1 00:00:01,083 --> 00:00:03,208 See the stories you create aren't truth. 2 00:00:04,041 --> 00:00:05,709 But how do you get to the truth? 3 00:00:07,750 --> 00:00:09,208 What about your ex-wife? 4 00:00:09,417 --> 00:00:10,542 She didn't wanna hear from me. 5 00:00:10,917 --> 00:00:12,834 Were you hoping to reconcile? 6 00:00:13,041 --> 00:00:15,291 I would be lying if I said I didn't think about it. 7 00:00:16,041 --> 00:00:18,625 So, I could invite her for next week? 8 00:00:18,709 --> 00:00:20,959 That's our last session. Let's just focus on you. 9 00:00:21,166 --> 00:00:22,041 One session-- 10 00:00:22,125 --> 00:00:23,458 COLIN: But I do have your permission... 11 00:00:24,667 --> 00:00:25,667 to invite her? 12 00:00:26,083 --> 00:00:27,500 You have my permission. 13 00:00:36,500 --> 00:00:39,625 (clock ticking) 14 00:00:40,500 --> 00:00:43,625 (birds chirping) 15 00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:02,709 -(door opens) -(footsteps approach) 16 00:01:06,333 --> 00:01:09,500 -(Colin sighs) -(dog barking) 17 00:01:11,333 --> 00:01:12,959 (sighs) 18 00:01:14,083 --> 00:01:16,041 You know, I-I think she will be here. 19 00:01:16,125 --> 00:01:18,834 She's probably just stuck in traffic. 20 00:01:22,166 --> 00:01:24,333 Why don't we head in? 21 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:26,625 Wait inside? 22 00:01:32,709 --> 00:01:35,834 (car driving by) 23 00:01:39,458 --> 00:01:42,542 (light piano music playing) 24 00:01:42,625 --> 00:01:44,709 ♪ ♪ 25 00:02:00,291 --> 00:02:02,125 You know, maybe she got lost. 26 00:02:02,208 --> 00:02:04,542 Brooke: She told you she was coming? 27 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:08,166 Yeah, it seemed that way. We emailed, but I don't know. 28 00:02:10,875 --> 00:02:12,250 Brooke: Colin. 29 00:02:14,291 --> 00:02:17,792 -Can you put your phone down? -Colin: (sighs) I'm sorry. 30 00:02:17,875 --> 00:02:20,542 (clears throat) I'm sorry. This is just tough. 31 00:02:20,625 --> 00:02:23,583 -I was looking forward to seeing her. -But you've done what you can. 32 00:02:23,667 --> 00:02:25,834 You opened the door. 33 00:02:25,917 --> 00:02:29,250 And you have to remember-- she experienced something traumatic. 34 00:02:30,542 --> 00:02:33,000 But, on the bright side, 35 00:02:33,083 --> 00:02:36,500 gives us an opportunity to focus on you. 36 00:02:36,583 --> 00:02:38,834 About moving forward. 37 00:02:38,917 --> 00:02:40,333 Have you given any thought about 38 00:02:40,417 --> 00:02:42,917 what's next for you? Plans for the future? 39 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,250 (sighs) No. I mean, not really. 40 00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:47,083 Just... 41 00:02:48,834 --> 00:02:50,959 Trying to lay a few bricks, 42 00:02:51,041 --> 00:02:52,125 get a foundation under me, 43 00:02:52,208 --> 00:02:54,667 -you know? -Oh, that's a teensy bit vague. 44 00:02:54,750 --> 00:02:57,083 I'd love to hear more. 45 00:02:57,166 --> 00:02:59,375 Get my fucking ducks in a row. 46 00:03:00,291 --> 00:03:02,750 -Mend some fences. -Okay. 47 00:03:02,834 --> 00:03:05,375 -So, you're making amends to people? -Uh, 48 00:03:05,458 --> 00:03:09,208 -well, I'm trying. -Okay, putting Hannah aside for the moment. 49 00:03:09,291 --> 00:03:10,875 What about the other people in your life? 50 00:03:10,959 --> 00:03:13,625 -No one else matters. -Well, let's start small. 51 00:03:13,709 --> 00:03:15,333 Talk about tomorrow. 52 00:03:16,750 --> 00:03:20,375 What does tomorrow look like for you? 53 00:03:20,458 --> 00:03:24,417 (sighs) Well, one thing I have to do is get a new place. 54 00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:27,792 Can't stay at my buddy Matthew's anymore. His wife... 55 00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,834 Boof. 56 00:03:30,917 --> 00:03:33,667 I looked at a couple of places this week in Venice. 57 00:03:33,750 --> 00:03:35,500 You know, nothing great. 58 00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:36,959 But you have the means? 59 00:03:37,041 --> 00:03:39,333 I thought you said the government seized everything. 60 00:03:39,417 --> 00:03:43,500 I still got stake in my parents' companies, you know, and... 61 00:03:43,583 --> 00:03:46,875 few things squirreled away. (clicks tongue) 62 00:03:48,583 --> 00:03:50,750 But I go in these houses, they just all feel, 63 00:03:50,834 --> 00:03:53,625 you know, so empty without her. 64 00:03:53,709 --> 00:03:56,000 Can I just-- I'm just gonna check my phone one more time. 65 00:03:56,083 --> 00:03:58,000 Let's-- Let's get back to your plans. 66 00:03:58,083 --> 00:04:00,208 Have you given any thought to work? 67 00:04:00,291 --> 00:04:02,041 Jesus Christ, I feel like 68 00:04:02,125 --> 00:04:06,166 you're not listening to me at all. This is what's on my mind. 69 00:04:06,250 --> 00:04:07,959 This is what I'm dealing with. 70 00:04:08,041 --> 00:04:10,208 You're just ignoring that. It's like you're not responding 71 00:04:10,291 --> 00:04:12,125 -to what's going on in the room. -I apologize, 72 00:04:12,208 --> 00:04:15,458 but this is our last session, and I don't want to waste it. 73 00:04:15,542 --> 00:04:16,792 How is addressing what 74 00:04:16,875 --> 00:04:18,250 the patient's struggling with a waste? 75 00:04:18,333 --> 00:04:21,208 Brooke: Well, I guess the way I see it, 76 00:04:21,291 --> 00:04:23,250 this isn't a bad thing. 