1
00:00:33,799 --> 00:00:37,007
It all started
27 years ago.
2
00:00:37,102 --> 00:00:38,797
That's an orphanage.
3
00:00:38,871 --> 00:00:42,534
That's me in the basket.
I guess somebody didn't want me.
4
00:00:42,608 --> 00:00:45,099
I hear they did want
the basket back, though.
5
00:00:45,177 --> 00:00:47,145
But it was fine in the orphanage.
6
00:00:47,212 --> 00:00:49,339
That's me in the third row.
7
00:00:49,415 --> 00:00:51,144
I wasn't very popular.
8
00:00:51,216 --> 00:00:53,810
Of course, everybody wanted to be adopted.
9
00:00:53,886 --> 00:00:55,979
Luckily, lots of families came.
10
00:00:56,055 --> 00:00:58,853
And everybody got to go live with a family.
11
00:00:58,924 --> 00:01:00,824
Oh, except me.
12
00:01:00,893 --> 00:01:03,293
But I tried not to give up hope.
13
00:01:03,362 --> 00:01:05,330
Then, one day,
14
00:01:05,397 --> 00:01:08,594
something magical happened,
just like out of a fairy tale.
15
00:01:08,667 --> 00:01:10,658
Do you remember the one
where the wolf huffed and puffed
16
00:01:10,736 --> 00:01:12,431
and blew the piggies' house down?
17
00:01:12,504 --> 00:01:15,496
And he was wearing a glass slipper,
I think, and he had a pumpkin?
18
00:01:15,574 --> 00:01:17,439
Plus there was that other thing?
19
00:01:17,509 --> 00:01:19,841
Well, the same thing happened to me,
20
00:01:19,912 --> 00:01:22,278
only vastly different.
21
00:01:22,347 --> 00:01:23,780
I changed.
22
00:01:23,849 --> 00:01:27,341
And the next thing you know,
people seemed to like me for once.
23
00:01:27,419 --> 00:01:29,819
And then pictures were taken,
and suddenly I found the family
24
00:01:29,888 --> 00:01:31,480
I always wanted.
25
00:01:32,157 --> 00:01:35,456
Oh, I forgot to tell you, my name is Shelley.
26
00:01:35,527 --> 00:01:37,722
Now I live in the Playboy Mansion.
27
00:01:37,796 --> 00:01:41,960
And this is where I want to live
happily ever after.
28
00:01:58,350 --> 00:02:02,650
- Throw the ball to me, Kim.
- Oh, nice catch. Awesome throw.
29
00:02:04,256 --> 00:02:06,349
- Hey, Lauren.
- Hi, Shelley!
30
00:02:07,493 --> 00:02:08,983
Hi, Hef! Hi, girls!
31
00:02:09,061 --> 00:02:11,256
Hi, Shelley. Looking good.
32
00:02:13,065 --> 00:02:15,431
- Marvin!
- Oh, hey, Shelley.
33
00:02:15,501 --> 00:02:16,866
Thank you.
34
00:02:16,935 --> 00:02:20,564
You guys have to try one of these.
Marvin makes the best margaritas.
35
00:02:20,639 --> 00:02:24,302
That's 'cause they're mangoritas.
I invented them myself.
36
00:02:24,376 --> 00:02:26,708
I added my own little Marvin twist to them.
37
00:02:26,778 --> 00:02:30,077
Well, you're the best twister I know.
38
00:02:30,149 --> 00:02:32,174
No, Shelley, you're the best twister.
39
00:02:32,251 --> 00:02:34,378
- Shelley.
- Hi!
40
00:02:34,453 --> 00:02:37,684
Why are you keeping the rich,
good-looking, famous guys all to yourself?
41
00:02:37,756 --> 00:02:39,917
- You should introduce me.
- Oh, of course.
42
00:02:39,992 --> 00:02:43,018
Guys, this is Cassandra.
She's only been here for a few months,
43
00:02:43,095 --> 00:02:45,529
but everybody loves her,
because she's super-beautiful
44
00:02:45,597 --> 00:02:48,964
and she never throws up on anybody
when she's drunk.
45
00:02:50,369 --> 00:02:53,304
So, Shelley, are you a centerfold?
46
00:02:54,907 --> 00:02:56,568
She wishes.
47
00:02:56,642 --> 00:03:00,203
Yeah, I do. So keep all your fingers crossed.
48
00:03:00,279 --> 00:03:03,544
Hopefully Hef'll give me the good news
this weekend at my birthday party.
49
00:03:03,615 --> 00:03:06,675
I've got my "turn ons" all ready
and everything.
50
00:03:06,752 --> 00:03:11,382
Being a centerfold is the highest,
most prestigious honor there is.
51
00:03:12,057 --> 00:03:15,458
It says,
"I'm naked in the middle of a magazine.
52
00:03:16,395 --> 00:03:18,226
"Unfold me."
53
00:03:18,297 --> 00:03:21,061
I gotta tell you,
it seems you've got a pretty good life here.
54
00:03:21,133 --> 00:03:23,158
Oh, it's paradise.
55
00:03:23,235 --> 00:03:26,398
We are just one big family. I am so happy.
56
00:03:27,105 --> 00:03:29,835
Why would I wanna live anywhere else?
57
00:04:16,855 --> 00:04:18,823
I love this one. Don't you guys?
58
00:04:18,890 --> 00:04:22,690
We'll put this on the Mansion tab
and have it all sent over this afternoon.
59
00:04:22,761 --> 00:04:25,924
Aren't we just the luckiest girls
in the whole world?
60
00:04:25,998 --> 00:04:27,761
Yes, you are.
61
00:04:28,533 --> 00:04:30,967
Your birthday party on Friday's
gonna be so much fun!
62
00:04:31,036 --> 00:04:32,025
Shelley!
63
00:04:32,104 --> 00:04:35,335
Oh, my God.
I bet you're gonna get Miss November.
64
00:05:43,408 --> 00:05:45,205
Good morning, Shelley.
65
00:05:45,277 --> 00:05:47,404
Rise and shine, sweetheart.
66
00:05:49,815 --> 00:05:51,783
Good morning, Marvin.
67
00:05:52,818 --> 00:05:56,151
Good morning, Pooter.
You're looking dapper.
68
00:05:57,723 --> 00:06:00,214
Your blueberry French toast is ready.
69
00:06:00,292 --> 00:06:01,623
Ooh-la-la.
70
00:06:01,693 --> 00:06:02,921
That's French, right?
71
00:06:02,994 --> 00:06:04,757
Yeah, but more important than the food,
72
00:06:04,830 --> 00:06:07,162
I actually added something
to your orange juice.
73
00:06:07,232 --> 00:06:10,565
Oh, Marvin,
thank you so much for telling me.
74
00:06:10,635 --> 00:06:12,865
Usually I don't find out until much later.
75
00:06:12,938 --> 00:06:16,430
Oh, no. To add zest to the drink,
first I put in some vanilla extract,
76
00:06:16,508 --> 00:06:20,535
then, of course, some egg yolks,
and then, I have a secret ingredient.
77
00:06:20,612 --> 00:06:23,172
All right, you twisted my arm,
it's chili powder.
78
00:06:23,248 --> 00:06:28,242
Yeah. It just explodes your taste buds,
so the drink just envelops your mouth.
79
00:06:28,353 --> 00:06:30,947
Oh, I love having my mouth enveloped.
80
00:06:31,556 --> 00:06:32,989
What's that?
81
00:06:34,192 --> 00:06:37,127
Is this from Hef? Is this my birthday gift?
82
00:06:37,195 --> 00:06:40,164
Oh, Pooter, is it finally happening?
Am I Miss November?
83
00:06:40,232 --> 00:06:42,723
That's what I wished for
when I blew out my candle.
84
00:06:42,801 --> 00:06:45,326
Oh, my gosh, I just told you my wish.
Now it won't come true.
85
00:06:45,404 --> 00:06:48,202
I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to tell, it just came out.
86
00:06:48,273 --> 00:06:50,332
My teeth couldn't stop it.
87
00:06:50,876 --> 00:06:53,606
I take it all back, I take it all back.
88
00:06:54,780 --> 00:06:56,407
Okay, I'm ready.
89
00:06:59,785 --> 00:07:02,345
"Dear Shelley..." Oh, my gosh, that's me.
90
00:07:02,421 --> 00:07:04,150
Wait, there's more.
91
00:07:04,890 --> 00:07:07,882
"Please move out
of the Mansion immediately."
92
00:07:12,664 --> 00:07:14,029
Move out?
93
00:07:18,503 --> 00:07:22,837
"You have two hours to collect
your belongings and leave the premises.
94
00:07:24,209 --> 00:07:26,700
"All my love, Hef."
95
00:07:28,914 --> 00:07:30,711
Hef's kicking me out?
96
00:07:31,683 --> 00:07:33,708
Why would he do that?
97
00:07:33,785 --> 00:07:36,447
This is my home. This is my family.
98
00:07:37,522 --> 00:07:41,856
I hate to say this, Shelley,
but maybe it's because of your age.
99
00:07:41,927 --> 00:07:44,088
But I'm 27.
100
00:07:44,162 --> 00:07:47,290
Yeah, but that's 59 in Bunny years.
101
00:07:48,166 --> 00:07:52,762
But I just turned 27 last night.
102
00:07:52,838 --> 00:07:55,500
It's almost like I'm still 26.
103
00:07:55,574 --> 00:07:56,734
Or 58.
104
00:07:57,476 --> 00:08:00,741
I've gotta talk to Hef,
maybe he'll let me stay.
105
00:08:01,446 --> 00:08:02,606
Hef!
106
00:08:03,081 --> 00:08:04,275
Hef!
107
00:08:04,850 --> 00:08:05,908
Hef!
108
00:08:06,585 --> 00:08:07,643
Hef!
109
00:08:09,921 --> 00:08:11,411
Where is he?
110
00:08:11,490 --> 00:08:15,927
He left for Vegas, Shelley.
I don't think he's that good with goodbyes.
111
00:08:17,662 --> 00:08:19,823
Why is this all happening?
112
00:08:21,633 --> 00:08:23,533
Where's my pink Prius?
113
00:08:24,302 --> 00:08:29,137
The Prius actually belongs to the company.
This is the car you came here with.
114
00:08:30,175 --> 00:08:31,472
But...
115
00:08:37,516 --> 00:08:39,040
Come on, Pooter.
116
00:08:39,117 --> 00:08:41,517
We have to go find a new place to live.
117
00:08:41,586 --> 00:08:43,053
Come on, now.
118
00:08:43,121 --> 00:08:45,146
Come here, Pooter.
119
00:08:45,223 --> 00:08:48,283
Here, let me help, Shelley. Hey, Pooter.
Shelley's calling you now.
120
00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:51,193
Come on, Pooter.
Go with Shelley, buddy. Pooter!
121
00:08:51,263 --> 00:08:54,096
That hurts! Go with Shelley, Pooter!
122
00:08:56,635 --> 00:08:57,932
Damn it!
123
00:09:03,875 --> 00:09:07,606
Why don't I just keep him here
for a little while, until he calms down?
124
00:09:07,679 --> 00:09:09,203
Okay.
125
00:09:09,281 --> 00:09:11,010
Well, don't worry, Pooter.
126
00:09:11,082 --> 00:09:13,949
I'm gonna find us a really nice place to live,
127
00:09:14,019 --> 00:09:16,180
and then maybe you'll wanna
come live with me.
128
00:09:16,254 --> 00:09:17,653
I'm sure he will.
129
00:09:17,722 --> 00:09:20,282
Well, you take care, Shelley.
130
00:09:31,870 --> 00:09:32,962
Bye.
131
00:09:42,614 --> 00:09:45,139
I know it's an embarrassment
to live in a beat-up car,
132
00:09:45,216 --> 00:09:46,911
but don't lose faith, Pooter.
133
00:09:46,985 --> 00:09:48,509
I'm gonna get a great job soon,
134
00:09:48,587 --> 00:09:52,216
and find us a super place to live,
with a new family.
135
00:09:52,290 --> 00:09:54,281
I pinkie promise, Pooter.
136
00:10:05,070 --> 00:10:06,833
Good evening, ma'am.
137
00:10:07,706 --> 00:10:11,073
You violated Code 753.
That's unlawful spitting.
138
00:10:11,910 --> 00:10:13,673
I was just brushing my teeth.
139
00:10:13,745 --> 00:10:16,145
You currently residing in this car, ma'am?
140
00:10:16,214 --> 00:10:18,478
I'm gonna have to issue another ticket.
141
00:10:18,550 --> 00:10:22,213
Would you maybe stop giving me tickets
if I told you I was having a really bad week
142
00:10:22,287 --> 00:10:24,881
because I used to be a Playboy Bunny,
but I got kicked out of the Mansion
143
00:10:24,956 --> 00:10:27,254
because I'm 59 years old?
144
00:10:28,426 --> 00:10:33,159
I'm gonna have to ask you to step out
of the car and take a Breathalyzer.
145
00:10:33,231 --> 00:10:34,323
Okay.
146
00:10:38,837 --> 00:10:39,861
Noises.
147
00:10:39,938 --> 00:10:42,668
I'm gonna need you to blow on this.
148
00:10:42,741 --> 00:10:43,901
Really?
149
00:10:45,443 --> 00:10:47,502
I guess.
150
00:10:53,284 --> 00:10:55,047
You tried to do what?
151
00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:56,382
To a cop?
152
00:10:59,157 --> 00:11:00,590
Stupid!
153
00:11:00,659 --> 00:11:02,752
I was just doing what he said.
154
00:11:02,827 --> 00:11:04,590
He was in a uniform and everything.
155
00:11:04,663 --> 00:11:07,496
Don't worry, sweetie.
First-timers only get one night.
156
00:11:07,565 --> 00:11:09,863
You'll be back on the street selling
in no time.
157
00:11:09,934 --> 00:11:13,461
But I'm not a prostitute.
I was just brushing my teeth.
158
00:11:18,443 --> 00:11:20,240
I like your tights.
159
00:11:21,813 --> 00:11:26,409
And, you know,
you should really go for a more natural look.
160
00:11:26,484 --> 00:11:29,453
All that heavy makeup
just hides your beauty.
161
00:11:29,888 --> 00:11:31,287
I'm a dude.
162
00:11:32,023 --> 00:11:34,685
Oh, well, you're good like that.
163
00:12:19,003 --> 00:12:20,994
So, did you hear
about the pool party at Jordan's?
164
00:12:21,072 --> 00:12:22,699
It was unbelievable.
165
00:12:22,774 --> 00:12:24,105
- Oh, last Saturday?
- Yes.
166
00:12:24,175 --> 00:12:27,338
- Oh, my God. He makes the best margaritas.
- Yep. It's because he uses mangos.
167
00:12:27,412 --> 00:12:29,642
- No. Really?
- He read about them somewhere.
168
00:12:29,714 --> 00:12:30,772
Yeah, mangoritas.
169
00:12:30,849 --> 00:12:32,714
- Jordan's just so hot.
- I know.
170
00:12:32,784 --> 00:12:33,842
So are all his friends.
171
00:12:33,918 --> 00:12:36,443
Yeah, seriously,
I've tried to hook up with all of them.
172
00:12:36,521 --> 00:12:39,149
- No, you have not.
- Yes. Yes, I did.
173
00:12:40,291 --> 00:12:41,815
Two of them, I succeeded.
174
00:12:41,893 --> 00:12:43,884
- Really?
- It was amazing.
175
00:12:43,962 --> 00:12:45,395
Who knew?
176
00:12:45,463 --> 00:12:47,522
I was so excited.
177
00:12:54,472 --> 00:12:56,963
Looks like a mini-Playboy Mansion.
178
00:13:11,356 --> 00:13:13,017
- Hi.
- Hi.
179
00:13:15,894 --> 00:13:16,918
Hi.
180
00:13:17,929 --> 00:13:19,487
Can I help you?
181
00:13:20,131 --> 00:13:22,565
Yes. I would like to live here, please.
182
00:13:22,634 --> 00:13:26,536
Oh, I know, right?
But you have to be asked to live here.
183
00:13:26,604 --> 00:13:29,937
- Do you go to this school?
- This is a school?
184
00:13:30,875 --> 00:13:32,672
Where are the desks?
185
00:13:33,511 --> 00:13:37,242
No. This is a sorority house at a school.
186
00:13:37,315 --> 00:13:40,375
And you do look like an older,
187
00:13:40,451 --> 00:13:43,352
sluttier version of the type of girl
we would want.
188
00:13:43,421 --> 00:13:47,255
But, I'm sorry, you're not a student.
It was so nice talking to you.
189
00:13:47,325 --> 00:13:49,850
- But I really think it's...
- So nice.
190
00:13:52,964 --> 00:13:57,094
And our piano is from Tuscany.
Very high-end.
191
00:13:57,168 --> 00:14:00,103
I believe that every detail of the house
192
00:14:00,171 --> 00:14:02,901
should be a reflection
of the girls who live here.
193
00:14:02,974 --> 00:14:06,239
Hi. Do you ladies go to school here, too?
194
00:14:06,311 --> 00:14:07,938
Not anymore.
195
00:14:08,646 --> 00:14:11,638
We're the housemothers
of the sororities on campus.
