1 00:00:00,917 --> 00:00:01,959 COLIN: I knew what I didn't want. 2 00:00:02,041 --> 00:00:03,792 An ordinary life. 3 00:00:03,875 --> 00:00:05,792 You know what the problem is. 4 00:00:07,792 --> 00:00:12,750 You are a white, straight, cis man. 5 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,417 You need to shatter the model of success. 6 00:00:15,500 --> 00:00:16,500 Well guess what, 7 00:00:16,917 --> 00:00:21,417 that shit's impossible without a shitload of collateral damage. 8 00:00:21,667 --> 00:00:22,834 If you don't become grit, 9 00:00:22,917 --> 00:00:24,583 the rest of the world pays the price 10 00:00:24,667 --> 00:00:25,792 when you don't feel adequate, 11 00:00:25,875 --> 00:00:27,667 because you don't have a motherfucking clue 12 00:00:27,750 --> 00:00:31,625 about what you're feeling, or why you are feeling it. 13 00:00:43,291 --> 00:00:46,458 (footsteps approaching) 14 00:00:48,875 --> 00:00:50,375 Thanks. 15 00:00:50,458 --> 00:00:53,375 This morning, I emailed Karla. 16 00:00:53,458 --> 00:00:56,709 I submitted the paperwork to the court. 17 00:00:56,792 --> 00:00:58,959 I signed off. 18 00:00:59,041 --> 00:01:01,166 Free to go if you want. 19 00:01:04,583 --> 00:01:07,083 -Gettin' rid of me? -No. 20 00:01:07,166 --> 00:01:10,875 I felt that the question of whether or not 21 00:01:10,959 --> 00:01:12,583 I was going to sign the forms 22 00:01:12,667 --> 00:01:14,250 was getting in the way of our progress. 23 00:01:14,333 --> 00:01:18,083 There was a transactional aspect to it. 24 00:01:18,166 --> 00:01:20,041 You're under no obligation to stay, 25 00:01:20,125 --> 00:01:23,667 but I would like to keep working with you. 26 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:27,417 If you're up for it, I would take you on as a patient. 27 00:01:27,500 --> 00:01:29,959 I think it could be beneficial. 28 00:01:31,875 --> 00:01:33,792 I'd like that. 29 00:01:36,041 --> 00:01:38,291 (light piano music playing) 30 00:01:38,375 --> 00:01:40,375 ♪ ♪ 31 00:01:55,375 --> 00:01:57,583 Our last meeting, you coming over here-- 32 00:01:57,667 --> 00:02:00,000 -I'm sorry about that. -That was a breach of boundaries 33 00:02:00,083 --> 00:02:02,834 -that cannot happen again. -I understand. 34 00:02:02,917 --> 00:02:05,041 And I apologize for my... 35 00:02:07,583 --> 00:02:09,792 It was unprofessional the way I spoke to you. 36 00:02:09,875 --> 00:02:12,417 I was loose, outspoken, 37 00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:15,125 -the way I might be with a friend. -Can I just... 38 00:02:15,208 --> 00:02:17,041 I'm sorry to interrupt you, but... 39 00:02:18,709 --> 00:02:20,500 I loved it. 40 00:02:20,583 --> 00:02:22,792 I got to see you, the real you, 41 00:02:22,875 --> 00:02:27,000 and I had this massive awakening, and... 42 00:02:27,083 --> 00:02:29,291 Wait a minute, is that why you signed off? 43 00:02:29,375 --> 00:02:32,208 Fear of some, like, that I was gonna tell on you? 44 00:02:32,291 --> 00:02:35,834 I signed off because I thought it was the best thing for you. 45 00:02:35,917 --> 00:02:38,333 I just need to clarify that what happened last week 46 00:02:38,417 --> 00:02:40,250 can never happen again. 47 00:02:41,250 --> 00:02:42,417 Copy that. 48 00:02:45,125 --> 00:02:49,000 You feeling better? You were carrying a lot there. 49 00:02:49,083 --> 00:02:52,500 With full respect and acknowledgment of the... 50 00:02:52,583 --> 00:02:54,166 "not-happening-again-ness" 51 00:02:54,250 --> 00:02:56,917 of our impromptu non-session, 52 00:02:58,500 --> 00:03:00,166 I'm just so grateful that we had it. 53 00:03:00,250 --> 00:03:02,834 This week has been incredible. 54 00:03:02,917 --> 00:03:05,750 -How so? -I needed to hear those things. 55 00:03:05,834 --> 00:03:08,333 I would never have been able to articulate 56 00:03:08,417 --> 00:03:10,583 or-or to even know what it was that I needed, 57 00:03:10,667 --> 00:03:12,834 but that was it. 58 00:03:12,917 --> 00:03:15,041 I felt seen and-and understood. 59 00:03:15,125 --> 00:03:17,458 It's been a long time since I felt either. 60 00:03:17,542 --> 00:03:21,208 Well, I'm happy to hear that. 61 00:03:21,291 --> 00:03:23,500 Is there some qualification coming? 62 00:03:24,291 --> 00:03:26,041 The place we've gotten to, 63 00:03:26,125 --> 00:03:29,041 and I am happy that we have. 64 00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:32,542 It's no small feat, but it's not the destination. 65 00:03:32,625 --> 00:03:34,500 It's the starting line. 66 00:03:34,583 --> 00:03:36,417 We begin now to do the hard work. 67 00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:39,458 -I'm ready. -Okay. 68 00:03:40,875 --> 00:03:42,500 Well, 69 00:03:42,583 --> 00:03:44,375 I rather inarticulately 70 00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:48,625 -ran off at the mouth about white guys. -Oh yes, right. 71 00:03:48,709 --> 00:03:50,542 The unbearable burden of whiteness. 72 00:03:50,625 --> 00:03:52,625 -(Brooke chuckles) -I'm kidding, I'm kidding. 73 00:03:52,709 --> 00:03:54,667 The unexamined ways you've been 74 00:03:54,750 --> 00:03:58,250 molded by the world we live in. Anyway... 75 00:03:58,333 --> 00:04:00,166 I meant that globally. You know, 76 00:04:00,250 --> 00:04:03,125 people I've encountered. We were having a conversation. 77 00:04:03,208 --> 00:04:05,417 I wasn't speaking about you specifically. 78 00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:08,875 -Sure. -Though I think that there are things 79 00:04:08,959 --> 00:04:12,750 that do apply and are causal in behaviors you've exhibited. 80 00:04:12,834 --> 00:04:15,542 -Hundred percent. -When I say 81 00:04:15,625 --> 00:04:18,125 the hard work begins, 82 00:04:18,208 --> 00:04:19,417 the hard part is 83 00:04:19,500 --> 00:04:22,208 disentangling yourself, extricating yourself 84 00:04:22,291 --> 00:04:25,000 from this oppressive mindset. 