77 00:04:23,333 --> 00:04:25,750 You reached out to her, she was receptive. 78 00:04:25,834 --> 00:04:27,792 Now, you have to wait and see what happens next. 79 00:04:27,875 --> 00:04:30,625 I-I don't mean to be dismissive or callous, 80 00:04:30,709 --> 00:04:32,875 but I also don't want to let you leave here 81 00:04:32,959 --> 00:04:35,542 without covering certain things. 82 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:40,166 Now last week was good. 83 00:04:40,250 --> 00:04:42,166 I want us to keep going. 84 00:04:42,250 --> 00:04:45,834 I don't want to spend a whole session talking about someone 85 00:04:45,917 --> 00:04:49,750 who I don't know, who's not here. 86 00:04:49,834 --> 00:04:52,542 You are going to be on your own. 87 00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:55,542 I want to make sure we're laying the groundwork for success. 88 00:04:55,625 --> 00:04:57,000 (quietly): All right. 89 00:04:59,625 --> 00:05:01,208 I'll be fine. 90 00:05:01,750 --> 00:05:02,875 Hm. 91 00:05:04,375 --> 00:05:06,250 (sighs) I got invited 92 00:05:06,333 --> 00:05:09,417 to this speaker series. There's this... 93 00:05:09,500 --> 00:05:11,166 tech campus in Playa Del Rey. 94 00:05:11,250 --> 00:05:13,500 Once a month, they have someone come give a talk. 95 00:05:13,583 --> 00:05:16,750 They asked me if I wanted to do something 96 00:05:16,834 --> 00:05:19,166 about the pitfalls of working in the industry. 97 00:05:19,250 --> 00:05:21,250 -That's great. -Yeah, maybe. 98 00:05:21,333 --> 00:05:24,041 I could do that for a while, see where it takes me. 99 00:05:26,667 --> 00:05:28,500 You know what, I'm sorry. I just can't pretend 100 00:05:28,583 --> 00:05:30,625 like my mind is somewhere that it's not. 101 00:05:31,125 --> 00:05:32,417 (sighs) 102 00:05:39,208 --> 00:05:40,834 Would you be comfortable sharing 103 00:05:40,917 --> 00:05:44,792 what you said to Hannah in your email? 104 00:05:44,875 --> 00:05:49,333 I-I talked about how much you've helped me. 105 00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:53,208 That you kicked my ass a little bit, and that it's a good thing. 106 00:05:53,291 --> 00:05:55,834 It's helping me get somewhere. You know, 107 00:05:55,917 --> 00:05:59,625 growth, responsibility, being a fucking adult. 108 00:05:59,709 --> 00:06:02,959 Thirty years too late, but, hey, that's me. 109 00:06:04,208 --> 00:06:06,458 And her response? 110 00:06:06,542 --> 00:06:08,417 She seemed open to meeting, which, you know, 111 00:06:08,500 --> 00:06:11,667 made me kinda nervous, thinking about what I would say. 112 00:06:11,750 --> 00:06:14,458 And what would you say, if she were here? 113 00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:17,959 That I fucked up. 114 00:06:18,625 --> 00:06:21,291 That I know it. 115 00:06:21,375 --> 00:06:24,959 That I love her, and that I always will. 116 00:06:25,041 --> 00:06:28,458 And that I am sorry for the way I lied to her. 117 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:33,667 And that I am taking accountability. Ha! 118 00:06:35,166 --> 00:06:37,458 Thanks to you. 119 00:06:37,542 --> 00:06:40,250 That you've made me dig into and under all the stupid, 120 00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:42,583 fucked-up defense mechanisms I have. 121 00:06:42,667 --> 00:06:45,041 All the bullshit that I spin. 122 00:06:45,125 --> 00:06:47,750 You're pulling something out of me, Brooke. 123 00:06:47,834 --> 00:06:50,792 Something that I didn't even know was still there. 124 00:06:50,875 --> 00:06:53,125 The person I was before all the... 125 00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:59,166 everything that sent me spiraling out of control. 126 00:07:01,166 --> 00:07:03,250 The person Hannah married? 127 00:07:03,333 --> 00:07:05,542 That was me. 128 00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:07,166 When I was lying in that hospital bed, 129 00:07:07,250 --> 00:07:09,667 this close to dying, I-I found him again. 130 00:07:11,959 --> 00:07:14,750 That's why I straightened up my act. I knew, 131 00:07:14,834 --> 00:07:17,083 you know, I had to get back to her 132 00:07:17,166 --> 00:07:19,250 as soon as I could. 133 00:07:19,333 --> 00:07:20,417 (scoffs) 134 00:07:21,500 --> 00:07:23,875 Just turns out it was too late. 135 00:07:25,750 --> 00:07:27,834 You know, it's... 136 00:07:27,917 --> 00:07:30,166 interesting because you never really talked 137 00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:32,417 about her until last week. 138 00:07:34,750 --> 00:07:37,166 -Why do you think that is? -(sighs) 139 00:07:37,250 --> 00:07:39,667 Colin: It's too raw, I guess. 140 00:07:39,750 --> 00:07:41,166 You know, it's that thing that's hovering in 141 00:07:41,250 --> 00:07:44,333 your peripheral vision that you're pretending isn't there, 142 00:07:44,417 --> 00:07:46,000 but it is. It always is. 143 00:07:46,083 --> 00:07:48,875 And it's following you around wherever you go. 144 00:07:50,125 --> 00:07:53,125 Now I just have to find a way forward without her, 145 00:07:53,208 --> 00:07:56,125 knowing that she will always be the one, 146 00:07:56,208 --> 00:07:58,542 but that she will never be mine. 147 00:08:00,125 --> 00:08:02,583 Listen, I-I know what you're thinking. 148 00:08:02,667 --> 00:08:06,333 "Is this guy a fuckin' stalker?" Well, I'm not. 149 00:08:06,417 --> 00:08:08,500 That isn't what I was thinking. 