1 00:00:00,792 --> 00:00:01,917 ♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ 2 00:00:03,834 --> 00:00:05,417 Well, I finally did what you said. 3 00:00:05,792 --> 00:00:06,917 I quit. 4 00:00:07,750 --> 00:00:09,792 I never told you to quit your job. 5 00:00:10,041 --> 00:00:11,583 Now you playing games? 6 00:00:12,083 --> 00:00:13,166 This is my life. 7 00:00:13,250 --> 00:00:15,250 I don't think I like the way that you're talking 8 00:00:15,333 --> 00:00:16,250 to me right now. 9 00:00:16,333 --> 00:00:17,834 You told me I needed to change my life. 10 00:00:17,917 --> 00:00:18,959 No I didn't! 11 00:00:19,917 --> 00:00:23,291 Therapists terminate therapy when it becomes apparent 12 00:00:23,375 --> 00:00:26,917 that a patient is being harmed by continued counseling. 13 00:00:27,125 --> 00:00:30,625 I will make sure to find someone who understands you, 14 00:00:30,709 --> 00:00:33,750 who pushes you, and who will take care of you. 15 00:00:33,959 --> 00:00:36,291 That person is you. 16 00:00:36,542 --> 00:00:37,959 I'm failing you. 17 00:00:42,959 --> 00:00:44,291 I'll see you next week. 18 00:00:54,875 --> 00:00:56,875 -(doorbell rings) -(door opens) 19 00:00:56,959 --> 00:01:00,125 (insects, birds chirping) 20 00:01:01,041 --> 00:01:03,208 Here's Johnny. 21 00:01:03,291 --> 00:01:05,083 Come on in. 22 00:01:11,750 --> 00:01:14,000 (light piano music playing) 23 00:01:14,083 --> 00:01:16,166 ♪ ♪ 24 00:01:31,166 --> 00:01:34,333 (footsteps approach) 25 00:01:39,709 --> 00:01:41,291 (puts down cup) 26 00:01:46,166 --> 00:01:47,500 Thank you. 27 00:01:57,500 --> 00:02:01,041 So, I-I went back to your psychiatrist friend. 28 00:02:02,792 --> 00:02:05,166 -And? -And she's interesting. 29 00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:07,792 She kinda reminds me of an aunt I haven't seen in a while. 30 00:02:07,875 --> 00:02:10,125 There's a stillness about her. 31 00:02:10,208 --> 00:02:12,709 You could very much picture her sitting by a cold window 32 00:02:12,792 --> 00:02:14,083 and listening to the snowfall 33 00:02:14,166 --> 00:02:16,583 and being satisfied with that for hours. 34 00:02:16,667 --> 00:02:19,542 I mean, I wish I was more like that. 35 00:02:19,625 --> 00:02:21,458 And she agrees with you. 36 00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:23,291 And, um... 37 00:02:23,375 --> 00:02:25,583 I think maybe I agree with you, too. 38 00:02:27,041 --> 00:02:29,041 About which part? 39 00:02:30,875 --> 00:02:33,709 Uh, I don't think I'm bipolar. 40 00:02:35,875 --> 00:02:37,834 I mean, I have some other shit, 41 00:02:37,917 --> 00:02:39,583 uh, I-- which I guess 42 00:02:39,667 --> 00:02:42,458 is easier to handle. 43 00:02:42,542 --> 00:02:44,875 Uh, depending on how you look at it. 44 00:02:45,875 --> 00:02:47,542 -Tell me more. -Yeah, I mean, 45 00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:49,542 she just thinks, basically, 46 00:02:49,625 --> 00:02:51,500 I have an obsessive compulsive personality 47 00:02:51,583 --> 00:02:54,250 combined with a general anxiety disorder, 48 00:02:54,333 --> 00:02:56,667 and that I'm prone to bouts of depression. 49 00:02:56,750 --> 00:02:58,375 So, we was talking about maybe treating that 50 00:02:58,458 --> 00:03:00,375 with a front-line SSRI 51 00:03:00,458 --> 00:03:03,125 for the depression, and then some sort of 52 00:03:03,208 --> 00:03:04,542 Ativan or somethin' 53 00:03:04,625 --> 00:03:07,542 for the occasional larger bouts of anxiety. 54 00:03:07,625 --> 00:03:09,917 You know. But, I mean, 55 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:12,166 you know, not yet, right? 56 00:03:12,250 --> 00:03:14,291 Like, maybe there's some more 57 00:03:14,375 --> 00:03:17,291 talk therapy work to do before we bring the drugs back. 58 00:03:18,959 --> 00:03:21,041 Nah, I-I mean... 59 00:03:21,125 --> 00:03:22,875 I'm scared. 