[ HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYS ] Nathan: ♪ LOCKED IN,
TARGETED, TRICKED ME INTO YOUR SUBMISSION ♪
♪ FLIPPED THE TABLES, TURNED IT OVER, CHANGED IT INTO
MY REMISSION ♪ ♪ USED MY BRAIN AGAINST ITSELF,
EAT ITSELF AWAY ♪ ♪ BIOLOGIC TICKING TIME BOMB,
BIRTH MY OWN DISGRACE ♪ ♪ I'D RATHER DIE, BE THE LAST
OF MY KIND ♪ ♪ I'VE GOT TO PULL OUT,
I'M SAVING MY LIFE ♪ ♪ YOU BUILT A BOMB MADE OF FLESH
AND PISS ♪ ♪ DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT,
THERE'LL BE BLOOD ON YOUR LIST ♪ ♪ YOU'RE ENGAGED IN
BIOLOGICAL WARFARE ♪ DOMO, TOKYO!
Toki: I LOVES YOU, TOKYO!
I LOVES EACH AND EVERY ONES OF YO--
[ AUDIENCE GASPS ] Toki: WHERE'S AMS I?
AMS I BEENS KIDNAPPEDS? I'M WORTHS LOTS OF MONIES!
I'LL GIVES YOUS WHATEVER YOU WANTS!
PLEASE DON'Ts KILLS ME!
I DOs ANYTHINGS!
NOBODY CAN HELP YOU.
Toki: OH, GODS, NO!
WHYS ME?
WHY DON'T YOU KILLS DETHKLOKS INSTEADS?
I'LL LEADS YOU TO THEMS!
THEY'RE RICH!
I HARDLYS HAS ANY PUBLISHINGS, ANYWAYS!
OH, WHY DOES TOKIS ALWAYS GETS THE BADS LUCK?
I JUST HAVE ONE THING TO SAY BEFORE I KILL YOU.
[ GUN COCKS ] Toki: W-WHATS?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
All: SURPRISE!
Pickles: SURPRISE!
Toki: OH, WOWEE!
Nathan: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOTHERFUCKER
Toki: HEH. OH, YOUS.
Pickles: WE TRICKED YOU!
Toki: OH, YOUS TRICKED ME.
Pickles: WE TRICKED YOU!
Murderface: OH, THE LOOK ON YOUR FUCKING FACE!
Nathan: YEAH. [ LAUGHS ] Toki: I THOUGHTS I WAS GONNA
BE MURDEREDS.
Skwisgaar: THAT'S THE IDEAS.
YOU KNOW?
SERIOUSLYS, THOUGH, TOKIS.
HAPPYS BIRTHDAY, HUH?
Toki: I REALLY, REALLY, THOUGHTS I WAS GONNA DIE.
Pickles: WELP, GO GET CLEANED UP.
WE GOT TONS OF FUN PLANNED TONIGHT.
AND, DUDE, THERE'S ABOUT A HUNDRED SLUTS OUT THERE THAT
CAME OVER TO FUCK YOUR BRAINS OUT.
[ GIGGLES ] Toki: OH, WONDERSFULS.
JUST WHAT I NEEDS.
MORE SLUTS.
♪ TICK-TOCK TICK-TOCK ♪ TICK-TOCK TICK-TOCK
♪ DETHKLOK! DETHKLOK! DETHKLOK!
DETHKLOK! ♪ ♪ I'M...TICKING...
FOR...THE... ♪ ♪ DETHKLOK, DETHKLOK
♪ SKWISGAAR SKWIGELF, TALLER THAN A TREE ♪
♪ TOKI WARTOOTH, NOT A BUMBLEBEE ♪
♪ WILLIAM MURDERFACE MURDERFACE MURDERFACE ♪
♪ PICKLES THE DRUMMER DOODILY DOO DING DONG DOODILY ♪
♪ NATHAN EXPLOSION TOKI WARTOOTH --
MULTIMILLIONAIRE, NO WEDDING RING, NO GIRLFRIEND, LONG,
FLOWING HAIR -- ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PRE-OP TRANNIES I'VE
EVER SEEN.
[ LAUGHTER ] Pickles: OH, NO, YOU DIDN'T!
GET ANOTHER DRINK IN ME, I MIGHT TAKE A CRACK AT YOU
MYSELF.
[ LAUGHTER ] LOOK WHAT WE HAVE HERE -- THE
REST OF DETHKLOK JUST HANGING OUT.
