1 00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:07,764 (CHILDREN PLAYING) 2 00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:16,320 Water. 3 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:18,528 Mother Nature's piss. 4 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:20,807 And it's what brings us here today, together. 5 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:25,248 The unveiling of my luxurious, brand new swimming pool. 6 00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:26,970 That's right. I did this. 7 00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:31,686 My own brother, so full of envy over my success, 8 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:34,485 that son of a bitch didn't even show up here today. 9 00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:35,971 But his wife showed up. 10 00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:38,520 Cassie, big ups to you for being supportive. 11 00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:40,802 You've got much bigger balls than your husband does. 12 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:42,530 Much better man than him. 13 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:47,884 Mere months ago, I was in the darkest, dirtiest, shittiest hole of my life. 14 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:51,760 Standing in a crowded room while my wife was being honored. 15 00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:54,127 And I was miserable. 16 00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:56,846 But finally, all the struggles and sleepless nights... 17 00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:58,564 GENE: Dixie. Dixie? 18 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:00,449 Dixie! 19 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:01,521 KENNY: Get out of here, Gene. 20 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:04,570 - Security, get him the fuck out of here. - I need to talk to you, baby. I love you! 21 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:06,483 What the fuck are you doing? Get off me! 22 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:07,607 KENNY: Gene... 23 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:09,887 - No adulterers allowed. - GENE: Put me the fuck down, asshole! 24 00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:11,450 Loser. 25 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:14,922 Anyway, what I was saying was even though things were that dark, 26 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:19,005 I persevered and I never stopped going for what I wanted. 27 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:20,286 And now look what's happened. 28 00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:21,567 Oops. 29 00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:23,245 Somebody got a salt water motherfucking pool. 30 00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:24,401 That's right. 31 00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:28,241 So let the deep sparkly waters serve as a symbol to each of you, 32 00:01:28,320 --> 00:01:34,362 that if you work hard enough, you dream big enough, anything is possible. 33 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:35,761 (APPLAUSE) 34 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:38,363 Pool's open, y'all! 35 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:49,769 $5,000 suit, y'all. 36 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:52,406 $5,000 suit and I don't even care! 37 00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:03,205 My pool party was the shit. 38 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:05,328 Now bring them big old titties over here. 39 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,084 - Come on. - Listen to me. 40 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:10,482 What were you meaning when you were talking about my award today? 41 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:12,927 You said that you were miserable? 42 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,480 I think maybe you need to stop paying attention to that shit, 43 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:19,326 and you need to come over here and suck on that dick. 44 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:20,640 Not happening. 45 00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:22,961 - I'm about to buy that pussy then. - Don't buy it. 46 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:24,681 Look at this. 47 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:26,762 - I think I'm about to pay for this shit. - Don't get close to me. 48 00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:28,729 - You cannot do that. - I can do it. It's happening right now. 49 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,006 I'm 'bout to fucking make it rain on your head. 50 00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:31,081 - Not gonna accept it. - Come on. 51 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:33,242 - Rick Ross. Rick Ross. - Take it back. Stop! 52 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:35,209 - Shake it, girl. Shake it. - Look at you. No. 53 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,931 - Shake it. - Look at you being so obnoxious with money. 54 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,207 Why you trying to cause class warfare on my ass here? 55 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:42,044 Insult a man 'cause I'm trying to share my wealth. 56 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:44,168 I think that you're losing touch. 57 00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:45,571 - Speaking of losing touch... - What? 58 00:02:45,640 --> 00:02:47,688 - Honk. - No. No. 59 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:52,004 You know, I've been talking to Tel and Viv about their therapist that they're seeing. 60 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:53,286 - A therapist? - Yep. 61 00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:55,971 - Some motherfucker with a little flute? - No. 62 00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:57,371 Makes a fucking cobra come out of a basket. 63 00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:01,650 Listen, Viv said that their therapist has helped them communicate better. 64 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:02,761 No, no, no, no, no. 65 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:06,368 Therapists, all they do is they try to fucking smooth everybody out, 66 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:08,044 keep everybody even, walking a straight line. 67 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:09,281 I got no interest in that. 68 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:12,762 The only kind of therapy you need is that ding-a-ling therapy. 