60 00:03:22,959 --> 00:03:24,625 I'm scared for sure, 61 00:03:24,709 --> 00:03:26,500 but I'm also not 62 00:03:26,583 --> 00:03:28,542 because I have you, 63 00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:32,083 and you're the best. And I... 64 00:03:32,166 --> 00:03:35,375 I just think there's more for us to do in here. 65 00:03:35,458 --> 00:03:37,208 Brooke: And I'm sorry I couldn't see that 66 00:03:37,291 --> 00:03:41,166 as clearly at the end of our last session as I can now. 67 00:03:41,959 --> 00:03:44,792 And I'm really grateful 68 00:03:44,875 --> 00:03:47,625 you wouldn't allow our work together to end there. 69 00:03:48,709 --> 00:03:50,667 You are? 70 00:03:50,750 --> 00:03:53,750 (sighs) 'Cause, like, I kinda thought you'd still be mad. 71 00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:55,500 (laughs) 72 00:03:55,583 --> 00:03:58,583 I have a lot of feelings about what went down last week, 73 00:03:58,667 --> 00:04:01,542 but mad is not one of them. Or... 74 00:04:01,625 --> 00:04:04,917 if it is, I'm only mad at myself. 75 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:07,000 Don't-- Don't beat yourself up. 76 00:04:07,083 --> 00:04:09,250 People try to leave me all the time. 77 00:04:09,333 --> 00:04:12,125 -I'm just gettin' better at not lettin' them. -Mm. 78 00:04:14,125 --> 00:04:15,709 So... 79 00:04:15,792 --> 00:04:18,959 this is a lucky place you find yourself, isn't it, Eladio? 80 00:04:20,667 --> 00:04:23,125 -What do you mean? -Well, it's not often we get signs 81 00:04:23,208 --> 00:04:25,750 marking the crossroads in our lives. 82 00:04:25,834 --> 00:04:27,917 It's usually only when we look back 83 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:29,709 we realize we chose a path, 84 00:04:29,792 --> 00:04:31,542 but here you are. 85 00:04:31,625 --> 00:04:33,417 You quit the DeMarcos, 86 00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:35,542 your work front has opened up, 87 00:04:35,625 --> 00:04:37,875 your living situation is up in the air, 88 00:04:37,959 --> 00:04:41,834 you've had a major diagnosis reversed. 89 00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:44,083 So, 90 00:04:44,166 --> 00:04:46,500 big picture moment, wouldn't you say? 91 00:04:48,792 --> 00:04:51,083 (sighs) 92 00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:53,125 When you lay it out like that, 93 00:04:53,208 --> 00:04:55,458 that's fuckin' terrifying, yo. 94 00:04:55,542 --> 00:04:57,583 What am I supposed to do with all of that at once? 95 00:04:57,667 --> 00:05:01,417 Does it help to know that you're not alone? 96 00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:04,625 Yeah, yeah. You're here with me. 97 00:05:04,709 --> 00:05:06,583 No. 98 00:05:06,667 --> 00:05:08,417 I mean, in a larger sense. 99 00:05:09,375 --> 00:05:10,792 Wait, hold up. 100 00:05:10,875 --> 00:05:13,291 You trying to sell me some existential nonsense 101 00:05:13,375 --> 00:05:14,792 right now? I-I need 102 00:05:14,875 --> 00:05:17,959 answers, doc. Not more questions. 103 00:05:18,041 --> 00:05:20,583 Yeah, all I'm saying is that the past year has resulted in 104 00:05:20,667 --> 00:05:23,792 every single one of my patients having to take a step back 105 00:05:23,875 --> 00:05:28,417 and look at their lives in very different ways than before. 106 00:05:28,500 --> 00:05:31,458 The pandemic ripped off the blindfolds, you know? 107 00:05:31,542 --> 00:05:32,667 In the early days, 108 00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:35,959 all the usual distractions fell away-- work, 109 00:05:36,041 --> 00:05:39,500 school, social obligations, traffic. 110 00:05:39,583 --> 00:05:42,000 We were forced to take stock, 111 00:05:42,083 --> 00:05:43,500 to prioritize. 112 00:05:43,583 --> 00:05:45,667 To panic over paper products. 113 00:05:45,750 --> 00:05:50,166 To think about what we wanted our lives to look like after. 114 00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:52,125 We? 115 00:05:52,208 --> 00:05:53,500 So that goes for you, too? 116 00:05:53,583 --> 00:05:54,959 What, you think I'm immune? 117 00:05:55,041 --> 00:05:58,458 This year has been ruthless. 