WHAT A TREAT.
PICKLES THE DRUMMER.
YOU KNOW, HE'S SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, HE THINKS HE'S WATCHING
THIS ON YouTube.
[ LAUGHTER ] Pickles: I ACTUALLY DO!
AND WILLIAM MURDERFACE.
WHAT'S IT LIKE SPENDING ALL DAY HANGING OUT WITH ACTUAL
MUSICIANS?
[ LAUGHTER ] ALL THOSE YEARS AND NOTHING'S
RUBBED OFF?
Nathan: YEAH!
SERIOUSLY, FOLKS, WHAT DO YOU THROW A DROWNING BASS PLAYER?
HIS AMP.
[ LAUGHTER ] SKWISGAAR SKWIGELF -- WE GOT HIM
RIGHT HERE.
YOU FUCK MORE WOMEN THAN BREAST CANCER.
Pickles: YEAH!
I'M KIDDING, OF COURSE.
BUT BACK TO MURDERFACE.
AFTER SELLING KRILLIONS OF RECORDS, IT'S REFRESHING TO SEE
THAT WOMEN STILL WON'T FUCK YOU.
[ LAUGHTER ] SKANKY CRACK WHORES WHO NEED THE
MONEY, THEY'RE LIKE, "NO, THANKS."
Murderface: THAT'S NOT TRUE.
HOW ABOUT YOU OVER THERE?
WE'VE GOT TONTO IN THE BUILDING.
[ APPLAUSE ] WHY CAN'T YOU USE YOUR MAGICAL
INDIAN TRACKING SKILLS TO FIND SOME SOAP AND WATER?
[ LAUGHTER ] I CAN'T TELL IF YOU HAVEN'T
SHOWERED OR IF SOMEBODY'S OPENING UP A FACTORY WHERE THEY
PRODUCE THINGS THAT SMELL LIKE SHIT.
[ AUDIENCE GASPS ] Nathan: GIVE HIM A ROUND OF
APPLAUSE.
HE'S GOOD.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] Pickles: DUDE, TOKI, THERE
YOU ARE.
WE'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU.
HI.
Toki: OH, TAKES THEM AWAY, PLEASE, PICKLE.
PLEASE?
Pickles: YOU HEARD HIM, GIRLS.
HEY, WHY'D YOU DO THAT?
THEY WERE ALL GONNA FUCK YOUR BRAINS OUT.
Toki: I DON'Ts WANTS NO MORE HOT SLUTS.
DON'Ts YOU GETS IT?
THEY ONLY WANTS US BECAUSE WE AMS FAMOUS!
ALLS OF THIS AMS BULLSHIT SURROUNDEDS BY SKANKIES GOLDS
DIGGERS AND SLUTS ALL DAYS!
Pickles: HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT ABOUT SKANKY GOLD DIGGERS
AND SLUTS!
THAT IS OFFENSIVE!
SHAME ON YOU!
Toki: CAN'Ts YOU SEE?
I WANTS A REAL WOMAN.
Pickles: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!
Toki: I WANTS A WOMANS, PICKLE -- A REALS WOMANS, A
WOMANS WHATS CAN BEARS MY CHILDRENS.
ANDS I WILL DOs ANYTHINGS I NEEDS TO FINDS HER.
WOMEN AROUND THE WORLD HAVE LINED UP TO FOR A CHANCE TO MEET
AND HOPEFULLY MARRY TOKI WARTOOTH.
THE LINES ARE BIG, AND IT'S GETTING VIOLENT, BUT DO THEY
EVEN HAVE A CHANCE?
AND THAT'S THE "DETHKLOK MINUTE."
Nathan: HEY, TOKI, THAT'S PRETTY COOL.
YOU GOT MENTIONED IN THE "DETHKLOK MINUTE."
Toki: THANKS, NATHANS.
BUT, GUYS, I'M NERVOUS.
I DON'T EVEN KNOWS HOW TO GOES ABOUTS THIS FINDINGS A LADY
BUSINESS.
Nathan: OH, TOKI, THAT IS CUTE.
THAT'S PRECIOUS.
Pickles: YOU NEED SOME DATING ADVICE FROM YOUR PALS.
Toki: WELL, THATS WOULD BE VERY HELPFUL, PICKLE.
Pickles: OKAY, WELL, HERE'S WHAT YOU DO TO MEET A LADY,
ALL RIGHT?
