Nathan: THANK YOU, RIO DE JANEIRO!
YOU'RE THE BEST DILDOS IN THE WORLD!
ON THE DRUMS IS PICKLES THE DRUMMER!
Murderface: IF YOU NEED TO TAKE A SHIT NOW'S THE TIME!
IT'S THE DRUM SOLO! Pickles: FUCK YOU!
Toki: YOUR GUITAR SOLO'S COMING UP, SKWISGAAR.
CAN I HAVES IT JUST THIS ONCE?
Skwisgaar: UH, NO.
Toki: PLEASE LETS ME DO IT TONIGHT!
I PROMISED THE KITTY CATS IN THE HOSPITALS THAT I WOULD DO THE
SOLOS FOR HIM!
Skwisgaar: UH, TOKIS, YOU DON'T PRACTICE THE GUITARS
EVERS.
Toki: PLEASE!
I'M BEGGINGS YOU!
Skwisgaar: NO WAYS!
I AM THE LEADS GUITARIST!
I AMS DOES THE SOLO!
Toki: WHAT ABOUT IF I GIVES YOU CHOCOLATES?
[ GASPS ] OR PIZZA?
Skwisgaar: FUCKS YOUS! NO!
GET OUT OF MY WAYS.
[ GUITAR SOLO ] Toki: SAY NO TO ME,
MOTHER FUCKER I'LL SHOW YOUS.
MARK MY WORDS, I'LL GETS REVENGE!
♪ TICK-TOCK TICK-TOCK ♪ TICK-TOCK TICK-TOCK
♪ DETHKLOK! DETHKLOK! DETHKLOK!
DETHKLOK! ♪ ♪ I'M...TICKING...
FOR...THE... ♪ ♪ DETHKLOK, DETHKLOK
♪ SKWISGAAR SKWIGELF, TALLER THAN A TREE ♪
♪ TOKI WARTOOTH, NOT A BUMBLEBEE ♪
♪ WILLIAM MURDERFACE MURDERFACE MURDERFACE ♪
♪ PICKLES THE DRUMMER DOODILY DOO DING DONG DOODILY ♪
♪ NATHAN EXPLOSION DETHKLOK GUITARIST
TOKI WARTOOTH HAS RELEASED A TELL-ALL BOOK CALLED
"SKWISGAAR IS AMS DICK!
THE LIFE OF TOKI, AN ABUSED GUITARIST."
HE HAS APPEARED EVERYWHERE PLUGGING THIS BOOK.
Toki: I HAVE BEEN LIVINGS IN THE SHADOW OF AN OVERBEARING
TYRANTS FOR WAYS TOO LONG.
HE MAKES ME FEELS INADEQUATES.
HE USED TO GIVES ME COMPLIMENTS, BUT NOW HE CALLS ME NAMES LIKE
"TONE-DEAFS" AND "STUPID HANDS"!
HE USED TO SAYS MY HANDS AMS SKINNYS, BUT NOW HE SAYS THEY
AMS PUTTING ON WEIGHTS.
AND I'M NOTS TAKING IT ANYMORE!
I AM STANDING UPS FOR ALL THE ABUSED GUITARISTS IN THE WORLD!
TOKI WARTOOTH IS CLIMBING OUT FROM BEHIND THE SHADOW OF ABUSE
TO BE THE HIGHEST-SELLING ROCK-'N'-ROLL AUTHOR OF ALL
TIME.
YOU GO, TOKI!
AND THAT'S THE DETHKLOK MINUTE.
Charles: ALL RIGHT, GUYS.
UH, WE GOT A LOT OF WORK TODAY, A LOT OF STUFF TO COVER --
Nathan: HEY, SKWISGAAR!
SORRY, CHARLES.
SWISSGAAR, SORRY ABOUT THAT BOOK.
BOY, BUT LOOK AT WHAT I GOT TODAY, GUYS.
IT'S MY DEFIBRILLATOR.
I BOUGHT IT OFF SkyMall.
Pickles: WHY DO YOU NEED THAT?
Nathan: IT'S, UH, YOU KNOW, TO SHOCK PEOPLE IF THEY HAVE A
THING LIKE A HEART ATTACK OR IF THEY'RE SLEEPING.
BUT I BOUGHT IT BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING AWESOME!
MURDERFACE, HELP ME WORK THIS THING.
Charles: GUYS, I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD BE MESSING AROUND
WITH A DEFIBRILLATOR.
