1 00:00:01,250 --> 00:00:02,709 DR. BROOKE TAYLOR: This is very disturbing to me. 2 00:00:02,792 --> 00:00:05,083 I don't get what your play is here. 3 00:00:05,375 --> 00:00:07,208 You had to know she wasn't coming today. 4 00:00:07,583 --> 00:00:10,417 ♪ (DRAMATIC PIANO MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 5 00:00:10,500 --> 00:00:13,542 Honesty seems like an unattainable, lofty goal to you. 6 00:00:13,625 --> 00:00:15,291 I told you things that were true! 7 00:00:15,542 --> 00:00:18,709 You went to jail for doing exactly what you are doing here. 8 00:00:18,917 --> 00:00:20,625 COLIN: Yes, I omitted salient details, 9 00:00:20,709 --> 00:00:22,000 perhaps to make myself look better. 10 00:00:22,083 --> 00:00:24,166 Oh, am I the first person on Earth to do that? No. 11 00:00:24,250 --> 00:00:27,667 I told myself that I had reached a point in my career 12 00:00:27,750 --> 00:00:30,500 that I did not have to treat narcissists. 13 00:00:30,583 --> 00:00:33,166 The only thing I have i-- is my ability 14 00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:34,875 to convince people of things. 15 00:00:34,959 --> 00:00:36,083 The lie is all I have. 16 00:00:36,166 --> 00:00:38,709 You want me to tell the truth and have nothing? 17 00:00:38,792 --> 00:00:40,250 Well, no thanks. 18 00:00:40,333 --> 00:00:41,625 That's all the time I have. 19 00:00:42,166 --> 00:00:43,667 That's all the time we have. 20 00:00:49,208 --> 00:00:52,333 ("It'll All Be Over" by The Supreme Jubilees playing) 21 00:00:52,417 --> 00:00:55,250 (insects chirping) 22 00:00:55,333 --> 00:00:57,458 ♪ Mm... ♪ 23 00:01:01,083 --> 00:01:04,208 ♪ One of these old days, yeah ♪ 24 00:01:04,291 --> 00:01:06,625 ♪ One of these old days ♪ 25 00:01:08,709 --> 00:01:10,959 ♪ We ain't gonna have to cry no more ♪ 26 00:01:13,625 --> 00:01:15,709 ♪ You see God's gonna wipe away all our tears ♪ 27 00:01:15,792 --> 00:01:18,583 (wind chimes ringing) 28 00:01:18,667 --> 00:01:21,667 ♪ He gonna wipe the tears, yeah ♪ 29 00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:26,333 (knocking) 30 00:01:27,875 --> 00:01:29,542 Brooke: Adam? 31 00:01:31,166 --> 00:01:33,333 (knocking) 32 00:01:34,375 --> 00:01:37,041 -Adam? -(wind blowing) 33 00:01:38,917 --> 00:01:40,458 (knocking) 34 00:01:40,542 --> 00:01:43,166 Shit, shit, shit. 35 00:01:44,125 --> 00:01:45,542 ♪ One of these old days... ♪ 36 00:01:45,625 --> 00:01:46,834 (knocking) 37 00:01:46,917 --> 00:01:48,500 Colin (on phone): Oh, fuck. 38 00:01:49,542 --> 00:01:53,000 ♪ It'll all be over ♪ 39 00:01:54,250 --> 00:01:56,709 Colin: Anybody home? 40 00:01:58,709 --> 00:02:00,583 What are you doing here? 41 00:02:00,667 --> 00:02:03,291 Oh man, you are one sick fuck. 42 00:02:03,375 --> 00:02:06,125 I got a call from my probation officer. She told me. 43 00:02:06,208 --> 00:02:07,959 -You didn't sign off! -That's right. 44 00:02:08,041 --> 00:02:09,250 Oh, you asshole! 45 00:02:09,333 --> 00:02:12,625 I'm an asshole? You're an asshole. 46 00:02:12,709 --> 00:02:15,125 -What-- You can't say that. -You showed up at my house 47 00:02:15,208 --> 00:02:18,625 like the fucking Night Stalker. I can say whatever I want. 48 00:02:18,709 --> 00:02:21,709 Look, four sessions! That was the deal, and I did it. 49 00:02:21,792 --> 00:02:24,291 Brooke: I told her that I needed more time. 50 00:02:24,375 --> 00:02:25,667 We were making progress. 51 00:02:25,750 --> 00:02:27,959 I don't need to justify myself to you. 52 00:02:28,041 --> 00:02:30,458 -Get the hell off my doorstep. -What? Why? Why? 53 00:02:30,542 --> 00:02:32,959 You-you can't own what you've done? Can't defend yourself? 54 00:02:33,041 --> 00:02:35,875 You opened up to me at the end of our last session. 55 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:37,834 You were honest. I can't, 56 00:02:37,917 --> 00:02:39,500 in good conscience, say that you were good to go 57 00:02:39,583 --> 00:02:41,291 when you've only just begun to trust me 58 00:02:41,375 --> 00:02:43,875 with the truth. What is going on? 59 00:02:44,667 --> 00:02:45,709 Nothing. 60 00:02:45,792 --> 00:02:47,875 Doesn't look like nothing. It looks like you have 61 00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:50,000 -an icicle up your ass. -(sighs) 62 00:02:50,083 --> 00:02:51,500 Loo-look, 63 00:02:51,583 --> 00:02:54,750 I really can't wait to get the hell outta here, but just... 64 00:02:54,834 --> 00:02:56,750 Let me use your bathroom real quick. 65 00:02:56,834 --> 00:02:58,667 (scoffs) You're not coming in my house. 66 00:02:58,750 --> 00:03:00,208 Oh, you think I want to? 67 00:03:00,291 --> 00:03:01,667 I mean, I do. I want to. 68 00:03:01,750 --> 00:03:04,375 I'm... I'm asking. I'm begging. 