118 00:05:58,542 --> 00:05:59,917 (both laugh) 119 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,041 You know, but maybe, 120 00:06:02,125 --> 00:06:04,750 -also a gift. -A flaming bag 121 00:06:04,834 --> 00:06:07,375 of dog shit on your doorstep kind of gift. 122 00:06:07,458 --> 00:06:09,750 (both laugh) 123 00:06:09,834 --> 00:06:12,166 Let's try a thing that I do with patients 124 00:06:12,250 --> 00:06:14,834 who aren't sure about what lies ahead. 125 00:06:17,166 --> 00:06:20,417 I want you to tell me your vision for your life. 126 00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:25,667 -I don't know if I can. -Try. 127 00:06:27,375 --> 00:06:29,875 I don't think I have, like, 128 00:06:29,959 --> 00:06:32,458 that robust of an imagination. 129 00:06:32,542 --> 00:06:34,500 Both you and I know that's not true. 130 00:06:35,834 --> 00:06:37,458 What do you want? 131 00:06:37,542 --> 00:06:40,125 What do you imagine for yourself? 132 00:06:40,208 --> 00:06:41,542 What story would you write for yourself 133 00:06:41,625 --> 00:06:44,792 if you had the power to control every move, 134 00:06:44,875 --> 00:06:47,125 and there is no reason not to believe 135 00:06:47,208 --> 00:06:51,166 -the best possible version lies ahead. -Yo... 136 00:06:51,250 --> 00:06:53,583 I'm not trying to be resistant or, like, 137 00:06:53,667 --> 00:06:56,000 not do what you're asking me to do, but... 138 00:06:56,959 --> 00:06:58,583 I fuckin'... 139 00:06:58,667 --> 00:07:00,959 I don't know what I'm gonna do after this. 140 00:07:01,041 --> 00:07:03,000 I don't... have a plan. 141 00:07:03,083 --> 00:07:04,625 I don't have friends, really. 142 00:07:04,709 --> 00:07:07,583 -I don't fuckin'... -Eladio. 143 00:07:07,667 --> 00:07:10,291 I'm not asking you to inventory your fear. 144 00:07:11,458 --> 00:07:13,750 I'm asking you to hope. 145 00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:15,333 To envision. 146 00:07:16,792 --> 00:07:18,333 Let's start there. 147 00:07:19,208 --> 00:07:21,000 What do you want? 148 00:07:24,750 --> 00:07:26,166 I don't know. 149 00:07:28,125 --> 00:07:31,625 I wanna love someone, I guess. 150 00:07:31,709 --> 00:07:33,250 You can have that. 151 00:07:35,667 --> 00:07:37,375 But, like, in a romantic way. 152 00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:38,875 I understand. 153 00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:41,166 What else? 154 00:07:43,583 --> 00:07:46,500 I don't know, fuck it. I wanna be loved. 155 00:07:46,583 --> 00:07:47,709 I have a feeling 156 00:07:47,792 --> 00:07:49,792 that once you open yourself up to the world, 157 00:07:49,875 --> 00:07:53,250 making that happen will be as easy as drawing in a breath. 158 00:07:55,291 --> 00:07:56,834 I wanna be known. 159 00:07:58,875 --> 00:08:00,709 -Say more. -I mean... 160 00:08:02,959 --> 00:08:05,792 To love is to know, right? 161 00:08:05,875 --> 00:08:09,917 I wanna attempt to know the entirety of another person, 162 00:08:10,041 --> 00:08:11,667 and have them know me back. 163 00:08:11,750 --> 00:08:13,125 Even though it's impossible, 164 00:08:13,208 --> 00:08:16,458 even though to be human is to be a river, 165 00:08:16,542 --> 00:08:18,333 I wanna fall in love with someone 166 00:08:18,417 --> 00:08:21,125 who's singularly obsessed with growth. 167 00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:25,792 I-I wanna meet my cousins' kids. 168 00:08:25,875 --> 00:08:28,125 (laughs) You know. 169 00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,333 It might sound stupid, but... 170 00:08:30,417 --> 00:08:33,250 I want my cousins' kids to have a nickname for me. 171 00:08:33,333 --> 00:08:37,417 I wanna get a job where I work outside, you know. (laughs) 172 00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:40,041 My boy Almo, he always says 173 00:08:40,125 --> 00:08:41,959 that me and his grandfather have so much in common, 174 00:08:42,041 --> 00:08:45,333 which is kind of a weird thing because my man is 92 years old. 175 00:08:45,417 --> 00:08:47,709 But, like, I... I really wanna 176 00:08:47,792 --> 00:08:50,625 get fluent enough in Arabic that when I meet his grandfather 177 00:08:50,709 --> 00:08:52,959 and he tells a joke, I laugh. 