196
00:14:11,716 --> 00:14:13,183
That's so dope.
197
00:14:13,251 --> 00:14:15,811
Do you live in the houses with the girls?
198
00:14:15,887 --> 00:14:17,184
Yes.
199
00:14:17,255 --> 00:14:19,223
That's even dopier.
200
00:14:19,958 --> 00:14:21,653
So, what do housemothers do?
201
00:14:21,726 --> 00:14:23,284
We oversee the meal plans,
202
00:14:23,361 --> 00:14:26,819
chaperone the social events,
make sure the girls stay out of trouble.
203
00:14:26,898 --> 00:14:30,493
Oh, my gosh. That's exactly
what I used to do back at the Mansion.
204
00:14:30,568 --> 00:14:31,967
Can I be one, too?
205
00:14:32,036 --> 00:14:36,132
I'm sorry. This is a sorority, not a brothel.
206
00:14:36,207 --> 00:14:39,040
A brothel?
Oh, I'm not looking to make soup.
207
00:14:39,110 --> 00:14:40,975
I'm looking to be like you.
208
00:14:41,045 --> 00:14:43,070
I wanna be a housemother.
209
00:14:43,514 --> 00:14:45,345
We have standards.
210
00:14:45,416 --> 00:14:49,819
Standards that you clearly do not meet.
But it was nice to meet you.
211
00:14:50,321 --> 00:14:51,345
But I just want to...
212
00:14:51,422 --> 00:14:52,548
- So nice.
- So nice.
213
00:15:01,966 --> 00:15:06,027
Try Zeta. Their last housemother was
hospitalized with hallucinations.
214
00:15:06,104 --> 00:15:07,401
Awesome.
215
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:10,405
Awesome.
216
00:15:25,223 --> 00:15:26,417
Hello?
217
00:15:33,298 --> 00:15:37,462
Dean Simmons. Please, please.
We are trying so hard. I promise you.
218
00:15:38,036 --> 00:15:40,197
This seems really unfair.
And I'm not gonna attack you.
219
00:15:40,271 --> 00:15:43,035
I don't want you to feel attacked by all of us,
so I'm just gonna say "me."
220
00:15:43,107 --> 00:15:45,803
To me, this feels really unfair.
221
00:15:45,877 --> 00:15:49,335
Natalie. Look, I feel the same way you do.
222
00:15:49,414 --> 00:15:50,540
But the fact remains,
223
00:15:50,615 --> 00:15:54,244
you guys have not met your requirements
for three years running now.
224
00:15:54,319 --> 00:15:57,379
And I'm under a lot of pressure
from other sororities
225
00:15:57,488 --> 00:15:59,649
complaining that we're bending
the rules for you.
226
00:15:59,724 --> 00:16:03,091
By "other sororities,"
do you happen to mean Phi lota Mu?
227
00:16:03,161 --> 00:16:06,324
I really don't think
it matters who complained.
228
00:16:06,397 --> 00:16:09,264
Natalie, rules are rules.
229
00:16:14,172 --> 00:16:15,662
Drama queen.
230
00:16:16,274 --> 00:16:18,367
Oh, I'm sorry I scared you.
231
00:16:18,443 --> 00:16:20,843
Do you think you could help me
out of here, though?
232
00:16:20,912 --> 00:16:22,436
What? Yeah.
233
00:16:23,381 --> 00:16:24,405
Thanks.
234
00:16:24,482 --> 00:16:26,677
I'm so sorry, I think I broke your Z.
235
00:16:26,751 --> 00:16:30,551
Oh. No, it's okay.
It falls off, like, every time we open the door.
236
00:16:30,621 --> 00:16:33,283
Well, at least you still have T and A.
237
00:16:33,791 --> 00:16:35,918
T and an A. Who are you?
238
00:16:39,364 --> 00:16:42,856
My name is Shelley,
and I'm here to be your housemother.
239
00:16:45,003 --> 00:16:47,938
Well, it's nice to meet you, Shelley.
240
00:16:49,007 --> 00:16:50,941
But, unfortunately, he...
241
00:16:52,977 --> 00:16:54,774
It's a little too late.
242
00:16:54,846 --> 00:16:58,509
We're about to lose our charter,
so if we don't have a house,
243
00:16:58,583 --> 00:17:00,744
we won't really be needing a housemother.
244
00:17:01,652 --> 00:17:04,678
Well, why are they gonna
take your house away?
245
00:17:05,890 --> 00:17:10,987
Because we get no pledges,
and everyone kind of thinks we're losers.
246
00:17:11,462 --> 00:17:15,489
That's so sad.
Why does everyone else get all the pledges?
247
00:17:15,566 --> 00:17:18,296
Well, they have great parties, and
248
00:17:18,803 --> 00:17:21,533
boys actually like them.
249
00:17:22,874 --> 00:17:25,775
I'm an expert at parties and boys.
I'm a Bunny.
250
00:17:25,843 --> 00:17:28,311
Men write to me from prison,
sometimes in their own blood.
251
00:17:28,379 --> 00:17:30,244
I mean, I assume it's theirs, who knows?
I don't.
252
00:17:30,314 --> 00:17:31,440
I'm sorry, I'm nervous right now,
253
00:17:31,516 --> 00:17:34,280
because I really wanna help you guys,
because I know I can do it.
254
00:17:34,352 --> 00:17:36,445
Wow, a Bunny?
255
00:17:36,821 --> 00:17:38,686
Like a centerfold?
256
00:17:38,756 --> 00:17:43,819
Oh, bless your heart, no.
Just a couple of small pictorials,
257
00:17:43,895 --> 00:17:48,161
"Girls of the Midwest," "Girls with GEDs,"
"Girls of Charlie Sheen."
258
00:17:49,033 --> 00:17:51,297
But now I'm a homeless person.
259
00:17:52,403 --> 00:17:54,200
God, I'm so sorry.
260
00:17:54,872 --> 00:17:56,032
Good luck.
261
00:17:56,107 --> 00:17:58,735
Wait, but I can really help you guys.
262
00:18:00,711 --> 00:18:02,679
So if we don't get pledges,
we lose our charter?
263
00:18:02,747 --> 00:18:05,841
- We need 30.
- Thirty pledges? There's seven of us, dude.
264
00:18:05,917 --> 00:18:08,317
Technically, 71l2 now.
265
00:18:08,386 --> 00:18:09,512
Hey!
266
00:18:09,587 --> 00:18:12,920
Oh, nothing a little fertilizer can't help.
267
00:18:14,792 --> 00:18:17,625
Not you, Tanya.
I was talking about Harmony.
268
00:18:17,695 --> 00:18:20,789
Actually, 7 3/4 as of Tuesday last week.
269
00:18:21,532 --> 00:18:23,625
Guys, we're never gonna get
that many pledges.
270
00:18:23,701 --> 00:18:26,864
This is just their way of shutting us down.
271
00:18:27,939 --> 00:18:29,406
This is awful.
272
00:18:29,474 --> 00:18:31,499
Hey, Joanne, just FYI,
273
00:18:31,576 --> 00:18:34,739
you've got refrigerator magnets
stuck to your brace again.
274
00:18:34,812 --> 00:18:36,143
Actually, we need that.
That's our grocery list.
275
00:18:36,214 --> 00:18:38,341
I knew that. I knew that.
276
00:18:38,416 --> 00:18:40,714
- No, you didn't.
- Did so.
277
00:18:41,252 --> 00:18:43,982
- Why do we need knee-highs?
- Oh, my God.
278
00:18:45,656 --> 00:18:48,318
Oh, my God. There's boys on our lawn.
279
00:18:50,728 --> 00:18:52,320
Are they lost?
280
00:18:52,396 --> 00:18:53,488
Nice.
281
00:18:54,232 --> 00:18:57,565
The Leaning Panther. I like that. Yoga's hot.
282
00:18:58,970 --> 00:19:00,699
So, are you a Zeta?
283
00:19:01,272 --> 00:19:03,240
Oh, I wish.
284
00:19:04,075 --> 00:19:09,138
Yeah, I do, too, because
Zeta would be my new favorite hizzety-hang.
285
00:19:09,881 --> 00:19:12,111
Well, she is not a Zeta,
286
00:19:12,950 --> 00:19:15,817
because she's our new
hizzety-housemother.
287
00:19:16,754 --> 00:19:19,120
She'll be hizzy-tizzies...
288
00:19:19,190 --> 00:19:21,385
She'll be here all the time.
289
00:19:22,260 --> 00:19:23,955
You're hiring me?
290
00:19:24,462 --> 00:19:26,453
Oh, give me some of that.
291
00:19:27,431 --> 00:19:29,194
Oh, God bless her.
292
00:19:29,934 --> 00:19:32,562
- Why are they acting like that?
- Yes.
293
00:19:33,538 --> 00:19:37,235
Oh, that's boys just being boys.
294
00:19:37,942 --> 00:19:39,500
Thank goodness.
295
00:19:44,982 --> 00:19:49,385
Oh, my gosh! I am just so happy
that you guys want me here.
296
00:19:49,453 --> 00:19:51,444
You are not gonna be sorry.
297
00:19:51,522 --> 00:19:53,922
So this is how we're gonna get pledges?
298
00:19:53,991 --> 00:19:58,189
Hiring an archaically superficial reflection
of the male fantasy?
299
00:19:58,262 --> 00:20:00,492
Well, guys like her.
300
00:20:00,598 --> 00:20:05,535
And since guys don't like us,
I figured she could help.
301
00:20:05,603 --> 00:20:10,631
So, in order to be in a sisterhood,
now we have to be popular?
302
00:20:10,708 --> 00:20:15,338
No, no. In order to keep our house,
though, we do have to be popular. Yes.
303
00:20:15,446 --> 00:20:18,609
So, I figured Shelley here could
teach us how.
304
00:20:18,683 --> 00:20:21,709
Okay, look, don't get me wrong. I love guys.
305
00:20:21,819 --> 00:20:24,652
But I lived in a house filled with girls
for nine years,
306
00:20:24,722 --> 00:20:29,625
and I know that there's nothing better
than just being with your sisters,
307
00:20:29,694 --> 00:20:34,063
sharing, talking all night,
painting each other's bodies,
308
00:20:34,865 --> 00:20:38,323
baking penis cookies,
playing with monkeys...
309
00:20:39,103 --> 00:20:41,936
- Where'd you live?
- The Playboy Mansion.
310
00:20:48,246 --> 00:20:51,773
No, that doesn't make her a hooker. Sorry.
311
00:20:56,654 --> 00:20:59,214
She's shy. She's just...
312
00:20:59,423 --> 00:21:03,257
She's so shy. That's Lilly, also, by the way.
313
00:21:03,327 --> 00:21:04,487
Lilly.
314
00:21:06,063 --> 00:21:08,964
And this here is Harmony.
315
00:21:09,033 --> 00:21:10,330
Harmony.
316
00:21:13,271 --> 00:21:15,432
And Carrie Mae.
317
00:21:15,506 --> 00:21:16,973
Carrie Mae.
318
00:21:17,041 --> 00:21:19,805
And then Joanne, over there.
319
00:21:19,877 --> 00:21:21,208
Joanne.
320
00:21:22,513 --> 00:21:25,971
Wow, you hired the Exorcist. That's great.
321
00:21:26,050 --> 00:21:27,642
What is that?
322
00:21:27,718 --> 00:21:30,186
Is that like a Yoda thing, or what?
323
00:21:30,788 --> 00:21:32,813
It's fun, but, what...
324
00:21:32,890 --> 00:21:37,350
Oh, no, no. It's just this thing I do
to remember people's names.
325
00:21:37,428 --> 00:21:38,452
Natalie.
326
00:21:38,529 --> 00:21:42,556
So, thank you guys so much
for letting me be your housemother.
327
00:21:43,401 --> 00:21:45,232
No, it's no problem.
328
00:21:47,038 --> 00:21:48,801
Because you just...
329
00:21:49,573 --> 00:21:51,370
This is just gonna be great.
330
00:21:51,442 --> 00:21:52,534
But I have to go take a shower,
331
00:21:52,610 --> 00:21:55,875
because I haven't had one since
I slept in my car and spent the night in jail.
332
00:21:55,946 --> 00:21:57,106
Sweet.
333
00:21:59,417 --> 00:22:01,749
- Hi, girls.
- Oh, my God!
334
00:22:01,819 --> 00:22:04,049
Shelley! Hi. Where's your robe?
335
00:22:04,121 --> 00:22:05,782
Oh, I just like to air dry.
336
00:22:05,856 --> 00:22:08,017
Oh, she just likes to air dry.
337
00:22:08,092 --> 00:22:10,026
My God, you're so vapid.
338
00:22:10,094 --> 00:22:11,891
Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much.
339
00:22:11,962 --> 00:22:14,863
You're like the hundredth person
who's told me that.
340
00:22:14,932 --> 00:22:19,164
Shell? Just a quick little side note,
341
00:22:19,236 --> 00:22:20,669
I don't think that some
of the girls in this house
342
00:22:20,738 --> 00:22:22,638
have even seen their own bodies naked,
343
00:22:22,707 --> 00:22:27,076
so they probably don't really want
to see your perfectly engineered boobs.
344
00:22:27,144 --> 00:22:31,843
Well, I'm just walking around
in the body God and Dr. Borkman gave me.
345
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:37,979
Hey, Shelley, why don't you throw
some clothes on?
346
00:22:38,055 --> 00:22:40,387
We've got a lot of work to do.
347
00:22:41,125 --> 00:22:44,253
This year, we are gonna get
lots and lots of pledges.
348
00:22:44,328 --> 00:22:45,590
Okay.
349
00:22:45,663 --> 00:22:49,064
Oh, we also need to raise money
for our philanthropy.
350
00:22:49,133 --> 00:22:51,033
What's a phila-canopee?
351
00:22:51,702 --> 00:22:54,796
Oh, no. It's a philanthropy.
352
00:22:55,506 --> 00:22:56,598
It's like a charity.
353
00:22:56,674 --> 00:22:59,302
Oh, I love charity.
354
00:22:59,377 --> 00:23:00,366
One time, at the Mansion,
355
00:23:00,444 --> 00:23:04,005
I even let Bob Saget grind on me
during a slow dance.
356
00:23:07,151 --> 00:23:09,642
And here's a list of ideas
I came up with for fundraisers
357
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:11,984
that might make us a little more popular.
358
00:23:12,056 --> 00:23:16,254
So, please take a read.
359
00:23:16,327 --> 00:23:18,557
"Start a beekeeping club."
360
00:23:18,629 --> 00:23:20,859
We could have the masks, even.
361
00:23:22,933 --> 00:23:25,265
"Paleolithic bake sale."
362
00:23:25,369 --> 00:23:28,805
Hi! Dinosaurs!
Like, everyone saw Jurassic Park.
363
00:23:30,441 --> 00:23:32,238
"B.Y.O.M."
364
00:23:32,309 --> 00:23:33,537
Bring your own man?
365
00:23:33,611 --> 00:23:36,136
No. Bring your own mouse!
366
00:23:37,047 --> 00:23:38,241
Which is better.
367
00:23:38,315 --> 00:23:40,806
Because they're cute and they're little
and you can hold them.
368
00:23:40,885 --> 00:23:45,549
And also, another thing that
I thought of was, you could dress them up.
369
00:23:45,623 --> 00:23:48,524
It's the whole fun part of it,
is you can put them in little outfits.
370
00:23:48,592 --> 00:23:51,026
You can make, like,
an Abraham Lincoln mouse.
371
00:23:51,095 --> 00:23:53,290
And you could do like Joan of...
372
00:23:53,364 --> 00:23:56,629
Why do everyone's eyes glaze over
when I talk about this?
373
00:23:56,700 --> 00:23:58,327
Whoa. No.
374
00:23:58,402 --> 00:24:01,929
No, they weren't glazing.
They were just taking a break.
375
00:24:02,673 --> 00:24:05,733
Natalie, these are super, super-great ideas.
376
00:24:05,810 --> 00:24:08,278
Thank you. I worked really hard.
377
00:24:08,345 --> 00:24:11,746
But we might wanna try
something a little more
378
00:24:12,249 --> 00:24:13,307
sexy.
379
00:24:14,852 --> 00:24:18,447
Car wash. Come get your car washed.
380
00:24:19,023 --> 00:24:22,151
Here we are at the Zeta House Car Wash.
381
00:24:22,226 --> 00:24:25,195
I have a car, and I'm great at washing it.
382
00:24:26,697 --> 00:24:28,790
I am so offended right now.
383
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:31,391
Come on, guys, let's give her a chance.
384
00:24:31,469 --> 00:24:33,835
- Car wash.
- Car wash!
385
00:24:33,904 --> 00:24:35,997
You said you needed to raise money.
386
00:24:36,073 --> 00:24:41,340
Well, washing cars is a fun and sexy way
to make all the money that we need.
387
00:24:42,079 --> 00:24:44,809
So, car wash!
388
00:24:45,683 --> 00:24:47,082
Car wash.
389
00:24:48,085 --> 00:24:50,178
We're having a car wash.
390
00:24:50,254 --> 00:24:51,516
Car wash.
391
00:24:52,089 --> 00:24:54,819
No, I can't bend that way.
