30,869 --> 00:02:32,302
President Siebert,
you wanted to see me?
64
00:02:32,389 --> 00:02:34,782
Hey. There's my guy!
65
00:02:36,079 --> 00:02:37,271
You sound like my wife
66
00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:39,782
just before she asked me
to go to Coachella.
67
00:02:40,311 --> 00:02:42,818
No, this is gonna be
way more fun than Coachella.
68
00:02:42,905 --> 00:02:45,650
More fun than heatstroke?
Good luck.
69
00:02:47,572 --> 00:02:48,978
So, there are some funds left
70
00:02:49,065 --> 00:02:50,678
in the general
administrative grant,
71
00:02:50,765 --> 00:02:53,790
and I need somebody to decide
how we should disburse them.
72
00:02:53,955 --> 00:02:55,189
Really?
73
00:02:55,431 --> 00:02:57,185
W-Wow, what an honor.
Thank you.
74
00:02:57,272 --> 00:02:59,329
So how do I decide
who gets the money?
75
00:02:59,416 --> 00:03:00,802
How do you decide
anything?
76
00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:02,467
Think about it
with your brain,
77
00:03:02,554 --> 00:03:04,814
and then say it
with your mouth.
78
00:03:06,291 --> 00:03:07,474
Yeah, right, sure.
79
00:03:07,561 --> 00:03:09,376
Uh, so, after I decide,
80
00:03:09,463 --> 00:03:11,444
do I then submit it to you
for approval, or...?
81
00:03:11,531 --> 00:03:12,868
No. You decide,
you approve,
82
00:03:12,955 --> 00:03:15,196
and then you pride yourself
on a job well done.
83
00:03:15,283 --> 00:03:16,774
That's a lot of responsibility.
84
00:03:16,861 --> 00:03:18,885
Well, if I didn't think
you were up to the task,
85
00:03:18,972 --> 00:03:21,282
you wouldn't have been fifth
on my list.
86
00:03:23,510 --> 00:03:25,735
Thank you.
I-I'll get started right away.
87
00:03:25,822 --> 00:03:28,188
And I look forward
to hearing nothing about it.
88
00:03:28,596 --> 00:03:30,579
I will keep you posted.
89
00:03:33,102 --> 00:03:34,317
Hey, thank you guys again
90
00:03:34,404 --> 00:03:36,482
- for helping out yesterday.
- No problem.
91
00:03:36,569 --> 00:03:38,435
- That was really fun.
- It was fun.
92
00:03:38,522 --> 00:03:40,188
But I am sore.
93
00:03:40,275 --> 00:03:41,441
You didn't lift a finger.
94
00:03:41,528 --> 00:03:43,514
No, but I narrated
the entire event,
95
00:03:43,601 --> 00:03:45,829
and I am paying for it today.
96
00:03:47,017 --> 00:03:49,024
- Gentlemen.
- Hey. - Hi.
97
00:03:49,111 --> 00:03:50,263
Leonard, do I detect
98
00:03:50,350 --> 00:03:52,372
a little swagger in your step?
Hm.
99
00:03:52,459 --> 00:03:53,912
- Possibly.
- Well, stop.
100
00:03:53,999 --> 00:03:55,447
It doesn't suit you.
101
00:03:56,432 --> 00:03:57,813
- What's going on?
- Well,
102
00:03:57,900 --> 00:04:00,446
Siebert put me in charge
of handing out the last bit
103
00:04:00,533 --> 00:04:03,126
of the administrative funds,
and I have sole discretion.
104
00:04:03,525 --> 00:04:06,407
Ooh! Looks like
Christmas came early.
105
00:04:06,494 --> 00:04:08,134
First thing on my list
is a golden umbrella,
106
00:04:08,221 --> 00:04:10,907
'cause Leonard's
gonna make it rain!
107
00:04:11,228 --> 00:04:13,829
Uh, hold on, I'm not
just gonna hand out money.
108
00:04:13,916 --> 00:04:15,898
There's a procedure
you need to follow.