178 00:08:56,792 --> 00:08:59,583 I wanna do Christmases with my mom again. 179 00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:02,417 You know... 180 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,500 And I wanna be enough of a fuckin' grownup to stop 181 00:09:04,583 --> 00:09:06,333 waitin' on an apology that's not gonna come 182 00:09:06,417 --> 00:09:07,917 and hatin' her when it doesn't. 183 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,166 It doesn't have to be all that... 184 00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,750 Just wrap the fuckin' oil diffuser, 185 00:09:12,834 --> 00:09:15,750 watch her open it, make coffee... 186 00:09:15,834 --> 00:09:17,333 Normal shit. 187 00:09:19,291 --> 00:09:21,875 If I had all that... 188 00:09:21,959 --> 00:09:23,834 Shit, if I had half of that... 189 00:09:25,542 --> 00:09:27,125 it'd be dope. 190 00:09:28,667 --> 00:09:30,917 Brooke: That's beautiful, Eladio. 191 00:09:32,458 --> 00:09:34,625 I think you can have it. 192 00:09:35,291 --> 00:09:37,291 All of it. 193 00:09:39,625 --> 00:09:41,625 Yeah, right. People like me 194 00:09:41,709 --> 00:09:43,417 don't get what they want in life. 195 00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:45,542 People like you? 196 00:09:45,625 --> 00:09:47,375 There are limitations. 197 00:09:47,458 --> 00:09:49,166 Such as? 198 00:09:51,542 --> 00:09:53,458 I'm limited. 199 00:09:53,542 --> 00:09:57,125 -Alright, I got problems. -Do you? Really? 200 00:09:58,166 --> 00:10:00,458 It's an old story, El. 201 00:10:00,542 --> 00:10:02,875 Don't have to tell it to yourself anymore. 202 00:10:02,959 --> 00:10:06,458 Ask me, ask Dr. Ahmadi, ask yourself. 203 00:10:08,667 --> 00:10:09,917 Nah. 204 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,500 But, like, even if I'm not bipolar, 205 00:10:11,583 --> 00:10:13,083 there's still somethin' wrong with me. 206 00:10:13,166 --> 00:10:15,500 In what way? 207 00:10:15,583 --> 00:10:20,125 I'm like a magnet that's always turned the wrong way. 208 00:10:20,208 --> 00:10:21,834 Any time I try to get close to someone, 209 00:10:21,917 --> 00:10:23,959 it's like there's some force between us. 210 00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:26,041 Like something about me just, like, 211 00:10:26,834 --> 00:10:28,375 pushes people away. 212 00:10:30,208 --> 00:10:33,583 Is it okay if I disagree with you right now? 213 00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:36,333 Yo, don't try it, mami. Okay? 214 00:10:36,417 --> 00:10:39,417 -I ain't gonna be convinced. -Can I empathize with you? 215 00:10:40,125 --> 00:10:42,208 Empathize. 216 00:10:42,291 --> 00:10:44,458 Relationships with people. 217 00:10:44,542 --> 00:10:47,208 Close relationships. 218 00:10:47,291 --> 00:10:49,583 I haven't had the easiest time either. 219 00:10:50,542 --> 00:10:52,458 And for so many years, 220 00:10:52,542 --> 00:10:55,834 it was one of the many reasons why I drank. 221 00:10:55,917 --> 00:10:58,583 And for my years of sobriety, 222 00:10:58,667 --> 00:11:00,750 I told myself it was because 223 00:11:00,834 --> 00:11:02,875 I was a recovering alcoholic. 224 00:11:02,959 --> 00:11:06,583 That no matter what, I was broken. 225 00:11:09,333 --> 00:11:10,792 That's rough, yo. 226 00:11:10,875 --> 00:11:13,583 And that limiting belief about myself 227 00:11:14,750 --> 00:11:17,750 had very real effects. I mean (sighs)... 228 00:11:18,583 --> 00:11:20,458 look around. What do you see? 229 00:11:23,041 --> 00:11:26,500 I mean, there's a lot of nice-ass furniture. 230 00:11:26,583 --> 00:11:28,542 Mm. What else? 231 00:11:30,792 --> 00:11:32,083 Tasteful art. 232 00:11:32,166 --> 00:11:35,875 -Lot of books. -Where are the people, Eladio? 