1 00:00:03,805 --> 00:00:05,594 Oh, this is amazing. 2 00:00:05,651 --> 00:00:07,806 I wish I had a playhouse like this when I was a kid. 3 00:00:07,893 --> 00:00:09,258 Really? You never had a playhouse? 4 00:00:09,345 --> 00:00:10,331 No. 5 00:00:10,418 --> 00:00:11,758 I mean, my dad did buy the house 6 00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,730 next door for us to play in. 7 00:00:14,354 --> 00:00:15,734 I'm gonna hook up he garden hose, 8 00:00:15,821 --> 00:00:17,119 so it has running water. 9 00:00:17,206 --> 00:00:19,222 Why does it need running water? 10 00:00:19,402 --> 00:00:20,970 Same reason it's got electricity: 11 00:00:21,057 --> 00:00:23,714 Bernadette and I both work, and we're overcompensating. 12 00:00:25,152 --> 00:00:26,190 Hey! 13 00:00:26,277 --> 00:00:29,597 This reminds me of a traditional Amish barn raising. 14 00:00:29,684 --> 00:00:31,368 With everyone pitching in. 15 00:00:31,455 --> 00:00:34,066 How exactly are you pitching in? 16 00:00:34,332 --> 00:00:36,016 I don't hear anyone else giving facts 17 00:00:36,103 --> 00:00:38,183 about traditional Amish barn raising. 18 00:00:39,449 --> 00:00:42,117 The rest of us are pitching in with hammers and nails. 19 00:00:42,204 --> 00:00:45,347 Well, facts are my nails, and my voice is the hammer 20 00:00:45,434 --> 00:00:47,863 which pounds them through the wood of your skull. 21 00:00:49,130 --> 00:00:51,425 Well, that is how it feels. 22 00:00:52,176 --> 00:00:53,672 Hey, uh, can you pass me that drill? 23 00:00:53,759 --> 00:00:55,768 Yeah, fun fact about Amish barn raising... 24 00:00:55,855 --> 00:00:57,234 They don't use any power tools. 25 00:00:57,321 --> 00:01:00,034 - Amy, make him stop. - No. 26 00:01:00,121 --> 00:01:03,409 If he tires himself out now, he'll sleep better tonight. 27 00:01:03,926 --> 00:01:05,572 Hey, Howie, can you give me a hand? 28 00:01:05,659 --> 00:01:06,844 I need to get some work done, 29 00:01:06,931 --> 00:01:08,570 and the kids are climbing all over me. 30 00:01:08,657 --> 00:01:10,354 You know what? I'll watch them. 31 00:01:10,441 --> 00:01:12,550 - You sure? - But I was just about to tell everyone 32 00:01:12,637 --> 00:01:14,000 why they're called Pennsylvania Dutch 33 00:01:14,087 --> 00:01:15,824 when they really hail from Germany. 34 00:01:17,074 --> 00:01:18,309 Yep. 35 00:01:18,934 --> 00:01:20,179 Thanks. 36 00:01:20,379 --> 00:01:23,315 So, what do you think? Pretty cool, huh? 37 00:01:23,402 --> 00:01:24,679 And when our kids outgrow it, 38 00:01:24,766 --> 00:01:27,402 we can Airbnb it to other people's babies. 39 00:01:28,430 --> 00:01:29,980 Funny. 40 00:01:30,332 --> 00:01:31,413 You all right? 41 00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:33,242 Sorry, I haven't had a second to myself. 42 00:01:33,329 --> 00:01:35,628 So let me just go back inside, finish my report, 43 00:01:35,715 --> 00:01:38,250 brush my teeth, change out of my pajamas, make a sandwich, 44 00:01:38,337 --> 00:01:40,652 and then I'll come out here and laugh at your joke. 45 00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:43,884 Ooh. As long as you're making sandwiches... 46 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:48,221 You can laugh at that one later, too. 47 00:01:49,723 --> 00:01:52,238 All right, I've kept you in suspense long enough. 48 00:01:52,325 --> 00:01:54,812 "Dutch" is a bastardization of the word "Deutsch," 49 00:01:54,899 --> 00:01:56,472 meaning German. 50 00:01:56,871 --> 00:01:59,316 What's German for "annoying"? 