150 00:08:08,583 --> 00:08:10,959 Colin: I know I have to let her go... 151 00:08:11,041 --> 00:08:15,000 and just be grateful for the time that I did have with her. 152 00:08:15,083 --> 00:08:17,083 Brooke: I think that's... 153 00:08:17,917 --> 00:08:20,667 It's a lovely sentiment, 154 00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:23,041 and I think how we all have to look 155 00:08:23,125 --> 00:08:25,083 at those people we love, 156 00:08:25,166 --> 00:08:27,166 or loved 157 00:08:27,250 --> 00:08:29,000 at one time, 158 00:08:29,083 --> 00:08:31,250 but know we can never be with. 159 00:08:33,959 --> 00:08:35,709 Good for you. 160 00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:39,291 That's it? 161 00:08:39,375 --> 00:08:40,625 We talked about narratives, 162 00:08:40,709 --> 00:08:42,709 stories we all tell ourselves 163 00:08:42,792 --> 00:08:43,834 to make sense of 164 00:08:43,917 --> 00:08:45,709 a complicated world, filled with 165 00:08:45,792 --> 00:08:48,458 emotionally complicated people. 166 00:08:49,792 --> 00:08:51,041 Now, last week, 167 00:08:51,125 --> 00:08:53,750 yours was vilifying Hannah to make yourself 168 00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:57,125 feel better. -Well, obviously, 169 00:08:57,208 --> 00:09:00,083 I've reconsidered that perspective since then. 170 00:09:00,709 --> 00:09:02,875 Which is good, 171 00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:05,500 but now, there's a new story. 172 00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:08,250 -Your love is unwavering. -What, 173 00:09:08,333 --> 00:09:10,542 you're telling me that I don't love her? 174 00:09:10,625 --> 00:09:14,208 I'm not telling you anything. I'm... 175 00:09:14,291 --> 00:09:16,500 (sighs) sort of stumbling around for my point. 176 00:09:16,583 --> 00:09:19,250 Yeah, no shit. Heh. 177 00:09:19,333 --> 00:09:21,834 I guess what I'm getting at is that 178 00:09:21,917 --> 00:09:24,959 you are doing all of this in a vacuum. 179 00:09:26,250 --> 00:09:27,792 (whispers): She's not here. 180 00:09:27,875 --> 00:09:29,333 We don't know why. 181 00:09:29,417 --> 00:09:31,166 And that's part of the reason why 182 00:09:31,250 --> 00:09:33,542 I'm reluctant to dwell on the subject. 183 00:09:33,625 --> 00:09:35,667 Yeah, but I do know. (scoffs) 184 00:09:35,750 --> 00:09:37,917 -She's moved on. -Did she say that? 185 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:41,333 She's seeing someone. Or not seeing, she's... 186 00:09:41,417 --> 00:09:44,375 involved with someone. In a relationship. 187 00:09:44,458 --> 00:09:46,709 I heard from a mutual friend. 188 00:09:46,792 --> 00:09:49,667 -When did you learn that? -This week. 189 00:09:49,750 --> 00:09:52,041 Why did you wait to tell me? 190 00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:54,083 You know, I'm sorry if I'm not telling you things 191 00:09:54,166 --> 00:09:56,375 -in the order you want to hear them. -No, it's just 192 00:09:56,458 --> 00:09:58,542 I would think you'd be grappling with it. 193 00:09:58,625 --> 00:10:01,250 This is me grappling with it. Or I would be 194 00:10:01,333 --> 00:10:03,834 grappling with it if I could hold your fuckin' attention. 195 00:10:03,917 --> 00:10:05,625 Brooke: So when you were talking about 196 00:10:05,709 --> 00:10:07,750 your broken heart, that's why? 197 00:10:07,834 --> 00:10:10,458 -You meant it was too late. -Yes! 198 00:10:10,542 --> 00:10:13,667 Were you shocked? I mean, it's been four years. 199 00:10:13,750 --> 00:10:15,625 Well, just because you see something coming, 200 00:10:15,709 --> 00:10:18,291 -doesn't make it hurt any less when it hits you. -Sure. 201 00:10:18,375 --> 00:10:21,000 So her coming here today was about mending fences? 202 00:10:21,083 --> 00:10:23,625 Yeah, to apologize. Show her that 203 00:10:23,709 --> 00:10:25,125 she doesn't have to hate me anymore. 204 00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:27,375 Brooke: And is that what bothers you more? 205 00:10:27,458 --> 00:10:29,417 That she's out there in the world thinking 206 00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:31,542 you're a bad person, or not having 207 00:10:31,625 --> 00:10:34,208 -a romantic connection with her? -Can't it be both? 208 00:10:34,291 --> 00:10:37,125 Absolutely, yes, but you know 209 00:10:37,208 --> 00:10:40,083 that a romantic relationship was probably off the table 210 00:10:40,166 --> 00:10:42,375 given the way things ended. 211 00:10:42,458 --> 00:10:45,166 And, as far as her changing her mind about you, 212 00:10:45,250 --> 00:10:46,667 that still hasn't been ruled out. 213 00:10:46,750 --> 00:10:48,542 And again, 214 00:10:48,625 --> 00:10:51,667 you've done what you can. You've opened the door. 215 00:10:51,750 --> 00:10:53,458 No door is open! 216 00:10:53,542 --> 00:10:55,583 Okay? I invited her here. She didn't show up. 217 00:10:55,667 --> 00:10:57,917 She's with another guy. They're having a... 218 00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,417 Having a what? 219 00:11:03,041 --> 00:11:04,583 Is Hannah pregnant? 