85 00:04:25,959 --> 00:04:28,625 "Oppressive"? Seems a tad harsh. 86 00:04:28,709 --> 00:04:30,709 Two things you can't say to white guys, 87 00:04:30,792 --> 00:04:32,500 privilege or oppression. 88 00:04:32,583 --> 00:04:35,417 Well, as long as you're not using them to describe 89 00:04:35,500 --> 00:04:38,083 anything I've experienced or inflicted, 90 00:04:38,166 --> 00:04:39,709 you can use them all you want. 91 00:04:39,792 --> 00:04:41,792 Right, because when we talk about bias of any kind, 92 00:04:41,875 --> 00:04:43,250 racism, misogyny, 93 00:04:43,333 --> 00:04:46,250 it's always something happening over there, not inside us. 94 00:04:46,333 --> 00:04:50,041 -For sure. -But reckoning is important. 95 00:04:50,125 --> 00:04:53,375 It seems like now reckoning is sort of, 96 00:04:53,458 --> 00:04:55,291 you know, no one was doing it. 97 00:04:55,375 --> 00:04:57,417 So now it's being forced on people. 98 00:04:58,792 --> 00:05:01,125 Not forced, that sounds wrong. 99 00:05:01,208 --> 00:05:04,375 But the world was like, "Okay, fine. We'll do it for you." 100 00:05:04,458 --> 00:05:07,125 Here's this shitty thing you did, looky-looky. 101 00:05:07,208 --> 00:05:11,250 Hm. And you know, as a result, I've been thinking... 102 00:05:11,333 --> 00:05:14,959 digging, uncovering all the nasty little things I've done. 103 00:05:15,041 --> 00:05:17,500 The jokes I've made in poor taste. 104 00:05:17,583 --> 00:05:19,041 And, oh man, I'll admit it. 105 00:05:19,125 --> 00:05:20,959 I've made some horrible jokes. 106 00:05:21,041 --> 00:05:23,667 Some racist, homophobic, 107 00:05:23,750 --> 00:05:26,375 sexist jokes. It was always... 108 00:05:26,458 --> 00:05:28,458 You know, never with the intent to harm. 109 00:05:28,542 --> 00:05:31,500 Always the thing you're laughing at is, "Oh, can you imagine 110 00:05:31,583 --> 00:05:35,500 if I believed or would say such a heinous thing?" 111 00:05:35,583 --> 00:05:38,125 That's what you were laughing at, not at the... 112 00:05:38,208 --> 00:05:39,959 whoever it was about. 113 00:05:40,041 --> 00:05:42,792 But then, you wonder who heard those. 114 00:05:42,875 --> 00:05:45,291 You know, did someone force themselves to laugh at it 115 00:05:45,375 --> 00:05:48,875 when they were secretly harmed by it? 116 00:05:48,959 --> 00:05:50,917 I mean, I don't know, maybe it was nobody. 117 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:52,458 Please, God, let it be nobody. 118 00:05:52,542 --> 00:05:54,333 But maybe, 119 00:05:54,417 --> 00:05:57,083 -someone was. -You know, I guess I was wondering 120 00:05:57,166 --> 00:05:58,792 less about jokes. 121 00:05:58,875 --> 00:06:01,291 That you can never say an offensive joke again, 122 00:06:01,375 --> 00:06:02,750 that's pretty easy. 123 00:06:02,834 --> 00:06:05,125 Yes, right. (clears throat) 124 00:06:06,792 --> 00:06:11,417 Um, you mean, like, with the crimes? 125 00:06:11,500 --> 00:06:13,208 'Cause that feels a little different. 126 00:06:13,291 --> 00:06:15,041 I don't know, prison... 127 00:06:15,125 --> 00:06:19,709 You know, that sort of is the reckoning, huh, you know? 128 00:06:19,792 --> 00:06:23,667 And-and as far as the people on the other end of it? 129 00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:25,875 Well, they-they placed a bet. 130 00:06:25,959 --> 00:06:28,583 You know, I bet all of my money once upon a time, 131 00:06:28,667 --> 00:06:29,834 and it did work out. 132 00:06:29,917 --> 00:06:31,500 -It's exactly how I broke through-- -Colin. 133 00:06:31,583 --> 00:06:34,834 No, no, this is, this is an interesting story, actually. 134 00:06:34,917 --> 00:06:36,291 You'll like this. 135 00:06:36,375 --> 00:06:38,583 When I moved back to Santa Cruz after high school, 136 00:06:38,667 --> 00:06:41,291 I was friends with all these programmers, 137 00:06:41,375 --> 00:06:42,875 and they were always making 138 00:06:42,959 --> 00:06:44,834 these weird, idiosyncratic games. 139 00:06:44,917 --> 00:06:48,542 You know, pushing to see what these computers could do. 140 00:06:48,625 --> 00:06:50,208 And I grew up in a fucking arcade, 141 00:06:50,291 --> 00:06:51,667 so I was crazy about that stuff. 142 00:06:51,750 --> 00:06:55,208 So, I would get high, I'd play whatever they cooked up, 143 00:06:55,291 --> 00:06:57,417 and then they started to make a little money. 144 00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:00,208 You know, the whole world started to catch on. 145 00:07:00,291 --> 00:07:03,667 And then, they showed me the next thing they were working on, 146 00:07:03,750 --> 00:07:06,583 and I went all-in. 147 00:07:06,667 --> 00:07:09,792 I bet every penny. My parents thought I was nuts, 148 00:07:09,875 --> 00:07:11,792 everyone did. You see, 149 00:07:11,875 --> 00:07:14,041 there were no guarantees. 150 00:07:15,083 --> 00:07:18,000 I bet big, and I won big. 151 00:07:18,792 --> 00:07:20,458 And that's how it goes. 152 00:07:23,959 --> 00:07:25,041 (sniffs) 153 00:07:26,166 --> 00:07:28,208 So yeah. (clears throat) Anyway, you know, 154 00:07:28,291 --> 00:07:32,041 you place these bets, sometimes they don't come through. 155 00:07:33,709 --> 00:07:36,208 You know what? I'm gonna back up. 156 00:07:36,875 --> 00:07:38,542 In my life, 157 00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:40,542 with some people, there's been 158 00:07:40,625 --> 00:07:42,750 a disconnect or difficulty because 159 00:07:42,834 --> 00:07:45,375 I've rejected the myths that are 160 00:07:45,458 --> 00:07:47,625 foundational to who they are, 161 00:07:47,709 --> 00:07:52,208 and I want to get to some of those myths with you, 162 00:07:52,291 --> 00:07:55,542 and see you through to the other side of them. 163 00:07:57,875 --> 00:08:00,250 For-for instance? 