51 00:01:59,403 --> 00:02:01,573 Nervig. Why do you ask? 52 00:02:01,918 --> 00:02:03,155 ♪♪ Theme song plays...... > 53 00:02:03,242 --> 00:02:06,725 ♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪ 54 00:02:06,812 --> 00:02:10,108 ♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... ♪ 55 00:02:10,195 --> 00:02:11,855 ♪ Wait! ♪ ♪ The Earth began to cool ♪ 56 00:02:11,942 --> 00:02:13,389 ♪ The autotrophs began to drool ♪ 57 00:02:13,476 --> 00:02:14,852 ♪ Neanderthals developed tools ♪ 58 00:02:14,939 --> 00:02:16,683 - ♪ We built the Wall ♪ - ♪ We built the pyramids ♪ 59 00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:19,640 ♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪ 60 00:02:19,727 --> 00:02:21,745 ♪ That all started with a big bang ♪ 61 00:02:21,832 --> 00:02:23,613 ♪ Bang! ♪ *THE BIG BANG THEORY* Season 12 Episode 07 62 00:02:23,700 --> 00:02:26,067 ♪THE BIG BANG THEORY♪ Episode Title: "The Grant Allocation Derivation" 63 00:02:30,869 --> 00:02:32,302 President Siebert, you wanted to see me? 64 00:02:32,389 --> 00:02:34,782 Hey. There's my guy! 65 00:02:36,079 --> 00:02:37,271 You sound like my wife 66 00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:39,782 just before she asked me to go to Coachella. 67 00:02:40,311 --> 00:02:42,818 No, this is gonna be way more fun than Coachella. 68 00:02:42,905 --> 00:02:45,650 More fun than heatstroke? Good luck. 69 00:02:47,572 --> 00:02:48,978 So, there are some funds left 70 00:02:49,065 --> 00:02:50,678 in the general administrative grant, 71 00:02:50,765 --> 00:02:53,790 and I need somebody to decide how we should disburse them. 72 00:02:53,955 --> 00:02:55,189 Really? 73 00:02:55,431 --> 00:02:57,185 W-Wow, what an honor. Thank you. 74 00:02:57,272 --> 00:02:59,329 So how do I decide who gets the money? 75 00:02:59,416 --> 00:03:00,802 How do you decide anything? 76 00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:02,467 Think about it with your brain, 77 00:03:02,554 --> 00:03:04,814 and then say it with your mouth. 78 00:03:06,291 --> 00:03:07,474 Yeah, right, sure. 79 00:03:07,561 --> 00:03:09,376 Uh, so, after I decide, 80 00:03:09,463 --> 00:03:11,444 do I then submit it to you for approval, or...? 81 00:03:11,531 --> 00:03:12,868 No. You decide, you approve, 82 00:03:12,955 --> 00:03:15,196 and then you pride yourself on a job well done. 83 00:03:15,283 --> 00:03:16,774 That's a lot of responsibility. 84 00:03:16,861 --> 00:03:18,885 Well, if I didn't think you were up to the task, 85 00:03:18,972 --> 00:03:21,282 you wouldn't have been fifth on my list. 86 00:03:23,510 --> 00:03:25,735 Thank you. I-I'll get started right away. 87 00:03:25,822 --> 00:03:28,188 And I look forward to hearing nothing about it. 88 00:03:28,596 --> 00:03:30,579 I will keep you posted. 89 00:03:33,102 --> 00:03:34,317 Hey, thank you guys again 90 00:03:34,404 --> 00:03:36,482 - for helping out yesterday. - No problem. 91 00:03:36,569 --> 00:03:38,435 - That was really fun. - It was fun. 92 00:03:38,522 --> 00:03:40,188 But I am sore. 93 00:03:40,275 --> 00:03:41,441 You didn't lift a finger. 94 00:03:41,528 --> 00:03:43,514 No, but I narrated the entire event, 95 00:03:43,601 --> 00:03:45,829 and I am paying for it today. 96 00:03:47,017 --> 00:03:49,024 - Gentlemen. - Hey. - Hi. 97 00:03:49,111 --> 00:03:50,263 Leonard, do I detect 98 00:03:50,350 --> 00:03:52,372 a little swagger in your step? Hm. 99 00:03:52,459 --> 00:03:53,912 - Possibly. - Well, stop. 100 00:03:53,999 --> 00:03:55,447 It doesn't suit you. 101 00:03:56,432 --> 00:03:57,813 - What's going on? - Well, 102 00:03:57,900 --> 00:04:00,446 Siebert put me in charge of handing out the last bit 103 00:04:00,533 --> 00:04:03,126 of the administrative funds, and I have sole discretion. 104 00:04:03,525 --> 00:04:06,407 Ooh! Looks like Christmas came early. 105 00:04:06,494 --> 00:04:08,134 First thing on my list is a golden umbrella, 106 00:04:08,221 --> 00:04:10,907 'cause Leonard's gonna make it rain! 107 00:04:11,228 --> 00:04:13,829 Uh, hold on, I'm not just gonna hand out money. 108 00:04:13,916 --> 00:04:15,898 There's a procedure you need to follow. 