1 00:00:01,083 --> 00:00:02,250 RITA: Does Eladio bring up the fantasy? 2 00:00:02,333 --> 00:00:03,291 DR. BROOKE TAYLOR: What fantasy? 3 00:00:03,583 --> 00:00:06,166 About motherhood. About having a son. 4 00:00:06,250 --> 00:00:07,250 ♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ 5 00:00:07,583 --> 00:00:09,959 TAYLOR: There had to be a moment when the patient goes 6 00:00:10,041 --> 00:00:12,750 from simply being work to something more. 7 00:00:13,250 --> 00:00:14,083 Like us. 8 00:00:14,333 --> 00:00:16,250 TAYLOR: I know how not to project, all right? 9 00:00:16,333 --> 00:00:18,583 I am always monitoring transference. 10 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:21,542 You cast me in the mother role with the hope 11 00:00:21,625 --> 00:00:24,417 that I can be able to do the things she can't. 12 00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:26,834 And I'm going to be your mother in this moment. 13 00:00:26,917 --> 00:00:30,375 I'm going to give you the understanding you deserve. 14 00:00:30,458 --> 00:00:33,458 (DEEP INHALE, EXHALE) 15 00:00:40,375 --> 00:00:42,291 (electronic buzzing) 16 00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:43,917 (coffeemaker clicks) 17 00:00:44,750 --> 00:00:46,125 (cup dings) 18 00:01:02,625 --> 00:01:03,750 (puts down cup) 19 00:01:05,709 --> 00:01:06,834 (click, beep) 20 00:01:07,875 --> 00:01:10,709 Well, good morning. 21 00:01:10,792 --> 00:01:13,041 You haven't been waiting for me, have you? 22 00:01:13,125 --> 00:01:14,500 Nah. 23 00:01:14,583 --> 00:01:16,667 Like, maybe a little. 24 00:01:19,917 --> 00:01:20,875 W-- Things ended all weird last week. 25 00:01:20,959 --> 00:01:24,041 I-I can do weird if you can. 26 00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:26,000 Well, who do you think you're talkin' to? 27 00:01:26,083 --> 00:01:28,083 Weird is my shit. 28 00:01:28,166 --> 00:01:30,834 (both laugh) 29 00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:34,375 Hey, did you lose an earring? 30 00:01:36,583 --> 00:01:38,083 Oh. 31 00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:40,750 It's around here some place. (laughs) 32 00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:43,250 Uh, heh, uh, 33 00:01:43,333 --> 00:01:45,250 I wanted to tell you that 34 00:01:45,333 --> 00:01:47,750 I am a woman of my word. 35 00:01:47,834 --> 00:01:51,333 I said that if you dug in with me, I would make an assessment. 36 00:01:52,166 --> 00:01:54,625 And I have. 37 00:01:54,709 --> 00:01:58,834 I spoke to a psychiatrist I want to refer you to. 38 00:01:58,917 --> 00:02:02,333 I appreciate that. And-and they'll write me a script? 39 00:02:02,417 --> 00:02:04,917 Well, she might. Yes. 40 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:08,792 -Wait, might? -I asked Dr. Ahmadi for a second opinion, 41 00:02:08,875 --> 00:02:10,083 so, at first, 42 00:02:10,166 --> 00:02:12,125 she's gonna do her own assessment. 43 00:02:12,208 --> 00:02:14,458 This isn't a one-and-done situation. 44 00:02:14,542 --> 00:02:16,166 It's an ongoing relationship, 45 00:02:16,250 --> 00:02:18,625 so she'll evaluate you and determine if-- 46 00:02:18,709 --> 00:02:20,125 Yeah, wait, wait, wait. 47 00:02:20,208 --> 00:02:22,166 "Ongoing relationship"? 48 00:02:22,250 --> 00:02:23,625 (scoffs) Dr. Taylor, 49 00:02:23,709 --> 00:02:26,458 I-I can't afford that. That-that's not what we talked about. 50 00:02:26,542 --> 00:02:30,458 You will be able to attend these sessions. 51 00:02:30,542 --> 00:02:32,125 I'll make sure of it. 52 00:02:32,208 --> 00:02:33,667 Are you... 53 00:02:34,375 --> 00:02:36,667 paying for it, or... 54 00:02:36,750 --> 00:02:39,000 Brooke: I'm letting you know 55 00:02:39,083 --> 00:02:42,375 the resource is available to you. 56 00:02:44,542 --> 00:02:46,125 Um... 57 00:02:47,583 --> 00:02:48,750 Okay. 58 00:02:50,333 --> 00:02:52,583 But, Eladio, I want to be honest 59 00:02:52,667 --> 00:02:54,125 about my analysis, 60 00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:57,000 about what I've shared with Dr. Ahmadi. 