164 00:08:00,333 --> 00:08:03,417 The pervasive inequality in our society, 165 00:08:03,500 --> 00:08:05,291 sold to men as masculinity, 166 00:08:05,375 --> 00:08:07,625 -that's frankly bullshit? -Huh. 167 00:08:07,709 --> 00:08:10,875 And deeply harmful and is all about acquisition and dominance. 168 00:08:10,959 --> 00:08:12,834 Amen! 169 00:08:12,917 --> 00:08:14,458 Acquisition and dominance? 170 00:08:14,542 --> 00:08:16,959 Hundred percent. Yeah, I mean, 171 00:08:17,041 --> 00:08:21,542 it definitely affects the way that we think about sex. 172 00:08:21,625 --> 00:08:24,583 I mean, for guys, especially in adolescence, 173 00:08:24,667 --> 00:08:28,291 which for us lasts until we're about 35? 174 00:08:29,333 --> 00:08:31,208 Oh, it's all about getting laid. 175 00:08:31,291 --> 00:08:33,750 And it shouldn't mean anything to you. You know, it's just... 176 00:08:33,834 --> 00:08:36,375 Forgive me, it's just about getting your dick wet. 177 00:08:36,458 --> 00:08:40,500 And if you don't, you're a pussy or you're gay or whatever. 178 00:08:40,583 --> 00:08:42,792 And then we have this whole college rape problem, 179 00:08:42,875 --> 00:08:44,500 and we wonder why. 180 00:08:44,583 --> 00:08:47,333 Incel freaks shooting up movie theaters 'cause we've been taught, 181 00:08:47,417 --> 00:08:49,375 oh, not only that you have to get chicks, 182 00:08:49,458 --> 00:08:51,625 but, "Man, you're entitled." 183 00:08:52,458 --> 00:08:53,291 (exhales) 184 00:08:53,375 --> 00:08:55,500 I mean, 90% of shitty rock songs, 185 00:08:55,583 --> 00:08:59,166 all about how easy it is to get laid. Every teen movie. 186 00:08:59,250 --> 00:09:01,125 And so, when the-- 187 00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:02,709 when the real world doesn't line up 188 00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:04,625 with that fantasy? Oh. 189 00:09:04,709 --> 00:09:07,000 Fuckin' watch out. Hide your AR-15s. 190 00:09:07,083 --> 00:09:10,375 All horrifying and true, but bringing it back to you. 191 00:09:10,458 --> 00:09:11,875 Colin: Well, yeah. 192 00:09:11,959 --> 00:09:14,000 Yeah, I mean, even I, 193 00:09:14,083 --> 00:09:16,667 raised by a tits-out feminist. Huh. 194 00:09:16,750 --> 00:09:18,875 I think back about things that could be 195 00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:21,375 chalked up to that. The societal influence. 196 00:09:21,458 --> 00:09:23,125 -Like? -I mean, just like in college. 197 00:09:23,208 --> 00:09:25,709 And you have to remember, this was the '80s. 198 00:09:25,792 --> 00:09:29,667 A different time. Did we fuck drunk girls? Yeah. 199 00:09:29,750 --> 00:09:32,458 I mean, everyone was drunk almost all the time. 200 00:09:32,542 --> 00:09:35,417 Is it possible that some of them weren't fully there? 201 00:09:35,500 --> 00:09:38,667 It's possible, but it's just what you did back then. 202 00:09:38,750 --> 00:09:41,917 -It's terrib-- -Wh-- Slow down, Colin. 203 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,709 What you are describing is rape. 204 00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:45,750 Sure, yeah, 205 00:09:45,834 --> 00:09:48,458 by today's terms, absolutely. 206 00:09:48,542 --> 00:09:50,709 But see, that's what's so sticky about these things in the past, 207 00:09:50,792 --> 00:09:52,959 -these gray areas-- -There's nothing gray 208 00:09:53,041 --> 00:09:56,709 -about having sex with an unconscious person. -No, no, of course. 209 00:09:56,792 --> 00:09:59,125 I just mean the times, the pervasive attitudes, 210 00:09:59,208 --> 00:10:02,250 they-they shape you. It's just like what you were saying. 211 00:10:02,333 --> 00:10:04,834 We are a product of the world we live in, but not everyone 212 00:10:04,917 --> 00:10:07,709 -who grew up in the '80s raped someone. -Yeah, right, 213 00:10:07,792 --> 00:10:09,542 neither did I. But, you know, 214 00:10:09,625 --> 00:10:12,792 someone could twist these things, and, you know, 215 00:10:12,875 --> 00:10:16,125 you do that enough, we are all guilty of something. 216 00:10:16,208 --> 00:10:18,625 That sounds like absolution. 217 00:10:18,709 --> 00:10:20,417 If we're all guilty, no one is. 218 00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:22,667 Colin: Well, yeah, which is true. 219 00:10:22,750 --> 00:10:24,834 And at the same time, it obviously isn't. 220 00:10:24,917 --> 00:10:26,792 See, that's why I love talking to you. 221 00:10:26,875 --> 00:10:28,750 You can see the nuance in these things. 222 00:10:28,834 --> 00:10:30,917 No one sees nuance anymore. 223 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,125 I mean, I-I can say things in here 224 00:10:33,208 --> 00:10:35,375 that would get me crucified in the real world. 225 00:10:35,458 --> 00:10:38,792 To be clear, this is the real world. I am a real person. 226 00:10:38,875 --> 00:10:40,792 Yeah, you know what I mean. Out there. 227 00:10:40,875 --> 00:10:42,083 The younger generation, 228 00:10:42,166 --> 00:10:44,041 they're so focused on wagging their fingers, 229 00:10:44,125 --> 00:10:45,417 they lose sight of the fact that 230 00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:46,709 we're all human, we all make mistakes. 