109 00:04:15,985 --> 00:04:17,052 I believe he's referring 110 00:04:17,139 --> 00:04:19,368 to the traditional "kissing of the buttocks." 111 00:04:19,783 --> 00:04:20,842 Should we form a line, 112 00:04:20,929 --> 00:04:23,079 or just do it like we're bobbing for apples? 113 00:04:23,549 --> 00:04:24,618 Cute, 114 00:04:24,705 --> 00:04:26,560 but President Siebert trusted me with this, 115 00:04:26,647 --> 00:04:28,071 and I'm taking it seriously. 116 00:04:28,158 --> 00:04:29,467 If you have a legitimate request, 117 00:04:29,554 --> 00:04:30,926 you can submit it to me in writing, 118 00:04:31,013 --> 00:04:32,717 and I'll evaluate it based on its merits. 119 00:04:32,804 --> 00:04:35,564 Sure, sure. Is "Jet Ski" one word or two? 120 00:04:36,416 --> 00:04:38,970 Hofstadter! 121 00:04:39,369 --> 00:04:42,185 Heard Siebert put you in charge of the administrative fund. 122 00:04:42,272 --> 00:04:44,342 Can't think of a better guy for the job. 123 00:04:44,429 --> 00:04:46,454 I think he's done this before. 124 00:04:47,096 --> 00:04:49,430 Leonard, I know you and I have a... 125 00:04:49,517 --> 00:04:52,921 oh, troubled history, but I hope that when I make my request 126 00:04:53,008 --> 00:04:54,724 you'll... give me a fair shot. 127 00:04:54,811 --> 00:04:55,821 Of course. 128 00:04:55,908 --> 00:04:58,824 See? That's why I like about this guy: integrity. 129 00:04:58,911 --> 00:05:00,298 Bring it in! 130 00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:04,115 I just put something in your pocket. 131 00:05:04,202 --> 00:05:07,207 It's good at all El Pollo Locos. 132 00:05:12,955 --> 00:05:16,353 Halley, leave your brother's dirty diaper alone. 133 00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:19,631 Put that down. That is not a hat. 134 00:05:19,718 --> 00:05:21,931 That is not a hat! Oh! 135 00:05:24,553 --> 00:05:27,548 - Okay. Everybody in the sink. - Oh. 136 00:05:29,134 --> 00:05:30,352 Bad news, Howie. 137 00:05:30,439 --> 00:05:32,930 I'm gonna be stuck at work for a while. 138 00:05:36,065 --> 00:05:38,671 Oh, that's terrible. Hang in there. 139 00:05:38,758 --> 00:05:41,175 I'll be home as soon as I can. 140 00:05:43,507 --> 00:05:44,914 Ah... 141 00:05:46,236 --> 00:05:48,399 He deserves better. 142 00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:52,474 No, I'm not going to reconsider. 143 00:05:52,561 --> 00:05:54,196 Your request was denied. 144 00:05:55,103 --> 00:05:56,843 I don't care if it helps you think; 145 00:05:56,930 --> 00:05:59,508 you don't need a koi pond in your office. 146 00:06:01,188 --> 00:06:02,504 Well, you should have thought about that 147 00:06:02,591 --> 00:06:04,547 before you bought the koi! 148 00:06:05,602 --> 00:06:07,031 Wow. That was a little rough. 149 00:06:07,118 --> 00:06:08,077 Well, I have to be. 150 00:06:08,164 --> 00:06:10,704 Everyone assumes I'm just gonna give them whatever they want. 151 00:06:10,876 --> 00:06:13,969 Hmm. But you're not, are you? 152 00:06:15,048 --> 00:06:16,383 No, I'm not. 153 00:06:16,470 --> 00:06:17,797 I mean, look at this. 154 00:06:17,884 --> 00:06:21,305 An espresso machine? I don't think so. Denied! 155 00:06:22,329 --> 00:06:25,062 Wow, I really like this side of you. 156 00:06:25,149 --> 00:06:26,110 Really? 157 00:06:26,197 --> 00:06:28,789 Yeah, just so decisive. 158 00:06:29,236 --> 00:06:30,975 Well, check this out. 159 00:06:31,062 --> 00:06:32,387 A standing desk. 160 00:06:32,474 --> 00:06:34,343 - Denied! - Oh! 161 00:06:38,595 --> 00:06:40,403 If you want to stand, do it on your own time, 162 00:06:40,490 --> 00:06:42,298 - 'cause I'm the boss. - Yeah, you are. 163 00:06:44,085 --> 00:06:45,797 - Hello. - Hey. - Hey. 164 00:06:45,884 --> 00:06:47,625 Leonard, I just wanted to congratulate you 165 00:06:47,712 --> 00:06:49,395 on how well you are managing this grant money. 