69 00:03:04,458 --> 00:03:06,542 -No. -(sighs) I was out with these tech kids. 70 00:03:06,625 --> 00:03:08,166 I had five beers. 71 00:03:08,250 --> 00:03:10,166 The car over here was a half hour. Please, 72 00:03:10,250 --> 00:03:12,375 -this is getting actually really bad. -Not my problem. 73 00:03:12,458 --> 00:03:15,333 I'm not entirely convinced I don't have to shit also. 74 00:03:15,417 --> 00:03:17,875 (inhales) Oh god. Listen, Brooke, 75 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:19,500 uh, I'm about to seek relief 76 00:03:19,583 --> 00:03:22,583 in the middle of your yard in about 10 seconds. 77 00:03:22,667 --> 00:03:25,583 I really-- I really need your help here. Please? 78 00:03:26,792 --> 00:03:30,000 -(wind blowing) -(car drives by) 79 00:03:31,917 --> 00:03:33,834 -Quick. -(groans) 80 00:03:34,917 --> 00:03:36,250 Thank you. 81 00:03:41,583 --> 00:03:42,500 (door shuts) 82 00:03:42,583 --> 00:03:44,542 (light theme playing) 83 00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:46,750 ♪ ♪ 84 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,667 (toilet flushing) 85 00:04:04,750 --> 00:04:06,959 -(door opens) -Colin: Woo! 86 00:04:07,041 --> 00:04:08,875 -(sighs) -(shuts door) 87 00:04:11,333 --> 00:04:12,792 Ah, holy shit. 88 00:04:12,875 --> 00:04:14,959 That was close. 89 00:04:15,041 --> 00:04:16,875 -Thank you. -Out. 90 00:04:18,333 --> 00:04:21,083 You're, uh, you're a little loose. 91 00:04:21,166 --> 00:04:23,000 I like it. 92 00:04:23,083 --> 00:04:24,291 (clears throat) 93 00:04:24,375 --> 00:04:26,458 So, what are you up to? 94 00:04:27,250 --> 00:04:29,458 I was attempting to relax. 95 00:04:32,959 --> 00:04:35,417 You know, I do think it's fucked up that you didn't sign off. 96 00:04:35,500 --> 00:04:38,458 -In session, Colin. -But you did it... 97 00:04:38,542 --> 00:04:41,041 because you thought I really got somewhere? 98 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:47,208 Huh. Makes me wish I hadn't yelled all that stuff at you. 99 00:04:47,291 --> 00:04:48,875 You did call me an asshole though. 100 00:04:48,959 --> 00:04:52,458 -You are an asshole. -Well, sure, a little bit. 101 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:55,000 -There are people born with no legs, Brooke. -(sighs) 102 00:04:55,083 --> 00:04:57,291 Wouldn't point that out to them like it's breaking news. 103 00:04:57,375 --> 00:05:00,709 -Why are you still in my living room? -(laughs) 104 00:05:00,792 --> 00:05:02,959 I'm regretting coming here. 105 00:05:03,041 --> 00:05:07,000 It was dumb. I can see that. I'll just order a car. 106 00:05:08,417 --> 00:05:11,667 (wind blowing, wind chimes ringing) 107 00:05:14,041 --> 00:05:15,625 -(app beeps) -Ugh! 108 00:05:15,709 --> 00:05:18,792 Man, my guy's not gonna be here for 10 minutes. 109 00:05:18,875 --> 00:05:21,458 (clears throat) Hey, do you mind... mind if I wait in here? 110 00:05:21,542 --> 00:05:23,583 Santa Anas are blowing like crazy. 111 00:05:23,667 --> 00:05:25,875 (spluttering) 112 00:05:26,583 --> 00:05:28,125 Five minutes. 113 00:05:29,750 --> 00:05:30,917 Sure. 114 00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:35,125 You gonna offer me a drink? 115 00:05:36,333 --> 00:05:37,750 What? No. 116 00:05:39,250 --> 00:05:41,333 -You mind if I help myself then? -Wh-- Colin, this... 117 00:05:41,417 --> 00:05:42,834 Come on, it'll be good! 118 00:05:42,917 --> 00:05:45,166 I'm-I'm even more charming when I'm drunk. 119 00:05:45,250 --> 00:05:47,500 -You-you're gonna love it. -(opens cabinet) 120 00:05:47,583 --> 00:05:50,792 -(glasses rattling) -Where do you hide your-- Oh! 121 00:05:51,667 --> 00:05:52,917 -Never mind. -(shuts cabinet) 122 00:05:53,917 --> 00:05:56,125 -Found 'em. -(puts down glass) 123 00:05:56,208 --> 00:05:58,375 Plus, you know, I-I'll have a drink, and maybe, 124 00:05:58,458 --> 00:06:01,375 I will finally lose some of my inhibitions. 125 00:06:02,333 --> 00:06:03,250 (soft laugh) 126 00:06:06,709 --> 00:06:08,083 (clears throat) 127 00:06:09,333 --> 00:06:11,917 I did not ask for a drink. 128 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:14,625 Oh, my dear, you did not have to. 129 00:06:16,041 --> 00:06:18,250 -Come on, cheers. -(clink) 130 00:06:23,125 --> 00:06:25,291 -(door opens) -Oh. 131 00:06:27,083 --> 00:06:28,291 (door shuts) 132 00:06:30,625 --> 00:06:32,125 -Adam: Hey. -Adam. 133 00:06:33,250 --> 00:06:35,250 I saw-saw you were outta some stuff, 134 00:06:35,333 --> 00:06:37,875 and I was at the store anyways. 135 00:06:37,959 --> 00:06:39,875 Tried to call. 136 00:06:39,959 --> 00:06:42,875 -Who's this? -Sorry! Adam, 137 00:06:42,959 --> 00:06:45,458 Colin. Colin, Adam. 138 00:06:45,542 --> 00:06:48,709 Colin is my patient. He just... 139 00:06:49,959 --> 00:06:51,375 stopped by. 140 00:06:52,208 --> 00:06:53,750 For a drink. 