1 00:00:00,792 --> 00:00:01,583 ♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ 2 00:00:01,667 --> 00:00:02,834 Ever since being here last week, 3 00:00:02,917 --> 00:00:05,125 I'm realizing that I don't need physical things, 4 00:00:05,208 --> 00:00:07,500 so I'm getting rid of it. I'm getting rid of all of it. 5 00:00:07,583 --> 00:00:08,709 I'm selling it. 6 00:00:09,250 --> 00:00:10,583 ♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪ 7 00:00:11,208 --> 00:00:13,417 Something important is here, Laila. 8 00:00:13,917 --> 00:00:17,792 And I think it somehow ties to your constant desire 9 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:20,583 -to escape. -I just want like... 10 00:00:21,417 --> 00:00:25,542 Cara and I to be comfortable living in Peru for a while. 11 00:00:25,625 --> 00:00:29,458 DR. BROOKE TAYLOR: You want to hightail it four-thousand miles to get away 12 00:00:29,542 --> 00:00:30,875 from your grandmother who you think 13 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:32,875 -is too controlling. -Yeah. So what? 14 00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:36,166 I have to tell you I'm concerned. 15 00:00:36,417 --> 00:00:38,291 That I'm being reckless? Impulsive? 16 00:00:38,583 --> 00:00:41,041 That I'm giving everything up? That I'm being immature? 17 00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:42,208 Well, yeah. Maybe I am. 18 00:00:42,291 --> 00:00:45,500 Maybe that's just exactly what I fucking wanna be. 19 00:00:46,417 --> 00:00:48,792 (DEEP EXHALES) 20 00:00:57,333 --> 00:00:58,542 Laila: It's horrible, right? 21 00:00:58,625 --> 00:01:01,583 Seven years old, playing in the backyard. 22 00:01:01,667 --> 00:01:05,291 I mean, the Santa Anas happen all the time. 23 00:01:05,375 --> 00:01:07,834 And this kid was just out in the grass, 24 00:01:07,917 --> 00:01:09,208 playing with a soccer ball, 25 00:01:09,291 --> 00:01:11,917 and, like, a tree limb just, like, broke. 26 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,834 Dropped him, out cold, boom. Like, freak accident. 27 00:01:14,917 --> 00:01:16,834 And so, the grandpa becomes an Uber driver 28 00:01:16,917 --> 00:01:18,458 to help with the medical bills. 29 00:01:18,542 --> 00:01:20,917 Like, can you imagine? 30 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:24,208 Like, out of everything that's happened, COVID, 31 00:01:24,291 --> 00:01:26,750 the wildfires, it was just, like, 32 00:01:26,834 --> 00:01:28,667 like, the wind! 33 00:01:30,458 --> 00:01:31,375 (sighs) 34 00:01:34,583 --> 00:01:37,917 And the kid is, like, still in the ICU. 35 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:39,750 -Laila-- -It's just like everything is fine. 36 00:01:39,834 --> 00:01:42,333 You're outside, the sun is shining, 37 00:01:42,417 --> 00:01:45,417 and out of nowhere, like, wham! Nothing is the same! 38 00:01:45,500 --> 00:01:47,125 Like, nothing! 39 00:01:49,291 --> 00:01:50,709 What is it, Laila? 40 00:01:51,834 --> 00:01:53,500 Tell me. Whatever it is, 41 00:01:53,583 --> 00:01:55,333 saying it out loud is never as bad as-- 42 00:01:55,417 --> 00:01:58,208 It's just a sad story that the Uber driver told me! 43 00:01:58,291 --> 00:02:01,375 Can't I just, like, be upset about it?! 44 00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:06,375 (sighs) 45 00:02:08,792 --> 00:02:11,834 (light piano music playing) 46 00:02:11,917 --> 00:02:14,041 ♪ ♪ 47 00:02:31,125 --> 00:02:33,083 It's difficult for me to not acknowledge 48 00:02:33,166 --> 00:02:35,250 the emotional response you had just now, 49 00:02:35,333 --> 00:02:38,959 but it seems like you want to move on. 50 00:02:39,041 --> 00:02:41,166 Yeah. You should. 51 00:02:41,250 --> 00:02:43,041 Definitely move on. 52 00:02:43,125 --> 00:02:44,375 Okay. 53 00:02:45,917 --> 00:02:48,291 So, are you willing 54 00:02:48,375 --> 00:02:50,458 to take me to the end of-- Wait. 55 00:02:51,250 --> 00:02:53,333 Why were you in an Uber? 56 00:02:53,417 --> 00:02:56,000 -What happened to your car? -I donated it. 57 00:02:56,083 --> 00:02:57,041 You donated it. 58 00:02:57,125 --> 00:02:58,959 Who did you donate it to? 59 00:02:59,041 --> 00:03:00,458 To a women's shelter. 