69 00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:14,325 Not in the mood tonight. 70 00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:15,367 You playing? 71 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:17,204 Well, too bad, baby doll. You're on the clock. 72 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:18,884 I done just bought that pussy. 73 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:20,530 This shit's paid for. 74 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:23,046 We in Thailand. Come on, lady boy. Dance for me. 75 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:24,804 - Good night. Good night. - Make dance for me. 76 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:27,451 - Thai boy, dance for me. - Nobody is... Good night. 77 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:28,846 Come here, let me spit on you. 78 00:03:28,920 --> 00:03:30,285 Good night. 79 00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:40,081 Yeah, yeah. Stop, drop, open up shop. 80 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:42,083 Look up here, y'all. 81 00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:45,044 I return to you victorious. Just like I promised I would. 82 00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:48,050 I won that motherfucking Dragon Boat race, and with the winnings, 83 00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:52,842 I've turned this disgusting field into a state-of-the-art Little League facility. 84 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:55,930 I got rid of the sofa. Got rid of the hypodermics, the tampons. 85 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:59,083 Got rid of the goddamn thrown-up sizzurp that was everywhere. 86 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:02,084 - The orange drank. - All that drank-drank is gone. 87 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:05,846 And on top of it, I also hooked y'all up with some new gear. 88 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:09,326 There it all is. 89 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:11,641 Come. Enjoy, my childrens. 90 00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:14,803 Yeah, yeah. Go on in there. Break you off some. 91 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,963 Enjoy new things for the very first time in your lives. 92 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:19,849 What the fuck? 93 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,605 - Is that kid stealing the shit? - I think so. 94 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:23,920 Go get his ass. 95 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:26,731 Hey! Off the bike! Get your poor ass off the bike! 96 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,689 Come on, man. He's getting half way down the fucking street. 97 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:30,521 - Punch it! - KID: Hey, man. 98 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:34,131 That's my bike! 99 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:35,611 That motherfucker's an assassin. 100 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:38,047 So let that be a lesson to you guys, all right? 101 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:39,121 Question. Yes. Ja Rule. 102 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:40,964 - Who are you? - Who am I? 103 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:45,087 I'm your handsome white Jesus, motherfucker. 104 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,286 Yeah. 105 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:54,645 ANNOUNCER: Yes, yes, y'all. 106 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:58,805 It's time for the Sports Sesh. 107 00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:03,771 What's happening? 108 00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:05,126 All right, all right, all right. 109 00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:08,050 Well, welcome back to another sesh of Sports Sesh. 110 00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:10,481 I'm Guy Young, 111 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,528 and let's address the elephant in the room. 112 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,170 We lost another co-host. 113 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:19,201 Unfortunately, Jed Forney, a very dear friend, he left the show and he won't be coming back. 114 00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:21,931 He left for personal reasons and... 115 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:25,209 Well, I don't know what they are, and quite frankly, I don't care. 116 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:29,529 Let's move on to our first hot topic and she is hot. 117 00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:32,610 Cat Cora, Iron Chef from the Food Network. 118 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:34,125 Are you kidding me? 119 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:37,691 - How you doing, darling? Good to see you. - You, too. 120 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:39,171 - You look great. - Good to be here. Thank you. 121 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:41,846 All right. Well, it's playoff time. Let's get into it. 122 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:43,604 Well, I'm making Game-Day Nachos. 123 00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:46,282 First, you start with a bean and cheese base. 124 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:48,647 - And then we add aromatics. - You got... 125 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:49,846 - Things like onions. - I love onions. 126 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:51,729 Just don't kiss your girlfriend right afterwards. 127 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:52,847 That's right. 128 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:54,843 And jalapeno peppers. 129 00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:56,729 Jalapeno peppers? 130 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:58,165 Kenny's cutting in. 131 00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:06,361 Kenny, get back over there with the co-hosts, okay? 132 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,442 Behave yourself. Get over there. 133 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:12,489 Get back over there. 134 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:14,568 Cat, you know why I love jalapeno peppers so goddamn much? 135 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:17,291 - Why's that, Kenny? - Because they're so spicy! 136 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,488 God damn, are they spicy. 137 00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:21,485 We making something. 138 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:26,122 Maybe it's nachos, maybe it's a kid. Who knows? 