392
00:24:54,892 --> 00:24:56,792
Hey, watch this, guys.
393
00:25:02,666 --> 00:25:03,826
Hi, guys.
394
00:25:03,901 --> 00:25:05,095
Dude, that's wild.
395
00:25:05,169 --> 00:25:07,433
Oh, my God. Shelley, that's Colby.
I'm in love with him.
396
00:25:07,505 --> 00:25:11,271
Oh, that's so sweet.
How long have you guys been going out?
397
00:25:12,042 --> 00:25:15,876
No. We are not going out.
I've never even talked to him.
398
00:25:16,747 --> 00:25:18,544
And he's coming this way. What do I do?
399
00:25:18,616 --> 00:25:19,878
Do sexy.
400
00:25:21,252 --> 00:25:25,052
Wash these cars, you sexy bitches!
401
00:25:25,122 --> 00:25:27,852
They are filthy. And so are you!
402
00:25:28,659 --> 00:25:30,650
Did she just call us bitches?
403
00:25:30,728 --> 00:25:32,525
Did she just call us sexy?
404
00:25:32,596 --> 00:25:34,894
Wash! Wash! Wash!
405
00:25:34,965 --> 00:25:38,059
Wash! Wash! Wash! Wash!
406
00:25:40,771 --> 00:25:42,363
- Hey, girls.
- Hi.
407
00:25:43,207 --> 00:25:46,335
Okay, that's the first time
we've ever spoken, so... First time.
408
00:25:46,410 --> 00:25:47,502
Hi!
409
00:25:48,145 --> 00:25:52,081
We're just washing cars and being sexy.
410
00:25:52,149 --> 00:25:53,138
Mostly sexy.
411
00:25:53,217 --> 00:25:56,209
So, does anybody want a wet T-shirt?
412
00:25:57,154 --> 00:26:00,715
- Yeah.
- Or, you know, maybe some wet pants.
413
00:26:05,496 --> 00:26:08,624
Someone went accident in her sexy pants.
414
00:26:08,699 --> 00:26:12,294
So, anyway, we're having some drinks
over at Theta later.
415
00:26:12,369 --> 00:26:14,269
- Theta.
- Totally.
416
00:26:14,338 --> 00:26:16,397
You wanna come over?
417
00:26:16,473 --> 00:26:17,633
Yes.
418
00:26:18,142 --> 00:26:21,407
Well, we are a little thirsty.
419
00:26:21,478 --> 00:26:23,810
Maybe you guys are, too.
420
00:26:23,881 --> 00:26:26,975
Why don't you have a drink right now?
421
00:26:27,051 --> 00:26:29,144
I'll take a little sip.
422
00:26:33,891 --> 00:26:35,415
I am so sorry.
423
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:40,121
Thought I'd help you wash the testosterone
off your face, Colby.
424
00:26:40,197 --> 00:26:41,721
Well, cool.
425
00:26:41,799 --> 00:26:45,667
So, what time can we drop by for drinks?
426
00:26:47,071 --> 00:26:49,039
Now that you mention it,
427
00:26:49,740 --> 00:26:51,435
the guest list is looking pretty full.
428
00:26:51,508 --> 00:26:53,942
So, maybe next time, all right?
429
00:26:54,011 --> 00:26:55,569
Hey, Super-brace!
430
00:26:55,646 --> 00:26:58,444
Oil can. Oil can.
431
00:26:58,515 --> 00:27:01,882
Not cool, man. Let's go.
Come on, come on, let's go.
432
00:27:03,354 --> 00:27:05,822
Well, I think we're done here, sexy bitches.
433
00:27:05,889 --> 00:27:07,948
Thanks a lot, Mona.
434
00:27:08,025 --> 00:27:10,653
The one chance I get to talk to Colby,
and you completely ruin it.
435
00:27:10,728 --> 00:27:12,389
Yeah, because the whole
peeing-in-your-pants thing
436
00:27:12,463 --> 00:27:14,124
was really working out well for you.
437
00:27:14,198 --> 00:27:15,631
Thank you.
438
00:27:15,699 --> 00:27:19,294
My car's still dirty,
so I'll be out here if you need me.
439
00:27:22,339 --> 00:27:24,398
Do you want a car wash?
440
00:27:26,176 --> 00:27:27,473
Me?
441
00:27:27,544 --> 00:27:30,138
Oh, no. No. I have a bike.
442
00:27:30,214 --> 00:27:32,409
Besides, I gotta get back to work.
443
00:27:32,483 --> 00:27:34,849
Oh, yeah. I know all about work.
444
00:27:35,386 --> 00:27:37,786
I'm at work right now, actually.
445
00:27:37,855 --> 00:27:40,016
Oh, do you wash cars?
446
00:27:40,124 --> 00:27:42,752
No. I'm the Zeta Sorority Housemother.
447
00:27:43,394 --> 00:27:46,056
You seem a little young
to be a housemother.
448
00:27:46,130 --> 00:27:47,358
Really?
449
00:27:48,265 --> 00:27:50,426
You think I'm young?
450
00:27:50,501 --> 00:27:52,594
Oh, thank you.
451
00:27:52,670 --> 00:27:54,194
Thank you.
452
00:27:54,271 --> 00:27:57,968
I'm sorry to invade your space,
but I needed that.
453
00:27:59,710 --> 00:28:01,905
So, what's your job?
454
00:28:01,979 --> 00:28:04,004
Oh... Job.
455
00:28:04,815 --> 00:28:07,875
I manage a nursing home.
456
00:28:09,853 --> 00:28:12,947
It's so great you give nurses a place to live.
457
00:28:13,724 --> 00:28:16,887
Actually, it's a nursing home
for senior citizens.
458
00:28:17,294 --> 00:28:20,127
An old folks'... Old people. Old people.
459
00:28:20,731 --> 00:28:22,562
I know lots of old men.
460
00:28:22,633 --> 00:28:26,626
Hairy and not hairy.
But I don't mean to brag.
461
00:28:27,271 --> 00:28:29,102
So, they live there?
462
00:28:30,174 --> 00:28:32,165
Like an orphanage for old people?
463
00:28:32,242 --> 00:28:36,076
Well, yeah. I mean, that's one way
you could look at it. Yeah.
464
00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:39,576
Their parents are gone,
and they live in a big building
465
00:28:39,650 --> 00:28:41,880
all by themselves,
wondering where everybody went,
466
00:28:41,952 --> 00:28:44,079
and I think I'm gonna cry.
467
00:28:45,422 --> 00:28:50,450
Listen, if you want, you know,
you could stop by the nursing home,
468
00:28:50,527 --> 00:28:53,462
because we always need
volunteers to help out
469
00:28:53,530 --> 00:28:55,589
and visit with the old people,
470
00:28:55,666 --> 00:28:57,224
if you're interested.
471
00:28:57,301 --> 00:29:00,202
Yeah. I'd love to.
472
00:29:02,239 --> 00:29:06,175
My name is Shelley.
And I like long walks and hate rude people.
473
00:29:07,044 --> 00:29:10,104
Oh, that's good to know. I'm Oliver.
474
00:29:10,180 --> 00:29:12,478
- Oliver.
- Yes.
475
00:29:12,549 --> 00:29:16,918
I like taking long walks with rude people.
Only on short piers, though.
476
00:29:21,625 --> 00:29:23,217
That's funny.
477
00:29:23,293 --> 00:29:25,193
- You're funny.
- Thank you.
478
00:29:25,262 --> 00:29:26,695
- Bye.
- Bye.
479
00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:31,526
Guys.
480
00:29:32,603 --> 00:29:34,662
Okay, this isn't my fault. Don't like...
481
00:29:34,738 --> 00:29:36,672
I know it was a disaster, but she's...
482
00:29:36,740 --> 00:29:40,005
You guys, I just had the best idea
for our phila-tropy.
483
00:29:40,077 --> 00:29:41,408
Philanthropy.
484
00:29:41,478 --> 00:29:44,606
We are gonna volunteer
at Oliver's nursing home.
485
00:29:44,681 --> 00:29:46,342
Who is Oliver?
486
00:29:46,416 --> 00:29:49,476
He's this guy I just met. He's really sweet.
487
00:29:49,553 --> 00:29:50,918
And he's kind of cute, too.
488
00:29:52,089 --> 00:29:53,488
Well...
489
00:29:53,557 --> 00:29:58,358
I don't know if you guys can recognize this,
but Shelley is meeting guys.
490
00:29:58,428 --> 00:30:01,192
And if she knows how to meet guys,
then we will learn how to meet guys.
491
00:30:01,265 --> 00:30:05,258
Then more girls'll wanna hang out with us.
Hence, more pledges.
492
00:30:05,836 --> 00:30:07,428
Yeah. Hence!
493
00:30:07,504 --> 00:30:09,233
Okay, here's what we need to do.
494
00:30:09,306 --> 00:30:12,742
We need to get all dressed up,
and then we need to go to a club
495
00:30:12,810 --> 00:30:16,337
and drink fruity drinks
and dirty-dance with each other.
496
00:30:16,413 --> 00:30:20,110
- Why?
- To bond, y'old grumpy.
497
00:30:20,551 --> 00:30:23,111
Yeah, y'old grumpy. To bond.
498
00:30:23,187 --> 00:30:26,384
The music's playing.
Our bodies are swaying.
499
00:30:26,456 --> 00:30:27,855
You know what I'm saying?
500
00:30:27,925 --> 00:30:31,793
You know? We could like play
some form of dodge ball, maybe.
501
00:30:34,398 --> 00:30:37,367
We could tie our shoes together,
our tennis shoes,
502
00:30:37,434 --> 00:30:40,062
and we could throw them
over telephone wires.
503
00:30:40,137 --> 00:30:41,195
Because I see that everywhere,
504
00:30:41,271 --> 00:30:43,831
and it seems like people would
have fun doing that.
505
00:30:43,907 --> 00:30:45,932
Like, "How hard can you throw?"
506
00:30:46,009 --> 00:30:49,240
You know what I mean? Like how...
What are you...
507
00:30:52,482 --> 00:30:54,609
Or we could go to a club.
508
00:31:08,799 --> 00:31:12,166
Six Virgin Marys and one Kamikaze.
509
00:31:12,236 --> 00:31:15,967
Here's to Zetas,
to making you guys the best sorority ever.
510
00:31:18,742 --> 00:31:21,643
Oh, Mona, that guy is totally
checking you out.
511
00:31:21,712 --> 00:31:24,613
- Go flirt with him.
- Right.
512
00:31:24,681 --> 00:31:27,343
Think of it as research, Mona. Research.
513
00:31:27,417 --> 00:31:29,408
Get over there. Get on that horse!
514
00:31:29,486 --> 00:31:31,613
Go, go. Go!
515
00:31:35,959 --> 00:31:37,290
You like what you see, stud?
516
00:31:37,361 --> 00:31:40,125
I'm not really sure
what I'm looking at, metalface.
517
00:31:40,197 --> 00:31:42,688
Let me guess, is it a Hannibal Lecter thing?
518
00:31:42,766 --> 00:31:44,199
Yeah, it is.
519
00:31:50,474 --> 00:31:53,068
There's a big box of cutesicles.
520
00:31:53,143 --> 00:31:54,838
Carrie Mae, go work your magic.
521
00:31:54,912 --> 00:31:57,039
The only magic I've ever done
was try to figure out a way
522
00:31:57,114 --> 00:32:01,244
to stay in college for nine years
and not go back to my trailer park in Idaho.
523
00:32:01,318 --> 00:32:04,219
So, figure out a way into his heart.
524
00:32:04,288 --> 00:32:08,122
Just go over there
and talk to him about any old thing.
525
00:32:12,396 --> 00:32:14,864
Excuse me, you know where the crapper is?
526
00:32:14,932 --> 00:32:17,526
I have to drop off some timber.
527
00:32:19,369 --> 00:32:20,836
Go away.
528
00:32:22,172 --> 00:32:24,037
What'd I do?
529
00:32:24,107 --> 00:32:26,541
It's okay. It's just, Carrie Mae, sometimes
530
00:32:26,610 --> 00:32:30,444
men like their women
with a little bit of mystery.
531
00:32:30,547 --> 00:32:33,482
So, get back over there and try it again.
532
00:32:38,388 --> 00:32:39,821
Excuse me.
533
00:32:40,557 --> 00:32:42,024
You know where the crapper is?
534
00:32:42,092 --> 00:32:45,118
I have to do a very mysterious thing
in there.
535
00:32:45,662 --> 00:32:47,630
Drop off some timber.
536
00:32:49,032 --> 00:32:51,865
I'm definitely not drunk enough for that.
537
00:32:55,605 --> 00:32:58,972
Well, this is good, though.
538
00:32:59,042 --> 00:33:01,237
This is really good practice.
539
00:33:01,845 --> 00:33:03,312
Hey, it's the Zetas.
540
00:33:03,380 --> 00:33:04,642
- Hi.
- Hi.
541
00:33:04,715 --> 00:33:06,376
I feel like we never see you guys out.
542
00:33:06,450 --> 00:33:08,941
We never see them out, either.
543
00:33:09,019 --> 00:33:11,749
I met you yesterday.
I was that homeless girl.
544
00:33:11,822 --> 00:33:13,289
Now I'm their house mom.
545
00:33:13,357 --> 00:33:16,019
Congratulations. That's awesome.
546
00:33:16,093 --> 00:33:18,857
So, hey, you guys got here just in time.
547
00:33:18,929 --> 00:33:23,161
We're doing a little karaoke contest.
Sororities versus fraternities.
548
00:33:23,233 --> 00:33:25,724
Yeah, you guys can go next if you want.
549
00:33:25,802 --> 00:33:27,292
Yeah! Come on!
550
00:33:27,371 --> 00:33:31,137
Oh, girls! Always say "yes" to karaoke.
551
00:33:31,808 --> 00:33:33,639
Yeah, we'll pick a great song for you.
552
00:33:33,710 --> 00:33:35,871
Don't worry,
you can't be any worse than we were.
553
00:33:35,946 --> 00:33:38,107
- Seriously, we were wretched.
- Awful.
554
00:33:38,181 --> 00:33:40,081
- I don't know.
- Oh, okay. Okay, listen.
555
00:33:40,150 --> 00:33:44,086
Just give me a second.
I promise the Zetas are going up on stage.
556
00:33:44,154 --> 00:33:45,712
Awesome. Great.
557
00:33:46,456 --> 00:33:49,050
You guys, karaoke is so fun!
558
00:33:49,126 --> 00:33:52,527
You gotta get up there and do karaoke.
Boys like singing. It's sexy.
559
00:33:52,596 --> 00:33:56,327
Go! Go! Get up there! Go! Go!
560
00:33:57,434 --> 00:33:59,061
I think we can do it.
561
00:33:59,136 --> 00:34:01,400
We can do anything better
than those mannequins, you guys.
562
00:34:01,471 --> 00:34:03,439
I might puke, but let's do it!
563
00:34:03,507 --> 00:34:05,270
That's the spirit!
564
00:34:06,276 --> 00:34:10,007
All right! Get up there, you Bravehearts!
565
00:34:13,984 --> 00:34:16,578
All right, that was Kappa Eta Sigma!
566
00:34:21,291 --> 00:34:24,021
Next up, the Zetas?
567
00:34:25,362 --> 00:34:27,728
Singing Like A Virgin.
568
00:34:35,539 --> 00:34:38,531
I made it through the wilderness
569
00:34:39,176 --> 00:34:42,441
Somehow I made it through
570
00:34:44,414 --> 00:34:49,545
Didn't know how lost I was
Until I found you
571
00:34:51,254 --> 00:34:54,985
I was beat, incomplete
572
00:34:55,058 --> 00:34:59,586
I'm a hag and I'm fat and rude
573
00:34:59,663 --> 00:35:02,427
But you made me feel
574
00:35:03,300 --> 00:35:06,235
Yeah, you made me feel
575
00:35:06,303 --> 00:35:10,933
Like a big bag of poop
576
00:35:11,374 --> 00:35:13,342
Like a loser
577
00:35:14,711 --> 00:35:18,272
We're rejected all the time
578
00:35:19,416 --> 00:35:23,182
Like a loser
579
00:35:23,253 --> 00:35:27,189
Who's so retarded, it's a crime
580
00:35:27,257 --> 00:35:29,054
Like a...
581
00:35:39,035 --> 00:35:40,900
That was not nice.
582
00:35:41,838 --> 00:35:43,100
Awesome.
583
00:35:43,173 --> 00:35:45,164
You wanna get cut, bitch?
584
00:35:45,242 --> 00:35:48,177
Oh, classy. Very classy.
585
00:35:48,245 --> 00:35:52,341
No, no, no, no, she's right, Courtney.
I mean, we should apologize.
586
00:35:52,415 --> 00:35:54,315
Especially since we're
about to take their house.
587
00:35:54,384 --> 00:35:56,944
- Oh, right.
- Where are you taking it?
588
00:35:57,020 --> 00:35:59,682
Well, we heard that you were
losing your charter,
589
00:35:59,756 --> 00:36:04,022
so Phi lota Mu is gonna buy your crappy
house when it goes on sale after rush.
590
00:36:04,094 --> 00:36:08,497
Yes, we are going to have so many pledges,
we'll need all of the extra space.
