1 00:00:04,875 --> 00:00:07,542 -(soft singing) -(insects chirping) 2 00:00:07,625 --> 00:00:09,917 ("Foundation" by Jazzgroupiez playing on stereo) 3 00:00:18,458 --> 00:00:19,458 (text chimes) 4 00:00:21,625 --> 00:00:24,542 ♪ 5 00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:25,792 (giggles) 6 00:00:26,875 --> 00:00:29,667 (typing) 7 00:00:31,834 --> 00:00:32,959 (sends text) 8 00:00:35,041 --> 00:00:36,166 (puts down phone) 9 00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:44,709 ("Ring" app notification chimes) 10 00:00:44,792 --> 00:00:47,959 (song continues) 11 00:01:01,417 --> 00:01:03,250 Rita! 12 00:01:03,333 --> 00:01:06,000 -(insects chirping) -Rita! (laughs) 13 00:01:07,208 --> 00:01:08,583 Oh! 14 00:01:08,667 --> 00:01:10,000 (both laugh, sigh) 15 00:01:10,083 --> 00:01:12,417 Rita: What's all this? Just brought you a little something. 16 00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:15,125 (both laugh) 17 00:01:16,166 --> 00:01:17,333 Thank you. 18 00:01:18,083 --> 00:01:19,166 Mm-hmm. 19 00:01:20,417 --> 00:01:22,542 (sighs) You okay? 20 00:01:22,625 --> 00:01:24,417 (laughs) 21 00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:26,625 Silly question. How could you be? 22 00:01:26,709 --> 00:01:28,875 No, I'm... hanging in there. 23 00:01:29,917 --> 00:01:32,000 Thank you for thinking of me. 24 00:01:32,083 --> 00:01:34,375 Of course, I thought of you. (scoffs) 25 00:01:34,458 --> 00:01:36,750 -It's what we do. -(laughs) 26 00:01:36,834 --> 00:01:39,542 Oh, look! I've kept your Uber waiting. 27 00:01:39,625 --> 00:01:42,709 You probably wanna go and wash LAX off of you. 28 00:01:42,792 --> 00:01:44,667 And then, speaking of wash, 29 00:01:44,750 --> 00:01:47,291 I was just about to get in the bath anyway, so... 30 00:01:47,375 --> 00:01:48,667 -Oh? -Yeah. 31 00:01:48,750 --> 00:01:50,875 -Okay. (giggles) -(laughs) 32 00:01:50,959 --> 00:01:53,208 But I love you for checking on me. 33 00:01:54,458 --> 00:01:55,959 (kiss) 34 00:01:56,041 --> 00:01:58,625 And... I'll call you later. 35 00:01:58,709 --> 00:02:00,333 Mm-hmm. 36 00:02:03,458 --> 00:02:06,583 (insects chirping) 37 00:02:07,375 --> 00:02:08,792 (shuts door) 38 00:02:08,875 --> 00:02:10,291 (car door shuts) 39 00:02:10,375 --> 00:02:12,542 (Uber driving away) 40 00:02:18,542 --> 00:02:20,291 -(sighs) -(knocking) 41 00:02:20,375 --> 00:02:22,583 Rita: It's me again! 42 00:02:22,667 --> 00:02:25,834 What happened? W-was something wrong? 43 00:02:25,917 --> 00:02:27,583 I let that Uber go. 44 00:02:27,667 --> 00:02:29,291 -(door shuts) -(Brooke laughs) 45 00:02:29,375 --> 00:02:31,959 Is that what you normally wear to take a bath? 46 00:02:34,166 --> 00:02:36,041 Um... 47 00:02:36,125 --> 00:02:39,834 -Weren't we supposed to meet tomorrow? -(running water) 48 00:02:39,917 --> 00:02:42,250 -Can't I be worried about you? -Uh-- 49 00:02:42,333 --> 00:02:44,709 -(shuts off water) -Don't you wanna rest? 50 00:02:44,792 --> 00:02:46,667 You came straight from the airport. 51 00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:49,417 -(laughs) I know. I should've called, but... -(runs water) 52 00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:50,458 (shuts water) 53 00:02:50,542 --> 00:02:53,041 I got worried when you skipped the meeting. 54 00:02:57,333 --> 00:02:58,792 Theresa covered for me. 55 00:02:59,834 --> 00:03:02,834 It's not a shift at Applebee's. 56 00:03:02,917 --> 00:03:06,125 You were supposed to lead a meeting in my absence. 57 00:03:06,208 --> 00:03:08,792 As your sponsor, it reflects poorly on me 58 00:03:08,875 --> 00:03:10,625 when you don't honor your commitments. 59 00:03:10,709 --> 00:03:13,166 My father died. 60 00:03:14,709 --> 00:03:16,875 In times of trauma like this, 61 00:03:16,959 --> 00:03:18,125 you have to lean in, not out. 62 00:03:18,208 --> 00:03:20,792 Yeah, well, you've been gone for a month, 63 00:03:20,875 --> 00:03:23,375 and a lot of shit has gone down in that time. 64 00:03:23,458 --> 00:03:25,625 Either way, I'm back now, 65 00:03:25,709 --> 00:03:27,959 and we have a lot to talk about. 66 00:03:30,583 --> 00:03:31,875 (sighs) 67 00:03:31,959 --> 00:03:35,041 (light music playing) 68 00:03:35,125 --> 00:03:37,166 ♪ 69 00:03:51,834 --> 00:03:54,667 (insects chirping) 70 00:03:57,333 --> 00:03:59,875 -Sumatra. Dark roast. -(puts down cup) 71 00:03:59,959 --> 00:04:01,834 Mm. Thank you. 72 00:04:05,667 --> 00:04:07,875 (typing) 73 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,667 (continues typing) 74 00:04:13,667 --> 00:04:15,166 (sends text) 75 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:18,500 (puts down phone) 76 00:04:19,542 --> 00:04:21,667 I know I should've gone to the meeting, 77 00:04:21,750 --> 00:04:24,208 but I had two new patients 78 00:04:24,291 --> 00:04:26,125 and another one I had to talk off the ledge 79 00:04:26,208 --> 00:04:29,750 at 2:00 in the morning. It was a lot, so... 80 00:04:29,834 --> 00:04:31,542 Anyway. Let me see the pictures! 