139 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,567 - I gotta ask you a question here, Cat. - Yeah. 140 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:31,962 Have you ever seen a human motherfucker eat a shitload of peppers before? 141 00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:35,442 I don't know, Kenny. Those peppers are pretty hot. 142 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,568 Who wants to see me eat 50 of these in a minute? 143 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:42,528 - I don't think we have time for that. - You do. You at home do. 144 00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:45,126 Ready? One. Count 'em off, everybody. 145 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:46,645 - One! - CAT: Those are pretty hot. 146 00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:49,410 - CROWD: Two! - Here he goes. 147 00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:51,482 - CROWD: Three! - Three. 148 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,289 So hot! 149 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:56,762 - Four! - I can't believe it. Just... Gluttonous. 150 00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:00,765 - Kenny! Kenny! Kenny! - So hot! 151 00:07:00,840 --> 00:07:02,205 Come on, Kenny. 152 00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:04,931 KENNY: Oh, God! 153 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:14,250 (SPEAKS SPANISH) 154 00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:17,529 KENNY: God damn. Look at your kids. Little Mexican jumping beans. 155 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:19,011 Here you go, more beers. 156 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:20,889 Yeah. There you go. 157 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:22,809 (MISSPEAKING SPANISH) 158 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:24,047 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 159 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:28,011 - Guess I should make some food? - Nah, baby. Just business right now. 160 00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:29,366 Okay. 161 00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,249 Come here. Come here. 162 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:34,961 (PASSIONATE KISSING NOISES) 163 00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:36,441 Yeah. 164 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:38,369 I want you so badly. 165 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,722 Hey. Okay. Hey. What the fuck? 166 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:43,290 - Yeah. - Come on. 167 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:45,209 You wait for me in the bedroom, bitch. 168 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:47,647 - MARIA: Okay. - Put that pussy on ice. 169 00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:53,525 Me and Maria been fucking like cave people since I've been getting paid, man. 170 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:56,570 My dick's all pruny from being up in that sweet punany. 171 00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:58,642 Sounds like 50 Shades of Gross to me, motherfucker. 172 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:01,326 Now it's time for you to take out that notepad software. 173 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:03,243 I want to talk a little bidness. 174 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:06,601 What do you have in mind to talk about today? 175 00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:07,841 Well, there's no doubt my stock is soaring. 176 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:10,207 - I'm more recognizable than I have ever been. - True. 177 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:12,169 I think it's high time we finally cash in on 178 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:14,846 these lucrative opportunities that my fame has brought upon us. 179 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:17,241 Yeah, okay. I like this. 180 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:19,084 Tell me more. 181 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:22,926 I think it's time Kenny Powers opens up a motherfucking restaurant chain. 182 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:26,005 Are you serious? 183 00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:27,411 Yes! 184 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:30,882 The concept, well, it's simply brilliant. 185 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:32,530 It's TNT. You know what it stands for? 186 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:34,250 It's, like, a code or something. 187 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:36,527 Yeah. The "T" is for taters. 188 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,170 "N" is for and. 189 00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:41,369 And the final "T," tits. 190 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:45,047 'Cause all the waitresses at TNT have huge tits. 191 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:47,646 - Taters 'N' Tits. - Oh, my God. 192 00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:49,722 How on earth did you even think of this? 193 00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:51,524 How does any genius figure out his inventions? 194 00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:54,001 I mean, how did Leonardo DiCaprio figure out about gravity? 195 00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:57,209 'Cause the bitch was sleeping underneath a tree and an apple hit him on his head. 196 00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:59,806 This is amazing. I'm all over this. 197 00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:02,850 Look at the men we've become. 198 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:06,720 And on a personal side note, those contacts are doing wonders for your look. 199 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:09,931 - You got those Paul Walker eyes. - Thank you. 200 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:12,685 I'm thinking about fixing my other weak zones, too. 201 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:13,761 Like your chin? 202 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:15,763 What... 203 00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:17,285 My chin... What's wrong with my chin? 204 00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:19,647 See, it's almost just like a high neck fold. 205 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:23,042 From your profile here, it's just face down to tits. 206 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:24,087 It's just nothing. 