Murderface: OH, GOD, WOULD YOU BUTT OUT, PLEASE?!
I MEAN, GOD!
DON'T LET THIS GUY ABUSE YOU, NATHAN!
HE'S TRYING TO CONTROL YOU, JUST LIKE SKWISGAAR DID TO TOKI.
NO OFFENSE, SKWISGAAR.
NOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO, NATHAN?
Nathan: UH, JUST STAND THERE.
OH, AND, UH, SAY, UH, "CLEAR!" Murderface: OH, AWESOME!
LIKE THE DOCTORS DO ON TV!
Charles: GUYS, UH, COME ON.
L-LET'S NOT -- Murderface: CLEAR!
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ] [ SCREAMING ]
Pickles: DUDE, THAT'S PRETTY AWESOME.
Murderface: OH, MAN, THAT WAS PRETTY AWESOME.
AW, WHO THE FUCK PEED ON ME?!
Pickles: I THINK YOU'RE THE CULPRIT IN THIS PARTICULAR
MYSTERY.
Murderface: HOW CAN I PEE ON MYSELF WHEN I'M RIGHT HERE?
Charles: SKWISGAAR, YOU'RE SCHEDULED TO PLAY THE
GUITARAGANZA, WHICH KICKS OFF THE ANNUAL
NORWEGIAN ICE FESTIVAL IN LILLEHAMMER.
AND, UH, YOU'RE GONNA NEED TO DO A LOT OF PROMOTIONAL INTERVIEWS,
SO GET READY -- Pickles: HEY, SKWISGAAR,
AREN'T YOU AFRAID THAT THE SUCCESS OF TOKI'S BOOK IS GONNA
KIND OF RUIN YOUR CAREER?
I DON'T KNOW -- Nathan: YEAH, AREN'T YOU
AFRAID THAT TOKI'S BOOK MADE YOU REALLY LOOK LIKE AN ASSHOLE AND
YOU'RE KIND OF TURNING INTO, LIKE, KIND OF THE IKE TURNER OF
GUITAR?
Stampingston: GENTLEMEN, IT APPEARS AS IF TOKI WARTOOTH HAS
WRITTEN A TELL-ALL BOOK ABOUT SKWISGAAR SKWIGELF.
VATER ORLAAG?
Orlaag: A TELL-ALL BOOK CAN HIGHLIGHT DRUNKEN ENCOUNTERS,
SHOWCASE ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR, AND ULTIMATELY PROVE BANDMATES TO
BE COMPLETE ASSHOLES.
Crozier: AND EVENTUALLY TEAR THE BAND APART.
Stampingston: GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE ANOTHER ISSUE TO DISCUSS --
THE REVENGENCERS.
WE'VE RECEIVED INTEL THAT THEY ARE STILL ACTIVE.
Crozier: THIS IS THE LAST PLACE THE REVENGENCERS WERE
KNOWN TO BE.
Orlaag: THESE BRAINWASHED EX-DETHKLOK FANS STAYED HIDDEN
IN THE WOODS UNTIL THEY RAN OUT OF FOOD AND BEGAN DEVOURING EACH
OTHER LIKE DOGS.
STILL MISSING IS THEIR LEADER.
Crozier: WE BELIEVE THAT THE MAN WITH THE SILVER FACE AND
SEVERAL OTHERS ARE STILL ALIVE.
THE ATTACK WILL HAPPEN SOON.
WE'LL HAVE A SECRET WEAPON THIS TIME -- SOMEONE ON THE INSIDE.
DETHKLOK MUST DIE.
Murderface: [ SCREAMS ] Nathan: MAN, IS THIS THE BEST
THING IN THE WORLD OR WHAT?
Pickles: DUDE, IT'S GREAT, BUT, I DON'T KNOW, I'M KIND OF
GETTING BORED USING IT ON EACH OTHER.
MAYBE WE SHOULD TRY SOMETHING ELSE OUT.
Murderface: DO YOU THINK IT'LL WORK ON OTHER STUFF?
Nathan: UH, YEAH.
MAYBE THEY'RE TOO DEAD.
Pickles: YEAH, CAN YOU GUYS BRING US STUFF THAT'S NOT AS
DEAD -- YOU KNOW, LIKE, FRESHLY DEAD?
SKWISGAAR SKWIGELF FALLING FROM GRACE?