60 00:03:00,542 --> 00:03:02,166 -To a women's shelter. -God, 61 00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:04,000 is there, like, an echo in here? 62 00:03:04,083 --> 00:03:05,875 I'm just trying to understand why you donated 63 00:03:05,959 --> 00:03:07,458 your custom Bentley 64 00:03:07,542 --> 00:03:08,792 to a women's shelter. 65 00:03:08,875 --> 00:03:10,917 Because they're gonna get a lot of money for it. 66 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,375 Of course. 67 00:03:12,458 --> 00:03:13,875 And some of the women just 68 00:03:13,959 --> 00:03:17,083 don't have anything except for the clothes on their backs. 69 00:03:17,166 --> 00:03:20,166 They just wake up one morning and, like, go. 70 00:03:20,250 --> 00:03:22,750 No plan, nothing. Just... 71 00:03:22,834 --> 00:03:25,208 ready. Finally. 72 00:03:25,291 --> 00:03:28,166 I agree it's a worthy cause, but... 73 00:03:28,250 --> 00:03:30,875 maybe I need to pose the question differently. 74 00:03:30,959 --> 00:03:34,291 Instead of why, maybe why now? 75 00:03:34,375 --> 00:03:36,750 Because what does it matter? 76 00:03:36,834 --> 00:03:39,250 I told you last week that things are... 77 00:03:40,083 --> 00:03:42,041 pretty much meaningless. 78 00:03:42,125 --> 00:03:43,709 I'm figuring out that they're only worth 79 00:03:43,792 --> 00:03:46,250 -whatever they're worth to you. -What do you mean? 80 00:03:46,333 --> 00:03:48,208 (scoffs) Well... 81 00:03:48,291 --> 00:03:50,792 I bet that you'd pay more for this house than I would. 82 00:03:50,875 --> 00:03:52,500 Well, the real estate market determines 83 00:03:52,583 --> 00:03:55,959 -the value of this house, Laila, not me. -Bullshit. 84 00:03:56,041 --> 00:03:59,208 Your dad designed this house. He's everywhere in it. 85 00:03:59,291 --> 00:04:01,166 He's, like, in the walls and shit, 86 00:04:01,250 --> 00:04:03,333 and that translates to... 87 00:04:04,583 --> 00:04:06,125 Huh. 88 00:04:08,333 --> 00:04:10,875 Why do you even do this? 89 00:04:12,291 --> 00:04:14,917 -This work? -Like, sit and listen 90 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,083 to people's problems all day long. 91 00:04:17,166 --> 00:04:20,834 Like, blah blah blah blah, it's so boring. 92 00:04:20,917 --> 00:04:23,583 Well, there are a lot of reasons, but mostly, 93 00:04:23,667 --> 00:04:26,959 it reminds me I'm not the only one with problems. 94 00:04:27,041 --> 00:04:28,709 So you really 95 00:04:28,792 --> 00:04:31,208 -actually believe in it? -I do. 96 00:04:31,291 --> 00:04:33,250 I believe the more you know yourself, 97 00:04:33,333 --> 00:04:35,583 the more secure you feel and... 98 00:04:35,667 --> 00:04:37,583 with that security comes freedom. 99 00:04:37,667 --> 00:04:39,333 And do you know yourself? 100 00:04:42,041 --> 00:04:45,208 For a long time, I thought I did. (laughs) 101 00:04:45,291 --> 00:04:48,417 Luckily, in my profession, there's always more to know. 102 00:04:50,208 --> 00:04:51,709 What do you believe, Laila? 103 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,917 (scoffs) What kind of question is that? 104 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:56,041 What matters to you? 105 00:04:58,166 --> 00:04:59,500 Um... 106 00:05:02,208 --> 00:05:03,709 Do you believe in God? 107 00:05:05,709 --> 00:05:07,125 I'm betting no. 108 00:05:07,208 --> 00:05:10,417 -Would my answer change how you feel on the subject? -Hm. 109 00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:13,208 -Look who's deflecting now. -(laughs) 110 00:05:14,375 --> 00:05:16,542 If I'm being truthful... 111 00:05:18,917 --> 00:05:22,875 I've struggled with having faith. 112 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:24,834 I wanted it. Wanted it desperately, 113 00:05:24,917 --> 00:05:27,709 but it's always just... over there. 