231 00:10:46,792 --> 00:10:49,291 You know, I-I think you're missing my point, 232 00:10:49,375 --> 00:10:53,083 -or misinterpreting what I'm saying because-- -No, no, no. 233 00:10:53,166 --> 00:10:54,875 Honestly, I'm not. 234 00:10:54,959 --> 00:10:58,583 I-I'm proof of how effective your words are. 235 00:10:58,667 --> 00:11:02,041 This week has been incredible. I-I... 236 00:11:02,125 --> 00:11:04,250 I've been happy for the first time in... 237 00:11:04,333 --> 00:11:07,000 (sighs) I literally can't remember the last time, 238 00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:08,834 and that's all because of you. 239 00:11:08,917 --> 00:11:11,083 I-I took responsibility for what I did, 240 00:11:11,166 --> 00:11:13,917 and I realized, with your help, that it wasn't my fault, 241 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:16,542 and I forgave myself. Do you know 242 00:11:16,625 --> 00:11:18,667 how powerful that is? 243 00:11:18,750 --> 00:11:21,834 How powerful you are? 244 00:11:21,917 --> 00:11:25,000 I mean, I took just one step of forgiving myself, 245 00:11:25,083 --> 00:11:27,500 and the whole world, which had been 246 00:11:27,583 --> 00:11:28,959 shut off, you know, 247 00:11:29,041 --> 00:11:31,333 remorselessly fucking cold to me, 248 00:11:31,417 --> 00:11:33,917 it opened back up. 249 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:36,083 This week, I reached out to this old colleague, 250 00:11:36,166 --> 00:11:37,500 guy who's still killin' it. 251 00:11:37,583 --> 00:11:39,417 House on Carbon Beach, the whole bit. 252 00:11:39,500 --> 00:11:41,041 And I told him what had happened, 253 00:11:41,125 --> 00:11:45,166 what I did, and he fucking got it. 254 00:11:45,250 --> 00:11:49,000 It was a mistake, but these things are on a spectrum. 255 00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:50,625 This is why it's so frustrating 256 00:11:50,709 --> 00:11:52,458 that our justice system is, uh, binary. 257 00:11:52,542 --> 00:11:55,750 Guilty, not guilty. Again, there's no nuance. 258 00:11:55,834 --> 00:12:00,125 See, what I did was just a-a-a hair past what we all do. 259 00:12:00,208 --> 00:12:02,542 I overreached. You have to 260 00:12:02,625 --> 00:12:04,709 if you want to try and change things. 261 00:12:04,792 --> 00:12:07,000 You set a crazy goal for yourself, sometimes you hit it, 262 00:12:07,083 --> 00:12:07,959 and sometimes you don't. 263 00:12:08,041 --> 00:12:10,417 That's the business that we're in. 264 00:12:10,500 --> 00:12:12,875 And, you know, it's probably why I love it so much. 265 00:12:12,959 --> 00:12:15,917 I've always, always thought big. 266 00:12:17,291 --> 00:12:19,041 And, you know, 267 00:12:19,125 --> 00:12:22,458 that goes back to what you were saying last week. 268 00:12:22,542 --> 00:12:26,250 About why white people are so driven to succeed. 269 00:12:26,333 --> 00:12:28,458 -I didn't say that. -Well, I didn't mean we were more so, 270 00:12:28,542 --> 00:12:31,542 but, like you were saying, we're all so focused on achievement 271 00:12:31,625 --> 00:12:33,959 -and status and-- -Before we move on, 272 00:12:34,041 --> 00:12:36,625 I need you to understand that in no way 273 00:12:36,709 --> 00:12:39,375 was I ever suggesting that 274 00:12:39,458 --> 00:12:43,166 the horrific inequality that exists in this country 275 00:12:43,250 --> 00:12:46,458 is a result of white people being more driven. 276 00:12:46,542 --> 00:12:49,250 Colin: No, of course. 277 00:12:49,333 --> 00:12:52,917 But, is our skewed perception of what success looks like 278 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:56,125 responsible for some of that disparity? 279 00:12:56,208 --> 00:12:58,750 -I don't know. -No. 280 00:12:58,834 --> 00:13:01,083 Your poisoned perspective, 281 00:13:01,166 --> 00:13:03,959 distorted by centuries of dominance, your insistence on 282 00:13:04,041 --> 00:13:05,875 centering yourselves and your comfort makes you 283 00:13:05,959 --> 00:13:08,458 capable of subjugating others for your own personal gain 284 00:13:08,542 --> 00:13:11,583 -without even thinking twice about it. -Hundred percent. 285 00:13:11,667 --> 00:13:14,959 Stop saying hundred percent! You-- I don't think you understand me one percent. 286 00:13:15,041 --> 00:13:17,000 I think you're missing what I'm saying entirely! 287 00:13:17,083 --> 00:13:18,208 (scoffs) 288 00:13:21,041 --> 00:13:23,834 I am interested in you 289 00:13:23,917 --> 00:13:28,625 taking stock of your distorted perspective. 290 00:13:28,709 --> 00:13:31,166 The ways you've hurt people and why. 291 00:13:31,250 --> 00:13:33,375 The people whose lives aren't as bulletproof 292 00:13:33,458 --> 00:13:35,500 as your own. Your friends, Hannah. 293 00:13:35,583 --> 00:13:40,083 You see, I've been steeped in that for four years. 294 00:13:40,166 --> 00:13:43,291 I'm finally getting free of it, letting go of the negativity 295 00:13:43,375 --> 00:13:46,875 and the self-criticism. I am finally getting somewhere. 296 00:13:49,959 --> 00:13:52,083 Alright, look. (sighs) 297 00:13:52,166 --> 00:13:55,500 I was gonna save this till later, but... 298 00:13:55,583 --> 00:13:57,792 those tech kids that I had drinks with? 299 00:13:59,375 --> 00:14:00,625 They have their own startup, 300 00:14:00,709 --> 00:14:03,250 and they've asked me to come on board. 301 00:14:03,333 --> 00:14:06,709 To be literally on the board of their company. 302 00:14:06,792 --> 00:14:09,041 Sort of an overseer, a big picture guy. 303 00:14:11,166 --> 00:14:14,667 (slight chuckle) I'm back in. 304 00:14:14,750 --> 00:14:16,834 They offered you an executive position. 305 00:14:16,917 --> 00:14:18,417 (laughing) 306 00:14:20,875 --> 00:14:22,834 Well, look. 307 00:14:22,917 --> 00:14:24,875 I got plucked seemingly at random 308 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,667 and dropped in your office. 309 00:14:26,750 --> 00:14:29,125 Not what you were expecting or looking for, 310 00:14:29,208 --> 00:14:31,417 I get that. I'm not stupid. 311 00:14:32,917 --> 00:14:35,041 But we figured it out. 312 00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:36,417 We found our way to each other 313 00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:40,875 on an emotional level, on an intellectual level. 