166 00:06:49,482 --> 00:06:50,656 What do you want? 167 00:06:50,743 --> 00:06:53,286 Nothing. I just came by to pay you a compliment. 168 00:06:53,373 --> 00:06:55,016 Nice try. The answer's no. 169 00:06:55,305 --> 00:06:57,552 To what? I'm not asking you for anything. 170 00:06:57,639 --> 00:06:59,862 All I need for my job is right here. Hmm? 171 00:06:59,949 --> 00:07:02,466 This is my office. Which makes for a great commute. 172 00:07:02,553 --> 00:07:04,524 Home, work, home. 173 00:07:04,977 --> 00:07:07,422 I'm still working... I'm just working from home. 174 00:07:08,329 --> 00:07:10,164 You know, if it's that easy, then why does Leonard 175 00:07:10,251 --> 00:07:11,341 have to drive you to work every day? 176 00:07:11,428 --> 00:07:14,586 Because I like the frozen yogurt machine in the cafeteria. 177 00:07:14,986 --> 00:07:16,804 Ooh, I suppose I could use a frozen yogurt machine... 178 00:07:16,891 --> 00:07:18,485 Denied! 179 00:07:21,477 --> 00:07:24,848 Oh, you should have seen him... Denying things left and right. 180 00:07:24,935 --> 00:07:27,047 It was so sexy. 181 00:07:28,444 --> 00:07:31,012 'Course, I made a request he did not deny. 182 00:07:31,099 --> 00:07:32,641 Uh-huh. 183 00:07:34,781 --> 00:07:35,942 Are you listening to me? 184 00:07:36,029 --> 00:07:38,477 Yeah, sure. You slept with your husband. 185 00:07:39,884 --> 00:07:41,862 What is going on with you? 186 00:07:42,446 --> 00:07:44,258 It's not a big thing. 187 00:07:44,501 --> 00:07:46,941 Have you ever told Leonard a little white lie? 188 00:07:47,028 --> 00:07:49,422 Mm. Well, he thinks I've seen 189 00:07:49,509 --> 00:07:50,989 every one of the Star Wars movies, 190 00:07:51,076 --> 00:07:54,297 but I've really only seen the one with the gold robot. 191 00:07:57,766 --> 00:08:00,726 - That could be any of them. - Exactly. 192 00:08:02,250 --> 00:08:04,370 I've been telling Howie that I've had to work late 193 00:08:04,457 --> 00:08:05,938 the past couple nights, but really, 194 00:08:06,025 --> 00:08:09,100 I've just been hiding out in Howie's playhouse. 195 00:08:09,194 --> 00:08:10,739 Does that make me awful? 196 00:08:10,826 --> 00:08:12,170 Awful? No. 197 00:08:12,257 --> 00:08:14,475 Uh, strange? Yes. 198 00:08:14,929 --> 00:08:16,835 Sad? A little, yes. 199 00:08:17,429 --> 00:08:20,373 It's just that work's been crazy, and the minute I get home, I have two kids 200 00:08:20,460 --> 00:08:22,034 hanging on me, and sometimes I don't want 201 00:08:22,121 --> 00:08:25,077 babies pulling my hair and pinching my belly fat. 202 00:08:25,764 --> 00:08:28,569 That'd be a good slogan for a condom company. 203 00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:32,878 I love my kids, but that hour to myself 204 00:08:32,965 --> 00:08:34,874 just makes me feel human again. 205 00:08:35,241 --> 00:08:38,572 So, you go home and sit alone in a toy house 206 00:08:38,659 --> 00:08:40,188 in the backyard? 207 00:08:41,148 --> 00:08:42,749 Yeah! 208 00:08:46,210 --> 00:08:49,045 Oh, Dr. Hofstadter, did you have a chance 209 00:08:49,132 --> 00:08:51,287 - to look over my proposal? - I did, 210 00:08:51,374 --> 00:08:53,076 and your research is fascinating. 211 00:08:53,163 --> 00:08:55,217 I had no idea that crows were that smart. 212 00:08:55,304 --> 00:08:56,489 Do they really hold grudges? 213 00:08:56,576 --> 00:08:58,490 They do. One of them escaped 214 00:08:58,577 --> 00:09:00,600 from my behavioral study a year ago. 215 00:09:00,687 --> 00:09:01,933 I can't prove it's him, 216 00:09:02,020 --> 00:09:04,686 but something craps on my car every day. 217 00:09:05,811 --> 00:09:08,023 Well, l-look, I only have enough money 218 00:09:08,110 --> 00:09:10,100 to fund one request, but your project 219 00:09:10,187 --> 00:09:11,337 is definitely in the running. 220 00:09:11,424 --> 00:09:14,519 Okay, but, uh, when do you think you might make a decision? 