114 00:05:28,583 --> 00:05:30,792 Just out of reach. 115 00:05:32,291 --> 00:05:34,000 That's funny. 116 00:05:34,083 --> 00:05:35,583 What's funny about it? 117 00:05:36,750 --> 00:05:38,583 No, I mean, like... 118 00:05:38,667 --> 00:05:40,959 I get that out-of-reach feeling, too. 119 00:05:42,750 --> 00:05:44,917 But, in a weird way... 120 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:49,083 that is God to me. 121 00:05:50,417 --> 00:05:53,583 Sometimes, I go to the overlook at night by myself 122 00:05:53,667 --> 00:05:54,917 to be there alone. 123 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:56,417 And... 124 00:05:58,709 --> 00:06:01,417 and just look at all the lights across the city, 125 00:06:01,500 --> 00:06:04,500 the streetlights, house lights, 126 00:06:04,583 --> 00:06:07,291 lights of the cars on the 405, and, 127 00:06:07,375 --> 00:06:08,542 in a way, 128 00:06:08,625 --> 00:06:09,709 I feel like 129 00:06:09,792 --> 00:06:13,041 I've already hurled myself off of the overlook, 130 00:06:13,125 --> 00:06:16,125 except I'm not falling. I'm floating. 131 00:06:16,208 --> 00:06:18,750 And everything is so far away. 132 00:06:20,917 --> 00:06:22,500 Nothing can touch me. 133 00:06:25,125 --> 00:06:27,917 It's so intensely beautiful that 134 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:29,709 I almost get too excited. 135 00:06:29,792 --> 00:06:32,542 Like, I can hear my heart beating in my ears, 136 00:06:32,625 --> 00:06:35,208 and I can feel it in my fingertips. 137 00:06:35,291 --> 00:06:37,041 It's both the feeling of 138 00:06:37,125 --> 00:06:40,583 being really high and deep underwater at the same time. 139 00:06:42,542 --> 00:06:44,959 -Do you know what I mean? -And that's God? 140 00:06:45,750 --> 00:06:47,458 It's... 141 00:06:47,542 --> 00:06:49,458 (sighs) 142 00:06:50,291 --> 00:06:52,542 Ascension. 143 00:06:52,625 --> 00:06:55,083 From the Latin ascendere, to climb. 144 00:06:55,166 --> 00:06:58,458 To rise to a higher, more powerful position. 145 00:06:58,542 --> 00:07:00,917 And is that the draw to the mountains? 146 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,500 To Machu Picchu? 147 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,333 (sighs) 148 00:07:08,834 --> 00:07:12,500 And then I come back down that hill, and here the fuck I am. 149 00:07:13,375 --> 00:07:14,250 Well, 150 00:07:14,333 --> 00:07:16,625 until you get to Peru, right? 151 00:07:16,709 --> 00:07:19,709 Can you just, like, stop talking about Peru? 152 00:07:19,792 --> 00:07:23,166 I don't think we've spoken about it at all today. 153 00:07:23,250 --> 00:07:25,208 No, not just today, but last week, too! 154 00:07:25,291 --> 00:07:27,333 You just kept on going on and on 155 00:07:27,417 --> 00:07:28,834 about how it was gonna ruin my life. 156 00:07:28,917 --> 00:07:30,834 -I don't think I said that, Laila. -Yes, you did. 157 00:07:30,917 --> 00:07:32,000 You talked about it so much 158 00:07:32,083 --> 00:07:33,625 that I couldn't stop thinking about it. 159 00:07:33,709 --> 00:07:36,750 You said it might not happen the way I had planned it, and... 160 00:07:36,834 --> 00:07:39,333 I don't know, it was scary to think about. 161 00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:41,291 I'm sure it was. 162 00:07:41,375 --> 00:07:43,083 You're brave to think about it though-- 163 00:07:43,166 --> 00:07:45,333 Don't call me brave! I'm not brave! 164 00:07:46,417 --> 00:07:48,333 (sighs) 165 00:07:55,750 --> 00:07:57,500 (Laila sighs heavily) 166 00:08:02,667 --> 00:08:05,375 I'm a fucking idiot, Dr. Taylor. 167 00:08:08,375 --> 00:08:11,291 Like, she laughed at me. (scoffs) 168 00:08:13,542 --> 00:08:15,917 -Laughed at me. -Who did? 169 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:19,000 All of our stories about renting a flat in London, 170 00:08:19,083 --> 00:08:21,250 or, or buying a yacht and sailing around the world, or, like, 171 00:08:21,333 --> 00:08:24,083 what it would be like to live on Mars or in Ancient Egypt. 