109
00:04:15,985 --> 00:04:17,052
I believe he's referring
110
00:04:17,139 --> 00:04:19,368
to the traditional
"kissing of the buttocks."
111
00:04:19,783 --> 00:04:20,842
Should we form a line,
112
00:04:20,929 --> 00:04:23,079
or just do it like
we're bobbing for apples?
113
00:04:23,549 --> 00:04:24,618
Cute,
114
00:04:24,705 --> 00:04:26,560
but President Siebert
trusted me with this,
115
00:04:26,647 --> 00:04:28,071
and I'm taking it seriously.
116
00:04:28,158 --> 00:04:29,467
If you have a
legitimate request,
117
00:04:29,554 --> 00:04:30,926
you can submit it
to me in writing,
118
00:04:31,013 --> 00:04:32,717
and I'll evaluate it
based on its merits.
119
00:04:32,804 --> 00:04:35,564
Sure, sure.
Is "Jet Ski" one word or two?
120
00:04:36,416 --> 00:04:38,970
Hofstadter!
121
00:04:39,369 --> 00:04:42,185
Heard Siebert put you in charge
of the administrative fund.
122
00:04:42,272 --> 00:04:44,342
Can't think
of a better guy for the job.
123
00:04:44,429 --> 00:04:46,454
I think he's done this
before.
124
00:04:47,096 --> 00:04:49,430
Leonard,
I know you and I have a...
125
00:04:49,517 --> 00:04:52,921
oh, troubled history, but I hope
that when I make my request
126
00:04:53,008 --> 00:04:54,724
you'll... give me a fair shot.
127
00:04:54,811 --> 00:04:55,821
Of course.
128
00:04:55,908 --> 00:04:58,824
See? That's why I like
about this guy: integrity.
129
00:04:58,911 --> 00:05:00,298
Bring it in!
130
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:04,115
I just put something
in your pocket.
131
00:05:04,202 --> 00:05:07,207
It's good at all
El Pollo Locos.
132
00:05:12,955 --> 00:05:16,353
Halley, leave your
brother's dirty diaper alone.
133
00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:19,631
Put that down.
That is not a hat.
134
00:05:19,718 --> 00:05:21,931
That is not
a hat! Oh!
135
00:05:24,553 --> 00:05:27,548
- Okay. Everybody in the sink.
- Oh.
136
00:05:29,134 --> 00:05:30,352
Bad news, Howie.
137
00:05:30,439 --> 00:05:32,930
I'm gonna be stuck at work
for a while.
138
00:05:36,065 --> 00:05:38,671
Oh, that's terrible.
Hang in there.
139
00:05:38,758 --> 00:05:41,175
I'll be home as soon as I can.
140
00:05:43,507 --> 00:05:44,914
Ah...
141
00:05:46,236 --> 00:05:48,399
He deserves better.
142
00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:52,474
No, I'm not going
to reconsider.
143
00:05:52,561 --> 00:05:54,196
Your request was denied.
144
00:05:55,103 --> 00:05:56,843
I don't care
if it helps you think;
145
00:05:56,930 --> 00:05:59,508
you don't need a koi pond
in your office.
146
00:06:01,188 --> 00:06:02,504
Well, you should
have thought about that
147
00:06:02,591 --> 00:06:04,547
before you bought the koi!
148
00:06:05,602 --> 00:06:07,031
Wow. That was
a little rough.
149
00:06:07,118 --> 00:06:08,077
Well, I have to be.
150
00:06:08,164 --> 00:06:10,704
Everyone assumes I'm just gonna
give them whatever they want.
151
00:06:10,876 --> 00:06:13,969
Hmm. But you're not,
are you?
152
00:06:15,048 --> 00:06:16,383
No, I'm not.
153
00:06:16,470 --> 00:06:17,797
I mean, look at this.
154
00:06:17,884 --> 00:06:21,305
An espresso machine?
I don't think so. Denied!
155
00:06:22,329 --> 00:06:25,062
Wow, I really like
this side of you.
156
00:06:25,149 --> 00:06:26,110
Really?
157
00:06:26,197 --> 00:06:28,789
Yeah, just so decisive.