221 00:09:14,606 --> 00:09:16,748 Because I have to upgrade their cages 222 00:09:16,835 --> 00:09:18,991 before they learn how to open the locks. 223 00:09:19,302 --> 00:09:21,448 When I came in to my lab this morning, 224 00:09:21,535 --> 00:09:23,944 they suddenly got silent. 225 00:09:25,382 --> 00:09:27,936 I think they're planning something. 226 00:09:29,327 --> 00:09:31,809 Um, soon. I've narrowed it down to three projects. 227 00:09:31,896 --> 00:09:33,292 Ooh, is mine one of them? 228 00:09:33,379 --> 00:09:34,733 Actually, yeah. 229 00:09:34,820 --> 00:09:36,363 The software in the telescope room 230 00:09:36,450 --> 00:09:37,834 hasn't been upgraded in years, 231 00:09:37,921 --> 00:09:39,300 and it seems like it might be time. 232 00:09:39,387 --> 00:09:41,506 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 233 00:09:41,593 --> 00:09:43,402 So you're just gonna give the money to your friend? 234 00:09:43,489 --> 00:09:44,660 I smell a rat. 235 00:09:44,747 --> 00:09:45,839 I work with rats, too. 236 00:09:45,926 --> 00:09:47,467 That might be me. 237 00:09:48,584 --> 00:09:51,131 I'm not just giving it to my friend, Barry. 238 00:09:51,218 --> 00:09:52,926 Your proposal is also in the mix. 239 00:09:53,013 --> 00:09:54,529 Wait, so those are the three? 240 00:09:54,616 --> 00:09:56,144 You're not even considering mine? 241 00:09:56,231 --> 00:09:58,597 Why, because they're PhDs and I'm just an engineer? 242 00:09:58,684 --> 00:10:01,045 No, because they wrote detailed proposals, 243 00:10:01,132 --> 00:10:03,628 and you sent a YouTube clip of the guy from Jerry Maguire 244 00:10:03,715 --> 00:10:05,806 saying, "Show me the money!" 245 00:10:07,102 --> 00:10:08,230 All right, Hofstadter, 246 00:10:08,317 --> 00:10:10,630 what's it gonna be? Which project are you gonna pick? 247 00:10:10,717 --> 00:10:11,886 Yeah, come on, Leonard. 248 00:10:11,973 --> 00:10:13,823 - Tell us now. - But, remember, 249 00:10:13,910 --> 00:10:16,850 crows aren't the only ones who can hold a grudge. 250 00:10:17,921 --> 00:10:21,412 Look, all three of your proposals have a lot of merit. 251 00:10:21,499 --> 00:10:23,558 I just want to make sure I'm making the right decision. 252 00:10:23,645 --> 00:10:25,073 I can tell you're stressed. 253 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:27,217 If it helps, I withdraw my proposal. 254 00:10:27,304 --> 00:10:29,081 - It doesn't help. - Fine. Then I'm back in the mix. 255 00:10:29,168 --> 00:10:31,264 Show me the money! 256 00:10:33,202 --> 00:10:34,842 Okay, I-I just... 257 00:10:34,929 --> 00:10:37,069 I need everyone to back off. 258 00:10:37,156 --> 00:10:40,019 I'm in charge here, and I'll decide when I'm ready to decide. 259 00:10:40,106 --> 00:10:41,747 When will that be? 260 00:10:41,834 --> 00:10:43,319 A day, a week. I don't know! 261 00:10:43,406 --> 00:10:45,631 - Where are you going? - I don't know that either! 262 00:10:54,547 --> 00:10:55,906 Ooh. 263 00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:59,382 Someone's making decisions. 264 00:11:00,531 --> 00:11:02,043 I'm reviewing these proposals. 265 00:11:02,130 --> 00:11:03,979 Yeah. 'Cause you're the boss man, 266 00:11:04,066 --> 00:11:05,248 telling people what's what. 267 00:11:05,335 --> 00:11:06,476 I like it. 268 00:11:07,568 --> 00:11:09,123 It's just so hard! 269 00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:11,432 All-all three of these proposals have merit. 270 00:11:11,519 --> 00:11:12,873 How do I choose? 271 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:15,357 Well, not with that voice. 272 00:11:17,279 --> 00:11:19,302 There has got to be a right decision 273 00:11:19,389 --> 00:11:20,757 based on empirical evidence. 274 00:11:20,844 --> 00:11:22,557 Look, I made pros and cons lists, 275 00:11:22,644 --> 00:11:25,088 and then I came up with three different scoring systems 276 00:11:25,175 --> 00:11:26,241 to determine the best project. 