591
00:36:08,565 --> 00:36:09,964
Oh, but don't worry.
592
00:36:10,033 --> 00:36:13,161
I mean, we'll still let you guys stay on
and be the maids.
593
00:36:13,236 --> 00:36:16,967
You can sweep the chimney.
Won't that be nice?
594
00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:18,905
Does the little one understand human talk?
595
00:36:18,975 --> 00:36:21,842
Oh, and I guess
that when we buy your house,
596
00:36:21,912 --> 00:36:23,812
you'll go back to being homeless.
597
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:25,074
I'm a housemother.
598
00:36:25,148 --> 00:36:28,640
A Zeta housemother, and I don't like
some of the things you were saying.
599
00:36:28,718 --> 00:36:32,154
Because they do understand human talk,
and you hurt their feelings.
600
00:36:32,222 --> 00:36:34,213
Oh, Shelley, come on.
It's not worth it, let's go.
601
00:36:34,291 --> 00:36:35,758
Yeah, you should go.
602
00:36:35,825 --> 00:36:37,156
It was so nice to see you.
603
00:36:37,227 --> 00:36:38,216
But I really think that...
604
00:36:38,295 --> 00:36:39,455
- So nice.
- So nice.
605
00:36:41,131 --> 00:36:43,691
That was so humiliating, you guys.
606
00:36:43,767 --> 00:36:44,961
I know it was awful.
607
00:36:45,035 --> 00:36:47,629
And I am so mad
that they did that to you guys,
608
00:36:47,704 --> 00:36:51,105
but we can't listen to those girls.
609
00:36:51,174 --> 00:36:54,075
Why? They're right. We are losers.
610
00:36:54,144 --> 00:36:56,135
Oh, we're not losers.
611
00:36:56,746 --> 00:36:59,112
You just ignore that dumb old wall.
612
00:37:00,250 --> 00:37:04,311
Well, you're not a loser, Shelley.
People like you. You're pretty.
613
00:37:04,387 --> 00:37:07,379
I just don't understand
that kind of behavior.
614
00:37:08,091 --> 00:37:09,490
Trust me.
615
00:37:09,559 --> 00:37:13,996
You guys, I can make you way hotter
than any old Phi lota Mu.
616
00:37:14,864 --> 00:37:19,233
By the time I'm done,
every girl on campus'll want to pledge Zeta.
617
00:37:19,302 --> 00:37:22,203
No, really, we are just a bunch of misfits.
618
00:37:23,707 --> 00:37:27,666
Lilly just texted me from the closet.
She says we're not misfits.
619
00:37:27,744 --> 00:37:29,336
Well, I hope she was being ironic.
620
00:37:30,780 --> 00:37:32,247
Go, go, go, go, go!
621
00:37:32,315 --> 00:37:33,475
- Are we doing this?
- Do it!
622
00:37:33,550 --> 00:37:35,177
- All right.
- Here.
623
00:37:35,252 --> 00:37:37,117
You can do this.
624
00:37:37,187 --> 00:37:41,180
If I thought you all were quitting...
My heart would just fall out of my head.
625
00:37:41,258 --> 00:37:43,590
Shelley, your heart is not in your head.
626
00:37:43,660 --> 00:37:47,255
Your heart has its own cavity.
Right under your fake boobs.
627
00:37:47,330 --> 00:37:48,957
Do you understand how moronic you sound
628
00:37:49,032 --> 00:37:52,024
when you say
your heart is gonna fall out of your head?
629
00:37:52,102 --> 00:37:53,592
Well, Mona,
630
00:37:54,170 --> 00:37:58,231
I totally understand
why that saying sounds mixed-up,
631
00:37:58,308 --> 00:38:00,572
but I don't mean it for real.
632
00:38:00,644 --> 00:38:04,011
I don't think that my heart is in my skull.
633
00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:09,074
What I mean is that sometimes
logic tells you to do something,
634
00:38:09,152 --> 00:38:12,610
but you have to have part
of your heart in it as well.
635
00:38:13,089 --> 00:38:18,186
My head and my heart tell me
that we can save Zeta.
636
00:38:19,362 --> 00:38:24,231
We need 30 pledges,
and I know just how to do it.
637
00:38:25,135 --> 00:38:28,593
By making you guys
the hottest girls on campus.
638
00:38:34,377 --> 00:38:35,810
I'll get it.
639
00:38:40,984 --> 00:38:43,145
- Does that say "Zeta"?
- Yeah.
640
00:38:45,088 --> 00:38:47,488
This is war.
641
00:38:47,557 --> 00:38:49,149
Enough is enough.
642
00:38:49,225 --> 00:38:52,422
Let's do this. There's no way
those bitches are getting our house.
643
00:39:06,176 --> 00:39:09,668
Okay, ladies,
dressing sexy is all about skimplifying.
644
00:39:09,746 --> 00:39:13,045
I want you to show skin
in the four major regions.
645
00:39:13,116 --> 00:39:16,279
Arms, legs, belly and cleavage.
646
00:39:16,353 --> 00:39:17,718
Is this how you skimplify?
647
00:39:17,787 --> 00:39:21,484
Oh, okay. Well, maybe we could let
someone who doesn't have a giant baby
648
00:39:21,558 --> 00:39:23,287
in their belly give it a try.
649
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:27,922
Okay, this is your most important
secret weapon, the water bra.
650
00:39:27,997 --> 00:39:30,056
Just stay away from sharp corners.
651
00:39:30,133 --> 00:39:32,067
This is going too far.
652
00:39:32,569 --> 00:39:34,400
No. No way. No.
653
00:39:35,338 --> 00:39:38,501
Just consider it like another thesis topic,
you know?
654
00:39:38,575 --> 00:39:42,011
"Conventional Archetypes of Beauty
and Their Effect on the Opposite Sex."
655
00:39:48,952 --> 00:39:50,180
Are you sure that's everything?
656
00:39:50,253 --> 00:39:54,952
Because feeling good on the inside
is all about looking good on the outside.
657
00:40:00,296 --> 00:40:02,526
Go ahead and keep that one.
658
00:40:02,599 --> 00:40:05,693
There are three rules to successful flirtation.
659
00:40:05,769 --> 00:40:09,170
Eye contact, flattery and lots of touching.
660
00:40:09,239 --> 00:40:12,470
For example,
let's pretend that Natalie here is a man.
661
00:40:12,542 --> 00:40:16,410
I'm touching his arm,
I'm looking deep into his eyes
662
00:40:16,479 --> 00:40:19,004
and I'm wearing deodorant. Carrie Mae?
663
00:40:19,082 --> 00:40:20,344
I know.
664
00:40:20,417 --> 00:40:22,908
And I might say something like this.
665
00:40:22,986 --> 00:40:27,047
"Oh, my gosh.
Your biceps are huge. Kiss me."
666
00:40:27,624 --> 00:40:31,287
And then he would kiss me.
So, any questions?
667
00:40:31,361 --> 00:40:33,727
What do I do with my chew?
668
00:40:33,797 --> 00:40:35,162
How long would the kiss usually be?
669
00:40:35,231 --> 00:40:38,462
And, also, why would he kiss you,
because you...
670
00:40:42,238 --> 00:40:45,765
Okay, ladies, today's lesson is makeup.
671
00:40:45,842 --> 00:40:48,538
First, we must highlight your eyes.
672
00:40:48,611 --> 00:40:51,478
The eyes are the nipples of the face.
673
00:41:38,728 --> 00:41:40,161
Whoa.
674
00:41:48,838 --> 00:41:49,930
Wow.
675
00:41:50,573 --> 00:41:53,041
So this is what it feels like
to not be invisible.
676
00:41:53,109 --> 00:41:56,738
We weren't exactly invisible before,
just the anti-hot.
677
00:41:58,181 --> 00:41:59,478
Check out Joanne.
678
00:41:59,549 --> 00:42:01,346
I really like what you've done
with the Bedazzler.
679
00:42:01,417 --> 00:42:03,351
- Thank you.
- It's nice.
680
00:42:03,419 --> 00:42:04,511
So what's next, Shelley?
681
00:42:04,587 --> 00:42:07,954
I want all the fraternities to see
how hot you guys are.
682
00:42:08,024 --> 00:42:11,824
Kind of like a coming-out party.
So we are gonna take some pictures.
683
00:42:11,895 --> 00:42:14,227
Oh, we are not posing for Playboy.
684
00:42:14,297 --> 00:42:17,994
No, in a calendar. "The Girls of Zeta."
685
00:42:18,067 --> 00:42:19,762
Everyone will see the new you,
686
00:42:19,836 --> 00:42:23,533
and selling the calendars will help us
raise money for our phil-an-coppopopy.
687
00:42:23,606 --> 00:42:25,733
Hey, you guys, Lilly just texted me.
688
00:42:25,808 --> 00:42:28,504
She says we look hot and this is fun.
689
00:42:34,250 --> 00:42:37,879
Keep doing that, keep doing that.
Make love to the camera.
690
00:42:38,588 --> 00:42:41,148
I saw that in Austin Powers.
691
00:42:41,224 --> 00:42:46,059
Yeah, work it. Think really sexy witch.
692
00:42:46,129 --> 00:42:49,656
- Are you a good witch or a bad witch?
- A good witch.
693
00:42:49,732 --> 00:42:51,757
I think you're a bad witch.
694
00:42:51,834 --> 00:42:56,362
I bet the house that falls on you is gonna
be a sexy house.
695
00:42:56,940 --> 00:42:59,374
Work it. Work it.
696
00:42:59,442 --> 00:43:03,208
You're like a supermodel,
except more pregnant. Keep going.
697
00:43:21,864 --> 00:43:26,460
Okay, Henry, very glad you finally learned
how to use the suggestion box.
698
00:43:26,536 --> 00:43:28,902
And I want to let you know
that I got your message,
699
00:43:28,972 --> 00:43:31,065
you want less Boggle and more bingo.
700
00:43:31,140 --> 00:43:33,233
So I'm gonna work on it, okay?
701
00:43:33,309 --> 00:43:36,244
Whoa.
Okay, what's going on with your heart?
702
00:43:36,913 --> 00:43:38,710
Shelley, you're here.
703
00:43:40,650 --> 00:43:42,481
- Move out of the way, man.
- Move it, Junior.
704
00:43:42,552 --> 00:43:43,951
- Sideways.
- Sorry, sorry.
705
00:43:44,454 --> 00:43:45,785
- Hi.
- Hi.
706
00:43:47,624 --> 00:43:51,151
We brought a donation
as part of our philtrophy.
707
00:43:51,227 --> 00:43:53,559
Oh, great. Thank you.
708
00:43:54,330 --> 00:43:55,695
We're making calendars,
709
00:43:55,765 --> 00:43:57,858
and before we could even get them all out,
710
00:43:57,934 --> 00:44:00,562
the printing-press guys bought up
the first batch.
711
00:44:00,637 --> 00:44:02,662
Wow. Great, thank you very much.
712
00:44:02,739 --> 00:44:06,266
This is, "Pay to the Order of Old People."
713
00:44:07,610 --> 00:44:09,544
Yes, and it doesn't stop there.
714
00:44:09,612 --> 00:44:14,447
I hope you don't mind, but I brought a few
extra volunteers to help out today.
715
00:44:16,285 --> 00:44:18,845
Henry, Henry, look away. Look away, okay?
716
00:44:18,921 --> 00:44:23,585
Look at the wall.
Think of broccoli and bad bingo cards.
717
00:44:23,660 --> 00:44:25,821
You know, actually, your timing is perfect,
718
00:44:25,895 --> 00:44:29,592
because I was about to try
and organize a dance class.
719
00:44:29,666 --> 00:44:31,190
Nobody signed up.
720
00:44:31,267 --> 00:44:34,293
And I was at the top of the list
not signing up.
721
00:44:34,370 --> 00:44:37,931
There ain't no way I'm dancing.
You can forget that.
722
00:44:38,007 --> 00:44:40,305
Oh, I love to dance.
723
00:44:40,376 --> 00:44:41,638
Well, let's do it.
724
00:44:44,947 --> 00:44:47,882
Okay, ladies, fan out and find a partner.
725
00:44:50,319 --> 00:44:53,948
And maybe we should talk
about this music.
726
00:44:55,591 --> 00:44:58,583
Wow, this music is super, super-great,
727
00:44:58,661 --> 00:45:02,995
but we might want to try
something a little sexier.
728
00:45:18,281 --> 00:45:20,010
Great job, ladies.
729
00:45:33,963 --> 00:45:37,194
Shelley, I just want to thank you so much
for doing this.
730
00:45:37,266 --> 00:45:38,358
It's just so kind.
731
00:45:38,434 --> 00:45:42,962
Oh, well, kindness is just love
with its work boots on.
732
00:45:43,940 --> 00:45:46,465
Hey, Oliver, ask the girl to dance.
733
00:45:47,910 --> 00:45:49,844
- I'd love to.
- Really?
734
00:45:52,415 --> 00:45:54,144
Looking good, Jean.
735
00:45:55,651 --> 00:46:00,179
So, listen, Shelley, I was wondering
if maybe you'd like to have dinner sometime.
736
00:46:00,256 --> 00:46:02,656
Really? Yes. Yeah.
737
00:46:03,126 --> 00:46:04,354
Great.
738
00:46:05,561 --> 00:46:08,428
- Bitchsuck!
- Sorry. I'm sorry.
739
00:46:08,498 --> 00:46:10,227
Oh, it's all good.
740
00:46:13,102 --> 00:46:14,865
I'm so glad to be back.
741
00:46:14,937 --> 00:46:18,896
Marvin, tell Shelley we're back
and we're gonna be watching a movie.
742
00:46:18,975 --> 00:46:20,602
How about something spooky? No, funny.
743
00:46:20,676 --> 00:46:22,871
No. How about Scarface?
744
00:46:22,945 --> 00:46:25,175
No, you guys,
I think it should be Shelley's pick tonight.
745
00:46:25,248 --> 00:46:29,947
Mr. Hefner, Shelley's actually gone.
She told me to give you this letter.
746
00:46:39,028 --> 00:46:42,395
Shelley moved to Africa
to work with the orphans.
747
00:46:42,465 --> 00:46:43,659
She left while we were gone
748
00:46:43,733 --> 00:46:46,759
because she says
she can't deal with goodbyes.
749
00:46:48,738 --> 00:46:51,434
I'm going to bed. No movies tonight.
750
00:46:54,343 --> 00:46:56,140
You look nervous.
751
00:46:56,212 --> 00:46:59,613
I don't like when you look nervous.
You will not blow this!
752
00:46:59,682 --> 00:47:00,876
But I just wanna mix drinks.
753
00:47:00,950 --> 00:47:03,180
You know, my whole life,
that's all I've ever wanted to do,
754
00:47:03,252 --> 00:47:04,947
is just blend.
755
00:47:05,021 --> 00:47:07,785
And then you come along
with your weird kryptonite death grip, and...
756
00:47:07,857 --> 00:47:10,257
- That's right, it's like this.
- Oh, good God!
757
00:47:10,326 --> 00:47:11,884
Oh, sweet bastard, that's good.
758
00:47:11,961 --> 00:47:15,294
That's right, and I'm the only woman
that can make you feel like that.
759
00:47:15,364 --> 00:47:18,891
You will not tell Hef
that we wrote that letter to Shelley.
760
00:47:18,968 --> 00:47:20,196
- Just do it again.
- Got it?
761
00:47:20,269 --> 00:47:23,136
- Yeah, I got it, I got it, I got it. So I got it.
- Good.
762
00:47:33,549 --> 00:47:35,073
Hi. I'll take two calendars.
763
00:47:35,151 --> 00:47:38,780
Wow. That's so generous.
Everyone's been buying two.
764
00:47:38,855 --> 00:47:41,653
Actually, it's in case one gets ruined.
765
00:47:42,692 --> 00:47:44,853
Hot dogs, Zeta hot dogs. Who wants one?
766
00:47:44,927 --> 00:47:47,418
You. You. You got one.
767
00:47:51,934 --> 00:47:53,834
Sweet setup here.
768
00:47:54,904 --> 00:47:57,896
We should totally have a mixer
with you guys sometime.
769
00:47:57,974 --> 00:47:59,168
Yeah.
770
00:48:03,813 --> 00:48:05,474
We could have one with Battle...
771
00:48:05,548 --> 00:48:07,038
What? One more time.
772
00:48:07,149 --> 00:48:10,641
We could have a Battlestar Galactica night.
With pudding!
773
00:48:10,720 --> 00:48:12,745
Definitely! What?
774
00:48:12,822 --> 00:48:14,687
Battlestar Galactica. Okay.
775
00:48:14,757 --> 00:48:18,853
She said that you guys should get together
some night, with pudding.
776
00:48:19,528 --> 00:48:20,688
Whoa.
777
00:48:21,297 --> 00:48:23,527
You betcha. You betcha.
778
00:48:23,599 --> 00:48:27,797
At Phi lota Mu we are very exclusive,
because we can be.
779
00:48:27,870 --> 00:48:31,067
Many of our sisters are leaders on campus.
780
00:48:31,140 --> 00:48:36,373
We have a rocking GPA
and our very own Korean manicurist.