233 00:11:47,333 --> 00:11:50,917 It's so funny, the assumptions we make. 234 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,125 When I picture you, like, 235 00:11:53,208 --> 00:11:55,667 between sessions or whatever, 236 00:11:55,750 --> 00:11:58,834 it's like, that fireplace over there is always lit. 237 00:11:58,917 --> 00:12:02,542 You curled up with a book, and some, like, 238 00:12:02,625 --> 00:12:05,667 aristocratic philosopher husband hands you a cup of Darjeeling 239 00:12:05,750 --> 00:12:07,750 and asks you if you're coming to bed soon, 240 00:12:07,834 --> 00:12:11,208 or if he should put another log on the fire. 241 00:12:11,291 --> 00:12:13,458 You have me married to Sir Francis Bacon? 242 00:12:14,792 --> 00:12:17,959 More like a minor Maharajah. (laughs) 243 00:12:20,417 --> 00:12:23,458 Hey, I appreciate you pulling back the curtain this way. 244 00:12:23,542 --> 00:12:27,083 And I know your point is to say that we all go through it. 245 00:12:27,166 --> 00:12:29,125 And it does comfort me. 246 00:12:29,834 --> 00:12:31,208 I'm glad. 247 00:12:33,083 --> 00:12:34,250 So, like, 248 00:12:34,333 --> 00:12:37,166 what do you do when you look around and your life is... 249 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,917 or isn't... 250 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:42,291 when it isn't what you thought it would be? 251 00:12:44,291 --> 00:12:47,041 You get a good therapist. 252 00:12:47,125 --> 00:12:49,875 -Do you have a good therapist? -I do. 253 00:12:49,959 --> 00:12:52,250 He let me down the other day, 254 00:12:52,333 --> 00:12:56,208 but in his apology, he said something great. 255 00:12:56,291 --> 00:12:59,792 He said, "We therapists fail our patients 256 00:12:59,875 --> 00:13:03,291 in the exact way they need." 257 00:13:03,375 --> 00:13:07,625 -Doesn't sound great. -Yes. (laughs) True. 258 00:13:07,709 --> 00:13:10,208 I only mean that I hadn't heard it before, 259 00:13:10,291 --> 00:13:12,083 and it has helped put what has happened 260 00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:14,875 between me and you into perspective. 261 00:13:16,458 --> 00:13:20,291 Well, how are you defining what happened between us? 262 00:13:20,375 --> 00:13:23,250 You mean the transference shit? 263 00:13:23,333 --> 00:13:26,125 Can I pull the curtain back even more? 264 00:13:26,208 --> 00:13:28,375 Sure. Yeah. Bring it. 265 00:13:29,625 --> 00:13:31,250 In the case of transference, 266 00:13:31,333 --> 00:13:34,125 it is the job of the therapist to, first of all, 267 00:13:34,208 --> 00:13:36,333 -identify it. -And you did that with me. 268 00:13:36,417 --> 00:13:39,250 I remember the morning. Maternal transference, 269 00:13:39,333 --> 00:13:43,542 -and we joked about Freud and shit and-- -Yes, that part I got right. 270 00:13:43,625 --> 00:13:46,333 Then the next step becomes setting 271 00:13:46,417 --> 00:13:49,208 and maintaining impeccable boundaries. 272 00:13:49,291 --> 00:13:51,792 Every time a transference occurs, it's my duty 273 00:13:51,875 --> 00:13:55,250 to steer the conversation towards the emotions 274 00:13:55,333 --> 00:13:59,208 and childhood experiences that triggered the transference. 275 00:13:59,291 --> 00:14:02,208 And then I hold steady in the face of a patient's 276 00:14:02,291 --> 00:14:05,500 often intense feelings about those boundaries. 277 00:14:05,583 --> 00:14:08,166 About not going there with them. 278 00:14:08,250 --> 00:14:10,333 You've done that, too. 279 00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:12,500 Remember? You told me not to call, 280 00:14:12,583 --> 00:14:14,291 and, like, you know. 281 00:14:14,375 --> 00:14:18,125 -Other shit. -Here's the part you can't get in a book, El. 282 00:14:20,709 --> 00:14:23,291 With you, every time I tried 283 00:14:23,375 --> 00:14:25,542 to re-establish the line between us, 284 00:14:25,625 --> 00:14:28,208 the rejection you would feel was palpable. 285 00:14:28,291 --> 00:14:31,208 Your defenses would go up, and you would go straight 286 00:14:31,291 --> 00:14:34,250 to talking about referrals and meds. 287 00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:37,625 No-no, Eladio. 