314 00:14:40,959 --> 00:14:43,000 You get me to own up to my mistakes. 315 00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:46,250 You get me thinking about how I can help. 316 00:14:46,333 --> 00:14:48,792 I sign on for this talk, 317 00:14:48,875 --> 00:14:53,208 warn young entrepreneurs about, you know, what can happen, huh. 318 00:14:53,291 --> 00:14:56,083 To-to use my story as a cautionary tale, 319 00:14:56,166 --> 00:14:58,542 so they don't make the same mistakes I did. 320 00:14:58,625 --> 00:15:00,750 I give the talk, it goes great. 321 00:15:00,834 --> 00:15:03,625 The company loves me, they hire me... 322 00:15:04,583 --> 00:15:06,750 and guess what one thing 323 00:15:06,834 --> 00:15:09,458 they're missing from their wellness app? 324 00:15:11,041 --> 00:15:13,208 A mental health expert. 325 00:15:13,291 --> 00:15:14,917 Hello. 326 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:17,792 I mean, it's crazy, huh? 327 00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:20,250 -I told them about you. They're super interested. -What? 328 00:15:20,333 --> 00:15:22,750 -Interested? -You could be one of the pillars of this thing. 329 00:15:22,834 --> 00:15:25,875 It could be big for you. I'm talking about serious money, 330 00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:27,458 not to mention exposure. 331 00:15:27,542 --> 00:15:31,000 This is a very high-profile deal they're building. 332 00:15:31,083 --> 00:15:33,709 And think of it. You could get out of Baldwin Hills. 333 00:15:33,792 --> 00:15:36,750 I like Baldwin Hills. I like my life. 334 00:15:36,834 --> 00:15:39,709 Brooke, I like Baldwin Hills, too, 335 00:15:39,792 --> 00:15:41,375 but come on. 336 00:15:43,083 --> 00:15:46,834 You're not the only one who's been making observations in here. 337 00:15:46,917 --> 00:15:50,041 -What are you talking about? -You're not happy. I mean... 338 00:15:51,125 --> 00:15:53,625 Adam? Really? 339 00:15:53,709 --> 00:15:55,083 That's not you, you know that. 340 00:15:55,166 --> 00:15:57,208 My personal life is none of your business. 341 00:15:57,291 --> 00:15:59,417 Okay, okay, fine. 342 00:16:01,083 --> 00:16:03,375 Tell me I'm wrong. 343 00:16:05,291 --> 00:16:08,041 You know, I've been to a meeting or two in my day, 344 00:16:08,125 --> 00:16:11,959 and I hear The Big Book in a lot of what you say in here. 345 00:16:12,041 --> 00:16:14,375 And I'm not-- I'm not judging, just like you don't. 346 00:16:14,458 --> 00:16:16,959 We're all fucked up. 347 00:16:17,041 --> 00:16:19,125 That doesn't mean your life has to be small. 348 00:16:19,208 --> 00:16:21,792 You have to think big and dream big. 349 00:16:21,875 --> 00:16:24,125 You have to will it into existence. That's what I did. 350 00:16:24,208 --> 00:16:26,458 I was fucking drowning. You know, 351 00:16:26,542 --> 00:16:28,959 I was this close to going under. 352 00:16:29,041 --> 00:16:31,792 What are the odds of us finding each other? 353 00:16:31,875 --> 00:16:34,166 Of me finding the one person who had exactly 354 00:16:34,250 --> 00:16:36,709 what I needed to get me out of this-this pit 355 00:16:36,792 --> 00:16:39,709 that felt bottomless, to get me where I needed to go. 356 00:16:39,792 --> 00:16:42,333 And that you would find me? 357 00:16:42,417 --> 00:16:45,333 This person whose outlook is your missing piece? 358 00:16:45,417 --> 00:16:48,750 I mean, come on. It's... 359 00:16:49,625 --> 00:16:51,750 cosmic, Brooke. 360 00:16:52,750 --> 00:16:54,917 Stars aligning-type shit. 361 00:16:58,291 --> 00:16:59,709 -Can I kiss you? -What? 362 00:16:59,792 --> 00:17:02,917 -Just come here. No, Brooke-- -Stop. No, let go of my hand. 363 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:04,500 I don't want that. 364 00:17:04,583 --> 00:17:06,709 Don't we both want that? 365 00:17:06,792 --> 00:17:09,625 -I've been half-hard the entire time I've been in here. -Jesus. 366 00:17:09,709 --> 00:17:12,250 What, are you really gonna deny yourself this? 367 00:17:12,333 --> 00:17:14,333 I mean, we're both adults. We both want to. 368 00:17:14,417 --> 00:17:16,125 What the fuck is stopping us? 369 00:17:16,208 --> 00:17:18,208 Don't tell me what I want or don't want. 370 00:17:18,291 --> 00:17:20,500 So you're really gonna play this game? 371 00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:23,875 Keep up this nonsense. 372 00:17:23,959 --> 00:17:26,792 Why else did you sign off on my shit if not for this? 373 00:17:26,875 --> 00:17:29,083 -This isn't why. -Oh, so you're telling me that 374 00:17:29,166 --> 00:17:31,375 if your grocery boy hadn't shown up the other night, 375 00:17:31,458 --> 00:17:33,625 -we wouldn't have fucked each other's brains out? -I am telling you 376 00:17:33,709 --> 00:17:37,041 that under no circumstances would I ever sleep with you. 377 00:17:37,125 --> 00:17:40,208 To use your phrase, it's one hundred percent off the table. 378 00:17:40,291 --> 00:17:41,750 You need to let this screen down, Brooke. 379 00:17:41,834 --> 00:17:45,458 -You can lie to me all you want. Don't lie to yourself. -(scoffs) 380 00:17:47,917 --> 00:17:49,000 (sighs) 381 00:17:50,667 --> 00:17:54,333 I am going to talk for a little while, 382 00:17:54,417 --> 00:17:56,792 and you are going to listen. 383 00:17:56,875 --> 00:17:59,458 -Brooke-- -I am going to talk for a little while, 384 00:17:59,542 --> 00:18:03,542 and you are going to listen! 