277 00:11:26,328 --> 00:11:28,499 I just don't know what scoring system to use. 278 00:11:28,586 --> 00:11:30,579 So I'm working on a meta-scoring system 279 00:11:30,666 --> 00:11:31,908 to score the scoring systems, 280 00:11:31,995 --> 00:11:33,174 but the math is really complicated. 281 00:11:33,261 --> 00:11:35,033 You want me to walk you through it? 282 00:11:37,034 --> 00:11:39,729 - Cheers. - Cheers. 283 00:11:44,779 --> 00:11:46,896 Turn that off. Are you trying to get us caught? 284 00:11:46,983 --> 00:11:48,222 Oh. 285 00:11:50,529 --> 00:11:53,876 So, I've narrowed it down to three worthwhile projects, 286 00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:56,228 but I only have the money to fund one of them. 287 00:11:56,315 --> 00:11:58,963 Lucky for you, I have a solution. 288 00:11:59,057 --> 00:12:00,862 I can't wait. 289 00:12:01,337 --> 00:12:03,772 You free up more money and I fund all of them. 290 00:12:03,859 --> 00:12:05,526 Mm, no. 291 00:12:06,909 --> 00:12:09,635 Or... hear me out... 292 00:12:09,748 --> 00:12:11,300 Yes. 293 00:12:12,622 --> 00:12:14,455 That way, e-everybody's happy. 294 00:12:14,542 --> 00:12:15,655 You can't make everybody happy. 295 00:12:15,742 --> 00:12:17,032 - I think I can. - You can't. 296 00:12:17,119 --> 00:12:19,382 - Well, actually... - You're making me unhappy. 297 00:12:21,104 --> 00:12:22,508 Okay, what would you do? 298 00:12:22,595 --> 00:12:24,851 I'd find some sap and put him in charge 299 00:12:24,938 --> 00:12:27,064 so I wouldn't have to be the bad guy. 300 00:12:28,663 --> 00:12:31,267 That's a really good id... Oh. 301 00:12:40,482 --> 00:12:41,955 Whatcha doin'? 302 00:12:42,118 --> 00:12:43,831 You scared me. 303 00:12:43,918 --> 00:12:45,202 I'll ask again. 304 00:12:45,294 --> 00:12:47,346 What-cha doin'? 305 00:12:48,417 --> 00:12:49,542 Nothing. 306 00:12:49,629 --> 00:12:50,704 Really? 307 00:12:50,791 --> 00:12:53,053 You and Bernadette aren't doing stuff without me? 308 00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:55,807 What? No! Why would you even say that? 309 00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:57,704 You know how your talent 310 00:12:57,791 --> 00:13:00,123 is getting just drunk enough to have a good time 311 00:13:00,210 --> 00:13:02,206 without being hungover the next day? 312 00:13:02,486 --> 00:13:04,229 Thank you. 313 00:13:06,596 --> 00:13:09,561 Well, mine is knowing when I'm being excluded. 314 00:13:09,648 --> 00:13:10,783 So spill. 315 00:13:10,870 --> 00:13:12,943 I'm-I'm just running some errands. 316 00:13:13,055 --> 00:13:14,229 Yeah? 317 00:13:15,257 --> 00:13:17,580 - With a bag full of wine? - I... 318 00:13:17,793 --> 00:13:19,846 Got to stay hydrated. 319 00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:22,068 Try again. 320 00:13:22,155 --> 00:13:23,447 Okay, look, I'm sorry. 321 00:13:23,534 --> 00:13:25,001 We did not mean to leave you out. 322 00:13:25,088 --> 00:13:27,241 All right? Bernadette has been feeling fried at home, 323 00:13:27,328 --> 00:13:30,392 so we ended up hanging out in Halley's playhouse. 324 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,709 Like a secret club? 325 00:13:32,796 --> 00:13:35,816 No! Just, like, a place to spend time 326 00:13:35,903 --> 00:13:38,143 that we don't tell anyone else about. 327 00:13:41,385 --> 00:13:44,357 And what would be a shorter way of saying that? 328 00:13:45,471 --> 00:13:47,182 Secret club. 329 00:13:48,602 --> 00:13:50,562 Well, you really hurt my feelings. 330 00:13:50,649 --> 00:13:52,296 What can I do to make it up to you? 331 00:13:52,383 --> 00:13:53,886 I'm in a secret club! 332 00:13:53,973 --> 00:13:55,596 Shh! 333 00:13:56,588 --> 00:13:58,811 Is there some sort of humiliating initiation? 334 00:13:58,898 --> 00:14:01,094 'Cause I would literally do anything. 