220 00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:09,959 (sighs) Yes. 221 00:11:10,041 --> 00:11:12,458 -Twenty-two weeks or something. -I thought she couldn't... 222 00:11:12,542 --> 00:11:14,125 (laughs) Yeah, so did I. 223 00:11:14,208 --> 00:11:16,667 Maybe they figured it out. Or maybe this dude's just got 224 00:11:16,750 --> 00:11:19,208 a magic cock that can deliver the payload 225 00:11:19,291 --> 00:11:21,125 with superior force and accuracy. 226 00:11:21,208 --> 00:11:23,083 So with all of your difficulties, 227 00:11:23,166 --> 00:11:25,125 you never thought to take a look to see 228 00:11:25,208 --> 00:11:26,625 whether you might be the cause? 229 00:11:26,709 --> 00:11:30,875 -That was a joke about the magic cock. -I know, but did you? 230 00:11:30,959 --> 00:11:33,125 -Get checked out. -No. I-I'm good. 231 00:11:33,208 --> 00:11:34,667 So you never went to see a doctor, 232 00:11:34,750 --> 00:11:35,834 even at your advanced age? 233 00:11:35,917 --> 00:11:38,250 "Advanced age"? I beg your pardon? 234 00:11:38,333 --> 00:11:39,709 (wry chuckle) 235 00:11:39,792 --> 00:11:42,583 A guy can pop a Viagra on his deathbed and knock someone up. 236 00:11:42,667 --> 00:11:45,083 It's possible, but it gets harder as you get older. 237 00:11:45,166 --> 00:11:46,709 Sperm motility drops. 238 00:11:46,792 --> 00:11:50,458 -What are you getting at? -I don't know, honestly. 239 00:11:50,542 --> 00:11:52,166 Last week, you left here hoping 240 00:11:52,250 --> 00:11:53,834 she would come in, and in the interim, 241 00:11:53,917 --> 00:11:56,083 you've learned that she's seeing another man, 242 00:11:56,166 --> 00:11:58,208 is having a child, and you didn't lead with that. 243 00:11:58,291 --> 00:11:59,333 I had to dig that out of you, 244 00:11:59,417 --> 00:12:01,333 and I'm trying to figure out why. 245 00:12:01,417 --> 00:12:03,083 Well, I, I-- you know, I don't know. 246 00:12:03,166 --> 00:12:06,083 Anyway, we don't have to talk about Hannah anymore, alright? 247 00:12:06,166 --> 00:12:08,041 I know you want to focus on the future. 248 00:12:08,834 --> 00:12:10,333 Reproduction 249 00:12:10,417 --> 00:12:12,917 -can be a tough subject, but I want to make sure-- -Wait, wait, wait. 250 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,709 Reproduction? Who the fuck's talking about reproduction? 251 00:12:15,792 --> 00:12:17,792 Brooke: An inability to conceive 252 00:12:17,875 --> 00:12:20,083 can be challenging for men. 253 00:12:20,166 --> 00:12:22,166 Their masculinity is wrapped up in it. 254 00:12:22,250 --> 00:12:23,750 Colin: (scoffs) Holy shit. 255 00:12:23,834 --> 00:12:26,000 My masculinity's not wrapped up in an ability 256 00:12:26,083 --> 00:12:27,583 to reproduce. I didn't want kids, okay? 257 00:12:27,667 --> 00:12:29,583 But you tried. 258 00:12:29,667 --> 00:12:31,500 For a long time, and then, 259 00:12:31,583 --> 00:12:34,583 -this other guy comes along-- -I'm not worried about it! 260 00:12:34,667 --> 00:12:35,834 This is difficult for a lot of men 261 00:12:35,917 --> 00:12:38,208 to talk about it, particularly when they're working 262 00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:39,458 with a female therapist. 263 00:12:39,542 --> 00:12:42,166 Oh, Brooke. No, you're-- This is-- this is not it. 264 00:12:42,250 --> 00:12:44,750 These things are utterly random, but so many men 265 00:12:44,834 --> 00:12:47,834 are consumed by this idea of virility. 266 00:12:47,917 --> 00:12:50,834 We simply ignore the fact that some men simply cannot-- 267 00:12:50,917 --> 00:12:54,959 Oh, good god, I had a vasectomy when I was 30 years old! 268 00:12:55,041 --> 00:12:58,709 Alright, nine or 10 years before I even met Hannah, okay? 269 00:12:58,792 --> 00:13:01,542 I didn't want kids. My dick works fine. 270 00:13:01,625 --> 00:13:03,375 Mystery solved. 271 00:13:06,208 --> 00:13:07,709 Why? 272 00:13:08,667 --> 00:13:10,417 (scoffs) I was a 30-year-old guy 273 00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:13,750 with a few hundred million dollars in the bank. 274 00:13:14,458 --> 00:13:16,041 I-I-- It was... 275 00:13:16,125 --> 00:13:17,709 it was a business decision. 276 00:13:18,875 --> 00:13:20,291 It's actually funny. 277 00:13:20,375 --> 00:13:22,750 I had dinner. My dad, he set me up 278 00:13:22,834 --> 00:13:25,750 with this entertainment lawyer he knew. This... 279 00:13:25,834 --> 00:13:28,125 This guy he'd done business with. 280 00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:31,291 Slick white hair, pinky ring, very old school, 281 00:13:31,375 --> 00:13:33,333 sort of past his prime. 282 00:13:33,417 --> 00:13:34,959 He lived in this, uh, 283 00:13:35,041 --> 00:13:36,834 this old apartment tower in West Hollywood. 284 00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:40,000 He has me pick him up there and take him to Dan Tana's. 285 00:13:40,083 --> 00:13:41,542 Do you know Dan Tana's? 286 00:13:46,709 --> 00:13:48,208 Uh, well, we have dinner, 287 00:13:48,291 --> 00:13:49,834 and he knows everyone there. 288 00:13:49,917 --> 00:13:53,208 There's a vodka martini waiting for him when he sits down. 289 00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:54,750 You know, just a total operator. 290 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,792 I tell him I made all this money, 291 00:13:56,875 --> 00:13:58,333 asked him if he has any advice, 292 00:13:58,417 --> 00:14:01,125 and he says, "Get a vasectomy. 293 00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:04,458 "You don't want some kid knockin' on your door 20 years from now, 294 00:14:04,542 --> 00:14:07,000 who has your eyes, lookin' for a handout." 