YOU GET YOUR TOUR MANAGER TO FIND SOME CHICK, AND THEN, WHEN
HE BRINGS HER BACKSTAGE, YOU PULL OUT YOUR DICK.
Skwisgaar: YEAH.
YOU PULLS OUT YOUR DICKS.
Toki: PULLS OUT YOUR -- GUYS, I'M TALKINGS ABOUT REAL
DATES HERE.
Pickles: HOW IS THAT NOT A REAL DATE?
Nathan: YEAH, HOW IS THAT NOT A REAL DATE, TOKI?
Toki: A DATES WHERES YOU ACTUALLY TALKS TO A GIRL, AND
SHE SAYS STUFFS, AND YOU ASK HER QUESTIONS --
Skwisgaar: QUESTIONS?
WAIT A MINUTE.
QUESTIONS?
YOU MEANS LIKE "WHENS WE ARE IN COURTS" QUESTIONS?
Murderface: TOKI, UH, LOOK.
YOU NEED SOME LADY ADVICE.
YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE.
IN MY EXPERIENCE -- Skwisgaar: [ SCOFFS ]
Murderface: I'M SORRY.
ARE -- ARE YOU SCOFFING AT ME?
Skwisgaar: NOPES.
[ LAUGHS ] Murderface: OKAY, LOOK, I'M A
LITTLE SICK OF THIS.
Nathan: SICK OF WHAT?
Murderface: OF PEOPLE THINKING I DON'T GET ANY
ACTION.
THAT FUCKING COMIC TALKING ALL THAT SHIT
WELL, I'LL HAVE YOU ALL KNOW THAT I DO GET LAID --
CONSTANTLY.
Skwisgaar: WHY ARE YOUS DIRECTINGS THAT AT ME?
I DIDN'T EVEN SAYS NOTHING.
Murderface: BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.
YOU THINK YOU'RE THE KING, AND YOU FUCKING AREN'T!
I AM!
KING OF GETTING LAID!
Pickles: MURDERFACE -- OKAY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO PROVE
THINGS TO US.
IT'S FINE.
Murderface: NO, FUCK YOU, PICKLES, YOU SMUG ASSHOLE!
I CAN GET ANY GIRL SKWISGAAR GETS!
ANY GIRL!
YOU DICKS DOUBT ME?!
HUH?!
Nathan: YES.
Murderface: [ STAMMERING ] THEN I'LL FUCKING PROVE IT!
STARTING NOW, I WILL SLEEP WITH AS MANY GIRLS AS SKWISGAAR DOES.
Nathan: ALL RIGHT, FINE. YOU'RE ON.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO FOR PROOF?
Pickles: HOW ABOUT LADY'S UNDERPANTS AND/OR RECORDED VIDEO
AND/OR AUDIO TESTIMONIAL?
Murderface: OKAY, FINE!
IT'S A BET! Skwisgaar: ALL RIGHTS.
WELL, I'LL GETS OUT OF HERE.
THINKS I'M GONNA GETS A HEAD STARTS ON HUMILIATING YOUS.
ALL RIGHT?
Murderface: OH, YEAH, RIGHT.
AND I'M GONNA GET SO MUCH PUSSY I MIGHT CHOKE!
ON IT.
ON THE PUSSY ON ALL THAT PUSSY
I'M GONNA CHOKE.
Toki: OH, YOU GUYS MAKES ME FUCKING SICKS.
YOU'RE ALL SO REVOLTINGSLY SHALLOWS, ALLS OF YOU!
I GOTS TO GO MEETS SOME PEOPLES AT A DATING AGENCYS!
I'LL SEES YOU LATER, PALS!
[ DOOR SLAMS ] MR. WARTOOTH, OUR COMPANY IS
VERY SERIOUS ABOUT FINDING THEIR CLIENTS A LIFE-LADYMATE
PARTNER.
Toki: LIFE-LADYMATES PARTNER.
YES.
WE'RE CONFIDENT THAT OUR MATCHING SYSTEM IS SO SOLID THAT
WE GIVE A 100% GUARANTEE.
Toki: WELL, THAT AM SOME IMPRESSIVE NUMBERS, BUTS I'M
LOOKINGS NOT ONLYS FOR A FRIENDS BUT ALSO A COMPANIONS AND THE
MOTHERS TO MY CHILDRENS.
OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
NO -- NO PROBLEM.
Toki: THAT'S IT?
YES, SIR.