207 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:26,606 It's like a fucking little nub at the bottom of your face. 208 00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:29,722 Yeah, my chin is shitty. 209 00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:38,290 God damn it. 210 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,890 Okay. Look, Kenny is here. 211 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:45,804 Don't freak out, okay? He brought gifts for the boys. 212 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:50,447 Honey, he wants forgiveness. All right? 213 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:51,760 Maybe just hear him out. 214 00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:53,683 (GUNFIRE) 215 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:02,564 Fuck yeah! Love that shit. 216 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:04,290 Doesn't it feel good? Man, you just take that deep breath. 217 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,886 Shoot a man right in his heart. 218 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:09,321 Meat Loaf, how you liking that guitar? 219 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:10,606 - It's the shit, huh? - Yeah. 220 00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:11,727 - Yeah. - Hey! 221 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:14,844 Yo, Dustin. What's up? I came to buy back your forgiveness. 222 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:16,809 The fuck are you doing giving my kid an assault rifle? 223 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:18,928 Hey, man. Dustin Jr. is a well-adjusted kid. 224 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:20,525 He's responsible enough to own an assault rifle. 225 00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:23,166 Notice I didn't get Wayne one. I'm thinking this thing through. 226 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:24,287 Take it back. Return it. 227 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:26,362 You should hold on to that, man. They're about to ban that shit. 228 00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:27,601 I'm trying to protect your household. How much? 229 00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:28,647 What are you doing? 230 00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:30,324 Come on. How much is your forgiveness worth? 231 00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:32,249 - Put your money away. Take the damn rifle. - How much? 232 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,010 Say a number. I'll break you a piece off. 233 00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:37,766 No. Not a chance. Take it. Take the guitar. Get the fuck off my property. 234 00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:40,161 God, Dustin. Can't you just grow up for a second? 235 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,811 I'm trying to reach out to you and be the bigger man, all right? 236 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:45,360 I love you, brother. 237 00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:47,408 And I just wanna discuss our issues. 238 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,482 I'm just trying to make good here, all right? 239 00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:51,324 I don't know how to fucking make up with people, all right? 240 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:52,890 It's not something I usually do. 241 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:57,090 But for whatever reason, it's important to me that you and I are just not enemies. 242 00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:58,281 It just doesn't feel right. 243 00:10:58,360 --> 00:10:59,885 I feel like things are all fucked up and gross 244 00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,121 just because you and I aren't friends. 245 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:02,167 I don't like it. 246 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:05,244 Dustin, he is clearly hurting. I mean, look at him. 247 00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:07,521 Ow. 248 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,331 - Okay. Come on. Be the bigger man. - I'm hurting. Help me. 249 00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:12,124 CASSIE: Okay. Just tell him how you feel. 250 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:13,440 You wanna get into this right here? 251 00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:15,045 I'd love to, brother. 252 00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:17,605 For one thing, you really hurt me. 253 00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:20,001 - When you... When you faked your own death. - I know. 254 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:21,650 - And we were all really worried, Kenny. - (PHONE RINGING) 255 00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:22,687 Hold on for one second. Just... 256 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:24,000 My shit's blowing up real quick. 257 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:25,406 - Kenny, I'm talking to you. - Yeah. Fuck. 258 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:26,925 - I thought we were gonna... - Guy Young just texted me. 259 00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:29,042 Kenny, you just said you wanted to talk about this. 260 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:31,566 No, I do, but... Yeah. It's Guy Young. He's my boss. 261 00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:32,641 It's work, so... 262 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,331 (LAUGHS) 263 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:36,723 This motherfucker sends the funniest emoticons. 264 00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:38,888 Put the phone away. 265 00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:40,371 He wants me to come out to the lake. 266 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:42,363 Okay, look. You're obviously upset. 267 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:43,726 I can see that. 268 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:47,361 Why don't you just gather your thoughts, really think about what's hurting you, 269 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:48,601 and then figure out a good way to, like, 270 00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:49,841 formulay it that everyone can understand? 271 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:50,887 Formulate it. 272 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,041 That's what I said, all right? 273 00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:54,248 Love you guys. Really nice to see everyone. 