172 00:08:24,166 --> 00:08:26,750 Cara thought Peru was just that, like a story. 173 00:08:26,834 --> 00:08:29,583 Like something that we were just making up. 174 00:08:32,542 --> 00:08:34,083 Laila... 175 00:08:34,166 --> 00:08:37,250 -I'm sorry. -Yeah, you fucking should be! 176 00:08:37,333 --> 00:08:38,709 Because if you didn't get it into my head 177 00:08:38,792 --> 00:08:40,667 that it wouldn't have happened the way I'd planned it, 178 00:08:40,750 --> 00:08:43,333 I wouldn't have asked Cara about Peru in the first place! 179 00:08:43,417 --> 00:08:44,709 It was the wrong time! 180 00:08:44,792 --> 00:08:47,208 -Wrong time how? -Because... 181 00:08:47,291 --> 00:08:51,041 Because it would've become real to her eventually. 182 00:08:51,125 --> 00:08:53,125 You pretend till it's real. 183 00:08:53,208 --> 00:08:54,542 Like "fake it till you make it." 184 00:08:54,625 --> 00:08:57,166 I mean, it's gonna go on Jamal's fucking gravestone. 185 00:08:57,250 --> 00:08:59,542 And what if you didn't do that? 186 00:08:59,625 --> 00:09:03,542 -What if you just stopped pretending? -And do what? 187 00:09:03,625 --> 00:09:05,333 Just be. 188 00:09:05,417 --> 00:09:08,875 -Be here. Be you. -You're out of your fucking mind. 189 00:09:08,959 --> 00:09:10,542 -Excuse me? -Be me? 190 00:09:10,625 --> 00:09:13,000 Who the fuck is that? 191 00:09:13,083 --> 00:09:14,834 My grandma has controlled my life 192 00:09:14,917 --> 00:09:16,917 since I was, like, three years old. 193 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,250 Like, do I even like pink? My room is pink, 194 00:09:19,333 --> 00:09:21,709 but I didn't decorate my room. My grandmother did. 195 00:09:21,792 --> 00:09:24,166 I have pink bags and pink shoes and... 196 00:09:24,250 --> 00:09:25,542 and pink hair sometimes, 197 00:09:25,625 --> 00:09:27,333 and is that because I actually like pink 198 00:09:27,417 --> 00:09:28,458 or is that just because 199 00:09:28,542 --> 00:09:29,834 that's what she told me I liked, 200 00:09:29,917 --> 00:09:32,083 -and I've just never, like-- -Laila, 201 00:09:32,166 --> 00:09:34,250 -do you like pink? -That's not the point! 202 00:09:34,333 --> 00:09:37,041 It's not about pink! It's everything! 203 00:09:37,125 --> 00:09:38,959 Like, I've had scrambled eggs for breakfast 204 00:09:39,041 --> 00:09:41,083 ever since I could remember, and is that because 205 00:09:41,166 --> 00:09:42,917 I actually like them, or is that just because 206 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,917 that's the only thing that grandma likes to cook? 207 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:48,333 -Laila, do you like scrambled eggs? -No, I don't fucking know! 208 00:09:48,417 --> 00:09:50,417 I don't know! 209 00:09:50,500 --> 00:09:51,875 (sobbing) 210 00:09:52,625 --> 00:09:54,125 Fuck! 211 00:09:55,959 --> 00:09:59,166 (sobbing) Look, I just can't do this, Dr. Taylor. 212 00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:02,750 (sniffles) I just can't, like, sit down and, like, shoot the shit. 213 00:10:02,834 --> 00:10:04,417 Okay, so don't! 214 00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:06,917 Walk around. Walk around the living room, 215 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:09,917 if that's what you need to do. 216 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,458 -It's just so embarrassing, you know? -What is? 217 00:10:12,542 --> 00:10:14,875 That I'm 18 fucking years old, like, 218 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:16,959 I can drive, I can vote, but I don't even know 219 00:10:17,041 --> 00:10:20,041 -how I like my fucking eggs! -Well then, fuck the eggs! 220 00:10:20,125 --> 00:10:22,792 I like cereal for breakfast anyway. 221 00:10:22,875 --> 00:10:24,875 What kind of cereal do you like? 222 00:10:24,959 --> 00:10:27,166 -I... I don't know. -I like Raisin Bran. 223 00:10:27,250 --> 00:10:29,208 (scoffs) Raisin Bran is, like, for old people. 