295 00:14:07,083 --> 00:14:08,792 (soft laugh) 296 00:14:08,875 --> 00:14:10,917 And that-that was the only advice he gave me. 297 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,375 He just sat there and ate his veal 298 00:14:12,458 --> 00:14:14,291 and told me stories about Diana Ross. 299 00:14:14,375 --> 00:14:16,500 (sigh, soft laugh) 300 00:14:19,625 --> 00:14:21,458 Anyway, it was sort of 301 00:14:21,542 --> 00:14:23,667 a random experience. 302 00:14:25,083 --> 00:14:26,625 (sighs) 303 00:14:33,834 --> 00:14:35,792 If I seem overly blunt and a bit direct, 304 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,542 it's because we're short on time and I want to get 305 00:14:37,625 --> 00:14:40,792 to the bottom of a few things today before you leave. 306 00:14:42,125 --> 00:14:44,000 Okay. 307 00:14:44,083 --> 00:14:45,875 There are lies you are telling yourself, 308 00:14:45,959 --> 00:14:48,083 and there are lies you are telling me, and I need to know 309 00:14:48,166 --> 00:14:51,291 which is which if I am going to be of any help to you. 310 00:14:51,375 --> 00:14:54,750 So, why don't you stop telling me lies, 311 00:14:54,834 --> 00:14:56,458 and we can go from there? 312 00:14:56,542 --> 00:14:58,750 I-I'm not telling any lies. 313 00:14:58,834 --> 00:15:02,083 Anything short of complete honesty right now 314 00:15:02,166 --> 00:15:03,834 will be upsetting to me. 315 00:15:03,917 --> 00:15:06,375 I have given you my time, my sincere effort, 316 00:15:06,458 --> 00:15:10,208 and I expect you to tell me the truth in return. 317 00:15:10,875 --> 00:15:12,375 Okay. 318 00:15:12,917 --> 00:15:14,500 Great. 319 00:15:15,667 --> 00:15:17,125 You had a vasectomy. 320 00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:18,917 Yes. 321 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:22,333 And that business about, "We tried everything" was... 322 00:15:23,333 --> 00:15:25,125 That was true. 323 00:15:25,208 --> 00:15:27,166 Make that make sense to me. 324 00:15:31,041 --> 00:15:32,959 It snowballed. 325 00:15:33,041 --> 00:15:35,125 The whole pregnancy thing. 326 00:15:35,208 --> 00:15:37,792 At first, you know, we were just fucking all the time. 327 00:15:37,875 --> 00:15:40,291 There wasn't an issue. 328 00:15:40,375 --> 00:15:42,959 And, yeah, we-we'd talk about kids, but it was just... 329 00:15:43,041 --> 00:15:44,709 just fantasy. 330 00:15:44,792 --> 00:15:47,166 Wasn't making plans, you know? It was like you say anything. 331 00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:51,083 "Oh, we'll move to fuckin' Tuscany one day and make wine." 332 00:15:52,333 --> 00:15:53,667 I mean... 333 00:15:53,750 --> 00:15:55,125 It wasn't like, you know, 334 00:15:55,208 --> 00:15:57,417 "I want kids." "Me, too. Let's try." 335 00:15:57,500 --> 00:15:59,625 She was on birth control. 336 00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:01,417 And then she stopped taking it, and it was-- 337 00:16:01,500 --> 00:16:03,041 I think she wanted to surprise me. 338 00:16:03,125 --> 00:16:04,792 It wasn't a fantasy for her. 339 00:16:04,875 --> 00:16:07,959 Colin: Which I realized too late. 340 00:16:08,041 --> 00:16:10,291 And then she was all upset because it wasn't happening, 341 00:16:10,375 --> 00:16:12,500 and then, at that point, 342 00:16:12,583 --> 00:16:15,208 it sort of became this adventure, 343 00:16:15,291 --> 00:16:18,125 trying all these weird things, but it wasn't... 344 00:16:20,417 --> 00:16:22,166 (sighs) Look, I admit 345 00:16:22,250 --> 00:16:26,208 I mislead somewhat when I told you we tried everything. 346 00:16:27,542 --> 00:16:30,291 We were just having lots of sex. That's all. I-- 347 00:16:30,375 --> 00:16:33,083 It sounds terrible, I know, but 348 00:16:33,166 --> 00:16:35,208 when we were in it, when I was... 349 00:16:35,291 --> 00:16:36,667 You know, I knew 350 00:16:36,750 --> 00:16:38,333 I didn't want kids, 351 00:16:38,417 --> 00:16:40,583 and this seemed like, "Oh, we'll try." 352 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,625 You know? And then things will go back to normal. 353 00:16:42,709 --> 00:16:44,417 We'll keep doing our thing and, 354 00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:47,291 you know, for whatever reason, she won't get pregnant, 355 00:16:47,375 --> 00:16:50,667 and that'll be our story. 356 00:16:50,750 --> 00:16:53,166 I didn't think it would drag on the way it did. 357 00:16:53,250 --> 00:16:56,875 But when it had been a while, I just couldn't... 358 00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:00,792 I mean, how does a person possibly reveal that? 359 00:17:00,875 --> 00:17:02,667 Hannah still doesn't know? 360 00:17:03,792 --> 00:17:06,542 -No, I-I did tell her. -When? 361 00:17:06,625 --> 00:17:08,583 After I got arrested. 362 00:17:08,667 --> 00:17:10,333 They slapped the cuffs on you, and you said, 363 00:17:10,417 --> 00:17:12,709 "By the way, I had a vasectomy"? 364 00:17:12,792 --> 00:17:15,792 When she visited me in prison with a stack of divorce papers. 365 00:17:15,875 --> 00:17:18,583 -You did it as an act of retribution. -No, no. It was just-- 366 00:17:18,667 --> 00:17:20,709 She asked you for a divorce, 367 00:17:20,792 --> 00:17:23,583 -and you threw it in her face. -We were laying everything 368 00:17:23,667 --> 00:17:25,667 out on the table, alright? No more secrets. 