335 00:14:08,844 --> 00:14:10,469 Leonard, you've been losing to me 336 00:14:10,556 --> 00:14:12,764 in three-dimensional chess for many years. 337 00:14:12,851 --> 00:14:14,561 You know what would be neat? 338 00:14:14,648 --> 00:14:16,987 If this was some sort of long con 339 00:14:17,074 --> 00:14:19,334 and one day you say, "Let's make this interesting," 340 00:14:19,421 --> 00:14:20,872 put money on it, and reveal 341 00:14:20,959 --> 00:14:23,352 that you actually know what you're doing. 342 00:14:27,663 --> 00:14:29,209 A very long con indeed. 343 00:14:29,296 --> 00:14:30,422 Checkmate. 344 00:14:31,747 --> 00:14:33,526 Sorry. I'm distracted. 345 00:14:33,613 --> 00:14:35,978 Ooh, aren't you the hustler. 346 00:14:36,674 --> 00:14:38,618 No matter who I give the funds to, 347 00:14:38,705 --> 00:14:40,547 someone is gonna be upset with me. 348 00:14:40,634 --> 00:14:42,383 Do you really care if people are angry at you? 349 00:14:42,470 --> 00:14:44,134 - Of course. - Interesting. 350 00:14:44,221 --> 00:14:47,303 Why don't you go to the store and get me some tapioca pudding 351 00:14:47,390 --> 00:14:49,736 or I'm gonna be angry at you. 352 00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:51,493 No. 353 00:14:51,580 --> 00:14:53,541 So it comes and goes? 354 00:14:54,596 --> 00:14:56,584 How do you not care what people think of you? 355 00:14:56,671 --> 00:14:57,652 It's easy. 356 00:14:57,739 --> 00:14:59,342 I mean, not "beating you at chess" easy, 357 00:14:59,429 --> 00:15:01,072 but what is? 358 00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:03,918 Wait, 359 00:15:04,095 --> 00:15:05,840 you can make this decision. 360 00:15:05,927 --> 00:15:07,853 You don't care if you upset people. 361 00:15:07,940 --> 00:15:09,037 You can pick for me. 362 00:15:09,124 --> 00:15:10,138 I certainly could. 363 00:15:10,225 --> 00:15:11,910 - Oh, great. - But I won't. 364 00:15:11,997 --> 00:15:14,369 I think this is a learning opportunity for you. 365 00:15:14,456 --> 00:15:15,689 Sheldon, come on. 366 00:15:15,776 --> 00:15:17,294 Oh, I'm sorry. Did I upset you? 367 00:15:17,381 --> 00:15:19,853 - Yes. - Ask me how I feel about that. 368 00:15:23,285 --> 00:15:24,959 So where does Leonard think you are? 369 00:15:25,046 --> 00:15:26,553 Oh, I told him I was at yoga. 370 00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:29,070 Well, you are stretching the truth. 371 00:15:29,825 --> 00:15:31,803 Yeah. Where does Sheldon think you are? 372 00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:33,976 Oh, Sheldon's kind of like a dog... 373 00:15:34,063 --> 00:15:35,623 He doesn't really think about me when I'm gone, 374 00:15:35,710 --> 00:15:38,006 but he's so happy when I show up. 375 00:15:39,099 --> 00:15:40,134 Ooh. 376 00:15:40,221 --> 00:15:41,842 Who wants an Easy-Bake quesadilla? 377 00:15:41,929 --> 00:15:43,229 Oh! Me! 378 00:15:43,724 --> 00:15:44,954 Ooh, hot. 379 00:15:45,483 --> 00:15:46,485 Shh. 380 00:15:46,572 --> 00:15:48,077 Thanks for letting me come over and hang. 381 00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:49,884 So Leonard still hasn't made a decision yet? 382 00:15:49,971 --> 00:15:51,288 No. And I've really been 383 00:15:51,375 --> 00:15:52,688 laying on the guilt. 384 00:15:52,775 --> 00:15:54,061 Did you break out the sad eyes? 385 00:15:54,148 --> 00:15:55,947 You mean these bad boys? 386 00:15:59,021 --> 00:16:00,150 What do we do? 387 00:16:00,237 --> 00:16:01,991 We're just gonna have to wait till they go back inside. 388 00:16:02,078 --> 00:16:04,807 Okay, okay. Can we very quietly 389 00:16:05,085 --> 00:16:07,799 open that second bottle of... 390 00:16:08,564 --> 00:16:10,461 Hey, don't freak out, 391 00:16:10,548 --> 00:16:13,723 but I think there's someone in your playhouse. 392 00:16:13,842 --> 00:16:16,809 Oh. Yeah, that's just Bernadette. 