81 00:04:32,709 --> 00:04:34,875 (both laugh) 82 00:04:36,125 --> 00:04:38,208 (humming) 83 00:04:39,250 --> 00:04:41,542 -Aw! -(giggles) 84 00:04:42,083 --> 00:04:43,792 Aw... 85 00:04:43,875 --> 00:04:45,709 He looks like you. 86 00:04:45,792 --> 00:04:47,709 I said the same thing to my daughter, 87 00:04:47,792 --> 00:04:49,625 but it only made her mad. 88 00:04:49,709 --> 00:04:51,875 -(laughs) -Mad 'cause she lost her waistline 89 00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:54,041 carrying a nine-pound butterball! 90 00:04:54,125 --> 00:04:57,000 -Mm! -Who is the spitting image of me. 91 00:04:57,083 --> 00:04:58,291 (laughs) 92 00:04:58,375 --> 00:04:59,291 I'd be mad, too. 93 00:04:59,375 --> 00:05:02,000 (both laugh) 94 00:05:02,083 --> 00:05:04,125 She must not be getting any sleep, right? 95 00:05:04,208 --> 00:05:06,000 Mm. None. 96 00:05:06,083 --> 00:05:08,375 -Mm. -She's a warrior. 97 00:05:08,458 --> 00:05:10,709 Much better than I was at that age. 98 00:05:11,834 --> 00:05:13,583 I always wondered 99 00:05:13,667 --> 00:05:16,250 what kind of a mother she would be. 100 00:05:16,333 --> 00:05:18,083 And now, I know. 101 00:05:18,166 --> 00:05:19,250 Hm. 102 00:05:21,709 --> 00:05:23,875 -I didn't mean to-- -No, I know. 103 00:05:23,959 --> 00:05:25,959 I know. 104 00:05:26,041 --> 00:05:28,041 (sighs) 105 00:05:28,125 --> 00:05:31,333 -You're not drinking your coffee. -Oh. (laughs) 106 00:05:31,417 --> 00:05:33,417 I'm reaching an age where I can't do coffee 107 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,417 -past a certain hour. -Oh, you should've said something! 108 00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:38,417 -I have green tea. -I'm fine, really. 109 00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:39,709 (laughs) 110 00:05:41,917 --> 00:05:45,291 You never told me about the funeral. 111 00:05:46,959 --> 00:05:48,667 It was like... 112 00:05:48,750 --> 00:05:51,709 any funeral. Terrible. (laughs) 113 00:05:51,792 --> 00:05:54,542 I got to spend a lot of time with Shelly. 114 00:05:54,625 --> 00:05:55,875 -Who's Shelly? -Oh, 115 00:05:55,959 --> 00:05:57,875 my father's live-in girlfriend, 116 00:05:57,959 --> 00:06:01,166 who I didn't know existed until she answered his phone, 117 00:06:01,250 --> 00:06:03,417 when I called looking for him the day he died. 118 00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:05,291 -You didn't know he had a girlfriend? -No. 119 00:06:05,375 --> 00:06:06,959 Oh! And they've been together 120 00:06:07,041 --> 00:06:09,542 for two years apparently. (scoffs) 121 00:06:09,625 --> 00:06:11,917 She moved into the house six months ago. 122 00:06:13,417 --> 00:06:15,375 I-I mean she's fine, I guess. 123 00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:17,625 Just thought my dad had a type. 124 00:06:19,125 --> 00:06:21,750 But (laughs)-- 125 00:06:21,834 --> 00:06:24,250 Shelly is different. Mm. 126 00:06:24,333 --> 00:06:27,417 (laughs) She goes out, in public, 127 00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:30,208 with chipped toenail polish. 128 00:06:30,291 --> 00:06:33,417 -I've done that once or twice. -On purpose? 129 00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:35,333 No, you're right. Not on purpose. 130 00:06:35,417 --> 00:06:36,834 Yeah. (laughs) 131 00:06:39,208 --> 00:06:40,917 Well, he's a prick for not telling you 132 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,375 he had a girlfriend all that time. 133 00:06:42,458 --> 00:06:45,083 Well, there are a lot of things I didn't tell him. 134 00:06:45,166 --> 00:06:47,208 We kept a lot of things from each other. 135 00:06:47,291 --> 00:06:49,166 Yeah, but to have her up in your mother's house 136 00:06:49,250 --> 00:06:51,750 and not say anything? That would fuck me up. 137 00:06:51,834 --> 00:06:53,667 No, he had secrets. 138 00:06:53,750 --> 00:06:56,291 Doesn't make him a prick. 139 00:06:58,667 --> 00:06:59,875 You're right. I... 140 00:06:59,959 --> 00:07:03,291 I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry. 141 00:07:03,375 --> 00:07:05,875 I just know it would hurt my feelings. 142 00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:08,166 -All of that. -I don't know. 143 00:07:09,583 --> 00:07:12,250 -I guess. -You guess? 