141 00:06:53,834 --> 00:06:56,500 Mm. Yeah, can I get you anything? 142 00:06:57,625 --> 00:06:58,792 I'm good. 143 00:07:03,834 --> 00:07:05,500 I'll just... 144 00:07:10,667 --> 00:07:12,583 This is not a session. 145 00:07:12,667 --> 00:07:15,083 Yeah, I'm gettin' that. 146 00:07:15,166 --> 00:07:17,625 -What the fuck, Brooke? -He's going through... 147 00:07:19,166 --> 00:07:21,959 It's a long story, but he's about to go. 148 00:07:24,667 --> 00:07:27,083 You had a couple already, huh? 149 00:07:27,166 --> 00:07:30,208 It'll be fine. He's just waiting for a car. 150 00:07:31,083 --> 00:07:32,208 Hm... 151 00:07:35,875 --> 00:07:38,959 (unloading groceries) 152 00:07:39,041 --> 00:07:41,667 -(whisper): He seems nice. -Stop it. 153 00:07:42,750 --> 00:07:44,208 (cabinet shuts) 154 00:07:45,125 --> 00:07:46,250 (pops bottle) 155 00:07:46,875 --> 00:07:48,875 (cap rattling) 156 00:07:51,875 --> 00:07:53,959 Alright. What, uh, 157 00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:55,500 what are we talkin' about here? 158 00:07:55,583 --> 00:07:57,000 Colin: Eh, sort of... 159 00:07:57,083 --> 00:07:59,291 hard for you to follow without our history. 160 00:07:59,375 --> 00:08:00,625 Yeah? Try me. 161 00:08:00,709 --> 00:08:02,542 Brooke: Adam. Come on. 162 00:08:03,500 --> 00:08:05,667 I'll be right there. 163 00:08:14,417 --> 00:08:15,625 Nice to meet you, Adam! 164 00:08:24,291 --> 00:08:28,000 You are a shit-stirrer. You... 165 00:08:28,083 --> 00:08:30,959 -like, stir shit. -How dare you. 166 00:08:32,875 --> 00:08:35,333 So, uh, before we were interrupted... 167 00:08:35,417 --> 00:08:38,959 (scoffs) This is not a therapy session. I am not getting paid. 168 00:08:39,041 --> 00:08:41,625 You don't get paid for any of our sessions. 169 00:08:42,458 --> 00:08:45,125 Okay, okay, fine. 170 00:08:45,208 --> 00:08:48,834 But just to clarify, that's why you didn't sign off. 171 00:08:48,917 --> 00:08:52,125 'Cause you thought I was finally being honest. 172 00:08:52,959 --> 00:08:53,959 Huh. 173 00:08:55,375 --> 00:08:58,625 Is that when I said I was nothing? 174 00:08:59,959 --> 00:09:03,500 It was illuminating, your choice of words. 175 00:09:05,417 --> 00:09:07,917 For the record, the fact that you hadn't been honest 176 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,166 up until that point was also illuminating. 177 00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:13,125 And very troubling. 178 00:09:13,208 --> 00:09:14,625 Noted. 179 00:09:16,959 --> 00:09:19,208 (sighs) And, also, 180 00:09:19,291 --> 00:09:22,250 I would like to state for the record that I regret 181 00:09:22,333 --> 00:09:24,417 calling you a narcissist. 182 00:09:25,542 --> 00:09:27,000 It was rash. 183 00:09:28,083 --> 00:09:30,709 And I believe incorrect. 184 00:09:30,792 --> 00:09:33,750 Narcissists can't see themselves. You can. 185 00:09:33,834 --> 00:09:36,834 -Whoa, whoa... I'll drink to that. -(clink) 186 00:09:41,917 --> 00:09:45,041 -I do... see myself. -Hm. 187 00:09:46,959 --> 00:09:49,083 What is it I'm lookin' at? 188 00:09:49,166 --> 00:09:50,291 Hm... 189 00:09:52,834 --> 00:09:55,166 -(puts down glass) -Make yourself comfortable. 190 00:09:55,250 --> 00:09:56,417 (sighs) 191 00:09:56,500 --> 00:09:59,750 The-the other day, when you were asking 192 00:09:59,834 --> 00:10:02,250 about plans, the future, 193 00:10:02,333 --> 00:10:04,125 in that moment, I-I got so antsy. 194 00:10:04,208 --> 00:10:07,041 Like all the air was going out of the room, you know? 195 00:10:07,125 --> 00:10:08,709 You ever have that? 196 00:10:09,333 --> 00:10:11,375 No. 197 00:10:11,458 --> 00:10:13,667 Anyway, that's how I felt, and... 198 00:10:14,709 --> 00:10:15,917 thinking about it, 199 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:20,500 I don't know what I want. 200 00:10:20,583 --> 00:10:22,709 Which is strange. 201 00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:27,625 You are a special person, Colin, 202 00:10:27,709 --> 00:10:29,792 and I would never want you to feel 203 00:10:29,875 --> 00:10:32,417 like you are not the most special flower 204 00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:34,417 -in the world. -(laughs) Fuck off. 205 00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:36,917 But no one knows what they want. 206 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:39,333 Well, that's comforting, I guess. 207 00:10:39,417 --> 00:10:40,959 Most people out in the world don't even think 208 00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:44,959 to ask the question until it's too late, if they ask it at all. 209 00:10:45,041 --> 00:10:47,500 We have trouble listening to ourselves. 