1 00:00:01,083 --> 00:00:02,166 SPEAKER: Court mandated four sessions. 2 00:00:02,250 --> 00:00:03,709 If he fails to meet any of the requirements 3 00:00:03,792 --> 00:00:05,959 of his probation, it would be revoked. 4 00:00:07,667 --> 00:00:09,166 See, I don't know what you're looking for. 5 00:00:09,250 --> 00:00:10,333 I'm not a mind reader. 6 00:00:10,417 --> 00:00:12,041 I'm not looking for any one answer. 7 00:00:12,125 --> 00:00:15,500 So, if you want to get into my-- my grief, my pain, 8 00:00:15,583 --> 00:00:16,417 it's just not there. 9 00:00:16,959 --> 00:00:19,166 It's a process, not a puzzle. I'm not trying to pick a lock. 10 00:00:19,792 --> 00:00:21,667 Why does it bother you to open up to me? 11 00:00:21,750 --> 00:00:22,959 'Cause I've been fucking pummeled 12 00:00:23,041 --> 00:00:25,750 every time I've opened my mouth for the past four years. 13 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:37,792 (birds chirping) 14 00:00:37,875 --> 00:00:40,875 ("Oppression" by Ben Harper playing on radio, muffled) 15 00:00:40,959 --> 00:00:44,083 ♪ ... how you sleep, oppression ♪ 16 00:00:44,166 --> 00:00:47,583 ♪ For your bleeding conscience ♪ 17 00:00:47,667 --> 00:00:50,667 ♪ I weep, oppression ♪ 18 00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:54,542 Colin (singing along): You may have the dollar on your side... 19 00:00:55,250 --> 00:00:56,792 ♪ Oppression ♪ 20 00:00:56,875 --> 00:00:59,709 (muffled music) 21 00:00:59,792 --> 00:01:03,208 ♪ You cannot hide, and oppression ♪ 22 00:01:03,291 --> 00:01:06,750 ♪ I won't let you near me ♪ 23 00:01:06,834 --> 00:01:09,667 ♪ No, oppression ♪ 24 00:01:09,750 --> 00:01:12,917 ♪ You shall learn to fear me ♪ 25 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:16,959 ♪ Yes, you will, oppression ♪ 26 00:01:18,125 --> 00:01:21,375 ♪ You shall fear me ♪ 27 00:01:21,458 --> 00:01:24,041 ♪ Yeah ♪ 28 00:01:27,125 --> 00:01:30,458 (mouthing) 29 00:01:30,542 --> 00:01:32,166 Yes! 30 00:01:33,291 --> 00:01:34,667 (scoffs) 31 00:01:37,041 --> 00:01:40,125 (light piano playing) 32 00:01:40,208 --> 00:01:42,250 ♪ 33 00:01:57,625 --> 00:02:00,166 -How's the week been? -Uh, good! 34 00:02:00,250 --> 00:02:03,166 Yeah, I've been swimming a lot, which is nice. 35 00:02:03,250 --> 00:02:05,583 Trying to get back in shape. 36 00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:07,500 And I'm-I'm sorry about last week, too, yeah. 37 00:02:07,583 --> 00:02:10,750 -It's fine. -Such a-- I-I don't know, I... 38 00:02:10,834 --> 00:02:13,125 I'm ready to move forward. 39 00:02:13,208 --> 00:02:14,291 (sighs) 40 00:02:15,417 --> 00:02:18,041 So, swimming? 41 00:02:18,125 --> 00:02:20,458 -Anything else? -Um... 42 00:02:21,583 --> 00:02:23,917 You know, taking stock. 43 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,208 Just finally getting a chance to step back, 44 00:02:26,291 --> 00:02:28,041 take a deep breath. "Wow, okay. 45 00:02:28,125 --> 00:02:30,208 Here I am. This is my life." 46 00:02:30,291 --> 00:02:32,500 How did I get here? And what can I do 47 00:02:32,583 --> 00:02:34,667 differently going forward? 48 00:02:34,750 --> 00:02:38,125 And where did those questions take you? 49 00:02:38,208 --> 00:02:40,041 Well, basically, I made a mistake. 50 00:02:40,125 --> 00:02:43,875 I feel like my job now is to make it right however I can. 51 00:02:43,959 --> 00:02:46,291 That means living my life in an honest way. 52 00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:47,834 You know, maybe staying away from elements 53 00:02:47,917 --> 00:02:50,709 that made me drift, you know, um... 54 00:02:50,792 --> 00:02:53,375 off track. (laughs) 55 00:02:53,458 --> 00:02:54,750 But also, 56 00:02:54,834 --> 00:02:56,709 how can I put some good into the world? 57 00:02:56,792 --> 00:03:00,333 How can I leave it better than I found it? I mean, look at you. 58 00:03:01,250 --> 00:03:02,709 You know, you help people. 59 00:03:02,792 --> 00:03:04,583 You get people healthy up here. 60 00:03:04,667 --> 00:03:05,667 Up here. 61 00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:07,875 (laughs) What's my "that"? 62 00:03:07,959 --> 00:03:10,250 You know, what's my way of chipping away at the pain 63 00:03:10,333 --> 00:03:12,709 and the things that aren't right? And, you know, 64 00:03:12,792 --> 00:03:16,542 -I've been thinking a lot about single-use plastics. -Hm. 65 00:03:16,625 --> 00:03:20,208 (laughs) It's crazy, I know, but they're, they're terrible. 66 00:03:20,291 --> 00:03:22,667 So maybe that's an area where I could lend a hand. 67 00:03:22,750 --> 00:03:25,959 Now, you said something really interesting a second ago. 68 00:03:26,041 --> 00:03:27,625 "How did I get here? 69 00:03:27,709 --> 00:03:30,250 And what can I do differently going forward?" 70 00:03:30,333 --> 00:03:33,750 And that's exactly what I'm here to help you explore, 71 00:03:33,834 --> 00:03:36,750 and I think those two ideas are intertwined. 72 00:03:36,834 --> 00:03:38,500 Oh, completely, yeah. 73 00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:42,000 So, starting with how you got here, 74 00:03:42,083 --> 00:03:44,333 what did you come away with? 75 00:03:44,417 --> 00:03:46,709 What I came away with was... 76 00:03:46,792 --> 00:03:47,750 that was a different guy. 77 00:03:47,834 --> 00:03:50,333 I no longer relate to that person. 78 00:03:50,417 --> 00:03:52,709 You know, this experience, 79 00:03:52,792 --> 00:03:54,709 you know, going away for a while? 80 00:03:54,792 --> 00:03:57,166 It's changed me for the better. 81 00:03:57,250 --> 00:03:59,375 You think the time in prison was good for you? 82 00:03:59,458 --> 00:04:01,458 Because I know you had some trouble. 83 00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:03,917 Growing pains. An adjustment. 84 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:06,583 I see what I did was wrong, and, uh... 85 00:04:06,667 --> 00:04:08,000 I'm never going to do it again. 