144 00:07:12,333 --> 00:07:13,250 (laughs) 145 00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:15,250 Don't you look at feelings for a living? 146 00:07:15,333 --> 00:07:17,041 -Other people's! -Oh. 147 00:07:17,125 --> 00:07:18,250 No... 148 00:07:18,333 --> 00:07:20,583 -You know, if I looked at my own... -What happens? 149 00:07:20,667 --> 00:07:22,542 Unhealthy things. 150 00:07:22,625 --> 00:07:24,291 You know... (sighs) 151 00:07:24,375 --> 00:07:26,125 The whole time I lived in that house, 152 00:07:26,208 --> 00:07:29,959 the house where now Shelly gets to vomit chintz all over the place? 153 00:07:30,041 --> 00:07:31,959 It was never about my feelings. 154 00:07:32,041 --> 00:07:34,291 It was always about protecting his feelings. 155 00:07:34,375 --> 00:07:36,625 You know, when he felt ashamed of me 156 00:07:36,709 --> 00:07:39,792 or he felt that I had let him down, 157 00:07:39,875 --> 00:07:41,917 I tried harder! (laughs) 158 00:07:44,375 --> 00:07:46,291 You know I was valedictorian in high school? 159 00:07:46,375 --> 00:07:48,959 I got the Dean's Award at Stanford. 160 00:07:49,041 --> 00:07:50,625 Do you know how hard that is? 161 00:07:50,709 --> 00:07:52,458 -No, not really. -It is a... 162 00:07:52,542 --> 00:07:55,917 huge... fucking... deal. 163 00:07:57,250 --> 00:07:58,333 (scoffs) 164 00:07:58,417 --> 00:08:00,667 And then I thought, "Oh! 165 00:08:00,750 --> 00:08:02,959 "I'll apply to Wharton, get my MBA. 166 00:08:03,041 --> 00:08:06,166 He'll respect that." (laughs) And I got in! 167 00:08:06,250 --> 00:08:08,417 And I moved to Philly, right? 168 00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:10,417 And I was sitting in the middle of an accounting class 169 00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:14,083 when I thought, "What the fuck am I doing all of this for?" 170 00:08:17,458 --> 00:08:20,125 Avoided that question at the bottom of a bottle. 171 00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:23,417 -Beginning of the slide. -Yeah, beginning of the slide. 172 00:08:25,792 --> 00:08:28,542 But why was I supposed to wait for him to come around, 173 00:08:28,625 --> 00:08:31,250 for him to stop treating me like I was a bad person, 174 00:08:31,333 --> 00:08:33,083 even though he was the one who coerced me 175 00:08:33,166 --> 00:08:35,250 to give up my baby when I was 15. 176 00:08:35,333 --> 00:08:37,583 -(laughs) -(text chimes) 177 00:08:40,458 --> 00:08:41,792 Rita: If you need to take that... 178 00:08:41,875 --> 00:08:44,291 Uh, no. No, I-I'm fine. 179 00:08:48,125 --> 00:08:49,291 Shit gets rough 180 00:08:49,375 --> 00:08:52,375 -between fathers and daughters. -(sighs) 181 00:08:52,458 --> 00:08:55,291 Mine was always there, not there. 182 00:08:55,375 --> 00:08:56,959 There, not there. 183 00:08:57,041 --> 00:09:00,917 -That's what I learned to expect from men. -Hm. 184 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:03,834 But who knows what would've happened if he'd stuck around? 185 00:09:05,542 --> 00:09:06,834 Maybe, 186 00:09:06,917 --> 00:09:08,875 he was protecting you 187 00:09:08,959 --> 00:09:10,291 from the worst of him. 188 00:09:10,375 --> 00:09:12,250 Don't try to shrink me now. 189 00:09:12,333 --> 00:09:16,041 (both laugh) 190 00:09:16,125 --> 00:09:17,542 But since we're talking about 191 00:09:17,625 --> 00:09:19,709 what fathers protected us from... 192 00:09:19,792 --> 00:09:21,500 -No, Rita. -Maybe your father 193 00:09:21,583 --> 00:09:23,750 was just invested in your future? 194 00:09:23,834 --> 00:09:25,083 His future. 195 00:09:25,166 --> 00:09:27,250 Isn't that the same thing? 196 00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:28,667 But then you got pregnant, 197 00:09:28,750 --> 00:09:30,834 -and that got in the way-- -Ah, of course! 198 00:09:30,917 --> 00:09:34,500 Because, God forbid, anyone ever get pregnant as a teenager? 199 00:09:34,583 --> 00:09:36,667 End of the world, welfare queen, 200 00:09:36,750 --> 00:09:38,417 hang it up, better pretend 201 00:09:38,500 --> 00:09:41,041 -this never happened, life over? -You gotta admit 202 00:09:41,125 --> 00:09:42,750 -your choices would've been limited. -Okay, 203 00:09:42,834 --> 00:09:47,208 so if your daughter were 15 instead of 30 like she is now, 204 00:09:47,291 --> 00:09:49,291 you would've taken her child away from her? 205 00:09:49,375 --> 00:09:51,625 And she would've never known him, and neither would you, 206 00:09:51,709 --> 00:09:54,500 and you would've been okay with that? And would she? 207 00:09:55,959 --> 00:09:57,208 I don't know. 208 00:09:57,291 --> 00:09:59,625 Yeah, you don't know. 209 00:09:59,709 --> 00:10:01,834 So maybe you shouldn't have an opinion 210 00:10:01,917 --> 00:10:03,834 about shit you don't know. 211 00:10:03,917 --> 00:10:07,041 Oh, I didn't realize that was a rule. 212 00:10:07,125 --> 00:10:09,542 And since when do we wait to throw out the life preserver 213 00:10:09,625 --> 00:10:11,959 until the drowning person asks for it? 214 00:10:12,041 --> 00:10:13,625 Drowning? Hardly. 