385 00:18:03,625 --> 00:18:06,250 I am going to be direct and clear, 386 00:18:06,333 --> 00:18:08,500 and some of what I say may be painful to hear, 387 00:18:08,583 --> 00:18:09,750 if you can hear it at all, 388 00:18:09,834 --> 00:18:11,583 and it is important for you to keep in mind 389 00:18:11,667 --> 00:18:14,667 that I know what I'm talking about. I am the professional, 390 00:18:14,750 --> 00:18:17,041 and I have seen many, many people 391 00:18:17,125 --> 00:18:19,542 who are psychologically identical to you. 392 00:18:19,625 --> 00:18:22,542 It is not new, and it is not mysterious to me 393 00:18:22,625 --> 00:18:24,667 in any way. It is not novel, 394 00:18:24,750 --> 00:18:28,333 but it is very serious. 395 00:18:34,125 --> 00:18:35,208 (sighs) 396 00:18:36,458 --> 00:18:39,000 -Okay. -First-- 397 00:18:40,166 --> 00:18:41,333 First, 398 00:18:41,417 --> 00:18:44,125 what you are experiencing, this affection for me, 399 00:18:44,208 --> 00:18:47,000 it's called erotic transference. 400 00:18:47,083 --> 00:18:49,834 Oh, come on. I know what transference is. 401 00:18:49,917 --> 00:18:52,041 This isn't that. This is... 402 00:18:52,125 --> 00:18:55,041 an electrical field encompassing both of us, 403 00:18:55,125 --> 00:18:57,417 screaming that it's time to tear each other's clothes off. 404 00:18:57,500 --> 00:18:59,542 I need you to listen. 405 00:19:00,709 --> 00:19:02,083 It's common. 406 00:19:03,291 --> 00:19:05,667 The result of the unusual dynamic 407 00:19:05,750 --> 00:19:07,750 of the therapist-patient relationship. 408 00:19:07,834 --> 00:19:09,709 It's very intimate, and, in your case, 409 00:19:09,792 --> 00:19:12,709 you have felt isolated, cast out. 410 00:19:12,792 --> 00:19:15,834 I have accepted and supported you. 411 00:19:15,917 --> 00:19:17,917 Bullshit. We've been pulling each other's hair 412 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,166 like a couple of third graders. 413 00:19:19,250 --> 00:19:21,458 I understand that this feels very real for you. 414 00:19:21,542 --> 00:19:23,875 I understand your resistance to a lot of the things 415 00:19:23,959 --> 00:19:25,500 that I've been telling you in here. 416 00:19:25,583 --> 00:19:27,667 It requires a forfeiture of power, 417 00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:29,291 of status, and of comfort. 418 00:19:29,375 --> 00:19:32,333 It's the reason why so few people do the work. 419 00:19:32,417 --> 00:19:35,333 -What, what work? -Owning up to the ways 420 00:19:35,417 --> 00:19:38,667 they are directly and indirectly responsible for suffering. 421 00:19:38,750 --> 00:19:41,333 I have suffered because of you. 422 00:19:41,417 --> 00:19:44,166 You have lied to me. You have manipulated me. 423 00:19:44,250 --> 00:19:46,500 You have trivialized my work. 424 00:19:46,583 --> 00:19:48,750 You have turned what was intended to be a way 425 00:19:48,834 --> 00:19:51,500 of giving back to the community into a game. 426 00:19:51,583 --> 00:19:53,458 I have felt insulted by you. 427 00:19:53,542 --> 00:19:55,917 This is starting to feel like your therapy session. 428 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:57,875 This is a common therapeutic practice 429 00:19:57,959 --> 00:20:00,458 when confronting a patient with a distorted reality. 430 00:20:00,542 --> 00:20:03,333 Oh, right. Yeah, the "shitting all over a guy" technique. 431 00:20:03,417 --> 00:20:04,375 My ex used that one. 432 00:20:04,458 --> 00:20:06,208 I'm not gonna twist myself into knots 433 00:20:06,291 --> 00:20:08,333 to make this painless for you. 434 00:20:08,417 --> 00:20:09,917 I need you to hear the truth. 435 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,417 Oh, so you're omnipotent. Wonderful, congratulations. 436 00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:14,875 I also know you enough to know how you lash out 437 00:20:14,959 --> 00:20:16,333 when you feel vulnerable 438 00:20:16,417 --> 00:20:18,375 -and exposed. -Oh, so you won't mind me telling you 439 00:20:18,458 --> 00:20:20,542 that your head's buried up your own ass then? 440 00:20:20,625 --> 00:20:22,458 You want some hard truth, Brooke? 441 00:20:22,542 --> 00:20:24,792 You want some unvarnished straight talk? 442 00:20:24,875 --> 00:20:28,375 You-you are so concerned with what it would say about you 443 00:20:28,458 --> 00:20:32,542 if you liked me that you can't even see that you do. 444 00:20:32,625 --> 00:20:35,875 You don't wanna acknowledge who's sitting across from you right now. 445 00:20:35,959 --> 00:20:38,333 This man who, in spite of every bias and preconception, 446 00:20:38,417 --> 00:20:40,834 you have grown fond of. 447 00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:44,834 You won't acknowledge that because, eh... 448 00:20:44,917 --> 00:20:46,625 you're not interested in rehabilitation. 449 00:20:46,709 --> 00:20:49,083 -Yes, I am. -No, that's saved for whatever 450 00:20:49,166 --> 00:20:51,333 brown-skinned hard case you thought you were getting 451 00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:53,333 when you signed up for pro bono work. 452 00:20:53,417 --> 00:20:55,834 You wanted to save someone. Some fuckin' 453 00:20:55,917 --> 00:20:58,125 "Lean On Me" fantasy horseshit. 454 00:20:58,208 --> 00:21:00,166 This guy? No. This guy doesn't get 455 00:21:00,250 --> 00:21:01,792 rehabilitation. He gets retribution. 456 00:21:01,875 --> 00:21:04,041 Not for what he did or who he is, 457 00:21:04,125 --> 00:21:07,917 but for what every other white guy has ever done. 458 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,750 I'm the vessel for a different fantasy. 459 00:21:09,834 --> 00:21:13,333 Unfucking the world by grinding a white guy into dust, 460 00:21:13,417 --> 00:21:15,750 turning him into a quivering puddle of self-hate. 461 00:21:15,834 --> 00:21:17,583 You're vindictive, Brooke. 462 00:21:17,667 --> 00:21:19,917 -Own that! -You are wrong, Colin. 