158
00:06:29,236 --> 00:06:30,975
Well, check this out.
159
00:06:31,062 --> 00:06:32,387
A standing desk.
160
00:06:32,474 --> 00:06:34,343
- Denied!
- Oh!
161
00:06:38,595 --> 00:06:40,403
If you want to stand, do it on
your own time,
162
00:06:40,490 --> 00:06:42,298
- 'cause I'm the boss.
- Yeah, you are.
163
00:06:44,085 --> 00:06:45,797
- Hello.
- Hey. - Hey.
164
00:06:45,884 --> 00:06:47,625
Leonard, I just wanted
to congratulate you
165
00:06:47,712 --> 00:06:49,395
on how well
you are managing this grant money.
166
00:06:49,482 --> 00:06:50,656
What do you want?
167
00:06:50,743 --> 00:06:53,286
Nothing. I just came by
to pay you a compliment.
168
00:06:53,373 --> 00:06:55,016
Nice try.
The answer's no.
169
00:06:55,305 --> 00:06:57,552
To what? I'm not
asking you for anything.
170
00:06:57,639 --> 00:06:59,862
All I need for my job
is right here. Hmm?
171
00:06:59,949 --> 00:07:02,466
This is my office.
Which makes for a great commute.
172
00:07:02,553 --> 00:07:04,524
Home, work, home.
173
00:07:04,977 --> 00:07:07,422
I'm still working...
I'm just working from home.
174
00:07:08,329 --> 00:07:10,164
You know, if it's that easy,
then why does Leonard
175
00:07:10,251 --> 00:07:11,341
have to drive you
to work every day?
176
00:07:11,428 --> 00:07:14,586
Because I like the frozen yogurt
machine in the cafeteria.
177
00:07:14,986 --> 00:07:16,804
Ooh, I suppose I could use
a frozen yogurt machine...
178
00:07:16,891 --> 00:07:18,485
Denied!
179
00:07:21,477 --> 00:07:24,848
Oh, you should have seen him...
Denying things left and right.
180
00:07:24,935 --> 00:07:27,047
It was so sexy.
181
00:07:28,444 --> 00:07:31,012
'Course, I made a request
he did not deny.
182
00:07:31,099 --> 00:07:32,641
Uh-huh.
183
00:07:34,781 --> 00:07:35,942
Are you listening to me?
184
00:07:36,029 --> 00:07:38,477
Yeah, sure.
You slept with your husband.
185
00:07:39,884 --> 00:07:41,862
What is going
on with you?
186
00:07:42,446 --> 00:07:44,258
It's not a big thing.
187
00:07:44,501 --> 00:07:46,941
Have you ever told Leonard
a little white lie?
188
00:07:47,028 --> 00:07:49,422
Mm.
Well, he thinks I've seen
189
00:07:49,509 --> 00:07:50,989
every one of the
Star Wars movies,
190
00:07:51,076 --> 00:07:54,297
but I've really only seen
the one with the gold robot.
191
00:07:57,766 --> 00:08:00,726
- That could be any of them.
- Exactly.
192
00:08:02,250 --> 00:08:04,370
I've been telling Howie
that I've had to work late
193
00:08:04,457 --> 00:08:05,938
the past couple nights,
but really,
194
00:08:06,025 --> 00:08:09,100
I've just been hiding out
in Howie's playhouse.
195
00:08:09,194 --> 00:08:10,739
Does that make me awful?
196
00:08:10,826 --> 00:08:12,170
Awful? No.
197
00:08:12,257 --> 00:08:14,475
Uh, strange? Yes.
198
00:08:14,929 --> 00:08:16,835
Sad? A little, yes.
199
00:08:17,429 --> 00:08:20,373
It's just that work's been crazy, and the
minute I get home, I have two kids
200
00:08:20,460 --> 00:08:22,034
hanging on me,
and sometimes I don't want
201
00:08:22,121 --> 00:08:25,077
babies pulling my hair
and pinching my belly fat.
202
00:08:25,764 --> 00:08:28,569
That'd be a good slogan
for a condom company.