288 00:14:37,709 --> 00:14:41,417 Makes perfect sense that you felt that way. 289 00:14:41,500 --> 00:14:44,583 The rejection you experienced from your mother, 290 00:14:44,667 --> 00:14:47,709 the distance she created between you two as a child, 291 00:14:47,792 --> 00:14:50,667 it was playing itself out on me. 292 00:14:50,750 --> 00:14:53,709 And that is also okay. 293 00:14:53,792 --> 00:14:56,250 That's what therapy can be for. 294 00:14:58,291 --> 00:15:00,542 -Yeah? -Except there was a transference 295 00:15:00,625 --> 00:15:02,792 happening on my end as well. 296 00:15:03,667 --> 00:15:05,291 You... 297 00:15:05,917 --> 00:15:07,166 (sighs) 298 00:15:09,458 --> 00:15:11,750 I have my own... 299 00:15:11,834 --> 00:15:13,709 childhood trauma. 300 00:15:15,959 --> 00:15:18,583 I gave my child... 301 00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:22,125 my son, up for adoption, and... 302 00:15:23,417 --> 00:15:27,291 (sighs) you being the age you are... 303 00:15:29,625 --> 00:15:31,834 You being the "you" you are. 304 00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:37,667 You became a surrogate for him in my mind. 305 00:15:37,750 --> 00:15:40,333 Every time you felt rejected, 306 00:15:40,417 --> 00:15:42,333 it would trigger a fear in me 307 00:15:42,417 --> 00:15:44,750 about how my son must feel, 308 00:15:44,834 --> 00:15:47,000 rejected by me. 309 00:15:48,291 --> 00:15:50,166 And instead of... 310 00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:52,875 (sighs) filing away those impulses, 311 00:15:52,959 --> 00:15:56,834 to work on with my supervisor, I would move to protect you. 312 00:15:56,917 --> 00:15:58,500 Us. 313 00:15:58,583 --> 00:16:00,542 From those feelings. 314 00:16:01,834 --> 00:16:03,583 I would... 315 00:16:03,667 --> 00:16:05,917 pick up the phone at 2:00 AM. 316 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,125 I would give you extra time. 317 00:16:08,208 --> 00:16:09,625 -I would-- -Hey, doc. 318 00:16:09,709 --> 00:16:13,125 I-I-I can't help but to notice that... 319 00:16:13,208 --> 00:16:15,291 this whole time you've been talking about stuff between us 320 00:16:15,375 --> 00:16:16,917 has been in the past tense. 321 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:19,375 I have? 322 00:16:20,500 --> 00:16:22,125 That's because it's time for us 323 00:16:22,208 --> 00:16:24,208 to move on from that dynamic, Eladio. 324 00:16:25,125 --> 00:16:27,625 To leave that in the past. 325 00:16:27,709 --> 00:16:30,083 And after our session last week, 326 00:16:30,166 --> 00:16:34,458 I became singularly focused on helping you 327 00:16:34,542 --> 00:16:38,166 to realize your worth doesn't come from outside yourself. 328 00:16:38,250 --> 00:16:43,083 From a mother figure like me, from your mother herself. 329 00:16:43,166 --> 00:16:45,250 It can only come from within. 330 00:16:47,583 --> 00:16:48,750 (sighs) 331 00:16:54,083 --> 00:16:55,792 See? 332 00:16:55,875 --> 00:16:57,875 I knew we were perfect for each other. 333 00:16:59,250 --> 00:17:02,792 -I'm not sure that that's what I was saying-- -We are. 334 00:17:02,875 --> 00:17:04,959 You got your shit, I got mine, 335 00:17:05,041 --> 00:17:07,792 and... it matches up. 336 00:17:10,458 --> 00:17:11,834 Okay. 337 00:17:11,917 --> 00:17:14,291 I think I've gone and done 338 00:17:14,375 --> 00:17:17,542 a lot of talking this hour. 339 00:17:17,625 --> 00:17:19,667 Could I hear from you? 340 00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:26,625 -Hear from me how? -I want to know how you see our relationship. 341 00:17:28,625 --> 00:17:30,625 How you experience it. 342 00:17:30,709 --> 00:17:32,000 You always seem to 343 00:17:32,083 --> 00:17:34,125 find a silver lining. 344 00:17:34,208 --> 00:17:37,542 Gratitude is powerful, dawg. (laughs) 345 00:17:37,625 --> 00:17:40,834 And how would you describe our relationship to someone else? 346 00:17:40,917 --> 00:17:44,000 A friend? Soyoung, perhaps. 