86 00:04:08,083 --> 00:04:11,041 It's time to let go of the past and look to the future. 87 00:04:12,375 --> 00:04:15,291 Well that's a big shift from last week. 88 00:04:15,375 --> 00:04:17,834 You know, letting go of the past, which I whole-heartedly 89 00:04:17,917 --> 00:04:20,291 endorse, is different from 90 00:04:20,375 --> 00:04:22,792 -ignoring it and-- -Oh no. I... 91 00:04:22,875 --> 00:04:24,542 I own it. I did those things. 92 00:04:24,625 --> 00:04:27,250 I just don't need to dwell on them. 93 00:04:28,875 --> 00:04:30,667 You know, I'm grateful to you. 94 00:04:30,750 --> 00:04:32,709 For helping me see that. 95 00:04:32,792 --> 00:04:34,000 And I am so grateful 96 00:04:34,083 --> 00:04:36,500 we have these sessions together to, 97 00:04:36,583 --> 00:04:39,375 you know, take that even further. 98 00:04:41,041 --> 00:04:42,667 Okay. 99 00:04:43,375 --> 00:04:45,709 So, what-- Ooh! Shit! 100 00:04:45,792 --> 00:04:47,792 -Ah... -You okay? 101 00:04:47,875 --> 00:04:50,291 Uh, sorry. It's a... (inhales) 102 00:04:50,375 --> 00:04:52,542 It's a back thing. Uh... 103 00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:54,375 I took an online exercise class, 104 00:04:54,458 --> 00:04:55,834 and... 105 00:04:55,917 --> 00:04:58,542 tweaked something. It's fine. 106 00:04:58,625 --> 00:05:01,542 Uh, so tell me about the time inside. 107 00:05:01,625 --> 00:05:03,875 How do you think it transformed you? 108 00:05:04,583 --> 00:05:05,583 Uh, well, it's just 109 00:05:05,667 --> 00:05:06,792 an unpleasant-- You know, 110 00:05:06,875 --> 00:05:08,959 it's a place you don't wanna return to. 111 00:05:09,917 --> 00:05:11,375 You sure you're alright? 112 00:05:13,750 --> 00:05:16,417 Would it bother you terribly if we switched seats? 113 00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:18,834 I-I just think maybe the couch would be better. 114 00:05:18,917 --> 00:05:21,583 -Oh, no! Uh, yeah. Sure. -Thanks. 115 00:05:21,667 --> 00:05:22,917 -It'll pass. It's just... -Right. 116 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:26,000 Just seizes up, and (laughs) it'll subside. 117 00:05:26,083 --> 00:05:27,542 -Sounds like a pinched nerve. -Oh! 118 00:05:27,625 --> 00:05:29,333 -Hm. -I got really into bodywork for a while. 119 00:05:29,417 --> 00:05:31,417 You wanna see if I can loosen you up? 120 00:05:31,792 --> 00:05:32,875 No. 121 00:05:32,959 --> 00:05:35,291 -Okay. -It's fine. 122 00:05:35,375 --> 00:05:36,709 Just keep talking, 123 00:05:36,792 --> 00:05:38,375 or don't talk. (laughs) 124 00:05:38,458 --> 00:05:40,166 Just need a second to breathe. 125 00:05:45,375 --> 00:05:47,750 Uh, is this chair higher up? 126 00:05:47,834 --> 00:05:51,000 -I don't think so. -I feel so powerful. 127 00:05:51,083 --> 00:05:52,792 (stilted accent): "I'm the captain now." 128 00:05:52,875 --> 00:05:55,667 You see that movie? Tom Hanks, Somali pirates. 129 00:05:55,750 --> 00:05:57,333 (stilted accent): "I'm the captain now!" 130 00:05:57,417 --> 00:05:59,041 (laughs) 131 00:05:59,125 --> 00:06:02,583 -Is that better for you? -Oh, sorry! Yeah. Mm-hmm. 132 00:06:03,709 --> 00:06:06,000 So, where were we? 133 00:06:06,083 --> 00:06:08,500 Mm, exercise. 134 00:06:08,583 --> 00:06:10,542 You're pushing yourself, but what were you pushing towards? 135 00:06:10,625 --> 00:06:12,917 -(laughs) -Or more importantly, what were you pushing away from? 136 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:15,000 -Don't get it twisted. -(laughs) 137 00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:16,875 That's still my chair, even if I'm sitting over here. 138 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:18,458 (Austrian accent): You know, tell me, Brooke, 139 00:06:18,542 --> 00:06:21,834 have you had any interesting dreams lately? 140 00:06:24,875 --> 00:06:27,875 Okay. (clears throat) Um... 141 00:06:28,667 --> 00:06:30,375 Well, the other night, 142 00:06:30,458 --> 00:06:32,375 I dreamt that I was 143 00:06:32,458 --> 00:06:34,917 remodeling my house myself. 144 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:37,500 But when I tore down the walls, 145 00:06:37,583 --> 00:06:41,083 I realized I didn't know how to do the things that I had to do. 146 00:06:41,166 --> 00:06:42,667 And then I woke up and I was relieved 147 00:06:42,750 --> 00:06:45,500 because I didn't have to do any of that. 148 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:47,375 Mm. 149 00:06:47,458 --> 00:06:51,041 -Uncle Touchy stayed over sometimes, didn't he? -(laughs) 150 00:06:52,083 --> 00:06:53,792 Now, it's your turn. 151 00:06:55,083 --> 00:06:56,750 Okay, sure. 152 00:06:56,834 --> 00:06:59,458 Uh, I do have this thing where it's... 153 00:06:59,542 --> 00:07:01,834 guess you'd call it a nightmare, the content of which 154 00:07:01,917 --> 00:07:04,041 -is utterly meaningless. -I'll be the judge of that. 155 00:07:04,125 --> 00:07:06,000 No, it's abstract. Just... 156 00:07:06,083 --> 00:07:10,458 random nonsense, but every time, I wake up like, bam! 157 00:07:10,542 --> 00:07:11,959 My heart's pounding, 158 00:07:12,041 --> 00:07:13,500 fucking full sweat, 159 00:07:13,583 --> 00:07:16,458 like a gun had just went off next to my head. 160 00:07:16,542 --> 00:07:18,000 How often is that? 161 00:07:18,083 --> 00:07:20,625 I don't know, two times a week. 162 00:07:20,709 --> 00:07:23,417 Sounds like PTSD patients I've treated. 163 00:07:23,500 --> 00:07:25,709 -No shit. -Hm. 164 00:07:25,792 --> 00:07:27,083 And you said 165 00:07:27,166 --> 00:07:30,208 -the content is... -It's nothing! It's just an image! 166 00:07:30,291 --> 00:07:33,709 One time, it was The Beatles' "White Album," just the cover, 167 00:07:33,792 --> 00:07:37,041 spinning in a gray void. I woke up screaming. 168 00:07:37,125 --> 00:07:40,500 Once-- Oh, this was recently, actually. 