393 00:16:18,464 --> 00:16:21,111 She's been hiding out in there all week. 394 00:16:21,198 --> 00:16:22,527 Really? Why? 395 00:16:22,614 --> 00:16:24,486 I don't know. 396 00:16:24,573 --> 00:16:26,689 She's been a little overwhelmed at work. 397 00:16:26,776 --> 00:16:29,651 And, frankly, me and the kids are a lot. 398 00:16:29,738 --> 00:16:32,195 She just... needs some downtime. 399 00:16:32,282 --> 00:16:34,289 And you just pretend like you don't know? 400 00:16:34,669 --> 00:16:37,700 Sure. That's how marriage works. 401 00:16:37,860 --> 00:16:39,229 Three years ago... 402 00:16:39,316 --> 00:16:41,407 I told her I got life insurance, 403 00:16:41,494 --> 00:16:43,244 and I totally didn't. 404 00:16:44,732 --> 00:16:46,860 Someday, she's gonna find out. I'm gonna say, 405 00:16:46,947 --> 00:16:49,598 "Ha-ha! I know you've been hiding in the playhouse." 406 00:16:50,862 --> 00:16:53,325 Why don't you just get the life insurance? 407 00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:55,942 Whose side are you on? 408 00:16:58,029 --> 00:16:59,290 Can you hear what they're saying? 409 00:16:59,377 --> 00:17:00,473 Shh, I'm trying. 410 00:17:02,349 --> 00:17:03,430 Huh. 411 00:17:03,517 --> 00:17:05,895 Sounds like Penny's in there, too. 412 00:17:08,123 --> 00:17:10,890 Seriously, Leonard, you didn't pick my project? 413 00:17:10,977 --> 00:17:12,244 I'm sorry, Raj. 414 00:17:12,331 --> 00:17:13,924 - Did you go with Crow Lady? - No. 415 00:17:14,011 --> 00:17:15,296 You gave the money to Kripke? 416 00:17:15,383 --> 00:17:16,472 I did not. 417 00:17:16,665 --> 00:17:17,846 Wait, I'm confused. 418 00:17:17,933 --> 00:17:20,080 I thought there were only three projects in contention. 419 00:17:20,167 --> 00:17:22,047 There were. But, at the last minute, 420 00:17:22,134 --> 00:17:23,725 someone submitted an application 421 00:17:23,812 --> 00:17:26,103 for a pretty cool europium-doped laser, 422 00:17:26,190 --> 00:17:28,280 and they made a very compelling case. 423 00:17:28,367 --> 00:17:29,452 What was the case? 424 00:17:29,539 --> 00:17:32,276 Oh, that it was me and I wanted it. 425 00:17:33,788 --> 00:17:34,845 You-you can't do that. 426 00:17:34,932 --> 00:17:36,327 You can't just fund your own project. 427 00:17:36,414 --> 00:17:39,194 Uh, it turns out I can, and I did. 428 00:17:40,033 --> 00:17:41,092 Interesting. 429 00:17:41,179 --> 00:17:43,066 What about not wanting everybody to be mad at you? 430 00:17:43,153 --> 00:17:45,553 Well, I realized that, no matter what decision I made, 431 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:46,777 people were gonna be mad at me. 432 00:17:46,864 --> 00:17:49,092 And this way, I get a laser. 433 00:17:49,999 --> 00:17:52,497 That is the most selfish thing you've ever done. 434 00:17:52,584 --> 00:17:54,428 I'm proud of you. 435 00:17:55,207 --> 00:17:56,636 - And I don't care. - Yes, you do. 436 00:17:56,723 --> 00:17:58,452 Yeah, I do. 437 00:18:03,195 --> 00:18:05,280 The europium laser is so cool. 438 00:18:05,367 --> 00:18:07,299 It has a four-level f-f transition 439 00:18:07,386 --> 00:18:09,226 which provides for high power output, 440 00:18:09,313 --> 00:18:11,815 and its quantum efficiency is off the charts. 441 00:18:11,902 --> 00:18:13,058 What are you going to use it for? 442 00:18:13,145 --> 00:18:14,823 I have no idea. 443 00:18:18,876 --> 00:18:20,165 Leonard, 444 00:18:20,798 --> 00:18:22,758 there's a crow on your roof. 445 00:18:23,165 --> 00:18:24,392 I see it. 446 00:18:25,134 --> 00:18:27,297 Is that one of Dr. Lee's crows? 447 00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:29,992 It has a tag on its leg. 448 00:18:33,806 --> 00:18:35,500 Don't make any sudden moves. 449 00:18:35,587 --> 00:18:38,154 S-Smart. Let's stand perfectly still and... 450 00:18:38,241 --> 00:18:39,878 He's the one you want!