210 00:10:47,583 --> 00:10:50,041 It's like the conversation we had about music. 211 00:10:51,625 --> 00:10:53,959 We don't listen to the voice 212 00:10:54,041 --> 00:10:58,542 that says, "That sucks. Turn that off. 213 00:10:58,625 --> 00:11:00,542 "Break up with this person. 214 00:11:00,625 --> 00:11:02,583 "Move out of this city. 215 00:11:02,667 --> 00:11:05,375 Quit your stupid fucking job." 216 00:11:05,458 --> 00:11:07,917 -Hm. -We don't listen. 217 00:11:08,917 --> 00:11:11,291 (scoffs) Until we do. 218 00:11:13,083 --> 00:11:16,917 -You-you should always drink before therapy. -This is not therapy. 219 00:11:20,417 --> 00:11:23,542 We ask kids too early 220 00:11:23,625 --> 00:11:26,625 "What do you wanna be? Declare your major." 221 00:11:26,709 --> 00:11:29,583 You can't know what you want if you don't know who you are, 222 00:11:29,667 --> 00:11:31,625 and you don't know who you are until-- I mean, 223 00:11:31,709 --> 00:11:33,667 I didn't know who the hell I was when I was 18. 224 00:11:33,750 --> 00:11:36,667 Oh yes, yes, yes. 225 00:11:36,750 --> 00:11:39,250 You know, my parents, they started their own thing 226 00:11:39,333 --> 00:11:42,041 from the ground up. That's what I was gonna do. 227 00:11:42,125 --> 00:11:45,750 So, I tried all this crazy shit. You know, a... 228 00:11:45,834 --> 00:11:48,583 a coffee house, a microbrewery, 229 00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:51,458 a record label. (blows raspberry) 230 00:11:52,291 --> 00:11:53,625 I never cared enough. 231 00:11:53,709 --> 00:11:54,875 You know, I think-- 232 00:11:54,959 --> 00:11:57,083 I think I was looking at it wrong. 233 00:11:57,166 --> 00:11:59,875 My parents weren't building a massive health food empire. 234 00:11:59,959 --> 00:12:01,917 They were making granola. They liked granola. 235 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:05,542 They started making it, and then it snowballed. 236 00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:08,333 See, I never stopped to figure out what it was I liked. 237 00:12:10,667 --> 00:12:12,583 It's hard if you're spending all your time 238 00:12:12,667 --> 00:12:14,750 trying to be something you aren't. 239 00:12:16,792 --> 00:12:20,333 You never took the time to figure out who you are. 240 00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:26,333 God, this is depressing, just so you know. 241 00:12:26,417 --> 00:12:27,542 The guy pushing 60 242 00:12:27,625 --> 00:12:30,542 who discovers himself is not a good look. 243 00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:33,333 I've met that guy. I fuckin' hated him. 244 00:12:34,333 --> 00:12:36,667 Well, them's the breaks, kid. 245 00:12:36,750 --> 00:12:38,125 (laughs) 246 00:12:38,208 --> 00:12:40,417 Where the fuck is your driver? 247 00:12:40,500 --> 00:12:42,834 Oh, right. This fucking app. 248 00:12:43,750 --> 00:12:45,333 (dryly whistles) 249 00:12:46,667 --> 00:12:49,667 Looks like he's doing donuts in a Target parking lot. 250 00:12:50,583 --> 00:12:52,667 What, now it says 13 minutes?! 251 00:12:52,750 --> 00:12:54,959 Fuck this clown. I'm canceling. 252 00:12:55,041 --> 00:12:57,625 I will order another one. 253 00:12:57,709 --> 00:12:59,083 -(clicking tongue) -(app beeps) 254 00:12:59,166 --> 00:13:01,917 Oh! Look at that. Seven minutes. 255 00:13:02,041 --> 00:13:04,291 (sighs) Man, these names. 256 00:13:04,375 --> 00:13:05,792 (Colin chuckles) 257 00:13:05,875 --> 00:13:07,542 Anyway. (clears throat) 258 00:13:10,291 --> 00:13:12,542 I lost my train of thought. What were we talking about? 259 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,542 Uh, finding yourself at 60. 260 00:13:14,625 --> 00:13:17,083 Mm! Fuckin' yeah. It reminded me. 261 00:13:17,166 --> 00:13:20,041 I knew this guy, his name was Grover. 262 00:13:20,125 --> 00:13:23,625 Uh, this was, uh, late '80s, early '90s. 263 00:13:23,709 --> 00:13:26,875 And he was living in his van, sort of a converted thing. 264 00:13:26,959 --> 00:13:28,625 You know, a-a bed, 265 00:13:28,709 --> 00:13:30,959 -a propane stove. Camper situation. -Mm-hmm. 266 00:13:31,041 --> 00:13:34,625 I met him, and I'd just sold my brewery, on which I broke even 267 00:13:34,709 --> 00:13:36,625 very proud to report, 268 00:13:36,709 --> 00:13:39,166 and I'm trying to figure out what's next. I meet this guy, 269 00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:41,333 and he just follows his gut. 270 00:13:41,417 --> 00:13:43,333 You know, he wants to surf? He heads to the beach. 