203
00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:32,878
I love my kids,
but that hour to myself
204
00:08:32,965 --> 00:08:34,874
just makes me feel human again.
205
00:08:35,241 --> 00:08:38,572
So, you go home
and sit alone in a toy house
206
00:08:38,659 --> 00:08:40,188
in the backyard?
207
00:08:41,148 --> 00:08:42,749
Yeah!
208
00:08:46,210 --> 00:08:49,045
Oh, Dr. Hofstadter,
did you have a chance
209
00:08:49,132 --> 00:08:51,287
- to look over my proposal?
- I did,
210
00:08:51,374 --> 00:08:53,076
and your research
is fascinating.
211
00:08:53,163 --> 00:08:55,217
I had no idea that crows
were that smart.
212
00:08:55,304 --> 00:08:56,489
Do they really hold grudges?
213
00:08:56,576 --> 00:08:58,490
They do.
One of them escaped
214
00:08:58,577 --> 00:09:00,600
from my behavioral
study a year ago.
215
00:09:00,687 --> 00:09:01,933
I can't prove it's him,
216
00:09:02,020 --> 00:09:04,686
but something craps
on my car every day.
217
00:09:05,811 --> 00:09:08,023
Well, l-look,
I only have enough money
218
00:09:08,110 --> 00:09:10,100
to fund one request,
but your project
219
00:09:10,187 --> 00:09:11,337
is definitely
in the running.
220
00:09:11,424 --> 00:09:14,519
Okay, but, uh, when do you think
you might make a decision?
221
00:09:14,606 --> 00:09:16,748
Because I have
to upgrade their cages
222
00:09:16,835 --> 00:09:18,991
before they learn
how to open the locks.
223
00:09:19,302 --> 00:09:21,448
When I came in to my lab
this morning,
224
00:09:21,535 --> 00:09:23,944
they suddenly got silent.
225
00:09:25,382 --> 00:09:27,936
I think they're
planning something.
226
00:09:29,327 --> 00:09:31,809
Um, soon. I've narrowed it
down to three projects.
227
00:09:31,896 --> 00:09:33,292
Ooh, is mine one
of them?
228
00:09:33,379 --> 00:09:34,733
Actually, yeah.
229
00:09:34,820 --> 00:09:36,363
The software in
the telescope room
230
00:09:36,450 --> 00:09:37,834
hasn't been
upgraded in years,
231
00:09:37,921 --> 00:09:39,300
and it seems like
it might be time.
232
00:09:39,387 --> 00:09:41,506
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
233
00:09:41,593 --> 00:09:43,402
So you're just gonna give
the money to your friend?
234
00:09:43,489 --> 00:09:44,660
I smell a rat.
235
00:09:44,747 --> 00:09:45,839
I work with rats, too.
236
00:09:45,926 --> 00:09:47,467
That might be me.
237
00:09:48,584 --> 00:09:51,131
I'm not just giving it
to my friend, Barry.
238
00:09:51,218 --> 00:09:52,926
Your proposal is
also in the mix.
239
00:09:53,013 --> 00:09:54,529
Wait, so those
are the three?
240
00:09:54,616 --> 00:09:56,144
You're not
even considering mine?
241
00:09:56,231 --> 00:09:58,597
Why, because they're PhDs
and I'm just an engineer?
242
00:09:58,684 --> 00:10:01,045
No, because they wrote
detailed proposals,
243
00:10:01,132 --> 00:10:03,628
and you sent a YouTube clip
of the guy from Jerry Maguire
244
00:10:03,715 --> 00:10:05,806
saying,
"Show me the money!"
245
00:10:07,102 --> 00:10:08,230
All right, Hofstadter,
246
00:10:08,317 --> 00:10:10,630
what's it gonna be?
Which project are you gonna pick?
247
00:10:10,717 --> 00:10:11,886
Yeah, come on, Leonard.
248
00:10:11,973 --> 00:10:13,823
- Tell us now.
- But, remember,
249
00:10:13,910 --> 00:10:16,850
crows aren't the only ones
who can hold a grudge.
250
00:10:17,921 --> 00:10:21,412
Look, all three of your
proposals have a lot of merit.