274 00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:55,970 Before I go... 275 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:01,006 Love you guys. 276 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:25,007 What the fuck is that? 277 00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:31,206 GUY: There he is, Kenny Powers. 278 00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:33,690 Guy! 279 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:38,481 - What's up, KP? - You look cool as fuck out there, dude! 280 00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:40,403 It's fucking priceless. 281 00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:45,681 Holy shit! 282 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:46,886 God damn. 283 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:48,928 - Pretty impressive little unit, huh? - Dude, that's it. 284 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,446 I'm fucking getting one of those. That's the shit. 285 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:54,126 Yeah, well, they're about a quarter million a pop, so... 286 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:56,931 I think they might be a little bit out of your range there, KP. 287 00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:58,490 I might have to check with the wife. 288 00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,281 I still think it might be a little out of your range. 289 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:03,169 Well, we'll see. I'll check with my wife. 290 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:05,686 Speaking of which, I wanted to talk to you about the show for a minute. 291 00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:07,410 - Okay, yeah. What's up? - Look. 292 00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:10,324 Kenny, I don't wanna hurt your feelings, you know what I mean? 293 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:14,007 But I feel like you need to take your performance down a little bit on the show. 294 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:15,161 Just take it down a notch. 295 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:16,446 - Yeah? - Yeah. 296 00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:19,490 I'm just doing what you told me to do. Just being myself, man. 297 00:13:19,560 --> 00:13:22,484 - Wild card's gotta be wild, right? - Sure, sure. 298 00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:25,689 But If I'm being honest, I'm starting to see shades of Dontel here. 299 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:28,880 - Are you serious? - Little bit. 300 00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:30,291 I mean, case in point. 301 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:32,601 You know how nobody came over for the nacho bit 302 00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:34,330 but you came over for the nacho bit? 303 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,801 You don't have to come over for every bit. You know what I mean? 304 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:38,410 You don't have to do that. 305 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:40,847 Well, I mean, I just was kind of feeling the vibe of the audience. 306 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:42,524 - You know, I thought I had 'em in stitches. - Right, right. 307 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,490 But if you come over and you eat the peppers and then I can't eat the peppers, 308 00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:47,244 then I'm left with no options. 309 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,448 I'm painted into a corner, right? 310 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:51,204 I look like a fucking boob. 311 00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:53,009 Well, dude, I'm not trying to make you look like boobs. 312 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:55,321 I just... I didn't think eating peppers was, like, your thing. 313 00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:57,846 It's not about the goddamn peppers, Kenny! 314 00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,082 Okay? It's about your place on the show. 315 00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:02,847 I mean, it's like this fucking jet pack. 316 00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:06,641 I spent my whole life working my ass off to afford something like this, 317 00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:09,326 and then you walk up and you're like, "Hey, I'm gonna get me one of those." 318 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:10,925 No, you're not, motherfucker. No. 319 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:14,447 One, because you can't afford it, and two, because you haven't fucking earned it. 320 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,204 - Got it? - I wasn't talking about getting one right now. 321 00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:18,681 I just meant, like, eventually, it would be cool to, like, go buy one. 322 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:23,209 No, but you shouldn't even be thinking about jet packs, Kenny, okay? 323 00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:24,884 You're not there yet. 324 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:28,248 And this Kenny cutting in shit, that's gotta go, okay? 325 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:30,129 Those one-on-ones, that's my shit. 326 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:31,725 That's my domain, got it? 327 00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:33,404 - People seem to like the "Kenny's cutting in." - Oh, God. 328 00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:35,801 Kenny, fucking A, man. Listen to what I'm saying. 329 00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:37,484 All right? 330 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:40,040 Everything we do, we do for the best of the show. 331 00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:41,121 And for you. 332 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,282 Yeah, and for me, motherfucker. Yeah, that's right. 333 00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:45,209 Because I'm the star of the show. Not you, me. 334 00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:47,163 I'm the fucking star. 335 00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:48,884 Okay? 336 00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:49,927 Yeah, okay. I got it. 337 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,970 - You cool with that? - Yeah, you're the main star of the show. 338 00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:56,204 Okay. 339 00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:59,204 Just remember, Kenny, 340 00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:01,169 not everybody can fly, buddy. 