61 00:02:57,083 --> 00:02:58,875 Yeah? 62 00:02:58,959 --> 00:03:00,917 Brooke: I have serious doubts about 63 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:03,750 the validity of your bipolar diagnosis. 64 00:03:05,583 --> 00:03:09,166 Yeah, I know that's gonna take a second to digest, so 65 00:03:09,250 --> 00:03:11,792 I am going to walk you through every step 66 00:03:11,875 --> 00:03:14,625 -of my thinking, and I'm gonna-- -(beep) 67 00:03:16,417 --> 00:03:18,625 -(clicking) -What? 68 00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:23,083 (light piano music playing) 69 00:03:23,166 --> 00:03:25,959 ♪ ♪ 70 00:03:43,125 --> 00:03:46,333 (birds chirping outside) 71 00:03:58,959 --> 00:04:01,250 (line ringing) 72 00:04:01,333 --> 00:04:03,458 Eladio (on voicemail): You part of the problem, hang up now. 73 00:04:03,542 --> 00:04:06,375 -You part of the solution, leave a message. -(beep) 74 00:04:06,458 --> 00:04:09,125 Eladio? It's Brooke. 75 00:04:09,208 --> 00:04:12,917 We got disconnected, but it's still your hour. 76 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,375 Give me a call so we can continue. 77 00:04:17,917 --> 00:04:20,291 -Everything okay, babe? -Oh Jesus! 78 00:04:20,375 --> 00:04:22,583 -(laughs) -You... You scared me. 79 00:04:22,667 --> 00:04:24,959 -Forget I was here? -(laughs) Impossible. 80 00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:29,834 -I found your earring on the bathroom floor. -Oh, thank you! 81 00:04:32,917 --> 00:04:35,000 Um... 82 00:04:35,083 --> 00:04:37,375 I was about to make a coffee, you want some? 83 00:04:37,458 --> 00:04:39,667 -God bless you. -(laughs) 84 00:04:44,417 --> 00:04:45,500 Um, 85 00:04:45,583 --> 00:04:48,625 -my next patient is in 20 minutes. -Okay. 86 00:04:48,709 --> 00:04:51,625 (coffeemaker buzzing) 87 00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:53,625 Coming here... 88 00:04:53,709 --> 00:04:55,291 -...to the house... -Oh. Oh. 89 00:04:55,375 --> 00:04:57,583 -So that's my cue. Mm-hmm. -(laughs) Yes. 90 00:04:58,500 --> 00:05:01,208 Um, but dinner tonight? 91 00:05:01,291 --> 00:05:03,041 Maybe Japanese? 92 00:05:03,125 --> 00:05:05,000 We could get takeout 93 00:05:05,083 --> 00:05:06,458 from some place on Sawtelle. 94 00:05:06,542 --> 00:05:09,458 Maybe I pick up some Kiriko on my way back over? 95 00:05:09,542 --> 00:05:11,291 Oh. Well, God bless you. 96 00:05:11,375 --> 00:05:13,000 (laughs) 97 00:05:14,375 --> 00:05:16,792 Gimme five minutes, it'll be like I never existed. 98 00:05:16,875 --> 00:05:18,333 (laughs) 99 00:05:23,125 --> 00:05:26,083 ♪ ♪ 100 00:05:26,166 --> 00:05:28,250 (typing) 101 00:05:32,625 --> 00:05:35,500 Brooke: If I'm hearing you right, Marsha, 102 00:05:35,583 --> 00:05:37,875 it's more than that, isn't it? 103 00:05:37,959 --> 00:05:41,792 The way you describe him, it's almost a... 104 00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:44,125 ritualistic iciness. 105 00:05:46,125 --> 00:05:48,083 This is a gorgeous time to be in New York. 106 00:05:48,166 --> 00:05:49,375 I'm glad you made it safely. 107 00:05:49,458 --> 00:05:50,792 Patient 1 (on computer): Me, too. Check it out. 108 00:05:50,875 --> 00:05:54,417 Oh my goodness! That is a penthouse view! 109 00:06:00,959 --> 00:06:04,375 (patient 2 crying) 110 00:06:04,458 --> 00:06:06,125 Mm-hmm. 111 00:06:08,250 --> 00:06:11,333 ♪ ♪ 112 00:06:25,041 --> 00:06:26,417 (sighs) 113 00:06:38,709 --> 00:06:40,625 (line ringing) 114 00:06:40,709 --> 00:06:42,709 Eladio (on voicemail): You part of the problem, hang up now. 115 00:06:42,792 --> 00:06:44,125 You part of the solution-- 116 00:06:47,083 --> 00:06:50,208 (typing) 117 00:06:54,333 --> 00:06:56,834 (door opens, shuts) 118 00:06:59,792 --> 00:07:02,375 -(sends text) -Goddammit. 