271 00:13:43,417 --> 00:13:46,000 He wants to see the fuckin' Grand Tetons? Off he goes. 272 00:13:46,083 --> 00:13:47,709 And I'm sitting there like, "Wow. 273 00:13:47,792 --> 00:13:50,000 "This guy's really got it figured out. 274 00:13:50,083 --> 00:13:52,250 This is how you live." 275 00:13:53,959 --> 00:13:57,166 Anyway, this guy pays for his way of life by... 276 00:13:57,250 --> 00:13:59,000 selling some illicit substances, 277 00:13:59,083 --> 00:14:02,792 which is how I made his acquaintance in the first place. 278 00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:04,166 Long story short, 279 00:14:04,250 --> 00:14:07,166 I-I'm just basically sold on this. 280 00:14:07,250 --> 00:14:09,875 Because nothing says happiness like 281 00:14:09,959 --> 00:14:13,208 -an itinerant drug dealer living in a van? -Right? 282 00:14:13,291 --> 00:14:15,667 So, I'm gonna buy a van. I'm gonna convert it 283 00:14:15,750 --> 00:14:17,291 and see the country. 284 00:14:17,375 --> 00:14:19,458 Plus, I have the added benefit of being 285 00:14:19,542 --> 00:14:21,917 barf-shit-scream independently wealthy, 286 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:24,166 so I don't have to bother with acquiring 287 00:14:24,250 --> 00:14:27,041 -and distributing illegal drugs. -Win-win. 288 00:14:27,125 --> 00:14:30,458 So, I gobble up a handful of this gentleman's product. 289 00:14:30,542 --> 00:14:32,291 And, oh-ho, he trafficked in 290 00:14:32,375 --> 00:14:35,375 only the most soul-shatteringly potent of substances-- 291 00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:37,250 -I get it. -Yeah. 292 00:14:37,333 --> 00:14:39,000 -So I sit there on the beach. -Mm. 293 00:14:39,083 --> 00:14:40,917 You know, and I'm sort of glued in place, 294 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:44,166 fully losing my mind, and I go on this whole journey, 295 00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:47,417 thinking about the van 296 00:14:47,500 --> 00:14:49,458 and livin' on the road. 297 00:14:50,875 --> 00:14:52,709 And then I start to think about, 298 00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:55,083 like, flat tires 299 00:14:55,166 --> 00:14:56,542 and washing my own pots, 300 00:14:56,625 --> 00:14:58,500 and just how fuckin' lonely I would be, 301 00:14:58,583 --> 00:15:00,875 and so I think, "Well, maybe a van isn't it. 302 00:15:00,959 --> 00:15:03,041 "Maybe it's more of a motor home. 303 00:15:03,125 --> 00:15:05,000 Little more space and so on." 304 00:15:05,083 --> 00:15:09,083 And then, I think about emptying the septic. 305 00:15:09,166 --> 00:15:10,709 And I think about the other kinds of people 306 00:15:10,792 --> 00:15:12,166 who drive motor homes, 307 00:15:12,250 --> 00:15:13,792 and with whom I would inevitably 308 00:15:13,875 --> 00:15:15,417 be spending much of my time. 309 00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:16,458 -RV people? -Yeah. 310 00:15:16,542 --> 00:15:18,959 I don't wanna hang out with those people. 311 00:15:19,041 --> 00:15:20,333 I mean, not that there's anything wrong. 312 00:15:20,417 --> 00:15:22,583 I'm sure they're very lovely people, but I just-- 313 00:15:22,667 --> 00:15:25,166 I wanna be with people who are engaged. 314 00:15:25,250 --> 00:15:28,041 You know? In the mix, who are changing the world. 315 00:15:28,125 --> 00:15:32,125 And so, I think, "No, not a motor home. An actual home. 316 00:15:32,208 --> 00:15:33,917 "In a city. 317 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:37,417 Beautiful loft apartment some place." 318 00:15:37,500 --> 00:15:40,709 And then... No, that's not right either. 319 00:15:40,792 --> 00:15:43,917 All the trash piling up on the sidewalk in summer, the vermin, 320 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,250 the unfathomable misery of 321 00:15:46,333 --> 00:15:48,291 homeless people sleeping on the streets, 322 00:15:48,375 --> 00:15:50,625 while I hover above, sending waste down 323 00:15:50,709 --> 00:15:53,875 from this magnificent imaginary apartment. 324 00:15:55,458 --> 00:15:57,500 So a country house. 325 00:15:58,375 --> 00:15:59,959 But that's too remote. 326 00:16:00,041 --> 00:16:03,166 I mean, who's gonna fix your fuckin' whatever when it breaks? 327 00:16:03,250 --> 00:16:04,875 So... 328 00:16:04,959 --> 00:16:06,875 I think a place 329 00:16:06,959 --> 00:16:10,083 just outside the city, you know? 330 00:16:10,166 --> 00:16:11,625 So I can get in, be in the mix, 331 00:16:11,709 --> 00:16:15,208 and then get away whenever I need to. 332 00:16:15,291 --> 00:16:17,041 So I'm laying there on the beach, 333 00:16:17,125 --> 00:16:18,458 I'm tripping my balls off 334 00:16:18,542 --> 00:16:21,917 on this epic fuckin' mind-walk, and what I had just realized 335 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:24,208 is that I wanted to live... 336 00:16:25,750 --> 00:16:27,417 in the suburbs. 337 00:16:29,208 --> 00:16:32,166 And then my mind just starts racing. 