369 00:17:25,750 --> 00:17:28,000 Brooke: You had to know she wasn't coming today. 370 00:17:31,583 --> 00:17:33,750 Did you even invite her? 371 00:17:37,208 --> 00:17:39,542 Uh... (stammers) 372 00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:41,917 I wrote her, and I told her about you. 373 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:44,417 Because you stood in my driveway 374 00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:47,709 looking longingly at the street. 375 00:17:52,500 --> 00:17:54,750 This is very disturbing to me. 376 00:17:54,834 --> 00:17:57,333 That you would take it to this level. 377 00:17:57,417 --> 00:17:59,875 I told you I was gonna invite her. 378 00:17:59,959 --> 00:18:03,333 I just got cold feet. I was embarrassed, you know? 379 00:18:03,417 --> 00:18:05,250 I didn't wanna talk about the exact shit 380 00:18:05,333 --> 00:18:08,625 we're talking about right now, but I love her. 381 00:18:08,709 --> 00:18:11,875 -I'll always love her, that much is true. -You can't lead a person 382 00:18:11,959 --> 00:18:14,333 to believe that they're incapable of having a child 383 00:18:14,417 --> 00:18:16,917 because you want to avoid difficult conversations, 384 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,417 and then say that you love them. 385 00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:20,917 That's a cruel thing to do. 386 00:18:21,041 --> 00:18:23,291 Look, I just explained the whole thing. 387 00:18:23,375 --> 00:18:25,625 It was a little time. It was-- it was just... 388 00:18:25,709 --> 00:18:27,875 one chapter, and then... 389 00:18:28,667 --> 00:18:31,959 (sighs) Listen, I was wrong! 390 00:18:32,041 --> 00:18:34,125 I get that, in a big picture, 391 00:18:34,208 --> 00:18:35,792 pearly gates look-at-your-life. 392 00:18:35,875 --> 00:18:37,792 It was a colossal error in judgment. 393 00:18:37,875 --> 00:18:40,250 I was wrong on that level, but I was also wrong in thinking 394 00:18:40,333 --> 00:18:42,834 that it could ever just go away. 395 00:18:42,917 --> 00:18:46,959 It was so hard dealing with that. And afterward, I mean... 396 00:18:47,041 --> 00:18:48,458 every month, it became 397 00:18:48,542 --> 00:18:52,000 this little mini-tragedy when she'd get her period. 398 00:18:52,083 --> 00:18:54,125 -It really took a toll. -Of course it did. 399 00:18:54,208 --> 00:18:56,166 -Yes, in hindsight. -Okay, 400 00:18:56,250 --> 00:18:58,250 I think we now have something in the neighborhood 401 00:18:58,333 --> 00:19:00,542 of an honest accounting of that piece of your life, 402 00:19:00,625 --> 00:19:03,500 at least in terms of what happened and when. 403 00:19:03,583 --> 00:19:06,834 You lied, then revealed the truth to her 404 00:19:06,917 --> 00:19:08,875 when she asked for a divorce. 405 00:19:08,959 --> 00:19:11,000 Is that accurate? 406 00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:13,291 Well, it leaves out a lot of nuance. 407 00:19:13,375 --> 00:19:15,625 I'm not interested in your nuance right now. 408 00:19:17,875 --> 00:19:20,208 Okay. Yes. 409 00:19:20,291 --> 00:19:23,417 Why tell me this whole love story? 410 00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:26,500 I don't get what your play is here. 411 00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:28,375 Did you want me to look at you as pitiful 412 00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:32,333 because that plays better than deceitful and self-centered? 413 00:19:32,417 --> 00:19:36,291 You... you're putting all this, like, forethought into it. 414 00:19:36,375 --> 00:19:38,375 Like I made some fuckin' flowchart of 415 00:19:38,458 --> 00:19:40,041 how to make who feel what. 416 00:19:40,125 --> 00:19:42,583 I told you things that were true. 417 00:19:44,291 --> 00:19:46,041 Yes, I omitted salient details, 418 00:19:46,125 --> 00:19:47,542 perhaps to make myself look better. 419 00:19:47,625 --> 00:19:50,250 Oh, am I the first person on Earth to do that? No. 420 00:19:50,333 --> 00:19:52,291 It's how we live. We shape our experiences. 421 00:19:52,375 --> 00:19:55,709 -We-we-we build up a story. -That's not how I live. 422 00:19:55,792 --> 00:19:57,750 I don't create elaborate charades 423 00:19:57,834 --> 00:19:59,417 just to get things out of people. 424 00:19:59,500 --> 00:20:02,000 -(scoffs) Oh, come on. -I don't. 425 00:20:02,083 --> 00:20:04,291 Really? 426 00:20:04,375 --> 00:20:06,583 How's your back feelin', Brooke? 427 00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:11,583 (soft laugh) 428 00:20:11,667 --> 00:20:13,291 Your characterization of your marriage, 429 00:20:13,375 --> 00:20:15,667 perfect until the FBI came into your life, 430 00:20:15,750 --> 00:20:18,083 that wasn't quite right, was it? 431 00:20:18,166 --> 00:20:19,750 No. I told you, 432 00:20:19,834 --> 00:20:22,208 the pregnancy thing took a toll. 433 00:20:22,291 --> 00:20:23,750 Or maybe it was just time at that point. 434 00:20:23,834 --> 00:20:27,083 You know, after five years, you start to grate on each other. 435 00:20:27,166 --> 00:20:28,583 Yeah, we had fights, 436 00:20:28,667 --> 00:20:30,291 we certainly weren't fucking anymore because, 437 00:20:30,375 --> 00:20:31,542 you know, that was a whole trigger 438 00:20:31,625 --> 00:20:33,834 of endless misery over not... 439 00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:36,333 Oh, man. 440 00:20:36,417 --> 00:20:37,917 Talk about a plan backfiring. 