251
00:10:21,499 --> 00:10:23,558
I just want to make sure
I'm making the right decision.
252
00:10:23,645 --> 00:10:25,073
I can tell you're stressed.
253
00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:27,217
If it helps,
I withdraw my proposal.
254
00:10:27,304 --> 00:10:29,081
- It doesn't help.
- Fine. Then I'm back in the mix.
255
00:10:29,168 --> 00:10:31,264
Show me the money!
256
00:10:33,202 --> 00:10:34,842
Okay, I-I just...
257
00:10:34,929 --> 00:10:37,069
I need everyone
to back off.
258
00:10:37,156 --> 00:10:40,019
I'm in charge here, and I'll
decide when I'm ready to decide.
259
00:10:40,106 --> 00:10:41,747
When will that be?
260
00:10:41,834 --> 00:10:43,319
A day, a week.
I don't know!
261
00:10:43,406 --> 00:10:45,631
- Where are you going?
- I don't know that either!
262
00:10:54,547 --> 00:10:55,906
Ooh.
263
00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:59,382
Someone's
making decisions.
264
00:11:00,531 --> 00:11:02,043
I'm reviewing these proposals.
265
00:11:02,130 --> 00:11:03,979
Yeah. 'Cause you're
the boss man,
266
00:11:04,066 --> 00:11:05,248
telling people what's what.
267
00:11:05,335 --> 00:11:06,476
I like it.
268
00:11:07,568 --> 00:11:09,123
It's just so hard!
269
00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:11,432
All-all three of these
proposals have merit.
270
00:11:11,519 --> 00:11:12,873
How do I choose?
271
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:15,357
Well, not with that voice.
272
00:11:17,279 --> 00:11:19,302
There has got to be
a right decision
273
00:11:19,389 --> 00:11:20,757
based on empirical evidence.
274
00:11:20,844 --> 00:11:22,557
Look, I made pros
and cons lists,
275
00:11:22,644 --> 00:11:25,088
and then I came up with
three different scoring systems
276
00:11:25,175 --> 00:11:26,241
to determine
the best project.
277
00:11:26,328 --> 00:11:28,499
I just don't know
what scoring system to use.
278
00:11:28,586 --> 00:11:30,579
So I'm working on
a meta-scoring system
279
00:11:30,666 --> 00:11:31,908
to score the scoring systems,
280
00:11:31,995 --> 00:11:33,174
but the math is
really complicated.
281
00:11:33,261 --> 00:11:35,033
You want me
to walk you through it?
282
00:11:37,034 --> 00:11:39,729
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
283
00:11:44,779 --> 00:11:46,896
Turn that off.
Are you trying to get us caught?
284
00:11:46,983 --> 00:11:48,222
Oh.
285
00:11:50,529 --> 00:11:53,876
So, I've narrowed it down
to three worthwhile projects,
286
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:56,228
but I only have the money
to fund one of them.
287
00:11:56,315 --> 00:11:58,963
Lucky for you,
I have a solution.
288
00:11:59,057 --> 00:12:00,862
I can't wait.
289
00:12:01,337 --> 00:12:03,772
You free up more money
and I fund all of them.
290
00:12:03,859 --> 00:12:05,526
Mm, no.
291
00:12:06,909 --> 00:12:09,635
Or...
hear me out...
292
00:12:09,748 --> 00:12:11,300
Yes.
293
00:12:12,622 --> 00:12:14,455
That way, e-everybody's happy.
294
00:12:14,542 --> 00:12:15,655
You can't make
everybody happy.
295
00:12:15,742 --> 00:12:17,032
- I think I can.
- You can't.
296
00:12:17,119 --> 00:12:19,382
- Well, actually...
- You're making me unhappy.
297
00:12:21,104 --> 00:12:22,508
Okay, what would you do?
298
00:12:22,595 --> 00:12:24,851
I'd find some sap
and put him in charge
299
00:12:24,938 --> 00:12:27,064
so I wouldn't have
to be the bad guy.
300
00:12:28,663 --> 00:12:31,267
That's a really good id... Oh.