Toki: HUH.
WE CAN PINPOINT YOUR FUTURE LADYMATE PARTNER'S FERTILITY TO
THE SECOND.
Murderface: [ GROANS ] NOT TO BRAG, BUT I CAN PINPOINT
MY FERTILITY, TOO.
ALL I NEED IS SOME LOTION AND A LITTLE DSL-QUALITY INTERNET AND
SOME NAPKINS.
I'M KIDDING, OF COURSE!
KEEP GOING.
Toki: I TOLDS YOU YOU COULD COMES IN IF YOU DIDN'Ts RUINS MY
MEETING.
Murderface: I THINK I'M ENHANCING THE MEETING.
LOOK, SIR, I JUST WANT TO MEET LIKE A HUNDRED GIRLS AND FUCK
THE BAJEESUS OUT OF THEM.
SO, UH, CAN WE SET UP AN ACCOUNT HERE OR SOMETHING?
WE DON'T DO THAT HERE.
THIS IS FOR LIFEMATES. Murderface: DAMN!
THIS IS NOT GONNA BE EASY.
Toki: JUST WAITS IN THE FUCKING LOBBY!
Murderface: SORRY! GAAAAH!
YOU BETTER FIND THIS GUY SOME PUSSY BECAUSE HE IS REALLY --
Toki: WILL YOU FUCKING GETS OUTTA HERE?!
[ DOOR OPENS ] LIKE I WAS SAYING, OUR
MATCHES ARE ACCURATE, BUT WE NEED INFORMATION FROM YOU.
FIRST OFF -- LOOKS.
WE KNOW IT'S IMPORTANT THAT YOU BE ATTRACTED TO YOUR PARTNER, SO
WE WANT TO MAKE SURE -- Toki: WELL, FIRST OFF, I
DON'T EVEN WANTS HER TO KNOWS I'M FAMOUS, AND I DON'T CARES
WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKES.
LOOKS AM FLEETINGS.
I'M NOT SOME SHALLOWS DILDOS WHATS ONLY CARES ABOUTS TITS.
I WANTS A PURES WOMANS WITH CONSFIDENSK AND A TRUE HEARTS,
SOMEONES I CANS TALKS TO.
I GET THE IDEA.
I THINK WE'RE DONE.
Toki: OH, THANKS YOU SO MUCH!
THATS AMS WONDERFUL NEWS!
OH, AND, TOKI, LIKE I SAID -- WE GUARANTEE OUR RESULTS.
Murderface: I CAN DO EVERYTHING SKWISGAAR CAN.
IF I CAN GET THESE LADIES, I CAN MAKE THEM --
OKAY, CALM DOWN.
HELLO, EVERYBODY!
SURPRISE INSPECTION!
HA! HA HA!
RIGHT?
Murderface: HI, THERE, MISSY.
[ SIGHS ] Murderface: EXCUSE ME.
MIND IF I GET IN THERE AND CHECK MY MySpace ACCOUNT?
I'M WORKING, ACTUALLY.
Murderface: YEAH, JUST GET A LITTLE COMFORTABLE HERE.
AHH!
JUST APPROVE A COUPLE COMMENTS.
I GET A LOT OF CRAZY COMMENTS.
YOU'RE PROBABLY A LITTLE STAR STRUCK RIGHT NOW.
JUST RELAX.
I'M TRYING TO GET SOME WORK DONE.
Murderface: RELAX.
I'M JUST A REGULAR GUY.
I MEAN, SURE, I'M A MULTI-BILLIONAIRE, AND I AM YOUR
BOSS, SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
IF YOU WANT TO KEEP -- AAAAH!
GEE!
OW! OW! OW!
[ CELLPHONE RINGS ] Toki: HELLOS?
MR. WARTOOTH?
Toki: OH, YES.
I HAVE SOME VERY GOOD NEWS FOR YOU.
WE FOUND YOUR LADYMATE.
Toki: HEYS, THEY FOUNDS MY LADYMATES!
WE FOUND THE LADY YOU ARE GOING TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR
LIFE WITH.
HER NAME IS CAROLINE BSIJLDFJO.
Toki: OH, WOWEE!
THAT'S GREATS NEWS!
[ ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS ] GUYS, I'M GOING ONS MY BIG
DATES.
WISH ME LUCKS!
Nathan: GOOD LUCK!