463 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,625 See, people used to be able to make mistakes, 464 00:21:22,709 --> 00:21:25,291 -and then grow! -(Brooke scoffs) 465 00:21:25,375 --> 00:21:28,709 They would change. They would be shaped by their experiences 466 00:21:28,792 --> 00:21:30,458 and evolve. Well, not anymore. 467 00:21:30,542 --> 00:21:32,959 Now, we keep a record. Receipts. 468 00:21:33,041 --> 00:21:35,792 You know, and if you weren't perfect always, 469 00:21:35,875 --> 00:21:38,500 you are forever irredeemable. 470 00:21:38,583 --> 00:21:40,875 It's like looking at a person walking down the street 471 00:21:40,959 --> 00:21:42,417 and saying, "Oh, but you should've seen them 472 00:21:42,500 --> 00:21:44,250 "when they were 1. They could barely stand, 473 00:21:44,333 --> 00:21:46,041 and they shit their pants all the time." 474 00:21:46,125 --> 00:21:48,250 I mean, we-we-we get better! 475 00:21:48,333 --> 00:21:51,625 We try and fail and improve but 476 00:21:51,709 --> 00:21:53,709 that process is now not evidence of growth. 477 00:21:53,792 --> 00:21:57,750 It is the corrupt seed from which you have emerged. 478 00:21:57,834 --> 00:22:00,792 You were rotten, and so you shall remain. 479 00:22:00,875 --> 00:22:04,125 It's biblical, it's puritanical nonsense, 480 00:22:04,208 --> 00:22:05,709 and it's fuckin' exhausting. 481 00:22:05,792 --> 00:22:08,667 That is a thorough, compelling, and I'm sure soothing way 482 00:22:08,750 --> 00:22:10,917 to justify your own wrongdoings. 483 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,083 -You-you lured me in. -Hm! 484 00:22:13,166 --> 00:22:16,041 You said, "This is a safe space, be honest, show me who you are." 485 00:22:16,125 --> 00:22:18,917 And then I did, and you said, "Shame on you." 486 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:21,834 -No, that's not true. -What, you think you're perfect? 487 00:22:21,917 --> 00:22:24,166 You think you don't have things to atone for? 488 00:22:24,250 --> 00:22:26,333 -This isn't about me. -Those are nice earrings, Brooke. 489 00:22:26,417 --> 00:22:27,667 How much did they cost? 490 00:22:27,750 --> 00:22:29,542 Couple of hundred bucks? Do you know 491 00:22:29,625 --> 00:22:31,500 how many starving children $200 could feed? 492 00:22:31,583 --> 00:22:34,375 But you like the way they look, right? They make you feel... 493 00:22:34,458 --> 00:22:38,166 something. Pretty, stylish, whatever. 494 00:22:38,250 --> 00:22:40,709 You believe you're virtuous 'cause you're Black and a woman, 495 00:22:40,792 --> 00:22:44,166 two things you were at birth that somehow, 496 00:22:44,250 --> 00:22:46,458 somehow absolve you from judgment. 497 00:22:46,542 --> 00:22:48,041 I can't help you. I need you to leave. 498 00:22:48,125 --> 00:22:51,917 Do you know the environmental cost of the way you live? 499 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:54,583 No, that doesn't really rise to the level of importance to you 500 00:22:54,667 --> 00:22:56,250 because the millions upon millions of people 501 00:22:56,333 --> 00:22:57,709 whose lives will be destroyed first 502 00:22:57,792 --> 00:22:59,500 live halfway across the world in countries 503 00:22:59,583 --> 00:23:02,792 you've never been to and never would go to, so fuck them. 504 00:23:02,875 --> 00:23:04,875 And I'm interested in subjugation. 505 00:23:04,959 --> 00:23:06,542 Fuck you. We all are. 506 00:23:06,625 --> 00:23:08,417 It's the backbone of our entire existence. 507 00:23:08,500 --> 00:23:10,834 People love talking about the sins of the past 508 00:23:10,917 --> 00:23:14,041 to distract them from the sins of right fucking now. 509 00:23:14,125 --> 00:23:17,083 And we're all complicit. We are every one of us guilty, 510 00:23:17,166 --> 00:23:19,542 but you can't hold that much suffering in your head. 511 00:23:19,625 --> 00:23:21,083 You can't live with that, 512 00:23:21,166 --> 00:23:23,792 so we all drink our green smoothies out of plastic cups 513 00:23:23,875 --> 00:23:25,875 that will outlast the human species, 514 00:23:25,959 --> 00:23:28,125 choke our oceans, cut off the food supply, 515 00:23:28,208 --> 00:23:30,166 and cause mass starvation and death. 516 00:23:30,250 --> 00:23:33,041 (scoffs) You want me to account for how I've hurt people? 517 00:23:33,125 --> 00:23:35,417 It's incalculable. 518 00:23:35,500 --> 00:23:37,750 I lied to my wife, I lied to my investors, 519 00:23:37,834 --> 00:23:40,250 and so now they don't have as much money as they used to. 520 00:23:40,333 --> 00:23:42,583 Boo-hoo. I trivialized your work, 521 00:23:42,667 --> 00:23:44,250 something that only affects your head. 522 00:23:44,333 --> 00:23:47,542 The damage is limited to what lies between your ears. 523 00:23:47,625 --> 00:23:49,417 You want me to feel guilty for that? 524 00:23:49,500 --> 00:23:51,917 Oh god, give me a fucking break! 525 00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:56,083 I have much bigger shit to account for. We all do. 526 00:23:56,166 --> 00:23:58,375 But no, no. Let's talk about me 527 00:23:58,458 --> 00:24:01,792 -because we're much more comfortable when we do that. -I apologize, Colin. 528 00:24:02,959 --> 00:24:04,625 I thought I could help you. 529 00:24:04,709 --> 00:24:06,542 No, I am not looking for an apology. 530 00:24:06,625 --> 00:24:09,458 Well, that's all I have to offer. Now, I need you to leave. 531 00:24:09,542 --> 00:24:11,625 No, no, no. No. I-I'm paying for this time. 532 00:24:11,709 --> 00:24:14,125 I won't charge you. 533 00:24:14,208 --> 00:24:16,750 I'm partially responsible. I allowed the boundaries 534 00:24:16,834 --> 00:24:20,125 to be blurred, but what's done is done. 535 00:24:20,208 --> 00:24:22,792 I am happy to recommend a therapist to you 536 00:24:22,875 --> 00:24:24,709 if you want to continue seeing someone. 