301
00:12:40,482 --> 00:12:41,955
Whatcha doin'?
302
00:12:42,118 --> 00:12:43,831
You scared me.
303
00:12:43,918 --> 00:12:45,202
I'll ask again.
304
00:12:45,294 --> 00:12:47,346
What-cha doin'?
305
00:12:48,417 --> 00:12:49,542
Nothing.
306
00:12:49,629 --> 00:12:50,704
Really?
307
00:12:50,791 --> 00:12:53,053
You and Bernadette
aren't doing stuff without me?
308
00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:55,807
What? No!
Why would you even say that?
309
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:57,704
You know how your talent
310
00:12:57,791 --> 00:13:00,123
is getting just drunk enough
to have a good time
311
00:13:00,210 --> 00:13:02,206
without being hungover
the next day?
312
00:13:02,486 --> 00:13:04,229
Thank you.
313
00:13:06,596 --> 00:13:09,561
Well, mine is knowing
when I'm being excluded.
314
00:13:09,648 --> 00:13:10,783
So spill.
315
00:13:10,870 --> 00:13:12,943
I'm-I'm just running
some errands.
316
00:13:13,055 --> 00:13:14,229
Yeah?
317
00:13:15,257 --> 00:13:17,580
- With a bag full of wine?
- I...
318
00:13:17,793 --> 00:13:19,846
Got to stay hydrated.
319
00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:22,068
Try again.
320
00:13:22,155 --> 00:13:23,447
Okay, look, I'm sorry.
321
00:13:23,534 --> 00:13:25,001
We did not mean
to leave you out.
322
00:13:25,088 --> 00:13:27,241
All right? Bernadette has
been feeling fried at home,
323
00:13:27,328 --> 00:13:30,392
so we ended up hanging out
in Halley's playhouse.
324
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,709
Like a secret club?
325
00:13:32,796 --> 00:13:35,816
No! Just, like, a
place to spend time
326
00:13:35,903 --> 00:13:38,143
that we don't tell
anyone else about.
327
00:13:41,385 --> 00:13:44,357
And what would be
a shorter way of saying that?
328
00:13:45,471 --> 00:13:47,182
Secret club.
329
00:13:48,602 --> 00:13:50,562
Well, you really hurt
my feelings.
330
00:13:50,649 --> 00:13:52,296
What can I do to
make it up to you?
331
00:13:52,383 --> 00:13:53,886
I'm in a secret club!
332
00:13:53,973 --> 00:13:55,596
Shh!
333
00:13:56,588 --> 00:13:58,811
Is there some sort
of humiliating initiation?
334
00:13:58,898 --> 00:14:01,094
'Cause I would literally do
anything.
335
00:14:08,844 --> 00:14:10,469
Leonard, you've
been losing to me
336
00:14:10,556 --> 00:14:12,764
in three-dimensional chess
for many years.
337
00:14:12,851 --> 00:14:14,561
You know
what would be neat?
338
00:14:14,648 --> 00:14:16,987
If this was some sort
of long con
339
00:14:17,074 --> 00:14:19,334
and one day you say,
"Let's make this interesting,"
340
00:14:19,421 --> 00:14:20,872
put money on it,
and reveal
341
00:14:20,959 --> 00:14:23,352
that you actually know
what you're doing.
342
00:14:27,663 --> 00:14:29,209
A very long con indeed.
343
00:14:29,296 --> 00:14:30,422
Checkmate.
344
00:14:31,747 --> 00:14:33,526
Sorry. I'm distracted.
345
00:14:33,613 --> 00:14:35,978
Ooh, aren't you the hustler.
346
00:14:36,674 --> 00:14:38,618
No matter
who I give the funds to,
347
00:14:38,705 --> 00:14:40,547
someone is gonna be upset
with me.
348
00:14:40,634 --> 00:14:42,383
Do you really care
if people are angry at you?
349
00:14:42,470 --> 00:14:44,134
- Of course.
- Interesting.
350
00:14:44,221 --> 00:14:47,303
Why don't you go to the store
and get me some tapioca pudding
351
00:14:47,390 --> 00:14:49,736
or I'm gonna be angry at you.