169 00:07:40,583 --> 00:07:43,166 It was two identical Art Garfunkels 170 00:07:43,250 --> 00:07:45,834 giving each other head. 171 00:07:45,917 --> 00:07:48,875 I have to be honest. I have no idea what to do with that. 172 00:07:48,959 --> 00:07:50,750 And this wasn't current-day Garfunkel. 173 00:07:50,834 --> 00:07:53,500 It was, you know, mid-'60s, peak afro. 174 00:07:53,583 --> 00:07:55,458 Oh God, I don't know if that's... 175 00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:57,750 Is that offensive? Afro? 176 00:07:57,834 --> 00:08:01,291 -Not to me. -(laughs) Alright, I can't keep up! 177 00:08:01,375 --> 00:08:03,125 Anyway, I met him once. 178 00:08:03,208 --> 00:08:06,000 -Garfunkel? -Yeah. When I was a kid, like 10. 179 00:08:06,083 --> 00:08:08,250 -My parents knew him? -W... 180 00:08:08,333 --> 00:08:12,250 Why don't we get back to the waking up terrified? 181 00:08:13,750 --> 00:08:15,166 Yeah, it's wild. 182 00:08:15,250 --> 00:08:16,792 I can't really think of many times 183 00:08:16,875 --> 00:08:19,875 in my waking, real-world life... 184 00:08:19,959 --> 00:08:22,083 where I've been that afraid. 185 00:08:22,166 --> 00:08:23,667 Trauma can be acute. 186 00:08:23,750 --> 00:08:26,208 Sudden. A car crash. 187 00:08:26,291 --> 00:08:29,000 Sometimes, it can be drawn out, like... 188 00:08:29,959 --> 00:08:31,583 I don't know, 189 00:08:31,667 --> 00:08:33,333 prison, for instance. 190 00:08:34,667 --> 00:08:37,291 (chuckles) Yeah. 191 00:08:37,375 --> 00:08:41,208 It-it wasn't really for me. It wasn't like... 192 00:08:41,291 --> 00:08:44,917 I mean, I wasn't raped, just to get that out there. 193 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,291 Well, I'm glad to hear that. 194 00:08:47,375 --> 00:08:49,792 But, having the experience of 195 00:08:49,875 --> 00:08:51,333 your whole world disappearing, 196 00:08:51,417 --> 00:08:55,542 of incarceration, that can be traumatic in and of itself. 197 00:08:55,625 --> 00:08:58,208 Yeah, I found it more... 198 00:08:58,291 --> 00:09:00,875 boring. Which is good, right? 199 00:09:00,959 --> 00:09:02,458 I mean, you never wanna say, 200 00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:05,083 "Man, I had such an exciting day in prison." 201 00:09:05,166 --> 00:09:06,959 Tell me about the monotony then. 202 00:09:07,041 --> 00:09:09,875 -You don't want to hear about the monotony. -(laughs) I know 203 00:09:09,959 --> 00:09:12,041 it's only our second session, but... 204 00:09:12,125 --> 00:09:14,083 I feel like I can say with some confidence 205 00:09:14,166 --> 00:09:16,375 that you have a pretty lousy gauge 206 00:09:16,458 --> 00:09:18,166 of what I will and will not 207 00:09:18,250 --> 00:09:19,875 find interesting. 208 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:23,875 Fair enough. 209 00:09:26,125 --> 00:09:29,750 I spent most of the time in my cell. 210 00:09:29,834 --> 00:09:32,583 Kept to myself. It was fuckin' dull. 211 00:09:32,667 --> 00:09:34,625 You know, keep your head down, stay out of trouble, 212 00:09:34,709 --> 00:09:37,625 -get into a rhythm... -You didn't though. 213 00:09:37,709 --> 00:09:40,333 But you didn't keep your head down, stay out of trouble. 214 00:09:40,417 --> 00:09:42,542 Well, you know, I sort of fell apart, 215 00:09:42,625 --> 00:09:45,083 -but we talked about that. -Not really. 216 00:09:46,166 --> 00:09:49,542 -Uh, I just freaked out. -Out of nowhere? 217 00:09:49,625 --> 00:09:51,208 Basically. 218 00:09:54,125 --> 00:09:56,500 Work with me, Colin. 219 00:09:58,917 --> 00:10:02,875 (sighs) Well, when I got in, my lawyers and everyone... 220 00:10:02,959 --> 00:10:05,125 you know, it was like play it out, fly under the radar, 221 00:10:05,208 --> 00:10:07,125 you'll get out early, and so on. 222 00:10:07,208 --> 00:10:09,333 And I was perfect for six months. 223 00:10:09,417 --> 00:10:11,083 I mean, gold stars all around. 224 00:10:11,166 --> 00:10:13,959 -And then? -So, 225 00:10:14,041 --> 00:10:16,750 they have this computer lab sort of thing 226 00:10:16,834 --> 00:10:18,542 with the world's shittiest desktops. 227 00:10:18,625 --> 00:10:21,000 You can surf the internet. 228 00:10:21,083 --> 00:10:24,583 Email family. No pornography, sadly. 229 00:10:24,667 --> 00:10:28,000 But this is a privilege for the, ahem, well-behaved. 230 00:10:28,083 --> 00:10:29,166 So, for whatever reason, 231 00:10:29,250 --> 00:10:31,333 I decide to go on and see what, if anything, 232 00:10:31,417 --> 00:10:33,041 people are saying about me. 233 00:10:33,125 --> 00:10:36,208 And the first thing that pops up is this tweet. 234 00:10:36,291 --> 00:10:40,250 This screed from this disgruntled tech writer. 235 00:10:40,333 --> 00:10:42,834 This god-awful woman I'd met a handful of times, 236 00:10:42,917 --> 00:10:45,417 and she had written this thing about me... 237 00:10:46,750 --> 00:10:48,917 that was not kind. 238 00:10:51,208 --> 00:10:53,083 And I flipped out. 239 00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:56,125 It's like my blood was on fire. 240 00:10:57,291 --> 00:10:59,125 What did it say? 241 00:11:00,834 --> 00:11:03,041 Oh, I don't know. It-it just bugged me, 242 00:11:03,125 --> 00:11:04,792 you know, 'cause it wasn't true, 243 00:11:04,875 --> 00:11:06,417 and everyone was jumping onboard. 244 00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:09,375 "Fuck yeah. Fuck that guy." 245 00:11:09,458 --> 00:11:11,125 You know, I couldn't do anything. 246 00:11:11,208 --> 00:11:15,000 It was like everything I had built for 20 years was suddenly... pfft! 247 00:11:15,083 --> 00:11:17,834 Well, wasn't that true the day you were arrested? 