APPARENTLY, HIS APPROVAL RATINGS HAVE PLUMMETED TO NEW LOWS,
WHILE TOKI WARTOOTH'S ARE FLYING HIGH ON CLOUD NINE!
FANS HAD THIS TO SAY.
UH, WE ALL HAVE BULLIES IN OUR LIVES.
MY MOM'S BOYFRIEND FUCKS MY MOM AND EATS OUR FOOD.
ARE COMPANIES GETTING COLD FEET WITH THE SKWIGELF BRAND
NAME?
YES, THEY ARE.
NOW FOR THE SKWISGAAR SKWIGELF ENDORSEMENT DEAL DEATH WATCH.
GUITAR-ADE, THE ENERGY DRINK FOR FAST GUITARISTS -- DEAD!
THE SHREDDER, THE ONLY 6.66-BLADE DISPOSABLE RAZOR --
DEAD!
AND SKWOACTIV SKWIN CARE, THE ANTI-ACNE MEDICATION -- DEAD.
LOOKS LIKE SCRAMBLING COMPANIES HAVE FOUND SOLACE IN
TOKI WARTOOTH'S RISING POPULARITY.
HE HAS PICKED UP ENDORSEMENTS FOR GUITAR-ADE, THE SHREDDER,
AND TOKACTIV TINTARE.
HORRIBLE ABUSER SWKISSGAAR SKWIGELF MUST BE
THANKING HIS LUCKY STARS HE STILL HAS THE GUITARAGANZA AT
THE NORWEGIAN ICE FESTIVAL.
AND THAT'S THE DETHKLOK MINUTE.
Nathan: OH, HEY, SKWISGAAR, WHAT ARE YOU DOING -- GOOFING
OFF, PALLING AROUND?
SO, YOU GETTING READY FOR YOUR BIG ICE FESTIVAL GUITARAGANZA
THING OR WHATEVER IT'S CALLED?
Pickles: YEAH, IT'S LIKE, UH -- I DON'T KNOW, IT'S LIKE
THE ONLY THING YOU GOT GOING FOR YOU THESE DAYS.
Murderface: YEAH, PAL!
I HEARD THEY TOOK AWAY ALL YOUR ENDORSEMENT STUFF!
Nathan: OH, YEAH.
Murderface: AW, THAT'S GOT TO BE ROUGH.
THIS IS LIKE THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE LEFT.
Pickles: YEAH.
Murderface: AW, SO SAD.
Nathan: YEAH, IT'S SO SAD IT'S THE ONLY THING YOU GOT
GOING ON FOR YOU.
AT LEAST YOU GOT THAT, THOUGH, RIGHT?
Charles: UH, SKWISGAAR, I GOT SOME BAD NEWS.
YOU'RE OUT OF THE ICE FESTIVAL.
UH, THEY WANT TOKI.
SORRY, BUDDY.
Nathan: HEY, SKWISGAAR?
SKWISGAAR, DID YOU HEAR THAT TOKI'S PLAYING THE ICE FESTIVAL
INSTEAD OF YOU?
Murderface: CLEAR!
Skwisgaar: [ GROANING ] Nathan: SKWISGAAR, IT APPEARS
AS IF SOMEONE HAS PEED YOUR PANTS.
Toki: MOVES MY 10:00s TO 10:30s, MOVE MY 10:30s TO
11:00s, AND, UH, MOVES MY 11:00s TO NOONS AND MY NOONS TO
NEXT WEEKS!
THAT'LL GIVE ME 10 MINUTES FOR LUNCH, SO YOU'D BETTER NOT
FUCK THIS UP! YES, SIR.
Toki: [ GASPS ] [ CHUGS BOTTLE ]
Skwisgaar: UH...
TOKIS, I REALLY NEEDS TO TALKS TO YOU --
Toki: OH, LOOK WHO AMS WALTZINGS BACK INTO MY LIFE.
WHAT, SOS YOU CAN ABUSE ME MORE?
PENCILS HIM IN FOR NEXT WEEKS OR SOME SHITS LIKE THAT.
YES, SIR.
Skwisgaar: I NEEDS TO TALK TO YOU NOW, TOKI.
I, UH, NEEDS TO GET MY SOLOS BACK AT THE ICE FESTIVALS.
Toki: WELLS, WELLS, WELLS, ISN'T THIS A FUNNY TURNS OF
EVENTS?
I REMEMBERS ASKING YOU FOR THE SAME THINGS, AND YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID?
YOU LAUGHED AT ME!