215 00:10:13,709 --> 00:10:16,041 I would be drowning if I was dealing with 216 00:10:16,125 --> 00:10:17,750 everything you are. 217 00:10:17,834 --> 00:10:21,000 With your patients, your father, Shelly. 218 00:10:21,083 --> 00:10:23,000 A big-ass house, all alone. 219 00:10:23,083 --> 00:10:24,875 I am not drowning! 220 00:10:24,959 --> 00:10:27,083 I am furious! 221 00:10:27,875 --> 00:10:29,875 Day in and day out, 222 00:10:29,959 --> 00:10:32,166 I feel like all these people are looking to me 223 00:10:32,250 --> 00:10:36,959 to tell them what to do about this moment we are in! 224 00:10:37,041 --> 00:10:39,250 I don't know what to tell them! 225 00:10:39,333 --> 00:10:42,250 I don't know what to tell myself! 226 00:10:43,291 --> 00:10:46,000 Is that why you picked up the phone 227 00:10:46,083 --> 00:10:48,166 for your patient at 2:00 in the morning? 228 00:10:48,250 --> 00:10:50,166 What? 229 00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:51,500 You said you took a call 230 00:10:51,583 --> 00:10:54,417 from some patient at 2:00 in the morning. 231 00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:56,750 No, it... (scoffs) It's complicated. 232 00:10:56,834 --> 00:10:59,709 I just never heard of you taking a call at that hour. 233 00:10:59,792 --> 00:11:02,583 -I don't know how to explain it to you. -Try. 234 00:11:05,291 --> 00:11:07,250 He's this... 235 00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:09,500 20-something kid. 236 00:11:09,583 --> 00:11:11,083 So brilliant. 237 00:11:11,166 --> 00:11:13,375 So sensitive. 238 00:11:13,458 --> 00:11:15,709 He's got his whole life ahead of him. 239 00:11:15,792 --> 00:11:17,250 And he's stuck, 240 00:11:17,333 --> 00:11:19,542 taking care of other people. 241 00:11:19,625 --> 00:11:22,041 But there's no one to take care of him. 242 00:11:22,125 --> 00:11:23,500 He has no mother, 243 00:11:23,583 --> 00:11:26,834 no real family. He doesn't have anyone. 244 00:11:27,709 --> 00:11:29,667 -Hm. -What? 245 00:11:29,750 --> 00:11:31,875 What's that look? 246 00:11:31,959 --> 00:11:34,458 "He has no mother"? 247 00:11:34,542 --> 00:11:39,208 -N-- I meant no parents. -But you said "no mother". 248 00:11:39,291 --> 00:11:40,959 -And you called him a kid. -(scoffs) 249 00:11:41,041 --> 00:11:43,000 -I see where you're going with this. -You just said 250 00:11:43,083 --> 00:11:44,583 you were angry at your father 251 00:11:44,667 --> 00:11:47,625 -for taking your son away. -Rita, come on... 252 00:11:47,709 --> 00:11:50,333 Everything has meaning, right? 253 00:11:50,417 --> 00:11:53,625 You know it's not your job to rescue him. 254 00:11:53,709 --> 00:11:55,583 I know I shouldn't have answered the phone. 255 00:11:55,667 --> 00:11:57,166 That wouldn't be an issue 256 00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:59,208 if you did it for every patient. 257 00:11:59,291 --> 00:12:02,041 I know how not to project, alright? 258 00:12:02,125 --> 00:12:05,041 I am always monitoring transference. 259 00:12:06,500 --> 00:12:09,458 -Does he bring up the fantasy? -What fantasy? 260 00:12:09,542 --> 00:12:10,917 About motherhood. 261 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,583 About having a son. 262 00:12:13,667 --> 00:12:15,667 When you close your eyes, 263 00:12:15,750 --> 00:12:17,375 you picture something. 264 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,959 You must. 265 00:12:20,041 --> 00:12:21,667 What do you picture? 266 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,166 I'm at his wedding. 267 00:12:33,250 --> 00:12:35,375 Some place... 268 00:12:36,417 --> 00:12:39,333 in... the sunlight. Santa Fe. 269 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,125 I always wanted to wear turquoise jewelry 270 00:12:45,208 --> 00:12:48,542 while I was young, and it's still ironic. 271 00:12:50,458 --> 00:12:53,875 The ceremony, it's just... perfect. 272 00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:56,583 And after our... 273 00:12:56,667 --> 00:12:59,500 (inhales) mother-son dance... 274 00:13:00,709 --> 00:13:02,834 he says, 275 00:13:02,917 --> 00:13:05,709 "Thank you for raising me." 276 00:13:05,792 --> 00:13:08,500 And I say, "I did the best I could." And... 277 00:13:09,208 --> 00:13:10,959 he says... 278 00:13:11,041 --> 00:13:13,208 I'm not just his mother. 