224 00:10:29,291 --> 00:10:30,917 Brooke: Maybe, and I like it. 225 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,834 What kind of cereal do you like? 226 00:10:34,083 --> 00:10:36,375 No, don't think so hard. 227 00:10:36,458 --> 00:10:38,166 Just answer impulsively. 228 00:10:38,250 --> 00:10:40,291 (claps hands) What's your favorite cereal? 229 00:10:40,375 --> 00:10:41,667 -Frosted Flakes. -Mm-hmm. 230 00:10:41,750 --> 00:10:43,417 But, like, I'm not allowed to have them 231 00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:45,125 -because there's too much sugar. -Favorite cheese. 232 00:10:45,208 --> 00:10:47,375 -What? -I like Camembert if it's on a cheese plate. 233 00:10:47,458 --> 00:10:49,542 If I'm having a sandwich, I like provolone. 234 00:10:49,625 --> 00:10:52,125 -What kind of cheese do you like? -Um, 235 00:10:52,208 --> 00:10:54,000 -white American. -Not regular American? 236 00:10:54,083 --> 00:10:56,041 Like Kraft Singles? No. Ew. 237 00:10:56,125 --> 00:10:57,834 Who's better, Beyoncé or Solange? 238 00:10:57,917 --> 00:10:59,667 That's like apples and oranges. 239 00:10:59,750 --> 00:11:02,291 -Fine. Apples or oranges? -Oranges. 240 00:11:04,083 --> 00:11:05,250 And Solange. 241 00:11:06,625 --> 00:11:08,625 What's your best quality? 242 00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:10,875 No fucking way. Who knows that about themselves? 243 00:11:10,959 --> 00:11:12,250 Don't think. 244 00:11:16,583 --> 00:11:18,333 Best quality. 245 00:11:18,417 --> 00:11:20,291 Um, I'm mystical. 246 00:11:20,375 --> 00:11:22,625 But not like magic powers or anything. 247 00:11:22,709 --> 00:11:24,542 It's more like mystifying 248 00:11:24,625 --> 00:11:26,792 -or unclear. -And that's a bad thing? 249 00:11:26,875 --> 00:11:28,041 Does it sound like a good thing? 250 00:11:28,125 --> 00:11:31,917 Good. New rule. No thinking, no judgment. 251 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:34,375 What scares you more than anything else? 252 00:11:37,625 --> 00:11:39,208 No! 253 00:11:39,291 --> 00:11:40,500 Keep walking. 254 00:11:43,291 --> 00:11:45,542 That I'm just, like, afraid all the time. 255 00:11:45,625 --> 00:11:48,875 Afraid of what? What's the big one? 256 00:11:48,959 --> 00:11:50,834 That I don't have what it takes. 257 00:11:50,917 --> 00:11:54,041 -That you won't live up to expectations? -Yeah, it-it's that, 258 00:11:54,125 --> 00:11:56,667 but it's more. It's like I'm not built for this life somehow. 259 00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:59,542 I-I-I just like the places I go in my head so much better. 260 00:11:59,625 --> 00:12:01,667 -The escape. -(exhales) 261 00:12:05,041 --> 00:12:07,375 What if you did have what it takes, Laila? 262 00:12:07,458 --> 00:12:09,959 What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail? 263 00:12:10,041 --> 00:12:13,375 I'd take a risk. I-I would do something for myself for once. 264 00:12:13,458 --> 00:12:16,417 -Such as? -I don't know. I... 265 00:12:16,500 --> 00:12:18,834 -I'd be brave enough! -Brave enough for what? 266 00:12:18,917 --> 00:12:20,291 (sighs) 267 00:12:21,333 --> 00:12:22,792 (exhales) 268 00:12:22,875 --> 00:12:25,667 (breathes shakily) To just quit. 269 00:12:27,583 --> 00:12:30,542 -Quit what? -(sighs) Enough. 270 00:12:32,959 --> 00:12:34,792 Brooke: Quit what, Laila? 271 00:12:38,542 --> 00:12:40,792 No more questions. (sniffles) 272 00:12:44,208 --> 00:12:46,125 You've been walking in a pattern. 273 00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:48,667 -No, I... -Mm-hmm. 274 00:12:50,792 --> 00:12:51,959 Have I? 275 00:13:02,709 --> 00:13:04,500 (rummaging) 276 00:13:05,750 --> 00:13:07,917 (footsteps returning) 277 00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,083 Come over here. 278 00:13:28,667 --> 00:13:32,375 Now, try drawing the pattern you were walking. 279 00:13:34,208 --> 00:13:35,709 I didn't even know I was doing it. 280 00:13:35,792 --> 00:13:38,375 -Well, just give it a try. -(puts down box) 281 00:13:39,875 --> 00:13:42,417 And just so you know, 282 00:13:42,500 --> 00:13:45,583 I wouldn't push you if I didn't think you had what it takes. 