Toki: [ Autotuned ] ♪ I NEVER METS YOU ♪
♪ BUT I THINKS I LOVES YOU ♪ YOU AMS THE WOMANS OF MY
DREAMS ♪ ♪ COMPUTERS TECHNOLOGIES
BROUGHT US TOGETHER ♪ ♪ AND I THINKS THAT YOU ARE THE
ONES FOR ME ♪ ♪ I AM TOK-I-I-I-I-I-I
♪ YOU AM CAROLI-I-I-I-I-I-I-NE ♪ AND WE METS ONLINES
♪ BECAUSE I'M GONNA MAKES YOU MI-I-I-I-I-NES ♪
♪ PROBABLY GETS MARRIED ♪ PROBABLY HAS CHILDRENS
♪ PROBABLY LIVES OUR LIVES TOGETHERS ♪
♪ PROBABLY DIES TOGETHERS ♪ I AM TOKI
HI.
Toki: HI.
OH, HERE'S MY FERTILITY CHART.
Toki: OH, IT'S, UH -- REALLY?
THE 15th -- YOU'LL HAVE TO KEEP IT OPEN.
Toki: THE 15ths?
OH, THAT'S WHEN WE'LL HAVE INTERCOURSE.
Toki: INST-- INSTERCOURSE?
I MEANS, WE JUST BARELYS METS.
I LIKE THE NAME WILTHMORE OR DONNINGTON.
Toki: FOR WHATS?
FOR OUR BABY.
I'VE GOT TO GO.
LOOKING FORWARD TO OUR LONG, LONG FUTURE TOGETHER, LIFE MATE.
Toki: OH.
DON'T FORGET -- KEEP THE 15th OPEN SO YOU CAN DEPOSIT YOUR
SPERM INTO MY VAGINA WITH YOUR PENIS.
Toki: OKAY.
Charles: MURDERFACE, THERE'S A SEXUAL-HARASSMENT LAWSUIT
BEING FILED AGAINST YOU BY ONE OF OUR EMPLOYEES AT THE ONLINE
DEPARTMENT.
Murderface: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
THAT IS FUCKING BULLSHIT WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO?
I DIDN'T EVEN GET A CHANCE TO SEXUALLY HARASS HER!
Charles: WHETHER OR NOT IT'S TRUE IS BESIDE THE POINT.
IN CASES LIKE THESE, IT'S BEST TO PROVIDE A LUMP PAYMENT, OUT
OF YOUR POCKET, OF COURSE.
SETTLE OUT OF COURT.
OH, AND YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO ATTEND A SEXUAL-HARASSMENT
SEMINAR.
Murderface: SEXUAL-HARASSMENT SEMINAR?
THAT'S GONNA TOTALLY INTERFERE WITH ME GETTING PUSSY
I BETTER NOT LOSE THIS BET BECAUSE OF THIS.
I WONDER IF SKWISGAAR'S EVEN PARTICIPATING.
[ ALL MOANING PASSIONATELY ] [ HEART BEATING ]
Pickles: SO?
HOW WAS THE DATE?
Toki: GREAT!
SHE'S, UH, REALLYS THE ONES!
OH, AND, WH-- WHAT'S A PERSONALITYS.
Pickles: THAT'S GREAT, MAN!
WHEN DO WE GET TO MEET HER?
Toki: NEVERS.
Pickles: OH, I GET IT.
YOU'RE AFRAID WE'LL TRY TO STEAL HER AWAY.
SHE MUST BE SOMETHING, HUH?
SHE MUST BE AN ANGEL, HUH?
LIKE A GIFT FROM GOD.
Toki: YUPS.
Nathan: HEY, THAT'S GREAT.
SO YOU REALLY RECOMMEND THIS DATING AGENCY, HUH?
Toki: OH, NOTS REALLYS, NO!
NO!
IT'S, UH...
IT'S TOOS EXPENSIVES!
IT'S JUST WAYS TOOS EXPENSIVES!
Pickles: DUDE, BUT I THOUGHT THEY PICKED A WINNER FOR YOU.
Toki: HEY, I GOTS AN IDEA!
HOW ABOUTS NO MORE TALKINGS ABOUT THIS?
YEAH, I HAVE TO GOs MEETS WITH THEMS ACTUALLYS RIGHT NOW!
GOODBYE!
[ DOOR SLAMS ] Nathan: WOW, I NEVER SEEN THE
KID SO HAPPY.
HI, FOLKS!
IT'S ME -- FACEBONES!