352
00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:51,493
No.
353
00:14:51,580 --> 00:14:53,541
So it comes and goes?
354
00:14:54,596 --> 00:14:56,584
How do you not care what
people think of you?
355
00:14:56,671 --> 00:14:57,652
It's easy.
356
00:14:57,739 --> 00:14:59,342
I mean, not "beating you
at chess" easy,
357
00:14:59,429 --> 00:15:01,072
but what is?
358
00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:03,918
Wait,
359
00:15:04,095 --> 00:15:05,840
you can make this decision.
360
00:15:05,927 --> 00:15:07,853
You don't care if
you upset people.
361
00:15:07,940 --> 00:15:09,037
You can pick for me.
362
00:15:09,124 --> 00:15:10,138
I certainly could.
363
00:15:10,225 --> 00:15:11,910
- Oh, great.
- But I won't.
364
00:15:11,997 --> 00:15:14,369
I think this is
a learning opportunity for you.
365
00:15:14,456 --> 00:15:15,689
Sheldon, come on.
366
00:15:15,776 --> 00:15:17,294
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I upset you?
367
00:15:17,381 --> 00:15:19,853
- Yes.
- Ask me how I feel about that.
368
00:15:23,285 --> 00:15:24,959
So where does Leonard
think you are?
369
00:15:25,046 --> 00:15:26,553
Oh, I told him
I was at yoga.
370
00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:29,070
Well,
you are stretching the truth.
371
00:15:29,825 --> 00:15:31,803
Yeah. Where does
Sheldon think you are?
372
00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:33,976
Oh, Sheldon's
kind of like a dog...
373
00:15:34,063 --> 00:15:35,623
He doesn't really think about me
when I'm gone,
374
00:15:35,710 --> 00:15:38,006
but he's so happy
when I show up.
375
00:15:39,099 --> 00:15:40,134
Ooh.
376
00:15:40,221 --> 00:15:41,842
Who wants
an Easy-Bake quesadilla?
377
00:15:41,929 --> 00:15:43,229
Oh! Me!
378
00:15:43,724 --> 00:15:44,954
Ooh, hot.
379
00:15:45,483 --> 00:15:46,485
Shh.
380
00:15:46,572 --> 00:15:48,077
Thanks for
letting me come over and hang.
381
00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:49,884
So Leonard still hasn't
made a decision yet?
382
00:15:49,971 --> 00:15:51,288
No.
And I've really been
383
00:15:51,375 --> 00:15:52,688
laying on the guilt.
384
00:15:52,775 --> 00:15:54,061
Did you break out
the sad eyes?
385
00:15:54,148 --> 00:15:55,947
You mean these bad boys?
386
00:15:59,021 --> 00:16:00,150
What do we do?
387
00:16:00,237 --> 00:16:01,991
We're just gonna have to wait
till they go back inside.
388
00:16:02,078 --> 00:16:04,807
Okay, okay. Can
we very quietly
389
00:16:05,085 --> 00:16:07,799
open that second bottle of...
390
00:16:08,564 --> 00:16:10,461
Hey,
don't freak out,
391
00:16:10,548 --> 00:16:13,723
but I think there's
someone in your playhouse.
392
00:16:13,842 --> 00:16:16,809
Oh. Yeah,
that's just Bernadette.
393
00:16:18,464 --> 00:16:21,111
She's been hiding out
in there all week.
394
00:16:21,198 --> 00:16:22,527
Really? Why?
395
00:16:22,614 --> 00:16:24,486
I don't know.
396
00:16:24,573 --> 00:16:26,689
She's been
a little overwhelmed at work.
397
00:16:26,776 --> 00:16:29,651
And, frankly,
me and the kids are a lot.
398
00:16:29,738 --> 00:16:32,195
She just...
needs some downtime.
399
00:16:32,282 --> 00:16:34,289
And you just pretend
like you don't know?
400
00:16:34,669 --> 00:16:37,700
Sure. That's
how marriage works.
401
00:16:37,860 --> 00:16:39,229
Three years ago...