283 00:13:47,834 --> 00:13:50,041 You know yourself better than you think, Laila. 284 00:13:50,125 --> 00:13:53,583 And these questions, they only get harder to answer later in life. 285 00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:58,417 I promise you if you get to the bottom of you now, 286 00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:00,417 it will be a gift. 287 00:14:03,625 --> 00:14:06,750 ♪ ♪ 288 00:14:21,959 --> 00:14:25,417 ♪ ♪ 289 00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:33,834 I don't know if I'm doing this right. 290 00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:35,583 (sighs) 291 00:14:39,667 --> 00:14:41,000 This is stupid. 292 00:14:41,083 --> 00:14:43,125 Brooke: No! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait. 293 00:14:49,917 --> 00:14:51,750 Brooke: Hmm. 294 00:14:55,458 --> 00:14:57,959 -You know who Jung is? -(scoffs) 295 00:14:59,208 --> 00:15:02,542 "Memories, Dreams, Reflections." 296 00:15:02,625 --> 00:15:04,417 "Man and His Symbols." 297 00:15:04,500 --> 00:15:06,041 Mm-hmm. Exactly. 298 00:15:06,125 --> 00:15:08,834 He wrote extensively about symbols 299 00:15:08,917 --> 00:15:11,750 as a visual product of the unconscious 300 00:15:11,834 --> 00:15:15,542 that can't always be grasped by the conscious mind right away. 301 00:15:16,667 --> 00:15:19,792 But if we search for their meaning... 302 00:15:21,875 --> 00:15:23,834 Do you see something in it, Laila? 303 00:15:23,917 --> 00:15:27,000 ♪ ♪ 304 00:15:35,250 --> 00:15:36,333 What? 305 00:15:36,417 --> 00:15:38,000 Um... 306 00:15:43,208 --> 00:15:45,333 It doesn't really, uh... 307 00:15:47,959 --> 00:15:49,083 but, uh... 308 00:15:50,291 --> 00:15:52,375 it looks like the symbol of (sniff)... 309 00:15:53,166 --> 00:15:54,542 Pachamama. 310 00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:59,083 A Mother Earth, sort of, 311 00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:01,792 -for the Inca. -This spiral? 312 00:16:01,875 --> 00:16:03,875 It moves inwards. 313 00:16:05,375 --> 00:16:08,667 That's our inner journey that guides us. 314 00:16:11,959 --> 00:16:14,875 (sighs) I just don't wanna deal with it. 315 00:16:14,959 --> 00:16:17,208 -With what? -(sighs) With any of it. 316 00:16:19,542 --> 00:16:21,208 It's just too hard. 317 00:16:22,542 --> 00:16:25,125 Laila, this is the good stuff. 318 00:16:25,208 --> 00:16:28,333 Some would say it's the meaning of life. 319 00:16:29,834 --> 00:16:32,250 -Fucking Socrates. -(laughs) 320 00:16:33,333 --> 00:16:35,625 It's doing the deep interrogation 321 00:16:35,709 --> 00:16:37,083 into who you are, 322 00:16:37,166 --> 00:16:39,875 and through that interrogation, 323 00:16:39,959 --> 00:16:41,750 sometimes with a lot of 324 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,000 hurt and effort, 325 00:16:44,083 --> 00:16:48,458 trying to mold yourself into who you want to be. 326 00:16:48,542 --> 00:16:51,667 You're the only one who knows that truth. 327 00:16:51,750 --> 00:16:54,583 You're the only one who can do that work. 328 00:16:55,875 --> 00:16:57,917 (sighs) 329 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,875 -I just feel like it's too late. -Oh, Laila... 330 00:17:00,959 --> 00:17:03,375 No, like, I'm already an adult, and... 331 00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:07,625 I don't know anything about myself. 332 00:17:07,709 --> 00:17:09,625 (sniffles) It just seems impossible. 333 00:17:09,709 --> 00:17:11,500 It is not impossible. 334 00:17:11,583 --> 00:17:13,834 -It is for me. -Laila... 335 00:17:13,917 --> 00:17:17,291 especially for you, nothing is impossible. 