441 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,875 Brooke: Lies do that. They backfire. 442 00:20:39,959 --> 00:20:41,625 -They have consequences... -I think I know that. 443 00:20:41,709 --> 00:20:44,125 Do you? Because you went to jail 444 00:20:44,208 --> 00:20:47,458 for doing exactly what you are doing in here. 445 00:20:47,542 --> 00:20:49,917 Your file says you told an investor that your 446 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,375 "whatever software thing," that it could do things 447 00:20:52,458 --> 00:20:55,083 that it couldn't, right? 448 00:20:55,166 --> 00:20:57,667 I guess, in a very broad, imprecise, 449 00:20:57,750 --> 00:20:59,834 -borderline wrong sense. -They put their money 450 00:20:59,917 --> 00:21:02,125 into it based on the lies that you told them. 451 00:21:02,208 --> 00:21:07,250 You painted a rosy picture and got them on board. 452 00:21:07,333 --> 00:21:10,041 -Yeah, sure. -You painted yourself as a visionary. 453 00:21:10,125 --> 00:21:11,417 You know (scoffs), 454 00:21:11,500 --> 00:21:14,250 it sounds like you really don't have an understanding 455 00:21:14,333 --> 00:21:16,917 -of the kind of business I was in. -Enlighten me. 456 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,375 Colin: That's what you do. 457 00:21:19,458 --> 00:21:20,959 You tell a story. 458 00:21:21,041 --> 00:21:23,291 You get people invested emotionally. 459 00:21:23,375 --> 00:21:25,875 It's what I'm great at. 460 00:21:25,959 --> 00:21:28,458 By the way, it's what everyone does in the tech industry. 461 00:21:28,542 --> 00:21:32,083 -Nothing works until it does! -But things eventually do. 462 00:21:32,166 --> 00:21:34,959 They eventually do work. I have a phone that works. 463 00:21:35,041 --> 00:21:37,000 I have a computer that fucking works. 464 00:21:37,083 --> 00:21:38,375 (laughs) Yeah, but before they did, 465 00:21:38,458 --> 00:21:40,667 people took a chance. They saw the potential, 466 00:21:40,750 --> 00:21:43,625 and then they put their money into it. 467 00:21:43,709 --> 00:21:45,333 I was one of those people. 468 00:21:45,417 --> 00:21:47,250 I saw something that looked good, 469 00:21:47,333 --> 00:21:49,375 I invested, and by the time I was 30, 470 00:21:49,458 --> 00:21:51,667 I had a quarter-billion dollars in my bank account. 471 00:21:51,750 --> 00:21:54,125 You mentioned that, hence the vasectomy. 472 00:21:54,208 --> 00:21:56,583 That worked out. Sometimes, things don't work out. 473 00:21:56,667 --> 00:21:58,000 Brooke: You are going to speak 474 00:21:58,083 --> 00:22:00,458 to young entrepreneurs about the dangers of your industry. 475 00:22:00,542 --> 00:22:02,875 What are you going to tell them? 476 00:22:02,959 --> 00:22:04,667 Gee, I don't know. Uh, 477 00:22:04,750 --> 00:22:07,500 spent four years in jail, lost everything, 478 00:22:07,583 --> 00:22:10,875 got assaulted by a psychopath, and then became a social pariah. 479 00:22:10,959 --> 00:22:13,166 You know, I think I have a few things I can tell them, Brooke. 480 00:22:13,250 --> 00:22:15,542 Brooke: But have you learned anything? 481 00:22:15,625 --> 00:22:18,834 Really? Have you learned anything? 482 00:22:18,917 --> 00:22:21,125 Because it seems that, to you, the truth doesn't matter. 483 00:22:21,208 --> 00:22:23,750 The only thing that matters is how you are perceived. 484 00:22:23,834 --> 00:22:26,333 Something doesn't work, tell them that it does. 485 00:22:26,417 --> 00:22:28,917 Someone is critical of you, spin a tale of lost love. 486 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:32,208 I told myself that I had reached a point in my career 487 00:22:32,291 --> 00:22:35,250 that I did not have to treat narcissists. 488 00:22:35,333 --> 00:22:38,875 It is fruitless, and it is exhausting. 489 00:22:38,959 --> 00:22:40,500 I'm not a narcissist. 490 00:22:40,583 --> 00:22:42,542 Hannah, me, the investors. 491 00:22:42,625 --> 00:22:45,709 We are not people to you. We are obstacles to overcome. 492 00:22:45,792 --> 00:22:48,667 Fool me and move on to whoever's next. 493 00:22:48,750 --> 00:22:51,500 I don't want to fool you. I want you to like me. 494 00:22:51,583 --> 00:22:53,542 -Even if it means lying to me? -Well, 495 00:22:53,625 --> 00:22:55,792 -what other choice do I have? -Doing the exact opposite. 496 00:22:55,875 --> 00:22:59,041 But the truth isn't pretty. You can see that now. 497 00:22:59,125 --> 00:23:01,875 It isn't met with warmth, understanding, sympathy. 498 00:23:01,959 --> 00:23:03,667 It's met with scorn and judgment. Hell, 499 00:23:03,750 --> 00:23:05,709 you're in a goddamn fit about it. 500 00:23:05,792 --> 00:23:06,709 But you know what? 501 00:23:06,792 --> 00:23:08,000 I envy you. 502 00:23:08,083 --> 00:23:09,875 That pedestal you look down on the world from. 503 00:23:09,959 --> 00:23:13,333 I've never been up there, but it looks super fucking cozy. 504 00:23:13,417 --> 00:23:15,375 It's telling that honesty seems like 505 00:23:15,458 --> 00:23:18,583 -an unattainable, lofty goal to you. -Oh, you act so superior, 506 00:23:18,667 --> 00:23:20,291 but it's easy for you to tell the truth. 507 00:23:20,375 --> 00:23:22,834 You're an impressive person. You know, 508 00:23:22,917 --> 00:23:25,250 you're virtuous and-and you're smart and you're talented. 