119 00:07:02,458 --> 00:07:04,333 Whoa! 120 00:07:04,417 --> 00:07:06,750 Easy, Tiger. 121 00:07:06,834 --> 00:07:09,792 Come on in here. I got the cure for whatever that was. 122 00:07:09,875 --> 00:07:11,166 Come on. 123 00:07:12,834 --> 00:07:14,917 My buddy, Will, turned me on to Nigori. 124 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,625 I mean, at first, it kinda freaked me out. 125 00:07:16,709 --> 00:07:19,583 I mean, I do not like milky liquors, like... 126 00:07:19,667 --> 00:07:22,417 White Russians and Brandy Alexanders, like, hm... 127 00:07:22,500 --> 00:07:25,709 -(laughs) -Fucking disgusting. But-but this? I mean... 128 00:07:25,792 --> 00:07:30,333 -Do-do you mind? It's bad luck and all. -Mm. 129 00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:32,917 -You sure you don't want any? -I've had sake before, Adam. 130 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,208 Fair enough. 131 00:07:35,625 --> 00:07:38,291 Do you wanna talk about what's going on with you? 132 00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:40,291 Been on edge all day. 133 00:07:40,375 --> 00:07:42,375 Not all day. 134 00:07:44,917 --> 00:07:46,625 It's my patient. 135 00:07:46,709 --> 00:07:48,792 Young guy? Think he's upset. 136 00:07:48,875 --> 00:07:50,333 Okay. 137 00:07:50,417 --> 00:07:52,125 (sighs) We got disconnected today, 138 00:07:52,208 --> 00:07:56,041 and he hasn't responded to my messages or texts, or anything. 139 00:07:56,125 --> 00:07:58,500 (R&B music playing) 140 00:07:58,583 --> 00:08:01,250 -What'd you do? -What did I do? 141 00:08:01,959 --> 00:08:04,959 I did my job. 142 00:08:05,041 --> 00:08:06,291 I've been questioning 143 00:08:06,375 --> 00:08:08,750 a previous psych diagnosis of his for weeks, 144 00:08:08,834 --> 00:08:11,333 and I thought that I should share that with him, 145 00:08:11,417 --> 00:08:13,542 and he hung up. 146 00:08:14,291 --> 00:08:16,542 (music continues) 147 00:08:16,625 --> 00:08:18,792 And you've never had a patient get mad at you before? 148 00:08:18,875 --> 00:08:22,417 -Of course, I have. -So what's so special about this guy? 149 00:08:24,583 --> 00:08:26,750 (music continues) 150 00:08:28,750 --> 00:08:31,709 What's today really about, babe? 151 00:08:34,709 --> 00:08:36,917 It's complicated. (sighs) 152 00:08:37,917 --> 00:08:38,917 Is it? 153 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,625 Because if... 154 00:08:44,083 --> 00:08:46,875 if this is about you needing to care 155 00:08:46,959 --> 00:08:49,083 for this kid in a... 156 00:08:50,041 --> 00:08:52,792 on a deeper level because... 157 00:08:53,709 --> 00:08:56,125 you haven't been able to be a mom, 158 00:08:57,250 --> 00:08:59,083 I get that. 159 00:08:59,166 --> 00:09:01,166 I do. 160 00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:03,625 Do you wanna be a mom, Brooke? 161 00:09:04,792 --> 00:09:06,125 'Cause we could do it. 162 00:09:09,458 --> 00:09:11,208 We-we could do it, Brooke. I mean, 163 00:09:11,291 --> 00:09:12,709 it-it's not something that... (scoffs) 164 00:09:12,792 --> 00:09:15,041 I thought I'd be interested in doing with anyone, 165 00:09:15,125 --> 00:09:17,333 but with you? I-I'd do it tomorrow. 166 00:09:17,417 --> 00:09:19,083 (laughs) 167 00:09:19,166 --> 00:09:20,458 You don't think I'm too old? 168 00:09:20,542 --> 00:09:22,750 Too old? What, are you kidding? This is LA. 169 00:09:22,834 --> 00:09:24,583 It's Never-Never-Land. Until, one day, 170 00:09:24,667 --> 00:09:26,583 it's, you know, it's now. 171 00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:28,291 Yeah, but we're... 172 00:09:29,125 --> 00:09:30,583 we're... 173 00:09:30,667 --> 00:09:32,834 -You and me... -Yeah. 174 00:09:32,917 --> 00:09:35,041 Yeah, but maybe... 