336 00:17:17,375 --> 00:17:18,792 I feel like... 337 00:17:19,917 --> 00:17:22,083 my entire self... 338 00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:24,583 my entire life... (sniffles) 339 00:17:24,667 --> 00:17:26,417 is a failure, and I... 340 00:17:26,875 --> 00:17:27,959 (sighs) 341 00:17:28,041 --> 00:17:30,000 and it's too late to change it. 342 00:17:33,667 --> 00:17:36,458 So I might as well just, like, give up now. 343 00:17:39,875 --> 00:17:42,125 It'd be easier if... (sniffles) 344 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:44,125 (sighs) 345 00:17:45,583 --> 00:17:48,917 if I didn't keep on failing and letting everyone down. 346 00:17:57,166 --> 00:17:59,375 Laila, you've been through a lot. 347 00:18:01,083 --> 00:18:03,750 You internalized violence from your family, 348 00:18:03,834 --> 00:18:06,458 from the culture at large, 349 00:18:06,542 --> 00:18:08,250 and if I understand it, 350 00:18:08,333 --> 00:18:11,542 you never felt like you had any options. 351 00:18:11,625 --> 00:18:14,917 Any say, any control. 352 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:17,000 And that's why you've been so desperate to escape. 353 00:18:17,083 --> 00:18:20,041 -Do I have that right? -(sighs) 354 00:18:20,125 --> 00:18:23,208 -Okay, and you've tried many times. -(sniffles) 355 00:18:23,291 --> 00:18:26,208 From the end of the block in Anaheim to the train in Seattle, 356 00:18:26,291 --> 00:18:29,625 and now South America, but every time you'd get away, 357 00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:32,166 someone seems to bring you back. 358 00:18:32,250 --> 00:18:35,834 No escape you've attempted has been permanent. 359 00:18:35,917 --> 00:18:37,500 So, 360 00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:40,625 you crash your expensive cars. 361 00:18:40,709 --> 00:18:43,583 You sell your belongings. You come in here, 362 00:18:43,667 --> 00:18:47,250 looking like a changed person, 363 00:18:47,333 --> 00:18:49,542 saying nothing matters. 364 00:18:50,542 --> 00:18:52,333 Last week, you said 365 00:18:52,417 --> 00:18:55,625 if you didn't have the dream of Peru to cling to, 366 00:18:55,709 --> 00:18:57,542 you would rather die. 367 00:18:58,667 --> 00:19:00,250 And now this week, 368 00:19:00,333 --> 00:19:02,542 Cara laughed at that dream. 369 00:19:03,875 --> 00:19:05,417 She broke your heart. 370 00:19:07,875 --> 00:19:09,709 So... 371 00:19:11,208 --> 00:19:13,500 I need to ask you one more question 372 00:19:13,583 --> 00:19:17,625 because the moment this question occurs to me, 373 00:19:17,709 --> 00:19:20,750 I'm required by law to ask it. 374 00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:29,041 Are you thinking about suicide? 375 00:19:34,417 --> 00:19:37,083 Do you understand the question I'm asking you? 376 00:19:37,792 --> 00:19:39,041 'Cause... 377 00:19:39,959 --> 00:19:42,208 I'm gonna need you to answer me. 378 00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:46,875 How fucking dare you. 379 00:19:48,709 --> 00:19:50,083 I need you to answer. 380 00:19:50,166 --> 00:19:51,959 You're no different than Grandma. 381 00:19:52,041 --> 00:19:54,875 Brooke: I'm here for you, Laila. I know you know that. 382 00:19:56,417 --> 00:19:57,917 No. 383 00:19:59,291 --> 00:20:01,709 I was honest to Grandma about Cara, 384 00:20:01,792 --> 00:20:04,250 and she called me a lesbian and dropped me off here 385 00:20:04,333 --> 00:20:05,625 for you to deal with me. 386 00:20:05,709 --> 00:20:08,583 And I come in here, baring my soul, 387 00:20:08,667 --> 00:20:11,917 being honest, like, truly honest with you. 388 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:13,709 And you come back calling me suicidal? 389 00:20:13,792 --> 00:20:16,291 -No, fuck that! -I didn't call you anything. 390 00:20:16,375 --> 00:20:19,041 -I asked-- -Yeah, yeah, yeah. Asked, told, like, 391 00:20:19,125 --> 00:20:20,542 you stay on your bullshit. 392 00:20:20,625 --> 00:20:23,750 I would never fucking do that. 393 00:20:24,625 --> 00:20:25,959 Never. 394 00:20:29,792 --> 00:20:31,917 (scoffs) I-I'm out. 395 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:35,250 (sniffs, sighs) And you know what? 396 00:20:35,333 --> 00:20:36,667 Grandma was right about one thing. 