ALL RIGHT, FACEBONES!
AAH! AAH!
I'M HERE TO TELL YOU ABOUT A VERY SERIOUS ISSUE -- SEXUAL
HARASSMENT IN THE WORKPLACE!
BUT FIRST, WHAT IS SEXUAL HARASSMENT?
WELL, SEXUAL HARASSMENT IS THE ACT OF DEGRADING PEOPLE WITH
YOUR SEXUALITY.
IT TAKES THE POWER AWAY FROM THE PERSON BEING HARASSED AND
MAKES THE HARASSER MORE POWERFUL THAN EVER.
Murderface: I GOT FUCKING] PEPPER-SPRAYED.
HOW -- HOW DOES THAT GIVE ME POWER?
COMPLIMENTS IN THE WORKPLACE CAN EASILY BECOME MISCONSTRUED
AND TAKEN AS FLIRTATION.
NOW A SHORT EXAMPLE.
IN THIS EXAMPLE, A KLOKATEER WILL BE EQUIPPED WITH A SHOCKING
MECHANISM THAT WILL HELP GUIDE HIM INTO BEHAVING PROPERLY AT
WORK.
IS THAT A NEW BELT?
YES. IT IS.
IT LOOKS VERY GOOD.
AAH!
SAYING THAT YOUR BELT LOOKS COULD BE TAKEN AS A SEXUAL
ADVANCE.
LET'S TRY THAT AGAIN.
IS THAT A NEW BELT?
YES.
THAT IS GOOD INFORMATION TO HAVE.
SAYING SOMETHING LIKE "THAT IS GOOD INFORMATION TO HAVE"
COULD BE KIND OF CREEPY AND MAKE IT SEEM LIKE HE'S COMPILING
INFORMATION FOR A PARKING-LOT ATTACK OR A HOME INVASION, AND
THAT'S HARASSMENT!
AAH! FUCK CURSING IN THE WORKPLACE CAN
ALSO MAKE PEOPLE FEEL AWKWARD.
NOW LET'S TRY THAT AGAIN.
IS THAT A NEW BELT? YES, IT IS.
AAH!
BEST TO AVOID ALL THOSE COMPLIMENTS AND CONTINUE
WORKING.
NOW LET'S WATCH AGAIN WITHOUT ALL THOSE CONFUSING COMPLIMENTS.
WELL DONE.
BUT WHAT IF OUR KLOKATEER WANTED TO NOT MAKE ANY COMPLIMENTS BUT,
INSTEAD, A FUN JOKE.
NO JOKING IN THE WORKPLACE.
HUMOR IS HURTFUL AND CAN RUIN LIVES.
WE'RE ALMOST DONE, FOLKS.
WE'RE ROUNDING THE CORNER TO FINISHING UP OUR
SEXUAL-HARASSMENT FUN MARATHON!
AND NOW SOME PRACTICAL INFORMATION.
DO NOT LINGER AROUND IN RESTROOMS.
KEEP YOUR OFFICE DOOR OPEN SO THAT PEOPLE CAN SEE THAT YOU'RE
CLEARLY NOT JACKING OFF IN THERE.
IF YOU GET A BONER DURING WORK, BEST TO EXCUSE YOURSELF AND GO
HOME!
HERE'S A LIST OF THINGS TO REMEMBER TO AVOID BEING CAUGHT
IN A TRICKY SEXUAL-HARASSMENT LAWSUIT!
HERE WE GO!
ERR ON THE SIDE OF CAUTION.
DRESS CONSERVATIVELY.
RESIST THE URGE TO BE FRIENDLY.
THIS COULD BE TAKEN AS FLIRTING.
IF YOU DO HAPPEN TO ACCIDENTALLY FLIRT, DO NOT MAKE UP FOR IT BY
BEING OVERLY FRIENDLY.
THIS COULD BE TAKEN AS AN AGGRESSIVE ATTACK!
Murderface: WILL THIS THING NEVER END?!
SO I'M HEARING THAT THE DATE WENT REALLY WELL.
CONGRATULATIONS.
THAT'S -- Toki: UH, FIRST OFFS, THANKS
YOUS.
HOWSEVER, I THINKS I MAY HAS BEEN MISMATCHED -- POSSIBLYS A
MISTAKES ON YOUR BEHALFS?
THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE, MR. WARTOOTH.
Toki: WELPS, I MEANS, I'M NOTS TOTALLYS SURE I's MADE A
TRULY SOLIDS CONNECTIONS WITH HERS, ANDS, UH, WELLS, UH...