248 00:11:17,917 --> 00:11:21,083 -No, this was different. -What was different about it? 249 00:11:21,166 --> 00:11:22,625 Well, I don't know, you know, 250 00:11:22,709 --> 00:11:24,417 when Martha Stewart went to jail, no one was like, 251 00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:25,875 "That bitch can't cook!" 252 00:11:25,959 --> 00:11:27,375 You know? No one said 253 00:11:27,458 --> 00:11:29,583 her fuckin' centerpieces were dog shit. 254 00:11:29,667 --> 00:11:33,000 -So it was about your work? -Yes! Me, my work, yeah. 255 00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:35,375 Taking my entire personhood and dragging it through 256 00:11:35,458 --> 00:11:37,041 three feet of rancid medical waste 257 00:11:37,125 --> 00:11:38,875 just for the sheer pleasure of it. 258 00:11:38,959 --> 00:11:41,291 And that's when you started acting out? 259 00:11:41,375 --> 00:11:44,208 -File said you assaulted a guard. -I spit in her face. 260 00:11:44,291 --> 00:11:47,208 -That is an assault. -Sure, and I'm not-- I'm not defending it. 261 00:11:47,291 --> 00:11:50,667 It's just assault sounds, to me, like punching 262 00:11:50,750 --> 00:11:53,709 or groping and... There's a backstory. 263 00:11:53,792 --> 00:11:55,375 It was this guard. She's Puerto Rican. 264 00:11:55,458 --> 00:11:57,417 Came from nothing, and I was trying to help her out. 265 00:11:57,500 --> 00:11:59,166 You know, give her some business advice. 266 00:11:59,250 --> 00:12:01,375 Useful information on how to manage her money. 267 00:12:01,458 --> 00:12:02,583 We were friendly! 268 00:12:02,667 --> 00:12:05,375 You know, I thought I was helping. 269 00:12:07,166 --> 00:12:09,000 She tells some higher-up 270 00:12:09,083 --> 00:12:10,834 I was trying to bribe her. That she-- 271 00:12:10,917 --> 00:12:12,375 You know, I wanted something in return, 272 00:12:12,458 --> 00:12:14,041 which is completely... (laughs) 273 00:12:14,125 --> 00:12:16,917 'Cause what could she do? She's nobody. 274 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,709 Best case is she does the opposite 275 00:12:18,792 --> 00:12:20,083 of what she actually did do, 276 00:12:20,166 --> 00:12:22,417 and tells her superiors I'm a model prisoner, 277 00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:25,041 which I fuckin' was, by the way. 278 00:12:25,125 --> 00:12:27,417 So my lawyers get word that this will 279 00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:30,083 compromise my case for early release. 280 00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:33,083 I spit in her face... 281 00:12:33,166 --> 00:12:35,709 (sighs) Which added time onto my sentence, 282 00:12:35,792 --> 00:12:38,000 just a few weeks, but still. 283 00:12:39,625 --> 00:12:42,542 Yeah. That is when my behavior 284 00:12:42,625 --> 00:12:44,792 deteriorated a little bit. 285 00:12:44,875 --> 00:12:46,542 What did that look like? 286 00:12:48,375 --> 00:12:51,709 Like a 50-year-old man having 287 00:12:51,792 --> 00:12:55,583 a thorough emotional disintegration. 288 00:12:55,667 --> 00:12:58,500 And what did that look like? 289 00:13:00,333 --> 00:13:02,542 You know, honestly, I... 290 00:13:02,625 --> 00:13:06,041 -I find this difficult to even-- even think about. -Because? 291 00:13:07,250 --> 00:13:09,750 Well, because it's fucking embarrassing. 292 00:13:09,834 --> 00:13:12,625 Shame is powerful. It's a tough one. 293 00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:15,166 But, rarely does it ever sound as bad 294 00:13:15,250 --> 00:13:17,125 when said out loud as it does in your head, 295 00:13:17,208 --> 00:13:19,125 so can you push through it? 296 00:13:21,625 --> 00:13:23,667 (scoffs) 297 00:13:23,750 --> 00:13:26,583 I was a screaming mess. 298 00:13:26,667 --> 00:13:29,417 I wouldn't put my clothes on. I wouldn't shower. 299 00:13:30,792 --> 00:13:33,417 I shit all over myself, all over my cell. 300 00:13:35,166 --> 00:13:36,875 I was like an animal. 301 00:13:38,917 --> 00:13:41,083 And then, when I was at my lowest point, 302 00:13:41,166 --> 00:13:44,500 pancaked 10 feet below rock bottom, 303 00:13:44,583 --> 00:13:47,291 I got my ass kicked by another inmate. 304 00:13:48,834 --> 00:13:51,750 Did the two of you have a history? 305 00:13:51,834 --> 00:13:54,500 No, no. I never spoke to him before. 306 00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:55,875 This guy? 307 00:13:55,959 --> 00:13:58,375 He was always looking for a fight. 308 00:13:58,458 --> 00:13:59,667 PJ. 309 00:13:59,750 --> 00:14:03,542 Nickname short for Pineapple Juice. The, uh... 310 00:14:03,625 --> 00:14:07,875 "legend" about him was that he'd gotten in initially for... 311 00:14:07,959 --> 00:14:10,375 (laughs) stealing a can of pineapple juice 312 00:14:10,458 --> 00:14:11,959 from a convenience store. 313 00:14:12,041 --> 00:14:13,917 He only got a few days, but once he got inside, 314 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:17,125 he kept getting in fights and, you know, more time, more time, 315 00:14:17,208 --> 00:14:18,792 more time. 316 00:14:20,166 --> 00:14:22,083 And, you know, I'm stuck in there. 317 00:14:22,166 --> 00:14:25,083 And all these people are saying shit about me on the outside, 318 00:14:25,166 --> 00:14:26,667 and I can't do anything. 319 00:14:26,750 --> 00:14:29,291 I feel completely fucking powerless. 320 00:14:30,625 --> 00:14:32,709 And that's when I pass Mr. Pineapple Juice 321 00:14:32,792 --> 00:14:35,583 on the second floor walkway, and, um... 322 00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:38,500 He just sort of bumps me out of the way, and I just... 323 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,166 (sighs) It was like somebody 324 00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:45,250 reached into my brain 325 00:14:45,333 --> 00:14:48,208 and plucked a string. 326 00:14:48,291 --> 00:14:51,750 -I went nuts. -You provoked him? 327 00:14:51,834 --> 00:14:54,000 I told him his mom 328 00:14:54,083 --> 00:14:56,542 sucked dog dick, something like that. 329 00:14:56,625 --> 00:14:58,250 -A man with that kind of reputation? -(sighs) 330 00:14:58,333 --> 00:15:00,250 These things happen fast. The words come out 331 00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:01,542 before you know it. 332 00:15:01,625 --> 00:15:03,834 I mean, I guess I must've known on some level 333 00:15:03,917 --> 00:15:07,250 that he was going to do something. 