341 00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:04,165 Not everybody can fly. 342 00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:25,243 See you. 343 00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:27,601 Don't stay out too late, dude. 344 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,287 Now, Kenny, I've been doing a lot of thinking. 345 00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:39,283 You know how you said we don't wanna be fucking Pinkberry? 346 00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:41,124 Well, what do you think about 347 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:47,242 starting with something along the lines of that kiosk right there? 348 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:49,448 Check it out. This is how it's gonna work. 349 00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:51,409 First, we'll get people's attention 350 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:54,370 with how hot and how banging our waitresses are, right? 351 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:56,010 And then, when they walk over, 352 00:15:56,080 --> 00:16:00,642 they're gonna smell those baked potatoes cooking in the microwave and ka-ching! 353 00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:03,200 We're making money, money, money, money, money. 354 00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:05,169 No diggity, no doubt. I like to bag it up. 355 00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:08,642 This is fucking wonderful, homes. I'm loving how you sexualized the food. 356 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:10,210 This is perfect for a shopping mall. 357 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:11,526 It's very sexy. 358 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:13,523 The only thing I'm seeing I'd like to put an amend on... 359 00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:17,207 Perhaps a little more room here for the fixins. You know what I'm talking about? 360 00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,442 We're gonna have a lot of fixins? 361 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,410 Dude, we're gonna have so many fucking fixins up in this motherfucker. 362 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:25,404 We call the sauce station the sauce rack. 363 00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:27,642 - Get it? Goes with the tit theme. - Yeah. 364 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:31,167 Yeah, so every single sauce needs to have a double entendre sexual name. 365 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,481 - Do you understand? - Instead of bacon bits, bacon tits. 366 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,722 - That's fucking good. Hell, yeah. - Yeah. 367 00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:37,325 This shit's gonna go through the roof, man. 368 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:39,368 God damn, I'm shitting gold these days. 369 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,010 Kind of makes me wonder why the hell 370 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:43,048 so many people are trying to tell me to slow down. 371 00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:46,169 Seems like motherfuckers should be shutting the hell up and enjoying the show. 372 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:49,050 Who the fuck is trying to tell you to fucking slow down? 373 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:52,044 Guy Young, for one. Yeah. 374 00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:53,849 Telling me I'm becoming too popular too quick. 375 00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:55,331 I need to lower my energy. 376 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,846 I mean, god damn, dude. I'm reaching my potential. 377 00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:01,049 The audience loves me and now he wants me to adhere to his leadership? 378 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:02,531 I ain't trying to hear that, see? 379 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,887 Well, Kenny, we got a good thing going here, right? 380 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:08,049 I finally got the respect of my wife and kids. 381 00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:09,690 You have a fucking pool. 382 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:11,842 Guy Young, he's been in this business a long time. 383 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:16,369 So maybe you should just, you know, follow his lead and listen to him. 384 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:18,681 Nah, he ain't trying to think about what the audiences want. 385 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:21,331 Homeboy's scared. He senses my dangerous potential. 386 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:22,925 Trying to confine me to the Scottie Pippen role. 387 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,161 I don't know about that. 388 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:27,562 I mean, I've been Scottie Pippen for a while now and it's pretty awesome. 389 00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:31,361 I mean, plenty of pussy and cash for nasty old Scottie Pippen. 390 00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:34,523 Well, that might be all right for you, but I was born to fly, dog. 391 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:38,491 Michael Jordan. Air Jordans. Air Maxes. Number 24. 392 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:40,969 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 393 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:51,684 We are infinite! 394 00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:54,807 You looking for that mallet, but this ain't Red Lobster, sweetheart. 395 00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:58,168 They don't give you mallets in the fucking expensive restaurants. 396 00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:00,129 I bet you love sucking on them crab legs 397 00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:02,771 as opposed to sucking on some goddamn therapy, too, huh? 398 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:05,491 Spending money. Drinking expensive cognac. 399 00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:06,561 Mmm. 400 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:08,806 Go on, girl. Get that white meat. 401 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,609 Yeah. Keep it down. 402 00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:13,604 Yeah, yeah. Swallow that load of gold, baby. 403 00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:15,842 - Kenny, stop it. - No, but seriously. 404 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:17,490 You charmed? 