781
00:48:42,485 --> 00:48:44,646
Hey, where are you guys going?
782
00:48:44,720 --> 00:48:47,689
- Whose booth is that?
- That's Zeta's booth.
783
00:48:48,291 --> 00:48:51,089
Don't be ridiculous.
Why would they have a booth?
784
00:48:51,160 --> 00:48:52,252
And who would go to it?
785
00:48:52,328 --> 00:48:54,387
- Do you want some ketchup?
- That'd be great.
786
00:48:54,463 --> 00:48:56,761
I can totally hose you some right there.
Go ahead, lean back.
787
00:48:56,832 --> 00:48:58,663
No, I'm just...
788
00:49:02,471 --> 00:49:04,769
- Excuse me.
- Why, did you fart?
789
00:49:05,675 --> 00:49:07,802
- Did I do what?
- Fart.
790
00:49:09,979 --> 00:49:11,412
Where are the Zetas?
791
00:49:11,480 --> 00:49:13,812
We are the Zetas, 2008 edition.
792
00:49:13,883 --> 00:49:15,646
And I'm in love!
793
00:49:28,364 --> 00:49:30,059
Why'd you do that?
794
00:49:30,132 --> 00:49:32,225
I needed to hurt someone.
795
00:49:35,538 --> 00:49:38,769
This is so awesome, you guys.
That was so much fun!
796
00:49:38,841 --> 00:49:40,433
It was, it was.
797
00:49:40,509 --> 00:49:43,501
Harmony, Brian Stone was all over you, girl.
798
00:49:44,447 --> 00:49:45,675
- And how about Mona?
- What?
799
00:49:45,748 --> 00:49:48,615
I got numbers from four boys.
It was all for research.
800
00:49:48,684 --> 00:49:49,742
Liar.
801
00:49:49,819 --> 00:49:52,083
- Careful what you research.
- But I really had fun.
802
00:49:52,154 --> 00:49:57,251
Well, Natalie, Colby was
following you around like a puppy dog.
803
00:49:58,160 --> 00:50:00,856
Do you guys think you'll, you know...
804
00:50:02,198 --> 00:50:03,290
No.
805
00:50:04,400 --> 00:50:08,302
I do not think, you know, that.
806
00:50:08,738 --> 00:50:09,966
"That"?
807
00:50:11,574 --> 00:50:14,509
Natalie, are you a virgin?
808
00:50:15,711 --> 00:50:17,076
No.
809
00:50:17,913 --> 00:50:20,074
Am I a virgin? No.
810
00:50:20,916 --> 00:50:22,076
You're a virgin!
811
00:50:22,151 --> 00:50:25,382
Shelley! It's like an amphitheater in here!
812
00:50:25,454 --> 00:50:27,012
That's it.
813
00:50:27,089 --> 00:50:29,319
Oh, my gosh.
We have to have an Aztec party.
814
00:50:29,392 --> 00:50:30,757
We always wanted
to have one at the Mansion,
815
00:50:30,826 --> 00:50:33,954
but we could never find a virgin to sacrifice.
816
00:50:34,030 --> 00:50:36,999
Natalie, it is gonna be the best time ever.
817
00:50:37,066 --> 00:50:41,867
We are gonna have the most rockingest
party, and then we'll get our 30 pledges.
818
00:50:56,185 --> 00:50:58,176
Okay, quick trick, watch this.
819
00:50:58,254 --> 00:51:01,348
We are gonna put little trails of Vaseline
on the contours of our abs,
820
00:51:01,424 --> 00:51:05,258
mist it a little,
and that way the light will catch our tans.
821
00:51:07,930 --> 00:51:10,524
Oh, she says
you're completely ingenious, Shelley.
822
00:51:10,599 --> 00:51:12,328
Thank you, Lilly.
823
00:51:12,401 --> 00:51:13,891
That's the same as vapid, right?
824
00:51:13,969 --> 00:51:16,267
Oh, it's better than vapid.
825
00:51:16,338 --> 00:51:19,501
- Is that Juicy?
- Yeah, I love their stuff.
826
00:51:19,575 --> 00:51:22,942
It's a shame nobody'd be able to see it,
you know, under my brace.
827
00:51:23,012 --> 00:51:25,207
Well, when can you take the brace off?
828
00:51:25,281 --> 00:51:27,909
2004, actually.
829
00:51:29,185 --> 00:51:31,085
Well, it's a good thing I asked.
830
00:51:31,153 --> 00:51:36,557
No, I'm so fine.
I mean, you know, it's all indented into me
831
00:51:36,625 --> 00:51:39,617
and, you know, if I took it off, I wouldn't
even know what would possibly happen,
832
00:51:39,695 --> 00:51:42,289
and my spine could be like a noodle. And...
833
00:51:42,364 --> 00:51:44,798
I'm really good. I'm good. Thanks.
834
00:51:46,836 --> 00:51:48,303
Come with me.
835
00:51:49,004 --> 00:51:51,700
Joanne, when I was little,
I wore a Scooby-Doo mask to school
836
00:51:51,774 --> 00:51:54,174
for a whole month
because I thought I was ugly.
837
00:51:54,243 --> 00:51:55,471
- Thanks, guys.
- You're welcome.
838
00:51:55,544 --> 00:51:57,774
And then one day
a boy, Howard Rubenstock,
839
00:51:57,847 --> 00:52:00,338
snuck up behind me and tore it off my face.
840
00:52:00,416 --> 00:52:03,408
- Do you know what I realized?
- That you were pretty?
841
00:52:03,486 --> 00:52:06,148
No, that I was wearing it upside down.
842
00:52:06,755 --> 00:52:09,053
I'm not really sure
what you're trying to tell me, Shelley.
843
00:52:09,125 --> 00:52:13,528
I'm not either. But the point is,
you're a butterfly now, not an earthworm.
844
00:52:13,596 --> 00:52:15,621
You don't need to hide anymore.
845
00:52:15,698 --> 00:52:18,223
So, okay, here he comes.
846
00:52:18,300 --> 00:52:21,167
He runs past here every day,
and I've seen you staring at him.
847
00:52:21,237 --> 00:52:23,205
I can tell that you like him
and that you want to talk to him.
848
00:52:23,272 --> 00:52:25,866
Today's the day. Go invite him to our party.
849
00:52:25,941 --> 00:52:27,374
Go. Go.
850
00:52:32,448 --> 00:52:34,245
Run, Joanne, run!
851
00:53:01,644 --> 00:53:02,770
Hi, Steve.
852
00:53:02,845 --> 00:53:05,905
Oh, hey, Joanne. How are you?
I didn't know you ran.
853
00:53:05,981 --> 00:53:08,142
Sure, I mean, I do now.
854
00:53:08,217 --> 00:53:09,582
Where's your brace?
855
00:53:09,652 --> 00:53:11,517
- It's gone.
- Really?
856
00:53:17,693 --> 00:53:19,251
Well.
857
00:53:19,328 --> 00:53:21,489
You're pretty pleased with yourself,
aren't you?
858
00:53:21,564 --> 00:53:25,159
Oh, you scared me.
My heart's pounding like a nail.
859
00:53:26,802 --> 00:53:29,202
I guess I am a little proud.
860
00:53:29,271 --> 00:53:31,637
Well, don't get too used to that feeling.
861
00:53:31,707 --> 00:53:34,801
Because there's no way that I'm going
to let a whorey little tart like you
862
00:53:34,877 --> 00:53:37,573
stand in the way of the Phi lota Mu.
863
00:53:38,247 --> 00:53:40,272
Don't mess with me.
864
00:53:40,349 --> 00:53:42,613
Don't mess with Phi lota Mu.
865
00:53:47,523 --> 00:53:52,392
Man! Someone needs a mani-pedi
massage combo, pronto.
866
00:53:52,461 --> 00:53:53,553
- Shelley!
- Oh, my...
867
00:53:53,629 --> 00:53:55,995
Steve said he's gonna come
to the Aztec party.
868
00:53:56,065 --> 00:53:57,589
Steve, he's gonna come.
869
00:53:57,666 --> 00:54:00,294
Yay! This is gonna be so much fun!
870
00:54:17,419 --> 00:54:20,877
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- God! Oh, my God!
871
00:54:20,956 --> 00:54:23,151
- Yes!
- Hey, you guys! Look.
872
00:54:23,759 --> 00:54:25,124
Oh, Joanne.
873
00:54:25,961 --> 00:54:28,930
I can bend! You guys, I did it, I can bend!
874
00:54:32,534 --> 00:54:35,298
"Do you find yourself
more attracted to me when I'm like this,
875
00:54:35,371 --> 00:54:37,032
"or like this?"
876
00:54:38,107 --> 00:54:40,007
- The second one.
- Great.
877
00:54:40,542 --> 00:54:42,806
So, "Because you like my boobs,
878
00:54:42,878 --> 00:54:46,109
"would you stand there
and let me go like this
879
00:54:47,016 --> 00:54:50,179
"for five minutes,
just in the hope that we might hook up?"
880
00:54:50,252 --> 00:54:52,584
Yes. Yes, I would.
881
00:54:55,924 --> 00:54:59,018
Guys! Anybody want some chips?
882
00:54:59,862 --> 00:55:01,489
Yeah, have chips while you party.
883
00:55:01,563 --> 00:55:04,464
Badass party. Badass.
884
00:55:04,533 --> 00:55:08,970
So, Miss December,
you got your bikini on under there? Huh?
885
00:55:09,038 --> 00:55:11,836
No, actually, just my fake water...
886
00:55:11,907 --> 00:55:13,534
Natalie, there you are.
887
00:55:13,609 --> 00:55:17,568
Oh, Bobby and Zach from Kappa are just
dying to meet you.
888
00:55:17,646 --> 00:55:21,104
I'm sorry, Colby,
but Natalie is a very hot commodity.
889
00:55:22,551 --> 00:55:24,178
- Excuse us.
- Wait.
890
00:55:24,787 --> 00:55:26,084
Wait a second.
891
00:55:26,155 --> 00:55:27,918
- Are we leaving?
- Yes.
892
00:55:27,990 --> 00:55:29,082
Why?
893
00:55:29,158 --> 00:55:31,626
I have, like,
the world's hugest crush on him.
894
00:55:31,694 --> 00:55:32,683
So I don't really...
895
00:55:32,761 --> 00:55:35,525
I know. Then we need to let him see
how in demand you are.
896
00:55:35,597 --> 00:55:38,464
Always remember,
boys want what other boys want.
897
00:55:38,534 --> 00:55:39,831
Right.
898
00:55:42,338 --> 00:55:43,896
Are you Lilly?
899
00:55:45,407 --> 00:55:47,739
That's a cute costume, Lil.
900
00:55:47,810 --> 00:55:50,142
I was gonna ask you this,
because I've been seeing these all over.
901
00:55:50,212 --> 00:55:52,043
I mean, this is an Aztec party,
902
00:55:52,114 --> 00:55:55,242
you know, so those statues don't really fit,
because those are from Easter Island,
903
00:55:55,317 --> 00:55:58,252
which is like 2000 miles away,
as you probably know, in Polynesia.
904
00:55:58,320 --> 00:56:02,586
Wait, Natalie. You're too smart.
Boys don't like girls that are too smart.
905
00:56:02,658 --> 00:56:03,852
Right.
906
00:56:03,926 --> 00:56:07,225
Right.
God, I hope Colby didn't hear me say that.
907
00:56:08,130 --> 00:56:10,758
Shelley, you really know all the tricks.
908
00:56:10,833 --> 00:56:12,425
How do you do it, you know?
909
00:56:12,501 --> 00:56:15,095
I mean, with Colby here
and with Oliver asking you out,
910
00:56:15,170 --> 00:56:18,571
it's like we might both
lose our virginity this year.
911
00:56:19,808 --> 00:56:21,105
Yeah.
912
00:56:25,948 --> 00:56:29,475
It's supposed to be a mixer.
There's no one here to mix.
913
00:56:30,219 --> 00:56:33,211
They're over there, aren't they? The Kappas.
914
00:56:33,288 --> 00:56:35,916
Well, they're definitely not here.
915
00:56:35,991 --> 00:56:38,687
I know that, dipswitch. I can see that.
916
00:56:42,097 --> 00:56:45,089
And now, let the sacrificial rites begin!
917
00:56:48,437 --> 00:56:53,238
It's time for this virgin
to get sacrificed in the boiling Jell-O lava!
918
00:56:54,042 --> 00:56:56,772
- Sacrifice! Sacrifice!
- Sacrifice! Sacrifice!
919
00:56:56,845 --> 00:56:58,938
- Sacrifice! Sacrifice!
- Sacrifice! Sacrifice!
920
00:56:59,014 --> 00:57:03,951
This is Aztec Night, the first of many
awesome Zeta parties to come.
921
00:57:04,019 --> 00:57:05,987
And for those of you girls
going through rush,
922
00:57:06,054 --> 00:57:09,182
remember to make Zeta
your number-one choice!
923
00:57:13,762 --> 00:57:15,753
The time is now.
924
00:57:47,429 --> 00:57:48,726
Yeah.
925
00:57:50,299 --> 00:57:53,359
I've never seen anybody
get sacrificed before.
926
00:57:54,236 --> 00:57:55,999
That was so hot.
927
00:57:56,071 --> 00:57:59,234
I mean, I don't know anything about Aztecs,
you know? Or their culture.
928
00:57:59,308 --> 00:58:02,368
But, I mean, I do know that I had fun.
929
00:58:02,444 --> 00:58:06,642
Yeah. I don't know anything
about them either, so that's awesome.
930
00:58:14,156 --> 00:58:16,716
What have the Zetas become?
931
00:58:16,792 --> 00:58:18,589
Oh, my God.
932
00:58:18,660 --> 00:58:19,888
Popular.
933
00:58:39,915 --> 00:58:41,576
Remember, be sexy.
934
00:58:41,650 --> 00:58:44,414
- He's gonna love your shoes.
- Deep breath, take a deep breath.
935
00:58:44,486 --> 00:58:47,421
Okay, okay, he's here. Okay.
936
00:58:51,960 --> 00:58:53,518
- Hello.
- Hello.
937
00:58:53,595 --> 00:58:55,392
Wow, you look great.
938
00:58:56,064 --> 00:58:57,998
- Thank you.
- You ready?
939
00:59:03,705 --> 00:59:06,674
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
940
00:59:06,742 --> 00:59:10,269
- Would you mind if we walked?
- Oh, yes, I like to walk.
941
00:59:12,080 --> 00:59:14,605
And that's not the only thing I like.
942
00:59:14,683 --> 00:59:18,016
No? You have a wide range of interests?
943
00:59:18,487 --> 00:59:22,253
Oh, yes. A big range.
944
00:59:24,626 --> 00:59:26,958
Oh, wait here for a second.
945
00:59:27,029 --> 00:59:30,055
I think I dropped some money
over here the other day.
946
00:59:30,132 --> 00:59:32,726
I just don't know wherever could it be.
947
00:59:32,801 --> 00:59:35,634
Maybe it's over here by this manhole.
948
00:59:38,640 --> 00:59:40,608
That's fucking hot!
949
00:59:42,411 --> 00:59:46,780
I just went over there to look for my money
950
00:59:46,848 --> 00:59:49,681
which I had dropped the other day.
951
00:59:49,751 --> 00:59:53,482
I think it was a dollar coin,
because I heard a clanging.
952
00:59:54,222 --> 00:59:56,884
But anyway, wow.
953
00:59:57,793 --> 00:59:59,852
Who knew steam can be hot?
954
01:00:00,262 --> 01:00:01,820
Yeah, that's...
955
01:00:01,897 --> 01:00:04,388
I wonder what they did
when Marilyn Monroe did it.
956
01:00:04,466 --> 01:00:09,460
They probably added soothing botanicals
to the steam rising from the manhole.
957
01:00:09,538 --> 01:00:11,199
I like that word.
958
01:00:11,273 --> 01:00:12,740
"Manhole."
959
01:00:14,376 --> 01:00:16,867
All right. What can I get you guys?
960
01:00:18,747 --> 01:00:23,150
Instead of the mahi-mahi,
may I just get the one mahi,
961
01:00:23,218 --> 01:00:25,482
because I'm not that hungry?
962
01:00:26,221 --> 01:00:27,552
I'll ask.
963
01:00:29,524 --> 01:00:33,187
The chicken piccata for me.
Yeah, that'd be fine.
964
01:00:33,261 --> 01:00:34,888
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
965
01:00:34,963 --> 01:00:37,989
"Piccata." That's another word I like.
966
01:00:39,001 --> 01:00:40,161
Piccata.
967
01:00:40,235 --> 01:00:44,501
- Yeah, it just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?
- Sounds like "Hotta."
968
01:00:44,573 --> 01:00:45,699
Yeah.
969
01:00:46,074 --> 01:00:48,440
Or "the Spanish Armada."
970
01:00:50,012 --> 01:00:52,105
- I like to rhyme.
- Yeah?
971
01:00:53,982 --> 01:00:57,816
...and StairMaster to tone the buttock area.
972
01:00:58,587 --> 01:01:01,852
I'd show you,
but who really wants to see my butt?
973
01:01:04,192 --> 01:01:08,356
I mean, it's just a silly old butt
with no tan lines.