334 00:15:07,333 --> 00:15:10,166 But I didn't know he was gonna throw me over a railing. 335 00:15:11,667 --> 00:15:13,792 (sighs) That's horrific. 336 00:15:13,875 --> 00:15:15,667 Yeah, you have no idea. 337 00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:19,208 I had some cracked vertebrae. 338 00:15:19,291 --> 00:15:22,417 The doctor said if I'd landed at just a slightly different angle, 339 00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:24,792 it would've been lights out. 340 00:15:24,875 --> 00:15:27,625 Call me crazy, but I think we stumbled on 341 00:15:27,709 --> 00:15:29,917 the source of your bad dreams. 342 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:31,709 Uh, yeah. 343 00:15:32,875 --> 00:15:34,917 Colin, that is... 344 00:15:36,542 --> 00:15:40,083 I am so sorry you went through that. 345 00:15:43,375 --> 00:15:47,959 Thank you, but it's fine. I was okay. 346 00:15:48,041 --> 00:15:50,834 When you were talking about what lead up to the altercation, 347 00:15:50,917 --> 00:15:54,667 you mentioned... feeling powerless? 348 00:15:54,750 --> 00:15:58,291 -And that you couldn't do anything. -Oh, yeah. 349 00:15:58,375 --> 00:15:59,834 That asshole lady in the tweet, 350 00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:02,083 what people were saying about me. 351 00:16:02,166 --> 00:16:05,125 Yeah, I had to get outta there, and anything I did to accelerate 352 00:16:05,208 --> 00:16:07,417 that process only prolonged it. 353 00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:10,917 Yeah, and then you provoked a fight with the guy. 354 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:14,000 Were you, maybe in some way, trying to take back control 355 00:16:14,083 --> 00:16:16,500 of what people were saying about you? 356 00:16:16,583 --> 00:16:18,500 Do you mean like, "Colin Craft, 357 00:16:18,583 --> 00:16:21,125 victim of a brutal prison attack, poor guy"? 358 00:16:21,208 --> 00:16:24,000 Mm, no, no, no. I'm not that clever. 359 00:16:24,083 --> 00:16:27,041 I don't know, Colin. You seem pretty clever. 360 00:16:27,125 --> 00:16:28,667 I'm not that clever. 361 00:16:28,750 --> 00:16:30,875 And you don't remember what it was 362 00:16:30,959 --> 00:16:32,333 that this woman wrote? 363 00:16:32,417 --> 00:16:34,750 Oh, let me think. It was like... 364 00:16:35,875 --> 00:16:39,834 Um, "Colin Craft is..." And this woman, 365 00:16:39,917 --> 00:16:42,458 she has considerable influence in the tech world. 366 00:16:42,542 --> 00:16:43,959 She's a tastemaker of sorts, 367 00:16:44,041 --> 00:16:47,041 even though she's a myopic nutcase. 368 00:16:47,125 --> 00:16:48,750 Oh, and she's a star-fucker, too. 369 00:16:48,834 --> 00:16:50,875 Yeah, every time the company du jour 370 00:16:50,959 --> 00:16:52,375 has a software update, 371 00:16:52,458 --> 00:16:54,375 she's falling over herself, praising their 372 00:16:54,458 --> 00:16:57,458 "vision for the future." And I'm like, oh, fuck you. They... 373 00:16:57,542 --> 00:17:00,375 You know, they made the send button bigger! 374 00:17:00,458 --> 00:17:02,041 Whatever. And, you know, 375 00:17:02,125 --> 00:17:03,875 when I was riding high, she was at 376 00:17:03,959 --> 00:17:06,125 all my birthday parties, all my... 377 00:17:08,250 --> 00:17:10,583 It doesn't matter. 378 00:17:10,667 --> 00:17:14,375 She wrote this thing. Um, "Colin Craft is--" No. 379 00:17:14,458 --> 00:17:16,000 (laughs) No. "Colin Craft 380 00:17:16,083 --> 00:17:18,458 has never been convincing as a visionary." 381 00:17:18,542 --> 00:17:19,834 Something like that. 382 00:17:19,917 --> 00:17:21,792 "A broken clock is right twice a day. 383 00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:23,542 "Colin Craft was right once. 384 00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:26,625 I'm not holding my breath for a second stroke of good luck." 385 00:17:26,709 --> 00:17:30,125 -Wow. -(laughs) And it went on. It went on, it kept going. 386 00:17:30,208 --> 00:17:31,792 "He has the same nose for business 387 00:17:31,875 --> 00:17:34,083 "that an average street vendor has 388 00:17:34,166 --> 00:17:35,917 "for hocking knockoff handbags. 389 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:39,083 "No one should shed a tear for this con man, 390 00:17:39,166 --> 00:17:42,417 "who is now doing a sabbatical in Club Fed 391 00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:44,834 on the taxpayers' dime." 392 00:17:52,917 --> 00:17:54,542 Something like that. 393 00:17:55,500 --> 00:17:57,166 She pulverized me. 394 00:17:58,041 --> 00:17:59,375 Now, I don't say this 395 00:17:59,458 --> 00:18:02,500 often in clinical settings, but... 396 00:18:03,667 --> 00:18:05,208 -Fuck! -(laughs) 397 00:18:05,291 --> 00:18:06,917 Yeah! Right? 398 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:10,250 And that last line? I mean, I'm-I'm-I'm living in cinder block hole, 399 00:18:10,333 --> 00:18:12,542 cut off from everybody I know, completely miserable. 400 00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:15,083 She makes it sound like I'm in a fuckin' hammock! 401 00:18:15,166 --> 00:18:17,458 Me and the, you know, American Psycho Wall Street crowd 402 00:18:17,542 --> 00:18:20,709 trading stock tips. That fucking cu... 403 00:18:22,375 --> 00:18:24,959 See, this is the type of situation where I would 404 00:18:25,041 --> 00:18:26,750 -use a certain word. -Mm. 405 00:18:26,834 --> 00:18:30,709 (laughs) I appreciate the restraint. 