405 00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:19,280 No? 406 00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:20,600 Not yet? 407 00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:24,446 Well then, maybe you ought to take a look underneath your seat. 408 00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:27,441 Go on. 409 00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:29,646 What? 410 00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:35,123 $3,000 Chanel purse. 411 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:38,602 - Take a look inside. - Oh, my God. 412 00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:39,767 Kindle Paperwhite. 413 00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:44,482 Pre-loaded with over 500 e-books, including all of Dean R. Koontz's novels. 414 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:47,802 Take a look at that side pocket. What's in there? 415 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:49,803 $500. 416 00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:52,167 Hold on. I think I gotta take a shit. 417 00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:54,481 There's 100 bucks. 418 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:56,483 - Yeah, wow. - Hey, what's that? 419 00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:57,607 - What? - Something's behind your ear over here. 420 00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:00,086 $100 bill. 421 00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,487 Damn, all this giving's making me thirsty. 422 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:04,324 Look out. Chump change. 423 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:06,801 This is what I was afraid of. This is... 424 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:09,645 Right now what's happening is my biggest fear. 425 00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:11,449 I feel like you're not taking me seriously. 426 00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:14,410 I feel like you are getting caught up in the bullshit. 427 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:17,006 - You're not listening to me. - Okay, I'm listening. 428 00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:18,764 What the fuck do you want me to do? 429 00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:21,127 I want to go to therapy. 430 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:22,406 Jesus Christ. 431 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,162 Please, can we go? 432 00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:26,605 We need it. 433 00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:29,801 Okay, fine. You know what? 434 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:31,041 - You wanna go to therapy? - Yes. 435 00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:32,724 Let's waste our money on therapy. That's fine. 436 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:33,881 Not because we can't afford it. 437 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:35,530 'Cause trust me, sweetheart, we can afford it. 438 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:37,204 It's just, my motto's always been, 439 00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:40,403 "Just 'cause you have money, you don't need to be wasting it on frivolous nonsense." 440 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:45,122 But if my wife wants fucking therapy, then looks like we're going to see a therapist. 441 00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:48,204 Thank you. 442 00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:50,282 Now then, can we please enjoy this luxurious dinner? 443 00:19:50,360 --> 00:19:51,361 Yeah. 444 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:53,281 Garçon. 445 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:56,368 Finest bottle of white zinfandel, please. 446 00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,123 (OPERA MUSIC PLAYING) 447 00:20:15,120 --> 00:20:17,487 No. I'm okay. 448 00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:23,721 (SPEAKS ITALIAN) 449 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:25,687 (KENNY CLAPPING) 450 00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:27,410 KENNY: Bravo! 451 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,482 Fuck yeah. (SPEAKS ITALIAN) 452 00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:42,289 Isn't this the picture of tranquility? 453 00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:47,601 Billy. Trent. You guys can take the children upstairs. 454 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:49,444 You're relieved of your duties for this evening. 455 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:50,971 Thank you for your services. 456 00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:59,210 Good night. 457 00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:01,288 Pleasant dreams. 458 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,446 You know, I'm kind of tired, too, so I'm gonna go to bed. 459 00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:09,605 - But I just wanna thank you for tonight. - Yeah. 460 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:13,045 Good night. 461 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:16,041 (SIGHS) 462 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:40,201 GUY: Stop everything, ladies. You can't improve on perfection. 463 00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:41,964 - Look at you. - Yeah, yeah, that's right. Good looking. 464 00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:43,929 Man. 465 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,047 Champion. 466 00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:47,600 - You ready to rock today's show? - You know me, Guy. 467 00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:50,331 Always ready to bust a nut on this television audience. 468 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,801 Okay. But remember what we talked about, right? 469 00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:57,044 Yeah. That's what I mean, like, bust a nut, but at the same time, remember my place. 470 00:21:57,120 --> 00:21:59,805 That's right. So you're usually about an 11. 471 00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:02,127 We're gonna bring it down to a five or a six, okay? 472 00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:03,611 All right. 473 00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:05,762 That's what you ask for, that's what you're gonna get. 474 00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:06,841 Hey. 475 00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:09,126 You're my favorite co-host. 476 00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:11,804 Thank you. 477 00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:15,362 - Nice meeting you. - Yeah. Good to see you again. 478 00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:18,524 Some good advice, Kenny. 