509 00:23:25,333 --> 00:23:27,458 The lie is all I have. 510 00:23:29,166 --> 00:23:30,709 There's nothing here. 511 00:23:32,625 --> 00:23:35,500 I'm not good at anything. 512 00:23:36,375 --> 00:23:38,417 I-I don't have any ideas. 513 00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:41,750 The only thing-- The only thing I have is my ability 514 00:23:41,834 --> 00:23:44,917 to convince people of things, to make them see something 515 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:48,000 that isn't there, and that is fucking magic! 516 00:23:51,500 --> 00:23:54,291 I mean, I built a person out of nothing. 517 00:23:54,375 --> 00:23:57,333 A successful person. That's impressive. It's just-- 518 00:23:57,417 --> 00:23:59,542 It's not valued. It's looked down upon. 519 00:23:59,625 --> 00:24:01,417 But, hey, that's nice, right? Gives everyone like you 520 00:24:01,500 --> 00:24:04,125 an opportunity to wag their finger and be like, 521 00:24:04,208 --> 00:24:06,291 "Oh, no. That'd never be me." 522 00:24:06,375 --> 00:24:08,834 You want me to tell the truth and have nothing? 523 00:24:08,917 --> 00:24:11,041 Well, no thanks. 524 00:24:12,667 --> 00:24:15,458 And you know, in all of this, what-what's... 525 00:24:15,542 --> 00:24:18,333 what's lost, what no one will ever say 526 00:24:18,417 --> 00:24:22,291 but is super fucking true? I did Hannah a favor! 527 00:24:22,375 --> 00:24:23,792 I mean, look at me! I can't be a father! 528 00:24:23,875 --> 00:24:26,875 -I protected her! -You lied to her. 529 00:24:26,959 --> 00:24:29,625 -You made her feel ashamed. -Oh, you don't know what the fuck 530 00:24:29,709 --> 00:24:31,375 she felt. 531 00:24:31,458 --> 00:24:33,834 But I'll tell you this-- It wasn't shame. 532 00:24:33,917 --> 00:24:35,834 She thought, oh, who knows? 533 00:24:35,917 --> 00:24:38,625 Her wishing crystals weren't charged enough. 534 00:24:38,709 --> 00:24:40,333 You know, it-it was frustration that 535 00:24:40,417 --> 00:24:43,166 we hadn't found the correct lunar alignment. 536 00:24:43,250 --> 00:24:47,417 That someone had misread her uterine horoscope. 537 00:24:47,500 --> 00:24:49,750 You're defending this person like she's some treasure. 538 00:24:49,834 --> 00:24:51,667 You haven't even met her! 539 00:24:51,750 --> 00:24:54,375 And honestly, Brooke, like it or not, I know you a little bit. 540 00:24:54,458 --> 00:24:56,375 You would fucking hate her! 541 00:24:56,458 --> 00:24:58,583 I mean, she's got a lot of wonderful qualities. 542 00:24:58,667 --> 00:25:00,583 She is sincerely one of the smartest, most insightful 543 00:25:00,667 --> 00:25:02,542 people I've ever met. But in addition to that, 544 00:25:02,625 --> 00:25:05,709 she's a fuckin' idiot. She'd drive you up the goddamn wall. 545 00:25:07,500 --> 00:25:08,875 (sighs) 546 00:25:11,583 --> 00:25:13,542 I want you to like me. 547 00:25:13,625 --> 00:25:17,542 Not-not just because of the court thing, but because I like you. 548 00:25:17,625 --> 00:25:19,375 You know, you're the-- you're the type of person 549 00:25:19,458 --> 00:25:21,542 I'd like to impress. I tried to make that happen. 550 00:25:21,625 --> 00:25:23,792 I failed. I'm sorry. 551 00:25:25,166 --> 00:25:27,875 And with my business, I... 552 00:25:27,959 --> 00:25:29,959 I just tried to pull a rabbit out of my hat, you know? 553 00:25:30,041 --> 00:25:31,875 I tried to get enough money to keep working long enough 554 00:25:31,959 --> 00:25:34,333 to make the whole thing work. I got in over my head. 555 00:25:34,417 --> 00:25:37,709 I gambled, I lost. Again, I'm sorry. I say it so much, 556 00:25:37,792 --> 00:25:40,792 I should have it tattooed on my fuckin' forehead. 557 00:25:42,417 --> 00:25:43,750 So... 558 00:25:45,250 --> 00:25:47,458 what am I supposed to do? 559 00:25:48,875 --> 00:25:50,834 I'll tell you what I'll do. 560 00:25:50,917 --> 00:25:54,166 I'll fucking dust myself off and try again. 561 00:25:55,583 --> 00:25:58,834 Because if there's one thing I've mastered, it's failure. 562 00:26:00,083 --> 00:26:01,417 It doesn't faze me anymore. 563 00:26:01,500 --> 00:26:03,333 That's all the time I have. 564 00:26:07,333 --> 00:26:08,667 Huh. 565 00:26:10,208 --> 00:26:12,250 That's all the time we have. 566 00:26:12,333 --> 00:26:15,458 ♪ ♪ 567 00:26:19,834 --> 00:26:22,000 Goodbye, Colin. 568 00:26:24,750 --> 00:26:27,875 (birds chirping) 569 00:26:29,542 --> 00:26:30,667 (sighs) 570 00:26:35,583 --> 00:26:38,333 Well, it was nice knowing ya. 571 00:26:57,667 --> 00:26:59,709 -(door opens) -(Brooke sighs) 572 00:27:01,333 --> 00:27:02,542 (door shuts) 573 00:27:07,792 --> 00:27:09,375 (exhales) 574 00:27:17,083 --> 00:27:20,208 ♪ ♪ 575 00:27:46,667 --> 00:27:49,750 ♪ ♪ 576 00:28:16,709 --> 00:28:19,792 ♪ ♪ 577 00:28:35,959 --> 00:28:36,959 ♪ (PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ 578 00:28:37,208 --> 00:28:40,959 COLIN: The other day, when you were asking about plans, 579 00:28:41,041 --> 00:28:46,333 the future... I don't know what I want. 580 00:28:48,667 --> 00:28:51,208 See I never stopped to figure out what it was I liked. 581 00:28:52,333 --> 00:28:53,959 It's hard if you're spending all your time 582 00:28:54,041 --> 00:28:55,667 trying to be something you aren't. 583 00:28:57,542 --> 00:29:01,166 -Just my future? -You know what the problem is?