PHYSICALLYS SHE'S, UH -- AH, AH, AH!
MR. WARTOOTH, YOU WEREN'T CONCERNED WITH HER LOOKS!
IT SAYS RIGHT HERE ON YOUR PAPERS!
Toki: YES, THAT'S TRUES.
HOWEVERS, LET'S BACKS UP A LITTLE BITS HERE.
HER PERSONALITIES IS KINDS OF -- HER PERSONALITY IS ADEQUATE
FOR YOUR TEMPERAMENT, MR. WARTOOTH.
eLadymates.com GUARANTEES ITS RESULTS.
WE SUGGEST THAT YOU GO BACK AND CONCENTRATE ON MAKING THIS WORK.
Toki: WELL, BUTS -- WE SUGGEST YOU GO.
Toki: FINES!
I'LL GOs AND TRIES TO MAKES IT WORKS, BUT YOU KNOW WHATS?
THIS IS BULLSHIT [ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]
FOLLOW HIM.
AND IF HE FAILS TO FULFILL HIS END OF THE CONTRACT, HURT ONE OF
HIS LOVED ONES.
AND HURT HIS LOVED ONE WHERE IT HURTS.
SIR?
HURT HIM IN HIS DICK.
AND HIS BALLS.
WHICH ONE?
THE GUY.
Murderface: HELLO, UH, MRS. JOHNSON?
YES, THIS IS WILLIAM MURDERFACE FROM DETHKLOK, THE BASS PLAYER.
I'M OFFERING A ONE-TIME, UH, DEAL HERE ONLY WHERE I, UH, COME
OVER AND FUCK YOU.
UH, INTERESTED?
YEAH, I'D FUCK YOU.
YEAH.
NO, IT'S NO JOKE.
I'M NOT SCREWING AROUND.
OKAY, WELL, THEN, COULD I PURCHASE A PAIR OF YOUR
UNDERWEAR? Toki: WILLIAMS?
Murderface: WELL FUCK YOU, LADY!
THANKS A LOT, TOKI.
I WAS JUST ABOUT TO GET LAID!
Toki: I'M SORRYS.
Murderface: AH, IT'S FINE.
I JUST, UH...
TIME IS ALMOST UP WITH THIS BET, AND I HAVEN'T REALLY UH...
I GOT TO HAVE SEX WITH AT LEAST ONE GIRL BEFORE IT'S OVER.
Toki: CAN I CONFIDES IN YOUS ABOUTS SOMETHINGS PERSONALS?
Murderface: COME ON!
YOU CAN TRUST ME.
Toki: THIS GIRLS, I DON'T THINKS IT AMS WORKINGS OUTS, AND
I DON'Ts KNOWS WHATS TO DOES ABOUT IT!
Murderface: HAVE YOU BONED HER?
Toki: NO, BUT THAT'S THE THINGS -- SHE REALLY WANTS TO.
Murderface: SO?!
WHAT THE FUCK I'M SITTING HERE HAVING THE DRY
SPELL OF MY LIFE AND THE STAKES ARE HIGH, AND YOU'RE ALL, "THIS
GIRL WANTS TO FUCK ME, AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!"
I SHOULD PUNCH YOU IN THE -- GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY
OFFICE!
[ DOOR CLOSES ] OOH, OH!
DOES SHE HAVE A SISTER?!
Nathan: SO THIS GIRL WANTS TO GET IT ON WITH YOU?
Toki: YEAH, ONs THE 15th.
Nathan: WHY IS THAT IMPORTANT?
Toki: THAT'S WHEN SHE SAYS SHE AMS OVULATING AND THATS THE
CHANCES ARE HIGHS FOR WHATS TO BE PREGNANTS.
Pickles: SO SHE WANTS TO HAVE PLANNED SEX WITH YOU?
Nathan: SEX DESIGNED TO PROCREATE?
UGH!
FUCKING GROSS.
Pickles: YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHEN TO HAVE A BONER!
THAT'S MY BUSINESS!
Toki: AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE?
THIS IS WHATS SHE LOOKS LIKE.
Nathan: OH, BOY.
Toki: SHE LOOKS LIKE A GORILLA WHATS BEEN SHAVED.
Pickles: YEAH, WELL, YOU'RE IN THE HOT SEAT.
LOOK, YOU WANT SOME ADVICE?