479 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:21,046 Five or a six. 480 00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:30,204 Welcome back to another session of Sports Sesh. 481 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:33,363 I'm Guy Young and I don't know how I got talked into this segment. 482 00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:36,444 We're here with Jeff, the animal expert, and we have a... 483 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:39,569 - What do we have with us? - It's called a black and white ruffed lemur. 484 00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:41,927 You know, those eyes remind me of Rodney's ex-wife. 485 00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:43,525 Not cool. 486 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,444 We got another one coming in. Great. 487 00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:48,045 And what is this? This isn't a lemur. 488 00:22:48,120 --> 00:22:50,805 This is called an anteater. A tamandua. 489 00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:53,611 - They smell like weed in an Italian restaurant. - GUY: Let me see that. 490 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:55,603 Get in there. Get right in there. Get right... 491 00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:56,761 GUY: I don't want it to bite me. 492 00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:58,922 I'm seeing so many missed-joke opportunities here. 493 00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:00,240 All right. Hey, keep an eye on this thing. 494 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:01,810 - I don't want it... - I will. You're safe. 495 00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:03,211 - Now who's this? - I promise you. This is Bella. 496 00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:05,521 She's a white belly or black-handed spider monkey. 497 00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:06,567 Is that right? 498 00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:08,688 Look, I bet he won't even say anything about spanking the monkey. 499 00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:09,886 GUY: Mischievous, these monkeys? JEFF: Yeah. 500 00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:12,042 You gotta keep your eye on these guys. They'll steal your jewelry. 501 00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:14,970 And when they do that, do you ever spank the monkey? 502 00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:18,129 All right. Well, okay. That was kind of obvious. He got that one. 503 00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:20,248 - Would you let me feed Bella? Is that okay? - No. 504 00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:22,527 She doesn't take food from strangers. No. We do... 505 00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:24,728 - We teach her the whole "stranger danger." - I see, I see. 506 00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:26,842 - Well, that's probably safer for both parties. - Sure. 507 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:37,041 Fuck this. 508 00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:39,646 I think it's time to stop monkeying around. 509 00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:41,324 Kenny's cutting in. 510 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:48,922 No, that's all right, Ken. We're good over here. We're cool. 511 00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:51,082 - We're good. Sit back down. - Cutting in. 512 00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:52,281 Guy, let me take this. 513 00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:55,170 If there's one thing I know, it's monkey business. 514 00:23:57,120 --> 00:23:58,167 Yeah. Is that right? 515 00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:00,766 Do you have a special relationship with monkeys, do you? 516 00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:02,410 Well, you know I got people in Atlanta. 517 00:24:05,120 --> 00:24:09,603 And they all love Skittles, red Kool-Aid, and some of them even like Froot Loops. 518 00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:11,045 That's right. 519 00:24:11,120 --> 00:24:12,690 Bella, you like Froot Loops? 520 00:24:13,360 --> 00:24:15,328 There we go. 521 00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:21,246 Wonderful. 522 00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:23,641 I think Bella and me are making a little connection here, huh? 523 00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:25,961 I found me a date to the prom. 524 00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:27,041 Yeah. 525 00:24:27,120 --> 00:24:28,121 Put on some Jodeci. 526 00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:31,682 Let's slow dance, Bella. What you say? What you say? 527 00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,242 (SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 528 00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:41,450 KENNY: They say greatness comes at a cost. 529 00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:46,121 If you want to achieve legendary status, you must make certain sacrifices. 530 00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:52,327 The demands of others oftentimes conflict with the demands of living an exceptional life. 531 00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:55,605 It takes a goddamn superman 532 00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:59,008 to meet all the expectations put upon a celebrity figure nowadays. 533 00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:05,767 Could Schwarzenegger have ascended to the top of both film and politics 534 00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:08,002 if he had actually given a fuck about his family? 535 00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:09,730 I doubt it. 536 00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:15,763 Would Alexander the Great have conquered the world if he had dialed it back? 537 00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:22,686 Is it even possible to reconcile the needs of others with the need to win 538 00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:26,970 when winning often means defeating your rivals at any cost? 539 00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:43,882 Any word from your husband? 540 00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:46,566 He must be running late. 541 00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:54,249 KENNY: I suppose it remains to be seen. 542 00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:59,008 But there is one simple truth that you can always rely on in this fucked up world. 543 00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:05,122 Victory is its own reward.