974
01:01:10,032 --> 01:01:11,465
Yep.
975
01:01:11,533 --> 01:01:16,095
Wow, this was really good food.
I hope it doesn't go straight to my butt.
976
01:01:17,139 --> 01:01:21,439
I mean, I think my butt would still
be a pretty good one, though.
977
01:01:22,344 --> 01:01:24,335
Yep. My ass.
978
01:01:25,547 --> 01:01:27,174
Oh, well, this has been fun,
979
01:01:27,249 --> 01:01:31,709
but we should probably wrap it up,
because I've got another date at 11.
980
01:01:32,354 --> 01:01:33,412
Are you serious?
981
01:01:33,488 --> 01:01:36,651
Well, what's a girl in demand going to do?
982
01:01:39,528 --> 01:01:40,756
Wow. Okay.
983
01:01:40,829 --> 01:01:43,662
Yeah, well, dinner's on me.
984
01:01:43,732 --> 01:01:48,169
I'm gonna get going. I wouldn't want you
to keep the other guy waiting.
985
01:01:49,738 --> 01:01:51,000
Wait!
986
01:01:51,073 --> 01:01:53,541
Your biceps are huge! Kiss me.
987
01:01:59,514 --> 01:02:00,503
Oh, my God.
988
01:02:05,387 --> 01:02:06,513
Yeah, right.
989
01:02:06,588 --> 01:02:08,385
Shelley's back.
990
01:02:08,457 --> 01:02:11,017
- How'd it go?
- How'd it go, Shelley?
991
01:02:12,294 --> 01:02:13,591
Not good.
992
01:02:13,662 --> 01:02:15,493
- What?
- Why?
993
01:02:15,564 --> 01:02:17,532
I don't think he likes me.
994
01:02:17,599 --> 01:02:20,227
He didn't fall for any of my tricks.
995
01:02:21,036 --> 01:02:23,561
That's impossible, your tricks always work.
996
01:02:23,638 --> 01:02:28,132
I did sexy, I did "other guys want me."
997
01:02:28,210 --> 01:02:31,145
You know, I worked every angle in the book.
998
01:02:31,213 --> 01:02:33,841
But I don't know, he just stared.
999
01:02:34,683 --> 01:02:37,208
What if Oliver is one of those guys
1000
01:02:37,285 --> 01:02:40,448
who wants to have, like, a conversation
with a girl before he hooks up with her?
1001
01:02:40,522 --> 01:02:41,819
He's gay?
1002
01:02:42,524 --> 01:02:44,253
No, he's not gay.
1003
01:02:45,494 --> 01:02:47,962
Oh, I don't know.
1004
01:02:51,066 --> 01:02:54,832
I'm just saying, you know,
maybe he wants to talk first.
1005
01:02:54,903 --> 01:02:57,895
What if Oliver doesn't mind a smart girl?
1006
01:02:59,074 --> 01:03:00,632
- I know.
- Wait.
1007
01:03:01,777 --> 01:03:05,543
So I have to learn things
about things and stuff?
1008
01:03:06,448 --> 01:03:08,006
About topics?
1009
01:03:09,951 --> 01:03:12,215
- Can I even do that?
- Yeah. You can do that.
1010
01:03:12,287 --> 01:03:14,482
You can do anything
you set your mind to, Shelley.
1011
01:04:32,567 --> 01:04:35,297
But you can't even tell I have boobs.
1012
01:04:35,370 --> 01:04:37,770
Well, don't you think I should show him
a little something?
1013
01:04:37,839 --> 01:04:40,205
Give him a little philanthropy?
1014
01:04:40,275 --> 01:04:43,267
Shelley, good job.
You used "philanthropy." That was fun.
1015
01:04:43,345 --> 01:04:46,246
You know what? You're still too sexy.
1016
01:04:46,314 --> 01:04:48,282
Nat, what if she wears your glasses?
1017
01:04:48,350 --> 01:04:50,682
Good idea. Okay, here.
1018
01:04:51,186 --> 01:04:52,710
Try these.
1019
01:04:54,856 --> 01:04:58,383
Oh, my God. Natalie, you should really
go to an eye doctor.
1020
01:04:58,460 --> 01:05:01,258
That's actually how I got those glasses.
1021
01:05:01,329 --> 01:05:03,092
So have you called Oliver yet?
1022
01:05:03,164 --> 01:05:06,395
Yes. He didn't seem too excited
to be going out on a second date,
1023
01:05:06,468 --> 01:05:09,528
but he said yes, so here goes.
1024
01:05:09,604 --> 01:05:13,040
All right. Now remember,
just be yourself, only different.
1025
01:05:13,108 --> 01:05:15,440
- Don't use the word "elucidate."
- Pretty much entirely different.
1026
01:05:15,510 --> 01:05:17,307
- You know what I'm talking about?
- Tone down the sexuality.
1027
01:05:17,379 --> 01:05:20,177
Talk about politics and religion.
That's always a really good first-date topic.
1028
01:05:20,248 --> 01:05:22,682
- Don't stare at him too much.
- Don't brush your teeth.
1029
01:05:22,751 --> 01:05:24,082
- Bye, Shell.
- Bye.
1030
01:05:24,152 --> 01:05:27,610
- Don't forget to call, Shelley.
- Say you're nauseous.
1031
01:05:28,556 --> 01:05:32,856
A nuclear nonproliferation treaty
should ease tension in Asia.
1032
01:05:32,928 --> 01:05:35,362
Well, that's my thought.
1033
01:05:35,430 --> 01:05:37,864
- Are you okay? With your...
- Oh, yes.
1034
01:05:37,933 --> 01:05:41,061
These glasses don't make me dizzy
or anything.
1035
01:05:41,803 --> 01:05:43,703
Elucidate on that.
1036
01:05:45,373 --> 01:05:49,173
Well, you seem to know a lot
about North Korea and the Middle East.
1037
01:05:49,244 --> 01:05:51,109
It sounds like you really read the paper.
1038
01:05:51,179 --> 01:05:55,445
Oh, all the time.
I am just nuts about the paper.
1039
01:05:55,517 --> 01:05:59,544
So, have you given any thought
to who you might be voting for?
1040
01:05:59,621 --> 01:06:01,384
I'm not sure yet.
1041
01:06:02,357 --> 01:06:06,191
I definitely won't listen to what Simon says.
1042
01:06:06,261 --> 01:06:08,058
He is just so mean.
1043
01:06:08,129 --> 01:06:11,257
I usually always agree
with Paula and Randy.
1044
01:06:13,668 --> 01:06:17,195
Oh, you meant
the President of the United States.
1045
01:06:18,473 --> 01:06:20,771
The United States of America.
1046
01:06:21,409 --> 01:06:23,639
U.S.A. for short.
1047
01:06:23,712 --> 01:06:28,115
Fifty states, if you include Hawaii.
Most people do. I'm definitely pro-Hawaii.
1048
01:06:28,183 --> 01:06:29,878
- Excuse me.
- Oh, thank God.
1049
01:06:29,951 --> 01:06:31,646
Can I get you anything else?
1050
01:06:31,720 --> 01:06:33,711
No, I think we're good, thanks.
1051
01:06:33,788 --> 01:06:37,485
Hey, I know where I know you from.
1052
01:06:37,559 --> 01:06:40,687
You were in Playboy.
"Girls with GEDs," right?
1053
01:06:41,830 --> 01:06:43,320
Oh, heck, no!
1054
01:06:44,299 --> 01:06:45,357
No!
1055
01:06:45,433 --> 01:06:48,402
Those girls are all boobs and no brains.
1056
01:06:48,470 --> 01:06:53,100
I'm too busy in a library,
reading books with dust on them.
1057
01:06:53,174 --> 01:06:54,266
How...
1058
01:06:54,342 --> 01:06:56,537
Sorry. My mistake, then. Sorry.
1059
01:06:56,611 --> 01:06:57,805
No.
1060
01:06:58,179 --> 01:07:01,774
Playboy. God. Can you believe it?
1061
01:07:02,784 --> 01:07:05,844
I'm still hungry, even though we just ate.
1062
01:07:05,920 --> 01:07:08,889
Oh, my gosh, I can't believe I did that.
1063
01:07:10,125 --> 01:07:13,822
- Sorry, let me take care of that.
- It's okay. It's okay.
1064
01:07:13,895 --> 01:07:15,692
Are those index cards?
1065
01:07:15,764 --> 01:07:18,597
No. Index... They're napkins.
1066
01:07:18,666 --> 01:07:21,726
They're not index cards
with writing on them.
1067
01:07:22,537 --> 01:07:25,062
Let me get some more napkins.
1068
01:07:25,140 --> 01:07:27,631
That's okay, really. I think...
1069
01:07:32,914 --> 01:07:34,381
Sweet balls!
1070
01:07:36,985 --> 01:07:38,646
I can't believe that happened.
1071
01:07:38,720 --> 01:07:42,053
I'm sorry about all the gravity.
1072
01:07:42,123 --> 01:07:43,852
Are you all right?
1073
01:07:51,666 --> 01:07:54,726
I'm sorry, Oliver.
1074
01:07:55,170 --> 01:07:56,501
I'm sorry.
1075
01:07:57,238 --> 01:07:59,001
I need to go.
1076
01:08:16,057 --> 01:08:18,548
Come on, Puffin,
you've been in here for days.
1077
01:08:18,626 --> 01:08:21,823
Let's watch a movie,
it'll make you feel better.
1078
01:08:22,430 --> 01:08:24,159
I don't get it.
1079
01:08:24,232 --> 01:08:26,700
Why would Shelley just leave?
1080
01:08:26,768 --> 01:08:29,100
It's for the best. She wasn't happy.
1081
01:08:29,170 --> 01:08:32,606
I used to hear her crying
in her room late at night.
1082
01:08:33,541 --> 01:08:36,374
I think I'd like to be alone for a bit.
1083
01:08:40,615 --> 01:08:42,606
I could stay with you.
1084
01:08:43,118 --> 01:08:45,609
No, just bring me more ice cream.
1085
01:08:46,654 --> 01:08:48,417
Egg! Paprika!
1086
01:08:49,591 --> 01:08:52,719
Nutmeg! Who cares? Who cares?
1087
01:08:53,628 --> 01:08:56,153
What have I done to poor Shelley?
1088
01:08:58,566 --> 01:09:00,158
You're not gonna tell him, are you?
1089
01:09:00,235 --> 01:09:02,066
No. You can't.
1090
01:09:02,137 --> 01:09:06,096
I'm gonna be the next Miss November,
not that little blonde bitch.
1091
01:09:06,174 --> 01:09:10,235
You found my weakness,
used it against me like kryptonite,
1092
01:09:10,311 --> 01:09:12,905
but that's never gonna happen again.
1093
01:09:13,882 --> 01:09:15,713
"Oh, Mr. Hefner..."
1094
01:09:17,352 --> 01:09:20,150
Guys, remember, we only need 30, okay?
1095
01:09:21,556 --> 01:09:23,023
First up,
1096
01:09:23,625 --> 01:09:24,819
Kristen Withers.
1097
01:09:24,893 --> 01:09:26,986
Pre-med, family in Greenwich.
1098
01:09:27,061 --> 01:09:28,528
- Yeah, so cute.
- I like.
1099
01:09:28,596 --> 01:09:30,188
Cute, cute. Totally.
1100
01:09:30,265 --> 01:09:31,323
- No doubt.
- Very cute.
1101
01:09:31,399 --> 01:09:32,923
- In.
- Guys...
1102
01:09:33,001 --> 01:09:35,868
We just made our first pledge acceptance.
1103
01:09:38,806 --> 01:09:41,832
Okay, cool. All right. Next up, Jill Palmer.
1104
01:09:41,910 --> 01:09:46,244
Colorado, theater major...
Her father owns, like, half of Aspen.
1105
01:09:46,314 --> 01:09:47,576
- Yes.
- Yeah!
1106
01:09:55,757 --> 01:09:58,157
Why am I such a yummy dummy?
1107
01:09:58,226 --> 01:09:59,591
Next one.
1108
01:10:01,329 --> 01:10:05,163
Nancy Nagle. English major from Florida.
1109
01:10:06,000 --> 01:10:07,160
But she does drive a Porsche.
1110
01:10:07,235 --> 01:10:10,534
I just don't know about this one.
I kind of feel like we've created this image.
1111
01:10:10,605 --> 01:10:12,505
I just don't feel like she's gonna fit in.
1112
01:10:19,047 --> 01:10:22,414
I'm just saying, she should have spent
the Porsche money on a nose job.
1113
01:10:22,483 --> 01:10:25,008
She said she broke it in a skiing accident
last year, and I'm like,
1114
01:10:25,086 --> 01:10:28,715
"Okay, I'm sure the nose surgeon would
take the Porsche as a trade-in."
1115
01:10:28,790 --> 01:10:30,314
Booya! Snap!
1116
01:10:36,331 --> 01:10:37,355
Hello?
1117
01:10:37,432 --> 01:10:39,332
Hey, Shelley, it's me.
1118
01:10:39,400 --> 01:10:41,300
- Hef?
- Yeah.
1119
01:10:41,369 --> 01:10:44,497
Hef? Oh, is this you? Oh, my gosh.
1120
01:10:44,572 --> 01:10:47,439
How are you?
Like, I can't believe you're calling me.
1121
01:10:47,508 --> 01:10:50,671
How is everybody at the Mansion?
How are things?
1122
01:10:50,745 --> 01:10:54,146
Good news. I'm gonna make you
next month's centerfold.
1123
01:10:54,215 --> 01:10:56,012
You're making me Miss November?
1124
01:10:56,084 --> 01:10:58,245
- That's right.
- Oh, my gosh.
1125
01:10:58,319 --> 01:11:01,015
Are you totally serious, or is this not Hef?
1126
01:11:01,089 --> 01:11:03,785
If this is Hef, blink once.
If it isn't Hef, blink twice.
1127
01:11:03,858 --> 01:11:05,348
Did you blink?
1128
01:11:06,461 --> 01:11:09,362
I'm so glad you haven't changed, Shelley.
1129
01:11:09,430 --> 01:11:11,591
And I want you to move
back to the Mansion.
1130
01:11:11,666 --> 01:11:14,430
It's just not the same without you here.
1131
01:11:15,370 --> 01:11:17,930
Hef, I just can't believe it.
1132
01:11:18,006 --> 01:11:19,064
Believe it, baby.
1133
01:11:19,140 --> 01:11:21,040
Okay, here's what happens.
1134
01:11:21,109 --> 01:11:24,545
We shoot the pictorial, we'll have you do
a 25-city tour of the United States.
1135
01:11:24,612 --> 01:11:26,807
And then from there
we're gonna travel Europe,
1136
01:11:26,881 --> 01:11:28,746
ending with a one-week stay in Monaco.
1137
01:11:28,816 --> 01:11:30,374
We're gonna coordinate your pictorial
1138
01:11:30,451 --> 01:11:33,511
with a Playboy Channel documentary
on the life of a centerfold.
1139
01:11:33,588 --> 01:11:36,421
The exposure's going to be wonderful,
but it doesn't stop there.
1140
01:11:36,491 --> 01:11:38,891
We're going to pull out all the stops
for this one, Shelley.
1141
01:11:38,960 --> 01:11:40,393
It's going to be huge.
1142
01:11:40,461 --> 01:11:41,894
Hef?
1143
01:11:41,963 --> 01:11:43,453
Yeah, baby?
1144
01:11:45,099 --> 01:11:47,397
Hef, I'm so sorry.
1145
01:11:47,468 --> 01:11:49,936
I'm so happy that you called me.
1146
01:11:51,005 --> 01:11:53,064
And I love you, but I don't think I can do it.
1147
01:11:53,141 --> 01:11:55,200
I can't leave my Zeta girls.
1148
01:11:55,276 --> 01:11:56,538
What?
1149
01:11:57,312 --> 01:11:59,280
I'm not going anywhere.
1150
01:12:01,349 --> 01:12:02,748
I'm home.
1151
01:12:06,587 --> 01:12:08,817
Katootoo Jihiman.
1152
01:12:09,590 --> 01:12:12,582
Sociology major from India. Everyone?
1153
01:12:12,660 --> 01:12:14,890
I remember this one.
She seems kind of weird.
1154
01:12:14,962 --> 01:12:16,088
I actually got that, too.
1155
01:12:16,164 --> 01:12:18,860
Not like an "I live in the wall
and eat crickets" kind of weird,
1156
01:12:18,933 --> 01:12:20,423
but just like a little off.
1157
01:12:20,501 --> 01:12:22,901
- Boo to Katootoo.
- Next.
1158
01:12:24,138 --> 01:12:26,698
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
1159
01:12:27,642 --> 01:12:28,666
Lilly?
1160
01:12:28,743 --> 01:12:30,506
Look at you people!
1161
01:12:30,578 --> 01:12:33,445
Honestly, is this really what you've become?
1162
01:12:33,514 --> 01:12:37,075
Judging other girls on their appearance?
Calling them weird?
1163
01:12:37,151 --> 01:12:39,676
I'm sure glad I joined when I did,
because honestly,
1164
01:12:39,754 --> 01:12:41,847
I don't think
I would make the cut these days.
1165
01:12:41,923 --> 01:12:43,891
And neither would a lot of you.