338 00:16:32,250 --> 00:16:35,667 Well, that's what this country, this life, does to people. 339 00:16:35,750 --> 00:16:38,000 You reach a point where all your dreams get reduced 340 00:16:38,083 --> 00:16:42,041 to wanting something that just isn't so fucking hard. 341 00:16:42,125 --> 00:16:43,917 And I think about all the endless, 342 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:47,625 sprawling neighborhoods off of every interstate. 343 00:16:47,709 --> 00:16:50,041 All with the same restaurants, 344 00:16:50,125 --> 00:16:52,250 the same hardware stores, the same everything else, 345 00:16:52,333 --> 00:16:55,667 and then I-I really start to freak out because I think, 346 00:16:55,750 --> 00:16:58,500 "Wow. Is this my future?" 347 00:16:58,583 --> 00:17:01,500 You know, is this, this what I want? Is this middle age 348 00:17:01,583 --> 00:17:03,500 coming for me? I wanted to be a radical! 349 00:17:03,583 --> 00:17:07,208 You know, man, I wanted to be a revolutionary. 350 00:17:07,291 --> 00:17:09,500 You-you've seen these people. 351 00:17:09,583 --> 00:17:12,792 In their khakis and bloated, off-brand sneakers, 352 00:17:12,875 --> 00:17:14,458 and you think, "Oh, my god, is-- 353 00:17:14,542 --> 00:17:17,709 How does this happen to a person?" Well... 354 00:17:17,792 --> 00:17:19,625 this is the answer. 355 00:17:21,792 --> 00:17:23,625 It just creeps in. 356 00:17:26,083 --> 00:17:27,917 So it's like you said. 357 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,709 You know, most people, they don't even ask the question 358 00:17:30,792 --> 00:17:32,792 until it's too late. Well, this was me, 359 00:17:32,875 --> 00:17:34,542 as a young man, asking the question. 360 00:17:34,625 --> 00:17:36,834 I was asking what it was I wanted. 361 00:17:36,917 --> 00:17:39,291 I did not have an answer yet but, boy, 362 00:17:39,375 --> 00:17:40,959 I knew what I didn't want. 363 00:17:41,041 --> 00:17:44,125 I didn't want an ordinary life. 364 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:49,000 I wanted it to be big! 365 00:17:49,083 --> 00:17:51,250 I wanted it to-to-to surprise me. 366 00:17:51,333 --> 00:17:55,291 I wanted to take a leap, to really try something. 367 00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:56,625 And if I don't make it, 368 00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:59,000 if I fall and crash, get my head split open 369 00:17:59,083 --> 00:18:01,834 on the rocks below, so be it, you know. 370 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,333 Risk. 371 00:18:06,125 --> 00:18:07,959 That's what would guide me. 372 00:18:08,959 --> 00:18:10,500 Risk. 373 00:18:13,875 --> 00:18:14,834 (sighs) 374 00:18:15,917 --> 00:18:18,250 So here I am. 375 00:18:18,333 --> 00:18:20,542 Head splattered, half drunk... 376 00:18:22,166 --> 00:18:24,125 in my therapist's house. 377 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:30,208 I don't know what my point was. 378 00:18:31,667 --> 00:18:33,458 Say no to drugs? Hah. 379 00:18:34,834 --> 00:18:37,208 Buy some khakis? I-I don't know. 380 00:18:38,875 --> 00:18:40,709 I don't know. 381 00:18:47,542 --> 00:18:49,625 You know what the problem is? 382 00:18:49,709 --> 00:18:52,125 (clears throat) This isn't 383 00:18:52,208 --> 00:18:53,417 Brooke the therapist talking. 384 00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:56,125 This is Brooke the human being, 385 00:18:56,208 --> 00:18:58,709 who's had a couple of drinks 386 00:18:58,792 --> 00:19:01,250 and is feeling herself a little bit. 387 00:19:02,166 --> 00:19:04,375 This shit is bigger than you. 388 00:19:06,041 --> 00:19:08,291 You are a white 389 00:19:08,375 --> 00:19:11,709 straight cis man. 390 00:19:11,792 --> 00:19:14,291 The world was built by you, and for you, 391 00:19:14,375 --> 00:19:17,542 to capture, to achieve, to acquire, 392 00:19:17,625 --> 00:19:20,917 to plant your goddamn flag. No obstacles, 393 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:24,000 nothing to overcome, except your own laziness 394 00:19:24,083 --> 00:19:28,834 and self-doubt. And, by the way, give me a fucking break. 395 00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:31,333 And if you don't become a great man, 396 00:19:31,417 --> 00:19:33,709 well, why the hell not? 397 00:19:33,792 --> 00:19:36,000 It's all there for the taking. 398 00:19:36,083 --> 00:19:37,542 If you don't become great, it's because 399 00:19:37,625 --> 00:19:40,625 you're a piece of shit, or a coward, or a fool. 400 00:19:40,709 --> 00:19:43,375 And then the rest of the world pays the price 401 00:19:43,458 --> 00:19:45,625 when you don't feel adequate because you don't have 402 00:19:45,709 --> 00:19:48,125 a motherfuckin' clue about what you're feeling 403 00:19:48,208 --> 00:19:50,417 or why you are feeling it. 404 00:19:55,417 --> 00:19:57,500 Some people... 