279 00:13:14,417 --> 00:13:17,000 I'm his best friend. 280 00:13:19,291 --> 00:13:21,542 It's nice to be friends with your kids. 281 00:13:22,542 --> 00:13:24,166 Once they're grown up. 282 00:13:24,250 --> 00:13:26,834 -Before that, they're the enemy. -(laughs) 283 00:13:26,917 --> 00:13:28,875 Well, maybe for you. 284 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:30,667 But (inhales)... 285 00:13:30,750 --> 00:13:33,375 me and my kid, we're friends. 286 00:13:33,458 --> 00:13:37,625 And he introduces me to amazing authors 287 00:13:37,709 --> 00:13:39,959 I would never know anything about. 288 00:13:40,041 --> 00:13:41,625 Like Bolaño? 289 00:13:42,500 --> 00:13:43,750 How did you know? 290 00:13:46,583 --> 00:13:47,750 (scoffs) 291 00:13:49,250 --> 00:13:52,000 -It's an example. -Hm... 292 00:13:52,083 --> 00:13:54,583 I mean, if you wanna give your layperson's opinion 293 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:58,000 on how I handle my patients, have at it. 294 00:13:58,083 --> 00:14:00,625 I'm not telling you how to do your job. 295 00:14:02,750 --> 00:14:05,375 (sighs) Speaking of work, 296 00:14:05,458 --> 00:14:08,291 I have session prep for Monday, 297 00:14:08,375 --> 00:14:10,125 so maybe we should, 298 00:14:10,208 --> 00:14:13,208 -you know... -Oh. You... keep checking your phone. 299 00:14:13,291 --> 00:14:14,625 It's like you're a million miles away. 300 00:14:14,709 --> 00:14:16,583 -No, sorry! -(puts down phone) 301 00:14:16,667 --> 00:14:19,375 Haven't had to use my manners much these days. 302 00:14:19,458 --> 00:14:23,083 Not a lot of non-patient visitors coming by. 303 00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:24,041 (laughs) 304 00:14:24,125 --> 00:14:27,208 Is Adam one of those visitors? 305 00:14:27,291 --> 00:14:30,750 -Why would you ask that? -I saw his name on your screen. 306 00:14:30,834 --> 00:14:33,875 Is that "the" Adam? 307 00:14:33,959 --> 00:14:36,750 I mean, I still stay in contact with Adam, 308 00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:38,834 sure, but nothing that warrants 309 00:14:38,917 --> 00:14:41,709 -the face you're making. -(laughs) I didn't mean 310 00:14:41,792 --> 00:14:43,333 anything by it. 311 00:14:43,417 --> 00:14:46,208 From what you told me, I bet he's sometimes 312 00:14:46,291 --> 00:14:48,792 a nice place to land. 313 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:53,834 Are you seeing him again? 314 00:14:53,917 --> 00:14:54,875 (sighs) 315 00:14:54,959 --> 00:14:56,792 I see where you're going with this. 316 00:14:56,875 --> 00:14:58,709 I'm not going anywhere. 317 00:14:58,792 --> 00:15:01,750 Well, you've made it very clear how you feel about him. 318 00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:04,250 -People, places, and things. -Places, and things. 319 00:15:04,333 --> 00:15:06,792 Yeah, you have to avoid people, places, and things 320 00:15:06,875 --> 00:15:08,375 that kept you in your addiction. 321 00:15:08,458 --> 00:15:11,583 -He's one of your people. -So, I'm supposed to write off Adam 322 00:15:11,667 --> 00:15:13,667 just because he happened to come into my life 323 00:15:13,750 --> 00:15:15,041 as I was heading towards rock bottom? 324 00:15:15,125 --> 00:15:17,667 I'm not telling you to write off anybody. 325 00:15:18,834 --> 00:15:20,291 But we could talk about it, if you-- 326 00:15:20,375 --> 00:15:22,417 What if I just need to get laid? 327 00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:23,917 There are plenty of ways to get laid. 328 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:26,959 I don't have anyone! 329 00:15:27,041 --> 00:15:29,709 I am a goddamn orphan now! 330 00:15:31,041 --> 00:15:32,375 Senior year of college, 331 00:15:32,458 --> 00:15:35,667 I caught the first thing smoking from Palo Alto, 332 00:15:35,750 --> 00:15:38,125 but it was not enough time 333 00:15:38,208 --> 00:15:40,500 to say goodbye to my mom! 334 00:15:41,208 --> 00:15:43,375 A massive stroke. 335 00:15:44,125 --> 00:15:45,917 There was no hope. 336 00:15:47,875 --> 00:15:50,542 And now, my father? Just... 337 00:15:51,667 --> 00:15:53,125 (panting) 338 00:15:53,208 --> 00:15:57,625 I am the last one in my family. 339 00:15:57,709 --> 00:15:59,333 I don't... 340 00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:01,542 have... anyone. 341 00:16:03,417 --> 00:16:05,208 (sobs) 342 00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:09,417 Do you know what it is like 343 00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:12,208 to be in this house 344 00:16:12,291 --> 00:16:14,750 at 2:00 in the morning, 345 00:16:14,834 --> 00:16:17,041 by myself, 346 00:16:17,125 --> 00:16:19,083 in the silence? 