406 00:18:30,792 --> 00:18:33,125 And out of everything that she said, it was the Club Fed line 407 00:18:33,208 --> 00:18:35,792 -that got you, huh? -Shit, everything got me! 408 00:18:35,875 --> 00:18:38,000 You know, I did something wrong, this is my punishment, 409 00:18:38,083 --> 00:18:39,458 I'm enduring it. 410 00:18:39,542 --> 00:18:41,834 And people are out there saying it isn't that bad? 411 00:18:41,917 --> 00:18:43,125 And then you picked a fight 412 00:18:43,208 --> 00:18:46,792 with a man you described as a psycho. 413 00:18:46,875 --> 00:18:49,333 -And these things don't seem related to you? -(scoffs) 414 00:18:49,417 --> 00:18:51,625 Like I said, I'm not that clever. 415 00:18:51,709 --> 00:18:54,125 -And even if I was, it didn't work. -What do you mean? 416 00:18:54,208 --> 00:18:55,625 Because I read the shit they were saying 417 00:18:55,709 --> 00:18:57,208 about me online after, and it was all like, 418 00:18:57,291 --> 00:18:59,625 "Oh, he had it coming." And praising the guy 419 00:18:59,709 --> 00:19:01,917 who did it. That sort of thing. 420 00:19:03,166 --> 00:19:05,083 That must've been painful. 421 00:19:05,875 --> 00:19:07,583 -(sighs) -(drops hands) 422 00:19:09,083 --> 00:19:10,917 And after that? 423 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,166 After that, I went back to my trance. 424 00:19:13,250 --> 00:19:15,417 The monk with manners. 425 00:19:16,583 --> 00:19:18,667 And then this fuckin' pandemic comes around, 426 00:19:18,750 --> 00:19:21,000 and the whole world gets locked up, 427 00:19:21,083 --> 00:19:23,583 and I get set free. 428 00:19:23,667 --> 00:19:27,500 -What was it like being inside when it hit? -It's terrifying. 429 00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:30,333 Old fuckers are dropping like flies. 430 00:19:30,417 --> 00:19:32,041 I got some heart stuff. 431 00:19:32,125 --> 00:19:35,166 Nothing scary, a little arrhythmia. 432 00:19:35,250 --> 00:19:39,417 Probably from doing too many stripers as a young man. 433 00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:42,000 Uh, my lawyers, they jumped on it, and voilà. 434 00:19:42,083 --> 00:19:45,500 That's how I landed on your couch, or in your chair. 435 00:19:46,709 --> 00:19:48,417 Well, it could've been worse. 436 00:19:49,375 --> 00:19:52,083 I mean, it is a comfortable chair. 437 00:19:52,750 --> 00:19:55,000 (sighs) 438 00:19:55,083 --> 00:19:57,750 And when you read the things that people said about you, 439 00:19:57,834 --> 00:20:00,333 after you got out of the hospital, 440 00:20:00,417 --> 00:20:02,750 why wasn't your blood on fire anymore? 441 00:20:02,834 --> 00:20:05,417 'Cause it didn't matter what I did. 442 00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:07,542 Didn't matter if I got my ass kicked in prison 443 00:20:07,625 --> 00:20:09,500 or if I was sitting on a beach in Tahiti. 444 00:20:09,583 --> 00:20:12,417 The world had made up its mind about me. 445 00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:14,959 I mean, not unlike you. 446 00:20:15,041 --> 00:20:16,417 I've made up my mind about you? 447 00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:18,500 Yeah, it doesn't matter what I say in here. 448 00:20:18,583 --> 00:20:20,041 I mean, it matters, but not to you. 449 00:20:20,125 --> 00:20:21,500 Not to you personally. 450 00:20:21,583 --> 00:20:23,667 You took one look at me, had it figured out. 451 00:20:23,750 --> 00:20:25,208 I don't think I have you figured out. 452 00:20:25,291 --> 00:20:26,917 I don't think I have anyone figured out. 453 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:30,709 To be clear, I don't think you have me figured out either. 454 00:20:30,792 --> 00:20:32,875 Also, I'm not talking about what makes me tick. 455 00:20:32,959 --> 00:20:34,917 I'm not talking about what my issues are. 456 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:36,709 I just mean me. 457 00:20:36,792 --> 00:20:38,250 You made an assessment of my character 458 00:20:38,333 --> 00:20:41,083 when I walked through the door, and so it doesn't matter 459 00:20:41,166 --> 00:20:43,750 if I recite Shakespeare or smear shit on the walls. 460 00:20:43,834 --> 00:20:47,166 -Colin... -Oh, I'm not saying this from a place of hurt. 461 00:20:47,250 --> 00:20:48,834 I-I'm not offended. 462 00:20:48,917 --> 00:20:52,792 This is, I think, one of my healthier mindsets. 463 00:20:52,875 --> 00:20:56,250 I cannot change the way people look at me. 464 00:20:58,041 --> 00:21:00,542 It doesn't matter what I do, so fuck it. 465 00:21:00,625 --> 00:21:02,583 Fuck them and fuck you. I mean, 466 00:21:02,667 --> 00:21:05,500 not really, but, you know, fuck everyone. 467 00:21:05,583 --> 00:21:08,875 It's all a fuckin' wash, so let's just move on, right? 468 00:21:10,417 --> 00:21:13,041 -There's a lot to unpack there. -But I am right. 469 00:21:14,542 --> 00:21:15,625 Yeah? 470 00:21:15,709 --> 00:21:18,208 From a mental health professional standpoint, 471 00:21:18,291 --> 00:21:21,959 I am not in control of what other people think about me. 472 00:21:22,041 --> 00:21:24,959 First of all, "fuck everyone" is not what I would refer to 473 00:21:25,041 --> 00:21:26,875 as a healthy mindset. Second, it sounds like 474 00:21:26,959 --> 00:21:28,458 you're abdicating responsibility. 475 00:21:28,542 --> 00:21:30,291 Your actions aren't neutral. 476 00:21:30,375 --> 00:21:32,333 Well, of course. I mean, if I shoot someone 477 00:21:32,417 --> 00:21:34,041 and people don't like that about me, it's not because 478 00:21:34,125 --> 00:21:38,333 they have to work out their hang-ups about murder. Obviously. 479 00:21:38,417 --> 00:21:40,333 But I didn't shoot anyone. 480 00:21:40,417 --> 00:21:42,500 I'm just a privileged white guy. 481 00:21:42,583 --> 00:21:44,417 And what do you imagine that means to people? 482 00:21:44,500 --> 00:21:47,166 That I didn't earn anything I had! 483 00:21:47,250 --> 00:21:50,250 I'm sexist, I'm racist, even though I've given money 484 00:21:50,333 --> 00:21:53,000 to the NAACP every month for years. 