405 00:19:57,583 --> 00:20:01,250 Lots of people, those people you were just talking about, 406 00:20:02,583 --> 00:20:04,792 they just want to have a house 407 00:20:04,875 --> 00:20:06,667 in a decent neighborhood, 408 00:20:08,792 --> 00:20:10,917 send their kids to a safe school. 409 00:20:12,875 --> 00:20:13,917 I just 410 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,834 wanted to do something that I loved to do, 411 00:20:16,917 --> 00:20:19,583 and fuckin' white guys, 412 00:20:19,667 --> 00:20:21,667 you need to shatter the model of success 413 00:20:21,750 --> 00:20:24,417 in order for you to feel like you've done anything at all. 414 00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:26,333 Well, guess what? 415 00:20:26,417 --> 00:20:30,208 That shit's impossible without taking shortcuts, 416 00:20:30,291 --> 00:20:33,625 gaming the system, stepping on other folks, 417 00:20:33,709 --> 00:20:38,208 without a shitload of collateral damage. 418 00:20:38,291 --> 00:20:41,542 Do your trips to the doctor move the stock market? 419 00:20:41,625 --> 00:20:43,542 Do your dinner parties determine 420 00:20:43,625 --> 00:20:45,625 the next leader of the free world? 421 00:20:45,709 --> 00:20:48,875 Because this is all some patriarchal, 422 00:20:48,959 --> 00:20:51,875 dick-measuring horseshit. 423 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,667 All this talk about 424 00:20:55,834 --> 00:20:59,417 renaming buildings and whatnot because 425 00:20:59,500 --> 00:21:02,542 so-and-so was a monster? I say, 426 00:21:02,625 --> 00:21:04,291 take 'em all down. 427 00:21:05,667 --> 00:21:08,000 If your name is on the side of a building, 428 00:21:08,083 --> 00:21:11,625 chances are you did some horrendous shit 429 00:21:11,709 --> 00:21:13,208 to get it there. 430 00:21:15,250 --> 00:21:16,875 Philanthropy is just a way 431 00:21:16,959 --> 00:21:19,000 to wash the blood off your billions. 432 00:21:28,792 --> 00:21:30,375 Anyway... 433 00:21:31,458 --> 00:21:32,875 (sighs) 434 00:21:35,458 --> 00:21:37,208 Say no to drugs. 435 00:21:42,959 --> 00:21:44,375 (puts down glass) 436 00:21:50,375 --> 00:21:51,709 (soft gasp) 437 00:21:52,709 --> 00:21:53,709 (sniffle) 438 00:21:56,166 --> 00:21:57,083 (gasps) 439 00:22:02,542 --> 00:22:04,041 You okay? 440 00:22:07,083 --> 00:22:08,750 I'm sorry. 441 00:22:09,917 --> 00:22:11,709 I-I don't know what... 442 00:22:16,250 --> 00:22:17,375 God... 443 00:22:19,291 --> 00:22:22,125 I don't know what's happening to me. Jesus Christ. 444 00:22:24,125 --> 00:22:25,667 I'm sorry. I... 445 00:22:25,750 --> 00:22:28,250 -I know this isn't even a session, but-- -(app beeps) 446 00:22:31,083 --> 00:22:35,041 Huh. There's my ride. Fuck. 447 00:22:36,583 --> 00:22:37,583 (Colin sighs) 448 00:22:44,583 --> 00:22:46,333 (Colin sighs, sniffs) 449 00:22:49,083 --> 00:22:50,291 (sniffs) 450 00:22:52,583 --> 00:22:54,458 Look, thank you for... 451 00:22:55,792 --> 00:22:58,500 for hearing me out. 452 00:22:58,583 --> 00:23:01,333 For giving me a chance, or a second chance. 453 00:23:02,375 --> 00:23:04,625 Third chance. I'm not sure. Heh. 454 00:23:07,166 --> 00:23:08,959 I'm really sorry I... 455 00:23:09,041 --> 00:23:12,125 (sighs) showed up at your door tonight and... 456 00:23:12,208 --> 00:23:15,458 shouted all those insults at you. 457 00:23:16,792 --> 00:23:19,500 Well, we have time to work on that, too. 458 00:23:22,750 --> 00:23:24,291 See you next week. 459 00:23:29,333 --> 00:23:30,500 (sighs) 460 00:23:37,792 --> 00:23:39,166 (sighs) 461 00:23:43,250 --> 00:23:44,792 (wind blowing) 462 00:23:45,375 --> 00:23:46,834 (door shuts) 463 00:23:47,709 --> 00:23:49,667 Adam: I'm okay to enter now? 464 00:23:55,041 --> 00:23:57,208 -What was that? -(laughs) 465 00:23:58,500 --> 00:24:00,208 He is... 466 00:24:01,709 --> 00:24:02,875 I don't know. 467 00:24:04,625 --> 00:24:06,709 He's having a tough time. 468 00:24:06,792 --> 00:24:09,208 It didn't feel right to turn him away. 469 00:24:12,125 --> 00:24:14,458 Oh, he's drunk. 470 00:24:14,542 --> 00:24:16,375 Emotional. 471 00:24:18,083 --> 00:24:20,083 I wasn't asking why he was crying. 472 00:24:20,166 --> 00:24:22,417 I was asking why you spoke to me like that. 473 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:24,792 Like what? 474 00:24:24,875 --> 00:24:26,333 Sending me off to my room? 475 00:24:27,333 --> 00:24:28,959 What are you talking about? 476 00:24:29,041 --> 00:24:31,166 I didn't want to mix... 477 00:24:32,542 --> 00:24:33,959 He's a mess. 478 00:24:34,041 --> 00:24:36,250 I figured you were strong enough to be asked 479 00:24:36,333 --> 00:24:39,291 to leave a room without it wounding your pride. 