347 00:16:19,166 --> 00:16:21,291 (heavy breathing) 348 00:16:23,792 --> 00:16:26,417 It is unbearable. 349 00:16:27,667 --> 00:16:30,834 Nothing but shadows, 350 00:16:30,917 --> 00:16:32,750 darkness, 351 00:16:32,834 --> 00:16:35,083 regrets. 352 00:16:35,166 --> 00:16:37,250 (gasps) 353 00:16:43,709 --> 00:16:46,709 So if you were treating you right now, 354 00:16:48,458 --> 00:16:50,625 what would you say to you? 355 00:16:52,792 --> 00:16:54,917 Observe my... 356 00:16:55,917 --> 00:16:57,792 attachments. 357 00:16:59,458 --> 00:17:01,166 Probably... 358 00:17:01,917 --> 00:17:04,625 try and locate those 359 00:17:04,709 --> 00:17:07,417 in the context of a childhood... 360 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,709 (sighs) trauma. 361 00:17:09,792 --> 00:17:13,458 Get specific with my patient about the behavior or... 362 00:17:13,542 --> 00:17:17,291 (heavy breathing) 363 00:17:17,375 --> 00:17:19,583 Something like that. 364 00:17:25,959 --> 00:17:27,291 (gasps) 365 00:17:29,125 --> 00:17:31,667 Rita, is this a tactic? 366 00:17:32,625 --> 00:17:34,417 (scoffs) 367 00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:36,375 I'm just a high school guidance counselor. 368 00:17:36,458 --> 00:17:38,041 I don't know how to do all that. 369 00:17:38,125 --> 00:17:41,166 So what's the point of making me think about all of this? 370 00:17:41,250 --> 00:17:43,375 Seems like you were thinking about it 371 00:17:43,458 --> 00:17:45,667 way before I showed up here. 372 00:17:52,458 --> 00:17:55,166 I really don't have anyone. 373 00:17:57,375 --> 00:17:59,458 -You have me. -No, 374 00:17:59,542 --> 00:18:02,333 but you serve a specific purpose. 375 00:18:02,417 --> 00:18:04,667 You're not my "friend." 376 00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:11,917 Okay. So since I "served my specific purpose," 377 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,583 -I'll go. -No! Don't walk out like that! 378 00:18:14,667 --> 00:18:16,875 -That's not what I meant. -(sighs) 379 00:18:16,959 --> 00:18:18,792 I just flew six hours, 380 00:18:18,875 --> 00:18:21,709 in a middle seat, and came here instead of going home. 381 00:18:21,792 --> 00:18:26,250 -What do you think that means? -What, you think I'm not grateful for you? 382 00:18:26,333 --> 00:18:29,875 You know, when I first heard you speak at a meeting, 383 00:18:29,959 --> 00:18:33,417 you talked about how you didn't wanna be there. 384 00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:36,000 After 20-some-odd years, you hated that 385 00:18:36,083 --> 00:18:37,583 you still had to come every week. 386 00:18:37,667 --> 00:18:40,834 -That is not exactly what I said. -But that was your point! 387 00:18:40,917 --> 00:18:43,792 You didn't love that you had to be at meetings every week, 388 00:18:43,875 --> 00:18:48,041 but you hated your life before sobriety just a little bit more. 389 00:18:48,125 --> 00:18:50,458 So you showed up. 390 00:18:50,542 --> 00:18:52,542 And I thought... 391 00:18:52,625 --> 00:18:55,875 "This woman, she gets me. 392 00:18:55,959 --> 00:18:59,166 -She sees me." -And you know what I thought? 393 00:18:59,250 --> 00:19:02,083 "That girl over there, she needs to see herself." 394 00:19:04,458 --> 00:19:06,500 You talked about ending a relationship 395 00:19:06,583 --> 00:19:08,083 that wasn't good for you. 396 00:19:09,291 --> 00:19:10,709 You had a lot of great nights with him. 397 00:19:10,792 --> 00:19:14,500 So many nights, you couldn't even remember in the morning. 398 00:19:14,583 --> 00:19:17,000 So many nights with Adam started out fine, 399 00:19:17,083 --> 00:19:18,834 and ended up in random strangers' apartments 400 00:19:18,917 --> 00:19:20,709 with your car scraped, 401 00:19:20,792 --> 00:19:23,375 and that is why I asked you to lead the meeting. 402 00:19:23,458 --> 00:19:25,291 Those nights were ages ago. 403 00:19:25,375 --> 00:19:27,792 I'm not accusing you. 404 00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:32,458 I am here to make sure you are working the steps. 405 00:19:32,542 --> 00:19:35,792 And despite what you may think, I am your friend. 406 00:19:37,208 --> 00:19:38,208 I just never lost sight 407 00:19:38,291 --> 00:19:40,166 of what brought us into each other's lives. 408 00:19:40,250 --> 00:19:41,834 Well, I'm happy for you and your life 409 00:19:41,917 --> 00:19:44,709 where you don't have to deal with what I have to deal with. 410 00:19:44,792 --> 00:19:47,750 We are all dealing with it. 411 00:19:47,834 --> 00:19:51,041 We are all one bad decision away from disaster. 