485 00:21:53,083 --> 00:21:56,750 Long before any of this-- But, you know, I can't say that. 486 00:21:56,834 --> 00:21:58,792 And, of course, it'd be fuckin' gross to say that. 487 00:21:58,875 --> 00:22:01,083 I don't disagree. Patting myself on the back, 488 00:22:01,166 --> 00:22:05,166 you know, "virtue signaling," but I also can't correct the misperception, 489 00:22:05,250 --> 00:22:08,250 or that means I'm silencing minority voices. 490 00:22:08,333 --> 00:22:11,500 So, yeah. My actions aren't neutral, but guess what? 491 00:22:11,583 --> 00:22:14,375 No one's looking at my actions. They're looking at my face. 492 00:22:14,458 --> 00:22:16,208 It's just at a certain point, you really do have to 493 00:22:16,291 --> 00:22:18,834 throw your hands up and just say, "Fuck it. I can't win." 494 00:22:18,917 --> 00:22:20,375 So we're back to feeling powerless. 495 00:22:20,458 --> 00:22:22,291 -I am powerless. -Well, Colin, 496 00:22:22,375 --> 00:22:24,208 the one time you felt powerless, 497 00:22:24,291 --> 00:22:26,959 you acted out, self-sabotaging, 498 00:22:27,041 --> 00:22:29,792 and putting yourself in real physical danger. 499 00:22:29,875 --> 00:22:32,291 So how can we avoid that outcome? 500 00:22:32,375 --> 00:22:34,917 -I don't know. Klonopin? -Maybe you don't have to be 501 00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:37,291 so concerned with how you are perceived. 502 00:22:37,375 --> 00:22:39,959 That's easy for you to say. No one hates you. 503 00:22:40,667 --> 00:22:42,417 Listen. 504 00:22:42,500 --> 00:22:46,417 You have been through a profound shift in your life. 505 00:22:46,500 --> 00:22:48,250 You were top of the mountain... 506 00:22:48,333 --> 00:22:49,917 -(laughs) -the man in charge. 507 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,959 Now you've been knocked down a peg or two. 508 00:22:52,041 --> 00:22:53,542 Feels like a lot more than two. 509 00:22:53,625 --> 00:22:56,041 And the world looks different from where you are now. 510 00:22:56,125 --> 00:22:57,500 Don't you think the world looks different 511 00:22:57,583 --> 00:22:58,959 than it did four years ago? 512 00:22:59,041 --> 00:23:00,834 Absolutely, and on top of all the changes 513 00:23:00,917 --> 00:23:02,417 in your personal circumstances, 514 00:23:02,500 --> 00:23:05,041 which are monumental, the world is also changing. 515 00:23:05,125 --> 00:23:06,625 Changing? (scoffs) 516 00:23:06,709 --> 00:23:09,166 I was away four years. I feel like the prehistoric man, 517 00:23:09,250 --> 00:23:11,208 unearthed from the permafrost. 518 00:23:11,291 --> 00:23:13,166 But instead of, you know, ooh-ing and aah-ing 519 00:23:13,250 --> 00:23:15,667 at the technology of the future, I'm getting eviscerated 520 00:23:15,750 --> 00:23:17,792 by my buddy's 26-year-old wife 521 00:23:17,875 --> 00:23:20,500 because I'm not allowed to say "insert appalling word 522 00:23:20,583 --> 00:23:23,166 that was totally fine to say five minutes ago." 523 00:23:23,250 --> 00:23:25,083 See, I-- I don't have an ounce of hate in my body. 524 00:23:25,166 --> 00:23:28,083 I think transgender people should be able 525 00:23:28,166 --> 00:23:30,458 to take a piss wherever they want. 526 00:23:30,542 --> 00:23:32,458 I don't think a man should jack off 527 00:23:32,542 --> 00:23:35,542 in the workplace, but the fuckin' icecaps are melting! 528 00:23:35,625 --> 00:23:37,709 We got kids in cages! 529 00:23:37,792 --> 00:23:39,667 You know, I'm just not sure we're... 530 00:23:39,750 --> 00:23:43,166 we're looking at the right things at the moment. 531 00:23:43,250 --> 00:23:45,375 Is that because you are 532 00:23:45,458 --> 00:23:47,458 -what's being looked at? -Oh, God, 533 00:23:47,542 --> 00:23:49,542 -d-don't do that. -I really am trying 534 00:23:49,625 --> 00:23:51,583 to understand where you're coming from. 535 00:23:51,667 --> 00:23:54,458 What felt gradual for people on the outside, and listen. 536 00:23:54,542 --> 00:23:58,417 I'm not so sure things felt all that gradual from out here, too. 537 00:23:58,500 --> 00:24:01,542 But felt different for you. 538 00:24:01,625 --> 00:24:03,709 You missed out on some things. 539 00:24:03,792 --> 00:24:06,458 And that's part of the pain of incarceration. 540 00:24:06,542 --> 00:24:08,166 It's not just that. 541 00:24:08,250 --> 00:24:11,041 When I went in, I was a good guy, you know? I was a... 542 00:24:11,125 --> 00:24:13,208 And now, I'm... 543 00:24:13,291 --> 00:24:16,125 -Tell me. -I'm the most liberal person you'll meet! 544 00:24:16,208 --> 00:24:19,333 I was raised in a fuckin' hippie commune, you know? I mean... 545 00:24:19,417 --> 00:24:22,000 I-I love Black women! I've dated lots of Black women! 546 00:24:22,083 --> 00:24:25,083 I never voted for a fuckin' Republican in my life! 547 00:24:25,166 --> 00:24:27,583 And my company's very diverse! 548 00:24:27,667 --> 00:24:29,250 For their time? Are you kidding me? 549 00:24:29,333 --> 00:24:32,000 Amnesty International, Southern Poverty Law Center. 550 00:24:32,083 --> 00:24:34,417 I gave more money, a small fortune, 551 00:24:34,500 --> 00:24:36,750 to all these fucking causes! 552 00:24:36,834 --> 00:24:39,291 Heal the Bay, and all the gay ones. It just goes on 553 00:24:39,375 --> 00:24:41,375 and on and on and on, but that doesn't matter? 554 00:24:41,458 --> 00:24:43,083 -No, it matters. -Well, I just-- 555 00:24:43,166 --> 00:24:47,041 I don't like not having a say in what people think of me. 556 00:24:48,083 --> 00:24:50,667 I'm a good person. People like me. 557 00:24:50,750 --> 00:24:52,500 Or they would if they weren't... 558 00:24:52,583 --> 00:24:54,792 A-a-and it's hypocritical 559 00:24:54,875 --> 00:24:56,917 because everyone's guilty of something, 560 00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:58,750 but only some of us pay the price. 