175 00:09:36,166 --> 00:09:37,875 this could be the thing 176 00:09:37,959 --> 00:09:40,667 that finally makes us an "us." 177 00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:46,000 It's not crazy, Brooke. I mean, 178 00:09:46,083 --> 00:09:47,834 it's not even a stretch. I mean, you're hardwired. 179 00:09:47,917 --> 00:09:49,125 You-you take care of people all day. 180 00:09:49,208 --> 00:09:52,875 (laughs) I deal with people one hour at a time. 181 00:09:53,834 --> 00:09:55,583 I-I get to show up, 182 00:09:55,667 --> 00:09:57,750 and, yes, I do invest in them. 183 00:09:57,834 --> 00:10:00,000 But once that time is over, I move on. 184 00:10:00,083 --> 00:10:01,709 That is not what a child is. 185 00:10:01,792 --> 00:10:03,417 (laughs) Like your patient today? 186 00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:05,750 When you got to the end of his session, you just moved 187 00:10:05,834 --> 00:10:07,959 -right along with your day, right? -I love you. 188 00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:08,959 Mm-hmm. 189 00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:10,625 Which is another 190 00:10:10,709 --> 00:10:13,000 perfectly good reason why we should do this. 191 00:10:13,083 --> 00:10:16,542 I love you, and I have something I need to tell you. 192 00:10:19,250 --> 00:10:22,041 I've started searching for my son. 193 00:10:22,125 --> 00:10:24,125 ♪ ♪ 194 00:10:24,208 --> 00:10:28,041 So far, it's been a dead end, but... 195 00:10:28,125 --> 00:10:32,166 I talked to an adoption lawyer, and he's convinced he can help. 196 00:10:32,625 --> 00:10:34,917 Hm. 197 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:37,667 And Rita seems to think it's a good idea. 198 00:10:38,917 --> 00:10:40,875 It's just, uh... 199 00:10:43,959 --> 00:10:46,542 And I would explain it if I could... 200 00:10:46,625 --> 00:10:48,750 (inhales, exhales) 201 00:10:50,208 --> 00:10:51,917 It's just that my whole life, it's just... 202 00:10:53,542 --> 00:10:55,667 been this, um... 203 00:10:56,333 --> 00:10:58,250 I'm real. 204 00:11:00,583 --> 00:11:02,959 My son is real. 205 00:11:04,291 --> 00:11:06,083 I know. Of course. 206 00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:09,542 But mostly... 207 00:11:10,875 --> 00:11:12,709 he's an idea. 208 00:11:13,417 --> 00:11:14,917 I'm real. 209 00:11:18,917 --> 00:11:21,083 And we have a chance to... 210 00:11:22,083 --> 00:11:23,959 make something real together. 211 00:11:25,750 --> 00:11:27,417 A family. 212 00:11:27,500 --> 00:11:31,500 What's stoppin' us, Brooke? We can do this. 213 00:11:31,583 --> 00:11:34,291 We could figure this out. 214 00:11:34,375 --> 00:11:35,959 -We-- -(phone ringing, buzzing) 215 00:11:38,125 --> 00:11:41,125 -(scoffs) Hey, we're in the middle of something here. -(ringing, buzzing) 216 00:11:42,417 --> 00:11:44,166 (ringing, buzzing) 217 00:11:46,291 --> 00:11:48,291 -(ringing, buzzing) -I'm sorry, 218 00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:49,875 but it's not like we're gonna solve 219 00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:52,875 this heavy, huge forever decision right this second. 220 00:11:52,959 --> 00:11:55,125 You're really gonna take that? 221 00:11:55,917 --> 00:11:57,500 I have to. 222 00:11:58,458 --> 00:11:59,625 Eladio? 223 00:12:04,125 --> 00:12:05,792 Are you there? 224 00:12:06,625 --> 00:12:09,291 Say something, Eladio. 225 00:12:11,792 --> 00:12:13,750 Eladio (on phone): What do you care? 226 00:12:15,125 --> 00:12:16,458 I was worried. 227 00:12:17,417 --> 00:12:19,542 Eladio: Yeah, okay. 228 00:12:19,625 --> 00:12:22,583 I don't... I don't understand what this is all-- 229 00:12:22,667 --> 00:12:24,875 Why you trying to get rid of me, yo? 230 00:12:25,875 --> 00:12:27,583 Brooke (on phone): I-- What? 231 00:12:27,667 --> 00:12:29,083 Just admit it. 232 00:12:29,166 --> 00:12:31,250 You know, just admit that you don't wanna treat me anymore, 233 00:12:31,333 --> 00:12:32,458 and we can be done with it. 234 00:12:32,542 --> 00:12:34,083 Why would I not want to treat you? 235 00:12:34,166 --> 00:12:37,375 If I'm not sick, you don't have to help me anymore. 