412 00:19:51,125 --> 00:19:55,083 I am sorry I missed the meeting, okay?! 413 00:19:55,166 --> 00:19:57,834 Maybe I'm not over never reconciling things 414 00:19:57,917 --> 00:19:59,333 with my father. 415 00:19:59,417 --> 00:20:01,709 Why can't Adam just make me feel better? 416 00:20:01,792 --> 00:20:04,875 Because that better feeling only lasts a minute. 417 00:20:04,959 --> 00:20:07,041 Or an hour, or a day, 418 00:20:07,125 --> 00:20:08,917 if you're lucky. 419 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,166 I had my own Adam once! 420 00:20:12,166 --> 00:20:14,333 This man was born to drink. 421 00:20:15,458 --> 00:20:18,208 Gin blended in with his sweat, and I swear, 422 00:20:18,291 --> 00:20:20,375 I could hear symphonies. 423 00:20:20,458 --> 00:20:22,959 And he smoked Camels. 424 00:20:23,041 --> 00:20:25,834 Camels. I didn't care. 425 00:20:25,917 --> 00:20:29,166 I even put up with him every time he talked about Nietzsche. 426 00:20:29,250 --> 00:20:31,625 I didn't even know who the hell Nietzsche was. 427 00:20:31,709 --> 00:20:35,000 Still don't. Didn't matter. 428 00:20:35,083 --> 00:20:36,875 And then I woke up... 429 00:20:36,959 --> 00:20:38,750 in jail. 430 00:20:38,834 --> 00:20:41,000 No idea how I got there. 431 00:20:42,166 --> 00:20:45,875 But I learned, apparently, my Adam 432 00:20:45,959 --> 00:20:48,083 got into a fight in front of 433 00:20:48,166 --> 00:20:50,333 some stupid hookah bar we were at, 434 00:20:50,417 --> 00:20:52,625 and I jumped in to defend him. 435 00:20:52,709 --> 00:20:54,792 And I got locked up, 436 00:20:54,875 --> 00:20:56,917 not him. 437 00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:58,208 When they let me out, 438 00:20:58,291 --> 00:21:00,959 I went to a payphone to call him collect. 439 00:21:03,083 --> 00:21:05,291 He didn't accept the charges. 440 00:21:07,250 --> 00:21:09,917 It's not like that, Rita. 441 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,667 I have this under control. 442 00:21:13,166 --> 00:21:15,458 Okay. 443 00:21:15,542 --> 00:21:17,709 I ain't going anywhere. 444 00:21:20,333 --> 00:21:22,709 (breathes deeply) 445 00:21:23,875 --> 00:21:25,417 Look at me. 446 00:21:28,458 --> 00:21:30,291 I'm here. 447 00:21:30,375 --> 00:21:32,625 Alright, we've been doing the work 448 00:21:32,709 --> 00:21:34,583 close to a decade. 449 00:21:35,375 --> 00:21:36,750 I'm committed. 450 00:21:37,333 --> 00:21:39,041 I am, too. 451 00:21:39,125 --> 00:21:41,083 ("Ring" app notification chimes) 452 00:21:54,083 --> 00:21:55,417 (door shuts) 453 00:21:56,875 --> 00:21:58,917 Oh-- Uh... 454 00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:01,000 You said the door was gonna be unlocked. I didn't mean to-- 455 00:22:01,083 --> 00:22:05,041 It's fine. Um, we were just... 456 00:22:05,125 --> 00:22:07,208 -wrapping up. -Oh, you're with a patient? 457 00:22:07,291 --> 00:22:10,208 -I-I'm sorry. -No, not a patient. 458 00:22:10,291 --> 00:22:12,417 This is my friend. 459 00:22:13,250 --> 00:22:14,709 Rita. 460 00:22:14,792 --> 00:22:16,000 Rita? 461 00:22:16,083 --> 00:22:17,834 Like, "the" Rita? 462 00:22:17,917 --> 00:22:19,208 (Brooke and Adam laugh) 463 00:22:19,291 --> 00:22:21,291 Wow! Um, I'm Adam! 464 00:22:21,375 --> 00:22:23,125 And this is "the" Adam. 465 00:22:23,208 --> 00:22:24,500 -Adam: Yes. -(laughs) 466 00:22:24,583 --> 00:22:26,000 I've heard so much about you. 467 00:22:26,083 --> 00:22:27,917 Same here, same here. 468 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,667 It-it's so nice to finally meet you. I mean, 469 00:22:30,750 --> 00:22:32,417 Brooke thinks the world of you. 470 00:22:34,041 --> 00:22:35,417 So... 471 00:22:38,250 --> 00:22:40,333 Okay, I'm just gonna go 472 00:22:40,417 --> 00:22:42,041 wash my hands and... 473 00:22:42,125 --> 00:22:45,333 Adam, wait. Uh, before you go. 474 00:22:45,417 --> 00:22:47,375 What you said about Brooke 475 00:22:47,458 --> 00:22:50,041 thinking the world of me. I want you to know... 476 00:22:50,125 --> 00:22:52,208 that the feeling's mutual. 477 00:22:52,291 --> 00:22:54,959 And we think the world of each other. 478 00:22:55,041 --> 00:22:57,750 And I'm always gonna look out for her. 479 00:22:57,834 --> 00:22:59,625 Always. 480 00:23:00,375 --> 00:23:03,041 I don't doubt that. 481 00:23:03,125 --> 00:23:05,375 She's worth looking out for. 482 00:23:05,458 --> 00:23:06,792 (chuckles) 483 00:23:09,834 --> 00:23:10,959 (laughs) 484 00:23:12,792 --> 00:23:14,083 (door opens) 485 00:23:14,166 --> 00:23:15,750 -See? -(door shuts) 486 00:23:15,834 --> 00:23:18,709 -He's not the enemy. -Mm... 487 00:23:18,792 --> 00:23:21,583 You know what can happen when he comes around? 