561 00:24:58,834 --> 00:25:01,834 So, this cultural shift, you feel there's some sort of 562 00:25:01,917 --> 00:25:05,250 collateral damage, and now, you are... 563 00:25:06,166 --> 00:25:08,709 the victim. 564 00:25:08,792 --> 00:25:10,542 Here's the thing. Eddie Murphy, "Delirious." 565 00:25:10,625 --> 00:25:13,542 That stand-up special. Have you seen it? 566 00:25:13,625 --> 00:25:16,250 -Not for a long time, but yes. -Yeah, you know how many times he says 567 00:25:16,333 --> 00:25:19,375 F-A-G-G-O-T in that thing? 568 00:25:19,458 --> 00:25:22,250 A lot. I mean, I don't know the exact number, 569 00:25:22,333 --> 00:25:23,959 but it's a lot. 570 00:25:24,041 --> 00:25:27,625 But he's your fucking hero, so he gets a pass. 571 00:25:27,709 --> 00:25:30,959 I'm sorry, why is Eddie Murphy my hero? 572 00:25:31,041 --> 00:25:34,208 Oh, come on. You know what I'm saying. 573 00:25:34,291 --> 00:25:37,041 I think you're saying that there's some sort of 574 00:25:37,125 --> 00:25:38,792 -imbalance. -Look, I just think 575 00:25:38,875 --> 00:25:40,750 there's a pleasure taken, a delight, 576 00:25:40,834 --> 00:25:42,583 in correcting this. 577 00:25:42,667 --> 00:25:44,500 You could look at those corrections 578 00:25:44,583 --> 00:25:46,625 as an opportunity for growth. 579 00:25:50,667 --> 00:25:53,250 Oh man. (sighs) 580 00:25:53,333 --> 00:25:56,250 You know, it-it doesn't matter what I say in here. 581 00:25:56,333 --> 00:25:57,750 You're on their side. 582 00:25:57,834 --> 00:25:59,750 Whose side? There is no malevolent force 583 00:25:59,834 --> 00:26:02,458 working in opposition to you. 584 00:26:02,542 --> 00:26:06,333 -If you say so. -This is what I was getting at with the responsibility. 585 00:26:06,417 --> 00:26:08,125 You made choices. 586 00:26:08,208 --> 00:26:10,667 And I don't think I'm going out on a limb when I say that 587 00:26:10,750 --> 00:26:14,667 you made poor choices. You lied to people. 588 00:26:14,750 --> 00:26:18,291 You misled investors. You chose to break the law, 589 00:26:18,375 --> 00:26:21,959 and you are being judged for that. 590 00:26:22,041 --> 00:26:24,917 Now if you choose to remain ignorant of how people 591 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:27,792 want to be spoken to or spoken about or the things 592 00:26:27,875 --> 00:26:30,375 that they find offensive, that's your choice, too. 593 00:26:31,333 --> 00:26:33,333 You are not powerless. 594 00:26:33,417 --> 00:26:35,667 Things were easy, but now they are less so. 595 00:26:35,750 --> 00:26:37,250 Wait, easy? Wait, what the fuck do you mean? 596 00:26:37,333 --> 00:26:40,834 -I was referring to-- -Oh, see, that's why you don't like me! 597 00:26:40,917 --> 00:26:44,709 Because my life was easy, and yours was so hard. 598 00:26:47,041 --> 00:26:49,375 Why does it matter if I like you? 599 00:26:50,792 --> 00:26:52,291 Excuse me? 600 00:26:52,375 --> 00:26:54,709 It is not essential for the work we do 601 00:26:54,792 --> 00:26:57,250 for me to like you, or for you 602 00:26:57,333 --> 00:26:59,250 to like me, for that matter. 603 00:26:59,333 --> 00:27:01,000 It can actually be helpful if you 604 00:27:01,083 --> 00:27:03,709 were less concerned with my opinion of you. 605 00:27:03,792 --> 00:27:05,458 I'm not concerned. I don't give a shit. 606 00:27:05,542 --> 00:27:08,166 People show me the ugliest sides of themselves all the time. 607 00:27:08,250 --> 00:27:09,959 I can still like them. 608 00:27:10,041 --> 00:27:12,583 I don't care if you like me! 609 00:27:12,667 --> 00:27:15,166 Alright, I care if you sign that stupid form 610 00:27:15,250 --> 00:27:17,458 that says that I can get the fuck on with my life! 611 00:27:17,542 --> 00:27:21,333 So I-I can do things and make things a-and build a life, 612 00:27:21,417 --> 00:27:23,500 instead of driving up here to No Man's Land 613 00:27:23,583 --> 00:27:25,959 to pretend like I'm fuckin' getting somewhere! 614 00:27:26,041 --> 00:27:28,542 Jesus fucking Christ! 615 00:27:28,625 --> 00:27:30,166 You know, if I wanted to sit around talking about 616 00:27:30,250 --> 00:27:33,583 my fucking emotions all day, I'd still be married! 617 00:27:34,333 --> 00:27:35,500 Shit! 618 00:27:35,583 --> 00:27:37,083 Fuck! 619 00:27:37,959 --> 00:27:39,583 Oh shit! 620 00:27:39,667 --> 00:27:42,208 Fuck! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, 621 00:27:42,291 --> 00:27:43,834 I'm sorry! I'm fucking... 622 00:27:43,917 --> 00:27:46,709 Fuck! I'm a terrible person. I'm... 623 00:27:46,792 --> 00:27:49,333 (sighs) I'm the fucking worst. I'm just an evil person. 624 00:27:49,417 --> 00:27:52,041 No one is saying that, Colin. Calm down. 625 00:27:52,125 --> 00:27:54,792 Yeah. Everyone is saying that. 626 00:27:57,083 --> 00:27:58,166 (sighs) 627 00:28:02,375 --> 00:28:04,250 And would you look at that? 628 00:28:04,333 --> 00:28:06,375 That's our time for today. 629 00:28:06,458 --> 00:28:07,834 (grabs keys) 630 00:28:08,834 --> 00:28:12,166 ♪ ♪ 631 00:28:12,250 --> 00:28:14,625 (door opens, slams) 632 00:28:14,709 --> 00:28:16,834 (breathes deeply) 633 00:28:20,750 --> 00:28:21,959 Fuck. 634 00:28:22,041 --> 00:28:25,125 ♪ ♪ 635 00:28:51,750 --> 00:28:54,834 ♪ ♪ 636 00:29:21,792 --> 00:29:24,875 ♪ ♪ 637 00:29:41,625 --> 00:29:43,291 BROOKE LAWRENCE: Tell me about your ex-wife. 638 00:29:43,709 --> 00:29:46,583 It was like two interlocking pieces 639 00:29:46,667 --> 00:29:48,041 just found each other. 640 00:29:48,125 --> 00:29:49,417 ♪ (SOOTHING MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ 641 00:29:49,959 --> 00:29:53,709 But when the shit hits the fan, that's when you reveal people. 642 00:29:54,041 --> 00:29:56,000 Whatever connection she felt to me, 643 00:29:56,250 --> 00:29:58,417 it was cauterized in an instant. 644 00:29:58,625 --> 00:30:01,375 -You felt betrayed? -Oh, fucking A right. 645 00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:06,208 Every now and then, it hits me. It's too painful.