347 00:17:44,083 --> 00:17:46,959 -What would you say? -I don't... 348 00:17:47,041 --> 00:17:49,750 -Not too good at role play. -Try. 349 00:17:49,834 --> 00:17:51,625 Say I'm Soyoung, 350 00:17:51,709 --> 00:17:54,709 and I ask you, ahem, 351 00:17:54,792 --> 00:17:58,041 "How are things going with that therapist you've been seeing?" 352 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:04,208 -Well, she's helped me a lot. -How so? 353 00:18:05,375 --> 00:18:07,458 Well, she helped me see... 354 00:18:07,542 --> 00:18:11,417 -She got me to quit my job. -She got you to quit your job? 355 00:18:11,500 --> 00:18:14,041 Well, she made me see that I wasn't being treated 356 00:18:14,125 --> 00:18:15,542 how I deserved to be treated. 357 00:18:15,625 --> 00:18:17,583 Yeah, but you lost your job. 358 00:18:17,667 --> 00:18:19,667 Eladio: I didn't lose my job. 359 00:18:19,750 --> 00:18:20,834 I-I quit. 360 00:18:20,917 --> 00:18:23,458 I emancipated myself from a bad situation. 361 00:18:23,542 --> 00:18:26,166 Brooke: Hm. So, where are you working now? 362 00:18:27,375 --> 00:18:29,417 Nowhere. I got a few feelers out. 363 00:18:29,500 --> 00:18:30,875 I mean, it's only been a week. 364 00:18:30,959 --> 00:18:33,291 Brooke: You have savings though. 365 00:18:33,375 --> 00:18:34,583 Nah. 366 00:18:34,667 --> 00:18:37,000 Hm. So, your therapist 367 00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:39,166 who works-- Where does she work again? 368 00:18:39,875 --> 00:18:42,208 I mean, outta her house. 369 00:18:42,291 --> 00:18:46,458 -I mean, I think it's just 'cause of the pandemic. -What neighborhood? 370 00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:49,083 -Baldwin Hills. -So your rich therapist 371 00:18:49,166 --> 00:18:52,792 who lives and works in the Black Beverly Hills... 372 00:18:52,875 --> 00:18:54,750 And you pay her how much an hour? 373 00:18:55,834 --> 00:18:58,417 -275. -275? Jesus Christ! 374 00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:00,500 But it's worth every fuckin' penny. 375 00:19:00,583 --> 00:19:04,000 Alright, she-she's kind. She's kind and she cares. 376 00:19:04,083 --> 00:19:06,750 She paid for me to see one of her colleagues who's incredib-- 377 00:19:06,834 --> 00:19:09,125 -She paid? What do you mean? -It means 378 00:19:09,208 --> 00:19:11,792 that all this class shit 379 00:19:11,875 --> 00:19:13,834 that you talking about is actually kinda unfair 380 00:19:13,917 --> 00:19:16,458 because she literally paid for me to see a psychiatrist 381 00:19:16,542 --> 00:19:18,208 that I otherwise couldn't afford 382 00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:20,000 'cause that's how much she cares. 383 00:19:20,083 --> 00:19:22,083 Brooke: And isn't that, 384 00:19:22,166 --> 00:19:24,959 -I don't know, a little weird? -Weird how? 385 00:19:26,542 --> 00:19:28,917 And how did your very last session with her go? 386 00:19:32,625 --> 00:19:34,417 This isn't fair. 387 00:19:38,250 --> 00:19:39,875 Does that sound like a person 388 00:19:39,959 --> 00:19:42,333 who's been a positive force in your life? 389 00:19:42,417 --> 00:19:43,917 But I love you. 390 00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:50,291 Wait, whoa, look. No, I... I get your point. 391 00:19:50,375 --> 00:19:53,792 It hasn't been all peaches and cream, but what relationship is? 392 00:19:53,875 --> 00:19:55,208 Right, I'm just saying that 393 00:19:55,291 --> 00:19:57,125 I don't mind that you're complicated. 394 00:19:57,208 --> 00:20:00,583 I-I don't expect another human being to be a blank slate. 395 00:20:05,417 --> 00:20:08,667 Eladio, can you excuse me a moment? I just... 396 00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:10,917 Just one minute. 397 00:20:19,750 --> 00:20:20,834 (opens door) 398 00:20:23,291 --> 00:20:24,041 (shuts door) 399 00:20:24,125 --> 00:20:27,291 (birds chirping outside) 400 00:20:33,291 --> 00:20:36,458 (wind chimes ringing) 401 00:20:42,834 --> 00:20:45,959 ♪ ♪ 402 00:21:18,834 --> 00:21:20,000 (sighs) 403 00:21:42,041 --> 00:21:44,208 Jeremy won't text me back. 404 00:21:48,750 --> 00:21:53,625 And I feel really fuckin' stupid because... 