236 00:12:37,458 --> 00:12:39,333 Isn't that what this is? 237 00:12:39,417 --> 00:12:42,750 It's, like, so transparent, I'm-I'm insulted. 238 00:12:42,834 --> 00:12:45,166 That's not it, Eladio. 239 00:12:45,250 --> 00:12:48,041 I have plenty of patients who aren't bipolar. 240 00:12:48,125 --> 00:12:50,709 -I-- -What am I to you? 241 00:12:50,792 --> 00:12:53,083 Brooke: I just said, you're my patient. 242 00:12:53,166 --> 00:12:55,750 No, really. Me to you. 243 00:12:55,834 --> 00:12:58,959 What am I? Because, I'll be honest, yo, 244 00:12:59,041 --> 00:13:00,667 you fuckin' confuse me. Some days, 245 00:13:00,750 --> 00:13:03,959 it's like I think you're mad at me, that I'm too much for you, 246 00:13:04,041 --> 00:13:05,875 and you'd be happy if I just stopped showing up. 247 00:13:05,959 --> 00:13:09,417 Some days, I'm like, "Does this lady wanna adopt me?" 248 00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:12,917 It's like Jeremy and his fuckin' harem of aides. 249 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,792 He's always thought those people really care about him. 250 00:13:15,875 --> 00:13:17,125 That there's something more than just 251 00:13:17,208 --> 00:13:18,709 a professional obligation on their part. 252 00:13:18,792 --> 00:13:21,583 Like they like him or some shit. 253 00:13:21,667 --> 00:13:24,291 But the second they're gone, they're gone. 254 00:13:24,375 --> 00:13:26,083 But you like him. 255 00:13:26,166 --> 00:13:27,625 I love him. 256 00:13:27,709 --> 00:13:30,083 Dude deserves so much more than he gets, 257 00:13:30,166 --> 00:13:32,458 and if I'm the only person that cares enough about him 258 00:13:32,542 --> 00:13:34,750 to just cut through the bullshit and keep showin' up for him, 259 00:13:34,834 --> 00:13:37,709 -then so be it! -And is it impossible to think 260 00:13:37,792 --> 00:13:39,875 that other professional relationships 261 00:13:39,959 --> 00:13:42,959 may share the same dynamic? 262 00:13:43,041 --> 00:13:45,166 (insects chirping) 263 00:13:45,250 --> 00:13:47,959 You know the doctor I saw in college? 264 00:13:48,041 --> 00:13:50,542 -The one who diagnosed me? -Brooke: Sure. 265 00:13:51,917 --> 00:13:54,458 She was young, like you. 266 00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:56,834 Easy to talk to, like you. 267 00:13:56,917 --> 00:13:59,417 I saw her for two fuckin' years. You know, she-- 268 00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:01,208 I thought she was my friend. 269 00:14:01,291 --> 00:14:04,208 There are all different ways to describe friendship. 270 00:14:04,291 --> 00:14:06,750 Eladio: Yeah, but she wasn't. I know. 271 00:14:06,834 --> 00:14:09,709 You don't have to sugarcoat it but it doesn't change 272 00:14:09,792 --> 00:14:11,625 how it felt. 273 00:14:11,709 --> 00:14:13,792 Old girl knew everything about me. 274 00:14:13,875 --> 00:14:16,000 Every sexual encounter. 275 00:14:16,083 --> 00:14:18,792 Every abject thought. 276 00:14:18,875 --> 00:14:20,834 Every insecurity, every relationship, 277 00:14:20,917 --> 00:14:23,542 she knew all my shit. 278 00:14:23,625 --> 00:14:26,458 Till one day, years in, she says, 279 00:14:27,625 --> 00:14:29,333 "Eladio, I have a diagnosis." 280 00:14:29,417 --> 00:14:31,083 And that made you mad. 281 00:14:33,125 --> 00:14:35,709 Eladio: It was fuckin' betrayal, yo! 282 00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:37,542 Like, I share all of this shit with you 283 00:14:37,625 --> 00:14:39,834 just so you can use it against me? 284 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:42,875 I imagine... 285 00:14:42,959 --> 00:14:45,000 that she thought she was helping. 286 00:14:45,083 --> 00:14:48,208 Yeah, but two fuckin' years in? 287 00:14:48,291 --> 00:14:49,875 Isn't that malpractice? 