I GOT SOME FOR YOU, ALL RIGHT?
WHEN THE 15th COMES, YOU JUST GOT TO LISTEN, RIGHT?
Toki: LISTENS?
Pickles: YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO YOUR DICK, TOKI.
YOUR DICK WILL TELL YOU EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED TO DO, RIGHT?
LISTEN TO YOUR DICK.
Nathan: YEAH, LISTEN TO YOUR DICK.
Toki: LISTENS TO MY DICK!
Nathan: AND, ALSO, DON'T EVER GET INTO A ROOM THAT YOU CAN'T
GET OUT OF.
[ HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYS ] [ OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS ]
HI.
Toki: HI.
I WENT AHEAD AND PURCHASED SOME NON-ANIMAL LUBRICANT IN
CASE MY VAGINA REFUSES TO SELF-LUBRICATE.
Toki: OH.
GOOD THINKINGS.
IN THE BATHROOM, YOU'LL FIND SOME MEDICAL PENIS SOAP.
I'D APPRECIATE IF YOU SCRUBBED DOWN YOUR PENIS.
TWICE.
Toki: OH.
Murderface: WHAT?
YOU WILL?
WITH ME?
YEAH, I KNOW THAT HOTEL!
YOU'LL LET ME VIDEOTAPE IT?!
FUCK YEAH, MAN!
SEE YOU THEN!
Murderface: OH FUCK YES!
I'M GONNA GET LAID!
OH, THANK YOU, CRAIGSLIST!
MWAH! MWAH!
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ] Toki: UGH, STUPID
MEDICINES-SMELLINGS PENIS SOAPS.
IT'S GROSS.
TOKI.
Toki: WHO AMS THIS?
IT'S ME.
YOUR DICK.
Toki: [ GASPS ] PICKLE TOLD ME TO LISTENS TO
YOU!
TOKI, YOU MUST LISTEN TO ME.
WE CAN'T HAVE SEX WITH THAT WOMAN IN THE OTHER ROOM.
Toki: BUTS WE HAS TO OR WE'LL GETS IN TROUBLE.
THEN YOU MAY AS WELL CHOP ME OFF!
I'M TALKING ABOUT SAVING YOUR LIFE.
IF YOU HAVE SEX WITH THAT WOMAN, YOU'LL BE MISERABLE FOREVER.
[ Echoing ] EVER.
TOKI?
WHY AREN'T YOU UNDRESSED?
Toki: I'M GETTINGS OUT OF HERES!
I'M LISTENINGS TO MY DICKS THIS TIMES, AND IT SAYS, "DON'Ts GETS"
NEAR YOU!" YOU GET OVER HERE AND ENGAGE
IN INTERCOURSE WITH ME!
IT'S THE 15th!
Toki: I DON'Ts CARE WHATS NUMBERS IT IS!
I'M NOTS GONNA DOs IT!
I DON'T THINK SO.
Nathan: DON'T EVER GET INTO A ROOM YOU CAN'T GET OUT OF.
Toki: AAH!
HE DIDN'T FULFILL HIS END OF THE DEAL.
Murderface: AHH.
♪ DOO, DOO DOO, DOO THAT'S RIGHT, CLASSIC DATE.
KNOCK ON THE OL' DOOR...
PULL OUT YOUR DICK!
Murderface: HELLO -- AAH!
[ HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYS ] Skwisgaar: WHOA.
I CAN'Ts BELIEVES I WONS.
I ONLYS HAD SEX WITH ABOUT 400 GIRLS IN LIKES TWO WEEKS.
AND I WASN'T EVEN TRYINGS.
Nathan: YEAH, BUT WE NEVER GOT THOSE FINAL NUMBERS BACK
FROM MURDERFACE.
Pickles: HEY, MURDERFACE, HOW MANY GIRLS YOU SLEEP WITH?
Murderface: NONE.
Pickles: WHAT'S THAT?
Murderface: I SAID FUCKING NONE!
I WOULD'VE WON IF MY DICK WEREN'T BROKEN AND SPLAYED.
NOT A LEVEL PLAYING FIELD.
Nathan: WELL, THERE YOU GO.
Skwisgaar: ANYBODY SEENS TOKIS?
Nathan: I THINK HE'S FINALLY CELEBRATING HIS BIRTHDAY.
Toki: THIS AMS A GREATS DATES, LADIES.
AND NOWS I AMS PULLS OUT MY DICK.