480 00:24:39,375 --> 00:24:41,125 Maybe I miscalculated. 481 00:24:41,208 --> 00:24:43,125 Wh-what was he doing here in the first place? 482 00:24:43,208 --> 00:24:45,834 He freaked out. He showed up. 483 00:24:45,917 --> 00:24:49,583 -Yeah, but why did he think it was okay to come here? -Adam. 484 00:24:49,667 --> 00:24:52,000 I can tell you're about to say something stupid, 485 00:24:52,083 --> 00:24:54,083 -and I'd rather you didn't. -What did you do 486 00:24:54,166 --> 00:24:55,959 to make him think it was okay to come here? 487 00:24:56,041 --> 00:24:58,959 Or say the stupid thing. That's fine, too. 488 00:24:59,041 --> 00:25:01,375 -You-you fuckin' flirt with this guy? -(sighs) 489 00:25:01,458 --> 00:25:05,375 -You have a little playful rapport? -Oh, good lord. 490 00:25:07,041 --> 00:25:08,917 You made me look like an idiot. 491 00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:12,000 How did I make you look like an idiot? 492 00:25:12,083 --> 00:25:13,333 I didn't know he was coming here. 493 00:25:13,417 --> 00:25:14,959 I didn't know you were coming either! 494 00:25:15,041 --> 00:25:17,125 -You both just showed the fuck up. -Yeah, 495 00:25:17,208 --> 00:25:20,083 because I saw that you ran out of some things! 496 00:25:22,625 --> 00:25:24,917 I was just trying to do something nice. 497 00:25:28,917 --> 00:25:31,750 I know that you're invincible. 498 00:25:33,291 --> 00:25:36,125 That nothing I do affects you. 499 00:25:37,959 --> 00:25:39,750 You affect me. 500 00:25:42,917 --> 00:25:44,750 You affect me. 501 00:25:49,083 --> 00:25:51,917 -Stupid. Let's just move on. -No, wait, Adam. 502 00:25:53,792 --> 00:25:57,166 I only flirt with you. 503 00:25:59,834 --> 00:26:01,417 No one else. 504 00:26:02,792 --> 00:26:03,917 And... 505 00:26:04,959 --> 00:26:07,542 I am happy you showed up here. 506 00:26:07,625 --> 00:26:09,917 -Yeah? -Yes. 507 00:26:14,834 --> 00:26:16,709 See? I'm telling you. 508 00:26:16,792 --> 00:26:19,667 This is why you need me around. 509 00:26:19,750 --> 00:26:22,667 -Strange men showing up at all hours. -Mm. 510 00:26:25,709 --> 00:26:27,166 Making your own drinks? 511 00:26:27,250 --> 00:26:29,458 You shouldn't be doing that. I mean, that's... 512 00:26:29,542 --> 00:26:31,333 -that's my job. -(laughs) 513 00:26:32,667 --> 00:26:34,500 -Alright? -Yeah. 514 00:26:40,583 --> 00:26:41,875 (sighs) 515 00:26:41,959 --> 00:26:45,291 ("It'll All Be Over" by The Supreme Jubilees playing) 516 00:26:47,166 --> 00:26:50,625 ♪ It'll all be over ♪ 517 00:26:51,709 --> 00:26:54,458 ♪ And we won't have to cry ♪ 518 00:26:54,542 --> 00:26:56,375 ♪ No more ♪ 519 00:26:57,417 --> 00:26:59,542 ♪ And we won't have to cry ♪ 520 00:26:59,625 --> 00:27:01,750 ♪ No more ♪ 521 00:27:04,667 --> 00:27:07,500 ♪ Sometimes, sometimes ♪ 522 00:27:10,250 --> 00:27:12,375 ♪ The burden ♪ 523 00:27:12,458 --> 00:27:15,834 ♪ It gets so heavy ♪ 524 00:27:15,917 --> 00:27:19,625 ♪ But I wanna let you know this evening, yeah ♪ 525 00:27:19,709 --> 00:27:21,917 ♪ I wanna let you know ♪ 526 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:25,333 ♪ That if you can just hold on ♪ 527 00:27:26,959 --> 00:27:29,583 ♪ Hold on a little while longer y'all ♪ 528 00:27:30,875 --> 00:27:34,083 ♪ 'Cause one of these old days, yeah ♪ 529 00:27:34,166 --> 00:27:36,333 ♪ One of these old days ♪ 530 00:27:39,333 --> 00:27:42,458 ♪ It'll all be over ♪ 531 00:27:45,208 --> 00:27:48,208 ♪ It'll all be over ♪ 532 00:27:51,125 --> 00:27:54,250 ♪ It'll all be over ♪ 533 00:27:55,125 --> 00:27:56,875 ♪ Oh, and we won't ♪ 534 00:27:56,959 --> 00:27:59,417 ♪ Have to cry no more ♪ 535 00:27:59,500 --> 00:28:01,583 ♪ We ain't gonna cry no more, oh ho ♪ 536 00:28:01,667 --> 00:28:05,375 ♪ We won't have to cry no more ♪ 537 00:28:05,458 --> 00:28:08,250 ♪ It's gonna be all over now, yeah ♪ 538 00:28:08,333 --> 00:28:11,458 ♪ It'll all be over... ♪ 539 00:28:19,333 --> 00:28:20,709 DR. BROOKE TAYLOR: Before we move on, I just need to clarify 540 00:28:20,792 --> 00:28:22,792 that what happened last week can never happen again. 541 00:28:23,041 --> 00:28:23,917 Copy that. 542 00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:25,583 ♪ (PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ 543 00:28:26,083 --> 00:28:28,709 The place we've gotten to, it's no small feat, 544 00:28:28,792 --> 00:28:30,291 but it's not the destination. 545 00:28:30,500 --> 00:28:32,542 You begin now to do the hard work. 546 00:28:32,625 --> 00:28:33,583 What work? 547 00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:37,667 I am interested in you taking stock 548 00:28:37,750 --> 00:28:39,583 on your distorted perspective. 549 00:28:40,458 --> 00:28:42,917 The ways you've hurt people and why.