288 00:14:49,959 --> 00:14:53,041 It can take time to gather enough anecdotal evidence-- 289 00:14:53,125 --> 00:14:54,417 I don't need you defending her 290 00:14:54,500 --> 00:14:56,709 because your motives ain't clean. You know, like... 291 00:14:56,792 --> 00:15:00,500 You and me, we got our own shit. There's somethin' there. 292 00:15:00,583 --> 00:15:02,542 And I don't think it's just my personal mommy issues. 293 00:15:02,625 --> 00:15:04,041 There's something. 294 00:15:04,125 --> 00:15:06,000 You earned my trust, 295 00:15:06,083 --> 00:15:08,291 which is no small task, and then you wanna 296 00:15:08,375 --> 00:15:10,500 flip the script and rip the fuckin' rug out? 297 00:15:10,583 --> 00:15:13,417 The way you talked about your bipolar diagnosis, 298 00:15:13,500 --> 00:15:16,917 it sounds like it brings you pain. 299 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,625 I don't understand why you're suddenly so attached to it. 300 00:15:19,709 --> 00:15:22,041 Eladio: I'm not attached to being bipolar. 301 00:15:22,125 --> 00:15:25,291 I'm attached to fuckin' certainty. 302 00:15:25,375 --> 00:15:27,542 You think I wanna be bipolar? Fuck no. 303 00:15:27,625 --> 00:15:30,166 Everybody already thinks I'm crazy as it is. 304 00:15:30,250 --> 00:15:32,875 I'm gonna give them ammunition to be fuckin' right? 305 00:15:32,959 --> 00:15:34,166 Fuck that. 306 00:15:34,250 --> 00:15:36,542 But that diagnosis was years ago, like... 307 00:15:37,500 --> 00:15:39,667 I processed it. I read about it. 308 00:15:39,750 --> 00:15:41,709 I went to support groups, 309 00:15:41,792 --> 00:15:43,041 built relationships around it. 310 00:15:43,125 --> 00:15:45,750 I met fuckin' Soyoung at a bipolar support group, 311 00:15:45,834 --> 00:15:48,125 and we don't have much in common other than that, 312 00:15:48,208 --> 00:15:50,000 but we have that. 313 00:15:50,083 --> 00:15:53,792 -It, like, bonds us. -Brooke: I don't see how 314 00:15:53,875 --> 00:15:56,458 my doubting your bipolar diagnosis 315 00:15:56,542 --> 00:15:59,667 makes anything different between you two. 316 00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:03,583 Two years ago, I tried to get into therapy by myself. 317 00:16:03,667 --> 00:16:06,709 Told them I was bipolar, thought it'd be good to be upfront. 318 00:16:06,792 --> 00:16:09,834 And they asked me if I was on medication, and I said, "No. 319 00:16:09,917 --> 00:16:11,834 "You know, th-that's why I wanna be in therapy, 320 00:16:11,917 --> 00:16:13,458 so I can get medication." 321 00:16:13,542 --> 00:16:15,458 And they told me it was against their policy 322 00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:17,875 to take on an unmedicated bipolar patient. 323 00:16:17,959 --> 00:16:20,625 So I would have to somehow get back on medication 324 00:16:20,709 --> 00:16:22,667 in order to get into the therapy I needed 325 00:16:22,750 --> 00:16:24,375 to get back on medication. 326 00:16:24,458 --> 00:16:28,208 That's a frustrating catch-22. 327 00:16:28,291 --> 00:16:31,625 Eladio: So now, I'm, like, who should I be mad at? 328 00:16:32,834 --> 00:16:34,500 What do you mean? 329 00:16:34,583 --> 00:16:37,125 Should I retain my initial anger at my therapist 330 00:16:37,208 --> 00:16:40,375 for misdiagnosing me, or should I be mad at you 331 00:16:40,458 --> 00:16:43,083 for fuckin' with this thing I've already processed? 332 00:16:43,166 --> 00:16:45,333 I can't answer that for you, Eladio. 