402
00:16:39,316 --> 00:16:41,407
I told her I got life insurance,
403
00:16:41,494 --> 00:16:43,244
and I totally didn't.
404
00:16:44,732 --> 00:16:46,860
Someday, she's gonna find out.
I'm gonna say,
405
00:16:46,947 --> 00:16:49,598
"Ha-ha! I know you've been
hiding in the playhouse."
406
00:16:50,862 --> 00:16:53,325
Why don't you just get
the life insurance?
407
00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:55,942
Whose side are you on?
408
00:16:58,029 --> 00:16:59,290
Can you hear
what they're saying?
409
00:16:59,377 --> 00:17:00,473
Shh, I'm trying.
410
00:17:02,349 --> 00:17:03,430
Huh.
411
00:17:03,517 --> 00:17:05,895
Sounds like Penny's
in there, too.
412
00:17:08,123 --> 00:17:10,890
Seriously, Leonard,
you didn't pick my project?
413
00:17:10,977 --> 00:17:12,244
I'm sorry, Raj.
414
00:17:12,331 --> 00:17:13,924
- Did you go with Crow Lady?
- No.
415
00:17:14,011 --> 00:17:15,296
You gave the money to Kripke?
416
00:17:15,383 --> 00:17:16,472
I did not.
417
00:17:16,665 --> 00:17:17,846
Wait, I'm confused.
418
00:17:17,933 --> 00:17:20,080
I thought there were only
three projects in contention.
419
00:17:20,167 --> 00:17:22,047
There were.
But, at the last minute,
420
00:17:22,134 --> 00:17:23,725
someone submitted an application
421
00:17:23,812 --> 00:17:26,103
for a pretty cool
europium-doped laser,
422
00:17:26,190 --> 00:17:28,280
and they made
a very compelling case.
423
00:17:28,367 --> 00:17:29,452
What was the case?
424
00:17:29,539 --> 00:17:32,276
Oh, that it was me
and I wanted it.
425
00:17:33,788 --> 00:17:34,845
You-you can't do that.
426
00:17:34,932 --> 00:17:36,327
You can't just fund
your own project.
427
00:17:36,414 --> 00:17:39,194
Uh, it turns out I can,
and I did.
428
00:17:40,033 --> 00:17:41,092
Interesting.
429
00:17:41,179 --> 00:17:43,066
What about not wanting
everybody to be mad at you?
430
00:17:43,153 --> 00:17:45,553
Well, I realized that,
no matter what decision I made,
431
00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:46,777
people were gonna be mad at me.
432
00:17:46,864 --> 00:17:49,092
And this way,
I get a laser.
433
00:17:49,999 --> 00:17:52,497
That is the most selfish thing
you've ever done.
434
00:17:52,584 --> 00:17:54,428
I'm proud of you.
435
00:17:55,207 --> 00:17:56,636
- And I don't care.
- Yes, you do.
436
00:17:56,723 --> 00:17:58,452
Yeah, I do.
437
00:18:03,195 --> 00:18:05,280
The europium laser
is so cool.
438
00:18:05,367 --> 00:18:07,299
It has a four-level
f-f transition
439
00:18:07,386 --> 00:18:09,226
which provides for
high power output,
440
00:18:09,313 --> 00:18:11,815
and its quantum efficiency
is off the charts.
441
00:18:11,902 --> 00:18:13,058
What are you going
to use it for?
442
00:18:13,145 --> 00:18:14,823
I have no idea.
443
00:18:18,876 --> 00:18:20,165
Leonard,
444
00:18:20,798 --> 00:18:22,758
there's a crow
on your roof.
445
00:18:23,165 --> 00:18:24,392
I see it.
446
00:18:25,134 --> 00:18:27,297
Is that one
of Dr. Lee's crows?
447
00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:29,992
It has a tag on its leg.
448
00:18:33,806 --> 00:18:35,500
Don't make
any sudden moves.
449
00:18:35,587 --> 00:18:38,154
S-Smart. Let's stand
perfectly still and...
450
00:18:38,241 --> 00:18:39,878
He's the one
you want!