537 00:24:24,792 --> 00:24:27,125 I mistook you for someone bigger than this, 538 00:24:27,208 --> 00:24:29,667 -but you're just like all the rest. -It's not my responsibility 539 00:24:29,750 --> 00:24:33,875 to fix your warped perspective of the world. 540 00:24:33,959 --> 00:24:36,000 To undo the damage done to your soul 541 00:24:36,083 --> 00:24:39,041 from a lifetime of privilege. That is your job now. 542 00:24:39,125 --> 00:24:41,208 -Do it, don't do it. It's up to you. -Nice. 543 00:24:41,291 --> 00:24:42,792 "When the going gets tough, wash your hands 544 00:24:42,875 --> 00:24:44,750 of the whole situation." That's how the saying goes. 545 00:24:44,834 --> 00:24:47,500 You are unwilling to do the work required! 546 00:24:47,583 --> 00:24:50,458 I'm unwilling? You're the one that-that-that's kicking me out. 547 00:24:50,542 --> 00:24:53,834 I'm here. I'm ready. I'm baring my soul, and you're like, 548 00:24:53,917 --> 00:24:55,709 "Oh no, that's a little too messy. No, thank you." 549 00:24:55,792 --> 00:24:59,375 -You haven't given me anything. -What the fuck more do you want? 550 00:24:59,458 --> 00:25:01,166 Oh, you want my trauma? 551 00:25:01,250 --> 00:25:03,500 You want me to talk about my family? 552 00:25:03,583 --> 00:25:05,834 That we all slept in the same room, 553 00:25:05,917 --> 00:25:09,000 the barn loft above their hippie hangout? 554 00:25:09,083 --> 00:25:10,667 Free Love Movement's well and good 555 00:25:10,750 --> 00:25:13,333 until your parents' friends show up and the wine starts flowing. 556 00:25:13,417 --> 00:25:15,166 You ever seen your mom get double-teamed 557 00:25:15,250 --> 00:25:17,667 by a pair of Charlie Manson lookalikes? 558 00:25:17,750 --> 00:25:20,500 You ever seen your dad at the bottom of a pile of dicks? 559 00:25:20,583 --> 00:25:22,041 Is that what you're looking for? 560 00:25:22,125 --> 00:25:24,458 -Because there's more where that came from. -I'm looking for you 561 00:25:24,542 --> 00:25:26,000 to examine yourself. 562 00:25:26,083 --> 00:25:27,792 Not me, not your parents, not your exes, 563 00:25:27,875 --> 00:25:31,709 -not the criminal justice system. You. -Okay. Alright, I... 564 00:25:31,792 --> 00:25:33,291 I'm god-awful! 565 00:25:34,083 --> 00:25:35,375 I'm an entitled fuck. 566 00:25:35,458 --> 00:25:38,041 I-I love pussy. I can't stand women. 567 00:25:38,125 --> 00:25:39,417 How's that for a catch-22? 568 00:25:39,500 --> 00:25:41,542 I'm not simply asking you to list the ugliest thing 569 00:25:41,625 --> 00:25:45,041 that comes to your mind. I'm asking for an honest accounting 570 00:25:45,125 --> 00:25:47,041 of why you are the way you are. 571 00:25:47,125 --> 00:25:49,000 Why, why am I this way? 572 00:25:49,083 --> 00:25:51,125 My parents thought I was a fool, 573 00:25:51,208 --> 00:25:53,250 and they said as much over and over and over. 574 00:25:53,333 --> 00:25:55,083 And everything I did, everything 575 00:25:55,166 --> 00:25:58,291 -was to prove them wrong. -Self-pity isn't gonna get you anywhere. 576 00:26:00,542 --> 00:26:02,667 Don't leave me. 577 00:26:02,750 --> 00:26:04,834 You only feel attached to me 578 00:26:04,917 --> 00:26:08,417 because I am an obstacle you have failed to overcome. 579 00:26:08,500 --> 00:26:10,875 I'm not a person to you. 580 00:26:10,959 --> 00:26:12,709 I'm a level on a video game. 581 00:26:12,792 --> 00:26:15,458 I'm an opportunity for you to hone your skills. 582 00:26:15,542 --> 00:26:17,250 You want me because you can't have me. 583 00:26:17,333 --> 00:26:19,750 I'm growing. I don't know why you can't see that, but I am. 584 00:26:19,834 --> 00:26:22,083 I'm changing. You are changing me. I suck, I know it! 585 00:26:22,166 --> 00:26:24,417 You are guessing at what I want to hear. 586 00:26:24,500 --> 00:26:26,750 -What do you want to hear? -The truth! 587 00:26:26,834 --> 00:26:29,083 -W-w-w-what is the truth? -Only you can know, Colin. 588 00:26:29,166 --> 00:26:31,750 -I-I hate myself. That's the truth. -No, it isn't. 589 00:26:31,834 --> 00:26:34,834 -No, I'm cruel! I know that. No, I... -Goodbye, Colin. 590 00:26:34,917 --> 00:26:37,333 I think people are stupid! 591 00:26:40,333 --> 00:26:42,625 I think people are stupid. I hate 'em for it. 592 00:26:45,166 --> 00:26:46,417 (sighs) 593 00:26:46,500 --> 00:26:49,083 I hate how easy it is to manipulate and to lie to them. 594 00:26:49,166 --> 00:26:50,750 I-I hate how 595 00:26:50,834 --> 00:26:52,917 soft and impressionable 596 00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:55,750 and trusting they are. 597 00:26:55,834 --> 00:26:58,291 It makes me want to take advantage of them. 598 00:26:58,375 --> 00:27:00,250 It makes me want to punish them, 599 00:27:00,333 --> 00:27:02,458 to find some way for them to pay the price 600 00:27:02,542 --> 00:27:04,000 for just how stupid they are. 601 00:27:04,083 --> 00:27:05,959 Everyone. My... 602 00:27:06,041 --> 00:27:08,875 my employees, my clients, my lawyers. 603 00:27:10,166 --> 00:27:11,500 Hannah. 604 00:27:13,208 --> 00:27:15,500 You. 605 00:27:15,583 --> 00:27:17,208 I know you're not. I know you're not now, 606 00:27:17,291 --> 00:27:19,542 -but you asked for the truth-- -Stop. 607 00:27:28,875 --> 00:27:30,500 Say something. 608 00:27:35,250 --> 00:27:38,583 -Why-why can't you say anything? -I'm just tired. 609 00:27:41,417 --> 00:27:43,583 I have so much work to do. 610 00:27:49,125 --> 00:27:51,250 I appreciate your honesty. 611 00:27:52,834 --> 00:27:55,792 I'll see you next week. You can show yourself out. 612 00:27:59,375 --> 00:28:02,959 ♪ ♪ 613 00:28:03,041 --> 00:28:04,125 (door shuts) 614 00:28:13,667 --> 00:28:16,750 ♪ ♪ 615 00:28:43,709 --> 00:28:46,792 ♪ ♪ 616 00:29:13,750 --> 00:29:16,834 ♪ ♪