333 00:16:45,417 --> 00:16:47,000 All I can say is that 334 00:16:47,083 --> 00:16:49,542 your feelings are real, and that you should 335 00:16:49,625 --> 00:16:51,834 let yourself feel them. 336 00:16:51,917 --> 00:16:54,166 Look, I'm not a doctor, 337 00:16:54,250 --> 00:16:56,500 but I do live inside my body. 338 00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:58,875 And, yeah, you know what? Some of the-- 339 00:16:58,959 --> 00:17:01,166 Maybe some of the things that other bipolar patients 340 00:17:01,250 --> 00:17:03,250 talk to me about, I don't relate to. 341 00:17:03,333 --> 00:17:06,834 I never tried to call the White House or talk to God. 342 00:17:06,917 --> 00:17:10,458 I don't have delusions of grandeur or any of that, but... 343 00:17:10,542 --> 00:17:12,625 I do believe my feelings are bigger 344 00:17:12,709 --> 00:17:15,750 than other people's feelings. Good, bad, 345 00:17:15,834 --> 00:17:18,917 don't matter. My feelings are bigger. 346 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,709 And how do you know your feelings are bigger 347 00:17:20,792 --> 00:17:23,834 than other people's feelings? How do you determine that? 348 00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:26,083 Well, 349 00:17:26,166 --> 00:17:27,625 I talk about it, 350 00:17:27,709 --> 00:17:29,875 and I see how people react. 351 00:17:29,959 --> 00:17:31,959 Talk about what? 352 00:17:33,375 --> 00:17:35,834 I know that when my heart starts to break, 353 00:17:35,917 --> 00:17:37,959 and someone asks me what's wrong, 354 00:17:38,041 --> 00:17:40,542 and I say, "Nothing. It's just that that cloud 355 00:17:40,625 --> 00:17:43,041 is too beautiful to exist." 356 00:17:43,125 --> 00:17:44,917 People tend to back away slowly 357 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,208 and get back into their vehicles. 358 00:17:47,291 --> 00:17:50,208 I know that when my hands start shakin' with rage 359 00:17:50,291 --> 00:17:52,208 in the booth at El Cochinito, 360 00:17:52,291 --> 00:17:54,583 and the dude I'm on a date with asks me what's wrong, 361 00:17:54,667 --> 00:17:55,750 and I tell him, 362 00:17:55,834 --> 00:17:57,375 "Well, on my way to work, I saw a guy 363 00:17:57,458 --> 00:17:59,458 "who looked like he had been sittin' in wet clothes 364 00:17:59,542 --> 00:18:02,125 "for three days, and I did nothing to help him get dry, 365 00:18:02,208 --> 00:18:04,583 and now I-I feel like I deserve to die." 366 00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:06,500 Motherfuckers don't really seem super interested 367 00:18:06,583 --> 00:18:08,834 in continuing to have breakfast with me. 368 00:18:11,417 --> 00:18:14,041 Brooke: There's a lot of pain in the world. 369 00:18:14,125 --> 00:18:18,166 A lot of beauty, too. We all respond in different ways. 370 00:18:19,667 --> 00:18:21,917 It's really fuckin' hard for me to believe that what I feel 371 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:26,000 is the everyday, run-of-the-mill pain of being alive. 372 00:18:26,083 --> 00:18:28,375 It's like with the bipolar... 373 00:18:28,458 --> 00:18:31,208 like, it's rough, but at least it has a name. 374 00:18:32,667 --> 00:18:35,083 It's somethin' to understand. 375 00:18:35,166 --> 00:18:37,792 You-you can begin to cope with it because it's... 376 00:18:37,875 --> 00:18:39,834 it's codified. It has a taxonomy. 377 00:18:39,917 --> 00:18:41,792 It-it-it's understood. 378 00:18:41,875 --> 00:18:44,291 It's verified. It's real. 379 00:18:44,375 --> 00:18:47,291 In a way, it demystifies my suffering and allows me 380 00:18:47,375 --> 00:18:48,458 to suffer in context. 381 00:18:48,542 --> 00:18:50,583 And without it, 382 00:18:50,667 --> 00:18:53,250 the pain doesn't have a name. 383 00:18:55,208 --> 00:18:56,333 Yeah. 384 00:18:57,375 --> 00:18:59,917 So, what the fuck do I do now? 385 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:02,375 I built an identity from the bones of this diagnosis, 386 00:19:02,458 --> 00:19:04,750 and now you tellin' me... 387 00:19:04,834 --> 00:19:07,625 I'm, what, I'm not bipolar? 388 00:19:07,709 --> 00:19:09,083 I'm just an asshole. 389 00:19:09,166 --> 00:19:12,083 Brooke: (laughing) You're not an asshole. 390 00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:15,709 I think you have a superpower. 