397 00:20:36,750 --> 00:20:39,041 Therapy is just some white nonsense 398 00:20:39,125 --> 00:20:42,875 that invents problems that you didn't even fuckin' have to begin with. 399 00:20:43,542 --> 00:20:44,792 (sighs) 400 00:20:48,667 --> 00:20:49,792 (door slams) 401 00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:53,208 ♪ ♪ 402 00:20:53,291 --> 00:20:55,959 (insects chirping) 403 00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:58,125 (sighs) 404 00:21:11,667 --> 00:21:13,458 -(clinking) -(sighs) 405 00:21:16,500 --> 00:21:17,792 (door opens) 406 00:21:19,166 --> 00:21:20,834 -(sighs) -(door shuts) 407 00:21:27,417 --> 00:21:28,583 (drops bag) 408 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:33,208 Here's to giving up a drawer or two. 409 00:21:34,834 --> 00:21:36,041 (laughs) 410 00:21:38,208 --> 00:21:41,333 The girl is a whole mess of contradictions. 411 00:21:42,792 --> 00:21:45,333 She wants to escape her grandmother, 412 00:21:45,417 --> 00:21:48,500 but she's terrified to be free. 413 00:21:50,875 --> 00:21:54,417 She somehow wants more and nothing all at the same time. 414 00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:57,542 That sounds a lot like someone I know. 415 00:22:00,709 --> 00:22:02,166 Me? 416 00:22:02,250 --> 00:22:04,041 What do you mean? 417 00:22:04,125 --> 00:22:06,792 You go after what you want, and then... 418 00:22:06,875 --> 00:22:09,500 come right back where you started. 419 00:22:09,583 --> 00:22:11,208 (laughs) 420 00:22:12,041 --> 00:22:13,250 And me? 421 00:22:13,333 --> 00:22:16,291 You-you let me in, but... 422 00:22:16,375 --> 00:22:19,750 you know, somehow I'm... 423 00:22:19,834 --> 00:22:22,250 always a little bit on the outside. 424 00:22:22,333 --> 00:22:26,667 All of your shit is literally here now. 425 00:22:26,750 --> 00:22:29,917 I don't know how much more "inside" you can get. 426 00:22:34,750 --> 00:22:36,583 You think that girl... 427 00:22:39,041 --> 00:22:41,125 think she'll be okay? 428 00:22:42,750 --> 00:22:43,917 I hope so. 429 00:22:45,834 --> 00:22:47,083 Me, too. 430 00:22:48,291 --> 00:22:51,542 (phone ringing) 431 00:22:51,625 --> 00:22:53,458 -No. -(soft laugh) 432 00:22:53,542 --> 00:22:55,041 (ringing continues) 433 00:22:55,125 --> 00:22:57,000 -(puts down glass) -Mm. 434 00:22:58,709 --> 00:22:59,834 Hello? 435 00:23:00,834 --> 00:23:03,834 Oh, it's fine. It's not too late. 436 00:23:13,750 --> 00:23:15,500 I can't believe it. 437 00:23:19,458 --> 00:23:20,625 Thank you. 438 00:23:21,792 --> 00:23:22,917 (sighs) 439 00:23:24,125 --> 00:23:25,625 That's really great. 440 00:23:26,959 --> 00:23:30,709 Yes. We can talk next week. Thank you. 441 00:23:35,667 --> 00:23:37,208 What's going on? 442 00:23:40,583 --> 00:23:43,500 My lawyer. (slight chuckle) 443 00:23:43,583 --> 00:23:45,166 He found him. 444 00:23:46,333 --> 00:23:48,709 He found my son. 445 00:23:48,792 --> 00:23:51,875 ♪ ♪ 446 00:23:58,500 --> 00:24:01,625 ♪ ♪ 447 00:24:28,458 --> 00:24:31,542 ♪ ♪ 448 00:24:58,500 --> 00:25:01,583 ♪ ♪ 449 00:25:17,417 --> 00:25:18,959 ♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ 450 00:25:20,208 --> 00:25:21,875 Okay, where is she? 451 00:25:24,083 --> 00:25:25,542 I went into her room this morning, 452 00:25:25,625 --> 00:25:26,875 and everything is gone. 453 00:25:27,083 --> 00:25:29,917 Bags, shoes, clothes, all of it, gone. 454 00:25:30,333 --> 00:25:32,709 I know she must have said something to you about her plan. 455 00:25:34,083 --> 00:25:36,333 DR. BROOKE TAYLOR: Rhonda, Laila's 18. 456 00:25:36,625 --> 00:25:38,875 Have you ever considered letting Laila go? 457 00:25:39,583 --> 00:25:41,792 -(PHONE RINGS) -(SIGHS) It's not mine. 458 00:25:41,875 --> 00:25:43,667 Wait, you have Laila's phone? 459 00:25:43,750 --> 00:25:44,667 It was charging in her room. 460 00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:47,208 I found all these texts from Cara. 461 00:25:47,417 --> 00:25:48,959 Can't read one of 'em.