405 00:21:53,709 --> 00:21:55,917 I thought it'd be the other way around. 406 00:21:59,417 --> 00:22:02,542 My critique of the class structure in the DeMarcos' house 407 00:22:02,625 --> 00:22:06,125 was that Mrs. DeMarco was always... 408 00:22:06,208 --> 00:22:08,250 telling Jeremy that we... 409 00:22:09,291 --> 00:22:13,834 his aides are his friends. 410 00:22:13,917 --> 00:22:16,083 And I always felt really bad for him because I was like, 411 00:22:16,166 --> 00:22:18,750 "Why would you tell him that 412 00:22:18,834 --> 00:22:20,917 if it's not true?" 413 00:22:22,875 --> 00:22:25,208 It-it feels cruel. 414 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,250 But I also did think we were friends. 415 00:22:31,125 --> 00:22:32,375 I didn't think just because 416 00:22:32,458 --> 00:22:34,709 I wasn't working for him anymore... 417 00:22:36,750 --> 00:22:38,917 I mean, he ghosted me. 418 00:22:56,041 --> 00:22:58,834 I'll never forget that moment you called me haunted. 419 00:23:00,750 --> 00:23:04,000 It was the truest thing anyone ever said about me. 420 00:23:04,083 --> 00:23:06,875 I got ghosts everywhere. 421 00:23:06,959 --> 00:23:09,792 Jeremy, Sikander, my mom. 422 00:23:10,667 --> 00:23:12,625 My first girlfriend. 423 00:23:13,750 --> 00:23:17,083 She taught me to fuck in her blue Honda Civic. 424 00:23:18,458 --> 00:23:20,875 She made me mix-tapes. 425 00:23:20,959 --> 00:23:24,542 Gang Starr, Biggie, UGK. 426 00:23:24,625 --> 00:23:28,333 And then one November, she just stopped coming to work. 427 00:23:37,834 --> 00:23:39,959 I'm not stupid, you know. 428 00:23:41,500 --> 00:23:43,667 I know you're still there. 429 00:23:46,875 --> 00:23:50,041 Giving me a chance to leave and not be left. 430 00:23:51,709 --> 00:23:55,542 I mean, you saw me come in here last week, 431 00:23:55,625 --> 00:23:58,417 seven feet tall. I had-- I had left the DeMarcos, 432 00:23:58,500 --> 00:24:00,583 and I was damn near singing praise songs. 433 00:24:00,667 --> 00:24:03,250 I-I know you want that for me. 434 00:24:03,333 --> 00:24:06,333 Hell, I want that for me. 435 00:24:18,709 --> 00:24:20,375 I see it, okay? 436 00:24:22,792 --> 00:24:24,834 Everything you've been saying. 437 00:24:27,542 --> 00:24:30,375 I fight it, but I do. 438 00:24:35,041 --> 00:24:36,917 You can't show up for me. 439 00:24:43,041 --> 00:24:45,208 Not in the way that I deserve. 440 00:24:54,166 --> 00:24:56,375 -(door opens) -(sighs) 441 00:24:59,875 --> 00:25:01,417 (sighs) 442 00:25:08,500 --> 00:25:11,583 You can do this. 443 00:25:11,667 --> 00:25:14,583 You have everything that it takes. 444 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:22,583 (sighs) 445 00:25:27,542 --> 00:25:28,458 (sniffs) 446 00:25:36,458 --> 00:25:38,750 Eladio. Wait. 447 00:25:43,125 --> 00:25:45,500 What's this? 448 00:25:45,583 --> 00:25:49,083 It's the referral I tried to give you last week. 449 00:25:49,166 --> 00:25:52,083 Call the clinic, ask for Evelyn Perchet. 450 00:25:52,166 --> 00:25:56,250 I think she'd be a great fit for you. She's wonderful. 451 00:25:56,333 --> 00:25:59,875 Your cash from last week is in there, too. 452 00:25:59,959 --> 00:26:03,125 Might buy a little time to decide on the path ahead, yeah? 453 00:26:04,959 --> 00:26:07,458 So you planned this all along? 454 00:26:07,542 --> 00:26:09,667 You knew we'd end up here. 455 00:26:09,750 --> 00:26:12,083 You can never plan in therapy, but... 456 00:26:12,959 --> 00:26:14,834 you can hope. 457 00:26:20,917 --> 00:26:23,500 "And then, she never saw him again." 458 00:26:30,709 --> 00:26:33,250 ♪ ♪ 459 00:26:33,333 --> 00:26:34,458 (light exhale) 460 00:26:43,250 --> 00:26:44,875 (inhales) 461 00:26:46,375 --> 00:26:47,500 (door shuts) 462 00:26:55,500 --> 00:26:58,667 ♪ ♪ 463 00:27:24,625 --> 00:27:27,709 ♪ ♪ 464 00:27:54,667 --> 00:27:57,750 ♪ ♪