1166
01:12:43,958 --> 01:12:47,917
I can't believe that Zeta's become
just like Phi lota Mu.
1167
01:12:47,995 --> 01:12:50,225
A bunch of snooty bitches!
1168
01:12:51,866 --> 01:12:53,561
Lilly, you talked.
1169
01:12:54,135 --> 01:12:55,864
And you're British?
1170
01:13:10,051 --> 01:13:12,144
Hi, everybody. I'm home.
1171
01:13:13,588 --> 01:13:15,283
This is all your fault.
1172
01:13:15,356 --> 01:13:17,381
Yeah. You know what, Mona? You're right.
1173
01:13:17,458 --> 01:13:20,757
It all started with this fake hair
and your stupid water bras.
1174
01:13:20,828 --> 01:13:23,319
You know what?
Before you got here, we were individuals.
1175
01:13:23,398 --> 01:13:25,525
You've turned us all into stupid bimbos.
1176
01:13:25,600 --> 01:13:27,568
- We were fine the way we were.
- We look ridiculous.
1177
01:13:27,635 --> 01:13:29,660
- I'm getting Cs in all my classes.
- Why am I looking like this?
1178
01:13:29,737 --> 01:13:31,967
- This isn't who I am.
- I can't believe you let me do this to myself.
1179
01:13:32,039 --> 01:13:34,507
Guys, stop. Come on, stop, stop.
1180
01:13:34,575 --> 01:13:35,667
Guys.
1181
01:13:38,813 --> 01:13:41,077
I understand, and I'm sorry.
1182
01:13:42,884 --> 01:13:44,442
So I...
1183
01:13:45,553 --> 01:13:47,544
Thank you guys for everything.
1184
01:13:47,622 --> 01:13:51,581
I'm gonna go, and I really hope
to see you guys in the future.
1185
01:13:52,994 --> 01:13:54,256
Shelley.
1186
01:14:04,806 --> 01:14:06,535
Hi, Hef, it's Shelley.
1187
01:14:06,607 --> 01:14:08,871
I was just kidding, silly.
1188
01:14:08,943 --> 01:14:12,674
I can't wait to be back at the Mansion
and be a centerfold.
1189
01:14:13,247 --> 01:14:15,841
This is the happiest day of my life.
1190
01:14:17,318 --> 01:14:18,546
Dear Oliver,
1191
01:14:18,619 --> 01:14:21,281
I'm so sorry I couldn't tell you
this in person.
1192
01:14:21,355 --> 01:14:24,654
It was way too embarrassing
to face you after everything.
1193
01:14:24,725 --> 01:14:28,354
I am leaving the Zeta house
to fulfill my lifelong dream.
1194
01:14:29,063 --> 01:14:33,932
And I know that what I've decided to do
won't make any sense to you at all,
1195
01:14:34,001 --> 01:14:35,798
but I have joined the Peace Corps,
1196
01:14:35,870 --> 01:14:40,068
and I'm going off to work in the mountains
of a country called Peru.
1197
01:14:41,509 --> 01:14:44,239
I'm going to meet lots of interesting people.
1198
01:14:44,312 --> 01:14:46,644
I'm sure it'll be very hot where I'm going.
1199
01:14:46,714 --> 01:14:48,375
And even though it's going to be super-hot,
1200
01:14:48,449 --> 01:14:52,408
I will be bundled up in clothes,
barely showing any flesh.
1201
01:14:52,487 --> 01:14:54,546
I only tell you that because
I don't want you to worry
1202
01:14:54,622 --> 01:14:56,749
about me getting sunburned.
1203
01:14:58,359 --> 01:15:02,056
Hef told me what you did,
and I don't think it was very sisterly of you.
1204
01:15:02,129 --> 01:15:04,029
You are so vapid.
1205
01:15:05,099 --> 01:15:09,695
Actually, I'm ingenious and philanthropic,
and you're a backstabbing bitch.
1206
01:15:11,305 --> 01:15:13,796
- Nice, Shelley. That was awesome.
- Shelley!
1207
01:15:13,875 --> 01:15:17,003
I hope everybody at the old folks' home
is doing great.
1208
01:15:17,078 --> 01:15:20,445
And as for the Zeta girls,
I'm sure they're doing fine.
1209
01:15:20,515 --> 01:15:24,474
Oliver, I hope you think of me
every once in a while, and when you do,
1210
01:15:24,552 --> 01:15:26,486
I hope they are good thoughts.
1211
01:15:26,554 --> 01:15:27,612
Pooter!
1212
01:15:27,688 --> 01:15:29,349
Love, Shelley.
1213
01:15:30,525 --> 01:15:32,254
There you are.
1214
01:15:34,195 --> 01:15:37,892
So we'll be half Shelley
and half who we really are.
1215
01:15:38,799 --> 01:15:40,892
Can we be 60% Shelley?
1216
01:15:40,968 --> 01:15:44,131
I mean, say what you want about her,
but the girl had style.
1217
01:15:44,205 --> 01:15:47,003
- What?
- "She had style"?
1218
01:15:47,408 --> 01:15:50,900
She still does. I mean, she just wants
to be back at the Playboy Mansion.
1219
01:15:50,978 --> 01:15:53,412
Well, whatever we're gonna be,
we need to figure out, you guys.
1220
01:15:53,481 --> 01:15:58,384
We still need 30 pledges by October 15th,
or we can just kiss it all goodbye.
1221
01:15:58,452 --> 01:16:01,444
Who wants to be a part of something real?
Zeta.
1222
01:16:01,522 --> 01:16:03,649
Hi. Zeta. Tell 29 of your friends.
1223
01:16:03,724 --> 01:16:07,922
Listen up, ladies! Zeta was founded
on the tenets of sisterhood,
1224
01:16:07,995 --> 01:16:09,826
friendship and philanthropy.
1225
01:16:09,897 --> 01:16:10,989
Here you go.
1226
01:16:11,065 --> 01:16:14,296
Yeah, and since then, we've added some
pretty kick-ass parties to the list.
1227
01:16:14,368 --> 01:16:16,233
Yeah, but instead of judging and rejecting,
1228
01:16:16,304 --> 01:16:19,330
we'll put all the pledges we get into a bowl,
and we'll draw 30 names out.
1229
01:16:19,407 --> 01:16:21,898
Natalie? What'd you do to your hair?
1230
01:16:21,976 --> 01:16:24,410
- I could change it back.
- Why?
1231
01:16:24,478 --> 01:16:26,002
Everyone gets haircuts.
1232
01:16:26,080 --> 01:16:28,605
People have lots of different styles
all over the world.
1233
01:16:28,683 --> 01:16:32,710
In China,
they usually tend to layer it, I've noticed.
1234
01:16:32,787 --> 01:16:35,881
This isn't China, though. So, I just...
You know, I could put it back to how it was.
1235
01:16:35,957 --> 01:16:38,585
Oh, no, no. Why, why, why? You look great.
1236
01:16:39,927 --> 01:16:41,724
- I do?
- Yeah.
1237
01:16:41,796 --> 01:16:44,162
Well, I mean, you looked great before,
with the hair.
1238
01:16:44,231 --> 01:16:47,632
But, I mean, this feels more you.
1239
01:16:47,702 --> 01:16:50,535
I mean, besides,
it's not like I want you to be my girlfriend
1240
01:16:50,605 --> 01:16:53,506
just because of your hairstyle. So...
1241
01:16:53,574 --> 01:16:55,371
Your girlfriend?
1242
01:16:55,443 --> 01:16:58,537
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...
1243
01:16:58,613 --> 01:16:59,705
It's kind of presumptuous.
1244
01:16:59,780 --> 01:17:02,749
It's like, "Hey, you wanna be my girlfriend?
Sit next to me."
1245
01:17:02,817 --> 01:17:04,808
No, no.
I mean, you don't want to be my girlfriend.
1246
01:17:04,885 --> 01:17:08,116
You got guys falling from trees for you,
and it's like...
1247
01:17:08,189 --> 01:17:10,953
Here I am, just a goofy dude.
1248
01:17:12,293 --> 01:17:13,783
"Goofy dude"?
1249
01:17:15,963 --> 01:17:21,299
Colby, I want to be your girlfriend more
than an electron wants to attach to a proton.
1250
01:17:22,637 --> 01:17:25,037
- That much?
- Yeah.
1251
01:17:29,510 --> 01:17:30,636
Yeah?
1252
01:17:38,019 --> 01:17:39,646
What? What?
1253
01:17:39,720 --> 01:17:42,883
Did I mess that up?
Because I can do that so much better.
1254
01:17:43,224 --> 01:17:46,819
No, I was just thanking Shelley.
1255
01:17:47,228 --> 01:17:49,128
Oh. Thank you, Shelley.
1256
01:17:57,705 --> 01:18:00,173
Okay, guys. Close your eyes.
1257
01:18:05,546 --> 01:18:08,276
This is it. We're gonna keep the Zeta house.
1258
01:18:08,382 --> 01:18:11,681
- Oh, my gosh.
- Go, Zeta! Go, Zeta! Go, Zeta! Go, Zeta!
1259
01:18:11,752 --> 01:18:12,980
Lilly, go mail the bids.
1260
01:18:21,328 --> 01:18:22,386
Hi.
1261
01:18:23,097 --> 01:18:24,655
Are you new on campus?
1262
01:18:24,765 --> 01:18:26,528
I don't think we've ever met.
1263
01:18:26,600 --> 01:18:28,693
I'm Cole. Cole Trickle.
1264
01:18:31,372 --> 01:18:34,136
Yes. Yes, I just transferred.
1265
01:18:35,309 --> 01:18:37,106
My name is Lilly.
1266
01:18:38,546 --> 01:18:39,877
- Hi.
- Hi.
1267
01:18:40,748 --> 01:18:42,909
That girl over there just
dropped these on the floor,
1268
01:18:42,983 --> 01:18:45,315
and she's really into that guy.
1269
01:18:45,386 --> 01:18:47,718
- And I don't want to interrupt her.
- Okay.
1270
01:18:47,788 --> 01:18:49,949
- Can you mail these out for her?
- Sure thing.
1271
01:18:50,024 --> 01:18:51,548
Thank you.
1272
01:18:51,625 --> 01:18:54,822
You should totally
mail me your number sometime.
1273
01:18:54,895 --> 01:18:56,419
Okay.
1274
01:18:56,497 --> 01:18:59,398
Just give it to me. I have a great memory.
1275
01:18:59,967 --> 01:19:01,525
Where are my envelopes?
1276
01:19:01,602 --> 01:19:05,402
Oh, you dropped them, but I got it,
and they're gonna be mailed right out.
1277
01:19:05,473 --> 01:19:07,703
Oh, thank you so much.
1278
01:19:07,775 --> 01:19:11,939
- Okay, my number's 7-6...
- Anyways, it was great meeting you, Nelly.
1279
01:19:12,646 --> 01:19:14,978
Oh, but my name is Lilly, actually.
1280
01:19:15,049 --> 01:19:16,641
Yeah, whatever.
1281
01:19:17,651 --> 01:19:18,879
Bye.
1282
01:19:21,055 --> 01:19:22,920
Now can I see your pizzanties?
1283
01:19:22,990 --> 01:19:24,082
No.
1284
01:19:35,469 --> 01:19:36,766
I don't get it.
1285
01:19:36,837 --> 01:19:39,101
Why didn't anyone show up?
1286
01:19:40,608 --> 01:19:43,236
You guys, come here and look at this.
1287
01:19:48,149 --> 01:19:51,277
I'm Ashley. Come on in.
Nice to meet you guys.
1288
01:19:55,523 --> 01:19:57,787
You did send out the invitations,
didn't you?
1289
01:19:57,858 --> 01:19:59,120
Yes.
1290
01:20:00,127 --> 01:20:01,685
But there was this boy there.
1291
01:20:01,762 --> 01:20:04,230
And I never talked to a boy before.
You know?
1292
01:20:04,298 --> 01:20:06,858
And he distracted me. Just for a minute.
1293
01:20:06,934 --> 01:20:09,266
And then I saw him talking to Ashley.
1294
01:20:09,336 --> 01:20:12,305
And they knew each other. I could tell
by the way that they talked, and...
1295
01:20:12,373 --> 01:20:13,601
And...
1296
01:20:15,709 --> 01:20:17,108
I'm sorry.
1297
01:20:29,089 --> 01:20:31,057
People, all right. That's enough. Let's go.
1298
01:20:31,125 --> 01:20:34,094
We're done. We're shooting Miss November,
not Miss December. Let's do this.
1299
01:20:34,161 --> 01:20:36,789
Give me the fog. Wind, let's go.
Music, let's go.
1300
01:20:36,864 --> 01:20:40,459
Let's shoot this. Miss November.
Immortality! Let's go!
1301
01:20:41,268 --> 01:20:43,998
All right, here we go. It's Shelley time.
Come on, Shelley, it's so hot.
1302
01:20:44,071 --> 01:20:46,699
Oh, yeah. Sexy.
Sell it, Shelley. Oh, my gosh.
1303
01:20:46,774 --> 01:20:48,571
You're gorgeous, Shelley. So hot!
1304
01:20:48,642 --> 01:20:51,133
Come on, work it, Shelley!
Come on, let's see some...
1305
01:20:51,212 --> 01:20:52,236
Shelley?
1306
01:20:52,313 --> 01:20:55,077
Stop. Stop the fog, Dave.
Barry, hold the wind, please.
1307
01:20:55,149 --> 01:20:57,947
What's wrong, babe?
You okay? You sad? Sad monkey?
1308
01:20:58,018 --> 01:20:59,815
I don't think I'm your Miss November.
1309
01:20:59,887 --> 01:21:01,218
What?
1310
01:21:02,690 --> 01:21:04,123
I'm sorry.
1311
01:21:05,893 --> 01:21:09,021
Shelley, wait. Shelley.
Shelley, come on. Shelley...
1312
01:21:09,096 --> 01:21:10,996
Is she serious?
1313
01:21:11,065 --> 01:21:13,056
Shelley! Shell-monkey!
1314
01:21:13,133 --> 01:21:15,658
Should we take a shower
and talk about it? Shelley!
1315
01:21:22,843 --> 01:21:24,310
Natalie?
1316
01:21:24,378 --> 01:21:27,472
Oh, my gosh. How did you find me?
1317
01:21:27,548 --> 01:21:30,745
Oh, just... A little bird told me.
1318
01:21:30,818 --> 01:21:32,376
What bird?
1319
01:21:32,453 --> 01:21:34,944
Marvin called us. I thought...
1320
01:21:35,022 --> 01:21:36,649
We didn't think you liked us anymore.
1321
01:21:36,724 --> 01:21:40,160
Oh, my gosh, no. I've missed you so much.
1322
01:21:40,227 --> 01:21:42,695
Oh, hi, girls. Oh, my gosh.
1323
01:21:42,763 --> 01:21:44,663
You guys look beautiful!
1324
01:21:44,732 --> 01:21:47,098
Oh, I've missed you guys so much.
1325
01:21:47,167 --> 01:21:48,998
You're the best housemother
anyone's ever had.
1326
01:21:49,069 --> 01:21:51,264
I'm really sorry for what I said to you.
1327
01:21:51,338 --> 01:21:52,862
I know. We really miss you, Shelley.
1328
01:21:52,940 --> 01:21:54,271
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1329
01:21:54,375 --> 01:21:57,902
So, how'd the rest of rush go?
Did you guys get your pledges?
1330
01:21:57,978 --> 01:22:01,345
Zeta had a ton of people interested,
don't get me wrong. Thanks to you.
1331
01:22:01,415 --> 01:22:04,543
But nobody showed up
because Ashley stole all of our bids.
1332
01:22:04,618 --> 01:22:07,280
No. So the house is gone?
1333
01:22:07,354 --> 01:22:08,651
They'll make it official today
1334
01:22:08,722 --> 01:22:11,452
at the Panhellenic Council meeting
this afternoon.
1335
01:22:11,525 --> 01:22:13,322
So there's still a chance.
1336
01:22:13,394 --> 01:22:14,418
Shelley, it's too late.
1337
01:22:14,495 --> 01:22:16,929
I mean, I don't think there's anything
that we can do.
1338
01:22:16,997 --> 01:22:20,125
Natalie! Together we can do anything!
1339
01:22:21,402 --> 01:22:24,098
Today's meeting is tinged with sadness.
1340
01:22:24,605 --> 01:22:29,235
Unfortunately, not all of us will be
returning next year.
1341
01:22:30,110 --> 01:22:35,138
Yes, that's true. So with that said,
that brings us to our last order of business.
1342
01:22:37,151 --> 01:22:38,482
Stop!
1343
01:22:38,552 --> 01:22:39,712
Oh, dear.
1344
01:22:39,787 --> 01:22:41,880
We're here to save our house.
1345
01:22:41,956 --> 01:22:45,585
I don't know how this
big meeting stuff works, but I just...
1346
01:22:45,659 --> 01:22:47,183
Enough with the freak show.
1347
01:22:47,261 --> 01:22:51,163
What I was saying,
before I was so rudely interrupted, is that...
1348
01:22:51,231 --> 01:22:53,222
Hold on! Wait.