391 00:19:17,208 --> 00:19:19,166 Get the fuck outta here. 392 00:19:19,250 --> 00:19:20,458 Brooke: You care, Eladio. 393 00:19:20,542 --> 00:19:23,333 You care so much about other people. 394 00:19:23,417 --> 00:19:25,208 Eladio: I care 'cause... 395 00:19:25,291 --> 00:19:27,417 -it's my job. -Brooke: No, 396 00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:28,875 you are good at the job. 397 00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:32,333 You got the job because you care, 398 00:19:32,417 --> 00:19:34,166 and that's not... 399 00:19:34,250 --> 00:19:35,750 (sighs) 400 00:19:35,834 --> 00:19:38,583 We live in a world that's largely brutal. 401 00:19:40,583 --> 00:19:42,208 A world where 402 00:19:42,291 --> 00:19:46,083 cruelty and apathy are the air we breathe. 403 00:19:46,959 --> 00:19:50,458 To tend, to care, to nurture. 404 00:19:50,542 --> 00:19:53,291 (sighs) You might as well be able 405 00:19:53,375 --> 00:19:56,375 to leap tall buildings in a single bound. 406 00:19:58,667 --> 00:20:01,750 Yeah, well, you do the same thing. 407 00:20:02,959 --> 00:20:04,625 I can't be that special. 408 00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:07,125 You're right. 409 00:20:08,291 --> 00:20:10,458 We are very similar in that way. 410 00:20:11,583 --> 00:20:13,208 That's the difference between us. 411 00:20:13,291 --> 00:20:16,625 I don't dismiss my power. I acknowledge it. 412 00:20:19,333 --> 00:20:22,792 -(wind chimes ringing) -Are you there? 413 00:20:25,917 --> 00:20:27,375 I'm here. 414 00:20:27,458 --> 00:20:30,458 Brooke: And that's what I want for you. 415 00:20:30,542 --> 00:20:34,458 For you to get the same care reciprocated. 416 00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:38,250 You spend all your days, your time, 417 00:20:38,333 --> 00:20:41,125 your energy, your heart. 418 00:20:41,208 --> 00:20:42,834 You spend it... 419 00:20:42,917 --> 00:20:46,375 purely in the service of Jeremy's dignity. 420 00:20:48,333 --> 00:20:50,709 Why is it, Eladio, 421 00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:52,917 that you can't bring yourself to expect 422 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:55,542 the same dignity in return? 423 00:20:57,208 --> 00:21:00,208 (insects chirping) 424 00:21:00,291 --> 00:21:03,500 ♪ ♪ 425 00:21:08,667 --> 00:21:10,000 It's late. 426 00:21:10,083 --> 00:21:12,834 (sighs) That's enough for tonight. 427 00:21:17,166 --> 00:21:18,542 I want you to... 428 00:21:20,208 --> 00:21:22,709 think about what I said, okay? 429 00:21:25,625 --> 00:21:28,291 Really think about it. 430 00:21:28,375 --> 00:21:31,542 (water lapping) 431 00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:36,166 I'm around tomorrow, if you wanna talk. 432 00:21:39,709 --> 00:21:42,083 All you gotta do is call. 433 00:21:47,583 --> 00:21:49,959 ♪ ♪ 434 00:21:50,041 --> 00:21:52,208 You're precious, Eladio. 435 00:21:58,250 --> 00:22:01,375 ♪ ♪ 436 00:22:28,333 --> 00:22:31,417 ♪ ♪ 437 00:22:58,375 --> 00:23:01,458 ♪ ♪ 438 00:23:17,125 --> 00:23:18,083 ♪ (PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ 439 00:23:18,500 --> 00:23:22,291 Hey mamita, need a hand?! Top of the morning, Dr. Taylor. 440 00:23:22,542 --> 00:23:23,458 (CHUCKLES) 441 00:23:24,291 --> 00:23:27,291 I'm so glad I get to thank you in person. 442 00:23:27,542 --> 00:23:30,667 I mean you lifted the wool from my eyes with that family. 443 00:23:31,041 --> 00:23:32,166 What do you mean by that? 444 00:23:32,375 --> 00:23:35,333 Breakthrough feels like a stupid word, but-- 445 00:23:35,583 --> 00:23:37,667 It's a word we use. 446 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:39,834 So... what do I do now? 447 00:23:40,166 --> 00:23:42,667 -With? -With the rest of my life? 448 00:23:42,750 --> 00:23:44,458 ♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