Skwisgaar: I DIDN'T LAUGHS.
Toki: YOU MAY NOT LIKES THIS, BUTS I'MS BECOMINGS EMPOWEREDS!
AND THE ANSWERS FOR YOU IN REGARDS TO YOUR ICE FESTIVALS
SOLO -- WHOO! -- IT'S NO!
FUCKS NO!
IT'S REALLY GOTS TO RIPS YOUR GUTS OUT TO SEE HOW SUCCESSFUL
AND ON TOPS I AM.
GET USED TO IT!
Skwisgaar: BE CAREFULS WHAT YOU WISH FORS.
THE AUDIENCE AMS A FICKLES MISTRESS, TOKI.
THE AUDIENCE AMS A FICKLES MISTRESS!
Nathan: AND NOW ON LEAD GUITAR IS AMAZING, ABUSED
GUITARIST TOKI WARTOOTH.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] [ GUITAR SOLO ]
[ GUITAR HISSING ] [ SOUR NOTE PLAYS ]
[ HISSING CONTINUES ] Toki: AH, WHAT THE FUCKS
BOO!
[ FEEDBACK ] Toki: CAN'T GET IT!
PLUG YOUR GUITAR IN SHITHEAD Toki: WHY CAN'T I GETS IT?
[ GASPS ] YOU'RE BLOWING IT!
[ FEEDBACK ] Toki: THEY'RE TURNING ON ME.
Skwisgaar: THE AUDIENCE AMS A FICKLES MISTRESS, TOKI.
THE AUDIENCE AMS A FICKLES MISTRESS!
Toki: HE'S RIGHTS.
THE FICKLE MISTRESS!
YOU'RE A LOSER!
Toki: AAH!
[ HEART POUNDING ] MY LEFTS ARMS -- MY LEFT ARMS
NOTS -- OH, MY CHEST.
IT'S TIGHT.
I THINKS I'M HAVING A PANICS ATTACK!
AAH!
Nathan: I'M NOT A DOCTOR, BUT I THINK HE'S HAVING A HEART
ATTACK.
THERE'S GOT TO BE SOME WAY TO HELP HIM.
Pickles: YEAH, THERE'S GOT TO BE A MEDICAL DEVICE.
Nathan: I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING, YEAH.
Toki: IT'S A PANICS ATTACK!
THAT'S WHAT IT IS!
Nathan: I MEAN, BUT HOW DO YOU SAVE SOMEONE FROM HAVING --
LIKE, HOW DO YOU JUMP-START, LIKE, A HEART ATTACK?
Pickles: HOPE IT PLAYS OUT, YOU KNOW?
Nathan: YEAH. ME TOO. POOR GUY. LOOK AT HIM.
Pickles: YEAH.
Murderface: HE SEEMS FIBRILLATED.
Nathan: YEAH, FIBRILLATED.
Murderface: IF YOU COULD DEFIBRILLATE HIM, HE'D BE OKAY.
Pickles: YEAH, HE SEEMS TOO FIBRILLATED.
Nathan: YEAH, HE SEEMS OVER-FIBRILLATED OR SOMETHING.
Pickles: IF THERE'S A WAY TO UN-FIBRILLATE HIM, LIKE TO
DEFIBRILLATE HIM, THEN THERE'D BE -- THEN WE'D BE TALKING.
THEN WE'D HAVE SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT.
Skwisgaar: I'LL TAKES CARE OF THIS!
HOLDS ON. Toki: [ GROANS ] Skwisgaar: COME BACK, TOKI.
COMES BACK.
Toki: I'M HAVINGS A PANIC ATTACKS, NOTS A HEART ATTA--
Skwisgaar: CLEARS!
Toki: [ SCREAMING ] Skwisgaar: COMES BACKS TO
ME, GODS DAMN IT!
COMES BACKS TO ME!
CLEARS!
Toki: [ SCREAMING ] Skwisgaar: CLEARS!
Toki: [ GRUNTS ]
♪ YOU KNOW YOUR FORTRESS, THE PRIZE ♪
♪ A CASTLE LIES [ SCREAMS ]
♪ FEASTING ON YOUR HOME ♪ YOU KNOW YOUR PROGRESS HAS
DIED ♪ [ SCREAMS ]
♪ YOUR LIMPING PRIDE ♪ WAIT FOR THE UNKNOWN
♪ FASTER, CLOSER ♪ TAKING OVER