1349
01:22:56,403 --> 01:22:58,462
I have something to say.
1350
01:23:06,113 --> 01:23:08,513
Shelley, say something.
1351
01:23:08,582 --> 01:23:10,311
I'm allergic to erythromycin.
1352
01:23:10,384 --> 01:23:14,445
Oh, for God's sake, Dean Simmons.
Enough is enough. Do something.
1353
01:23:14,521 --> 01:23:18,685
Shelley? The council has come here today
to really finalize this, so...
1354
01:23:18,759 --> 01:23:23,253
No! No! This is germane to our predicament.
1355
01:23:23,330 --> 01:23:27,733
Oh, well, as long as it's germane.
Please continue.
1356
01:23:27,801 --> 01:23:29,792
Just give her a minute.
1357
01:23:31,672 --> 01:23:34,573
I'm allergic to erythromycin.
1358
01:23:35,909 --> 01:23:40,107
I took it once when I had a cold.
I was 16, and it gave me itching.
1359
01:23:40,848 --> 01:23:45,046
I mean, everything itched.
My legs, my arms, my earlobes.
1360
01:23:45,119 --> 01:23:48,282
And other stuff, too, but I can't say,
because I'm live on the air right now,
1361
01:23:48,355 --> 01:23:50,755
and you can't say "ass cheeks," right?
1362
01:23:50,824 --> 01:23:52,314
You just did.
1363
01:23:53,027 --> 01:23:55,825
But I said it kind of quietly, I think.
1364
01:23:57,865 --> 01:24:02,928
But besides the itching,
the erythromycin also made my skin glow.
1365
01:24:03,904 --> 01:24:06,668
It gave me, like, this glowing tan.
1366
01:24:06,740 --> 01:24:09,573
And I suddenly felt like another person.
1367
01:24:10,210 --> 01:24:11,643
Different.
1368
01:24:12,379 --> 01:24:13,710
Better.
1369
01:24:14,448 --> 01:24:16,746
Prettier, I guess.
1370
01:24:16,817 --> 01:24:19,411
- What's your name?
- Michelle.
1371
01:24:20,187 --> 01:24:21,313
Michelle.
1372
01:24:21,422 --> 01:24:24,152
Michelle, do you know that feeling
that I'm talking about?
1373
01:24:24,224 --> 01:24:25,418
Where you suddenly feel pretty
1374
01:24:25,492 --> 01:24:28,120
and, next thing you know,
you feel better about yourself?
1375
01:24:28,195 --> 01:24:30,595
Well, that was what was happening to me.
1376
01:24:30,664 --> 01:24:33,929
My allergic reaction made me feel pretty,
1377
01:24:34,001 --> 01:24:38,836
and so I ignored all the bad side effects,
because suddenly people were talking to me
1378
01:24:38,906 --> 01:24:40,771
and they were noticing me.
1379
01:24:40,841 --> 01:24:43,935
And even though I was itching like crazy,
1380
01:24:44,011 --> 01:24:46,809
it was worth it to feel accepted.
1381
01:24:47,781 --> 01:24:52,047
And so I couldn't wait to get a cold
so I could take my erythromycin.
1382
01:24:54,621 --> 01:24:59,422
But underneath that beautiful, glowing skin,
I still had that cold.
1383
01:25:01,061 --> 01:25:03,529
Well, that's a meteor.
1384
01:25:04,565 --> 01:25:06,499
The word is "Metaphor."
1385
01:25:07,534 --> 01:25:09,695
Can you really be that dumb?
1386
01:25:10,471 --> 01:25:12,405
She's not dumb.
1387
01:25:13,140 --> 01:25:14,903
Thank you, Natalie.
1388
01:25:16,844 --> 01:25:20,041
And, Mrs. Hagstrom, I meant "Meteor."
1389
01:25:21,248 --> 01:25:24,775
It flashes by and burns bright,
but then it disappears.
1390
01:25:25,819 --> 01:25:28,720
And that was what was happening to me.
1391
01:25:28,789 --> 01:25:31,223
The real me just disappeared.
1392
01:25:32,759 --> 01:25:34,750
Is anyone buying this?
1393
01:25:35,796 --> 01:25:38,162
I am not an expert speech-giver.
1394
01:25:39,566 --> 01:25:43,229
But I do know that one day,
when your looks are gone,
1395
01:25:43,303 --> 01:25:46,898
if everything you have is based on looks,
well, then you've got nothing.
1396
01:25:46,974 --> 01:25:50,205
You need your friends
and your family by your side,
1397
01:25:50,277 --> 01:25:54,077
to love you for who you are,
not what you look like.
1398
01:25:54,148 --> 01:25:57,914
At the Zeta house, our new motto is,
"Be who you are."
1399
01:25:57,985 --> 01:25:59,919
Because we're a family.
1400
01:26:00,554 --> 01:26:04,354
We're a family that loves you on the inside.
1401
01:26:05,559 --> 01:26:10,758
So we need you to stand forward
and be a part of that family.
1402
01:26:11,598 --> 01:26:16,194
We need 30 people right now
to stand forward and pledge Zeta!
1403
01:26:16,270 --> 01:26:19,671
Hey, honey!
You had me at "itchy ass cheeks." I'm in.
1404
01:26:19,740 --> 01:26:21,708
Me too! Me too!
1405
01:26:21,775 --> 01:26:23,072
Me too!
1406
01:26:24,077 --> 01:26:25,635
- I'll be a Zeta!
- Me, too!
1407
01:26:25,712 --> 01:26:27,509
- Me, too.
- I'll pledge!
1408
01:26:27,581 --> 01:26:31,142
- Six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11!
- Me, too!
1409
01:26:31,218 --> 01:26:34,085
- I'll pledge!
- Twelve! Thirteen! Come on, we need 30.
1410
01:26:34,154 --> 01:26:35,621
- I'll do it!
- Fourteen.
1411
01:26:35,689 --> 01:26:37,919
- Get your hand down.
- Fifteen. Sixteen.
1412
01:26:37,991 --> 01:26:40,960
Seventeen, 18, 19, 20.
Excellent! Twenty-one!
1413
01:26:41,028 --> 01:26:43,895
- Twenty-two. Twenty-three. Come on!
- I'll be in Zeta!
1414
01:26:43,964 --> 01:26:45,989
- Twenty-four, 25.
- Up here! Pick me!
1415
01:26:46,066 --> 01:26:48,193
Twenty-six, on top.
Thank you. Twenty-seven.
1416
01:26:48,268 --> 01:26:50,634
New pledger, right there.
Come on, two more!
1417
01:26:50,704 --> 01:26:52,296
Twenty-eight, 29!
1418
01:26:52,372 --> 01:26:54,602
One more. Just need one more.
Come on, everybody.
1419
01:26:54,675 --> 01:26:58,236
One more. One more. Get your hand up.
Come on! Be a Zeta.
1420
01:26:58,312 --> 01:26:59,609
Come on!
1421
01:26:59,680 --> 01:27:02,979
Come on! Come on, one more!
Just need one more Zeta.
1422
01:27:03,050 --> 01:27:05,075
One more, one more. Come on!
1423
01:27:05,152 --> 01:27:07,552
Pound the gavel!
Why are you dragging this out?
1424
01:27:07,621 --> 01:27:09,020
There's nobody else! It's over.
1425
01:27:09,089 --> 01:27:11,580
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha on you, Zetas.
1426
01:27:14,428 --> 01:27:15,827
Wait!
1427
01:27:16,863 --> 01:27:18,956
There's one more new Zeta!
1428
01:27:28,308 --> 01:27:29,775
No. Sorry.
1429
01:27:30,544 --> 01:27:33,945
Can't be a baby pledging a sorority.
You gotta be a student.
1430
01:27:34,014 --> 01:27:35,311
That's right!
1431
01:27:35,382 --> 01:27:38,476
Rules are rules. Oh, well. Bye-bye.
1432
01:27:38,552 --> 01:27:40,679
Time to pound that gavel.
Meeting adjourned.
1433
01:27:40,754 --> 01:27:43,587
Dunzo. Pound that gavel, Dean.
1434
01:27:43,657 --> 01:27:47,184
I'm really very sorry, girls.
I know how hard you've worked for this.
1435
01:27:47,261 --> 01:27:49,229
It hurts me to do this, but I...
1436
01:27:49,296 --> 01:27:52,561
Stop! I would like to pledge Zeta.
1437
01:27:53,166 --> 01:27:54,394
What?
1438
01:27:54,468 --> 01:27:56,959
I like everything that Shelley said.
1439
01:27:57,037 --> 01:27:59,096
Are you out of your mind?
1440
01:28:00,340 --> 01:28:04,800
And, God, do you know
how sick to death I am of you?
1441
01:28:04,878 --> 01:28:06,937
Of Phi lota Mu?
1442
01:28:07,014 --> 01:28:09,448
I've been in Phi lota Mu hell!
1443
01:28:09,516 --> 01:28:11,507
I want to be a Zeta.
1444
01:28:15,088 --> 01:28:16,316
No!
1445
01:28:22,396 --> 01:28:24,694
Okay, so Zetas keep their house.
1446
01:28:24,765 --> 01:28:26,460
Meeting adjourned.
1447
01:28:27,100 --> 01:28:30,092
Now, go study something.
1448
01:28:34,308 --> 01:28:36,242
What are we supposed to do now?
1449
01:28:36,310 --> 01:28:38,107
Let's start with this.
1450
01:28:46,687 --> 01:28:48,985
Oh, I love my weird home.
1451
01:28:49,056 --> 01:28:50,284
Things that I like!
1452
01:28:50,357 --> 01:28:53,053
Ottoman! Oh, I love you, ottoman.
1453
01:28:53,760 --> 01:28:56,285
- This house is so nice!
- I know.
1454
01:28:56,363 --> 01:28:58,388
I mean, so cool.
1455
01:28:58,465 --> 01:29:01,491
- Hey, do you want me to show you upstairs?
- Yes! Show me, show me, show me.
1456
01:29:01,568 --> 01:29:03,229
This is so great.
1457
01:29:03,303 --> 01:29:05,897
Everything worked out so perfectly.
1458
01:29:06,940 --> 01:29:09,500
Well, not perfectly.
1459
01:29:09,576 --> 01:29:14,604
I mean, I messed up things with Oliver
because I moved to Peru and left him a note.
1460
01:29:14,681 --> 01:29:17,479
Well, Shelley,
you didn't really move to Peru.
1461
01:29:17,551 --> 01:29:19,781
I know that, but he doesn't.
1462
01:29:22,155 --> 01:29:23,520
Oliver.
1463
01:29:25,292 --> 01:29:29,991
I was literally just talking about you.
How did you know that I got back?
1464
01:29:30,997 --> 01:29:33,693
Let's just say a little bird told me.
1465
01:29:34,935 --> 01:29:37,369
I gotta meet this frickin' bird!
1466
01:29:38,638 --> 01:29:40,230
It's me, Shell.
1467
01:29:41,041 --> 01:29:43,976
I'm the bird. I called Oliver.
1468
01:29:46,113 --> 01:29:47,512
Thank you.
1469
01:29:48,115 --> 01:29:50,982
It's so great to have such nice friends.
1470
01:29:53,253 --> 01:29:57,212
And, Oliver, I have to admit,
I never went to Peru.
1471
01:29:57,290 --> 01:29:59,554
- I know.
- Thank you.
1472
01:29:59,626 --> 01:30:01,218
You're welcome.
1473
01:30:01,862 --> 01:30:03,830
And I was in Playboy.
1474
01:30:03,897 --> 01:30:06,798
I know that, too. And I don't care.
1475
01:30:08,402 --> 01:30:10,700
I would like to try this again.
1476
01:30:10,771 --> 01:30:15,231
Except this time,
no manhole covers or bubble gum.
1477
01:30:16,042 --> 01:30:19,273
You know, just see where this goes.
1478
01:30:19,813 --> 01:30:21,007
Yes.
1479
01:30:21,882 --> 01:30:24,214
- I'd like that.
- Great.
1480
01:30:27,053 --> 01:30:28,520
Oliver.
1481
01:30:28,588 --> 01:30:29,885
Oliver.
1482
01:30:30,724 --> 01:30:33,921
- I'm Shelley.
- Nice to meet you again, Shelley.
1483
01:30:35,262 --> 01:30:38,322
Dear Hef, everything worked out!
1484
01:30:38,398 --> 01:30:41,834
We got 330 new Zeta sisters,
and the house was saved.
1485
01:30:43,437 --> 01:30:45,905
And Oliver and I started dating again.
1486
01:30:45,972 --> 01:30:48,873
Oliver is kind and sweet and when we kiss,
1487
01:30:48,942 --> 01:30:51,570
I see stars and he sees fireworks.
1488
01:30:51,645 --> 01:30:53,909
And he says that means that we're in love,
and he's right!
1489
01:30:53,980 --> 01:30:55,413
Because otherwise, when we kiss
1490
01:30:55,482 --> 01:30:58,451
we'd see stuff like pencils
and empty ketchup bottles.
1491
01:30:58,518 --> 01:31:01,976
Oh, and the Zetas decided to throw
a big party in my honor,
1492
01:31:02,055 --> 01:31:04,182
and I felt just like that girl
from the storybook.
1493
01:31:04,257 --> 01:31:06,088
You know the one. What's her name?
1494
01:31:06,159 --> 01:31:08,320
Oh, yeah. Cinderella.
1495
01:31:19,873 --> 01:31:22,103
Where my Zetas at? Where my Zetas at?
1496
01:31:22,175 --> 01:31:24,473
Where my, where my...
Where my Zetas at?
1497
01:31:24,544 --> 01:31:26,774
Hands up now
1498
01:31:26,847 --> 01:31:28,474
Push it up now
1499
01:31:29,683 --> 01:31:31,947
I know what boys like
1500
01:31:32,018 --> 01:31:34,213
Cute smiles and heels high
1501
01:31:34,287 --> 01:31:36,551
I tempt the hello
1502
01:31:36,623 --> 01:31:38,784
While I say bye-bye
1503
01:31:38,859 --> 01:31:41,089
I know they want me
1504
01:31:41,194 --> 01:31:43,424
They try to fake it
1505
01:31:43,497 --> 01:31:45,761
But they just end up
1506
01:31:45,832 --> 01:31:47,823
Intimidated!
1507
01:31:50,971 --> 01:31:53,269
It ain't that hard to see
1508
01:31:53,340 --> 01:31:55,240
I know you're feelin' me
1509
01:31:55,308 --> 01:31:57,037
I know what I want
1510
01:31:57,110 --> 01:31:59,374
If I think you'll give me
1511
01:31:59,446 --> 01:32:01,573
I might let you
1512
01:32:01,648 --> 01:32:04,014
Unconditionally, yeah
1513
01:32:04,084 --> 01:32:06,279
I might let you
1514
01:32:06,353 --> 01:32:08,548
If you're on my level
1515
01:32:08,622 --> 01:32:10,419
I might let you
1516
01:32:10,490 --> 01:32:13,186
And, baby, if I think you're special
1517
01:32:13,260 --> 01:32:15,251
I might let you!
1518
01:32:15,328 --> 01:32:17,489
Where my Zetas at? Where my Zetas at?
1519
01:32:17,564 --> 01:32:20,055
Where my, where my...
Where my Zetas at?
1520
01:32:20,133 --> 01:32:22,328
That's what they want, want
1521
01:32:22,402 --> 01:32:24,393
That's what they want, want
1522
01:32:24,471 --> 01:32:28,965
Now every time I come up in the spot
I'm with my Zetas
1523
01:32:29,042 --> 01:32:33,342
A peace sign to the fellas
And reverse it for the hatas
1524
01:32:33,413 --> 01:32:35,643
Slickity-slick Bam-boom-wow
1525
01:32:35,715 --> 01:32:38,047
Look at how hot my ladies are now
1526
01:32:38,118 --> 01:32:40,313
We ain't messin' with you fools
1527
01:32:40,387 --> 01:32:42,912
We ain't playin' with you clowns
1528
01:32:42,989 --> 01:32:45,219
Now this blonde babe is the one to thank
1529
01:32:45,292 --> 01:32:47,624
Helped us rise to the top of the social ranks
1530
01:32:47,694 --> 01:32:49,787
The lost little bunny
changed us for the better
1531
01:32:49,863 --> 01:32:52,331
Now she's part of the Zeta family forever
1532
01:32:52,399 --> 01:32:54,663
Back, back...
Back it on up
1533
01:32:54,734 --> 01:32:57,066
Back it a-back it a-back
Back it on up
1534
01:32:57,137 --> 01:32:59,367
Back, back...
Back it on up
1535
01:32:59,439 --> 01:33:01,873
Now I realize that
1536
01:33:01,942 --> 01:33:04,240
I know what boys like
1537
01:33:04,311 --> 01:33:06,541
I know what guys want
1538
01:33:06,613 --> 01:33:08,843
I know what boys like
1539
01:33:08,949 --> 01:33:11,213
I got what boys like
1540
01:33:11,284 --> 01:33:13,411
I know what boys like
1541
01:33:13,486 --> 01:33:15,784
I know what guys want
1542
01:33:15,855 --> 01:33:17,982
I know what boys like
1543
01:33:18,058 --> 01:33:20,219
I know what I want