488 00:23:21,667 --> 00:23:23,834 Yes, that's why I shaved my legs. 489 00:23:24,667 --> 00:23:26,458 (laughs) 490 00:23:27,750 --> 00:23:29,959 I do hope you enjoy yourself. 491 00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:34,458 But please, be careful. 492 00:23:45,208 --> 00:23:48,333 ♪ ♪ 493 00:23:52,625 --> 00:23:54,250 (door shuts) 494 00:23:59,709 --> 00:24:02,750 ♪ Ooh... ♪ 495 00:24:07,709 --> 00:24:10,834 ♪ Ooh... ♪ 496 00:24:15,166 --> 00:24:16,583 Adam: So, uh... 497 00:24:17,750 --> 00:24:21,917 -Coast clear? -(laughs) She just left. 498 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:24,291 Now I see why you wanted to take a rain check. 499 00:24:24,375 --> 00:24:25,709 I wasn't expecting her tonight. 500 00:24:25,792 --> 00:24:27,250 She just popped by 501 00:24:27,333 --> 00:24:29,709 and things got heavy between us. 502 00:24:29,792 --> 00:24:32,792 -Yeah, how so? -(sighs) You know, 503 00:24:32,875 --> 00:24:34,959 just my creeping sense 504 00:24:35,041 --> 00:24:37,250 of existential dread. (laughs) 505 00:24:38,333 --> 00:24:40,333 I haven't seen her for a few weeks, 506 00:24:40,417 --> 00:24:42,458 so it just all came out. 507 00:24:42,542 --> 00:24:45,041 -I think I hit her with too much. Just... -Mm. 508 00:24:45,834 --> 00:24:47,000 (grunts) 509 00:24:47,083 --> 00:24:49,333 Well, you can hit me with whatever you want. 510 00:24:49,417 --> 00:24:50,834 (both laugh) 511 00:24:50,917 --> 00:24:55,083 Well, there's a lot of stuff swirling around in my mind. 512 00:24:55,166 --> 00:24:58,959 Stuff I would like to just forget about for a while. 513 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:01,083 (moans) 514 00:25:03,750 --> 00:25:06,875 ♪ Ooh... ♪ 515 00:25:11,500 --> 00:25:13,667 How's your memory now? 516 00:25:13,750 --> 00:25:15,500 What's your name again? 517 00:25:15,583 --> 00:25:17,917 (both laugh) 518 00:25:19,792 --> 00:25:22,917 ♪ Ooh... ♪ 519 00:25:24,125 --> 00:25:25,750 Hey. 520 00:25:26,500 --> 00:25:28,125 Hey. 521 00:25:29,667 --> 00:25:32,667 (muffled laugh) 522 00:25:32,750 --> 00:25:35,834 ♪ ♪ 523 00:25:41,458 --> 00:25:44,583 ♪ Ooh... ♪ 524 00:25:49,375 --> 00:25:52,500 ♪ Ooh... ♪ 525 00:25:57,375 --> 00:26:00,542 ♪ Ooh... ♪ 526 00:26:01,500 --> 00:26:04,667 ♪ Ooh... ♪ 527 00:26:05,417 --> 00:26:08,542 ♪ Ooh... ♪ 528 00:26:13,417 --> 00:26:16,542 ♪ Ooh... ♪ 529 00:26:17,417 --> 00:26:20,542 ♪ Ooh... ♪ 530 00:26:21,417 --> 00:26:24,542 ♪ Ooh... ♪ 531 00:26:29,375 --> 00:26:32,500 ♪ Ooh... ♪ 532 00:26:33,375 --> 00:26:36,500 ♪ Ooh... ♪ 533 00:26:37,375 --> 00:26:40,917 ♪ Ooh... ♪ 534 00:26:41,041 --> 00:26:44,208 ♪ Ooh... ♪ 535 00:26:58,959 --> 00:27:00,834 BROOKE: If we're going to trust each other, 536 00:27:01,458 --> 00:27:04,959 I'm going to be truthful about what I'm feeling 537 00:27:05,041 --> 00:27:07,583 so you can always be sure where we stand. 538 00:27:09,750 --> 00:27:11,959 Every time I wake up, it's like a gun 539 00:27:12,041 --> 00:27:13,709 went off next to my head. Bam! 540 00:27:13,792 --> 00:27:15,291 There's a lot to unpack there. 541 00:27:15,875 --> 00:27:17,625 The lithium, it takes the edge off. 542 00:27:18,041 --> 00:27:19,792 It's possible that what I need isn't a therapist, 543 00:27:19,875 --> 00:27:20,917 it's a pharmacist. 544 00:27:21,834 --> 00:27:23,917 The truth, it's terrifying. 545 00:27:24,500 --> 00:27:26,834 The stories you create aren't truth. 546 00:27:26,917 --> 00:27:28,583 It sounds like you're calling me a liar. 547 00:27:30,291 --> 00:27:31,417 THERAPIST: Who called you up here? 548 00:27:32,125 --> 00:27:33,625 BROOKE: The bottom of one of these bottles. 549 00:27:33,834 --> 00:27:37,166 You're mourning the past, while your present 550 00:27:37,250 --> 00:27:38,750 is passing you by. 551 00:27:40,125 --> 00:27:42,500 I tell my patients all the time to take responsibility 552 00:27:42,583 --> 00:27:43,875 for their lives, it's my turn. 553 00:27:45,125 --> 00:27:47,125 The loneliness, it's like living on the moon. 554 00:27:47,417 --> 00:27:49,333 I keep on failing and letting everyone down. 555 00:27:49,583 --> 00:27:51,709 Maybe you don't have to be so concerned with how 556 00:27:51,792 --> 00:27:52,625 you are perceived. 557 00:27:52,917 --> 00:27:54,917 That's easy for you to say, no one hates you. 558 00:27:55,250 --> 00:27:58,583 There's nobody left to disappoint, except yourself. 559 00:27:59,333 --> 00:28:02,000 BROOKE: I don't know a human being alive that doesn't understand 560 00:28:02,083 --> 00:28:04,583 how complicated relationships can be. 561 00:28:05,583 --> 00:28:06,792 You can trust me.